The Bugle - Boris Breaks The News Cycle (4244)

Episode Date: October 24, 2022

Andy is with Alice Fraser, Ria Lina and Tiff Stevenson to look at the lightning fast political news in the UK (yes we recorded somewhere between Boris entering and pulling out) plus, New York rats and Hotties from History returns.Why not listen to our new show, celebrating 15 years of Top Stories: https://www.thebuglepodcast.com/topstoriesThis episode was produced by Chris Skinner. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to a real thing that's going to happen. TheBuglePodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world.

Audio News Paper for a Visual World! Hello, Budalus and welcome to issue 4244 of the Bugle Audio News Paper for a Visual World. I am Andy Zoltzmann and what you're about to hear is from the second of our Bugle 15th anniversary live Bugle live shows at London's Nessus Square Theatre. The show was performed on Saturday the 22nd of October and in what is now the standard style for all British topical comedy shows, it has become partially out of date before it could even be blasted into your ears. Since we recorded, Britain was rocked by the astonishing news that Boris Johnson would not be running to re-become Prime Minister, thus breaking a long run of this country doing the thing most absolutely damaging to itself politically.

Johnson claimed he had enough supporters to run for the leadership. A hundred were needed under the hastily invented rules for picking a prime minister that could serve the party plucked out of its fundament this time. But Johnson also added that he would not be doing so essentially for the good of the country. Obviously pretty much everyone called bullshit on part one, they claim that he had a hundred badges because, well, just because, and everyone called the f**k sake mate, how can you even claim that they got to the country, is there ever been a fact in your political career without doing one or more of giggling, cackling and melting on part two? So sections of this show were still labelling under the assumption that a toy Titanic would have another girl

at mating with the iceberg, which, small mercifully, will now not be happening. Not only might part of the main show be out of date, but now there's also a possibility that this explanation of why the main show is out of date will also itself be out of date because by the time you hear this, it's looking like either we'll have a new prime minister, so essentially just look on the show as a kind of history lesson more than anything else. Anyway, we pick up the action at the Leicester Square Theatre in the third over the day and a section of the bugle is about to go straight. It's going, where?

This is how cults begin, isn't it? If you reach on the orc, there's a special coloured... Anyway, in the mid- this week, we have some audio emojis. Well, emojis are very visual things, and I think that's unfair for people who live in the audio medium, such as Google listeners, so we have some special new audio emojis to help you express your emotions about the world. These include, ah! your emotions about the world these include For our Tory listeners And for any listeners who want to put an audio emoji on the end of a message to one of their children

whoops We also have a special supplement in the bin for our UK based listeners including all I guess in this room, and that section is good reasons why there should not be a general election immediately. And here's a list of those reasons. Some of the pencils are broken. That section in the bin... BELL RINGS Now, so I'm going to meet ourgus for this 15th anniversary bugle. Now to mark this podcast, having existed for 1.5% of the third millennium, a millennium, which of course is in the running to be the least shit millennium for women in living

memory. We have the most thoroughly exchromous-owned bugle in history. Yes, after 293 episodes in which this podcast was, as God intended, two Oxbridge-educated white men banging on about shit. We had to f***ing change because of the f***ing woke. So, um... So, since then, people like me and Chris and John, that's why you had to go because of the cause of the woke. We've been increasingly marginalized, when will people like me be allowed to have a voice? Anyway, thanks to cancel culture having forced John Oliver

Ruffa Show. We now have not one, not two, but three. Female guests for the first time on the bugle. Two of them in this room, please welcome qualified virologist, Rialina, and unqualified virologist, Tiffany Stevenson. Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Welcome Hello, hi. Oh, welcome to the bugle 15th 15th anniversary live extra against how are you both good? I was I was late here came through the crowd. Hi everyone Got stopped and I went I'm just sneaking through because I'm on the show the woman went no you got to get in the queue No, I'm on the show and she's like oh shit and when I'm on the show and she's like, oh shit. So what I did, I just literally climbed over the barrier and almost got

necked back and back. What do you think you're doing? I'm like, I'm allowed now. It's 2022 women are allowed to be funny on stage. So 2007 is when this podcast began. Can you remember what you were doing in the year 2007, before the universe was brought to life by this podcast. Is this pre- or post-watershed?

I don't, just people have a watershed. I mean, I just think with a podcast, is it kind of hard to monitor when people are listening to it? It depends what time of day the listeners listening to this. Sorry, have a guess. You're gonna have to edit together like a, you know, a twilight and a dusk version of these stories. Just explain it on non-explicit. That's the question. What were you doing? We were 50.

So what were you sex? For the whole year. 15, so 50. I know that you're so 2007. I had just met Scottish boyfriend, explains a hang, who is now Scottish husband I'r 2007, mae'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r

gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yn yw'r gwaith. Mae'r gwaith yn yw'r gwaith yn yw'r gwaith yn yw'r gwaith yn yw'r gwaith yn yw'r gwaith yn yw'r gwaith yn yw'r gwaith yn yw'r gwaith yn yw'r gwaith yn yw'r gwaith yn yw'r gwaith yn yw'r gwaith yn yw'r gwaith yn yw'r gwaith yn yw'r gwaith yn yw'r gwaith yn yw'r gwaith yn yw'r gwaith yn yw'r gwaith yn yw'r gwaith yn yw'r gwaith yn yw'r gwaith yn yw'r gwaith yn yw'r gwaith yn yw'r gwaith yn yw'r gwaith yn yw'r gwaith yn yw'r gwaith yn yw'r gwaith yn yw'r gwaith yn yw'r gwaith yn yw'r gwaith yn yw'r gwaith yn yw'r gwaith yn yw'r gwaith yn yw'r gwaith yn yw'r gwaith yn yw'r gwaith yn yw'r gwaith yn yw'r gwaith yn yw'r gwaith yn yw'r gwaith yn yw'r gwaith yn yw'r gwaith yn yw'r gwaith yn yw'r gwaith yn yw'r gwaith yn yw'r gwaith yn yw'w'r gwaith yn yw'r gwaith yn yw'r gwaith yn yw'r g 50, I'm trying to think for like the bugle, it's a special time because you're technically too old for a prince. But you've got a good 10 years if you want to get it on with Leonardo DiCaprio. So it's a good place to be.

I mean I wasn't actually having the sex, I was having the result of the sex, I was born a baby in a 7. That'd be a lesson to all of you. And then that was so traumatic. I decided to go and like investigate fraud at the serious fraud office. So I was doing that. Yeah, it was fraudulent. That baby was fraudulent.

It's fine. I returned it. You keep the receipt. You return it. So you worked at the serious fraud office. Is that, I mean, the serious fraud office is now just any office in the country, isn't it? Yeah, I mean it's a... Well depends how many Tori MPs have their first job there. LAUGHTER

Also joining us today through the magic of technology. In better than one, how technology has changed in the 15 years we've been doing the bugle. The first episode of the bugle with me in London and John in New York required two yoga pots yw'n gweithio'r yw'n gweithio'r yw'n gweithio'r yw'n gweithio'r yw'n gweithio'r yw'n gweithio'r yw'n gweithio'r yw'n gweithio'r yw'n gweithio'r yw'n gweithio'r yw'n gweithio'r yw'n gweithio'r yw'n gweithio'r yw'n gweithio'r yw'n gweithio'r yw'n gweithio'r yw'n gweithio'r yw'n gweithio'r yw'n gweithio'r yw'n gweithio'r yw'n gweithio'r yw'n gweithio'r yw'n gweithio'r yw'n gweithio'r yw'n gweithio'r yw'n gweithio'r yw'n gweithio'r yw'n gweithio'r yw'n gweithio'r yw'n gweithio'r yw'n gweithio'r yw'n gweithio'r yw'n gweithio'r yw'n gweithio'r yw'n gweithio'r yw'n gweithio'r yw'n gweithio'r yw'n gweithio'r yw'n gweithio'r yw'n gweithio'r yw'n gweithio'r yw'n gweithio'r yw'n gweithio'r yw'n gweithio'r yw'n his predecessor was in charge. They were all recorded on a typewriter. But things have changed now. It's using the magic of the internet. We are now able to bring you a guest from basically as far away as it's possible to get on this planet without being an either New Zealand or space joining us

from Brisbane, Australia. It's Alice Fraser. Hey! Hello, everybody. I cannot see you or hear you, so I'm going to assume that you find everything I say funny. Can you, what, is the camera working, Alice? Can you see me? No, I can't see you. I can see two versions of myself holding my head like I'm trying to psychically. Oh, yeah, I can see you now. Excellent.

Right, OK. You can see the crowd. They're not very well lit. I can see. There they are. When I said you, I meant the crowd. I can't see them or hear them. I can't see you, but I can't hear you.

And together, the maths of that will work out somehow. Alice, what were you doing in 2007 when the bugle was born? In 2007 I was at university being extremely figuring myself out in the most embarrassing and uncool ways you could possibly imagine. I mean, could they be more embarrassing and uncool than when I was at university, which I spent basically face down reading about cricket statistics unaware that was something I would at some point monetize. It's frustrating. You're now retrospectively in coolant by doing that. Right.

I think we are, actually, well, we haven't asked what you, the audience, were doing. What were you doing in 2007? Fingering, did anyone say fingering? No, but that guy said getting married, so he stopped fingering in 2007. Anyways, now time for Top Story this week! And if you listened to last week's Be All Recorded here, live at the Lesley Square Theatre, last week's top story was Britain is fucking fucked. Well, we have an exciting follow-up for you this week, because Britain, this week, top story is Britain is even fucking more fucking

fucking fucking fucking was a fucking week ago Chris you were supposed to bleep them out when they depends what time of day they listen to it It has been one of those weeks, well I don't know if you listen to the radio for news It's one of those weeks that's really emphasized why they always bleep out the first six words of the news bulletins. Oh, it's... It's... And just a warning, the next section of this show, just a health warning for anyone listening. Either in this room or listening at home, this section may ruin your appetite, make it impossible for your children in the eye, give you profound feelings of nausea, and make you want to go

to the centre-top and spray paint, we're of nausea and make you want to go to the Senate half and spray paint, we're s***ing sorry that you died for this s*** uh uh go over it because this week we have seen the next phase in the long slow devastation of the soul of the

United Kingdom at the hands of the Tory party we had Liz Truss last week taking on a lettuce to see you could last longer the lettuce one the lettuce one leaf the lettuce one, leafs down, and now, and now it looks like we could be set for another classic pro ministerial showdown, Boris Johnson versus a steaming bucket of shit. Now this would not be, and I don't know if he's going to become pro, just to automatically assume the worst, but that will be not a contest to see which can last longer, like, trust versus the lettuce.

But Boris Johnson versus a steaming bucket of shit will be a contest to see who could be more like a steaming bucket of shit. And put it this way, the bucket of shit is going to have to seriously raise its game. So, Tiff, I'm going to help you. Well, can you put that picture back up, please, Chris? No of Liz.

Come on, at least appreciate those Clez accessories earrings she's gone there. Which is really what won the people over in the end. Did you see the lectern as well? The lectern was kind of, I don't know if it was, kind of twisted. But if you see Boris Johnson, when he resigned just a few months ago, it was straight. So the power of conservative history has made wood.

Ben. Ha ha ha. Ha ha. Do you want to have 44 days? I'll tell you what, Theresa May must feel like the juror sell bunny right now. She is absolutely loving it. Like, she came in, took out the economy and the queen. Let's just say it. And the toy part of her own career. I mean, it was incredible. I think

it was the mini budget tip to over the edge, didn't it? I do want to mention the economy because I'm very concerned about it at the moment. The economy is sort of like me and my 20s in that there's a lot of interest. Dropping pounds like crazy, often a negative credit, always going down when you don't want it to, and occasionally being destroyed by public schoolboy. So... Family show, Alice! She's got him before you! I made some bad choices in my 20s. That's all I'm saying. Give me a cheer if you would like Boris Johnson back as your prime minister. Oh... Putting Boris Johnson back in as prime Minister would be like trying to eat

your own poo with your own bottom. And like if it was a really upsetting poo to begin with, like not even a good poo, just getting rid of it wasn't even satisfying. You were so glad it was gone, the trauma of removal was erased by the bliss of the plush and now you're trying to re-engage. I'm wondering how the fraction of a percent of people who voted trust in are feeling, the 81,000 plus people who voted trust in, how they feel right now, because she's not to blame. I don't think she's to blame at all. She showed her skill set. They're the ones who hired a crocodile to do laundry

because of her patented death roll. They can't be pissed at her that their pants are covered in mud from all the violent thrashing in the shallows. You know, I thought they were covered in mud from all those pork markets. It's not mud they're trying to eat their own poo with their own bottles. I'm sure there's a website for it somewhere. What disappoints me is the mixed messages. You know, Suella Braverman just quit because she was unhappy with our stats on migration. She's like, we're not paying attention to our migration. We don't want any more people coming in. I said, the economy's tanked.

No one else is coming in. I think your job is done. Well done, good boy. But it's confusing. It's really confusing, because here we are as a Tory party. The Tory party is not wanting people to come in anymore, and yet we're allowing some guy that lives off the state to fly all the way back from the Caribbean with his family. As far as I can tell, don't contribute anything at all.

And he's allowed in, so what the fuck? I mean, it has been, I mean, just going back on the timeline since the last bugle. Mae'n gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaith And in the end, well, she was known as the human hand grenade. This was her nickname as a politician. And she was left alone shouting, which two bits of this thing was I supposed to throw? And which of the two bits was I supposed to keep hold of? And we learned it was impossible to turn that round. As the old saying goes, it's very hard to restart a drowned donkey on a sinking ship.

And she tried to fight back. It's very hard to restart a drowned donkey on a sinking ship She tried to fight back she said that prime minister's questions on Wednesday incorrectly as it transpired I'm a fighter not a quitter It turned out she was I mean she was one of those things, so you know, that's just unlucky for a hedge or tails She was so far out of her depth from day one that all the fish she could see were creepy ones. And then she put one in charge of the NHS. You are good. You just got on cue.

Can I just, I do want to defend this. This is the one person I think we should keep. All right. I do. I think we should keep all right I know I do I think we should keep this is the one person I think should stay in cabinet after we change whatever else We're changing because I mean and if you don't know that we're looking at a picture of Teresa Kofi who is now our health secretary And charges the NHS. She's a Roman Catholic. She's an anti-abortionist. She gets shit for eating drinking and smoking too much But hey her body her choice drinking and smoking too much, but hey, her body her choice. Okay? Yeah.

But I argue if there's anyone that you want in charge of the NHS, it's someone who clearly needs the NHS. Yeah. Yeah. On top of which, I hear COVID's coming back. And we know who's most at risk from COVID. It's someone much like Theresa Kofi. She can be our COVID canary if she drops down. We know what's back.

So that's my argument. I can fight it with cigars. It's, um, why don't understand is how Boris could, because they're saying just today, he's returned because his camp claimed that he has 100 votes and the journalists are skeptical Mae'n gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r gwaith yw'r up the proverbial and this is the political equivalent of a reach around. Making out is doing us a favour, you know me? Like that's what it feels like. No, but I am going to give you a reach around. I've returned from hollybobbs with Kaz for leadership too, more leadery. And any flew back in economy, alright, just because your plane didn't crash doesn't mean you are now equipped to deal with our shitty economy.

Right? It's not. Yeah, enough. But yeah, he's back in the mid. But I don't understand technically how this works. Because what about all the Tories that quick? Because remember the first time around, they were like, we can't in good consciousness.

Yes. Boris there. And like, Tories were just like, fleet. I've not seen posh people move that far, far since the Titanic hit the berg, right? They were just like, literally escape hatch. o'r gwybod yn ffllith, o'r gwybod yn ffllith, o'r gwybod yn ffllith, o'r gwybod yn ffllith, o'r gwybod yn ffllith, o'r gwybod yn ffllith, o'r gwybod yn ffllith, o'r gwybod yn ffllith, o'r gwybod yn ffllith, o'r gwybod yn ffllith, o'r gwybod yn ffllith, o'r gwybod yn ffllith, o'r gwybod yn ffllith, o'r gwybod yn ffllith, o'r gwybod yn ffllith, o'r gwybod yn ffllith, o'r gwybod yn ffllith, o'r gwybod yn ffllith, o'r gwybod yn ffllith, o'r gwybod yn ffllith, o'r gwybod yn ffllith, o'r gwybod yn ffllith, o'r gwybod yn ffllith, o'r gwybod yn ffllith, o'r gwybod yn ffllith, o'r gwybod yn ffllith, o'r gwybod yn ffllith, o'r gwybod yn ffllith, o'r gwybod yn ffllith, o'r gwybod yn ffllith, o'r gwybod yn ffllith, o'r gwybod yn ffllith, o'r gwybod yn ffllith, o'r gwybod yn ffllith, o'r gwybod yn fllith, or gwybod yn ffllith, o gwybod yn fllith, o'r gwy them forget the shit show that we're in. I mean, it is essentially a shit show to which we've all been invited here in the UK. It's not just a shit show, it's also a lock-in. So, it's a kind of lock-in shit show that involves a 360 degree shit cannon, just blasting shit. It's just not a kind of shit show, I don't know what kind of shit show you do want

to see, but it's sort of like a horror film. But one way you've been locked in the cinema after trying to leave saying this film is unbelievably bad, and then they show you a cross between Smurfs too, the Love Guru and a shallow fake erotic movie involving Margaret Thatcher and Milton Friedman in a daily male sponsored f***ed dungeon. That is essentially what the situation the Tories are in, even contemplating Johnson, is like...

It's sort of like, Felmer, going on a speed dating app after kicking Louise out of the car, just after it's gone over the edge of the cliff. That is... The situation we're in. But he's quite amazing, isn't it? Essentially, so he's a lot of the strife from about 18 to 1, to 3 to 1 in minutes after

trust resigned. And it did suggest that the conservatives were thinking, well, should we be led by someone massively dishonest, completely untrustworthy, you'd sunk to startling levels of record on popularity, that was found to have broken the law and had lost the trust and confidence, not only of the people of Britain, but of off-fucking selves, and then think, that's probably the best we've got. So that's... I guess when you're in the fire, the frying pan takes on an unexpected veneer of nostalgia. Well, I feel like if you bring back Boris Johnson,

if they genuinely re-embrace Boris Johnson, I will be doing some heavy victim blaming. Have you no self-esteem? Have some ambition? If you cannot imagine anyone better than Boris running from the country, I highly recommend you go round and turn some rocks over. See what wriggling grubblets are underneath and ask them if they see pensioners as disposable. One of my favourite things is watching both the trust and the Boris Johnson government collapse

and really seeing how the Tories deal with the collapse of their government. It's like they're all stabbing each other in the back like Julia Caesar but they're all wearing Julia Caesar masks and some of them are stabbing themselves going, it's me, Brute! You know? It's too much to ask for someone who isn't a craven sort of careerist shag about with two ply boggrel for morals. I think does look at that.

It does look like it is too much. I don't understand. Why aren't they, I do and I don't understand where we're not asking for a general election. Why the Tories don't want to have a general election? They don't, because on the one hand, he's don't vote for Christmas, right? They know, right? That's the saying. Yeah, however, however, what they've already done

is created a situation where energy bills are going to be so high that most of their voting population over the age of 60 is going to die this winter, because they can't afford to keep their homes. If they don't have a general election now, there will be nobody left alive in two years from now that would ever vote for them. Well, actually, I don't think the heat in crisis is going to be that bad, because I'm in

my 40s now, so I'm sort of entering the Perry menopause. So I'm kicking off a lot of heat, so that's my solution. I'm enjoying it, if I'm honest. I think we just start deploying Perry menopause or women around the UK. I think that Perry menopause has just come out for Boris Johnson in fact. I thought Perry Manipur was the middle one at Nandos. I don't get how hot is it? Night sweats.

It varies wildly. Everyone's speculating now about who the next leader is going to be, whether it's going to be Boris or one of the other ones. But I just have to say, I am not interested at all. Like, I would be more interested in the successor if it weren't just an interchangeable player select screen of frothing neo-libertarian elites from the same school with a weird religion about how great selfish individualism is for human progress and the disproportionate influence over politics. I just...

So it's not really flying in Brisbane, Alice, that's what he's saying. Mae'n gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'waithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio' That's Prime Minister. The fracking vote, which then led to a fight essentially in Parliament, there were allegations that there was jostling, there was man-handling, and there was mocksplaining, possibly... Because, fundamentally, we have a Parliament where they still vote by having to physically walk into... The ancient Greeks had more sophisticated means of voting two and a half thousand fucking years ago. Fuck's like just by a pot and throw at each other. Now, anyway, this fracking vote, it's soothed the troubled Tory waters like a break-dancing

hippopotamus in a paddling pool. And so we have that bizarre thing. Was it a fracking vote? Was it a confidence vote? It became not a confidence vote and then a confidence vote again at 1.30 in the morning. Mae'n gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweith taking a chainsaw to a priceless Ming vase whilst urinating on the ashes of a much lamented relative. But I guess the Conservatives now conservative in the way that the Visigoths were conservative when they got to Rome. So, I mean who would you like to see next? If you could choose anyone from not necessarily within the Tory party but anyone from the entire universe, who would you like? Ant Deck. Right.

Dream ticket. They seem very popular. I mean, they've won 21 NTAs in a row, something like that. I mean, what harm are they going to do? That is a dangerous question to ask these days. The what could possibly go wrong question? Generally, the answer is, f***ing everything. If anyone has any suggestions, so... Um, the answer is, f***ing everything. Um, to if anyone needs to listen to it. Stephen X. Stephen X?

Yeah, you've got, I've done a chipped on a coat to be in the Tory party in the first place. So I just feel like she's got the necessary experience. Also, we could use some of the witchcraft to actually fix some legislation. So I feel like, plus, you plus, if all else goes to shit, we'll just have some nice singing at the end. That's who I pick.

Maybe all the fleet would map, and they're not together now. But I would force them back together. I would go the... Some jostling. Some jostling. Some mocks playing. Some mockselyn, some Mocks Blaining. Some Mocks Blaining. Yeah. Did anyone do any favorite songs of theirs?

Mocks Blaining. Mocks Blaining. But that was on the Peter Green Blues phase. I'm going to put that out. Did anyone do any splotting? I've just learned about splotting. A parrord? Splotting, yeah. It's where a dog goes along the floor and it's belly

and it does it to get attention. So I am pulling that out in the club this weekend. And by clubs, I mean my living room. Just me splotting on the floor, harassing Scottish husband. Alas. Anyone you could send us from the southern hemisphere to sort shit out over here? Look, I will send you the bloated corpse of Harold Holt if you like. That is a nice reference.

Right. Very nice reference. I just think, I think one of the saddest things for me about Liz Trusses' demise was that we sort of lost in the news the story about Wendy Morton being the chief whip or not being the chief whip. There was kind of an existential crisis about what a whip was, whether the chief whip is something that you can kind of self-identify as, or if you need to whip with the consent of the whip, or the Tories just feel that the role of the whip is redundant as they're too busy whipping themselves harder than the wet-pummed anti-sex villain in a medieval fantasy TV show. I feel sad that we lost focus on that and started focusing on the complete collapse of

the Tory party instead. Chris, anyone you'd like to suggest for Prime Minister? Marcus Triscoffing. Right. So we've had a very fine left-handed opening batsman. We've had the courts of an Australian Prime Minister who disappeared while swimming. With that Stevie Knicks. Who was your suggestion, Rhea? Antoneck.

Antoneck. All of whom I would rather have any of them than the... I might declare myself Prime Minister, because we... APPLAUSE The... I'm going to cut taxes for high-owners. LAUGHTER

Disappointing it in power, your perspective changes. LAUGHTER And now that you're in power, I have to attend my resignation. Could you tell us what benefits you're going to cut and will it include friends with benefits? Will it be no boot equals after midnight? Well that's something that I've rigorously applied through my own life. LAUGHTER Um, rumours are reaching us that, uh, back benches are rallying around a sock puppet of 19th century Tory Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli as a possible unity candidate, dreamed ticket to the former American tennis stars John McInerer and Martin and Navratta Lover have not been entirely ruled out, although they will have to comment it on next summer's Wimbledon, so it's only a short term fix. And the daily stars lettuce could step into the breach

until mid-November, when the Hardier Winter vegetables are in season, a bucket of parsnips can see us through to the spring. So. Oh, I tell you what would be good, a button-up squash. That can outlast anyone. I literally don't know the pot. I buy a button-up squash and I think I'm

going to use it for a recipe. And then I basically gain a renter. It just sits in my kitchen and doesn't go off for like six to seven months. And eventually I'm like, I need to let this, I need to set it free. I need to set the button-up squash free. So button-up squash, can I change from Stephen X to button-up squash? Yeah, okay. We're making this country better as we speak.

And it says hollow is what we've had so far. So it's a good choice. But it does all make you think. You think back to that 2015 election that I think might have touched on last week. The Conservatives warning offering strong and stable government or chaos with Ed Milliband. And you just think, look at the state we're in now.

Imagine how much worse it would have been if Ed Milliband had won. LAUGHTER Terrible. We should count on Lucky Star. He's got such a good sense of humour as well. Like, I did a podcast with him, and I was like, you know, I tweeted a joke about you. I wrote a joke about you for a thing.

And he was like, go on then, tell me what is it. And I said, I said, you always look like you've seen boobs for the first time ever. I'm like, oh, no. And he really laughed. He took it really well. And I was like, yeah, it should have been him. Yeah, it should have been.

And just think how much sooner, with his love of bacon sandwiches, we could have had that pork market in Beijing. They do. Who? That's not great. think how much sooner with his love of bacon sandwiches we could have had that pork market in Beijing. Anyway well good luck to Liz Truss and whatever new job she finds. She's retiring aren't we paying her £150,000 a year to stay out of the way? Of Claire's accessories earrings. So £150,000 a year and also to get to do resignation honours because this country is corrupt to its very core. This is one of the bizarre things. All we can talk about Boris Johnson's resignation honours and essentially they give out

MBSOBs but also seats in the House of Laws. So actual seats in a legislative chamber. oeddwn i'n gweithio, ac yna i'n gweithio'r llwysioedd yn ymlaen i'r llygyllusioedd cymbeu. Mae'n gweithio'r llygyllusioedd yn ymlaen i'n gweithioedd yn ymlaen i'n gweithioedd yn ymlaen i'n gweithioedd yn ymlaen i'n gweithioedd yn ymlaen i'n gweithioedd yn ymlaen i'n gweithioedd yn ymlaen i'n gweithioedd yn ymlaen i'n gweithioedd yn ymlaen i'n gweithioedd yn ymlaen i'n gweithioedd yn ymlaen i'n gweithioedd yn ymlaen i'n gweithioedd yn ymlaen i'n gweithioedd yn ymlaen i'n gweithioedd yn ymlaen i'n gweithioedd yn ymlaen i'n gweithioedd yn ymlaen i'n gweithioedd yn ymlaen i'n gweithioedd yn ymlaen i'n gweithioedd yn ymlaen i'n gweithioedd yn ymlaen i'n gweithioedd yn ymlaen i'n gweithioedd yn ymlaen i'n gweithioedd yn ymlaen i'n gweithioedd yn ymlaen i'n gweithioedd yn ymlaen i'n gweithioedd yn ymlaen i'n gweithioedd yn ymlaen i'n gweithioedd yn ymlaen i'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r ymdyn yw'n gweithio'r Also the first prime minister to slain a dragon with their bare hands, so It's not been all bad It's embarrassed giving one to his dad and his sister You can have to explain that if I mean he wouldn't put You'd never put anything past the man would you? He's giving him a good honouring Should bear in mind that we could have Penny Morden, who sounds like a Victorian bookstore that sells murder novellas. Just popping into Penny Morden for my weekly copy of Urchins on Souls. Which is about how many kids bore us.

I don't know, we're going to just slightly change the running order a bit now. We're going to delve into the bugle past and dig up a much beloved section of the bugle. Welcome back to Hotties from History! Now, this was something that was a feature of the early years of the, who remembers it from when it was first, quite a few long-term bugle for any... Do you put your hand up there? Do you have a particular favourite? Are you here with your... Is this a partner, boyfriend? Right. I mean, so...

I mean, you can... Don't tell him, but tell the rest of us who... Who from history do fancy most? The qualification has got to be in dead for at least 100 years. Florence Nightingale as well. Oh, good god, yeah. Um... Uh... Florence Nightingale as well. Oh good god yeah. Rhea do you have a particular hot-y from history you'd like to Yeah, I went with Prince Albert

Prince Albert the sax coberg one not the not the grandson Yeah, that one. Yes, right absolutely Dishy he was Dishy was smarty. He's one of the reasons we treat our children better in this country. As he came over and went, we should treat them well. And then all nine of his children lived to adulthood because he didn't beat them. I just wanted to know. He did some amazing things. He was into free trade. If you're a tour, he was into that.

You know, he's into a lot of things. He improved education. You know, I mean, and they were in love. I mean, they fucked at least nine times. Yeah. I mean, he had at least nine times. Yeah. I mean, you had to ring through his deck. That's not easy. For the time that was considered very, very out there

to be actually to like your spouse, to tolerate your children. It was definitely a ride, right? Because when he died, she just wore black bread. I don't know who went on top, but yeah. Yeah, I liked it. But she wore black forever, didn't she? She did. She was in mourning. She forever didn't she did morning she was mad Love her and she was mad for that cock. Yeah

But but do you know the actually the it's interesting you mentioned that because the the origin of bunting Do you know the origin of bunting in a little trying? Yeah, yeah, so that actually goes back to their wedding night so they got some they got married in I think was 1840 and a huge public celebrations obviously and Mae'n gwybod yn ymwyr i'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw Union Jack Brarron panties set made and he had a Union Jack posing pouch and they got kind of thrown off and they caught on the curtain rail in Buckingham Palace and people looked up the following morning and they saw these little triangles of fabric and I thought this is how it's supposed to commemorate great royal events and we're just making it lucky

that people weren't gathered on the other side and saw the other window. Otherwise, these days, we'd be hanging up Gimp masks, whips and a roast chicken. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER Facts, bit of history. We can learn. Tiff, who's your hot even history? Gladly in Pailer.

LAUGHTER Well, I hope this is more than just a minute. Some of the reasons. That is, come on, look at that Tash. You've got to respect that. He's got a soul patch, he's got a little... That soul patch, I don't even know, actually, it's not pointy enough. Listen, I, he was Romania's salt bay. Right.

And I say that because one of his forms of torture was flaying the skin of people's feet, sprinkling salt on them and then getting goats to lick it off. Which is... HOT! Missed it. Listen, if Heston Blumenthal came up with that shit, you'd all be going to that restaurant. I feel like he was very misunderstood, you know?

I feel he was. I feel like he couldn't see the wood for the forest of people in Pailed on Stakes. He was undoubtedly a very cool man, but he's a hero in Romania. And yeah, he just looks a bit filth. And for that reason, you know, I just felt it. He was called Vlad the Impaler because he actually impaled people on Stakes. Yes, yeah, no, not just because he was like hot in the sack Which was my original?

Yeah, like getting around like just four housewives in Romania and they were like He's not doing it. Yeah, but I'm being impaled on Thursday. I can't wait Well apparently he liked to dry impale Well apparently he liked to dry in pale. No, by which when he was torturing people on the, I've read a lot about this, weird thing to know about, but apparently he refused to like, loop the stakes or oil them to aid people to slide down them, so they basically died in the most painful,

manner possible, and the legend of Dracula which is supposed to be based on Vlad is because apparently, now again I don't know if this is according to legend that he would as the blood would drip off they would collect it and he would sit there with his feet up and just like dip bread in a bowl of blood and eat it, watching while his enemies slowly, slowly vanquished. And that was, I think that was in a home office white paper proposed by Swela Bravman last week as well. Alice, have you got a hot even history? Oh, yeah.

I'm going to go with Lamor Pan, or Julie Dovini, who was a 17th century opera singer. She basically, she was the daughter of the secretary to the Master of Horse. She learned sword fighting and then just spent her entire career fighting people with a sword, running away with people, having affairs. She once fought three noblemen in one night

because she smooched a lady at a ball. She broke a nun out of a convent by putting the dead body of a nun into the girl's room and burning the room down, went on the road with this girl for like three months, who were there and was just like, oh, this is too much. I went home to her family. She sang in the opera.

She wore men's clothes. She was banging. And she eventually, she died after about 14 affairs and 30 duels at the age of 33. So I feel like she packed a lot into a very short life and I feel like that's hot. Super hot. We need to have a new club. You know there's a 27 club.

We need up to 33 club because it's this lady and Jesus. And they both achieved a lot. Do you ever mean that? She had so many fun affairs as well. There's one guy she met this Colt Dolbeer, who mistook her for a man. They had a duel. She beat him, and then she nursed him back to health,

and they had an affair. Did they have an affair before after he found out she wasn't a man? I don't know. Presumably after he found out she wasn't a man? I don't know. Presumably, he found out at some point while she was nursing him back to health because she would have done the classic nursing back to health move of putting a boob on your head.

If none of you have ever tried this, as opposed to any of you have boobs. May I highly recommend going up to somebody who won't be offended by it and just gently resting a boob on their head. Very nurturing. Sports news now, Alice, you are a rat fighting correspondent. So I'm exciting news in the rat fighting circuit. Yes, Andy. Inside everyone, there are two wolves, the wolf that wants New York to

sort out their rat problem and the wolf that wants New York to sort out their rat problem and the wolf that wants rats to take over as was for told in legend, New York, rat king. New York is limiting the window for residents to take out their garbage into the night time because if you remember into New York you'll know that one of its great features other than the Empire State Building is the massive piles of garbage in the street everywhere apparently that is attracting rats weirdly and they have decided to make a rule that you're only allowed to take it out in the dead of night with the shame that is appropriate to your own filthy habits. The Mayor, Eric Adam

said at a press conference on Monday that some residents will be able to take their garbage out at 6pm If they can place the bags in large sealed containers, but otherwise it's after 8pm only night night garbage, which is Batman's new sidekick Isn't there a danger that this will lead to the same amount of rats action, but just drunker rats Isn't there a danger that this will lead to the same amount of rats action, but just drunk a rat? Get in the rubbish after an afternoon drinking to kill the time. Well, mice had a schedule, but maybe they decide when they listen to their podcasts. Well, they drink quite early, which causes swelling in their haunches, hence the term rat-off.

That's a... etymology. My favourite quote from this whole story is from the New York City Department of Sanitation Commissioner Jessica Tish, who said New Yorkers will not have to fear as many rats hiding in late-night shadows, which just sounds appropriately dramatic. She also said, the rats don't run the city we do, which shows if proof-of-needers. It proof-of-needers that it's pretty much to say any impossible to say anything in New York City without sounding like you're in a film. I don't think anyone living outside of New York is going to feel sympathy for this story because everyone else gets to put

the rubbish out once every two weeks. And they're like, oh no, you have to put it out two hours later on a daily basis, you poor thing. Thank you all for coming. Thank you for helping to celebrate the Bugle's 15th birthday. Thanks to Rhea and Chiff and a ridiculous hour of the morning in Brisbane, Alice Fraser. APPLAUSE Thanks to Chris and thank you all for your support and years over the years. Goodbye. There you go. Don't forget to pick up any remaining tickets

for our live tour shows in Birmingham on the 27th of October Glasgow on the 30th and Dublin on the 3rd of November. Also, my sacrifice for high shows in mid-November on sale also on the 3rd of November. Also my Safris for High shows in mid-November on sale, also on the internet, would you believe, from the 13th to the 18th of November in Leeds, Bath, Brighton, Tombridge Wells Cardiff and Worcester? And if you are coming, please do submit your advance requests for satirisation to satirize this at satiristforhiet.com. You can also subscribe to our new archive rating offshoot podcast, top stories,

featuring classic top stories from the last 15 years of the bugle you can find that literally anywhere on the internet or at the buglepodcast.com where you can also find all the other podcasts in our stable and joining bugle voluntary subscription scheme just click the donate button to give a one-off or a current contribution to help keep this show free flourishing and independent until next time, goodbye.