The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - No Sense Of Justice

Episode Date: December 25, 2024

Jay tells the story of a time that he knocked out a guy on the street. Christine has a conflicting version of the story implying the guy was not much of a challenge. Bobby gives advice on how to punch someone out. He reads an article about drone attacks incorrectly and thinks that Iraq is fighting New Jersey. The guys share umbrella etiquette because it's pouring on NYC at the moment. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolfSubscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts to listen to new episodes ad-free and a whole week early.

And now the bonfire with Big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly Black blue I need you for a second This is smooth R&B, unaggressive Sultry yes When you sing along with the song which I like to do in the car crank it fit and falsetto Is it okay if in those moments, not on FaceTime, not putting this out to the world, can I say the N-word with the way he says it? It's so great. I mean he nails it perfectly. Are the windows rolled up? No, but no one can,

I'm not full volume. I'm not going full volume. Yeah, I don't see why not say it to yourself a little bit it's so it's such a key way he uses perfect I'll turn it up Lou you know I'm talking about you know the song yeah oh yeah stay low whoo-hoo you can't say this and words creep in that's no fun it sounds more racist actually because you're saying n words creeping something you're saying like you're calling them that this is more of a familiar Saying dudes dudes are creeping around you stay low Damn I Wish I was black So many reasons

Want to jump higher? I want to look cool when I play basketball I want to jump higher. I want to look cool when I play basketball. Free use of the N-word, but in the cool ways. I don't have any need for the aggressive ways. Aggressive finger pointing N-words means not that's... sure. Walk away from that for the rest of our lives, but come on. Stay low! Oh, it's so good. Ah. I'm glad Bobby wasn't here to hear that. Let's let Makem sing along with it and then you should get mad at him, Lou. So good. I'm glad Bobby wasn't here to hear that. Let's make him sing along with it

and then you should get mad at him, Lou. Still be like, excuse me? Whoa, buddy, okay, we're friends, but I mean, wow. That was Liberty. Bobby's stuck in traffic. It's raining, it's shitty in New York. He's in a tizzy. Tonight's the big reg show at the Gramercy.

The capacity, I'm assuming. He's probably panicking about the show he's gonna put on. Lewis is probably up his ass. Dan probably... Well, I don't know if history shows us anything. Dan's probably already quit that show. So we'll find out, I guess, tonight. The reg's happening. If you haven't got tickets yet yet you're in the New York area and there are some tickets available I believe actually. If there are go check it out buddy the regs

tonight happening live at the Gramercy Theatre. If you can't get tickets to that everybody just know right around the corner the 17th of December correct? 17th December. 17th December we will be performing it's already sold out but you already have your tickets so get hyped we got some fun shit coming Lou just said we can all say the n-word in this particular song if we do it as a crew they can't stop all of us there's bound to be some black people in there yeah no I wouldn't pull this I wouldn't do this like a crowded bar. I wouldn't do it but in the car alone

It's such a it's a good one. It's a particularly good one. I Did say it's something I found interesting Black Lou you'll find this interesting. I think we went to go see Ray Kwan ghost face and Jizza Ray Kwan, Ghostface, and Jizza. Ray Kwan, particularly, and I don't know if it's something personal with him or whatever, but talk about the idea of knowing your audience and not putting them in a position

to be necessarily mad at them. You remember the Kendrick Lamar thing, famous thing? He had the girl come up and then everyone was mad and he was almost like, whoa, baby. When he heard the crowd get shitty, he was kinda like shitty about it. It's like, well, you set her up for that failure. Yes.

Which is fucked up, you know what I mean? This is, I'm trying to think of the point I'm making here. It was a- That you meant shit? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ray Kwan would say ninja on stage every time the N word is said in his lyrics. And he's looking at that crowd,

he's seeing a predominantly white crowd. Right. Not what they planned for necessarily, but that's what they ended up with. A very white audience. And that white audience, he says it so distinctly as Ninja, he'd be like, sing, but say this. Don't say that, because he doesn't want to look out and see a bunch of people doing the thing, you know what I mean?

Like just yelling it out. Which in its own way is kind of like, it's dumb and cool, but also if that's your thing, it's a smart way to do it. you put it in everyone else's head now We're not saying that it doesn't matter because then ghostface comes right in just lays it out heavy Is he the only one that does it? No, Jizza Jizza was oh Bobby. I mean you how are you buddy jumped right in Hi, buddy. How you doing? Sorry. I'm late. It's okay. The traffic's nuts, dude.

It took me 35 minutes to get up Sixth Avenue from 29th Street to 49th Street. You shouldn't have walked. Huh? Nothing. I did end up walking. Oh, sorry. But I took about, think about 10 blocks.

10 of the 20. Yeah dude, sawmill, sawmill was nuts. I mean, just. Just, and there's, here's the thing, you want powerlessness? Sawmill traffic, there's nowhere to go. There's no exit. You just didn't. You have to go through all the emotions.

What the fucking, what the, all right. Gee, it's like somebody who died. I tell you what though, running late though, that does take you through most of the feelings of they say the grief process. Really does. Because it does, I don't know if we go through all of them, but it does end in full acceptance and it's liberating.

When you go, I can't do anything about it now. There's no, let me reroute, let me try to take a back road, I'm in it, we're eating shit and I'm gonna be late and just let the world know. That's it, and then once you get the don't worry about it from Christine, the old thumbs up on the text. You're smooth sailing. And then, you know, once you get the Don't Worry About It from Christine, the old thumbs up on the text. You're smooth sailing.

And then you put on a little Ario Speedwagon, Heard It From A Friend. Take it on the run, baby. Oh, that's a good one too, I knew. I knew you were gonna have another one. Isn't that it? Isn't that the same song? No, what's the,

Heard It From A Friend, who? Heard it from a friend, who? Heard it from another you I'm messin' around. Yeah, take it on the run baby I love those guys. Were they gay? no there's music for gays oh thanks they um

thanks yeah a lot of wings a lot of wings in their logos um I'm gonna I mean dude people gotta I'm so umbrella etiquette I mean we gotta don't even get me started on that we gotta we gotta set I mean we don't even get me started on that. We got it

We got upset. I mean you can't cross the street when the light you can't park here. We have rules. There's rules We don't have to become a communist country. Yeah, we have to be socialist We can still be who we are as a man freedom. We have to have in the city umbrella umbrella etiquette There needs to be umbrella etiquette. You cannot walk down the street on your phone if you're five foot two with an umbrella for seven people. Your umbrella needles are right at eye level and you gotta, you gotta just pop it up. Pop it up. You gotta, if you're an umbrella in New York City,

pop it up, pop it up, that's it. Just to pop up, and you don't have to go all the way up. If it's me, you can go up just a little bit, halfway. It's the YouTube world we're in. It's the self-importance of people, buddy. I, now again, this is another thing. Fat guy syndrome. Fat my whole life, always worried about the space

I'm taking up. I have the same exact fucking thing with umbrellas. When I have an umbrella, dude, I'm all day long, up, down, side, navigating to people that are walking by and coming my direction, completely aware of it at all times. What are you making faces at? The fuck are you making faces at? I mean, can I just say something? I'm glad aware of it at all times. What are you making faces at? The fuck are you making faces at?

I mean, can I just say something? I'm glad you said something. Because as soon as I brought up the umbrella etiquette, her energy, whatever thing, it came over to me and I was like, maybe it's me. Christine is the slowest, most non-polite walker, maybe in New York City. She moves at a snail's pace walking.

She's like a Swede. She just walks straight. It's wild how slow Christine walks. I am... I have been in my time with Christine from morbidly obese to just regular old fat. And every time, she is, I mean, 18 steps behind me. Where it looks bad, like, I pimp her, and she's only allowed to look at the back of my shoes.

Buddy, I leave Don. I go, a bitch should only look at the back of my shoes. Buddy, I leave Donny. I go, a bitch should only look at the back of my shoe. If you see the back of my neck, bitch, you're looking up too high. Keep them eyes down. What was wrong with you? What happened? I, you made me think about, I had a weird thing with a guy on the street in Times Square.

I was like holding my umbrella down, lighting a cigarette. And this guy just like freaked out, shoved me, screamed at me kept walking and it was like a big guy where I was like I was in the wrong but his reaction to it was actually scary. Shove a fucking girl. You stopped. I get it. I was bouncing my umbrella on my shoulder to light a cigarette. Girls gotta take a solid swing before you can throw a good shove. A shove will end most fights with most girls.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean... If she's coming at you, a good one to the chest, let him know. It's like, you know, listen, there's not glass around to put all their faces on the glass. I wish. Yeah. I should carry around a small pexiglass and just mush them up against it. I mean, if you'll excuse me for one second, if you don't mind pulling this, there you go. Now you're gonna learn a lesson.

A nice mush, a nice mush in the face. A mush in the face is so great, yeah. Just like a basketball, as soon as they come at you, you just grab, palm their face and push back. I've definitely done the, I've definitely done the catch the wild trying to hit you, and a little extra pressure on that wrist with your fingers. That's the goon hand.

Is that what it is? Well the goon hand is when you grab them. The elbow, that's the Patrice, yeah the elbow. Yeah when you're in the mall and you can't fight because there's people around so you just grab the little elbow and go, hey can I talk to you for a second? And you pinch and you push up

and you walk them to where you need them to go. I'm not talking about that, I'm talking about, I'm talking, that's great, the goon hand is great. This is something different though. This is the caught slap and definitely let them know from hand to arm contact, you're letting them know, it's like, I could snap this in half right now, so don't take swings at me, you lunatic.

So you stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and held your- She fucked up, I think she did top of the stairs too, which is big. Oh, you did top of the stairs? Yeah, it was in Times Square, because I was going to 1515 Broadway. It was in the last... It doesn't matter if she's wrong. You don't shove a fucking chick like that.

If he even went like, move you dumb cunt, I would be like, you were being a bit of a dumb cunt there. Like, I can't argue with that. Shoving is like a thing where whether she's wrong or right, that would be a problem. Let me just back up a little bit. You're right. A legitimate shove is bad, but what about a aggressive graze?

I don't even think aggressive graze, you can make, you know how easy it is to ruin a woman's day with words? It's so easy. Oh, we know you know. Yeah. How about this? An aggressive graze with a passive aggressive, I'm sorry.

Aggressive graze, boom, oh, I'm sorry. Aggressive, grays, boom, oh, I'm sorry. I didn't see you sitting, standing at the top of the stairs in the middle. I still have like a you got something to say, say it. I don't know, maybe not, maybe that's fine. Maybe, I don't know, a gray, see here's the thing. The contact with the girl thing is always gonna be like, you're asking for problems.

Yeah, I'm kidding, of course. I mean, I didn't know you were dead. No, you meant it. I didn't know you were gonna go dead serious. It's like me saying a racist joke and you're not laughing. Now I'm just a racist. No, no, I think they're people, Bobby. So I don't know what you're talking about. You know, this guy was like at a 10 and super excited.

Was it Lewis? To like yell. I mean, you know, I would never wanna, like when I've seen Lewis like in a mood, I would never wanna be like the stranger that gets in his way. I Don't think Lewis is gonna push a chick. No, no, no, no, just Bobby. Hey guys Pushes women. That's not true like grazes. I've never hit a woman bitchy remarks

I've never a woman in my life except once yeah Yeah, that's it and she's and she hasn't acted up since no. Thank you, Don. No, that's right Now she makes me my silly when I want a beat. No, that's it. And she hasn't acted up since. No. Thank you, Dawn. No, that's right. Now she makes me my soup when I want it. Early on, you gave her a beat. No, I hit it with the chicken once. That was a funny old, that was Keith's early joke when I first started,

when I first met him. I let a girl know how it is right out of the gates. He said, on a first date, I just go, what's up, baby girl? Boom, that's how it's gonna be. Yeah, but the reason why that joke was so funny is the smack was so gentle. Oh yeah, yeah, like that's such a key thing, yeah.

That's how it's gonna be, baby girl. Yeah, this umbrella thing, I had my tube with me, my Yankee swap gift, which is gonna kill. People live in such egotistical, there's little bubbles where they're like, this isn't even bothering anybody else. I had it in front of me, walking, and I was just, people's umbrellas would have hit my eye.

I had it like in front of my face. It would have took my eye out. And they look at me like I'm an asshole. This city's also, I'm surprised by how many people, you're walking, again, this is right now where I'm walking. I either walk, I walked from 43rd to 49th, up here on Sixth Avenue. Sixth Avenue was chaos.

It's with people, and now people with umbrellas. You'd still be surprised. People knowing that they're in like, you know, it looks like fucking Tokyo, like rush hour. You know what I mean? Like everyone's like shoulder to shoulder. How many people with their own? Or it looks like Times Square.

Yeah. I mean, you could just use the city that it's very popular. But here's what's crazy. When you're in a train of people walking like that, everyone's moving. To not have the idea that you have to step out of that completely if you're gonna take some sort of siesta or look at something.

How many times just the four people in the front or just in the middle of that pile of people just stop and go like, oh, is that Fox News? Step into it. How about the people? Like step out of the fucking lane. There's the couples, the good looking middle age couples that just stop and have a conversation

of where to go in the sidewalk, like the middle of the sidewalk. You see how many tourists are here doing, I was gonna say, how about the middle of the sidewalk? How about have you seen the people getting honked at and being bitchy because they're trying to take a middle of the street during a red light? It should be legal to hit them.

Picture, it's fucking crazy. And then people honk and they go like oh fucking relax yeah relax you're like relax there's seven million cars behind me waiting to go I mean we are at like ground it's the Rockefeller ground zero not ground zero the Rockefeller Christmas tree is across the street from work so it's like this neighborhood oh this would be grounds if I could draw the next X marks the spot it would be this would be ground zero. The tree? The tree's ground zero.

Yeah, it's great. I felt so bad too as I'm picking it up. Some old lady, some tourist lady, 60 something, was just, you know the delivery bikes, how they're always stacked up in front of the deli or something? Sure. I guess she must have hit one and tripped,

and she was just jammed in between bikes in between the scaffolding and the bikes. Love it. Just her foot shaking on the ground and people just like a mouse stuck in a trap and she blocked all the trap. Yeah, exactly. People were just going, what's wrong with her? Like nobody was helping her. She was just shaking and stuck in between the scaffolding and some dude's electric bike.

And there was just, the Spanish guys were just like, trying to figure out what to do with this old lady. The amount, I mean, the amount of time that I'm walking shoulders squared, straight down a street in New York ever is slim to none because I feel like I'm doing all the deking and dodging and everyone else is just walking straight and assuming life Goes around them and it's the the girls who are under five five

With umbrellas, let's get rid of them. I mean get rid of them all little fucking pig me cunt and they're on their phone They're on their fucking phone. You're on your phone and you're this high Well, I remember when I told you that the girl who was sauntering in front of our car while we had a green light in her phone and when I honked said oh go fuck yourself and then Christine didn't even get out and fight her what the fuck it was crazy you didn't get out and say something I said something expecting that I go and now Christine's gonna come out and lay the beats on this bitch that's why she did jack shit and I's a what that was the first time though where I feel like Christine in her mind was like Maybe I should have gotten out of the car. It was the only time I

We were in like the going by the stand and there was a girl. She was on the phone Yeah, we're gonna find I just honked I even gave her like the little like to do it You know, I mean like hey like heads up you got cucked I was saying shitty stuff in the car, but the toot was that of like a look alive lady Maybe we should change and she went a simple simple Christine and the boys simple Christine and the boys Wow, you know, I have to have a dog. I'll have a constant fear I have a dog collar on Dom when we drive cuz it's that ever happened. She's like a pit bull Hey, you need I gotta grab the collar on her neck and pull her back in the window. Does she get excited when you go to make a move?

Does she get like fucking get him, baby? Oh, fuck. Oh, yeah. Nipples get hard, dude. The one on the left that's bigger than the other one, it just pops out. Christine's dated a bunch of, like, trans guys who go to fucking Rocky Horror Picture Show and fucking little pretty boys. Like, that's the problem.

She's never been with a guy before. She's expecting you to jump out and do a dance on the roof. You're not wrong about that. I jumped out of the car, knocked a guy unconscious. Early in our dating, she was like, I hate, that was awful. Violence? She showed no hotness in that, no anything. If I did that, Don would be on the floor of the front seat

because her pussy would have been so wet, she would have just slipped off. Our friend Michelle. So fucking bossed him, Bobby. Our friend Michelle would have blown me three times behind Christine's back for the actions I've done in front of her is how much she appreciates a man.

Oh, I would have got high fives from Max, Don. If I just get out of the car and knocked the dude out and got back in and then drove around his stupid body, my family would be excited. A guy, some 20-something year old dudes were hanging out in front of our place in the East Village one night, hammered, on the phone, whatever.

We had Isabella and our friend Michelle's daughter with us and they were outside on the stoop too. And I don't think those guys knew that they were, it was my daughter and her friend basically. And these guys just hanging out. And then at some point they just like, I mean literally like draped over them was like, it was like, yo, what are you two getting into? I'm like, they're not getting into nothing, dude. And then at some point, they just like, I mean, literally like draped over them was like, it was like, yo, what are you two getting into?

I'm like, they're not getting into nothing, dude. And then he was just doing a lot of like, dude, chill out, chill out. And I pushed all of them into the garbage, onto their backs, into the garbage piles. And Christine appalled at the whole situation. No. My friend Michelle wanted to give me an award.

Wow. No. Now let me ask you a question though. You get out of the car, the guy knocks you out. Does he get to keep Christine and the car? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. He gets to jump in and just go, let's go baby. Shit, I'll take a dive if I'll get those two burdens off my hand.

Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. I'm gonna go in his ear and be like, no moss.

I'm gonna no moss him. We should set that up. Um. Um. Christine, I'd love to be with you forever, but this guy's kidnapping you. I signed the car over to you and your name. Well, that is the fucking thing.

When you get out of the car, as soon as you get out of the car, and that guy knocks you out, then all of a sudden, Don and Max are just in the car and have to deal with this dude. You gotta think about age and your health in that regard. It's not so much to getting beat up or knocked out, because the beauty of being a comic is that is now

the centerpiece for your next hour of comedy that you got beat up in front of your family. So I don't have, like that's not the issue about like losing the fight. The sphere of losing the fight is like I said, my dumb health. It's like I'll have a thing now where it's like my shoulder will never be right again.

I jammed my, this finger in basketball six months ago. I can't put any pressure on it. Is that why you wear the mittens? That's why I wear these protective mittens. Got you. Makes sense. Let me tell you something. My friend Wayne Previti, comedian, he was in LA, homeless guy in front of a 7-Eleven, fucking with him.

And he came out, he was like, dude, get out of here, whatever. Wind up kicking the shit out of this guy, literally. Kicking him, broke his the shit out of this guy, literally, kicking him, broke his ankle on one of the kicks, snapped it, fell to the ground in just writhing in pain. And he goes, alls I felt was something crawling up my body. It was the homeless guy, crawled up his body,

grabbed him by the chest, nose to nose, and just went, I got you now, motherfucker. That's terrifying to me. That is terrifying. I mean, no, look, like I said, for sure, there's situa- I don't fucking chest puff in many situations in life. But this was the problem, even with the guy

that you knocked out, the problem with Jay is like, he is big and he's scary and he's strong. So when he hit this guy, I mean, he just went right down, his head bounced, and in my head, I'm going like... Hit him on the butt. I'm going, okay, so, I mean, what if you accidentally killed this guy and now we're in this fucking situation because you want to, you know, be a strong man...

And you get some salami and you visit, be a strong man and be a badass. Can you get some salami and you visit him in jail with a fucking file in it? You should have brought him some bruschuto and you cut it finely. Remember I killed that guy for your honor? She'll be like, I don't care. She wouldn't attack a girl one time

who slammed the front of my car with her hand, like slammed it, she wouldn't get out of the car. So I had to circle around the block, get out and spit in that girl's face. Yeah, I got to hold on to circle around the block, get out, and spit in that girl's face. Yeah, I gotta hold Dawn back. You happy, Christine? I had to spit in a woman's face. No, you don't ever have to get out of the car.

A vile act, because you wouldn't get out. Yeah, Dawn gets nuts. Dawn gets nuts. Well, Dawn can join me and Lewis's the League of Justice Seekers. That's what we are. That's what binds me and Lewis's friends. We have a need for immediate justice on situations.

Unless it's me doing the same fucked up thing. Don't we already have a league that we created yesterday? Of justice? Yeah. What is it? Oh, the flames. The flames of justice. The flames of justice. Flames of justice.

Oh, this could be a thing for the flames. Yeah, but that's the whole thing. We're talking about patrolling the subways, though. The flames of justice, are we now branching out into the actual are we taking back the streets? I think we have some justice are a branch of the League of Justice Okay, it could be a side branch and we can have Christine do our social social media. Okay Yeah, let's not get her involved in a justice. She can she will now she'll let people just criminals just go Yeah, hey that girl's being raped you guys just walk away

You don't get involved in here Here's the problem with it because when you don't make Christine dispatch when you decide to Deal with something. Yeah, you never I remember one time me and Patrice were fighting like going to fight physically Mm-hmm, and he was being such a dick to me. It was right over here, too I think it was on this street and we were arguing I, dude, I will fucking beat the shit out of you. I will fight you right now, you piece of shit. It was like to that point. It was like when we were coming here from Boston,

just for like day trips, and he was being just a dickhead. Car, nice three hours of being harassed in a car. And I was like, fuck it, dude, I was like, dude, I will fucking punch you right in your face right now. He goes, Bobby, when you're punching me, I just wanna ask quick, what do you think I'm gonna be doing? And I was like, I didn't think that through.

You're gonna be punching me too. Oh yeah, everybody gets hurt a little bit. Well, you never, when you're gonna hit somebody, you never think of the after fact. I was at the airport LaGuardia before it was awesome LaGuardia, back when it was shitty LaGuardia. And I pulled up and I, max baby in the back seat,

in his baby seat, dawn in the other seat. I'm driving down and I'm safe, man. I don't, when I get there, some lady, just old lady, put her head down and just ran across the street in front of my fucking car. And I had the right of way, she wasn't in a car, just ran across. Now listen, old lady, I get it,

doesn't know what the fuck she's doing. Her son, as I'm driving by, smacks my window. He went, where Max was, he goes, hey, watch where you're fucking going, that's my mother! And whacks my window. I saw Max jolt out of fear. It just came over me. I pulled the car over, I got out,

I was like, you fucking mother fucker. I felt bad because I'm screaming, like Max is, I go, that my baby's right there. I will fucking murder you right now, you cocksucker. Your mother ran across the street, not in the fucking cross, why don't you watch where your mother's going, you fucking irresponsible son.

And we were fighting and whatever, and then he kind of went away. And she was like, it's my fault, it's my fault. And we were fighting and whatever, and then he kinda went away. And she was like, it's my fault, it's my fault. She was like an old Italian lady, I felt that. It's my fault, I didn't, I didn't want to die. Oh, I don't wanna see you fight over your brother. So this is the worst part, I didn't think it through. I'm in, this is when TSA first came out,

or whatever the fuck, I'm in that first class, TSA, whatever line that was, he's right in front of me. Of course. The whole fucking time. We're just sitting there. And we're both- Are you mean mugging or is it over? We're both breathing heavy.

Yeah. And then finally he was like, you know, it's my mom, man. I go, listen, man, my son, he goes, yeah, dude, you know, I'm sorry. And we just apologize to each other. Here's the problem I adhere. The son, your son is one of the things. Here's to him.

Maybe you weren't at this point in your life yet. The times I've got out for, specifically for people hitting my car. Good recovery. Thank you. You're welcome. Specifically for people fucking with my car was when my car was a crushing expense in my life.

So I'm like, how dare you just smack this thing that's like, I need, this cost me so much money, but I need it to go to gigs and on the road and blah, blah. Do you know what I mean? So I took it personal in that regard when they hit the car. Jowing a bunch of shit, that a lot of times, I'm gonna walk out of the way. No, dude, when I saw Max jolt, he went like,

that's the first time I saw my kid get scared from some human. Just went like this, cause this guy whacked the window, hit it hard. I think he had some weird ring on too, and it just cling. And when I saw somebody, that was an attack on my son. All my childhood came out.

Little Billy, man, you know, my stepdad. Well, that'll make you understand Lewis a little bit better, that's what it is. You have to understand. Oh, I don't. We said, no, we'll make it easier. Because everything that happens to him, if you go, he goes, they forgot to send a straw

With the with the order and it's like okay Well James needs a straw so this place doesn't want to send a straw because they don't want my baby They want my baby to starve and then he calls with that fury over a straw. That's the dude I was there when we went into a sky sky dive. I, what the fuck is that thing? The sky- High fly. High fly. When we went there, dude, and they did just, when they ignored us and they were lying to us,

I saw the progression of Louis. But I tell you this, he is the guy you want when you do want to get like a- If it's going to get to that point where people are going chest to chest, you do what you do want, Louis. You want Louis there because I literally became the mom and I was like, boys, come over here.

Let daddy, let daddy handle this. Their super masculine father's just working things out. Maximus, stand down. Then he came over to me and he was yelling. I'm like, it's okay, it's all right. Okay, baby, you're okay. You're okay, these people don't understand how tough you are tough I had to turn his hand over and rub it like the Holocaust And you gotta go everybody goes you're lucky. I'm here to stop him. He would have killed every one of you

By himself. He doesn't give a shit. Yeah This is how I act when I'm slightly inconvenienced and it's just a panther freaking out Yeah, I wish that hope that panther freaking out. Yeah. I wish that panther falls off the cliff. Laughter Here's the thing with freaking out, and I'm learning it with Max. You, anger works five or six times.

And then people are like, whatever, dude. Right, they start falling with full punches. No, but this is what you do. Unless you're gonna start punching people, unless you're gonna really start being that guy. Yes. You know what I mean? Like, Max, I raised my voice to him this weekend, and he was just staring at me. And I was like, oh, this isn't working anymore.

I have to go, and I can't... Raising my voice isn't working. You can scream at people. Yeah, dude, I was a screamer. I was a screamer before Lewis was a screamer. I mean, there was a time in my life, when I had Max and the fucking show went under and that money crunch,

when that money crunch comes on you and you're like, ugh, I turned into a screamer because anxiety, all this shit happens. You're looking for something. And yeah, I remember Norton one time, he's the worst to scream at. Because Norton doesn't care. Like Norton, he'll talk to you like he's-

It's one of the greatest moments on the radio, was Jesse Ventura and Norton. He's gonna talk to you like he's, he talked to Jesse like he'll fight him. Like he'll, Norton will take the beating. I love it, he goes, he goes, great, you can kick my ass, who cares, with your fucking riff raff hair. Are you calling this riff raff hair?

It's my favorite thing ever. That's the funniest thing ever. And he's just sitting there, and oh, Jesse Ventura goes, stand there with riff raff hair. Are you calling this riff raff hair? It's my favorite thing ever. That's the funniest thing ever. And he's just sitting there, and Jesse Van Dure goes stand there with riff raff hair, going like, thank you for your service. That was a great Jesse. He's like, great, you served and I didn't, so what? Yeah, he's the one who actually shook me

out of my anger phase, where he was like, I don't give a fuck, I will yell at you back. I don't know, but the biggest, like one of my biggest pet peeves is like the stoop, exactly, it's like while someone's driving off, you like back kick their door and like look at somebody like, nah, just did a dick thing for no reason whatsoever.

That person needs to be hit in the side of the head with something. Yeah, but you gotta do it. Yeah. Like the people that yell that don't do it, it's like. Right, right, right. Oh no, I'm not big for, that's why I think twice before I get into the jawing,

because in my mind, if we're jawing, we're there. It's happening. And I'm just simply saying the things to get you to fight. When I had that with Isabella, when a guy almost ran, I had Dave Smith in the car and Isabella when she was real little in the car, and these dudes almost ran us off the road. Like it was a dick move, they were trying to get like I was pulling out

Yeah, like waiting safely for time to pull out onto a street from a parking lot and These guys went around me and like cut me off while I was pulling, you know I mean as I had to stop short everyone was scared so I got to a red light as he's too big black Do Dave used to tell this in his set This story in a sec as Dave really had to be like the mommy was same thing I pulled up next to these guys finally, rolled Dave's window down, because he's next to them,

and I'm just screaming at these two monstrous black dudes in the car. Over Dave's really thin head. Yeah, yeah, over Dave and Isabel's in the back seat of the car. Oh, it was such a bad thing. But like, those guys weren't getting out of the car. Well yeah, that's the thing. It's like, you gotta be ready to do it.

And next time when you punch somebody, can I just give you a tip? You grab the shirt, hit them, and then lay them down slowly. Well I didn't know he was gonna be unconscious. That surprised me as well. When you hit somebody with your fucking big bear paws, they're pretty much going out.

This guy had a real glass jaw though, if I'm being honest. I mean it surprised me. I mean they were like flabby guys and like they were like going out on a guy had a real glass jaw though, if I'm being honest. I mean, it was, it surprised me. I mean, they were like, flabby guys and like, they were like going out on a Friday night, but wearing... She's changed the story. Christine, now they're flabby guys. They were flabby.

This is insane. Jay did concede a little bit that he had a glass jaw. They were wearing like, doctors in button-up shirts to like, go out. You fucking hit an old Jewish guy? She has no recollection of this at all whatsoever. It was two dudes and two girls. When, the night it happened, and my heart stopped pumping finally, this is why Christine doesn't deserve love.

When my heart was pumping, my heart was pumping, you know, from what just happened. She doesn't deserve love from anything. I'd say no, she can't give it, she doesn't deserve it. She... Not even like a dog? Dog and fluff? A dog, but the dog's gonna get, it's dog,

the dog's gonna get too much. Like too much of the love, and it's gonna be, yeah. She'll be a sad old lady. So why did you hit an old Jewish doctor? Uh, yeah, yeah, right. Yeah, well, this guy was already in a wheelchair. Uh, he had no arms to block. You have a trench coat on and a mock turtleneck?

It was two, it was two 20-something or early 30s dudes that were out with two chicks. They were all drunk. Was that the age, Christine? It was flabby or flo... By the way, well, that's the point. They were in shape. When my heart was...

How the fuck do you know that I remember that? It was two dudes. Let me tell you something. I got out of the car with two dudes. That's why she didn't get fucking turned on, because you beat up some fat dude. Christine didn't... No, well, here's what she said. This is why I'm saying, by the way of the car with two dudes. That's why she didn't get fucking turned on, because you beat up some fat dude. Christine didn't. No, well, here's what she said. This is why I'm saying, by the way,

the story in her mind. Maybe if it was a challenge, you'd get wet. You fucking pussy. The story in her mind's changed a thousand times, because now they're wearing button-down shirts and they're flabby guys. Not flabby at all. The guy would actually describe more as thin

than any kind of flabby. But no, I was bigger than both of them, individually, for sure. But I didn't pick who smashed my car, who punched the window in my car. So I got out of the car, and they were being put, and I ended up fucking, I mushed the guy's face until he would take a swing,

and then he took an awful swing, and I hit him once and it was over. The other friend was standing there just kinda shocked. I was a little shocked, so I went back, and I was just, you swing and I hit him once and it was over. The other friend was standing there just kinda shocked. I was a little shocked. So I went back and I was just, you know. Did you look at your fists? I cursed shit. Like you just had super powers.

The power I wield. No, but that was when I got in the car with Christine. We got back in the car and drove to start looking for parking again. When we got like a couple blocks circled, like my heart rate went down and stuff and I looked over her. To be funny.

And I did that. I went, I kissed my bicep. And I was like, how about that? And her response was, she goes, oh wow, you knocked out a gay guy. Congratulations. He's gay? Now he's gay. So she's already called this guy gay, now he's flabby and fat.

She has no right. She just wants to like smash the story down. Because she has no right she just wants to like why would you smash the story down because she has no Story of heroics Christine has lived a life of standing by the sidelines letting the little people get hurt and doing nothing about it The street smarts you grew up in a wealthy neighborhood of fucking beach queefs, and that's why you'll always be a dumb beach queef. That's lived in New York City for 16 years. All right, relax.

You're a beach queef who lived in New York City? Exactly. Once a beach queef, you can't always... Always a beach queef. You can't handle it here. Yeah, you can't get beach queef out of you. So it's like, bitch, give me your wallet. And you're like, that's not tubular bra

Take your bullshit back to California You can't live in Jersey now with this like a street smarts. Jersey walked over buddy those those drones. Yes where they're from Baghdad I Ran oh cuz the mothership. No there was a You're not even keeping up. There's a mothership. You're not even keeping up. It's not a mothership anymore. It was a ship off the coast, an Iranian ship off the coast that released all those drones.

Yeah? Yeah. Yeah. Dude, the FBI's involved. Mm-hmm. Like, it's fucking... Lou? Bennington says it's military, U.S. Our guy was right. What? And our guy was right. Our contact... Lou? Bennington says it's military, U.S.

Our guy was right. What? And our guy was right. Our contact. Oh, that we're planning for the alien invasion. No, buddy, this is like war shit. World domination. This is like crazy war shit that's going on.

Lou, can we have a thing when we talk about this? Because I feel like this isn't going away for a while. Oh, the mothership's there. This isn't going to go away for a while? Can you over the weekend make bombs over over Baghdad that's just me going? And here you go, ready? Drones over Jersey. Now you have it.

So we can just hit a button where it goes, don't pull your thang out unless you pull your thang out. Listen, man. Drones over Jersey. I'm just saying, you're going to Jersey and this shit's going down. I just want you to be prepared. You're not prepared.

Well, the thing is, I got my new hoodie, Jersey versus Iran. I'll take Jersey all day, dude. First of all, that's a great hoodie. We got Ronnie from the Jersey Shore. We got so much good shit down there. Go back to that, go back. What was that? Pentagon shoots down claim.

Right here, look at this. Yeah. They don't want you to know it's not One cowboy to another shut your face The the article you asked to pull up says shoots down claims of mothership Yeah, they also shot down claims that you know, Biden was not not gonna run for president They also shot that I mean they lie all the time so not gonna run for president. They also shock, I mean they lie all the time.

So it is Iran. So what I'm saying here is that I didn't read the full article. And I read the headlines and I have dyslexia. No, no, Bobby, you didn't read the headlines. And I read it backwards. And if I read it with my problems, and I do have problems, and I read that Pentagon shoots down drone from Iran.

You think they shut it down? Yes, so it's my, I apologize that I have a disorder, and I apologize, that's all I'm saying. But you just come in so passionate. I think before you let the passion build, Bobby, have somebody next to you prove for you. I love America, Jay, and I want you and everybody to be protected if they're sending drones.

Oh, don't worry, dude, here you go. Here's a fly-by-night bullshit website that says that it was. That's what I meant! There you go, there you go. That's a legitimate magazine. What is it? It's the New York Post.

Yeah. But this is, well, it's the New York Post. All it says is, mystery New Jersey drones are coming from Iranian mothership offshore, congressmen suggest. So some guy just was like, maybe they they're Iranian I mean a voted in congressman of the people I mean that crazy lady with the blonde hair is voted in so we can

Wow you know which one's that what's her name exactly yes Marjorie Taylor Green I mean voted in yeah voted in by Americans. She's a fucking loon. A Lady Alex Jones. Did you see the other, I think it was a congressman or a senator, she was doing, they got this girl doing all kinds of sexual shit. She was taking shots and putting it into a girl's mouth, and the girl would put it into the other guy's mouth. Nice.

Yeah, there's a hot video. It's called felching. Is that what it's called? I mean, when you... No, not jizz. Yeah, felching is when you suck jizz it elching. Is that what it's called? I mean, well not jizz You suck jizz out of somebody and spit into somebody else. I don't know I'm pretty sure it was alcohol. You guys never felt in my college, right? Dude, I felt so last week isn't doing a felching. We all as soon as you left ever Thanksgiving. He felt I was on the my high school felching team

Yeah, well anyways, I'm gonna tell you the real deal Iran launched a mothership that contains these drones Van Drew said who's Van Drew? Republican Jeff Van Drew a Republican a representative Jeff Andrew a Republican Said the drones very possibly could be from Iran citing confidential sources during an appearance I'm gonna tell you the real deal Iran's's launched a mother, so he says they very possibly could be, now he's saying it is that. In the same two sentences. Bobby, you gotta stop, dude, these are just drones, bro. Buddy.

Pull your thing out. Unless you pull your thing out. Drones over Jersey. Ha ha. Oh God, I wish we had video video I wish they turned the cameras on anyway turn them on these don't recording Oh, yeah, here's the thing here the drones they're using in the Ukraine war Have you seen this footage the way they're using drones now in war? They're just flying dude There's a guy trying to hide in a bush of trees

I did see that from drone, and you can hear vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv First-person shooters though, is there a way we can make that into like a Madden type thing? Well, they have it in Call of Duty. You can use the drone. Can we do it though, like if you have like, uh, like if you really send like a 70-yard pass, but if the guy misses it, like, he blows up. That would be awesome. That would be our war. That'd be crazy, but I mean... It's true. It's crazy, but it could work, right? Thank you, Jacob. Thanks for co-op. Thanks for backing up that idea about the Madden-style wars. Now these guys are flying fucking drones in wars now.

Dude, did you see the footage now? You saw the firework footage with his, I don't know, 10,000 drones they lay out. They all go up and just make images. Oh, of course, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is fucking crazy to me. It's nuts, but the genius there is the computer programmer. But yeah, but you don't think

the government has computer programmers It's all gonna be drones and robots these fucking dogs gonna be next time I see that big grateful dead skeleton tipping his hat with the drones I'm gonna be like you're gonna be like fucking government dude. It's an iran that that's iran look. That's not iran But look at that. That's crazy. Oh my god. This is iran didn't get ready to launch dude now How do we get this footage of them getting ready to launch the full-scale attack? Oh my god. It's a giant turkey It's taking over. It is cloverfield monsters put it down Kill that big turkey. They've come back for revenge And these drones that they use it with the size of of trucks like cars. These are the size of turkeys

These are the size of little tiny drones, but those are amazing. That's amazing. I mean dude, I love fireworks, but I'd rather see that. So do you think that's what's going to happen is Iran's planning a Christmas spectacular over there? What if, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What if they do that and we all look, we all come out of the house to see it and then they just drop the bombs. The nuke.

They drop the bombs. But if that was the last thing you saw he goes you're gonna tell at the gates of the gates of heaven you're gonna be oh it was beautiful scene I mean that would be a beautiful way if you're gonna do a terrorist attack actually have these drones go up and make a Santa Claus flying over the moon and they just smashes into your house and then into the Pentagon and they go and they fly out and just dropvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv Freedom Tower. They go low high on it. Prancer, you go low, I'll go high. Foot kank! I'm telling you, the next movie about terrorism

is gonna have drones in it, and I bet they steal that idea. I bet Rudolph, Santa Claus, and Dasher and Prancer on Christmas is gonna go to the White House and we're all gonna be like, what's that, sir? Guys, the CIA just told me that Iran's planning a Christmas spectacular in the skies of New Jersey. Our, our, our military's not ready for, we've never seen anything like this before.

Listen, man, I know. It's beautiful. Oh my God. Is that a lady holding a baby? Oh my God. I mean, what a great idea though. You have Mother Mary holding Jesus, have like a manger,

and then that's the thing that takes out everybody during Christmas. Dude, I wish that the, what's the show that does the full light show every 15 minutes? I wish that at the end of the day you sprayed up poison gas like some joker style fucking evil.

When you're done staring at windows. Yes? Look at that, look at that that's the shit that's the video that you said earlier Bobby yeah oh go ahead guys go ahead read that satellite images show Iran's new drone carrier has set sail leaving its home port for the first time well this is on business insider Jake Epstein Jeffrey Epstein's brother wrote this so I don't know I don't think that's I don't think it's absolutely his. I don't think that's, I don't think that's absolutely his brother.

I don't think they're connected. He got away with everything, too. He was right there, he was watching. What were you gonna say? The video that you sent earlier to the chat talks about them kind of going back into the ocean and disappearing. That whole video is terrifying, I will say.

Well, what was happening is, I told you a guy pointed a laser at it and it just kind of disappeared. Once they were being seen or whatever and it just kind of disappeared once people They were being seen or whatever They were kind of just taking off and that was in that article and then they went back out over the fucking ocean, dude I don't know why For somebody who's gonna live in Jersey

Why this is not like why people people are terrified of these what just happened? Hey Jersey Listen up North Jersey wah-wahs. If you do not find the quality control that they have in Philadelphia wah-wahs, the drones will come. Why don't they? The drones will come. No, why don't they?

Because they didn't grow up with it. It really makes me sad. No passion. You get excited for a wah-wah. No passion. And I'm like, I'm gonna go get some meatballs, maybe some turkey with gravy in a cup, and you you get excited and it's not this it's dirty It's in North Jersey. It's bad. Yeah. Well, I've had the ones that are fine

They don't make the sandwich with any kind of love because they didn't grow up with Wawa They're just like this is a fucking gas station You should be happy that we're making the sandwich fresh and like now you're supposed to make the sandwich good Yeah at all hours. It's a wah-wah, at all hours. At all hours, at all, not between this time and this time, at all hours. At all hours. You come in at three in the morning,

and you're gonna get the same type of service. You get at two in the afternoon. Two in the afternoon. 100% same quality. Now, you hit a wah-wah South Jersey, Philadelphia, all day long. They can't do it wrong. Because they grew up with it.

Really is a fucking weird thing that they. You have to grow up with it. It'll never be the thing if you grow up with no passion for it. You know what I mean? I grew up being like man, Wawa sandwiches are pretty fucking dope. Especially the hours where nothing's open

and you're gonna get that. Fantastic. It's almost like magical. It's almost like being on the road and seeing a 24 hour diner. Where you're like, what the fuck? You see a wah-wah, you're like, we have to pull over. I've been to some New Jersey late night ones,

some North Jersey late night ones, where they're like puzzled at the idea that you're like, you're going over to the deli machine and start typing in. Like I see them kind of be like, ah, Jesus. I hate that so I'm like this is that's what this place is about it's what it was founded and what you did was brilliant and you let me order my shit and while you make it I

graze the store and you sell 30 more dollars worth of product it's genius make the sandwich with with love love in fact you're right Give me three extra minutes to shop around because you're taking the pieces of meat individually and doing the fold the fold The fold stop just give me a brick of fucking ham I think we need to get five pieces of ham there all the same things so that you bite into it looks like you're biting Into an inch thick ham steak we have a ham steak we have steak. We have to. Sorry, Jacob, we yell. I think we have to do a branch off of the flames of justice and fix this wah-wah thing.

What is it? Oh, it's our food division. Our fast food division? Okay, I like that. We have a fast food division, we have the taking back the night division, the streets. Above ground. Christine's not dispatched. She thinks nothing's a problem. Social media, she does not answer the phone at all of quality control

Yeah, you're the flames quality control and Christine do me a favor no opinions on this. Just please post the stuff we present Don't be like I'm not okay with this it doesn't know an asha Pretty good answering phones Christine you don't have your can't push the propaganda We have here. You don't know how to push it. You don't do a passion either just sit back You can't be part of the flames of justice. I'm just gonna be our social media person. You don't believe in justice You've never gotten it in your life, and you know why that is Scary beating people up on the street

I don't believe in you being big and scaring, beating people up on the street. She doesn't believe in justice. She doesn't believe in justice. She doesn't think that guy deserves to get punched in the face, it's crazy. No, he did. We should all work it out. It's crazy.

It's a really hippie way of living. She's like, oh, well, in the long term, they'll probably have a worse off life for it. Yeah, we'd be living in teepees if she was around back in the day. I've danced in drum circles. I know you have, what a dip. Yeah.

I mean, I love you, Christine, but you don't know justice. No. You don't. No, not in any kind of way. Do you understand that what you put? Christine's a Karen. No, I mean, you put down Jay's hair. I'm not a Karen.

100% you're a Karen. You should have a pink stripe or a purple stripe through your hair, like just one. You're a Karen for sure. Christine's a Karen. Just to let us know what you are. I am not a Karen. You should get a mom haircut.

Sorry Jacob. When you put down Jay, you're slapping Lou and I in the face because we dream of getting out of a car and having the look in someone's eyes saying, oh I fucked up. Now by the way, if they see me get out of the car, there's plenty of times I could jump out of a car,

like oh it's on. There's plenty of times I could jump out of a car where the guy will be like, let's go motherfucker. So it happens. I'm just, but you're right. There are situations. This was two guys, the thing Christine's talking about. Two fat gay guys.

Neither of them are fat. And I'm just going on the information I got. An old Chinese lady. You're going by trumped up bullshit told to you by a fucking person who doesn't remember anything. It was Halloween night, one was dressed like Liza Minnelli. And the other was dressed like Taylor Swift. I guess, Jay, remember you knocked out a guy who was dressed half bride, half groomed down the middle? I punched the groom side though.

I dream of getting out of a car and seeing a bead of sweat of fear in a guy's eyes because he knows he's made a mistake. Yeah, when a guy gets out of the car and you get out of the car behind him, he just gets happy. Yeah. Oh, he's thrilled. Yeah. But he has to be like, hey man, I'm not into that shit.

It's my parents' car. I don't want it. I'm not into that, dude. Whatever you're into, I'm not into that dude. Whatever you're into, I'm not into dude. I haven't been in a lot of like, I haven't been in grown, like fights with somebody. Like if someone's like a bigger person, like it tends to probably almost knock it there more. Do you know what I'm saying?

Like it's almost, cause like it's, the shit talk back and forth and that is like both people being like not a, the problem is like when you, when it's a situation where it's The shit talk back and forth and that is like a both people being like not a problem The problem is like when you just went so when it's a situation where it's like why was this guy not afraid to do that? That's what sticks in my ass Why are you not why do you think you just punch this car and then just go back to your life? No, I've never done anything go back to your life

Like it didn't happen like you're only you're like like taking a nice slow Laughing about it walk. You're still only 10 feet away from me. I'm like, this is crazy you did that. He grew up in Homoza Beach, probably. Probably. Yeah, he probably grew up. You can punch somebody's car and they go, hey man, chill, dude, chill.

Hey, let's just share Cerveza over it, buddy. Hey man, what's going on with you today, bro? Christine, you grew up with white supremacists and fucking queefs. I bet your white supremacist friends weren't tough either. That's why they hung out with a bunch of... That's way more black dick than Nazi dick, I can tell you that.

Who knows if that's even true anymore. Louis, am I crazy? Didn't you want to just beat the fuck out of somebody who messed with you? Oh, absolutely. I have that look in their eyes. The black lew that can do jumping spin kicks. If I got out of the car in black lute,

that little stocky motherfucker got out, I'd be like, ah, shit. God damn it. I'm gonna do one of those moves where he does like a... Like, I take a swing, and he does a complete straddle split to the ground, and then punches out my inner knees, and then my nut shot.

And then when I'm on the ground, he gets up and tells... And when I'm around, he claps for him. And then he bows. He actually bows. And he bows to me, and he'll say something cool like, walk it off. Oh, no. He won't make that mistake again. You'll be all right, fella.

Breathe. My last adult fight I won. Was it with your sister? Because it was a child? No, it was a restaurant fight. You were an adult. He was a child. I wasn't.

Were they in a baby seat? Me and the guy worked in a restaurant We just you just would not shut He was just harassing me would you guys do sword fight with spatulas right out on the street in front of the restaurant? We won yes, handily you won. Yes. What did you do? What was your technique? What did you was your finish move my finish move was hit first you punched him in the face twice I jabbed him twice and then I Right cross how long did it take? Oh shy right crossed him. How long did it take?

He was so shy motherfuckers. It was over. How long did it take for your hands to recover? That was it. No, he went down? He went down. He went down. And unconscious or went down and just like,

I'm done, I'm done, I don't want to do this anymore. He actually started crying, motherfucker. And then I felt bad. He was a gay guy. No, he wasn't gay, but and then. I'm just kidding, I'm not kidding. My mistake was. I bet he was a fucking tough guy.

I'm not gonna do it. He was tough up until then. I'm not gonna do what Christine did to me. No, he was talking shit the whole time. God damn right. And you fucking straightened his shit out. My mistake was then I felt like, ah, fuck, this guy's being a pussy now.

Yeah. And then he got up and jumped me. Oh really? Oh it was just a technique. No it was over, he didn't like hurt me. But his crying was a technique? Why didn't I fucking hit him again? Oh did he get up and try to do like

the now I'm being held back thing? I hate that gay shit. Yeah. Ugh. At that point the other guys separated but it was over, I mean I had. When someone's informing you that you're lucky they're being held back, go hit them first.

Always hit them. First. Always hit them first, and don't show any mercy. Agreed. Strike first, strike hard, no mercy, sir. I believe one of the greatest senseis of all time said that, John Kreese. I mean, if you're put in that position, like you...

Did you just walk back in? They've left you no option. Did you just walk back in and put your apron on and flip an egg? I was I was the runner Oh, you're the runner It was the below later you put your shirt back on and covered up all of your scars Everyone has questions about oh great. Why does he live covered in scars like that felt great afterward? And then Jacob goes I earned all of these Maybe if you get to know me better, I'll tell you the stories. It'd be funny if Jacob was tattooed from the neck down.

Just. Yakuza. Yeah, Yakuza tattoos. Yakuza Batata. I remember the beginning, cause we had planned it. Yakuza Batata. We literally had to do a double shift,

knowing we were fighting afterward, cause we had to work. That's too much build up. And so the whole day I'm like, in 10 or 10 and 12 hours I'm fighting this guy. It was like three o'clock, was that movie? Three o'clock high. You actually look like the guy in that.

It was like 1130 midnight. You should've hired that other bald one to be your fucking protector. My French roommate was so proud of me, he's like, you kicked his ass. I've never seen something like that before. He's the best. You begin with a pile driver and then a bulldog.

You remember thinking what? I don't know how to fight, but the one thing I knew in life is hit them before they hit you. Yeah. Well, here's the problem with that. I've done that too. And when they don't go down.

They just crack their neck and laugh. Yeah, that's the problem when you're like, -"Ah, that's all I got." -"Fuck, dude." Well, but you're gonna get... You're ass kicked anyway. You might as well get something in. That is... I've been there before. Just give... I just threw everything into it,

and then you were like, I hope we can just talk this, like, now. Like, just go back to shit-talking, because, like, I don't have any more of this in me. Yeah. I've sucker-punched a couple guys, hit first, and they just turned their head and went, what? Like, what the fuck happened?

I saw that in downtown Manhattan one night, little Italian kid, I think Brooklyn type of, fuck you, you fucking cocksucker. Fucking with, had to be a Swedish guy, just a tall, blonde guy that wasn't really talking, just letting this guy scream in his face. And he had his girlfriend too, fucking Tony, fuck him, fuck him up.

And screaming at this guy and the guy was like, hey, whatever, I'm sorry. And the guy went to his car, grabbed a fucking aluminum bat and came up behind the guy, he had a big puffy coat on and just whacked him in the back and it went, Jesus. And the guy turned around and he went, did you just hit me with a bat? Oh my God. And I've never seen fear just go drain the life out of this little

I couldn't tell if it was a better a feather His girlfriend was like Tony let's go let's go just dragged him back to the car That's terrifying a shit you had to give everything you have to somebody now I will say I've definitely been guilty through my life of the and It's always the case. I believe whether it's me or not doing it. I've done the are through my life of the, and it's always the case, I believe, whether it's me or not doing it, I've done the, are you done? Because I'm done.

Do you know what I mean? You fucking done, dude? You wanna keep going? Like, please say no. Are you done? Please, God, say you're done! Yeah. Because the tide's gonna start changing if I'm winning,

because I am out of energy and breath and all that. The time, me and Carla, my ex-wife, were early dating. And I was driving my car and someone did that. It was, I was driving my green Saturn, and a guy walked in front, walking with a couple of girls. One guy, two girls. Guy did the same, hit the fuck in front of the car. I was learning what a fucking thing that was at a time.

Do you know what I mean? Like how much the pedestrian's like, I mean it doesn't happen to me really anymore because I kind of know the ebb and flow of the city. Do you know what I mean? Like how that would go. I look now always like, because what would happen, why people would hit your car,

you'd get the green light to make a turn. This is what happened to even Christine. You start making a turn, but I start making the turn and then I look to make sure if I have to stop but people take that as Like you were gonna just cut them off But I'm like no I just starting to get out of the lane a little bit like we're letting you go So that a lot of people kind of be like yo chill out motherfucker You know I mean like like you're gonna hit them. So that would be a few times and this guy did that and like two girls

And I'm we were so early in dating Carla was like definitely what the fuck is happening I go she was talking still and she was like wow what an asshole that guy was and I was like, yeah Hey guys a real asshole right by by Washington Square Park. I was doing like the circle around it looking for parking. Yeah and then we went up like about like a half block or so and I was like No, I'm sorry. I'm not even listening what you're saying, I'm very sorry, I have to go do something, I don't know why, I have to go do something about this right now, can you take over the car please, like drive, and I got out, and I ran,

I saw he went through Washington Square Park. Stop one second. Mm-hmm. You ran? Ran. Gunned it. Back in the day? Oh yeah, gunned it, and then.

So can we change the story? So it can be believable you lightly jogged. No Everything I could say I thought I was gonna lose them. Here's what I didn't think about was you're getting I know you're you're Playfully getting to it, but it's the actual story is the issue was did not wrap my brain around When I got there when I spun this guy around he could have pushed me over with a fucking feather, dude And these girls had a sisterissor, I was like, was that my mother fucker? You think you're just gonna fucking,

just fucking hit my car and this is cool, you could do that? And the girls went, oh my fucking God, is this really happening? And I was like, yeah bitch, it's fucking happening, why you got something to say? And then they just kinda like, they were almost like, whoa, this is nuts, and I was like,

this is what the fuck I thought? I can only talk shit. If this guy decided to fight Dan, luckily they just kind of succumbed to me being like, you're a fucking pussy, and these dumb bitches are running around and he was just kind of like, bro, easy. And you're like, yeah, is my fucking heart?

No, he said easy because you're gonna have a heart attack, bro. Yes, sir, easy. Chill out, bro. You need medical help. I'm a med student. Yeah, you gotta relax, bro. You're gonna die before we fight. Dude, I was zipped. I did that same thing when I chased the guy who peed in our hallway when I chased him down the street

when the cops let him go. Same thing, I get over to him. And thank God he just like, for like the idea of being like, okay, okay, whatever you say, man, like just don't do something anymore. Because I was, but I got to him, I was like, I don't give a fuck if the cops let you go or not, dude. You're gonna fucking come back in there.

You're gonna clean your back in there you can Clean your fucking piss You don't think it through Not with the run. No, I've done that too much like the whole ass Yeah, cuz I was in my mind. My body was operating trying to get justice your body Did my my body didn't understand that my your brain thinks that you're shredded Your body didn't know. My body didn't understand that my... Your brain thinks that you're shredded. My brain thought I was shredded.

My brain thought I was a long distance runner. And your body was like, Hey bro, let's slow down and think this through. Dude, when I caught him, it was amazing. When you catch him, I go, Please don't turn around and just punch me because I don't have anything. I'm just going to lose really, really bad.

Dude, we got to talk about, I mean, you said... Oh, I know. You put me down, I mean, you put me down. I mean, I watched it twice. You went through the whole thing. I went through it today, and then I went through it again this morning with Dawn. And I've never seen, Dawn would've been, it was a more confused face than when I shaved my bush fat,

and I was like, does this look good? And she was like, nah. It was, I'll tease this by saying I think somebody in the ranks of if it's not his production company Netflix or somebody be like hey You're like this is one you don't call us a stand-up special. That's crazy to call it a stand-up special. Or two, you're watching a guy unravel who I don't think has worked through

all of the shit in his head yet. And it's, the funny is awkward, the awkward is more awkward, and the serious is the most awkward. It's- And then sprinkle that with God. Sprinkle that with some religious stuff. And my favorite thing in the world,

which I do believe I know I'm in at Marker Four, that will become a long time clip on the show I'm certain of it if you want to see Robert Kelly everybody guess what he's in Beacon New York with a super special guest showing up his name rhymes with Kane Dook no no it does not it does no if you say it differently if you say his name differently it does sound like Kane Dook. It's okey CK. Oh okey CK Oh, ooh, ee ee CK ee That's in Beacon, New York this Friday December 13th one night only after that Kansas City, Batavia, Illinois Leviton, New York and Philadelphia You can catch Bobby every Tuesday night at 7 p.m

At the Fat Black Pussycat Lounge at the Comedy Seller for tickets and all of his tour dates and a bunch of content, including Killbox's latest special. Go to PunchUp.live slash Robert Kelly and also Bobby's new YouTube channel. Actually go watch it all there. Watch everything on YouTube. We're pumping up this channel. Monday the 16th, You Be Trippin' comes out in the morning and at 10 a.m. my special goes live on YouTube, YouTube slash at Robert Kelly Comedy. Killbox going live on there and then we're putting life in the village undergrounders going up on PunchUp.live. Trying to get my stand up out there for everybody to check out so go there and subscribe to it. Monday 10 a.m. Killbox will be live on that channel, my YouTube channel. Big Jokers will be at Helium St. Louis this weekend, the 12th through the 14th.

Then he's gonna be in West Palm Beach, Providence, Boston, the Wilbur Theater for tickets and all the tour dates. Go to bigjcomedy.com and check out his PunchUp.live slash Big J. Okerson. We'll be right back. It's the Bonfire.