The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Lonely Thanksgivings & Alter Egos (w/ Ramon Rivas)

Episode Date: December 2, 2019

Jay tries to convince Jacob to attend A Very Johnson Thanksgiving or go with Oakerson's for the holiday. After Dan is recognized on the street for being “McFee” from Showtime’s Billions the host discuss alternative names and personalities of the crew.

You're listening to Comedy Central! Hey, I'm Big J.O. Persoon, and I'm Dan Soder, and you're listening to the Best of the Bond Fire. Stay tuned to hear some of our favorite moments from this week. You can listen to the Bond Fire Live every Monday through Thursday from 6th 8PM on Comedy Central Radio, Series XM95, or on demand on the Series XMF. Also, be sure to follow us on all social media at the Bond Fire at sex-end. Happy Thanksgiving!

It's Black Lou and welcome to the Bond Fire's Best of the Week. On Monday's show, we found out that Jacob was going to be spending Thanksgiving home alone. Big J and I invited him to our celebrations, but he decided that he was not going to come. I guess he doesn't like eating soul food to snoot dogs first album. Jacob, question for you also. I was not in the impression that you were not going anywhere for Thanksgiving. I hate to hear that. I don't like hearing that at all. Even DJ Luget's drag to a bar by his family. Yeah, DJ Luget doesn't the back of a seafood restaurant that also serves Jim. Are you going again, Luget? I don't think so, but it's up in the air. We might not going to do crab legs in Baltimore We might do a witsky turkey bowl in Long Island

Why don't you but black lucidie invited you to go to his Thanksgiving? Yeah, are you gonna go? I mean you just told me today I wasn't planning on going anywhere You just gonna sit home all lonely on Thanksgiving. That's fucking not good for your health, dude That's a bad idea. Just sit home sit home alone on a holiday, dude? It's weird. Remo, what do you do with Thanksgiving? I got invited to a couple of friends places. There you go, some little friends giving.

So I'll probably bounce from spot to spot. Why don't you just go for a free? Yeah. And then I got a spot at the Comedy Cellar at the late show there. Yeah, Jacob, go celebrate. No, I was thinking about it's just also Where are you going exactly Black little were you going Thanksgiving

Right outside T-neck we're going to play in field New Jersey Plainfield gonna be like a hood Thanksgiving like all respects to your back to the your back to the hood families Thanksgiving. Oh, Jay and everything Thanks, oh Jacob yeah, you have to go Where your grill you take your Where your grills? Yeah, where your grills? Yeah, I think you should wear an all white suit to the Thanksgiving say you don't oh my god Tell me your uncle Charles. Yeah Hey I'm saying I'm Uncle Charles.

Yeah. Hey everyone, it's me. I'm Uncle Charles. I'm back. Hey. Tell me just got out of the joint, dude. Her job were missing me. Yeah.

I'm back, ladies. Hell yeah, guess who's coming to dinner. Hell yeah. Jacob, have you ever had soul food? Once when I was in the Fox all Atlantic City again way we went to a soul food restaurant Jacob got me the whole radio. Yeah, yeah Fox whole celebrity we I'm a nom reenactor down at the Borgota. I was stationed with a guy named Johnson We had soul food in between the denangri enactment. Will you commit right now to going to the Black Loose Black Thanksgiving?

I really was just planning on staying home. That's stupid though. It's Thanksgiving, man. Train goes right there, right, Lou? From Penn Station, yes. You'll go get them so they don't have to wait by themselves outside. Of course. You know, it's going to be scary that got to him train station. You're going to have to walk home alone. But when you, it's gonna be scary that got the M train station. You're gonna have to walk home alone.

But when you leave, you gotta get back to the train station yourself and even Uber doesn't go into that motherfucker. Okay. This machine is in a helicopter machine gun firing. We're gonna neighborhood is this. Commit early to going tomorrow. You gotta go. Would you, this commit early to going tomorrow you got to go would you always go to my thanksgiving you're always welcome my thanksgiving do you want to come to my

thanksgiving I appreciate I was just gonna it was just a nice 40-week-in-to-state home what do you want to do on Thanksgiving you're gonna sit there and be like I wish I would have fucking done something or he can do it's a bummer it's not ducks for a psyche. I've been doing it the last few years That's weird my family's all and well, I mean I have no choice my family's in Florida You have so many choices. We've just offered you to you can start doing comedy and maybe go to the comedy store It's good boys. He might just consider you workplace associates Oh, that's things for Reminds right. Wow, wow, wow. I'll just wait to make it so formal.

Put this sad fucking country song back up. I miss my jake good. It used to be close. He said, fuck off, I'd rather be alone. I'd rather be alone than eat a turkey with you. I'd rather sit alone in a story of and share a table with blacks. I love it. She came brown. Come on board Crackle Crackle. It's black Lou on Tuesday's bonfire. We started the show discussing situations in which people call you by the wrong name That led to an amazing conversation about the bonfire staff's alter egos

That led to an amazing conversation about the bonfire staff's alter egos. Um, a lot of fun things to talk about. It's been a good day already. Dan got, uh, outside. Like, I was one of my favorite ones of all of them. Forgot psychologically pumped me. Staring at Dan, him and his wife for an awkward amount of time. To the point that I thought a European accent was going to come out. Well, they could have also in fairness

What I really thought like was was more likely to some degree was that they were just like stopping they stopped so sudden Yeah, that they were like I thought they stopped because it was someone's just filming something like that We're doing a smoke break outside and then so I did my my joke about a Dan from TV's billions Yeah, and that's exactly what they were there for and amped up a belt, but the guy, he goes, you're McFee, right? And I go, no, it's McFee. Dan goes, no, I'm McFee. He goes, holy shit, man, McFee.

He's like, no, man, we're from Los Angeles. This is so cool. And he's like, which, by the way, I go big, big, big, I'm feeding it now at this point. I'm feeding the beast. He's saying McFee, I'm saying McFee over and over again and Turn the cameras on them are smoke break cameras and then we have footage spoiler alert everybody because this is coming to you This guy says I raised my arms like a champion after this the guy goes. Oh man He goes I'm a huge fan of McFee

I go and I slapped the wall and I go, no, you're clearly not. You keep saying the name wrong. Dan shut him down. And then I, you wouldn't see me in the show at that point because I was walking off my arms raised and taking a peer victory lap. It was a friend walk my home. That guy just handed us great footage.

And he was given every opportunity to correct his mistake. Finally, I went over there and I was like, do you know my name? And he's like, he has McFee. And you're like, so, yeah. Part of me thinks he just kept doing it, just to. And you're like, so yeah, pardon me, thinks he just kept doing it just to fucking do it. No, no, no, no, no.

That's probably a, that's a very, very easy mist. I wouldn't even get mad at somebody for that. No, no, no, I know you're not. I'm saying, but like, you couldn't even like that. That's like more of a whole lot of people. That happens so much. Of course, it happens, most of the time, it's people like, there's other, it's very close.

It's very close to the names like that that I can't think of right now But they're like that, but the fact that I have a just Kristen Mike the Stefano just to follow the stuff Yeah, I think one was De Stefano once the Stefano I always find that thing. It Mike was Mike these Stefano and it's Chris the Stefano. Yeah, I used to call you Don. I had to be corrected a lot. Oh that hurt Jacoberson Yeah, I used to call you Don. I had to be corrected a lot. Oh, that hurt, Jacoberson. That's what I call it. Dude, Don Soder is not a cool dude.

Don Soder's a door. Don Soder's a mom's boyfriend for a little bit. Don Soder. Don, that's what I mean. He dates your mom a little bit. Not your mom saying like, Hey mom. Yeah, it comes in, it comes in,

lives there for six months. You don't get attached. Don Soder went to jail for bullshit stuff, like on pay tickets. Yeah, on pay tickets mixed with a couple of incidents at a bar. Yeah, yeah, a couple of mix ups, a couple of what if I called? Yeah, Jake. Who's Jake Okerson? Who's that guy? Is that best friends with Gary from Canton, Ohio?

Jake Okerson. Yeah, short for Jacob for Jacob Okerson. Sure, for Jacob Okerson. What is Jacob? For Jacob Ocerson. Sure, for Jacob Ocerson. What is Jacob Ocerson? Jacob Ocerson definitely did some camp counseling. Yeah. For sure. Jacob Ocerson.

Got a Jewish summer camp. With a doubt, still wears friendship bracelets. Yeah. Yeah. I assume he would also be into accessories. Yeah. I mean, he would be a little more nature. Listen, if any, if a little heavier than me, but with uh shoulder length dreadlocks and a toe ring

It dreadlocks I get long hair. I don't get dreadlocks. Well, but you're right. You don't get this guy I don't get Jacob then I don't know Jacob. You don't get Jake fucking okerson, but I'll tell you this Don's been drinking since noon Don lives in shorts. Don has carried on. Let me tell you what Don is. The perfect sequel to Gary. Yes. Yes. He's like mecha Godzilla.

Don's in the footsteps and just, I think she'll beat it. Don's soda thinks he can clock out by 42. Yeah. And doesn't give a shit about it. Don's soda is as much less hair than you though. Yeah, yeah. He's trying to keep it as much,

but it's a thinning mat. And's always go over it's always mushed under hat no like when he takes the hat off he looks a lot like crazy kingpin hair oh dude I I remember we went to Vegas with my friend we went to Vegas with friends and it was a friend of a friend of this guy Sean and he had like a flat mill Volkham's hat on or whatever and Garapet and I were drinking. And he was there and he took his hat off and he was like, he was going bald. And so he took his hat off and I'm like, woof, Uncle Sean. Shit.

Oh. And not to him, just to Garapet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Garapet was like, ah! And then I'll read that up. Take this. To do this with his Volkham flat bill hat,

you were like, is this kid 19? And then he took it off and his hair was like, To me, to me, Don Soder, Yeah. Looks like the lead singer of Nashville, pussy. You pick your ass off. I don't know, bring it up. Jacob Okerson definitely owns a town home.

Yes, yes, absolutely. But he's bought into the development. For sure, yeah. He's a smart move, even though he's a free spirit No, without that now what you got to get him with his hat off Don ogerson real don ogerson don soda don's odors. Uh, now it's not him. It's the guy it's a different guy. It's him Yeah, when he thinks how well it would be performing who's Larry whiskey father of four loving father of four first responder Larry whiskey. Yeah

Absolutely first responder alternate reality You you fucked in you fucked in fireman suspenders a lot. Oh, yeah, dude. You blore Witsky Lauren's Lawrence column Larry Witsky Larry Larry. Well big Larry at the bar, you know what I mean? Look down at the Elks Club. Drink you under the table. Drink you under the table or won't drink it all and drive you home. Depends what you need from him.

That's the kind of guy that's... I'll tell you the salty others is wife Chrissy. What? What a fun girl. What a fun girl. Seven to three kids. I'm a big fan of Larry Witsky. Now, what if you were a, now, black little,

what if you were like, Laquan? That's what I was just gonna say. I was gonna call him Lavar Johnson. I was gonna call him Lavar Johnson. Yeah, and when you're Laquan, how much different is your life? Well, I'm definitely taller. Okay.

Yeah, Laquan, donks on people. Yeah. Yeah. Laquan is cool. He's chill. Do you feel like, look, do you feel like Laquan gets into fights because of women he meets at the gym? Well, yeah, because everybody's girls

looking ahead in them fans. Yes, yes. I feel like he's still, he cares, you know how you carried over accessories. He still carries over the coxman ship of his previous length. Yeah, yeah. Just as I can carry over my abuse of substance. That is the power that I bring to my other existence.

Christine, who's Christian? Who's Chrissian? Who's Chrissian Evans? Chrissian Evans is the... Chrissian Evans? Chrissian Evans, I don't know. Mom. She dresses the same. She thinks she's a mom.

You think Chrissian dresses exactly like Chrissian. She just has a van. This goes with a wizard painted on the side. It looks like the window. It looks like the window is a magic ball. Dude, Chrissy and, oh yeah, that'd be great. And your name would be like Chrissy and Peterson or something real plain.

She breeds a fun, married name. Yeah, married name. She breeds a doomed mix of dogs. Yeah, I don't know what it was, but it was a weird breed. And then she blames the real dogs. Like dox and callies. She's like, oh, they're all constant pain.

Yeah, they go, they say that childbirth for them is the most painful thing of this way. They talk for death. They're all living for the sweet release of death. They call for these breeds specifically when they give a litter. It's called a death spiral. Welcome to Chrissy Anne's, awkward and rare dog breed and far. Oh, dude, she has a husband that has plastic surgery. Yeah, he hits her. But she has a husband that has plastic surgery. Yeah, he has a guy that.

He's a hitster, but she likes it. She hits him back. No, but they're in like a... It's a few alive. Yeah, but they also are like a weird eyes-wide shut kind of thing in their suburb home. Oh really, they're doing some odd fucking, yeah, they're just like Ravens.

No, I feel like you would be with like an old salt and peppery dude who's like maybe like 20 years your senior, but he's like an oaky, sleep-veela, sleeveless shirts shirts but with like fucking eagles on him. I feel like I feel like it's like more of a Bob Vila more like a flannel, you know, yeah, good dude. That's what Chrissy Ann's artists turn Carpenter. Yeah, yeah, they're breeding dogs. They have a they have an obnoxious amount of Bob Vila and artist turn Carpenter kind of you seeing him put shelves in.

Why artist turns thing. Was that what he was I was saying Bob Ross no Bob Ross is the painter Bob I'm very aware that Christine just let everybody know in here that she thought they were in fact the same person How so you said a carpenter like Bob Vila she said that's Chris. Yes husband. She said artists turned Artists turned Yeah, what do you call it? Carpenter. Carpenter. Now Bob Veele is just two different people, two different people.

I think his shelves are artistry, but I think Bob Veele more, but you think that pleasant? Oh, I think there's a, I think he drinks. I mean, he's got to walk through a fucking like a gate full of crazy dogs. No, I'm saying. Hey, Christine, Christine,

Christine has an obnoxious amount of land. So when you go to her house, you're like, oh god, damn, we're gonna drive all the way down this fucking side road. But if not, the barks are gonna bother you all night. No, you're not sleeping over. You're not sleeping over. Those dogs are there. They're trying to hurt each other. We have to keep each one on its own pen.

Like, Veeel. I remember some of these dogs. And so a family will come take these fucks. Yeah, this is fucking going nuts. She names the thing. This is Dick Wad. Yeah, this is like you're going nuts. She names things, this is dickwa. Yeah, and she's walking through with a cigarette. She has half of them don't make it through the first cold snap. And what's Jacob?

What was Jacob's thing? Oh, do Jason Batat? Jason Batat? Now it's two none of this at Jeremy. That's right, that's just two in line with Jacob. Yeah, it's gotta be, hmm, fuck. Something like, what about like a Bryce Batat? No.

What's it got to be something with Jay? You're playing the game, we're playing the game. Gotta play the game. And it's, yeah. I remember, do you remember Lucius Johnson over there? It, no, it was Laquan dude. I know, they're all fine. Yeah.

He had sex with my friends, girlfriend, at batting. But it's cool's cool but it's cool dude if you see this guy work out you'd get it to my friend was in a city league with him the guys fucking got us haha how about a Josh Josh how about Jackson Batot oh Jackson Jackson Jackson there's a batot and Jacob's changing his name I'll tell you this Jackson. Todd definitely had a fucking six spiral. I mean a cannon arm. Oh my god All three he was a three star athlete at local high school. Yeah, also Love of his life married the love of his life lost her in his 30s And he's handsome and still available. Yeah, but he created an app Mm-hmm lot of money set for for cash. You live in Colorado.

Houses in Colorado, Florida. You want to shoot guns, you want to ride horses? Or we can sit by the pool, it doesn't matter, because you got... Super into Asian women with bad tit jobs. Yes. Yeah, I mean, real bad ones. When you're hitting her from the back, you're gonna see those bags.

It's like two fucking anima bags. Yeah, that's gonna look like she's hiding fucking super super thin. But when she's on back, dude, it's just those fucking weird dark nips. Oh, it's like a heavy metal. Yeah. Heavy metal. That pale skin, though, shows a lot of like weird skin stuff just so you know. Jason Batot.

Are you wearing this down? No, no, no, no, no. Are you getting all this down? Jackson Batot. Jackson, goddamn it. Yeah, dude, the one on the right, but dude, you're just sexed up. Jackson Batat? No, he's killing the game. Yeah, absolutely dude. Jackson Batat. You probably travel with a weapon obnoxiously. What kind though? Like a shoulder gun. Oh really? Yeah, it's almost to the point where it makes you feel a little uncomfortable.

Married is high school sweetheart? Yeah, that's almost to the point where it makes you feel a little uncomfortable. Married? No, he's called sweetheart in his senses? Yeah, that's why he turned, lost her. Oh, oh, now he roams the streets like, oh my gosh, you know, it's like fuck Chuck Bronson that's what I'm talking about. Yeah, dude, that's right. Take him back tonight. Hope you enjoyed this week's Best of the Bond Fire.

You can listen to the show live every Monday through Thursday from 6th APM East on Comedy Central Radio, Series XM95, or on demand on the Series XM app. Be sure to follow us on all social media at the Bond Fire at SXM. This has been a Comedy Central Podcast.