The Bugle - Bugle 260 – International Love Triangle

Episode Date: February 14, 2014

Hollande woos another mistress, World Cup winners make better dates and is George Clooney a Nazi? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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It's a great drink here. This is a podcast from TheBuglePodcast.com. The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world. Hello, Bugle! And welcome to issue 260 of the world's leading and only audio newspaper for a visual world for the week beginning Monday, 17th of February, 2014, with me and his ozman, five time dreamboat of the year in Balding Ginger Cricket Obsessed Lapsdew magazine, Shalom Ladies. Reporting live from the London Archipelago and joining me from across an increasingly large pond.

It's a man who turns cows into milkshakes just by vigorously palpating their others during an earthquake into a bucket full of strawberries, so the rum goes, each to their own, it's John Oliver! Hello Andy, hello, Buglas, look, if this week has taught us one thing Andy, if that snowboarding has no place in the Olympics, and I'll tell you why Andy, they're f***ing smiling all the time. This, all I saw this week is snowboarders coming down a mountain, failing, smiling and congratulating each other. That is an absolute disgrace, sadly. Athlete should not have more perspective on life than anyone else.

They just keep coming down and go, oh well, it doesn't matter. I've had a good time. I'm here with friends. It's all fun, isn't it? No, it's not! There's no one yet lip-pictures about. And I watch sports to see someone's world fall apart. I want to see an expression across their face of I dedicated three decades of my life to this and now it's all pointless. What I don't want to see is oh that was fun! Give snow borders!

Well it's about someone so it to about time. It's so frustrating It's almost like this disappoint me a zero sum and when they're happy I have to get angry How could think fall over get up and smile? No So this is bugle for the week beginning Monday the 17th of February on this day, 17th February and the year 1600. The Italian philosophy ace Giordano Bruno was executed for his crazy far outview, such as at the sun, it's just another star knocking about in space like all the other stars. That qualified him as a heretic in those days and he was burned at the stake in Rome in the Campo de Fiore, which, well, if those of you know Rome, that makes sense. There's some cracking pizza places around there. They probably

just popped him in the oven. Lovely little wine bar in the camp, but if you're as well, I hope they let him have a cheeky little glass of Barololo beforehand, otherwise I would have really stung. It was a big mnemonic's fan, Mr Bruno, and Pioneer, author of the Art of Memory. In fact, the very last two mnemonics he developed were this father Ignacio rode an elephant fast until Capua keeping in nice gardens, hardly urinating, rarely taking shits.

That was a mnemonic to remember the phrase, fire fucking hurts. And this one as well, Pope Clement must have had... Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. And guess other one, Pope Clement must have a shriveled old floppy dick, which stood for poisoning by carbon monoxide heatstroke as fixation shock organ failure death.

So terrific, terrific Monarch fan. As always, section of the bugle is going straight. There have been this week, well, a few sections, a personal finance section and impersonal finance section. It's best to be ruthlessly objective about these things, otherwise you might as well dig Trotsky up and say, go and pal have another go. And also, in there been three audio golf lessons

with the American golf guru, Flutie Gunskum. Part one. Yeah, you need to aim a little bit more down the middle there, and not play in an archaeological museum. Try again. Top story this week. Heart-shaped balloon sales are up up and so is the suicide rate. It must be Valentine's Day!

And the Valentine's Day is such a commercially special time of year. Yes, it is that. Romantic time to look at loved one in the eyes and say, look, I remember, alright, I don't want to hear it as shit. I mean, those are just memories to last a lifetime. Throughout history, Valentine's Day has been a date synonymous with romantic gestures and massacres, and fittingly,

there were a number of stories about the art of love this week, and in an act of perfect timing, the White House enjoyed a state visit early this week from Francois Alond, president of France, the nation of course, instantly identifiable with love and military capitulation. However, it came with a need for some diplomatic tightrope walking after Francois Alond's quintessentially French decision to trade in the first lady of France for a younger French actress to the somewhat mystifying shock of the people of France and the first lady of France. I mean, come on, both of you. You know what you

signed up for when you elected and or married a man with a French passport? It was a matter of time before he was called on a scooter outside his mistress's house. And by the way, that is not an offensive stereotype. That's literally what happened. LAUGHTER This meant that the White House had to quickly and discreetly destroy all the state dinner invitations due to the fact that they were inviting people to a dinner honoring Francois Alondon and his wife,

the wife who is now presumably at home cutting his face out of their wedding photos. White House Aids then apparently had to delay printing any new invitations as they were waiting to hear whether to include his new mistress on the invitation or not. And perhaps wisely, a long-dopted knot to bring her. Although that would have been a really bauzy move. And they turn up to your state dinner with your mistress sitting on the back of the official French presidential scooter. So instead the invitation simply read you are cordially invited to the White House to enjoy a state dinner honoring Francois Alond, president of France and the human pepper la pure.

Yes, he ended up as you say coming solo Alond so they in fact gave him Ruth Bardaginsburg as a date, the long-standing Supreme Court judge, apparently, relations between them were quotes, a bit frosty, but with some potential. And in fact, it goes even beyond what you suggest in terms of the damage he's done to America's view of the French, because I think America tends to have

a stereotype view of what France is all about. I think this has been exacerbated over the last decade and a bit during the various disagreements during the war on Turkey. So this was a chance for Olon to build bridges, but in his first state visit by a French president to America for 20 years. And in terms of getting rid of stereotypes, it wasn't his wife that he did not bring. It was the girlfriend that he ditched his wife for, that he's now ditched for this actress mistress. He wanted to just ridden off the plane on an old bicycle with a string of garlic ground his neck.

Ha, ha, ha. Big step backwards. He's an offensive stereotype, Andy. As you say, this was a chance. This was promoted as a chance for two nations who've had a sometimes tricky relationship over the last decade or two to come together. And it's been portrayed here as a huge success

with the French leader announcing an oppressed conference that mutual trust had been restored. And if you were standing outside the apartment of the ex Mrs. O'Leondt in France, I'm pretty sure you could have heard her say, oh, I'm so pleased to hear that trust has been restored. America is certainly Aberdebly forgiving, although to be fair, I don't believe the US was consistently lied to by France in the past. Only for it to turn out all along, the French was f***ing another country.

In the same press conference, President Obama praised France's military role in helping quash extremist violence in Africa after the French and the US collaborated this year on missions in Marley and the Central African Republic. And it's such a classic story, Andy. What brings a relationship together better than a military intervention any good marriage council will tell you that things are going a little style why not try um scented candles or fighting your way through the Congolese jungle together. Uh, Hollande is not what you would describe as a classic, uh, Hollywood pin-up boy, um,

and one journalist was quoted in a British newspaper saying that his sex appeal is, quote, says, inexplicable as unpasturized cheese. Well, I mean, who ever said this? They said change their fucking cheese supplier. Unpasturized cheese is a passport eternal happiness. And what, I mean, he said in the week of Valentine's Day, there was a lot of poll of the most romantic nationalities, and France came in fourth behind Spain, Argentina, and Italy, a

credible fourth place, Britain, not in the top 10, sadly America, seventh, three places ahead of the 10th place, Vietnamese. Both top 10, that's, I mean, it doesn't mean if you watch apocalypse now, with this fact in mind, it basically comes across as a rom-com. France, a fourth most romantic nation, in another survey came as the rudest nation in the world, and in another survey came across as the nation that is most tolerant of men wearing speedo-shrumbing trunks on the beach. And you can read into those three surveys, whatever you want, provided what you read into them is telling someone to go

f**ks themselves while wearing nothing but a pair of skimpy wangle and flugal nut contour for launting undersplants. It's more likely to make someone fall in love with you than a trip to the cinema and a romantic meal. Use that information wisely, butlers. Test it out if you want, and please if you do test it out, report back on how it pans out for you. The top five most romantic nations, John, Spain, Argentina, Italy, France, Brazil. They've all won the football world cup at least once since 1974. In fact, eight of the nine last world cups have been won by the five most romantic nations on earth, the exception being, of course, Germany. So that really is,

that shows you what an amazing sport football must be. Yeah, well, you can't argue with statistics, Andy. And Britain, when they seem to be deployed inappropriately. Britain got third in the rudeness table. medal bronze medal for the third being the third rudest nation on a fatties bollocks who the fuck these f**kers doing this bullshit survey anyway I should f**k off and leave us the f**k alone we're not f**king rude in this country who are these cup of tea? Russia second Germany fourth that is down three in just 70 years America seventh the least rude of the countries

in the survey, Brazil. It's pretty hard to give a fee, leave me the **** alone vibe when you're trying an unlikely overhead kick on the beach. There you go. Chris, you better warm up that bleeping thing. You don't want to pull something. ****, let's cheer it out. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha of special relationship with the US from the British, with the panic of a paranoid ex-girlfriend.

It seemed though we were only one step away from sending David Cameron over and announced to crash the press conference, only to storm him, look present on the bottom of the eye and say, oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were with this bitch. I'm telling you, Andy, from the tone of the report, I think Britain and the ex-Mrs. Alond, I've been eating a lot of ice cream together this week.

In other Valentine's Day news, a restaurant here in New York is offering a $30,000 Valentine's Day menu in a pretty seismic f*** you to poor people in this country and around the world. Barack Caracom, owner of the pair, a Mediterranean Brasery on a Madison Avenue, said it promises, and I quote, a unique experience with all the right touches.

This is an extravagant experience featuring some of the most Afro-Dizyac ingredients. I'll have to say, Andy, if I had a $30,000 dinner, the most Afro-Dizyac ingredient would be $29,500 cash back at the end of that meal. So, what do you get for a $30,000 meal that makes it worth it other than deserving the keys to a new f***ing car?

Well, you get $1,600 an ounce Royal Osteria caviar, you get a molten chocolate cake topped with edible 24 karat gold, you get a molten chocolate cake topped with edible 24-karat gold, you get shelter island oysters and three main courses including lobster, roasted venison and rack of lamb. That meal is not an aphrodisiac, Andy. That is a digestive hand grenade. You are absolutely going to need a scented candle afterwards, not to set a sexy mood, but to cover up the gigantic romantic dump you're gonna have to take.

What puts a lot of pressure as well, if you're not splitting the bill, doesn't it? I mean, you know, you can want some payback for that. The owner of the restaurant, Andy, says that he imagines a specific couple showing up, saying someone with a long lost love, a love against all-odd situation, and this is kind of the final icing on the cake to bring it all together. No, Andy. That is not

who's going to be turning up for a $30,000 dinner. I'll tell you who is though, a hedge fund manager and his closest personal prostitute. That is who that guy is catering for. Incredibly, the restaurant is also offering insurance, just in case the evening doesn't end well, in the form of a therapist and a matchmaker, also being part of the package if Valentine's heartbreak winds up on the menu. The owner's head, this there's still a great story

to be told, we'll try and put the gentleman back in the game quickly. Apparently, they've also included a cleaner, Andy, in the Harvey Kitelle sense, so that you can murder her and dispose of the body all before dessert arrives. The whole thing clearly just smacks of being a shameless marketing ploy to make money. And if that's true, then what actually could be more appropriate on Valentine's Day than that? Good, not everyone's into Valentine's Day

and a heroically single Chinese man still recovering from a breakup of a relationship last year has tried to put a spanner in other people's Valentine's Day works by buying up odd number seats at his local cinema to stop any couples sitting together. In fact, when he was doing this, apparently spread on social media, other people they started helping him out by buying all the odd number seats in the cinema until there

were no pairs left. Now the man claimed it was a joke, but I think, I think he's just a massive movie fan, and if you're watching one of the classic films, you don't want to be distracted by the smooching slurps of a saliva swap or the casserole and crunch of the seriously shared popcorn or by someone saying, please remove your hand from my crotch on trying to watch this film. You want to be able to concentrate fully on the film. He also claimed that he hopes that people watching the Valentine's Day showing at the cinema might find themselves sitting next to someone they didn't know, thus sparking new relationships.

Well, not if this goes according to plan, what it's more like to spark is conversations like, do you think we're essentially alone in a pitiless universe that love us, that made Mirage to soften the unending rabbit punches of truth to the solar plexus, and that Smurfs too is a film you want to hear every single word of, so many layers, me too, once and popcorn, by your own dickbag. Of course there are other ways of going about Valentine's Day. It does really provide a kind of unrealistic expectation of what romance is truly about. And I guess there's very, you know, you could, I think really we should be looking at doing the least romantic acts possible to make the rest of the year seem like a 364-day whirlwind of affection, including bugle suggestions for you.

Find a large rotten stick in the woods, jab it through your loved one's front window with a note tied to it saying, can I borrow £5 to buy some anti-ex-machrine from my flaky elbow. Or lay the table with candles and flowers, cook a nice meal, then summon your loved one with the words, dinner time for Nikki Numskyl, take a baseball bat and smash the food, plates, and table to pieces. And that, I believe, will do more for your long-term relationship than conventional romantic actions. Alternatively, poetry, of course, very popular on Valentine's Day, but we live in a very hectic world and we can't afford the time and effort to express our emotions. In any more detail these days, then a single smiley or

sad face or is then known a remote icon, so called because they are a con, and they make you feel more remote from genuine human communication. Of course, now known as emoticons because of their lack of genuine feeling. There is no R in remote icon, hence emoticon, a little bit of modern etymology for you. So we have no time for the big long waffle expressions of love people used to pen in the olden days. Shakespeare with his hits on it shall I compare thee to a summer's day. I forget how it goes on. I think it's shall I compare thee to a summer's day. Yes good in which case you're like a summer's day because I can't spend any time with you because there's cricket on the tally. Couple two would be nice. Cheers babe, it's a hundred

and forty for three by the way. Shakespeare was around today. Well for a start he'd probably be writing advertising jingles about domestic cleaning products. Well yeah, even in the day he had to earn a living. In fact, recent research shows that he doubled up his playwriting job as head of creative for the Elizabethan ad agency Strapb and Grip, who ran campaigns for amongst others, bubonics played remedies, you go, bubo, and heretical accessories for religious centers, including the very fetching persecuties

far-at-art Catholic-Ape, which would extend the life of a customer being burned at the stake by between 30 and 45 minutes, sold with a slogan, don't worry, I'll cook. But if Big Billy Shake it was around today, he would have the time or inclination to waste 14 lines of prime sonnet banging on about how he's wondering whether or not to compare

some chick to a summer's day. He'd probably just boil it down to a simple, uncomplicated for a lot of toast my bagel. So we like to help you out the bugle, so just in case, I mean bearing in mind, we are recording this on Valentine's Day, so by the time you listen to it, it will be over. But there's a couple of free bugle Valentine's poems for in case you don't have the time

to write your own. Firstly, you'll do. You'll do for now. It might last but somehow when I look into your eyes, I know if I get a pay rise, I'll ditch you for someone you, I'll trade up and be made up, but in the meantime you'll do just fine. And love is like a bucket of sick. Love is like a bucket of sick. In that, it's better than a javelin in the eye and should not be taken on a motorbike. So we do hope that brings you happiness and love on this very special day.

you happiness and love on this very special day. Canadian rock band Suzguantanamo news now and an amazing twist for both music and morality. A Canadian rock band has officially sent a bill to the US military after they were told that their music was used to torment detainees at Guantanamo. That is quite a royalty check to demand Andy. The band in question is called Skinny Puppy, pioneers of industrial metal. The music that is, well, not actually industrial metal, the pioneers of which was of course the British peasants in the late 1700s. But the keyboardist for the band Kevin Key said that they are seeking $666,000 for use of their music, saying, I'm not only against the fact that they're using our music to inflict damage on somebody else, but they're doing it without anybody's permission. Classic, selective, musician, morality, and this is morally wrong,

and I'm totally gay Is it happening unless I'm being paid for it? The real victim in this torture of an uncharted Detainee is the artist, it's the artist. I think they might have been playing some of our early episodes of the bugle as well. Kevin Key went on to say, I wouldn't want to be subjected to any overly loud music for 6 to 12 hours of time without a break and Exactly Andy. He's right at the very least frozen between song pattern in there because that here is an extract of skinny puppy right now So the very least I could do Andy is something like this. Hey, we're skinny puppy, great to be with you today. This is from our 2013 album Weapon.

Available on Metropolis Records. Shoutout to Quentinimal Bay, the controversial for the sake of the Republican Cuba. Shout out to all our fans, stuck in a legal limbo. Well, I say fans, I really mean people, subjective drawing music with the aim of inflicting pain. Come to see his life sometime, check out our website for tour dates. That skinny puppy, dot com, we got the dot com. I mean, that would make it better, but, um, I mean, I'm just not sure this is the right type of music. Personally, I'd rather, I'm just not sure this is the right type of music.

Personally, I'd rather, I think lighthearted music is in many ways more intrusively offensive than deliberately and trussively offensive music. I mean, if they just played this song, Snooker Lupy to these details, which was a Snooker theme's novelty pop hit in the mid-1980s in Britain. Then I think, I mean, by your 40th or 50th repetition of the words, pot the reds and screw back for the yellow, green, blue, brown, blue, pink and black, you will basically confess to absolutely anything. In fact, I've made a mind at a 20 stretch for claiming he was the real Doctor Krippin off, they're just hearing that song twice in the same afternoon.

Well, that's the point, because this is of course nothing new, Andy. It's been reported in the past that the US military at their other detention facilities in Iraq and Afghanistan blasted loud music into cells arranged from Metallica and Nine Injnails to Sesame Street and Barney the Dinosaur. And Barney the Dinosaur, never sued Andy. I can only presume that's because he likes people being taught you to his music the sick purple f***. Good job to get in the military. Yeah, very much out of the front, out of the firing line, playlist compiler, DJ.

This one's going out to Ahmed in cell 13, who makes the West. But this is the first time that a band has attempted to take legal action to get paid. And Keith said that while he's banned, he acknowledged that his band's music could be a terrible nightmare for some listeners, to others, it's a creative artistic endeavor that plays with dark writings and dark cinema. That is a hell of a description, because you could probably describe our podcast like that, Andy. It could be a terrible nightmare to some listeners. It would, it wouldn't, wouldn't it though? Wouldn't it be incredible? If it turned out that this is actually the thing that ends up closing Guantanamo Bay. It's like getting alcapone on tax

evasion, Andy. It would be amazing. Guantanamo wasn't shut down due to egregious human rights violations. It was shut down due to copyright law and fraction. Listen, we'll take it. Which ever way it comes. They also got Capone for making illegal mix tapes of late 1920s classics as well. BIRGLE as well. //Burglary News// Historic burglary news now, and there's been a big spat, John, between Boris Johnson,

the mayor of London and de facto King of the British Empire, and the Hollywood heartthrob, George Clooney, who made a comment that he thought that the path on marbles, the Elgin marbles, as they're known after the man who stole them, should be returned to Greece. Boris Johnson responded by saying that Clooney needs his marbles restored. And so these words, oh, man, the Clooney is advocating, Johnson pointed out that the Nazis have

apparently drawn up plans to return the marbles to Greece. Oh, they were so interested in doing the right thing when they only... Well, and Boris Johnson said these words, this Clooney is advocating nothing less than the Hitlerian agenda for London's cultural treasures. Oh, my God. Well, you have to snuff these things out, John, at root, because this is where it all starts. One minute, you're advocating returning stolen goods to their rightful owners.

The next, you're invading checkers of Acre and instigating genocide. It's a slippery slope. It's not just a slippery slope. It's a Bob sled run. Once you've set off, there is absolutely no way off it. We might as well bang Clooney to the right to the hage right now and be done with it. Yes, he, Johnson said that the Nazis were a little surprisingly, might think, planning to send their marbles back to Athens. Now, well, I don't know. Yes, Johnson said that the Nazis were a little surprisingly, might think, planning to send

their marbles back to Athens. Now, well, I don't know, I mean, I never actually met Hitler and I can't claim to understand his thought processes, but from what I've read about him, I'd be surprised if he'd progressed that far in his plans to build a special museum in Athens, specifically for these historic sculptures to be seen and something approaching a valid contact. But maybe this was his big thing, John, antiquities in context, Mr. Fuhrer. We need to sign off on these plans for the Russian campaign. I think we're gonna need to order quite a lot more overcoats.

F**k, I'm not saying off, Sits and Coff! I've been f**king on the Galle gallery, speat-seat-spezialan plans for the Egyptian relic and exhibition snits in Dye Noyen, valley-wonder kingsmuseum, the Abed-Nylin Flussvatar, I've got special plans for the Egyptian relic and exhibition snits and I know you're in Valley of the Kings Museum and I'm in the nylon floss water F***in' I've been an angry adult

Angry, angry archeologians in shop I've been furious Get them to eat Fure, fure, fure, fure, ah shh, isn't Is it beautiful language? Solaris... Lyrical language It was a... It's just a classic, it's a sonorous, lyrical language. It was just a classic clownish overstretch from Boris Johnson.

You know, he goes in there with the, someone needs to restore George Clooney's marbles, boom Oscar Wilde lives, and he is currently Murrow London with even silly ahead than before. But rather than stopping after that perfect put down, he continued with his Hitler analogy. And what you need to remember is that he deserves sympathy more than condemnation.

Boris Johnson suffers from Achilles mouth. It is fatal weakness. Now, regardless, let's just look at the actual content of what George Clooney said, though Andy, which is the, you know, he thought the organ marble should probably be returned to where they belong. But let's look at that in the context of history, because obviously historically, Andy, they belong to Britain. Unfortunately, even more historically, that is any time pre-1801, they belong to Greece.

So it really just depends when you think history started. If it's any time after 1802, those fucking marbles are aroused and I don't know who this ancient Greece is. 1877 from Major, that's when the first test match was played. So, and also once again we see that Johnson of course, conservative Mayor of London, shows that the Tories have a very different view on returning people to where they came from if those people are made of marble rather than people. He clearly said this, he said, I do think it's worth having an open discussion.

It was one of a hundred questions at a press conference, a Greek reporter asking about the marbles and I just said I thought it was probably a good idea if they found a way back at some point. But if you play it backwards, it sounds like this. Yes, I'd be all in favor of a thousand year rike, why the f*** not. So maybe Johnson has a point. Is that technically true 1877, Andy? Didn't they not know they were playing a test match then and only retrospectively they called those games test matches. So it's just called you out. What I'm gonna get in fact. Not still when.

But when they, when they call it f***ing one, one A D, as soon as Jesus was born, did they? No, no true. True, mate. Okay, for a point. I'm just saying, they 1877s tap one step. Four five.

That nearly, that nearly really escalated fast then. There was a twitch across the room. And that is why it's so important that Britain never does get firearms. Cat name competition entries now and we'll loss what you have an email from Amy and Josh with the frankly inadvisable request that we named their new cat for them. We opened up that idea to a competition for bugleers. Yeah, that was, yeah, that was only followed up by a more sidelined,

which was you throwing that out to the room. Oh, you know, love democracy, John. Big, big family. Thanks to the many of you who sent in suggestions for what this cat should be called, so not cat lovers judging by your entries, a lot of leader theme suggestions including a lot of people saying Chairman Meow, which I think David Bedil had, and he had a cat called Chairman Meow, and we used to call a cat in when I lived in Brickston, the Chairman, when he used to one of them was the garden. A lot of Silvio burlaskoni variations Silvio perlaskoni I think you do better than that. Katamir pertin

was still Katamir mutin. Silvio perlaskoni that starts chuckting another meow in there. It's a bit forced. Silve meowl purlis going, and that starts chuckting another meowl in there. Baruch. Oh, meowl, meowlma. Wow, so, pushing a little bit that Dwight's meowls in howl. That's, yeah.

Fidel Katstro. I do like that. That's better. That's good. That's good. Joseph Meowboutu. That's, that's au. That's a... Joseph's book.

There's something I like about that. Nigel Lee pointed out that any Putin-related name would be good, because presumably the cat will be walking around topless, killing local wildlife, so it would be appropriate with the stopper. This David King, a couple of particularly good suggestions, that you should get another cat as their social animals and can benefit from companionship. Mostly he says it would give me opportunities to live up my lifelong dream of getting two cats that can't quite see eye to eye naming them, yassar-arachat and Benjamin Kitten-Yahu. Eric Rand's bottom suggested meal grits scratcher.

And another suggestion for that show described as the Genghis Khan of Grantham by Tim in Sydney, Australia, who suggested it should be the thatcher or Putin, the cat's name. Either way, you're right, seeing Margaret that show of Vladimir Putin, looking its own household on the sofa would be a very satisfying feeling. LAUGHTER We did ask for it not to be too rude, but that did not stop Josh from Perth in West Australia saying,

I'm sure we can all agree that the most bugle-appropriate name for Amy and Josh's cat would be penis. If only for the frequency, which you'd be able to have your very own penis on roof story. That's, it's about right to bugle 69 I think it wasn't it? One of the, one of the all-time classics of satire and one of the issues that other organs were afraid to address. Myanmar, Gaddafi, been suggested by various people. Oliver Jackson called that furry bastard, Hammerpaw, Flash Inferno, and be done with it. I like that. I think

that's a strong name. And Ian Stockport suggests I have a suggestion for the name of the cat. You should call it, stop shitting behind the telly little t**t or I'll tell you to the cabab shop because that is what we should have called our cat. Zach Rogers suggests Plexico Pures and signs offop there it is. Okay, yeah. Nikitty crushed off. Another one, Brian Drake in Gallatin, Tennessee says my absolute favourite name for cat is Professor Fuznuts. And of course, since they're not said what gender they're getting, in the case of a lady cat, it should be lady fuzzy tits. So there we go. I think we have now seen of Pope John Paul's the second from Will Blakey, who also suggested Moggy Thatcher. And various people suggested

Riot as in Pussy Riot, given it another topical Winter Olympics themed suggestion. So I don't know, I'd like any of those that stand out for you for... Oh, I mean, I don't know. I've got a sauce bottle for Joseph Miyaboto. Just for the conversation starter or stopper that that would provide. So you could call it Boutu as in Miyaboto. I mean, that would probably work as a cat's name. Yeah.

Well, I don't know if I mean Joseph's starting to regret throwing this in our direction. I'm sure they are. I mean I'm also not surprised that any of this has happened at the art. You were instigated it. This is where we were always going to end up. Well I'm picking up on one of your bugle words, John Martin Ray suggested it should be called Astrotunity as in Cat Astrotunity. So I mean you could call it Astro for short, that's quite a good name for a cat, isn't it? Cat Astrotunity. Also suggested two poor shakur and

kitty smold kind of hip hop themed cat names. I like Godfrey as in Kitty Godfrey, but that's a bit of a niche reference for fans of 1920s women's tennis. Just call it a fucking mittens and get it down with. Fucking mittens. Yeah, I'm not a fucking, but mittens. Ha, ha, ha. So I mean, it's a tough one.

I think, I think Boutu, maybe Meow Boutu. That seems to be the front runner. We might have to sit on this and decide over the weekend. Anyway, Beugles, you've let yourself down and you've let Amy and Josh and all the cats of the world down. Meow Gritch Scratch was good though. I don't know what I meant. I do keep your emails coming into info The algorithm scratch was good though.

Do keep your emails coming into info at thebugelpodcast.com. The cat competition entries are now closed. I repeat, they are now closed at least one week too late. Don't forget to check out our SoundCloud page. SoundCloud.com slash the hyphen bugle and our web, the buglepodcast.com, where you can take out your voluntary subs and buy your bugle scarf and other forms of merchandise that scarf is sensational. That is it for this week's bugle. I'm afraid I think next week we're going to have to get a bit Sweden 1753 on you by which I mean we're going straight from

the 17th of February to the 1st of March with nothing in between, like Sweden did in 1753 on you by which I mean we're going straight from the 17th of February to the first of March with nothing in between like Sweden did in 1753 when they switched from the Julian to the Gregorian calendar which I mean we're probably gonna have to take next week off but we will put a sub-bucal out Wow, it's educational Wow, I guess Guess it is. I don't think it's so much educating people in a fact as to what a human adult can do with their life.

Thanks very much for listening, Beaglers. Until next time, goodbye. Bye! Bye!