The Bugle - Bugle 4044 – Nuke the Amazon

Episode Date: September 23, 2017

Andy is joined by Hari Kondabolu and Tiff Stevenson to reflect on some powerful EU speeches, a new generation of power names and the a POW! from Morgan Freeman. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A- Audio newspaper for a visual world! Hello, Bugglers! And welcome to issue 444 of the Bugle, one of the world's top 10 billion sources of hope in a cruel, cruel universe with me and his ultimate.

Let me introduce myself for those who don't know me, I like. Thinking about a look on a Labrador's face if you threw a tennis ball for it to chase down a bobsled run. But I dislike people who actually throw tennis balls down bobsled runs for Lab ball for it to chase down a bobsled run, but I dislike people who actually throw tennis balls down bobsled runs for Labrador's to chase, but simple cruelty. I also, for a bit of further background, he's telling what I'm like as a person, think it odd that if you offered a penguin a bucket of herring or a functioning set of wings or

a jetpack, the indulgent fish-obsessed gravity-b gravity bothering ornithological incompetent would choose the fish. Sometimes these species just don't want to help themselves. Welcome to the people. I'm joined this week by two of the many people in the world who this week were not elected to become the new president of Portugal. I think they've kept the same one they had before for which we should be thankful because instead we have them on the bugle and I will introduce them in the traditional style with what may be a fact or may be a lie. Your choice. Here in London, it's the former Lucytanian emissary to the League of Nations, Tiffany Stevenson.

Hello. Welcome back, Tiff. Hi, that is a truth. Alright, good, yeah. Check your Wikipedia page. Yeah, it's a truth. Alright, good. Yeah. Check your Wikipedia page. Yeah, it's on Snopes. Go look it up. So, since you were last on the show, you've been up in Edinburgh and have the full month.

How was that? Well, the show was called Bombshell and it did feel like the apocalypse was happening while we were there. So, I just treated every single show like it was the end of days. It was really great fun. Right. It was the end of days. It's really great fun. Right. It might not be here tomorrow. Let's have a great show. Yeah. Be outrageous. I've certainly had audiences leave my shows thinking it was the end of day. And in New York City, it's a man described by Nome Chomsky as the most natural dancer I've ever

seen on a scuba diving outfit, five stars, that's from Underwater Funk Magazine in October 1998. It's Harry, the Groove Shock, Condo Bolo. Oh hey, I wish I got the lie. Ah. Ah. Why do I always get the true one? How, how things in America, Harry?

You've read the news. Oh yeah, okay, right, okay. Good point. So, we are recording on the 22nd of September 2017. Today is World Car Free Day. So, none of us are recording this whilst in a car. So, I'll just you. And to mark this this day, we are giving you the listeners

a selection of free honks to use as a pedestrian. Because that's fundamentally why most people still drive cars, just so you have the license to honk in people's faces, which if you did it by just going up and honking a horn in their face would be more socially unacceptable. That's why the car is still popular. You're all exactly. It's a basic human instinct to honk at people's faces. So we are now allowing you

pedestrians, pedestrian bugle, simply download these sounds onto your telephone or carve them into a circular bit of vinyl and play them through an amplifier whilst walking down the streets of wherever you live's will. To express your disapproval at the driving skills of your fellow humans, choose from one of the following honks I will interpret them for you. That was a disappointing piece of driving. I suggest you try much harder in future. Ouch! That was one of my favourite feet you just drove over. Um, then... There is no universe in which you should be allowed to be in charge of a large slab of fast-moving Then... B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B- well be and in all likelihood are in fact a total key. On this day, the 22nd of September

in 480 BC or BCE were still waiting for clarification on which one of those two years it was. One of the most important naval battles in the history of Europe, a battle that helped shape the political and artistic evolution of the world between the Greeks and the Persians, the battle of Salamis, I think it's pronounced, which the Greeks defeated the Persian navy armed only with spiced Italian sustres. The history for you there. It's not enough Salamis just knocking around on a circuit these days. Yeah, you might crack out a more to-dello one as well. On this day in 1906, Leonardo Torres equivado successfully demonstrated the world's first remote control in Bill Bowe.

He guided remote control boat from the shore in 19... That is the greatest invention in history. 111 years ago, today, thank you, Senor Corvado, for saving me hundreds of thousands of three metre journeys to and from my television. You are the greatest hero in history. The amount of time, the amount of leisure time that Stateman has created for humanity. And as always, the section of the bugle is going straight in the bin. man has created for humanity. And as always, the section of the vehicle is going straight in the bin. This week, well today is also, it's not only World Car Freedays, it's also World Rhino Day. And to commemorate this, we've got a special

rhinoceros pullout, including a free fertilized rhinoceros egg for you to plant in your window box, which should be a lovely little rhino cut by next march, if the winter isn't too harsh. We have rhino facts, including that the computer joystick was invented by former US presidents and current Mount Rushmore big-faced rock hunk, Theodore Roosevelt, on his post-Presidential wildlife slaying wine down African extravagans of back in 1909. When he famously killed around about, we talked about this on the people, but there's something like 10,000 animals as he wound down. It's a little bit de-mob-happy after leaving the White House.

But on that, he invented the joystick, on that... We need to press some of buttons with this bit Andy. Yep, he won a game of rhinocerodio, which was basically a rodeon or rhinoceros, as you'd expect, by controlling his rhino by its horn and occasionally pressing its eyelids like buttons. That was the invention of the computer joystick, it's theo. I heard that he also broke his nose and had to get rhino plastic. Ah! Very good. Oh, we should have thought of that one. We both started strong today, well done. We also have a competition for you, Bueglis, to suggest an improvement to the rhinoceros. Yes, it's been a successful and enduring species, but its progress has been held up somewhat against the

greatest species in the world, such as humans, by being too easy to shoot and having horns that are better at medicine than all of the world's leading pharmaceutical companies and scientists put together. Or at least that's what I've been told by my friend Chinese Brenda. So which... What? So we ask you, Bueglers, what do you think the Rhino should be doing to improve on its current existence? Horns as Wi-Fi routers, flippers instead of feet, or even longer thinner feet that could act as useful runners on ice. I mean, we've painted what's a rhino ice hockey, wouldn't we?

Yeah. Rhino needs a personality trait though. There's no, it's like hippos. They've got like hungry hippos. Right. What is it that the rhino has? It needs like a, you know. You're saying it's all business, it's not enough.

Yeah, you know, like, yeah. It's like a species. Yeah, yeah, you know, like crazy monkey. Yep. I don't know, I can't think of any yeah, you know, like crazy monkey. Yep. I don't know. I can't think of any others. But the Rhino is definitely lagging behind you. Rhino's, yeah, like maybe it's apathetic.

Maybe that's its thing, the apathetic Rhino. It does look kind of apathetic. Chris, do you have any stats on turnout in rhinoceros elections over the last 25% 25, 25, don't know that just shows. Yeah, but that's kind of local election level. That's's a polling and also we have some rhino what ifs what if baby Stalin had been swapped for a Baby Sumatra and rhinoceros at birth how different with the 20th century of being and What if the Titanic had been modeled on the rhinoceros instead of built like a conventional boat?

I think that I've been pluses and minuses with that. Yeah. I think it would have none to the iceberg out the way, but less smooth through the water. Wood rows have still have hogged that whole door to herself. Right, so you'd ride Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet on a massive rhino horn. I don't know, Kate would say that. Would the rhino's mouth be closed?

Because if it was open open it seems like a very kind of productive the water would go in. I'm not guessing there is a reason why boats have traditionally not been modeled on rhinoceros despite the obvious ice breaking capabilities were. But if the mouth was open and it was would it surely not be taking in water and letting it back out? Or would it be breathing through it? Would it? But it might be able to. I don't know we need to get a scientist on. Chris can you just call up? But it might be able to. I don't know, we need to get a scientist on. Chris, can you just call up,

whether you just look in the yellow pages? Yep. Does the yellow pages still exist? I think they canceled it. See if there's any local Rhino scientists who can come in and clear this up before the end of this show. Top story this week.

And Trump at the United Nations sensational action from the high priest of Prating. Harry this all happened at the UN on your doorstep. What's your take on the extraordinary performance of your national leader. Well, he didn't insult that many people. That's good. He was fairly even. Didn't yell. There weren't any threats. You know, the normal dictatorial behavior that we're used to. He did, however, say that he's a big fan of the United Nations in part because he built

the Trump Tower across from the UN, which ended up being good for him. The audience was very confused after how that was relevant. It was not a good speech. Apparently Kim Jong-un laughed so hard that a peasant blood came out of his nose. Wow. Was it an ungood speech? It was very ungood. His sound bites have been really quite incredible with Kim Jong-un.

Because it was first, it was fire and fury, then it was locked and loaded. And I was like, I think he's just naming Jason Stason films. That's what he's doing. Like describing himself as militaristic and I think that he's got that confused with materialistic. Right. Because you can't describe yourself as militaristic when you dodge the draft. Like a number of times. And the other one, what was the other one he said, a rocket man, he called him a rocket man, which I love because Scotland rocket means idiot. So maybe his mom taught him that one. Oh right.

You know like, bolt your rocket. He also got a nation confused. He created the African nation of Nambia. I think he meant Namibia. And maybe he crossed it with Gambia. Gambia and Zambia perhaps yeah, but to be fair Most Americans probably would not have thought an Amibia or Gambia was a country until this came out right So he's being educational by introducing Americans

Not to just one country Namibia, but two three countries including Zambia and Gambia that could also have been referring Also, yes, it was deliberate. It was absolutely deliberate. Right. I mean, also, when you think about it, he's helping the Namibian economy, which is not one of the world's great economies, to improve by, you know, save a syllable, boost the economy.

Extra time spent saying the air, the first air of Namibia. Well, if you add that up, all the incognito official, if you add that up. All the ink on your official documents. Yeah, you add that up over 100 years. That could boost the economy by up to 30,000 pounds. You can't sniff at that in this day, nature.

Well, about 30,000 to use another African currency Zimbabwean dollars, which is about a penny. Well, sadly, I don't think the Zimbabwean dollars quite as glorious as it used to be. I think. Oh, you're joking. Yeah. I mean't think the Zimbabwein dollars quite as glorious as it used to be I think um oh you do okay. Yeah I mean it's a I mean we we should cling to it we should never let it go and we're I mean it's the favourite it is the official currency of the bugle podcast the Zimbabwein dollar um you're getting paid in Zimbabwein dollars. How am I?

yeah um I've always wanted someone to say you look a million dollars and then say Zimbabwein say you look a million dollars and then say Zimbabwean. I like the fact that he was in the morning of the first day like the Secretary General appealed for calm rhetoric and then put Trump up first. We just saw like saying, oh Mr. Bull, welcome to the China shop, come in but do be careful, everything's terribly off. Oh, fuck it, that's the Ming Vars broken. He got some pretty poor reviews. The Iranian foreign minister called it an ignorant hate speech that belongs in medieval times. Which I think Trump will probably put on his election post as a victim. So up is cool, vote. North Korea called it a dog's bark.

I'm not sure entirely what they meant by that. But yeah, I mean that could be complimentary or rude. But we did have Kim Jong Un describing Donald Trump as a do-tard this week. Now, no one knows if he invented this word or it is in fact technically just reading a 14th century old English word. I mean it is possible that Kim Jong Un is just a massive fan of early English poetry. It's been studying... You normally go to Boris Johnson for one of those. He seems to have the dictionary of out-of-date ridiculous stupid idiotic things to say. You'd really emphasise the syllable dick in that.

Yeah, it is. He said it is entirely up to us whether we lift the world to new heights or let it fall into a valley of disrepair. Which I mean, does bearing in mind that he is the man who's went the last 18 months holding the world by the ankles dangling it over the edge of the valley of disrepair. It is entirely up to you.

Yes. I want to go to the valley of disrepair. Yeah, and you imagine you'll get a pretty cheap holiday there. Yeah. Is it near like... Well, would it be near? Like it's like a canyon? I imagine it's somewhere in America. The famous parrot open. The... It's called America. In remembering the great victory that led to this body's founding, so the origin of the United Nations after the Second World War, we must never forget that those heroes who fought against evil also fought for the nations that they love. Patriotism led the Poles to die to save Poland, the French to fight for free France and the

Brits to stand strong for Britain. Now, I mean, it's amazing that patriotism proved, apparently, according to no list of sources in the present America, the decisive factor in the Second World War, and imagine how different the result could have been if the teams on the other side had been patriotic as, hang on, Mr History! Hang on! Basically, the thrust of Trump's speech was that nations acting in their own self-interest creates a more stable world. So let us just check with history on that one. I'm delighted to have history on the line now to clear this one up for us.

Hello, history. Hello, Andy, big fan of the show. So history, thanks, Johnny, someone on the bugle. Is Mr. Trump right to say that nations acting in their own self-interest doesn't, in fact, create a more stable world? Hang on, Andy. Let me just chip my notes for you. No, not there either.

No, definitely not. Oh, definitely not that one. No, no, it's a definite no, Andy, it's no. Although I guess to bend what you mean by stable, do you mean stable, as in driven by conflict in the quality resemblance and exploitation? No, he sure, I don't really mean that. All that you know then, but definitely no.

Anything else? How are you feeling at the moment, history? I don't know't I don't really mean that all that you know then definitely I know anything else How are you feeling at the moment history? I don't know I keep telling myself conflicting stories I don't understand anything anymore. I'm scarred by regret and I'm sick of people flailing during my lessons But I don't really know what lessons I'm trying to teach anymore I'm confused I'm angry and I'm confused, I'm angry, and I'm f***ing tired! Go f***ing find yourself another past, I quit! Well, that one came flooding out there. History on the tough time. Why is history northern?

Well, look at the industrial revolution. You know nothing. Yeah. Andy, can you call history back and see if you repeat themselves? Ah, boom! Well, yes. I mean, if history is anything like my accent, yes, he you repeat himself. Boom! Well, yes, I mean, if history is anything like my accents, yes, he does repeat himself. I mean, all Trump had to do, honestly,

is just do the Bill Pullman speech from Independence Day because it wouldn't have made sense, but what he said really didn't make sense, and at least it would have been enjoyable for everyone. And if he it every time it's like oh Trump's gonna pull out the speech again that's great and it's just at least it's something to look forward to when he speaks it's not gonna make sense either way and who doesn't like that speech it's very unifying. He could do like loads of different speeches from from big films and then every then every time it would be a treat you go how's he going to interpret you know Pacino in any given Sunday and

that would you're right you would just you would just look forward to that. Yeah I think this is that this could be the future for a for all political rhetoric just rabble-rousing speeches from great moving scenes. I mean also the Trump has a, you know, as well documented, a proud family history of stealing other people's speeches. I mean, did anyone like what he said? I mean, it felt like none of the leaders liked him. Oh, Netanyahu loved it.

Netanyahu was the only one. And it sort of reminded me of like, you know, when you have a birthday party and all your cool mates are there. I never had cool mates I don't know I've never had a cool one. Well just your friends let's just say friends all your friends are there and your mum's forced you to invite your weird shameful cousin you know the one that tried to get off of you and said what it's not illegal you're're like, mom, no one likes him, no one wants him here. And she's like, he's a nice boy.

You always ask how I am. And your mom is basically Netanyahu. Right. And that scenario, yes, who was the only person there who don't ask me about my weird cousin. OK. I could see you looking at me going. You did kind of leave that little sub story hanging there.

But let's move on. Well, Teresa may kind of address him leave that little sub story hanging out. Let's move on. Well Teresa may kind of address him without actually saying his name. She basically said that climate change and terrorism are kind of on the same page and by neglecting, working on climate change, you're damaging the world. So she was basically sub tweeting Trump And here's one of the highlights of what she said Maybe some of us are more concerned about climate change because we live on the earth and not in our big fat heads

My god, he has a mouth that looks like an anus. The environment trumps money. It trumps money. Yeah, I'm talking about him. You know, you know. And that's, at least that's where I wrote down. Okay. Yeah. Do you think trumps the kind of guy who doesn't believe in global warming because sometimes

it's snowing in Washington and there is where they call it the Wad House? I don't think he believes in global warming because he's the devil and it's hot and hell. What's it mean? There's a danger in this though, but if Theresa May says that global warming is as big a threat as terrorism, that's he's just going to, you know, nuke the Amazon or something. Teach it a lesson. Show those trees, who's boss. I think we need to get harry into like interpret all of her speeches though, because if you

could help with Brexit, it means Brexit, if you could help with Brexit means Brexit, if you could help us out with what she means there. It means we f***ed up. What that is, that is exactly what it means. That is essentially what Brexit means Brexit does mean is we f***ed up brackets and we're now playing for time. And in fact, as we were cured to resume, is in Florence, delivering a speech

on on Brexit, essentially attempting to slap a 20 billion euro note down on the on Europe's arse, saying what are you going to do with that? I mean, we're still obviously waiting for the mud to settle on the aftermath of Brexit. So we can mold that mud into the shape of an extended middle finger, fire it in the kiln of democratic futility, and then just plonk it in the middle of Britain as a legacy for future generations to gaze at. But she said, history will judge Brexit, quotes, not for the differences we faced, but for the vision we showed. Well, I mean, a vision comes in many, I think the vision we've showed, very similar to the vision showed by a dweeb who's just been punched in the face by a passing terminator.

Also, you still will be remembered not for the challenges we endured, but for the creativity we used to overcome them, creativity. Macreativity is what I want from a passing midfielder in a football match or possibly someone painting a mural in a chapel in the Vatican. Creativity and major trade negotiations, that seems that's worrying to me. I don't want them getting poetic about it. Oh, it's a word salad again, isn't it? It just means she is the master of the pointless euphemism, isn't she? Or sound bite.

I mean, like visions of what Cordelia has in Angel, the TV series. Right, okay, that's stuff. The future visions, that's, you know, that's your- She gets a blinding headache and then goes, someone's gonna be attacked in an alleyway by a demon.

Right. So maybe that is what she means. That's out of my cultural reference zone. Really? No, Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Angel or the Sweden. No, they're a sport sport on I think. So I missed it. Morgan Freeman versus Russia News. My favorite sort of news this. This is a good segment. You should keep this segment. Russia claims that the U.S. is using Morgan Freeman to attack them because a video was released

from the activist organization ATTN, or Attention, where Freeman encouraged Americans to take a serious look at Russia's interference in the 2016 election and he compared it to a movie script and Freeman claimed that this was an act of war. So basically he said that this, like, imagine a movie where like a Russian maniac and he kind of, like, you know, tried to get people to really be afraid of the situation. And this is, I mean, Russia has some reason to be suspicious. I mean, first of all, they're pretty sure that March of the Penguins was a military training video

of the US weaponizing penguins. Matter of time. Surely a matter of time. It was about, I mean, it still hasn't proven that it hasn't been that he made it sound like a nature film, but there's no evidence that won't happen. How about that? Well, surely also the

torpedo the torpedo must have been modeled on the penguin I mean that's yeah that is essentially a penguin diving into catch a fish just going a bit further and banging into another ship isn't it? I'm blowing it up yeah penguin all over me you've really got it in for penguins today I have it big thesis. They've had it too easy for too long. Also, Russia was kind of already in a weekend position because they had asked James Earl Jones to voice several videos in their attempts to counter what they called the Freeman Offensive.

And also, Yakov Smirnov said, in America, you can always find a party in Soviet Russia, the party always finds you. It's unrelated to anything, but he had to get it in. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Who did the casting for this? I had De Niro's furious that he didn't get a call. He didn't even get seen for it. Also, no female pass again.

That is a failed Hollywood. Shocking. Shocking. Never arranged arranged but it paused. Have you watched any of the response videos to it, Harry? No, I have not. Ah, I watched the Alex Jones response to this. Oh, man. Oh, it was glorious.

What I really wish is that before Alex Jones does any video, like that he would swallow the food that he was eating 10 seconds before they turned the camera on, because he just sounds like, oh, look, he's's swallowing and he got this Trump supporter on. He was like, you know we're talking about the guy who played God. People take this guy seriously. We're talking about the guy who was in Shushen as if the video opened up going, The first time I met Vladimir Putin

but he kept referring to him the whole way through Alex Jones as Morgan Friedman like consistently making him Jewish which fits with the conspiracy theorist very well doesn't it if we can make it the fault of Jewish people we will but the video on the video it said CIR and his quip was, what is CIR stand for? CREP INFO Royal? Burger King make that apparently. He's got free man confused with Samuel L Jackson in Pulp Fiction. You should do an episode of you like listening back to a former bugle and just getting all your reactions to it. Alright, I've sheltered Andy from most of those. Yeah. We've destroyed the tapes.

In other showbiz news, Kellyanne Conway, not happy with the Emmys. Tiff is our official Kelly and Conway correspondent. Yeah, everywhere seems to be showing Kelly and Conway's Emmy Roundup as if she's an entertainment's channel and someone asked her. But she was on Fox News and she was like, why do I think about the Emmys? This is my Kelly and, do you like it? Well this is this is what she said, that some of those actresses didn't eat for like two months, they got themselves primed in green and they didn't eat for two months and dare to criticize Trump, I haven't eaten for five

years and I would never see anything bad about our president. Like I just watched it going seriously f*** off mate. Her main criticism was that they got primped, preened and skinny to repeat themselves over and over again. What are you talking about? That's literally your career. Just putting makeup on a haunted ass face. She's being haunted by the way by 3000 year old demon. That's why she just looks tired all the time. Right. That a fact. Yeah yeah it's exhausting. Okay well thank you for digging that up as our Kelly and Cornwall correspondent and he's just questioned a fact there. Really okay. It's notable Emmys of course so two Emmys for a former Bugle co-host I think Mr. John Oliver

received the Emmys for most elongated departure from a podcast and least enthusiasm for physical contact on a foot warp hitch for a little contest for that. So well done to John for those, but not too for Kellyanne Conway too, complaining that the Emmys had become too politicized, given that politics has become too show-bisificated. Eximate one. You're f***ing boss Conway! You're f***ing boss!

Yeah, she said it was, you know, this is why people are tuning out. Should people are tuning out because, you know, we want to be entertained, we don't want actors to have an opinion on politics. You know, she was like, it's disappointing when things like Miss America are policed. Like, really? Or is Miss America just disappointing as a concept?

That's an odd one to pick on, isn't it? Yeah, she was like, sports have got, sports have gotten poled in a sign. Sorry, my voice is running out of batteries. But Boris have gotten politicized and now awards and Miss America. And we just want to be entertained. And then she said she was really pleased

that Kate McKinnon had won for doing an impression of her. Like, and she was like, it is so pleased, but she won for mocking you. It's like getting dumped and going, yeah, but it's because I was too good looking. That was why I got dumped. And then she said she enjoyed Sean Spicer. All right.

Those words, I can't be said that often. Well, she said that she enjoyed Sean Spicer because he showed that he was a man of good humor and introspection. She said, this is something that folks in Hollywood often lack, which is introspection and good humor, but then when she was told that Spicer didn't write the sketch himself, but the writers from Hollywood did, she responded, no they didn't, that cannot be proven. Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! British baby names news now, and the lightest rankings have come out for the most popular names in Britain for new babies. I was supposed to do old babies that have been renamed, they're discounted from the charts. You've got to make a decision and stick to it. The most popular boys name in Britain now is Muhammad. In its various different spellings, you have them all up, that gets to the top of the rankings.

And the most popular spelling of Muhammad is in itself, is in the top 10, I mean knocked out William. In the girls' charts, Poppy has been knocked out at the top 10, replaced with a more geopolitically or opium trade. And there have been, there have been, there were fewer than three Nigels born in 2016. Despite Nigel Farage being having been so prominent.

Because it's ridiculous to call a baby Nigel. Who looks at baby? Who looks at baby and goes, that's a Nigel. Look at that. Well, it's a nudge. Look at that. What it is, it's a bit of a herb at its name. Well, there are a lot of names that suit babies, but don't do adults and, and vice versa. So maybe, you know, you should, your name should evolve with you. But basically, Nigel is a statistically popular as amongst other names, Irmin Trude, Tinder, Junk, Medea, Quater, U-Yop, Yorethra, Shipbag, Plank, Wanker, Bugle and F***. So, some surprise names in there, 28 babies called Baby.

The name Baby has been 28. That is unimaginative parenting. Is that genuinely? The name Baby has been 28. That is unimaginative parenting. Is that genuinely? Would Snopes check that out? Snopes would check that out and that's straight off the internet. When you first started I did think those were all true. I was like someone called their kid Junk. Tindal didn't even register but I was like, what the fuck?

I'm sure that's what Sarah Pylens kids in it. Four Daineris, certainly evidence of Daenerys. I've got annoyed there as well. I felt an instant reaction to your mispronunciation of the mother of dragons. Daenerys, of course, in Game of Thrones named that way because she was when she was born Her father got absolutely hammered and was asked who his favorite Motown singer was Yeah, seven's uses 21 Apollo's four Jupiter's so Zeus beating Jupiter, that's good news for the Greeks as they

are attempting to recover from their economic catastrophes. Any Nor Scots in there? I think there were a few Thor's. How many barrington's? Barrington, fewer than three, sadly. Why barrington, Chris? It's the power name, as far as I'm concerned. Is a power name.

Ironically, not really a power batsman back in the 60s for any cricket fans listening but What does it take to make a power name? Is it like more than three syllables or three syllables plus? Picture your dream boss Yeah, it's you Chris. Okay, Christopher's a power name then. Yeah Oh, how many christias thereers there were, there were 41, 41 boys called Chris. Yeah, goodlads. But there are any Tiffany's, I feel like my name peaked in the 90s.

87 Tiffany's, 346 in 1996. Yeah. How many Harries? Harry, 83 Harries. That's up for how many Harory Kunderbolo's? Oh, check out, I'll put in Kunderbolo. None, sadly. There's no babies called Bugle, sadly.

That is a disappointment matter of time. There were no babies named Colonel Reginaldire, who is the man responsible for the Umritzer massacre of 1919. Let's go. How many donalds just out of interest? There were a few donalds, I did check this. Nine boys called Donald, down from 23. Oh, so he's had it. That's, he's, he's caused that.

And three, this really got me. Three babies called ISIS. Those are parents who have been storing up the news to catch up with on their digital set top box and have not caught up. Maybe they're naming it after the chain of really cheap hotels. I don't care what you're naming it after. But certain names come with a connotation I think and I believe ISIS as a brand is now tainted. I don't know what's thinking no, the dog in down to Navi will outlast. And maybe this is reclaiming the name. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if any of those ISIS have since been renamed Daesh or not, but

um, but also maybe they are banking on ISIS winning and they're going for the gamble. Like, oh, you know, this works out. This kid has a great name. Right. It's low percentage, but, you know this works out. This kid has a great name. Right. It's it's low percentage But you know, I'm waiting. No, very low percentage From a religious point of view clear when I like to have my hammered now the most popular most popular boys name six Jesuses 67 Moses is gone team J Five Vishnu's no no budders, but 180 buddies.

I don't know, can you count that? Is that short for a budder? Yeah, I reckon we can count that. No confuciuses, but 387 connies. Which are... Your emails now, this come, came in from Richard Tibbles, who writes, Andy, I'm currently attending the UNESCO Second World Open Educational Resortes Congress in Lubriana, Slovenia. I was surprised to hear a reference to Slow Cook Democracy from

Bugle issue 293, from the Slovenian TV news host and MC for the event Egor Bergant. scene for the event Egor Burgant and apparently he named checked me and John in his reference to slow cooked so our influences felt far and wide even at UN events with delegates from over a hundred countries so this is the kind of power we wield on the show. Let's see if I'm not right. So are there any words of wisdom you'd like to send out for future UNESCO conferences to pick up on? Yeah, food banks are not uplifting right okay Yes, well, this was Jacob Riesmogg. Yeah as previously discussed on recent bugles the member parliament for 1764 Described that people using food banks

He describes uplifting because it shows how compassionate we are as a nation. Yeah, to help other people, but they caused it. It's sort of like in slashing you with a knife and saying, look, maybe that non-asshole over there as a plaster for you. Yeah, I'm aware that I'm the one that's cut you, but don't expect me to stitch it up. Look, if I had to cut you, that guy with a plaster wouldn't have been able to help you. I'm basically creating heroes. It's actually what he said was similar to,

you know, saying that the fact that we in Britain now apply basic animal cruelty standards in Abattoir, so is that we are an extremely vegan nation. Yeah, yeah. We also claim that Buckingham Palace was simply a care facility for an elderly woman. Oh, he's really, do you know what? He's managed to do the unthinkable, Reeze Morgue, which is to make Boris look more likable. Right.

So, yeah, it's, I mean, that's an extremely high tariff. I mean, that's what he's been since, presumably, to do. He thinks so. Yes, he's a Bible behind the scenes. By the Builderburg group. Do you keep your emails coming into HelloBugles at theBuglePodcast.com. That is all we have to say, we do have a story lined up about a penis that had been drawn in the background of a children's cartoon

that had provoked various complaints from watches, including a comment on what I'm saying, this is scandalous, this is how they implants subliminal thoughts with a barely discernible graffiti penis in the background of a kid's cartoon. I'm not sure that is how you implant subliminal, have you ever watched kids advertising?

That does not exactly scream subliminal, doesn't it? It generally screams one or more of, mmm, these sweet states better than cabbage, hashtag who needs teeth. Or you are nothing more than a functional, functioning unit in a consumer economy. Or they scream, buy this doll and for f*** sake,

accept the historic role of women in a patriarchal society. So, I'm not sure they generally go for the subliminal, delicate background. We will have more on this in a future bugle because I think this is the story that needs our urgent attention and we've overrun this week. So we will return to this in a couple of weeks time. There's no new bugle next week, but there will be a spectacular show that Chris is currently compiling. What's the definition of spectacular? You are the definition of spectacular.

Then yes, it will be. You Chris. You too. Thank you, Tiff and Harry. Thanks a lot for coming back on. Have you got any shows coming up? In Australia, there are people that listen to you. There are still people in Australia.

Yeah, so I'm gonna be in Sydney at the comedy store doing my, I'm just gonna do the greatest hit show there, so like the 14th of October, I think it is. So, and I'm around Tasmania and Australia, and then back here for a run of bombshell, if we're still here. Yes, well that's a big if these days. Are any shows to plug?

Yes, I'm going to be in London, October 10th and 11th at the Soho Theater. So if you want to see your fifth favorite bugle co-host, you can. That's entirely of your show, isn't it? Yes, that is. Else I'll be in Toronto, September 26th and 27th, and all my dates at hurrycundabullu.com,

or just Google me, because that's the only way you can spell that, so there's ways to find me on the internet. Some of those places you mentioned, I will also be appearing out soon. I will be at the Soho Theatre from the 18th of December, with another review of the year show, and his ultimate certifiable history. And I do now have my US tour dates largely confirmed. And in the USA, can I do a jingle for this? And in the USA.

It appears you have just done a jingle for it. So where will he be? As soon as he finds he'll tell you. Enough now. The... So... Buh the USA. On the 15th of October in San Francisco, the 17th in Phoenix, the 19th and 20th in Los Angeles, the 21st in Portland, the 24th and 25th in Toronto, which I know is technically not in the USA, but you know, it's Toronto which I know is technically not in the USA, but you know it's in the same global ballpark on a continental level So that's my little Canada trip for this year on the 30th of October in Chicago the 31st in New York

first in November in Boston Fifth of November in Philadelphia the 7th of November in Nashville That not 100% confirmed it, but I'm pretty confident it's gonna go ahead and finishing up on the 8th of November in Nashville, that not 100% confirmed it, but I'm pretty confident it's gonna go ahead. And finishing up on the eighth of November in Washington, D.C., so please come to all of those shows. We have left this slightly late again, bugleless. So I really need you to come through on this one. For f**ks, they come to those shows. All the details are on the internet.

That's it. I mean, that was not the most convincing plug for a show that I really do need to plug quite well. So we'll come back. That'll be part of next week's show with the official Andy Zoltzman in the USA 2017 tour advert. That is what you've got to look for to next week plus whatever Chris is plotting. I've had various cryptic emails that are now slightly scared. That's it for this week's Bugle. Thank you very much for listening, Tiff and Harry. Thanks once again for joining us. Until next week's Bugle is... Goodbye!

So you're a Rhino scientist, right? If you like. Yep, yep, that would do. Can you clear things up? What things? Doesn't matter.