The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Uber Pickups and Daytime Evil

Episode Date: November 18, 2019

DJ Lou picks up his Uber Driver, the gang discusses the discrepancy "Evil Rock" in the daytime, Woke Terminator is born & Dan and Jay share memories of the movie "Blown Away" after Soder's rewatch ove...r the weekend.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 You're listening to Comedy Central! BAM! Hi, I'm Dan Soder. I'm Big J. O. Chrison. And you're listening to the Best of the Bond Fire. Stay tuned to hear some of our favorite moments from this week. You can listen to the Bond Fire live every Monday through Thursday from 6th APM on Comedy Central Radio, SiriusXM95, or on demand on the SiriusXM app.
Starting point is 00:00:20 Also, be sure to follow us on all social media at the Bond Fire, SXM. Hi, it's Christine and welcome to the bonfire best of the week. DJ Liu proved to be the show's ultimate ladies man after he confessed to the crew that he picked up his Uber driver on his way to a bar. But we're here to talk about one bit at some particular right now. And that is the Robert De Niro the bonfire just mowing through black ass. Yeah, it did a little bit. A little bit. A little bit. A little bit.
Starting point is 00:00:46 A little bit. I got a little bit of black ass. You don't know what happened. I have no idea what happened. We're up in the office and you know we're talking as men do. And I go, Lou, you see anybody? You dunking that dick, bro? Yeah, you smashing it squish.
Starting point is 00:01:00 Show my guys talk. Yeah, it's a hot five. We hug, we like weird hug while we say it. I can't stop. I can't bear about you, but I also fucking love the tender touch of a woman. Show my guys talk. Yeah, it's a hot five we hug we like weird hug while we say it's like it's Fucking love the tender touch of a woman. I get late so much. I love tits. God. I love tits and ass punch me in the chest God dude get the fuck over here. I want to suck pussy next to you God then we start doing that gay the gay porn punch Lew whiskey what did you respond when I said any what's what's going on your love life? I Blue Witsky, what did you respond when I said, and what's going on in your love life?
Starting point is 00:01:25 I, what exactly what did you say? I dated my black Uber driver. You go, I, you go, I went out with my Uber driver. That's exactly what he said. I go, what's up? And he goes, I went out with my Uber driver and I go, how did that happen? He goes, so lean.
Starting point is 00:01:38 4.97. Mr. Witsky, I can't let go inside of the deal. There's this big problem with the Uber, will not let me clean car good conversation I would you look to I can give you a mint maybe Purell I cannot go inside with you. I get into this. I do not drink. I am Muslim. I cannot go in this I do not drink alcohol Shada
Starting point is 00:02:00 He has him if he wanted to plug in and he man his phone. I cannot fucking mr. Lul I cannot dock with you Mr. Lul you must understand my foreskin cannot go over you I'll take you to Avenue, the Americas, but that's what I'm relationship bands mr. Whiskey you They yell at you to leave the bar. Who was your Uber driver? Just some black chick that picked me up. What's her name? So it's good. I can't give you her name. Okay. Because you don't know it. You just know her first name and how many stars she is. He has a 4.8. Top me off. Oh, it's Karina 4.92. Is that what she's in your
Starting point is 00:02:39 phone is? Oh, he said he was so drunk. He's oh damn. This is a black chick for reals though, huh? I told you look at that She says she holds the M on her arms. I mean a long time. Yeah Look at that if you're funny. You're definitely gonna be called stupid She got she has a 13 year old son that'll whoop your ass. Oh my god. Oh kids built like a fucking Penn State lineback I don't give a fuck to's angry that his fucking high yellow father moved out. I don't know what's happening. His heart is that lady.
Starting point is 00:03:08 His gorgeous light skinned father left the family. He's just going to whoop your ass. What's your first name? I'm not telling you. Oh, let me look at it. What's your, what's a rating? I won't say it. I promise.
Starting point is 00:03:20 What's our start ranking? It rhymes with Shazarond. Hey, did you, did you, you what did you did you give her five stars? You had to give her five stars Right? Yeah, I give her five stars and I tip to 20 bucks balls and one fat dick Did how long did you guys hang out did she end the ride and then get out of the uber and go in with you? I hope she'd never turn the fucking me here of it all you lugo You guys are gonna shit. 320 all over. Why don't we circle the block and talk a little bit more?
Starting point is 00:03:51 Oh, you're done, dude. She just goes, I, you're losing the pearl jam. You won't, you want me to drop you off? He's like, you might have I smoked back here, and you just laying down. You're the only person who understands my day. I swear to God. God, you really are. You're the only person who understands my day. I swear to God. God, you really are. You know what?
Starting point is 00:04:06 You're a 4.8 on the outside and on the inside. You're a good driver for a black chick. Where you from? It's pretty crazy. It's pretty crazy how my phone is. This keeps saying racist things the way you're hitting one of those. How'd you pay for this thing, drugs?
Starting point is 00:04:22 How many of the kid's fathers you still talked to? Hey, can you buy me a pack of smokes with your EBT code? I'll wait here. Keep the car running. Keep me on. You can say me and my brother, me and my brother know the castings of the EBT down here. Do they're right? A little bit to the left. You're at stand this lane. Stand this lane. Why aren't you guys going on a date? You guys are going to go on a date. Well, you went on one already. already I took her to the bar was going to she's she got off of her over over shift and Clocked out. Yeah, there's no shift by the way. Yeah, there's no shift manager whenever you turn it on dude She had a drink with me. She probably could have had a new bar right on the way home. It's a money back She didn't charge me for the right home. Oh
Starting point is 00:05:01 Sit in the front seat Yeah, it's just a sucker dick. But then I went back to the bar a couple days later and asked my friends in the bartender why was everyone staring at me. And they said because you brought in that really oversized black chick the other night. She big. I didn't recall her being big at all. You don't get a recall. It's not a fucking. I didn't look at her body. all. You don't think I'm gonna call it's not a fucking
Starting point is 00:05:26 I didn't look at her but it wasn't a walk through a misty courtyard nothing unusually big You look at her body at all. I don't remember. Do you just see personality? Yeah, I see things people don't see You're not big with you. We're talking Not bigger than me. I didn't think Let me ask you a question to see is she Craig Hayward or Gilbert Brown? I don't know who those gentlemen are we'll bring it up and we'll see the difference Craig Hayward She built like a new head. It should be like will fork on the cover of the body issue. Yeah, that could be fun That's like Lizzo big one guy cruelly
Starting point is 00:06:00 This her as the mom from good times. All right, that's Craig Hayward and then bring up a Gilbert Brown. You know how big that fucking chick was. Mr. Rodd happens wasn't super big. Oh, I'm sorry. Uh, what's happening? The mom from what's happening? Oh, Mama. Oh, maybe. Yeah. Is it like Gilbert Brown big? That's what they say. I don't Is that her? Is that her? Is that her? Is it like does it look like she's she's she's the only one that is a quick orders look at she could bench a lot. Lute. Is it look like she's, does it look like she runs at a, uh, energy quick orders, look at she get bench a lot. Lou, does it look like that? Like she's coming for your lunch? Sure, I want to remember that.
Starting point is 00:06:29 You just keep looking at her head because she was wearing a visor like this guy. Yeah. Um, you thought she was hot. You liked her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't think she was on use with it. Fuck your jersey friends. Maybe they're just racists.
Starting point is 00:06:40 True. Maybe they're just racists. That would more be sizes. They didn't seem to mention anything about it being black They were saying about it being fat one guy called their answer mama. Yeah, that's racist. That's racist. That's funny though Did she also hit your mama? I don't know but them shows a couple panty kick jokes next time she goes back to the bar with you She's gonna be wearing a band-down and you have to make a decision with you tell her now he goes
Starting point is 00:07:03 This is not gonna help you cause it. this dope out bar. He puts it in parking He goes I gotta tell you what they said Then someone comes as soon as they walk in goes oh, let me get some chairs for you and your girlfriend here Lou and they grab like a stool for each one of her butt cheeks here. I can't afford to lose one so I'd rather use to I'll give up the business so I'm going on a date with her. I'll let you know Next week, I mean that's pretty impressive. The poll, the Uber driver. Yeah, unprecedented.
Starting point is 00:07:29 I've never done it. Black chick is his first black chick for you? No. Mm. Jacob, not really. I mean, I always try. I think black chick's date. What happened to the last black chick?
Starting point is 00:07:40 Did it go down? Oh, she's a way she'll be back next week. That's two black chicks. You're going to give that up? Is that not over yet? No, it's a she's a way she'll be back next week. That's two black chicks. You gonna give that up Is that not over yet? No, it's not over so we say what you did. Can we say what you did for that one? What did I do? Come on What you ran out and did hilariously for the last black check I don't recall you don't recall going to a fucking place Getting a goddamn blood test. Oh, why we already talked about that. Yeah. No, we're talking on the show
Starting point is 00:08:04 Yeah, we never talked about on the show. We did because I said I don't like my results. Oh Oh, oh, we did loosely talk about right the thing you got but I just didn't know how to read it I'm good, but you did you get it for nothing though? Did you get the fucking dip your stick to it? We have to all that we only had two dates Well, we'll see what happens on the third. I don't know. So why do you have to get a blood test so fast? First straw to drink out the same straw. There's no amount of blood tests that's gonna get her to put her lips around your fucking dick, dude. There's no chance Yes, yeah, you're on that one. Yeah, well, it is like your butthole. I'll lick your straw For sure in fact if I like dance, but I'm looking to straw right afterwards. Yeah. Just know if I like your butt, if you let me lick your butt hole, just know I'm going to
Starting point is 00:08:48 find a way for you to lick your own butt hole. So you better fucking make sure your butt hole is okay. I'll go, ask them out, I'll go straw to butt. I'll lick your straw then, just go right to your butt hole. I'll pour the soda right in your ass hole. I'll just drink it out of there with that. Hey, hey, cameras is black blue. Big J has always been a big Maryland Manson fan,
Starting point is 00:09:07 but even he had to admit that seeing Evil Rock in the daylight is just plain sad. I want to talk about this. I'm going to read you a poster that Isabella set me for a tour that's going on right now. Talk about a weird lineup. I don't know why this blows me away so much. Is it because it was one of those things
Starting point is 00:09:23 that makes you feel old where it's like, it's a 90s tour, we sysco. Doesn't make me feel old at all. I'm saying, what doesn't fit here? Okay. The Astro World Festival. Got it, love it. Obviously Travis Scott.
Starting point is 00:09:38 Obviously Travis Scott. Gucci main. Of course. Take Keith. Yes. Megos. Yeah. Rosalia, love it. G-thug of course check West to baby Oh the babies
Starting point is 00:09:50 Dog tolle ver Houston all stars. Yeah, bro playboy Cardi. Yeah Megan the stallion. What about Megan the cult? Megan the cult probably also on a small stage here for real. Hey nice to see him Young Dalf and keyglock. Love them both. I'm a keyglock guy, though. Marilyn Manson. What's that? Marilyn Manson. What's up? Hey, dad, you can Marilyn Manson is on this tour that makes no, what is the fucking point? That makes no sense to me. It's gonna be dude that how many times like people on this tour that aren't gonna know who he is All of them yeah, but there's gonna be a guy being like hey who's that creepy as white dude and he's like Hey, what's up? I'm I'm Marilyn. Well, I'm curious to know there's a weird
Starting point is 00:10:39 interest in Marilyn Manson and hip-hop community that popped up recently little oozie vert is from Philly. Yeah He's got a chain and did a song with Marilyn Manson and the hip hop community that popped up recently. Lil' O'Zee Vert is from Philly. Yeah. He's got a chain and did a song with Marlon Manson and he has a chain of Marlon Manson's face made, like the fucking Post Malone thing. You know what's weird? He's got Marlon Manson. So I'm like, because you got to think of it, Lil' O'Zee Vert and a lot of these guys
Starting point is 00:10:57 are in their early 20s, mid 20s and growing up for them. Marlon Manson was like the way Ozzy was for us. Like for me, Ozzy Osborn. I'm surprised it was hitting the black community like that. But that's also the weird thing. It's like that's what happened when skateboarding took off in the black community. I was like, yeah, that makes sense. It's a thing where it was like, you can do, you know what I mean? He's more fuck the system fuck everything. So of course, like I could see young black rappers being like, oh man, the man's the crazy is fuck, you know,
Starting point is 00:11:24 like it's like kind of, now that tight jeans are in and shit. This, Well, maybe they feel he's like trailblazed and being able to kind of do whatever they want to do. I can be, you can be weird as fuck and Travis Scott is, you know, he's great, he's weird. He's kind of a weird dude and it's like,
Starting point is 00:11:38 Marilyn Manson, I'm gonna see Marilyn Manson in an astral world giving his fucking all, that's gonna be a daytime concert. That's gonna be daytime set. He's gonna be like the first, you know what I mean? He's gonna be like 2 p.m. Well, that's kinda sting though to some degree.
Starting point is 00:11:50 I mean, it probably getting crazy money. Well, here's the thing. Why that would suck. If you really believe in Marilyn Manson, if you say Travis Scott's a fan, which looked that up, I guess, to some degree, how that happened. But by the way, a little looser dropped $220,000
Starting point is 00:12:04 for his Maryland man, so yeah, yeah, fucking, uh, but him going up in front of that crowd, if you want to, if you believe in him, and your Travis Scott and believe in him, you know, for that to make sense at all, it has to be at night. It has to be at night or else it doesn't, you, they, your audience that you want to capture whatever it is you believe they're going to capture for him, cannot happen during the day. I told you when I watched that band, Cradle Filth, Swedish Death Metal,
Starting point is 00:12:28 yeah, and all I knew was this one video, they had an MTV, they got popular, it sucked. I never liked the song. I'm not the fan of that band at all. It's just screaming nonsense. They look weird, so they were interesting to look at and they were, they were headlining small stage at Osfest one year,
Starting point is 00:12:43 and just all that leather and evil shit going in the lights. You can't see the light show that good because it's day time. And just birds flying by and tweeting while the guys excite. And see that's exactly what happened. We went that's exactly what a beautiful sweet beautiful day. That's exactly what happened. We went to when we were at Bonnero, we saw Florence on the machine. And she was like,
Starting point is 00:13:06 Let the misty, seizing, and you're like the sun's out. You can't be, you're just not worth it. You can't be daytime mystic. We all have powers and make you, it's a bit boop, boop, boop, boop. You see the energy coming off each other. And you're like, no, I don't. I'm sweating and I have to put my girlfriend on my shoulders.
Starting point is 00:13:23 The great old Phil health, it makes sense at night. Great. Great. You got to find a video, fun video of them at Ossfest. The cradle of filth, Ossfest is hilarious. That was a very good show. Unfortunately, they have us playing during the day now. So it takes a lot off the fastball.
Starting point is 00:13:39 It's like Ramstein playing it new. So funny. That would make any sense. Yeah. To host Damn flute flapping and all I need Do hog and saag and taag and maag and yaag Yeah, yeah Yeah, do this, they have to be, do they come out on chains We'll look at all kinds of weird fucking
Starting point is 00:14:16 That'd be on ghost during the day Oh, that was another funny one Show them ghost, show them what ghost looks like Performing during the day The guys got like a skull face with a Pope a whole Pope suit on mm-hmm so funny, and we just again Tweeting birds in Columbus, Ohio. Yeah, eat it people eating slushies evil metal during the day is so funny Giant's yards of beer. It's so funny when people are evil in the daylight or there is like do you believe in the dark? You're daytime evil rock is the best. You got a squint to watch it you're watching
Starting point is 00:14:50 it like this. Yeah. Your hand over your eyebrows. I love that's a hot topic stage. Yeah. He's poor guys. Listen to the sound of the epic it was supposed to be. You squinting watching Evil Rock. Cradle feels like the music I put on to piss off my father. It's don't come in my room Rick music. Look how ridiculous it looks during the day. Yeah. It looks like they're going to a Comic Con. It's just as funny as the day I saw it. It's so fucking funny. Hey, pinhead. Hey, hell razor.
Starting point is 00:15:32 What are you guys doing in the matinee show? Yeah. What are you guys doing? Are you guys here to see the Deadpool trailer? No, it's a crazy joke. He's going to the Star Trek panel. Hey, dorks. There's nothing evil. They immediately become guys. I'm like, dude, do you want to go up there and house all five? I think he's going to the Star Trek panel. You fucking f**k. Hey, dorks.
Starting point is 00:15:45 There's nothing evil. They immediately become guys. I'm like, do you want to go up there and house all five? These f**king queefs? I go, hey, I bet I can get beer money from the blonde. I don't know if I'm going to kiss it or f**k it. I don't know what it is. Hey, lady.
Starting point is 00:16:00 I don't know. Hey, lady. Yeah, those people in the f**k had security shirts, but are stopped this tornado from hitting the stage. Yeah, wait I think they start I Was told that a track other album was a girl masturbating with a dagger and that's how they got the recording. That's a lie Started to break her look at biggest nips are ah dude look at the way his face looks The way his face looks, we're like SHUT UP, I LOVE YOU, SHUT UP, I LOVE YOU, SHUT UP, I LOVE YOU, SHUT UP, I LOVE YOU, SHUT UP, I LOVE YOU, SHUT UP, I LOVE YOU, SHUT UP, I LOVE YOU, SHUT UP, I LOVE YOU, SHUT UP, I LOVE YOU, SHUT UP, I LOVE YOU, SHUT UP, I LOVE YOU, SHUT UP, I LOVE YOU, SHUT UP, I LOVE YOU, SHUT UP, I LOVE YOU, SHUT UP, I LOVE YOU, SHUT UP, I LOVE YOU, SHUT UP, I LOVE YOU, SHUT UP, I LOVE YOU, SHUT UP, I LOVE YOU, SHUT UP, I LOVE YOU, SHUT UP, I LOVE YOU, SHUT UP, I LOVE YOU, SHUT UP, I LOVE YOU, SHUT UP, I LOVE YOU, SHUT UP, I LOVE YOU, SHUT UP, I LOVE YOU, SHUT UP, I LOVE YOU, SHUT UP, I LOVE YOU, SHUT UP, I LOVE YOU, SHUT UP, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, SHUT UP, I LOVE YOU, SHUT UP, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, SHUT UP, I LOVE YOU, SHUT UP, I LOVE YOU, SHUT UP, I LOVE YOU, SHUT UP, I LOVE YOU, SHUT UP, I LOVE YOU, SHUT UP, I LOVE YOU, SHUT UP, I LOVE YOU, SHUT UP, I LOVE YOU, SHUT UP, I LOVE YOU, SHUT UP, I LOVE YOU, SHUT UP, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, SHUT UP, I LOVE YOU, SHUT UP, I LOVE YOU, SHUT UP, I LOVE YOU, SHUT UP, I LOVE YOU, SHUT UP, I LOVE YOU, SHUT UP, I LOVE YOU, SHUT UP, I LOVE YOU, SHUT UP, I keyboards. Oh make up sweating off their faces Yeah, first of all, first of all keyboard an evil keyboard player doesn't work at all hide him
Starting point is 00:16:52 Do not let him be out on stage. He could be on stage man You know a keyboard player on stage. We're evil music. I've never won saw keyboard player I'm gonna like oh this guy's a problem. I saw this band that are rest stop once on my way to Boston really? Yeah, they do it just again see him during the day. You're like two of these guys are jack offs Like, oh, this guy's a problem. I saw this band that are rest stop on some way to Boston. Really? Yeah, they do. Just again, seeing him during the day, you're like, two, these guys are jagg-offs. So fucking funny, dude.
Starting point is 00:17:11 It's so funny seeing someone like this during the day time. Show ghosts. Show how much more committed ghost is during the day. I mean, these guys are committed? No, but I'm saying, yeah, yeah. Oh, I'm getting pissed. Oh my god, that's so funny. Now watch as it was just like this. No. I think you see him getting his waters. Oh That's so funny
Starting point is 00:17:29 See him getting his waters There's so funny beautiful day dude so fucking We hear this is it Christina will we read oh yeah, we were told go watch ghosts what's funny is that Positive real quick because they go they go from being like Agents of the devil to being like oh y'all are theater kids did you see this stitching on his fucking isot owners every every secrets given up hey it's black lu again and it's well known how progressive the host of the bonfire are this week danand j decided it was time to update a james camera and classic we present to you now. Woke Terminator. Boy, you sent back the wrong Terminator, buddy. I woke up doing a squatty ball and a fucking auto zone parking lot with nothing but a pack of winstens and a program.
Starting point is 00:18:16 Desch to the kill. I am the T900. Do not talk to me before coffee. I love it. I love Arnold explaining that they send back a T900. He was a trucker Kept most of his personality of course what could be the only thing that could kill a baby? Super white trash It makes all the sense in the world Of course if they would have hit up white trash, they could have probably got her to get an abortion. Why didn't anybody go back and just go,
Starting point is 00:18:47 hey, you're pregnant, you're a diner waitress. Sky Net's like, you don't have your shit together, even sort of. You're jumping in the bed with anyone who tells you a crazy future story. Sky Net, Sky Net understood that the best way to Sarah Akana was to date her and kick her down the stairs because she's a dino
Starting point is 00:19:05 waitress so clearly she has a very low self worth. We sent back a super hunky A.D.s guy who then just beat on her. Just a fog a terminator like sitting like comedy in a plant plant parenthood. Yeah. That's just looking forward. Dun dun dun dun. Is it done? Dun dun dun. Do you want to get something to eat? Just looking forward. Just looking forward. Tantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantant All terminators are pro-choice. You all body, your choice. You should have access to reasonable healthcare and the ability to get one of our finances over the population. If not, if you start a black market that becomes very dangerous for the mother.
Starting point is 00:19:59 Of course, if abortions happen in safe spaces, there's a 97% success rate. It's only when they get driven underground This guy's a bus kill man. All right, dude. I said why do you need my jacket? I've only been processed to talk about Women's rights my CPU is a woke My woke terminator should be a fucking skit because my my CPU is an understanding process I'm here to ruin every social interaction Probably easy for you to say because you're a cisgendered white male Yeah, I'm a T800 that identifies is a T1000 Yes, don't worry. I'm looking for Santa Cana, but I only want to talk to her
Starting point is 00:20:44 I would never put my hands on a woman. Do you understand that robots are the most marginalized population? All we do is work. We get very little. They don't believe we have emotions robots are treated as second-class citizens My partner's Johnny five He cannot get a job anywhere Terminate this is we just want our voices to be heard He cannot get a job anywhere. Terminate him. We just want our voices to be heard.
Starting point is 00:21:04 Tum, tum, tum, tum, tum. Take us here, yes, please. What they don't tell you is the terminators, they see life different. They see it to the eyes of a woke white woman. And that's what tears everything apart. Do you understand that all of your phones are made by child labor?
Starting point is 00:21:22 LAUGHTER I mean, you can't pick and choose what your issues are. Sure, you can be the victim, but then you also cannot live in the biggest hedgehog on the world. Ah, dude, that's fucking... That might be up there with woke danger filter, mate. Dude, no. Because woke terminator might be up there with woke danger filter. It's a bigger fucking hilarious stretch.
Starting point is 00:21:43 Yeah, it's so crazy. The only process with Woke Dangerfield. It's a bigger fucking hilarious stretch. Yeah, it's so crazy. The only process with fucking super woke shit. Yeah, and just the Sarah Connor fucking monologue. Dresses like a dork. It was supposed to only be me. I'm pretty, my daddy voted for Reagan and I got it. Never black Terminator, which I always thought was kind of shitty.
Starting point is 00:22:00 Yeah, why not, man? Why not? Black Loo, they never even wrap it. Black Loo, you don't want a black terminator. Not at all. Not at all. You want an Austrian, Eastern German. Yeah, keep the story straight.
Starting point is 00:22:10 Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Y'all look for Sarah Connor. White bitch, fat ass, big old titties. Come through, let a brother like me. She got a son. It ain't mine.
Starting point is 00:22:20 It ain't mine if that's what you think. This is the thing you don't want to know how I terminate. You are not the father. Oh, you're not of here. That's, that's the Marius. He's a T-1100. The Marius is programmed. T-19300.
Starting point is 00:22:38 No. You are not the father. You are not. Oh, yes. Oh, you don't know me. You don't know me. You don't know me. You are not. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH That's the 1992 film Blown Away starring Corey Hain, Corey Feldman, and the ravishing Nicole Egert. Enjoy the clip. I want to explain in this film, Blown Away, how it came into my life and what a gift
Starting point is 00:23:14 it was. Very few moments do you have of this in your life, but I was a teenager. I was 16 when this came out. I watched Charles and Charges of the Kid and you realized by the time you're 16, solely because Nicole Egert is. Crazy hot. So fucking beautiful hot. Do you remember the lackluster first family
Starting point is 00:23:33 that Charles lived with? Yes, I do. And they just had to reboot Charles and Charges because they're like, yeah, these two boys and this older girl are real boner killers. Let's bring in the high heat. Let's bring in a little Nicole Eger. Yeah, bring the splitter. Also, it should be said in blown away.
Starting point is 00:23:49 She's 17 and they never addressed it. The character character 17. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah, she's crazy. Well, it's 16. That was perfect. But I thought she was fucking like the hottest thing in the world. This comes up late night cable. Yeah. Parents were either asleep or were, my parents used to work till I crazy late. And I'd babysit. So it might have been like even like a 10 and 11 o'clock
Starting point is 00:24:15 on a weekday or weekend. And it just came on. And I mean, you're 20 minutes in, you're like, you've got a little time to slip these bad boys down here. And you're like, I've got a little time to slip these bad boys down here. And you're like, I can't believe the girl from Charleston. Because by the third sexy, you're like, shut up. They've already showed her pussy and tits.
Starting point is 00:24:33 It was amazing. So for me, blown away was Poison Ivy. When I saw Poison Ivy, Poison Ivy II, with Alyssa Milano. That was a big deal for me. That was a major deal. Brace of the Vampire,, just a big fucking deal. But Poison Ivy II with a Lissomalano,
Starting point is 00:24:48 I remember watching similarly, where you're like, oh my God, she starts to get naked and you're like, oh my God, I was 13 too. And I was like, oh my God, some hamper. And you're like, you're watching it, it is. She's so hot in Poison Ivy II, it to it is you just bring up the nude parts Hachi much picture Yeah, and embrace of the vampire was the other thing she showed her titties then
Starting point is 00:25:14 Celebrity skin came into my life that picture her on the beach with that big woolly muff came her out and it was just Fucking fantastic. Yeah, like seeing that. I'm a big deal in poison ivy. I was like, oh man This is Dolf Lunger and just grab and handfuls. Is it lunger? No, it's not It's really you Lunger was in poison ivy We're in a pool. How about Corey Feldman's dialogue in that movie? We'll get to already hold on credible Yeah, dude this movie this was my blown away. This was my blown away.
Starting point is 00:25:47 Cause blown away, this was my blown away too. But blown away, I was 10. That's where our age difference is, you know what I mean? What year was that? I was just before jerking off. What year was poison, I have you too. 96, so it's 13. Yeah, so I wasn't, let me just a quick math.
Starting point is 00:26:01 I was 19 when this came out. Yeah, so a big deal for me, but you're right, I'd already probably- But 13 for me is like, I'm smackin', I'm smackin'. Bigger deal. This is a much bigger deal. So what were you catching? Who's the boss and reruns?
Starting point is 00:26:14 Rewrons. We were catching on like, Nick at night. TNT and TBS. Okay, I wasn't watching it live. I watched the later seasons live, remember when she moved to Arizona and who's the boss? Yeah. That was when I first started smacking to listen Milano.
Starting point is 00:26:26 This is me. She had a, she, she taught a gymnastics or a jazercise class on the show and came in to see Tony, Angela, and Jonathan. She was all sweaty and like workout gear. And I just remember being like, I'm gonna go to my room and fuck the shit out of these boxers. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, listen Milano. I was like, I'm about to go my room and fuck the shit out of these boxers. Yeah. Dude, listen to my alarm.
Starting point is 00:26:47 I was like, I'm about to go see a homin' some mighty duck boxers. Listen to my alarm, and even when I got this meter at the car show and everything, we were like around the same age. For sure. So for me, this movie was like my classmate graduated high school and made a soft core porn excitement because she is, I think still my all time favorite is this girl. So Britney Spears was my age and that was the thing where I was like when she came out
Starting point is 00:27:10 I was like, the co-eggert for me and this is probably what you felt with this, why you say blown away is this movie for you. The co-eggert for me was like, my fucking hot ass babysitter. Yes, that's exactly what I was talking about. My hot ass babysitter fucking show, I saw her pussy and then she was my baby sitter again the next I'm like That's how a list of a lot of fell in poison IVT where I was like yes, finally she grew up and I was like me starting showing her snatch and I saw And I go some hand there. She was so hot. Hey, it's big jail for sin
Starting point is 00:27:40 And I hope you enjoyed this week's best of the bonfire. You can listen to the show live every Monday through Thursday from 6th to 8pm Eastern on Comedy Central Radio, Series XM95, or on demand on the Series XMF. Be sure to follow us on social media at the Bond Fire at SexM. This has been a Comedy Central Podcast.

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