The Bugle - Bugle 284 – Too Hot For Print

Episode Date: January 16, 2015

http://www.gofundme.com/this-is-michelleUnity March, Oscars, Birmingham, Orthodox censors. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to a real thing that's going to happen. TheBuglePodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. This is a podcast from TheBuglePodcast.com The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world.

Hello, Bugleers and welcome to issue 284 of the Living Encyclopedia of Un arguable Truth. That is the Bugle. This is Andy Zoltzman speaking. Hello. Alright, don't reply. Please, yourselves. And joining me from across the Big Pond. It's the man who puts the hard now I see into NYC, the I New York City, it's the King Stilton in the satirical G-shop shop with the hint

of blue. It's John Oliver. Hello Andy, hello, Vueglers. Andy, yesterday I had myself a bit of a roller coaster remotions. I think I mentioned around a year ago that there was a billboard of my face just outside my office window. And just how weird that felt. Well, I haven't mentioned it, but unfortunately,

it has been there all year. I can only assume unsettling and unnerving traffic in pedestrians as much as it has been unsettling and unnerving me. Well, yesterday afternoon, I saw work of it in the morning, starting to pull it down. And I cannot even describe to you, Andy, the feeling of utter relief that I experienced.

That level of relief was pretty sharp contrast, however, by the subsequent feeling of complete horror, as I saw them unfurling a new billboard of my face, announcing the upcoming season. LAUGHTER I have a 12-year, 12-month-aged version of my face announcing the upcoming season. I have a 12-month aged version of my face, reparing at me through my office window, Andy. Right. Ah, hammers to everyone at some point.

It's a little strange. No one wants it. That's my argument. No one wants it. Definitely no one needs it. Right. Apart from your PR team, they want it. Yeah, that's right. It was my daughter's birthday last weekend, as I mentioned on last week's show. And for her party, we took her and her cousins to this indoor climbing place, where you can do climbing up walls. And it was mostly children there.

There was another birthday party there with about 20 kids. Plus the four Zoltzmann children and parents. And out of those approximately 30 odd people, I can conclusively say I was by far the worst climber there. And I think it was a new psychological low for me, John, when I was about four feet off the ground, struggling to get up a climb of minimal difficulty. And I looked down to see a five-year-old child managing to squeeze confusion, disgust, and pity into the same small face.

Gave me a new respect for Hillary and Tensing. That is that's Darwinian Andy you've just lost the respect of your children. But till they now know she can technically kill you. This is bugle 284 that's the same number of bugles as the average number of cold up worms found in industrial cans of spaghetti hoops. And also the number of volumes in the autobiography of Lyndon B. Johnson for some reason he decided to issue them as children's board books. This is the vehicle for the weekend thing, Friday the 16th of January. As we record Thursday the 15th, which means, John, it is exactly 256 years since the British Museum opened. On

the 15th of January 1759, one day later, they dropped the words of stolen goods from the title. The 16th of January 1925 years ago, the first ever League of Nations meeting, they passed their first resolution, no more massive global conflicts for at least 20 years. They came so very close to achieving that. Wednesday the 14th was the 86th anniversary of the day in 1929 when Inaya Tula Khan became king of Afghanistan and Sunday the 17th will be the 86th anniversary of the day also in 1929 when Inaya Tacan decided to take a permanent rain check on being King of Afghanistan. He advocated after three days, John. That tells you something about Afghanistan. That you could become king, look at it basically over

a long weekend and say, not my thing, definitely not my thing. And probably good move, the guy who replaced him executed by firing squad nine months later, the guy who replaced him executed by firing squad nine months later, the guy who replaced him assassinated four years after that. Monday, the 19th will be the 80th anniversary of the same date in 1935, which was the day that briefs were first sold by Cooper's in Chicago, a revolution inwear in 1935 now you might think that it's a bit of an odd way to respond to the rise of Nazi Germany, but There you go Clearly they had a discussion Germany swinging hard right? Christ we better design some underwear that stops testicles from bubbling about good call that'll show them

What the German word for genital chafing? Briefe okay, well name it after that. How do you spell it? B-R-I-E-F. Brife. Okay, brife, it is. Print off some labels. Let's get down to business. Previously men's underwear consisted of one or more of the following, one 24 hours a day for at least a week at a time. Hessian micro trousers. Very itchy. The Hessian which explained well, when you see old film footage,

everyone walks really, really quickly. Cast iron crotch grieves, basically medieval armour adapted for the uniquely contoured male groin. Two pairs of trousers double up just to make sure. The will of god, the fact that the declining release belief coincided with the invention of uh, uh, modern underpants, cannot possibly be co-incidence. At hydrogen nut balloons, they were quite popular for a while to keep the balls elevated during daily business, but a bit of a fire risk to climb in popularity in part due to the invention of the briefs, also in part due to the Hindenburg disaster two years later, and the other alternative women's panties. But the invention of the briefs offered

in a new era of genetic comfort for the gentleman's poorly designed scrimpled anchors, and to commemorate the arguably the greatest invention of the 20th century, we have delved around in the Bugle Archives to find the audio recording of the then British Prime Minister Ramsay McDonald sitting down at Prime Minister's questions in Parliament, the week that he first wore briefs. Now compare this with him doing the same thing the week before brief went on sale. Big difference, that was a real step forward for men, particularly men with Ramsey McDonald's Rear Condition. Top story this week, Charlie Hebdo, Hebdo, did it again.

And look, congratulations, terrorists. If you intended one of the side effects of your non-sensical attack last week to temporarily save the print industry, then job well done. Because the new edition of Charlie Hebdo came out yesterday. And even after increasing the print order from the regular 40,000 to a million copies, then increasing that order to 3 million, they sold out in the early hours of the morning and are printing at least two million copies more.

It perhaps the least surprising cover appearance in magazine history, the Prophet Muhammad made an appearance on the front of the magazine. And the only thing you do not want the magazine to take away from this handy is the idea that the Prophet Muhammad can really shift units. You don't want Vogue or Vanity Fair

to suddenly think that he is the new Beyoncé, just put him on the cover and you guarantee to sell out. This should be a one-off in a specific area for a while, probably. I can only imagine how difficult the week it must have been in the Charlie Hebdo offices. the process of the process of the process of the process of the process of the process of the process of the process of the process of the process of the process of the process of the process of the

process of the process of the process of the process of the process of the process of the process of the process of the process of the process of the process of the process of the process of the process of the process of the process of the process of the process of the

process of the process of the process of the process of the process of the process of the process of the process of the process of the process of the process of the process of the process of the process of the process of the process of the process of the process of the process of the process of the process manage the future, the funerals that will take place all this week, but it's moving forward and will be completed this evening.

It's an act of life of survival. Although my favourite response, Andy, of all the Charlie Hebdo cartoonists this week, was from Luz, one of their cartoonists to survive, and in fact, through the front cover. He was asked whether he had been moved by the gigantic solidarity march in Paris. And he said that, actually, his favourite moment was when a pigeon

dropping landed on French Prime Minister Francois Hollande shoulder just as he was about to talk to him. He said, it made us laugh. It was the best joke he could have given us, which allowed us to escape the weight of emotion bearing down on us. And that is a classy move from that French pigeon, Andy. I don't just think that pigeon was purchasing on one of the gargles at Notre Dame, looking down at the thousands and thousands of defiant grieving people thinking,

what can I do? What can I do to show my solidarity with this cause, with Chalet Ebreaux? Oh, I know, I'll go and take a shit on the Prime Minister. Perfect. Perfect. Although if you look at the pictures, you can, in the dropping on Hollande Schulder, you can see the face of Moses, so when just a nasty tone of anti-Semitism

from that pigeon ship. But this is the thing, John. I mean, was that cartoon? I'm not sure it was genuinely of of Muhammad. To me, it just looked like a bearded man weeping a tear and saying, Tuté part Donnet, all is forgiven. Whether or not this bearded man does or doesn't look like Muhammad is anyone's guest, because they don't really many authenticated pictures to compare it to which it's clearly part of the issue and my granny was the same she hated having a picture taken so how do we

know what you look like we know that Jesus was a white European with a ripping sex back because he was painted as such by white Europeans only a millennium and a half later so we know exactly what he looked like from roughly contemporary sources so we want if the way it longed, do we can finally clear this up and discover that Muhammad looked like a white European man as well? The massive unity march was very inspirational. Therefore, a unity march, there were a few incidents that made it not quite as unified as a unity march would ideally be. First, there was very little in the way of an American presence there

and why you can understand the president not being able to be there at such short notice? I don't know why Joe Biden was not there, Andy. I don't know what he was doing, but I guarantee it was less important than being there. Also, the Unity event was slightly de-unified by Israeli newspaper The Announcer, an ultra-orthodox Jewish paper. And I mean turbo-orthodox. We're talking platinum orthodox this paper. We're so orthodox that when they ran the famous photo of the world leaders at the Paris March arm in arm, they edited major female politicians out of that photo.

German Chancellor Angela Merkel, who was standing in the front, was Airbrust from being there, presumably due to her inadmissible chromosome in such a situation. And EU foreign policy chief Federica Mogherini and Mayor of Paris and Hidalgo were also disqualified from appearing in the march that they appeared in by failing to meet the you must have at least one penis standard. And yet the incredible thing. I don't know if it was that standard, John. I think you must have at least one penis standard. And yet the incredible thing, it was that standard, John. I think you must have at least 0.95 of a penis.

And the incredible thing is that Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas was left in the photograph. And in a way, I guess that's a step forward, isn't it? In a way, that feels like it might be a positive move. Yeah, this newspaper, Hammer Vassa, I don't know if I've pronounced that right, the ultra orthodox, as you say, so ultra orthodox, in fact,

that it basically doesn't have a sports section. It photoshopped out Merkel. Now, as you say, an ultra orthodox Jewish paper editing out a German leader, you could just about understand that given, you know, what happened. Even though Merkel essentially represents an entirely different, I think the point has been made, but they did not crop out for our line frosty because she's German. As you say, they cropped her out because she is a woman. Now, why would they do this? The editor, Benjamin Lipkin,

said that the newspaper is a family publication. That must be suitable for all audiences, including young children. The eight-year-old cannot see what I don't want him to see, he told Israel's Channel 10 television station. And what evidently, he does not want the eight-year-old to see is female role models, hugely successful, widely respected women who've earned their place in the higher echelons of public life. Because it simply cannot be a sexual thing. Do you have to edit out Merkel because she's simply too hot? I mean, she did dress a little risqué in that black trouser suit and the heavy overcoat under which she was completely naked, apart from possibly some underwear.

Filth Merkel, utter filth! Well, though, to be fair, the European Union's foreign policy chief Frederica Mogherini, who you mentioned, was also cropped out, but she was wearing thigh-high leather boots, one of Madonna's old pointy bras and bondage kit. What a day if your work clothes to be laid back from the dry cleaners. But Merkel, if eight-year-old ultra-orthodox Jewish boys are having their first crush on Angela Merkel, then, frankly, one, there are deeper issues to address and B, that can only be a good thing for the world, John. When Jewish kids can healthy, lost after a prominent

60-year-old German woman, we will not be on a proper path to genuine global unity, building bridges through unattainable crushes. It's the way forward. After all, Britain started finally warming towards the French after the Napoleonic Wars, only when Bridget Bardot came on the scene 150 years later.

Bueglers, in case you're wondering what this strange knocking sound is in the background, in Central Under the Moon with there's some fairly extensive building works going on. And apparently in the building next door, these are particularly extensive right now. So I'm sorry if this is affecting your enjoyment of the podcast, if you'd like, rather than imagining building works going on,

you can imagine that we have a number of hostages walled up in the studio who are asking to be let out. No, you can't come out. The editor said, the editor did seem slightly aware of the ridiculousness of the situation said, true, a picture of Angela Merkel should not ruin the child. What a sentence. I am both glad and a poor that I live in a world where that sentence can be said. Oh my God. Is that what goes, is that what passes for a compliment Andy? Let's just say that your appearance should not ruin a child, if you know what I'm saying.

Well, that's definitely insult, isn't it? I mean, a picture of Merkel should not ruin a child, but can we guarantee that it will not ruin a child? I don't know, John, I've seen so many good kids go bad when they've seen pictures of high achieving female politicians. I was at school with this one kid Terry, the smartest boy in school, lovely lad, top of the class, good at sport, polite, school record holder for underarm, squirrel cheese. And anyway, great kids until Karazana Kino took power in the Philippines in 1986. And then overnight he was gone, just a lost broken lunatic unable to keep his junk and his trunks whenever the world news turned to the post-Marcos era in the Philippines, sat to see. I've lost touch with him over the years, the last I heard he had a job cleaning out the bins outside the Brazilian Parliament, trying to catch glimpse of Dilmaruza terrible when that happens. All in all, this newspaper, I believe, needs to take a long, long hard ritual bath with itself. I know ultra-orthodox religions tend to have very sensitive

homogenous zones that can be aroused by the slightest hint of non-conformity, but let's call it what it is, John. Total bullshit. If you are a newspaper and you cannot bring yourself to print pictures of 50% of the world's population, maybe stop being a newspaper and instead become a publication that is more comfortable printing pictures only of men. For example, an ultra-orthodox gay porn magazine.

That is the future for this publication. That is the only philosophically consistent way for it to go. It might alienate even more of its core readers that are a picture of a fully clothed Merkel at one of the least erotic events in French history, which admittedly is not the most competitive list, but still. This is the future, John. The presence of so many world leaders at the march in Paris was in one way a great show of global unity, and in another way one of the greatest displays of concentrated hypocrisy

in the history of grandstanding. And this was detailed in particular by a British student, Daniel Wichim on his understandably-stroppy Twitter feed, pointed out, for example, that, you know, Bahrain does not have the most progressive attitude towards freedom with a press. Saudi Arabia is also there, and a nation which is currently busy, flogging a blogger. Only 50 lashes to be fair. Sorry, 50 lashes at a time, until he's done 1,000 still. Whilst I do that, they've also found time to issue a fat war against snowmen. Snowmen, John, they've been haunting Saudi Arabia for too long, though shamelessly overweight, post the boys of Western decadence. And many other night, Russia, Putin wasn't there himself,

probably busy flicking through his catalog of Russian journalist to see which one he wanted quiet and down for a bit this month. But there were many nations there John which are to press freedom what George was to quiet days out at the beach. Short of having a representative of Boko Haram giving a speech saying this kind of thing is unacceptable it was about as hypocritical as the world could have got. There was something of a media kerfuffle in a teacup this week. When Stephen Emerson, a self-diagnosed terrorism expert, appeared on Fox News to discuss the broader problems of extremists in Europe. And he claimed that non-Muslims do not go to Birmingham in England,

which he claimed had become a totally Muslim city. His exact quote was, in Britain, it's not just no-go zones, there were actual cities like Birmingham that are totally Muslim when non-Muslims just simply don't go in. And I was born in Birmingham, and see... You're on a watch list, John. You're definitely now on a watch list. That's right.

Either he's wrong, Andy, or he's right. And I've been a very bad Muslim over the years. I might explain why Joe Biden didn't make it to Paris. It was just... But it's only what? 300 odd miles from Birmingham. I don't know. I mean, that's within Muslim ranges, isn't it?

It's the Prime Minister, David Cameron, responded saying that this man was a complete idiot, arguing, when I heard this, frankly, I choked on my porridge and I thought it must be April Fools' Day. This guy is clearly a complete idiot. Choking on my porridge and he just shows he's a man of the people. That sounds like they're going to think someone in a big hat would do in a dickens novel in a large mansion. I choked on my porridge when I heard the child was stuck up the chimney, then I soon forgot him and lit a fire. Fox News in its retraction the next day partially defended themselves saying that as much as 21% of Birmingham is Muslim. Oh, that's okay then. And so what he said was close. He just said that Birmingham was totally Muslim.

So perhaps he got to that 100% simply by rounding up from 21. In issuing an apology himself, he actually made it even worse, saying, I have clearly made a terrible error for which I'm deeply sorry. My comments about Birmingham were totally an error, and I'm issuing an apology and correction on my website immediately for having made this comment about the beautiful city of Birmingham. Run again, Andy! I was born in Birmingham. I love that city, and I'll be first to admit,

it is by no means beautiful, Andy. At most, it is 21 percent beautiful. He can't be rounding up from there. LAUGHTER Cybersecurity now, and the President of Barma gave a major speech this week about cyber security, unveiling proposals to strengthen security after a string of attacks against US targets. Sony Pictures was memorably hacked just before Christmas,

revealing everything from bitchy comments about Angelina Jolie to misogynist Pacegale evidence, concerning Jennifer Lawrence, to the upcoming James Bond movie script, which once again, Andy, does not feature me as a seductive bond girl. Look, I know I'm never going to be bond Andy. I've accepted that. That's just how Hollywood works. So settled on ambitions to become the next best thing, he's slightly socially dated piece of armed candy.

Let me in. Give me a chance. The point is, the President argued we have got to stay ahead of those who would do us harm. Cyber threats are an urgent and growing danger. He said that recent hacks like that of Sony Pictures reminded America of enormous vulnerabilities for us as a nation and for our economy. It was a strong message and he's sternly delivered, but, embarrassingly, at the exact moment that the President was giving this speech about the importance of online vigilance.

The US military's cent-com Twitter feed was hacked by people claiming to be ISIS. And that's not our deal, Andy. And yet, when you go in so hard on something to do with the internet, you can almost guarantee that someone is going to f*** with you immediately. If you had really thought ahead, the president's speech would have been cyber threats or an urgent or growing danger. There are enormous vulnerabilities for us as a nation and for our economy.

We have to stay ahead of those who would do it. They're hacking me right now, aren't they? They're doing it right this second, aren't they? Motherf**kers! One of the tweets they sent out while in control of St Com's Twitter for around 30 minutes was, in the name of Al-Ala, the most gracious and most merciful, the cybercalifate continues its cyber-g-hat. I mean, it's all right, isn't it? It's all right as a message, but you know, if you're hacking in and you're pranking someone, you feel like you could do better than that, really, it should have said, ah, we hacked your Twitter account. Ah! Or maybe Andy, go with Wayne, the name of Al-Ala, the most gracious, DAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I'm not sure if I can get it right. I'm not sure if I can get it right. I'm not sure if I can get it right.

I'm not sure if I can get it right. I'm not sure if I can get it right. I'm not sure if I can get it right. I'm not sure if I can get it right. I'm not sure if I can get it right. I'm not sure if I can get it right. I'm not sure if I can get it right. I'm not sure if I can get it right.

I'm not sure if I can get it right. I'm not sure if I can get it right. I'm not sure if I can get it right. is more secure and the natural conclusion to that is that the Buel to his defeat should take over all US government feeds until further notice. That's... I'm happy to do that. That's just basically one plus one equals three. I'm happy to pick up that baton and run with it in a series of messages 140 characters a little. BELL RINGS BELL RINGS Oscar's build up now and well, we're waiting for the nominations to come. It's Smurf's three up this year or was it last year? I can't remember. Well, I think it's probably safest for them, just to nominate it before it's been made. Oh, Randy, that would be

having criminally overlooked the last two. Sorry, I didn't mean Smurf too, but I just, you know, they've kind of blended into three, but I don't understand what it makes sense. The whole system must be corrupt. Otherwise, John Oliver, as Vanity Smurf, would be the bookies favourite. I think my voice was a bit higher, Andy. Oh, that's acting, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah, that's acting, basically. So could this finally be the year for the Oscars that the major Hollywood star takes the prize? I don't know, we'll have to wait and see. Well, you always hear about the biggest awards, best actor, best film, best supporting Hulkster or actor potato, potato, flashiest and most gratuitous special effect, worst fashion

faux pas, bought about the less glamorous but equally deserving awards such as lease necessary remike, so hotly contested these days. And in particular this year a lot of attention on the least authentic biopic category, a lot of biopics are striving for this this year, including some big budget productions such as Julius Weiser, an exploration of how Julius Caesar's chronic asthma contributed to his eventual downfall. Unicook the door and I'll let you in, the story of Dwight Eisenhower's early years as a castrated travelling salesman, Elvis in the 80s, police health explanatory, and Adolf the Magic Turnip.

So it would be very interesting to see which of those comes out on top. New Bugle Charity Appeal Time now and Bugle's we are launching a charity appeal this week. In the past we've appealed to you to help save the Bugle. This is a slightly more important cause. Michelle Carvalho has been a classmate of my daughter for the past three and a half years. And for most of that time, she's been fighting various cancers, lymphoblastic lymphoma and her kidneys, then leukemia. That is not acceptable cancer. Pick on someone your own size and I wonder if they call you the big C. Michelle is an absolute delightful girl.

She's had chemotherapy, bone marrow transplant, stem cell treatment. And as managed to stay, almost unbelievably cheerful and charming throughout, which I find massively impressive. I still get angry about a dodgy penalty decision in the game of under 11's football I played in more than 30 years ago. Michelle has born her rather more sizeable misfortunes with considerably more grace, albeit that it was clearly never a penalty. Now Michelle is currently in remission, but needs to have immunotherapy,

which she has to have overseas in Germany or the USA. It's not available to her here in Britain. So there are some costs involved, big costs, butlers immunotherapy, it turns out, does not grow on trees, unless those trees are certain hospitals in Germany or the USA, and unless you pay those trees for the immunotherapy. So this is where you come in.

We are appealing to you, Bueglers, to come together to help give Michelle the chance to have this immunotherapy treatment. That could save her life. You've helped save this podcast, now help save one of the podcasters, daughters, friends. Admittedly, that is not the most catchy of charity slogans, but the point stands. Our SoundCloud page suggests that there are hundreds of thousands of you

out there for some sort of unaccountable reason. And this is our collective chance to do something more than our usual routine of bringing governments crashing to their needs, talking about jet skis and puns. The fundraising page is gofundme.com slash this hyphen is hyphen Michelle, m-i-c-e-l-e, get a pencil and write that down or a pen, or some chalk or a typewriter or a medieval monk. Just write it down gofundme.com slash this hyphen is hyphen Michelle. I will post links on the hello bugle of Twitter feed and on the buglepodcast.com our website. So I might even go on the Facebook page for the first time in three years, which I've slightly forgotten about and that Chris mostly deals with.

So come on, bugle of whatever you can give or whatever you want to give could make a huge difference to my daughter's friend. Gofundme.com slash this hyphen is hyphen Michelle and let us see if the power of the podcast can make a big difference a nice small part of the world. That is all for this week's Beagle thanks for listening don't forget to check out our SoundCloud page SoundCloud.com slash the hyphen Beagle and once again do please if you can contribute to Michelle's fundraising and we'll be back next week with Beagle 285 until then goodbye. Bye! Hello Beagleus it's producer Rich here in lieu of producer Chris. And he's asked me to

add the audio from a video on the London Live website. In this, you'll hear Michelle's mother give a description of the situation. Michelle, firstly, was diagnosed with lymphoblastic lymphoma, and she had both her kidneys, which is very rare. It got up to a point that she was getting up in the morning, and she was really tired, and saying that she couldn't go to school because she wanted to sleep. I still remember the day, time, and exactly what was said. It was like someone has taken the floor off my feet. And I remember saying, I hugged Michelle's godmother,

and I said, I didn't ask God to give her to me, but I don't ask him to take her away. Michelle is now suffering from B-Sail, a Q-Linforblastic lymphoma, which is a type of leukemia, so it's in her bloodstream. It's been quite hard, especially when the first time around, I said to Michelle that's it, we've done it, and then she said, Mommy, you've lied to me because it's come back. So now, there's no promises that I don't say we've beaten it. We know another transplant, she might not make it out of it. So we need to do something that doesn't involve chemo or radio. That just involves playing around with

herself, which we found the doctors recommend the car trial in America. I've researched into it and it has made a difference to many families where chemotherapy has not. So that's a option now, but that's half a million pounds, which it's ridiculous and that money time is not with us. It's actually against us. For us it's a lot of money, but there are some people out there that for them, you know, they do have it. I can save her life with that money. I know I can. If you're able to help, the address to visit is gofundme.com slash this hyphen is hyphen Michelle and that's a double L.E.

The link should also be found on the Buehle SoundCloud, Twitter and Facebook.