The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Were You Ever Really There? (feat. Joe List, Joe DeRosa, Krystyna Hutchinson & Justin Silver)

Episode Date: November 25, 2019

Joe List wanted to be taken by Kiefer Sutherland in 2012. DJ Lou is upset he’s not invited to see Tool. We find out Becky doesn’t like music all that much & Jay thinks he can not only beat up any female cop but now The Girl of Steel, Supergirl.

You're listening to Comedy Central! BOOM! Hey, I'm Big J.O. Persoon. And I'm Dan Soder, and you're listening to the Best of the Bond Fire. Stay tuned to hear some of our favorite moments from this week. You can listen to the Bond Fire live every Monday through Thursday from 6th 8PM on Comedy Central Radio, Series XM95, or on demand on the Series XMF. Also, be sure to follow us on all social media at the Bonfire, SXM.

Hey, it's Dan Soder and welcome to the Bonfire Best of the Week. Joe List was our guest on Monday and he confessed that one night in 2012, after an award show, a tuxedoed Kiefer Sutherland could have had him. Nay could have taken him in joy. The question we were asking was, so when you say a man as a good looking man, yes, you can acknowledge that, do you find, when you say that, generally speaking, it's almost I'm asking like how you find your type. Do you think, so if you were gay, is this a type of guy you'd be picking? Is it a type?

I suppose so, yeah. It's your type. I feel like when I say guys or hands, I think I have a type to some sort. I think I kind of have a type I suppose so yeah, it's your type. I feel like I when I say guys are handsome I think I have a type to some sort I think I kind of have a type to well here's here's the thing that I Think I've told the story before to you at least I was one time in LA at the riot festival yeah 2012 I remember that I was I was there with you It was the night of the night of the Emmys or something and key for Sutherland left the party and came downtown He was at the same bar where we were at and he had a tux with no jacket black suspenders bow ties to on he was smoking inside he was playing pool and he was like running the table and he had like tight black

and he kept like he talked he never took the cigarette out he's doing that and he kept calling a shot and I remember being like actually physically attracted to him I was like it's like, it's like hot. You wanted him to grab you by the small your back and pull you into him. Go upstairs and let me give you the 24. Yeah, I really, I really, I was gonna be young guns guy, but that's my six inch dick four times.

Or my 12 inch dick twice. It was, yeah. You have to come from here. Come get this young gun. Yeah. Run to shoot an old load. Oh, Keith or Sart started in lost boys could have definitely gotten a piece of this ass But it was more than it was everything I was a key for in lost boys. I was more Mike Hey, Jason Jason Alexander Jason Alexander Jason Patrick

Jason Alexander out stuck on those nips. He was cool looking too, but Kiefer was a dude man Jason was his name Patrick Patrick Yeah, Jason Patrick is my guy. Yeah, but Kiefer the way he moved was sexy. Yeah, he was smoking sexy. He was dressed sexy By the way, you will lose that do you think you spoke to cigarette and he went over there have a who the pulley goes That guy the glasses is I fucking mean it's freaking me out how long ago is it this is twenty twelve so i was drinking still i think if he came up to me and was like i would like for you to suck my dick you would have i would have went down in a blazer glory if you know what i mean i do know what you mean look at you look at you double entendre one of john bongeau's finest solo

if we're picking if we're picking young guns that we're gonna fuck I'm a Lou Diamond Phillips guy Well, of course he's exotic Dan likes an exotic bird I like a real exotic bird. I like a colorful bird Not me. I'm going estivés dude. I'm taking the kid No, I never never Small and hairless never like this hair. Yeah, really west of is a shitty hair I'm talking to young I'm talking about young LDP. Yeah, he was young boy shut up. This album's underrated. He's a great album. I love this album. He's a man. He's got two soundtrack. Yeah, I'm on Joey Solo. No, but young Jason Patrick any day. Keepers hot. Keepers my type. I wonder if there's an Emmy, a 2012 Emmy award photo of

Kiefer Sullylin. I want the top. I want Kiefer in a tux. 2012 Emmys Kiefer Sullylin. It might not have been the Emmys. It was something where he had a tux on. Well, that's vague. Yeah, it's like it could be the GQ Man of the Year award. Give me a Kiefer a tux. He might might be doing a tequila commercial right here Oh, that might have been it no way Hill ill head on fucking geezer after I just showed you hot ass David from the lost boys God, dude I'd rather give me 2002 jack damn This is not he's not he's got the jack-o-na you got a picture of no jack over

Gross who likes fucking New England Patriots randy mom versus Minnesota Viking for the Bob Newhart yeah all that fucking carpet back he looked like groupie the dog on the side I don't appreciate you guys keep a shame look at my guy look at look at look at lost yeah look at key for dude fucking business up top party in the back but look at Jason look at my sweet look at my

Sweet boy Jason double jacket Judd Nelson style double jacket is too much danger can we go to Jay look at that look at those abs on the left no he's whatever he looks like you I'll be honest with you Dan I'm y'all so get this guy's too cookie cutter now sometimes the perfect relationships you look a lot like the other person I want a bad boy I don't want to be I want keeper to hold my ankles up in the air and just Yeah, smash it, but you were old key for when it's gonna be it's gonna get tired quick You're gonna have a cigarette butt hanging out of his mouth. He's not gonna show you He's got a kid from a previous marriage before you could be himself. Yeah You got to hear all that shit, but not that look at that young untapped lost boys keeper

So that's a guy who comes in and fuck you with angst. Yeah, you're talking about he does coke off the small your back Is this ever happened with gay missionary sex which is which is odd? Aren't the balls in the way like couldn't you get your balls because my ball bag if I'm laying on my back with my legs in there My balls are draped over my assholes. I think classically I think classically you go doggy style so you're not to do that like fucking thing at That's how you keep pace. That's how you keep your Munchie. It's a Metro no. Yeah.

Yeah. It's a- Alright guys, fucking round the round in 4-4. BING! You know that's like gay men always come at the same time. They time it out. Alright, he nutts ex. Count it in. Hey it's Black Lou and on Tuesday, one of J's favorite bands, Tool, was playing and the bonfire host was going with a big group of friends.

Turns out DJ Lou was rather hurt that he wasn't invited. Tonight, by the way, while we have this gang bang of comedy in here, is a bunch of us are going to see a tool, a Barclay Center tonight. And everyone in this room is going except DJ Lou and I feel bad. in here is a bunch of us are going to see a tool Barclay Center tonight and everyone in this room is going except DJ Lou and I feel bad but in fairness DJ Lou is 0 and 2 on concerts with me at showing up getting obliterated and not being there when it's over when he leaves early. Well concerts yeah, part of them never actually get to that. Something he was never actually there.

I thought you just forgot to ask me or you just miscounted. You consciously made a decision not to invite me to this motherfucking show. Uh, no, I think you would have no interest in this at all. Would you? I mean, yeah, of course. Oh, well, you've been fantasy now. you have bailed on two concerts now back to back. I didn't bail. I was there. I just left early. Thank you so much. Were you really over there? If you have no idea what happened, besides tripping over Robin Quivers. What do

you say to me, I can see you judging me, remember? And then when you you left I go, Finoia hates me. Oh, you're out of those. Yeah, you're right. You're not wrong. I'm cool with it. No, if it was a band, I honestly wasn't a band. I would have of course invited you.

But I feel like you're not that into it. I feel like you would go, much like Cypress Hill, and go to go, not be into it, get annihilated, and then at some point, so you're going to smoke a cigarette,

and then we'll never see you again. That's my move. Yeah, but it was fun in the moment. Literally, you want my take in? I mean, I'm happy to stay home alone, doing drugs, watching YouTube videos at all. No! Show me the attitude about this.

Come on! Look, I need you to be out for a party, man. Justin gets hurt so glad you don't like fast Justin Justin I'm gonna be the most annoying person. I know that but you're there Listen, he got it says I'm excited to go I'm excited to spend time with all of you I'm excited for the fucking hang but you want me to get hype like this It's like me if I was like trying to get you hype about playing like magic the gathering or something It's just not my thing.

Justin here's you gotta do. I'm looking forward to it. I've been banned about this too. It's impossible. I'm banned about this too. You're fucking coke off your bone aren't you. You have to under sell or moderately sell because I agree. I'm not over hyping Joe on the thing because I've watched the videos I said on YouTube

and when we get whoever hasn't seen those just gonna be like awesome It's fucking insane I know that Joe's gonna leave there being like that was great. Yeah Joe. You don't get hyped on stuff do you yes? He does listen I will and mark my fucking words well document it. I will cry my fucking words, and I will document it. I will cry multiple times through the rise of Skywalker when that comes out. Like I have an entire 24 hours planned around seeing that movie.

And the trailer looks great. Like why? Why do you think you're gonna cry? I cry at every Star Wars movie. What about it? That's not true. It's 100% true. I got the first one.

100% I cry. I get so worked up from nostalgia and emotions, I cry. 100%. I can tell nostalgia and emotions I cry I could tell you the parts I cry I have a lot of weird shit, but the Star Wars ones never got you I know the part makes you cry the most out of any stars movie When I take off Darth Vader's mask now when Han is gonna get frozen the carbonite and chewy starts throwing all Listen when when chewy starts throwing all the stormers in and attacking, and Haad goes, Chouy, stop it. There'll be another time.

The princess, you have to take care of her now. And then when he's lower again, she goes, I love you and he goes, I know. Still in a high after seeing Tool the night before, Jane Gesthoes showed to Rosa found out Becky Rodriguez's real feelings about music. Becky is somebody who told me before, she does not like music. That's a quote. It's a, it's an odd thing to say. I really don't like music.

But you know what else says that? Nate Bargazzi. I don't know. You did say that. I said I don't like listening to music a lot. Like it takes a lot of concentration away. What's his name? It says that too.

Cost, Michael Cost, Cost is straight up has said, I don't like music. I think it's distracting. Like he doesn't like putting it on. Is there something missing? There's something missing to you. That's how you feel.

Becky, what kind of music do you like when you do listen to music? Do you have a favorite band or anything? Yeah, totally. Like lots of solo singers mostly. Yeah. Who's your favorite? Amy Winehouse or Nina Simone, Ruth Franklin. I'm kind of stuck on stuff like that.

I thought it was going to be the kind of nonsense girl stuff the Christine listens to Like what I need to franco shit Torey gay mo Magina specter. Yeah, whoever Gina specter is I need to fucking yank off. Yeah Some fucking pun punch named what's the guy you like? and Poon Punch named, what's the guy you like? Ray Lamontong. Poon Punch. You like the Indigo girls? You know that Lilith Fairfarsity fucking horse shit?

Yeah, she doesn't actually like that. I like a lot of, you know, what could be considered lesbian rock, but not a lot of the actual, like I'm not super into Sarah McLaughlin. You know what I was really into that shit. Gina, I was gonna, which is why it was so funny when he was getting attacked on his show and people were saying it was a sexist. I was like, this guy literally for years carried a notebook to write jokes in that had

the words Sarah McLaughlin, the embroidered on the fan. That was Lilith Fair, merch. Yeah, that's great. His joke book was Lilith Fair merch, unironically. No, he loved, he loved, he would go to the Lilith Fair merch. Yeah, that's great. His joke, but was Lilith Fair merch unironically. No, he loved, he loved, he would go to the Lilith Fair every year. Every year. She knows he's into like sad girl rock. That's hilarious.

That's how he beats himself to make pens for all the things he's done. I told you, me and Christine went with Who the are you Chrissy and Soda then we want to see Florence in the machine with the Barclay Center and I never I've heard of a million times I don't know once on she could sing she really free. I found love with her Hey, hey, hey, it's definitely like it would have been more fun with just girls. Hey like I was a king But it's definitely like it would have been more fun with just girls. Hey like I was you get sing She did say the words toxic masculinity at the concert really what a sense of surprise Be rod doesn't like music unless it's a girl yelling about being sexually assaulted Now she had the strength to survive it

Your hands Get your hands out of my P.T. Yeah, your hands out of my panty You see the you're supposed to be my mom's brother My mother's brother It's not that's like blink 180 to singing about my whole station Brother Christine loves blink 180 that's her guilty play, but she's not even guilty about it as dumb idiot. She's just been all excited. And that's when I met her at a mall.

They can suck my chode. Skateboard through a skate park. I saw a girl walking a dog. She had a skirt. I brought my shoes. What is wrong with me? We're asking her out. I'm my shoes. What is wrong with me? We're asking her out. I doubt you can do it.

I'm so lame. She's so hot. It's perfect, young girl music. It's except they were 40. Talking about Christine's beloved Blinkway82, reminded them of the time Dan thought it would kill if he sang one of their songs at the Goddamn Comedy Jam. He walked over the stage and he goes,

I'll never be talked into doing comedy jam ever again I hate it so it was only doing it. He was banking everything on how funny is it gonna be when I come in with the high part That was the entire decision was based on that and nobody The crowd didn't get it about any of us. No, he cared about any of us for we're putting our all into it I did in the middle in the middle of my in the middle of my two song medley I go We ended the one song the just don't get Big go bam bam bam. I go to Josh. I go. We just even not do the second I was looking at Josh's looking we were doing the song stage

I don't know do just like singing I guess I'm like this crowd fucking hates it I'm so on stage, he's like, I don't know, dude's like singing, I guess. I'm like, this crowd fucking hates it. Oh, man, that was a rough ride that one. When Soda did it, who did the whiny part? He did. He did. Josh Adamayers did the other part.

Oh, no, Jeremiah. Oh, Jeremiah. Soda thought, A, the crowd was gonna be familiar with this tune, and B, they were gonna go nuts when he came in with the whiny part. Neither were true. Literally, if Joe Gatto walked out and gave a thumbs up, they would have thrown fucking bras at the stage.

They were so excited to see the jokers. They were not interested in anything else going on. Yeah, no, yeah, it was a jokers. It was a jokers centric comedy jam. Hey, it's Dan again. Jay up the ante on the last tapes this week. Not only is he convinced that he could win any fight against a female cop, but he's also sure that he could beat up a certain superhero without any kryptonite.

Jay, did you start watching live PD? The reason I asked, because going on what you said about female cops, there's a lot that they always have the same female cops on. Don't you have more respect for them? No, I will tell you not at all. Good question though. I know I'm kidding. I actually I've seen it. I've watched live PD Christine was watching with me yesterday a little bit. I don't recall any of the girl of female cop things getting involved in Meaning to aggressive however in Nashville last weekend. Yeah. After a show, female cop came up to me. And said, she could arrest you?

No, no, no. She was like, I get it. She's like, I get the jokes. And essentially told me that, I mean, I wouldn't give her name, but essentially told me like, if it's just her on a call, which happens, and it's a 300-pound guy charging at her, like, he's getting shot to death. And that's the point I'm making about the whole thing i'm just like what it's a lot more violence is gonna happen with cops

if the girl feels they she doesn't have a shot at stopping the guy and even if a night stick won't even face them then you got a fucking put a bullet at him yeah i know especially if it fucking breaks her fucking sardine bones yeah yeah for fucking bird bones get snapped by a fucking man running at her she goes no I'm more likely to get osteoporosis a woman's made of flesh and anchovy bones cool this lady's made of toothpicks and she's like a marshmallow person you know I'm the I watch all the CW see you know I like the ladies you know me I'm down about squish I watch all the CWC super hero, you know, I like the ladies near me. I'm Darrow about squish. I watch all the CW

super hero shows. I have to watch them. Yeah, I have to but on arrow, you know, they sometimes jump to the future and arrow's daughter is now like arrow. Oh, and she weighs maybe a hundred pounds and you have her I mean there's fights where she's beating the shit out of multiple 300 pound guys I couldn't spend this belief Yeah, I'm sorry Sorry CW because if one of those guys got his meaty hand around the back of her neck It's like fucking when a mama when a mama cat grabs a kitten. I'll tell you what if I was robbing a bank I heard supergirl was coming. I probably continue robbing

You go like that you go back to the stack of money Jay you go like this they go guys guys supergirls coming to go like super who I got supergirl because you mean superman now there's a is a girl super girl but she's a girl right yeah they go all right it's still a chick right like no bulge in those shorts yeah like it's not man it's not superman to woman yeah it's not man. It's not super man to woman It's not man to super girl, right? I like that being smooth that oh to check us she hot. I work on her. Okay, you know girl You don't want to do this keep stacking cash I would do that fault with my heat visions like come on girl. Stop acting like baby baby Why don't we take this cash? No, we take this bag of money and go to the Bahamas come on boo

What are you talking about come on? You got them tights. Why don't I get you out of them tight? Yeah, let me let me grip on your front? That's a quality fly me somewhere nice. What if that's her main nemesis? He's just a smooth smooth dude That's the guy super girl always goes the stop is crimes ends up fucking yeah, Jar-Mell walkins toxic man He's just toxic for but she likes him guys. I got to go stop it. Oh, no. It's my nemesis Toxic man god. He knows he has the best hats He always knows when there's new food in town. He goes come here. Where you been? Why don't you? You know, see me why don't you text me? I've been busy, baby

I've been busy Also problem with super girl. She wears the same color pattern as Superman I'll tell you what she does get excited with supergirl she wears the same color pattern as Superman and I'll tell you what she does get excited with supergush that's gonna leave a black mark on the in between her legs. So fun if she picked you up if she picked up Jimmy Garoppolo from like a fire and flew him somewhere and got he's like why is the back my lower back on it? Oh Jacob speaking of I will tell you a live PD thing. Yeah by the way supergirl now does not wear the mini skirt anymore. They changed it to a pantsuit. Oh, cool.

The Hillary out-soup- Why? Did she age out of being a fucking field hockey all-star? Yeah. Why is she wearing a skirt? What's she wearing now? Now, she wears a full pantsuit. Like, she wears a pants-

Oh, there it is. I got to her new outfit. I don't like it as much. It's not bad. It's going to sog up in the middle there. It's also kind of lose fitting you love this girl jacob she married monel she's married now she married the guy

who played monel which is her love interest from cryptans uh... warring planet okay i could just tell by looking at screen caps to show that it blows so much yes he w fucking misses no jacob says he's a good he loves them once you're in your end though to the show that it blows so much. Yes, CW fucking misses. No, Jacob says these are good. He loves them. Once you're in your end though. I just watched them.

They're very heavy-handed. There's two scenes. There's an action scene, and there's the hero pep talk. What's the mainly hero pep talk? Oh, and I also... What's the Superman grabbing her thing? I also... Superman, record shit.

I don't know what that is, but I believe in the big crossover is there about to do the Superman from the movie everyone hated yeah, Brandon Ralph is coming back. What from Superman returns He's gonna be Superman one of these in legends of tomorrow, which is a CW show, but he's playing His suit the Superman that he played but on a different alternate earth There's many parallel earths. That's a lot to follow god damn it DC you really couldn't do parallel earth So they all jump from earth do you think any of those parallel earths? There's headphones that work at that serious XM And our parallel thing yeah, do you think a serious Bizarro XM possibly has working equipment would that be crazy? Are you mean XM serious wouldn't that be crazy? Hope you enjoyed this week's best of the bonfire

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