The Bugle - Bugle 4051 – Trump and the motto of Brexit

Episode Date: December 1, 2017

Well what a stupid week it has been. The President of the USA is engaging with the far right, Meghan Markle is marrying a Brit of German(!) descent and there is sport happening.Andy is joined by Nish Kumar. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Hello, BUGLE-UZ! And welcome to issue 4,051 of the BGGL brought to you in association with our corporate partners Earth, the must-see destination in the solar system. The human race, still one of the top 10 greatest species in the world. And, and his ultimate 2017, the Certifiable History, history, the fourth coming standup show at the so-called theatre from the 18th of December to the 6th of January. Today is Friday the 1st of December, tickets available on the internet by the way. Easily the latest in a year we've recorded a bugle so far this year, once again, for the umpteenth time this year.

I am at his ultraman, or at least that's what I've been told since birth, so let's assume there's some element of truth in it And I'm broadcasting to you from London where just 21 years from now to the day We will formally announce the launch of our first exciting new post-Brexit global trading block the Britain Uzbekistan Libya Lous and Santalena Institute of Trade Exciting times joining me this week a man who has seldom been described as one of the most influential figures in the evolution of funk music. Who is generally unheralded in the annals of major championship golf.

Who is barely even mentioned, whenever experts discuss the history of 19th century medicine, by the French sliced stone Arnold Palmer and Louis Pasteur, who are all either busy or wanted way too much money. So in state, we have to put up with Ms. Gumball! Hello Andy, hello Douglas. I don't know what history you've funked, you've been reading Andy. I'll have you know, I'm Croydon's Bootsie Collet. How are you Andy?

Well, how am I niche? That's a difficult question. Nackered after a weekend of zero sleep due to the abscess. Yes, I have been watching England play cricket in Australia. Comes at a price. It comes at a price in terms of just the physical endurance required of watching top level sport that starts at midnight. And the psychological endurance of watching

England's raise an unusually large flag of hope before setting fire to that flag of hope and burning it to a crisp. Yeah, it was a real roller coaster ride that first test much. It was a roller coaster ride and the kind of roller coaster ride that ends in a massive crack. It's the first of December. It was a roller coaster ride and the kind of roller coaster ride that ends in a massive crack. It's the first of December. It is? It's Christmas time Andy. It is, no. It's we're heading into Cracker Ramadan, the Honky Hanukkah, the Valley for Dalwighties. Well indeed yes, and we are recording the first of December 2017, not only the start of Advent, but also it's Rosa Parks Day.

Is it really? It is. And this day in 1955, the little bus incident happened. Donald Trump has not tweeted about it yet, not yet. There are far more important things to address. And we are celebrating that by recording this bill with me sat behind Andy. Also on this day in 1990, the channel tunnel met itself under the sea bed. The section started in the UK and France met 40 metres beneath the sea bed. Harold and Shirley are new dawn of Brito Continental Corporation transport.

And I'm just a mutual exchange of ideas, friendship, relationships and respect that surely confirmed our future and historic destiny is a true European nation. Well, let's find out if that indeed happened. I've got the envelope here. How do you do? This is also... maybe we'll build another tunnel, it'll work better next time. Well, I think we're one year away from this current tunnel being filled with spam. I said that there's no way of getting into the continent. Well, half way across with spam and then with... ...wha grassy other stuff.

The perfect visual metaphor for our mutual distrust and wildly different cuisines. This is the beautiful for the week beginning the 4th of December 2017. On the 4th of December 1680, Nish, a hen laid an egg with a picture of a comet on it, even though that comet would not appear in the skies until the 12th of December. What? Yeah, I read that on the internet. A chicken laid a magic egg that had a picture, a predictive picture of a comet.

What? Yeah. Well, I mean, that's, you can't argue with the internet. This leads, can we not only one of three things? One, God is a chicken. Two, Zeus is God and he f**king a chicken. I wouldn't put it beyond him. God was a monster. Got away with stuff for so long, because people were scared of him and he wheeled so much power. Why do we never learn? And three, is it a naughty chicken ad sex with a telescope?

I'm going to add number four to that list. Your lack of sleep due to the ashes is causing you to hallucinate chicken based into their stories. It's true. If it was true in 6080, it's true today. I believe that's the motto of Brexit. It's the motto of Brexit and I think how American gun laws work as well. As always, a section of the vehicle is going straight in the bin. And well, you'll be pleased as clearly a massive Christmas fan as we've... Big old Christmas fan. ...or discover we have the first week of the bugle advent calendar of Christmas facts. Friday, the 1st of December. King Herod's name should in fact be pronounced he-rod.

It was an American-style shortening for his full name, Hercules Rodriguez. You have to wait till tomorrow for the next one. So you can't listen to this bit for another 24 hours. Saturday, 2nd of December. Oh no, you're opening it early. You look as foil-cho. Only two of the three wise men were actually wise. Melcure was a total f***ing quick.

He had a fake degree certificate from the University of Nineveh. Balthardar and Casbode, in most of the actual wisdom, whilst Melcure was reduced largest of the role of a prototype hype man going yeah in the background. 3rd of December. The tradition of eating turkey at Christmas began when Mary, in the throes of labour in the manger, grabbed what she thought was a cylinder of gas and air that was in fact a turkey and bit its head off. The 4th of December, what we think of as Christmas date is not in fact fall on the real birthday of Jesus. You know this. The fact in fact fall on the real birthday to Jesus.

You know this, miss. As a fact scholars now think that the 12-for-8-inch Messiah, that measurement taken right at the end of his life, was in fact born in September. His parents, however, fiddled his birth certificate so he'd be eligible for the Galilee, under Nine's Miracle Squad, which had a cut off date of the 1st of October, the date the Miracle and Season traditionally began Tuesday the 5th of December John F. Kennedy was a massive Christmas fan when he announced the American Lunar Mission in 1960

He threw a massive tantrum when NASA said that the astronauts wouldn't be able to ride Santa's rainder into orbit Wednesday the 6th of December The reason Mary and Joseph had no money for the inn was because Joseph had just splurged 399 check-als on a new woodwork based tutorial in the Black Friday side. Well that'll do for the first week. I look forward to listening to this show Addy so that I can relisten to that because I've got it to the you. I didn't hear anything after Hercules's rotary guests. I absolutely tapped out at that point. Also in the bin in our special Advent section, we review the latest Christmas ads.

Obviously, yeah, the launch of Christmas ads seems to somehow become a new story. Yeah, that's right, yeah. For a no discernible reason. Of course, the true Christian Christmas actually involves not the conicomericism of the issue today, but eating a healthy dish of hay, donkey manure and human afterbirth, and a good thank you line for the cold winter season. They're going for a cross-country ski like the three wise men did, as they were made their way across a snow-covered Middle East,

that chilly December back in North BC and or AD. And we look at the Christmas ad about for the food outlet, Real Meat, a brutally graphic five-minute film of the baby Jesus chasing down and ritually slaughtering in escape turkey with a chainsaw, given to him by one of the wise men, which is the origin of the term um anyway

Top story this week Donald Trump is a part 6,433 Andy on Wednesday morning Donald Trump retweeted two tweets from Jada Franson, the deputy leader of Britain first, a far right nationalist group. Before we go any further, Britain first have sort of seen this as an endorsement of their views from the president of America and are using this as an opportunity for extra publicity. So I will now be referring to them as the fucking c***** for the rest of the show. I'm aware that quite a lot of uglars are pretty adept at altering Wikipedia. F***ing c***s do have their own Wikipedia page. And if any of you felt the need to deface that with their new name, I would have no way of stopping you.

Yeah, I imagine most of us were sitting at home this week thinking, I'll tell you what has been nice about this week so far far and that is that Donald Trump has not yet retweeted any far-right Islamophobic propaganda videos yet is the key word we knew it was coming and it's you lead it's you lead it's come on just one thing there were no more behavioral depths for the president of the USA to plum he not only excavated a surprised new underground cavern. Of provocative and incompupry, but he then plumbed the living shit out of it.

We are talking super Mario level plumbing in the video game stars early 1990s pump. Trump did not so much limbo dance underneath the already low bar of just about acceptable presidential morality. He lay underneath that bar, pointed his dick in it, and urinated in the bar until it fell off his perch before saying that is what a Muslim would do, and we cannot accept that.

Let's start with the actual video clips themselves, because various journalists have sort of taken their time to debunk them. One of the videos originates in Holland, there's no evidence that the people involved are either Muslim or migrants. Yeah, but, I mean, it does show a dark-air dutch teenager beating up a light-haired dutch teenager.

Statistically, dark-haired teenagers are much more likely to turn into dark-haired adults. Yes. And statistically dark-haired adults are much more likely to be Muslims than, for example, blonde-haired adults are much more likely to be Muslims than, for example, blonde-haired Labrador. So we just have to be careful. Just never know what you're actually watching.

So the first video was absolutely nothing to do with anything whatsoever. The other two videos, one of them comes from some violence from supporters of the then Egyptian president, Mohammed Morsi, and the other is a video clip taken during conflict as part of the Syrian Civil War. So at best, two of them have been severely dragged out of context, and at worst, one of them is a complete outright lie. But at this point, it wouldn't surprise me if Trump

tweeted a video excerpt of the Disney cartoon version of Aladdin with the caption Muslims are a bunch of fes wearing genie thieves Let me just check see if that's come up Oh it's not he's complaining about the American judicial system again I'm not surprised As for the f***ing c**ns Well they are a very spicy group of people, and I use that term advisedly knowing that they have never eaten spicy food in their entire lives.

Yeah, I was really up about Britain first, because they were, they're quite a recent organisation, they were founded in 2011 by people who found the British National Party was simply too cuddly and progressive for their liking. Well, that, because the original founder was thrown out of the British National Party was simply too cuddly and progressive for their liking. Well, that's because the original founder was thrown out of the British National Party for ****. He was too big a **** for the BNP. That's that is that is an impressive. That is a high tariff maneuver. That is a Quinn-Tupel Svalco. That's like Keith Richards kicking you out of the Rolling Stones for doing too much heroin. They advocate the preservation of traditional British culture,

not entirely clear which bits of traditional British culture. They don't seem too keen on shit like tolerance, open mind and this, except to others. More into the old school traditions, and actually old age old bull walks are eid such as xenophobia, feudalism, moris dancing, I guess, tie-fied, a life expectancy of 24 for peasants and witch burn. But cultural traditions in any country are a bit of a pick and mix buffet. And what is kind of odd and frustrating about this is that Britain first are barely even a fringe organisation.

They have as much electoral popularity as the, I'm going to throw a bucket of sick in your face part. And as much political sway as the revolutionary make-pink winds fly to the desert and see how they like it party. They are basically a barely discernible turd bobbing in the British political reservoir. Yeah, and thanks to the president of America, they've suddenly been thrust into the limelight.

The British response, well, Theresa May was as outspoken as she has ever been about anything. In saying that Mr. Trump was wrong, wrong to tweet. And then he hit back, saying, don't focus on me if only that were possible. I'm not. Focus on the destructive radical Islamic terrorism

that is taking place within the United Kingdom. We are doing just fine. He says, from America, now, I mean, he's got a point. I mean, if you look at the stats, yeah, as a proportion of terror attacks, America's doing much better than us at reducing the proportion of radical Islamic terror attacks. Yeah. So, our homegrown non-Islamic radical terrorists are going to really have to step up to the f***ing plate. This is exactly the problem with the Premier League Andy, as it is with our terror attacks. We've got too many foreign imports come again. We're neglecting our homegrown terrorists. Look at America, they have really invested in grassroots terrorism. Well also initially he tweeted this to the wrong Theresa May.

Now, and he didn't even tweet it to Theresa May, the porn-a-pornagraphenarianist actor, with whom the Prime Minister has been confused on previous occasions. But with a woman who had Theresa May as a Twitter handle, who has tweeted nine times and has six followers and woke up to find the entire world media outside her house, basically. He, yeah, she said 41 year old woman from Bogna in England, which for American Bucalises, unbelievably a real place,

just one of the places that we have in our country. And she was, yeah, sort of baffled by the attention. And she was quoted in the, one of the British Eastpapers this week as saying, it's amazing to think that the world's most powerful man managed to press the wrong button, which is very concerning analysis from Mousmay. Yes. She's basically... Particularly given what buttons it has as a disposal. Yeah, the worry thing about this is the whole world could end because the president of

America was attempting to rage tweet Domino's pizza and ended up pressing the big red button and launching a bunch of nukes when he was trying to send out the tweet saying terrible pizza from failing Domino's, your so-called meat feast is hashtag fake news, mainly bread and cheese, sad. Hashtag make pizza great again. What do you mean I press the wrong button? Hahaha. But anyway, I mean thankfully, Nish, we've, uh, despite the wave of radical Islamic terrorism

that is, uh, taking place in the United Kingdom. Yeah. We've both escaped death at the hands of the, uh, well, now, majority of crazed islamaslamasist extremists. A solid 70 to 80 percent of the population are Britain who have transformed this country into a day facto caliphate. Disappointingly though, the trains are still shit. Now you're gonna think we're gonna live under the dictatorial rule

of an autocratic ideologically driven regime. At least the fucking train would run on time. That is how I know that we are still free in this country, is the Southern train service, in which it's dressing common being late. If it ever turns up on time, that is a big f***ing if. I'll start to worry that I might never be allowed to read a single poem ever again. So this has raised some sort of serious doubts about whether Donald Trump is going to be able to make his planned visit later on in the year. Because Theresa Mays obviously sort of come down as hard as she sort of comes down against

anything. But some elements of the sort of conservative press in this country have launched a defensive Donald Trump, the Daily Mail published a leader comment yesterday where they said, you know, there was these sort of condemned his behavior and the actions of the fucking guns. I'm so sorry Chris, this is going to be,

I really hope you didn't have any plans for your Friday evening. They said that whilst he was, you know, they condemned Donald Trump, they also reminded their readers that he was the elected leader of our staunchest ally and most crucially our most important trading partner. They then went on to say

because labor sort of raised some doubts about whether it's suitable for him to come on a state visit because it might be of embarrassment to the Queen. This is a direct extract from the Daily Mail's leader comment about this. This is the same Queen who was broken bread on state visits

with the Romanian mass murder and Nikolai Chowchescu, Zimbabwe, Entire and Robert Mugabe, Zia's kleptocratic Mavutus Seseco, and serious blood soaked president Assad, not to mention Vladimir Putin. Mr Trump is a saint compared to these men. Her majesty will recognize this visit is not about endorsing Mr Trump,

it's about honouring the great and hugely important ally he represents, one that will be more vital than ever after Brexit. Now I've got three things to say about this. Firstly, the lesson the Daily Mail seemed to have drawn is don't ever learn from history. If the person who wrote this had been the protagonist in the film Groundhog Day, that movie would have literally gone on forever with Bill Murray learning nothing over and over again at InfoNiTem. Number two, just because Trump isn't as bad as a sad or Mabuto does not mean he's not still a total. Are you a little bit higher?

Hey, Inferness, he's never used chemical weapons on his own people. I say get him round for a barbecue with a plus one for Melania. And number three, thank goodness that we dealt with the economic powerhouse that is Robert Mugabe's in Barbarian. Thank goodness we prostituted all our national values to maintain a steady trading relationship with that economic thunderbolt. At this point, we would deal with Darth Vader. If he promised to bring back manufacturing jobs to this country by awarding us a contract to produce the next Death Star in Sunderland. Well, jobs are jobs, Nish.

D'you know. D'you know. Amber Rudd, the Home Secretary, responded slightly cryptically. The importance of the relationship between our countries and the unparalleled sharing of intelligence between our countries is vital. It has undoubtedly saved British lives.

That is the big picture and I would urge people to remember that. And the subtext of those words essentially is three years, one month, twenty-one days. Just hang on everyone. The events of this week have reminded us if we needed reminding that Donald Trump is the Roger Federer of unimaginable stupidity and Brexit truly is his wrath on the dial. But it's not what he tweeted all the things that he said and done that makes me not want him to come to the UK-ish. Really, it's more what Lee Harvey Oswald did. It just means I just don't trust white Americans in cities where cars go.

And I'll tweet you a f***ing video link if you think they're okay. I keep reading these articles saying, oh this is all of these tweets are just a smoke screen from the budget and everybody that's getting distracted by it, oh you're really completely annoying. But it's not, you can be outraged by two things. The tax bill is obviously an absolute bag of shit, but you can't just breeze past the fact that the president of America is now openly endorsing fascists. I will you say that, but a lot of people have said just retweeting it without checking

anything about it. It does not constitute an endorsement and call to the conservative commentator. And quit. Give her a full title please Andy. Was interviewed on the BBC's Radio 4 Today program, this sort of flagship morning news program on the radio and pointed out that people who retweet videos do not research the biographies or details of the people who originally shared them and that is true but then again not everyone is the shitting fucking press of fucking dent have the uniting bastarding states of a f**k sake America in which case a higher standards of

behavior expected In which case, higher standards of behaviour are expected. That should be the inscription above Donald Trump's presidential library. A conservative MP Nadim Zahawi wrote to Trump to ask him when he does come to Britain to visit diverse areas such as Manchester, Birmingham, Coventry to be shown how Muslim communities in Britain live peaceably within the UK. But the problem is, that kind of proof does not count for anything with Donald Trump because he can go online anytime, look at a video of ISIS doing something horrific in Syria and know that the streets of Bradford are a flame. I think it's time to move one more tweet from Donald Trump. He's as much of a Christmas fan as you niche. I'm sure it's about the start.

He said the Christmas story begins two thousand years ago with a mother and father, their baby son and the most extraordinary gift of all. The gift of God's love for all of humanity. Or on another interpretation, it might be more relevant to Mr Trump's presidency. It begins with people giving birth in a f***ing manger with a donkey as the midwife because there's no decent public health care. Absolutely, just panicked. Sorry, that's disrespectful to the obvious. Mr. You absolutely panicked. It's going to blow his mind when he finds out that story took place in the Middle East. He's gonna absolutely lose his shit. If somebody doesn't capture one of those photos, he's gonna end up retweeting it going,

Muslim man forces wife to give birth and shit. It's Royal Wedding Time! God save a gracious Queen Scranton! The only bad glorious Queen Scranton! God save the Queen return. Well we are here in London the absolute I'm going to just try and block that out. I mean the look on your face is going to be hard to shift from yeah. I'm the question about that coffee that close to a record. We are we are here in London the capital of of global romance. And, well, I mean, we are alive with excitement. Prince Harry, the professional prince, a man who can prince pretty much anything anywhere these days. So, Prince Lili as he honed his in Prince Vacation skills over the 33 years of his pro-prince in career. Is Vitro to be be wed to Meghan Markle, the actress humanitarian campaigner and no-time Wimbledon champion. I mean how have you been, I mean I've just been

bunting stuff. I've been bunting the living shit out of anything I can lay my hands on. What is Square and Jive London left unbunted if I'll get my wife? Andy, I'm genuinely excited. Prince Harry has got a non-white wife. We've done it, Andy. We've finally got a person on the inside. This is how it starts. This is how we get it away. And next it'll be a black James Bond. And the next thing you know, chocolate prime minister.

It's coming. Megan is our first person on the inside. You're putting a lot of pressure on her, man. I read a tweet this week from a couple of people saying, you know, it's nice that Britain has sort of moved on in terms of its conversation about race and that, you know, this is evidence of glowing progressive nature in our attitude. And I'm assuming that those people are not in Britain because I was in Britain this week and it was an absolute shit first of borderline racism in the media.

The spectator, which is a, well, to see for yourself, it's a magazine, and you could probably guess its views from what I'm about to tell you. The unexpected led with a column that said, Meghan Markle is unsuitable to Prince Harry's wife for the same reason that Wallace Simpson was unsuitable. She's divorced, and Harry's grandmother is supreme governor of the Church of England. Now, call me a pedant, but the Church of England

was originally founded so that Henry VIII could get rid of one of his wives. It would anything don't bring history into it Some text of that headline is divorcey unsuitable for involvement in an organization literally created to facilitate divorce Well as you say she is or she is divorced divorce. Well as you say she is, or she is divorced. She is also a bit Catholic and she is American. We haven't updated our sound effects since the 1930s. Of course that little triathlon of nation threatening lifestyle hobbies being American, divorced and Catholic was enough for Wallace Simpson to bring the Empire quivering to its knees in a deep psychological trauma and existential identity crisis. But generally, I think, I mean, we have moved on as a nation generally outside of organs of the of conservatism. Generally the response has been, well she seems nice, I hope they're both happy,

rather than as it was when King Edward the eighth had the hots for Mrs Simpson. No! Outside of alerts! Outside of alerts! I mean some people are wrong, wrong correspondence and I mean there are very few jobs in the world, Nish, that I can look at and think my my existence is more relevant than yours. Possibly this is the only search job. Can you think of any others? I genuinely can't. But role correspond is, I mean it is. It's Royal Correspondent, Us and Social Media Manager. The three most useless jobs in society. But someone said that how the lack of concern about Meghan Markle's divorce-idness and racial background

and Americanism shows how much the raw families has come on since Edward VIII quite a thrown in 1936 because you would fall in love with a woman who went over three on not being American or social Catholic. I think I'd think it just shows not that we've necessarily moved on, but how f***ing infantile we were really not very long ago, in common with, for example, almost everything else about society. She seems to have quite an impressive, I don't know much about her. She seems impressive in what she's done particularly with her sort of humanitarian

campaigns. And as you say, a mixed race member of the Royal family in a family where just a few generations ago marrying your second cousin is considered to be stretching way way beyond the ideal Royal mat making pool. That's another overdue for British monogamous to move into the 20th century? Yeah, there's absolutely no denying that, you know, as much as I have catered to be said to call about this, there's no denying the optics are positive of Prince Harry marrying someone who is a sort of person of colour. That, there is definitely something positive about that, and it is disappointing when organisations like the spectator sort of weighed in in this way but then the thing about the spectator is you know it's not the most I mean I'd white my

ass with it but I don't for fear it would turn my ass racist and somehow turn my ainess against the rest of my body. Right let's move on. There was a right entertaining subtitle blooper on the BBC, they were subtitling Jeremy Corbyn saying apparently how much he admires Prince Harry and his brother. His full-on. Flagrant anti-corbyn bias. Rather than his brother, he's already actually actually said there's been a lot of detail in the press about Meghan Markle's family. We've already about the people who are in Meghan Markle's family. What

about the people who aren't? Here's your bugle guide to people not related to Meghan Markle. Wayne Model has a similar surname but the professional dance player from Dagonham has never in fact met Meghan Markle. He did watch an episode of the TV drama Suites in which he appeared and quite liked it. Wayne is nicknamed Hawaii 501 for his flamboyant shirts, although some conspiracy theorists still claim that his shirts come from Kenya. It's not known where the Meghan likes darts, but is a former calligrapher, she might. Meghan's Seanacy has the same first name as Megan Markle, but with an extra N.

And it's also American, but there the similarities end for the former world number 11 ranked tennis star. He carved out a solid career on the pro circuit in the first decade of this millennium without really threatening to win a major Grand Slam title. Seanacy has never married a prince prince but she did reach the Australian Open singles court of final in 2003 where she lost to eventual champions Serena Williams who ironically is great friends with Meghan Markle and by virtue of winning seven Wimbledon titles is automatically seventh in line to the British throne just behind Prince Harry

whose fifth and nine-time champion Martina Navratilova. Sergio Aguero, the Argentinian footballer and key component in the recent success of Manchester City, is no relation at all of Meghan Markle, although she might have seen some football matches on the telly at some point. And St Bernard of Clevo, also unrelated to Meghan, the 12th century French priest, famous for miraculously killing a swarm of flies just by excommunicating them from a church, and having an iron infection cured by a squaz of breast milk, direct from the holy whap of the Virgin Mary herself. Fake news is not entirely a 21st century phenomenon people. Anyway, St. Bernard not known to be a relative of Markle, but were he alive today, rather than having spent the last

864 years on the being dead circuit, he would probably have nothing bad to say about Megan, who seems perfectly nice woman. Seems like a perfect, just seems like a perfectly lovely lady. So quick, Google breaking news now, Sylvio Burlesconi has a new face. The disappointingly he didn't go for the Meghan Markle. Very disappointed that Silvio didn't go for that. The news about his new face has overshadowed other news, for example he's about to stand trial again for bribing a witness in the Bunga Bunga sex trial. Because well, after trial involving Silvio Burlusconi who gives it shit anymore

but who's new face-nish? It's a labyrinth. It's an exciting new frontier for the human head. Show possibilities low with, I mean I know we should not judge politicians on their physical looks particularly not politicians who have such an impressive track record of outright misogyny, as Burlusconi, but he does look like he's escaped from a new reality TV show, I'm a celebrity, in bomb my face. It does look rather like it's been done by the same woman who restored that Jesus painting in a Spanish church about five years ago.

And rather enthusiastic, but artistically non-micro-angelic octogennery in Lady who turned the alleged Sade of Humankind into something resembling a giant peanut in a gorilla costume. It's like he went into the office and said, look, can you make me look like I'm permanently in a wind tunnel? LAUGHTER Is there any way you could make it look like my face is under permanent GeForce? LAUGHTER Internally, his trial, the latest trial,

will begin in the... Yeah, you'll have to be more specific. We'll begin in Siena in February, and we'll see the prosecution law is race-burler sconey on horses around the town square for the term of Ciena in February and we'll see the prosecution noise race Burle Scodion horses around the town square. At lobster news now and Andy Pepsi's marketing campaign appears to have taken a very dark turn because the lobster has been found in the sea with what appears to be the Pepsi logo etched into its claw. I mean, this is, I mean,

do you know whether this is a voluntary, is this like a deliberate lobster tap? Is it like a massive fan of? It's unclear whether this is maybe where Pepsi got the logo from. Oh, right. It's just part of the patterning on a lobster claw and John Pepsi came, saw it and thought, well, I'm having that.

Right. But it appears to be because of the unbelievable levels of pollution in the city. Oh, that now. Oh, chestnut. That old chestnut. And yeah, Pepsi logo appears to have somehow found itself etched onto this lobster claw.

And I was reading one of the articles about this. And one of the environmental investigators has said that the pollution is now so severe that crabs are now making homes out of bottle caps and cosmetic jars and they managed to find a crab that has even converted the inside of a doll's head into its home. The sea is basically now a Ken Loach remake of the Little Mermaid. Hahaha. Interestingly, with this lobster with the Pepsi logo on its, on its claw, when it was cooked, it changed into a Coca-Cola logo. Hahaha.

This is the worst publicity for Pepsi since their own last advertising campaign, which featured Kendall Jenner Essentially suggesting that the Black Lives Matter protest could be sold by an ice cold can of what can only be described as shit, huh? Your emails now this comes from Arnon who writes I noticed that someone mixed up the old its stroke it's with an apostrophe rules and use the wrong one on the front page of your website. I mention it only because I can't even imagine how much ribbing Andy might get from his sister over something like that. I'd not spotted that. your website or the bugle website. The bugle website. Hold on, the bugle has a website. Ah, I've been told. I imagine it's updated with the tenacity and frequency of your website and it, or indeed my website, which is currently giving details of my 2016 tour.

Ha, ha, ha. I don't, I do need to update my website because I have a 2018 tour that I need to alert people to as well as the year. I knew it was so high run. That was a rogue apostrophe. They are. I can only apologise. That was a, I mean, and I've seen that I would have instantly smashed my computer to pieces.

Shall I change this whilst you've finished the show? Yeah. I think we can all agree this is the biggest five part anyone has made on the internet this week. I can't live with the shame. This came from Dan Jude Robinson. When the latest podcast dropped, it came through on my alerts as quote, Australian marriage equality is now available

from the beautiful. No, that's true. Well, that's true. How awfully nice of you says, Dan Jude, I'm sure they will be most appreciative. That's a kind of, that's a kind of emphasis podcast wheels, isn't it? Yeah, Jude. I'm sure they will be most appreciative. That's a kind of, that's a kind of emphasis podcast wheels, isn't it?

Yeah, absolutely. We started it. Exactly. We're also prepared as a sideline business to help fund race for the bugle. We will conduct Australian game marigas. We're quite happy to do that. For an electric cash.

This just came in from Dave in Olympia, in WAH in the United States. Is that Washington State? WAH? Well, it's an issue. Given what's going on in Washington. WAH! It's probably the appropriate sound.

At the end of the last podcast, you spoke with someone about what you said was going to be cricket. He puts in quote marks. Do I f*** you, mate? Being the English is obviously not your first language. It is already difficult to understand you from the American perspective.

Ha, ha, ha. Girl, those are some big f***ing huge going your way, Dave. Ha, ha, ha. It is already difficult to understand you from the American perspective. There's some big f***ing huge going your way, Dave. But the utterances you made during the segment could only probably be described as having the coherence of Donald Trump arguing with his reflection about which one of them is fake news. Or Nigel Farage self-mutilating himself with an opioid-adity penguin. So, he had a good-his-hair hair stylist, dark hair does not belong here. I thought perhaps he would snap to how to see a serious health condition that my president says you're socialised failing healthcare comes because they are, quote, sad. Very concerned, says Dave. Well, good email Dave. Yeah, the cricket has, well, it's been traumatic, niche, I mean, it's been, it's not been ideal. We did play unusually well for three and a half days and then collapsed.

If I might quote myself like a primvictorian lady at the end of the site of a gentleman's danglers. More on this, the Earn Believeable Ashes podcast that I'm doing through the Ashes series with the Extremely Excellent Australian excellent Australian comedian Felicity Ward, you can find that on the internet via wherever you get your podcast or on the ABC website this week including exclusive footage from Postmax Press conferences and some very old stories, the headbutting story, this is the story about one of the... It's going around in an England player's Johnny Burstow. They have a friendly, non-malicious headbutt to a young Australian crook-it-a.

In fairness, that's how we greet each other in Croix-a. Tested fire brother. Tested fire. Anyway, do keep your emails coming in to HALOBuglers at theBugelpodcast.com. Just time for a quick sports update as we record. The draw for the 2018 World Cup is just about to take place. The ball draw about to come out of the hats. We are hearing leaked news that the eventual finalists will be Russia

and Saudi Arabia. I'm not surprised there from the future. But the rest of the draw, I still have to come to find out the group stages are they're going to proceed that. You're looking forward to, I know you're quite a big football fan, aren't you? I'm a big football fan. It's all slightly been tainted. Yeah. The awarding of the World Cup to Russia is far from ideal. Far from ideal, but I f***a have a lot more ideal than the next World Cup. Well, you wanted to assanapate.

But let's not even... Let's cross that particular sh** bridge when we come to it. The first one is, yeah,'s it's it's it's going to be very hard to get enthusiastic about this World Cup. If England end up drawing Russia in the group stages given what happened at the last year os we could be talking about a lot more than a football match because the somewhat enthusiastic nature just the excessive enthusiasm of some sections of the Russian support. Yes, yes.

Yeah, it's, I mean, we in Britain are not necessarily historically in a place to criticize the violence of other countries. Absolutely. People in glass houses should not colonize other people's stones. should not colonize other people's stones. But no doubt it will be a thrilling staging post on football journey towards total spiritual death. And 2026 in Isis Andy. We will. 23rd year North Korea.

I've said it once, I'll say it again. We will have full exclusive reports on the World Cup between now and whenever it finishes in July. That brings us to the end of this week's Pughal. Don't forget to buy your tickets to my Soho Theatre show and these Altsman's 2017 The Certifiable History. That runs on the 18th of December to the 6th of January with a few days off. You can get them at the Soho Theatre website. Nish niche anything to plug my 2015 touring show is currently available on Netflix. Oh, it's under it's under live at the BBC

Which is a series that's available and it's it's episode one and it's it's available right now on Netflix in some countries Okay, it would be very helpful if I know what a new what countries it was. It's definitely available in the UK. Yeah and but I don't know where else is gonna be available. Okay. I hope but the thing based on my interaction with bugle fans National borders do not seem an obstacle to them seeing things right so through fair means all foul Somehow, I'm sure you'll all be able to track it down But yeah, it's it's live at the BBC and it's my 2015 show in which I Predict an optimistic future for the political left and praise the comedy of Louis CK So why not have a watch of that if you want to see a man who is unaware of the fact that he's about to be hit by the meteor of events That's it for this week. Bueglers do send us some emails to hello Bueglers at the Buegl podcast

That's it for this week, Bueglers. Do send us some emails to HelloBueglers at theBueglPodcast.com and I'll be back next week with Alice Fraser and Tiffany Stevenson. Until then, goodbye. Bye! you