The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Rise & Grind (w/ Shane Gillis & Justin Silver)

Episode Date: December 16, 2019

Dan & Jay check out the morning schedule for Mark Wahlberg and it just doesn't seem right. Justin Silver & Shane Gillis join the show and Shane recaps his performance at the Bonfire Live Holiday Show the night before. 

You're listening to Comedy Central! Hey, I'm Big J.O. Persoon, but I'm Dan Soder, and you're listening to the best of the Bond Fire. Stay tuned to hear some of our favorite moments from this week. You can listen to the Bond Fire live every Monday through Thursday from 6th 8PM on Comedy Central Radio, Series XM95, or on demand on the Series XMF. Also, be sure to follow us on all social media at the Bond Fire, SXM. Crackle Crackle Camper's, this is Black Lou and welcome to the Bond Fire's Best of the Week.

On Tuesday's show, we just so happen to come across the daily schedule of Mr. Mark Wahlberg. That's right, Mr. Robot Cosm himself. Something about this schedule seems a little fishy to me. Judge for yourself. Joe seems a little fishy to me judge for yourself. Dude, we read Mark Wahlberg's schedule yesterday, Joe lists Christmas party. Oh, he has morning schedule. Yeah. And you know, like it's ridiculous.

He wakes up at 2.30, goes to 7.30 P. Just two workouts. A lot of snacks. I dig a snack program. Yeah, a lot of snacks. A lot of snacks. But they're all super healthy snacks. Well, where's he D.V super healthy snacks Where's he deviate?

Where does he go from where's that bichito puffs? We don't know the just a snack. Yeah, there it is snack Yeah, but that doesn't wake up to 45 in the morning prayer time 315 breakfast 340 to 515 workout Pockelips training 530 post workout meal 6 a.m. Sh shower 7 30 a.m. golf who golfs who shower before called Donnie call me Faggot yeah cryo chamber recovery try to steal Jenny McCawty snack family time meetings and work calls then lunch then meetings and more work calls 2 p.m. freckles oh she got freckle pick up kids in school 4 15 mirror pouts here's oh 15 elbow tricep flexes it while I'm walking by the mirror in the hallway

Oh I gotta say ooh when a mirror Put in both my hands like a whoosh got fruck a put my hands over my mouth and going like this Damn his body fits perfectly in in chairs. They really does. He's like, yeah, that's why I work out so much. I get my ass right in the middle of that little hammock. Did that is gotta be hanging out with him. You're like, dude, I don't wanna wake up that early.

230 AM. Staying at the Walburts 30 PMs bedtime. I mean, did you just believe that? No. I think he made this up you your kids must be like well life sucks my dad to see but seven thirty p.m. I know a girl this summertime it's light for two more hours but I know I know you're like cool the birds are just singing and he's like well time to get my seven

hours asleep your dad's over you have a hush little baby don't say a word seven thirty. I was gonna be above a pop and do but I also think I think it's bullshit because I knew I know two people that have worked on movies with the rock and I'm always like I always have it like four thirty in the morning hunt and she was like no he's about like nine and then he goes to the gym and everyone waits yeah I make sure yeah that makes sense. Yeah, that makes sense. Because that whole thing is like, 4 a.m. Are you up working hard?

And you could buy the rocks, like the clock, where you wake up at the same time as the rock, but knowing that he's not waking up at 4 a.m. You're like, you just got fucking soul. So, by the way, 2.30 a.m. wake up is like, for the sense of the world just adjust that three hours fucking three hours 10 PM 10 PM and and fucking and you go to bed at 10 30 PM and you wake up at fucking 5 30 in the morning that's a lot of people he's just doing it to be different he's like 230. 730. Everyone knows the best sleeping hour. He's 830 to 930.

Yeah. Last night's stuff isn't over yet at 230. Dude, if you go to bed at 230 am, you're not watching the end of James Corden. Yeah. You fucking dip out on Corden? You wake up to watch Corden? I wake up full Corden. I get up. I want to watch James Corden. I love his songs. I want to co-op Okaryoki. I don't trust cars. I don't like cars What if that content's new in robot? In the middle of a funky bunch

What if what if good vibrations is the thing that makes them tired? That's crazy and that's the song I want to sing What is that? Geordelli dark chocolate. I didn't write it is with mint. Yeah, I'm a slut. I can sassy bitch I don't like eat need less room to pillow. Uh anybody else want one? Everybody wants one. Oh, gooey mint inside. Didn't see that coming. Yeah, coming on. Oh, she got freckles. But that's it. Oh, dude, the uh, that whole like that's all

thing. You're just being difficult to be difficult. On Wednesday show Shane Gillis and Justin Silver stop by as we recapped the bonfire live holiday show You and Jacob shared Such intimate space us today was it was it was my favorite part of the of the holiday show was Jacob favorite part of the of the holiday show was Jacob revealing and coming out to you to the sweet tender song O holy night playing while he walked in his Pajam jams across the entire club to come sit on your lap which

Disclosure you knew was happening. I knew it was happening and and yeah, it hit you different in your thought It that was one like we talked about it I was like all right. This will be funny. I'll do the usual. I'll be like yo Jacob. I'll fucking stuff you do Don't fill you up Yeah, but as soon as it got real he and I saw a grown man in a onesie Like talking to me like a shainty is that you Bit has gone too far. Then he was sitting on my lab,

who's getting real comfortable. Got real? He was like shainty. Snuggling in there. Oh my God. And I was trying to look away. I was trying to look away. He'd say something I'd look and see his face in there

and it was very off-putting. In character. Yeah. I looked at you. Yeah. You're still in it now, still. Yeah, look In character. Yeah. I looked at you. Yeah. You're still in it now. Still. Yeah.

Look at this. He gets sink right back. Yeah, this guy is like, like, an hero. Daniel DeLuis, I was in character, man. Daniel Gay Lewis. Daniel Gay Lewis. There will be come.

You were here. You were, you were, you were, you were definitely over there. My left hand. You were, you were over you were definitely over there. My left hand. You were over that in 35 seconds. I was over that when I saw him walking to the stage. Well, you just saw, it was gonna be rough. Yeah, man, seeing him groan like an older man in a onesie, he's got an older man. He's got to be a little boy.

He just hurt his feeling so much. How old are you? How old are you? Forget it. How old are you? I don't even care. How old are you? You couldn't go along with the bit, huh? How old are you? Forget it. How old are you? I don't even care. How old are you? You couldn't go along with the bit, huh?

How old are you? Well, I know. Jiggum's not the real sand. Is that what you're figuring out right now? Look, I did, but I was asked to... I mean, it was... No, you're right. You're right.

You did exactly as opposed to... I said, go as perverted as you need to. Also, a girl. A girl got up. A girl. A girl from the audience got up to ask Shane for Christmas. But he said, you know, tell us people what you want for Christmas. Tell Shane, we want for Christmas,

and they lined up. And the first girl, Smoking Hot Chick, by the time it got to her list of things, it was like real shit. Yeah, she has for real shit. Like material objects, specifically. Like what? She didn't even ask for ideas, like, you know, peace

and happiness for everybody here What I'm it's like she has for tangible. She's like I can she is from whatever I want this Fendi bag, and she asked me for some type of I thought it was a bag I don't know so she's getting like a real request I want to see what it is. I want to see what it checked that hot comes up and and is where it's willing to put out to the world Like I deserve this for you Like to me before I

You come and goes I wish the wildfires in Los Angeles would stop She's like you know, I wanted to get you that bag, but how about this extra large nutradame? Would you settle for that? Don't worry about that bleed stain. It's part of the character Yeah, it's authentic. No, that's the game on lead stain. It's part of the character. Which is why it's authentic. No, that's the game. Worn.

That's the thing. I didn't see anything was going on. I can only hear it because I was in the kitchen hallway. It was just me quietly standing there in a onesie with a greased up Tim Capella next to me. Yeah, you've got that very interesting Tim Capella experiences. Do please tell. I walked right there. I walked back there. They get into the Santa Claus outfit and Tim was just sitting there. He looked like a bouncer who's wearing like an all black outfit and he was just listening to something on YouTube on his phone. He was holding

his phone up to his rocky theme and I walked back and I said, hey, can you watch the door? I'm going to get changed and he kept playing his fucking music into his ear. He didn't put his phone down to listen to what I was saying. Everybody stays in character except for you You have listening to it and I was like, can you fucking hear me? And then he then he was like, yeah, I'll watch the door for you, but I gotta get changed to two And I was like, that's well that's odd for somebody who works That's odd for somebody who works. That's odd for somebody who works. That's odd for somebody who works. That's odd for somebody who works.

That's odd for somebody who works. That's odd for somebody who works. That's odd for somebody who works. That's odd for somebody who works. That's odd for somebody who works. That's odd for somebody who works. That's odd for somebody who works. That's odd for somebody who works.

That's odd for somebody who works. That's odd for somebody who works. That's odd for somebody who works. That's odd for somebody who works. That's odd for somebody who works. That's odd for somebody who works. That's odd for somebody who works. That's odd for somebody who works.

That's odd for somebody who works. That's odd for somebody who works. That's odd for somebody who works. That's odd for somebody who works. That's odd for somebody who works. That's odd for somebody who works. That's odd for somebody who works. That's odd for somebody who works. That's odd for somebody who works. That's odd for somebody who works. That's odd for somebody who works. That's odd for somebody who works. That's odd for somebody who works. That's odd for somebody who works. That's odd for somebody who works. That's odd for somebody who works. That's odd for somebody who works. That's odd for somebody who works. That's odd for somebody who works. That's odd for somebody who works. That's odd for somebody who works. That's odd for somebody who works. That's odd for somebody who works. That's odd for somebody who works. That's odd for Tell me he does it look like a bouncer sure like I a hundred percent looks like a bounce And like a roadhouse type of place. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, where it's more his skill and knowledge of fun He's weighed Garrett. He's not Dalton from Roadhouse. He's an Elliott. Yeah, yeah It's not so much that he's a good fighter anymore, but he just know he has to know how he's a boot knife guy He knows you run towards you run towards

You run from a gun, but yeah the Jacob Jacob settling in right there on my my lap was His butt flap genuinely off putting yeah, you didn't like it. It wasn't you sing guess what I thought I'd be a session okay Dude cool you got it like that I was getting turned on yeah, you passed my gear. Why'd you get so emotional about it? Maybe I didn't like you failed my gate Why'd you get so emotional about it? Maybe I didn't like you. I failed my gay test. I was, dude. Oh man, when you guys were like,

hey, does anybody in the audience want to come sit on Sam's lap? She stood up right away. I was like, and then she got up to the stage and was like, I don't have to actually sit on his lap, dude. I was like, is that what she said? Yeah.

Oh, wow. That is fucking awesome. Well hilarious wording that hurts so much. If she would have said even do I gotta sit on his lap Almost like she's at the instruction of the yeah bit. It wouldn't hurt as much She goes when you ask I don't have to do I I don't have to go Yeah, you sort of have to

We're like that get off the stage. That's weird Hope you enjoyed this week's Best of the Bond Fire. You can listen to the show live every Monday through Thursday from 6th APM East on Comedy Central Radio, Series XM 95, or on demand on the Series XM app. Be sure to follow us on all social media at the Bond Fire at SXM. This has been a Comedy Central Podcast.