The Bugle - Bugle 212 – Wind of change

Episode Date: November 2, 2012

New York takes Chicago's title, Berlusconi is a crook, and (finally) a daredevil feature. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world. Hello, Bugleers, and welcome to issue 212 of the Bugle. For the week beginning Monday, the 5th of November, 2012, the final bugle of the Obama era struck the final bugle of the first of Barack Obama's 5 terms as president, stroke the final bugle of the beginning of the end of time, stroke the final bugle before new president Mitt Romney has John Oliver rounded up, impounded and executed as an enemy of the states, deletes, according to the verdict of history. Either now, either next week, or to be on the safe side, in 100 years time. That's really when you know for sure about history, although it is a fair bet to have Adolf Hitler down

as a major tit. I am Andy Zotzmann and I'm in London where there has been a bit of light drizzle this week, which was quite annoying because I was out without a coat and I got slightly damp. And in Stormageddon'sville, USA, it's John, the hurricane tamer, Oliver. Hello Andy, hello, Buglaz. Well, well, well, Andy. It has been quite a few

days here in New York. It went from quite flying weather to quite losing weather, pretty fucking fast and pretty fucking windally. On Sunday nights, Hurricane Sandy blew into town, blew through town, and it's doing so blue parts of town over, all the way through the night and into Monday, and everyone here has been dealing with the f***ing mess ever since. There's still no functioning subway and no power to lot of the city,

but Paul and I were not gonna let that stop us doing the pupil, Andy. If we had to power this studio by rigging up a generator to two bicycles, we would pedal our way to power like a drugged up Lance Armstrong or to give him his accurate name, a regular Lance Armstrong. Boom, Andy, I just think this shit out of a weather front and a disgrace junky cyclist.

It's gonna take more than some fast-moving air to keep me down. So, what's gonna happen, Andy? is that in this bizarrely powered studio, considering we are slap bang in the middle of the blackout zone, we're going to take some of the scarce supply of electricity in New York over the next 40 minutes, and we're going to waste the living shit out of it. Like we've wasted power, 212 times previously. It's what Benjamin Franklin would have wanted. Well, you're a hero, John, you're a hero and an inspiration. Yes, that's a fact.

That's a fact. Have you got bar mitzvards since the storm or not? They can't even bar mitzvards for people, and that is when you know things are in trouble. Because even though you know about the Jews and candlelight, you love it. Yeah, but when we had the great storm of 87 in the south of England the very next day I got bombits, so I was just wondering if it was more to do with the storm or more to do with my date of birth and the Jewish calendar and me turning the first thing.

I think it was probably a bit of both, but more of the second and the first. Yeah. So you haven't, you haven't actually then they got bombished for as far as you know. Mm-hmm. Okay. No. Well, just keep an eye out for it. You know, if any dodgy looking rabbis just approach you in the street waving a book

in your face, just, you know, they just might be after something, that's all I'm saying. They have been kind of marauding bands of rabbis going around on cycles and just tackling people to the floor, maybe that's what's been happening. I do think maybe with hindsight actually that Storm of 87 could have been the Almighty Lord trying to stop me from getting bombets for it and debasing his entire existence. Well, this is the beautiful for the beginning Monday the 5th of November, meaning it is now. 140 years to the day since Susan B. Anthony voted in the 1872 US presidential election and was later arrested for the three crimes of voting whilst in possession of a womb being democratic under the influence of Eastrogen and entering a polling station

carrying concealed breasts. Anthony was banged to rights on all three and fined $100 and told to run along and be a good girl in the future and may be concentrate on baking or knitting instead of self-citronium in franchise half of the adult population. Also, 407 years since Skido forksoh Forks started to blow up parliaments and the king in London, and that man needed to take a chill pill, and he was given a chill pill in the form of being hung drawn and courted. We sacredly, arguably, that is too chilled. We sacredly commemorate the failed gunpowder plot and attempt to destroy parliaments by annually putting on public shows of what

democracy is all about, needlessly wasting public money making things go bang and making people go ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo for six years globally. So where did it all go wrong for Halloween 2012? Has trickle treating had its day? Has it become tactically too predictable? Kids turn up, mumble trickle treat. You can move it a chocolate while vibing them to f*** right off for another year. Neither side really prepared to gamble. Very few homeowners take the trick play. Probably a wise move in most urban areas these days,

but it doesn't make it a bit dull. Very few trickle treaters on the other hand prepared to say, do not palm me off with the right out of date chocolate Santa clauses. I did not invest £5.99 and a skeleton outfit for this. Give me f***ing par my ham or I'm torching your f***ing car. It's Halloween so it's technically legal. They've got a point. It is what Jesus, of course, did on the first Halloween, according to the Gospel, according to St Nigel. When as a 15 year old, trying out a new miracle, he accidentally nearly meant that we couldn't do a bugle at all today. Hurricane Sandy is, of course, a slightly strange name for a hurricane.

It brings to mind the character of Sandy in Greece, played by Olivia Newton-John, and it only really would have been fitting if Olivia Newton-John had spent that entire movie flipping over cars, pissing on people's carpets, and punching John Travolta in the face. Have you not seen the DVD extras? Well, then it would have seen it eerily appropriate. Now, it has been a whilst it's on C-grease, but I think she only actually does two of them. Point is, the build up to the hurricane striking was actually pretty impressive. Most of the vulnerable areas were evacuated, even here in the city city and people hunkered down safely and

Responsibly, I wasn't sure whether people would fully respond to the warnings and part of me was expecting to see crowds of New Yorkers standing on the beach on Long Island facing the ocean grabbing their nuts and screaming I got your hurricane response right here, buddy Oh And that didn't happen that much Good no f*** out of you! Oh! And that didn't happen that much. It did well, not that I saw Andy, but I'm not going to say it didn't happen. It probably did happen, but not in the numbers that I was expecting it to. There was one magnificent moment of lunacy in the build up,

not only just for the city of New York, but for the country of America. I was watching the local news just before the hurricane hit, as yet another reporter stood pointlessly close to New York Harbor, illustrating nothing other than their ability to be proximate to a body of water, when something truly wonderful happens. Just over this reporter's right shoulder, suddenly entering the frame, A man on a jet ski started jumping waves and zooming around New York Harbour. That's right. And the a man was watching the news, witnessed countless reports predicting the coming of the most dangerous storm on record in New York and thought to himself, oh my god, that looks terrible. This is truly an emergency. You know

what, reacting quickly, is always critical in these situations. So I'd better wax up my jet skier and get out there, because I don't want to be the only New Yorker, not jet skiing around the harbor when the hurricane strikes. And a will sandy, credit to the cameraman at this point, because he did not hesitate to pan immediately away from the wet journalist. He was inexplicably

supposedly filming and instead he followed the jet skier all over the harbor as he attempted to jump off the highest wave he could find. It wasn't it wasn't clear exactly what the long-term aim of this escapade was but at one point I was wondering whether he was actually going to try and jump off a wave and high-five the statue of Liberty. That seemed like the only logical endpoint to what he was doing. I just don't know why you were jet ski around New York Harbor as Hurricane Blue Inn, unless you're gonna at least try to high five the Statue of Liberty.

You're either all in or you're all out. I was watching this and I realised that although this storm may cause significant damage in suffering, fundamentally everything was going to be okay. Just that when, John, is that more American than hitting baseballs off a warship into a crowd of jet skis? Not quite, Andy, but you can't compare it with that. That's like comparing a peak and pie with an apple pie.

They're both American, but one is a lot more American. Because I mean, it's a great show of defiance, isn't it? The America, America will not be, will not bow the knee to, to, to weather. They will not take a knee to a hurricane. No, they won't. They won't. And they will get on jet skis when the police, the coast guard, the mayor, and the president would all expressly advise against it. That's not the point. That's almost just egging on people to get on jet skis. That's how they take that advice.

America also responded to natures threat heroically through the Philadelphia 76ers basketball team who this weekend have unveiled the world's biggest ever t-shirt cannon. Yes. Which, I mean to me that time can't be coincident, Sean. They just must have been waiting for a month when America needed some reassurance about itself. And I have unveiled the ultimate American combination of military fry power and free t-shirts.

A hundred t-shirts in 60 seconds, Andy. Just think that through and then yearn for the day that you see it. The only problem is now there's probably going to be an arms race across the NBA. That's... teams desperately try and outdo each other. Is that a bad thing, John? I'd probably... No! It's a good thing.

For all you pacifists out there, you know, would the technology for this... 100 T-shirts in 60 seconds T-shirt can and exist, had the human race not spent so much of the last 100 years working out more and more mechanized ways of slaughtering each other. I don't think so, John. I think that is a shock. Does Chicago Bulls are coming up with a T-shirt bazooka,

just as a deterrent? They don't want to ever have to use it. We're very much in a recovery mode here at the moment in the city. As I say, lots of New York is still without power and downtown Manhattan is a very strange place to be. It is creepily dark and creepily quiet, which is especially creep because it's literally never either of those down there. It's very hard to get around. The subways

been down all week and yesterday there were some emergency car restrictions after Wednesday, saw the kind of gridlock traffic that you would only normally see in an REM video. But did Michael Stype suddenly jump out of a cabin, start walking over the roofs of the cars and singing angiallically? Did he f**k Andy? Instead it was just a symphony of honking and swearing, which at least showed that the city was in some way getting back to normal. So the rule yesterday was that no car would be allowed to drive into Manhattan unless it contained at least three people, which meant the people needed to find two other people

to use the bridges or tunnels, which meant that they were gonna have to offer lifts to their neighbors, which meant they were gonna have to introduce themselves to their neighbors, something which many New Yorkers have been putting off for decades. So either that, or they were gonna have to come up with another scheme, you know, get a couple of blow-up dolls, rent a couple of prostitutes to drive in, curb your enthusiasm

style, or pick up hitchhikeers, none of which seemed like a particularly attractive idea. But I was surprised that people didn't see this as a huge opportunity and stand at the entrance to the bridge with a sign saying, for hire $20 to drive me across the bridge before jumping into the car driving across them walking back across the bridge and jumping into another car they could have made thousands Andy. How did you get get to the recording? You get a piggyback from one of the I walked I walked I walked I walked I walked most of the way and then I did get the intern piggybacks which I I'm entitled to, Andy, because they're getting an experience of what it's like to work in television.

Now, which is emotionally carrying people around on piggyback. There was actually a lot of talk, Andy, about why this has happened. Was it climate change? Was it an angry God smiting down New York for being a den of inequality? Was it the gaze fault? You know, they often seem to get blamed for natural disasters by people who don't have any scientific pedigree, but do have absolute confidence. Well, I mean, there's a point,

that kind of chaos theory, and the butterfly flapping its wing could cause an earthquake or whatever. Very similarly, you know, we all know that the gaze, as a species, like to dance. So, I mean, it's possible that vigorous gay dancing in New York did cause hurricane sanding. Not a scientist, but I mean, we cannot rule that out, John.

It's possible, it's not probable, but it is possible. Andy, some people have argued that this hurricane has somehow been engineered by highly paid Obama campaign operatives to make people look good and give them a two point boost in the polls. The federal government has actually responded extremely well to this crisis, and eight out of ten people have apparently given the president a good or an excellent rating for his handling of the emergency. Romney has the problem that during the primary debate he'd spoken out against FEMA, the Federal Emergency Management Agency, and one of his signature moments of shallow mindless populism. A statement he was sure to get away with, as long as a major hurricane

did not slam into a major American city between then and the election, providing a violent illustration of the flaw in the argument for aggressively stringing wrong government. As long as that didn't happen, he was going to be fine. Both candidates suspended their campaigns this week, leading some to wonder whether the hurricane was in fact an act of God. Also, I've become so sick of the unremitting cynicism

of this campaign that he decided to pull a micro-nower to give himself a 48-hour break from the incisive political posturing. I think it seems that America seems to come together slightly more harmoniously than usual. Maybe if Nature could schedule in one major catastrophe a month, I think America as a nation would be much happier and more cohesive. Well, you're not alone in thinking that because they both went out on the campaign trial again yesterday and the president argued that on a other quote, when disaster strikes, we see America

at his best. What? By candlelight? He took a George to that tall picture. He then went on to say, all the petty differences that consume us in normal times all seem to melt away. There are no Democrats or Republicans during a storm, just fellow Americans. And is he trying to make people nostalgic for the time that they were being battered by 110 mile an hour winds? Because that is how bad presidential campaigns are now. It's almost preferable to have your house destroyed by flood water than to endure one more election cycle. Well, it's been quite fascinating watching this. It's, you know, he's had big wraps even from some pretty hardcore opponents,

including prominently Chris Christie. The Republican has not been generally his biggest fan, I think it's fair to say, no, a rare display of bipartisan political manners, and particularly in a country that politically is generally more polarized than a bear that has been covered head to toe in morangues. I don't know if that works comedically, but the image is a strong one. It's meaningless. It's meaningless, but it's strong. But it does seem that America only learns to behave itself with itself,

when something terrible is happening to it, particularly if that terrible thing is happening in a predominantly white area. That does seem to make things more smoothly. It really helps. It really helps people care here, Andy. And a Republican, complimenting a Democratic president. I mean, politics being politics. People didn't think, oh, that's nice.

This is obviously a non-partisan issue. That's a healthy sign of a grown-up democracy. They instantly thought, what the f*** is this guy up to? He is plotting something. I think he started the campaign for his grandson's run for president in 2056. And also politics being politics, they are probably right. Now, you might look at the hurricane and the devastation and tragedies that is left in its wake and think, there is absolutely nothing positive about this but of course you'd be wrong because if you are say an investment author and therefore have had your soul surgically removed years ago then you don't see a crisis Andy you see a

catastrophe Author. Author. We have another word for the bugle lexicon later. Author Larry Oxley gave tips this week on how to trade the so-called Frankenstorm to make money, saying, it's almost hilarious. But the beauty of extreme weather investing is that you don't necessarily have to be ahead of the event. You can just play the opportunity as it unfolds. You're right Larry. It is almost hilarious and you should point that out to the families of the 90 people who've died. They're almost hilarious deaths will be made somehow less tragic with the news that you managed to personally profit from their deaths somehow. And you're also writing a way and you can play the opportunity

as it unfolds, you can technically do that. But should you, Larry? Should that be the first thought in your diseased mind as a humanitarian crisis unfolds to see, let's say, a monsoon barreling towards Haiti and saying to yourself, let's hope that thing picks up steam. Come on, mascadualties, Larry needs a new speedboat. Sorry, did I say need a new speedboat? I meant to say, Larry wants a new speedboat. We said there's almost hilarious. I guess you can see natural disasters

as nature's extreme slapstick. But I just got a point, I mean, this is a problem with disasters like plane crashes. They happen so fast, you just don't have a chance to play the markets on them. That's why a hostage scenario is so much more preferable, it's got time to unfold and you can really financially save the unfolding human tragedy. Now of course on your natural disasters your earthquake, shivolcano, your tsunamis, they're a bit in between, you know there's no advanced warning but you can then work the markets based on the gradual

revelation of the scale of devastation they've imparted, which is why weather events, are so superman famines, even better, awesome trading opportunities. For those who do good as he wants an inter-global hunger, if we just learn to play the markets right, famine in Africa could solve all the Western world's financial market problems, and then we can invest it back in Africa to stop it happening again. And also, you can layer all long-term against an increase in anti-Western resentment-fuel terrorism. So, financially, it is a win-win scenario, John. And then, of course, you've got things like whether the pharmaceutical sector will develop a cure for malaria. That's a tough gamble, that one. Probably safest to continue back in the coffin trade for now,

but start hedging it in a couple of years. If comedy equals tragedy plus time, albeit not that much time these days, on the internet, then tragedy plus time also equals book deal, and tragedy plus time plus more time equals belated full government inquiry, then tragedy plus ethical vacuum equals investment opportunity. Yeah, he explained his theory, saying that he pointed out that he likened extreme weather investing to an explosion, explaining that the latter needs a fuel source oxygen and an ignition and the four-minute or weather event, a high concentration of commodities that can be affected and corresponding financial instruments. Apparently, he made a lot of money during Hurricane Katrina and he said natural gas was

a famous hurricane play when Katrina blasted the Gulf of Mexico. Refineries were damaged in the storm, diminishing gas supplies, increasing prices and causing the stocks of companies like Chesapeake Energy and Southwest gas to rise. Well, after saying all of that, Larry, you may have another prediction opportunity here because you may want to invest in any companies that make bleeping machines. I'm about to tell you Larry that you are a f***-fisted cock blaster because of the category 5 f*** storm. Right up your weaselie f***ing behind. Why would you say to be made, Andy? Yeah, money to be made. I mean I guess you could respond to those who claim that this kind of investment

and behaviour is ethically questionable. I guess you can reply by saying, one, who won the f***ing Cold War, suck it up, Cummings and two, all ethical questions, John, are multiple choice. That is, that is the nature of ethics. Amidst all the difficulties, there have been some weird sites in New York all week the restaurants that have opened have been serving and cooking by candlelight also there's been a mad max style crush to find any working outlets to charge your phone uptown and downtown have been like north career and south career one is in almost complete darkness with people trying to slip across the border to the other one to use some of the mystical, sweet electricity juice.

And the people on the other side are slightly jealous of the water slides. That's true. It works in so many ways. As a consequence, one of the most surprisingly strange thing to witness is that I've actually seen a lot of people using payphones in New York or WEEK. It's been like living in a 1980s martin scorsese movie.

Hey, don't wish you'd have dropped the package down at the South Street seaport or I'm gonna introduce a Louisville slugger up his ass. No, usually. Another all-ditch. You just, you just, usually you just, that's scorsese smurf. Some of 2013. Usually, you just presume that's Scorsese's mouth. Some are 2013.

Usually, you just presume that the people using payphones are either murderers or drug dealers or drug-dealing murderers. And it is so strange to overhear conversations when you walk past payphones in the city that don't involve ransom notes or arrangements for disposing of bodies. The only thing approaching the bullsiness of hurricane jet skiing that I witnessed was the fact that on my block about three hours before the hurricane was scheduled to hit,

I was looking out of my window at the street and I saw a moving truck pull up. I went outside, unable to believe what might actually be about to happen. And out climbed three crazy Russian men who had somehow decided they were going to keep their appointment to do a full apartment move. I don't know who was crazier and either them or the people who were moving house except I do know who was crazier and it was the crazy fucking Russian men. I went downstairs and I said to them, are you sure that this is a good idea? To which they said, yeah, he's no problem for us, he's good they to move. Roads very clear. And I said, yeah, you know why that they're clear. Don't, there's a category

one hurricane about 50 miles away and it's going to blow everything over. At this point, they'd already walked past me and were carrying entire chest of drawers out of the house on their shoulders. Although, I did want to say that the people who were moving out, great idea, not canceling your move today. That's a beautiful wardrobe, by the way, and it's going to look stunning in about 45 minutes when it's embedded in that shot window. The best part of all of this was that a moving company was called, and I promised this to Wizard of Oz moving. That's right. The Wizard of Oz moving company were going to try and move a house during a hurricane.

I was fully expecting to walk out afterwards and see a pair of brightly coloured witches legs sticking out from under an apartment building with months can stinging their way all around the block. So how much do you think it will have affected the the election on Tuesday, John? Because it's looking pretty close to the calls. Probably not at all. Yeah, I think it's going to be a squeaker this election either way. I don't think I think going to take more than an, you know, a national crisis and a weather event to change the fact that even a hurricane is not going to help undecided voters for some reason, f***ing decide. And also I guess the nature of American politics

is such that, you know, Obama could, of course, the election is looking tighter than some close-fitting waste-to-toe legwear that never buys its round, even when it's obviously its turn. It's tougher to call than a dead hermit with no phone in a cave that's been fitted with a signal block or an only gets one bar at the best of times anyway. And it's closer than being pinned up against a wall at the end of a cul-de-sac by Mariana Rivera, wielding a copy of a French celebrity magazine with top-less pictures of princesses in it, right in your face and telling you his last joke before saying, that's it from me, you've been a great crowd, I'm Mariana Rivera. There you go, little baseball joke in there for on the American listeners. Some of the hardest hit areas here were in Breezy Point, New York, or f***ing Breezy

Point, and it was now going to be legally named. And New Jersey, where Atlantic City was absolutely battered with Pierce Boardwalks and roller coasters being crushed dismantled and dumped into the sea. And I couldn't help thinking how confusing it would have been if someone in one of the windowless casinos on the boardwalk of Atlantic City had gone on a bender for a few days, drinking and gambling, only to step outside for a breath

of fresh air at one point, witness all of that and found themselves saying, oh shit, what the f**k just happened out here? How long have I been in there? Well, the East Coast of America might have been hit by a literal storm, but we in Britain have been hit by a metaphorical storm of stories about pederastic predatory alleged showbiz stars, that have been indulged for decades, and a mega scobble about the BBC, not broadcasting and documentary about it, which is all overshadowed the real, far more important story that we in Britain have somehow ended up with a social culture

in which hundreds of people felt unable to report the abuse, let alone legally pursue its perpetrators until years after the events. This in turn stands alongside institutionalised police cover-ups, mass corporate taxaversion funded in essence by cast a disability benefits, because a, they can do it and be there and encourage to do it. Plus, political expenditure scammed right through Parliament, suites of the media not merely plumbing the depths, but installing in those depths are fully fitted moral bathroom with a walk-in rainfall chair and an automatic arsoncing bidet. All suggestion that Britain has not only been taking a volcanic mud bath

and a swamp of skewed morality with itself, but it's also been turning an institutional blind eye to all manner of people getting away with what they can get away with in whatever field they're trying to get away with it. And whilst doing that, our institutional seeing eye has been winking knowingly at the people who are doing the getting away with stuff saying, don't mind us, knock yourselves out. Still, greatest country in the world, John. The Prime Minister said so two weeks ago at his conference, and he knows more about Britain than I do.

And also, we did really well in the Olympic Paralympic. So it's no big deal. What was the question? Capuchino, please. And I don't want to milk froth by machine. It's the 21st century. I want it organic, natural, as nature intended. I want the cow heated up in a sauna.

I want it put on a rodeo simulated to froth it up. And then I want you to squeeze its whaps straight into my mouth. C'mon, sorry, cup. Go team GB. BELL RINGS Bullock's Gony news now and Andy, everyone knows that Sylvia Bullock's Gony, ex-prime minister, fully qualified horn dog and inspiration for the tremendous

horse name Sylvia Bullock's Pony. Everyone knows that he is a committed career criminal. Everyone that is. Everyone that is except the Italian legal system. Because he has managed his entire life to somehow walk away from an avalanche of legal cases like a world-class justice escapologist. He's become a high court hudini, and he who never reveals his legal tricks, even though most audience members correctly assume that they involve some combination of mirrors and bribery.

And this makes it all the more incredible that Burlusconi was this week sentenced to a jail term for tax fraud, which is a bit like getting alcohol on tax evasion. It's not that he's not guilty of it. It's just that he's guilty of so it, it's just that he's guilty of so much more beside that. Now in this particular case, which is just one course in a tasting menu of criminal charges against Burles Govney, who's accused of taking part of the money

declared for the purchase of some US film right, and then skimming it off to create illegal slush funds, reducing tax liabilities for his media set group. The court actually gave him a longer sentence than the three years and eight months that prosecutors had demanded. However, it later reduced that sentence to just one year due to a 2006 Amnesty Law aimed at reducing prison overcrowding. Oh, who was it involving passing that law? Back then I wonder, Andy. Was it designed

to reduce one particular person from overcrowding any prisoners? But this is not just him that would be overcrowding it, John. It's the twenty teenage girls who would be overcrowding it with it. This is a real blunt on some kind of medical prescription. He's got to have them. It's still what is human rights, John. Think of his legal team, Andy. They were on an improbable run of victories. The problem was that the Harlem Globetrossers went on over the washes in general. Almost as if one side was being paid to not try that hard.

His legal team said that they'd successfully defended him for 13 years, during which time he's actually been convicted multiple times of illegal party financing, corruption, bribery and false accounting, although in each case he's either one on appeal or avoided a jail sentence. In other cases he's either been acquitted or time has run out on the trial under Italy's statute of limitations. And in all that time, he's actually very rarely bothered to turn up to court to defend himself. He's either query the legitimacy of the court proceedings or the motives of the jury or his past immunity laws.

But one of my favorite details from all these new developments with Burlesconi is that since he's been out of office and his self-constructive protection from prosecution has been revoked. He has graciously pledged that he would set Mondays aside for court appearances. Don't do the Italian justice system any favor, Silvio, how generous of you to bless them with one day out of your hectic week

banging your way around the world. And that just goes to show how routine being accused of crimes has become from now Andy. He commits to court appearances with the same regularity that people pledge to use their gym membership. I'll go Monday, he's definitely. I will put them aside. I know that I'll feel better about myself if I go. He's also been banned from holding political office for five years and he has not taken

that news very well at all. He gave an interview to one of the TV channels, he owns this week and said, this is a political, incredible and intolerable judgment. And it's actually just the last of those words. And he went on to say, there will be consequences. I feel obliged to stay in politics. Yeah, no wonder he feels obliged, Andy, is the only thing that is keeping him out of prison. He gets some unity if he's in office.

That should be his next campaign slogan, vote for Silvio, I don't want to go to jail. Now, if he somehow manages to wangle his way out of this jail term, they may be another on the horizon anyway, because his next few Mondays are also going to be taken up with a current trial in which he's charged for paying sex with an undrived girl and trying to cover it up.

He's about to hate Mondays more than Garfield Andy. He's about to hate Mondays more than Garfield Andy. He's about to hate Mondays more than Garfield Andy. He's about to hate Mondays more than Garfield Andy. He's about to hate Mondays more than Garfield Andy. He's about to hate Mondays more than Garfield Andy. He's about to hate Mondays more than Garfield Andy. He's about to hate Mondays more than Garfield Andy.

He's about to hate Mondays more than Garfield Andy. He's about to hate Mondays more than Garfield Andy. He's about to hate Mondays more than Garfield Andy. He's about to hate Mondays more than Garfield Andy. He's about to hate Mondays more than Garfield Andy. And we've been training this for a few weeks. And of course, there was the Hurricane Jet Skier this week. There have been some sensational news involving Daredevil's recently, or to give them their technical names, magnificent lunatics. First, a few weeks ago, it was of course a space jump. Felix, Brown Gartner, rode up in a balloon to the edge of space, and then stepped off a platform 24 miles up in the air, and hurtled back down to earth. Now, the one thing I think Felix really missed out on Andy was

not saying anything just before he jumped because he's saluted, but he really missed his Neil Armstrong moment. He could have gone with, holy shit, this is high, actually forget it. Can you bring me back down? Or... Bound-Cartner away! Or I think, the most appropriate, there is absolutely no point in this! Well, I was very disappointed that he did just go, weeeeee!

Or even Geronimo. Or even I can see my planet from here. Um, Bound-Cartner is an Austrian man, Andy, which I personally found slightly disappointing. Because this really feels like something that an American should have done. This is my adopted homeland, Andy. And I really feel like if someone is going to do something this magnificently misguided, this heroically stupid, this discernibly inexplicable, this tremendously pointless,

then it should be an American. And also, nice tri-Austria, but you're still most famous for Hitler, okay? It's going to take a lot more than riding a balloon to the edge of space and jumping down to make all of us forget that little f***er that you brought into the world. It might have slightly ludicrous claims about being very important scientific research. And I guess, you know, one more we've learned a lot about what you know what to do if you I'm a slightly ludicrous claimser out there in all being very important scientific research. And I guess, you know, we've learned a lot about

what to do if you ever find yourself stuck floating in a balloon a hundred thousand feet in the air with high-tech equipment, pressurized bodies, soot in an oxygen supply. I mean, we all know now what to do in that situation. I just wish he hadn't even pretended it was for science, John. As you say, he is a magnificently ludicrous man. He should have called it as it was and said,

I'm just doing this for the f***ing hell of it. That is a far more noble heroic pursuit, John. Did Roll Damelson get his piggyback ride to the South Pole for science? No, he did it because A, the South Pole was there, and B, he thought he might meet some hot chicks down there. And C, he wanted to see the look on Captain Scott's face when he turned up a few weeks later to find the Norwegian flag urinated in the snow and a message

saying, chilly down here, isn't it? Did Neil Armstrong join Legit to the Moon for Science? No, it was for Cold War politics. It is a far more noble goal. If Neil Armstrong hadn't built and flown that space rocket, we would all be speaking Soviet by now. And he also did it to see the look on Buzz Aldrin's face when he elbowed him in the ribs and jumped out of the rocket first. Apparently throughout the stunt, Babgat was in contact via an earpiece with Joe Kiddinger.

He's a 84-year-old American mentor and the previous holder of the highest altitude manned balloon flight. And I'm guessing that Joe was a little less impressed because he jumped from 102,000 feet in 1960, essentially in his pajamas, Andy, standing on the platform, finishing his cigarette, flicking it into space, shouting down to his wife to have dinner on the table, and then diving back down to earth. Just before a bound guard had jumped, you could hear Michel Constrol say, Guardian Angels will take care of you. Now, if I had been up there Andy,

that would have annoyed me. If you'd never as one sort of been, really, because I was on a needy stinking pressure that you would be taking care of. You and science. I spoke to him on the phone today. Did you? Spoken on the phone today. Did you? Spoken on the telephone. Did you really? Yeah. What was he, uh, he called you or did you

call him? He called us. He called me on another job I was doing. I was trying to give him a girl's phone number, but he wasn't having any of it. Is that true? Yeah. Well, I did someone, did you know what I want to go out with that. Yeah, exactly. She wanted to date with him, but he was insisting he was a family man. He's got to be worth of hot for a life insurance pay, wasn't he? Yeah, yeah. He said his next, he was, he's going to give up jumping out of space and become a helicopter pilot, which that's a bit dull, didn't it? That's a bit. I want to see if he can double up, John,

and fire himself up to ground level from 24 miles below the earth's surface. Now, that might not have the same visual impact as a downward jump from way above the earth, as he clambers up, was through layers of rock, chiseling his way past fossilized dyno donkeys, secret CIA laboratories, the special underground pod where Elvis Bin Laden, JFK and the Queen Mother all lived together and the greatest reality sitcom ever. But it would be a far more scientific benefit than jumping out of space, because we're far more likely to live underground than 24 miles

above the surface of the earth. Felix Baumgart was not alone in his dedication to the ridiculous recently. A Chinese tight-rope walker, Adeel Hushur, said a new world record for walking across a 1400 meter long wire, 1148 feet above the dayhand canyon with absolutely no safety nets. The ice-eye bridge is apparently the sixth highest and 12th longest suspension bridge in the world. Well, you know, I'm about as 12th as impressed then, Andy. Because you have to do it over the highest or the longest. Otherwise, it just doesn't sound as impressive.

That's like saying, I climbed the 34th highest mountain in the world. It's the good and the data. It's actually over 25,000 feet. That's still objectively impressive, but 12th just sounds terrible. Another aerial stuntman, Nick Wallander, has said that he's planning a tight-rope walk at the Grand Canyon, but that he won't be wearing a safety harness like he used when he crossed an Niagara Falls. And, oh, is this f***ing scientific research as well? Funny whether walking across a canyon can incumer malaria. And I guess it's bound to be politicized these things always are, these public stunts. Maybe it'll be seen by some as a metaphor for the welfare state. How a safety harness only encourages people to fall off tightrope, but they don't have that fallback, and then live in fear of disaster, desperately trying to balance their lives in an almost impossible manner.

So I think he's letting himself become a political pawn. When I saw him walking across the Niagara Falls with a harness early this year, I think it's a very important thing to do. I think it's a become a political pawn. When I saw him walking across the Niagara Falls with a harness early this year, all I could think was, ahhhh, or a loser. Can't take getting swept to a certain death of waterfall. Bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik-bik- and gravity, I would never have to share a post-stunt show with you Captain Nobles. No date or exact location has been announced for his Grand Canyon walk, but apparently he's in negotiation with two American Indian tribes whose reservations border the Grand Canyon National Park. And you know, I'm sure that their ancestors years ago want sat looking at the Grand Canyon Andy saying, one day, some crazy white man is going to try and walk over that on a wire.

Why will, why will he do that? No reason to reach enlightenment. No, to feel more of one with nature. Nope. Just because it would be awesome. Yes, because it would be awesome. That's what I'm saying. I can't wait until someone is

stupid enough to do that. And I think it's, I think you're right about that, John, right? That makes both of our careers even more heroic. Your emails now and we have an email here from Jessica, saying, dear gentlemen, who are no longer allowed in Scotland. Your most recent blast of bullshit from across the pond gave the first date of Ohio a good what for concerning our cosmic voting power. I'll tell you something, Mr. Zoltman and Oliver, as no higher one,

I take my role as one of the 16 million people who choose America's president very seriously. We changed our state motto to we elect your president for a reason. We've been the home of eight presidents, ignoring Virginia's eight commanders in chief, that state left the union, which obviously negates all previous achievements. That's a fair point. Harding's death in office ended the glorious era of Ohio presidents, and we reluctantly

relinquished our ironclad right to raise presidents. But in the 90s, unable to let go of our untold power, we organized a dark cabal that would allow us to elect the president through black magic using the mysterious electoral college. Shhh, it's a secret. She goes on to say, in between raising an electing president, we were also the birthplace of all the aviators and astronauts

in the 20th century, but someone decided they didn't want us electing the president of the moon too, so they hastily killed the space program, thus delaying our total domination of the solar system. To sum up, Ohio runs this shit with little to no sincerity Jessica Boggs. I will say, Jessica, that I think Ohio runs this shit would be a fair thing to have as a state motto. Because you can legally back that up. But you'd have to put Ohio runs this shit and in brackets for no reason that anyone can explain to me. This email came in from James Clark, he writes, Dear John and Andy, I live in a 10 bedroom, Georgian house in the countryside. I tend to vote conservative.

I was at one of the six great English public schools. I work in a 10 bedroom, Georgian house, and the countryside. I tend to vote conservative. I was at one of the six great English public schools. I work in the city. I also love the bugle. I've enjoyed it since discovering it around bugle 165. I make that roughly 33.5 hours of free, top grade live affirming bullshit so far. Thanks very much, James. I'm willing to let you know that I shall not be making

a voluntary payment for forthcoming bugles. Instead, I tend to continue to download and enjoy your efforts for free. Oh, God. I'm telling you all this simply because I'm paying you instead by confirming all your prejudices about wealthy, Tory, public, or educated bankers. Well, well, mission accomplished. I think we all know the warm inner glow of being told you're right. It's worth more than money. It's certainly worth more than any amount of money I might otherwise have given you. You're just fairly James Clark. You are mistaken at warming it warm in a glow for a burning fire of anger. So what thanks,

I just thought that counts though, and at least he's still. No, it isn't. No, you're quite right. Inbred golf playing. Which of course should be the boxy account emotive. I think that was not the name of a dog that one cruffs a couple of years ago. So, what either you can side with James or you can help keep this podcast going at thebucelpodcast.com and don't forget you can see our SoundCloud page as well. SoundCloud.com slash the hyphen bugle. I've got that tattooed on my shoulder and

do keep your emails coming into info at thebugelpodcast.com Port now and Lance Armstrong sevenourer France titles have to be reallocated. The UCI announced that some of the titles will be given to the next highest-ranked cyclist, known for sure 100% to have been clean and free of drugs. Thus the 1999 tour has been awarded to then seven-year-old Timmy Watkins, a USD paper and on his BMX and Milton Keynes. Whilst the 2001 tour has been jointly awarded as a gesture of peace and reconciliation to Yassir Arifat and Ariel Sharon, subject to blood tests coming back. Armstrong, who had first aroused his visions by making cycling up mountains at about

120 miles an hour, whatever he did, looked as easy as picking out a hedgehog in a display of watermelons, could also be forced by his former sponsors to re-ride all the roots of his seven tainted tools, wearing a pantomime goose outfit by way of apology. Well that's all for this week's bugle. That brings us to the end of the first four years of Obama. John, are they going to be another four years? And if so, are they going to be the next four years or are they going to be in twenty years? I don't live in Ohio, Andy, you're asking the wrong person.

Well imagine that you were living in Ohio John. Yeah, well that's the only poll Andy that is important is what do people in Ohio think they're going to vote or how do you think you would vote if you lived in Ohio? Those are the only acceptable polls Oh, isn't democracy great To the next week where we will exclusively be the only world media outlets to reveal the results of The presidential election on Tuesday

It's nearly over. That's the most important thing. It's they strong people. It's nearly over. That's the most important thing. Stay strong, Budalus. It's nearly f***ing over. And if you're in Ohio, Budalus, don't do anything stupid. Yes, I think you know what that means. Goodbye. Bye! See you on the other day. you