The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Since U Been Gone (feat. Robert Kelly)
Episode Date: March 16, 2022Robert Kelly joins The Bonfire and explains technology and his love for Kelly Clarkson!Stream "The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder" for 3 months free on the SiruisXM app! Offer Details Apply...: www.SiriusXM.com/BonfireFollow us on all social media @TheBonfireXM @DanSoder www.DanSoder.com@BigJayOakerson www.BigJayOakerson.com
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I'm Dan Soder and I'm Big J. Okreson and welcome to the Bonfire podcast.
You can hear our full show every day on Series XM.
Go to seriousexem.com slash Bonfire for a special offer.
And now the Bonfire with Big J. Okreson and Dan Soder.
Oh, what a gross business.
Yeah, what a wincer.
Talking numbers before the Bonfire on a Series XM of talk 103. I'm dance odor. That's big J.
Okerson
in studio DJ Lew and Christine Marie Evans at home in Florida Jacob a top and
Out through the day are black King the black tiger Lewis
I'll be back tomorrow in studio
Josh
I'll be back tomorrow in studio
One of the one of the the dawns of comedy. I'd call him one of the pillars
Rock the respect fingers the I give him 10 fingers dude. I'm giving him boardroom energy
It's Robert Kelly hanging out first hour. I
Mean I miss you guys. I love you guys
But I mean out of the gate. I got a bone to pick with you Okay, so to bring it dude you hug my therapist dude I hugged him close today I mean first in therapy
You really walked in is beat up about that you didn't like it. Well, it's funny is I heard his jaw lock
I heard his jaw lock when I told him I was like yeah, dude. Guess who I saw today
I went in for an in person Allen gave my hug. He's like what that?
for an in-person Allen gave my hug he's like what that? Yeah, I did.
You hugged him and you hugged him twice.
Twice.
I left out the I didn't want to touch down dance on you.
Does the good boy.
He also told Dan it wasn't his fault.
Yeah, I, Bobby I fell into his arms.
Oh my God.
He went it's not your fault.
You're a pussy.
And Dan was like, shut up.
Shut up, stop you, Alan.
You still sitting the uncomfortable chair?
He moved it to Bev's office.
Dude, finally, with the window?
Yeah, dude, in the big couch.
But you don't have to hear whatever
saxophone trumpet teachers upstairs.
Yeah, the lessons.
The viola bitch upstairs.
He's hearing people fuck up classical music while you're being like, and then I remember
my dad didn't show up.
I was crying.
He was like, yeah, soundtrack to your sadness.
What's so funny is Alan's office before COVID when the door would open.
It's mostly other comics.
So immediately you change what you're talking about.
So I'll be like, I just can't love myself in the door.
I'm like, oh, and so they said that was the best show
they've seen probably ever.
And then you walk out and it's like Aaron Bird.
I couldn't.
I stopped going to him pretty quickly
because it was just that I was tired of like wiping my eyes
and having the walk in no lobby and go.
I reach a fine scene.
Dude, I told him I gave it to, I said go out there tell them they got to go
They get what I go go out there they got to go. It's 20 minutes till they're appointment
I go get the fuck and he opened the door. He goes you need to come back at 12 30
I go from now on that's the way it is. I'm not fucking doing it. Did he sit down?
You can hear you hear lobby for sure. Oh, yeah, hear everything. Stupid, stupid, stupid Bose thing playing classical music.
Oh my god. I hear everything.
MPR being like, we're gonna come on back with a new city council member.
Mark Jacobs who says he's actually gonna do a little funding for the
Tribal Bridge and then just throughout you hear I'm being like,
Hey! Hey!
Stop, I was just gay. Dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, Generous guy on the planet number one best friend. I love him so much. I love him and his fucking he looks like a 70s baseball manager
Really does. Yeah, he does. He's so slow to move to which I really appreciate it. You take the podra is to a pen it
He it was great, but the last day
Always was 30 godwins coming out of Mexico. All right, that could I something even if it wasn't that actual it's
go. I get that something even if it wasn't that actual it's it's pretty much how it goes. The last day of a cruise you're like I need off this fucking thing. It was shaky. I think
we hit a whale at some point. In the middle of the night you said fucking. The lights went
out and then and I swear to God the lights went out and then all night long it's like
a ghost because the the the code hanger is just swinging in your closet.
Did you, when the electricity, though?
Dude, it was not, it came back on.
And then the bed split in half.
That was too tired.
Oh yeah, that's right.
I was too tired to get up.
So I was sleeping with my belly just sinking.
You're free of it?
I could just feel how fat I was.
Your beds, because they make,
that's all they do.
They only have twin size beds.
They put them together
Yeah, an elastic I
My knees in my head are one side of each bed. It was a nightmare
It was a when you can nightmare when you struck the creature
Yeah, I think you think it was a seam monster dude. We hit something what I started doing at you
There's a camera on the on the TV on the front of the ship. I was watching waves
There's a camera on the on the TV on the front of the ship. I was watching waves. Yeah smoking cigarettes
See the waves just coming and
Then baboom just hitting the front of the shit. Did you check out? Did you go your balcony and check it out? I couldn't go on the balcony. I was too scared
It was yeah, it was violently swinging the boat was the I you know
They they make those little cute monkeys out of towels. Yeah.
I mean, I love those.
I want one.
I love them so much.
And they even, I like when they go to the extra mile, you ever see when they have the
little cardboard, the little cardboard circles that can make eyes with on them.
Yeah.
My monkey had eyes and I had an elephant too, which I love.
And it was swinging, just swinging in the night.
Oh, no.
Just terrified this poor little monkey.
Poor little monkey. Do you think you could ask the staff if you tip them
to teach you how to do that?
And you could bring that.
You could just go to YouTube and do it.
Yeah, that's true.
It's not every time you do.
Yeah, Christian, bring up making a tail monkey.
You're gonna tip a Filipino.
God, give him something.
They're feeding fucking eight people back.
Here's a problem with my calta.
My calta, exactly, there it is.
My calta lies without any, it just lies.
Okay.
Are you running against him for office?
I love him.
I've said this game on here and he's like,
I'm gonna tell you what else.
It's not good for the community.
I said this to his face.
He lies to keep things moving.
He does, you understand?
So it's like, dude, what time do we have to check off the boat?
Dude, whatever, 12 o'clock, whatever, dude.
My flight's at three, is that, dude, you we have to check off the boat? Dude, whatever 12 o'clock, whatever dude, my flight's at three is that dude you find just get off the boat at 12
Lie you have to get off the boat between
730 and 830 in the morning or and or they'll come find you
Come find you, but did they find you dude? No, cuz I panicked because the guy was like no, so you have to get off
It between the 738 and then we will come find you like find me Yeah, I'm off out front and I got a whole day because he lied
He lies about everything he lied about typical. What do we tip him? I don't I get my hundred bucks
Then the night before I go see give him a hundred because now I'm not gonna a hundred bucks
Why would you get my hundred bucks? You said give him a hundred bucks? I put it in an envelope
He already took it he goes now. I mean you can want to. I'm like, that's not what you said.
He liked you to tip.
He lies because he doesn't want to answer questions.
Just to keep things moving.
I get that.
I have a thing called Sodor Facts where I'll just lie just to keep it moving about like
a fact.
One time Joe list called me out on it.
Or it was like Joe and Nate.
And they're like, when did Red Fox die?
And I was like, like 1984.
And he was like, no, that's not true.
And Nate looked it up and was like, I mean, you just said that like you knew it.
And I was like, I wanted to keep it from you.
You can't do Nate without doing Nate.
I got to do Nate.
Can't do Nate.
I'm not.
Was it the whole boat?
No, it was not the whole boat.
This was a very small one.
He usually has like five or 600 people on the boat.
This was 150 people.
Oh, really?
And yeah, it was great. So it was a 600 people on the boat. This was 150 people. Into it. And yeah, it was great.
So it was a partial, like part of the boat.
We did a smaller thing.
I didn't do stand up this time.
Oh, right.
Because I'm doing my special in Tampa on May 7th.
Woo!
So I didn't want to do my material
because I want these people to come to my show.
So I hosted with him.
And it was fun.
And you know, Canon, Fini,
Sagalo, they did, they did stand up. It was funny though.
Sagalo got off at the dock. We saw he did skanks last night. He got off at the dock and
bought every dumb thing you could buy. And then Kalana, like Mexican Kalana pin.
What? We went to the beach.
He's very stoked on it. You go to the beach and there's literally just a hut that says pharmacy with an F
Oh, yeah, yeah, and those two knuckleheads went in there and just bought
All kinds of dope and just did it and then I looked and they were just putting oil on each other's back
Yeah, this is
Sackler's show of Sackler's showed up last night wearing a Gilligan hat dude
I love it. He went full royal Duke. He went full fear and loathing in Las Vegas
Yeah, he got so mad at the crowd the first
line because they were all their little older, you know what I mean? And he goes, you
guys, he goes, you guys came right on this, the, the set of Maria. They just turned on
them. Some lady was sitting in the front. She's old lady. She got to be like 60. Looks like
a teacher. Kind of hot, you know what I mean?
Yeah, were they there for like cult they were they were there
So it wasn't just people who were on the cruise they had people on the cruise
But then they have us and we do private parties the first night on the crew
They are not
Are not invited did the people on the cruise?
No, did the people on the cruise think you guys were into the lifestyle?
Did they think you guys were all fucking party? You guys get down there?
Those are young party boys and it's sagilow cannon and fucking feeny.
I truly believe that there's women that go on these cruises because it's not the big ships.
It's the older ships and they're a little cheaper.
And I truly believe that there's women, older women that go on these cruise to get down.
Yeah. There was a group back.
There was a woman at the disco.
The testy Stella Howard under crew factor.
There was a woman at the disco getting a finger pop by two 20 year olds.
Nice.
Wait, what?
Like same time like they were missing a drink at the same time?
Yeah, they were trying to, they were trying to get their money back from a pay fund.
Both of them were going for the slot.
Yeah, dude, It was crazy.
What song was playing?
I don't know.
Oh, I forget, dude. It was that's...
And then...
Wait, was she just in the middle of the day?
She was at the bar.
She was just waiting to go down.
Oh, was she was at the bar?
She's just like, no.
I'm catching one in the front, one in the back.
No, she was rubbing the one's hair into her face.
Like, she was digging the young kid's hair and like kissing it.
Yeah. And the guy in the back just going like yeah, can I get another captain more again and mr. Pib
mean Christine on Shiprock to one or the
Motorboat cruise whichever it was there's a guy who comes every year and he starts trying to organize
Swinger things on it and so he was like do you want to come he's like I'll
give you guys the bracelets and we're in Christina definitely like I mean give
us the bracelets because we're at least observing this yeah you got to watch
that and which we did we went and what we did was went and watch from the
it was in the bar they fucked you've done a practical joker screws the bar
that's like the open bar with the stairs yeah yeah it's got the spiral
least aircase we all did it together we did it all together in 2019 I remember that yes exactly it's the it's got the spirally staircase. We all did it together. We did it all together in 2019. I remember that. Yes, exactly. It's called the... It was called. It's a very low-ceiling thing.
It's where we did our podcast before and shit. It's a... We were overlooking that bar.
I mean, Chris, he went and watched. And it was this awkward as you think a bunch of metalhead
swingers would be. Like, nobody was in a... You assume everybody was there because it was supposed to meet at that bar at this time and it was just supposed
to be that. I mean, you're looking down there right. Nobody was it was just a bunch of dudes
that can't believe no chick showed up really. Just a dog pile of guitar ladies. Nobody.
Nobody interest.
The last night we were doing this, whatever we're doing the their podcast and there was
a lady in the front row
just going fuck me to death.
And we were like, what?
She's like, fuck me to death.
I want to get fuck to death.
And she wouldn't stop saying it.
How old was she?
She had to be 60.
Was it like in a possessed way?
I was trying to find out if she could be
fuck to death.
Well, she wound up riding cannon.
And then she went over to me. And then she did sags. and then she went over to me and then she did sags and then she went for culta and
Culta went this ride's closed honey, and we were like we could say that like yeah, like we could
We didn't know we couldn't we could be like no, I don't want to touch me, right?
Cult is like I own the zoo. You're the animals. Yeah, we're still people pleased with this comic
She like I don't want to hurt her feelings. Yeah, I need to go for the laugh. Yeah, you got to check with short hair and slight autism,
saying I want to get fucked again. Just writing on everybody. Yeah, baby. She pulled up a dress.
And she's in the front row. She pulls up a dress and she almost threw up. She had,
she had a flesh tone underwear on. Oh.
Did they give you,
did they give you have to a surgery on your pussy?
Yeah.
Yeah, dude.
So you didn't know where,
or a skin one.
So what you did,
she's like,
she's lost in a nursing home underwear?
Oh, I'll say what a new colored underwear
will really show you how pale and vain
in your stupid 60 year old legs are too.
Yeah.
Oh, it'd be great if it was all that color
She started just pulling them up tighter and it just like started just slicing and oh did it outline her beef all the wrinkles
Stutted whipping it. It was it was it's if you did that time-alapse photo of it like popping out and eating the string
Want to see me puff a cigarette with it?
You guys are pretty, I can get it moving if you give me a second.
I mean, pop my hips out.
Oh yeah, so she was just sitting there, was she hammered?
She was fucking toast.
Oh, they're all, I think everybody, they get a drink, the only one.
She was just getting off the boat the next day with her hands over her nose going,
fuck me to death, why did I keep saying that?
Dude, her friends left. Like her friends came in apologize later that night at dinner
because they were like look we thought it would be fun for her to come out.
She seemed a little lonely and love and then she was just in the front row.
Fuck me to death. That's all the only thing she said was fuck you said you look like a teacher.
She looked she had short hair. She looked like, what's the brown hair one
from three's company?
Janet Dubois.
Now.
She looks like Janet Dubois now.
Wow.
Yeah.
That's not good.
I remember the,
I don't know if it was the one you were on that.
The impractical Joker's cruise.
I think it was the first one I did.
It was so,
there was a lady apparently who came on the boat as like it was her friends kind of made her come
She's a Gore-of-Foebeck she doesn't want to go out. Oh boy. Yeah. Yeah, yeah
Yeah, I'm a track. Let's see so and but she loves him. She loves even preckled joke. I guess so she
Goes there's anything that you get this woman out of the house. It's a good razzing my friends. Oh
Frank's yes, I'm preckled jokes. I could set up prankle get this woman out of the house, it's a good razzing by friend. Oh, uh, Frank's, yes, I'm practical jokes.
I could set up Frank, I'll get this woman cured.
That's like an old time EQR.
Well, you just got a pranker in the being normal.
She's an older lady.
And so they get her to go on the cruise, but she stays in the room the whole time, right?
They said she never left the room, really.
So then the last night, just watching carbonara effect, the last thing in the front of the
boat. The last thing everybody's at is karaoke.
It's this big carry with live, not live band.
It's just karaoke business guy that doesn't.
You can jishin' up, you can say.
Yeah, good, lie, who can.
Carry the cat.
You can say it's a $500 prize and the winner gets.
Now it does matter.
The fear of a Gora Fobia.
It does matter, it does matter.
It's just like a karaoke guy, but it's like it's Sal's boy.
He's like, yeah, it's a they get that thing rocking.
We all saw it.
Yeah, it's great.
It's great.
So then yeah, so then this lady at the last night they go, come on, all the jokers are
singing and they're all doing karaoke.
He's come out for the one show and she goes, okay, and she goes to the show.
They get there
I think like three songs before it's over and they said just by all counts
She starts having a really good time. So everyone's singing and she's seeing all her heroes on stage having a great time
And then this lunatic karaoke guy puts on a close with like an MGM T song
Like that was it. They believe what you need from it? Yeah, and he goes at the end of it,
he just need a chub, dude. Nice guy with chubby guy, and this guy goes cannonball staged
I've off this thing, and everyone clears out except for this one lady who just takes this
whole body. Oh my gosh, you took a buck dude. She took a fucking I think she got like free cruises for life. I think when I asked now
I think he was like oh yeah now cost us a little bit there
I'm just picturing her in light like glasses on the other nose with like a fun shape drink and she's like
It's not so bad out here and then just seeing that body come at her like oh
Fuck it's like a heavy guy in like,
where he's wearing like goofy clothes,
he dresses like silly for the-
It's a scary thing though, I did,
I staged, David Skankfest in my life.
That wasn't diving, that was,
that was falling into hands,
you see anything I did,
because you let them accept you slowly onto them
and then they can literally move you like viking work.
I felt, I felt one risk of a like Viking work. I felt one raising a piece of bread.
I felt one, one rest shaking.
I thought, so long guys, this is a bad idea.
One guy was like, you know what?
This actually counts as my wand.
This is my crossfit today.
Oh, this is my wand.
I'm also, all of this funny is as you get past them
and you're looking back at the stage,
you see the people behind doing this like,
like damn, dude dude that was a lot
when they put you on stage you feel finger dense going into your mush
yeah they put you back on stage they clap more than it's over they can clap dude I think
I got a carpal tunnel that was crazy.
Kyle just fans are great though I got it they we had a like we'll be in the dining room
as I walk through the whole fucking dive.
Bobbo!
Bobbo!
Like, there's this thing.
Anytime I walk through anyway, they would just scream my name.
And then we all sang, I'm a big Kelly Clarkson fan.
What?
I love Kelly Clarkson.
Deep cuts?
Deep cuts?
From the beginning or a recent bandwagon?
I love her from the day I saw her.
Would she beat Justin Guarguini?
Dude, I love her. Because she was also hot and got heavy and got hot and then got hot and got heavy again. Oh my god
You guys you guys go up and down together. I love her. How is he is now?
She's a big guy now. She just lean she's over it during the pandemic
I'm talking show now
During the pandemic I watched a couple episodes of her talk show and she was like
God this is hard. I had to move to my cabin in Montana
And everyone's like she is so sweet. I'll take a forced man. She did. I'll tell you this
This video the music video for this she is smoking smoking hot in this video. Break it up. Smoking hot and she sings to this day is fucking amazing.
Yeah. Amazing.
Listen to that.
Well, fat doesn't take away from your pipes.
Yeah, you know, you probably built out some gospel.
Listen to that.
But since you've begun, I can't see for the first time.
I'm so moving on.
Yeah, yeah. Damn. See for the first time I'm so moving on yeah
Cuz the year is turning me to a night car
Can
For that one
Since you can go
Oh, I put the video with the video audio on me look at her dude. Yeah, she was smoking here smoke it look at her
And then I don't know man., she is like, eat the black guy who won.
She's got a little chuggy nose.
Oh, I love that look too.
That was the look.
The baggy pants.
Yeah.
What would it be?
She's so cute.
Did baby teethy said?
The baby teethy with baby teeth.
I think it's such a baby teeth.
I'm like, all right, Christine, get in.
Start taking your wags.
Damn you, so hot. Yeah, now she looks like her front tears woman. Yeah, she's your jersey. She's a jersey garbage
Unless the zero
Below zero she looks like an ice-ro trucker's life now
She's hot man
Still wasn't she was chubby on on American Idol and she won they were like you know
They did her a whole make-up you gotta lose weight
Did that movie she had a slim and out because she had to play the other guys?
What was that movie? Yeah, she had to play the
Guarini who now by the way
That was her you guys know he's the doctor pepper guy
What what's the little doctor pepper leant singer?
Is that him? Yeah, I love him doctor
What is he say says a bunch of little others like a there's like a whole doctor pepper
I think they were an actual couple right but turns out he was just gay and she was gonna become fat
Yeah, it was like paper
Dude let's watch that trailer bring up to Justin from Justin Dekele trailer
I want to see it never happened again. No, they were like you never got like from Ruben to
Troy I want to see it never happened again. No, they were like you never got like from Ruben to Troy
They're playing the clay
We're gonna see all he died right?
Ruben stutter did he that's just mean I don't know that was
You also wait and turn to the phantasia
Ruben died because he's the fatso named after a sandwich
Ruben died because he's the fat son named after a sandwich. Yeah, you come on.
You know what Patrice hitting on actively hitting on outside the seller one night,
Frenchi Davis, who was in American Idol, but then they found she had like some porn stuff.
She was like a bald head bald blonde hair.
Girl, Frenchi Davis and Patrice were just busting her balls outside the cell.
I was so funny.
She was trying to like big dog him and he was just going at it was really funny.
This is from Justin Kelly.
Is this the trailer?
When was this movie?
What's that other she has so many good songs though.
I know that she has that bean nose too.
That weird fucking-
I love that little bit.
That bulb nose.
I want to bite it.
I'll say what's been funny and I started watch the newest episode last night.
Which now I mean there's only one more episode of-
2003.
There's only one more episode of secrets of Playboy. But I mean- there's only one more episode of 2003. There's only one more episode of secrets of playboy
But I mean ten hours. It's I can't believe it's not making bigger news against some of these things
There's so much news and tearing down that like some of it doesn't really catch legs
I guess because that this thing is like this the last bigger than he fucked a dog
There's stuff bigger than him not bigger, but not bigger, but that you can cast that off as bullshit possibly. What are you talking about?
Who fucked a dog?
You have to be left there.
This is, wait, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
Go ahead.
You're gonna stop.
Listen, I'm from a different gender.
You're right.
You're right.
Okay.
He's ready for you to go like,
he's a hero.
You gotta be cool, dude.
I don't wanna fuck you.
I'm fine, yeah dude, he was just sucking off
a little too long.
No, stop, he's not sucking off.
He's gonna look at this little one. Oh, she is beautiful
Was he fucking a dog like a big dog? I assume that some should be us
It was a big dog not a little he's not sucking off little tiny dog
No, I don't think he's sucking him off and he's fucking fucking
Although I just got a dog and my dogs pussy does not look fuckable man. Oh, it's a puppy though
You got a galeno
It's a puppy and to their adults. It's a puppy though. You got a gal anal. It's a puppy.
And joints are their adults.
It's almost like a pussy too.
Where is the pussy on?
I know where the asshole is right under the tail.
I don't know because you're showing it.
Our dog's pussy is a little too, it looks like a dick with no head on it.
When I usually want to have her piss on my chest, I'm holding her on it so I can't see
where it's coming from.
I just feel it.
I've never seen my dog's pussy.
Really?
Like is it, it's the asshole and then the pussy. Yeah. Just like a like a woman.
Yeah. Mine's got some fucking labs on it, dude.
Does it love all my belly? Like the real.
Murdles got food.
Jump off a cliff and fly with a pussy.
Murdles just got fat up a pussy area. Yeah.
She's just got the fat. Oh really? No, mine. Mine looks like fucking stingray wings.
I got a burn a doodle. Her pussy's really hairy and kind of fun looking. Let me see a let me see it
No pussy though. Oh
We need to get picture of I'll take a picture of pussy put it on the only fence. I'm gonna put on revenge porn sites
She peed in the house so I'm getting revenge. She's got I was bought to mall paws. Yeah
She rescue rescue dog. Yeah, you rescue you can tell the pot those that's a swollen pot those who go down soon
She'll be yeah, oh, that's why she probably loves my
Rubbish sweep at night. She's walking in a cage for a fucking three hours a day
Yeah, she was with a foster mom. She's with the foster mom. Mm-hmm. Lesbian. We maybe
Yeah, probably I don't think so
I'm not gonna rocks
But she's a good foster mom because she's such a good dog already.
She is.
She's a beautiful little pup.
Yeah, she's going to be big too.
You tell by the way.
So, you keep staying.
We thought she's a big man.
I met her pussy.
He's going to be a kid.
Oh, for sure.
It's all you get to do.
You can be old.
It's like the doom world.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
You just pick her up and like look like you're checking down the sites of a gun. She displays it. Oh, wow. a tube. I don't know. I don't know. Do you figure out if it like look like you're checking down
the sights of a gun?
She displays it.
Oh wow.
She can lay that on the couch for a change.
She presents to me.
Damn, dude.
I'd have to find this habit.
You can see yours.
I'd have to find mine.
Yeah.
I'd have to like move hair and comb it.
I, that's fair.
I would be more progressive and I would ask where her pussy is.
Oh really? Dan, do you flip my doll over and just part it
No, she sits there like this then you just see the fat area and you're like how are you already a fucking bingo playing old lady?
When I go home and I'm gonna do this I'm gonna do this to Dawkins
I'm gonna do this and then we do our here though
You broke Bobby and I
It's nice noise ready. No, turn blue. Tell me up don't ASMR this
Put on the Justin Achilles trailer please
Is it a song movie? Oh, yeah trailer. I think this is just a clip she's so good. No, I think it's true
Look at it now because it doesn't have any of the
Oh, no, she's either the senior right there's gonna be a trailer. There's a trailer Yeah, dude. She is still to this day smoke and singing wise. I don't care. I don't care. I love Kelly look you trust your recipes more now
Yes, dude. I like a lot of stuff. I love Aris Smith. I love Van Halen both
Both that's not you're mad at me a lot of things and just said two things. I love I love
Metallica I love
Country music
I can't believe you didn't call it your boy God smack dude. I love God. I was getting to him
No, you aren't you don't go from Metallica? Oh
I love God. I was getting to him. No you weren't you don't go from Metallica. Oh
Back to God. I swear back to God. You were my boy and I didn't think you'd have called me out. How's that boy?
Jesus Christ guys. What's my favorite bands are corn? Who else did I tour with?
Slip knot Rob's on me even knows me into me Rob's off. He's never nice to me
No, he's not nice. He's not mean to me. He's just completely uninterested in the long term friendship. I thought we were gonna have.
I'm getting ready to do it again with Kid Rock and Nashville.
He's gonna make a move on Kid Rock when he's in there.
I'm making a move on Kid Rock.
I do love Sally.
We're gonna be long time friends.
Sally's the best.
By the way, you even, you did the shows before me,
embossed and wants.
Yes.
And this is how destined we are not to meet.
Like, you were were like you just fucking
mistom yeah you're just like and it was like I knew he was coming and they were like god damn
he literally just walked out he just walked out he's coming see me with his family in like a
shit-hole Lawrence at a restaurant I come in this 10 people deep of just Sully his friends and his family one of the
fucking greatest supporters of my comedy damn of all
a lot of people and mostly tell people to get away
yeah, I love most of his music
Get away from me I says a thousand times to one of my
favorite David Tell memories was early going on
the road with them and driving back like nine hours from Virginia Beach and just delirious.
And he just let me play music and whatever he was like, say he liked and that God smacks
I'm doing the best.
I'm doing the best.
I'm doing the best.
And he was the great tell-mo.
He was just smoking out the window. And like when that park came on the song, he just cranks was the first star. It was just a great tell. I was just, he was just smoking out the window.
And like when that park came on the song,
he just cranks it up real out.
And he goes, I'm doing a best out. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey so you can smoke. I've never hated somebody.
Were you not smoking at the time?
Dude, I didn't smoke.
I was dying of the flu at 106 fever.
I'm in the back curled up shivering and sweating.
And he goes, yo man, I'm just gonna smoke a butt real quick.
87 times on the way home.
Fucking Mohican somewhere.
Oh my God.
She has two.
She has two.
Did I have Mohican?
I think it was the one that Mohican was the theater. Oh, we Oh, we did a terrible Lewis and I opened for Jay in North Carolina
And we drove back in Lewis sat in the back and we're like there was a way there actually because we drove like through the night
And he was like you roll the fuck it when I was up
Me and dance ribbon butts we're both smoking so the windows down
He's covered like ET in a basket
Fuck it, sucks you guys fuck it
Because Jay is like going down can't smoke in the back
He can only smoke if he sits in the front
We're just fucking I don't even know what the logic of that is
I think I just want to sit next to Lewis that long
We walked into the we walked into the hotel and this woman unprompted
Walked it. Well first, Jay was doing is,
we were so delirious you were doing your mic
these to find all the pressure,
because you're still, he's going,
boo you!
Boom A, no, boo you!
So we're delirious, you said we'd die laughing from that.
And we walk in and Lewis is behind us
and this woman goes, right as you walk
it, she looks at Luscus.
You look like a drown red.
In Luscus, what the fuck?
That's how you greet people? That's how you greet people?
That's how you greet people here?
It was the shittiest hotel and the hotel
was where the show was.
They gave us all a room.
It was one of those like one floor,
hall day in, how do you express type things?
And it was in like the conference room of that
was the comedy show.
It was a drought, we drove nine hours.
And they each gave us our room.
We drove through the night and It's all like this is awesome
So I fall asleep and of course they fucked up and we're always supposed to have two rooms
So Lewis got booted out of his so right is I hit my rim cycle. I just hear like
Hey, let me in let me in it's just Lewis and he goes hey, they fucked up the room
So I'm standing here and he just luis is the room immediately just like blows up his suitcase and then he slays down.
And he's like, yeah, whatever,
I'm watching him, I was like, dude, I'll find.
I was asleep at so peacefully.
The last time I shared a room,
and it was beyond like bringing people on the road
and sharing room with them, it was a shame.
Got locked out of it.
When I was doing Tampa improv.
Yeah.
He left the key or lost the key to the condo.
He was supposed to stay in the condo and I was in the hotel
So he's like I'll do you guys stay at your hotel. I'm like absolutely sure this but
Let me find out something about people the first time you stay
Especially as an adult yeah as much as adults as we are now and I tell you Shane just got down
It's like borderline naked. Yeah, just sleep on the floor with like sheets and stuff
You made like a makeshift bed and got down. I don't know why that's been that so weird dude
He got when we were going on the road, he got, when we were going the road.
Huh?
It is weird.
Or we were going the road.
You thought, you don't get full.
You wear a shirt.
Get down to your panties, but leave your socks on.
My, my, my, my, my, go, go, go, go, go, go, go,
socks.
I need to be wearing shorts or sweatpants.
Basketball shorts.
Oh, well, here is the issue.
You're right, because he was locked out of the place.
So he couldn't get stuff. But I wouldn't have stepped slips and jeans, but it would have been right, here is the issue. You're right because he was locked out of the place. So he couldn't get stuff.
But I wouldn't have stepped in, slept in jeans,
but it would have been right underwear in a shirt.
Underwear shirt.
And socks, you got a problem.
And socks is weird.
I go barefoot.
Socks, you got to wear socks.
Cover those feet.
Socks.
Socks at night is crazy.
When you take your socks off to have sex, what?
This is like a weird Puritan law.
I tell you something, I've been taking my socks off
to sleep lately and enjoying it. Yeah, socks stay on for sex
Why I understand the tank
Fuck do you shirt fuck I know I take everything off and fuck. I wanted to deal with it.
I wanted to fucking... Yeah, you made this choice.
This is your choice.
Now you're long, now you're long, Jan.
Yeah, you thought it was gonna be a fun ride, didn't you?
Yeah.
That one, now you were the bulk guy with two dead toenails and a belly button hernia.
Or joy your life, Don.
Um, no, I get naked.
I get fully naked when I'm fucking banging.
I used to keep socks on.
I don't anymore because my feet swell up
because I'm chubby.
I can feel the sodium just taking my socks off the next day
and it says, Puma on my ankle.
Are you saying you get gout mid-sex?
Yeah, dude.
I don't like it on,
because I'm a little happy right now. Just getting gout. I have get gout mid sex? Yeah, dude. I don't I don't like it on because I'm a little happy right now
I have no go but I have plant the fasciitis
In plant the fasciitis is the worst in the morning. It's it's the fucking worst
It feels like someone's yeah like stabbing the bottom of the foot. Yeah, belly button her knee was bad too because
It gets bigger didn't make a didn't make a cartoon noise? Do you know?
Well, you can push it in.
You can push it.
It's not your intestines.
The belly button was not the intestines.
It's just a skin, it's fucking gross.
There's a layer of skin that slices open
and your insides pop through it.
And it pops out.
And as you do certain things, it gets bigger or smaller.
But you can at the beginning, really not at end you can push you back in so I would like before a show
I'd push it back in
It's got the consistency of the floppy wind guy outside of the
Used cardio or ship my little brother had one when he was a baby and it was so what I was sitting or holding them as a baby
I just go yeah belly button back in and then we just go
do you think I got a fix though you did I got a fix cuz I was doing a YouTube
thing the 30 day less to the challenge and I was reading the comments and one
and one do what what's that on his stomach oh no and that you could see it like
bulging out it looked like I was smuggling like fucking heroin it looks like
the mouse is trying to crawl into your belly button
every time I went through an airport I was like he's got something under his shirt
boop
check this what's this I got a fish you know I have an Ethiopian boys belly
do you think you know what it was it's that fucking tampa drunk guy
I don't alligator that's my belly button why is your stomach like that of a toddler walking around the lawn?
Mama, mama, mama, cut my billiacal core with hedge clipping.
Yeah, are you, do you think there's gonna be like a, are you gonna hit a phase where you
get into yoga and you get like, you slim down, do eating like weird noodles and doing yoga?
Dude, I'm almost done because now it's, dude, I'm having things wrong with me now that
can't be, be explained.
I went to my doctor
He's I don't know what it is really yeah, he googled it
He started googling my symptoms and Mike I'm too fast this guy I stumped a fucking doctor
I've had a couple things now like joint stuff and things
Yeah, where you have a you have a train professional go fuck me. Don't know what that is yeah, dude
He went on Google and googled
Fuck me, don't know what that is. Yeah, dude, he went on Google and Googled
foot vein toe hurt.
And I was like, I'm out, I'm out.
I gotta lose weight, dude.
I'm done.
I gotta stop.
I went to a doctor and just threw in there.
I was like, yeah, when I sit on my couch,
I always gotta like lay to my left,
if I lay to my right, I have a,
like an only describe is a debilitating pain
that feels like someone squeezing an organ right here.
Yeah, yeah.
And he goes, really, he goes, maybe it's back pain.
I go, dude, really feel like it's inside,
something's like, he's like, oh, there's no organ there.
So.
I'm so you're lying.
There's no organ there, so it's, I don't,
maybe you're back and I was like, well,
it feels like it's right here and I have to lay on my side,
like this on the couches. I have to actually sit on my right side when I drive and drive with my right hand now
because if I drive with my left hand, there's too much, I think I've sat.
Like some kind of a thing over here that hurts and my pinky goes numb.
What? When you drive, you're only your pinky? Yeah, dude.
Have you done something? I've driven cars and do it
I use for my back exercises. I try to turn using the other seats and shit
Yeah, I do a lot. Yeah our car though now massages you which is pretty dope. What? Yeah, that's nice
Who's having that conversation with you? It's like one of those brookstone chairs
Yeah, while you drive I that's dangerous. What kind of what are you get?
Jeep Grand Cherokee. I feel like that's dangerous if the kind of what are you get? Uh, Jeep Grand Cherokee.
I feel like that's dangerous if the two balls in the middle hit your back and you're like,
Oh, it's got different kinds too.
It's got different kinds of massage.
It's pretty great.
Christine, you put the heat on the heated seat.
Yeah, I think he more than massage on a long drive.
You have the AC seats?
Yeah, AC seats.
I have even tried them ever.
Go on.
Explain. It feels like you're peed
Colfuls yeah, like I feel like I think I just beat in the summer when it's just hot as shit
Just black I want put them on it AC seats are fucking great. He did seats are great. He did searing wheel is fucking great
That's unbelievable. He's doing what rolling. Do they do AC steering wheel?
I don't know. I don't know.
They probably do. They probably do.
I think so. I also top view of parallel park
is fucking unreal.
Well, how do they do that?
I rented a car and they do that.
They was fucking insane.
Your car is an animation in the screen.
But they have the cameras all around.
But how do they get the cameras all around?
No, just the top of the car.
Yeah.
So they, the top is insane.
The rest is the picture of what the picture is saying the rest is the picture of the
picture. The rest is real. Yeah. It's fucking insane. How do they get that picture? And then there's one car
that actually has a drone that comes out the top. It flies over. That's the Lincoln. I would buy them. I
would say what I haven't tried and I won't try. I don't even know if I have it because I won't check it out is
I've tried Lena's cysts. I don't know what it does. Lane assist keeps you in the lane.
It doesn't really though.
It does and it's scary.
You can actually put it on variations of strong, soft, medium.
Okay.
And it will fuck you up because it will literally jerk you back.
I've let go of my wheel and it will jerk you this way and this way.
That's dangerous.
It's curious to, I'll tell you, speaking of that, I got picked up to go to the airport in Houston
to go home and I was exhausted. It was the skip. It was the spring forward also. So you
lose. Oh, yeah. I thought my flight was already early. So I didn't sleep at all. I was
against our I'll go to the airport. I'll close my eyes in the car and then get to the airport.
I'll sleep on the plane. I get outside to the car the guys there he is
sleeping like
Sleeping in the car
Like on a side with his legs up
So it ends yeah, no yeah, yeah, yeah visions of sugar plums
Now he was just he was just out. He had to see back and he was out
Yeah, and when I woke him it was like he had that like oh shit, okay, and then I
back and he was out. And when I woke him, it was like he had that like,
oh shit, okay.
And then I don't know if he was falling asleep
or it was just the way he drove,
but now half hour drive to the airport.
And I couldn't sleep because he was this kind of,
my stepfather does this too.
He's a, sit there and wait for the car
to just completely veer, left as possible,
and then a jerk back to the middle.
And I don't know if he was,
I couldn't see if he was falling asleep.
He was sleeping.
Or he was just like, I've had that.
I've had Carmel.
I had a guy.
I never put a seatbelt on the back seat.
And the guy watched me do that because I was like,
you just let me feel like, yeah, I have to put a seatbelt on.
I had to actually talk to the guy.
I felt back as a guy, probably been driving 24 hours a month.
But he was, I saw his eyes just close.
They kept closing old guy too and he was
Varing into other lanes and I had a yell at him. I had to go dude. You need to wake up to the point where I was like
Do you want me to drive like you want me to take over? Yeah, I had to get to the port. I'm not not I'm not not going
But yeah, it was terrifying
Peter and I took a cab back from the seller one night
and it was one of the van cabs.
So you're sitting in the back
and every red light the guy would fall asleep.
And so like everyone would go and you'd be like,
hey, and he'd be like, and he's drive.
And then it would happen to me.
And then it happened to me.
And I'm like, yeah, we're out.
Just pull over.
You're falling asleep, dude.
And he's like, what?
What?
He didn't even want to argue. He was like, ah!
There's a thing of survival in there though. It's like I have to get to my flight and I have to get to this gig because I got to make this money
Yeah, I got to do these shows any anybody else would have been like pull over. Yeah, I want a new driver
Yeah, but I'm like fuck I know we're gonna get there together
Like I'm gonna crash after you after I get on my Delta flight.
You can murder whoever's after me, but I am on you.
It's you stepping out of the car
than him just going down the ramp
and fucking driving into something asleep.
I use this company Good Luck car service,
shout out Good Luck car service.
They send over, I mean a a yellow, scraggly toothed.
I mean, weird looking Asian fella.
Every time I go to the airport,
but they are 15 minutes early, 100% of the time.
They'll wait.
If I throw a $20 tip, total.
They will let me smoke in the car.
I'm 100% of the time.
Oh, shit.
They don't get, and they take you,
and there's, it's the cheapest.
It's like, it's like 40 to LaGuardia, 45 to JFK for my car.
Carmel's good too.
Carmel shows up at least 20 minutes early.
And I mean, I never, you can't.
Sometimes I'm in like a, I mean,
sometimes I'm in a Dodge caravan that like,
they have like duct tape over the handle
so you don't grab it.
Yeah, I know, I'm plastic.
Yeah, I love that.
I love that.
Can I ask you whenever they show up early, do you ever feel the need to go then?
I always feel like I need to leave immediately when they show up.
Yeah, no, no.
I'm very bad at making them wait.
I like that they come early because I'm a psycho.
I go to the airport hours early.
Really?
Dude, are you TSA pre-check?
I'm clear. I'm global one and TSA pre-check? I'm clear.
I'm global one and I'm pre-check.
I have platinum amx.
I'm platinum delta.
I go to platinum delta.
I get too stressed out.
I'm diamond delta.
How are you not diamond?
You are probably.
I'm sorry.
I'm diamond delta.
You're diamond delta for sure.
You're for sure.
For the story. Is your cut the mics go what the fuck do you guys only use it?
Fucking cake no, but I like you guys there's no reason you needed to say diamond by the way
Well, we needed to beef you up
You were giving the run down of everything you have to make this easier
I know but you could have went with the platinum, like that was cool. And then later on, dude, we're diamond.
We're the finest.
We're the finest.
Yeah, platinum solid.
It's good.
It's good if you want a nice life.
Stronger than gold.
Yeah, absolutely.
I just once you've tasted diamond,
it's hard to go bad.
I don't have to travel as much as you do.
I stay home with my child.
Yeah, I am a dad.
Point taken, it's fair.
I just fair. But I'd rather be my child. Yeah, I am a dad. Point thing, it's fair. I just fair.
But I'd rather be in the lounge,
chillin, relaxin, napin, eatin, snackin, drinkin' coffee,
then be waiting in the line, being in traffic
or maybe not making the flight.
Oh, see me, I leave.
That, you know what that's from though?
That's from back in the day. Yeah when you went to JFK
O'Laguadia and you had to take a cab
And the track and just the nightmare of being in a line and also there was no TSA pre-check
They were just regular security so like
You couldn't even buy your like better way in it was just like the first class. That was it first class at a different thing
First class at a different thing. You could also you didn't have to take off your shoes and shit.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no before. So I get there, takes about a half hour, 35 to get there, generally speaking.
It gets go all the way across town now,
it's around the west side.
And then when I get to the airport,
I check my bag right away, go back outside,
and that's just gauged,
like it's like a two or three cigarette hang,
listen to Howard Stern,
and then I go through clear,
and I try to get to my gate where I don't
to sit for more than like 10 minutes.
I remember when I used to smoke, I used to do that.
When I used to smoke cigarettes, I would gauge the how it's sitting in the air.
I do hate it.
I love the lounge.
When I drank, I've never been in.
It's so nice.
It says, I went in there with you once.
When I drank, love airports.
Even if you couldn't smoke.
I'd go out and smoke, depending on how drunk I'd I'd have you ever gone in and then out to smoke yeah
a thousand times oh yeah you know Tampa has a smoking area yeah
two side two so I used to have a smoking room yeah
oh Atlanta all the words
it's a big test dude I saw a lady I sit in them dude but you're like I'm walking in here to get something
I had a lady with her baby carriage outside the room her smoking
inside the room.
Push your carriage like that.
How about when there's some of them it was like there were bars maybe Denver Airport
had that.
Denver out of bar or it's like if you buy a drink like a soda you can fucking
a Rubba.
A Rubba has a one little tiny bar area with a smoking section.
Really?
That you can just still go in and smoke.
Denver I got half in the bag watching the Steelers Ravens and almost miss my flight because
I was smoking cigarettes having fun, drinking beers and I was like, look, shit, I got to
go.
Siger has a fun.
I used to have so much fun smoking butts.
Getting the pack of butt packing.
Oh, there's the love packing.
Oh, man, Lou busted out the pack.
It was doing it and I was like, oh man, I missed that.
I love pallid lights real quick.
Getting a little plastic off at the soul thing.
Taking that tin flow real quick.
Todd also, Lewis and Feltus toes in a minute.
You should.
Well, we got a, we only have body for an hour.
And I wanted to talk, we have reads too,
but I wanted to talk about the app.
Yes.
Because we talk about it on the award winning app.
Yes.
What were the awards in? I a comedy central, I believe, or the comedy
something had awards. Yeah. And what of them was for comedy apps, comedy websites? And my app.
One. One app comedy app of the year. And it was epic. It's downloading. I don't know if it's still
available, dude. Unable to install Robert Kelly live. Yeah, the app is no longer available in the app store. Yeah, it's gone because I'm keeping it though, even though I can't download it. I will never get rid of it, Robert. Yeah, here it is right here. I wonder if it would know.
Yep, keep it was so crazy. My app. Good. It was crazy. It was crazy. Good. You say. had, um, you went, when you went for my dates, it had my face on the, the map. If you even if I was out of
the country, and you click on my face, and it would go, go, dude, or something like that,
and have different sayings. And then it would bring up my, my dates, and you could buy
tickets. Yeah. What the fuck? It was incredible.
You were way, I said you're the first person
who had an iPhone.
First person to podcast.
But was that your, did you go, does that go back to like you
with video games, DVD players?
Were you the first guy to grab all MP3 player?
I mean, I was the first guy with a website that was nuts.
Like my website guy.
Was that your first one that I'm talking about the one I told you about where you walk guy with a website that was nuts. Like my website guy.
Was that your first one that I'm talking about
to what I had told you, but where you walk out
was my second one?
Because that was like, you showed us the future.
We saw that, we were like, whoa.
It's a walking Bobby on a computer's head.
Hey guys, what's your wonder and how I got in here?
Everyone's like, those nuts.
I went, how I found that, I had it in my Asian web guy,
Kurt Iverson.
Yeah, out in Kansas City.
He was just pretty much a genius that love comedy,
and he went to Dane first,
but Dane kind of rejected him or threw him under the,
something.
I thought he did Dane's too.
He did it, but something happened,
and then he went to me.
Yeah.
And he was, he was kind of spiteful, like, all right,
I'll show, I'll show you what I got.
And he made me the first website that was amazing, then I went back to him and I said,
I want this, I went to a German website.
It was some company, like billion dollar company, that had this liquid ball on the page.
So when your mouse went over and went'm like, and then something's here.
It was like a sorcerer mirror or something.
It was crazy.
And I said, I want a liquid ball in the middle with me in it.
And then when you go over it, I want to eye me.
Not a cartoon eye.
Want to walk across the top of your screen.
I think even here the foot, the foot,
the clinic clinic.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, hey, I bet you're looking to my next show, dude.
Hey, if you're just talking, you're Steve Jobs walk out and talk with all the other
things.
By the way, the same, the feet, the same.
Are you gonna sing dirty Diana by Michael Jackson?
I had a, Don't,'s that? Like the paperclip?
Anybody who has my album, Just the Tip,
bought it.
Where's Just the Top of Your Head?
I haven't read Just the Top pet yet, take care.
Just the tip.
It was from Comedy Central.
They did my first legit album.
When they were comedy companies.
Well, they were exactly when they had Gerardo and Mitch
and Dane and all that.
Comedy.
And, you know, comedy.
It's a DVD.
But Vos still sells it shows. Supposed to be the opposite of technology. It still brings DVD, you know, but Voss still sells it shows.
I'm supposed to be the opposite of technology.
He still brings DVDs.
I got this on cassette.
Yeah.
And maybe a friend that could plug it in, the VCR.
I sell hats.
Yeah.
So he, on that album, there's two.
There's the actual, the album, and then there's this DVD.
If you put it into a computer
It has all extra shit. It has the DVD of the making of a CD
What it was the DVD of the making of a CD of the album
I recorded everything up until I went to record the album and then and then you have to put the album in
Because I didn't have enough money to record this.
I didn't think I thought it was funny,
but it was actually stupid.
I want to find this.
And someone has this, please send it in.
There's a desktop pet on it.
So remember that, I don't know if you remember
I had a joke called Pista Pants Monster.
It was like, I was like, what are you the Pista Pants Monster?
I had a guy make a little monster that peed his pants.
So he would come out on your screen every once in a while.
It was a pet.
So we just kind of walk out and you'd hear,
and then it would just piss on your screen on your desktop.
Please someone find this,
and can we please do a watch along?
It's fucking pretty wild.
I would love to go through all of the just the tip extras with you.
I was ahead of the game too much.
Yeah. I did shit way before shit, and shit and then people like they actually made fun of me
Yeah for having it like I remember Twitter
I was like dude Twitter's awesome and I remember like opi and and and jam like
Dude what the fuck you gonna deal with 40 who's gonna write something 40?
I remember Gary go to you. Yeah, yeah, what's and then Northern was like, dude, what are you talking about?
They
Remember how can we never it was just you never invested anything?
Because I'm stupid you never think that I had Apple back in the day when nobody had Apple. I did Apple
You would push Apple products every piece of electronic body would just be pushing
I remember the sentence when Bobby go and go, oh, that's the iPhone, I go,
I think I had a sidekick at the time,
so when I was like, yeah, I don't get like the no buttons
like thing, like that, and he goes, you don't think so.
And you flip your thing and did your code,
and it was like the New York Times,
or something, he goes, fuck paper,
newspaper forever now.
And he just shows me like, you're right.
And he goes, but he goes, it's the whole newspaper.
You're right.
Yeah, but I'm saying like, you're saying something.
Journalism is in such a bad place right now
because all print media's gone.
When the iPad came out, I remember Jim going,
dude, it's just a fucking bigger iPhone.
Why would I want that?
I don't know, because it's fucking awesome
to have a bigger iPhone.
It's the shit.
I remember Twitter.
I went to Twitter.
I went to the offices.
They took me there.
Oh my God.
I remember when you got verified,
it was when we were doing the positive.
I walked up to the main, you verified.
I went up to go verify me.
And she said, I remember you verified me.
He talked about it on you know what dude.
Like 2011, he came back, he's like dude,
I'm fucking verified on Twitter. And I remember Gary Goldman had a joke about Twitter. He's like Twitter
Oh, you're tweeting no thanks. I'll read your tweets when I've read every episode of TV guide
Front to back and it was like a thing where you're like TV guy and then TV guys call
Oh shit Twitter Bobby you have been I mean I remember you're in Collins podcast when you started that that was like basically one of the first podcast
Well, we were talking on the show too about how Kelly was calling Quinn sometimes we were the thing we said on our Thursday show the pre-record but it was
The movement of technology like I get scared. I used to get scared for sure to buy stuff because
Things were going to funk in a year as a I remember the flip phone, no, the flip phone, the flip camera.
Yeah.
The one that just you plug right in your computer,
which is,
that's great, well lasted.
Right, but it was so gone, so quick.
It was just done.
And then because by a year later,
your phone can do a comparable thing
and you can email it to your computer and all that shit.
At a USB, you push the button and it flipped out.
Yeah, yeah.
That's what they call the flip. There's not a time where I hit that, I only do it once And a USB, you push the button and it flipped out. Yeah. That's why they call it the flip.
There's not a time where I hit that, because I only do it once in a while, but I'll be
on my computer and I go, I want to watch this like football game and watching.
I do want to put it on the TV actually.
And I'm like, I think I'm so bad technology.
I'm like, screen mirror.
And then just like punching this code and you do.
And then it just shows up on the TV.
And I swear to you, like an old man, I still go.
The future is like the future is now.
You do a lot of wood you know.
How is cancer still here?
Yeah.
I mean, that's crazy.
How are we not flying?
How are we not flying way more?
It's crazy.
It's crazy.
What's happening?
But they capped it.
They've definitely capped it.
Yeah.
This shit that we could have had, you know, like drone should be way better.
You just have a drone.
They have one that's coming out that you literally,
you don't have a control, you use your hand.
What?
You put on a glove?
You just go like this, and then you go like this,
and then you go like this, and then you go like this,
and it lands in your hands.
What?
Yeah, because they have to make,
with technology, they have to make it any proof.
Like a computer, you just had to make, with technology, they have to make it an idiot proof. Yeah.
Like a computer used to have,
used to have, no, like the reason,
Apple was a shit.
Apple was a shit because they,
they dumped it down to fucking the little arrow
and you click.
That's what got me on the iPhone
with someone's like a ditty approved
for smart proof.
That's why Apple's a shit.
They idiot proof technology.
So the regular asshole could use it
And that's what they have to do with techno all technology
Do you think that was the problem with technology? You think that's why social media sucks now because everyone that wasn't supposed to
You know all the idiots are on the internet. Fuck yeah, dude. I kept it to smart people
There's no way that I should be talking about politics with a guy I went to fucking junior high with
There's no way that most of us are talking about any of the shit
With the idiot proof thing. I still said that's why the reason I never even better on the idea of buying a drone
I see neat
Seems super please tell me you're gonna tell the barbecue story
Of course, it's included in my die. Well, it's one of the hardest laughs I've ever had him Ralph Ralph Sutton comes over
I was I was thinking I got. I got this drone now.
I brought 500 bucks in my gun.
It was, by the way, Bobby.
It was when drones first started reaching the public.
Where you, like, one out of every 100 people had a drone.
You had to know how to fly this.
Yes, it was a complicated thing.
It was a complicated thing.
So Ralph put it up.
We were at, we were Wayne.
We were Wayne's little back barbecue area
time but yeah and uh and so it's in clothes with the buildings and Ralph was flying around showing
us how it works and Lewis just goes oh let me try it he goes up I mean he it goes he goes straight
up in the air with it yeah and he goes how do you go forward and he pushes forward and it just goes
yin and he just saw it hit a wall and just go creaking down on the roof of a fucking
two buildings down it's like two buildings down
Lewis goes oh how do you go forward and then it hit and then it went left and then
Lewis is like I don't know like wing
I'm trying to get it up and then round like Lewis
Lewis why would you ever no recovery of this thing whatsoever it was it was
done someone found a drone and they're fucking like by the
track. You see Anthony's drone video. No. Anthony got one of those drones when it first came out.
Anthony was one of those guys who got a helicopter. Like he had poured gas and oil into it.
Vroom. Yes, thing was this. He was sitting neighbor. Oh, yeah, he got a drone. I remember that he shot it up
So high that he lost sight of it
But you he has a photo you can see a plane taking off
From J. I
The same like it's like right over there. Yeah, it's like right really it got so high that it got out of radio
Transmissions Jesus and it just fell to the earth.
Did he ever get it back?
It wound up being on a highway.
Somebody found it on the highway on an off ramp.
But the photo he's got of like the plane in the background
is crazy.
That's so fucking fun.
And David Z. Rest in peace from ZO2, Z-Rock.
He had a thing we got in trouble because he had a drone in the city and
he flew from his girlfriend's house. He flew it from her high rise like balcony and the
video is just like flying around and like you see it just like hits a building and just
like you know it's flipping down the ground. It hits somebody. It didn't kill them or anything
but like it hurt them. Like it fell down from like you know hundreds of
years and hit this person and I think when it when he just saw it hit the building and it was a kind of done I think he just was like oh man lost the drone
or whatever because you know how he walks away was he was fuck man drones gone and then someone got hurt with it and it went on the news when they found the drone
recovered it they it's a news footage you might be able to find that news footage, Christine, because it's
not so much like, we're trying to find out who did this. He goes, and then the camera before
he sends the drone, it's like David Zee going, like, what's up everybody? We've got to fly
this mother fucking dream. It's like, it could be more like, anybody knows this man. It was
just so obvious. Oh my god, that's fucking great. you