The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Soder Sauce (feat. Dan Soder)
Episode Date: February 28, 2024Dan returns to drop a stink bomb on the Bonfire to the delight of Jacob, who can't huff enough of Soder's scent. ...
Transcript
Discussion (0)
I'm Bobby Kelly and it's Big J. O'Kersen. We're actually a full radio show on Serious XM, not just a podcast.
For full episodes of The Bonfire, you can listen on the Serious XM app.
Go to seriousxm.com slash bonfire for a special offer.
And now, The Bonfire with Big J. O'Kersen and Robert Kelly.
You son of a... God damn Jacob.
Are we on? It's not through.
We're on.
Welcome back to the Bonfire.
It's Bobby Kelly, BK Broila, and Big J. O'Gerson, and Dan Sodos here with a new special on
YouTube coming out very soon.
It's uh, when is it?
It's this Friday.
March 1st.
This Friday, March 1st.
On the road.
It's on YouTube, on the road, and he is he is I heard it's I heard your shit's killing it
But here's the problem. I have my shit is killing it. You're killing it and here's a problem with Jacob you Bobby Bobby
You're heated right now. I'm mad. So by the way, I want you to keep talking. I just want you to
Gather your words here. You're coming out because you have a legit gripe here a legit gripe
I mean, it's and it's not a good one. No
Look at you. Oh, look at him
Look at the little prodigal son returns and dumps one right in the studio. It was I
Have when I listen
Shut your face
Shut your Florida face.
Jacob, I love you.
You know that.
He doesn't love you bad.
Let me tell you something, Jacob.
You just revealed who you are.
He did.
You revealed it.
You pulled back the curtain.
You took your mask off just now.
Oh my god, this guy.
I've fucked.
I'm on protein shakes.
I come black.
Yeah, do you feel hard enough?
Bobby has rewired his insides to be basically just a smorgasbord of protein and farts.
And I came in here and I would toot and I would silently and accident and I would appa...
And his face of dis...
I mean like...
He's called meetings about it.
Discuss.
Don't single me out by the way.
I'm always singled out as if the Luz love it. Okay. Look at this
You're all terrible terrible people lose part of this and
Keyboard jack over here. He's part of it, too
But you know if you wouldn't mind coming away from your life's work of Pearl Jam fan
Can you just wild look you call it and ask if we can if we can have you for just a little bit Lewitsky you're one of the greatest radio talents of all time and yet your work is Pearl Jam Fandom. Yep
It's just time. I just spent a lot of time with the man with the
Wow, I tell you everything's happening here
I'm gonna freak I'm gonna quit when we make this joke. He's screamed in the Eldest
He's he's you said it's crazy Lou
Yeah, you do this show for for so long and you're the master board off and your life's worked in girl
He just goes yeah, he's a movie. You know my big face
Like the thing he's cursed out. He said he was gonna leave the show before he's lashed out
He lumineously fucking lash out Jacob attacks him. Yeah, I take the brunt of it when they make fun of it Pearl Jam
That's true. You should take the brunt of it. You really should take the brunt of it when they make fun of it Pearl Jam. That's true. You should take the brunt of it
You really should take the brunt of it now. I didn't know that you were gonna be there to fucking uh
You were like a fucking trumpet mute for Dan's fart. You had your nose so up there
No, no, no, stop talking stop talking stop talking stop talking
Okay, you did
I did get you suck it up
I did go like
I was paralyzed
Shut your little hands.
Shut your little baby mouth.
You let Bobby talk. He's got a legit gripe.
I have tooted in here by accident.
And I apologize. I've run out of...
You've made me afraid of my body.
Oh my god, that's so bad.
You've made me afraid of my body.
You've shamed him.
I've changed my diet, which I wasn't supposed to I was supposed to have protein
I've changed it so that my toots would go away. I wouldn't have what you know the an accidental
Toot in this this room because of the attitude and the dismissal and the tone
You would give me and you made me feel like pure shit when I tuted.
And you would call, guys, you would say,
you would actually get everybody else, guys,
and you'd get Black Lou,
who might've just politely covered his nose
and talked behind my back, which is fine.
You got him involved, yeah, I smelled it.
And then you get my friend DJ Lou over here involved.
You're the orchestra of the hatred for my butt.
Orchestra.
And my tooth.
I'm the maestro.
Thank you, Jay, for correcting me.
I hate it and I love it.
At the same time when you correct me.
You insult him properly.
I love it.
Thank you.
Orchestrator.
What kind of Nazi Germany did you guys turn this into where you can't fart?
What?
No.
We didn't do it.
He did it.
Wait, I don't know. I didn didn't know I thought you couldn't let any
No, you can't well. Let me tell you brother in it as a guest. What can I say? No fuck you
Dan farted nada not my little I've actually it was the opening the thriller no Dan far like yeah
It was like the last last voyage of the demeter
He farted sound the Amistad moving a night
He farted towards him on Jacob named it towards
I am gonna say no, it was a towards the buddy. I saw I saw a wrinkle ripple through his sleeve. What you saw blast radius
I saw his hair go back
I'm gonna ask you a question. You were you face that way or you face that way? I was faced towards you with my back towards the more towards Jacob. I was more I was I was like this
This is what I was like this no
A little more.
A little turn this way.
I don't agree.
I think it's it.
Absolutely.
100%.
You were more this way, Dan.
You were a little more this way,
but turned a little more this way.
I don't feel it this way.
No, like that.
I'll go all by this.
Right there.
I'm not happy about it.
No, no, no, no.
You loved it.
I sucked it.
You sucked it like hookah.
You sucked it like hookah.
Yeah, you sucked it like Michelle Pfeiffer in Scarface.
Where we going?
Where we going Tony?
You sucked it up.
Is this what it's about?
Letting out your farts?
The fucking is sucking the loads of Danny D.
Jacob's body is so polluted with Dan's farts.
I can't even have a fucking baby.
I can't even have a fucking baby. Because Jacob is sniffing the farts.
He didn't even, look it, I farted
and immediately covers his head
and he stands up and backs away.
My farts don't smell that bad.
And he's left the room.
And he bay smelled, I smelled it from over here.
No, no you didn't.
My farts do not smell.
I've left the room, he's called meetings.
It's an issue.
Shut your little face.
You're coming black years
Dan's first he doesn't think they smell but Dan doesn't have the gift of smell. Yeah, I am nose retard
They did smell I smelled it and as soon as he farted you didn't even acknowledge it. Here's the thing
That's not you didn't acknowledge it. He didn't acknowledge it for sure. I went like this because it just happened
We all stopped call my friend. Oh
He no sold it in no sold in no second
He was gonna let it go. No, I was nobody noticed it. He wouldn't say a thing J my friend J my friend J
my
Friend J friend, thank you, which is revealed
Revealed today my true friend J the strangest moments things today. My true friend, Jay. In the strangest moment, things we revealed.
Call things will be revealed.
Called it out, and then you fell into your little,
oh my God, and you pulled your thing up,
that you do me.
You, listen.
Because you turned on me before it could react
because you wanted vindication for some reason.
It was eight minutes before you reacted.
No.
You started yelling at, you yelled at me before it ended. In five times, that was eight minutes before you reacted. You started yelling at me before it ended.
In fart times that was eight minutes. That's not true. Also Bobby let me back
up here. Thank you. It's not true what you're saying. Fart finished. It was so
long and so loud and we were all here for it. I made a contact with Jay and Bobby
separately during the fart. He changed focus within fart. Cameraman, camera two.
As the fartter, as the studio fartter, I was in shock.
But brother, you're packing dynamite.
You got them bullets, the rip through bulletproof vest.
Cop killers.
Cop killers, dude.
Your farts are like smell bad.
I'm watching you drink milk carton to protein. I'm gonna say this a fart is a fart
I don't like it. I didn't like it. You can't you can't you loved it
Took your jacket off. It got me hot god damn it Jacob. It got me hot. Well, it actually warmed you up
I've never seen you without your jacket. You fucking know you melt down for it like one of those Danny D whores
Yeah, I'm surprised Dan didn't have a Chelsea tattoo
on his butt cheek to fucking blast your ass.
By the way, that fart could have covered three faces.
Oh my, you stuck your tongue out
and took your glasses off to get it in your eyelashes.
You piece of shit.
He pushed his tits together and put his tongue out.
No.
I've never.
You made your facial hairs not thicker
to hold it when you get home Ha ha, scratching sniff
He loved your fart
Loved it
I mean it was operatic
You loved it
You went, I'm gonna
I love that drop
Oh dude
Jay, he tried to suck some up to take Dan home with it
You want to take some home?
He wanted to take Dan home with it I to take some home you want to take down he wanted Dan home with a bottle for Jacob in my jacket because if this is all I get of
you I'll take it if I have a sample for home
Jacob your reaction was so you get irate when Bobby far
he's squeeze your, you squeeze his tits together. Jacob squeezed it.
He took his glasses off.
He went, oh no, he needs the protection.
He actually licked the fart off his glasses.
He goes, oh, that's steamed up.
He got steamed up on his glasses.
Oh no, don't waste any of that,
oh that fart was too, it shot over my head.
But look at, but this protein stuff
is like C4 for your ass.
Listen, I'm gonna drink more of it now.
You know what you've just unleashed? You've drink more of it now. You know what you've just
unleashed? You've unleashed the cracking. I know what I've unleashed. Yeah. And I'm, I'm, I didn't do it.
Bobby, I say you go full dipey tomorrow and poop your pants. I'm gonna go get tacos tonight.
What's to taco Tuesday? I'm getting tacos. I'm drinking as much protein as I can. You say
bizarre things after you fart. You'll say sorry and then back me up
I think be honest Jay Bobby will say it it was an accident I moved because if
movement is this is like you move all the time okay just
Jay can I say something can I just say something Jay what does that mean I'll
tell you what it means it means you got a weak butthole. It means you move and that fucking thing opens. I'll tell you what it means.
You're like a broken automatic door. I was holding it in the whole time because I didn't,
I was afraid of you. I'm afraid of your your tone and your facial look and your dumb brow crinkling.
Stop. Your little crinkle little snobby Florida brow that makes me feel bad
about my gas and I'm holding it and I actually the chair dropped and I
accidentally snuck one out and I immediately go I'm sorry it was an
accident. It is, apologies are downright boyish. I mean dude, Dan, I appreciate the
apology. I didn't like it. Dan loved it. By the way, show this man, who you hold in such a high regard.
Yeah. He stared at me and Bobby to alpha dog the room.
While he fucking he made sure we had both tension while he goes,
I'll fucking shit on Jacob and he'll do nothing about it.
And Jacob goes, more please, sir.
Yeah, I go, you're smallest, most precious member of poop on.
He farted, looked at our face.
It's still my show bitches
Right in your face. I go. I'm sorry. Are you guys not allowed to open spot holding your own studio? Oh, hey guys
Switzerland suicide tank
Hey guys, you're locked in here jerk off in ten minutes. You're dead
And my specials coming up Friday at 10
Yeah, I've never seen you bathed in it.
He smiled.
I didn't.
That's crazy.
You didn't smile, but you grinned.
You were thrilled.
You grinned.
You went like this.
Elevated.
It turned your day around for the bear.
I have frown upside down.
I haven't seen him this happy in months.
Downright giddy. I mean giddy, giddy. Because you've got upside down. I haven't seen him this happy in months.
Downright giddy.
I mean giddy, giddy.
Because you got a little bit of soda sauce on it.
Sorry, my guy likes my Danny dipping sauce.
It is infuriating.
Sorry.
It was so, Bobby, I know why Bobby's so angry.
This is so crazy.
Bobby is so terrified,
Bobby's been made terrified because there has been
three people at a time getting around him going like,
seriously, we all gotta be in the studio,
we all have to be here, but where he's so afraid of it
that he's not spoke sometimes in mid conversation.
He just not spoke and just-
Runs out.
I go, what's happening?
I love you for it.
We all love you for it.
I'm not.
Runs out.
I ran out. That's the way you said that. I'm not. I'm not. I ran out.
That's the way you said that.
I ran out.
I run out of the studio and toot in the hallway
and come back in because this little Napoleon man
has fucking scared me to death and has gotten the team.
I wish, dude, I wish I would have known
what was gonna happen and I would have just filmed.
I mean, Dan's face could have been more like he stood up.
Yeah, yeah, definitely standing.
He went a little Jacob direction
and just looked at his bowler.
He was checking his phone too.
Multitasking.
It was cash, it was cash, baby.
I mean, it was like what?
Right in his direction.
I thought it was something broken.
I thought something in the studio broke.
I didn't know it was a fart.
That's how amazing that fart was.
That fart was so close to,
if I was Jacob I'd be in a bad mood.
I wish you didn't say anything. I wish you didn't say anything. I wish you didn't say anything.
I guarantee if you didn't say anything, he wouldn't say anything.
It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter because upon-
Yours- we don't- we don't hear yours.
No.
Yours sneak up.
Yeah, you got dog farts.
So we catch smell.
I do.
No, if you hear- if you listen, it goes... Yeah, I bet it your butt, I bet your butt's hot when it comes out.
My thoughts are like... What's your weak asshole?
My thoughts are like a demon. It's like airsoft airsoft. That's like.
But here's the thing, you sneak out and they smell him, then they get angry.
Immediate anger.
Immediate.
Dan signaled the horn and look, it goes, this is going to be a thing in here. And he cre and and and.
Jeff never even broke his, his fingers.
No, he actually, he actually didn't turn away from it,
didn't run away from it.
When I fart, he gets up and starts moving
with his five jackets over his face.
I know what it's gonna smell like too.
And then gets everybody, hey guys, what the fuck guys?
And that rude is like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yours, he turned, if we had video, he turned towards him.
He farted in a room where Barry Manila was
Dan farted on your chest right near chest
there I am I wasn't happy at Froze out of
out of shock and shock and horror
he stopped at 20 in my waistband
this is what happens when you come in the room.
Lou, look at, he's lit up, dude.
That was crazy too.
When you see, you see, it's just I really enjoy Pearl Jam.
And I do like them.
And I say it's my life's work because it's what I love to do.
It's my hobby.
It's all I get to do.
But he threatened to quit the show
when you guys made fun of him.
He turned the thing off, he curses out Jacob.
They're in a week long thing.
They have to, we have to make them say they love each other
or often leave our children in the same.
Do you still get mad when people talk about your juicy ass?
No, I'm over that.
I lost 20 pounds in my ass.
Well, that's impossible.
You look great.
You'll never know.
Now, well.
I'm hanging over in front of this crew.
They hate us.
Yep.
It's been a pure mutiny over here since you left.
What the hell happened since I left?
And you came back.
Jacob, right down to Christine.
Fucking farted.
Nobody's happy here except me and Bobby.
We're having a blast.
We're having so much fun.
Jacob is the little, ooh, there's a word.
I don't know what the word is.
I don't have any crawling to that one, Jacob.
Fart Hoffman?
That would, if I were Bobby, if I was Bobby. Oh, I'd be dropping, I don't know what the word is. I don't have your crawler that one, Jacob. Farthoffery? That would, if I was Bobby.
If I was Bobby.
Oh, I'd be dropping.
I'd be real.
Bobby, I'm not gonna lie,
I'd come in tomorrow dropping heavy ass.
He's a little fart-free though.
I can't berate a guest also.
I was about to say something, but then as our guest,
it's like a Barry Manilow came in.
You didn't get that?
Dude, could I yell at Barry?
Like, have you farted on your arm?
We don't do that in here, Barry.
You mean if you farted in your face
I'm sorry. I'm out of everyone's jurisdiction
Suck nuts. I fart where I please now. I almost defended you. I was like hey
You know the farts America. Yeah
I'm I'm gonna stuck up for my was a hey
You don't fart and Jake and then I looked at him and he had a little little grin on he was lifted like when a cartoon
Smells a chicken from around the corner
That's why I say it wasn't instantaneous. It wasn't instantaneous because when Dan was laying the fart
My first thing was to be like dude. What are you doing? Just cracking it?
I don't I get I don't like when Josh had a Myers the person does that a lot
Yeah, I'm not a big like fart in front of me. So I was like gonna be like
Damn, but before I could even give Dan any ration of shit. I look over and see Jacob like he just fell into a botanical gardens
Shower me with like he got herbal essence over here
Something open up a port you're in Florida killing iguanas. Yeah, dude. I secret garden dim with my ass juice
You remember the York peppermint patty?
Well, when you bite into one of Dan's farts, you feel like you're hunting your guavas in Florida.
Yeah, Jacob was just fucking spearfishing in Florida underwater.
With a six-pack, just standing on a fucking floating raft.
Oh, when Dan farts in my ear, it's like the sensation of a thousand sharks surrounding me as I hold their fins like I'm coming.
I feel like I'm lifting the Titanic out of the ocean.
I feel like I'm curling 10 pound dumbbells shirtless in Florida.
Buddy, you, here's the problem.
You acknowledge, you knew it.
You like what the fuck?
I was like, this how much time went by.
I went, what was that?
Then you just-
We had a discussion about what it was.
Then you discussed it.
He's still not even, it about it in his face and then you look over him and
then we went at him because I realized what it just happened and you're you're
just smiling at Dan calm loose as a goose loose as a goose and then when you realize what
you were just caught in that's when you started your little acting technique oh
oh no that smell that's the farts of afternoon cereal god damn right it is
food I'm not gonna lie you nailed it if you would have said a Lenny's chicken
Caesar wrap I would have left it would have said a Lenny's chicken Caesar wrap
I would have left it would have scared me like Jacob did you get the hints of lemon chicken Caesar in that?
Homemade ice tea medium Duncan donuts with one sugar shout out no sugar though. Oh, yo check your elbow. Does it smell like all those things?
Yeah Check your elbow. Does it smell like all those things? Yeah. Were you transported to 2016? He faked it, cause here's what he did.
He didn't know he had to act out.
He just pulled his jacket up.
He physically pretended like he-
What's the worst reaction he's given to you as a fart?
He's left the room, he's made a stick,
and then they called a meeting.
It's been horrible though.
I mean, they smelled horrible
There's been and I'm gonna say this
In nine months, but I just did it nine ten months. No
That's a year on my first year
In March first will be so yeah, this is like next week's our year
Do I get something? Yeah, dude. I say come in here and what I would do if I would eat
Do I get something? Yeah, dude, I say come in here and I would do a fire.
I would eat refried beans and I would sit on Jacob's lap
and fart the whole show.
I tell you what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna send you a case
of that protein syrup you're sucking down.
My jizz is gonna be pure black.
Oh my God, dude.
I want you to come all over his arm with your black oil jizz.
I'm gonna give you that weird black maggot jizz.
Yeah, it's unbelievable.
That was crazy. It's crazy. It's, it's unbelievable. That was crazy.
It's crazy.
It's not.
Take a few knock.
Oh, that fart felt so good.
I bet you had so much time to relax into that fart
and you never even broke.
You never even broke it.
I don't know what to do.
Didn't even, I'll tell you what you don't do.
Ssss, sit there and take it.
I didn't.
My fart, you get up and run away.
You sat in the same chair.
You didn't even get up. Soaked in a baby. You were a foot away from his asshole.
His little flat ass. Hey, Lou. What are you listening to? Gays pro jam?
Yes, I do enjoy.
As a band, as a rock band, I do find that they touch me in a certain way.
Where I feel their music speaks to me.
Everyone's entitled to their own opinion of Edward.
I myself find him an enjoyable band
Well, I realize it's not gonna be everybody's cup of tea. It's just not the song since it's physicality
Mike McCready's bridge work is among some of the finest so look is it my life's work short
Maybe I overstated a little bit, but I think what I meant was it was high-passion
It was strictly hyperbole, but I do believe that it is the reason
I'm on this earth, but thank you and Dan. We've really enjoyed having you on God
Would you like to fart in my mouth?
For the folks at home, I guarantee right now you want another one. Don't you a little slut?
You feel you feel like we stole your moment of really enjoying it
I tell you guys a dirty little secret. Yeah, I might have cracked one off when you were yelling
You get that did you round see it?
But you smelled the sequels hardly received as much as the original I
Preferred the book I
Want to shit my pants right now do it dude
Just your back and just say goodbye to those underwear and put them right in front of Jacob's desk
Here you go, dude since you love ass so much. Wow, you're well certain ass. He likes certain fights. Wow, you love it
You love it. Can we what it smell like? How bad it is? Tell me what it smelled like
Delicious, I mean you just you could just smell that the air changed in the room. That's it a little bit
It's not like sharks. I smelled it over here. It was terrible. No, it was impossible. It was. I did smell it. I don't have terrible farts.
Everyone just tells you that because they love you and you can't smell. Yeah, you're just a
lovable guy. Well, they changed the lies. If Christine was blind, I would tell her it was handsome.
You just get in her hand and you just rub it on the wall and go, that's my stomach.
It feels like actual cinder blocks.
She goes, yeah, zero carbs since 06.
You see all I do is I have this tuna in oil.
It's really all the body needs.
You'd be surprised all the body needs doesn't stick.
Wow, what a piece of shit.
That I understood, it hurt me for you.
Yeah.
It's like, I don't know what to do when I guess
What was the other Brian Scalaro? Dan is not a fucking yes. Yes. I couldn't even send him a guest confirmation
He's a guest, but he's not a guest. I walk in between. I'm a daywalker in between both worlds. I get it
But what so if so when Andy fury comes in if he just fucking hung never done that?
Right in your ear. We can do it. You did you do it?
You're on the bonfire for eight years. Yeah
Did you fight on the show? Oh, yeah all the time in the mics all the time?
It was honestly Bobby I'd go as far as to say it was my thing many
As far as to say I'm a voice guy who minors in farts. I hate you. I hate you.
I hate you.
Bobby.
Technically, it's a voice out the back end.
Dude.
So, look at my thing.
I'm very vulnerable on the show.
And then I fart.
That's my thing.
Dude, I did.
You are.
By the way, I brought you in.
Bobby, I wanted you to be my partner on the show.
For one, you're hilarious.
And we needed a fart guy.
And that's how it was. In our band, we're missing a fart guy.
And when we talked, I knew what you needed and I agreed to do that.
But Jacob came in here to try to change up the sound.
How shocked was I when fart guy was rejected?
Jacob goes, new band, new sound guys.
Sorry guys, it's all new waves.
I'm sorry, it's not the sound you like, what's it not jazz.
It's too rock and roll for you, my farts.
Damn, you got metal farts. You're, it's because your farts like, which is not jazz. It's too rock and roll for you, my farts. Damn, you got metal farts.
You're, it's because your farts don't sound like the fucking bow of the Titanic.
You know those videos of underwater she read like, oh, no.
It was terrible.
I thought I didn't know that.
That was it right there.
Sounds like.
Dracool.
You see the basement.
Welcome to my bed.
Yeah, sounds like. Sounds like when she turned into the demon on the exorcist instead of floating. Dracool, you see the basement. Welcome to my van, the large man.
Sounds like when she turned into the demon on the exorcist instead of floating.
Ah, yeah, but it's not cock-a-doodle.
Dracool.
Dracool.
Hold me like Gary Oldman.
Hold Dracool.
You do one of these.
Drive far.
Blackloo, just know I got my eye on you.
You better not do something different. What are you doing different today? Because 49ers are awesome. Oh Black Lou just know I got my own you
What are you doing different today?
Awesome, I do back Jacob up though. Oh shit There was another guest in here that must have farted at least 45 times and Jake scolaro nothing Brian scolaro
Okay, he said nothing, but he was me. No, he was visibly
Happy with it. He was happy. You have a dance you smiled
You started drawing pictures of flowers in your paper
There's crazy you want to do a Disney song when scolaro farted you're a saloon face was so mad
We all were looking at you like you are violently like what the fuck we need to get this fucking turd machine out of here as soon as the show is over we will you good dude and you like no and we can sold you
we were there for you you never stop farting you're so angry I look at your
face I didn't know Dan farted because I heard the sound which was weird and
uncomfortable but I looked at your face you're like Jacobs not irate and standing
up covering his face with everything
Jacob's grinning like a little boy who got a lollipop He goes oh that noise must have been some kind of a hilarious thing in his own stomach
And that's why you smile no, listen Jacob just misses our two times
So yeah, a little two time at the commercial break. Is that it you missed the two times with Dan
Remember that gravity bong we looked at that's he took it in
I'm gonna go to the end. You took it.
Remember that gravity bong we looked at?
That's how you took it in.
You went,
You were sucking right out of the tube.
He made the noise.
You were so.
You were looking at me like,
I'm looking at you.
You were like,
You guys,
I fucking did it hard.
I miss Dan so much.
I miss you.
He goes,
He goes,
You go,
Jacob, Breathe. He goes, If I let the fart out, he's gone.
I want it in my brain.
The special might take him over the top. You won't need us anymore.
It's like changing a dead person's sheets. You're like, no, but then they're gone.
Then they're really gone.
I'm going to wash them away.
If I swallow this or blow it out, Dan's not here ever.
You're not here anymore.
You smart. You, your little grin was like a little boy
that just finished his paper route on Sunday.
You were just like, hey Dan,
right in it, we're just staring right at it.
And not until you were called out,
did you realize, oh, we're here too.
And we saw what you did.
Black Loo for the record couldn't wait
to get Jacob's back against you, Bobby, way again.
We all know that Black Loo hates Italians.
Yeah. Okay, Black Loo hates Italians. Yeah.
Okay?
Black Loo doesn't like me.
Especially with Irish names.
Oh my God.
He hates Italians with Irish names.
That's so confusing.
Oh, what a fucking-
Robert O'Kelly!
He's from Rome!
Black Loo doesn't like ball guys.
White ball guys.
No should you.
Listen, Black Loo didn't do anything either.
I didn't.
Usually when I fart, Jacob will bring him in
and then Black will be like, oh shit.
It's an ordeal.
He's pointed it out.
He's texted me.
Oh!
So there's a secret fart text thread that I'm not.
Damn, what are you putting in your butt?
Dude, let me tell you something.
I've changed my own diet.
You guys don't communicate because DJ Lou's back
in the PJ labs?
Not, not when I'm at work.
What is it?
You want me to solve this problem or not?
You guys, I'm finding videos of Eddie climbing stuff.
If you wanna text me, you gotta use my Pearl Jam phone.
Hello, call the back phone.
And then it rings and goes,
here's a, yeah, yeah, hello.
It's just like when you guys make fun of me it feels like it's real
But Dan I think loves Pearl Jam
So he understands that I got it is a great song
If we go to if we all go to the if we all go to Pearl Jam with you, could we share on them again?
No, I don't want you a pearl jam. He's
What I love
You know I love you know, I don't jam
Yeah, you know why cuz we don't want to see went to Pearl Jam
Overseas and Amsterdam. He doesn't want us to go here at the garden. I was my pearl jam photo
That's a great photo and I framed it. That's in that photo is like one of a kind. Thank you
You know why cuz he doesn't want it. He doesn't want you guys to see how excited he gets when he starts beaver shrieking at Eddie better.
That's right.
That's right.
He goes, oh man, there's that guy in the mid-side again.
This is a broken home.
You know what?
Maybe I would get it as excited as you.
Broken home.
I still love the show.
I just don't want to be.
It's not as much.
I just, no, I love this show I'm on, but I just don't want to take you to Pearl Jam.
So you can rip it and ruin my fun.
You think we would do that right there?
I would never do that.
I would have so on Monday.
I would have fun with you.
I would fake fun until you got to make fun of me.
Buddy, how much did I tell you?
I love Pearl Jam.
What's your favorite album?
Uh, the second to the sun.
What Pluto?
I don't, what I don't remember things. I just say things. I like it. I got
soda facts. What's your favorite progames? That's Wendy Williams things. You go, everyone
will be marrying masks. Please have dementia or else you are up. I start work on Monday.
Is the surface of Mars running out of oxygen Wendy Williams? Look at my feet
Jesus Christ, dude, she pulled up some some sea creature feet. She pulled up snowshoes dude. It was nuts
Oh, they look like the Donner party. It looked like you're made out of beef jerky
Everyone she met she was like thank you and they put the straw in the bag. Thank you. You want to see my feet?
She just couldn't wait to pull those fucking stone feet in the very beginning she goes don't see my tits and the guys
like no no no no looks like a mummy's feet looks like thing from Fantastic Four
yeah oh my god she goes it's clobbering time that looks like Patrice's foot now
yeah it's gossip in time. Oh, was he an organ donor? Wendy Williams my feet
Diabetic feet to Wendy was his stupid feet broken home. Oh man. Well, it makes you any better Christine also misses Dan
But she wishes the show was you and Dan Bobby
And I never fart in front of her.
That's because she wants you home more, right?
Listen, um, well, I mean, I'm, I'm, I'm fucking shocked. Sorry to break up the house with my butt.
I mean, you broke up.
We were having such a great show.
I mean, the show was flying.
It was great.
We were having a lot of fun.
Some fun subjects. I wanted to bring out some great show. I mean, the show was flying. It was great. We were having a lot of fun, some fun subjects. I wanted to bring out some great
stuff. We had great times and then all was revealed and then always revealed.
Yeah. With one little toot out of that little flat ass over there.
Musical little cutie Dan Petuti, let his little,
it was so long. Oh no, I made a butt mistake.
That far was so long. That was far was so long he felt he felt you know where the seam starts to become ball bag
Yeah from behind. Yeah, it ripples a little. Yeah
You got a little vibe bro on that fucking this the beginning of the scene
on that fucking this the beginning of the scene. I went, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, doggy, doggy.
Jacob sucked it up like it was gold.
I love it.
You're right, it didn't smell
because you snorted it all up the second it came out, dude.
Well, I tried texting Jacob before I walked in,
I go, do you want to do lines?
He's like, he goes, ooh, extra virgin.
Yeah.
Oh, Danny, late today.
First cut brisket.
First cut brisket. I miss these. Smells like when Trump was in office. Can
you do macho man and fart in my face? He goes, oh yeah. Does everyone we already discussed
before. Shout out. When I'm gonna on a hotel, and I'm drawing my ass crack,
if I gotta crack one, I crack right into it,
and then that's fun, to smell the Terry Claw three times.
It really holds it.
It really holds it, it's gone nowhere.
Did you ever, did you ever?
Explain it to me.
You just, when you're wiping your ass.
But just what does smells are like?
It depends, whatever that fart smells like.
Whatever that fart smells like, it just,
it like, towel holds it for a good 30, 40 seconds.
Wings and a Caesar salad with horse hair.
The horse hair.
Do you ever, do you ever put your fingers, when you know you have to fart, you put your
fingers in the side of your butt and just open it.
Oh. And have it make that other sound.
Ah. Yeah, I do.
And then, and then right at the end, you have it make that other sound. Oh, yeah, I do. And then right at the end you close it
Oh, I call it the susk this one just goes
When you open it up, you're open cheek. It's like it's like a mouth trying to close but it can't just go like
The same exact sound Jacob made when Dan parted. Oh, yeah, he backwards sus
revolutionary Oh, revolutionary.
Revolutionary.
Oh.
Oh, it's just like I remembered.
Oh, God.
Oh, that's my brand.
Oh, man.
Oh, God, that's like the Christmas show of-
Oh, the kitchen can still cook.
2017.
That was like-
That was before pandemic Dan's ass.
What is Dan eating vegetable brownies from Nicky Dinky?
That was like-
Revolutionary. That was like your first Dinky? That was a good one.
That was like your first cigarette back after quitting for a couple years.
He's like, ooh, I'm getting that original taste back too.
He leans it all.
I forgot how they tasted.
He put his foot up on all.
He's gonna close his eyes on the train home and just smile.
For one second I was happy.
Yeah, he's gonna wake up yeah he's gonna wake he's
gonna wake up he's gonna wake up to exit to two stops past the stuff he goes
New York right what are you gonna do he's gonna sniff his sleeve his hoodie
sleeves tonight in his dreams tonight in his dreams it's me coming out of a
pool like a cologne commercial You did that. You did that fart. You did that fart. You did that fart. You did that fart.
Piece of shit.
Wow.
Well, Dan Soder, not only is he loaded with delicious farts.
He's got Jacob in love.
His new special on the road is coming out this Friday, everybody.
Very exciting.
March 1st, 10 a.m. Eastern time on youtube.com.
At Dan Soder, watch it right away.
Watch it right away.
Watch it often. Comment. All that stuff. You have to, that's what keeps right away watch it right away watch it often comment all that stuff
You have to that's what keeps it moving. That's what keeps it getting the push you the algo
Yeah, so please make sure everyone go support that fucking big time. I know it's hilarious. He's just picking his nose
He's also big like this. It doesn't matter. He doesn't care fucking he could piss on the floor as he walks out of here
Get ready for my finale
He's gonna throw a booger of Jacobs motherfucking surf and turf this studio
You could also catch Dan at LOL comedy club in San Antonio this Thursday
After that Cincinnati Lexington, Kentucky
Nashville, Tennessee for tickets and all tour dates of course go to Dan Soder
Make sure you check out his special on YouTube. And you know what guys, we have a podcast.
You guys gotta go check out too.
It's check out the podcast.
It's a release in the episode every Tuesday through Friday
on all major platforms.
Download, rate, review, subscribe, wherever you listen
and make sure you check out.
We're going to the Paramount Theater, me and Big J.
March 21st.
We got a bunch of guests that are coming down. We're gonna bring some friends.
It's gonna be a fun night.
So get your tickets for that 8 p.m. March 21st
at the Paramount and Huntington, Long Island.
Big J is gonna be this weekend.
The Zanies.
The Zanies.
The Zanies, killing it.
Bobby's got Mohican Son coming up,
bigjcomy.com, robertkellylive.com.
Watch our YouTube page.
We'll be right back.
We got some family stuff to sort out. We got a stuff to sort out I got another toot for this break
Dan ruin the family again
Hey everybody thanks for listening that was just a portion of our actual
Sirius XM radio show if you want the whole thing go to SiriusXM.com
slash bonfire for a special offer that's right and go to bigjcomedy.com and robertkellylive.com to check out our stand
updates coming to a city near you.
Cracklebrad.
Cracklebrad.
Cracklebrad.