The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - The Lust Files & Fan Boy
Episode Date: June 27, 2024What do you get when you put 3 trans porn stars and 1 straight porn star in a room with The Bonfire? Confusion and chaos ensues as cast of "The Lust Files" try to talk all at once. Jacob is still ma...d at being called a "simp." Jay tries to take everyone to the Justin Timberlake show. FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf
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And now, Simple Jake and the Boys, right here on Faction Talk 103, presented by Hills Quality
Construction.
If you're in the East Texas area and need a handyman, Nolan has the hammer.
Hills Quality Construction in business for over four days. I
Got this feeling
inside my bones It goes electric wavy when I turn it on
Off of my city off of my home
We're flying up no ceiling when we in our zone I got that
sunshine in my pocket got that good soul in my feet I feel that hot blood in my body when it drops
I can't take my eyes off rock it, so don't stop And under the lights when everything goes
Nowhere to hide when I'm getting you close
When we move, well you already know
So just relax
Nothing I can see but you when you dance, dance, dance Feel a good, good creeping up on you Wow!
Hey!
Hey!
You're so excited and dancey, I have a feeling Christine hasn't told you we didn't get tickets.
Oh, she did.
No, she didn't.
I'm not happy that we're not going.
We are not going.
We are not going to JT tonight, but it's alright.
I was going to send Isabella and Christine, but Christine won't go without me.
Because she loves you.
No.
It's weird.
Because she doesn't like you.
No, it's not that either.
I don't know what it is.
Um, yeah.
It's going to be a JT-less night for me.
JT-less?
For all of us?
For all of us.
We're all going to have JT night.
You know how bad I want it to dance?
Did you tell Isabella?
No, I haven't told Isabella yet.
She's texting.
Oh, well I was seeing if these tickets come in at all still.
Because they said they were following up again. did it could be your agent's assistant when
My agents to these are not coming I don't talk to those people these tickets never come down like this
I hate I hate I'm so jealous of your relationship with our agent see
Dude I don't ask for anything. I'm paying for it. I know but I still don't get I have no like friendship connection. Oh, yeah
I get emails either
I mean, he's one of my closest friends, but we don't we don't we don't talk like you and Justin
Like he goes to like festivals and you guys are hanging out and you'll do stuff. I love Matt more than anything Adam came
Genevieve seen came to one of the shows and what you call it. Yeah
Maybe I'll make out maybe I'll make him my manager
See if he's still interested
Throw him throw him see if you throw some bread bread crumbs. See if he's still interested
I mean he fell off some crumbs. It's no crummies. So as I got this deal he went away
I mean he fell off. Some crumbs?
Some crumbs?
As soon as I got this deal he went away.
Well, in case you don't want to be managed by the best.
Best?
Is Ari still with him too, right?
Yeah.
I like that guy.
I think Yanis just went with him.
Yanis?
Who's that?
Your Greek friend.
Oh yeah, Yanis Apapis.
Yes, Yanis Apapis.
Yanis Apapis.
He was, I guess, red red bar went after Janis.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
What are you going to do?
It's just trolling.
It's a sign of respect.
Yeah.
In a way.
You got the crosshairs.
You got the crosshairs.
I have a question.
Christine, can you look up fun fact real quick?
What's the percentage of trans people in America?
It's, I think it's 7%.
That's a fact.
7%?
7%, 100% true.
Okay, what is it?
3.2.
1.14%. 1.1.
1.14% of the population of America?
Yes, I believe so. Okay, can you see what the total
population of America is? Then times that by the percentage. Let's see how many. How many we're
dealing with? We have most of them. Because I want to say I think New York's got all of them.
The percentage, the percentage couldn't be possible that every 11th person I see on some days is a guy dressed
as a woman.
Other question, why is it always a guy dressed as a woman and rarely ever the other way around?
How come everyone that's trans is a guy that wants to be a woman for the most part?
That is way tilted it seems than girls that want to be guys.
You've seen a lot of girls dressing as guys But it's so easy to become a guy. It's harder to dress
Because you have to peacock as a woman a dude. You don't have to they just do well
Why wouldn't you if I'm gonna turn into a woman? I'm gonna wear a Gucci dress
Yes, they always want to be living out loud women. Yeah, nobody ever wants to be a reserved business lady
No, why would you be a little from?
It's like not only am I was I a girl, I was born a girl slut.
And that's coming out of me right now.
You have to see.
There's the guy that used to work at the cellar who just became a lady.
Uh, Nicky.
Uh, no.
Oh, it's what he became.
Mike first.
Mike.
Mike the manager.
I used to call him Not Liz.
Yeah.
Cause Liz left, he took over and I was like, that's not Liz.
It's not Liz. Yeah, cuz Liz left he took over and I was like, that's not Liz It's not Liz was not I didn't I and they showed me came back and he was like actually I am Liz
Dude I tell you what it's weird hated Mike never got along with Mike
Nikki
We get along famously. Wait, where's Nikki? You see Nikki that he became Nikki. Yeah, I know
But where do you see Nikki at the cellar? She comes down Nikki? That, he became Nikki. Yeah, I know, but where do you see Nikki?
At the cellar.
She comes down.
Really?
Oh, she hangs out.
Nuh-uh.
Yeah, very polite, nice, happy, energetic.
Guy in a dress.
Yeah, Mike, miserable, grumpy.
I get along well with Mike.
Yeah, frazzle.
I always get along fine with Mike.
He was never my, never my issue,
but he went, and then it's like everything,
but again, right away, it was like salacious, sultry.
Yeah.
Everything had to be.
DJ, you want a fun Instagram follow?
Follow her.
Oh yeah?
Oh fun.
Yeah?
Oh yeah.
Well it's funny because when I moved into Noam's house,
when I moved out of the city,
I rented Noam's old house for six months till I found a house. He was living there with his family. Really? In the
basement. They have like a finished basement. So he was down there living.
Is that what you call it when you're trans and not telling people you're in
the basement? He was in the closet. He was in the whole basement. That's when you
have a family. He's got a family. Man. Yeah.
What do you do if your dad comes to you?
Jacob, your dad comes to you tomorrow and he goes, son,
I'm your mom now.
And then just started wearing dresses.
Do you just roll with it completely?
I can't even entertain the idea.
Well, I'm asking you to.
My dad's old fashioned.
Yeah, but he'd be an old fashioned woman. He'd be like a woman from the 50s.
He came up with an apron on, probably his hair in a bonnet.
Uh, yeah, I mean, I guess I'd accept him.
You have to.
I would say...
What am I supposed to call him? Hey Mom?
You're gonna go... No, you know, you call... Whatever the name he picked.
Like Mike picked Nicky.
Your dad... What's your dad's name?
David.
Yeah, she'd be Diana
No, but I don't call him first name by his first name. Yeah, I supposed to call mom. Yeah. Yeah
Am I a bad guy cuz I've been calling him dad for a long time now
I'm just supposed to swap you just supposed to swap it one day. That's what society wants you to do
Yeah, swap it out. I'm not doing that. Why not? I would disown my father if he transitioned.
I wouldn't do that to my daughter because she's my daughter, but my dad I'd walk away from.
I actually- You can't do this to me in your 80s.
You gotta give me a little- I would disown my father if he became a lady and I would
completely support my daughter if she became a boy. I would actually- I would support my dad.
I mean, I shouldn't have that. We'd actually be having,
we'd probably have a relationship now.
Yeah, you wanna,
cause now you wanna see his fucking boy pussy.
Ha ha ha, Jesus.
I, ew.
No, I would, I'd change that back.
I wouldn't completely support my daughter.
I would support my daughter,
but I would definitely be having a lot of conversations
where they're like, what?
I'm not sure about this, cause it seems bad shit.
But if she was gonna do it it, I would never turn away
from her father, immediate turn away.
What about son?
Yeah, no, you stay there.
You're kids.
You're going to hang in there no matter what.
Yeah, if Max goes trans, I'm happy.
I would not think it's bad shit.
No.
I just, you know, Uncle Jim would
have to hang out with him.
Oh, no, you don't want that.
Yeah, come on.
No, dude. That's right. If you're going're gonna be trans your eyes will be molested, right?
He he has his own wife it would be max's fault no just know that for being such a hot little girl
Why you really take it down the hole quick?
Still refer to Caitlin his dad. Yeah, they call her dad. They say my dad. It's very bizarre
Yes, creepy as shit.
Because he was on a Wheaties box winning the-
She was on a Wheaties box?
Right.
No.
Bruce Jenner was on a Wheaties box.
No, he Bruce Jenner.
You know what?
I remember.
I like you, Christine.
Keep us in line.
I like that.
You're the moral compass of this show.
No, Christine thinks it's freaky.
Christine, what would you do if your dad said,
I'm a lady now?
I mean, I have no idea what I'm doing.
My dad's like a-
Can anybody on this show besides me and Bobby
just like, you know, think a little bit about it?
Everyone goes, it wouldn't happen so, I don't know.
Go to somebody else.
I feel like we're on CNN.
Everyone's like, hey, imagine this.
No.
What do you think?
Think about what you might do in that situation.
I won't do it.
Next subject.
I wouldn't disown my dad, I talk about it a lot.
Behind his back?
Yeah, you know, I don't know if you'd disown Gary,
I think you'd probably think it was hilarious.
Oh, I would think it's hilarious for sure.
But I would say I wouldn't call him Mom.
You don't hang with him.
Huh?
You don't go and see him regularly.
Not regularly.
I see him probably about two, three times a year maybe now.
Right.
When he comes out to stuff.
I'd be going to Florida less.
You'd be going to Florida less, yeah.
Yeah, the three times a year I would have him come out.
And you're right.
I wouldn't disown him because I would be like,
yeah, get out of here, lady.
And then when he shows up, I'll be like,
hey, everyone, look at my dad, mom.
Bring him to Skankfest. Everyone take pictures, I'll bring them to Skankfest.
Hey, you wanna be a fucking freaky weirdo, dude?
Let's fucking do it.
You'd be closer than ever now that I think about it.
You'd be closer than ever.
Yeah, hey, have you guys met my freak dad?
He'd be the fifth Mike.
Oh, dude, I'll pay for him to get his wiener taken off
so I can see it.
I wanna see the old wiener and I wanna see the new pussy.
You wanna attach your chain wallet to the end of it?
Yeah.
To keep it in your back pocket for good luck?
Oh, DJ Lou, if my dad ever transitions,
I'll bring his old wiener in
and we'll see if it's the same as mine.
So you don't feel like you're playing this game alone.
The idea of an Orthodox Jew or like a Muslim transitioning
and then all of a sudden they just have to like cover
or wear a burka or a wig out.
We have
Three not one not one not two not two not
Three we do have three it is three. No, we had four did we yeah one dropped out. Was there four?
Yeah, four and one dropped out one didn't make her fight. I make it what happened
Did her wiener get caught in the escalator?
Jesus Christ.
What, does that mean she had a big wiener
and it got stuck in an escalator?
Do you know what happened, Lou?
It says, I think she just missed a flight.
Missed a flight.
Wow, so we have three.
We met one in the elevator, lovely girl.
You did?
She was in the elevator with all of us. Wow.
Lovely girl.
Well, I wonder if I possibly met one too.
Maybe.
I think one of the other things, I was in the elevator with a, you know what's funny?
We're having three trans girls on today and it is kind of funny that I'm like, why am
I seeing all these trans people?
They're probably all here for our show.
What the fuck, man?
What's the, how is this possible?
Oh, we invited every one of them.
Which one isn't showing up?
Morgan, I believe, let me look it up.
No.
That's one of those names.
It is though, if you look though,
America's 1.14%, but New York is 5%.
Damn.
So it is.
5%? Yeah, so. I thought San Francisco would have more they probably
Francisco's probably around that too because
To be San Fran really settled in on gay the gay and lesbians New York's like you know, let's kick it up a notch man
Let's get these guys dressing like fucking whore pigs
Three so who is coming in Let's get these guys dressing like fucking whore pigs.
So who is coming in?
We have- Isabelle.
Mia Isabella.
Mia Isabella.
Nice.
Hold on, I have the books.
Athena Parisi, Mia Isabella, and Morgan Bailey.
Who do we meet in the elevator?
Wait, I thought Morgan's not coming.
Oh wait, hang on.
How many do we need?
That's a phone flyer.
Huh?
How many do we need?
I know, you're thinking to yourself, Lou, you only have two holes, right?
But you can whack the other one off.
We should play your game, Suck Jerk Fuck.
Yeah, Ass Mouth Hand?
Yeah, Ass Mouth Hand in the studio, who would you do Ass Mouth Hand?
Ass Mouth Hand. Who goes in my butt, who goes in my mouth, who takes the hand?
Yes. Okay. I don't mind playing a little round of Ass Mouth Hand. We have so many games. Ass-mouth hand who goes on my butt who goes in my mouth who takes the hand yes
Okay, I don't mind playing a little round of ass-mouth hand. We have so many games We do have another game too. I had a game that I sent to Christine that you can actually you pick. It's a quiz
It's a big dick quiz and you pick certain photos, and it tells you what size your penis is
Black Lou played it eleven and a half inches
Lou's got an eleven and a half inch penis from From the quiz that he took, 11 and a half.
DJ Lou took it four and a half.
Is that true?
Yeah, it's like pick a cucumber.
But there's a bit, there's a vegetable.
You have to pick, there's a bunch of vegetables.
Pick a dick.
I picked Dick Van Dyke.
You have to pick like a sausage.
It's all these photos you pick and by the choices you
pick, it can tell how big your dick is.
I bet the trick on that is if you keep picking a bunch of big stuff,
it gives you a little dick because you said you're always thinking like that.
I thought that and I picked the smaller stuff and I still got.
And it said you had a little wiener. So it's double reversing you.
It's making you think that that's what they're trying to do,
but if you pick the small ones,
it's still gonna say you're small.
It's an algorithm.
I got outsmarted.
An algorithm of small dicks.
Is this the three girls that are doing this?
No, this is not the three girls.
This is the event they're promoting,
but it's Mia Isabella, Lucy Hart,
and Athena Parisi are all coming in.
They're all trans, and then the host of this event,
The Lust Files, which is a porn industry tell-all at the cutting room, which is what they're promoting
Not trans that's add as foosh Christ
But coming in today are these three
Coming in today's me is about Lucy Hart and Athena Parisi not Morgan
Oh, we're not seeing Lucy Hart on here. No, Lucy Hart's not on here.
She's not performing at the show?
She's not on the flyer, so I'm not sure if she's performing.
Maybe she's, maybe she has not enough of a big dick
or too big of a dick for this event.
Who knows?
Because that's what we're gonna find out today
when we ask a series of questions and see,
just by these
questions and obviously you can't ask too on the nose do you know I mean? Or on the
dick. Too on the nose or on the dick. You know do you wear a mag? Would you fill out a
magnum con? These are dumb questions. No. You got to ask just things like you know
has anybody ever like walked away from your penis because of its size?
You know what I mean?
Yes, things like that.
How many times have you heard ow?
Yeah.
One ow, two ow, or the dreaded three ow, ow, ow?
What would you say the speed per inch would have to be to shoot a load at 70 miles per
hour?
Yeah. 70 miles per hour. Yeah, we got a, me and Isabella, never seen her penis in person ever.
Me neither.
But I said, heard her take a piss once.
It was loud.
Are they showing their penises?
You're holding them.
Jake, if you're the producer, didn't you pre-interview them and ask them if they'll show us their
penises?
No. That wasn't in the prep. What do you do here? You didn't
pre-penis these girls? Jacob, if you're taking over the show and this is going to become
simple Jake and the boys, you're going to start doing a little pre-spec. I lost it then.
Huh? Yeah, no. How is this going to work out? Did you post the shirt that's coming?
No, not yet.
Oh, you can get it now at ComicWearables.com.
They have it.
Yeah, so Kevin put it out.
Yeah, Kevin's put it out.
It's great, it's an old school like WKRP shirt.
Yeah, it's a fun shirt.
It's a fun shirt.
It's a fun shirt.
You gonna get one, Lou?
Yeah, I'm a fan.
You're one of the boys.
What's your hoodie you gonna get?
What was that hoodie with all the things on it? Oh, with that's such a great hoodie for you. It was like the description of an Amazon thing. It was the description of the hoods. There it is right there. Yeah. Afternoons with
103 faction talk Sirius XM. Such a good shirt. It's a great shirt. Jacob, you have to wear one.
No.
He's gonna make one for us.
No.
It's just a rate, it's a mock-up of a real radio show.
Available now on ComicGrabbles.com.
Use Simple Jake 20% off.
That's a fact.
Is it really?
Yeah, 20% off if you use code word Simple Jake.
With code word Simple Jake.
Have you gotten bad stuff
online Jacob you seem very but heard about it no he got because you did two
hours on it one hour our hour and 10 minutes when was the second hour no you
just kind of the second hour you just made it part of the second hour you
wove it in simple Jake and the boys Boys? Yeah. It was pretty funny. Here's the thing, Jacob, if it wasn't so fun to say.
I get it, the radio of me gets it, I don't like it.
The other part of me doesn't like it.
Oh, we need radio you here.
I didn't like Cupid Bob too, being exposed on this show,
but I took it.
Oh yeah, well believe me.
And then next season I made $700.
He definitely didn't make frowny faces
and do this a bunch of times.
I did by myself.
I was on the phone doing that.
You guys couldn't see it.
Jacob's done that.
Every sentence I've said to Jacob's
I've already responded by doing this.
Ugh, his eyes flutter.
It's interesting.
And then he got pissed off at something
on your computer too.
I like that.
They read.
That's what I'm saying.
Are you getting hammered or something? I wouldn't know. I don't look at anything
So why is it upsetting you so much? I'm off social media. Me too. You stay off social media. Totally. Yeah. Yeah, especially
It comes in flows. I mean
When you do something like that, you gotta lay low for a month. I don't need to look at
Wish I had that
Luxury, we don't look at you look at you social media. Why don't need to look at the We don't have that I wish I had that luxury
We don't look at it
You look at your social media
You have somebody do it
Why would you look?
Doesn't somebody do it?
Oh I don't know
I don't look at comments or anything like that
But I mean I have to like do social media
I mean I definitely will see things like
It comes across my plate sometimes
Isn't that such a weird thing that in our lifetime in comedy
We went from like radio
To having to go in a day early to do radio
To promote gigs to we have to
fucking make we have to make so much fucking content or you should make videos going like
hey check me out and blah blah blah alls we have to do alls we have to do back in the
day show up a day early do like two or three radio stations and we had a headshot that's
it that's all we had to do we're to go on the roof of a building in New York
and get some weird black and white headshot.
Yeah, a New York roof.
Yeah. What's up?
Yo, I do comedy, but I'm pretty cool.
All those pictures said.
And then you had to glue your fucking resume on the back.
Cause you didn't hear a staple it.
Yeah, you always had to have like extra things you did, like I put juggling.
I put juggling.
Yeah, I've already told us that before,
you juggle, yeah, it's like typing,
I can do a backflip.
It's so, god damn, it was lame.
I had pantomime on mine once,
and they brought me in for a, you know,
the fucking radio commercials.
I had a pantomime playing basketball.
One of the most, I can't play basketball with a basketball.
Nevermind, I was dribbling in a room by myself.
God.
Yeah, promotion sucks.
VoiceOver's probably the worst.
So, you're not really a social media person anyway though,
are you?
You're not a influencer.
No, the only thing I ever looked on was Instagram
for time to time but I don't look even there.
I deleted it.
You deleted your Instagram?
Yeah.
In fear of?
I just, it's bad for my mental health.
I don't wanna look at all this shit for the next month.
Aw, I feel bad, come on.
They can't do this!
Nothing.
I don't think it's a bad thing.
Nobody, everybody loves you and they love.
Yeah, you can still have no respect for somebody
and love them.
That's true.
I really love Don.
We have to get a booth.
We have no respect for that bitch.
We have to get a booth for Jacob.
A booth, what, in the window?
He shows too much on his face.
So every time I look over,
this week I usually look over for Jacob to feed laughs
and every time I look over he's just,
he's so angry looking.
We gotta shake him out of it.
Why you want me to fake it?
He's been shaking up for days.
We're gonna have one of these girls tickle you.
I can't fake it.
Huh?
I can't fake anything.
Yeah, so we gotta get you a booth.
We gotta get you like a Robin booth
or something like how, like Baba Booy.
So you, I'm not going in a booth.
No, he's kidding.
How would that change anything?
We wouldn't see you looking sad and defeated all the time.
You'd still see me through the glass.
No, we can not look at the glass. If you were there...
We're gonna get a button on it that we can hit a fog and it just fogs over.
We'll fog you up.
So if you have a shit face on, we'll just go boom and we'll pick it up.
And then when you're ready, you can push the button off.
For your shit face.
Nobody's putting you in a booth, Jacob.
I love you.
I get it.
We love you, Jacob.
Jacob.
I understand.
Bobby would put you in a booth.
We'd both put you in a booth.
But only when you seem pissed off at the world.
It bums us out to see you so down.
Especially when we don't fully understand it.
I don't know why you expect me to be happy about Monday.
Say it, say it.
Oh, I thought you were going to say simple Jake and the boys.
Yeah, I mean-
I'll tell you exactly why I thought you'd be happy.
You did a wacky thing.
Which I put no thought into, and you dragged into a two-hour thing with shirts now.
With shirts.
It really is impressive how we were able to do that. You dragged into a two-hour thing with shirts now
Is impressive how we were able to do that you
You gave us an hour's worth of hilarious content to thank you far beyond to
the bit lives Yeah, it lives on. I'm a goodie real quick. We just made
$17,000 on shirts and I'm gonna give you 5% of that
Could you imagine if after we came in and laughed at me for not getting into the snake pit?
When you were talking the rest of the week, I would just do this ask me a question about a topic
Jay man, we got this whole thing with uh, rich losses barbecue
Yeah, yeah you good. Mm-hmm. What's up, bro? Nothing. I'll do
I'll talk about the barbecue
Pretty good impression. That was a pretty good impression. I mean, come on guys
Guys, I try mine the black Lou is an hysterical lip-biting laughter back there
Do mine. I'm gonna do you do a Jacob. Yeah
Okay. Um, oh
Bobby
Did you see the thing that uh that Bill Belichick stating a 24 year old
cheerleader so it's it's like Jacob he's yeah yeah dating the 24 year old yeah I
wrote it on the yeah I thought it'd be a funny yep good to do well do it yeah Okay, shit. That was also good. Thank you. That was pretty good.
Bobby's an actor though. I'm not an actor.
I mean I had a little nuance at the end.
You did. You put your own flair in it.
I put my little stink on it.
Dude, first of all, I'm loving your fingernails.
Last week, I almost quit the show.
Oh.
This week, I'm back.
I really do like the fingernails.
I like the color
I think you had a little blue to it or something. It's a little blue. It's a little blue. The pearl white
Yeah, you didn't love didn't like it. Little touch of blue touch of blue
Diggin I like it and your little fingernails are they're very cute little fingernails. Thank you like an esthetician. Mm-hmm
I'll tell you
This was a tough one though all by hand this one note this lady had no electronic tools
Or electric tools that they have the few times. I've done it
They have electric stuff that really takes it all down and it sort of goes fast everything this lady was by hand
with a hand tool and a lot of
Scraping and doing stuff and so much cuticle stuff. Did you get a pedicure?
Not yet. Don't get those.
I'm afraid.
That's how I got my dead toenail.
From a pedicure?
Yeah, because they put people's feet in those
and you're supposed to wash them out really well after,
just fill it up with water.
Yeah.
And I was getting pedicures a lot
and I put my foot in one of those
and I got a fungus on my toe
and it just fucked up my toe.
Now my toe looks like a Fritos chip.
Yeah.
Don't tell me that.
My toe, thank God it fell off and it grew back.
Oh.
A little normal.
Stop.
Yeah, still a little fucked up on the edge.
Now you're gonna make me make actual Jacob face.
I have shrecked feet.
Hmm.
It's not that bad, you wanna see it?
No.
Come on.
Are you mad at me because of the Justin Timberlake concert
we're not going to?
I'm not mad, I'm fine, I have so much shit to do.
I'm leaving for New Hampshire in the morning.
And Dawn's not going, she called me, she goes,
would you be mad if I don't go?
And I had to be, I wanna talk about acting.
Wow, did I have to act, I was like, what?
Why would you, you don't wanna go with us? She's like, no, I got so much stuff, and I have to act I was like what? Why would you want you don't go with us? She's like no I got so much stuff and I was like hey, babe
If you you know if you if you think it's better that me and max
Go up by ourselves. We'll go up. You know but inside. I was like fucking yeah
We're gonna fish all day. We're gonna eat shitty food. We're gonna stay up all fucking night. Oh, yeah, no no one's cooking
Oh, yeah delivered in.
Yeah, Max goes to bed.
I'm gonna go walk around
and see if there's some old wood lady somewhere.
Smack it outside.
Smack it outside of some flat ass white lady
on her morning walk.
Maybe you'll smack it outside.
Jacob, were you gonna go to Justin Timberlake
if you got tickets?
Yeah, I was gonna go.
Would you have been happier there? Yes. I couldn't look over while I was go to Justin Timberlake if you got tickets? Yeah, I was gonna go. Would you have been happier there?
Yes.
I couldn't look over while cheering at Justin Timberlake and then look over and you're just
bummed.
I go, do you like this song?
And you go.
I don't know as much of this stuff, but I would have had a good time.
You would have.
You would have danced that fucking blues right out of your system.
Yeah.
That's right.
Christine's still holding off on giving Isabella the news.
Well cause she thinks she's, Christine's being positive off on giving Isabella the news Well, cuz she thinks she's Christine's being positive
we're certainly not getting them, okay, and
Now is it Bella she won't take Isabella either
That's gonna come up in the stepmom review for sure
It's gonna come in your review. Why you guys could have went? Why do you think you couldn't is it too many tickets?
Could you have gotten three tickets that would have been easier? Why don't you just try to get three tickets?
You can't get really good seats for three tickets. It's a hot ticket for sure. Yeah
I'm gonna look these names again me Isabella Lucy Hart and
Athena Parisi
Aides is not coming in. She is coming in. She's not not trans okay, so don't keep talking about her penis
It is what are you rocking over there? I see a big old bulge in them skivvies
Get over here guy. I'm not I'm not sure you don't call them guys, huh?
Please don't call them guys. Do you think I have the balls to do that? No, of course not
Do you think they have the balls to have me do that?
Big balls we don't know that
Might have tiny balls. We don't know that. Might
have tiny balls, big birds. I know one that does. But I've said this before. You love
cock? Yeah I love cock. No, if you are going for the trans thing. Yeah. This was the argument
we had with Josh, the one time Josh had a mires. He's looking for the little tiny little
like Vienna sausage wiener. Yeah he wants to ease into it, and I'm like no if I'm there if we're going for it
Give me a big old honker. Yeah on this lady. Yeah
Do you know I mean yeah, you want to flapping on your belly button if we're gonna do you go for the thing?
Yeah, go for it for it like rocky
Yeah, just have sex with a girl if you're looking for him to have a little clit dick
You should have black lose guy talk to you. You're gonna suck a dick go for that dick you want to suck a dick you suck a dick every day every day every day
You find time every day
put it in my mouth and
Then his wife's doing like ladies suck a dick every day
Every day if your man wants it. I wonder what his wife is a vice to the women you fuck him every day
Yeah, you best sit on that cock you get that dick if you want to live
What time are they coming in
Bring them in well are they checked in they are here. Why don't we take a break and then bring them in?
Why don't we take a break and then bring them in? Mmm.
Mmm.
Mmm. It's a little early for a break.
Mmm. We can go a little longer.
There's three of them though, yeah.
So we have to go four. Yeah, we'll take a break.
We'll come back and then we'll go a little longer.
There's three of they out there.
Did I do it right? Yes, you did.
Did I do it right? Yeah. I don't know if they're they's.
I think it's her. Get in here
thems. Get in here thems
Get in here. Yes a lot of this. Oh, we got some songs. Oh, do we oh, yeah nice
Does anybody should we all be wearing like thongs or butt plugs or something they come in?
It's pride month not my blood. I don't when they come in and act like they we didn't know but
So we'll have Christine go get them and then the fucking five of us just gay off I'll get Paco involved wall gay off. Why'd you get Paco on the table like a turkey and we just
Takes a piece would you get like a turkey up there and when they walk in we're all just like staring into your asshole and jacking
Your cock
It's pride month. Thank you. That's called playing ball Jacob
Paco's coming for your job next dude. He's working his way right up to this thing. He's gonna playing ball, Jacob. Paco's coming for your job next, dude.
He's working his way right up to this thing.
He's gonna be the next me in a month.
That's how fast he's moving up.
I'm on the right hand, baby, I was on his way.
Man, he throwing.
I could probably get swept up at a Gaga concert
to just start twirling around with a fucking dude with tits. Let's bring these girls in, dude. Let's do it.
Dude, you're so hot for cock fun. We'll take a break, everybody. We'll be right back. It's the bonfire.
That's Bobby. I'm Jay.
And to get our full show sign up for a SiriusXM subscription at SiriusXM.com slash Bonfire.
Support our show.
Don't be some jerk off just taking the free stuff.
Let them know you want us to be here forever.
Or we won't.
Or maybe we won't.
Subscribe. Because we won't.
Everybody's great.
We are the best.
If the energy's low in this room, it's because we found out we're not going to see Justin
Timberlake tonight.
Yes.
And Bobby's been a wreck ever since.
Yeah, I wanted to go because I wanted to see JT.
I was very excited about dancing.
No, we just didn't get tickets.
We thought we were getting tickets. Bobby's been a wreck ever since. Yeah I wanted to go because I wanted to see JT I was very excited about dancing. No we just didn't get tickets we thought
we were getting tickets fell through. We thought we were getting six tickets here.
Playing at the garden tonight. It's the Bonfire faction talk Sirius XM 0103.
Big Jay Okerson the great Robert Kelly with me we have some very very
fun guests in studio right now they are gonna be doing the cutting room this
Friday it's the called the lust files were porn's top trans performers are
gonna tell all it is hosted by Addis Fouche who is also sitting here with us
Addis thank you for joining the show you can get tickets at the cutting room NYC.com one of my favorite
rooms. Cutting rooms? That's where they just did all the half-hour cast digital
specials. Justin did his show there too. Justin did a show there it's where they
do it was where Joan Rivers did her residency. Yeah. Before she passed.
Joining us on the show is not everybody,
but almost everybody who's gonna be
part of the show, everybody.
We have Lucy Hart with us.
Sitting next to me, Lucy, nice to meet you.
And of course, Athena Parisi.
Hi.
Did I say everything right?
You did.
Noice.
Noice.
And we're waiting for Mia.
Mia Isabella is on her way up, I believe, yes?
She's in the elevator.
On the way up. She's in the elevator. Nice. She's she pulling a power move I think so this is I come in late oh
she's alpha dog and everybody just a show that's very sad that's a fire sign
is it I'm a sadger to know that oh you're sad you terrorist yeah yeah what am
I gonna do I love sadittarius, my brother's a Sagittarius.
I'm an air sign, so I feel like we hate each other.
I'm a Libra.
I don't know what any of those things mean.
I'm a Libra too, that's air signs.
That's air signs.
So y'all can never make a decision pretty much, Libras.
Never, no, eternally.
We're balanced, aren't we?
You guys are, you think you're balanced,
yeah, you're obsessed with that.
I'm just mentally ill.
I think so, yeah. Okay, great.
I'm a Virgo, so I'm definitely mentally ill.
I have a code for better help if we need it.
Add us, what kind of mental illness do you believe it is? a Virgo. So I'm definitely mentally ill. I have a code for better help if we need it
What kind of mental illness do you believe it is?
My virgo nests. Yeah. Oh, it's definitely the closest to OCD
Yeah, Virgos like we're super organized to provide the books very loyal. Like I won't help you hide the body I'll help hide the body for you type shit. I like yeah. Yeah. Yeah, sorry everyone me is now joining us now
Me Isabella also part of the show tomorrow bring up the plugs part of the show at the cutting room
Friday night June 28 the lust files
Is this the first time the shows being performed hi. How are you?
Me coming in like a hurricane I'm gonna push you and slide you. Holy shit. And this is yours right here.
Hello. Hi everyone.
Hello. How's your day?
It's going great so far.
Well first of all I want to say fuck New York for this Justin Timberlake bullshit and all the hotels booked yesterday.
Park Central, kiss my ass, you kicked my room out.
I got sent to some murderous hooker hotel in Jersey City.
I survived and made it to the Virgin.
But New York City, how dare you take people's reservations
and kick good people out of their rooms
who spent a lot of money to be here
and give them no place to go.
That should be illegal.
This city sucks shit.
No, New York is one of the best cities in the world.
Let's be for real.
That's so true.
That's some bullshit.
You don't do that to good patients.
You can stay with me if you want.
Well, that would have been good to tell any yesterday.
I have a three bedroom ranch.
Hotel and Jersey's sitting.
You have a ranch?
Yeah.
Yeah, put those, no, let's get this, let's go.
Let's get all this hair bits on it.
She got excited.
I did, I like animals.
We were just talking about this outside.
We were, yeah.
Okay, am I good?
Yeah, there's this guy I'm dating
and his grandpa has like 80 cows. What? Yeah, 80 cows on a farm. There's guy. I'm dating and his grandpa has like 80 cows
Yeah, 80 cows on a farm. There's this guy. I'm dating and his grandfather's
Did it blow his mind when he brought a black girlfriend home doesn't like a person as a black girl
You know what me the first time that white men had black girls on the farm
Yeah, I am his first black girlfriend I believe but they're British, so it's a little different over there. Fair enough. Fair enough.
Addis, are you the one who put this show together?
I am. Yes, I'm founder of The Lost Souls.
I'm so glad to be here with you today.
Thank you, Mia.
Mia's energy is just rocking.
I know, right?
After yesterday, I'll give it to the gays at the Virgin Hotel. They really got me right today.
What does that mean?
Fabulous people, good energy.
Let me do that for you.
Thank you, thank you.
Right.
Come on.
Like a Libra man should.
This hair.
You're bringing something out of Bobby.
50 pounds of hair.
By Rich Extensions, thank you for making sure
I got my hair on time.
You're the bomb.
Hey Jay, stop cock blocking, relax.
Oh Bobby, you're doing great.
Simple bomb. There's no cock in this room bigger than mine, so everybody can
stop that.
Well, you don't know me.
I wish.
And you don't know me.
You know what I mean?
Apparently.
Hey, I do know you.
Oh, chill out.
I've known you for a long time.
Me, I would have said fuck you to that comment unless I didn't know it was absolutely true.
Wash your mouth, because I swing.
I know, I've seen it.
I don't let men say fuck you unless it's in my pleasure.
No, no.
I'm saying I would have, but your biggest dick in the room thing is probably correct.
It's always correct actually.
So I can never let a man rule me for that specific reason.
Now I can submit to a good man because it's my pleasure to do so, but if you try to submit
me that's never going to work for me.
I look down and be like, with a 10 inch cup.
Sorry.
You look down and squint.
Yeah.
It's mean you were fucking fucking mouth and watch it.
Mia, tell me what's going on here.
Okay.
Me if mean you had sex missionary, I feel like your wiener would be between my tits
Long time ago cuz we can both tell we we wanted it
We did
I'm a professional. He's a professional. Yeah, I think he had a girlfriend Christine same girlfriend right there Oh Christine, I'm sorry. Same girlfriend. She's right there. Oh, Christine, I'm sorry, but he loves me.
You know, it's just been-
Christine was at that show.
Were you?
No.
But you had to leave and then Ralph left.
We did a few shows.
We did a few shows.
I think I might've met you on like the second or third show.
I think you were single at the time.
No, you never-
You were bitching about a girlfriend, so he kinda told me-
Oh, that's possible.
That's right, huh?
Is that why you said you couldn't go with it?
I was like, my girlfriend's got the smallest penis.
It's called a clit. Reach for the boat.
Oh, that's what they call it.
Christine, stop calling it your tiny penis.
Christine calls Jay's penis the clit.
Look for the man in the boat.
You know, I'm going to get off.
It's Morgan Bailey.
So I'm going to put her on right now.
Just say hi to everybody because she's supposed to be here today.
So Morgan Bailey, we're on air with Sirius XM. Say hi to every fucking body. How are you? This is my sister, Morgan Bailey, so I'm gonna put her on right now. Just say hi to everybody, because she's supposed to be here today. So Morgan Bailey, we're on air with SeriousXM.
Say hi to every fucking body.
How are you?
This is my sister, Morgan Bailey.
Hi everyone.
I thought you were saying this is your sister, Bobby.
SeriousXM.
Hey, what's up girl?
Hi girl.
Hi.
Hi, Morgan Bailey.
Hey bitch.
Hi.
Hey girl.
So I'm gonna turn the phone on,
I'm gonna call you back in 10 minutes, I love you sis.
Have a great show, bye.
Thank you, bye.
See you soon. Okay. I hope you do call her back in 10 minutes during I love you sis. Thank you mama. See you soon. Okay.
I heard you call her back in 10 minutes during the show so she goes
I promised. Sorry guys. I'm going to bed.
I want to kind of harass her because she tried to act like she wasn't coming to the show
I'm like no bitch you're leaving your mansion in St. Martin
and you're coming here to support me like what the fuck you talking about?
I need you.
Addis I want you to tell us like how the show kind of came about.
First of all the tennis outfit working. It's giving Tashi Duncan. It's giving calendars. Addis, I want you to tell us how the show kind of came about. Yes.
First of all, the tennis outfit working.
It's giving Tashi Duncan.
It's giving challengers.
Mia, you're going to sell no tickets for this show if you never let her tell her what's
going on.
Yes, thank you.
Oh, well, I'll be there.
So buy them.
So, Les Files.
I'm a porn star, all of us sex workers in here.
And I notice that a lot of the spaces to talk about sex are just like either like slapstick
comedy, like no shade to pillow talk, no shade to plug talk, but it's like that type shit. Okay, like No Shade to Pillow Talk, No Shade to Plug Talk,
but it's like that type shit.
Who are those people?
Oh, you don't need to know, it's okay.
Maybe, probably.
I don't know, then we'll get to them later.
Or, you know, it's like all about trauma,
or it's like very instructional, like how to squirt,
like how to do anal, right?
So I was like, what if there was something
like a little bit different to talk about sex?
And so I created The Lust Files.
So we've got panels, we have parties coming up,
we also have a podcast coming out too, so stay tuned for that. What's it called I created the Lustfiles. So we've got panels, we have parties coming up, we also have a podcast coming out too so stay tuned for that.
What's it called? Also the Lustfiles. It's gonna be a whole Lustfiles universe baby.
I seen Lisa, how do you say Lisa Ann was on the last one of the big panels you did?
She did come.
Lisa Ann is trans?
Joanna Angel? No.
Joanna Angel did speak at one of them. Yeah so what the last one was all about.
I love Joanna and her husband. They're like phenomenal. Small hands. They're just such
a great team. They are. Yeah. So I'm getting so good at this fan, by the way. Oh, wonderful.
Yeah, no, we had Joanna Angel on our last one. That was all about orgasm. So we had
her AVN Hall of Famer. Hall of Famer. Amazing. We also had Dr. Evan Goldstein, who does
this procedure where he can put Botox in your asshole so that you can bottom easier. I did
my hole. Yes. Yes. we had that. I'm sorry.
Wait a minute.
Everybody?
Wait a minute.
Hold on.
One second.
Yes.
And now back to the bonfire with Big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly.
Well, I'm not in the trans chicks.
Yeah, well, we got a new name for the show.
It's not simple Jake and the boys.
It's two simps and Jake.
Two simps and Jake?
We're just two simps.
They were supposed to be in the whole show.
Why is there hair on a coffee cup? What is that?. Why is there hair on the coffee cup?
What is that?
Why is there fake hair on the coffee cup?
It's wig hair on the coffee cup.
God bless him.
Interesting stories, but I mean that was...
I turned into a fanboy.
I feel bad.
Literally.
Lucy Hart.
Literally a fanboy.
I was... You became a fanboy. I literally Lucy Hart literally a fanboy I was fit like you
became a family I don't know where I had to call it off at a half hour in I put
the old schmutz on it because I saw I look over everything's falling to pieces
Jacobs behind me Christine's heads about to hit the keyboard Lula's know what's
down the effects to play and Bobby I look over and you're fanning me, Isabella's
10 inch penis with a fan.
I turned into a twink.
Black Lou was just horseshoe in the room.
He was just back and forth, back there, over there.
No one knew what to do.
Now you want to see Jacob cheer up?
Jay, remember where you had a problem with my face the first
half of the show?
You didn't want to see me. You you should be great behind you smiling Poco
Can you do with can you do a montage? Here's the video today should be Poco a montage of us going. Yeah, but we should mm-hmm
well with Mia
Mia if well, I have a question for you with the and then just cut to me fanning just in between just me fanning Bobby
No, I'm saying nothing
Bobby should be fanning. Let me tell you something if Dan didn't leave when he left he would have left today
Do you want to see everyone's dicks? Yes, please. Yeah
That's a nice horn, huh?
Can you get another?
Can we get one without the shadows?
For the listeners, everything's tagged on Twitter.
So you can go and look for yourself, too.
All right, there you go.
There's a nice one.
Wow, that's a nice one.
Yeah, she's got a good piece on her, too, huh?
That's almost close to a Nolan piece.
Yeah, look at that backstroke.
That's huge.
Yeah, that's a biggie.
Yeah.
All right.
Here's the quiet one. I tell you what, go back to. That's huge. That's a biggie. Yeah. All right. Here's the quiet one.
I tell you what, go back to that for a second.
I mean, she's got a sexy woman legs.
What are you saying there?
Her legs.
Mm-hmm.
No, you can say it.
Say, I'm just, this is Bobby.
Bobby, what is that Bobby, Kelly?
I'm saying that we should move on to the next one.
Bobby, it's not about looks, Bobby.
It's about what's in here.
If you took that, I mean, that is a long, beautiful.
She has nice legs.
I mean, nice legs, that's all I'm saying.
It was fun to watch me as a bell.
I'll say pussy's gross feeling.
I have to have a connection.
20 minutes of blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Jacob, do you see how that feels, though?
Do you see how it feels when you ask somebody
to bring up a hypothetical and they don't do it?
You see how it looks from a third person? I was like Mia just from a pure physical perspective
Do you think like there's a better preference feeling wise from like ass to pussy and she was like I can't mentally get there
Sure, you can you've had your cock in a pussy before
Who's this?
Athena oh, that's Athena. Yeah, there you go. Well that monster peg peg Jesus Christ you have to wear gloves with that thing. Yes, that's big
Yeah, she's also very thin. Who's this? This is Lucy. Oh, Lucy's nice. Look at that. That's my type of what she said
She has like a starter. Yeah cock for bottoming. Oh, that's your kind of girl cock to fuck your ass
Hang on. Yeah, look at that. There you go. I think she was actually she was very
She was very she was very sweet nice quiet. They're all sweet
Me I've known that was her comfort. Yes, very sweet little she got abs and have home
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Looks like Justin Silva with tits
Mm-hmm looks like Justin Silva with tits
Damn that was dead on
Motherfuck if that wasn't dead on there's Mia. That's me Isabella me Isabella
She has she doesn't show the hog as much there is right there Whoa, whoa falling out of her fucking zipper or a sundress that is the bitch is so big it's so big
overwhelming cuz he might just look it up on porn you know just go to the
Twitter thing they actually talked the size of their dicks that's how much they
talked that is exactly the that is exactly the hierarchy of speaking here's
our host.
Oh, can you please get that off of Twitter and bring up, type in Aris Fouché Gangbang, please.
I want to see if that exists before I have to go looking for it myself tomorrow.
It's Aris.
That's the one that banged the football team. The straight one.
She is gorgeous.
Yeah.
That was a pretty girl.
She's all right.
Addis?
That was my type.
Yeah, she's pretty.
Oh, I know you didn't, I know Bobby,
she's not your thing technically because
she's got a pussy.
Look, I know you're from Boston
and you come from a different kind of background
and this girl's got a pussy.
I don't like energetic talkers.
No. I get exhausted easy. I don't like energetic talkers. No. I get exhausted easy. I don't like...
She was a sweet girl though, a very sweet girl. And all of them were very nice. Addis?
Yeah, she's sweet as hell. She's very sweet.
I mean, there was a lot of talking going on. Everybody was sweet. I just feel like no one
did radio before. And call this an ism, whatever kind of transism,
whatever you want to call it.
I feel like if you really got to a thing that's like,
ladies, stop, this is terrible radio,
we gotta start talking.
I feel like I would have gotten a thing.
And penises or not, society won't let you punch them.
They're gonna say, they're gonna say I hit a girl
if I did it.
No, they were all sweet. I'm just saying I didn't want to get like,
uh, like something about the bring getting firm with the situation seemed like it was not going
to go well possibly because I only knew one of them and you didn't want the other two to get like
awkward or uncomfortable. I don't want to get my ass kicked by three trans girls. Cause we all come
out with black eyes and bloody lips. Nah Bobby, I could have swept this room dude.
Nah.
I could have swept all, dude all three, record time.
Yeah, me and Isabelle's going right through the glass.
Then, cause here's the one you gotta spend your time focusing on, Lucy Hart.
I don't know if you saw that stomach, but Lucy Hart's buffed up a little bit.
You might get the, Christine, do we have Addis getting gang banged, please? I gave you so much time.
I'm only finding her getting fucked by two guys, not a gang bang.
Okay. She's not a whore.
That's a threesome, but I'll take it, I guess. That's what I was picturing. That's not her.
That's not her. That's my sister. What? No.
Okay. She's cute. A little too petite for me. She's teeny girl. She's very pretty very pretty girl
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Can you go back to the other one? Oh
Dude I was gonna tell the other tells me I was like no no no unlike me if you keep talking
I'm gonna put your cock in your mouth
Why did you say that because I couldn't! I said Mia! 55 times! Mia! Mia!
Mia! And then by the time it happened I go, now, by the time there was a window, if I
say the joke now, now comes, it was a difference between the timing of that being funny or
that being uh... I was finding, I was chuckling though, you trying to chime in and you couldn't
get a word in. It should be a montage. I was making me Mia. Well question for you. Well question. Well, it's one question
But we'll go
Same quick. Okay
Now just give up. Oh
My god. Yeah
It was uh, I feel I had to go to commercial or punch myself in the face
Yeah, and the other one would have confused everybody. No, it wouldn't have. We would have fucking agreed with you.
Oh no girls emergency. We gotta go to commercial.
I feel like a worn out.
I feel like I just got into a fight.
I'm tired cause I was fanning somebody for an hour.
I forgot Bobby had to go full blown fucking cabana boy for Isabella.
It was like in a fucking Roman Empire at a fucking bathhouse every
Do you forget about you told us took a knee?
Like those you the Emperor the face of Bobby giving up but still fanning
Bobby was doing us a favor and we all know that the fanning began
Because and then he gave her headphones at one point was because Mia was fanning and it was going in front of the microphone. On top of all the
over talking there was a fan noise. She started fanning into the microphone I
was like let me take this from her and I'll do it and then I became that guy
then he became fanboy and then she said fan me again and he did. What am I gonna do?
Simple Bob. Simple Bob and the boys. No, you're there too, you sucka!
I simped for no one. I told them in the nicest way possible that we had this, that they couldn't
all talk over each other. Yeah, and then they did it, they did it, and then it clammed up.
And then I threw the commercial! Yeah, you pulled the plug. That's when I snapped out
of it. When you realized, when he read the realize, when you realize we're simps too.
I had a joker smile.
I know I saw it.
I saw Jacob smiling behind you a fucking you have beautiful hair the whole segment.
Seriously though.
February 8 o'clock lost files at the cutting room.
The cutting room NYC get tickets for that.
They have wacky crazy stories yeah for sure a lot of guys that are quote unquote straight
now when they said i think all guys the majority of guys that trans girls have
sex with
are straight men
bobby want to tell us a little bit you say yourself here before you go to bed
it's okay
it's okay that you're still straight.
No.
You're straight. It's just sometimes you like to do things
extraordinary.
Jacob's dad is a straight man.
Somebody that fucks trans women is not.
Shut up, Christine.
Jim's wife even said it to him.
Some of them a bitch. Wow. That was... Jim's wife even said it to him.
Some of them a bitch.
Wow.
That was...
That was a lot.
I'm going to go dance the night away at Justin Timberlake.
I couldn't have done Justin Timberlake after that.
I don't want to go.
I would have went to...
She's just escaping to something.
I don't know.
But we never got those tickets. No. Thank God I'm going to Hampshire tomorrow. to just escape into something, I don't know.
But we never got those tickets. No, thank God I'm going to Hampshire tomorrow.
I can unwind and
Be away from your wife.
Recover from this.
This is, that was crazy.
That was just crazy.
Yeah. Crazy.
You just hug your boy and be like, boy.
Just too many people.
Tell me you're happy being a boy.
Tell me you're happy being just a boy, man
um
Oh god the porn industry's top trans performers tell all friday july 28th 7 pm to 9 pm. Good luck
Dude, you're not getting out of there until 12 30. Yeah, you're having them all sit down together at a table
I got a little taste of it. She said they all get a segment. They all get a minute
Really watch adison, uh adison fuchison or Addis Fouche as she hosts 14 conversations
happening at once?
It's a seven hour event.
And then me as well is going to go, OK, I'm
going to answer you for a little,
and then a little of her the answer for this question,
and then a little back over here,
and my head's going to move constantly constantly and I'll never be in the microphone
I
Have to go down tomorrow night and fan her while she's on stage
You know, I don't think any of us are gonna go this weekend
What happened to me oh
Man, she turned you out.
The simple boys and Jake. Let me tell you something. Jake was...
You got turned out. We got turned out. How do you feel?
I watched it happen. You love it? We need to do...
I watched you fan somebody for 25 minutes, Bobby.
You changed hands because one got tired. I know. Because I felt like if I stopped, she'd
fucking hurt me. She would.
She told you exactly how.
With your un-Botoxed feeling every pinch.
Bobby.
Your un-Botoxed asshole.
She went from the sweetest, I would never do that.
You know, but this girl, I'll fucking stick it right in your, I'll give you the meat
right in your asshole.
I'll cram it up your ass till there's more dick in my dick my more shit my dick hole than your butt
Bobby you fanned the alpha in the room for 25 minutes I really was exactly you
knew who was the alpha I hate you Jake and you and you fanned ladies what's up
have a good time dude me Isabella came in like fucking Iceman she didn't even
move her feet she slid to her chair talked right over you and told you to fan her and you did it because you succumb because you
worship at the at the feet of that ten inch cock lady you had the quiet one you
asshole this one over here dude this one over here building Adam Levine dude she
would have beat the shit out of me dude, she was in shape
Wow, wow, what a fucking ride
I'm woozy
She stepped on everyone's nutsack
How much of the show is left? Play the whole song simple man, is it five and a half minutes? Can we go?
Can we leave man?
I'm fucking, I'm whipped
God damn it, we're gonna. You know
People listen to this is good. I was sorry
We're gonna ask me tomorrow people gonna ask me tomorrow
At the thing like what's wrong, dude? I go oh, what?
I'm so excited. What's up? You're on sooner. Oh, all right
I'm gonna go home tonight and just curl into my kiki co blanket and just go to bed
I'm gonna go wait till Christine falls asleep and thank her pussy over and over again. Thank you
Thank you for not being thank you for not being that I want to go make love to dawn
I'm gonna Botox my asshole tonight Christine whale on it. I
Don't know what's up. I'm gonna come in and make my own fan and start fanning down at the dinner table
That's gonna be so funny. He says guys welcome to the last files of the cutting room
What's your thing where do you guys do you guys live? Do you guys live in the same
oh my god I actually did work with them one time I did I worked with one of them one time
and I'll tell you what it hurts girls are yucky oh yuck pussies come on no I'll admit
to that and it's actually a good show because everyone goes out there. It's a point of view that a lot of people don't tend to understand.
And if people do start to understand who we are, then society is open to them.
So we come up, and next time, and then Joanna Angel.
It's the bonfire.
Sorry everybody. Sorry. All the people in their cars, we're sorry.
But you know what? Be thankful for what you have out there. Yeah, go home tonight and kiss your wife's vagina
Sarah Beth Wilson I see that you're
Your guy your little guy Brooks your dog passed away and just know he didn't have to hear that today
He didn't have to hear that today
There is a shout out Brooks You're in a better place dog
You're away from all, there's nothing, there's no show happening like that in dog heaven on Friday
It's less noisy at a dog park than it was in here
Oh my god
I have a question for all three of you after individually if you don't mind he goes
Do you guys like vaginas at all? Well, I like vaginas and it comes on with the thing
But if you come out there and you find out
I'm more of a bumbopers
I love it
And then no, have you done that? That's not my thing
I love it
So you like the opposite thing?
I do like that
But how about you though? Because over here
God damn it
We are simps. I want to break some can break something. Yeah break my face
Jay kick me in the face. Yo bust my fucking face open. Yeah, get this get the alpha male back up in the room
I'm gonna need to go to a smash room. Yeah
Get Ron on on next Monday, We gotta get our shit back.
Fuck.
I want Ryan Hamilton on the show next week.
I wanna get our balls back.
Nine years now of doing radio.
I've never felt like I was that out of control of what was happening on the show.
Nine years.
We should have, we should have.
Just done a beauty pageant? We should have done, we should have, we should have just done a beauty pageant.
We should have done. I mean I had. We said we're just gonna talk to them. We're not gonna do a beauty pageant.
Howard Stern did the trans beauty pageant and we're just gonna sit and talk to them. All at once.
Girls, a question that's for each of you and if you could all answer at the same time that'd be great.
What's your origin story?
Bobby Kelly yes. Yes. What's gonna be at the Gramercy Theatre for a live regs on the July 10th everybody That's what Joe Liz Dan Soder Lewis Jay Gomez and himself. I just canceled that I'm out of the business after that
He's gonna be in Portsmouth, New Hampshire if he makes it in San Diego
You can catch Bobby every Tuesday night at 7 p.m.
at the Fat Black Pussycat Lounge at the Comedy Seller
for tickets and all tour dates.
Visit PunchUp.live slash Robert Kelly.
In the middle of those plug reads, I felt terrible
because I'm like, I didn't put any oomph in the neck.
It's okay, Jay.
I feel like I got fucking hit by a car,
but I'm like, okay, but later that night when you're like,
I don't know, actually I think I am a little fucked up
from that. I realize you have internal
My journal is wearing all the
Gonna be on the fully loaded to it just this weekend then Virginia Beach the 12th and the 13th of July and then Atlantic City
The July 27th big jay comedy.com for all his this is a pre-record tomorrow. We'll be back live for you Monday. Sorry. Sorry