The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Supernatural Damsels (feat. Andy Fiori, Jessica Kirson & Joe DeRosa)

Episode Date: April 13, 2020

Jay discusses the show Supernatural and its hunky stars with the crew and Andy Fiori. Jessica Kirson checks in with the crew and let’s us know how her quarantine is going. The gang asks the questions 'Is the cause of the coronavirus the new 5G network?' and 'Just how horny is every during the lockdown?' Dan and Jay discuss 21 Jump Street and the puzzling casting of Margot Kidder and Lois Lane in Superman II.

You're listening to Comedy Central! Hey, I'm Big J. Operson, and I'm Dan Soder, and you're listening to the best of the Bond Fire. Stay tuned to hear some of our favorite moments from this week. You can listen to the Bond Fire Live every Monday through Thursday from 6th 8PM on Comedy Central Radio, Series XM95, or on demand on the Series XMF. Also, be sure to follow us on all social media at the Bonfire, SXM. Hi, it's Jacob and welcome to the Bonfire's Best of the Week. Big J discovered the long-running

CW show Supernatural recently and discussed with the crew and guest Andy Fiori. What it would be like to be visited by the two super-hunk paranormal hunters in real life. You guys thinking that super natural dude, that's all CW. There's so much crotch shots in underwear. I love that. Super natural? Trots in underwear. Trots in underwear. A lot of these folks that, a lot of girls swimming with like a weird like you know like

a frog and out their legs and you can just see the split. It's pretty great. It's been a long climb I bet. 15 years. 15 seasons of supernatural. It's wrapping great. 15 years. 15 seasons of supernatural is wrapping up this season apparently. I'm on episode seven. I'm always fascinated with the the transition between shows that have been on a long time that before the me two and after how the I was told this actually I was told that the rents season seven seven they stop all the gratuitous like every episode right now and Christine could back this up there's a smoking hot chicken vault

somehow. Well, the whole it's very damsel distress every episode like there's always some damsel distress and these two brothers have to come save this like hot girl from whatever supernatural things going on. True. Usually a hot chick doesn't need to be helped. And it just so happens, these two sexy single paranormal investigator brothers over all to the town. It would be better if it was like two ugly, ugly, sweaty weirdos that actually know about ghost stuff. It's this. The university in Citius, you know, the paranormal team from in Citius?

No, pretty a lot. It's usually the old lady who, oh yeah. You're saying kingpin, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, it usually is, these dudes come over just studded up and they're like, hey sweetie, I heard, I mean, I tell you this, at the beginning of every episode, they go, what do we got on the, what's the newspaper saying? What's the news going? And he goes, ah, man says he was visited tonight by a frog man who took his children. And he's like, I guess we're going over.

It's great just the thing of hunks solving ghost stories because It's so unbelievable. They're like hey, what's up hot girl? So that ghost wasn't being chill with you Bring up the supernatural boys. I mean Honestly, what you doesn't matter which one gets the mouth or which one gets the plus? Am I right? You know what I'm saying, Christine? You get it. Chinese finger trap with a wobbly H.

You got to get spit roasted by the fucking Paranorms by Supernatch. The match. He let out like audible sounds when they saw Jantan Eccles. Yeah. Yeah. That was a very good picture of me, even.

Dude, if you're girlfriend called a supernatural ghost hunter and they showed up, you're going, you know what, nothing will go. Look at that. No, I got it. I said, I said, I said, what are you doing, darling? I said, I could handle it. Listen, I'll burn some sage and we'll get rid of them. These guys are good. These guys said that, but these guys are professionals. Yeah, but professional what? Underwear models. Give them the fuck out of here. They're not even equipment. They have no equipment. They didn't show up with any sort of proton pack or anything.

They have salt bullets. What the fuck does salt bullets do? That's not even a real thing. That's not even a real thing. I use salt to gargle with my keg or sword. That's not a real thing, okay? They're not killing ghosts with salt. That's stupid.

She goes better with the shirts off. Yeah. I don't know if she's, they really want me to like help them get oiled up. I go, no, this is off. This is off and the devil is going to possess this house for the rest of time. Look how sexy these fucking dudes are. Oh, it's crazy. I mean, look at the seduce ghosts. Yeah, dude, they get the ghost to go. You sure you don't want to pass on to the other side? Well, I mean, I guess I could if you take your pants off.

Oh my God, these guys can fit together. There's those fucking dick, those leading to their dick dance, like a puzzle. If they lock it, if they lock in, that's how you let ghosts into the world. It's when you lock that together. If I was gay, if I was gay, I could definitely beat to this pitch for sure. This Photoshop, thereters that real. I'm pretty sure it's real. The type says supernatural, the best series ever.

It looks like a calendar. Yeah, actually, it looks like it's a forever keeper. Yeah. Come on. It's your December. He's not even the hot brother. He gets pretty hot. Yeah, as he gets lower, the dress even the hot brother. He gets pretty hot. As he gets the other dress up as hot priests, they look like

stripper priests. Like if that showed up, you'd be like, Oh, father, for I have sinned. Are you ready to take your pens? Oh, man, man, give it the Lord come if letter to the Corinthians, thou is horny. Isn't yeah, for he has given us is only begotten son. I mean, it's not going to say they have a ghost. What should you say you have a ghost if you're these guys show up?

This is a door door. It goes, sir, do you have any paranormal crimes? Like why? I guess we saw a paranormal crimes. Yeah, I probably got some, here's some like little weird tiki talk things in the night. If you got to hang out for a bit, you know, you'd be surprised at how many women's houses are still settling. A lot of ghosts pick up on sexual energy so if you don't mind I'm just gonna sit here and beat off a little bit. I mean if you could help me out that it'd be great but I understand I understand the client. I understand you're the client. Listen I don't want to be unprofessional but usually mid-day I like to do a hundred naked push-ups. Do you mind if I do those in front of you?

You tell them getting totally down if my dick hits the floor. If I'm having a good plump hang this house is definitely haunted. Well, my dick against my belly so I can do pushups without breaking the shit I have. This is how the show basically starts, by the way. It's her walking around in her panties and like a half-top and then the brother comes to pick the other brother and goes, hey, do dads out hunting again and he's missing. We have to go find them. And it's growing.

It's like, he's got a big, sorry babe. I got other things I have to do. Sorry. So why didn't they just call the show Hot Ghosts? She doesn't even have, the girl doesn't even have like a fucking like an overt reaction to her, her, her, boop. And she's like, and this is, it's my brother.

And she's like, cool, you guys, for three or four minutes while I'm just sitting here and put my moose knuckle. And every time he just keeps fucking other girls, he always they always end up fucking them because he has that moment in the show where he goes, I just I'm sad since my girlfriend was killed in a paranormal way. Hi, it's Jacob again. And show favorite Jessica Kierzen checked in with us and shared how the quarantine is affecting her life Jessica, how's your quarantine going? You doing alright?

Horrible. I'm miserable. I'm scared. Yeah, I mean, I'm also grateful. It could be worse But it has not been easy to be honest. It's so weird I don't in the beginning I really miss stand-up and now I'm so grateful. I'm not doing it In the beginning, I really missed stand up, and now I'm so grateful I'm not doing it. I kind of feel the opposite. We're at the first, at first, I was like, it's kind of relaxing to not have to go on the road every week, and I'll be able to watch movies at night and do stuff. And now I'm desperately itchy to do stand up comedy. I've been trying to listen to old sets to work on jokes, and I'm like, oh, listen to

me. People are in the room. That's a danger. It's weird. I don't I think it's just being like honestly not to be depressing, but it's being like down. It's hard to be creative. Yeah, I haven't had much thoughts of like what I would write a joke about or anything at all. Yeah, we've been lucky to have this kind of outlet which has distracted us and been able to watch, you know, stupid things or other things to make fun of that has nothing to do with what's going on. And I think that's helped a lot. For me, Ellie.

That's helped is being creative. That's for sure. Also, I've been binging, which is great at the time. But then the next day, I want to kill myself. Yeah. Okay, Christine laughing. I mean, she's not laughing, but she's smiling, because she knows what I'm talking about.

I said, I'm going to end up on my 600 pound life after this. Yeah. We're all we're all coming back full body. I'm going to be like a I'm going to be like an overfilled water balloon of soup. That's how my whole body is going to be. It's going to be fucking jiggly and weird. Oh, me and Christine, we don't even, like, no one even argues. We'd like grab like a box of donuts and like, uh, and then we look at each other like one of us going to be the adult here and say we shouldn't grab this. And it's like, we'll grab it. Christine's face, the face Christine made it me last night when she goes,

she goes, do you want donuts or not? I was like, yeah, Christine, but listen, I go, we've already been like grazing on junk all day. I'm like, so like one, I go like one donut a piece. And she was like, what? Like she was so upset. I went, yeah, we got to do one a piece. And she goes, well, then what two do you want so we can like split those two?

So at least we get a little bit of different kinds. And I'm like, yeah, whatever one. So she was angry at me for going, like, please, let's not just, it seems like what we're going to split for donuts. We're going to get a little taste of each kind. Every bag of Oreos I've made, I've been like, well, this will work for about a whole week.

And then by day two, I'm like, it's gone. It's just dust. Everything's gone. Yeah, good night, Danielle. I secretly eat because she gets mad at me. Sneaking the other, Jessica, when you sneak in the other room to eat, do you like start eating and go like, you do the thing where you go like, oh, like, as you put it in your like, I, what I did, middle of the night, I woke up and I panicked that there's this virus. I had no career, so I went in the bathroom.

This is bad. This is like, it's bad. I went in the bathroom with my bag. I sat on the toilet with my pants on and I had my bag next to me and I was looking in my bag for big bag of almonds and I two protein bars on. She walked in, she goes, what the fuck, in the middle the middle of the night she was what the fuck are you doing. I'm so sorry she doesn't get it she's like you have a major product you're gonna have to go away you have a mid in the middle of the

plate I'm sitting in my bed next to food everywhere. That's what Christine's by the way is is you're hitting such a nerve with her because Christine would wait for me for me to go take shits and showers so she could eat all the candy And then she and her face at her face of of Despair when I said to her I go Where's the uh the little Hershey's eggs things and she goes I ate them all and I went well, what about those what about those candy covered junior men's that you said you didn't like I eat them all and I went well what about those what about those candy covered junior men so you said you didn't like I

Didn't like it doesn't matter if you like stuff or not now you just fucking eat it. I mean everyone every single person in quarantine is Behaving like the scene in Tarzan where they take them out of the jungle and try to make them into a person Grace dope in Tarzan where they take him out of the jungle and try to make him into a person. Graced out? Yeah, like every single person's like, get down from the, she was hanging on the ceiling and like, yeah. Yeah. Look, everything. I think it was alive in this house, like, fucking eat. I swear.

I think it's the monkey in a tuxedo eating candy all day. You can't humanize these people. They're fucking dead. We had a house plan and he's been looking for it for days. I don't, I'm telling you right now. If I'm waking up a little the night and eating out of my bag secretively in the bathroom, it's things are bad. I need to look at them.

Hey, everybody. This is DJ Liu. And on this week's quarantine loss tapes, we had Joe DeRosa on and they discussed their fears about the quarantine. And then for some reason, the conversation turned sexy. Take a listen. Every morning you wake up, I was telling Jay today, I'm like, they're burying any good news. Anything nice that has, you know, like Cuomo saying there was a potential drop off

in death, that stuff's all getting buried down and they're hitting you every day with not only buckle up for the worst two weeks, but New York is the worst place. Dude, it has people calling me. I can't do it. You know, yeah, I get it because I'm getting calls from people that, you know, like people in my life haven't talked to you in forever and they're like, hey, are because I'm getting I'm getting calls from people that you know like people in my life I haven't talked to you in forever and they're like hey, are you okay? And I'm like why they're like cuz on the news if they're saying coronavirus is going door to door and butt-fucking everyone in New York No, I'm okay. I don't think I do Like I've been in the apartment for two weeks and that's a lot, but they're like

No, I heard it I heard it comes to your house and it makes one of the one thing that you don't like about your body, and then it just fucking makes you feel like shit, but it is. That's a pop, which used to be my favorite news source. Yeah. They're all about the gloom. And first of all, black people have adopted the theory that none of this coronavirus is real.

It's actually 5G network is what's doing that. It's so great. 5G network conspiracy theory is the dumbest and my favorite theory. Where is that one? So I and by the way, I'm actually a 5G like skeptic because I remember reading all these articles last year that they were testing 5G in China and they found out that 5G was like really bad for pregnant women. It was causing cancer and certain people that lived to the 5G towers and they were like and the phone companies and all the internet providers were

just rushing it in America to get the 5G active in the United States because it was you know faster speeds that the companies could charge more. So they started doing it. You need your internet to be. I don't know, dude. I don't know. But in Astoria, I want to say five months ago, this group put up all of these pamphlets on Jacob.

Did you see them that said this is a proposed 5G site? Like go to this website, and it was like the problems with 5G. It was all up and down my block and near the grocery store near like the seetown. And I was like, oh shit, this is kind of like the article I read. But then the coronavirus came out and then everyone's like, dude, this is 5G spread in it. And you're like, yeah, that doesn't make any sense because

All the things I've read about 5G are it causes cancer. It causes cell mutation and it causes all this but like a Virus I don't see how are they saying that it causes this They're saying 5G is the reason we're all so susceptible to it's probably what it is. Oh that it's lowering our reason we're also susceptible to is probably what it is. Oh, that it's lowering our defenses, maybe. You'll be really funny as if you guys make Jacob. I said Jacob's give a panic breathe. He wrapped himself in his blanket. Oh, no.

If Jacob looks like he's getting ready to tell his followers to now drink the cool eight together so we could all die. Jacob, put on your special sneakers. It's time to meet the comment. Jacob went to your special sneakers. It's time to meet the comment. Jacob what was happy space? Jacob, go to your happy space. I'm terrified of every time I cough, I think I have a dry cough symptom. Yep, me too. Oh, man, last night, last night, Jake called me just because, you know,

we were talking about how much fun we had doing Live-aid with the Rosa and Sal And he called me and you know I was on the couch Going from sweating taking off my sweatshirt being cold and I felt like tired and just like a shit and I was like man Maybe I'm sick. I was watching WrestleMania and I was like man. I don't know if I feel alright Then by the end of WrestleMania, I was like oh shit. This this has happened twice to me, where I've been like, am I sick? Is this it? Am I about to go through it? And then I'm just like, oh, not really, maybe I'm just a paranoid bitch.

If I don't do it next, if I don't take Xanax, when I go to sleep, I wake up in the middle of the night sweating profusely. I've woken up every night at four o'clock. Then I'm cold as shit. And I gotta get under the bed, as soon as I'm under the blankets again my palms are sweating all the time Well, I mean I've gotten like I woken up. I think every night two hours after I've gone to sleep I wake up and I can't go to bed. I piss I'm getting morning wood like a some bitch. Hey, what else just back?

Dude my dude is dead, dude. You know, he's the interesting. Had a half-hearted pork session last night. It was like, it was pork and pork and pork. Yeah, it was. You wanna asshole? You guys warmed up some leftovers? You can see, me and her were both

jittery and uncomfortable last night. And then it was just like, this, I guess, is the new post coil little thing to do is just check your phone for bad news. Just after sex, you roll over and you go, do you see this? Taiwan is Taiwan, everyone's dying. I'm with Dan. I wish I've been super harmed up. This is DJ Lou again.

Here's another clip from the quarantine loss tapes. Right here is the guy's opinion of the original Superman movie star in Christopher Reeve and the lovely Margot Kitter. Enjoy. Jay did research about 21 Jump Street and we're rewatching it and found out that the town in Jump Street that this whole story is based is called Metropolis. And I was like, dude, how cool would it be if this was in the DC universe?

Is it a wonder brother show? Is there a chance it is? No, no, no, no, 21 just have to place the DC universe. It's like in the dead. Do you do it? It's so cool. I got Johnny Debs going to be like, Hey, because I think somebody said they've been robbing stores, but nobody can see the person because they're moving too fast. Because this another guy, they just found this theater of school has a has a ring that can make anything if he just thinks it. Oh, man. Hey, listen, captain, captain Gordon, just get off my back. All right? You're never going to be commissioner. Not in Metropolis. Maybe if you move to that shit hole Gotham, I don't think you're a good

god. You're a good god. But you don't have enough gadgets. Hey, Lex Luthor, you're a pretty cool kid at this school. What's going on with it? It can't be. How can it be called Metropolis? That's insane. It's called Metropolis. And by the way, what's the state you're wondering? It's called Evergreen State. I'm gonna double check that right now. Yeah, but I'm pretty sure, I'm pretty sure someone made that up within 15 minutes on the phone.

They go, hey guys, we need a name for the town, just like for clearance. And they're like, I got a Metropolis. Metropolis, Evergreen State in the United States. But it's filmed in Vancouver, British Columbia, which you can tell very easily. I don't know. I mean, I get the idea of like this could be anywhere.

The children aren't safe, no matter where they go to school, I get that whole thing. But to call it metropolis is crazy is calling it Gotham City. That's for a tropical. It would have been balsier if they called it Gotham City. That's what the crap was. It would have been ball zero if they called a Gotham. You guys guys are there any high schools that need crime soft? Let me check the daily planet. Yeah, he goes, oh look, Jimmy Olson took a big cool picture of the new library.

Well, it's my favorite reporter. She really gets in there with her to get stuff. Clark Kentzer, real dildo. Too bad he doesn't have any secret talents. Anyways, I'm going to go undercover. Should I wear glasses? No one would know. I'm undercover if I just wore glasses. Chris Fereef was fucked over in life well before that horse took a took his ass out before a bounce before that he bounced them off walking. You give him four movies where fucking at her best a fucking five Margo Kitter I mean anybody in the world when he when you see him crying

We'll think our dead body and he has to turn the world back because you're gonna turn the world backwards for this fucking average chick Turn this back for this wet sock I'm gonna turn this back for this wet sock. You know, you're gonna fucking, you're gonna have seen Superman did a plot. Did you Superman, which means you definitely have a super dick, but that's how you like, you know what I mean? I'm just such a pussy in the second movie,

gave up his powers for her. Yeah, you know how I'm gonna get the shit beat out of him in a diner because he had no powers, he just was a total pussy. Yeah, by the way, by the way, turn the world back before even tabbed it once. in a in a diner because he had no powers he just was a total pussy by the way by the way turn the world back before even tapped at once and even tapped it yet

well that's the thing that goes to jays full ball theory i think it's if we'll let us if low is to let him get a nut superman doesn't turn the world back and he's the judge is the judge's movie and then gives us powers up. He loses his fucking mind even more after he bangs her. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Superman just goes in the space and jerks off and they're like, Superman, what are you doing? He's like, shut up. He'll be a little over-shelter. He jerks off. If you never saw Superman and it's changed, someone just goes like,

I gotta invite this party because you want to saw Superman and it's changed someone just goes like I got invited this party goes you want to see Superman and his girlfriend dude and that's what walks Christopher Reeve and Margo Kidder walk in the room you're like, I don't know why I was picturing a much hotter couple I don't want to be a dick am I being the only dick here, but They look like a fucking they look like two boring parents because you got to hear them together if they are so fun together They have a lot of fun together Most of the best game nights hope you enjoyed this week's best of the bonfire You can listen to the show live every Monday through Thursday from 6th APM East on Comedy Central Radio Series XM 95 or on demand on the serious XM app be sure to follow us on all social media at the bonfire

SXM. This has been a Comedy Central Podcast.