The Bugle - Bugle 208 – A Kama Sutra approach to the truth

Episode Date: October 5, 2012

Romney v Obama. Oh dear. Plus, snakes – the paracetamol of the animal world! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to a real thing that's going to happen. TheBuglePodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. This is a podcast from TheBuglePodcast.com. Hello, buglers and welcome to issue 208 of the bugle audio newspaper for a visual world.

For the beginning of the week, the 8th of October 2012 with me and his ultimate in London, Europe. If you're coming here from the States, just head east until you hit London and ask. And in New York City, USA, it's the satirical stuntman himself ready to connevil you over another canyon of crap another bus full of bullshit another flaming hoop of hogwash It's John the merciless motorbike Oliver Hello Andy Hello, butlers and the last week we began the pugal with a eulogy to the We began the pugal with a eulogy to the phenomenally ludicrous band, and in inadvertent despotic disco kings, LMFAO, often, news emerged that they'd split up.

Well, Andy, like the disciples of Jesus, I bring good news to you. Because like Jesus, LMFAO had a colorful, incident-packed, borderline, unbelievable life. And like Jesus, they were pronounced dead long before their time. And still like Jesus, Andy. It seems they've made a miraculous comeback. But unlike Jesus, they have the good grace to do a sit-down interview with MTV to discuss it. Sky Blue, the stupidly named gentleman from the stupidly named group who have made some of the most incredibly stupid music of all time said and I quote,

well you know first of all we're not breaking up I know that for sure we're family and stuff so it's all love it's a resurrection Andy LMFAO live when I heard they were splitting up last week I couldn't believe how upset I was and fittingly when I heard they were getting back together this week I couldn't believe how little I cared. That is the complexity of a band like LMFAO Andy, you never know where you're stand with them. Are they a background beat to nightclub dry-humping or are they a soundtrack to a Syrian killing spree? You just never know. Going on to discuss their plans for the future and the reason behind their break. Sky Blue said, it'll free up our minds and stuff to be able to take on another LMFAO project

because the next one we do, it's got to be that like amazing, amazing crazy album and stuff like that. It's kind of like, let us get our wind up. Let us kind of show the world who we are as individuals and then we come together stronger than ever. It's beautifully put there by Sky Blue, Andy. So many people would think about a statement like that before delivering it,

planning out what they wanted to say so they could say it succinctly and coherently. Not Sky Blue, Andy, he talks faster than he thinks. Apparently that's how he writes songs. He just turns up to the studio, shouts the first things that come into his head into a microphone, and then releases those rantings as a single. Now, you might ask, what was Red Foo's statement on this?

He's been suspiciously quiet. Well, I'm not sure, Andy, but I can only imagine that he was standing next to Sky Blue during the press conference, and simply leaned forward to say, Sky Blue has said that more eloquently and poetically than I ever could. That's if he wasn't driving a tank into a lapo. Is nightclub dry-humping in a Syrian killing spree? Are they mutually exclusive or have they ever tried to?

I'm guessing they are, but you're right, they're probably not. Okay. And yeah, that's right, it's all about the vigorousness of dry hunting. One can become the other very quickly, or it's about the lack of vigour in a killing spree. Yeah. There's so many gray areas in the modern world. Over the, the Venn diagram of dry hunting and killing sprees, there is some cross over you're right. pumping and killing sprees, there is some cross plot line, which involved Bond rearranging some flower beds

in an old woman's garden in exchange for money, lacked a little bit of punch and asked author Ian Fleming to rewrite the stories with Bond as a spy instead. Also, the 50th anniversary of the release of the first Beatles single, Love Me Do, and its controversial B-side, brackets switch on my brackets industrial cockhammer. LAUGHTER brackets switch on my brackets industrial car camera certainly shook up the complacent world of early 60s music as well as it's worth a lot of money if you can find that on the original vibe

a lot many of them were printed as always a section of the Beatles going straight in the bin this week a first in a new series of audio cartoons, lampooning famous profits from history. Week one, the profit Gerald. Pretty low caliber profit who kicked around South London in the 1970s, prophesying football scores in his local pub. He once correctly called Ipswich Town, beating Aston Villa 1-0 with a gold-by-pull mariner. And after that got a bit over-excited

and started dressing up in a special cape and waggling a garden rake in the air. Amongst his other prophecies were that by 2008 all human babies would be forced to drink dog milk in order to make them bark rather than cry on public transport. That tennis player Jeremy Bates should win six Wimbledon titles by 1989 and become prime minister by 1997. And that televised karaoke would become the most effective social control mechanism in the history of democracy.

The Prophet Gerald Cartoon in the bin this week, along with some audio effigies of the bugle, and some audio petrol to ignite in with. Top story this week, the unrivaled spectacle of two men talking at each other for 90 minutes. Andy, the first presidential debate took place on Wednesday night, formally kickstarting the US election season that officially began 17 months and billions of dollars ago. The debate was of course between, ugh, wait, I'll get it. You know it, about 6', married to Michelle. You know the guy. Anyway, he was debating, ah shit, I can't believe I've forgotten this.

You know, Tags Dad, anyway, the point is that the whole city of Denver pulled out all the stops, initially stating the debate in a fight pit with the moderators shouting questions at the participants, then redesigning the stage to feature the debate taking place in a thunder dome, then eventually opting for the classic two podium model instead but with both candidates and inflatable sumo suits. But moments before the debate, one of them got a puncture so they had to go with their

emergency regular backup suits instead. After months of negotiations both campaigns finally agreed to the debate rules which were one, no nut shots, two minutes each with a 30 second rebuttal, three, seriously, no nut shots, four, maximum of two bathroom breaks and three visits on stage from a trainer, and five absolutely unequivocally no nut shots. Well, you can understand that, can you, after the whole JFK Nixon debacle? Actually, it was from before then, Andy. It's actually been there for years since the Lincoln Douglas debate got spectacularly out of hand. That's what they call in the big swollen melons. Both candidates had done extensive debate preparation. President

Obama had been mocked debating with John Kerry, who'd been standing in as Mitt Romney. I can't think of what's about the emotionally robotic multi-millionaire with magnificent hair, I made him think that he'd be a perfect substitute for the emotionally robotic millionaire with magnificent hair. And Mitt Romney mocked debated against Milky White Senator Rob Portman from Ohio who stood in as Obama, mainly because I think he may be the blackest person that Mitt Romney knows. But after all the hype, followed by all the lowering of expectations, followed by all the hype again, the debate began, and by most commentary analysis, Obama's performance was somewhere between not great and f**king awful. The reviews immediately following the

debate range from inexplicably comatose to the debate equivalent of taking a cyanide pill on stage. Ouch, one star. He did, certainly, I didn't see all of it, but I watched as much as the British soul could take. And certainly, he did very little to win over the 5% of American voters who aren't going to vote exactly. How they great, great, grandparents voted anyway. He was described as being hesitant and subdued, worryingly thoughtful at times. That's a lethal failing in any politician. And quite techy, I thought John, almost as if he's been doing a really stressful and deeply

unenjoyable job for the last four years. Yes, that's a big point. The last of the difficulties, troubles and impossibilities of the planet and American politics, it is face on a daily basis. What would you like for breakfast, Mr. President? I'll have some cornflakes, please. Sorry, cornflakes are off. You're having war, economic catastrophe,

social breakdown, historically intractable global tensions, all served with a side issue of commercial vested interests. Can I have an egg? No, you can't have a f***ing egg. Ha, ha, ha. So, yeah, President Obama's tactics seem to be to be distracted and quite tired, while Mitt Romney, on the other hand, took a karma sutra approach to the truth, bending it, stretching

it, flipping it over, contorting it into all kinds of weird shapes before banging the living shit out of it. That in itself was not a surprise. The surprise was how President Obama seemed to just stand back for an hour and a half and just let him do it. Almost as if he was assuming that the American people would research. Romney's lies themselves the next day, and fact check vigorously his statements, suggesting that he either received a large blow to the head just before the debates began, or suggesting

that he's never in fact met the American people. We have seen in recent weeks, John, what Mitt Romney really thinks but it's interesting to see once the debate started that now America got a chance to see what he pretends he thinks and that could be so much more important when the election comes. That is true. It was a weirdly terrible performance from the president. He seemed slightly preoccupied the whole time and even opened his remarks by mentioning his 20 year wedding anniversary that day, which I think he may have forgotten before that point

because the whole debate had a real holy shit I just forgot my 20 year wedding anniversary to stink all over it. What happened to the president Andy? I actually came up with a list of things that I think may have happened that although some of them may be long shots, they would all make a lot more sense of what happened than the fact that he just didn't seem to be all that interested.

One, let's think about a positive option first, perhaps something horrific had just happened that he had to deal with. Perhaps Russia had just nearly launched a nuclear missile, that would make sense, or maybe he just got used to the last two weeks of tactically lowering the expectations for the debate and got so used to it he forgot he was then supposed to exceed them. Maybe he took an ambience by mistake and was literally sleepwalking. Is it possible Andy that he actually woke up three hours after the debate, feeling fully refreshed and saying, okay, let's do this. Or maybe, does he actually not want to be president anymore? Is he like someone who's stuck in a relationship

that he wants to get out of, but doesn't be the one to do it? He doesn't want to break up with America, Andy, so he's making America break up with him. Maybe it was the altitude, Denver, is a mile above sea level. Perhaps he'd been doing all his debate prep in a special part of the bottom of the ocean. Or Andy.

Maybe there was a mix-up with a pump-up music that he was listening to to charge himself up before the debate. Maybe he was supposedly listening to Metallica and by mistake, he listened to Leonard Cohen instead. At least that would make some sense. Well, I guess, yeah, it's probably hard for him to switch off from being president and suddenly switch on to being a candidate again. And because he doesn't get much of a relief in his life, apart from playing golf six times a week.

The only real relief is you suggested last week was lightning his mood every now and again by treating himself to a drone strike. At what point in the debate, when he looked like he was contemplating somewhere in Massachusetts for his next one. But Romney on the other hand, Romney on the other hand, he bought a confidence look of a well groomed man who has spent four years earning in excess of $10 million a year, paying all of it in tax and having his hair done and laughing at the poor. So you can see he was a little more relaxed, also a bit intensively trained, as you suggested,

for the for this debate, much of the training involving having senior Republicans learn up in front of him shouting, don't be a... SHIT! Well, in that case, try even harder. HAHAHA! The truth is that it's often said,

you can't win a presidency with a debate, but you can lose it, which frequently renders the highest profile, supposed discussion of policy that the nation gets every four years into a turgid tango-revasion and a bullshit balae of pointlessness where the candidates are not so much debating than regurgitating talking points into your ears. And watching them can often feel exactly as disgusting as that sounds. It's not so much two boxes fighting, as two boxes standing motionless in front of each other, desperately concentrating on not punching themselves in the face.

I find it quite hard to follow some of the arguments, particularly in the subject of American healthcare, which has gone an alien issue to British people. I find it quite hard to follow some of the arguments, particularly in the subject of American healthcare, which has gone alien issue to British people. I find myself trying to concentrate really hard about three minutes, then trying to work out exactly who wants whom to die, why, and how much they would pay to watch it happen. Then trying to work out what form of healthcare

Jesus would have preferred. And I'm not sure, but apparently he presented Lazarus with a bill for 5,000 check-als after curing him of death. So he is probably banging up and down on the Republican end of the Cecil. And I end up thinking, if only all Americans could just agree not to use any medicine at all and let the will of God take its course, they would be so much happier as a nation and with significantly lower unemployment. Andy, you've just described the thought process of every single American.

Oh right, okay, good, I still not just made that. You're thinking like a man from the heart of this country. I think my least favorite part of any of these political debates is always the sudden cherry picking of individuals that the politicians have happened to have stumbled into on the campaign trial whose circumstances coincidentally seem to perfectly back up the point that the politician is in the middle of making. Things like, oh, on the campaign trail, I met a family in Delaware who were concerned about their taxes.

I met a teacher called Wers who asked me to keep fighting for my healthcare plan. I met a woman called Brianna who had benefited from my back-to-work issues. I met a squirrel called Keith who agreed with my policy on Syria. I met an antelope called Barry who hates my opponent's views on Stealthamsel Research. I sat on a bench called Christine who talked about her belief in traditional marriage. I ate a piece of cheese called Kyle who wants to serve in Afghanistan. Whether or not these people actually exist is debatable. Andy, they seem to merely function as hypothetical human shields. Oh, so you never hear the negative.

They never never meet anyone with a kind of negative story. That is true. That is true. I was on the campaign trail in Delaware and I met Mike and Cindy, who, same, are having trouble getting permission to build their f***ing dungeon. And I said to them, Mike Cindy, that doesn't seem to be anything that I can do anything about. And they said, you're right, Mr. President, it's just, it's on my mind at the moment.

Anyway, good luck, I won't be voting for you. I don't know why I brought that up now, but the truth is Mike Cindy, good luck with the f***ing dungeon. I guess I shouldn't have mentioned it, correct? Are boosting the local economy? Would people pay to go to the f***ing dungeon? How did that boost the local economy? Well, haven't it built?

Right, okay. Yeah, okay, let's restrict the planning. Restrictive planning is destroying the American dream. It is strangling the small business mode. My consenting dungeon is emblematic of everything that is wrong with the Obama administration. Actually, actually, you see, there is that thing that looks banks need to have enough collateral to be able to issue loans for

dungeons. That is trickle down economics in its purest form. You've got the builders building the f*** dungeon. You have the decorators decorating the f*** dungeon. You have my consindi inviting people around. You have caterers catering the f*** dungeon. We have to get the sister moving, Andy. I'm gonna build one. We need to get America humping in dungeons again.

LAUGHTER I think I saved myself there, right? It's saved the part that's a problem. What a shame because my point is valid. There was a couple of interesting moments for me. One where Romney said you can't keep spending and passing the tab onto future generations and what I thought well why not? Why can't they simply pass that tab onto their future generations in a but-passing tradition as oldest time itself? Yeah.

Safe in the noise that one day inevitably the world will end. And that is when the banks will lose out. So you've got to play the long game with this. Also, Obama, who did surprise some of his critics by not invoking all of them when he came on stage and calling for America to become an Islamic caliphate, and then speaking in his native Kenyan Instead

slammed George W Bush for paying for two wars on a credit card Which I thought was probably fair enough. That's better than just paying cash up front Equibbl surely should be not paying for an acrylic art, but not checking the invoice first or shopping around for cheaper alternatives and suppliers I was at this trickle-down government too, Romney was going on about that a barmer was basically a fan of trickle down government. So I guess, you know, better have a government that trickles down onto you than one that you're a noke straight into your face. U.S. election around the world news now. And of course, Andy, the U.S. election doesn't just affect people in the U.S. it affects everyone on the entire planet. So it's impossible not to have some vested interest in what happens here in November.

And though no regime will efficiently state an opinion on a preferred result, you know that every regime absolutely has one. The Australian foreign minister was forced to insist that Australia has good relationships with both political parties. After a senior minister in Australia labeled the Tea Party Republicans, Cranks and Crazies. I mean, I guess there's no real way to try and play that off as a compliment, Andy Lysen. Some kind of reverse Aussie slang. Oh, calling people cranks and crazy, that's a good thing.

You know, I like you to say, oh, fair go, Ellen, you're a real crank. How about a boy you were beer, you crazy bastard. Man, you're beautiful. There's about the nicest thing you can say to anyone if you're an Aussie. He's been working on your range of accents, John. He's coming on the straw. It's coming on the straw by one. What he actually said was, let's be blunt and acknowledge that the biggest threat to the world's biggest economy

are the cranks and crazies that have taken over the Republican Party. Oh, that is even harder to see that as a compliment. Yeah. I mean, it's a fact, but see that as a compliment. Yeah. I mean, it's a fact, but it's not a compliment. So the Australian minister Bob Carr in question was forced to then go on television and say, I think anyone who's followed a Republican party politics and they've been on display during the very vigorous primary process would see that the Tea Party is one strand among several in Republican party politics.

I mean, that is true, Andy, but to be biologically fair, it's a pretty f***ing dominant strand, and it's mutated far beyond the point that you could take that strand out without killing the party completely. Benjamin Nesson-Yahu, however, he seems to be backing a very different donkey. He has appeared to be expressing a preference for his old charm Mitt Romney, whilst his relationship with President Obama has deteriorated from bad to brutal. So that seems to place the high profile country endorsements at one for one for each candidate. Now Francois Alond, the Prime Minister of France, initially refused to say who he would prefer to win in the US election, but then seemed to drop a hint by saying he wasn't worried

about not meeting President Obama in New York during the UN last week, because he imagined that there would be plenty of time for that after November. Ouch! Ouch! Take that, Romney. France aren't even considering the possibility of you being president, although nothing could hurt Obama's chances of re-election in the US more than an endorsement from a French socialist. That isn't so much an act of support as potentially the kiss of death.

Maybe that explains his debate performance. Yes, exactly. Just been told what Hollande had said. Netanyahu appeared in an advertisement in Israel, which featured the slogan, the world needs American strength, not apologies. Substitute the word, and for not, and you might be closer to the truth. The comments are described by the Obama administration as quote, crude vulgar and unrestrained intervention in the US election campaign. And let's not forget, John, that crude vulgar and unrestrained interventions are not the

business of overseas leaders. They are the business of the Republican and Democratic candidates and their campaign teams. So butt the f*** out netting Yahoo! Yes! Potentially lethal holistic medicine update now. And do you have a headache right now? Have you run out of fibre-proven? Well, you may still be in luck as long as you have a deadly black now? Have you run out of ibuprofen? Well, you may still be in luck

as long as you have a deadly black-mamba snake handy because French scientists claim that a painkiller as powerful as morphing, but without most of the side effects has been found in the deadly venom of the black-mamba snake. Apparently, the African-killer snake uses neurotoxins to paralyze and kill small animals, but during tests on mice, it

was claimed that its venom also contains a powerful painkiller. Now look, Andy, I'm not a scientist. I'm not even a French scientist. And I'm certainly not a snake scientist. But I think I may suspect a slight crack in there otherwise faultless research. Is it possible? And is it just possible that they are mistaking that mouse's lack of headache

with that mouse's lack of pulse? Is it worth going back to the lab logs to see if the mouse actually said, oh, you know what? I do, I feel much better now. My head ache is completely gone. Oh, hold on, hold on. Now I'm feeling much worse in a different way.

I can't feel my whiskers, although to be fair, my headache has still gone. But now I can't move my legs either. Okay, sorry to be a fast here, but final update for your records. Still no return on the headache, which is great news from now on now dead. So something for the file anyway.

Please put me in the bin. I think the plan with this research Andy is to attempt to extract the useful headache killing ingredient from the deadly venom and then use it to make pills. But I think that would be going about it the wrong way. I think pharmaceutical companies should really be investing in research, extracting the deadly venom, and then leaving the useful head-ite-killing ingredients in the snake, leaving us with head-ite-killing snakes. And no longer, if you have a splitting headache, do you need to swallow little pills with a glass of water? You can simply go fetch your head-ite-killing snake and go to it into biting you.

Oh, oh, love, I think I've got a migraine coming on. Do you want me to turn off the lights and cancel dinner plans? No darling, just go and piss off the snake and throw it at me, will you? I'll be fine, I'll be fine in 15 minutes. It's like a pet packed full with paracetamol. Rather than buying bottle after bottle of pills, you just buy one snake and one headache killing snake a querian for it to live in. I'll even tell you what their slogan can be Andy. I'll give you a full advertising campaign.

Goodbye headaches, hello snake. And the image can be of a beautiful little girl happily getting bitten in the face by a snake. It's a flawless business plan! Certainly is. Long-for-seen-the-rolling stones update their classic hit-system orphan as Sister Squiggly Snake. In other news from the natural world, there are only 100 cods left in the North Sea.

No! No! Well, this is an extremely distressing story reported in the telegraph and the Times to Britain's leading most serious broadsheets, but how there are only 100 of Britain's favourite fish left in the North Sea. This is obviously a massive concern. We're still a nation for whom eating fish and chips on a regular basis is the only way we keep our national life expectancy down to economically manageable levels. But John, I'm glad to report there is a silver lining to this story. And that silver lining is that this story is total bullshit because it turned out that on closing inspection there were not 100 cod left in the North Sea. There were almost half a billion, including one of the most statistically

wrong stories in history, including over 30 million mature adult cod. The 100 figure was for cod that were aged 13 or over. I'm not sure why they got that cut off point. I think it's the age of consent for cod, but I'm not sure. But as the old saying goes, truth is the first casualty of a circulation war, and truth is currently lying in a distant field hospital, bandaged from head to toe, wondering whether it will ever see the light of day again, and why it was shot at point blank range in the face by both sides at the same time. And I guess, John, this is just yet another media-fulsword.

Start the clock. It's cod to stop. Oh. They had a complete nightmare. It's totally out of place. I really believe that to the bottom of my soul. I don't care if it's one journalist responsible or a group of them.

It's gone on too long. We need change and we need it fast. These facts are deniable no more. Oh no, I can feel you starting to sturgeon. I can feel a bit of attention. Cue, don't bring me into this pun. Come on, salmon at us, I want to put my punches on this. No, I'm going to go and add.

I'm not the kind of man, I'm not the kind of man to rain it back in because this is a big issue among fishermen. They've really scraped to the bottom of the barrel this time the media. It's right out of line I hate to carp on about it, but it's polished bastards I read this filth whenever I purchase a newspaper six days a week I read it six days a week Every day of the week in fact barra monday when I never get past the sports section And we are these things are gonna happen again. We know that, you better believe it. Come on, better is a type of fish.

Thank you. I know it can be the victim of this kind of lies. It will drag on, fishers rumours, drag on fish, yeah, it's been counted. They will spread, people shout at you, they'll barricue, that's inevitable. We just got to get down on our knees, lamprits's not us.

Poor meaty regulation, lots of meaty scandals, there's a ling... there. Do you silly seriously think the meaty can self-regulate? Ah, but lonely. The meaty need to be incentivised to do better and punished for failing. Oh no, I just did ling, didn't I? Incentives and punishment, the car will help, the carat will help, and the stickle back it up. They've got to wake up, I know that's a repeat pun, and smell the coffee. At least to lay up here to have learned their lesson. It must, it must happen ever again. Did that count snapper in a must-n-napper ever again?

Must-n-napper and, so we have to really push off case. John, you still know. Almost certainly, no, no, I'm dead inside. John, almost all the top Hollywood actresses are behind some international agreements on media regulation, you know, Scarlett, Demi, Nicole, Charlize, Halle, but not Susan Sarrandon. John, you're a film, so could you give her a ring?

I don't care how early it is. Get her of bed if necessary and is Kate Hudson a friend of yours What about some of the other stars you've acted with Mike Myers and Chivvy Chase? They're least thinking about it. Mollett over Ma he Ma he released it like that Okay, that's it. it's all done, who? Oh, is that a fish? Fair enough, okay, I'll stop.

I'll stop, John. I'll back off. Over to you, now. Oh, you sound cross. You win a whitebait. Oh, pardon me. Oh, pardon, I didn't know that was a fish. It's just a flounder, it's a seam of puns there.

Dad, those tears away. Could have been much worse, I didn't know that was a fish. It's just a flounder its seam of puns there Dad those tears away could have been much worse. I didn't even do a mackerel pun. Why not? Well my linguistic skills went up to it Sorry, I will now leave there are five exits from this building, but I'm not sure which is the quickest John Doree, I think You're still there. You're low fin-nished You can come back now Anyway, I hope you enjoyed that I Didn't want to I didn't mention at the start of the show. I didn't want to, I didn't mention it at the start of the show. I didn't want to talk it up just in case I, just in case I'd oversold it.

Stop the clock, clock, clock. 53 in three minutes and 28 seconds. Oh! You say that lucky to a good thing Andy. Well, that is one hell of an effort. Hell of an effort. And to be honest, there's locks more where that came from. It's gonna be tough to beat that pun,

run though, a scabesh one I've ever done. But my wife didn't like it though. So she left the room while I was writing it. Oh, fuck, that's... No, no, no, no, no, no, that's not a fish. That's a way to prepare fish. You are, the last three have to have not counted. But don't worry, next week, seafood.

I wouldn't do that to you, John. Not too much in the room. I wouldn't even brim of it. You're punting a corpse now. Andy, did you, did you, did you, did you buy a pumbel? Just for the purposes of doing that. No, I have a Pumbel. It's not so much a Pumbel anyway, it's a Parnalarm as far as I'm concerned. He looks so happy when he came to studio with these two props and I never thought he would be like this.

I barely fucking did. And I hate myself for saying this but it was almost worth it for the yellow finished. LAUGHTER I mean that... Here's the problem is Chris, that's undeniably a funny sound. LAUGHTER And we'd like to welcome new listeners to the musical.

LAUGHTER Keep those contributions flooding in. Andy Schurzer. Andy shook those off about five puns in. He's single-handedly making this entire podcast for an answering answer sustainable. What do you want to do? Tell my ears off and feed them to a dog.

and feed them to a dog. You're emails now and we have an email here from Mike in Madison for whom we seem to have caused some language issues. He says, dear John Chris and Andy, this morning I was in my physics lecture watching my professor make some fishy and very convenient approximations in a derivation. Very nice, Mike. Suspecting bullshit, I must admit to myself, there is some dodgy math going on here. Dodgy, he says, Americans don't say dodgy. I'm not quite as American as home runs being hit off an aircraft carrier from an inflatable batting case into a sea full of jet skis,

but I'm pretty American. I live in Wisconsin, I grew up in Chicago, I spend my weekends watching football, American football, I love apple pie, I think Betsy Ross is a way hotter lady than Florence Nightingale and my penis is shaped exactly like the Washington Monument. See a doctor immediately. Well, I don't know if that means it has flashing red lights on the top of it to stop playing from flying into it, but the point, he says, I think I just have to go throw some tea in a lake just to make up for this. Keep up the bullshit, Mike in Madison. Do not throw tea in a lake, Mike, unless you have pre-boiled that lake and added a splash of milk to it.

What, I mean, English language is taking over, apparently. Barrakebama saying, chuffed a bit, didn't he he when he met David Cameron? Oh yeah, yeah, didn't say it like he looked like he meant it, but that's British as well, I guess. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Hello, Chris John and Andy, in order of decreasing perceived fiscal responsibility. Spurred into action by the increasing urgency in Andy's voice, I went looking for the page to donate to the bugle. I started typing S-A-V-E-T-H-E and as if by magic, save the children appeared fully formed in the address bar. I laughed, deleted it, found your page and donated to the bugle, and now I only feel a little bit guilty. Yes. So good decision.

And another email coming from Jason saying that he has now donated to the people podcast as all of you should be doing. And says, I've never donated to starving African babies, homeless grandmothers, homeless African babies, or starving grandmothers, or Rudy Giuliani's presidential campaign, still going strong. You are magnets of anti-conchance spending my moral compass spinning around and pointing directly at f**k them what we need is more bullshit. I hope you're happy baby killers. You're rotting in hell for all eternity,

Jason Anderson. So, join Jason in hell and keep the bugle going with your voluntary subscription. Now available at thebugelpodcast.com. See you down in Hellbuglers. I think there's gonna be a lot of pun bells down there. I'm hoping that could be my way out of it. I'll get thrown out of hell. I mean, I've... That'll definitely work.

Yeah. BELL RINGS Sports and well, it was golf again last weekend, John, as Europe pulled off the greatest comeback since Jesus, man, it is, I'm not dead, but my hands and feet are still fucking painful, trick almost 2000 years ago. Europe were 10-6 going into the final day of the Ryde Cup, but they roared back like a lion trying to sing along with them 18th century hops called music. They roared back.

No, no, no, no, that's it. That's just a one off. I'm allowed to. I'm allowed one of those a week. It all swang when Justin Rose won the last two holes to beat Phil Mickelson and the tiny underdog continent of Europe sprang back to bite the trouser leg of the mighty overlords of a miracle.

It's amazing to think John, that's this victory Europe is a continent that has ripped itself to shreds in a massive war three times since America last did so to itself. And yet here they were, this by the kind of unity of spirit that even Antarctica as a continent struggles to match despite having no people on it. Give or take the old bugle at listening and a by now extremely annoyed and very hungry captain oats. And while it sparked wild scenes of celebration, John across Europe from Nishni Novgorod in the east to the Falkland Islands in the southwest,

does that still count as Europe a little bit rusty? How was America coped, John, with its this harrowing, time-licking of defeat from the esophagus of victory. America was really, really interested in the rider cup, Andy. We were all pumped up about it for the first two and a half days, but something about that final half a day just made them think that golf was silly

and that we put way too much emphasis on the results of it. Well, that is it for this week's Spugal Bugal 2008. Next week, John, it is our fifth birthday. It's half a decade of googling. Wow. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, shit. That just, I think that just went through all of us. But I'm not sure, I think that was worse than the 100, the 200, the, I think that's worse than anything, a half a decade. Oh god, I think what are we doing with our knives? Half a decade. I don't think there's something about that that's not good.

You can buy the bugle of birthday presents with a bugle volumpto subscription. Yeah. I think that's bugles. Yeah. Oh. Keepers going for another two and a half decades. That's all, Biaglers. Until next week. Goodbye. Bye!