The Bugle - Bugle 4031 – Live Election Special

Episode Date: June 3, 2017

Andy, Nish (and Chris) live on stage at the Soho Theatre in London, with a British election special. Pay heed to Andy's warning at the start. MAY CONTAIN DANGEROUS CONTENT.(Audio a bit peaky for the 1st minute or so – it settles!) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world. Hello, Bugleers, and welcome to issue 4,031 of The Bugle.

I am Andy's ultimate live in my shed where I write fully belong. This week's bugle is the highlights of the live election special bugle live show, recorded live at Soho Theatre on Tuesday featuring me and Nish Kumar, who was also live. Tuesday was what now seemed like an age ago. In the days before Mr Trump, the former 48-year-old Tycoon, now of course a seven-year-old living metaphor for the dangers of democracy and unfettered capitalism, announced that he was withdrawing America from the environment. They were happier, simpler times, Tuesday, when we were all in innocently looking forward to

the world, destroying itself a bit more slowly than it had been. Trump, however, took out his metaphorical political wang and aggressively urinated into the eyes of the future. Whether the Paris Accord will last without America, will that remain to be seen? Perhaps a new climate discord can be reached, and we can paper over the cracks as planned. But certainly, this does seem like a good chance for any would be superpowers to take advantage of America, taking an unnecessary pit stop in the global race. Trump's strategy seems to be to accelerate the end of the world, reasoning that if things hot up so to speak, America has a better

chance of still being top nation when the world does end. thereby being declared the overall winner of the game. I can't really see any other logic behind it but it's a free world and you can do what he likes. And to be fair to El Presidente, he has just as I speak this just breaking on the wires right now pledged $650 billion to a new scheme to breed more fossils. Mr Trump said in an emotional press conference, we have to secure the energy for our future needs. Fossils love becoming fuels, but the problem is they were mercilessly hunted to extinction by the evil cavemen, but I am Donald Trump. I can do anything. Touch me. I'm real. I will make the horneest fossils in history. They will breed like Catholic rabbits,

and then they will lie down and become fuel. So it's not all doom and inefficiently lit gloom. And the good news is the bugle of course is non-environment dependent, we'll still be cranking it out when the world is fully underwater and or on fire, as part of the radio pod stable supported by the wonderful night foundation. Now strap in and sit back, actually sit back, then strap in. That is generally more advisable, I think. Actually, you don't really need to do either, strapping in or sitting back, depending on what you're doing, of course. If you are flying a fighter jet whilst listening to this, then do both sit down and strap in.

Anyway, here is the Bugle Live elections special live from a few days ago. And just a quick warning before the start of the live recording, there is a part of the show in which a working knowledge of a list of British Prime Ministers of the last 90 years might prove useful. I'm not saying what exactly that will involve. I am just saying that may happen. Please now welcome to the stage for the first people I've been booking the laughter crofter who gives birth to me then Shuckles Chuckles and that's it all right mr. Andy's husband Mae'n gweithio yn ymwch i'n gweithio yn ymwch i'n gweithio yn ymwch i'n gweithio yn ymwch i'n gweithio yn ymwch i'n gweithio yn ymwch i'n gweithio yn ymwch i'n gweithio yn ymwch i'n gweithio yn ymwch i'n gweithio yn ymwch i'n gweithio yn ymwch i'n gweithio yn ymwch i'n gweithio yn ymwch i'n gweithio yn ymwch i'n gweithio yn ymwch i'n gweithio yn ymwch i'n gweithio yn ymwch i'n gweithio yn ymwch i'n gweithio yn ymwch i'n gweithio yn ymwch i'n gweithio yn ymwch i'n gweithio yn ymwch i'n gweithio yn ymwch i'n gweithio yn ymwch i'n gweithio yn ymwch i'n gweithio yn ymwch i'n gweithio yn ymwch i'n gweithio yn ymwch i'n gweithio yn ymwch i'n gweithio yn ymwch i'n gweithio yn ymwch i'n gweithio yn ymwch i'n gweithio yn ymwch i'n gweithio yn ymwch i'n gweithio yn ymwch i'n gweithio yn ymwch i'n gweithio yn ymwch Yes. I see we're going to have a bit. A few problems, of course, of issue. Is that how you respond when anyone says hello by the way?

By shouting as loud as possible? It could be awkward with the doctors. Hello. Yay! You seem fine. So, welcome. Welcome to the Buebel Live. It's a great place to be. There's the first, the third Bugle Live ever,

we did two in Australia. This is the first one, the first one in any of the following, in one more or in fact all of the following, the first Bugle Live ever in the Northern Hemisphere. In the, yeah. Why not let's hear it for the world's greatest hemisphere. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Oh, sorry. in the... yeah? Well, I know what let's hear it for the world's greatest hemisphere. CHEERING And...

Oh, sorry. It's not racist. It's... If anything longer, Tudon List. LAUGHTER Hemisferristhalist. Is that a word? It is now a... First ever view of people like in the UK.

Yes! First ever view of you people like in the UK First set of you the live in London In a month beginning with them in traction How in three dimensions So has been two or four before before oddly and the first ever be alive in the run-upup to completely unnecessary and politically cynical British general election. I am, this is being recorded to go out on the bugle feed this week. I am Andy Zoltzman, or as I'm known on the Brazilian comedy circuit Thank you. This is a people live, election special from Soho Theatre in the democracy and fatuated

city of London, drunk on the love of the vote right now. The renowned British-English capital literally baiting its breath, the announcement is based on the big ex-in-a-inner box off on the 8th of June. So let's find out from our crowd here. Are you excited about the election? Right, here we go, and a political podcast. This level of enthusiasm. This is Chris, by the way.

I don't really know. Oh, f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***! And this is... Well, the 30th of May, we're recording on the 30th of May, a couple of anniversary, Sporty 31. On this day, Joan of Arc might have slightly regretted not putting on her factor 50,000. I'm sorry. She got a little bit of a burning. And... 1381, the beginning of the peasants revolts in England. Let's hear it for those 14th

century surfs. The causes of which were amongst other things unhappiness about taxation, tension with continental Europe, resentment at economic inequality and unfair exploitation and working conditions, An unfair exploitation of working conditions, political cronism. It is good to see how far we have come in 630 years. As always, a section of the Bumble is going straight. In the Bumble! Oh, Lord, it's like behind me. Oh, Lord, it's like behind me. Now, given that we have a section,

this is an election, special election section in the bin, and it is a minor parties section, Mae'n gweithio'r ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymw make you feel temporarily better, but they're not really going to change things. We look at a minor party, battling for the absolutely not key wasted vote folks, including the Women's Equality Party, who likes that as an idea. Yeah! Tested by our sisters, women have had it far too good for, far too long. Come, we dragged them back down to our level of social incompetence. There's the anti-green organisation, for freedom, to advocate burning as much fossil fuel as humanly possible. Do not let those fossils have died in vain, that is the message.

They're extinct now the fossils and we must honour their sacrifice by burning their legacy. Sure it might finish off the twitching corpse of the environment, but it's that so bad I actually have just here this is in fact a bit of the environment seems fine to me that's all over it we have the the stop the Boar War Coalition they've stood in every election since 1900 of course history fans amongst you know the war actually ended in 1902 so very much the spiritual forerunners of UKIP. We have the Revolutionary Compromised Party who believe fundamentally and a moveably incenterist compromise solutions to please all sections of

society as best as they possibly can, failing which armed revolution. The Make History History Party saw me up for that as well. History should be banned. It just knocks people off, frankly. Exhibit A, the Middle East, point proved. We got the Middle East fans in. I was wondering quite a lot about the Middle East because my Jewish heritage was a second-generation lapse. Do you any laps use into nights? Yes to five! Or don't test to five. OK, so what do you do?

How laps do you? What a game show that would be. Surely John Oliver's next gambit in showbiz. So pop it. Pop it. Oh, we brought that along, did you? So I'm going to sit here as well, how history can kind of skew, skew's politics. So I'm going to pick up, oh look at Jeremy Corbyn.

Well those things from history that show I'm in a bad light hanging around Westminster. Just like Guy Forks Houston. LAUGHTER And he obviously can't trust him. He wants to put on a firework display, wave glow stick in the air and eat toffee apples by a bonfire. Just like Guy Forks did. String him up. The Bringback Hanging Party, one way around the social care crisis, I guess. The Bringback

Hanging Around Party militantly pro-time wasting. The British national party still clinging on to the life of the strife support machine and the British national party as well, who exist as an idea but not in reality. Very much muscling in on Liberal Democrat territory there. I don't know. Thank you. Thank you, London. APPLAUSE And also, this is a genuine party. The Monster Raving Looney party is still going so wrong. And, yeah, who's going to vote? Who's going to vote, Looney?

OK. LAUGHTER But it's interesting that a number of their policies that have actually become adopted by mainstream parties, including reducing the voting age to 16, jumble sales to pay full school equipment, which is now just a basic reality. A one-in-one-out immigration policy,

which was picked up by UKIP, they've also suggested in the 1992 manifesto, the moon and the monster of the only party suggested refighting the Crimean War. A policy politely picked up on by Vladimir Putin. A spiritual member, if not an actual one. Right. I want to start to properly introduce our guests, thoughts and not what he's probably met. Let's give them a proper introduction. It is the Prince of Podcast Podcast producers the Emperor of Editing the King of Cutting out the shipments

producer Chris Your election, yeah, it's great isn't it? mean, every day we get to tune in and see how strong and stable our country is. No way has that started to great. Yes. And joining me, once again, to furiously hold up the Medusa of Satire to the already concrete face of politics. That is what we do.

It is the wonderful Mish Kumar! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Welcome. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Hello, Andy. Hello, Budlers. CHEERING Here we are! Happy election, Mish. Happy election to one and all. I love the fact that we've all set up.

Chris observed when we were just looking at the tech through that this looks like a sort of shit craft work tribute. Go ahead. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER Cycling. LAUGHTER cycling. Top story, Elect Again, comes again, Nish. It is now as we record nine days until we write our glorious freedom-loving ex. It's the business

end, Andy. It's the business end. Did you, uh, did you all watch the debates? No, no. So who, so who? It's an audible Jesus. How's an audible Disgusted Room? Oh, I'm beginning to reconsider a substantial chunk of my material. So, give me a cheer if you, uh, if you did watch the so-called leaders, and we should explain for, well, exactly. Oh, well, it wasn't a debate as someone in the audience just said. Let me explain for our listeners at home, or watching in black and white.

It's just 1980's snooker coverage. But the so-called leaders debate was held... Well, we had one a couple of weeks ago that was held without the leaders of the two main parties. And then we had one with the leaders of the two main parties in which they did not debate each other. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. Because they cannot bear to be in the same room.

And they are both extremely awkward in social situations. Just maybe not ideal if one of them is definitely going to be Prime Minister. And I'd buy one of them, and mine mean one of them. So who did, give me a cheer if you did watch the leaders debates? Give me a cheer if you watch it on the big screen in Hyde Park with all the other democracy fans. Give me a... That is one of the most unnecessary big screens of all time.

It was just me on my own eating him a set of a tap. Oh, give me a cheer if you took the other option of watching it in a gingerly lit cellar, It was just me on my own eating her most out of a tub Give me a cheer if you took the other option of watching it in a gingerly little cellar wondering what the Happened to the demolition before all those fucking world wars all It's crazy because it wasn't it was a quite a hollow experience I couldn't watch it yesterday because I was gigging so I sort of had the weird experience of watching it at this morning Like it's really weird to have taken some time out of your day to watch something that you really regret immediately, like, as soon as you start watching it,

because they set it up so that, for those of you who didn't watch it, they set it up so that Jeremy Corbyn came out first. He had to answer questions from the British public, and then Jeremy Paxman interviewed him, and by interviewed, I just mean shouted the same question over and over again, like your uncle, who might be the victim of some dubious social care policies in the new government

Then to resume came out and the exact same thing happened and it was sort of an oddly unsatisfying experience as DeVasco it was the equivalent of a porn movie where instead of two people having sex they just stand in separate rooms and masturbate Consecretive How much research did you do for that joke? Enough. Enough. My commitment to the bugle is absolute. I did think of watching it, but I would rather just gaze into a chasm of meaningless fury, which I mean really below the line comments on the day you made all the work. He's facing though, like watching everything Charles Darwin thought,

being ripped up burnt, and the whole of life, evaluting backwards into some kind of turd and aval-cai. LAUGHTER That was a review for what he already researched, wasn't it? LAUGHTER I'm so pleased you gave up reviewing, That was a review for what you already researched, wasn't it? I'm so pleased you gave up reviewing and I'll just be starting. So, Corbin, who's a Corbin fan here? A few of you, let's have a quick, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, a ffwch, It was interviewed by Emma Barney on BBC Radio and he tried to check his eye pad for answers to question, I didn't mind that too much.

That's what we're doing now. I'm exactly, it will be hypocritical, we stand on stage with laptops, breeding stuff that we were still writing, five minutes ago. We've committed, we've committed so hard, we are satirising the process of the election in the way that we're executing this vehicle. Mae'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith i'r gweith since Rudyard Kippling started... LAUGHTER ..stop... LAUGHTER ..stop... ..started projecting the titles of his poems onto the night skies above Gotham City. LAUGHTER

You doing that, Joe? I feel like I'm standing next to Creedence Clearwater Revival as they do bad moon rising. No, no. The bad one from the archives. LAUGHTER How many situations will a Prime Minister ever be in where he has to know all the facts instantly without consulting either an iPad or a human being? Are they going to be times when Corbyn is sitting in number 10? No, obviously not, but what are Corbyn?

To be or anyone else who's sitting in number 10 and asked rights Prime Minister, can you tell us should we inflate? invade sitting in number 10, an asked rights prime minister, can you tell us, should we inflate, invade, Islamitania? And the prime minister saying, could I just check this with my advice, and look up Islamitane or on wiki pedia, if you're economically worth it? No, I'm afraid you're on your own, no conferring, you have three seconds, I'm starving now. I feel, I mean, did quite well to Australian himself from not saying, I'm a fuck, I can't remember everything, I'm AG2. Roughly give or take who needs accurate figures. It feels like the concept is a really leading hard on Brexit now. It feels like strong and stable is out of the window and it's all going to be about

Brexit. And to reason mate today, you invited everyone to imagine Jeremy Corbyn going into the negotiations. But she invited them to imagine a really weird way. She said, imagine him going in alone and naked in the negotiating chamber. Yeah, what's personal indeed? I mean, I don't know why he's done this, but maybe it's some sort of power move from Jeremy Corbyn. And he's planning to go in completely naked and just walk right up to John Clark-Yunker and go, here's Jeremy and the Corbynistas, one big up. I'm right with you on this.

This is a power move! I'm absolutely. In any negotiations, you should always do what your enemies leave this, if you don't remember. And these hardened European deal makers, they're going to be used to dealing with people in business six power dresses, a bearded man on his own with his junk out. That is going to solve the seas of doubt. You will have their full undivided attention when Jerry Corbyn sixth back in his chair, starts slowly uncrossing his legs.

LAUGHTER And prepares to give it the full base against it. I think you'll find that the European Union says, have whatever the f***ing woman is put some f***ing pants on. And that's Jeremy. That is a weird place to have a tattoo of Lady Gaga. LAUGHTER Sorry, I should call her by her real name Margaret, that's it. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Now this is, we had a picture call,

and this is, no, I don't think female politicians should be judged on their looks. So instead, I'm going to judge Theresa May on the contents of her soul, which I have illustrated on the screen here. Just, and I'm ending, and I'm ending, field of prey. Besides, I think personally, she has a good face for being Prime Minister

and I know you should not judge politicians on their looks but she has a face that looks like it has not slept for 35 years I want a politician who looks like they've been up all night thinking Holy shit! How are you going to deal with this s**t? Rather than David Cameron's lozange face smoothness as if he was a f***ing car in the world. He walked out of Dubber Ted, absolutely untouched. Every other politician I've seen, by the time they finish office,

looks like a sort of aggared Benjamin Button husk of themselves. Cameron walked out and he's not younger than when he went in. That's because fundamental, I think for Cameron's generation of Tories. Yeah. But politics was essentially a work experience, Jolly. Before, I thought, I'd do what they really wanted. Oh, crap, I've had a lovely time in politics. And I would know what I really wanted.

We should edit a fucking newspaper. I don't know if you're okay. I did, do you feel at all sorry for David Cameron in the aftermath of Brexit? No! That's a terribly sorry for him. Paul at Aladdin's, what? He was under what 49 years years old when he was turfed out of Downing Street. He's like a craft dog, isn't he?

Now he's been pure bread over generations and generations to become this freakish genetic mutation suitable for one thing and one thing only in his case high level political office. Now he's no longer needed, he's going to be taken to a canalum drown. LAUGHTER Oh, shit! LAUGHTER Can I just say, also, the sympathy in the audience for that

was clearly for the fictitious dog. LAUGHTER And not David Cameron. Also, he's like a dog at cross that just walked out, did a shit in the middle of the course, and then just walked off wistly. There will be a question and answer phases of this show. I wouldn't mind, we should, should we start?

If you have any election questions, you want to fire this illustrious panel of political experts? Does anyone have any questions? I'll go ahead and got a microphone here. I live in Maidenhead, so Theresa May has my MP. Right. So what? Don't boo him. It's not his fault. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, is it? Did you vote for her? What shall I put on my ballot paper?

What's you put on your ballot paper? P you! Well, I mean it is, it's essentially, I mean it, uh, presumably she has a pretty safe seat, Maiden Head, isn't it? Yes, I imagine it's, it's not. Oh, you could just, I'll ask her out on a date. I guess. Well, are you telling me to write, it's, that is terrible.

I don't remember. Are you telling me to write, it's phone number on the ballot paper. Are you going to answer Theresa May Reads? Well, I would suggest, and I said, I would, show how much you love democracy by spo on the ballot paper. Are you good at answer, Theresa May reads it? Well, I would suggest, and I would show how much you love democracy by spoiling your ballot paper, because that's what I generally do at elections. And I mean, I'm really spoiling it. LAUGHTER

Take it out for a nice candle living in it. Maybe onto a jazz club and a little massage. And then folding into an origami Mrs. Pancus and float it down the tent to make it feel really special. I'll come back for more Qs and A's later. The audience yesterday were the real, well there were sort of winners and losers at the debate and people were trying to differentiate who would one and who would last. It seems like a bit of a dead heat between Corbin and May. They both sort of winners and losers at the debate. People were trying to differentiate who would want it, who would want it. It seems like a bit of a dead heat between Corbin and May.

They both sort of did fine. The losers generally, it seems to me, are all of us democracy in the concept of hope. But there was, however, a clear winner. And that clear winner was a man who was caught on camera. Did you see this? It was caught on camera. Walter Rita see this? Who was caught on camera? Walter Rita Knight was talking about her pledges for the NHS,

mousing the words, that's Bollocks. Who has now become a fokero on the internet. Unfortunately named Bollocks Man. Now, what was this? I was just when Theresa May has talked about the NHS and the context of Testicular Cancer? No, that would have been an extremely more relevant. He's just so furious.

And the Metro newspapers said today, people are calling him a hero. Like that's a fucking surprise. This guy is the embodiment of everything that we hold dear as British people, because he was swearing, but he didn't say it out loud. That's the crucial thing. He mouthed the words. This guy was obscene and passive-aggressive. LAUGHTER I say, on the eighth of June this year,

so full of sman! APPLAUSE God save the Queen. LAUGHTER It's what she would have done under those circumstances. What, she would have mouth-bullets. She would have mouth-bullets. This is utter bollets. What, what?

That was a great impression. Don't look at me like I just committed treason. Now, I said it's not just labour in the Conservatives in the running UKIP. There's a picture of their leader Paul Nuttle. For our listeners, that is just a big pile of various nuts. When he does lay his cards very much, not on so much on the table, as on his passport, he's done the intellectual equivalent

of cabbing to this election alone and naked. LAUGHTER There's another UK running, it's all the UK interdependence parties, which believes that we are all reliant on each other and is complicated into the world, but then probably won't do as well, because the people like voting for f**k turns out. So I think it was Aristotle who originally said that, wasn't it? The Greeks were the first people to read back into even.

So you keep this week, Paul Nuttle has had... I was about to say not had a great week. He's continued to have the same week that he's been having It's just one log groundhog day of Uppery for Paul Nuttle At this point he's at that bit of the film where Bill Murray just looks at things and things to run But I throw myself off that clock tower This week he has said not only that he would be prepared to personally Execute people on death row,

but he has also said that part of the reason that you get wants to back, that's not even, that's only part one. That's not, that's, that's, did he, did he go into detail as to how he would do this? Is he just in personally flicking a switch or, is he going medieval style with a full accent? Well think about it Andy, think about what we know about the UK depend the time and think are they going to go modern or medieval style? Right, so he's got four horses fully got his eye on him. It's going to be like the end of Braveheart all along in here.

Look and he's also saying but that was the undercut, That was the support act to the headlight of his show of crazy. He said, the part of the reason that you get what have banned the burger is it restricts vitamin D. That's showing a complete lack of understanding of science, religion, and the ancient Japanese art of not talking f***ing bullshit. Unbelievable. It's just that it restricts vitamins, like what, and the argument is that in Saudi Arabia it's much sunnier, so they get all they need through their eyes there. I mean, is he gonna ban Schnuper on the same gram?

So, I did 85 ever see fired up between Steve Davis and David Taylor, really restricted your bit to a date. Obviously Brexit is the defining feature of this election. Let's take a quick straw poll of the people in this room. Now, give me a cheer if you were in favour of Remain. Woo! And give me a... What are you all skipping me to?

Give me a chair. Give me a chair if you're in favour of Leave. Well, it appears this room has not entirely 100% representative of the United Kingdom was up. Who would have thought it? They were like, he part party with money to watch a Jew and whatever the f*** I am, right on Toro's a man. LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE In a business, you start leave country, am you? You're in London's trendy, so-hocusty... LAUGHTER ..in an artsy fringe theatre. LAUGHTER ..people who listen to Bocca, I don't know how many concentric bubbles we can be in that world. But reality right now feels uncomfortable to me not while I'm in.

We're in one of the gayest parts of London, watching a Jew, and about his own mother described him as looking a bit ICC last week You've got to stop letting her write your dating Hey, people are swiping right, what could I say? I'm huge on Libby and Tinder. Libby and Tinder are certainly paid for the Boston's art holiday. And the 19th century. APPLAUSE Anyway, that's what they paid the money for!

Well, we're on the Brexit vibe. I read an alarming statistic while I was told just generally reading about you give this week. Do you know that only 98% of you kick voters voted leave? I would leave. This is Steve, I would have to sleep. Who are the two of us? You want vote for you kid? And you want voted leave? Are you just a massive fan of the colour purple?

Right, that would be ironic from a literary point of view, wouldn't it? That is a nice job. Let me tell you, niche love bit. Oh boy. Yeah, lattice. Boom, thank you. Right, I've got any other election issues that you wanted to. I mean, obviously the social care issues been, you know, we should talk about that. It's been labeled the dementia tax. Dementia tax, of course, is superb linebacker back in the day before. 14 years.

Well, then, the Sacramento Mentos ironically. To the lady who has never heard this podcast before, all I can say is, I'm so sorry. There was an amazing bit of the debate yesterday, where Theresa May said, obviously, people are living longer, and then left the pause, and then suddenly remembered where she was and went,

oh, that's a good thing. LAUGHTER But there was definitely a long enough pause where you thought for a second, he's going to go, gonna go well obviously people are living Glugot which is not a fucking idea We really thought by slashing all of our public services we might have wiped a few of you poor Who plays computer games here?

Some very bad news red dead redemptionemption 2. Sorry it's far too hard to talk about. It's been delayed until spring 2018. Also delayed Red Dead Redemption 2, which to, in which former Labour leader Ed Miliband, the man who put the sheeee into leader sheeee, but received an 11th house summons to lead the party into another election, and red-head redemption to a computer going based on the successful recall of Ginger Head England-Gregadier, Johnny Bersdough. I'm sorry. I mean, this is the last thing the world needs, miss.

The life red... I mean, a couple of... just quickly, I did really enjoy you saying redhead redemption, because it was like watching a dog explain tax. Right. The lack of familiarity with the concept was a great, but I have a question. Do we know why the delays? Because there was a version of a football manager, which is a video game where you basically pretend to be, especially the laziest thing you can do with your time, because if you play

like a football computer game, you're at least sort of simulating the like, you know, the sense of people exercising. Whereas if you play football manager, you are doing the admin for imaginary footballers. That is sort of the lazy thing you can do. But that has had a Brexit filter added to it. That there's a new coding in what are the new versions of the game where Brexit happens and it takes a couple of different variations.

So what I'm saying is, is red dead redemption, which I understand is a Western right? It's set in a sort of post-apocalyptic zombie-infested America. Well, is that now accounting for Trump? Well, you say that it is Quote from the design of the game itself, I believe an outlaw epic set across the vast and unforgiving American heartland Which is basically what you are which is basically what US election 25th is. LAUGHTER I think it's glamourising the law break of the 19th century this kind of game.

Yeah, I'm not that. Never the ordinary law abiding citizens of the mid-19th century America who just got their heads down and died of cholera. But there are some other big games being released in 2017 for computer games fans out there. Look at here we go, strapping everyone. Particularly some big budget releases from Placer Fistlicker, the world's leading manufacturer of peace-team simulators. Of course, as we reported in Beagle for 2024 released, you trekked the treaty of you

trekked based simulator. They've come up, new games include Versailles Second Try. It's 19, 19, Europe's Molders in the aftermath of humanity's most brutal war. Can you steer the negotiations towards a more long-term settlement that does not sow the seeds for the economic collapse of Jeremy and the rise of Nazis? You have a UN peacemaker 2017, rap-orch mental.

That's an official release in the UN, and Molly Fye, siren of the calm. She's a great female role model. Oh, great. Molly Fye. You control Molly. She calm me, defuses political tinderboxes with her air of even-handed authority in a clipboard. Um, modeled on the former New Zealand Prime Minister Helen Clark. Um, is it, again, you're like, tranquilium velvet fist. I'm a public board. Modelled on the former New Zealand Prime Minister Helen Clark. It's again, you're like, Tranquilium Velvet Fist. The big budget sequel to the 2014 hit Tranquilium on Tont Frageal.

Geoffrey Disarm, rival militias in a dystopian future, future powerful post-urban gronscape. By doing things like providing positive social role models and putting up table tennis table. Treaty draft 9 clause slasher. She has to boil a treaty down to his position. Oh, that's the last one. Sorry, man. It was worth a journey.

Thank you, thank you, rock! There were a couple of emails that came in as well for all of us in his own. This came in from Peter Fitzpatrick. Peter's not, I have a quick question for Andy, because I'm pretty sure he'd know. He'd better the truth. It's a curse as much as a gift. He asks, if you hit the ball hard enough that it disintegrates, does that count as a run scoring hit?

If so, how many runs do you get for annihilating the ball? Also, if you hit the ball so hard that it smashes straight through a field as fingers and buries itself in his or her chest. Is that counted as a catch? Definitely! Yes, that's definitely! That's absolutely fine, right? No, that is definitely because it used to be that if it hit the field as helmet, that was not that was not out. I think they've changed that now.

Right. So if it just lodges direct in the chest anyway, I think that was always a catch. In fact, the entire history of Britain was pretty much altered by, and I believe 1751, Frederick the Prince of Wales, was hit by a cricket ball in his ribs, and as a result that injury died, as a result of which George III became king instead of him, an asset of the royal family on an entirely different course. I mean, can you feel the start, that is a genuine fact? No, I'll tell you what

you're streaming out. I'll tell you what you could feel in here. This, that is 151 people, including me going, is that bullshit? It's just, it's normally bullshit. I'm prepared to bullshit about most things but not something as serious as an important as cricket What about the ball disintegrating the ball disintegrating a million runs Well, why not because you still want to run them, haven't you? million runs. Well, one look, you still got to run them, haven't you? But does that mean you could just run adding for night and world, the rest of the field has to stitch the ball back together? Yes, it does mean that. It's just a no ball. Is it a no ball? Yeah, but there's no ball.

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! And we got to Chris, yeah, there are any, any audience for the moment? We got any questions, hands up if you have a question. What would Florence Nightingale do? What would Florence Nightingale do? What just... Oh, yeah. Does that happen any time Florence Nightingale is my favourite?

Yeah, if there's a big, good present, Does that happen any time Florence and I do it as much as you? If there's a bugle present, it's really ruined some talk to the Victorian Albert museum. Miss Nightingale. If I was wearing, I mean she'd probably do some nursing, I guess, she was all about that. What would she do now in the current political climate? I mean she probably do some nursing, I guess. She was all about that. She was all about that. Do you mean what would she do now in the sort of current political climate? She probably won't go private, I think.

She probably won't go private. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER APPLAUSE LAUGHTER LAUGHTER No, nothing is a more evocative idea of where the conservatives have dragged this country to than the idea

of Florence Nightingale at a food bank and Theresa May going, worth harder. LAUGHTER Well, I think we should probably move on. There's just one more election thing. Because I was reading about the strain to Theresa May appears to be showing. And it's interesting how the strain always gets to

Prime Ministers all of them and I'd say every British Prime Minister since the 1920s is cracking hell, crack down on the pressure office and gone a bit off even the current one, her first signs of stress on our Prime Minister as early as Christmas I'd say when she went on a riding holiday people started to think she was losing it when she got things mixed up and started covering her horse with tinsel and ferried lights and tried to feed her Christmas turries some hay but um

but her predecessor Strike one! Strike one I wouldn't start your you'll run a... Unless you're good at counting. LAUGHTER Ooh, looks like her predecessor as well. He fell victim to the Friends of Office.

In fact, the German leader predicted his downfall. When he resigned off the Brexit, Mrs. Merkel was heard saying, I knew this diver'd come around. They've come around. Oh! Of course, that is painful. His predecessor in down is his favorite sandwich. He went a bit odd when it came to food. He thought he'd eaten these bitter toasting, fleshy, vegetable sandwiches. Like, very health conscious, who never ate white bread.

Hated the fancy modern bread too, so we always ordered gourd on brown. Before him make it any easier to process. Before him there was a guy who started off fairly normal but lost it over the years and anyone in cabinet from wearing shorts or skirts because he became a lurch to gradually looking up someone's leg. He used to vomit when every founder's gaze travelling up was from the foot towards the thigh. It really went to me. Blah! Tim, his predecessor was quite embarrassed to say I did that one.

Tim feels very embarrassed to say I did that one. I did say every pro-Bredish Prime Minister for the last 90 years. I would pace yourself with his predecessor, of course, slight to make most of his policies wall alone, but it's so hard to get quality me time as Prime Minister. I heard him in an interview saying that he needed to well make his excuses and nip off to the toilet, get some peace and quiet. He said on our quotes, I took most of my biggest decisions on the John. May you think more clearly? His predecessor is so many Prime Ministers.

Bear in mind we have not left the 1990s. His British vessel, so while she was after there was anything she wished she'd done differently and she said she'd like to have Nick one of the spare thrones and button and palace. Mauregret, that chair, she said. Alright, let's not get too down on this. We've worked out in 11 years with that one. We've jumped straight from that. That's the one good thing about that, just entire time is probably the start.

Is that she's taking 11 years out of this pun run? The guy before her, he used to drink a lot of gin and tonics, of course, but he reckoned he could cure any hangover with some high quality cured a barricain fit leg. He called it, is gin killer ham. LAUGHTER Can you kill a ham? LAUGHTER The four, you can check the list on Wikipedia. The boy. There's another labor prime minister who used to calm himself down by singing Miss Mourbe Ditty, his mum used

to sing about what she wanted to happen to her estate after she died. Who used to bang out and cabinet meetings her old willsons. Right, now I want to put a stipulation in here because I know he was Prime Minister twice. Surely there is not a second bout of Harold Wilson. Got the tour he replaced. Oh, good. He distracted himself by eating way too much confectionery. Yeah, so many sweets you have to add dentures made out of oak. Yeah, he had wood teeth. The guy, the guy he replaced, of course, very parsimonious with sporting equipment. He still used his granny's tennis racket. It was useless, but he loved his man, so he insisted on using her old Wilson.

That is not acceptable. His predecessor in turn was heard... went so mad that he was heard arguing with himself about what roast bird he'd rather had for his Sunday lunch. He would ask himself, which do you prefer, chicken or duck? And he would reply, I like duck less. You... Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Come on, for technical men! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Come on, for technical men, sorry! But it put it not a achievement. I like Douglas Sheumann, a hard man to make a pun about. When he started this, I did think he's going to hit Douglas Sheumann, and that is going to be his iceberg to his punny Titanic. Yeah, but let's not forget that Titanic took quite a long time to sink. The one with the art will go on. Before Douglas Sheumum, of course He sold all of his wife coats wife's coats to make a bit of cheeky cash on the side

He got loads for them sold a double coat for 200 grand and overcoat for 300,000 But the water proof ones were the really the ones that really flew for money He flopped a gulf for 800,000 and as for her old Mac million Oh, hello can't hear. Hello, Mac, me. Oh! Ah! His, the guy before him, he had this bizarre utopian dream of people walking around with dead straight legs. Very formal, man. In fact, he wanted to ban all leg joints.

He was obsessed with creating this anti-needian. This anti-needian. Oh! Oh! He didn't even. That is... Straturally so similar to the tone of Blair one. LAUGHTER

But, uh, and I got before him, famous prime minister, was when to play... He used to go and play in a really ancient... Saxon chapel made only of rough blocks of granite. Even when he was really poorly in the doctors that told him to stay in bed, or people would keep warm. Yeah.

He went to Stone... He went to Stone Churchill. He went to Stone Churchill. He went to Stone Churchill. That even they didn't enjoy that one. Right, do we have to leave? I'm going to go right back to the 19th and 20th. I'm going to put something for the next one. I can pick it up. That's street. This isn't an HBO box set. The die-er. I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what.

Who wants me to... Let's do this by vote. No, that is what I think we must have to do. Who wants Rudy's public. You know that they cannot be trusted. Who wants it to carry on? Who wants it to stop? Democratic man, though. Even on the first boss of post of one man, right?

So, the next guy, he wanted to, he used to relax. I hope you understand what the consequences are. I am Tim Barron to this part of the world. The last one is worth waiting for. Okay. But before, working out for yourself was in the 1920s. So the guy before Churchill, he went to a mad, he used to go out and pick crustaceans on the rocks by the sea, but his advisors wouldn't let him.

I wanted to look for muscles he said, no, so we got an NHS to establish. Well, I want to search for scallops then. Prime Minister, we've got a nation to heal off the six years of war. Come on, let me go on a clam hand at least. Yes, respect if one of the greatest men to hold me off this appointment. Well, I still can't believe the previous guy went to Stone Church Hill. Even you can be my man. Not two churches, one. Just what I thought we'd never find the outer limits of your enjoyment apart. Anyway, of course, his predecessor's got Slánford coming back from Munich with his so-called piece of paper.

London was embarrassed about it, but not the German capital. They have Naffal, Schaimberlin. Naffal, Schaimberlin. Very tough. Does that work? This is the opposite of peace at our time. His predecessor, of course, had a sibling born on the same day. It was offered terribly from hair loss though. We had the strange behavioural tick where whenever he'd got up from a seat to position, he couldn't help but help himself jumping as high as he could.

Yeah, it was his, uh, his stand-leap ball-twin. LAUGHTER And the guy before him. Three more to go. Three more to go. And the guy before him. Three more to go. Three more to go. The guy before him got involved in a parliament. He went so much, he got involved in an argument in parliament.

When the opposition asked him what he thought of fast food change, he said, I hate them. I'd like to drive my car into them. And the leader of the opposition made a multiple choice. And this is straight from hands on. He said, would you smash your car into A, Burger King, B, Kentucky Fried Chicken, or and the Prime Minister interrupts it. I can answer this already.

I would ram C McDonald's. LAUGHTER APPLAUSE Two to go. You people are ennablers. LAUGHTER Yes. No, that far back.. Fuck you, not Israeli! Just because I'm Jewish, it doesn't matter.

Right, he got him before him, of course. You never, he went mad, he used like recurring dream, in which he always woke up. Just think it was about to pot the decisive final black in the world's nook and chameleon chips. I can't believe it, he says, he woke up sweating. Just needed one more ball to win again. LAUGHTER CHEERING But, and the previous guy, of course, like many Prime Minister,

was distracted from far more important legislation by his personal hobby, which he began obsessed with passing a new law forbidding anyone from having a visible erection in public. Mae'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith Let's pick up if they won that line, I think. It's definitely gave, it's definitely gave some of the mental. That pundrun is the most potent argument I've ever come across for no Prime Minister being able to run a game. That is it! Bugles, it has been an absolute delight doing the first ever light. Bugles, here in London!

Very much so. Thank you very much. Thanks to the people you do. Absolutely delight during the first ever light Beagle here in London Very much like the You Very much like the Taste of the Beagle Taste of the Beagle Taste of the Beagle Taste of the Beagle Taste of the

Beagle Taste of the Beagle Taste of the Beagle Taste of the Beagle Taste of the

Beagle Taste of the Beagle Taste of the Beagle Taste of the Beagle Taste of the Beagle You Has started the film more like some kind of rally where I'm gonna say if you reach under your chairs, you'll all find a tablet Right and so give it up for the wonderful miss Kumar This show that led this week I want to be back next week with a post election degree. Thank you for listening at home.

Thank you for going to New London. Good night. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much. Thank you so much. Thank you.