The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - The Samurai & The Cowboy w/Justin Silver

Episode Date: February 20, 2025

The Beastmaster Justin Silver is in studio to promote his "Funny For Fido" comedy show that raises funds for dogs displaced by the California wildfires. Jacob is currently obsessed with Japanese culture. Jay remembers a comedy manager who liked to dress up as a samurai warrior. His brother was also a manager who loved becoming a cowboy. Bobby gets angry because every story he tells, Jay takes the contrary position. Funny For Fido at The Cutting Room is happening Feb 19th in NYC. Go to funnyforfido.org for info. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolfSubscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.

And now, the bonfire with Big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly. I forget what they are, that's why I love, I know you capture the shows and pay attention. There's got to be a couple of brand new Jacobs. We had some few things in the past like week or two that have been some doozies. He won't stop squealing. Symphony. Do we get him working out? Did you get any from him working out? Yeah, but it's not his best I told you not to record me

But I said don't I don't like being recorded when I'm not here's the thing New York is a I know this much a lot True crime, New York is a single person was that called fuck Melting pot? No, a single person. Melting pot. Dating app? No, like compliance or something. Only one person has to know they're recording.

Right? You don't have to let somebody know they're recording. No, I'm in my home. Yeah, I know. Huh? I'm in my home. Well, your image is being broadcast into his home. Yeah, you're on Zoom, which is a...

And then I said to all three of you, Judas, don't recordas's don't Right, but that's what I'm sure the guy said before you got caught whacking off that one time in the meeting You know, can I say something though? I don't want you to think that me and Lou and Lou were Conspiring I did it on my own without telling you that and so did Lou We did it like individually made decisions on our own to our teeth. Yeah, so I have you but I didn't I I Would never cut funny. Mm-hmm. And so I I don't edit myself Is that what you call it cut funny?

Well, I always think in the line from my favorite year King Kaiser says it's funny and in my business you never cut funny So I know I sound like that. I don't know what that movie was or anything. My favorite year is from the 80s. Peter O'Toole. I'll tell you what you're not doing now. You don't cut funny, see? You're definitely cutting funny right now. The movie's set in the 50s.

This is so great when you were like, I barely know who Kendrick Lamar is, let alone any of those songs. Peter O'Toole is such a great reference for an older gentleman. I hate how Christine looks at me. When you say things like Peter O'Toole? Yeah. Yeah.

I think she's so much better than me because she knows Kendrick Lamar's singles, songs. She just understands your age, and she's looking at you, making sure you're okay. I told Jay about your Japanese culture comment in our meeting, too. What was that?

Oh, yeah, she did say and beg you on that. What's up with, I love Japanese culture. Jacob didn't understand, he said that the people of Philadelphia would be, should feel ashamed at how the Japanese culture would look at their behavior. That's not what I said, he's revert, no. Am I saying it wrong? She may have said it differently.

I may have took it wrong. What did you say? He said they would be so disgusted. No, I said Japan is... I mean, it's not new information. There's no crime there. Right. Tokyo, you could go anywhere.

They caned you for farting in the street. No, that's... It's Thailand. In Japan, it's illegal to be loud in public. It's against the law. They're so proper there, they do not want to offend anyone. And it's spotless there, but I just said, can you imagine, basically, can you imagine

the Japanese looking at Philadelphia burning? You're right, they would look at us as trash garbage. Yes. Our concern was more that you spend time of your life when you're not talking to women, looking into deep cuts Japanese culture YouTube videos. That seems bizarre. Tamashi from Japan. I watch restaurants cooking for like two hours straight, just the lunch

order. Just performing the meal. Yes. Why? Because I love cooking and they're cooking ramen and fried rice and all that at a really quick pace. So you just watch a lunch service? You oversee a lunch service on YouTube? That's crazy, Jacob. No, I watch the prep and the lunch service. In real time? Jacob, you can't be with a woman.

I'd be less worried if you had a hooker problem. If you had like, I think I'm addicted to prostitutes. Hundreds of thousands of views and not millions. Do you wear a gi while you're doing it? No. Do you sit on your knees? But I told you I'm massively into sumo now. And that's another thing. Me and Jay were too a couple years ago.

Not by choice. When I got to Japan with Colin and Nick DiPaolo, when we got off the plane, I farted. Colin Quinn punched you in the stomach? I farted. It was a 14-hour flight and I was fat Bobby. I ate everything. Everything. We were in business class too and there was one point where there was cake and cheese

on a platter. Together? It was just like a tray of cakes and cheeses. That's an odd combination for a one platter. Together? It was just like a tray of cakes and cheeses. That's odd, that's an odd combination for a one platter. We're on opposite ends of the meal. Well it was savory and sweet. Like a little snack in between meals. No.

No, yeah. There shouldn't be an option on one tray that would be like, hey, do you want cake or cheese? That doesn't go together, ever. Jacob, pay attention, this is Japanese culture, Jay's telling you right now. it doesn't go together ever. I can pay attention This is Japanese culture. There was a right now I hate when you do this when you I have to like go back now I have to call Colin and go do you remember the cake and cheese tray and he's like yeah Okay, cheese tray. Yes. There was a tray of

Cakes cookies when your life was this it was uh, I believe it was um Cathay air no, it might have been unite. It was it was believe it was... Cathay Air? No, it might have been United. It was from New York to Japan. It was a 14 hour flight. Look up New York to Japan, United, cake and cheese service. I mean, this is nuts. I mean, you always have to investigate this.

Well, we have to fill two hours a day. We do eight hours of show a week, Bobby. He's become quite the contrarian, I noticed. Well, that's how radio works. It's very Bobby. He's become quite the country That's how radio works. It's very it's very big. He's very he's very Billy Burr But yeah Yeah, it's like you say something goes that's not true Yeah, those do so I think that they should not murder CEOs of Healthcare places. I don't think you should murder people. Now the whole story's ruined.

I can't even go into it, because I have to prove my point. No, you could still tell the story, just because you were wrong about what was on the tray. No, I don't want to tell it anymore. Now, if you said it was a cheese tray and you brought your own cakes, that would have made sense to me.

Maybe this. Maybe it was cheese and there was desserts. What was that? That wasn't me. It wasn't me. It wasn't my stomach. Let me tell you this. That was too high pitched.

Was that your stomach of lies? No, but here's the thing. Can I backtrack a little bit? Can I give you something? Okay, give me something. I like getting things. I don't know if I would have even stopped to pull the brakes on this story.

You've been pulling the brakes on a lot of my stories. We have two hours to fill it down. Okay, but still. I like to pull the threads. And you pulled the threads yesterday and all the threads were real. Everything. Until you back down when you said,

when I was like, hey Colin, Bobby says he could beat the shit out of you right now. And you were, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You didn't want him to hear that. I didn't want him to, he's an old man. I didn't want my friend to know that I could fight him, that I think I could beat him up. You said he would hatchet kill you.

He tried to. Again, I still, your stories. Dude, if you watch the DVD of the making of a CD, just the tip, you will see, you will see, ahead of my time. Have you? If you watch that. The blue balls of a DVD taking you to a moment and then go, now put in just the audio CD

and don't watch anything for a while. You're begging people to just start playing Angry Birds. Do you know how mad Jack Vaughn was, the head of company? He's like, I really think you should film the show. I go, no, that's not it. You put the CD in, in his audio. That's the thing. He goes, yeah, but I really, you're there.

Just film it and have it. I go, no, it's not the thing. This is gonna get people. And it really didn't get anybody. Play it on your RCA radio. I think Jack Vaughn may have been the person that stopped me at one point. I was like, when I did my first album,

I was like, let's do like a B-side thing of like shit, like stuff eating shit. And they're like, what? And I was like, yeah, like outtakes of like things that didn't go well or times like me eating shit. And they're like, why would you want that out there? Like, so, or it's like, this is your first thing you're putting out, you wanna show it to,

so also sometimes it goes miserably bad. Yeah, so anyways, I ate everything on the plane. Wait, let me finish, I never gave you your flowers here. Oh, I love flowers. Well, my apologies, my back pedal. Can you make it, instead of flowers, can you make it cakes and cheeses? I can.

Can I back pedal and say we may have had a miscommunication here? Yeah. Because I'm thinking how it hit my ears. Cake and cheese, that sounds ridiculous. Sounds like you're gonna do two things together. But let me say. Sounds good to me.

No, if you said, if you added the word fruit, cake, cheese and fruit, I feel like I would've come around. It anchors it on the far end. Yeah. All right, let me say this. There was a tray, so they served you like four times on this flight, like meals in business flights. Four times?

No, I'm kidding. I just said. Ha ha ha! One less than five, one more than three? This is, I mean, we're supposed to be a team here. I was like, it's rare you had everything. I feel like I'm flogged. We had to eat like four times.

Four times! This is like CNN. I don't know. Christine, look up any airline and see how many times they'll serve you in a, what are we looking eight hour flight eight hour flight so they they

They had a tray in between at some point of snacks How's that buddy snacks this story would have been over if you started with that? There's no thread to pull there alright, so sound if you told me their snack selection involved cake and cheese I'm pulling the brakes again. Well, they had snacks, and I went up, and they were wrapped in, the cakes and the cookies were wrapped in plastic, and I went up and snuck up, because I thought they gave them to you.

I didn't know they were just there, you can grab them and have as much as you want, because I'm fucking ghetto and I've never been in really business class before. They blew your mind, yeah. I went up and grabbed them and put them in my pocket. Like my grandma does when she goes to a funeral? You like sweet and lows?

So I grabbed this stuff and I put it in my hoodie pocket and I fell asleep and I guess it got balled up into a cheese snack cake ball and it fell on the floor and the waitress, the stewardess comes over and she picks it up and she goes, sir, is this yours? It was just like a smushed up ball of cheese and cookies and cakes, whatever it was.

And I go, yeah, she goes, sir, you can have as much as you want. You don't have to store it. She picked up your rations. That's the worst. And Nick DePolisar was the worst. Sir, you don't have to put on a fake nose and glasses to come back up here at Golden Corral.

We want you to keep coming back up to the buffet. But I got off that plane and I had to shit so bad and I farted on the, because when you get off the plane in Japan, you go to a bus. They don't pull up to the gate. That bus is full of farts. I farted so bad,

Nick Topala just started fucking screaming, you fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck's wrong with you, you fucking ass. We're jammed in, you know, the Japanese, you know Japanese culture, they jam you in. And the lady- Yeah, that sounds very refined. Bobby's accurate.

It sounds very refined, everybody's smushed in. The lady handed me a piece of paper that said that we had to shut the fuck up, it says a list of things in Japan that weren't supposed to be loud in public. It's against the law. And it was, and then they just had to sit there in my fart, which was fantastic.

Did you keep folding your hands and saying, so sorry to everybody? So sorry. So sorry. And you're not supposed to put your chopsticks in rice. Did you know that? No, I didn't know that at all. That's against the, that's, that's a fault.

That's where I draw the line. Yeah. That's not true. Now am I allowed to use a fork the way I'm going to when I'm bringing my own? Don't worry guys, brought my own. Your food's stupid. You can't stick your right, your chopsticks in. I watch Sum to when I bring my own? Don't worry guys, brought my own. Your food's stupid.

You can't stick your chopsticks in. I watch Sumo food every day. Why? They're always using. Jacob, you gotta get in the porn. Because they're stable. You should get in the porn a little. Christine, pill up chopsticks in rice.

You're not supposed to stick it in. You can, we can. That's all they use. Jacob, there's porn related to all of your interests. You could find very Japanese cultural porn where they blur out the wieners and stuff. All these things you like. Sumo, you could watch fat guys have gay sex. All the things that have your interests.

You would love sumo. Huh? You would love sumo. I doubt it. You would. If you stick your chopsticks upright into the rice, it can remind people of death and it is considered disrespectful. So upright though. You said eating with it. I said sticking it in the rice. He said sticking it in the rice, it can remind people of death and it is considered disrespectful.

So upright though. You said eating with it. I said sticking in the rice. You said sticking in the rice, you did. I thought you said eating with it. No I did not, thank you, Jay. No, no. Well the problem is you're trying to translate

into Japanese in your mind, so it's confusing you a little bit. Sometimes the tenses are off, you'll understand. Straight up and down they're saying don't do is your thing, you put it sideways. Jay, can I ask you a question? Sure. What does, why can't they show penis in Japanese porn what's the deal I don't know I have any idea no they just

disgusting and I think it's like a big deal when they show it but when I would get a three-pack pornography magazines when I was younger sometimes I mean I really enjoyed the Asian ones because they were the thing was they were Nice hair on the pussy very soft nice hair But they would tile it out and it was still like a bit of a tea They'd show the hair the hair wasn't the issue was like pussy lips or dicks load on the face

pussy lips or dicks. Load on the face, A-okay. That's fine. That's a bukkake. But you can't show the actual thing or dick in the mouth or in the pussy. Now, when they do it, it's like, holy shit, uncensored Japanese porn's like a big deal. What is the one where the guy would be jerking off

and then there'd be somebody at a bus stop or a train stop and they'd throw it on him. Was that called? I don't remember what that was called exactly, but sharking was also a very big Japanese thing. That was the going and running up behind a woman and lifting her skirt, pulling her panties down. Or like pulling her top off. But very, and by the way,

there are very real ones out there, but most of them were fake. Fake. Most of the people were definitely expecting that. Because the way they just like, but it is funny even are very real ones out there, but most of them were fake. Most of the people were definitely expecting that. Because the way they just like... But it is funny, even when the real ones, seeing a girl get like, uh, like so quickly,

because you can also correct it very quickly. The guys run off immediately. It's a piece of shit thing to do, but they lift their skirt up, pull their panties down, their pussy's out for like, you know, two seconds tops, if not more. But the funny thing is, is like when the guy runs off When the guy hauls ass

Hauls ass out of there all the woman can do is just like it's such like a thing of like how Bam Margera's dad Used to handle stuff. There's like got to pull their panties up like like going on man. I'm crazy out here stuffs Towns getting wacky. You ever see the 100 man mob in Japan? No. No. So they get 100 people and they run up, like on one guy with a briefcase, like they just come out of nowhere.

They run up as quiet as they can, surround the guy. All of a sudden there's 100 people around the guy and then they just pick him up and just start throwing him in the air. Like a bar mitzvah? They just start throwing him in the air and then they just pick him up and just start throwing him in the air. Like a bar mitzvah? They just start throwing him in the air, and then they just run away. Did he love it? He's walking down the street with a briefcase,

just going to work, and all of a sudden, he's being thrown in the air by 100 people. Like joy throw? And then they just leave, and he's like, what the f... It's the same reaction when the girl's panties come down. It's like, what the fuck just happened? You know, for being a curmudgeon as I am,

sometimes, sometimes. Lately. Sometimes I can be. We are getting old. I will say, if I saw a well-choreographed flash mob with lots of things, people coming out of all different places, I would be sitting there and clapping like a grandmother.

I'd be like, this is so great. I'd be like, this is one of the greatest things I've ever seen. There's one where they run around and they get around this one guy and they all are walking and then they go, huh, and they like up, something's coming down. They go, at all the same time, they go, huh, and this guy goes, huh, and he just,

and then they just leave, 100 Man Mob in Japan, fucking hilarious. Japanese people have great TV prank shows. Well, there's nudity on everything. Is there? Because they're very proper. No, they'll... I watch one because I study Japanese culture.

But you know, they also... It's like also a culture jig that has game shows where it's like, whoever can come the first, first. Like, I mean, they're crazy. On network TV, they can show tits? I believe so, yeah. Really? But no Bush, no P and V VG they have a who can come first

I mean, there's all kinds of weird like hold who can hold in enemas like it's like chick squirt contest It's like pornographic. You know, I'm not saying it's not like their Brothers house fucking just pornography things. I'm just saying like they're not so refined over there. They have like a dark I mean, they're the Japanese underground. Not the daytime bullshit you're talking about, Jacob. You know, like a bunch of fucking fun Godzilla stores and shit. I'm talking about nightlife, dude.

Tokyo Drift type shit. The Yokomoto. Jacob's offended face makes me. When I'm in there with the Yakuza and shit, yeah, we're moving chicks. You only care about the dark side of Japan. I only care about the dark side of Japan. I wanna find the green-eyed girl,

and I'm gonna take David Lopan. Somebody in their car really. It's big trouble in Little China, Jacob. Oh, right, right, right, I do know that one. David Lopan, he was looking for the green eyed girl. He just said somebody in the car is happy right now. Somebody in their car just went, fuck a big trouble little Chinese.

Somebody just went, er, er. Dude, I love Japan too, Jacob. I wanna go. It was beautiful. I wanna go for one of the Grand Sumos. Let me show you the video where we were in this beautiful, I don't know, 2000 year old garden. It was swans and all kinds of beautiful geisha women

going over bridges, those Japanese bridges. And Colin Quinn had a mood swing and he took a quarter out and fucking hucked it out a swan. Wow. And he just hit a swan and then ran like a three year old. You really have, this has been like an exposing of Diddy, what you've done for Colin Cleary the past two days. You've really painted the picture of a diabolically bad man.

I was having a bad day. And what, this goddamn swan. We showed it on Tough Crowd, but it didn't go, people were like, why did you do that? Jacob, what stopped you from going to Japan? Are you worried they don't make samurai costumes in Petite? You'd be the tallest guy there, dude. I'd be average, I think.

Yeah. Would you be awesome? So. Yeah, Justin, when he went over to AZ, said it was pretty cool for that, yeah. Yeah, see the top of the refrigerator? Yeah, Justin's at least a small forward, power forward out there.

So they have refrigerators, or they just use ice? They have refrigerators over there. In fact, they make them. They make refrigerators? Yeah in fact they make them they make refrigerators yeah buddy is it true they do everything including buttering toast with a sword I would I was like oh shit did you want butter on that you must spread the even how did you make a perfect taking? I'm sure the samurai. By the way, that's Jay, if he goes with you to Japan.

By the way, nothing in the world makes me happier. And I will always be happy to say, I can't believe these guys are still in management somehow. He walked by us the night of the whole off-hours. I just realized who this is. I was going to reach out, I was going to reach my hand out and be like, hey, Jason, what's up? These guys, again, this story has been told a bunch, but it always bears repeating. The Steinbergs were everyone's manager at one point. And as much as every, the older comics indoctrinated

the younger guys like me and Kurt at the time, coming in to go with them, months to maybe a year into being with them, those same people were going like, you gotta get out of there, man. Patrice, Bobby, well, you were never with them. I was the first one to leave. First one to leave. Burr. I was the first one to leave. First one to leave. Burr, Burr, Voss, I mean, everyone at that table.

I don't think Norton ever. Patrice, right? Patrice, for sure. Patrice is the one that last one that sold me. He goes, stop and come to the Steinbergs. And then I went to the Steinbergs, and he was like, and I mean, three months later, Patrice was done with them already.

And then I was there for like another year or two or something, but then the one, the big galoot brother who's the fuckin', and by the way, Hell gig brother. By the way, the person I'd rather hang with of the two, if I had to. What was his name again?

Tequila. Tequila. Yeah, Evan's the one who, Evan's the one who fuckin', he hung a, he hung a luge. Before we went on our way to a meeting to MTV, he told me a story about this lady who was crippled, who was really wingin' pussy to everybody.

She's like an older comic. I can't remember her name at all, but she was like blonde lady. She was getting like a jazzy. She was definitely like a... Lame Boozler? No, no, no. April Macy?

No, no, this is like a big, older, not very attractive lady. And he was like, we were at a party, I mean, in Evan's room, I guess, and she was there when we all started leaving, like DeRose and stuff, we all started leaving. And then he goes- Bonnie? No. No, no, no.

This lady might be dead. I mean, she was slugging some stuff. This lady might be dead. And he's like, when I saw him that morning before the meeting at MTV, and he goes, hey, he goes, after you guys left, he goes, put that girl in the bathtub. She was a projectile squirter. Dude, I mean, this was an unhealthy lady.

This lady could be living in a bed, and you wouldn't be surprised by that. You know what I mean? And then I was like, OK, he was wearing a shirt with a rip in it, like Rocky one, and had his hand in it. And before we started pitching the show to MTV, before we started pitching the show to MTV,

he had a, he was using the hole as a pocket, like to hold his hand? 100%, yes. Like an arm holder. Yeah, and then he reached forward, he goes, you mind, there was an empty cup on the thing, he goes, you mind?

And he grabbed it and he goes, whew, whew, and he puts it back on the table. He goes, now let's talk about a game show idea that my client has over here. And I was like, we already didn't get this. We already did not get this. This was his brother. This was the guy, the businessman over here, who married a frightened Asian lady

and now dressed as a samurai picture. Jacob, this is gonna be you, dude. But didn't, Devin used to dress as a cowboy. Yes, he also, he was a German cowboy. And then he moved, by the way- He had a bolo tie and a t-shirt. When most of us left them as management, Jason stayed on the matter.

Do you think he still has like Don L Rawlings maybe? He has a few people. He does Aaron, he does a few people. Jimmy Martinez. He has Aaron Burk? Yeah. Does he really? Yes. So hilarious. But yeah, a couple people. Jimmy Martinez. He has Aaron Berg? Yeah. Does he really? Yes.

So hilarious. But yeah, a couple people stayed with him for sure, but everyone kind of jumped ship. Dude, I jumped ship and I was in, remember the Vegas festival they had for a couple years? I think it was one year. So I was there with Dane at his height and we were going into this party, this crazy party,

and there was a VIP line, and I looked over, and this is right when everybody left Jason, and I looked over, he was dressed like Rain Man. And I swear to God, he had his hair slicked back. I lost 47 clients, 47 clients. He was just standing behind the stanchion, looking like Rain Man with his hair slicked back, and he was like, hey Bob.

I was like, hey, Jay. He was trying to get in this party because they were giving away free computers or some shit. Well, I know they were known, they were known like notorious for being a tough crowd and just like hovering over the craft service table. Oh, he took donuts from Caroline's Christmas party. Let me tell you what's the funniest.

Walked out with 100 donuts on his fucking. He pulled a U on a Japan flight, huh? That's always my first thing. I talked to him on the phone. He was like, yeah, let's do it. Let's work together. And I was like, yeah, great. And I left the day after we talked about that,

meaning we had an official, I remember leaving for the, did the four or five dates with Attell on the Insomniac tour on the bus. The last show was at Westbury Music Hall in Long Island. And he goes, hey, is it cool if I come to that show? And I was like, yeah, dude, for sure. I'll get you hooked up, I guess. And he was like, yeah. He goes, let me know, put me on your list

so I can come backstage and stuff. And you're like, that's a little awkward. It's like, you know what I mean? We've met a number of times, but like, this is weird. You know, we just said let's start working together, but I'm like, okay. He shows up, he brings a girl. Fine, he's backstage the whole time,

hovering over the food, like the food in the green room, which was weird. After the show, we're walking, he goes, hey, could you, you drove, right? I didn't, I was there you, you drove, right? I was there on the tour bus, but Carla met me there and with the car. And we lived in Queens.

And he goes, would you mind giving me a ride back to my place? And I was like, well, I live in Queens. He was like, yeah, but we're like right over the bridge. And so I was like, yeah, sure. So I'm driving him and a girl I don't know he's on a date with, and me and Carla, up in the, as we're getting into the car,

he goes, do you wanna meet a commission, you wanna take care of this commission tonight? Or do you wanna just send it to me later? And I went, this by the way, this is how I understand this math to this day, cause he did it in this parking lot of Westbury Music Hall. He goes, well what did you make for this thing?

And I was like, I'm just going to use numbers. I was like, four grand. And he was like, OK, so 15% of that. And I was like, yeah, maybe I'll work it out with you later, because I don't know how to do the math on that. He goes, no, it's easy. You take 10% of it. And he was like, so that's 400, because that's 400. And then 5% is half the math on that he goes no it's easy you take 10% of it and he was like so that's 400 because it's 400 and then 5% is half of that so 200 so it's easy it's 600 bucks and I gave it to him in cash standing in that parking lot and drove him past I drove past my home I

could see it from the highway. You were his gunga din Jay. That was wild dude I mean that was my first impression that's wacky. That is wacky. That's a weird thing in hindsight to hear. That's sketchy. And again, that's that thing where you're like, he got me because he knew that I was just like, well, it's like, I work for you, right? I mean, that's how I saw it always. I know they work for us, but it was always like, you accepted me as a client.

Like, you know, I didn't know. What a dummy. But now he's a samurai. His feature work he had nothing to do with. Huh? His feature work he had nothing to do with? Huh? Is his feature work he had nothing to do with? Feature he had nothing? That was book, that was David Tell calling me and asking me if I would do it weeks before.

We did zero work for that. Nothing to do with it. Quick question. What is the context of this? Is this a Halloween costume? No, he's a samurai. We're taking this seriously. He took an oath.

Is it an oath? Yeah, it's an oath. I don't know if it's an oath. It is. If the sword is unsheathed, it must taste blood before it returns to its home. Jacob, is that right? You don't know the code of the samurai? I think it's a code, not an oath.

Oh, the code of the samurai, maybe. Yeah. I went to Brazil with him and Evan, with all the guys, and let me tell you something, dude. One raped and one did gay stuff. Evan stayed in a hotel behind the hotels in some weird, in some weird like. Brothel?

Yeah, like a hostel hotel. It was like 50 bucks a night. This is not the samurai one if you're listening. This is the one. The cowboy. This is the cowboy who eventually quit managing to become a quote unquote shaman in the deserts of Arizona. Hey, brother, drink the Ziawaska tea.

I remember he was like, yo, he goes, you can have my hotel room, because I didn't want to bring girls back to my room. I wanted a side room, so he goes, I'm leaving so you can have mine. He goes, come over and get the key. And I was like, all right, come over and get the key. He just opened the door, completely nude,

with his massive, I mean. That would blow my mind. It was, I was just, it was huge. He's like, what's up man, come on in. I'm like, I'm good dude. And he goes, come on in, don't worry about it. He's like, don't worry about my huge hog hanging out. He had a big like, that weird smile, dude.

Yeah, big, big, big piece, man. Yeah, that didn't blow my mind at all. He was a galoot. He was a big motherfucker But yeah, I think he was just like I think like he was an athlete it didn't work out So he was just like a little dumb a dumb Jew brother. What do you do? He's like I managed to meet I'm doing it with you now Now I'm a manager too I mean Bill Burr fired him in Aspen because he had Conan O'Brien like up against the wall going

Why won't you let Bill Burr panel on the show? Drunk? Oh yeah. Oh yeah, tuned up. What do you say? Tequila. Sweet lady, tequila. Tequila.

He worked for Barry Katz, him and Barry Katz. Jason did. Jason worked for Barry Katz. He ran the door at Boston. And then he worked for Barry Katz. Boston did. Jason worked for Barry Katz. He ran the door at Boston. And then he worked for Barry Katz. Boston Comedy Club was the first club I worked up in New York at all. It was at a time, the place.

Barry Katz was a well-known manager of the time in comedy. Yeah, he came from Boston. In the 90s. Yeah, he came from Boston. He ran a club in Boston, became successful in Beantown. What was that called? It was called, I don't know, it was a weird name.

And then he ran Stitches in Boston, which was a well-known club, and he ran his own little gig in Boston. And then he moved to New York and started Boston Comedy Club. Great room. And it was a great room, but it wasn't. And then he made it a great room,

and then he had everybody. Yeah, he was managing, so that was a time at this club, not the Comedy Cellar. Now Comedy Cellar sucked. This club, you were seeing like John Stewart, Dave Chappelle, Jay Moore, like young Jay Moore, like it was, it was not,

even though it's so funny when you go back, that's where those wonder things like the killers they talk about, like Red Johnny and the Round guy, they were like monsters, but no one knows them as a comedy stand up thing anymore. They're like voices, like one's like, one is a voice guy. A huge voice. The other guy's not in the business.

Out, just left the business. And they were like, do not follow Red Johnny and the Round. Like it was, these people were like supposedly murderers. Yeah, they were committed fucking murder. And that was all like at this one time over there, and then he became a manager and kind of checked out of the club, I guess. I think, yeah, but Jason had a breakdown

because Barry did something to him, and then he had some type of breakdown and went away. Judaism. And then he came back, and then Barry started losing all his clients to Jason. Yeah, he came back and took Tony Woods. Tony Woods, Patrice, Burr, me, Norton. From Barry Katz.

From Barry, we all left Barry, because Barry was, you know. He was like putting it all into like, Chappelle and Dane. Dane, Chappelle, and Moore, J Moore and all that. So then he, yeah, he. And then he was like, hey, you know what? These two dumb fuck brothers

will handle it for me, probably. One's dressed like a samurai. The other one dressed like a cowboy. It's like the two faces of fucking David Carradine. I am the spirit of the ninja David Carradine. And I am the spirit of the Western. Dude, yeah, Evan Stein is so funny. I'm going to go be a shaman in Arizona anyway, so fuck y'all. Is he still doing it?

Can we find a picture of him? Shaman-ing? Yeah, shaman-ing. Doubtful. I think he might, I can't find him on Facebook. Once in a while he would send me like a bonkers like fucking text like thread. It was pretty wacky. Barry Katz would always give you a pep talk

before you're going on like these showcases. Remember the showcases we had to do? Well, no, I wasn't really there for those. So back in the day you would have to do a pep talks before you're going on these showcases. Remember the showcases we had to do? Well, no, I wasn't really there for those things. So back in the day, you would have to do a showcase. You'd have to go to LA and then invite CBS, NBC, everybody, Fox, to the improv. And he would put all his clients up. And you'd have to go up and do this showcase

and then everybody would get deals, except for me. And he came up to me, he goes, hey buddy, cause I was nervous, and he goes, hey buddy, if your jokes were drowning, which ones would you save? And I go, he goes, do those, and I was like, I don't know what that means, I don't know what that means, dude.

He goes, I mean, I guess I would save the ones that were the most dense, because they're going to sink to the, but wait, can these jokes breathe underwater? Barry, your analogy is fucking wigging me out. Let's put it this way, all my jokes drowned that night on stage. CBS said, you should have gotten the ones off the seafloor. You may have drowned the wrong ones, bud. I met Barry Katz for Barry.

My interaction with him was pretty limited. Oh. That's when he says... He was a character, dude. Yeah, that wasn't the same. He called, Patrice called Kurt Metzger Quentin Tarantino face, but that's the outside of the roast thing. But I remember him yelling at Barry Katz,

telling him he did not have his finger on the pulse anymore. And he he was, I remember like him yelling at Barry Katz, tell him he did not have his finger on the pulse anymore. And he was saying like, cause that's what he was saying, that's how you missed Kev. Like Kev was standing right there, he was like, you missed this dude, quick. I think Barry talked to him for a little bit

and then Dave Becky swooped in, that's like the big, big dog. Dave Becky's the big guy now. I know, he looks like Dane Cook weirdly. Yeah. Like it was weird, Dave Becky, cause he had Dane Cook too, right? No. Do you not have Dane Cook, weirdly. Yeah. Like, it was weird. Dave Beckie. Because he had Dane Cook, too, right? No. Did he not have Dane Cook?

No. It looked like they both, like, both guys. He had Louie. He had Louie, Kevin, Billy. Dave Beckie looks like he likes to wear a jean with a nice button pocket on the ass. You know what I mean? Like one where you really got a button that shut. Yeah, but he wears a scarf in the summer.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Red leather jacket. He always has a nice scarf around his neck. He's gotta be bananas rich. I mean, he's had like the dogs of the dogs of the day, man. It's fucking pretty wild. Yeah, look at that. He's with Louie with all those Emmys.

Oh yeah, and then he came out. Yeah, he was the one they said there though, like he would come in and call the girls and be like, what do you want for Louie wacking off? How much money do you want for him wacking off? Dave, Becky, what a weird thing they have to do. I make Justin do that for me. Yeah.

I'm good with that. He goes, listen, Jay may have gotten carried away, beat up and off on your shoulder. And it might have took a long time. You understand he's a good guy at the core of it. Don't be a bitch. Now, you want to watch me flex while you wipe that load off your face? That is so fucking accurate.

His 8.7 million on the Palisades Riviera, isn't that just burned down? It may have burned down. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. I guess he's gonna have to rebuild it with all the other money he had. Oh man. 8.7 million dollars. Motherfuck.

That's a nice place. That's alright. I hate LA places. Can I tell you something? When I see that too, when I see the prices of the things, when I see, I'm always like, I guess like I guess 8.7 million you should have like the fact that you're on a cliff and you can't go around your whole house or you'll die It's just like this is stupid and people like well. Yeah, they own the down part. Yeah, what are you gonna do with that? It's like do when we were saying in that Airbnb. We, it's just a straight drop down of fucking...

Pure death. One wrong earthquake can send you careening to your pool-filled death. I was terrified every day. And then we could just look down into people's lives. Remember that old couple that were just naked? Man, that made me so happy, Bobby. Bobby scouted that.

So good, he goes, that girl, that lady over there is getting ready to take her bathing suit off. And she just peeled down and those big old flop and mom tits and the guy They were both just confident and me and Bobby had binoculars Binoculars were the houses the the binoculars belong the house, but it was like and they were there

Why else would they be there? No, they're there to be like, hey, look at the neighbors if you want to, that's sort of the Hills thing. I assume in the Hills, everyone fucks for one another, right? It's a weird place. It's Illuminati. It's Illuminati, so everybody fucks everybody. And you send your kids over to fuck the other people's

and then their kids go over there. And there's like a purple gown and money. What does Kevin's house look like now? Kevin Hart? Yeah, he's gotta have like a compound. See does Kevin's house look like now? Kevin Hart? Yeah, he's gotta have like a compound. See those guys live with like land. I do, it's at least 300, it's at least 3000 square feet. He's gotta have 3000?

I think so, yeah. I'd say it's probably like, he's probably with the kids, probably five bedrooms. It's because of Jay that in nine years I've had my apartment, I've never opened the shades. Why? Because I remember him telling me about Wayne's parties. Everyone's watching.

If he would just watch everyone, I was like, I'm never opening my shade, and I never have. Really? If someone's watching you naked, you get upset. In nine years, my shades have never been kept open. Why don't you do it, sometimes you whack off. That's called paying it forward, dude. If you whack off so the neighbors can see maybe

once in a while, you will eventually see somebody else whacking off forward dude if you whack off so the neighbors can see maybe once in a while You will eventually see somebody else whacking off. I don't you want that for your life. I'm into that that explains your skin color Get all my son when I go down the floor Gray most of the time yeah, well I just because people are probably watching you masturbate What a nightmare life poor Jacob lives just to be part of the show. He's terrified to take the garbage out and he can't open his shades. Why don't you move? You just sit in the dark and look at Japanese culture and wish for a better world.

Hey, I got an idea. Why don't you come up and move in with Max's apartment? You can share Max's apartment. Dude, you want to go on Casa de Max? Casa de Maximus? We'll put a wall up in the living room. That's in the lab. We'll name it Dojo De Max. Did we get drums? I'll tell you this, if not this year, next year, everywhere you sit will be covered in Max. Yeah, no, I'm gonna decline especially the age he's entering. Yeah, you don't want to wake up and he's fucking rumping your leg a little. Yeah Yeah, Jacob, I fucked your coat apologies. I realize now that I've come I

Realized now that I've come that it's that's not a cool thing to do But I gotta be honest what he was calling me and you left it out and you in the way it was folded It looked like a everything's a night. Let's see Well, you know I I just want to reiterate, because I was saying about those drops, they're bumming me out, because I know they're funny. And I give to the show. And I won't stop.

But at the same time, whenever Lou plays the drop, I picture like tens of thousands of vaginas just drying instantly, because it's the most unmasculine sound. That's not true. No. Yeah. No? I think you're right. I think I'm right. of thousands of vaginas just drying instantly. Because it's the most unmasculine sound. No. Yeah. No?

I think you're right. I think I'm right. I think a woman hears that and goes, that's a guy that'll fucking take care of me. Yeah, that's a guy who knows how to cum like a woman. That's a guy that these are not helping. That's a guy who's going to listen to her stories. Let me hear it again.

See? There you go. Look, I had a hard day at work today. Gee. No, I had a hard day at work today. Gee! No, miss. Let me grab that door for you. They make me laugh, but they're terrible for my soul. Every time I pick up the trash can lid.

Can I tell you something I learned? It hurts my soul to hear something like this. I learned this a long time ago, especially in the world of funny. The funniest thing is what's winning. Doesn't matter. Nobody wants to hear a funny person be cool. You know what I mean? Like the goofy is what makes it funny. Exactly.

When you react ridiculous. The self-deprecation. Look where I am. Yeah. Yeah. On the Bonfire. I think you should move in with us. I can't.

Yeah, come on. No, for the exact exact reasons because your son is entering an age where this is gonna just gonna be... They have drums at the house. Teenage jizz everywhere. No there's gonna be teenage jizz everywhere but here's the thing you can call if you're living in the house for a family meeting where everybody gets together maybe they can talk we could talk about Max keeping it to one particular room. Yeah we have a nice island upstairs we can meet around the island once a week and talk about how much.

Are you gonna yell at me if I use the drum set a lot? No. It's electric. We have an electric. We have acoustic, but I do have an electric. I can use the acoustic. But you're gonna have to use acoustic in hours that make sense, Jacob.

I mean, you have to, come on. Yeah, they are in Max's room. Dawn, yeah, Dawn's a housewife. You can't, you're gonna drive her nuts. So we play the drums then. You have electric drums, you can in Max's. Dawn, yeah, Dawn's a housewife. You can't, you're gonna drive her nuts. So we play the drums then. You have electric drums, you can put headphones on, it sounds just like drums and it's so fun. Hey, Jake, I'll let you sneak up on Dawn's in the shower.

Take a look. Oh, you wanna take a peek? Hold on. Wanna take a quick peek? I'll leave that door unlocked. I do. You wanna see one boo bigger than the other? Really?

If you get, I'll tell you though, you might save a marriage. If you get a boner looking at Dawn, Bobby's going to want to fuck her immediately. Yeah. You could save us. You could really save them by moving in. And then also then you can occupy Max by letting him masturbate on you while they're fucking upstairs. You could really help our family, Jacob. You could. We would work out. Single handedly bring the family together. And let me tell you something, you're up by nature up there.

My ears popped going to Bobby's house. It's up there. Can teach Max how to make sushi? You can, you can show Max your Japanese culture. Teach him how to throw knives. You go, Maximus, first of all, we take our shoes off when we enter the dojo. Don, you're taking the night off.

I'm cooking for the family tonight. How does that sound? Oh, that would be great. Oh, you're taking the night off. I'm cooking for the family tonight. How does that sound? Oh, that would be great. Oh, it's gonna be so healthy. I feel like Don gets a girlfriend. Well, I mean. A boyfriend girl. There we go.

A boyfriend girl. Don hasn't made a friend in 13 years. Oh, you'd be a great girlfriend for Don. Oh, you guys could read books together. You can watch The Resident. Do you like The Resident? No, I don't know what it is. She does. So maybe you could watch that with her. I watch manly shows. What if she goes, Bob,

I can't sit here and listen to fucking Jacob with the Japanese culture anymore. Well, that's downstairs. Max and I are going to learn about Japanese culture. Yeah. Different kinds though. Start a little kumite down there. I'm going to, I'm going to set up a little, a little room for you downstairs. What size bed do you get? My room? What do you want, a twin?

Queen size? No, he sleeps on wood. It's Japanese. Quint. That's true. That bed should be a futon. Yeah, every day you wake up and you fold your bed up and neatly put it away. Sleep on nails.

You're doing the Japanese thing. Now, you will eat on the floor. I don't mind that. Eating on the floor? Well, the whole setup, the Japanese setup, I like that. How they sit. Well, set it up downstairs, dude. You come up and live with us. You get out of that shitty place you live. There you go, Jacob.

Just a fucking futon mattress and a slab of wood. Oh, I can make that. Oh! Bobby could probably make that for you. I'm not going back to a fucking futon. I've never used one. He's gonna make that for you. Bobby could probably make that for you. I'm not going back to a fucking food town. I've never used one. He's going to make that for you. Make it. I could.

I think he should. I'll make it for you. No, it's too late. I love America too. Don't get me wrong. It's too late. I love my bed. Bobby's making it for you.

I'm going to make the actual mattress out of Max's jizz. Oh. Be like a- Is that possible? Yeah. Well, you dry it and then you have to like shave it off. It's now, It's a waterbed full of jizz.

It's a lot of shavings. You have to dry it and then comb it and fluff it. Yeah. And then it goes inside what, like a mattress cover? Well you have to wet it again and then you do, it's a process. The rehydration process. They rehydrate it and then comb it again.

It's almost like, Is it like a cast? It's like cotton candy. No, it's like, it and then comb it again. It's almost like... Is it like a cast? It's like cotton candy. No, it's like... It's like an atomization. I can't explain all of it to you right now. Explain some of it. I'm not gonna know.

He's gonna understand what atomization is. He's not gonna hear what's going on. It's going to a fucking bad kid's school. This is Kev's place. I think so. Decent. I mean, it's all right. Damn, that's got...

It is pretty awesome though to have a pool that you can, like, descend into, like, a beachfront. Yeah. Wow. You see pretty awesome though to have a pool that you can like descend into like a beach front. Yeah. Wow. You see, you just walk into the pool from the ground. It just ramps in. I do like that, but that kitchen is. It's too much.

Wait, go back to, I wanna see some of those things again. That's what you say when you're never gonna have something like that. Look at that. That's too much anyway. Pause it. You think you would have like a pulley system around to get him around a little better. Are these, is he in these? No, I think this is before he moved, or. He, you see a Packers fan? Oh wait, no, it says he built it. You think you would have like a pulley system around to get him around a little better. Are these, is he in these? No, I think this is before he moved, or.

He, is he a Packers fan? Oh wait no, it says he built it. Is this a Packers fan? This is all Packers shit. Those are all Packers, he's a Packers fan? No. So he's an Eagles guy. He is an Eagles guy, this isn't his house.

This is not his house. Yeah, I don't think it's his house. This is Bobby's house, Jacob. Whose house is that? Whose fucking house was that? Why says it's Kevin Hart's house? Why would he have a bunch of Packers though? Is he such a Fake fan of the Eagles that he was also a Packers fan after the Giants fan. Oh my god There was a whole different fanship in there

That can't be his house That can't be his house. I sent you the nicest house. I think I've seen yesterday. Bobby's? Walton Goggins. I liked it, but it wasn't... Here we go. Oh, that's... What is that? Holy shit. What is that?

I love that there's a tennis court. He doesn't even play tennis. This is where the Kardashians also have their mansions. Dude, that's... Yeah, that's where rich people live when they have all that land around them. Yeah, Calabasas. Yeah, that's crazy. Why would he get a tennis court?

That's ridiculous. I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I Kardashians also have their mansions. Dude, that's ridiculous. So yeah, that's where rich people live when they have all that land around them. Yeah, Calabasas. Yeah, that's crazy. Why would he get a tennis court though? Man, when you need a drone to steal a place. But here's the problem, is that person, the land next to you, buy that.

I think he did. He probably owns that too. Yeah, that behind him right there. That next to him, it's like, buy that and put a football field or something. Like a race car track. Oh, he bought it for 135 million. Shut the fuck up.

He bought the land for that. Wow. That's so. Oh, and he bought his neighbor's house. Bought his neighbor's house. He bought the neighbor's house and the land next to his house. Why don't you just buy the state?

So it's his forever home. And by the way, I do see the tennis court is a basketball court also. So that's actually pretty dead. That's pretty nuts. And that's a dead end on history. If you have real money, you get one of these. Can I say this though?

And it is, it's beautiful and it's an amazing place. And I know you don't have to do anything when you're that kind of wealthy. Everything will be brought to you. If you say, should I need toothpaste exclusively? There's persons running out and grabbing it, you'll have it in 30 minutes. But that's almost my point.

If you go, I think I just want to take a drive and grab like a soda from this place. It's like, I'll see you in two and a half hours, I guess. I mean, you're in the middle of nowhere out there. Calabasas? Yeah. Yeah, it is. It's out there. Yeah, yeah, but. You know, Calabasas has all its own shit.

Has what? I'm not saying it doesn't have its own stores. I'm saying you can see where Kev lives. That's like a bit of a drive to getting the civilization again. Yeah, I don't know. I did, I was out there when I did the Burt, when I did Cabin. And believe me, I wasn't talking a lot,

so I was looking around plenty. And it's in the middle of nowhere. Calabasas. Isn't that where Whitney lives too? Is that, where is that? I've never been to Whitney's. That's over on the other side of the 405, right? Woodland Hills.

Where is that? I don't know anything about the geography of Los Angeles. No, no, I just don't like it. Russell Peters had a. He got a Malibu. He was in Malibu, but he had a house over there too. Jesus. And his, it was, it's just like you're right there.

Like your neighbor is right next to you. I fully get, I definitely get the on the water mansion in California. The only thing is, why would you do that when it's definitely going to be underwater? Or on fire. Well, look, see, so- Right on the water?

Calabasas is up here, and if you come down, I think this is sunset, so it's actually like you can get to Malibu and the beach quick from Calabasas, as opposed to. And if you go, that's Big Sur, if you go all the way up to San Francisco on the west coast, that highway, right? I mean, this is all Malibu right here, but yeah, if you take the one up,

you'll hit Big Sur before San Fran. Yeah, that's just a fucking. I have two friends who live in Malibu, and they're just like, somehow our two places are standing and everything around it is burned down. I don't know how it's possible. It's crazy. But it's as good as useless anyway.

What are you doing there if you're in a wasteland but your house is. I'll tell you what, you're turning up to 10 and ripping the knob off on your volume, might as well, right? No one else is around. I'll tell you what, you're gonna fuck. What a view. You're gonna scream fuck.

Oh God, oh my God, we're fucking. around. I'll tell you what you're gonna fuck you you're gonna scream fuck oh god oh my god we're fucking like when we stayed and when we did that Airbnb like you're taking your top off but you know people can see you and it was kind of like fuck what just that somebody could be on binoculars just hey look at these guys in the pool right now. They wouldn't do that. Yeah, they would. No. Why wouldn't they? You need female nudity for that. Daytime female nudity is the only way it'll work. Any nudity that you're not supposed to see is good.

It is. And it's just like, doesn't matter. The hills are like, there's no privacy whatsoever in the hills. It's way more exciting when it's a chick. It is. But if I was looking through binoculars and I just saw a guy whacking off,

I'm probably going to keep binocularing it until he finishes. Yeah. I'm just like, I can't gonna keep binocularing it until he finishes. Yeah. I'm just like, I can't believe this guy's just doing this, not thinking that anyone's watching with binoculars right now. We were looking at that old guy's hog for a while.

When? When the couple, his piece. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Impressive piece, by the way. For sure. Gravity takes its toll, bro. Ah, it was a nice hang before that. Yeah, yeah, no, they weren't fucking or anything.

No, I know. He was just showering outside. And I could see in the thing when he did the, which is the move, when my wiener's hanging nice from a nice warm shower, I like to get the towel and really give a good ball dry, and you feel your wiener kind of do the watch across your arm like that,

because you're just doing, right? Jacob's nodding his head, you know what I'm talking about. That's a nice feeling. That guy, I don't think the watch across your arm like that. Because you're just doing, right? Jacob's nodding his head. You know what I'm talking about. That's a nice feeling. That guy, I don't think he had to warm up to that. I think he always has a fucking, a dryer balls flopper. I never got the watch. I had the ring on my index finger.

Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Oh man, this show's flying by. We haven't even introduced the show yet. It's the Bonfire, Faction Talks, Series X, and 103. I'm Big J. Ogerson. That's the great Robert Kelly joining us today, everybody. It's the Beastmaster, Justin Silver.

He's hosting Funny 4 Fido at the Cutting Room in New York City Wednesday, February 19th. That's next Wednesday, everybody. 8 PM, the lineup has Jordan Jensen, Ian Lahr, Karen Feehan, Dan Soder, and so much more. Or maybe that's all of them. All proceeds benefit animals wounded and displaced by the LA fires.

Get tickets at funnyforphito.org. Thank you. Was there a lot of animals displaced by those fires? Yeah. Fucking rich assholes can't find their dogs? What happens is the shelters fill up and then it becomes like a nightmare for like months and months after.

It's like a refractory period. Seriously. I do like the rich people you shouldn't feel bad for at all theory. It's not, it's not, it's not those dogs. I know, I'm joking. I know that. Even the rich people, it's like,

oh I'm sorry, oh I'm sorry, it's me, Joey, you're fucking all my fall apart. What dog, what dog, was it just rogue dogs? It's, yeah, it's a lot of that. It's a lot of people lose their houses, so a lot of those dogs have to go into the shelters right now. And then there was like all the, and then there was all like the, the farm out, like the horses and shit like that.

So then the ASPCs, they get overloaded. And then the normal dogs that are homeless, there's... So Funny, so Funny Fafido takes care of animals, not just dogs. We do mostly, we do mostly the dogs. Justin, I'm looking at this flyer here. I'm looking at this flyer here. This is not me. What is this? It's not you. I was just showing things that are relevant. Show things that are relevant

Christine. Well I guess my whole joke is wrong. Well this is one of the places we talked about donating to because they're helping a lot of animals. No we're not donating to them. Why? Is it because as this flyer shows me that this girl is going around french kissing all the fucking dogs? We do the independent rescues that take the dogs and the foxes. OK, but is there going to be any women having sex with the dogs at the one you're giving money to? I'm open to that.

OK. All right. Now we're talking. But you don't fuck with cats, right? I do too, yeah. But you don't love them and don't think they deserve love? I don't love them as much as I love dogs. And you wish it would probably be better if the ones that did get out

would have just died in the fire so you wouldn't have to be burdened? So there'd be more dog space? And there's probably much as I love dogs. And you wish that it'd probably be better if the ones that did get out would've just died in the fire so you wouldn't have to be burdened. So there'd be more dog space? And there's probably more space for the dogs. I'm not gonna say it in those exact words, but I'm not saying I'm not feeling something for that. So fuck a cat. And you're also saying, so fuck cats,

and you're saying the Asians should eat them because they're stupid fucking soup food. Yeah. Yes, Jacob, I go to you on this. Well, that's a yes from me. Jacob murders iguanas by the does. guy don't give a fuck. Really? Yeah, he's got a tactical vest and it's just eight iguanas hanging dead. Is that legal like John poppers harmonicas encouraged Yeah, the Florida dude that jacket was made by going to them. No

Hey, so people he tries everything dude. He's drive-by shot them. He's taken them down from a copter. That's illegal to shoot an iguana in Florida? Legal. They encourage it. They want you to. Really? Why? What do they do? They're invasive species. They kill native animals and the habitat.

Like bugs. I threw rocks at one when I was in Miami. I tried to kill it like biblical. They eat like a dog, like a little dog? They eat animals and anything and they can get their hands on. They dig under houses too, they ruin foundations. You can kill coyotes too on sight, they're invasive. Screens.

You can see a coyote and just shoot it. What, a guy bring Mexicans across the border? Yeah, that's exactly what I meant. That seems extreme for a guy just trying to help people get the freedom. No, dude, it's the new thing. He just put it into action. Trump just put it out, you kill coyotes. Oh, no.

You couldn't kill a coyote. Yeah. You can't kill a coyote. No, you can. It's legal, but I couldn't, I could never do it. You can kill a coyote. That's real. You can just kill a coyote.

I still tell you, there's no, it's a shame there's no audio to it at all, but you'll hear the audio of us laughing. There's still no, of all the internet, and all the funny on the internet, the hardest laugh I've ever had first time watching a video was the lady who can't get the fox in her yard off of her,

and she just keeps spinning around wildly and just keeps attaching to a different part of her body. I showed this to you I think on Zoom a long time ago. Because you know the lady attacked by a fox, it attacks her for so long. A fox. It's a long time ago. Christine, look at the lady attacked by a fox. It attacks her for so long. A fox. It's a fox, yeah. It's little, but it bites her,

and she starts freaking out immediately. Every time she spins, and she kicks at it, and then it's attached to her leg, and then it flips up, and then it's on her arm, and she's swinging her arm, it's wild. Like a cartoon. Did it sound like Jacob working out? It did, yes. You know what, we could audio this this we could make a good audio if you make Jacob having this yeah, this is it

I've never enjoyed a thing more in my life How long is it Now boom here we go now this is a little space this little matchbook I sleep in boom-bam I've never been in this room Here we go. Now this is a little space. This is a little match book. I sleep in boom. Bam. I've never been in this room Oh now look at that. I got a trophy. Bam. Boom. Okay. Okay Now we're going to be the most popular voiceover artist Who in the world right now? This guy does every no, that's ai. That's ai dude No, what does that got lewis sent me that it's ai

And now this woman is coming to hair and then the fox is on her. I heard a split second. Jacob watches Sumo porn. I wanna see this. AI. To see something truly terrifying. That's a fox sneaking up on a woman in her front yard. From this angle, you can see the attack. She kicks the fox over and over, but that animal keeps coming back. It's biting her leg.

It looks like she's hacky-sacking, dude. If you put the Globetrotters music to that, it looks like she's nailing it. I love the Jacob screams. I'm perfect for this lady. I never, I'm telling you, my cheeks hurt. I've watched, I'm a little numb to it because I've watched it so many times, but it never doesn't make me laugh. I mean, the way she tries to kick it away and then it's like on her foot and then she

just kicks it up to her own arm. It keeps getting better and better position on her. If you look at her, doesn't she look like someone that would be attractive to You know what I mean, I'm sorry, but I thought you were my Nana Go to a different video of it too. There's videos that doesn't have the talking over it too. Like yeah that one there I've had rabies. Oh my god. Oh, that's why it went, yeah, because foxes don't want a deal.

I had no idea. Just play the other thing. That's fine. Yeah, the beginning of it. So this thing just came up behind her. This thing didn't give a fuck. It attacks her until a man finally shows up. And then, by the way man when the guy just shows up

It runs away from me immediately. It's all weakness in this bitch But it's Kujo it Fox Kujo because she was releasing weak for Thank you, I mean pheromones for good give me a little sweet Georgia Brown. You're about to see. All right, he's getting into position. You crazy globetrotters. Show me what you got, Darlene. OK, all right, I see what you're working with. Oh, whoops, dip the doodle.

Flip it around. Put it up. This looks like something you'd see in America's Got Talent. Buddy, it's one of the funny... Exactly, if you were like, this is a routine her and this fox have worked out, you'd be like... Look at the arm move, when it goes around the arm. Watch. Yeah, it's like, send it in, whoop!

Right there! Through the legs, pack up! It sucks too for her, cause she... You can see all her side fat. It never stopped attacking her. Well, these are the animals we're gonna give money to, everybody. Good, good. So we're trying to save as many of those as possible

and get them good homes. I heard this like. Oh she kicked it. I know, but it doesn't, the guy finally, it's like okay nevermind, dude's here. She, but that last kick was pretty good. But it was still, but when she kicked though, it latched onto her foot, it didn't even succeed

in sending it away Damn that woman is biteable. We have to take a break everybody. We're hanging out with Justin silver funny for Fido happening February 19th, that's a Wednesday. It's a week from today everybody Jordan Jensen Ian Lahr Karen Fee and Dan Soder of course Justin silver himself gonna be there all proceeds going to benefit Animals wounded and displaced by the LA fires or that have been kicked by that bitchy lady. You twat. Funny for Fido dot org. Funny for Fido dot org. Check it out.

Of course, PunchUp dot live slash Robert Kelly. Big J comedy dot com. I'm in Syracuse this weekend. I'm in Naples. Yeah, Naples. That's right. And then I'm in Naples. Yeah, Naples, that's right. And then I'm in LA. And then we're off. You guys are off.

I mean, I'm off too, I guess. But I was going to be off, and you were like, dude, I'd love to run with guest hosts. I think that'll be fun. I can run with guest hosts for the week. I'm like, yeah, this way we get to save our vacations for one. Like, we both are like, this is a good time. We both want to be out of here.

One of us can run, we'll run. Yeah, run it. And Christine pulled a fucking flim flam sham on us and got us to take off. She called my wife right behind my back. It's fucking crazy. And now Bobby has to take a trip with his fucking family. I'm gonna drop thousands of dollars.

I'm losing money this weekend because of Christine. Christine, you really fucked us six ways from Sunday. I'm sorry, you're right. You're right, I'm losing money this weekend because of Christine. Christine, you really fucked us six ways from Sunday. I'm sorry, you're right. You're right, I'm wrong. You have a dirty pussy. Everyone's going to smell it. No. Yes.

No. Yes. No. We'll be right back. It's the bonfire.