The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - The Drunk Stylings Of The 2 Lous

Episode Date: October 28, 2019

Jay tells Dan it’s time to grow his home décor style, a new Christine drop is born & Black Lou and DJ Lou get black out drunk at Dan’s HBO taping.

You're listening to Comedy Central! BAM! Hey, I'm Big J.O. Persoon. And I'm Dan Soder, and you're listening to the Best of the Bond Fire. Stay tuned to hear some of our favorite moments from this week. You can listen to the Bond Fire live every Monday through Thursday from 6th 8PM on Comedy Central Radio, Series XM95, or on demand on the Series XMF. Also, be sure to follow us on all social media at the Bond Fire at sex.

Hey it's Black Lou and welcome to the Bond Fire's Best of the Week, and it certainly was a big week for the show as our very own Dan Soder taped his HBO special on Wednesday. You'll hear Blackout drunk cruise stories from the big night and much more. First, Dan's taping marks a period of great growth for the veteran comedian, but Jay tries to get his good friend to realize that it's time for his home decor to grow as well It's funny when you see people from your past having real Rob's mind. I'm probably like real responsibility But I mean I have you know, I have a daughter and everything and it was real responsibility for you know 17 years now

But I mean right now though. She's off the chain. We just let it go. Yeah, she's fucking uncorrect I mean you're good You go get out there. Get out there and fly the water. You see the water out of Eve. Yeah, because before you move back home, try camgirling. Yeah, yeah. Before you tuck them tumble your tail tucked.

Yeah, I need you to do an Okerson rungs print. That's you doing the craziest stuff. Do not fail. Yeah, if you use your last name, they're gonna be expecting something. I need you to come back and be able to be hired as a falling alley waitress. I mean, put some real filth on you.

But I mean, there's real, but I'm not even talking about that. I'm talking about like a specific like hardship even. Yeah, I guess a difficulty or something. So seeing a guy who our lives were like playing video games, you know, sports video games, mad and playing basketball day and just trying to like get pussy and shit. Yeah.

To see him like being a fantastic father to a like very handy cap child is such an interesting thing. I mean, it's just years later, obviously. It makes sense, but it's just weird when you only know somebody is like, Oh, yeah. To see him. Yeah, and to see them grow up. I mean, I feel that way. To see your buddy that's the coach.

You're like, I see this guy just be a dipshit like, you know, as a friend. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, when you grow up with people're your buddy that's the coach. You're like, I've seen this guy just be a dipshit, like, you know, as a friend. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, when you grow up with people, you see, you see people do crazy dumb shit. I think what's even cool is to a lesser extent, you know, like, but it's still impressive. His hell is Lewis and Bobby is like watching them become

great dads is just been like fun to watch. Like Lewis is an amazing father. And you watch him and you're like, that's cool to know because we're, where he came from. Yeah, but he's still everything else besides his father time is still as wingnut as ever. But I wonder is little J, like if you were in little J's life more

is he still like there's still elements of little J outside of him taking care of his kid? Oh, I think 100%. You know what I mean? I do. You're just not as close. Yeah, you're not as close to no but absolutely or at least he talks the same like goofy way He's still the same guy

He just has shoulder disresponsibility of taking care of his kids in a harder situation, but you're right We're just see people do that. You're like, oh fuck. That's crazy Bachelor life to also does your buddy? I'm a fringe. I'm sure does your buddy the coach Mike does he have a Yeah, he's married kid. No kids, but he's married. Yeah, so it's Mike, does he have a family? Yeah, he's married. Kid? No kids. But he's married. So it's, yeah, so he's like, it's like a different kind of life too.

So he was seeing that in general. Well, he just like, what's interesting is we were talking about army wives and like football wives. There is like a thing where his life is just coaching football. Like it's what it is. He has a vacation in the off season, but like he's, but his, I bet his home looks like it's great. A fucking home. Yeah, it's a great, that's a real, that's what it is vacation in the offseason, but like, he says, but his, I bet his home looks like, it's great. A fucking home, yeah, it's a good,

it's a good, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, there's like, there's something about that where it's like, I'm still not, like, I try to make my house, and I think Christine actually makes it. You, let me tell you something. Very adult place, but, very wonderful home.

I had a very good time watching the game there last night, and when I went back to Vecchio and I was flop house, it just looks like we fucking rob places. If you walked in and I was like, oh man, these guys, these guys have been hitting and casing all these joints and fucking logger them out. I have like a nice couch and nice TV. Just like, and then everything else.

I think when you live by yourself, I have my hopes and dreams for you. Yeah, then when you live by yourself. Vecchio is very clean though. It's the only thing I'm about 30 years away. I don't think you're and dreams for you. I'm, yeah. Then when you think of it. That key goes very clean though. It's a myth about 30 years. I don't think you're either you a dirty. You're not dirty. No. I'm saying I think you'll, instead of like

a Hunter S. Thompson poster in the living room. By the way, it's a great. Hunter S. Thompson, four share of poster and it's gonna be the 50th anniversary in January. It's a school. And there's a room. There's a video game room or something you'll have in your place.

That's gonna be bad. That could have, you could have it up there. My office. You're living room. Maybe you have something more like a, just like a nice art piece of some sort. My mom said. Maybe you pick, your couch is great.

You got good couches. Great couch. But you know, just different furniture for stuff. I think you'd go a little differently. Are you saying the summer slam chairs aren't a good addition to the dining room table? Look, having a purchased WWF championship belt hanging up in your living room?

It's a winged eagle. What are you not gonna buy that? It's, buy it. Yes, you buy it. But having it up in your living room. It's like living constantly knowing that Mike Vecchio is coming for your title. I live on an edge you the most people. You remember when you dated the girl that was like she won't ever come out to Queens. Yeah. And I'm like, yeah, lucky you. You want this girl. What is that?

What a change. You can pay an ounce of living to get fucked under a Mr. Miyagi picture. Well, he watches. If you watch watches, if he watches in the agreement, don't you say it. Don't you say it? Look at the care. Miyagi, you want me to lick her butt? Yeah. Yeah.

Miyagi, no. Entering us. Entering us. Eat the butt. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Don't you say it.

Eat the butt. Yeah. Come on, come on. Yeah. You're like, Don't you sign it the butt. Like, I'm not gonna. Yeah, I mean, he was boning a CEO's daughter under a Mr. Miyagi poster. No, man, yeah, she never, we never bound in Queens.

Yeah, you're like, she woke him up, I go, I bet. She came over, she came over one time and it was like a diplomat visiting a dangerous country. I bet. Yeah, she probably came in and said that.

She was like, So what's security detail like here? What's this refrigerator with the freezer on top? Yeah. Ew. She goes, who's that? Why are your microwave buttons all rubbed off? Becky on Moxat's room, she goes, your security guard's just walking around.

Okay. Your door, guys, in your place. Okay. Okay. He's in your place and he's pretty comfortable walking around in boxer bruce. Oh my god You let your security is walker is underwear. You're so sweet Also a 14 year old boy decorating your apartment while you were gone Is this where your son lives?

She's cooler with me having a kid. Gonna jump out. Oh, shit. Yeah, dude, whatever. That's the shower. That's the shower. Where's shower shoes if you're gonna jump in there? I jerk off a lot there.

So this floor's a little slick, you know what I mean? It's a little gamey. I got a toss a lot of bats. Usually off the wall if it's better a couple days. I don't wear a tie-licks. I get rid of it. I toss a lot of bats usually off the wall if it's better a couple days Throw it at tight legs Hello everyone. This is DJ Lou and on Wednesday's laws tapes Jacob surprises everybody with a new audio drop of Christine and out of context it makes her sound like a bit of a whore or well I don't know if I'm in no

little bit rusty fucking awesome that Rob Thomas likes our show that's cool as fuck Christine's wet thank I just went all black she's soaked yeah it's used where I'm purple it would be black should be gushing Alba mental lots of me essentially now that Legionist gangster episode I'm gonna use gush more he said christines up working in a And near booth bringing her She's getting a little bit gushy. Oh now you want a fuck me?

What is the original Girl is a girl a comic With what with a cop oh yeah I didn't see that one coming I didn't see that one at all how does it go again? Jacob pulled it for me thanks Jacob oh no you want to fuck me

yeah Jacob Jacob remember you went out to Queens and met Jacob and took him home from a hospital and home soup and so good to him oh 30 dogs now look what he does to you. Oh you want a f*** me? Oh no. Oh f*** me. Oh now she's laughing.

I would say her face before was a little bit angry when I don't know if Christine never heard that drop before. She got a little bit angry. Hey what's up Perv? Hey Perv. We found that you pulled the Christine clip of her saying, what is it again, Lou? Oh, you want to fuck me? Oh, now you want to fuck me?

Jake, that's a real time. I know, I said. That's your first time. You didn't edit that? No. No. That's all Christine. Christine's really hurt.

She was like, remember the time she came and took you over to the hospital and cared for you and nursed you back to health. She let you suckle from her teeth. No. It's a comedy show. Yeah, nice. We'll play some of them. We'll play one of the two pages of drops on me. She back to health she let you suckle from her teeth Two pages of drops on me

J.co drops are the life's blood of the show you know, I would tell you that that is what that's the jua to v that we have They can't do this science. You shouldn't fuck on coral. Stand by that. Well, that's just good advice right there. That's just good sea living. It's good for the environment. Yeah, it's my favorite one before you continue. Did you have to laugh at our funny faces? It's true. See an article text.

That'll be great at some point. You got to take this one for the team. Finds not even the worst drop. Right out. You don't fuck me. Do you know this? What do that's a thing? You got to take this one for the team. It finds not even the worst drop. That out. You want to fuck me? You want to fuck me? Do you know that slut with me now?

Listen to Christine's slut voice though. What if that's your ringtone for texts? I would do it for Christine texts. You want to fuck me? I'm sorry, my girl's calling again. A G? You're great if you could get that on your phone. You want to fuck me? You want to fuck me? Hold on Christine's text right now. You want to fuck me? You're great if you could get that on your phone

Come on campers right in how do you do that? It'll be Came out of her mouth, I went. Huh. Yeah. Yeah. Just knew I had to come. You came? You're equal. That's so exciting.

I found my swan song. Huh, huh. Hope you're enjoying the bonfire best of the week. On Thursday, the crew was back from Dance Triumph from HBO Taping. Listen in, as Jay and Dan revealed to Black Lou and DJ Lou, just what they did during their drunken celebrations. Well, I don't definitely get anybody too excited before, but I just saw Jacob.

Oh, all the quotes. These are, these are last night quotes. I swear to God. Okay. Are you aware of any of this? What's on this paper? I got no idea. Boy.

Oh boy. Oh boy. Jacob, you're great. Jacob, you're great. I don't care if the lose turn on you for all this. I'm gonna tell you, you're great. You might not be safe in the streets, dude, but you're safe in the court system.

I got you back. I got you back. We might have to do a disclaimer. We might have to do producer relocation to a different office, the other disguise. We got to put in one of those robin quiver stages. The booth. I'm gonna get in one of those robin quiver stages. The booth.

I'm gonna get a lot of flag from Lou, but everything happened. Oh, buddy. Dude, I fucking love Jacob's like, it's all there. I'll go on. Just, you know, we said one to just you know the major So the major DJ Lou the the header title is tales of DJ Lou and then there are four subsections We've never gotten a rundown high school project outline style I can everything yeah much appreciate first thing. There's been an indentation on the rundown It's fantasy. Yeah, you had the you had the justify left. You had to hit left and then

when you got to the other, when you got to the last one you had to hit delete to get back to the left side. Yeah. That's how many he had. It was a whole process. You know what Jacob? I just want to tell you this. You probably haven't heard this in about the 40 years. Great format. Under DNA plus on format. Solid formatting. I would say maybe something's not in bold. It's all in bold. Maybe the, yeah.

You know what? That's for the room. I did that for you. Look, these are bold. I want everything to be. These are bold statements. So it calls for my apologies, Jacob. My sincerest of apologies.

I was gonna be so exciting. All the crew. Man, it's gonna be so exciting all the crew man. What a fun night So I'll tell you what happened after the second show first show was like More formal it was all like a lot of my older friends. It was like the billions bosses Brian and David were there people Have it together people have it together who can make it to a 7PM show. Ah, the 10PM show. All my roar of friends, my mom's at both, Jay and Christina are at both. I get off stage and I'm in the green room

and I'm talking to somebody and they're like, I forget who it was, they're like, yo. I saw the bonfire crew and I was like, yeah, they're like, Lou and Lou are fucked up. And I was like, oh yeah. And then Jay comes back in and he goes, dude, we got a problem.

I used to be in a problem. I used to go, they are fucking ham. Yeah. And I go, how hammered? And then you're like, they're pretty fucked up. Yeah. My friend Joel, who listens to the Bonfire, told me he was like, I saw the bonfire crew coming out of the restaurant

And he's like I saw one look at DJ Lou and I was like DJ Lou's fucked up A couple people called it. They said me to go DJ Lou, huh? Fucked it up Huh? I don't think I was that bad Brian said you're doing ass. It's all I heard about it was all I heard that like people any bonfire associates were like dude You guys see the fuck it lose. Oh, no, you just knew today was gonna be a rancid hangover Well, I'll give you my two interactions that were the funniest of the two and I've I've never seen a Black look that before we did actually I think once maybe Moon tower by think he was just calmed out

Yeah, you what happened is you you guys got fucked up early and then went to bed. Cause I just, again, what's crazy is when you two get fucked up together, I just hear about it through social waves. Like people are like, like the loser fucking bang up in Moon Tower. And I was like, where's black? I was like, he went back to the hotel, yeah.

They go toe to toe. Yeah. Do you always regret that? Huh? I always lose, yeah, do you always regret it? Huh you always always lose Yeah, I fucking regret it hard. Yeah, you try to ride the bowl. Yeah, man You try to ride that whiskey bowl. I can't keep up. That's not me. Do you someone slapped a rubber? Someone slapped a rubber band on loose drinking nuts and he just started fucking people He's in the tape

And he's like let him go dude, you got a hot one I then fucking Lou came over Where I went to go smoke a cigarette with Lou I could tell he was hammered He gets very lovey-dovey which is sweet I don't mind the lovey-dovey talk But you can tell it's like

Alcorn sign is drunk for sure DJ Lou started telling everyone He took an STD test and It has 0.1% of something with three letters The hip he's like he goes I got an STD test because it's it I ain't happy about the results Oh look at b-ro just moved across the room What's up beginning of Philadelphia? Test came back clean by the way. Yeah My interaction and then I just went to test stars and I just see like Lou getting the uh, James

and James and I listen and I say to the uh, he was James and shots from my friends which he's clearly. It's so funny. He did a funny to watch a fire pour gas on itself. We did a Gary Clark. It was so funny. He bullies other people to drink. So he has a reason to knock on that bike. Christine, say move. Christine, say move. And I'm gonna tell you that was exactly my move. The thing that Nate hated about me

was I would talk him into shots, like it was almost a used car salesman. We just having a nice beer at the airport and I'm like, you wanna do a J-mo? He'd be like, nah, man, what do you do? It's one o'clock, I'm like, come on. How are having some fucking blue moons or the splash of OJ?

Some shot of Jameson's? He is the sweetest guy. He makes friends. Yeah. All of a sudden there's a crowd around. Well, I mean, I can see from a... Incredible, how socially is and I look at... I can see from the rundown.

He may have tried to make a couple of... But the other stuff happened Let's give a gauge. Let's get a gauge on where black Lewis. I didn't know black will anything was I didn't see him Up front right away, and then he came from like around the corner It seemed and walked up to me and and beezer and goes and and and I video of this which is fantastic of a black blue come up and he goes man I got piss so bad and I just didn't like think much of that I said I'm like okay whatever my guy and then he goes right in front of the front doors in between the two production trucks and by the way I

proceeds to just like that one busy street busy street by the way. Oh, dude, a lot of people walk out street. Dude, that's bleaker and he's just fucking letting roll. Wow, not bleaker. No, it's a, the land. The land. Yeah, the, the, the street to the Williamsburg bridge. Oh my God.

It never stops happening. Looks like a fucking mid-summer rainstorm. By the way, when I love right there, hold on, positive, is black glue, does the hammered head back laugh while you're pissing? Oh yeah, yeah, got me. All right, you said I'm a bitch. You look like you have drained your way in here.

Yeah. Oh my God. Swagging his dick at the street. There you go. That's what I think of the Williamsburg Bridge. I'm a man of Hatton Bridge guy. Fuck you. I'm G-Dub.

Yeah, I'm a tap-and-seagash. Tap-and-seagash. Go suck this big black dick-y stupid fox, I'm a tribe-brow bridge guy. Fuck you, New York. Dude, that's great. That's it, and black-o-go for the fist bump. Black-o-coming for a fist bump. Like you just hit a solo shot in the Hinky Stadium? He's like, hey, you's great. That's it, and Blackleu going for the fist bump. Blackleu coming in for a fist bump. Like you just hit a solo shot in the hanky stadium?

He's like, hey, you got to. He's like, hey, you got to. He's like, hey, you got to. He goes, what, I tell you, he puts that slider right there. I'm a fucking making pay for it. He was just giving a two-potated to his own hog in the middle of the street. Great. Two-potated.

And then he came over trying to throw knuckle-bounds everybody. It was great. Great. It was so hilarious. Now, Blackleu, how, at that point, how hammer were you? I was pretty there. Yeah, did the night get spotty at any time? For sure.

You rode the whiskey bowl, so you needed to pay for it. And let's not leave out Andy, Mark Faces. Mark Faces was with us at dinner. Generally speaking, Markface. Outside of the building, I've only seen oddly inebriated. Yeah, he doesn't get enough blame for him. He tends to split.

Yeah, I'm gonna point, that's what it's about. And Markface gets the fuck out of this. This is fucking mercenary. He and Louis always do an after party, after the party. You did that last night? Yeah, I didn't get home till 7 a.m. Jesus. Jesus, dude.

Slap to the bus station. Really? Yeah. Yeah. What time is you fall asleep at the bus station? Three, I missed the last one, so I had to wait till 6 a.m. when the next one started. You shouldn't met it with me and B.

We're at a diner at like 6 a.m. somewhere. Like I have no idea. Where did you sleep in the bus? You went all night too? Yeah. Sat in the bench, sit up, and slept. Did anybody free a dollar's at you? Still your shoes.

That's crazy. And you? When you got home at 7 how long did you sleep for? Like 4 hours. Fuck. It's fine. You feel like shit right now. I mean young man, AIDS free.

I'm gonna see my fucking test. Do you think, now let me ask you this, right, I know this stage of the hangover, you've gone through the worst of it, because the worst of it was like around maybe 3 p.m. probably before the show started getting metal-mounted. Good call. Oh my God, yeah.

Do you, are you gonna go, there's two ways out of this. There's either you go home like you're sick and you lay on the couch with a blanket, get gatorades, watch movies, go to sleep early, you wake up tomorrow still a little fucked, or do you drink? Yeah. Because sometimes I drink my way out of that hangover.

Yeah, but it's eventually gonna catch up to you now. Ah, but as Winston Churchill once said, when going through hell, that's tomorrow's problems. That's the different from Churchill Joe list Joe list got me drunk the night before my birthday like I was I got blackout drunk going at eastville just like this is maybe 2009 hammered and uh wake up the next day so brutally hung over that all like I jerked off and then I threw up which I've never done before

Wow, usually if you jerk off I like jerked off and I was like It was the saddest thing ever in my life You and your dick both threw up. Yeah, we he he downstairs pukes upstairs We're both blah. Oh a two-decker, but then I met Joe at a bar at like 2 p.m. And we just drank through it and yeah, you're right. I paid for it severely the next day But man was it kind of fun coming back out of those clouds you shoot back up and you're like you feel so good Once you turn that corner if you drink and you're like hell yeah, like I was so good I was so drunk. I smoked a cigarette on stage at the creek

And someone goes to Rebecca They go, hey, did you say you could do that and she was like not at all And I was just black out like whatever TJ Miller. I remember it was like you alright, dude Dude, that's what I'm saying. That's how drunk I was where I woke up the next day. I was like TJ Miller told me to chill So this fucking We did you know we were. So we were fucking hammered. Like I called in a drunk and a bomb for a damn track. So that's where we're coming at.

But I kind of know where you're at right now. What do you think your course of action is going to be? Drink dude. No way dude. Hard, go hard. I bet your Andy goes out again. Yeah? Yeah. Do you guys want wanna put odds on it?

He told me he was going out. Damn it. Yeah, there's the odds. There it is. We're just gonna make these claims and we'll go into them. Yeah. You have for the record. You wanna do these first, where it is?

Yeah, just so our witness is here for full testimony. And then we'll talk about the claims in more detail. Detail later. Sorry, no, no, not at all. Ready? It was the alcohol. It was the alcohol, but you have claims. Can I read any of these?

You know what, read the first two, Jay. Tails of DJ Lou. DJ Lou, for your focus, please. DJ Lou claims that holding fast to this claims that he gave up his seat for your mother for Trish. I was trying to be the hero, but I really wasn't. Two of you relatives made damn sure that I knew that it was her seat. So he thinks he gave up his seat for Trish.

He was removed from your mom's seat. So funny. He's like, I'm sitting here now. That's for Trish, he was removed from your mom's seat. So funny that he's like, I'm sitting here now. That's for Trish. No, that's not true at all. I guess you did feel like a hero. And let me tell you something, not all heroes were capes. And maybe you as a hero, Philly deserved little something, because then you claimed that you were going to quote,

make out with Trish quote inside a quote Colorado style and quote and double quote I have two questions number one will you be my step that number two what is Colorado style I don't even want to know before the commercial what it is fucking hard drive home big for that over here that's rubbing your fucking pants on some G. Covered to some sort of a yack fur cloak. Now just fucking just a nice fleece vest and some fucking over denim. Colorado style. Yeah, you like that? It's elevated. Very very poorly broken in jeans. Yeah, some real Wranglers. But moving into the third quote, I'll read it. This is a claim that Lou falls for a female

camper and you exclaimed you loved her But she was there with her fiance. I love him too Dude, please give me his tight how drunk or how drunk were you do? What they're very many best friends. Yeah, and that's the three claims of things you said And then Jacob was of course blown away that you got you and Andy went to get another bar after. Incredible. Yeah. I don't recall that. Oh jeez. Don't you really? You don't remember the being there? I'm being there but I remember getting out of there because I was fading. Kyle, I'm sure you have some hangover stories. I mean this morning I'm not joking. I will go

with like one and a half sat like sandwiches of the hoodies. From the after bars. Yes, like in your purse. Yeah, with like covered in the free night in the office. Your wall smells like genitalist salami. I know, I know. It's so funny. She goes, she goes, what's this handbag?

She goes, Louie Vuitton, the inside's Capricola. I really have to shake it out. The nice prosciutto on the inside. I just shake it out, there are so like, it was. That's what Taylor Swift song Taylor Swift song shake it out is actually about shaking Clean yourself up. I'm not gonna lie. I did take a bite You forever have a forever have a place in my heart knowing that you took a sandwich out of your bag

I mean I can't be all bad. Should have pulled a pen cap and make a pencil out of your fucking mouth. She goes, oh look at that my old my laundry ticket I thought I lost. Hope you enjoyed this week's best of the bonfire. You can listen to the show live every Monday through Thursday from 6th a.m. East on Comedy Central Radio. Serious XM 95 or on demand on the Serious XM app. Be sure to follow us on all social media at the BondFiredSXM. This has been a Comedy Central Podcast.