The Bugle - 15 Years of Puns!

Episode Date: November 19, 2022

PUNS PUNS PUNS! Andy's biggest pun run ever! Plus, terrible UK politicians, and World Cup nostalgiaThis is the show notes. Why not listen to our new show, celebrating 15 years of Top Stories: https://www.thebuglepodcast.com/topstoriesFeaturing:Andy ZaltzmanNish KumarHari KondaboluJohn OliverNato GreenAnuvab PalAlice FraserChris AddisonProduced by Chris Skinner, Laura Turner and Ped Hunter Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A- Audio newspaper for a visual world. Hello, Bougars. Welcome to this promised bonus sub-bougal issue 4247 sub-episode A. We said it was coming and here we are. Already, what, 15 seconds in? In fact, and there's this sentence straights up. We could be, well, you know, 25 or even

30 seconds in before you know it. Coming up on our recent live tour, audiences got to enjoy, if that is the correct word, puns, if that is the correct word, puns, if that is the correct word, special puns, 2007 puns, and we've held them back until this hyper-special sub-episode, until right now, well in fact later, in the show. We've also got some recent UK news, so it was so much that we held some back for this week,

and in no way has it dated radically, as the UK continues to defy the very concept of time and progress. But before that, the Earth Football World Cup. As you may know, we have a new series called Top Stories link in the show notes and whatever they are and at this week it focuses on some classic World Cup moments. You know from when the World Cup wasn't a harrowing journey into the darkness of the human soul, including from episode 272 so as a preview to that, here's the pre-top story excitement from 2014 in Brazil.

Well, with me, Andy's Ultimate Live, in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. I am heading back home in an hour, I just had to come out here to pick my kids up. And as the last time, I tell them not to come home until they found one of the two largest Jesus statues in the world. Particularly if the one in Rio isn't even top two anymore, equal third after the polls whacked up a 34 meter messara a couple of years ago.

Paralusus, my kids that is not the Jesus's two of them, though, wondered the tricks, one told the stories. Anyway, and joining me from Rio de Janeiro, from New York, same ocean, basically same continent, different hemisphere, it's John Oliver. Hello Andy, hello, Bueglers, quick story, no, there are no stories. There could be no opening stories this week,

Andy, nothing else is relevant. Top story this week, World Cup, World Cup, it's the f***ing World Cup. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Cup is silence, in other words, everything other than the World Cup is pointless. Hamlet was so excited, Andy. He just died of joy thinking about future World Cups. That's what I took from the end of that play. The World Cup is nature's anesthetic, Andy. Nothing's going to hurt for the next few weeks until England get knocked out on its over and then everything is going to be pain, everything, pain everywhere. There are so many benefits to the World Cup, none to the host nation financially, but that's not the point.

There are much bigger considerations than that. I was thinking this morning, and I realised that for me, so much of what I know about the human body, Andy, is learned in the run-up to the World Cup from medical reports on players. The only reason that I and most people in England know what a metatarsal is, is that David Beckham

broke one in his foot in 2002 and the whole nation decided to learn more about the human foot. What I learned then has actually stayed with me. I learned that the human foot has five metatarsals and the worst one to break is the fifth one and if you break the second one like David is, you'll be out for four to six weeks. That's what I know. And this happened again, as I've indirectly received second hand knowledge this week about malaria pills, because the England team are going to be playing in the Amazon, middle of the Amazon rainforest for no clear practical reason whatsoever. And there have been in-depth reports all week in the English papers pointing out

that the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine have prescribed malarone for the 23-man plane school of 49 additional traveling back room with administrative staff. And the England team apparently were given their first pill at breakfast on Tuesday, Andy. That is just good coaching. It's full on meal.

You take it, don't take it on an empty stomach. Good, great start to the World Cup, Andy. They took those malaria pills very effectively as a unit. Yeah, well, I can testify that a difficult malaria pills can be. From when I went to India and could not for the life of me get the mosquitoes to eat them. They're on the... A lot of those pills are actually considerably bigger than an actual mosquito. What are you supposed to do? Chop it up. It led to a spectacular statement from the England manager Roy Hodgson who said to reassure people, the bottom line is it's better to

have stomach cramps than have someone contract malaria. True Roy. True. He's not what that's again that's good coaching Andy because that is true. Stomachrams is better than malaria. That's good coaching Andy, because that is true. Stomachrams is better than malaria. He's got that written up on a whiteboard with little magnets and arrows everywhere. He's the full philosopher king of English football. So well, anybody who's a World Cup special, as always, some sections of the bugle going straight in the bin this week in the World Cup special. A number of sections in the bin including a commemorative supplement detailing the World Cup's

greatest mill-nil draws. Chosen and explained by the legendarily defensive Italian tactical genus Jan Luigi Plotty-Grotzi who evolved the Italian catanaccio defensive tactic into the even more defensive dogganacio and led small town ASC Blugromio to the 1974 Scudetto title without conceding or scoring a single goal still viewed as the high point in the history of Italian football. Also in the bin a where were you when section? So let me tell you where they were when great World Cup moments happened, including Marlon Brando, where was he when Brazil scored their legendary fourth goal in the 4-1 final win against Italy

in 1970? Marlon says, I was on the Italian bench getting into character for the godfather movies, Don Cullionne who started off as a left-sided midfielder in the Italian leagues. We talked to Red Rum, where was he when Croyf pulled off the Croyf turn in 1974? Turns out he was standing in a field, eating some grass. And we speak to David Seaman, England's goalkeeper and ask him, where the f*** was he when Ronald Dino stuck one over his head from 40 yards in 2002? Clearly, he has no f***ing recollection because he wasn't paying attention at the time.

Also in the bin, where are they now section? We catch up with heroes of POS World C world cups including the winning goal scorer from 2010 Andres in the ester. Where is he now? He's still a footballer England squad player James Milner also starting to he's also still a footballer and the US forward Climp Dempsey still a footballer and from 1930 Pablo Dorado the Uruguayan goal scorer the first gold in the final, whereas he now is dead, Juan Botazo, the Argentinean goldkeeper in that game, also dead, and Bert Pattenord, America star striker, 6 gold and 4 games dead. All those sections in the bin.

Innocent times. Now back to the UK. Formerly, Evil Stroke, stroke, naughty, delet, according to preference, but highly competent, now well we can barely tie our collective shoelaces without letting rip and shedding billions from the national coffers. Here's a bit from our birthday show about then health secretary. Assuming she hasn't been reappointed either between me recording this and you listening to this or even me saying the words and the sound waves hitting the microphone, Tari's coffee. This show, Involve Felicity Ward and Anuva Pal.

In other British news, the health secretary is trying to make people smoke more. I mean, that's not technically true, but it's basically true. Felicity, I know this story. Well, I always put the tongue Er, ha ha ha. There's a... Why do they always put their tongue out when they smoke us the gun? Put it back in, Champi, and you're a grown-up. Er, er, er... Um, Tury's probably obviously the spiritual heir to Churchill. Um, Felicity, I know you were fascinated by this story.

Absolutely love this story, and I think it's actually really important. It is important to know that despite the many health warnings, smoking still does look incredibly cool. So that is something to bear in mind. I stopped smoking three and a half years ago, unrelated. Thank you. It was the same day I found out it was four weeks pregnant and very unrelated. And when I think of smoking, I think of grease. I don't know if you've been to grease before,

but those people just love to dance with the idea of cancer. You cannot move for smokers over there. Doctors, firemen, they're put the babies of smoke, everyone's going for it. And I absolutely love that they've read the pamphlets, they've read the statistics, they've got the books, and collectively as a country, they've just said, oh, no, thank you. Not for, they invented philosophy, democracy, yogurt. I mean, they're so innovative.

And I mean, they invented the hypocritic oath. And they're still pro smoking. I think if they're into smoking, I'm into smoking. I mean a lot of us, I heard a lot from the new Tory regime about they don't want to be a nanny state and they're cutting back on programs to advise people on health eating and how to save money. But I mean, Nanny is a bit more than just giving people some useful advice, isn't it? I don't remember the bit of Mary Poppins. Where Mary says, I wouldn't stick your fingers in that plug socket kit if you need me, I'll be in the

**** up. So what they seem to be going for, rather than Nanny State, is a kind of methodicated rogue uncle state where everything is just stripped from your home and there's nothing left. So there must be some kind of balance between the two, I think. I think it's actually a bit more like drunk anti-energy. You know that anti-hands when you're at Christmas, they're like, I made you out of the bag, let's have a cheeky, silly, don't tell grandma.

Ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha. Maybe Andy, new research will come out, that'll say it's very good for the lungs. Well, there has been a research of that effect in the past, I think, so maybe I'm just going back to old stuff. We are taking Britain back. We're taking back control. We're taking back control of our lungs.

That's right, of our self-destruction. Also, in Britain this week, there's a probe launched into the Festival of Brexit, the so-called Festival of Brexit, the unboxed Festival. Now, as you are, as I said, a relatively new convert, festity to the holy state of ethereal, spiritual perfection and guiltless glory that is being a British citizen. So I must mean lovely for you in your first year of citizenship to have this nationwide festival expressing that is being a British citizen. So I must mean lovely for you in your first year of citizenship

to have this nationwide festival expressing what being British really means. I love it. I absolutely, and the unboxed festival, like obviously that was, that's a shorter name, but I found out that celebration of we bite the hand that feeds a shit show was just too long to put on a banner. Look, the British citizen in me is a

poll that all this taxpayer's money is going towards the festival of Brexit. The comedian, because it's been very poorly attended, like a one percent of the intended audience have turned up to these events, right? Those are words I've not heard since I did my first run of the Edinburgh Festival. This is exactly what I mean. The British taxpayer in me is like, I don't want my money to go towards that.

The comic in me is you always lose money the first year, man, festivals are hard. We've all played small audiences, you know? 120 million pounds. And you know, it has caught an element of British culture. I think unfortunately the element that it's celebrated most vividly is our national ability to say ah can't be asked, I look a bit shit. So this is a fundamental part of Britishness, I mean every time I come Andy I see new good money making ideas generating from this this anti-growth country generating from this this anti-growth country. And you know, this is a very good idea,

apparently one of the public installations that they're doing is a is a part of this festival of Brexit it's called the sea monster, and it's an abandoned oil rig in Western Superman that you can go and see and pay for, and it's just sitting there. And now if this sort of thing is gonna carry on, then what we could do back in India

is we could take loads of people down the Mumbai sewers to see an excellent, drainage system the British built in Victorian times. They can stare at their own feces and we could call it the festival of empire. We've left you are living metaphor. NATO have you been impressed by Britain's expression of its spiritual self? I don't know what you're talking about. Thank you. Organizers have claimed that although only 240,000 people have attended, they've claimed more than 4 million have engaged with it,

or be it in the same way that you might engage with a roadkill ferret on a motorway, either by not noticing it, or by noticing it and saying, oh, or by noticing it and saying, how unearthed that even happened. Is that your second road joke of the evening? There's more. I am standing by and I'm excited. And here now it's some more recent UK news with actual night of the realm,

alleged bully and most fired man in government award winner Gavin Williamson. This one with Nishkumar and Harry Condobolo. UK news now and well I haven't taken long but Rishi Shunaks fledgling government has been hit by its first resignation-strote sacking Gavin Williamson former defence secretary former education secretary secretary, recalled to the cabinet on what can only be described as absolutely f***ing baffling grounds has resigned Stoke being sacked, amidst bullying accusations. He was sacked by two previous prime ministers. He was sacked by Theresa May as defence when he was defense secretary for leaking discussions from a national security council meeting and he was sacked by Boris Johnson

for losing the confidence of the entire education system by being unbelievably remotiously f**king useless at his job. He was then knighted earlier this year. He was made a knight. I don't think he can even ride a horse and then he was back in cabinet as minister without portfolio, in Rishi Shunak's attempt to shore up, I believe what's known as the f***ing lunatic wing of the Conservative Party. It does slightly give the, there's a question marks about Suneak's judgement, Nes just a few weeks into his, and he already brought

Suella Bravenman back as we talked about in the bugle just a few weeks into his, and he already brought us a well of braverman back as we talked about in the bugle just a few days after she'd been sacked. And it does slightly give the impression that if Rishi Shunak was presented with that classic conundrum of having a fox, a chicken and some grain, and having to row them across a river and a little boat with them all intact, what he would do was, would be to put the fox

and the chicken in the boat, shove the grain down his trousers, and then dive into the river. Claim that it was all going to plan even as the bloodied feathers floated down onto his wet head. So, I mean, what if you made of, well, I think a point in someone like Gavin, a point in Swela Bravenman who, as we discussed, jumped while she was being pushed from her job as home secretary, was seemed like a very strange move. And it largely actually obscured the strangeness of Marie Harrowing Gavin Williamson, because that had happened six days before she was given the same job. So she was sacked from her job, or she quit, either way, she quit her job. She was reinstated six days later

by Sunak and that obscured the fact that Gavin Williamson, who had again twice been fired for two different types of fucking idiocy. They want you all about the man, he's a renaissance man of being fucking shit to everything. And that sort of clouded Rishi Sunak's reputation for competence, but here's the thing, Rishi Sunak's reputation for competence, but here's the thing Rishi Sunak's reputation for competence is not based on his own competence During the pandemic he was the he was the chances in charge of auditions finances And he pioneered a scheme that encouraged people to eat indoors in the summer of 2020, right? To eat his competence

It's only based on his predecessor. Rishi Sudak's reputation for competence is entirely based on the fact that his predecessor as Prime Minister seems to have been breastfed from a car exhaust. And it's out of his... That's entirely what it's based on. And what's become quickly apparent

is Rishi Sudak is out of his depth. I have never seen an Asian man look more out of his depth since I caught sight of my own reflection during sex. It's unbelievable. I'll laugh too hard. I'm sorry, Nish. Yeah, it's not what you wanted. This close to the start of Big Pride Minister. How are you? Found the early month or so we've had of Rishi Sunak watching on from America. I mean, it's a kind of work,

because a parame is like, okay, so the queen died, that's cool. And then after she died, they elected, it's an Indian guy running the UK. That's probably gonna piss a lot of people off. Like, I got to colonize it is now in charge of the colonizer. But then from what I've heard, he is still colonized. Is that accurate?

Let me put it in terms of the film, Gail, Harry. is still colonized. Is that accurate? No, is that about as MRA? Well, let me put it in terms of the film Get Out, Harry. My concern would be if someone took a flash by a Rishi Sunak, the sea of tea would ride on his face. Ah! Ah! Take my hand very firmly and urge me to leave

the establishment that we were both in. Could I take my old Bobby Jindal jokes and just use them for this Prime Minister? Because I'm assuming that he's basically what Bobby Jindal has always wanted to be. And I'm thinking I don't really know much about this man, but could I just reuse those jokes? Yeah, listen, we're talking about climate crisis.

We got a recycle where possible and all South Asian comedians from America should be recycling their Bobby Jindal jugs for Richie Sourac. No, it's not. Richie Sourac's predestice about one, Boris Johnson, is a set, one of the weird things we have in this country and our American listeners would no doubt be able to relate to this, is resignation honours. So a departing prime minister can give knighthoods and other state honours to people I submit a list and including seats in the House of Lords. Now, a seat in the House of Lords is a seat for life in Parliament and Boris Johnson has appointed on his, Boris Johnson is trying to appoint on his resignation period list a shameful list of bootleakers, bimboes and tropical island holiday facilitators

who between them can be proud to have pushed trust in politics to an extreme low during their ten years and offered very little in return to the British people. Now sorry for not being balanced. What I did there was I quoted from a conservative MP, a Tory MP describing Johnson's resignation clearages. Now that was a reporter on the Sky News website. The reaction from everyone else can be summarized as, well, I know Johnson Ladies cards on the table, but still for f**k sake! Two of his advisors are set to be given this seat for life in our parliament,

for having advised a Prime Minister who took some of the least advisable decisions in the history of this country. So, why would you allow a departing prime minister in this period? I know in America how you have presidential pardons, where you basically legalize crime, it's like a bizarre plot, some knock off sci-fi film or something. Well, in Britain, what this is, it's part of the British method of political corruption. What we have done, we have baked it into our system.

We give it a fancy title and ideally some strange clothing involving some sort of dead animal. And bingo, we have fully formalized and normalized the kind of graph that in less civilized, less democratically advanced countries would take years of behind the scenes effort and millions if not billions of dollars. That is the British British word number one. It makes Indian politics seem a little bit more reasonable once again, right? Because you have to go through all that work instead of, okay, here's an

envelope full of like a hundred lacks. Go. I said earlier that American politics was like, tenet. British politics is like a film that stars Kevin Spacey that came out recently. It's a source of deep national embarrassment. It's a very strange thing that people can just be, you know, given the position of power and be sort of sat in the House of Lords for as long as they want. That's weird anyway. The fact that we have, the fact that our parliament, which claims to be the mother of democracy, has just one bit of it that has people called lords in it, is unbelievable. Like none of that should have happened. Yeah. And with Gavin Williamson, I mentioned he was knighted. So he's now technically Sir Gavin Williamson and the convention is that he's then referred to in news reports

and news broadcasts as Sir Gavin not as Williamson and it annoys the living f*** out of me. So especially when the news report in question is referring to the fact that because the reason that Gavin Williamson has had to quit is that several allegations have been made about bullying within various government departments including Williamson taking real umbridge at not being invited to the Queen's funeral and inviting one civil servant to slit their throat. Yes, which is impolite. It's not nightly behaviour. It's not nightly behaviour. What I tell you, what is nightly behaviour?

Slitting someone else's throat. Not this lazy night bullshit. Oh, got pleat going, swill at your own throat. Listen, Gavin Williams, if you're a f***ing night at the realm, take a sword in your hand to take matters into your own hands. Not me. Is he rude? He's lazy. I do think he should have been invited to the Queen's funeral.

Just, you know, I think they knock on the Pope's coffin. When a Pope dies, they knock on the coffin to check that he's definitely dead. And I think if Gavin Wilimson had been at the funeral, there's quite a good chance that the coin would have burst out of her coffin and said, get that **** out of his window. That's really bad. I'm just still be with us today.

And now to wrap up this sub episode, here's what you paid your money for. If you have indeed paid money, if you want to pay money, go to theBuglePockers.com and click the donate button. Well, it's from our 15th anniversary show, and it's well a very special 15th anniversary pun run recorded in Dublin, in front of a live, and let's say thoroughly enjoying themselves crowd, with Alice Fraser and Chris Addison suffering stroke joining in by the wonders of the internet. Right, well I think we should finish off by maybe looking back to 2007 since it is our 15th anniversary and what was going on in the world of October 2007

Because the very week that the bugle started Now 15 years and what two three weeks ago There was a major United Nations meeting and I had a friend who actually worked at the United Nations at the time And he was running all the various competitions to keep the world leaders interested in the social side of it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I think we're saying the same thing. My mate was working at the UN. He met all the world leaders, he's met the Chinese leader at the time. He said he was very interesting man, who interestingly made all of his money selling cloths for people to drive themselves with, and was still a world leader in that market.

He was huge in towels. Audience, you cannot leave unless you test negative. Run for the doors. The Libyan leader, he gave a speech, but it was absolutely rubbish. And mate bumped into him afterwards and said that wasn't really good mate. And he said, well, I still got paid for it. And my mate said, you got a fee! Kernell!

Not. A fee? A kernel? No. Anyment the... I don't know what stage of his career that was taken, but... They must have been a moment, do you remember how he died with the metal pole, in certain way, metal poles and not? They must have been a moment when he thought to himself, yeah, I had that coming. a'r ymdw i'n gweithio'r ymdw i'n gweithio'r amser ymdw i'n gweithio'r amser ymdw i'n gweithio'r amser ymdw i'n gweithio'r amser ymdw i'n gweithio'r amser ymdw i'n gweithio'r amser ymdw i'n gweithio'r amser ymdw i'n gweithio'r amser ymdw i'n gweithio'r amser ymdw i'n gweithio'r amser ymdw i'n gweithio'r amser ymdw i'n gweithio'r amser ymdw i'n gweithio'r amser ymdw i'n gweithio'r amser ymdw i'n gweithio'r amser ymdw i'n gweithio'r amser ymdw i'n gweithio'r amser ymdw i'n gweithio'r amser ymdw i'n gweithio'r amser ymdw i'n gweithio'r amser ymdw i'n gweithio'r amser ymdw i'n gweithio'r amser ymdw i'n gweithio'r amser ymdw i'n gweithio'r amser ymdw i'n gweithio'r amser ymdw i'n gweithio'r amser ymdw i'n gweithio'r amser ymdw i'n gweithio'r amser ymd a benz, in fact, from a mate if he's, bais mate was then late back from his fishing trip and he just, my friend described it as his angler-murk hell. LAUGHTER But, um...

I mean, never really recovered, he can't drive now, but, um... I remember mate, he... Er, he was, um... He was speaking to this about, with the Afghan leader, um, I mean, so, whenever he was drunk, he was very mordant about the fact that he'd never be able to drive his Lamborghini again. Er, um, and, uh, but, you know, Mae'n gwaithio'r ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwchr yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r y But he tried this really weird recipe. He cooked a roadkill animal, like he found from the English countryside. But in the start of a recipe by a famous 18th century French writer, who was renowned for his pioneeringly filthy pornographic stories.

Yes, he cooked them some potatoes with cheese and gravy, Canadian style. And my mate said it wasn't very good, but because he's kind of intimidating, I felt I had to tell him that it was, it was really quite tasty. Yes, I had to flatter him here, Poutine. Oh, yeet, you can't handle the truth! I do feel, Andy, if you're having to illustrate the puns with the people so we know what you mean. The UK Prime Minister, he carved an apple-madusa for the government system, but he forgot to wrap it overnight when he came down in the morning.

It had discolored. Oh no, he said, oxidation, it's turned my gorgon brown. It's predecessor, it's predecessor happened to be there, as well, he got sick, he was one of the judges, he got sick eating all the food, he ended up kind of bent double, tried to stretch it out, touched the end of his lower limb, then touched the middle of his legs, and he was just vomited everywhere.

Tony, bbfff! LAUGHTER But it was, it was one by the French president, he got a choice of prizes. They'd been donated by the top golfers from the 1960s and 70s. They'd given the items they used to keep their pets warm in and they all had aquatic animals. He had to choose the prizes from Arnold Palmer's turtle sleeping bag. Gary players Dolphin Wungsy, but in the end he went with Jack Nicholas Sharp Cozy. They're actually hurting you now, aren't they? There were other other conversations as well. The British head of state was there. She was entering her pets in competitions for smartest fish and nicest reptile. o'r gweithio'r gweithio mynd i' mynd i'n gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaith the 17th century had a scrotum-related skin issue. Another had rather trouble some wind, and one of them, who had 15 other health issues previously, had a curious curvature of the

wang shortly before he died. But who was who? Oh, I remember now. It was Milton, ex-Muronis buttocks, Dryden, flatulence, and Pope Benedict, the 16th and final illness. Final illness Of his life And there can be no more appropriate way to finish this gig Oh, yeah Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I'll tell you what, there's a couple of haven't done on this tour.

I'm going to do another. I'm joking. No, no, no. Hey, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there 1980s. It was fine when he was doing Tina Turner and Cindy Lopper, but he couldn't really do the hot the high notes, and he ended up getting the the massive James Bond baddie from Moonraker who had a surprisingly high full-setto voice when he sang, and he ended up doing the vocals on his cover version of Wuthering Heights. And my friend said to him, I can't believe it. Did Jaws dub your bush?

LAUGHTER Well, I can't believe you didn't do that one before, Andy. So good. So good. LAUGHTER Right. I mean, there were more. Oh, no, Andy, I'm sorry.

You're so... You're like a delicate, precious flower that's covered in sculptic lace. You! Right. Second roller show, but it's Chris. Oh, fuck! Right. Second rule of show is Chris, always leave them wanting. Always leave them wanting, consider real-ass. Achieved. Anyway, at the end of it all, my mate bumped into the Iranian leader, he wasn't very well at the time,

he had to have all his food intravenously injected by a syringe, but he was really down and lacking in energy. And then he said, I need something to lift my mood, ah, my dinner jab. APPLAUSE His brain looks like that. More? No, you've got to finish. Because I know when I first did the puns, it was with John Oliver. I sometimes think, John, how would he deal with it? Oh Jesus Christ Come on

Right I'm just trying to think there are probably about a hundred and fifty-six global leaders at the time Yeah, and I was thinking of Just calling my wife and children and telling my love o'r ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn y the Democratic Party was there at the time, the Egyptian leader, of course went on to become the first black president of the USA. And when he was, you know, kind of impressed by someone, the Egyptian leader, he used to speak in this strange kind of Scottish accent. And he said, there's nae fat on his chest. He has nae moobs, Barak. Well, I think we found the breaking point. I think this is, I think we found the breaking point. I'm pretty sure this is never my breaking point.

I think this is legally now a hostage situation. Right, well, I would say you asked for it and some of you did. Well, I think that's time to wrap up this gig. It's the problem with democracy, right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. That was very much a satire on the Boris Johnson years, in one of the ways. That concludes this week's Bugle.

There will not be a Bugle next week. I'm currently immersed in a family emergency, but we will have some more Bugle content for you and then we'll be back with a full bugle as soon as possible and practical. Thank you very much for listening. Goodbye. you