The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - The Kids Are Back! (w/ Sal Vulcano)

Episode Date: September 9, 2019

Jay tells the gang how his first experience at a gun range felt. Dan and Jay discuss watching guys talk to strippers in clubs. Jay, Dan and Sal Vulcano discuss the seedy origin of the slide whistle.

You're listening to Comedy Central! Hey, I'm Big J.O. Persoon, and I'm Dan Soder, and you're listening to the Best of the Bond Fire. Stay tuned to hear some of our favorite moments from this week. You can listen to the Bond Fire Live every Monday through Thursday from 6th 8PM on Comedy Central Radio, Series XM95, or on demand on the Series XMF. Also, be sure to follow us on all social media at the Bond Fire, SXF. Hey Cavers, it's Black Lou and welcome to the Bond Fire's Best of the Week.

After a month of not being in studio together, the Bond Fire crew was reunited. Jay started off the show Tuesday by telling about his recent experience at a gun range in Texas. I want to tell Jacob something that's going to upset you. I told you we had dinner on Saturday and I told you this briefly, but I texted everyone I was so excited with me and Lewis were in Texas we went to a gun range. Mm-hmm. He's just gonna go I was like all right I'll go like that's what love about Lewis. I'll get me to go do something. Yeah him and I should fear two people I always get me to go do something. I think I might be I

Took Lewis. I think to his first gun range. Yeah, probably yeah, Austin. So let's go to a gun range We go I have to say first of all I think you've always heard these things, but I've never over thought anything about it I mean I handed them a license In fact, I think at that point We only one of us handed our license of the two. I think Lewis may have given his license and where is ID? And they just handed us two AR 50 or an AR 15 and two a 50 caliber handgun like pistol. Yeah. And then I think like a nine millimeter or something, but like it was terrifying. That they just handed that. Just no, no, no, no. Yes.

And the whole thing, the whole ordeal was anxiety inducing, terrifying. That may sound fuzzy, but I mean, well, some people like that, that, that rush. That's what I think. Dude, what are the, you know, you'd be, I'd be shooting so nervous that I was like, does everything, all the buttons right? I got out of the safety off or water. Yeah, it's a lot. And then a hot shell comes in from over there.

So, son of a bitch. And yeah, I don't know, man, it was just loud. I didn't know what I was doing. So I was asking questions and the guys get frustrated while you're asking. It was a band experience when it was overall. I mean, very scary. The other dudes being around you with guns, man, it's crazy.

Now Jacob, you got to range a lot. You got to shooting ranges? Yeah, I go down and shoot every time I'm in Florida. Were you uncomfortable the first couple of times? Because you're, I know. Yeah, I mean, look, we're from New York and it's not a part of your life and then you go to a gun range and it's just. Jacob, we're a white New York. That's why it's not a part of your life and then you go to a gun range and it's just...

Jacob, we're a white New York. That's why it's not a part of our lives. Go ahead. But yeah, I mean also, I wasn't used to, I wasn't firing a gun before, so it's just, a powerful thing in your hand and yeah, Jay's right, there's just people blasting guns to your right and left.

The AR-15 was bananas to be fired. You got a gun range, Black Lou, ever? But I enjoyed it. I've gone to, I haven't gone to many. Indoor, indoor. See, indoors worse, because the sound's so loud. You started to find a scary door, or was just like, you've had it fun.

I had a 40, we were using a 45, and I could never imagine shooting someone. You were indoor, too? Indoor. That changes everything. Because the sound waves aren't dissipating. So I mean, they go through to your vertebrae. I know, but it's just. It's just so much worse radio soundly low. I go ahead and roll those windows up, Bob. Hey,

I didn't need to tell me that that's Jacob's work outside. Jacob's working for the Jacob's working for the NRA. He's gone. Well, that's the sound waves that other problem I think you enjoy an outdoor range a lot more Outdoor ranges are fun. I've done an outdoor range. I think I would enjoy that much more too But whatever it is it's just here's what's scary about it isn't like So I can get through the gun scary as I get it pointed away I'm never gonna check a gun like looking down the parallel I fucking my room even loaded So I'm worried about she like that. I don't like I don't trust people enough To have 12 other people walking around and the stupidest response like you're getting that is

It's death sentence dude if a guy pulls out a gun starts going crazy. You know like they're gonna shoot him I go yeah What if I am the guy next to me that makes them realize they have to shoot him? Because he's blown my fucking nose off my fucking idiots. What does that mean? Is this braze dude? No, nobody would do that. No normal sane person would ever do that. You know like the normal same people that commit other crazy murders. When I lived with my old room in a mirror, we were living in Tucson. My friend Paul came over and it's an open carry state, you know, so Paul came over and

has gun and he put his gun on the table and a mirror was like, I mean, you walk with an open beer. It's bizarre. Yeah. I think it is open carriers for booze. What is it? Unconcealed, what's the call when you go over the gun? Concealed carry.

Unconcealed beer. Unconcealed beer. I got a concealed beer. I got a concealed beer. I got an unconcealed beer. But anyways, he came over and put the gun on the table and a mirror like didn't grow up with guns. And he was just like, yo, can I hold the gun?

And I was like, I was like, I don't feel comfortable with you doing that. And Paul was like, yeah, let me take the clip out. You take the clip out and hand it to a mirror. And he was like, yeah, this gun is nice. That's like a mirror. Let me see that. And I pulled it back and there was a gun in the slide.

And I was like, Jesus man. And a mirror is like, yeah, I wasn't going to fuck it. I pointed it back and there was a gun in the slide and I was like Jesus man and a mere is like yeah, I wasn't gonna fucking pointed at you, but he was Pointing it around there was a story in my high school But obviously he's an idiot this girl was a Stephanie bend it. I think was dating a guy what a good name for a story about someone getting shot Do you guys remember the bend it fucking brother got his head blown off by their neighbor. No, dude. Her brother got his head blown off by her boyfriend

in a fucking dumb like guys sticking around with the dad's gun. I think they were fucking like doing, and they got in one argument about something and the kids like held the gun out to him. And I, by all accounts, the kid goes, what do you get you're gonna shoot me dude on your friend? You're not gonna shoot like you know I think it was more like you're not gonna shoot me pussy and you just shot him the chest and kid like

Kids in jail forever either people forget before mass shootings that was the widest way to die by gun Was your friend? Going like hey look at your dad's gun friends. Yeah, friend going like, Hey, look at your dad's gun. Oh, fuck. God. He's like, I mean, dude, there was a steam said her dad's gun was readily accessible, which is terrified. Christine's just, because I, I'm just imagining junior, junior homecoming Christine's is there with a bottle of gin in her dad's gun.

She's like, okay, all right. Fuck, hope. Yeah. I was going to different. I thought she was going to be like, oh God. All right, fuck hope, Cody. I was going, I thought she was gonna be like, Annie Oakley and go out back and start with each one of her dads, she has the pick. Cause it was a revolver, right? 33 caliber.

So you have this guy, Pugh! Two kids in the crash shop. I go, you guys wanna see something crazy? Christine, you got your gun on you? We're the fringy gloves? Yeah, she goes, my dad made me go to this thing when I was a kid. I was a champion shooter.

I wish you taught me how to shoot. I just really have no, if you put a gun in my hand, I'd be like, I don't know. How does this go? So suck it in. Hey yo, campers, what's up? It's DJ Liu. And on Wednesday's show, Dan and Jay reunited to tape at Jay's home and they discussed pathetic banter

at the strip club. When I was at the strip club, so observing, I wish you were there for this particularly, from observing strip club behavior, like the people, the people that are there. Yeah, customers. Just like awful looking guys, just believing it for a little bit. And really like, well, those are the guys that just playing money.

And I'm doing things like aggressive dancing with them, like with them. Yeah. The guys that are super into like doing like titty jiggles in the face. bizarre. I'm just like working around like you guys it all looks pathetic to me Yeah, and listen It can all be in good fun But if I went with a group of people I would have more fun if there was a bunch of us that went I'd have more fun Look sure with your friend, but I still wouldn't be like partaking and all the unless it made you laugh and be partaking in all the, unless it made you laugh,

smashing my face, having a girl, jigg or something, is not fun to me, unless you or someone is there laughing at it and we're having a thing to just do it. It's only a facetious thing, yeah, to be like, but to be sincere, be like, and there's so much sincerity in the guys there. My favorite was a lot of sincerity sincerity when the guy like the guys

You know you hear the stories of the guys bringing like flowers To you to the strip club. Yeah to be like I love you Yeah, I fucking love you. I love you. They buy you love the Amazon wishlist Yeah, that's the thing for like porn stars for sure, but also these extra two at the same thing You know, it's like a wishlist of things they want these guys buy it for me. I can't go just go in the back of a strip club now and be like, hey, how much like fuck or so? I've never been like a problem. I've never been that good. I could probably like, hey, how much does it cost the pounds from snute around here? I could probably afford it behind Christine's back if I needed Where's your guys in Smith's been but I'm just saying like the I'm say almost no points like it's not even like

It's not like a how could I spend the money on that or something. It's really just like Why would I spend the money on this chick? Let me just pound her whole it's weird man. I don't know. I can't do it man. I need there to be I Some version of like oh no, I want to do that. Yeah, I have to have that I don't know I think I'm helping out a problem you have I think I think I think I'm gonna turn Beyond is what a woman acts like a diner waitress right before we're gonna fuck she goes. What's up, honey? What I what can I do play with you balls? Well see you got it. Let me see let me go to the back John. We got a whiney guy out here. Yeah, come on pull him out

Let me go to the back John we got a whiny guy out of you. Yeah, come on pull him out Pallachia nuts come on pull out you nuts baby boy Pallachia nuts baby nuts. Let's get nuts So what were the conversations that you're cuz I remember you were saying you were trying to Go through this thing and see if I got any I it's just chaos. It's you're wearing a wire No, I turned my voice memos long because I got next to a guy that was just hammered great and going in on it with this girl the way you talk you They talk to strippers like they're talking to fucking five-year-old Who you're trying to show your proud of him like you but like a nephew or a niece one You're saying that they who talk the strippers?

Girls like I gotta or the guys the the customers the customers the johns. We'll call them john. I like all the way they talk to The strippers. It's like I have three kids It's like I kind of think I have three kids and he goes I bet your great mom You got I can tell that kind of you are your Which we see that he's like like uh like the customers are the five-year-olds Yeah, no, no, no, the strippers like to the five year olds like tell them are think the guys talk to them With this like delicacy that like I'm someone they love. Yeah, oh, that's what I'm saying So you don't fuck about this you like to smoke or to fucking rubber you wanted to ride your cock in the back

You like to snowboard and she goes I do I killed a man Snowboarding is a good example because that he goes so because you at this girl in your lap and she's like, you know, smoking, me and my girlfriends are all going on a, I guess, snowboarding. Dreadies going up to Reno, yeah, Tahoe, and we're gonna do this thing. And the guy's like, Tahoe's great.

It's like you're making small, it's just more on, and he just keeps randomly stuffing like, you know, more money in her tits while they're having a conversation about regular stuff. It's so weird. You know, I think I think you're finding the number one contender for my small talk champion is strippers. Oh, they're great. I think I know, but they're doing small talk and get out. They're small talk. That's what I'm saying. Through a guy hour. You know, I'm not an emphasis. They can get me into small talk. But this guy, can I escape a stripper small talk? Oh, dude, guys, I'm good

I just I just got back from one or maybe later. That's it. That was my move on there. I just got back from our guard this Harlet your a harlot. Yes, someone loves you somewhere. Stop it. Go back to your family See your family again. Fuck you mister. I go you're not saying that to me you're saying that to your father Run Ladies grinding your ass trying to work. I'm just trying to work man. I'm trying to make other ways to make money sure You have more money to buy your kids more clothes, but do have the respect to what will they say to their fans shut up shut up free don't stop it you don't know how to go to your family as soon as you're done polishing my knob right to your family know that your dreams and aspirations

are real they do do exist. Mercedes Hi, it's DJ Liu here and on Thursday's Lost Hapes, the guys convened at Salvo Conno's House and they discovered comedy uses for the slide whistle. I did I did yoga for like six months years ago and I liked it and I saw a progression from my beginning stages to whatever the progression was. That was always fun. That's one of the reasons I liked it. Because I was able to do that when you go. I felt a certain progression when I go. What kind of progression?

A progression in your head. Dude, Slide whistle, Dan, is gonna have to be a thing. You want it so bad, just in my everyday life. I go, wait, how much is it for these intimate cupcakes, 49? That's deep. I'm not going to this deli anymore. That's what sell brought that

slide whistle when they roasted me at the creek. I remember that. He would say like, yeah, your daughter, she's a whore. Pew. Pew. That's the point. I needed to dig the edge of it.

This is like a classic slide. This is a good slide was He's in a good is that I Mean I don't know from all the slide. It's just a fun thing to say. It's a failed me. It's a fun thing You know it's a fun thing that like you know quality You go Good lock I picked that because every day you oil it and clean it up. I fucking private pile.

Yeah, I think it's. This is my style. There are many like you. Sal, who are you talking to? Go back to sleep. It's just really sliding. Close the name, Charlene. Yeah.

Oh, the rifle and rubber pile. Yeah. This is my rifle. This is my gun. This is for fighting god this is for fun what is this fly whistle origin what was it what's it for sound effect and I gotta imagine it was probably I thought it was probably a musical instrument and then like people like there's no way there's no other jamming along

I'm classically studied at Juliard slide. Everyone knows I'm one of the finest slide one. The one note. Well, I've told you to play that shit a little more on. You can play it several. Damn, try to hit a few different notes on it. You guys want me to whale? Yeah, like in the middle, like jam. No, no, no, no. But a little, but more like zigzag, like the top of the middle and go a little No, no, no, no. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. of men in the galley. Oh, is this supposed to be, you know, if people were coming, if you're fucking a boy? Yeah, medieval version was used during the crusades to assemble, cross, Oh, I gotta wrap it up, we gotta wrap it up. Hey, hey, oh, I was just teaching young, uh, a spurious. Oh, yes, young brustis, the thickness of my gun. Oh, okay, this was just here. Oh, theurious was helping me out with my luggage. I was teaching it up. And when it became became comedic is when the guy missed his cue

And they saw him fucking the guy and then the guy Ever since that That was Lord pedophilia They pedophilius Trouble everyone just started laughing Hey, pedophilius? Pedophilius. What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing?

What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing?

What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing?

What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? this week's Pests of the Bond Fire. You can listen to the show live every Monday through Thursday from 6th APM East on Comedy Central Radio, Series XM 95, or on demand on the Series XM app. Be sure to follow us on all social media at the Bond Fire at SXM. This has been a Comedy Central Podcast.