The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Whatever You'd Like
Episode Date: February 22, 2022Jay takes a break from ridiculing Eddie Vedder when he discovers that rapper T.I. started doing stand-up comedy!Stream "The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder" for 3 months free on the SiruisXM... app! Offer Details Apply: www.SiriusXM.com/BonfireFollow us on all social media @TheBonfireXM @DanSoder www.DanSoder.com@BigJayOakerson www.BigJayOakerson.com
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Hey, I'm Big J. Okreson.
And I'm Dan Soder and welcome to the Bond Fire Podcast.
Yeah, it's a podcast and it's also a radio show.
You can hear our full show every day on Series XM.
Go to series6m.com slash Bond Fire for a special offer.
And now, the Bond Fire with Big J. Okreson and Dan Soder.
Correct this in my car the other day.
Kid Rock Live.
Yeah.
Great live.
Never seen him live.
It's good.
Yeah, I've heard.
That's all I've heard.
Is that his live show is incredible.
I might be seeing him in a while, but I assume it's still pretty good.
It's just got more of a hillbilly vibe to it now.
Yeah.
More like the country.
Now his country rock vibe, I think, more than the rap.
But he still does.
Well, I was just sturgish and saw him, dude.
He still got, started smoking us to go and started going behind the
Turn tables and doing his thing. I was still like shit. Yeah, he just does it all
He's whatever he wants he goes now guys now Willie Nelson cover all right guys now hardcore rap
Yeah, and then back to lia love it now and then now I'm gonna toss in 12. Let's go Brandon's yeah, and then it's on the ball with the ball
Yeah, new song is the
the like school Brandon is I wonder is he bizarro Eddie better? Maybe is he is he
like the opposite yeah, I'd say the easy off like both their political talks are
both the same an amount of length in between songs where it's just enough
we go all right I'll tell you this dude alright Christine. No, we got it
Christine get the poll ready get the poll ready better hang all day long kid rock over a fucking Eddie better
Oh, man, you really come in you really coming for Pearl Jey long
I don't know I want a little bit almost goes far as jesus he has a vendetta against Pearl Jam. No, I doubt Lou would disagree with that though
Yeah, all right. I'll agree with that.
Yes.
I just thought we were over all this.
Christine saved the poll.
Save the poll, Christine.
Doesn't mean it.
Hold it.
Lou faced it.
Oh, a poll.
Lou faced reality.
I just stuck down a poll at my ass.
I'm good.
You want to hang so much?
Man.
With Kid Rock?
I hope in.
Lou and Kid Rock might become best friends of the time.
I hope in April when you go to Nashville,
kid rock is such a dangerous and terrible hang,
and Eddie vetter saves you.
And he pulls them back and he goes,
sorry man, I had to get you out of there.
Yeah, like a car pulls out in front of kid rock's car.
Yeah, and it's cool.
No, where I'm very scared.
And he gets out and he goes, come on,
and he pulls me out of the back,
see if you don't want to be no part of that.
Oh, I thought he was going to open the door
as you're running out of the garage. He's going to open the door of the back city goes you don't want to be no part of that oh I thought he was gonna open the door as you're running out of the garage he's
gonna open the door the cargo get in if you want to live
we're driving away as well as we're getting he goes oh this is a really boring
hang you know you save my life he goes hey buddy oh you're you're you're
still a loud girl I just had to go back to Eddie Vetter's hotel.
I was playing the ukulele for a while.
Oh my god, and keep telling him it was fine, I guess.
But...
How's that one?
Fine, I guess, dude.
I don't know.
I don't know how to rate ukulele, you're all.
Are you just playing tiny bubbles over and over again?
It's pretty much you and Tiny Tim, dude, and you're better.
I don't know.
I think Don, if you'll better. Personally, I think Don Ho-Stret. But. I don't know. I think don't feel better personally
I think Don Ho shred
But I don't know don ho lays it down. I got to get up on the neck. Look I pick
You ever hear that guy play a eruption on a ukulele
Do my mom sucked off Don Ho and 81
This is the fun celebrity to throw. Yeah, I tell you my mom try to Don Ho and 81. That's just a fun. It's just a fun celebrity to throw.
Oh, yeah, I tell you, my mom tried to fuck Chico from Shana.
No, that's great.
Another great was Bowser.
Everybody knows Bowser.
Yeah, Kid Rock.
She's a wild dangerous.
I hope we become best friends.
I think Lou and Kid Rock can become best friends easy.
Lou can hang.
I feel like Kid Rock has too many loos from his past. Now he
never have enough loos dude. Right. You need people to sit in the bar behind him when he does
rap rock. Yeah but then there's a lot of friends that Kid Rock's like hey man did my friend
Mitch get out of control. All right here's a hundred dollars. You tell me any extra in that new Kid Rock
video couldn't be low. Oh absolutely. A hundred percent of them could be. Yeah. Take one of them out and put Lou in. It's perfect.
Lou hates Biden. Love Trump.
What? You'll smoke in cigars. And remember you held it on the vaccine because you were
like it's poison. It's just fucking just Democrat liberal.
Yeah, you wouldn't we had to shut you up before we got on the air.
Remember that? I guess you'll remember that. You almost drove Jacob from the show.
Yeah, remember Jacob's like,
I'm sorry, I'm a liberal, I can't change.
I can't, I gotta,
Jacob, you come around here.
I'm a pop your balloon.
Snowflake.
Yeah, don't wipe down my board, snowflake.
I'm fine.
I'm afraid of the flu.
Remember when you spit at the lady
that worked at the front desk?
She asked where your mask was?
Yes.
Yes.
Lou, what is your dream hang with Eddie Vetter?
What would you want? Where would you go?
I'm guessing up with him. I'm gonna guess Hawaii.
Yeah, I think I did say Hawaii at one time when you guys meet.
But you have your own ukulele flayer?
It's like bringing sand to the beach, dude.
Yes, they all play it. Everyone there plays it.
I was listening to Eddie Vetter get interviewed by Bruce Springsteen on the Pearl Jam channel.
Can I do my pressure on Eddie?
Her, her, her, her, her.
Here, she, here, here, here.
Her, her, her, her, her, her.
Oh man, I don't think I'm the son of the...
Come on, I'm gonna win that one.
I'm gonna win the free.
New Jersey!
New Jersey!
I'm sorry, sis.
Oh, oh, oh, oh. That's how Springsteen says now. New Jersey! What do you think I'm supposed be a new Jersey. I'm sorry, sis. I'm sorry.
That sounds springsteen says, ow.
New Jersey.
There you go.
What do you think of it as an abortion?
How does it all have to be a fight?
Oh, hey, honey, I think there's a,
there's a real peace outside having sex.
Well, Eddie, I guess you get your
self-whose t-shirt under a long sleeve shirt.
Maybe some dirty hair.
Were they drinking wine?
Were they getting pants that color don't make no sense
to what I'm wearing up top?
How do you, where do you buy your jeans?
Where do you buy your jeans?
I don't wear jeans, man, we're pants.
Where do you vote about your jeans though?
I see your jeans.
They're like, cacky brown gray, I got a guy. I got a
king. Oh, oh,
dream. Give you different dreams,
whatever you want. What was the
interview about? And he's got a new
album. That's why you went and saw him at the beacon. That's all a new album. Oh, yeah, that's why you went and saw him.
Yes.
That the beacon.
That's all it was about.
Yeah, you know, music, where this song came from,
how'd you write it?
The kiss.
Exactly how you wrote it.
You guys would have hated it.
Did they kiss?
Exactly how you wrote it?
Yeah.
Oh, it's the first word.
This is a pin.
And it's, uh.
First of all, the first sentence was going to be, uh,
it was going to be, I love you more than anything and then I started to think what was anything
Not everything. Oh, but the word everything
So I was sitting down and put down and then I went out did some online flannel shirt sharpen
Then I came back and I looked outside. I was reading it's always raining sometimes when I run a song
I like to start with the noise
Then I get ready to say what I feel
Yeah, I'm so good. I always look like a trunk uncle
Kind of like a pain in the middle of my torso it squeezes
Yeah, it's freestyling just I get it man. I just drive by factory and jack off
Park a lot and play with my dick. I think the sick about all those people that put kids through college working hard
Something local something rural will fill it in later if you play that in
a rattle horse you can't do your stuff your daddy was mean but fair you can't play that
interview within a mile of a bloodhound to they're good nuts. You just play that though. Something's got, something's got cast for going nuts.
Springsteen talking to veteran.
I like the fucking ingredients of their songs.
You take your something, little,
basic woman's name.
So a lot of people isn't improv,
they can relate.
Indiscretion of Rust.
Everyone's virgins when the song star rammed sports team.
That girl you remember in probably wasn't even all that high.
You're on D. You're lashing her.
You're on D. You're lashing her.
Was this on serious?
Her name was Chubby Kathy!
Ha ha ha!
You're the guy who fucked Chubby Kathy!
Remember when you were little, you would throw crab maples in here.
Ha ha ha!
Do you think they'd do it here?
And person or was it Azum?
They met at Bruce's house in Good Old New Jersey.
What?
Fly on the wall, right, Wittsky?
That's the movie.
Can we write a remember Bruce Springsteen kind of song
with all the fake, last week, the fake rumors.
It was started school.
At least it goes home.
Has her dog lick her ass.
Fat James got caught, whacking off,
and has no one really knows his person to call him.
I would almost rather do a full album
of Springsteen songs just with the ingredients.
Just each song.
Just redo all of the songs.
We'll go full glazer.
Cut a full album.
Cut a full album.
She has to redact that now that we know
he was beaten to death by a baseball bat or a
bad or something.
Family Sue and I think to not let it be released like the cause of death.
Yeah.
It's already released though.
It's like knives out, dude.
Isn't it already released?
I don't know.
But cops also still say they suspect no foul play.
Did they say maybe he laid down and hit the bed frame and that's what did it.
It goes, what? What if he he did what if he was like splash mountain
Jumped in is like tongue and he's like
He clunked but he was laying in bed like he was going to bed so he clunked his head and then was like
I'm gonna sleep that off
You do the rub
Oh, you know, I should probably sleep that off. Well, he was busy. Do after head injury. I think take a nap
Yeah, I think they make all those NFL players take
till tiny naps in those tents. What am I most likely to go to a coma? Okay, I'll try that.
Files an injunction to prevent more details about his cause of death. What?
So fragile. I really thought I did not know that was a draw. I really thought that was Christian. What? What is it? It's an above ground trampoline.
It's an in-ground trampoline.
You're like, ah, damn it.
Damn, I fucked it up.
Every time we gotta over say it's in-ground trampoline.
Christian, the trampoline is level with the ground.
There's a whole dug, and that's where the spring goes.
But won't it not go down in trampoline?
If it's concrete under it?
No, they removed the it's okay.
Christine thinks in a bug ground, an end ground pulls you the puddle.
So the ground is so good.
You go on.
She's like, okay, I'll dive into it.
If you swear to God, that's pool.
Can I just get Lou to finish like, Lou, what is your dream date with Eddie
Vetter?
I don't think I have one because as I was listening to the interview
I'm talking about you taking the your favorite Italian plays and fucking T-neck
You brought an Eddie I remember when you took me out to the
Rizzo's pizza and boss
He's like you look kind of shitty.
The bad plastic, the table laws, but the Scalamari was okay.
Yeah, but Springsteam would be fine in a P3 engine.
The Eddie Vetter coming from his surfer life.
Oh, yeah, he's going to hate it.
Not picture Hawaii in a, in like a little bar.
And then you too, like maybe do karaoke.
Hey, you want to go eat fish with me later?
Hey, why don't you do daughter with me at karaoke?
How's that sound champ? We'll have some fish. Yeah more fish
Fish and wine listen fish is gonna be easy milk. That's gonna be a little difficult lose like we got import
That lose like I can't take all this wine and fish
It's all we eat all right. Well, you can watch me noodle around you can lay this for a little bit. Yeah
Can I put on pants mr
Is this real just thing on the phone?
Trib don't take call but we'll say Trevor says Jamie Kennedy has a Bob Saagot tribute like a song
No
Like funny though.
To be funny.
To be funny.
Oh, okay.
Like making fun of me.
Is he a bad guy, you saying?
Actually.
Man, if you fucking put out a hit him up
after your enemy dies.
Saga.
Saga, your enemy also?
You just put one out where you're like, nah.
What if it's a fucking, what if the hate thing comes out
from the Stamos camp?
It's a breathy rock the hate thing comes out from Stamos can with the breathy rockers.
He was a nice guy. He called me gay. Just told me me in the hair and makeup.
Just wish you would not call me gay because I'm a tiny vest.
I got so hot. It's still so hot. He's looked like best to go on Tilly bears
My white T-shirt looks like a good horse colored
It's only stretched out. Yeah, like V-necks because I have a bird
Stamos rocker shit his friends at the honest nail say it again
Staying was say it out loud and see if you believe it. I know
He's friends with the honest nail say it again. Stayed out loud and see if you believe it. I know
This one is the I fired up you get I didn't like it at all. You see I look off right there I'm like right there. What are we doing? Challenging each other?
I was not at all. I just wanted to see where you go. I didn't know his song
He's a white man. Is he just and I gotta be honest with you heard it squirrely though
I had a weird set and he did not fall on me afterwards
And that is don't get me goose that way like this guy made my worst set of the stand in years and he was there
at John Stamos' there. I want you watch and he ate so much so that I swear to
I was like this crowd's kind of limp dick I go let me do one of my bits my
tried and trues I think you walked out in the middle of this long bit.
It's funny that it is. And then in the back he was like really funny stuff man
you know you don't even mean that fucking uncle Jesse you cocks
I just wrote a thank you good. I just thought I threw out a funny name to think of someone for you to fight and then know that there's
This personal history
And it you're like I'll find a part of the opposite. I'm sorry, y'all as I love you
But I'll fuck your first sight on site. I see stamos again. You book just know it's on what if Jason
What if Ellis calls you and he's like hey, I need you to find
Send him over the ropes
I'll send him over the ropes
You just stay most showed up at like fucking fashionable boxing gear
You know that in slaps dude boxes my ears, you know those you know those punches were almost looks like it's coming from the side
Yeah, so fast. Yeah, yeah. Oh damn
So if I'm fighting John Stamos in the chance that maybe I lose I
Been great fortunate to know some of the greats over the is Rick or Shanling and now Yannis. He is brilliant as he has funny
Check out his patreon. Yeah, I'm gonna fight him. Oh
is brilliant as he has funny. Check out his Patreon. Yeah, I'm gonna fight him. Oh, the bill dolls co-signed it. So it's gotta be real.
I'm Stamos is the greatest of all time. What do you see this?
Am I reading that right? The top one. Oh, Yannis. Oh, thank you. This means so much coming from a
multi-talented at least. Do we get Yannis on? Someone is insanely multitowed as the goat the goat
Yannis I'd like to know as your buddy. Yeah, who out what is John Stamos the goat at?
I know you want to be friends with him. We got the girls like of Greeks
Grease we all the guys know the goat is my friend John popper coming on
John poppers the goat because he's my friend
Yeah, that's so crazy
My my goat is the head coach of the Miami Dolphins might make the goat dude
Fuck yeah, I guys the go to that when at that thing he's the go
He's the go whatever the person that's closest to you. That's the go that's the goat
I was gonna text him having call in we have to have Yana's on the way.
I'm not in while.
Now we have it.
And now we should have him.
We should do John's table.
Most court.
I yeah.
I want to compete.
In fact, I want to compete with him that I, I'm with me and you have a chance to be
better than John Stamos at whatever.
I don't know what should we do the John Stamos Olympics?
Yeah. Yes, dude the John Stamos Olympics. Yeah, yes, dude the
stamos
a little bit yeah, yeah, it's a go for stamos. It's Greek tradition. Well,
what are you singing?
I'm not
I'm not singing for sure. Vest wearing best thing vest who's rocking a vest best dancing with
a toddler. You got to bring in Hendrix. We both we got to roll the sleeves of our t-shirts
up under the vests.
Yeah.
Dude, I dressed like that one day and went to,
when I moved to a new neighborhood, didn't know anybody
and I dressed like that and went to a pool hall.
Oh, why?
How old are you?
I look like an asshole.
In my mind, I look like fucking chubby Joey Warren.
How old are you? Ha, ha, ha, you, this is when you moved to South Jersey.
Yeah.
I don't know anybody.
So there's a pool hall that was like all ages.
I love sharks.
I love hanging out with full sharks.
No, we're the high school kids hung for somewhere around.
I don't know why it was such a young place.
But it was.
It does sound super greaser for you to be like, got to go down to the pool.
And some respect from these.
Just shot around wearing a vest,
and I fucking, I'm sure a two-clingy t-shirt.
Rolled up?
Rolled up sleeves, dude.
And you weren't smoking yet, did I wear it?
No, it wasn't smoking yet.
Damn, the would've been way better if I was smoking.
I should've just dressed however I wanted and smoked.
Yeah, in hindsight.
Yeah, could've saved me a lot of stupid vests.
I'll tell you what, you know what people got past?
The wrestling shirts, when you're ripping camera lights. I think that was also 13. Damn, did I wish I had a day of stupid vests. I tell you what, you know what people got past? The wrestling shirts, where you're ripping camera lights.
I think that- I was also 13.
Damn, did I wish I had a day of video on this,
I definitely wore that vest one day to school.
I think it just was so, it was dipping your toe
in the water, but I was also new enough
that nobody was like, what is this wacky ordeal change?
Dude, and then just kinda went back to-
Is that-
The way-
Oakerson, you're like, how you doing?
You don't know where the best?
Could say what it was?
Well, exactly what it was.
I went from a predominantly black school,
mostly at that point, where I dressed Wigger,
but I was comfortable in Wigger.
Sure.
Then I went to this predominantly white school
where I was like, oh shit, now I get to bring out my inner,
now I get to try out the 90210 looks that have eluded me my whole life
because that's not what I was able to pull off.
Sure.
And I was like, new place, new me, bought a couple of vests,
saw the looks I was getting in the hallway
or the no looks, whatever it was,
it wasn't popping right back to Wigger.
Okay.
Right back.
Like how long, how many days, like three?
I don't know, but I'll tell you what,
more than I remember wearing that vest,
I remember wearing Oakley goggles over my hat.
What, give it to me, baby remember wearing Oakley goggles over my hat. What?
Give it to me, baby.
What?
Oh my God.
Dude, that's crazy.
That is a statement.
Was there a whiplash at the new school when you showed up back in your comfortable
Fubu form?
Pretty sure no one's okay for.
There it is.
Pretty sure nobody at all at that school except for like my except for little J. Yeah, and maybe
Shout out a little to maybe two other people at all know me remember I was there went to that school or any like
Oh, I went to school with that guy. I made no stamp. Yeah, and you're just there your senior year
I also feel like I did not leave because I didn't graduate from the other school that was kindergarten the 12th grade
Yeah, simply go there't graduate from there.
I think I'm sort of forgotten there to maybe 10 people there maybe.
You're stuck in between.
Yeah.
So 10 people, that might say that.
And of those 10, I think you're underestimating that.
I think of those 10, eight of them are probably unaware of what I do.
I think you're underestimating that because I think, you know, you're very charming and
very funny and I think people remember that so they'll be like remember Jason
I heard Stern talking about this earlier like they're just like kind of know like don't I just see these people to be like
You guys should have been my best friend you pieces of shit. That's all I want to say to them. Yeah
Yeah, you want to see why wasn't I one of the coolest kids in school then you jerk offs? Yeah, but then you see him and then you're like oh
When you realize that you didn't want to be friends with them in the first place
You see someone like that jump by yeah, I don't know
I don't know what like what the remembrance of me in high school is at all. I really don't big dick love the fuck
Yeah, if I can go back and plan a room or that would have been the one
I was get my mouth shut. Yeah, I just like you know, it's gonna fucking monster dick. I'm gonna send back a time machine
Yeah, make no difference except for the knowledge
of my big huge fat dick.
Legion of Skanks presents the prequel, young Jay.
And then you go, they're gonna go,
okay, well what's gonna happen
when they actually see your dick, I'm gonna go,
they're not gonna know yet that's a big huge fat dick
world in high school.
They're not out in the world.
This isn't the era of porn on every computer
that doesn't exist.
So I will go, this is trust me ladies,
this, more than this, you're not gonna be able to handle.
Yeah, and then they'll get older.
You're also sick, you're also sick in the brain,
you fuck them up.
Anything bigger than this, you're sick in the head.
Actually, your body's wrong if this doesn't hurt a little.
If you accept more than this, you'll die young.
You'll die very young.
You've breaking girls' psychological eyes.
Well, it's not hurting you at all, huh?
Okay, because, all right.
Put your house in order.
Have you ever been by a graveyard recently?
Cause I've been possessed by the devil.
Cause it's crazy that you would even want
any more than this amount of penis.
You're gonna be next week,
cause you might be soulless.
Yeah, it's crazy.
Are your parents fish people?
Like, they just have like, you can move your organs around
and you're all soft inside.
Are you guys a Miba?
Um, we have a guest coming on to John Popper and he's a, I don't know if he knows, he's
a goat.
Pretty much anything he puts his mind to, he's a goat at.
Yeah, harmonica, harmonica, vest inventing, harmonica on your hat. Pouches on vests.
Pouches on vests, bringing blues rock to the mainstream.
How about that?
Doing a song for the movie.
I know Black Lil' you're gonna see that, say the Black man
brought blues rock to the mainstream,
but John Popper did it too.
Did any of those guys have harmonicas on their hats?
Yeah.
Okay, he's a fashion icon.
Four was one of my favorite albums
when I was 12 years old.
He's a goat visiting my dad in Lakeport. He's a goat. John Popper, he's a fashion icon for was one of my favorite albums when I was 12 years old He's a goat visiting my dad in Lakeport
John popper he's a goat I'll tell you this I'll tell you something right now DJ Lou
Definitely when I hang out with popper over Eddie Vetter taking my word on that dude and maybe Kid Rock
Dig my word on that dude popper and Kid Rock one. I'm gonna try to get popper to come to the Kid Rock show
We're gonna go to jail that night dude. Yeah, I'm gonna have to get you out with a big gun
that Popper gave me.
Dude, Kid Rock.
I want you to be dead.
Please come to this Kid Rock Show.
No, because we're gonna ask about doing shows
out of Nashville.
Primarily, for the reason is you have to witness,
bear witness to my introduction to
and trying to be friends with Kid Rock all night.
Yeah. I'll be talking about that. I'll just talk about all night. Yeah, I'll talk to you, man.
I'll talk to you for that.
I'll just talk to you, man.
Please do because I'm going to give, I can't help myself.
I'm going to give factoids that are dwee-be fucking things to say to another man about
himself and I will be believing that's what's making me and him hit it off so hard.
Can I coach you in your corner as your friend from my K2?
Yeah, just go, it goes, dude he doesn't care about that. That's what's making me and him hit it off so hard. Can I coach you in your corner as your friend from my K2 inside basically?
Yeah, it just goes, dude, he doesn't care about that.
I go, oh, I'm sorry.
You always maybe want to wear just a tank top.
No, no, no, no, no, don't bring up Pam.
Don't bring up Pam.
No, Pam, no.
Don't bring up Pam.
I'll be right back, Mr. Rock.
Yeah, I got, first and first, I got on Mr. Rock.
I just put it, I put it in the glass.
I'm fast-learned on your eyes.
I go, what are you doing out there?
You blowing the whole thing up. I just, all my references I'm putting it in the bathroom. Fastly in on your eyes. Like, what are you doing out there?
You're blowing the whole thing up.
I just, all my references are running together.
I want to talk to you.
I want to talk to you.
I want to talk to you.
I want to talk to you.
Hey, remember, breathe.
But there was a time I was on stage.
I met him backstage.
He was with Rundi MC and Rapp.
Take it.
Take it to Woodstock.
Woodstock 99.
Remember, Woodstock 99.
Woodstock 99.
You know the performance.
It's breathe.
All right, let's get back. Okay. Okay. Hey, what's up, man? So thanks for having the performance, breathe. Alright, let's get back.
Okay.
Okay.
Hey, what's up, man?
So thanks for having me on the show, dude.
It was pretty cool, dude.
Josie, what a great idea.
First of all, I've been on time.
I've been on time.
Hey, you took that card.
And his last year's was life, for me.
Bobby, Bobby, dance soda.
Sometimes billions.
What's up, Bubba's baby.
What's going on?
I want to talk to you.
I was watching the documentary icon
about that billionaire.
What's his name?
I'm probably even saying his name wrong.
That's why you don't watch documentaries high.
He's got a billionaire and they just go through
his life of him, oh, he just comes in and fucks up.
Like CEOs and boards.
He was like one of the first guys to invest in companies
and get put on the board and then get the CEO out and he's made like a ton of money and I'm like I have the most car icon. That's what it is.
Okay.
A-I-C-A-H-N. It's on HBO Max. It's just about his life but this guy has so much money that there it's just funny to watch people that much money
just eat a bowl of fruit and he's like you're not good at tennis.
You're not that good and you're like this guy's got 16.6 billion dollars right now and he's like, you're not good at tennis. And he's like, you are not that good. And you're like, this guy's got $16.6 billion right now.
And he's just like, I destroyed Texaco.
And he talks about it and you're like,
dude, this personality is completely opposite of mine.
And I remember when I was young
and I'd watch documentaries like that,
I'd be like, yeah, fucking get it.
And I'm like, dude, this guy just shreds through people.
I just realized that a big of a pussy I am now
that I'm older.
I'm like, I wouldn't have never met.
When you're young, I think you think you can do that.
We're like, I'd go into the board room.
He was like, one of the guys that Gordon Gecko's based on.
No shit.
Yeah.
And he's like, verbatim, one of the speeches in Wall Street,
Oliver Stone was like, yeah, I was talking to Carl Icon.
Like, he said it word for for word and then he was like,
yeah, I just, some people lose their jobs.
He's like, but then we're gonna all gonna make a lot of money.
I don't have that in me, I don't have that in me at all.
I was like, hey guys.
I'm sorry everybody.
Guys, I was wondering if we could just
kind of try harder around here.
I wanted to dive in so bad TI, doing stand-up comedy.
It's been in our sheath for a while.
Do this, do it.
And we have a guest coming so we'll make sure we get this in.
Also, Harry Hamlin thinks playing a gay man in a movie ruined his career.
What?
What a piece of shit.
Who is having that cut?
With you.
Wasn't the one married to Lisa Rina?
Who is Harry Hamlin? Harry Hamlin? Harry Hamlin was like a
actor. He's on a nighttime soap, right? Okay, that was his big thing. Oh, I think I know what you got.
Handsome dude. Yeah, you just gotta like handsome. Yeah, that's what you would just call him. Handsome
dude. Yeah, he's handsome dude. Exactly. Handsome dude. Hey, he's got the butcher and pet cemetery.
Huh? He looks a lot like him. Oh, yes, not that's not that guy.
That guy's name Dale midcoff. What?
Just one of those things you got.
I couldn't tell you another thing he's been in.
But Dale midcoff is the dead.
So T.I.s doing stand-up.
Yeah. Yeah, from where I hear.
And he's saying, he's like one of those guys.
I think he's got tweets
rather than all he says like he's like I'm into it. I'm super new and I'm
Pretty fucking good at it. Oh pretty quick. Now look people getting in the comedy. I'm all four people want to try
Steve. Oh, I think you know, I love Steve. Oh, so I'm rooting for him fucking
Jason Ellis is doing comedy now pretty regularly. Yeah, Jason Ellis is gonna work with me, I think,
in Ontario.
That's awesome.
He's gonna hang out for the weekend.
Yeah, so it's like that's, I'm fine with that.
Come out and be like, oh dude,
fucking pretty out of the gates, great.
Now, maybe he is.
Well, I will say is that rapper bleeding into comedy,
you still have that bravado of being like,
I'm the best around, because like as a rapper,
you have to walk around be like, I'm the goat,
I'm the goat at that, I'm the goat at this.
Get away from here, not even half a goat.
Only one person can assign you the goat.
Since you have poppins.
And that's Sir John Stamos.
But when we have Janis on, maybe next week,
we can get the Stamos Olympics.
Oh, I like it.
Stamos Olympics, buddy, I'm prepared for.
I'm gonna be his new John Stamos.
So T.I.S. doing comedy in Atlanta.
Comedy. What you know about that?
That's his first one.
I was going with my name, T.I.P. Harris.
No, not, uh, Shaqille.
He's doing one of the, yeah.
So comedy, James. That is great.
I wonder if it's gonna make the actual air.
Wait, what's the say above it?
Tell all my veteran comedians.
Wait, work your way to do what you want.
Thank you to all my veteran comedians,
Sensei partners who gave me the game early.
What could they have taught them to get them through years
of figuring out joke writing?
They just did, though.
What if we're the ones we're thinking they did it?
I'll tell you, listen, if the guys got something,
I'll be like, okay.
I'll, I'll, I'll positively critique also.
Wait, what's the whole jam?
It's Monique.
Monique.
Monique.
Earthquake.
D. Ray Davis.
Shadowquake.
Shadowfoxle. Michael Blackson. Shadowfilly. Earthquake, D. Ray Davis. Shut up, Quake. Shut up, Foxl.
Michael Blackson, Shut up, Philly.
Bill Bellamy and D. Ray Davis.
Did you come up with Michael Blackson?
It was here already on the scene when you guys saw it.
He was working already.
He was working already.
Yeah, we were in Philly, so it was pretty big deal
when he got like next Friday.
Yeah.
I remember that.
And he had the scene next Friday.
He was like, what?
That's crazy.
But he had done, he was like a comic-view favorite and in the club I started, that was like... what? That's crazy. But he had done, he was like a comic view favorite
and in the club I started that was like,
that was the biggest thought.
Def Jam and that, if you did those two things.
So when you, talent was like revered.
So when you started, when you,
when you started going to the laugh house,
it was, he was, Michael Blackson was around,
but he was like one of the guys already.
He was already like made. No, he was already in. I don't know if he was even headlining or anything yet. No, but he was like one of the guys already. He was already like made.
No, he was already in.
I don't know if he was even headlining or anything yet.
No, he was just like a guy.
He was headlining like the bar shows like he'd be like the one that would close it out.
Okay.
You know, it was my, they started getting some stuff, but he was like comic view famous for sure.
Did you do it out of Philly the whole time or did he move to LA?
You did it Philly the whole time.
While he was in next Friday when he got me that plane ticket to go...
That's where he made the Robinson.
Yeah, where I met Keith Robinson's kind of, I told the story a thousand times, but Michael
Blackson, the reason he got me that ticket and he could send people like that, he still
worked for the airport.
He worked for Philadelphia Airport.
That's so funny too, because I was...
But he gave all his hours away.
He just kept himself on staff so he can like get buddy pass flights.
Whoa, that plane just flew by so close.
You can't buzz the tower like that Jacob.
I was thinking about that two weeks ago when I was flying up the Rochester I was like, man,
if I lost it all, if I couldn't do comedy anymore, I just go unload planes.
Just throw bags around.
Get all my fucking rim, get all my anger out. Just banging
around people's suitcases, just be like,
give me this, you fucking motherfucker.
It'd be fun. Now it would be fun to be
a hard job, but I'm saying, just get my
frustrations out. It'd be fun.
Wherever to be a new nightmare.
I don't know what I'm
talking about. It was 6.5, doesn't it?
You know what I mean? Please let's hear
TIs then we're already gonna be on TV doing a comedy
No, grunk did it with no practice. Yeah, dude. Crock really just jumped into it. Crock on talking to it
It's gonna do comedy. Who you think kid rucks gonna do comedy. It could change think Kid Ruff's gonna do comedy? It could change our... That would change our first meeting. That changes the whole dynamic. Yeah, I mean he's gonna try to say
something funny. He's gonna hold the... Yeah, but he's gonna like, what if he like holds the mic?
You know, they like, would singers try to do stand-up or whatever? Someone else, they're like,
they're like, their mic holdings all uncomfortable. He's like, I know something funny. I got,
here's a funny story. I would say, like the advice I would give would be wrong, but it would be funny
I go dude go across the front row and tell every girl there why you wouldn't fuck them
Give him the reason just walk through his fat big head two-old fuck they're already
It's working
All right, he's good. Yeah
All right, he's good. Yeah. Yeah. He just got there and do a song and bring.
I hope he intros it and brings up a host.
That would be great.
That's my question for this.
When you're a musician, you start doing stand-up.
And if you're just bombing, this is just TI,
just start going into a song when he's eating shit.
He's like, all right, guys, DJ hit it.
Hit it out.
What about I got a key, DJ in those three, DJ in a like, all right guys, DJ hit it. Hit it. What about I got a key in the three, ten, I work, all that work back.
And he's like, that would turn me around.
You can have whatever you like.
Nope, sound good.
Sub is on jeans.
That's what's pretty crazy about dating is him.
Yeah.
You know, when it doesn't work, it's like, uh, forget my number forever.
Nope, song. It doesn't work, it's like, uh, forget my number forever.
Nope, song, girl. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, Hey! Okay. It's D.T.I.
Barsha!
Okay!
Nice jeans.
Nice one, miss.
I have a man we have here.
Give it up for the ice and the trash on the stage.
Hey, Lizzie, man.
I... I really want to thank Mr. Pradoo I Listen man, I
I really want to thank mr. Purdue and all of the other comedians who have been oh no David
I don't David Purdue It's a comic in Atlanta. Thank you guys. I really do, you know because I have found in a very short period of time
At this comedy sheet is very territorial
In a very short period of time at this comedy shit is very territorial
As we're watching a video Interesting that's usually take mother fuck is it tied to me already?
I'm talking about
imagine
Not being shit for 17 years in a row and
Not being shit for 17 years in a row
And T.I. begins doing comedy and all of a sudden in a week and a half that is the reason that you ain't made it. Can you
Could you put some of this as a point
They really said the amount of years it took me to get a special. Yeah
I feel like T.I. knew that this moment was coming and he somehow, I thought she was something else about this.
Like I fed David Perdue in phone.
You know, he listened.
So on our radio show,
he's back, he's been in the room.
He steps into the realm.
So I'm gonna need you to set up TI
pretty nice, David's hilarious.
He's just bitter guy.
So he took it and he's like,
so just fucking cue him up.
I'm gonna try again for Skankfest.
TI for Skankfest was fucking awesome. T.I. and Skankfest will be fucking awesome.
T.I. is gonna be like,
and can you do a secret song at the end of the day?
No, I think the fuck off, dude.
He's like, how do you know how to calm me straight?
Yeah, back at Roastie.
I can roast your ass.
With all that jam, with a jitter going to jiggle like that.
That's my head when I talk.
Wink on the ditto jam, and I'm jamming on the jam like that.
Is boom, how are you? Or the bone and the booty with the, with the with the huh when you're on your fucking like this crack crack crack crack
Did you were you hoping immediately is gonna be awful?
It's awkward anyway, but he's been doing it for weeks. Yeah, so it's fine. Go on
That frame of man. I think, uh, I mean, the shit was all I to me is,
the motherfucker's hate to see me up here on stage,
telling my life, sharing my experiences,
getting laughs.
You posted a laugh, didn't you? they don't worry about it yeah they hate to see
that shit they but they have no problem seeing me in prison though oh you hear
that woman oh that's a spicy tank of that oh I really do like his jeans jeans
a great I would kill for that amount of comfort on stage though I'm watching PICY TAKE on that. Ooh, I really do like his jeans. Jeans are great.
I would kill for that amount of comfort on stage, though.
I'm watching him on my damn time.
You had that amount of comfort.
I don't think he's...
I don't think he's comfortable.
I think he's scurrying in his mind right now.
It's why he's so they were supposed to laugh at that.
He took a sip, he planned to sip.
The Kathleen Madigan.
He knows how to look cool, for sure.
He just, I'm sorry, I don't know personal beef with TI.
I like several TI songs.
I mean, everyone's asking.
Yeah, I know I was wondering.
No, but I'm saying like,
No one knows it's like,
I'm talking to people.
He's like, he and TI are just two kids.
Do go mega humble on comedy and it'll be more.
That's it, that's it.
Yeah, that's a thing when you're a rapper
and you're getting into it,
you're like, well, it's the cockiness that got me to this point.
So I'll just go in and be cocky and we're all like,
hey, we're all raging with insecurities.
So I don't know if that's gonna get old.
That guy who up sews up set with you for not being shipped for 17 years
is like, cause I really have driver 17 years.
I really try.
And one thing he's definitely right about for sure,
the 17 year veteran you're talking about, whoever it is,
is better than it added than you
sure he is furious that he is so he is furious
There's also small things like he's probably listening to your music to pump them self up for ballet shows and
I'm a your anatomy, but let's say this 17 year old community is not very good sure
70 years of experience doing it is definitely better than ti is gonna to do right now. Weeks in. Taking that he's TI out of the mix.
People will try to laugh, but it's what I'm saying.
That thing he did where they were supposed to laugh right there was so not funny because
they want, they're so ready to enjoy him.
It's TI.
Yeah.
The layman has no idea.
If you said it's a fucking comedy star like they did.
Remember it was like giving the stage everybody
John Mayer they go
I'll do that. He's gonna do comedy everybody's not like he's not gonna come here and fucking do your bodies in wonderland
They'll sing it to your fucking girlfriend for you. That was exactly when Madonna went on stage
I was upstairs and everyone's like you get a go watch and it was like me and wolf
What's that the seller yeah the seller with Amy Schumer and then she did it again on
Fallen she did like a late night. So bring up Madonna's late night said. It's one of the funniest things
Well, we didn't hear a little more. It was not jump. Let's not jump sure. I'm gonna hear it
I'm a jumper. Yeah, I bring so no we're all jumper call me Hayden Christians buddy. I was jumper it. I'm gonna jump. Yeah, I bring it. No, we're all jumpers. Call me Hayden, Christians. Buddy. I was jumper, dude. I was like
I was like do I was saying go go to wicks to show Jacob, but we should watch more of this first
Yeah, I you T.I. coming in with the fucking you nerds energy jeans or something though
something though. Just, I'm going to work through it. I'm going to work through it. And if anybody knows anything about me, you know, there's a such thing as the king of the South that I invented.
that I invented.
Yeah.
And the thing about it is the king of the South shit didn't mean as much to me as it did.
My mother fucker said that I couldn't have it.
Zachary, I feel about comedy.
I didn't really, I was just up here just kick a shit
man having a good time.
I was just playing around and then my fuckers like,
what the fuck are you doing?
I'm like, oh, you know what?
Guess what? I like it here so deal with it this is all
I do yeah I can't believe you're this music and lights and we
Like this is all y'all my fuck is looking to be
As full of expectations. Yeah, that's not knowing what to expect
That's crazy. That's dude. I'm gonna do this tonight. It's the seller. I guess peak Frey when I say get the fuck Do it!
Guess what I can't turn this to we hear a punchline
Guess what 730 showed a night at the comedy seller you're getting
I go people want to know what everybody want to know what
I'm thinking about billions I think about money
They like what goes through your mind and I'll tell you what a lot of things go through my mind
That's why I come here to talk about it the things on my mind about billions of what not but you know
Crazy if I just look crazy if I just look there and I was like man
People are mad that I'm up here and
But you know you got to do what you got to do and if anybody know me you know
I do what I want to do when somebody's I can even do it. So here I am
I don't know if you guys know this, but I call myself the snuggler.
I call myself when I'm at home.
He's good at feigning comfort.
It's trick me?
Yeah.
Somehow.
Trick me.
I was like, damn, dude, this guy fucking me,
I'm taking that.
If anybody don't understand some of the words that I'm saying
is the ambassador of big words that just
Ashes to the court the court for all yeah, that's a biggie
I'll come to you and we'll talk about it sometime throughout the show course
Merrill don't be everybody else is good time just you know but
How many of them are there may everybody
How many of them are there? There's a drop.
Oh God.
God.
God.
God.
God.
God.
God.
God.
God.
God.
God.
God.
God.
God.
God.
God.
God. God. God. God. God. God. It always goes to some shit like that. We're gonna like- You're gonna go mad at us. Ha ha ha ha.
It always goes back to the most common in between.
And we all see anybody can be like,
you're gonna stand that it's a fucking science
and you add to it, not at all.
It always comes back to like, so,
get any birthday.
It's like something.
Oh my God, that was great.
Ha ha ha.
Well, after all that.
You know how happy you are. You all that. You're so happy.
You're so happy.
A handful of miserable motherfuckers
faking like they had me in the background.
That was amazing.
It was a very strange place to...
Honestly, if I'm not...
This isn't a black crowd.
No, this is a bar show.
So I was thinking, it's not a black crowd.
So that's why, because he's trying to do the things. when he does a black crowd and says the king of this when he goes
Everybody wanted to be the king of South, you know the king of the South and then they would have went nuts for him because that's what he called himself
Do you know I mean? Yeah, so when I this crowd just kind of like okay? Yeah, and he goes
But you know nobody wanted to I made it not I didn't want it and then I did it what as I'm hearing
As I'm hearing the crowd react as I'm hearing the crowd react. As I'm hearing the crowd react,
and you're thinking about it, you're like,
this is a bar show.
He's doing a fucking bar show.
Yeah, it's a cabin.
It's like a show that I would do in Brooklyn
where I'd be like, I don't wanna get one joke to work,
because you can hear the way they're reacting, I'm like,
oh, it looks like a good venue.
I haven't seen anything.
I was looking through his Twitter
and I haven't seen anything with him being like cocky about his standup
Probably because this sets out there now
He's like I got to pull that tweet
You know it's not a man. This is not for the fucking week. Did I love it?
Ti does cab driver from the airport topics
Land is tough city to date in your plan. The weather here nuts is crazy.
Snow to see it. Remember that? You married?
Give it for the ladies. Give me all the right. I want top of the truth.
I've been married to 11 years. Let me snap it.
I've been married to 11 years, man.
That's 101 years and that's it.
And I see, man, this is where I'm going to focus this question and marriage, which is
natural. It question marriage and it's always like
young people asking when is the bright time to get married? Who should they be married
to? How do you know if it's the one and all that old bullshit? But they they look
at the wrong shit but I see the shit they. I want to find someone I can spend the best days of my closet.
We can get to it.
Dude, it's just like this.
Jacob's back ache.
Is this the long set up where?
I'm Jake.
Can I watch my daughter now?
I just I literally want to know.
Dude, is this the need to hear him to get to a punchline
Hold on though. I think he's going into the bit of you want someone who stays at home
But you also want some of those you know like the bad a bad I think he's heading that toward that way
You stupid
You spend the best days of your life with anybody, but if I'm
like, it doesn't matter. The key to marriage is finding someone you can spend the
worst days of your life with. That's the key. You hear me? Anybody you can
suffer with and still be satisfied? That's the most. I was just giving it talk to a nephew. I mean like
You gotta say something funny man. He's not like well. He has no idea what he's doing
Yeah, and also
He's getting off his dick
Absolutely no idea. She's like don't first off don't come after rubber band man
If you know you shit and second of all. Yeah, he um this is
This is like what happens when you're just super confident and cocky and you try to do a comedy
It's like comes off. You don't get to it. He's not afraid to talk in front of people
So he's like, and by the way, if I was judging a comic who's done it, whatever this is his fifth time on stage or first time
Maybe third who knows
Whatever it is
If it's his 20th time on stage. It's like these are all thinking
But it's like he's ti so it's like but don't give him that much
Do you know what I mean like let him fuck if he's really enjoying it
He doesn't need the money let him. Yeah, scrape through it. Yeah, let him go by and do it
No reason he'll have a special in three years. Yeah, he'll have a produce special in three years. Yeah, so well
Let's see Madonna.
Well, we have to get a punchline.
I mean, he's a punchline.
He's a punchline.
There's got to be a punchline.
We're five minutes and 13 seconds into this thing.
I'm telling you, we turn around.
Get out of here.
Seas are two like storm from the air.
All right.
Guys, let's say we travel traveling home on the way.
He's sitting down here to wherever we're going.
Have an accident.
Bad accident.
Is this a talk that they give at your high school
that not drinking?
I mean, this is guidance council energy, really is.
You have a couple beers with your friends at a party
thinking it's cool, thinking you're Mr. Hemp.
You have it a good time, everybody having a good time smiling laughing and playing a tank
Let me tell you something get behind the wheel that Honda you owned
All of a sudden you fall asleep you wake up your friends not there anymore, and I don't mean in the car
I mean on this earth and you're gonna miss your best friends not cuz they're way because he dead
Now walk outside and go look at that bus to the car
Everybody have a safe prop
Can I say I liked what he said about marriage?
I don't know what it's about the worst
No, but no, it's not about the best thing. I might use that with my nephew you wonder I would like say you know what?
It's not about the best days about the worst days. It's sage advice. You say T.I. told me that.
It's great.
You T.I. once told me that sitting down.
T.I. just wants to preach.
T.I. was at a heart to heart with me on stage about this.
Go on.
Wake up in the hospital.
It's best.
It's standing there looking at you and saying, hey man.
I don't know how to tell you this. You had a bad accident. It's just standing there looking at you say hey man.
I don't know how to tell you this you had a bad accident. We've done everything we could
But your dick doesn't work. I said rectum nearly killed him
Rectum almost killed We were six minutes for that for a rectum down there killed him I am a
6 minutes for that for a
6 minutes for that for a
6 minutes for that for a
6 minutes for that for a 6 minutes for that for a 6 minutes for that for a 6 minutes for that for a 6 minutes for that for a 6 minutes for that for a 6 minutes for that for a 6 minutes for that for a 6 minutes for that for a 6 minutes for that for a 6 minutes for that for a 6 minutes for that for a 6 minutes for that for a 6 minutes for that for a 6 minutes for that for a 6 minutes for that for a 6 minutes for that for a 6 minutes for that for a 6 minutes for a 6 minutes for that for a 6 minutes for that for a 6 minutes for that for a 6 minutes for that for a 6 minutes for that for a 6 minutes for that for a 6 minutes for that for a 6 minutes for that for a 6 minutes for that for a 6 minutes for that for a 6 minutes for that for a 6 minutes for that for a 6 minutes for that for a 6 minutes for that for a 6 minutes for that for a 6 minutes for a 6 minutes for that for a 6 minutes for that for a 6 minutes for a 6 minutes for a 6 minutes for that for a 6 minutes for a 6 minutes for that for a 6 minutes for a 6 minutes for a 6 minutes for a 6 minutes for a 6 minutes for a
6 minutes for a 6 minutes for a
6 minutes for a 6 minutes for a 6 minutes for a 6 minutes for a 6 minutes for a 6 minutes for a 6 minutes for a 6 By the way, this is a Patrice joke. Yes, tell me how you would survive. None of you guys said Xbox. I'm gonna be that.
I'm gonna be that.
Now I gotta see.
Yeah.
The Patrice joke for those of you who don't know is he asks women,
what would they do if their vaginas were gone?
And they said,
I'm gonna go suck this dick.
I suck this dick.
And he said,
I gave you all that time and you just said you were a bunch of holes.
You classified yourself as a series of holes.
Yeah, that's good.
He goes,
none of you said I'd learn how to like play video game.
Yeah, fish good. Yeah, learn how to sit out and learn how to like play video game. Yeah, fish good.
Yeah, learn how to have a conversation.
Yeah, we'll be funny.
Goddamn that joke was great.
Yeah.
All right, let's see if he goes that.
You supposed to marry.
Well, you like it in that.
That's who you supposed to marry.
No.
No.
That's the way the shit works.
What the fuck?
Okay.
Quite a rule we have here.
Oh, is it just repeated?
Oh, just loops.
But he wasn't done yet.
See if this one goes further.
He might be hosting the show.
No, I think the same exact thing he said before.
Do you think when they bring him up, they bring him up to his own music?
I feel like I want that. Oh yeah. But you're also also like I wrote that about a dead friend and maybe like my friend took four bolts to the chest
But do like do red red hot chili peppers love rollercoaster. That's the standard and you know comedy clubs or at least
With it like keep it going for your feature.
T.I.
And he's just walking through a fucking improv.
It's out of the back in the kitchen.
Oh, there's two parts.
I know, but go to that one.
Go to the T.I. doing stand-up comedy part two.
No, you're the best.
Don't ever worry about it.
Well, I'll tell you why.
Because like, this is him.
He's in the middle of it. It's definitely the black show.
This will be what he's gonna get.
Go ahead.
That's talking to you.
That's talking to you.
That's talking to you.
Right.
If you got seconds, you don't need to go
and get no operation.
You don't need to get no surgery.
You should need to get no surgery
Yeah, good for him. He's doing fucking making the hustler there. You can't judge him like right now.
It's good.
It's like, we can't judge Madonna.
Don't give him a but we can't absolutely judge Madonna.
Because she just, because she just did it in a way of being like,
I just want to do stand up, put me on the tonight show,
put me on the tonight show.
I mean, I would, I would book her.
Yeah, you definitely want to.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Oh, yeah, absolutely.
I love it.
How are you?
If you're Jimmy Kimmel, how you going?
Very funny.
All right, the very funny.
Bring that into it.
Hey, funny.
Sorry, funny.
Also, how are you doing today?
It's very, very.
Hey, guys.
Sorry.
Sorry, I mean about to do this.
Release the crack and. I've been coming, comedian,
making her stand-up comedy debut tonight.
From Basin, Michigan, please welcome
the very funny Madonna, ladies and gentlemen.
That's what I wore my first open like, remember?
I love their jacket and fashion.
How was your premium blend outfit?
Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you.
So great to be here.
Duffa.
So anyways, I just always think that it's good to talk about what you know.
That's what I do.
I just talk about what I know, right?
So I'm going to start with dating younger men.
How about that?
You guys think that's funny?
Yep.
You think that's funny?
Yeah, you do, don't you?
Okay.
Anyway, so it's true I date younger guys.
Damn, dude, I didn't realize we were both...
We were such in the Gap Club.
I didn't realize both of us.
She's got a grill on.
Oh, she's going to grow.
So why she's going to fall, fall, fall, fall.
Oh, man.
So reason I don't wear and visualize.
So she had to think, OK.
My reasons, but I'm not going to go into them.
So, but I did find myself very strangely the other day
at breakfast with my son, Rocco, thinking,
I haven't had a date in a couple of weeks
and I looked at my son without thinking
and I said,
do you have any friends you could introduce me to?
I don't know.
I don't know.
And I'm,
Fuck Jimmy Fallon.
I was like, Jimmy Fallon's falling pieces.
Doubling over laughing.
Doubling, holding his face.
Holding his face like,
fucking Nicholson and Batman.
Jimmy Fallon. Ah. There he goes. Jimmy Fallon, so we throw ass in here. Holding his face holding his face like fucking nickel cinnamon
Pancakes and I he looked at me with shock and disgust, and dismay, and disdain, things that,
a lot of words that start with a D.
And then I was like, oh, f*** it, I'm sorry,
I didn't mean that, I'm just kidding.
Anyway, so.
Which is she is cost for nothing?
I cracked myself up.
Wait, there's more.
Wait, please don't, please don't pull me off.
I have more jokes.
I got jokes.
I'm sorry.
60 years old though, she could still get it.
She's gonna get it!
I mean, our grill is so stupid, but I mean like, she had a 60 dude.
I thought she had a gap.
You know what I'm like with.
60, Jacob?
Yeah.
I mean, you're seeing completely made up absolutely
Yeah, what are you?
What do you think I'm gonna go to our house and announce?
Show up and take her in her pajamas. Hi Madonna madge what's up?
Not look at my back. This is a breakfast cock
Hey material girls
Hey, hey like a virgin open the door surprise. Hey, it's me. Don't open the door. You a virgin, open the door. Surprise! Hey, it's me.
Don't open the door, you're not gonna put your stupid eyelashes.
I don't give a fuck.
No, you're saying, if you fucked her this night, Jacob,
you would fuck her.
Yes.
Thank you.
Minus the grill.
Thanks for coming out of your ivory tower.
With the grill, Jacob.
With the grill.
Okay.
Yeah.
That's when it doesn't matter.
Yes, sure.
Thank you. Madonna. What would you rather do?
Fuck my daughter hang out with that you better
We gave up our studio for her so oh yeah, fuck I know they didn't even tell us it was her coming in
So we could go and then Jacob came in here and Sanitary wiped all of the Madonna off these microphones Christine
You don't even get this. Oh, you see you to small breath
Microphones Christine you don't even get this. Oh, you're just sitting to smart breath I forgot we got bumped into that other one and I cut
Where nothing worked. Yeah, are we gonna get our own studio? I was kind of hoping that was gonna happen
This is it I thought we were getting a no-gaze pause here
Is that a cool effect? Oh my god. Oh, is that not supposed to be buried in the contract now?
We're gonna get our own studio for sure right to building it as we speak I believe the building on top of the roof totally. I mean honestly got you make the studio big enough
We'll just do buns and basketball in the studio. I don't really mind that at all. I'm totally cool today
Jim McClure said at this point
It's just telling pretty much getting a date in the venue. He's he said there's a plane check signed already
We just got to put it goes get me the best players. Yeah, and I get him here on a bus tomorrow
You guys are my teller. No expense what this budget requires is talent go find it
Absolutely, he's gonna put everybody up the W
So now Jane I'm gonna go scout like in an 80s movies. It just girls with butts to play big
Oh, yeah, I'm gonna turn around the day and lower my sunglasses and be like this one. Yeah, she's on a construction site throwing bricks
And butts jiggling.
We have to take a break for commercial.
Sure, whatever.
How many do we have in the first hour?
I would say she's funnier than TI though.
Oh, what?
We got there at the same level.
This is Madonna's first week in the first year.
He was much more comfortable.
He was much more comfortable.
He looked relaxed, but she was funny.
She was frazzled. She was funnier and'm funny. I'm gonna paper cut you across the eyes
She was she wasn't oh
That first ti thing was a really I mean it was drawn out he had to get to it
But that was his first like staged version you can see everyone else is excited
You know, we wanted a poll. We had a poll We pulled the poll earlier. Let's put the poll back in T.I. Throw the poll back up. T.I. Throw the poll back up. T.I. Throw the poll back up. T.I. Throw the poll back up. T.I. Throw the poll back up. T.I. Throw the poll back up. T.I. Throw the poll back up. T.I. Throw the poll back up. T.I. Throw the poll back up. T.I. Throw the poll back up. T.I. Throw the poll back up. T.I. Throw the poll back up. T.I. Throw the poll back up. T.I. Throw the poll back up. T.I. Throw the poll back up. T.I. Throw the poll back up. T.I. Throw the poll back up. T.I. Throw the poll back up. T.I. Throw the poll back up. T.I. Throw the poll back up. T.I. Throw the poll back up. T.I. Throw the poll back up. T.I. Throw the poll back up. T.I. Throw the poll back up. T.I. Throw the poll back up. T.I. Throw the poll back up. T.I. Throw the poll back up. T.I. Throw the poll back up. T.I. Throw the poll back up. T.I. Throw the poll back up. T.I. Throw the poll back up. T.I. Throw the poll back up. T.I. Throw the poll back up. T.I. Throw the poll back up. T.I. Throw the poll back up. T.I. Throw the poll back up. T.I. Throw the poll back up. T.I. Throw the poll back up. T.I. Throw the poll back up. T.I. Throw the poll back up. T.I. Throw the poll back up. T.I. Tuesday through Friday mornings and full shows, always on SiriusXM.