The Bugle - Bonus Bugle - Denmark, Nobel and Oysters

Episode Date: January 19, 2022

Andy introduces some previously unheard clips covering recent news stories, including: Denmark versus Climate Crisis, corrupt British politicians, Nobel Prize Scientists seem quite brainy, and (of course), cricket.Some things to tell you:The Bugle Ashes Urncast wraps up it's first season: http://pod.link/UrncastOur new site is thebuglepodcast.comThis show has no ads, support us via our website with a regular or one off donationBuy a loved one Bugle Merch Follow us on YouTube or Insta and see parts of this show with actual video.The Bugle is hosted this week by:Andy ZaltzmanAlice FraserJames ColleyNato GreenNish KumarNeil DelamereTom BallardFelicity WardAnd produced by Chris Skinner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A- Audio newspaper for a visual world! Hello, Bugles and welcome to Bugle Issue 4216 Sub-episode I, for I will shortly be leaving Australia, and we'll return to the correct hemisphere to record a full Bugle early next week.

This week we have some prime Bugle sub-episode gold for you, including some never previously heard apart from when we recorded them obviously off-guts from recent recordings, featuring a couple of newcomers to the Bugle roster, Neil Delamere and James Colley, as well as NATO Green, Tom Ballard and Alice Fraser. We also have an audience Q&A from a Bugle live show, as well as some cricketing chat from the Bugle Ashes Earncast with me and Felicity Ward. Now don't forget two things, one you can buy tickets to my UK tour now, and I mean now, running from late February to late March and you can listen to me hosting the new series of the news quiz via BBC Sounds and other pod sources

and let's start this week with Alice and James Cully and something a bit surprising in the state of Denmark. In the other environmental news this is a story that shows how low humanity is prepared to set its goals. Denmark has pledged, pledged again, pledged to let it make it all domestic flights, fossil fuel free by the year 2030. Now this might surprise you on the grounds that you probably didn't realise that Denmark, the notoriously not very f***ing big and really quite flat country, has any internal flights as it is. It's a country best known for its controversial fish woman laboratory cross breeding scheme

that resulted in an uncontrolled infestation of mermaids around the coastal nation. And it's announced, yes, so by the end of the decade, no more fossil fuel in its domestic flights. Polar bears across the Arctic have issued a statement welcoming the move by Denmark saying oh well it looks like our home icecaps are gonna re-freeze over fucking night if a small country like Denmark that has absolutely no fucking need for domestic flights it's gonna make its domestic flights fossil fuel free within just eight fucking years eight years let's we forget in which obviously no one will need to take a domestic flight

because it's fucking Denmark. Thank you so much, Denmark. What next? You go announce that you're beautifully designed so for the dolphin friendly. Sorry, are we sounding stroppy? It's just, I'll never mind. P.S., any chance for some herring?

I love your herring. I love this story. I was very impressed by this. Denmark's Prime Minister, who I believe is Hamlet's uncle. Anyway, they're claiming that Denmark is leading the world in this respect. And that is an abhorrent lie. Australia is at the forefront of making flights fossil fuel free by not having flights altogether. In fact, when a tennis player accidentally finds their way to Australia, we lock them away until we work out exactly how they got here in the first place.

And there is a good chance that fossil fuel-free flights is the first in a raft of highly alliterative environmental policies, which includes crucial carbon credit captures, generous grants, guaranteeing ground-breaking green growth, and controversially capturing coal company CEO is constructing crosses and crucifying the well you get the point. You can say it crystal just beep you. Oh well in that case we're going to crucify the ****. France, Alice, have also been doing their bit for the environments by not burning as many

cars on New Year's Eve. There's been a 33% slump in the number of cars set on fire in France from New Year 2019 to New Year 2021. Of course, New Year 2020 didn't happen. So, I don't know quite how we go into 2021. Maybe you should just cancel all new years and just let, I think we should just let 2022 stumble on until everything's fixed. And you know, it would be a such a shame if 2023 is ruined as well. But anyway, it's a 33% reduction.

Emmanuel Macron has now pledged to develop ways for people to ruin other people's cars in a more environmentally friendly manner than vehicular arson, including filling them up with strawberry yoghurt, using them as tomato greenhouses and turning them into mobile hedgehog sanctuaries. But Alice is our unnecessarily burning vehicles correspondent, this must have been very exciting news for you.

Yes, Andy, 874 cars only were set alike this new year's eve. That's nearly 500 fewer cars that were burnt in 2019. There's a target for zero cars to be burned by 2030, but something that's a 500 fewer cars than were burnt in 2019. It's a target for zero cars to be burned by 2030, but something that's a pipe dream. This burning car's thing, I didn't know until I read this story, but it's a great French tradition, because it helps you make and keep your new year's resolutions. It's 31st of December, burn a car,

1st of January, make a resolution to stop being such a c**t. It's very easy to keep, but this is not the only thing that France is doing for the environment. They're also banning plastics on fruit and veg. Some people say it's unnecessary to have plastics on fruit and veg, but I worry because I worry if this includes the little stickers on the apples because if it does, I don't know how I'm going to be able to identify that it's an apple. Well that's what you're only getting it for its branding like all Apple products. I'm going to miss this.

This is a famous tradition in France who will flumbay anything a darker card, not too dumb. They love setting things on fire and I have to wonder how much of this change comes from an environmental turn and how is it how we just use cars differently. A lot of these days people don't own a car to burn. They would rather set fire to an Uber two or three times a week. And so I actually did some research on this. I have, unfortunately that person was a mind bloody French. Delving back a little further into the recent past NATO was understandably somewhat confused about British politics.

So and I'm watching this from afar and I don't understand your system, but Jeffrey Cox isn't the only part of the current corruption inquiry. Is that right? There's other characters. Boris Johnson is auctioning off perages or something. Is that what's happening? E-Buy, basically. Yeah. He's whacking him on E-Buy. And then it all seems very quaint to me,

like this idea that there's outrage that politicians should not be above the law and people face consequences for their actions. As an American, what kind of children's fairy tale are you living in? England. There was a quote in one of the law and people face consequences for their actions. As an American, what kind of children's fairy tale are you living in, England? There was a quote in one of the articles, there was somebody who was his name Patterson. It got charged.

Yeah, and Patterson, this was sort of the start of the whole thing because he was charged and found guilty. Johnson tried to change the laws. Then he got, then the under severe pressure. They then had to do a you turn on it And Owen Patterson quit and he said politics is horrible because I can't cheat So my face here's my favorite line about it in regarding Patterson I said there's an article. I saw a Tory MP Mark Fletcher said, two years here is more than enough

to know the difference between right and wrong. Two years, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say my preference would be, if I may, that a person should know the difference between right and wrong before they run for office. Um. Um. Um.

Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Two years years I would like what is the campaign look like? Hello, elect me MP and we will burn down the home for the elderly with them inside screaming through their stupid dentures. Oh wait what's that? Well, you weren't actually here in 2019 and I believe that was one of the key conservative manifesto bridges. And then to be, the way they've handled COVID, they almost follow through. Really? When will politicians get credit for sticking to their promises?

But they did it without the fire, so it was more environmentally friendly. No, no, no. Have you won a Nobel Prize? Don't worry, most people haven't, including me, and the people you are about to hear talking about people who have won a Nobel Prize, Tom Ballard and Neil Delamir. Nobel Prize news now, and well, looking at the world politically and economically, it's quite hard to shake the suspicion that the planet is broadly, as planets go, f***ing stupid

and how it looks after itself. But nonetheless, within that planet, there are some incredibly non-stupid people and things going on. And the Nobel Prizes celebrate these things. There's been some sensational efforts this year. The chemistry prize went to a Benjamin List and David McMillan for their work on asymmetric organocatalysis, which

we're all big fans of at the bugle. Neil, what does asymmetric organocatalysis mean to you, on a deeply personal level? I prefer it to the symmetric organocatalysis. I mean, I really don't like that. It's too regular, isn't it? It's too regular, yeah. I mean, you need a bit of space in your I really don't like that. Yeah, it's too regular, isn't it? It's too regular, yeah. I mean, you need a bit of space in your life, don't you?

You don't have to be able to predict a reaction. You're involving an enzyme. No, you definitely don't, man. That's, I mean, I'll go to my grave, send that. Ha-ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha. I'm in response, if you're going to your grave saying anything, then the very bad medical mistake has been made.

Ha-ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha. I swear I'm fine, getting the hole, get in the hole. What are you in American Radio Club fan? Get in the hole. And Tom, it appears to be some kind of technique to make medical drugs appear at a thinner as far as I can make out. And because when I read an article about some kind of high level science, I get about three words in and think I've wasted my life, I don't understand. It's essentially witchcraft in a lab coat. But it might be able to cure all known diseases and catch a light or something.

No, they should be burnt. They should all be burnt. They should at least burn one of the winners every year to sort of say, you know, come on people. Let's keep it within the laws of God. And let's not spit in his face. I didn't know that we know more about his beautiful creation than he does, you know what I'm saying. I'm not expect you to be going on about the laws of God, Tom. Well, no. Obviously, they're obviously... I'm trying to say. They are. See, your tongue tied now, that's God's judgment time. That is God's judgment. I don't know what can be there. I did understand some of us.

I didn't understand the chemistry of the honest switcher. I understood the physics one because basically they laid the foundations of modeling of the earth's climates. So you will reliably look at global warming and it's predictable now. Because for years, the was global warming and we didn't know what caused it. Was it man-made activity? Was it invisible dragons breathing fire into the air at night? We just didn't know and now we know that it's predictable and the chief advantage of us knowing what global warming is going to do is a polar bear can finally get the refers in order.

That's the big thing. There is state planning used to be an absolute mess. They'd be like, oh, we've got loads of time and then boom out of nowhere, the ice flow was gone and then the stickets have to last year in Mints in Taxes. No one's happy with that. So now they just look at this model and go, oh, better go through the slister and juiced it. It's much easier for everybody involved. We all have clarity. We all have clarity. Yeah. Yeah. Whatever they have, the clear signs on climate change, I'm sure the rest of humanity will act in a reasonable and rational approach in order to tackle this global problem, work together to transition

us into a clean economy in a simple and easy way that benefits everybody, right? Probably if you don't buy the end of this call, to be honest, that's yeah. Yeah, also nominated for the physics prize was a revolutionary breakthrough of a means of making television shows come true as seen with the firing of William Shatner into space, which is all very well in itself, but this way if you all game of thronges is Amelia Clark has been banned from the reptile house at London Zoo. Also, inominator was the online conspiracy theorist, too true for you, for his proof that gravity is a hoax. In chemistry, well back to the chemistry prize, David McMillan, said that he felt, on hearing that he won the chemistry prize, he felt dazed, confused, elated, proud, sentimental, and weepy, which coincidentally Boris Johnson's nicknames for his senior cabinet ministers. Also, how Neil is feeling on the occasion of his bugle debut, no doubt, very much like a comedic

Nobel Prize. Another bit of chemistry nominated was a means of turning burgers back into live cows and a scientific formula for on-screen chemistry that could make the average rom-com up to 18% more plausible as long as you can shake the feeling that they're not really in love, they're just fabulous actors. Medicine and physiology, they found a means of making footballers take the COVID vaccine and they discovered a new form of mullet that can double up as a rudder when using an electric scooter. But it was one by David Julius and Ardem Patapucciin, who essentially found out why it hurts

when you kiss a boiled kettle. It's a, it was basically. My granny used to say, a boiled kettle would never be kissed. I have genuinely done that as a child. It was a reason I did kiss a kettle and brought my lips. And yet I was not nominated in any Nobel category this year. Well, you should have been, because you know, these things often shared by people who've

done separate complimentary research. I'm happy to tag you on to Julius and Patta Putin, we'll chuck ballad on the end of that. It was work on... I think that's how it works. I think Natalie's officially got the Nobel Prize. Yeah. And these were, Terry's a lot of weight in a Nobel Prize community. Absolutely. Hopefully I'll follow the path of previous Nobel Prize winner Obama and get a Netflix deal later on.

It would be great. It was on their way. It was on touch and temperature and it involved using chili peppers, wasabi and drunkenly competitive late night curries and could lead to new ways of treating pain, which could prove even more effective than rubbing it better, praying really hard and karaoke. Yeah, he found this protein, Pi Z01, and it's not in sensory organs, it's in organs like the bladder where pressure sensitivity is important.

And he won the Nobel Prize for medicine. If I were the people who had developed the MRNA technology for the COVID vaccine, I would be ringing up the Nobel Prize Committee going, I have saved hundreds of millions of lives, and you've given the prize to the bladger protein man. How many people urinate themselves to death? Because if the answer is not 100 million, I'm coming for the gang. You're gonna say it was a mistake. You're gonna write a cheque to 10 a lady. And I'm getting the medal. That's what's gonna happen here. I think the people who created COVID-19 deserve it more than that blood ago.

In that lab, you know. That was a terrible... That was a pack... And when I was a pattern when I gave an award to other species. That way it crazy lies time. My friend, and this is absolutely true, he's a professor, he was the second most cited scientist in all of Europe a couple of years ago, and he was a referee for the Nobel Prize for Biology once, right? And they rang him and they went, so Professor, this is Magnus Jensen from the Nobel Prize Committee and he went, oh my God, this is amazing.

I like to take my family, I like to take the academy. And the guy went, would you be a referee for the biological prize? And he was like, maybe start with that, maybe, hi, I found the Nobel Prize praise committee you have an honest relax He said it was like someone rang him and said we're having a brilliant parity, right? You can come but who would you? Invite that's what he said was like Back in the murky gloomings of 2021 there was was a bugle live show in London, at which our

audience asked me, Nish and Nator via the big screen some cues, and we attempted to provide some A's. Do we do a Q&A? Your enthusiasm for that Q&A. Right. Really betray someone who has spent a log time engaging with the opinions of the British public. Right, I think for the Q&A we need to sit at the congressional hearing table.

Chris has got every question. Any hands, I can't actually see anyone at the moment. Given how mediocre COP26 has been, is it time to get Zach Snyder in for a gritty reboot of the franchise? I mean, I think Nate told me I will take that question, given that Andy's desperately trying to work out if Zack Snyder was the lead in side by the bell. Er, er, er, er, er.

... ... Andy, Zack Snyder has nothing to do with sport of any kind. Right, I'm out. I'm absolutely out. He's got a little thought you'd concentrate on your fight. I would say, I would say no on a Zack Snyder reboot of the COP26 because it would make it longer and more tedious

and try to present Ben Affleck as dignified. Somehow it would achieve even less. Yeah. It would involve an extended sequence of Gagado, wondering if she's actually hot or not. So I would prefer the Wes Anderson reboot of the COP26, just something a tight hour and 20 minutes, very Tweet, past our colors, the same cast

playing themselves forever. Well, fortunately in 10 years, we will all be very much living the life aquatic. We got another question. Yeah, there's another question. Chris has found something. It's the first thing you, Chris. Wow, that was, he was, there's another question. Chris has found something. Firstly, f*** you, Chris. Wow.

That was... That's the closest I've ever seen anyone get to actually say it to him. And it's somehow way more threatening than it's when it's one person. When it's lots of people, it's like, Oh, f*** you, Chris. When it's one person, it's like, f*** you, Chris. Of course. And he had you feel about the...

Very, very close call of our decisions on the England T20 semi-final? Oh, well, the third umpire decisions. I'm going to take this one, everybody. Right, okay. I mean, NATO, what did you think of England's death bowling in those crucial overs? Do you think they left themselves vulnerable to a late counterattack by New Zealand's powerful middle order? Yeah, I thought that they should have leaned harder into the offense in the second line. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER

LAUGHTER Cricket time now and here's something from our rogue Cricketing offshoot the Bugle Ashes earn cast with me and the wonderful Felicity Ward. MUSIC Andy, you've been in Australia for what seems like years now and I thought while you've been away, I want to know your best of, your favourites, so I've got a little question here for you, just off the top of the dome, love a quiz, and this is the best part, you

can't get it wrong. I'm like the England team, you cannot get this wrong. So Andy, what's been your least disappointing Wi-Fi connection? Oh, the least disappointing Wi-Fi. Because Lord knows we've had some shit eaters while we've done this podcast. Yes, that's a tough one. That's up though with least disappointing session of cricket of the series. I think I had a moderately okay one in Adelaide, so I think I'll go with that.

I'm usual. I mean Adelaide, of course, as everyone knows, there were no convicts in Adelaide. They were just the settlers. They were the good people, apparently. That's why the Wi-Fi works. That's why the Wi-Fi works. Yeah, it's just a much more morally upstanding sort of Wi-Fi in Adelaide. Yeah, that's right.

Second question. Yep. Which pillow, hotel pillow, came closest to laying next to your wife? Which one emulated the experience of having a cuddle? Right. I mean, there's no real way that I can answer this question without insulting my wife. So I would say obviously no pillow can match human perfection for Lizzy. A lovely and she doesn't listen Andy, she doesn't listen to this, she stopped listening to you years ago.

My husband's never listened to this podcast. Ever. It's our safe space for Lizzy. It's our safe space. It is our safe space. Okay, so obviously nothing comes close to perfection. Yep. What's been your top pillow? My top pillow. There were some oddly long ones in one of the hotels. I got on a porch. This is what I'm talking about. It's what's on it. Sometimes it's nice to have a cuddle. Yeah, but I haven't actually cuddle. I mean, it feels like an opportunity missed now to snuggle up with a pillow. Yeah, have a little comfort. Yeah. That's what the long pillows are for.

Right. We send you to paradise and you don't even know how to enjoy yourself there. Yes. So why are Australian pillows so long? That's what I want to know. What are you have like couch cushions at home in your bed? What do you got? Well, just use I want to know. What do you have like couch cushions at home in your bed? What do you got? Well just use me you know the width of a head plus a bit more. Australia I'm not sure expecting people to people's heads to suddenly experience it because people used to sleep in their hats so needed a

wide enough pillow for the massive Australian hats. No it's because they saw your hair and thought we need to accommodate this. Okay. Third question. Yep. Give us your top three moments where you thought this isn't worth it. While you're out there. Well, I mean, that's a tricky one because obviously coming to Australia for the assages is a genuine child, a dream of mine and you, working on TMS. So I don't think I ever thought it wasn't worth it, but from a cricketing point of view, I think they were all basically within the first second of play of the series, with not picking broad on a pitch made for him, winning the toss and bowling, and then Rory Burns. Almost, I mean, kind of if you later set a template that minus LaBachane then adapted to more comic effect

in the final test of the series, it was almost like a fucking callback. Well, that's a sick burn, isn't it? A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A- Basmond basically lamp hoons the way you started the series in the fifth test. Just go, nothing matters now. It would only be if he had like a joint hanging out of his mouth while he was doing a gun. You were a... And look, Andy, just to wind it up on a lovely note, what was your favourite city? My favourite city. Well, I've always loved coming to Australia, but I really enjoy being in Hobo, because I've not been here before and it's got a very different vibe,

and you spoke about it very fondly last week. So that's been, that's been, I guess the travel highlight, I've been to the other three cities I've been to before Melbourne, Sydney, and Adelaide, and obviously it's a strange tone to be traveling around Australia, but Hobart's been delightful.

You had some nice meals there? You had some nice food? I have had some nice food and also some extremely fried food. Oh, slightly too fried. But yeah, we've eaten well. Now we're oysters in the press box. What a treat. I don't think is particularly necessary for a cricket press box, but it was certainly a lovely touch though, isn't it?

By the hacks, yes. I mean, very hard when you're all trying not to f*** each other while you're coming, Teddy. The Afro-Daz-Yak! Agus, don't look me in the eye! That is all for this week, Bugle, sorry that the recording schedule has been a little bit haywire of late, but once I return from my journey around A, Australia and B, the concept of inevitable cricketing failure that is an England tour of Australia, we will be back to regular weekly shows.

Until then, from Hobart, Tasmania, where the devil runs free in angry marsupial form. Goodbye.