The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Strong Men Are Weak

Episode Date: September 17, 2024

Jay and Bobby try to do a podcast that will cater to the young, empowered woman and pay them hundreds of millions. DJ Lou is unnerved by a date who shows up in a different wig every encounter. Find ...out whom amongst the crew doesn't mind a wigged woman and who can't live with it. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolfSubscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts to listen to new episodes ad-free and a whole week early.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 And now the bonfire with Big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly Radio show Jacob this is why we have a radio show Jacob. I've never seen you more excited when you went look We talked of this. Yeah fucking hit the button is a strong topic here Wow well lose very guarded so the fact he's going to talk about this is great, he's guarded about his personal life, which I Hate more than anything. I hate so hard. I fucking hate it. God I hate it so hard. God damn it. No zins, no zins on the radio. Oh this is just a two size smaller jersey that I bought the rest of my life. Congratulations dude. This thing, I don't even give a shit quite honestly. Congratulations. You know what, I'm wearing a large. Yeah? This is a large. Is is it that's awesome. I haven't worn a large hoodie not to step on your moment
Starting point is 00:00:50 No, it's amazing. No, no, no, that's great. And it and it I I'm not the skinny guy anymore I was a skinny guy for a year and a half. You've taken over that mantle No, you're getting the accolades now and I want you to have them dude as an ex fat guy Still chubby. I want you to have them. Thank you. Enjoy them. You look fantastic Now what I'm starting to feel like I went to the gym today because I am like I was like man I go my arms are like slimming up a little bit I go I was wearing a sleeveless shirt and I was like, oh it looks good from the front Yeah, then I did a little side step lifted the arm and you're like, ooh, there's a little used to be something in there now There's nothing in their area here a little Ric Flair. Yeah, your little mom fucking elbow
Starting point is 00:01:33 Little bit you could bite your elbow and it wouldn't hurt you not bad But I was like I gotta get my arms like fucking swole. You gotta work out. You don't even get them swole Just get the muscle back Small 20 pound dumbbells the muscles there guys. I mean go ahead. You might as well everybody see Don't flex hold your arm overhead and flap them your arm. No, okay That's not gonna make me feel good on camera. You know what don't do that. Don't do that. What do you say? I'm trying to have a moment I just told you I got flop on my arm a little bit of flop, but I wanted to jump on right away because I
Starting point is 00:02:06 Asked Lou about the I was a song you heard this weekend with your new black girlfriend And he says no he thinks that's coming to a rap soon the reason why Lou She shows up every date with a different wig on it's crazy now Why I wanted to jump on the air with that immediately was because Jacob goes I don't understand that Black Luke completely understands it. I do I completely understand it too. I think it's racist. It's not racist It's a dude. He shows up with a different scally cap every time buddy if it was a fucking He was a white girl doing this I would be Blown away and be like I hate hate this. It's different, dude.
Starting point is 00:02:45 He wears a different hat. No, my hats are pretty much consistent. But this different hat, her hat, you know, her wig is her hat. No, you're not getting to see what she looks like. What? You don't know what she looks like. He has no, have you seen her without the wig at all? No.
Starting point is 00:02:59 And he has no idea what she looks like. Wait till she's asleep and take it off. Oh, God. What if he she's asleep and take it off. Oh, God. What if he hits her? Ah! Just take it off. Just actually take it off. I give you if you take it off and put it on.
Starting point is 00:03:11 Ah, it's my trash guy. And then wake her up. Just wake her up and go, hey, what's up? She looks like Charles S. Dutton from Rock. I'm walking it back because I'm thinking cosplay like if a girl dresses up like Wonder Woman. Yeah, you're thinking the wrong thing Yeah, like I already know what hair she she's wearing different wigs to be like. Oh today's look is
Starting point is 00:03:31 You know like long parted on the side Today's look is a shorter a little bob thing and that's bat shit crazy. You don't know if you're having sex with You know like Marla Gibber Jack a with, you know, like... Marla Gibber Jack A. Yeah, wow. Those were two great pulls. I mean, wow. Sorry, guys, I've been writing a lot of battle reps lately
Starting point is 00:03:50 because I got to go against Lewis at Skankfest, so my mind's flowing right now with reference. So, you got any more? Yeah, I understand that. You don't know what you're getting, but still. You know, black girls wear wigs. I know. I didn't know that until I getting, but still, black girls wear wigs. I know. I didn't know that until I like to get a little aggressive.
Starting point is 00:04:09 Is that the word? Sure. Sexually, especially younger Bobby, sexy Bobby, I like to pull. Yeah, take what's yours. I like, no. And no mean gents. No, no, no.
Starting point is 00:04:17 No. Ixnay on the old rape-ay. It's you paid for dinner, and now you expect something. No, that's, I mean I do, but no. I like to, you know, pull a little hair, get a little grinded teeth. Donkey punch. No, I don't like to hit any of that.
Starting point is 00:04:33 A little knife to the side of the cheek. I've never stabbed a woman in my life. Of course, you don't have to, they usually just give in. I've wanted to. No, but I remember I went to pull a girl's hair, and she was like, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, that cost me a thousand dollars I was like oh She had a wig on oh and she didn't want it to come off which I flipped me out a little bit
Starting point is 00:04:52 But you know what you can do no, it's wacky. It's completely wacky now by the way We're talking weave weave. I can get behind if you're gonna go weave I can live with that date somebody fine with weave Did you say it's wigs? No f in way because here's what I'm seeing Underneath that wig what's happening is some kind of a fucking stocking hat on their head It's a big hair's all mushed down watch every black girl fight on world star hip-hop It goes from like man these two hot strippers like is this two guys fighting Yeah, then she turned into a bank robber that's what's happening our second date I took her bowling and that was that's what really threw me off
Starting point is 00:05:33 you got to wear your wig to bowl well yes buddy what she's telling you is you don't want to see what's under that wig no what she's telling you is that's my lucky bowling wig guys let me ask you this question. Last time she wore that wig, she got, she actually got a 300. Look at this. Look at this. Why does a black woman, if she wants to go out, has to get like Rick Baker makeup?
Starting point is 00:05:53 When she looks like she's fucking, this looks like. The gluing, the gluing it to her head. I know, this is what making a thriller looked like. Dude, it's just a- Bow bow. Bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow White guys get so much shit for wearing toupees. You know what I mean? Toupees just as lame. Yeah, this is, I guess. A wig is no less lame than a toupee.
Starting point is 00:06:31 I'm telling you, a wig's a weird look. Make your hair work. Do whatever with your hair is gonna work. And I'm okay as long as you take it off once in a while. You want to wear it for a fancy dinner, go ahead, but... What if she takes it off and puts it on the chair next to you? Oh! You can't just, like, take a wig off. What if she takes it off and puts it on the chair next to you What if she drops it on the Roomba and it's just going around the house You don't see her itch your head with her middle knuckle
Starting point is 00:06:54 Lou it's yeah, no, I'm with you buddy. I'm not on Fuck I think if they're if they're maintaining it and it's I hang on Let me finish if they're don put, don't get sad eyes. Don't give me. I'm not sad eyes, there's nothing you can say that's gonna make this wig okay to me. I'm gonna say that if they maintain it, and it's on point, is that, black me up on that?
Starting point is 00:07:17 On point? On point. Thanks. Were you blacking him up for the word itself? Yeah, for the pointy's maybe on I'm on point for the word I'll point okay, if they're keeping it on point if they're keeping it fresh With a glue on her head if they're keeping it silly bad shit I think it's okay. And now if it's you know silly if yeah, I just made that up
Starting point is 00:07:38 I was just going with it. What do you mean if they make it like I was keep on point fresh silly No, you know dope sure, you know Snickers Yeah, zip zips. Mm-hmm Kazooie Kazooie's if they're keeping it all the hip-hop terms keeping a diamond. Yeah, I mean Keep it a buck. Okay, so if they keep it like this, this is pretty intense and it's not gonna come off It looks real. No, I'll never know but if she's switching it up every week is your problem, right? Cuz it's not gonna come off, it looks real, you'll never know, but if she's switching it up every week, it's your problem, right? Cause it's not, it's not, it just comes off. No, no wigs.
Starting point is 00:08:11 This isn't a problem for you? Wigs are for costumes. No, this is actually gonna stay on her head, you're not gonna be able to take it off. I know, but you know what's under the, and by the way, when you touch their head, when you touch their head and kiss or whatever, go back there, you're gonna feel those little braids
Starting point is 00:08:24 underneath and a wig. When was the last time he was with a black girl you don't touch a black girl's hair yeah then you do not touch a black girl's hair that is I fuck you do white black girls with fucking skank tattoos I fuck straight do I'm telling you for every weave is permanent enough that I'm fully on board with that You never touch a black girl's hair, dude. You're supposed to go near it Okay. All right. I'll submit to that one. I'm talking about You don't touch a black girl's hair motherfucker and Lewis has you worked up I does
Starting point is 00:08:57 You spent too much time with Lewis again. Oh, he mean DJ Lou, right? I don't know. She did you see the guy that goes around with a leaf blower to black girls with wigs at bus stops and just blows it off their heads? I love that. I love that so much. Have you seen it? By the way, every fight on Austin,
Starting point is 00:09:17 it's the black girls, it's funny watching somebody have to go back and get their friend's wig off the floor. It happens, I mean, this is crazy. Dude, this looks like you're making her up for Disney on Ice. This is a, that does look like werewolf hair right now. It's insane. That's a crazy one.
Starting point is 00:09:33 We're watching, we should explain. We're watching a woman go through the, is that what they're calling it? A wig installation. Yeah, they have to put it on. This is what guys go through who have hair systems. This is a young woman. This is a young woman. Yeah, but she wants American Indian hair and now she has it
Starting point is 00:09:49 It's fucking crazy wants to look like the girl on the butter. It's crazy. There's a different Alright, I'm gonna do a high top fade guys. I'm gonna get my hair kinked up real tight And I'm gonna grow a high top fade. I like it. I'm gonna appropriate Guys get toupees because they have no hair right she has hair plenty of hair She doesn't need to do any and the ability to grow hair, but she doesn't have Farrah Fawcett alien hair No, right, which is bat shit crazy to want that Lou I'm surprised that if she just like went with one look you'd be okay with that, but it's cuz I would just again It's just knowing and then by the way changing them every time you see her means that these aren't
Starting point is 00:10:30 Glue on with a fucking team in the chair by 4 a.m. This is her going Put it on like a fucking like a Russian winter hat. This is like the mom from Schitt's Creek Yeah, she just has him named in the closet. That's Victoria. Lou, where you meet girls, probably has a chin strap on it. That's elastic string. Thanks, buddy. It's supposed to be. It's fishing string, so you can't see it. She actually just has a hat with hair on it. She looks like the Wakandan guard underneath Lou, probably.
Starting point is 00:10:59 And I've just seen two. Here's what I want to throw around the room, guys. You meet the girl of your dreams. Yeah, I did already. She's gorgeous. I did already. I live with her what I want to throw around the room guys you need to grow your dreams. Yeah, I did already He's gorgeous. I did already I live with her. I'm very hypothetical. Okay. I was just saying that case don't ever listen He did a good job. Thanks. I want Christine to like hang on hold for the edit. Okay, and But you she's a girl your dreams blown away by her beauty. Oh for the edit blown away by her beauty, Hopefully edit. Blown away by her beauty. Yes. And then in one day when you're having
Starting point is 00:11:29 your fantastic magical sex, you pull off her wig. Where are we having sex by the way? In a meadow. In a meadow? Is there water? I like water around to keep the bugs away. Okay, so let's get rid of the meadow. Maybe by a babbling brook.
Starting point is 00:11:44 A babbling brook, that's great. What time of day though morning? Evening evening sun's just going down. It's a purple sky I'll sky like purples and those kind of like we got southwestern sky any animals in the distance a horse a unicorn No, unicorns on a real animal says you No, just maybe like the No, no animals birds chirping birds what about a small but the nighttime chirping birds oh and Bobby a fucking a
Starting point is 00:12:13 zillion lightning bugs love that going off while you're having sex. Yeah. Oh you pull her wig off what and She's not Just hiding a stocking cap and some other hair because she wants to do it This is there's a few hairs here a few hairs there. It's all nodgy and fucking just little little things and knobs all over it and It's because she has a terrible disease. We'll say it's cancer and she's going through extreme chemo and it has never grew back.
Starting point is 00:12:54 She's six, actually she survived the cancer but the hair is done. That's what it's gonna look like, patchy and little knots. Yes, Bobby, question? Are we done with sex and this happens? Yes, but you are You're living together so done with sex this happens. I find out she's wearing a wig Let's say you're not living together yet. You're
Starting point is 00:13:22 Seriously dating seriously. Yeah, she's met some people and someone said to you he goes to that hair Doesn't look right. She's so hot, but like, is she wearing a wig? And you go, I don't know, I see she's wearing a wig. And then when you pull it off. The bugs are out, the sun's setting, the birds are chirping. You have nefarious intentions, but this is a beautiful moment. I have an orgasm, and then I kind of grab her, the wig falls off, I see what she really has,
Starting point is 00:13:42 what she really has got rocking. I drowned her in the river. Okay. That's Bobby's answer well DJ Lou yeah is she pretty though no with the wig yes stunning but without the wig I mean exactly what you think a bald lady looks like when the original when they took Darth Vader's helmet off yeah like you can make gorilla cookies with her face. I'm still in because at least I get to see what I'm dealing with.
Starting point is 00:14:10 Wow. Wow. This black chick fucked up. Christina, it wouldn't matter. Jacob? No, I'm not there for her. You're not there for her. You want hair. You coldly leave. She betrayed with her non-hair. She didn't betray you, she wanted you to fall in love with her for her. You want her. You coldly leave. She betrayed with her non-hair.
Starting point is 00:14:25 She didn't betray you, she wanted you to fall in love with her for her, and you did. He didn't fall in love with her for her. He fell in love with her who she was representing. Turns out. And now it falls off. And does she, can I ask a question real before I drown her in the river?
Starting point is 00:14:38 Does she scream and go, oh shit, sorry, or does she just let it fall off like this is who I am? No, I think it comes off, sorry, or does she just let it fall off like this is who I am? Hmm, no, I think it comes off, yeah, and she does like a, like a, oh no, like oh. Like, she's definitely nervous. Right, yeah, no, yeah. You leave. I'm out. You don't stay with her.
Starting point is 00:14:59 No, I run through the field. That's it, take off. I'm gone. Collecting lightning bugs along the way. Yeah, but I go, look, I'm gonna be right back. I'm gonna get some glue for you so it stays on. Oh yeah, I off. I'm gone. Collecting lightning bugs along the way. Yeah, but I go look I'll be right back. I'm gonna get some glue for you so it stays on. Oh yeah, I'm gonna get some glue. I watched this process. Yeah. I'm actually gonna go get some sap from that tree over there. That
Starting point is 00:15:13 that's how the American ninjas. I'll be right back. Lou, how many black women have you been with? Black Lou? 1.5. One and a half. You're not asking him this. You're with a little girl. I'd never be with her wrong He would stay I'll tell you why although I hate short hair on women it really bugs me Mm-hmm any woman that's stunning her hair is not gonna make or break her so wow no no I'm telling you
Starting point is 00:15:37 She's got a knobby head. It's all fucked from these medical situations She's had to go on she had open up they had to open up her brain It wasn't even cancer at all they had she had open brain surgery and bought and just she's had to go on. She had to open up, they had to open up her brain. It wasn't even cancer at all. They had, she had to open brain surgery and just whatever they had to do. Hair's never coming back and her head's all like, there's a scar and it's just. You got like dog mange from it.
Starting point is 00:15:55 It's like if you have a few hairs here, start growing, she doesn't know, in the back, she starts getting the horseshoe, cause no one knows. And there's a patch of gray, like in the back. Some of it's gray. You're gonna say go, no. Just be yourself, let I show you to my friend. Her face is stunning though. I mean stunning I'd have to be out. Yeah, I would see you know, they put implants under the skin now
Starting point is 00:16:18 I would see if you can implant hair on their head So we just never have to see that like no one would know there's just five screws Maybe running down the center of her head. I Would actually get a rock and pull a Donnie dust crack a Obsidian knife and then shave her head and be like this is what I like I want just you fully shaved a shave her head in the river I swear you're there see like Donnie dust I was gonna grab a rock and beat her to death with it while she lies sleeping in a tent and then smoke her corpse
Starting point is 00:16:46 We shall feast on this feral creature. Now, this is over now because of that? Wait, Black Lou, you never said. You're out when it's a knobby head with big scars and everything? Absolutely out. Yeah, we are cold-blooded dudes. What if he just took her hair?
Starting point is 00:17:02 Have you seen her without the hair? No, that's the problem. Have you seen where you seen her without the hair? No, that's the problem Have you seen like the where you know, it's a wig. Well now I can't stop staring at it What wig says she worn ones the Ross from Night Court? Yeah the one Shaka Khan Peppa second album Their long black straight and Peppa, second album. Yeah. Yeah. They're long, black, straight. And yeah, one was shorter than the other.
Starting point is 00:17:27 One was curly. Oh, she pulled the John Gervolta? Kid from Kid and Play. That's when they found out John Gervolta was bald, because he showed up with short hair at one premiere. And the next day, he had just long hair. And they're like, wait a minute. You can't grow hair that long.
Starting point is 00:17:40 Oh, wait, Lou, before you break up with her, make her wear like a Stevie Wonder Wonder wig where it's all beads You know I mean like the hair of beads. Yeah, see if she can get like a poison wig Brett Michaels wig see if you go blonde for you. Oh, yeah See if she would go yeah, dude make her have Eddie Vedder hair that would turn you on so hard, dude That you got the fuck a hot black Eddie Vedder? How about a Arsenio Hall hair? I like that. Woo woo woo woo woo.
Starting point is 00:18:07 I don't mind that at all. Or maybe an MC search. Dude, you shouldn't leave. You could do a lot of weird shit and have a lot of fun, you don't even know. Yeah, by the way, now she wears all those wigs, you're like, can I just have fun chopping things into your hair?
Starting point is 00:18:18 Like her real hair, you could probably just draw on it and stuff. Yeah, get an old school carousel afro that spins around and has little kids in it. We know to get it for every holiday now. New fucking wig. Holiday wig, just show up with a fucking wig every time you see her.
Starting point is 00:18:33 Can I ask you a question? Hey, I'd like to see in this. Can I ask you a question? There are expensive wigs, and then there's just Ricky's wigs, right? Sure. So are they expensive, you think? He doesn't know. No are they expensive, you think? He has a no.
Starting point is 00:18:45 No clue. Is it real hair? They're changing, she's changing them every time he sees her. I'm telling you, this is not a crazy process. I didn't know it was a wig the first date. Cause you thought that was her hair? I didn't know anything about it.
Starting point is 00:18:59 Yeah, I don't know anything about wigs. And then she showed up the next day with a different, shorter hair. That's not a wig. No, well we talked about it, she told me. Yeah dude, some wigs. And then she showed up the next day with a different shorter hair. That's not a wig. No, well, we talked about it. She told me. Yeah, dude, some wigs are human hair and they look amazing. No, it's not a wig.
Starting point is 00:19:11 That's false advertising. How do you know that's not a wig? Because they're gonna sell you a wig that looks like that hair, but that girl's not wearing a fucking wig. Such a glass is half empty. That's no wig. Silk top wig, platinum blonde.
Starting point is 00:19:24 It's not a wig. How do you know that's not a wig? She can't platinum blonde. It's not a wig. How do you know that's not a wig? She can't be that ugly that she needs a wig? Yes. That's not the way it works. No, but I'm telling you, bald, to hey, I mean, who's looked, how many people have looked good bald, really? Everyone says Sinead O'Connor,
Starting point is 00:19:43 and they're all talking about that one video. She was actually ghastly looking no why she no she was all right yeah I'll tell you look at o'connor by the way um rotten piss chicken rot just take a hard line against she need o'connor she's beautiful in that yeah in that video she's not and no no moment after or before that has she ever been mildly attractive. I mean dude, she looks hot. I think she's hot. You know me, I love short hair.
Starting point is 00:20:09 The chick from Rocky IV, what's his name's chick? Brigitte Nielsen. She looked good with short hair. That was short hair, that wasn't a baldy. Dude, I had a girl to show this weekend, bald hair. Awesome, smoking hot. You know, she's listening and you're being nice. You're goddamn right, I hope she is.
Starting point is 00:20:25 You look so good. God, man, I loved your bald head. I love a bald head. My number one, Zoe Deutsch cut her hair off and it broke me, and now she's finally growing it back. I mean, do you remember what Britney Spears looked like with a bald head? Like fucking.
Starting point is 00:20:40 Some people aren't supposed to do it. She has a weird fucking leveled head. She has two levels. It was also a psychotic break. Yeah, exactly. It wasn't a hairstyle. I know, but there was no way she could have smiled differently that would have made it look better. Yeah, she-
Starting point is 00:20:53 Me and Mike. Yeah dude, you can't count her dude. She looks like Yellow Bastard from Sin City. Oh my god, yeah. Her head isn't meant for bald Bald she has a big head. Yeah, she needs hair now What doja cats pulling off bald? Yep, but when she puts on a wig with hair looks way better Who's that other girl that's put the bald girl that spoke at the? Republican convention she's pulling off bald to that black chick. Oh Amber Rose
Starting point is 00:21:23 100% absolutely. Have you ever seen her with hair though? Way better. Insanely way better, Amber Rose with hair. Not insanely way, that doesn't look better. It does. No way, bald looks, look at how, oh! She's gorgeous. God damn, everything is accentuated.
Starting point is 00:21:42 Her face just fades in with that, that's a wig. That's a bad wig. That's a bad wig. That's a wig. I worked with Ambrose at the Foxhole Celebrity Weekend in Atlantic City. Do the dark hair there. Yes, Jacob. I prefer it with the wig.
Starting point is 00:21:55 Nah, come on, look right there, dude. I'm so scared with the wigs. This is weird that that's somebody else's hair. It is. Like some poor Indian woman had to grow her hair long for six years and they cut it off and then de-liced it and sold it to her. Who else did a massive short hair thing and no one cared anymore? Did Katy Perry do that?
Starting point is 00:22:15 I don't think so. Britney Spears cut her hair like the Punisher. She did the whole in the mirror, I'm going out for revenge. Oh yeah, yeah. No, she did a nutty like never again. Did you know Katy Perry was a Christian singer? Yeah. Did you know that?
Starting point is 00:22:30 She was? I grew up in church. Dude I sent you a link. No I know I heard the thing on Stern today where she was talking about like, if he does the dishes, if a little bit of his dishes, I'm gonna suck his cock right there, prepare to have your cock sucked.
Starting point is 00:22:43 God bless. God bless. Christine would have to eat your ass by the way That was her that was if Jay does the bed one more. I'm gonna suck his ass By the way that interview happened on a caller daddy serious XM's new 125 million dollar acquisition It's eating at you. Huh? It's eating at you? No. No? Jay.
Starting point is 00:23:10 Why do you think it's eating at me? Is it eating at you, Jay? Why, bro? It's probably $125 million good. I don't think there's anything that good. Did you hear that breaking Katy Perry news? Was that the show that it was on? Dude, listen, I do think that show is worth more
Starting point is 00:23:26 than almost every NFL contract. I do. Is it really? Yeah, I do absolutely think it's worth it. So, Joe, let me ask you a question. Yes. Do you think that that new podcast that they signed... Call Her Daddy.
Starting point is 00:23:41 Call Her Daddy is worth over a million, a hundred million dollars. I mean What am I gonna go against the consensus? I guess dude is worth they probably got a bargain at a buck 25 Why the 25 huh? Why the extra 25 what is 25 million because fucking why not Bobby? Who else are they gonna give any kind of serious money to? I don't know maybe this show. Yeah, I mean God forbid Let's hope Howard Stern doesn't go running out the door screaming fire then that's gonna be another couple gazillion Then they'll stretch a little over all the prize say hey We want Kevin Hart to walk into the building once a year, so let's sing about 50 60 million at that guy
Starting point is 00:24:23 Oh, you know what? Any celebrity would like to start their own channel. 20 mil. Jane Lynch just got 32 million. Hey, have you guys checked out Dax Shepard radio? All Dax Shepard's third and fourth favorite songs? Mike Ruffalo is gonna do a show once a year. 32 million.
Starting point is 00:24:41 That's right, everyone, Mike Ruffalo. Mark Ruffalo's brother. Not even, it's Mike Ruffalo Mark Ruffalo's brother not even it's Mike Ruffalo It's called fracking It's all about fracking. I mean they really give a lot of money. What are you talking about? Dude is fairly distributed throughout this place What are you trying to say Bobby that you don't think that we now have the privilege of saying we are in house with Call Her Daddy, the new $125 million flagship show of Series XM. Welcome to the family.
Starting point is 00:25:12 Yeah, welcome to the family. Now here's what's funny Bobby, me and you nowhere near big enough apparently to get on this show, so let's not be looking for any cross promotion shall we say We can't even get yamanika on this show She's over in Kevin Hart's umbrella She canceled twice floating in the juice over here Turds in the punch. We get Bennington once a year. I think it comes in once a year. That's pretty cool We can't get Chris Stanley anymore. Now busy. I get him. We can't get Jim and Nikki. We should have the caller daddy a
Starting point is 00:25:49 Girl on do you think if I yell from here she could hear high up in her tower my cries for They actually put a wall up. They should yeah, I hope to give her a wing I hope she gets a Howard Stern like wing in this place Guys we have to move you up to the 37th floor because this side's gonna become the Caller Daddy complex. Howard needs a wing because when he comes in every day, it would be hard for him to walk through the regular, so when he comes in every single day to do the show.
Starting point is 00:26:18 Right, oh Bobby. What? Oh Bobby. What? He's not here, man. What? He's not here in the building. No, he's here. No, nobody comes in the building. No, no, no. He's in a basement somewhere in a mansion. No.
Starting point is 00:26:31 Living the way we all wish we could. Why is Jacob getting nervous that we're talking about this? I don't know, I love Howard Stern, so I'm taking the shot. And also, I don't know why I'm whispering, I'm the number one fan of Call Her Daddy, the new 125-pounder now, series XM property. I've never heard of it, but I'm the number two fan.
Starting point is 00:26:51 No, you've heard of it. I think the other girl from it just started doing shitty comedy at one point. And the other one now makes 100... No, that girl's got to eat, I think. Huh? I think that girl's got to eat. Oh, it's different.
Starting point is 00:27:03 But there is a break-up on this one, wasn't it? What about, what do you mean you do a, why don't you do a podcast called guys can't eat anymore. Yeah Anti slut shaming she's doing a slut shaming podcast. No, we should do it girls get out there and suck some cocks Am I right? Who's to stop us? I ate my wife's pussy every time she cooks me dinner. Yeah fart in my mouth I don't care. Yeah, I give a shit simp radio fart in my mouth, I don't care. Yeah, I give a shit. Simp radio. Do they come here for this new show?
Starting point is 00:27:26 Huh? Call her daddy, is that new here? Buddy, this studio probably is not as nice as a place they wouldn't take a shit. So they're probably not coming into this studio. No, I have to assume they're somewhere in a grandiose, fantastic studio. It's in LA, right?
Starting point is 00:27:43 Functioning cameras that film them. We have functioning cameras? No, no, no, with someone filming them. Oh, somebody who actually can push the button on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, someone who could do the thing and not make... I'm not even familiar with the show. Well, buddy, get familiar with it.
Starting point is 00:28:00 I am, I'm learning. It's the reason you can't afford life. Yeah. I am, I'm learning. Because it's the reason you can't afford life. It was picked up originally by Barstool Sports. Dave Portmoy picked it up and it went from 12,000 downloads to 2 million downloads in two months. Nice. Now it has like 5 million listeners a week.
Starting point is 00:28:17 Hey. It's second only to Joe Rogan experience. Yeah, but we have, how many millions do we have following us? 50. So these two women are the reason that I had to bet my whole life on Tesla? Yep. Gotcha.
Starting point is 00:28:30 And these are the reasons why a few of us in here are gonna jump off a building someday. But this girl, I don't know what the falling out was between the two hosts, but this girl's no longer involved at all. It's all Alex Cooper now. I know, you know why. Burn, you know why, bitch shit.
Starting point is 00:28:44 Same reason why Dan left. Yeah. You know why. Bitch shit. Same reason why Dan loved. Yeah. You think their periods synced up too? Now we got bitchy. Yeah. Well. You know what I say to them? They already had a 60 million deal with Spotify. Nice. So they had 60 million and then Sirius was like fuck it. Yeah Bobby. They threw them crackers over at Spotify. Don't yell at me, Jay. SiriusXM swooped in and says, hey, let me treat you like a show deserves to get paid like this. $125 million.
Starting point is 00:29:15 That's a lot of money. It's not even enough. But can I say something? Yeah. Like when Howard got his money, everybody was like, what the fuck does he need half a billion for not me and But people were like but he has to pay everybody Hey, that's not exactly true
Starting point is 00:29:32 There's some in between there that it is it was the idea was always like they make it sound like he gets like every year They give him a hundred million dollars. It's not like that To the best of my knowledge Sal yeah, I think maybe that part of it knowledge. But I mean like it's- He has to pay Sal. Yeah, I think maybe that part of it. Now there are serious employees. Yeah, there are employees like me. Yeah, there's someone that's like-
Starting point is 00:29:50 Rob, he probably gets paid out of his money. No, no, she has her own contract. I mean, at least when they would talk about it on the air, like it would sound like everyone has to deal with their own contract. So I don't know, but there is something, I don't think when it's like $500 million that it's- Can I just listen? Also keep in mind that it's when it's like $500 million that it's... Can I just listen?
Starting point is 00:30:05 Also keep in mind that it's... 10% of $500 million you have to give to your staff? I could live with the rest. Yeah, it's fine. How much is it? I'm just saying if you... What's 10% of 125 million? 12.5 million.
Starting point is 00:30:21 But we'd have to split that with you guys. Yeah. If we got that. I'm in, I'll do it. Right. I'll do it. What, I'm that with you guys. Yeah. If we got that. I'm in. I'll do it. Right. I'll do it. What? I'm going to break you guys off.
Starting point is 00:30:30 I'll break you guys off 12 mil to split amongst yourselves. I'll throw it in the middle in cash and you guys fight for who gets the most money. We can only afford one producer. Yeah. These are the, there are two of these women? No, the other girl is no longer involved in this. Can I, can I listen to it? This girl could, this girl could call me names and slap me with cash and I just couldn't two of these women? No, the other girl's no longer involved in this. Can I listen to it?
Starting point is 00:30:45 This girl could call me names and slap me with cash and I just couldn't do anything about it. Except kill her and get famous, I guess. That's what you do to Christine. What, slap her with cash? Call her names and slap her with cash? Because I have the upper hand. Okay. Because I make the cash, but this girl doesn't care about my cash and she would slap me in the face with her money. Oh my god, could imagine hooking up with this chick? No. Her seeing your balance by accident when you're getting a couple 20s out of an ATM. No this is just a cash account. Wait is that her hunk husband? Yeah I'm sure he's wealthy. Yeah you think? Cooper Kaplan that sounds like old money to me. First of all I'm looking at this girl and here's what I'm thinking I want to hear
Starting point is 00:31:24 what she has to say about stuff. I'm looking at this girl and here's what I'm thinking. I wanna hear what she has to say about stuff. I'm looking at this girl and I go, hey, take me through your day every day and tell me what's going on. What? What? Hot yoga isn't any better than regular yoga? A do tell, hang on, honey, dinner's gonna be late today.
Starting point is 00:31:40 I gotta hear this. I heard cholesterol's a good thing, not a bad thing. Lying to us, It was all about cereal It's all about having good fats or whatever. I don't know. You guys watch TV shows. I don't care Can I hear a little bit of it? Is there any video? Oh, can we not talk about it? What can we hear a little bit of it? Is there a little clip of it? Give me a taste. It's got be 125 million dollars worth of entertainment. I should probably sit down to make sure I don't pass out from laughter.
Starting point is 00:32:10 Hahaha. I don't think you guys are the target audience for the show. Are you out of your fucking mind? How are you out of your mind? How dare she? What do you know, Christine? Yeah, what do you know? You're out of your goddamn mind, Christine.
Starting point is 00:32:24 Apparently you're not the target audience. I guess you know Christine? Yeah, what do you know? You're out of your goddamn mind Christine. Apparently you're not the target audience I guess you know all of us Okay, so whatever and stuff and Whatever you be here. I'll be the other girl You've been in relationships where and I've been in it where I've dated guys that I'm like, oh my god You're so intimidated by my success and they don't even know how to verbalize it. And for a minute, if you're not about to-
Starting point is 00:32:47 Stop, stop, stop. I thought I'm gonna fucking kill myself. Yeah. I hate when a- Because Katy Perry and 125 mil are intimidating. No, I just hate when a grown adult woman goes, oh my God, oh my God. Well, you don't even believe in God.
Starting point is 00:32:59 Why are you talking about God? Can we take voting away from every woman who goes on this show? Yeah, it was are good old days. God, dude. Just inevitably when you get older, you have to think the 50s were a better time. All right, let's hear a little more.
Starting point is 00:33:13 What about her books? Let's see how far we can make it. I've been there where I, for a moment, was like, oh, should I dim myself more? Should I maybe not? I've been there. I have dimmed. Right? You've never dimmed. You dimmed because you're like,
Starting point is 00:33:24 you can't. You are dim. She is dim. She I have dimmed. Right? You've never dimmed. You dimmed because you're like, I can't. You are dimmed. She is dim. She's never dimmed anything. She's been pretty her whole life. Katy Perry. Even when she was a Christian rock star, she was gorgeous, star, always up in the front, has never ever dimmed.
Starting point is 00:33:39 Huge boobs. Back when she was singing about Jesus. That's all you could look at was her tits. Yeah, her body's falling to pieces a little bit now, but she is getting older. What are you talking about? No, it is. I'm gonna show you Don Naked one day.
Starting point is 00:33:50 Listen. Well, we're talking, this is potato potato. Did you call my wife a potato? No, I called her a potato. Potato tits. Each one looks different. But no, I'm just saying, Katy Perry is a, by the way, potato potato was't even the right term for that,
Starting point is 00:34:06 I'm saying is apples and oranges. This is this year. You're nuts. No, she pulled it together then. That's software. Yeah, that's AI. By the way, that might be AI in some ways. I'm telling you, go look at pictures of her,
Starting point is 00:34:15 like when they have her like candid shots in a bikini, you're never like a fucking, I think that's a totally fake picture. Yeah, that's 100%. That looks, show her in this video, she looks a little off. She's still yeah who's arguing that just saying like she just like a little bit she's just getting older and like life's just happening it's too chubby guys being honest Heidi Klum Heidi Klum every week on America's
Starting point is 00:34:36 Got Talent that I want is stunningly hot yeah and then every time they show her like and that's just a nice tit she does but like like caught Heidi Klum naked walking on the beach and you're like, yeah She's like a flat-ass older lady now. Yeah, dude. Can I see play this a little bit Christine? See it and you also want to play the game play a role not be too much Yeah, you wonder why you don't have a guy like maybe I should take off this day. So he feels yeah What is this thing that girls do where they spread their fingers out like wings and they use them to.
Starting point is 00:35:12 I don't know, does this dip think that she has to lower her shine for my ego? I'll just take your shine bitch. Oh I should be on this show. Will you look at this, is her nipple ring coming through her shirt? Mm-hmm. No.
Starting point is 00:35:27 It's the microphone, isn't it? No. No, it's not. Whatever it is, it's the design on the shirt. Oh. It's on both sides. Wow. She's not a piece of shit.
Starting point is 00:35:35 Um, well, anyway, $125 million. Come on. Good for her. Good for you. Congratulations. You know what? Good for her, dude. Are we just not doing it right? Let's do this.
Starting point is 00:35:46 Let's just fucking break in this really... We gotta hit our demographic. We have to go anti-guys? No, we have to go guys. We have to talk about guys, but we have to talk about it in an intimate way. Like a bitchy kind of? Yeah, like... okay. And then these girls, right? It's like you do everything, and then they're tired at the end of the night.
Starting point is 00:36:06 It's like, what even is that? Jay, today, I bought a refrigerator. I let her buy whatever fridge she wanted. I said, go do your thing. Go to town. No limits. No limits. Whatever color, whatever cubic feet, get the fridge you want.
Starting point is 00:36:24 Then she gets the fridge she wants. Doesn't measure the fridge space. So the fridge is coming out too far. And it's the wrong size. It's the wrong size, but hey, this is what I said because I've heard this before. Don't judge, don't come off negative. So I said, let's fix this together.
Starting point is 00:36:42 Let's together fix this. Work together as a team. And you know what she did? She didn't want to do it. She started to get sad and down and what I did, I picked her back up and I said the fridge is fine. We'll make it work. You know what? Honestly Bobby, if the fridge makes those big little ice cubes that go inside the big circle ice cubes, I don't care what it fits or not. Of course. And it does. It has ice, water, it has a secret door. Oh, tell me off air. Tell me off air what the brand is. Tell me off air.
Starting point is 00:37:15 I don't want to say it on because they're not sponsoring us. No, don't even give up your plug either. Don't give away your plug because then you give away your plug and everyone's on it. I used to give up my plug. I don't do that anymore. I don't I don't just give away. You know what? I'm a strong man and I'm not just giving away my plugs. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:37:32 You know, I'm at home all weekend and it's the one weekend that I'm off and Christine's got to do festival stuff all day long. So I'm just sitting there and I think I'm looking pretty cute. You know, like I'm sitting there looking cute, looking good. I know it's a day off, but I'm just sitting there and I think I'm looking pretty cute you know like I'm sitting there looking cute looking good I know it's a day off but I'm still did myself up I got a cute little outfit on you did and she just in now festival festival festival festival festival and then it's just like oh just you know what I don't even get started with it oh my god sorry about my baby stomach just she talks to me it's's getting riled up now. Whatever it takes to stay thin right? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:10 Listen man next time that happens a little advice. Yeah. And I'm just throwing it out there. Okay. Go up to Christine in the middle of her chaos. Behind her ear lean in and just whisper baby You're doing such a great. No, I can't I can't try it. Try it right now. Go try it right now. I can't Try it. No, I'm telling you You can oh my god. Oh my god. Give me strength. Give me strength fingers. Give me strength take it. I'm giving you all my strength give me it I'm taking it in taking it. I'm taking it in take it take it take it
Starting point is 00:38:51 Be a strong man taking okay here. We go strong and a week Be weak Christine enough with this festival you can't no no no Well, I guess I'm a work in progress Oh, that's okay. Well, I guess I'm a work in progress. Whatever, Starbucks, Breve Latte Ice, a quiet espresso. Everything's better with bucks. Fuck it is.
Starting point is 00:39:12 Dude, we just made at least $38. That was at least $38. We made at least $38. Dude, what if we became famous as those guys, would you do it? If they offered us right now, Jim, just say, guys, you do that, $100 million. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:39:29 Would you be that? Yeah. Yeah? Don't even finish the question. Yes. Hey. All day long. And I'll do it in that character,
Starting point is 00:39:36 in that offensively archaic character I just did. This would be our slogan, don't be afraid to be weak. Yeah, it's okay to be weak. Yeah, weak men rule. Weak men rule. Strength is weakness. Weakness is strength. Yeah, real men. Stamp it on a shirt, give me 125 mil. How's this? Pain is the pathway to piss Get that on velour Christine would you like us it would you like Jay if he was more sensitive to you like that Fucking beat the shit out of you on the side Christine starts bullying me. Oh my god, we'd be oh, it's hard to be a man. Can I say this? Can I say this really?
Starting point is 00:40:26 I'm being real Bob now. I'm being real Bob right now. And Christine, I feel you staring at the side of my face as I'm about to say this. Do you? I do. Is it so hard? I feel your witch energy, your feminism,
Starting point is 00:40:40 your clitoris is drumming like little, do, do, do, do,ming like little, I feel it. I just wanna say this. It's hard to be a man today. Yes. Than it was, now I know guys back in the day we did a lot of fucking damage. We were dickheads for a long time and I get that.
Starting point is 00:40:57 Not me. You especially, you at the front lines being dick dude. No, you've always been a nice guy. I've been a nice guy too. But there's no more, back in the day a man came home from work and he went and ate his meal. And I remember saying, don't bother your father.
Starting point is 00:41:16 Don't bother your grand, don't bother him. Now we have to go out, like I have to go out. I'm the breadwinner. I'm cool with that. Go out, make the money, come back and be bothered. The second I'm home. You have to be, you can't, it's like you can't have that manly thing.
Starting point is 00:41:34 You can't be a dude comes home and kind of gets his thought. You gotta come home and jump right the fuck in and get into it. It's a little, I'm not saying that's bad either. I think it's good. I'd rather be that's bad either, I think it's good. I'd rather be that than some stoic asshole that doesn't talk to his daughters until they're 72
Starting point is 00:41:50 on his deathbed, but it's harder to, you know what I mean? We're taught to not use the releases we used to have. What you need, Bobby, is a full-blown side girlfriend. Nice. You need someone not too close to home, not too far from home, a full-blown side girlfriend. Nice. You need someone not too close to home, not too far from home. Yeah. A full-blown side girlfriend.
Starting point is 00:42:08 You talking about ride or an Uber? Like the 50s. It's drive. Drive, yeah. Yeah, you could pop in there on your way home. It doesn't even seem that crazy. So between here and Cotone. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:42:21 Have a little white planes puss. A little white planes puss. Little girl just boxed up little girl You don't want to know about her. Uh, you know, you don't know too much better life. I should go younger Oh, yeah, you want to get 20 something You don't want me to go mid like weird little less than dawn So I know that she's you know, her eggs are dead too. I don't have to worry about a baby Yeah, I hear what you're saying, but you don't want to go
Starting point is 00:42:42 Listen, you're gonna get a mature You're saying but you don't want to go Listen, you're gonna get a mature To the situation better person in that regard But you're gonna want like the fun if you're only dipping in this thing for you know, a couple hours a week Yeah, but I need a chick who has like responsibilities to she's gonna get for work. She gets tired around nine She's gonna do work dude. She has um, she's does only fans No, okay She works at a pay less shoe source. I like that okay. I'm a big fan of the mom boobs. Mm-hmm
Starting point is 00:43:10 I like a mom boob. No, this is a younger girl You're going older now. Yeah, I don't I'm telling you older seems more even though this goes against the Amy Fisher concept You're not going to an 18 year old you're the younger for you is gonna be late 20s 30s that hurts Is well, that's what I think would late 20s, 30s. That hurts. Uh, is well, that's what I think would be for me too. It's younger. I know that just hurts that you hear. That's a fact. Well, I'm just saying I'm 53 and younger for me is 30 late 20s, 30s is less likely, I think than a sad, uh, cause if this is like your side girl, let's assume she doesn't have a husband
Starting point is 00:43:44 also. So a lonelier, older lady is probably more likely to come murder your chick. I like a chick. Who's gonna come murder Dawn. Was married, got divorced, kids are older, maybe 35. Mom boobs, still nice body, but a little insecurity. I don't want to get too whipped up. You know what I mean? I don't want to meet some young hot guy. No, you know, it's fine if she meets a little insecurity. I don't want to get in too whipped up. You know what I mean? I don't want to meet in some young hot guy.
Starting point is 00:44:06 No, you know, it's fine. It's fine. She meets a hot guy. This is just to make it so you don't go home and, uh, and slapped on for not having, uh, you know, whatever your clothes laid out. I just think it's harder to be a guy than it's ever been. Because we have to be present, we have to be more open, we have to be intimate, and I don't think girls, Christine, back me up, I don't think girls want us to be emotionally available and intimate
Starting point is 00:44:38 as much as you think you do. Do you want a sensitive Jay that's gonna cry and be emotional to you all the time, and say you hurt my feelings when you do things like that want a sensitive J that's gonna cry and be emotional to you all the time and say you hurt My feelings when you do things like that. Would you like that? No, no, you don't you want a man, right? That just passively griffis puffs and puffs when you drop crumbs on the couch, right? Yeah Yeah, yeah, I just hate her inside and outwardly I just move forward. Yeah That's what a man does.
Starting point is 00:45:08 I don't think you want us that sensitive, do you? We don't want like a sniveling pussy, but you know. Once you open the floodgates, honey, you can't just shut them down. Do you understand? You'd send them to therapy. I mean, there was a guy, there was a,
Starting point is 00:45:25 this week's episode of Love After Lockup ended on a guy, felt bad for him. The episode, he just saw shit in jail and he's fucked, but he's got like face tattoos and everything, and he's got this big, super fat, unattractive girlfriend. You know who I'm talking about, Lou? Oh, you're talking to him over there. I'm talking about Love After Lockup, the newest talking to him over there. I'm talking about Love After Lock-Up, the newest one.
Starting point is 00:45:46 It's back? Yeah. Fuck. Never left. I know it's life after lock up right now, right? It's love after lock up. But it's a. What this guy, he's like, he looks like a tough guy, necessarily, but he's like a jail guy, but he seems like nice enough. But he just has a complete breakdown on the show. And as I'm watching, he's making this like weird face while he's like starting to cry to her.
Starting point is 00:46:06 And the production comes in, they stop filming, and they send him to, they go, we're gonna pause filming with him and send him to get some help. Because he's going through it, but I'm like, that girl though, always gonna look at him, it's like that guy, not just he's gonna leave him. But she even says, in her little testimonial,
Starting point is 00:46:22 she goes like, you know, he always played it off like there was not that much wrong. And I thought when he came out, it was gonna be like, probably fun and wild, and he'd be okay, but like, I don't know. I guess he's like crying and going through it. And he's just looking at her with his face like, so I feel terrible for him, but I'm like, and this girl is, by the way, he'll be lucky
Starting point is 00:46:42 if when he comes out of this mental hospital, if she's gone. She's a trucker. This is it. This is the scene. Oh boy. I mean, she should have a wig. I mean, I know, right?
Starting point is 00:46:51 I see somebody fricasseed her hair. Yeah, it looks like a troll fucking Ada Cowell. I don't know what's going on at all. Her hair is so weird. I know right that somebody fricasseed her hair. Yeah, it looks like a troll fucking Her hair looks like ramen, yeah, it really is just carrot top hair She's morbidly obese and she drives a truck for a living 18-wheeler he's in shape. Oh, yeah Yeah But he's a mental wreck, which is why, all these, none of these relationships make sense
Starting point is 00:47:29 when these guys come out, the girls are always, there's a black dude in this one who's, he looks like a football player, he's huge, he's jacked, he's a good looking dude, and like the girl he's with just is all via him. Yeah. I mean this guy's like, the girl he's into is a grandmother. Nice. But go to that ending when I want to show the thing when he makes the face at the end.
Starting point is 00:47:52 So they get his mother on the phone. Yeah. Keep going right there. Oh they get his mom on the phone. Yeah turn this up. He says he's having anxiety about being out. I wanna see his face. Oh yeah. In prison I seen a person's soul leave his body. Wow You'll never understand what it looked like to see another grown man die for like in front of you You never know what it feel like for somebody reaching out You keep stating I go he keeps telling you by the way, you'll never understand. It's like well somebody does There's a lot of other people that were there that saw that also. Yeah, but but he's saying The common viewer of Love After Lockup.
Starting point is 00:48:46 He's looking at the crew of white guys with khakis on going, you're not gonna understand this. Are you fucking, who are you talking about? You guys never saw a man's soul leave his body? Yeah. I did when I saw the accent, and the Indian leapt into my soul, and now he follows me around.
Starting point is 00:49:00 In fact, he's over your shoulder right now, Jacob. There's a sound guy holding a peanut butter and jelly sandwich Just listening. I'm not even hearing any of this God play the rest of this Reaching for your hand, please help me. They looking at your eyes Kept me up for months. I've never seen nobody get killed in that way right there. I had 10 seconds Yeah I had 10 seconds. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:27 No, no. He hung up on his mom. It's his face. Isn't that wacky looking? Isn't that so strangely real? Yeah, that's anxiety and stress. Right. That's what I was saying when I was watching. I said to Christine, yes, I go, I know that face.
Starting point is 00:49:42 Like that face, that feeling. Oh my god Who's that big guy that's his girlfriend no the big security for the show She's just so like I thought he was gonna be fun, but He'd be crying shit. That's why it sucks. Can I say something though? Sure, buddy. I think it's terrible what women have to go through to get the amount of stuff you have to buy
Starting point is 00:50:15 and the stuff you have to put on to get us to acknowledge you or think that we have to do that is nuts. Like makeup, just, have you ever seen makeup, the amount of things women have to get and buy and carry with them at all times, anytime you travel, just to put your- Not Christine.
Starting point is 00:50:35 What? Not Christine. Because she's beautiful, she doesn't need to. She doesn't do a ton of makeup, yeah. But there's some, did you see the video I sent you? Of the, it's frightening. I think those those girls I've seen a lot of those the the you know, where it's a really ugly person and they Pond I see those later those the Asian one the worst I think they make themselves not the Asian ones, but these girls
Starting point is 00:50:56 It's like they make themselves uglier to start or they'll use a filter to start I don't know about that show Jay these these This is frightening because I would hook up with any one of these girls at a bar. No, he's or after a show I'd be like, yeah, what's up? Let's go. Yeah, dude. Let's go heck up. But it you wake up the next day get it But women have to go through I mean they be they have to be makeup artists They have to do so much shit to get every flaw off the face They just did a thing with Lady Gaga, just did a thing, she showed up with her face.
Starting point is 00:51:28 She's not that pretty, but then all of a sudden she put all this makeup on, line after line, and concealer, and all this, and it's like she's making little dots and other dots, and then she blends it. I think she's prettier, sans makeup, personally, Lady Gaga. Did you say sans makeup? Yeah, no makeup. I understand. There's no reason to get that tutti-frutti on this show sure there is
Starting point is 00:51:51 We're trying to make ourselves 125 million dollars I apologize sans makeup it is Look, yo sans makeup. That's where a woman's real beauty shines. Yeah, Bob. Take it away. You know what post makeup? Look at her you'd fuck dude. Look. Okay. Watch watch Here we go, okay, watch this girl now these girls are all singing the same song It's all filter if I was at skankfest and she wants you she wouldn't look like that skankfest look at her look at this one She wouldn't look like that at Skankfest. Look at her. Look at this one. This one's nuts.
Starting point is 00:52:31 But the C is the craziest. These are old women. Look at that. Dude. I don't think that's makeup. I think that's AI. It's filter. It's not a filter. It's makeup. No, no. I'm sure there's makeup helping, but these aren't good examples. To me, the makeup one is when they show you it's the Asian girls who look like these gorgeous,
Starting point is 00:52:51 like, geisha chicks, and then they start taking it all down. They have, like, fucking none of their teeth touch. Dude. No, it's not fake, because they actually put things on the side of their face that pull their skin back, and they attach it to their hair And then they put fake teeth in I'm not saying they'll do it's the same thing with the Asian girls I'm just telling you that's not this particular video. You can see with the the shades shaking is the thing they're doing It's all filter and AI
Starting point is 00:53:18 That's just computer trick. Here's the real shit This is wild What is she drinking? Do you have to drink certain things? No, I don't know what she's drinking. I mean, look at all the stuff that women have to do. No, they don't have to do this. This woman has to do this.
Starting point is 00:53:36 They don't have to do that if they married and the only way for that guy to get out of it is if they get a divorce and they take most of it in the brand new house in Katona and he has to sleep in a tiny house, they don't have to put makeup on anymore. Sure. But, if you're trying to get a guy... But look already how much cuter this girl looks. She looks like Michael Jackson.
Starting point is 00:53:55 What I'm saying, like, she's horrifically ugly. Start at the beginning and show again from just where she's at now. Yeah, dude, this is nuts. I mean, that's what she looked like before. Yeah, it's nuts. I actually like those those goofy teeth though. No, you don't I like a goofy chin now, bitch. Talk to me about teeth veneers or just go natural Say fuck it my teeth or my teeth love me for me I say just use your bucky beavers and get the guy that you deserve Lou I say date this black girl,
Starting point is 00:54:26 buy her the hair you want her to have. How about that, child? I say child now. Jacob Child. Christine, you don't do makeup. What happened with your little racy poo thing yesterday? You had a little racy poo with the guys in the circles or something, what happened?
Starting point is 00:54:41 What happened with that little boy you like? He won. And I knew he would. God bless Mmm. And I knew he would. I said, God bless the Lord, I knew he would. I said, you don't use makeup? No, I do. I mean, for like- He uses her.
Starting point is 00:54:54 For 20 years, I did my makeup every day after the pandemic. I just think I got used to how my face looks without it more. So I only wear it like- Was it scary? Like to- was it scary to not do the makeup and just go out were you afraid no because I got I just kind of got I got used to it you know it's like you get used to the way your face looks with it and then you get used to the way your face looks without it and then I would I would start doing
Starting point is 00:55:17 my makeup and I started to feel like goofy almost I was like why am I so stupid with my makeup on? Look at me with all the fucking good makeup. Now I do it like a... It's ridiculous, stupid to do. Jay, let her. She's opening up. I'm agreeing with her. Jay was the one that told me that he liked me better with less makeup. So... Well, she's also kind of shitty at doing makeup too.
Starting point is 00:55:36 That's terrible. That's not true. But I've never done the type of makeup where you like contour your face or completely change your face. I've never done like really, you know, really thick foundation eyebrows make your I've never done my eyebrows like that No, like I've done makeup and sometimes heavy makeup but not like what some of these girls do where they complete and also, you know, I Look, I do like my face. Like I haven't felt the need to completely change it, which is nice Yeah, I mean you get beautiful skin. Thank you. You're welcome.
Starting point is 00:56:07 My skin's gotten better since I stopped to wear makeup every day too. It is. I don't, you know, I don't use soap on my face. I've never used soap on my face. I've used piss. Yep. I use guy piss. It has to be specifically guy piss. It has to be middle. White guy. Of course. I don't know why, but it's gotta be a white guy. It's gotta be a middle-aged white guy. We gotta take a break. From Nantucket. First hour's done, guys. We're done? Well, the first hour, don't just leave. I gotta go. Bobby Kelly, he's gonna be in Hilarities in Cleveland September 20th and 21st. After that, Skankfest,
Starting point is 00:56:38 Vegas, Co-host New York, San Diego, California, and so much more. And you can catch Bobby every Tuesday night 7 p.m. at the Fat Black Pussycat Lounge, the Comedy Cell Seller for tickets and all tour dates and a bunch of content go to punchup.live Slash Robert Kelly and Big J is gonna be the Addison improv in Dallas September 12th through the 14th this weekend this weekend Baby, go see him great club and one of the funniest guys out there Omaha funny bone September 20th 21st. After that he's gonna be at Skank Fest, Spokane, Poughkeepsie, St. Louis for all of the tickets and everything Big J. BigJComedy.com. Oh I should say also Legion of Skanks we're doing two live shows, The Creek in the
Starting point is 00:57:18 Cave September 22nd. And you got a huge guest this Sunday, Skank. And we have a huge guest. Oh yeah, we're doing a special Sunday live from the stand in lieu of the Monday night show at Skank's next week. And it's going to be the great Matt Serra
Starting point is 00:57:38 and of course, the incomparable Robert Kelly. We'll be right back. It's the bonfire. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. It's the bonfire. Go put your makeup on. Man. I feel like a woman. Hmm, hmm, hmm.
Starting point is 00:57:54 Go girls.

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