The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Sexiest Technique (feat. Josh Adam Meyers)
Episode Date: June 7, 2024Bob thinks he has the best oral skills to satisfy a women. Everyone demonstrates their licking style including Josh Adam Meyers. Bert Kreischer posts a video that has Jay looking like a young goofball.... Jay describes his fashion choices growing up.FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA:@thebonfiresxm@louisjohnson@christinemevans@bigjayoakerson@robertkellylive@louwitzkee@jjbwolf
Transcript
Discussion (0)
And now the bonfire with big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly
And we're back Oh Jay you got a napkin it's the bonfire serious XM. No one else. I'm obsessed faction talk
Can I ask a question real quick?
when you
Like the woman's g-spot right the? The little, that's a real thing.
It's a myth, right?
Is that a myth?
Of course it's real.
Is it a myth?
I think it's the back of the clit.
What do you mean?
Like, the back of the, where is the back?
I don't know what's up and down.
Like inside, like if your clit's on like the front
and then you're like going from the inside,
I think it's like the other side of your clit it's hitting.
So the other side, so what?
Oh, underneath where the clit is,
then you go in and the other side of it,
and if you kind of rub that, there's something in there,
the G-spot.
Yeah, because it kind of like swells when you're turned on.
Oh, the hole.
It what?
Oh, jeez.
It gets big and thick.
Oh, jeez.
It swells up.
So you go in there, you rub that.
Like ramen noodles.
Have you like felt that?
No, I felt a lot of little nougats and bumps
and little like a English muffin type stuff.
I bet Gale loves nukes and crannies.
Gale? Who's Gale?
I'm sorry. That's wrong. Don.
Gale.
Who the fuck is Gale?
What do you think you're on, Benedict show?
You're supposed to say something about Ron's daughter?
No.
Look, he's wrong with you, dude.
Have some respect.
I'm sorry.
Gals got great behind the clip.
Her behind clip's fantastic.
Amen.
No, it's at dawn.
What's wrong with you, dude?
Nothing.
I can't stop yawning.
No, but I'm saying, it's lovely you were calling dawns like, you know, love muffin.
What were you saying? Just, went off before I called her Gail
The nooks and crannies
Gail and dawn would hate that
No, but inside I mean when you feel inside of vagina, it's fucking nuts
Yeah, Jacob
Top with a guy that like that like what you call it like a like a Brillo pad up there
Oh, yeah, there's all kinds of weird stuff. I go around the room. We've ever done this before. Do you think you're?
Really great at eating pussy. Yes, you do. I am I Jacob great at it
Okay, black low
10 an 8 out of 10 Bobby
Yeah, okay black low eight out of ten an eight out of ten Bobby
Number unero uno in this room you give yourself a one
Number one in this room is no way. I'm so good at you were only fat for a little bit. I'll tell you why
First of all, I've been fat six times. Yeah, but for a little bit, but you've also you've also
Not really had to eat great pussy because you know you were confident and wearing no underwear with overalls true
But here's the thing I got taught midlife
by Jim Norton How do you pussy?
Literally well that guy now only has a wiener to suck. Yeah, he's so good at eating pussy. He had to go to dick
He moved to the he went
He's so good at eating pussy. He had to go to dick. He moved to the he went
I've seen what I can do with the out with the with the inboard motor Now let's see what I could do with the outboard motor. Yeah, he had to move on he was bored. We never asked you though
Some girls yes some girls. No, what does that mean?
Everyone is different everyone is different you can't you're not good at adapting you do it
You're one way and then if that doesn't I've learned to adapt, but I'd say I'm pretty, not bad.
What's your... Okay, Christine?
I think I'm okay.
Okay.
Can I ask you...
Can I go around the room? Can I go around the room?
Can I go around the room real quick?
What's your technique? What's everybody's technique?
I, again, I have my go-tos.
What is that? A go-to's what is that go to it be first of all a lot of
Dicking around before you get right to it. Okay
and then when you go for
Tongue let a tongue like click soft general first get things going when things start getting
Super wet down there
then you introduce a finger and
Then you get that going,
you get that second finger in there,
and that's when you can kind of get that up arc,
and then you start working the Christine
called the behind clip.
But that's a whole different thing.
There's fingering and then there's eating vaginas.
Oh no, that's the tan in there.
You dig it, yeah, they go together.
Unless, if I was not to use fingers at all,
it's because I felt either she silently was kind of like, no, or like was like, oh no, I don't like fingers at all is because I felt either she silently was kind of like, no,
or like was like, Oh no, I don't like, you know, fingers at all. But like, if I'm going
to do my full routine, what's your tongue thing? What's your, what's your lot of different
things depending on the moment, depending on the girl, depending on the moment, you
would eat pussy without using your hands at all. No, I, I, I, this. Oh, he's stumbling.
No, absolutely not.
I would never, I mean, I would never,
I would never do a blow job with no hands.
I would put your toe in there, you freaky piece of shit.
I absolutely use a finger,
but I'm talking just pure tongue movement.
What is your tongue move?
I know there's a whole process to it.
Everybody has their thing leading up to it. No, no, I'm saying the tongue. What is your tongue move? I know there's a whole process to it. Everybody has their thing leading up to it
No, I'm saying that I'm telling it will change depending on the woman's thing. All right, that's the truth
I mean I have the ability to do all the tongue things a flat tongue
Kind of like press the whole thing full. No, not a stabby
Flat tongue. Yeah, a flat tongue it put it against it and kind of like I
Have my opinion on that and I think that
All that crazy shit you do no crazy. Well flat tongue moving it changes. I think
that
You want to stay steady?
Of course you want to get in there you want to tease her get her crazy
Then when the time that you get down there you kind of get in there a little bit like you said get away and
then when you get down there you want to
they're not gonna want that fast out of the gate sometimes I mean you get in there you get on that clit
First of all I don't like your pinching her pussy lips open like they're drapes
I think because women like, when you get it,
and then you start to go rogue, you're like, fuck.
You're describing home stretch.
I'm describing the whole, I wanna get in it, get on it,
and when I see you, ugh, I stay.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Fuck yeah.
Pretty much the same.
I don't know if I'm doing that exact thing
you're doing with your tongue, and making that dead to the world face
I'm not looking at them. I'm looking at their pubis bone
Sometimes you got to look up at them. Well, they're not looking at me. They're looking hopefully they're looking up at the sky
Sometimes also looking at also another thing you might not be aware of if you put a little hand pressure
Yeah, right above,
like on the pussy above the clit,
put your hand down, get a little more reaction
out of that come hither finger blast.
Christine, how do you feel about that?
About what?
About when you get that, when you get the clit right,
you stay on it.
You go like.
When a guy veers off a little bit. Let's see who goes the longest. Ready? One.
Jacob, you're in on this. Black Lou, everyone's in on this. Are you going to film it? Alright.
Christine and DJ Lou, everybody. Everybody's in this. We see you. Wait look wait wait let me juice up whoever goes out first has to
call the rest as they go out okay ready I think I'm gonna shake up a negative
out of the gate Jacob the pussy Jacob okay ready are you starting on me ready
well ready we have to do this we have to hold the no let's do the curtain we
have to the curtain right so everyone can see how Bobby's pussy. He's done this
He's peeled back the film. I guess
The angel wings the angel wings already squad
This is making me think dawn might have big big ladies because Bobby's described
I go listen he goes listen. here's how high you pussy.
First you roll the clit lip bag,
and then you put forearms on either labia,
and then you go like this.
Oh, I'm just talking about Christine's gigantic pussy.
Hey, did you ever put a boat cover back on a boat?
Yeah.
Make sure you get the Cenobite hooks.
We have to open Christine's pussy for summer,
and then we gotta close it down after summer.
It's like a pool.
If the sun hits
It's too long
I ready
Everyone pull your pussy lips part You took a breath you took a breath too.
I did not. Yes you did. I did not. Yes you did. I'm gonna be a little bit of a. I don't eat it like that.
You girl eat it.
Fun stuff with the bit though.
Thanks for the bit.
Christine, you eat it like a girl.
Even if you weren't going to do it, why didn't you do it with Bobby?
You said you caught the names of people who were bailing.
It's alright. I understand She then Jacob
She didn't murder the bit we had a good time, but Christine's looking at a bunch of male Frenchie nose going
She didn't want to work in corporate America. She wants to fucking make money for doing fun stuff
This is wild
It must have been your corn hoodie.
You're corporate America.
I'm not corporate America, dude.
I fight the system.
They can't fire me because I'm one eighth Cherokee.
Jacob's neck hurts.
I'm chocked off.
Jacob's neck hurts from doing this.
Because I give it my all.
You do.
Yeah, but for that short of time,
that's not gonna make a girl come.
Jacob's out.
I don't think a guy pulling my pussy apart
and then vibrating on my clit is what he's going to do.
Really?
You don't think so?
Do you watch this channel?
Do you direct?
Jay, do you mind?
Listen, you've got to prove a point.
You've got to prove a point.
Jay knows I'm very difficult, and he is very talented.
Do you direct, though?
Have you been throughout your career fucking?
Like, it's like, no, this is how I like it.
And that's like, I always, I'll ask the girl.
It's like, if it's me too.
Josh.
Lou, make me hot, God damn it.
Hot, that's hot.
Keep me there for the rest of my life on this show.
Dude, I'm telling you right now, that is a valid point.
Women, this is a thing with women.
I love women. Krist Christine, I love you.
But they expect us to know.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, no, no, no.
Alls I need is a yeah right there and I'm on it.
Oh yeah.
And I give you everything you need.
But they expect us to know where to go.
Every vagina is different.
Every time you go down there, it's a whole new mystery.
You have to figure out a puzzle.
Bigger, smaller, pink, brown, gray.
Some will lick fingers, some doesn't.
Some people are click-stimulated.
I feel like if I'm plateauing at some point,
I will definitely ask, I'll be like, what could I do?
Like, am I doing something that I'm not doing?
I usually say, am I not doing something you like? Yeah, I wouldn't say. It's a good way to switch it like that. You know what could I do? Like, am I doing something that I'm not doing? I usually say am I not doing something you like.
Yeah, I wouldn't say.
It's a good way to switch it like that.
You know what I'm saying?
It's like, is there something more I should be doing
or less I should be doing to?
And she just points to the door?
Yeah, get the fuck out of there.
No, she pulls her cash app out.
No, I'll tell you what that b-
She pulls out a vent bulb.
Listen, Christine was essentially one of the women
I'm talking about in this through my life.
There's also people that's, when you ask that question,
it oftentimes comes up with like,
at least you kind of know what you're dealing with,
but they go like, oh, I never come from,
like how many girls are just except,
that blows my mind.
That they never come.
They're like, no, I don't come like ever from sex.
Like I'm like, well, not going down on you, but sex?
And there's like no, neither.
It's just shit like that.
And you're like, ugh.
I think it was.
It's harder to make a girl cum than a guy to cum.
Sure, of course, yeah.
Because I don't think our cum is supposed to make a baby.
We're supposed to ejaculate inside of a vagina.
Your cum's supposed to shut up and cook me dinner.
I mean.
One of my favorite Richard Pryor, well the punch line,
well bitch you're gonna come tonight.
No, do the whole thing, say the whole thing
exactly the way you said it.
I don't know the whole one, but I just love how you said it.
Say it.
I don't, once she says she doesn't come,
he goes, well bitch you're gonna come tonight.
I think you wanna be an old black man.
In heaven, yes, that's how you'll see me.
That's how I'll see you. If I don't know you, I'll always go, Jacob, you go damn right.
That's Bobby, I'm Jay. And to get our full show, sign up for a SiriusXM subscription
at SiriusXM.com slash bonfire. Support our show. Don't be some jerk off. Just taking the free stuff. Let them know you want us to be here forever
Or we won't or we won't subscribe
Welcome back to bonfire fashion talk series xm 103 Robert Kelly, I'm big jail cuss and we're hanging out with jm
Josh Adam Myers Christine go ahead and bring up that video the Burke Chrysler. You'll see how I looked this is so this is the Burke Chrysler
Guess which one Jay is. Okay. Well, there's no video. So what it is is he took his crew took
We sent in like high school or like, you know graduation or whatever pictures
When you were young younger pictures of high school pictures and it's doing like a class roll call here we go
class of 2024 fully loaded correct David tell by the way it was 40 in high
school he's a time traveler Greg Fitzimmons, definitely not the AP class. Oh, I commented on this?
Yeah.
I'm gonna hear your name.
Adam Boom Boom Ray.
Present.
Anthony Hinchcliffe.
Fully loaded.
Chad Daniels.
Hello.
Daniel Edward Richard Soder.
One person.
Present.
David Attell.
Thanks for having me, man.
Stop, stop, stop.
He looks like a newscaster in his 70s.
That's crazy.
That's insane.
That can't be a, that's just a younger picture. I thought I don't think that's a good picture. Yeah. Thanks for having me. Stop, stop, stop. He looks like a newscaster in his 70s.
That's crazy.
That's insane.
That can't be a, that's just a younger picture.
I don't think Dave got the thing exactly.
Dude, that's Dave.
That's not him in high school.
Then why not?
There's no fucking way.
100% that's him.
Dave looked 40 his whole life.
Fitzsimmons.
Yes, present.
Jason Julius Ockerson. Fitzsimmons. Yes, present.
Jason Julius Okerson.
Here.
Act it.
Because the hat, this is why you look like a young fat girl.
The hat looks like a bonnet.
Sure.
It looks like hair, it doesn't look like a hat.
I love the choice to leave your bangs out.
Yeah.
What is that?
Where is that photo from?
Why does that exist?
That's a Kmart picture of me when he was transitioning
as a gay young Jewish boy.
Lisa Lampanelli.
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
I do look like Lisa Lampanelli.
God damn it, I do look like Lisa Lampanelli.
Ah!
Ah! Ah! Ah! I do look like that. Look at this Mexican in the front row.
He steals.
Look at this sissy bitch.
Oh, listen, this guy's a faggot because he takes it in the ass.
And your little jumper you had on, the colors are so fat girl feminine.
Dude, I was in Philly at the colors are so fat girl feminine.
Dude, I was in Philly at the time of Fresh Prince, dude.
It was summertime and you had a short set on.
And that short set involved yellow shorts
and then yellow and light purple short sleeve hoodie.
You can see the whole picture where I'm holding these kids.
But the hat doesn't look like a hat.
It looks like your little bonnet hair
that your mom put up for the prom.
There it is.
Oh my God, that's worse.
It's worse, way worse.
That's the whole picture?
Yeah.
Is that Pete Davidson on the?
Why is, why is, why is that?
You look like you're about to eat that baby.
Why is that, it's like that Aborigine Midget child
that fucking Chris Hemsworth put in Furiosa
Were you brought up on the Appalachian Trail?
Wait, is that baby a crack baby?
You look like a fat Appalachian mom
Those look like your kids, you fat woman
Dude, that's insane that that's the rest of you
I swear, that can't be real.
That looks so Photoshopped.
Your hand looks like a titan's.
I look like an abused housewife named Ruth.
You look like your husband just got home from the coal mine and you're bored.
And he's mad at me again for something.
What is that?
That honey is horrible.
It's horrible.
Why is that yellow on there? I have nothing under it. That hoodie is horrible. It's horrible. By the way, I got-
Why is that yellow on there?
I have nothing under it.
Look how cute he is here.
I mean, why did you use that photo?
Why did you use fat Kentucky mama photo?
They say like high school,
that's too far away.
Oh my God, that one I-
Come on, look at this guy.
That's adorable.
That's before I hit my awkward phase,
my awkward fresh prince phase.
Oh God. That's my brother Bobby and my phase, my awkward fresh prince phase. Oh, God.
That's my brother Bobby and my sister Shauna.
And it's, uh, it's...
I bet they hate that photo.
They hate that they're in it.
I mean, Shauna looks like a preemie.
They were tiny kids.
They were.
I mean, she looks like a crack baby, dude.
Also, why does she have eight fingers on her?
She looks like a gecko She goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she family because the ideas for it to be funny yeah well dude not this funny wow
we knew they were like we took a picture new 30 years later overalls are made by
that's why I said I'll never shave my beard I have a sad fat woman's face I
have soft features Jay was supposed to be a fat woman. You have nice legs. No one asked me to dance.
Jay, man, you're a little...
Oh, that friendship bracelet necklace.
Look at your necklace.
Look at your little...
Look at your high little rosy cheekbones.
Yerp.
Yerp.
That's what I did. I went, yerp.
Did you comb those bangs out too?
You combed them, didn't you?
Probably.
Oh, yeah. That's a straight comb.
Yeah, and the hat had to be like a perfect spot.
And that's just, that was a K-Mart up the street from my house.
I wonder if I, dude, I'm trying to think if I have a photo that's like that embarrassing.
Not embarrassing, but I mean, it's not, it's really adorably funny and it's also, it's
perfect for comedy.
I mean, good God.
Oh yeah.
It's almost, I wish I had a picture like that.
We're not done yet.
No, no, no, no, no.
We'll keep sitting on it, please.
Gee, why?
I'm not trying to cut this short.
There's a little meat on this bone, Josh.
There's a lot.
Stop with the apology tour.
Why are you not smiling?
Because he's looking.
I thought I was.
He's looking at himself in the lens.
The question is why did my mom order them?
Dude, he's at a Kmart in King of Prussia.
Christine, Christine.
That was a jersey already.
Jay, at that age when someone were going to take pictures,
that was the face he had.
Yeah, that's right.
Mm.
Fwomp.
You're farting.
You ran out of hot dogs?
This Kmart, nothing fits me here?
Mm.
Fwomp, fwomp.
Snarf, snarf. You don't have a triple XL jumpy
That thing zipped up and by the way, that's just there's nothing under that
Disfigured
No right there zoom in you can see there's zipper
Yeah, it's a full zip up, right there, zoom in. You can see, there's zipper. Right here?
It's a zipper, yeah.
It's a full zip-up.
It opens completely.
It's a hoodie.
Like a pant?
It looks like a faded USC jersey.
Huh?
Is that a one-piece?
No, no, no, I'm not wearing a romper.
Yeah, we don't know that.
It's a short set it's called.
Black Lou, black me up on this please.
You remember short sets?
I did.
It's, the bottoms were also a purple and yellow thing,
but I used to buy things again.
I always bought more things baggy.
It's more pink.
It's pink, it's not purple.
It's more magenta than anything.
That's a light purple, pinkish.
Sure.
You look like a fat superhero.
Yeah, like a gay fat superhero, yeah.
Ta-da, that's your name, Ta-da Man.
Do you guys not remember that somewhere between the birth
of hip hop and then all black movies being like the hood
movies, there was an era of black,
I lived in a pretty black neighborhood,
there was an era of black history
where the thing was to wear the loudest flashes,
Kwame, every guy's with the blonde, half their hair.
Yeah, those were shredded black guys,
not chubby little Jewish kids.
My problem all through schooling was trying,
instead of just figuring out what my thing was gonna be,
which I honestly probably should've leaned into rock.
I should've, we born you?
Yeah, you guys are.
We should have gone into.
Your ADD just, you wanna flush your teeth real quick?
He's like, I'm gonna fucking.
Josh, why don't you flush?
Stop it, you're talking, keep talking.
Now I dropped the floss, god damn it.
Yeah, you know I'm a pothead
and I forgot everything I was saying.
See, you fucked up, dude.
No, you fucked up.
You fucked up earlier.
Yeah, I should have leaned into a rock and roll,
like kind of like maybe, like dress earlier because.
Rock and roll is your body not hip
hop I didn't I went well no hip hop is was my body you know he was he was a hip hop body and then
you see it when he did fucking like the P diddy bad boys a comedy he was Yeah, yeah, yeah, I did. But I, um...
Is that you?
Yep.
Is that CJ?
That's a little cutie patootie.
Silverman's.
What happened to that?
What happened to that chick?
She's just an ox.
I ate her.
That's how you became the fat superhero.
That's what happened, yeah.
That's why we became the fat superhero.
When did you start like gaining,
like when did you gain the most weight?
I would have told you I was fat forever.
So that's, when I look back on pictures
It's funny to see even in high school some points where I was like, you know, actually when I actually I think got the biggest
In my life was more than likely
moving to New York
Being broke so you eat a lot of shit food. Yeah
When you're broke Carl also cooked and I didn't hit the point of my life yet
where, Lewis brought this up the other day, it's very true.
There's not, even if I go, I'm eating bread,
or fuck it, I'm gonna eat a burger,
just with the bun and everything.
There's not a time that I eat bread that I,
I'm not thinking it, you know what I mean?
It's like, but there was a time,
there was a time where like,
if I ate a full like, hoagie somewhere,
I went home and someone's like, dude, I'm not gonna eat this thing. I go, shit, I'll grab another ate a full hoagie somewhere, I went home and someone's like,
dude, I'm not gonna eat this thing.
I go, shit, I'll grab another half of that hoagie
and eat, I just never even thought of it.
I was like, yeah.
And then be like, why do people not wanna date me?
And I'd be sad about that.
So it's kind of like, it's a funny thing,
but I didn't remember.
I always thought, in my mind,
I was always the fat kid, for sure.
I think that's a different level now.
What was the heaviest you ever had? 340. 340? Wow, I was always like the fat kid for sure. I think that's a different level now. What was the heaviest you ever had?
340.
340?
Wow, I was actually heavier than you.
I was 360.
Good guy, dude.
Jesus Christ, Josh, what the fuck is that?
Wow.
Good guy.
Good guy.
Pop a potato.
You're also, you're 5'9", right?
Don't make it worse, Jesus Christ.
You know, he's 6'2".
I had a lot of muscle. Still do, and 6'2". I had a lot of muscle.
You still do, and you look great.
I had a lot of, when I was heavy, I was thick heavy.
But when I went, but I was dense with muscle.
I was dense fat.
But it's like, I mean,
wouldn't you get to a place where it's like you,
when you got to 370, you said, right?
No, 340.
340, okay.
When you get to 340, were you like,
I have to lose weight?
As a fat guy, you say 340, yeah, I was at a couple.
Let me tell you something.
Yeah, dude, I'm 5'7", but I say 5'9".
I'm gonna say 340, I'd say 350, 355.
No, no, because I didn't, here's the problem.
As an ex-fat guy, you're not...
No, I would say three-footed.
I mean, I was already so bummed about three-footed.
You stopped weighing yourself at three-footed.
No, no, no.
340 is when I started...
That's when I did CrossFit.
I started doing CrossFit.
So I'm saying that was my highest because that's the only time I was weighing myself
ever and I was pretty fucking heavy at that point obviously where I started fucking
Doing CrossFit, but then and I got down from CrossFit like
275 or something so like I never like balloon back up early
I've fluctuated, but I've never like balloon back up to that again
No, because I say I got the 340 a time where I did do me and this sure
340 3 no because I say I got the 340 at a time where I did do me and this sure
Me and Dave Smith, dude. It was just like the wrong partner for that kind of things He just eat whatever he wanted and I'm like
Arby's every night McDonald's every night. How's Dave doing? Is he all right?
very much alive
She's a little pissed off last night. He was going with the crew a little bit
everybody little pissed off last night. He was going with the crew a little bit. Kind of everybody. A little angry. Was he attacking? A little bit.
Yeah. He's got to make up for the Lewis when Lewis isn't around.
He was a little angry. We got to wrap up soon.
We have a game we were going to play. We played it on the live show.
Do it on the live show. Sounds fun. Let's do it live.
Fuck it. We'll do it live. We could do another fun subject.
We have so many things here, you know
Back to this heaven thing. I would like I would like Jacob to
In case something happens to say that you accept Jesus Christ
Because you haven't sold it where I want to go go to Muslim heaven with the virgin. There's so many things
Yeah, he wants he should get you say you don't want to have sex but
Yeah, how come? He should get a Muslim virgin.
You say you don't wanna have sex, but...
So what is 70, is it 72 or 70?
72 virgins.
72 virgins, why 72?
Why not?
Because it's more than 71.
71's not enough.
I wouldn't want one, right?
You have a, okay.
You ever seen what a Muslim girl,
nevermind, we can finish that joke.
Whoa, whoa, not now, not now.
You bet.
I remember we were swimming in the North Sea
and it was the first time Max Hart Muslim
when the full outfit, the full, what was it, Habib?
The Hajab.
Hajab.
Gajub.
Gajub in the ocean.
Karlo.
She was in a black jeep or whatever.
Scum boobs.
Scoobadoos.
Yeah, flambé. He came out, she came out of the jeep or whatever scum boobs. Yeah. And I flambé.
He came out. She came out of the water.
She was swimming with it with the whole thing covering your eyes and everything.
Well, in the water, it's all made of slicker.
She came out of the water with her kid and Max like, Dad, what is that woman?
The guy next to me went, it's a sea ninja.
It's a sea ninja
Oh, no, we've awoken it
Because she kiss came up and then she went back down. That's crazy though that like, you know
Why do they do that? Is it so the is it if they're married or is it just all women if you're married? You can't show any skin. It's just they don't want yeah, you can't
Because bitches look at you can't I mean I think it's like I said, it's not that it's because bitches Look at can't control themselves around you're not supposed to show any skin to any other man except your husband
It's because if you show a guy your ankle Christine, it's your fault if you get raped
It's the I think what Christine does I think Jodie Foster's was a little less than that move
You could think you're just hanging out with the guy from Eddie and the Cruisers and the
Goonies.
Next thing you know you're getting raped on a pinball machine.
But if you have one of those outfits on, who's going to want?
Yeah, who knows?
No one's looking at you like that.
No, nobody.
They're scared.
So Christine, I would like you at work to start exclusively at work wearing a full hijab.
Read that, Jay, for us.
According to Islamic law, Muslim women should start wearing a hijab or head-covering scarf
when they reach puberty.
Right, because then it's your fault.
If someone tries to face-fuck you because you're a girl.
We have Muslim families in our building,
and I've seen girls go from not being covered to being covered.
Oh, really, have you?
Yeah.
Rape in the elevators.
Don't say anything, though.
Get hurt.
What does it say? It's usually between the ages of 9 and 14
however, some parents train their daughters to wear the hijab from a young age and most Muslim girls in Singapore
I don't know there was Muslims there. I know I
wait until after a period of
hijrah or
Spiritual migration that's just the head covering. What is the full? Why do they wear the full?
Outfit some some of the women wear the whole thing you cannot see type in why they wear the whole why do Muslim wear the whole bullshit
Jacobs leaving Oh Christ. Yeah, he's scared of this. Oh my god, Jacob. We're not anti-israel relax
That's actually in the phone car right now Jewish woman like Orthodox Jewish women start covering their hair when they get married. That's like a wig and a wig
Yeah, they don't wear an hour big burlap skirts and have all crazy muffs
They look like stink pussy yeah
They smell like they smell like the insides of reasonable women sneakers dude all the fucking dandruff like a pair of seeds
I said LA gears how can it have dandruff? It's not real well
No, no, not that one talking with the guys all the guys have all the dandruff
All right there. We go right there acidic Jews oftentimes smell like lack of air conditioning
Jacobs ratniss out we ratniss out to corporate Jacob says there's no set. Who you ratting us out to? Corporate Jacob?
It says there's no set age that you start wearing a burka.
Jacob, who'd you talk to? Did your father call? Did you go to scream at him about there's no heaven? Why have I been behaving?
It was a work thing.
Why have I? Why have I been being such a good boy?
If there's no reason, is this, what is this?
Why do they wear the whole thing?
A burka is the garment that covers the entire head and body with a netting piece that allows the wear to see out
They can be white brown green or sky blue. That's a nice new. That's a new flavor new for this year sky blue
I phones. Yeah according. Yeah, I got mine in cobalt
According to Islamic jurisprudence women become accountable for their actions when they reach puberty which occurs pre 9 to 14 at this point
They consider many scholars considered obligatory For women to wear a hijab a head-covering scarf
yeah it's discussed how both men and women should observe modesty most scholars Islamic
scholars do not consider face failing are there Islamic scholars yeah of course
I thought they're all like hut people
close but you can be in a hut and be a scholar I thought they're all like hut people No Close but
You can be in a hut and be a scholar
I'M A PROFESSOR OF MEDICINE
Is that how they talk?
No that's not all of them
I thought they were always screaming
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH you have appendicitis
Shalalalalala
Shalalalalala
Did you see Iron Man?
You need a transplant?
Let me eat pussy
Shalalalalala Did you see Iron Man? The guy a transplant? Let me eat pussy! Did you see Iron Man?
The guy who helped Iron Man build the suit?
He was a Muslim.
Was he?
Yes.
What?
He lived in the town.
Remember his family?
Oh my god.
Oh my christ.
Islamic scholars do not consider faith failing to be a religious requirement.
A minority of scholars believe it's obligatory from the wear of the veil and the presence
of non-related men to prevent them from looking at women inappropriately.
See, that's it.
They don't want...
What a boring culture.
And women have to sit...
Bill Maher just did a whole thing on this.
What's that?
Bill Maher just did a whole thing on this on his show on the real apartheid of gender inequality
in Muslim regions with the burkas.
When I went to Iraq, we went to the... from whatever McDonald's or whatever that is over there and the women had to sit in a different section. I like that
Yeah, we got to sit over in the front section. They had to sit over there
You know what that to stop I can go to McDonald's sit down eat my foot and then when I go
Hey Christine, you want to play Family Feud on my phone and she goes I, ugh, I hate that game. Now I don't need her.
She'll be across the room, I can play by myself.
I'll just Candy Crush alone while we eat separately.
Who doesn't want to play Family Feud?
It's crazy. Who?
You don't want to play Family Feud while we're waiting for our food.
Why would you not want to play a game?
We'll be at like Peter Lugers.
Yeah, that's even better.
Yeah, where it takes them a while to make those steaks and the food real good.
You gotta get a little... although Josh is being quiet, Josh doesn't love the feud either.
I don't dislike it.
The game also...
I'm fine, not to cut you off Christine, but that one I just put a kibosh on that.
I'm down for whatever.
When we go out to eat, you know it dude.
I let you order Carbonara.
Yeah, cause he's paying. Of course you let him order it.
It's on his dime.
I tell you, get whatever you want.
It's on you.
Whatever you want, and I'm going to have a little bit of yours.
I'll get the Carbonara.
I might wash my teeth.
If I were you, I would get the other red sauce.
I'm going to get this, so maybe you should get the opposite.
If I went, that sounds good, Josh. I'm going to get the Carbonara, get the if I went that sounds good Josh
I'm gonna get the carbonara to just go away wait
I'll do a chicken cut
How would you get a jim?
No a game while you're playing I play the head game where you put this phone on your head that's ridiculous
Yes, go like that. That's like fucking uno. That's right. And you have to go like that? I mean, that's like, you might as well play fucking Uno. I'm sorry, I'm not paying for your meal.
Come with me.
All right, I'll come.
I'll be with you.
Well, I'll tell you, my problem with that is,
it's too involved.
What's great about Family Feud is I just personally think,
hey guys, top five answers on the board.
We surveyed 100 people and I asked a question.
Yeah.
And then they yell at answers.
Yeah, we've done that, like, I mean,
a lot of the times when we've gone out,
we went to Maison Pickle've we've done that like I mean a lot of the times when we've gone out we went to
Maison pickle we've done it we done it at when we went to after the beacon that one night somewhere very nice
John cougar melon camp place after John cougar melon camp
Like
That can be a dick
I was doing paper and fire well John cook. I guess we're not gonna make that our air band song
Bringing my music in here that I'm creating in the lab right now, dude. I bought a fucking bomb keyboard, a drum machine, and a looper.
I didn't know you played, I thought you just sang.
I didn't know you played instruments.
I do, I play everything.
You do?
I'm like, I'm like a C at a lot of them,
but I'm gonna start creating.
Oh, you're gonna be a creator.
Well, you know.
I like it.
I just, I think it's a job.
I'll make theme songs.
I'll make fucking-
Do it.
Speaking of, we're still taking applications for new theme songs for Bonfire.
Any new ones come in at all?
Nope.
Nice.
Oh, dude.
I understand it takes an effort, but we've got some great ones.
I will, right?
We have to revisit them again because people worked on them. They were really good.
Himbo's was great.
Yeah.
The Himbo's theme song. It took me eight seconds.
So wait until I actually...
How's that go?
We are the Himbo's. we are not bimbos,
we are the himbo's, himbo's science, himbo's philosophy,
himbo's something like that.
Do you have it?
I do, I do somewhere.
Joshua, always a pleasure, dude.
Josh, good to see you, buddy.
Thank you guys for having me.
We are the himbo's.
We are the bimbos. We are, the himbows. What happened to this?
This was like successful.
So good.
This was at Moon Tower.
This is a hit.
Yeah.
It was fun.
I left to go on to Jelly Roll
and then we never started it up again.
And then Josh thought he was gonna say,
well now that I'm Jelly Roll's tour partner
for the rest of my life.
Justin, you're gonna have to find somebody else
because I'll be gone for a few years.
Jelly Roll will be right in the face.
And he said, I'm Jelly Roll
and you are little jelly, you're peanut butter roll.
Josh Ennemyers.
Wait, started that one, yeah.
Josh Ennemyers is gonna be at Laugh Boston June 14th.
Great club, everybody.
Awesome club. Oh, bobby heads come out.
After that he's going to be in Springfield, Massachusetts, St. Louis, Los Angeles, California,
Baltimore, Maryland and Atlanta.
For tickets and all their tour dates go to joshaddammiers.com.
What are you doing in Atlanta?
Punchline.
Oh nice.
I go to Atlanta all the time.
Oops sorry you go.
Robert Kelly is going to be in Port Charlotte, Florida.
What weekend?
This weekend.
Friday and Saturday.
Catch Calta in the mix, I bet.
He's coming down.
We're gonna hang.
We're gonna go fishing.
After that, St. Louis, Missouri, Timonia, Maryland, Portsmouth, New Hampshire.
And you can see Bobby every Tuesday night at 7pm at the Fat Black Pussycat Lounge, the
Comedy Seller for tickets and all other tour dates.
Go to PunchUp.live slash Robert Kelly. Tuesday night at 7pm at the Fat Black Pussycat Lounge, the Comedy Seller for tickets and all other tour dates.
Go to PunchUp.live slash Robert Kelly.
Big Jay's gonna be at the Irvine Improv.
Keep me hot, Luke, god damn it.
June 7th and 8th.
After that he'll be a fully loaded tour with Bert Kreischer all through June.
The Brigada, Atlantic City July 27th for tickets and all the dates bigjcomedy.com
Don't check us all out come to our show show us some love. Yeah, please we back with you live
Monday Monday
We hope you enjoyed we'll see you there everybody until then Crackle crackle! Peel the plants!