The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Whistle While You Work (feat. Joe DeRosa)

Episode Date: May 4, 2020

The gang talks Quarantine sex and the future of safe sex. Joe DeRosa makes a hometown favorite for his housemates, The Zep. Jay, Christine and Jacob try to convince a still skeptical Dan and Joe to watch their new favorite show, Supernatural, by describing a very sexy episode they just watched.

You're listening to Comedy Central! BAM! Hey, I'm Big J.O. Persoon, and I'm Dan Soder, and you're listening to the Best of the Bond Fire. Stay tuned to hear some of our favorite moments from this week. You can listen to the Bond Fire live every Monday through Thursday from 6th 8PM on Comedy Central Radio, Series XM95, or on demand on the Series XMF. Also, be sure to follow us on all social media at the Bond Fire, SXM.

Yo campers, it's Black Loot and welcome to the Bond Fire's Best of the Week. With DJ Lew's girlfriend staying with him, the crew discuss sex during quarantine and how the meaning of safe sex will be redefined when it's lifted. DJ Lew's still ripping them butts inside, loving it. Love it. Love it. Is your gal with you still? She's uh, She's over there.

She's here for the whole quarantine, huh? I don't think so. I think she might go back in a week. Yeah, one more week. Yeah, stay for two and then leave. Are you getting excited to jerk off with volume again? I guess Lou, how is the sex going? I guess Lou, how is the sex going?

I mean, how's the sex going? I was gonna make a joke and say, I have a question, how's the pussy? I was gonna, I thought that was gonna be, that would be the joke I was gonna make, but you sort of did that. Just in a much weirder guy wearing a glasses and baseball hat and his mom's weird doll room way what's the sex like is it? Well that's how the deal. Describe it.

No, Lou, you would continue. Need to know Jacob. What? Need to, I would like to. I mean, I think we would all like to. Like to know, none of us are upset at the question. We're just I mean, I would I don't want to say it right in front of her. Why is it bad? Is the answer bad? I guess I don't want to say it for. It sucks.

That's why. But she's going to be fucking weird if I say it. Yeah, it's like a clandie high five constant. Jason or sex was half-hearted with me on the show with him. Well, I say the about that a very specific experience. What am I wrong about? That was fucking quarantine. Fucking is is almost nil.

I got to say it really. And it's not like I'm attracted to Christine as I ever was. It's just what's the vibe on that? How parted. Every day, at the end of the night, you get a feeling where you're like, all right, we lived again, everybody. We looked like, you're like drained from like,

existing almost, so weird. So I guess Dan's laying pipe constantly with that face. He's making, he's like, can't stop causing, he's like, I don't know what we're talking about, dude, my dick stay wet. No, dude, I think it's quarantines, quarantines weird, dude. I, I probably would say we had sex recently and my dick was comedically small because of how nervous I was with everything going on. Like, she's like, they tell out. And I was like, Oh, okay, cool. I've been finally I relax, but I was like, I have

constant scared on drugs, dick, Cause I'm just being like, with scared of what going on the virus. Nice thing. There's like a lot going on. And I was just like stressed out. 50 places. Yeah. I was just all kind of spread out. And it's just kind of like, I'm not relaxed. I'm not like, swav right now. That's what's my point. It's not that I do want to fuck also keep in mind. I think at this point now, most women are involved

in their second period of the quarantine. Have we done a complete sink? Have we done a worldwide sink? Do all women fucking believe at the same time now? But I mean, most women at this point, I mean, we're coming up on at a time and they get two weeks. Every woman should have, I mean, you know, that gets periods still, would have had two probably. And it's like, so that's two weeks and that. They're really just like, and my point being is like, I want to fuck.

I just going into it in my mind. I'm like, I don't think I'm gonna be fucking very good. I think my mind's like racing. So my question for Deroza is, Deroza, you're a single guy going through this. Is there a feeling from women that they're like, like being like, I'm lonely as fuck too. Let's talk. Is there a sex thing going on? What's, uh, what's the other version of this? I mean, just basically, I'm just stroking my gigantic fucking cock, dude. Still nice and big, and I play with it. Juicy gallons.

It's a two arm job, so he's just magical. Yeah, now, man, I mean, seriously, that, I've definitely had some heightened flirtations during this, but I mean, you know, I'm not really seeing anybody seriously, so it's just kind of like, you know, it's, it's, I don't know if lonely's the term. I mean, it's definitely,

my question is, my question is, is this quarantine, like, stoking the fires of single people, single people that are like, I'm alone, I need to find somebody. I, oh, yeah. No, it's definitely, it's definitely made me a little more interested and potentially settling down.

But I gotta say, the flip side of that is, I'm also questioning it a lot, because I'm like, well, what if I was in a relationship? Would I like being in one space with somebody right now? I don't know that I'm built for that, so. But I will say this, dude. It is stoked the fire of reconnecting. Like I do, I have an appreciation for,

for instance, like dating in, you know, the last year had become a little bit of a drag to me because it was just like, oh man, you gotta go and have the dumb small talk and all that. Now I'm like, oh, I can't wait to do that again. But that's what I was wondering if it's going to be like, once they ease up on the social restrictions, if people are just going to be going crazy

or if people are going to be scared? I don't think I want to go crazy. I think people think they want to go crazy. And then when it comes right down to it, like people are going to be nervous, I think. I agree with Jay. And I think because I, look, I think the initial thought through this was like, it was like when the AIDS scare was happening

and people were like, remember every comic had that joke back then, like, can you imagine when they cure AIDS, people are gonna be fucking, but because everybody thought it was gonna be this light switch fix and it wasn't, it was this gradual repair and managing of a thing and now with this it's the same thing it's like we're going to be a lot outside and then you're not going to be allowed to go to bars and then you're going to be allowed to go to bars but

you're still going to have to wear face masks and you know what I mean it's just going to keep being this thing where it's like but I can't I will say I am real excited to rock the box again you know I do miss rock the box again. You know what? I do miss rockin' some box. Oh, dude. I'm yeah, the first I'm sure there's some fucking kitty cats meowing at the walls inside their apartments. We're trying to. Oh, yeah. Yeah. What do you mean, Christine? I went pink, but. Yeah. Me and Christine have already joked about the idea. I go, man, if we ever like we've I don't believe ever said this before and our experiences of like

hooking up with the chick, but I was like, I go, wouldn't you now every time be like, hey, uh, soon you get it, you guys wash your hands. We're gonna wash our hands right now. I mean, I, I mean, like, yeah, I think I'll be sure to write for a thing or like, yeah, first of all, with, with social distancing and the requirements, no fucking orgies can happen.

No gang bangs. This is really hurting a lot of people with some fucking zesty sexual. This is like the gang bang community is probably suffering. I've never overtapped that. That's what I clap for at 7 p.m. I'm dead. I'm feeling your best man. It's hard to stay apart.

Keep all them dicks. I know you are. I know you want to fucking bowing baller and fill up all three holes. But yeah, it is going to be weird when you're like when I'm with a chick for the first time. I'm like, I know this sounds odd. I'd like you to wash your hands before you finger my asshole. Yeah. I've washed my hands before I hook up with a new person. Yeah, yeah. Girl, when we do have a girl, like I do go, I like wash my hands and listerine. Isn't that like, like, herty, like, herdeus? Yeah, you're absolutely. I guess I do too. Also, I think about

that because I smoke cigarettes. Yeah, I really do. Me and me and me and me and me both were. I used to drink. I never wash my hands. I did some pretty sex drinking. How many, how much, how much fried grease I shoved up the gin as in my 20s? Yeah. That's what I'm talking about. I told you guys about the story about the waiter

that worked at those communos that my friend Kelly, who's a bartender, caught him washing his balls in the sink. Can't do it. In the Christine, Christine worked there. It was in the PDR bathroom. It was in the, you know, in the back, in the sink. In the, Christine worked there. It was in the PDR bathroom. It was in the, you know, in the back in the private dining room. She walked in and he didn't lock the door and he just had his fucking nuts in the sink. And it was this, I will say one thing I'm not looking forward to is the unveiling of

what these boxes are going to look like at the end of this thing. I don't know. I, I broke in thing. I broke and I shaved my quarantine bush. I dispiced it up from a lady. I tried to microwave wax my own box in the kitchen and it was a spare. I got like halfway and then just shaved the red. It's like trying to make soup dumplings at home. It's fucking melt. It's a god of war scar on the side of her

chanch. Camper's what's up it's black lu again and after escaping the city for the quiet of upstate New York comedian and cooking aficionado Joe Derosa created controversy and a light after making a hometown classic for his housemates. The Zepp. Joey made today by description one of the most grotesque sandwiches

by recipe that you could ever describe and I took a fucking bite into it and I wish there was 12 more inches of that fucking sandwich. So on paper the sandwich has no shot on paper. What is it? Joe, and you lay it out on paper for us. Okay, so I grew up in Nars Town. You know, fucking springsteen song behind it. Blue, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new I want a urine sandwich land. They have a sandwich. They have a sandwich from Nars Town. It's a, it's, it's only in Nars Town. It's called the Zepp. And what the Zepp is. Hold on, I've had the Zepp when I stayed with you

and your parents when we did that show. Yeah. Remember my mommy and daddy took us to get zaps. So it, here's what the sandwich is. The Kaiser roll or, you know, or, or a hoagie type roll. Proveloan cheese, oil, lettuce tomato, salt pepper and oregano, and then a salami that is called cooked salami, and the actual name for it

is koto salami. So it's not geno, a geno was like a tart salami, it's not a beef salami, it's almost a baloney-like salami. It's almost like salami and mortadella mixed together right well you're leaving out here Joey completely is is the brand that it is I'm gonna get I'm gonna get to it I'm gonna get to so that kind of salami is very hard to find like a lot of delis and supermarkets don't carry it so over the years I would want to make the sandwich and I could never find the salami and then one day years ago I was at the supermarket and I was in the Oscar Meyer section and I saw that Oscar Meyer made Kodo salami and I was like Well, fuck man. I might as well try it like maybe this will be good enough and I was hesitant myself and I went home and I used it

God damn it was spot on the fucking money, so Can I ask a foolish white trash question? Yeah, your mind is pretty top shelf. I mean that for one second. Listen, no meat is supposed to be shaped like the package. You know, a puzzle. I look about Oscar Myers, I can dig it off the side. I can finger it when I can pull it up. I'm not good at it.

Jay. Jay. Jay, not just shape like the path package. Perfectly shaped like the package. Yeah. You know what else is? You know what else is? 360 degrees of perfect circumference. You know what else is formed like that?

Cranberry out of a can. Suck my dick, that's the most delicious cranberry. It is. It's the only cranberry sauce I'll eat is the one that she, if it doesn't have, if it doesn't have the odd rings of the tin can, into the jelly itself, then I won't even, there's no point cutting it up.

I always, I prefer food that looks like it just took off tight pants. Oh Did if anybody Just you know when you listed the ingredients of this sandwich you might as well have to Jacob that you made as fucking arsenic pops because All things you've never put into his body Never hope you read Tell me also yeah, okay, so keep going. So, Jay and I were at the supermarket, Christine, we were all there.

And I go, I'm gonna buy the ingredients to make this sandwich, because I saw that they had the, by the way, the Oscar-Meyer Kato Salami is hard to come by too, but you're running to it a little more frequently. So, I saw that they had it. I got all excited. I told Jay the ingredients and Christine ingredients, agrees I said I want to make this sandwich Christina immediately goes I won't eat that literally like like disgusted like disgusted This bitch eats cranberry salad. She won't you fucking sell her?

It's free range cranberries and a fucking Jay did this move Dan He did this move. He did this move, Dan. And I know you know this move, which Jay. Where Jay just goes, I'm not, I'm not against. I'll try it. You know what I mean? Like that.

That Jay blow off where you're like, he doesn't want this at all. This fucking cock sucker. If I want to see the yellow packaging, I would have asked if we're going to make mayonnaise tacos. That's when you put mayonnaise on a slice of meat and roll it up. Yeah, it's a little fucking... So, Dan, we're checking out the supermarket. Man, I'm getting nauseous. Oscar-myer meat stand from surface to top of meat is a good is a good quarter

inch. I love a thick I love a thick balloony sandwich. I'd almost call it a hank of meat. There's no other meat. There's no other meat to make a balloony sandwich with then Oscar-myer. Come on dude. Oh my god. I could kid Oscar-myer ballooned. I had a lot. That's a kid. Oh dude. Cautos. Allow me immediately Joe on seeing that packaging I didn't even I would have swung at that pitch all day that looks delicious. Christine turn sideways again Christine Christine God dammit Sideways again That is two pieces of

Training wheel it's a training wheel of meat Yeah. So can you give us an nutrition fact? What's the sodium on one of those things? Yeah, I would like to give you an association facts. Come back with a nutritional facts. It's not going to be high. No, no, it's going to be real bad for you. It's going to be somehow worse for you than Bologna. It'll be stomingly bad for you. I feel like Bologna's getting a bad rap. Hi, I'm the soda from Big Bologna. And Dan, we're checking out of the store, right? I get a, I asked Jay, Jay went to the deli counter

and I asked Jay, give me a pound of provolone cheese because all right, no faith. We're checking out of the store. I have in the checkout four packs of the Kodas Alami. Cause I know this sandwich is so fucking good. We're gonna wanna go back to the well. Jay judges me harshly for four packs. Talks me down to two packs.

I go, all right, dude, we'll just get two. I make the sandwich today for the first time. I give it to Jay. Evans takes it by, it mits defeat. It says it's pretty fucking good. Jay the first time, I give it to Jay. Evans takes a bite, it mits defeat, it says, it's pretty fucking good. Jay eats a whole, you know, the sandwich, regular size, whatever.

And I go, do you like it? And he goes, yeah, it's good. And I'm like, I can't read him if he likes it or not. He walks away 10 minutes later, I hear him go, goddamn, that was a good sandwich. I gotta tell you why we're going to be happy. We only got two packs of this. First ingredient, mechanically separated chicken.

Slim Jim sandwich. Don't ruin it. A few parts. What is a beef part? What? Poor man. Now I feel it in me. Now I feel it inside of me.

Fifth ingredient on meat corn syrup What are you fucking up any white bitch in a party? Steam guess what guess what sticks that chicken with that heart with that Hold the beef what else is gonna hold beef heart to separate a chicken by a machine? Is it? We have not in this order. There's ground mustard seed sugar and then about six chemicals. It's high been grown by.

Ground mustard seed, fuck that sandwich. Evans, when it comes to this sandwich and this meat, I'm fucking Liam Neeson and taken. You are not taking me off of my mission right now. You will not, those degrees will not stand between me and having six more. Christine, honestly, it's funny to me because it's like, I feel like when you read those to me, I'm like, yeah, that's probably what should be in there. That's what gives it its sweet, salty, snappy taste. Yeah, dude.

You just substitute, Joe, you just substitute their rebranding, calling it Koda Salami, and you just say what the sandwich really is. Like I got to get you the sandwich I grew up on. It's like a Kaiser Roll. You know, Kaiser Rolls got oil. Let us tomato a little vinegar. They got some red onion on there. Little provol on there little provolone cheese really nice little mechanically separated chicken hearts they have to say mechanically separated by law probably because why would you

why would you doubt that it's made of chicken nugget it's salami made of chicken nugget and yeah same thing it's's in Slim Jim. It is pink. It's slurry I and I will tell you this I was interesting too, which was to throw a negative Of why we should have judged this a little bit early is that I will tell you for a fact Nobody who worked in the grocery store was even aware that the product existed no one had it Now Jay that all said will you leave it again? You will revisit the sandwich, yes, Jay? I gotta get it.

I really wish Christine would have read that to me. Because I am a heart of hearts. It was delicious, but now I feel like inside of me is like, I mean, the grief is to be like, I fucking, I fucking, like, Ludo potion. Yeah, you, that, Jay, you eat like McDonald's and stuff like that and that stuff. Yeah, come on, dude. That's got all that commission. Yeah, come on. I was gonna say when I when I lived up in the haired from your enemy, there's, ah, yes, Ravens eggs.

And also the tail of a bag of Gorgon. I think that fresh less gen, genn-away you got from the deli counter. Fucking vitamin C. It's the same fucking shit, man. No, it's just, that's just, that's just a circle stakes. For you, that's different, that's a whole different thing. You know, an Italian hoagie is a mix of like, you know, several meats they put together. You know, they line it with like salami ham, bracola, goal, brajute, all that shit. For some reason, this, this hunk of can meat,

simulates the taste of several meats together. Very well. It's like, it's like, it's like getting all of your Hogi meat in one compressed slab. Campers. Jake, Rostit and Jacob tried to convince a still skeptical dance odor in Joe DeRosa to watch their new favorite show, Supernatural, by describing one of their favorite episodes to date.

Enjoy. For me, I think I'll pass. Bunch of good-looking white people walking around. I live that shit every day. Thanks to Jay and Dan. I don't need to watch it. I know you guys never gonna jump on the supernatural train but it's always fun to bring up a little thing that's ridiculous about it and let Jacob get off because this was a great. There was an episode we watched one last night on our way to bed and I've been nodding off on the ones going

to bed sometimes but this one had me all in. There was a there's a werewolf in town he's ripping out he's ripping out neat and hearts and then for the first time ever in the show's history the super hot chick who they're protecting is is interested to fuck the other guy not the backup brother backup brother she's all about it say I'm yeah she's all about it and they're hanging out one yeah, she's all about it. And they're hanging out one night and they're pretty sure that she's the go, wait a second. I think she is a werewolf. And then they tired of a chair one night. Pause real quick. We're have her tied at the chair. Jacob, how hot of a lady of the ladies is she a CW 10 How does van pa werewolf in the history of werewolves? I'm gonna do a surprise. I'm surprised by saying that she's very pretty

one Certainly top three that surprises me because I'll tell you this Dan She's very very pretty girl. I couldn't tell Christine said it actually and I agree with her I don't know if this girl is 25 or 47 years old But she's tied but back in the story she's tied to a chair. I don't know if this girl is 25 or 47 years old. But she's tied. But all right, but back to the story. She's tied to a chair. I just need to know you. Chair, uh, the, uh, we all know to be the hotter brother goes out to find the headwear wolf, the one that turned her because if you kill him, some of the theories say that she would turn back to a human. Well, this is so funny. She's hot, dude.

I didn't say she wasn't hot. I'm just saying like picture to picture. She looks much older. Yeah, I see what you look as old. That's all I'm not arguing when she's hot. She goes from hot to young mom real quick. And also he said she was the hottest werewolf ever, which I wouldn't argue that so much. She definitely not the hottest girl. It's been on the show so far. But anyway, if it's a toss up between hottest girls so far, when that is an extremely difficult conversation. Jacob, you could toss up whatever you want, buddy.

It's either for me, I think it's still a lot of tall. Or it's the demon at the crossroads, the first demon. Does she turn full wolf in the episode? Or does it just like Jack Nicholson wolf, which is a little fuzz. Jack Nicholson, not even Jack Nicholson, no fuzz, just a hot chick, just a hot chick with contact lenses and wear wolf teeth. That's it. Now, did she should go like full four leg, you know, I mean, piss, piss by squatting her ass down.

But he's there on, they're on a seat, they're on a seat, they're on a seat, a budget, buddy. CW budget here. She goes, I was holding that werewolf piss for about three months. I would propose that it's not even a budget thing. I would propose that it's the shitty executives at CW at that time, knowing that they had Dawson's Creek or whatever the fuck else teen hits they had. And they said, no, we can't have monster monsters. We have to have like sexy monsters. Yeah, sexy monsters. Guys, can we have monsters that we want monsters? What crawling deer window?

Let me let me let me finish explaining the things so we can discuss the whole idea here. If you don't mind because like, because get, I could solve the question you're saying right there, Joe, and telling you that the, when the handsomer of the two handsome brothers goes out to kill the werewolf, he does kill the werewolf. And that werewolf, the one that turned her, was also just a man with contact lenses and wear wolf teeth. There was there was no even like a little more fur maybe some furry cheeks some ears. No, but he's actually too. They didn't change the ears. He was not sexy. He was right. Go look and go. No, they didn't even give them wolf ears. I'm sorry. There's a big thing with that too. The guy that guy that was killed who made the hot girl of Empire was the nerd that lived directly across from her turns out that had a crush on her, but she had no

interest in him because he was just a dork. Well, we just saw who Jacob identified with the werewolf. I was really pulling for that idea and you did fantastic work. That would hit me hard. Yeah, I come down on Christine when she's done bad. I like to do good. I like to give her a pat when she does good. Christine, please bring up again.

Jacob, you're welcome. Because you would have never thought of this yourself and there is that where Wolf girl nude. You're welcome. Good job, dude. Oh, wow. That's a weird thing to call Christine. You have to do it.

You have to do it. I met her. I met this girl. Good job, dude. You could tits, dude. But look at a little bunny tits. Yeah, tits are a little more upsetting than I thought they were going to buy. You know what?

That's not true. First of all, I think they're really nice tits. And also, I, uh, I thought they, I think they actually bigger than I thought they would have been. She didn't really seem to have a heavy tits in the show. Jay much like her face, aging from seeing to have a heavy tits in the show. Jay much like her face aging from seeing the her tits also from box look great and weird. At one point you're like, is she 21 and then the other one you go, wow, what a life lived.

Her tits really have an angle, huh? He kills that werewolf. They believe because as the night goes, the girl turns back to herself. They believe they've solved the solution. And then they go or they solve the problem they go all right so we're. Hang out one more night just to make sure you should be fine but let's hang out one more night to make sure you're not aware wolf and then she uh. And then of then the the handsome her brother leaves so Sam I say Dean Dean leaves so Sam can fuck the chick and they fucks they fuck sensuous and they fucks good then they never stop kissing the whole time.

Really? And there's close up on it. Is there one and as someone that hasn't seen is the one where her legs are wrapped around and he's grabbing her from the back. Yes. Yeah, I called it. It is, dude. He gives her the biz. He holds her up in the air.

He blasts. Oh, I think I was wondering if he's grabbing her lower back and they're doing the cinematics writing. Yes. All of the stuff. Yes, they've been on cinematics. I think it's a very sensual scene. No, sensual scene.

He actually won me back with his his fuck action in there because please tell me we keep that as a drop. Please tell me, Dylan, that we can get you won me back with his fuck action. I can't can't we just have a conversation. Now we can't Jacob. It's just that is one of the funniest sentences I've ever heard

about life. He won't be back with his fucking He laid it down also his body is top notch Yes, do you think now as an outsider? Let me ask a supernatural question that might even be foolish is Sam's body more vangin than Dean's body is Dean like the better face and Sam's the body Yeah, it may be but it depends on your going. The Rosa and I are in the market for a hard body. Yeah, I think Sammy's more of the, uh, Sammy's more of the chiseled and Dean's just got like a good, you're looking at different scene like a Dean's got a Mark Norman body. You know, I

mean, I'm Mark's, he's just like, he's got like Mike, Mark's like a good shaped body, but he's not like like chiseled or anything. Yeah. They're both. And this guy's chiseled. So they fucks, they fall asleep. Sammy wakes up in the morning. She's out the window full wolf again. Doberman Pincher. She calls them hours later, says I'm here.

I don't know where I'm at. I don't know how I got here. Pick me up. They pick her up, bring her home. And then she goes, listen, I'm very sorry. There's there's not a cure for we thought that's the only thing we know that could have cured this. And so that's that legend is false, I guess. So I don't know what to do.

And then good fuck is the only thing they could have cured it. Do I miss something? No, the killing the the vampire, the werewolf that bit her. They thought that was going to be. Oh, I thought Jay was saying after they fucked the guy was like, we're sorry. This is the only thing that could have. What? He's putting his jambi with dirty and shuck it dumb girls to be like,

I think you're a werewolf. Oh my god. What would I do? And you go, there's only one way to cure it. You have a fireplace? Tent you. Yeah, up the poop chute. Do you have a fireplace and do you love defined abs?

So she comes back to the house and they're like we're sorry that we thought that killing the other werewolf was the cure But I guess there's no cure and You know and even she's like I can't just go on killing people in the middle of the night Like I'll break free from wherever I'm trapped There's no which by the, while they look for a cure, they probably could have found a more secure way to lock her into like something, a vault at night or some shit like that. Only the full moon days, by the way, keep it from everything I've heard.

Thought that. Everything I've heard you guys talk about on the show, because being described to me, it sounds like all these people do like, they give like hot people effort. It's all like third, it's like third base, starting on third base, it's fucking hot people energy where they're like, well, I think we should look for the way to wolf and it's like, tunes that that didn't work. No, well, anyways, we banged and then we wouldn't got eggs. In relation to their looks, they're pretty thorough actually. And they really do care about people.

They don't want other people to get hurt. Hang on Joe, before you ask the question, let me say the thing. Yeah. What I was saying before is, I've only thought about it right this minute because I'm so blown away by the next thing I'm gonna tell you, but you're absolutely right.

There are, she's only gonna change for the full moon cycle every month. Yeah. And in that time, you could probably find, like I said, some sort of a thing. They figure a lot of shit out, some sort of a vault to keep her in those nights that she could sleep in until they figure out if there's a cure. They know they know they know all kinds of across the country, which doctors and all kinds of goofy shit.

So there's probably a solution. However, she also being hot and making a rash hot person decision. She goes, Dean's right. Sam, the only way to do this is like, I have to be killed so I don't kill any more people. And she's like, I want you to do it. And he's like, no way. And then him and then Sam and Dean go in another room, another room for a two minute conversation. And he's and then Sam and Dean go in another room another room for a two-minute conversation And he's like Sam, I'm not gonna make you do this, but she's right. It's the only way like I'll go do it I'll do it for you and then Sam goes no She has me to do it. He takes the gun and then he just stares

Christine you may be gonna find the scene He's his he's crying very much that They show his tears from Dennis' face. And then you guys saw that sex. And then he walks off into the other room, and then it shows Dean gets one tear down the eye. And then you just hear like, it's fucking like, what's the dog? What's the dog?

Old yell, or? And you're just here. And then the screen just goes black. It's the end of the show. He just went the other room and killed the girl. He just fucked Terea. He did. Oh, went the other room and killed the girl. He just fucked. Here you go. I just look away. You're so pretty.

Look away. So how do you explain that to local authorities? Oh, dude. But the question I ask almost every episode. This is an apartment building in San Francisco at 10 a.m. in the morning. And they're wanted by the FBI, by everyone. They're public enemy number one. That's just a lot of the most afterward.

Also, what a great way to get rid of a chick. You don't want to talk to. I'm sorry. You're holding it. And I think you're aware of it. It's been two months convincing her she's aware of and that you have to kill it. But you have to go commit several murders in her and look what you did. Look what you look at all these dead cats in our apartment.

You did that. Listen, her being a hot werewolf has nothing to do with budget. And it's got no. The other her the other into a hairy wolf from saying, yeah, I know. But the other guy that the way you justify the argument that it was a budget thing was, well, the nerd that bit her is also just a man with fangs or whatever. That's your start at the wrong end. He's a man with fangs because they had to make her a hot wolf. And they were like, we can't make the guy a full wolf either

now. This is what we have to go with for our wherewolf prototype. Because we want her to be a hot wolf, because then when the guy fucks her, it's not weird. And kids at home think it's cool. If she was shaggy and fucking like if she was shaggy like for sure. Like he absolutely when he was like, she was like, I think the only thing to kill me. He goes, Sam, you want me to do? He's like, no, dude, I'll put her down. If you see her, yeah, there you go. This thing's half-mutt. I don't even know what she is. She grew two feet. Hey, guys.

St. J. Lou. On Thursday's quarantine tapes, third mic, Joe D'Arosa comes through in a huge way for the show. By talking about the fact that his therapist's first love is not therapy. It's not so easy. Enjoy this hilarious long form clip. He's a nice guy, but I have a new therapist.

And he's got some new, like, if you met in person yet. No, we've only met during quarantine over Zoom. That's weird. I don't even know what his body looks like. It could be a human head or a robot. A robot like this is spider legs. Yeah, if you take the fact that they've only spoken over the computer is weird.

Yeah. We need this guy's take on the way. Oh, this is great on therapy. So he told me that he is involved in the entertainment business. He does know the owner and operators of Gotham Comedy Club, Chris Mozilla. He's dropped that name to me a couple of times now. I would already be out. I would already be out.

And is it advice to me frequently when I tell him that I'm in the depths of hard depression during this quarantine that I don't know which way is up anymore. I fear I'll never see the light of day again. All these really intense things. His advice to me is always that I should try doing zoom comedy shows. Oh my God. How is that man not stripped of every license that you need? This guy that is he's trying to get you to kill yourself. That is the only way I can say anything to you. This gets so much better. This gets so much better. Oh, Jay, this can't get better than a therapist recommending zoom comedy shows. He keeps suggesting it to me and everything. But Joe, hold on. I'm sorry to interrupt, but I'm going to interrupt with questions that I have as they come into my brain. Number one, does he think, how does he pitch the idea of you doing a Zoom comedy show?

All right. You be me and say a hard thing in your head. I go, so sometimes I just wonder why the entire thing I pursued my entire life is no longer available. And if I should even stick around, you know, I just, I feel like what's the point, must I have an outlet? I know that this is a tough time for a guy like you. And my, I suggest they have these things called zoom comedy shows where people are going into zoom out. That you're still talking to this guy is. I know you're depressed because you don't have the fucking spine to walk away from this shuckster of a therapist. I'm walking away from where am I going? I got nowhere. I got nowhere to go. I got

I know he has talked to on most days. But what were you sure he's a real therapist? It might just be some guy that started zooming me. Well, what were you saying? I'm sure he's a real therapist. There might just be some guy that started zooming me. You know what I mean? That guy, I don't know what's going on here. He's a guy you accidentally zoomed that just went with it. Said he's involved in entertainment. Oh, yeah.

Sorry. So I don't want to blow up a spot too much, but he did. Oh, shit. He told me he's a. He told me he's he told me I'm so scared he's going to see this. He told me he's a professional whistler. Christine bring up her there you go. What? Andrew bird. He's great. No one. What? I mean he opened for Oni to Franco so that's why he's a professional whistler. Yeah he's like a one man band and a lot of it's whistling. Christine maybe not so much your professional whistler because it seems to get to concert. Let's just see a

person who whistles professionally. Oh also how do you get involved in the game? Are you just sitting around you like're like, got to say more of our time in session has been taken up with my questions about that. Yeah. But I know what you mean, Jay, it's like you want to see a, like a guy doing like flight of the Valkyries. Oh, whistle. Yeah.

I don't you mean you want to say that. That fucking guy that we just watched is like Joe's therapist's hero. They're not even on the same like him watching. I bet he like he mowls the whistle but doesn't do it as he's watching it. Or he's like, oh, look, I'm doing this. You know how people like basketball players will dribble basketballs as they're watching basketball on TV like the NBA? That's what wers do. I can tell you this right now. If my therapist was a black man in a tuxedo,

I'd be at a fucking Zoom comedy show right now. I told me to do. And then this cumber bun wearing son of a bitch. Yeah, this move motherfucker. No, did you ever, did you have him whistle for you at all? No. Okay. Weird enough for doing therapy. I mean, God. That's weird enough. We're doing therapy.

No, I mean, god damn it. Maybe I should. I should, I'm sorry. This is the way to quickly. And do me a favor. Do a stopwatch from the last sound of that sentence coming out of your mouth before he starts whistling. Start a stopwatch, because I'm telling you.

He is, he can't believe that you haven't asked for his works yet. Yeah, he gets frustrated after every session because, man, she's leaving it next time. He's like, I don't know why he's gonna bring up a professional whistle before this guy's gonna hands me a whistle. I mean, like, you know what? Is he just accepting that I am or is he just not

believe me and we've won to get into it? He talks to his wife at night and he goes, all right, so I think like I'll start the Zoom call with a whistle and then act like he walked in on me. Oh, Joe, I didn't know you were coming in there that early. So, I got away from me. I was whistling straight for about 15 minutes. When I asked him finally, I'm going to duck.

Do you think you can whistle a little before he's going to go, ah, thank you. No, it is. The guy Christine showed is, there's pops and tweaks to that. I mean, he's got like some bells and whistles on it. So that's like, if it makes sense, that's like, say the best comic in the world is Carrot Top. You know what I mean? It's like, there's some sort of a caveat to that.

You know what I mean? But Jay, I would disagree with what you just said. I think the guy that Christine showed has restraint in class. I think that guy would be like, you think I can't be out with a fucking tuxedo to tell a thought if I wanted to be. I don't fucking whore myself like he sprinkles it in dude. He brings his abilities on. I was not showing off.

Hold on real quick. Joe, if you do not on your next session immediately, you dirt shirt pro like you know the world. If you don't bring it up, from the scene, I don't know what we're doing here. You know what'd be funny, if you just like play this through your speaker and you go, you go, Doc, I've been like trying to do some whistling myself.

I was, you told me what you do. And then just play gear, Chetro's whistling. Yeah. And then, and then see if he goes like, so that's really, really good. Or if he goes, Joe, that's Geert Chattro. All right, like I don't, please. Don't throw me, don't throw me one of his biggest hits and then try to pass it off as

your own. So, let me do this. So, let me do this. So, I can't work with something like that. Hey, Joe, you're going to shit my mouth to call a cheesecake. Get the fuck out of here. You guys, I just got off the phone with Geert Chattro. So, let me listen, bull shit.

Well, he happens to be my child's godfather. So, I don't know. Yeah, we were at the invitations together. All the time. I was like, you always sleep during the month that we know. So anyway, was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was.

I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was.

I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was.

I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I hate talking about it. And it seems the more I try to not talk about it with him, he kind of he kind of pushes me, you know, maybe to open up with it a little bit more. And I was telling Jay, I started getting hints of like, does this treat other comics? I feel like he treats other comics and he wants to tell me that he treats other comics, but he's not allowed to tell me that he treats other comics, but he's not allowed to tell me that he treats other comics And he really you know like he told me one time about an open mic he was doing oh On no, I was like this guy wants to be he wants to bond with me a little bit over the biz because he thinks that that's gonna be a point of Me not it's not and I can't be like I

I'm always jealous of those cat. Like, I watch movies and the character will be like, say to their therapist, like, you sit there and you stare at me. What are you doing? What am I paying for here? They're so open. And I'm like, I wish I could do that with therapists, but I'm always like treating them like a waitress that's doing bad. I'm like, no, sorry.

No, no, no, no, it's okay. No, it's great. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm glad you forgot my dad died. No, it's good. That's fine. That wasn't necessary. I didn't go over it. So, uh, so I was like, Jay, I feel like this guy wants to do comedy or wants to see wants to talk comedy and Jay and I started doing a thing. We stopped immediately because it was making me laugh so hard. We started doing like him, like pitching you the therapist slipping bits in It's dude for sure. It's so funny. That's so funny the thought of it. It's by me. It's like I mean, you know It sounds like a bit

Yes, why would you do you think you would use that like Good could you use it? He comes in. He's like Joe is lame for my appointment with my multiple personality I told them you all start without me doctor you run in bits for me right now. Yeah. No. No. No He goes dude. I'm telling you I'd get quite the day one of my clients You know having a problem with commitment guy can't pay me on time. You go, what was that? Do you like that? I hope you start signing off with the ad. He goes, all right, Joe, good session. He goes, I've been Dr. Rubenfeld. Thank you very much. My time. It's my time. That's where my time goes. that's my time to throw back to the, throw back to the, the lobby girl, but that's my, this, this happened me on the way here.

This is pretty crazy. And you know, why would you start a therapy session like that? Because I've seen this girl talk and we go to the mall and he goes, gotta go to the mall right because women be shopping. Yeah, yeah, right. Excuse me. What he goes, and I stop. So you got to stop one of be shopping. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I'm depressed. Of depressed my uncle died. Yeah, it's sad. Funerals are tough. They always be the guy that is nice as suit, you know? I'm kidding. Hey, what?

That's so great. Yeah, you know, I mean, I feel like it was good. I took her to the wedding. She met my family and it's just really good along. He goes, oh, you know, with weddings, they should, they should have to give the gifts back if they get divorced. And you go, what? There's nothing to do with what I'm talking about.

Yeah, weddings are funny. You know, they say after you get married, a lot of guys gain weight, I gained about 210 pounds. Mother and law. Dude, he's just doing old 80s premises because he thinks that they're original. Or he's like, fucking airline food, huh? He's like, what are they? What are they putting in there? He tries to, he tries to play it off.

You call him on it. You're like, it's not funny, dude. Stop writing bits on me. I'm debt serious. That's, no, I'm debt serious. My mother lost 210 pounds. And I heard her last doing it. No, Joe, I can understand that. I'm a single man myself. You know, I think the four food groups are Oreo, cereal eggs and bacon. You know what I mean? Because Joe, I, Joe, I understand that you're, I understand your nervous to travel. You know, you get in that airplane, you don't know what's going to happen. You know, it's crazy. Is the black box always survives?

Why don't they just have the whole plane out of the black? I know, Joey, I know it's tough losing weight during this pandemic. You might want to try a diet. Seafood diet. I, I see food and I eat it. It's been great if he thinks that you're such a shitty comic that you don't know comedy before you. So it's doing stuff where he goes, you know, my ex wife cheated on me, you know, because

she's a fucking r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r. Are you doing kittison? Joe, listen, if your head's spinning and all the thoughts are going on, you've got to say to yourself, I got to take a time out. And you're a white guy. White kids always got time out. You were black. That'd be different. Black kids got time out from whooping that ass. Anyways, we're out of time. Thank you very much. Much love. Shucky Ducky Quackquack, Leave your check with the lady up front.

Yeah. You keep saying that's it for me at the end of the session. Oh, dude. You guys, Joe, you have to take some time and really help heal yourself. Two thirds of the session he goes, also I'm going to be selling these. It's your parents fault t-shirts after the session. Joe, have you, I honestly think you need to go into the next session knowing a little bit about professional whistling so that anytime he hits you with like a.

Gear's name is dude that's the guy he fucking knows he's the world champion dude there's like that point John documentary this is about a world we don't know where I bet fucking the stakes are low, but they are so passionate about it. It's one of those things where it's like it's so hard to do that nobody would ever do it because you're like I'm not working that hard to get good at that. Right. What I mean? Like by the way, I would be like I don't want any kind of like I don't want my bouncing off point guy to be guy that when he's not helping me sometimes Dedicates time to whistling. I can't I won't be able to process that when I go I can't take his

The will Jay be thought about maybe making that phone call. He knows difficult. You're like I'm just gonna see him in a fucking in a tuxedo on a very low rated TV showing as high as moment go on a very low rated TV showing as high as moment. Go, that's what thing. It's gonna be some people who look so serious about it. And then, by the way, the girl in the dress up there looks like her fucking dad still makes her go to these. Like, she's whistling, it looks against her will. Who was it?

Okay, look, there's the guy. There's Greer, whatever his name is. Gears. Gears. He puts some respect on the guy's name. He's a fucking whistler guy's name. He's a fucking man with a bad boy of whistling by the way with the Mohawk. For sure. That's a little bit. Look at that. Look at that red dress right there. She's like doing it. She's like,

all right. She's the Russian one. She has no emotion in it. She just does it great and hard. But we think everything. The one that'll fuck at the conference. That's the one that fucks. No, no, no, no, a few overs. The one a few overs is the one that's gonna fuck you. Yeah, her. She whistles. Yeah, that girl's ready to fuck.

Yeah, I got lost. She won three trophy that night, dude. Guys, I'm a grind, I'm aggressively jumping in here. I don't want to get anybody's slopes up. I think I'm not kidding. I think I might see my therapist. I'm not kidding. Go left. Get to the other side of it. That could be him four years ago. Wait a minute. Can we? Oh shit. Yes. That's him. So he's like in it. He told me he's one of the few. Christine you can't say he's like in it when this is the highest level of it.

This isn't fucking this isn't just sitting around and fucking oil barrel on fire. This is the M M W's. And they just said they took a podium out of a synagogue where they're doing it. This guy is one of the four fathers of bird talking. I don't want to blow up his spot on air, but I'm going to look on my phone right now. Shit. I have his last name written in the other room. Fuck. Go get it. Oh, get it. Austin's from 2015. Oh, yeah, dude.

Joe, if it fucking comes, you know, would you just, would you know if you saw the name? Yeah, of course. Okay. So great. All right, let's see this. Hold on a second. I figured first shot. Hold on a second. Hold. You can't. Yeah. I figured first shot.

Oh, shit. Shit. Is it him right here? Oh, look what he said. Yeah, your name. But you know, you know, you're my reaction. Oh, shit. Oh Hold on Joe your fucking therapist is a grand champion dude dude. He's whistling entertainer these three times He's also featured he's also featured in a feature length documentary film, Pucker up. Bring that up,

bring it up, bring it up, bring it up, Pucker up, the fucking trailer for Pucker up. God, damn, do you spend on the today show? He's no, no one really keeps talking the biz with me. He's been around the block. Honestly, come on, go ahead, it's what I do. The rules are, you're lucky to have, to have insight into this guy's brain.

This world is so small, We looked up the first thing of Whistler. He showed up. The only Whistler we know now is in the fucking final song of the MM Dubs. He's like, Joe, sorry, I'm late for the meeting. I had a three-some last night. Sorry, he's crushing it. Start Whistling.. You start whistling. Next thing, you know, two women or mom a dog in you sucking on your piece. Yeah. Yeah. I was right now. All right. Let you know what Cindy Crawford smells like. I had Tori spelling Joe. I had her in every way I wanted. I was alive, Joe. I'm going to tell you how I see it. There he is. It's just him. He looks like he owns an Italian restaurant. And this is what he does at night while they're serving the fucking port. He goes, that guy's put on Cologne every day of the

quarantine. I wanted to cancel our, to remain our sessions because he goes, I heard you little radio show, and I guess I'm just fucking joke to you. And I go, at first it were, but then I fell out with love. Hey, but then I heard the work. I saw the talent in the passion. You're mocking me with your buddies on your little radio show about me, but you know what they don't know? I've had them all, Kathy Ireland, Candace Burns, Chris Didish, Terber.

And he goes, I went through all of them. I am a whistling jiggle-o. Shit. Funny. I hope he's your birth father. Yeah. I don't want to hear you guys who also tag Cybils Shepherd in the fucking book, make a joke.

Who the fuck did that, huh? Yeah. Hey, everyone here who's gotten his dick sucked by El McPherson, raise their hand. Oh, I guess it's only me raising my hand. Oh, that's crazy. That's crazy. I dress like I run a funeral parlor. Absolutely. I couldn't go to a therapist who let me know that therapy was his second passion. Your passion is entertaining people on stage somehow. Even the way he says it, even the way he says it in a session where he goes, well, I do this to keep the lights on. It really drives me.

It'd be great if his whistle tunes all had names. What's the song called this, this sad, this of Joe DeRosa? Yeah, it's all based on his clients. What? This one is called the, this one is called the rape of Kristen Gibretti. And you know, who is she? Yeah, this one's called Michelle won't leave her abusive husband because she's afraid that

she finally gets to support herself with her children. The intimacy of Steven Green. Night terrors parentheses that a guy named Freddie Gibbs has. He's got Tim got raped by his grandpa. There goes a little something like it's a thing piece. Because one comes in four parts.

Let's go to the trial, the pedophile that was trying to get better. Here we go. This next one is called. He never took a shirt off around his mother. Hope you enjoyed this week's Best of the Bond Fire. You can listen to the show live every Monday through Thursday from 6th APM East on Comedy Central Radio. Serious XM 95 or on demand on the Serious XM app. Be sure to follow us on all social media at the Bond Fire at SXM.

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