The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - The "Truman Show" Lives of Teenagers Today (w/ Bo Burnham & Ari Shaffir)
Episode Date: October 15, 2018Ari Shaffir joins the show and discusses Shaggy 2 Dope of Insane Clown posse trying to drop kick Fred Durst of Limp Bizkit during a performance & comedian, and now feature film director, Bo Burnham ta...lks about his movie “Eighth Grade” and the “Truman Show” lives that teenagers are living in the world today.
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We had a great, as a couple, a lovely weekend. We didn't fight.
Very much at all. Uh, fucked plenty. And now I've got Dickburn.
Dickburn. And in grown hair and a nick from shaving.
But I, yeah, my dick is in the infirmary.
Oh man, you two, you two some road rash, huh?
Slathered in Neo Spspawn right now also
Shaved my is your dick burnt like macho and outsiders shape my thick and balls
Shoulder like oh, yeah, it's patchy. No, not at all. But I nick myself shaving now. I find myself Jacob back
The up one is please as a man in his 40s
Shaft dick hairs. Now did I get in the 40s, shaft dick hairs.
No, did I get in the 30s, bud?
Yeah.
Like almost near the head.
Yeah, it took some off on before we were.
Like a Billy Goat beard, rose under your dick head.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
My dick has fucking neck hair.
Yeah.
Nicks might, I, but I think my dick neck today too.
I couldn't imagine.
I could imagine.
I couldn't imagine.
I couldn't imagine how many women in the world have not acknowledged and just no one's ever said to me before but that you holding my dick and looking at long hairs
I don't see in their under
They're on the underside you gotta take them off. I got to hold my head and I bick it. Oh see did you that's crazy? I fucking electric
Well, I'd say it's not crazy except for the fact that I nick my dick today. So I dick.
I nick my dick.
Scissors, huh?
Scissors.
How old are you?
How old are you?
You pull a comb at a bar beside her.
I pull it two.
I was like, ah, you are good.
No, I pull it top and then snips.
What?
You're even stubble, though.
Yeah, I mean, I can knock him out before you.
You're right down the base.
At least the electric buzzer.
Ween, just take it right on.
That your buzzer's weird, though, too.
Still smooth smooth baby.
Yeah, I mean, the ones that grow up,
the top are just kind of an extension of the bush.
I'm talking about in the middle of the,
where I please get me to go away.
I just, you guys are gonna make me down.
Well, so I just don't have it.
I wanna see what's, what's it like?
You do have just a smooth shaft.
I never look down there.
You never look at your deck.
Did you grow up in your power lines or something? Yeah. I know what it feels like. I watched down there. I'm gonna, I'll, I'll, I'll look down there. You never look at your did you grew up your power lines or something? I know what it feels like I washed down there. I'm gonna like to expect it out
Well, you go all off you'll inspect it inspect it go take a piss on the break and look at your
I pulled it up never shaped trimmed once it's taking all my strength not to feel down there right now
But I'll check it out during the break. No, listen. You got to grab your dickhead low
Pull it stretch it and look underneath.
You probably have some hairs.
Dude, shaft hairs.
Come back and tell us about your dick hairs.
Shaft hairs are completely normal and healthy thing.
All right, guys.
But you know what I did.
So I shaved today, got rid of those hairs and the base of my
dick and balls.
Oh, yeah.
And then I felt either I have a raging tomb
or an ingrown hair.
Oh, yeah. I went to the doctor right
where my dick meets the base of the top.
No!
You know what I'm talking about?
Yeah.
So it's like a crease all-mo, not a crease,
but like, you know, a joint area there.
And joints definitely not the right word either.
Yeah.
But where it meets, it's right in there and...
Converging points.
So there's that, so I, Christine's got these wipes, let's say, actually she has a cream
that normally you put on for ingrown hair stuff, empty.
Was there, but empty, another gripe.
Why would you leave it there, completely bone dry empty?
But there's wipes that are
for ingrown hairs. And I fresh out of shaving, big shaving my dick balls, a base of my dick underneath.
I just, it's like an acne wipe, you know, it looks like. And I slather this thing all over the
ingrown, not slather, but I wipe it all over the ingrown hair and balls and everything.
It's got to be, look at the ingredients, Christine, pure alcohol.
Oh yeah, you home alone your balls.
Oh, yeah dude, I know a teatrio oil one, because I thought that would work for an ingrown
hair or something.
Teatrio, do not put teatrio on your balls.
It removed a layer of skin from my balls.
Oh that's crazy.
It burned for an hour and then the next two weeks, like peeled a layer of skin from my balls. Oh, that's crazy. It burned for an hour and then the next two weeks
like peeled a layer.
There was a microderm abrasion my balls.
That's fresh skin you're getting down there then.
You suck my balls, you're only getting a few year old skin.
Yeah, that's brand new ball skin.
That's fresh off, that's fresh grown.
Oh, Christine just heard my secret,
she's always a compliment, she was making your ball skins.
Very likely.
Because once a year. Once a year J.O.C. and sheds his bowl skin
Yeah, the dick burn though fuck dick burn woof
That was sore. I have this the neo-spawn did it was fine. Okay. I think I'm back in the game tomorrow
But today I am right now just
greased up with neo sporns and salves and creams on my deck. You're on the I. You're
on the I. Are. Hello. Can I tell you what I use and what made? Yeah, I know it's
always cocoa butter. There's everything's cocoa butter. I know. I do a lot of
man's gaping to and I get ingrown hairs because I'm black so my hair is
coarsing curly.
Sure.
Yeah, you are.
Shick Hydro Silk, trim style razor is something that I learned from a lot of the white
girls that I used to hook up with.
It's got the buzzer on the top and it has a five blade razor on the bottom and it has
these things on the sides that will actually guide the electric buzzer.
Yes.
And the shower too.
So it vibrates and that little buzzer at the top doesn't really get close enough to
cause in grown hairs, but enough to that if someone sucking your dick they're not going
to feel hair.
Hair.
Or hair or anything like that.
Right.
That shit right there is the best.
Well you see how much commercials were in the closet?
Nine dollars.
Tell me your brother.
Nine bucks to be hurt.
You want your, you know what I'm saying?
Is it a re, is it batteries or recharge?
Yes it's batteries. You can put new batteries in it. I believe it's triple or double-a nine that seems like and you do it in the shower
Yeah, do it in the shower. You can do it before the shower. All right. It's not a bad. There's smooth
I'm bad thing to look into there that that man's gaping tool right there is a beast and you've used it
Oh plenty for like at least five six years. I mean, so is this four men? No, for what?
I don't give a shit though,
as long as it does a job right.
Make it for a man.
It's very blue.
Make it for your man.
I've done a lot of weird shaving
with Christine's razors over mine sometimes.
Just Christine, know that she's fighting it out
for the first time.
You guys shave my asshole with one of her ones.
I think it's the one that she puts under her legs.
No, you know what it is?
It's a wider, it's got many more blades than mine.
So if I have a big, I mean, if it for like my neck or something got it because like
You don't have to be very precise. Yeah, and you can swing away with it. It's great
On the show, you know, you love them are you sure fear yeah a sober October or should fear how you feeling y'all fucking feel like a fucking
Oh, can I curse on this. Oh, yeah
I feel like Joe list. I feel a wedding
He just want to go dance
You just yeah, uh something that I thought we were gonna talk about yesterday and it's from surprise we didn't get to was
One of the members of insane clown posse
Yeah, he really uh
He's a bad fighter,
but he's a great wrestler.
What he did was pure wrestling in execution.
Yes.
I don't think it was the thing,
but Shaggy Toodope, the skinny guy from
insane clown posse,
while Fred Durst was on stage
the Rock Allegiance, I think it's called,
Tor. Rock Allegiance.
Ssshh.
Limb Biscit was playing.
Limp isgit, by the way.
I'll say it a hundred times over on Ship Rocked.
It's great.
They love it.
I even wanted to kind of be like, yeah, Limp isgit.
But I wasn't even like that going into it.
I was like, I get some supposed to hate this more,
but I'm like, I'll see Limp is.
I never saw him before.
Can I ask you a question to another band
that might, like if you saw maybe like a third eye blind,
or like a sugar ray.
Let's say you were on a boat and you're like,
now I'm gonna see sugar ray.
And then they put on a hell of a performance.
Would you walk away at the same being like?
I would never know,
because I would try gay sex for the first time
before I went to a sugar ray.
It's real, if a man was like suck my dick
in the basement of it.
It's the same difference,
why am I beating around the bush?
I'm gonna go to a sugar ray concert, my eyes will just get have sex with a man. Oh man. I'll top. I'll be the top
Do you think yeah that the music makes gay sex easier? Oh, dude
Don't you feel it listen listen to your but hold just like relaxing. It goes
Relaxing
Did it find the wrinkles around your but hole right now are all completely smooth. If I was getting kissed on the neck.
Haha, are you inside me already?
I don't know.
And we're in.
It's like a riding a bike, you go.
All right, Jay, I think I'm ready.
I think I'm ready for you to put it in.
It goes, it's been in for five minutes, man.
I go, what?
And then I just go, wee!
Yeah, yeah.
I go, hey, champ, what if I told you
it's been in for the past five minutes
Why don't you go try this but
Why don't you fucking jump off and run alongside it for a little bit
Jump off the downhill then run back to it and then jump back on it. Did you stop?
I don't know did I or did I always have the sandwich
Did you stop? I don't know, did I? Or did I always have the sandwich? PAH!
Right back in.
And I went, no!
No! Okay.
Put the song back on for the beginning, because I tell you what, I was not.
I was not loose on that one.
Sugar Ray is gay sex loop.
Music gay sex loop is fucking awesome.
If there's any natural lubrication, as someone say, to anal, that's what makes that juices flow.
Yeah. Sugar Ray music make your asshole gush
We were just talking about ICP and what a lumbus get beef so oh there's a beef there
Well, they tried to join play it for our real quick if you can Christine if you want if you want to look
Is that like the thing? I have like a garbage cup to see who's the laymist of all? Yeah, I watch them try to drop kick them
No, which one is this that's Fred Durst And then here comes the guy from ICP boom missed
Give him the side view the side view is actually more fair
So watch him come out and you're gonna watch him run out
What miss
I
Security did a terrible job. I mean security's on pretty fast, but not after the head kick that he met the thro item
I like Fred Durr's whole thing. Yeah, and we got to talk like Fred Durr's
I'm gonna do all my drive-through orders like Fred Durr's. I want to get a wapper
Geez to all the people on the grill
Then I want you to go back and hope the lettuce
I want the people give me a shake I'm like that way of talking
Throw in the next burger and wrap that shit up
Get into the original chicken sandwich
No fries
Are you guys getting ready for Florence and the machine by...
I'm going to get this kid
I am
I am, this is going to be playing in my head J's going to Florence and the machine in I am I am this is gonna be playing in my head
J's going to for it's in the machine in a dirty diaper
She put cover if she puts a L.V. cover I love to play this sometimes you feel like you just want to break stuff
Oh, we're in this in together. She doesn't mash up over. Where are we sitting? I'll start a marsh pit
Do you spill so much white wine hell? Yes
Where are we sitting? I'll start a mosh pit Do you spill so much white wine?
Hell yeah
My shibblee
My shibblee
I don't know, did you look up the seats Christine?
We got floor or seats
Are they garbage? I don't know, it's getting the mother fucking pit.
There are other people in the backstay, you know.
I'm a lovely friend of mine, Mr. Frederick Ders.
Frederick?
Bo Burnham joining us.
His movie, 8th grade, out now, on available Blu-ray DVD.
On demand?
On demand.
Not gonna lie, you haven't seen it
but I'm very excited to see a good copy of it and eighth grade was possibly
one of the worst years of my life and I've heard that if you had a tough eighth
grade year this is the movie to say yeah whatever black luches wash it loved
it love the day would you took him back to a appreciate man thank you I have
a point the girl you don't have to talk about it I talk about all the time you
guys no no I'm sure I have question more about working with young people like that.
We, for the most part, got like actual real kids
from the middle school that we filmed at from the,
like, there's a pool party seeing half of the kids swim
at that pool on weekends.
So like, their monsters in their own way,
you know, which is that they're actually normal
and they don't give a fuck about being in a movie
because they kill themselves all the time.
We had to tour a bunch of middle schools
and high schools to scout the thing to get locations.
When we go through the middle schools,
and it would be like, it'd be like,
like Dennis Rodman, North Korea, or something.
You know what I mean?
I felt like very bad, just like people like coming out to me
and just like touching my clothes and things.
It was all very, very sweet.
It was like the Ewoks, like going to the land of the Ewoks.
And then we stepped into our first high school,
step into it, and I and I heard hey Bo Burnham
I'm funny to you little bitch
Down the hall we were like we're in high school. It was like actually incredibly thrilling like and working with middle schoolers
Was very fun working with the high schoolers was terrifying like like 2018's high schoolers looking you feel like the biggest
Fucking look I'm looking at like my like a dearest pumps that I have on.
I'm like, I'm the biggest fucking toll in the world.
How much in the high schools were you?
We were there only a few days.
Okay.
So you were getting out and you're like, last day,
among these monsters.
Yeah, it was, but it was beautiful
because it was like, we felt like the story we were telling
in there, which is that like high school is terrifying
from an outsider from either end.
If you're coming from, if you're looking back or looking forward, it's horrifying.
And they're just, they're so self-possessed now.
They're just, they just are cooler than they've ever been.
Because of Instagram, they have like hints.
No, they're just like really, really literate socially in a very quick way that you're not
in on.
And like, things are so old, so quick for kids now that like the amount of out of touch
you are is just exponentially bigger than it would have been like, you know, 80s kids
relating to 90s kids. It's like 2012s kids relating to now are out of our job.
I'm a 2001 now. I'm just gone. Yeah, you're just out there.
My daughter has a choose she used to have crushes
on vine celebrities.
Yeah.
And so when her mom will say something about like a new,
you know, celebrity crushes Bella has,
I go, what is it a vine celebrity?
She goes, there is no vine.
Yeah.
Or what's the other one?
What's the apperoscope?
Like those things are coming.
Yeah, musically.
And they're huge.
There's another thing.
They're huge.
Yeah, it's wild.
For these kids, these musical kids are born 2003. Chases. Two years after They're huge. Yeah, it's wild. For these kids, these middle school kids are born 2003.
Two years after 9-11.
Yeah.
And it's in the movie, actually, but it's like in the background.
There is a banner of the twin towers.
It's a thing in the school like 90 minutes north and it's like, oh, that is a historical event
for them.
Yeah, that'd be like the way they show, like, Washington crossing the Delaware, like, an
arm-to-patch.
And you're like, look at that.
That happened, they go, those used to be the twin towers
and you're like, oh man, I remember what my record
was on Madden that year.
I did a spot in the Boston Comedy Club the night before.
Yeah, eighth grade, I'm trying to remember.
Christine said it was a fantastic year for her.
You had a good eighth grade year?
I had a good year.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, I said you were straight South Ole after that.
It was, but great South Ole after that. It was. It was great. I switched
school. So I went to one school for grammar school till
sixth grade where I got like bullied and it was just shitty.
And then I went to this awesome school for seventh and eighth
grade where it was just it was like an amazing school
experience. Yeah. Small classes, the teachers gave a
shit. It was like very community driven.
That's, yeah, that makes you feel better about yourself.
Yeah.
Found my first gay friends.
It is incredible, too, to see how socially progressive
the schools are, which I think actually,
like colors the misery of the kids in just a horrible dose
of irony, the fact that like you're walking by a poster
that says, like, support trans rights,
and you feel like a piece of shit.
You know what I mean? I, like, for the first time,
like the administration and the faculty
and your parents are constantly looking at you,
hoping you're feeling good, and you still feel shitty.
It's like, they would love to get a fucking swirly
or have their head shoved in the locker.
It actually ground their pain in something tangible.
Instead of being like, the world is coddling me
and I feel empty inside me.
Why the fuck?
I've seen it.
They have no structure, you know, they have no structure to.
So everything to rage, you could know machine to fight against.
No, no, no, it's like really bad.
I think bullying was part of the fucking terrarium as part of the, I mean, I remember
the kids being like, the system of growing up, I think I was bullied.
I was bullied and I eventually stood up to a bully
and I like, not all of them, but you know,
I have that kind of check off, I'm all de-fuelist.
I've bullied and been got fucking hurt by the person.
I mean, like they hit me first or I lost the fight.
You know, I mean, like it was all part of like learning a thing
and I didn't bully people after that.
Yeah, but it's like, the bullying exists.
It's just completely abstract.
Someone said of like, I got my head shoved in a locker.
It's like, someone made a fake Instagram account
of me and said I'm a neo-con.
It's like, wait, what?
You're in seventh grade.
You shouldn't, that's not the way you should have to process this.
That's a grad school print.
But we're really, and I was talking to kids about,
because it's incredible how much these kids are thinking about politics
and just have to, and they like lose friendships over their political legacies.
In eighth grade?
I mean, in eighth grade was I being like, you're a jucakis kid, like fuck off, like what are you talking about?
I can't believe that.
And I was like, I can't believe that.
Like, I was talking to a lot of mother fuckers.
And I did like a little round table with the kids and talking to them.
And like, there's like 12 year old kids going like, do you know what happened in Iran? And I'm like, no.
Like, it's crazy.
Is this kind of a symptom from all the information being leaked into phones where you can just
read anything in a second where you used to have to hear someone from somebody and then
that they were your source. I remember one time I follow enough adults, you're bound
to just as you're thumbing up the thing and seeing like look at this burger
I just ate and I can bet to crush this steak
There's eventually gonna be like a new story and you're gonna you see fire and troops do you click it and you read the thing?
You know that but it yeah exactly and it's also just like the whatever like democratization of information all the shit
Which is like we all thought was like super cool that everyone is a voice
But now we have no way to discern discern which voice is important where the hierarchy is like we all thought was like super cool that everyone is a voice. But now we have no way to discern which voice is important
where the hierarchy is like true.
Value or meaning is, and it literally is
like perfectly demonstrated in what a feed is.
You scroll through your feed as your kid,
you will see in no particular order, your mother,
your friends, the president of the United States,
Chick-fil-A.
I mean, it's just like, they're all being presented
with the same amount of space.
A lot of chicks in yoga pants taking a picture
in front of a mirror.
Yeah.
And it's a lot to process.
And for kids at the end of the night,
you have to choose between the back of your eyelids
or everything in the history of the world.
It's like, you go crazy.
I couldn't imagine.
I go crazy.
I started pissing, sitting down so I could be in my phone
like 18 months ago and I was like, some's wrong.
Yeah. And then I just,, some's wrong. Yeah.
You know, like this is, and then I just,
then it was just more comfortable.
Do you think cell phones are gonna be,
do you think cell phones are gonna be kind of like
the new cigarettes where like 20 years from now
people would be like, you gotta stay off cell phones,
you're gonna get killed.
Well yeah, and I always said like it's going to be,
yeah, it's gonna be like smoking and we're gonna,
the equivalent of my doctor used to smoke will be like,
my shrink at a Twitter.
Yeah. Like it'll be so great. Even you'll go, your shrink at a Twitter Yeah, it'll be so cool. You'll go your shrink at a Twitter
No, you think the information intake is affected the curriculum for kids
I think is it is it harder is a little deeper to move faster you think school. Yeah, that's interesting
Well, the teachers decided like they can't ban phones. They just can't because it's just not 10. Remember that started.
They have to dancing and cans.
Yeah, that's your on-lit go.
If you had a beeper and your mom had come get it.
They would take it and when I went on, they'd isolate it.
I mean, just can't.
Yeah, I got a cell phone when I was 18.
It was my mom's workflow.
She's like, you're driving.
Like, here you go.
And it's funny and punishment to take my daughter's cell phone
away at 16 years old, one of the big things, you know, also with the,
they scare the shitty in the world that's living terrible can happen that you
need her to have her phone.
You know, she has to be kind of tethered to it.
Yeah.
So we can get a hold of her.
You know, I mean, I get blown away.
Like I get nervous.
I can get a hold of her.
The idea of that that if this was, you know, 25 years ago,
she'd have to get to a landline.
You'd have a number to call.
I mean, I would,
that's the way they've sold the parents though.
It's like so fun.
It's like in case your child is anywhere
they need to get in contact with you in emergency.
And by the way,
we'll have no privacy and all of the information will be
for everyone to see and they're performing their lives
every month.
Okay, and it's like, wait, what?
Like, the goal Okay, and it's like, wait, what? Like, these- What was that finger part? But the gulf between that and it,
we fell down the rabbit hole so quickly.
It's so insane.
I went from being in seventh grade
with my chunky Motorola phone,
impressing girls by throwing my phone over my shoulder
and showing that it wouldn't shatter.
You're like, that was my move.
That's a good move by the way.
That's a lot of faith in T-Mobile.
See, it was gotta strong phone. Oh my god, he creamed a good move by the way. That's a lot of faith in T-Mobile. That was kinda strong, fun.
Oh my god, he creamed Skyhooks it into the ground.
It doesn't break.
But yeah, it's wild.
And the crazy thing is,
is that like there are like,
what fucks me up looking at it,
which is just so weird is that there are like,
I've been to these places,
you know what I mean?
There are places in Silicon Valley
like with 300 employees, that they're like,
the purpose of their company is to cater
to the base wants of children.
Like, like, what they actually program is what kids want.
Like, I don't know, a photo service
where photos disappear after 24 hours.
What would a kid want that for?
And what is maybe, like, that's sort of legalized
child pornography distribution. They can't be liable for it because it's
disappearing after 24 you know and there's no mechanism to ask like
is this good what what what do they maybe want are we making like
because it's it's it's so it's so in front of it's so ahead of us right now
that we're like you said we're fine down the rabbit hole with no fucking
direction so fast and like the decisions about kids like neural chemistry are being made
literally by like programmers.
Yeah.
I'm just saying that and they're not social geniuses.
Like you've met these fucking people.
Yeah.
They come out to the punchy now.
Sometimes the services go.
They're rough.
You know, years and years ago, if your kid was like a head of you on technology,
worry about him starting war games or something.
Whereas like now it's just flat out that's like,
are they giving their privacy away?
Are your kids sending child pornography
basically to each other?
And that's, and they're ahead of it
because where I think I know, where I go,
I would have to check my daughter's thing.
See, I know there's the secret apps that are photo apps.
I know how to find those things, you know whatever.
But she definitely knows 12 more things
than I'm on a way.
It's always a step ahead.
I don't know if it had a check if she has more than one
Twitter or Instagram.
You can't even use it.
You don't even know what the names of the things are.
You have to be literate in this whole thing
to even understand the dangers, though, just so strange.
Like, it's a...
Let's go antler, dude.
It shuts all down.
I know, and it's so funny, because that's what people say,
like people say, like, people always say to me,
like, there's gonna be a generation that unplugged,
and I'm like, yeah, some things are cyclical, like for sure,
but sometimes like, a car shows up,
and there's fucking no more horses.
Like that, and that's just what happens.
Yeah.
So, things just change, and they, and especially, like,
you wanna think this is cyclical,
and like a generational unplug,
watch a fucking three-year-old with an iPad.
It's crazy. You'll see that like, these things are designed You want to think this is cyclical and a generational unplug. Watch a fucking three-year-old with an iPad.
You'll see that these things are designed to appeal to us
before we can fucking think.
This is the image that, and multiple people have said this to me,
I know other people with young kids who have done the exact same thing.
My nephew watches videos, there's videos of,
which is so demanded that these people
make these videos of parents that film their kids
playing with toys.
It's all about like Jeff's toys.
And like, unwrapping boxes.
Yeah, yeah, so what happens is like,
so now my sister will be like, you know, with her kid
and he'll start playing with toys and be like,
mom, mom, tell them about the thinking
there's an audience there to talk to you.
We're going tell them about the, tell them to subscribe
or tell them and multiple people, I've said
that their kids watch these videos and then,
and like, they think they're in the Truman show.
Exactly.
And that is a real sort of like, like,
de-personalization or whatever,
like that's like a real thing that can happen to people.
Sure.
And like, but like, that's, it sounds like a goofy thing.
Yeah.
But that's like a weird meta-strange prison type of living, which I think is what kids suffer
from now, which is they don't just live their life.
They also hover over themselves and watch themselves live their life.
They don't just approach moments.
They, before they even have a moment, they're wondering what that moment will be, how it'll
be, looked back on, how people react to how they look back.
Like, you know, it's the most on the nose example that is every concert.
Exactly.
It's a parody of itself and it's like, no, we're not supposed to become shitty New Yorker
cartoons.
I mean, like, the problem with like the country becoming the movie, idiocracy is like,
idiocracy is not a great movie.
Like that's what no one's actually saying is that it's like like it's kind of an on-the-nose shitty satire
Yeah, that movie that it's insane how much that movie comes up just in
Conversation people on a daily bay everything. We thought would be a better movie than this
You know you're right. I want to make a tender profile so I could say things like I think EDM's a bunch of noise
Just like old man crotchety things in your profile dude. I told you what I wanted
I don't like a lot of lights. I like the I like my music loud and classic who sleeping sleeping in is a real treat
The one that I told Vecchio and I think I've said that what I wanted to put on my profile originally was I'm here for conflict
emotional physical
That was gonna be one of my or my other one was gonna be Dan
35 if cornered I will attack. I have impossible standards of cleanliness. Yeah
Real real broken toy over here
I cry just as much as I scream
I cry just as much as I scream. Uh,
Damn, welcome to Chaos.
Like it's a, it's a my space profile.
Welcome to Chaos.
A woman who wants to be with me is going to have to learn how to walk between the
raindrops of my fury.
Oh, dude, I want to ulti-
I have a lot of unsorted issues.
I want to start to deal with that.
I want to start uncapitalized, but then alternate between
Lowercase and capitalize and just haven't say welcome to the chaos
Honest dating profile. Oh my god. Everybody actually just has to lay all their shit in it I'll never hit you, but you're gonna think I'm going to a lot
Welcome to welcome the flinch town. Welcome to flinch city bitch
Better get ready duck and jazz. Are you gonna hit me like, nobody I want to?
Prepare to have an offensive voice mocking you.
Be shot back in your face.
If you want to keep all of your prize possessions, don't tell me how much they mean to you or
I will break them.
Hope you enjoyed this week's Best of the Bond Fire.
You can listen to the show live every Monday through Thursday from 6th APM East on Comedy
Central Radio, Series XM95 or on demand on the Series XM app.
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podcast.