The Bugle - A Barbiturate Girl In a Barbaric World

Episode Date: March 12, 2024

Super Tuesday, the end of Theresa May, Quantum Computers and bees all in the news this week. It's a long way from a family show, with Neil Delamere and Nato Green in Birmingham and Alice Fraser and Josh Gondelman in Cambridge.Send thoughts and questions for Andy at [e-mail]. Click follow to make sure you get every episode and please drop us a nice review or rating wherever you choose.PLUS: Become the owner of an exclusive episode of The Bugle, on 12 inch vinyl! Become a premium member NOW! https://www.thebuglepodcast.com/donateThis episode was presented and written by:Andy ZaltzmanAlice FraserJosh GondelmanNeil DelamereNato GreenAnd produced by Laura Turner and Chris Skinner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world. Hello buglers, I am Andi Zoltzman and welcome to episode 4294 of The Bugle. It's another live bugle special formed from two fantastic live shows in Birmingham and Cambridge. So sit back or drive or cook or walk or run or gov your dinner or do some advanced cardiovascular exercise or examine the inner core of your human soul or perform advanced topiary or undergo vasectomy or complete your Machiavellian experiment to crossbreed a member of parliament with a dolphin or drone on through your sermon whilst maintaining a vestige of eye contact with your congregation or whatever you do whilst you're listening to the bugle and enjoy the

show. As I said we have for you this week a phenomenal three-quarters-ish of an approximate hour from our two shows over the weekend in Cambridge and Birmingham, brackets UK versions. In Cambridge I was joined from America or from the sea that keeps America at least partially penned in by Josh Gondelman who was quite literally on a literal boat and Alice Fraser who was accompanied by a very new human being Her own one she didn't rent a baby just to look and sound cool and in Birmingham Neil Delamere was with us at the theatre and NATO Green joined us live from San Francisco So do strap in here comes issue

4294 of the world's leading and only audio newspaper for a visual world. Here it is. Any second now. Honestly, it is... Yep, there it is. There it is. This is the show that is tying us level with episodes post-John Oliver leaving the show. I forget why he left. I think things weren't going too well for him actually. And he decided to quit comedy, get a regular nine to five job. I think he was working as an accounts clerk for a Manhattan delivery firm.

And running a hot dog stand in the evenings. I'd be surprised if he wouldn't actually answer the call and maybe come back for another episode. I'm sure he's well up for that. I think he will. That's bullshit. Ah! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Mae'r ddweud. Mae'r ddweud y tîm yn ymddiadol.

Felly, mae'n ddweud yma yn y 4294. Mae'n ddweud yma ar y gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio. Mae'n gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio. Mae'n ddweud yma yn y gweithio'r gweithio. Mae'n ddweud yma yn y ddweud yma. Mae'n ddweud yma yn y... Mae'r ddweud yn y gweithio'r gweithio. Mae'n ddweud yma, yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma yma Who gets slapped? A play of Circus Life by Leonid Andreev. Did anyone here see that show when it was on or not? There's a few, some of my demographic has got slightly older

since I started doing the news because I'm Radio 4. And Tess, my special, who, What do you think that involved Chris? Have you turned off your fan arts? It's a plain forex by Russian dramatist Leonid Andreev, completed in 1915 and first produced in Moscow in 1915. Immensely popular of Russian audiences. Remade as an American film. No, The Raiders in American movie, but silent, so they could have just kept the original version. So there is, I'm absolutely intrigued by this now. I mean, slapping in terms of Russia in 1915, slapping is about as friendly as it got, isn't it? Some heavy slapping.

It's shot and dumped in a frozen river. friendly as it got, wasn't it? Some heavy shopping dumped in a frozen river. So it's 9th of March, it's National Procrastination Week in the USA. I was going to write something about that, but I thought the joke would be too obvious, so I didn't bother. On this day in 1776, Adam Smith celebrity Scottish economist published The Wealth of Nations. There is that big ad. Look at it. Huge, huge buttons. I guess if you've got invisible hands you need big buttons because you're going to have to be able to do them all.

I'll tell you where The Wealth of nations didn't go, his wig budget. I'm sorry, I've been watching too much drag race lately, watching a lot of drag race at home. You're getting very catty about wigs. The full title, have you got any Adam Smith fans in? Yes! The full title was an inquiry into the nature and causes of the wealth of nations, though the original title was Money's and Honey's,

which was considered too racey even for the late 18th century. He wrote famously about the invisible hand, which is supposed to guide the financial markets, make sure nothing goes too far wrong, self-regulating, but never enforced, the invisible hands. They don't need any government intervention, state regulations, all very well in theory,

but there is a significant problem with it as a theory, and I think we'll have to ask ourselves a question. Please try to be honest with yourselves as you answer it. If you had an invisible hand, what would you do with it? There's an AI follow-up of the the wealth of nations due out sometime in the next 10 seconds. Here it is. Yep, it's an inquiry into the nature and causes of the disappearing wealth of nations. Chapter one, why you shouldn't leave your national economy in the hands of certifiable quits.

Chapter two, why is everyone such a prick these days? Chapter three, grow the f*** up, you f***ing idiots. And chapter four, gee, seriously, guys, why do you have your economic well-being up the wall to make ideological points dickheads? So it's like Adam Smith has updated himself through AI. On this day in 1954, a legendary TV broadcast in the USA, see it now with Fred Friendly.

We've got the, there is now. That might look like a friendly, happy show. Does anyone know what see it now with Fred Friendly actually was? No, it was an interview., ond Macarthiaism. Mae'r ffordd yn gweithio'r Macarthiais ac mae'r antilefti wych. Mae'n gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r he concluded. We must not confuse dissent with disloyalty, oh for one. We must remember that accusation is not proof, snake eyes. That conviction depends on evidence and due process of law. It's starting to sound sarcastic now. We will not walk in fear of one of another, swing and a miss, and we will not be driven by fear into an age of unreason. Edward Murrow, you hopeless idealist and certifiable f***.

Andy, Fred Friendly, more like, red-friendly, am I right? That's right. When it does that, it has actually come up. I'd rather that on the screen. Accusation is not proof. That is, like, that's a beautiful idea. Donald Trump has been president of the United States, and we're now in a place where proof is no not proof. That is like, that's a beautiful idea. Donald Trump has been president of the United States and we're now in a place where proof is no longer proof. On this day in 18, 1959, the Barbie doll made its global debut at the International Toy Fair in New York. Was that the original Barbie? That is original Barbie. Right. Also had a

part in Neighbours apparently. And well Barbie has obviously had the big biopic. Didn't know they had a short list of who to a biopic of and they chose Barbie ahead of Michael Gove and Terry Griffiths the former world snooker champion. What'd I mean? I'd have preferred to see that film. Griffin Heimer would have been such hype. Barbie also behind the 1980s pop hit, I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world, full title, I'm a barbiturates girl in a barbaric world.

A heart-rending neo-feminist rail against the impact of gender expectations on people's lives. I want them to bring out a realistically aging Barbie. It sounds a beautiful victory, but there is the slight chance that it would be depressing that you would get a fully dead Barbie. Children have to learn. Not everyone can have pets these days. Yes, yes, exactly. This is whose future we're doing this for. Top story this week. America is embracing the glories of democracy once again.

NATO, you keep us up to date with all the wonderful goings on in American politics. He had Super Tuesday last week, the State of the Union address. I know you're, I think it's fair to say, not the biggest fan of Donald Trump. Being... That's sick to say. Yeah. Uh, how have you enjoyed the past week? This past week was Super Tuesday in America, with several states held primary voting to

determine candidates for the general election, where Rocky Balboa and Apollo Creed have a rematch, but instead both Rocky and Apollo have similar yet slightly different degenerative bone marrow diseases and continue to fight by seeing who has darker colored diarrhea. A new poll from the New York Times found that Joe Biden's disapproval rating has reached a new high, and he's lagging Trump in several swing states, but there's a bright side. The Biden campaign strategy to win elections

by not giving people what they want is a success, in that the poll revealed a new phenomenon what experts call quote double haters that is people who hate both of them but hate Trump a little bit more and according to the Times the candidate less disliked by double haters has won the last two presidential elections so Biden says democracy is facing its greatest threats of the Civil War and in that moment the energy you want people bringing to the polls is, yeah, I guess, one surprise upset of Super Tuesday is the Arizona Senator Kristen Sinema dropped

out of her campaign for reelection. Kristen Sinema was a Democrat. She switched to independent to run against another Democrat and a Republican election to n Crackpot named Kerry Lake. Cinema, you may recall, is a Democrat who would Joe Manchin would frequently not vote with her party in order to prevent anything good from happening, but do it in a cute way. So if you're in the audience listening to me right now, and you can actually hear me, and you

don't know who she is, Google Kristen Cinema Thumbs Down meme. And it's just her in a cute outfit with cute glasses giving a thumbs down to raising the minimum wage. She was a bisexual who did crossfit and had fun hair and retro outfits like a boozy extra out of Mad Men party. And now that she's out of office she has time to finally write that profile for the sex positive dating app field that she's procrastinating, and I found a draft. I'm a former US Senator with time on my hands trying to have some fun, seeking a partner in crime and like-minded individuals to explore

the kind of ecstatic, handshake pleasure I only get from giving tax cuts to private equity first. I like Bernie May CrossFit cooking in fun fashion. You should have a lot of abs. Go on a road trip with me in a Euro van to find Sasquatch, the Loch Ness monster, and the American swing voter. Also open to couples.

Let's get together for drinks and maybe more if the vibe is right. I'm a bratty sub and bang my clit with a gavel and tell me I was right all the way. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Family show.

Family show. Family show. So the way Euro was wondering what to put on the merchandise? I think bang my clip with a gravel, a gravel even. Court is in session, boo boo. I think Mike Litt, Michael Litt, played for Gloucestershire in the 1970s, I think. Did you see? Is that the first cricket reference? Is that what the bell was?

No, when it gets dangerously close to puns, this gets going. Oh, OK. That ship has sailed. And that's where you're in that t-shirt. I actually watched the State of the Union and Joe, he was brilliant. I mean the level of expectation was quite low but they got the dosages right because that man, I'd say he was in a darkened room about four minutes before it and then they just like took a hood off a falcon and he was like WAAAAAAAHHHH! And he was getting heckled and he was slamming the way you didn't here when you were down

on your arse at the Birmingham Glee. He was slamming them back. He was like, I'm working here. I don't got to wear you working. Slap the cocks out of your mouth. He wasn't doing that necessarily. But he was really, like he was really, really honest and he said that we will continue to send help to Ukraine, which is kind of cool.

I would be, Ireland is against the cluster bombs that are being sent and a cluster bomb we're against them in all the international treaties a cluster bomb to bomb falls to a certain height and then separates into bomblets and that destroys everything and they're been sent to Ukraine and we are against them because we've had boys on and boys on were bad enough when they were together but when they when they separated and I started to release music indiscriminately like a child could have picked up one of those albums so we will be against those generally speaking so Biden was coming out he was banging out these one-liners

he criticizes opposition for not voting for his famous Inflation Reduction Act, which is a bit weird seeing Republicans opposing the IRAs an unexpected move from, for where I'm from. And then Marjorie Taylor Greene got involved, that unhinged Congresswoman, somewhere between a human. And do you know the bit where the washing machine spin cycle goes absolutely f***ing mental? That's what she is.

She's known as MTG. G stands for grey matter and MT stands for empty. She thinks that forest fires in California were caused by Jewish space lasers. That's correct. Jewish space lasers. So they thought that the forest fires were created by these Jewish space lasers by some shadowy conglomerate of people who wanted to clear land to build a railway so what that tells me is that it was in it was within your people's power to build HS2 is what I'm trying to say here and you didn't do it what are you hiding right what are you hiding well I mean HS2 is not completely they've just announced some new plans to that actually they've slightly changed the original Ac ydych chi'n gwybod, ydych chi'n gwybod? Yn ymweld, hsdwch yn fwy o'r gwybod. Yn ymweld, hsdwch yn fwy o'r gwybod. Mae'r gwybod yn fwy o'r gwybod.

Mae'r gwybod yn fwy o'r gwybod. Mae'n gwybod yn fwy o'r Llywodraeth i Llywodraeth i Oxford. Mae'n gwybod yn fwy o'r gwybod. Mae'n gwybod yn fwy o'r gwybod. Mae'n gwybod yn fwy o'r gwybod. Yn ymweld, Nato, yw'r cyfwyr yw. Mae'n gwybod yn fwy o'r gwybod. Mae'n gwybod yn fwy o'r gwybod. Mae'n bwysig i'r cyfwyr.

Yn ymwneud yw'r cyfwyr. Mae'n bwysig i'r cyfwyr, yma, o'r cyfwyr o'r cyfwyr o'r lector hanibol. Mae'n bwysig i'r cyfwyr o'r lector hanibol. Mae'n bwysig i'r cyfwyr o'r llunio gyda'r llunio gyda'r llunio gyda'r llunio gyda'r llunio gyda'r llunio gyda'r llunio gyda'r llunio gyda'r llunio gyda'r llunio gyda'r llunio gyda'r llunio gyda'r llunio gyda'r llunio gyda'r llunio gyda'r llunio gyda'r llunio gyda'r llunio gyda'r llunio gyda'r llunio gyda'r llunio gyda'r llunio gyda'r llunio gyda'r llunio gyda'r llunio gyda'r llunio gyda'r llunio gyda'r llunio gyda'r llunio gyda'r llunio gyda'r llunio gyda'r llunio gyda'r llunio gyda'r llunio gyda'r llunio gyda'r llunio gyda'r llunio gyda'r llunio gyda'r llunio gyda'r llunio gyda'r llunio gyda'r llunio gy gyflawni, gyda'r meddwl yn ymgyrchol, yn ymgyrchol, ymgyrchol yw'r cyflwyno'r Llam. Yn ymgyrchol hanibol, rydyn ni'n fydd ymgyrchol hanibol. Yn ymgyrchol, ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrchol ymgyrch for an American to be killed by a genuine American nowadays. What do you think Biden can do to balance that out? Yeah, well, Biden is trying to split the difference on anti-immigrant racism. He's trying to split the baby, which is a common strategy in politics

that works great unless you're the baby. So he's like, he wants to compromise, do a little bit of racism, politics, it works great unless you're the baby. So he's like, you know, he wants to compromise, do a little bit of racism, like, I'm okay with Mexicans, but it's okay to still be racist against people from El Salvador and Honduras. I'll deport people, but not call them poison in the blood of America, that kind of thing. And as you say, like, Marjorie Taylor Greene was upset about Lakin Riley a college student who was murdered by the documented immigrant because Immigrants are taking our jobs Only we are gonna kill our white girls. No, we don't let immigrants kill our white girls

I like to we ask that question. How can you get an American to kill an American? And I think the answers the ageold answer you have to start in schools We've had some fairly dark jokes on the bugle over the years Neil Think that's like that new that shade of paint that is supposed to be infinitely black black. Google has launched a five million dollar prize fund for people to find things that quantum computers can actually do. Because, I mean, to be honest, I don't understand. Whenever the word, I think the word quantum just gets thrown around to stop people asking questions. Because as soon as someone says quantum, I think the word quantum just gets thrown around to stop people asking questions. Because as soon as someone says quantum,

they think, oh, this is way beyond my level of human comprehension. You know, that's why the James Bond film, Quantum of Solace, I just couldn't watch it. I thought I wouldn't watch it. But luckily, we have two trained quantum physicists with us today. So they're trying to find ways to actually use these incredible computers that are almost

so powerful that they have no application in the known universe. So how is Google intending to do this, Josh? So I think this is actually a huge thing to do, right? I think Google should have someone in charge of whenever they spend billions of dollars making a new kind of computer just tapping a lead engineer and going hey, why the fuck did you do that? It is but this is the thing they've launched a five million dollar prize to find actual uses for these computers They've built that's not a contest. That's a job. Give people money to do science for you, Google. You have all the money, and that's what it's for.

Why are they treating quantum physics like a f***ing scratch-off lottery ticket? Do they think the world is just full of unemployed quantum scientists sitting around entering contests all day? No. I assume they're out there doing calculations on a dry erase board or listening to the bugle and then writing me angry emails about how I misunderstand and mischaracterize their jobs. Just...

Just pay people to do things. That's what I do when I need something done. I don't offer a $50 prize for anyone who can figure out how to get me to the airport for a gig. I call a f***ing cab. Alice, are you going to enter this competition? I absolutely will. Even though the prize doesn't cover one of the most interesting parts of the problem, which is, as Bill Ferfman at the University of Chicago says, they need to figure out algorithms that require a better understanding of how the computer works, such

as how to deal with noise and errors. So basically, they've got computers that don't work very well, and they're not sure what they're meant to do, which I think is like the perfect kind of computer. On the bright side, it being quantum, there is an alternate universe in which these computers have a purpose and work really well. So that's something. Can any of you explain what quantum computers do here in Cambridge? No. Correct. There we go. I just want to have been in the same... To be fair, someone who doesn't know what quantum computers would do would say they don't know what quantum computers can do and somebody doesn't know what quantum computers would do would say they don't know what quantum computers can do.

And someone who does know what quantum computers do also knows that they don't know what quantum computers do. Andy, I love the crowd interactions you're having at this show. You've asked, does anyone know what quantum computers do? Does anyone have faith in democracy? And you've asked, does anyone like bees? Most comedy shows, I don't know if this audience knows this, the comedian just looked at two people in the front row and goes, are you two?

Sorry, boat announcement. I'm going to go up. No, no, I want to hear the boat announcement. All right, here it is. I think we'll all feel safer. I think the announcement is saying, if anyone sees a f***ing great iceberg, do let us know. LAUGHTER Sorry, just to go back to Bill Fefferman,

who's the University of Chicago Professor in Quantum Nursing, he says, I'm very optimistic in principle that we'll find algorithms that are really useful, which is the words of a man who doesn't believe that they're going to find algorithms that are really useful. Let's move on to the real power broker of American politics now, Taylor Swift, who as we discussed a few weeks ago is conducting a covert operation to swing the American..aeth yn ymwneud yw'r cyffredinol yn ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud ymwneud sixth cousin of the renowned 19th century poet, Emily Dickinson. There they are together, can you tell the, I mean this sixth cousin, that to me, that is too far removed to be relevant

even in this swift, obsessed age that we live in. Taylor Swift, those of you who have not heard of her, the self-styled George Formby of the USA. And... Andy, you know what this means. Shake it off when I'm cleaning windows. Sorry, nice one. Andy, this means that Taylor Swift and Emily Dickinson

can fuck each other without it being incest. Well, if I'd known how sad the songs and our poems would be after the break-up. I mean, this is a revelation in the long line, a superstar kind of family revelation, so isn't it? In connection, Boris Johnson, famously related to Hollywood royalty, his great-grandfather think was born nine months to the day after lassie f***ed a mop. Yeah, that's a fact.

Prince Harry is through marriage, I think very distantly related to King Charles. And music superstar at the weekend. Do you know who his mam is? Doris Day. So Doris Day married Darren Day and then rather than having two days he just said I'd call myself the weekend. Family show, extended family show.

Yeah, Emily Dickinson 19th century avant-garde poet. Now we pride ourselves at the bugle on being remorselessly shit at self-promotion. But I don't think we can match Emily Dickinson. She published, I think, 10 poems out of more than 2,000 that she wrote. Only about 10 of them were actually published. So I don't think she had any merch whatsoever. What would you...

You pride yourself in being terrible at... Well, pride is not the right word, but we are just shitting it. I hadn't heard that. Right. Mae'r pryd yn ystod yn fwy o'r rai. Mae'n rai yn fwy o'r pryd yn fwy o'r rai, ond mae'n ddweud yn ddweud yn ddweud. Mae'n ddweud yn ddweud. Mae'r ffyrdd yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ystod yn ymwneud yng Nghymru, Timothee Chalamay, yw'r cyllid yn ymwneud yn ymwneud yn y ffilm. Mae 18 yma, 31 yma, yn y 14 yma, yng Nghymru, Llyfridogwyr, yng Nghymru, Martina Navratilova,. And the Luke Skywalker actor, Mark Hamill, is related by a series of marriages

to the ancient Greek god Hermes, who actually did ironically literally walk across the skies and was also lukewarm about most things apart from being a messenger. And finally, both the gob-shite pseudo-Republican provocateur, Marjorie Taylor Greene and snooker legend, Steve Davis, are possibly members of the same species. So...

Economics News! Who here is an economics fan? Not many of you. Yeah, I mean, I don't understand economics. And I sincerely hope I die that way. I will consider that a life very well lived if I die and continue to ignorance of economics. Fundamentally to me, economics is witchcraft in a pinstripe suit. Economics is the art of telling you exactly what's going to happen and then explaining why it did not. So, but there's been some big economic stories.

We'll get onto the budget in a sec. But for fans of Bitcoin, what a week this week, Bitcoin has blasted through the $70,000 barrier. Now, Bitcoin is something we've touched on over the years. Alice, I know you're a massive fan of cryptocurrencies. But we pay you entirely in, I think, ephemeral, is it? Or is it pseudo dollars? I can't remember which one we actually use.

But I mean, this is, I mean, in terms of fictional things being worth way more than they should be, this is a great day, isn't it? Are you talking to me as a fictional thing who's worth way more than I should be, Andy? Well, Australia doesn't exist, does it? I mean, we've been through this on the bugle before. Australia does not technically, it's just a rumor.

Well, Andy, all of the headlines read that Bitcoin has risen above $69,000 in a new record high, 69, nice, get it? I wouldn't make that joke, Andy, except that it's the kind of joke that Elon Musk makes on X, and then thousands of crypto bros

leap into his comments to say, now this is what I call freedom of speech, well done, sir. And fair play, he is one of the richest men in the world. Maybe today's the day he whimsically decides to grant a million dollars to a randomly selected sycophant. It's not a lot stupider than buying a Bitcoin as a way of making money. Anyway, I keep getting distracted when I start reading this story because of the 69 joke because as a sex move, 69 is my least approved of sex move because if you're

anyone like if you're doing a 69 successfully, one of you is doing it wrong. Ideally, ideally somebody's giving head well enough that the other one can't do anything. That's the job. Sorry. I get back to the story. Family show. Family shops. Family shops. If you don't know what Bitcoin is, it is depending on how you feel about it, either the stalwart proof of concept backbone of the revolutionary decentralized currency movement, or the Tinkerbell that the largest number of crypto blows are still clapping their hands for. If fueling the continued production of Tinkerbell were more energy intensive than running Brazil. It's doing quite well, Andy, because a number of US regulators have recently approved a bunch

of exchange-traded funds earlier this year that track the price of Bitcoin, which makes it more legitimate, and it suggests that it might have more staying power. I find it quite hard to understand Bitcoin. So I tried to write a book about it. I'll share a quick chapter from it now. Bitcoin doesn't fucking exist. If you wanna know how it works, just fucking guess, or ask a brick which will have as much chance

of explaining to coherently as a sentient human being. The value of Bitcoin is fluctuated throughout its made up history from not loads to f**k loads back down to loads, then f**k loads again, then much less f**k loads and now back up to even f**k f**k loads. Which to be fair is still well above its fundamental real terms value of absolutely f**k all. Obviously hugely exciting week for economics fans with the budgets last week. The nation on Tenderhooks, people watching on big screens in Hyde Park in London. They had to have a police cordon between the fiscal conservatives.

Anyway, the two headline moves. It's like watching someone have a breakdown in real time. That's not the worst review I've had. The first review I had in the Edinburgh Festival in the year 2000, I was doing a show called The Comedy Zone with three other comedians and the in the Observer ac yn y cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod o'r cyfnod owch yn ymddi'r llwyffau a'r isbwrg yn ymddi'r prymysg. Yn Tariza May, y Prymysgwch, yn ymddi'r 60 o'r ddweud. Yn ymddi'r Tariza May? Yn ymddi'r 60 o'r ddweud. Yn ymddi'r 60 o'r ddweud.

Yn ymddi'r 60 o'r ddweud. Yn ymddi'r 60 o'r ddweud. Yn ymddi'r 60 o'r ddweud. Yn ymddi'r 60 o'r ddweud. Yn ymddi'r 60 o'r ddweud. Yn ymddi'r 60 o'r ddweud. Yn ymddi'r 60 o'r ddweud. Yn ymddi'r 60 o'r ddweud.

Yn ymddi'r 60 o'r ddweud. Yn ymddi'r 60 o'r ddweud. Yn ymddi'r 60 o'r ddweud. Yn ymddi'r 60 o'r ddweud. Yn ymddi'r 60 o'r ddweud. Yn ymddi'r 60 o'r ddweud. Yn ymddi'r 60 o'r ddweud. for that dances gee the most wooden thing in the history of wooden things she can't even retire to Turkey because they were afraid if she turns up there'll be Greek soldiers inside her I'm pretty sure that's liable I mean my joke about ancient Troy is fine but you suggesting that the light I've dragged you down to my level. The edit's going to be short this week, I feel. So no load of MPs are not standing again. Matt Hancock is resigned to spend more time with his conscience.

And she's as if Brexit hasn't hammered the English farmers enough. Now the wheat fields won't be safe. With that utter loon running through them, running her hand around like a half dead Russell Crow at the end of gladiator. Naito, maybe Theresa May can go and sort out American politics in the same way that she sorted ours out for us. You know, Andy, as an American, I'm still on a steep learning curve about your bullshit

country and its political system. So, you know, I mean, I'm on a steep learning curve about your bullshit country and its political system. So, you know, I mean, I think, first of all, Teresa May is a, I don't know what she's getting a such a bad rap about. She's a better dancer than I am. You know, she shouldn't have come out to the song Dancing Queen. She should have walked out to a more appropriate song to her station, you know, dancing shadow home secretary or something but the About Teresa May Damien Green said quote she uses the commons to promote what she wants to promote

She's not over interfering but is talking sense to me. That's not a description of a former prime minister That's a description of a serial killer by their neighbor I mean to Theresa May I mean she got a lot of criticism as Prime Minister. I think to be fair to her, she did inherit a very difficult situation after the Brexit votes, but I don't think she played it. The way I see Theresa May as Prime Minister was like a golfer in a four balls game, a four sums game, where you'r teimlo'r ternolau. Yn y pethau yn ymdweithio'r gwaith, mae'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio, mae'n ddweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio, mae'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r llai'r cyllid yn ymwneud o'r cyllid yn ymwneud. Mae'n gweithio i'r ffair. Mae'n gweithio i'r ffair.

Mae'n gweithio i'r ffair. Mae'n gweithio i'r ffair. Mae'n gweithio i'r ffair. Mae'n gweithio i'r ffair. Mae'n gweithio i'r ffair. Mae'n gweithio i'r ffair. Mae'n gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i' and takes out a sledgehammer and hammers the board over and over again into the ground, shouting, get in the hole. So that is how I would explain the Theresa May Prime Minister ship. Bit of sport. Right.

Oh, bees! There you go. I like the fact that while the bee sound was on, you had the graphic of Marjorie Taylor Greene. Just buzzing like a... I think it's the most coherent thing she's ever said to me. While the B sound was on, you had the graphic of Marjorie Taylor Greene. Just buzzing like a... I think it's the most coherent thing she's ever said to me. Here she is again. Are you B's fans? B's!

Yeah? No, not for me. I mean, that's to me the B... In fact, all intakes are proof of the non-existence of God. Or God just being f***ing lazy and letting that s*** through the net. But some very alarming news from the bee community that humans are being overtaken by bees. Scientists have proved that bees can learn lessons from other bees to make things better for themselves. That's a quality that we humans, it's hard to believe now, will once thought to possess. Mae'r cyfnod yw'r cyfnod, mae'n rhaid i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i' bingo and racism. So Alice I know you've been our B correspondent for quite a long time on the bugle, this must justify everything you've devoted your

life to for B rights. Andy I find this enraging. All these scientific studies trying to humanise bees so we'll value these load-bearing pillars of our precariously balanced ecosystem for their essentially essential pollinating work. Ooh, they can cooperate. Ooh, they can do maths. They have nothing on humans. They will never be humans, Andy.

They should stop trying. It's pathetic. I will attribute human qualities to bees when they can do things actual humans can do, like hold a grudge for 20 years or cheat on their wives or their taxes. Cooperation? Maths? I can't do maths, and I only cooperate on a good day. Give me bees with a pathological desire to people, please. Give me bees who hate their bitch, aren't.

Give me bees with lipstick on their collars, phoning the queen to say they're stuck at flower office and not to wait up for them. Give me bees accidentally texting, God, I load that to the c**t, they just flew away from. Then I will believe in the humanity of a bee Andy Someone had to say it It's about time someone took those down a peg or two to be honest

Josh do you think bees will remain legal in America? Oh? Yeah, but you can shoot them with a gun Yeah, it you can shoot them with a gun if they get too close to you. Yeah, it is, this is tough. I mean, and this is, this is again, something we knew for a long time. Bees of course can work together for complex tasks. They make honey perfectly every time. I don't have that kind of track record when I cook. I completely go, oh shit, forgot the pollen.

Never once. And we, we can't stop using bee pesticides, right? They're saying we have to stop using bee pesticides because we know more about bees and they're more human. I'm with Alice. We can't stop using these pesticides because now that we know what these bees are capable of, we have to wipe them all out.

We cannot let the living bees with memories of what we've done to their ancestors survive because they will team up, they will collaborate, and they will wreak vengeance upon the human race. That's what I mean, we are locked in the... I mean the quickest way for bees to wreak vengeance on the human race is by killing themselves, which is what bees do when they try to wreak vengeance, so I feel like this is fair. And we are locked in an evolutionary race. We are still currently top dog ahead even of the dog after whom the position was named. But this is further evidence that they're catching us up. In this

experiment, the bees volunteered, I think, to take part in an experiment where in order to gain access to a treat, which was some sugared water, they had to push a blue lever than a red lever, which is a slightly more complex testing procedure than the conservative party used a redleaver, ychydig yn ymwneud yn y cyfnodau cyfnodau yn y cyfnodau ymwneud yn y cyfnodau yn ymwneud yn y cyfnodau ymwneud. Ond mae'n dweud, ond mae'n gweithio'n gweithio. Mae'n dweud yn ymwneud yn y byw'r cyfnodau. Mae'n dweud yn ymwneud yn ymwneud yn ymwneud yn y byw'r cyfnodau. Mae'n dweud yn ymwneud yn ymwneud yn ymwneud yn ymwneud yn ymwneud yn ymwneud yn ymwneud yn ymwneud yn ymwneud.

Mae'n dweud yn ymwneud yn ymwneud yn ymwneud. mastered a slavish adherence to an outdated monarchical system. We taught them very well on that one. But could they develop means of killing millions of other bees at the simple press of a button or the propensity to share videos of other bees without their underpants on? Or even could they invent really stupid games with really stupid rules that take way too long that some really stupid people take far too s- Who the f*** wrote this shit? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha That have been outlawed in the European Union, but which the current government has approved for four years in a row Which is a glorious benefit of Brexit a more poisonous countryside to go with our more poisonous Society they government authorize the use of Thyme ex fire methoxam Which is also known as cruiser SB, which I think was your hip hop

and a methoxam which is also known as cruiser SB which I think was your hip hop name. Yeah it was yeah. And but I mean this is basically the only the only discernible change since Brexit I think is the fact that we can now poison more of our bees for fun. So was it all worth it? Are you Brexit fans here in Cambridge? Was it all worth it? Are you Brexit fans here in Cambridge? Really? Um, oh, yeah, no, that's very much what the rest of Britain thinks. Even a young Australian baby basically expresses our nation's views on Brexit, I think. Andy, so many of these conservative environmental policies are like the new diet of policy reform, where they're like, yeah, yeah, we know that cigarettes are killing us and we have just been diagnosed with a black lung,

but we did just buy a duty-free cart and on our way back from Thailand, so we might as well quit after we finish that pack. Thank you for listening. Our live talk continues this weekend on Saturday the 16th of March at the Warwick Arts Centre, then on the 24th in Leeds, the 28th in Edinburgh and the 30th at the Lowry in Salford. You can be there, and you will be there, won't you? Details at thebughalpodcast.com or elsewhere on the internet. Do support all our wonderful Bugle co-hosts, find them on the internet. Oh, hang on, that's a more efficient way of plugging stuff. Yeah, I'll just leave that with you.

Yeah, until next week, goodbye.