The Bugle - Bugle 4112 A Human Centipede Of Backstabbing

Episode Date: June 15, 2019

Andy is joined by Tiff Stevenson and James Nokise. We take a look at the Conservative leadership election, Chinese protests, Plant Death, Sports team name changes, Passport controversies and Mirror Universe News!https://twitter.com/hellobuglershttps://twitter.com/JamesNokisehttps://twitter.com/tiffstevensonhttps://twitter.com/Wahwah_UK Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world. Hello, bugleers and welcome to issue 4,112 of the bugle of the world's foremost audio chronicle of all human knowledge and wisdom.

I am Betsy Squiggles. Sorry, sorry, it's not my grind podcast today. I'm Andy Zoltzman and Lemon Souffle Holes, no fears for me or indeed most other people. I'm in London and this is my day off from Cricket duty. Since I last bugled at you last week, I've been to six World Cup Cricket matches in six days, three of which actually happened. There were two rained off and one basically rained off other than half an hour of cricket. Now obviously sport is supposedly a metaphor for real life. So watching nothing

happen for ages and then leaving a disappointment is not entirely an appropriate, especially in cricket. Asport life. So watching nothing happen for ages and then leaving a disappointment is not entirely inappropriate, especially in cricket as sport, they're watching nothing happen for ages. It's part of the joy of it, the difference being when you're watching nothing happening for ages with players actually on the pitch, it's the potential that something might happen that makes the nothing happening so enjoyable. Anyway, we are here in North just filling it in for non-cricket officiados. We are here. I thought you were describing Brexit. LAUGHTER

Well, there are many similarities. We're here in London. It's the 13th of June 2019. And joining me to fill in the gaps in my knowledge of what's going on in the real world, a huge welcome back to Tiffany Stevenson. Hello. Hi, Tiff. Have you been enjoying the cricket World Cup? Oh, I've been loving it. Right, good. I mean, I lost, I'm mainly interested in Shane

Warren. He doesn't play anymore. He doesn't know. I'm fascinated by his face, which I feel has had more updates than my iTunes agreement. Like every time I see him, he looks different. So yeah, I'm fascinated, actually, I'm fascinated by hair loss and cricketing. Right. Because it seems the more runs a quicker of school is sort of inversely proportionate to amount of hair follicles. That is a very interesting, because I've been working with some fairly prominent ex-international cricketers,

not all of whom have retained the hair that nature goes with them, I think it's fair to say. And, yeah, maybe it's something about undergoing stressful situations whilst wearing a helmet. Could be, yeah. It needs to hair loss. It just comes out. Hence, advanced hair studio, though.

That's why there's quite a few cricketers involved in the old advanced hair studios. Can women get that as well? Like hair transplant? Cricket. Cricket aggravated baldness. I don't know. I just want it to be equal and equal. Yeah.

When we have female sports when advertising hair replacement therapies, we'll know we've reached equality in the world of sport. Also joining us representing 30% of the world's surface area, it's the Buegel-specific correspondent, James Nicky sir. Welcome back. I just realised I referenced the Australian advanced hair adverts which always involved in Australian cricket ad going advanced here, yeah, yeah, to British people. So it actually sounds like I was really, weirdly affirming.

Yeah. I do miss cricketers like Shane Warren, like because I feel like we've replaced, you know how cricket was always about the characters, like the smoke and cigarette, I feel like we've replaced the cricket characters with political characters now, because all of those car crash human beings seem to be in parliament now instead of the cricket pitch. And maybe that's what's going wrong. Right, and cricket is full of upstanding members of society.

We turn to for guidance and the illumination. I mean, you're still into a New Zealander, so you place cricket with rugby and that is exactly how our society functions. We are recording on the 13th of June on this day, in the year 313, the edict of Milan was signed by Constantine the Great and Valerius, like Kinneus, which granted religious freedom throughout the Roman Empire. How's that going generally around the world?

We've had 1706 years, still haven't quite nailed it. And in 1381, just down the road from here in London, the peasants revolt burned down the Savoy Palace, just on the boat, but a mile away from here. And that brought in much more equal society and reduced the gap between the rich and the poor for the following 738 years. I've been just piecing equality ever since. As always, a section of the vehicle is going straight in there being this week, plant death

after a new scientist report found that humans have driven over 500 plant species to extinction in the past 250 years. I'll read this. That doesn't sound like many driven over 500 plant species to extinction in the past 250 years. I'll read this. That doesn't sound like many. I mean, how many plant species are there in the world? Fucking millions are reckon. 500, we can lose 500. Sure.

And can they be succulents just because I don't like that word? Well, exactly. This is my theory. We are going to now look at the species in this section of the bin that we might want to target next. So votes for the plant you would like to see removed from this planet, from the following bugle shortlist. Japanese knotweed, the fragile housing market, is underpinning our economy. That's not our fault, that is simply the will of God.

And Japanese knotweed can really stifle house sales and push up prices for houses that don't have Japanese knotweed. Our entire livelihoods, that's remain vulnerable to the housing market to someone somewhere saying, it's never really worth that, is it, and the whole system coming collapsing down around our ears? That is all the fault of Japanese knotweed. That should be next.

The dandelion. What is the fucking point of all that fluffy stuff? Seriously, if I wandered around displaying my seeds quite so brazenly, I'd be putting fucking jail. Pair trees, it are well, in particular, one specific peair tree I'd like, that the one in our next dog garden, the pears keep falling on my roof and my shed in the autumn. And to mention my annual economic productivity, but up to 1,000 of a percent, I can't afford that.

You can vote for that. Or you can vote for the Venus dog trap, the little known relative of the Venus fly trap. That can pouch a labyrinth or turn it into a cactus in under a minute. Or the chicken, not generally regarded as a plant, but if you can put it in a salad, it's a plant. So which of these do you want dead forever?

Do vote on whatever website you can find the vote on. That section in the bin. Top story this week, democracy in action. Very exciting news here in Britain, the beautifying paradigm democracy that we hold so dear in Britain that we fight wars for that we drill ourselves into a black hole of economic future for. We are putting a crank into cranking into action because the nation is preparing to have a brand new prime minister inflicted upon it.

It's very exciting. There's a democracy fan, those of us who are not fully paid up members of the Conservative Party. And I assume that involves everyone here. So if you'd never struck me as a hardcore Tory, as a small sea. Yeah. Anyway, those of us who are not members

of the Conservative Party. We just get to sit back and enjoy the hassle-free delight of having our Prime Minister chosen for us by the Conservatives were nothing to do but just enjoy the warm glow of taking back control from the European Union, hashtag will other people. Er, there is a unique delight in a Tory leadership race, as the candidates jockey for position to appear the most and or least humane candidate, depending on which polypus from to the conservative party they're trying to appeal to and or discuss. Before the whole thing turns into a human centipede of backstabbing, it was the candidates strive to prove to their Tory MP colleagues and party membership,

that they are the one with the clearest plan to sell future generations of British people down the river. It's, I guess we just got to enjoy it, you know, it's like the Grand National, is it a pick a name out of a hat, like a horse at the Grand National, the difference being, the EU will actually probably prefer a horse as Prime Minister than any of the candidates that are currently

on the slate for the Tories. And horses are less likely to bang on about how it is now time to focus on what really matters to the British people after spending an entire political generation doing it, doing everything possible to do the exact opposite. And also when a horse falls really badly in a race, people don't suddenly start saying, well, that proves it's a good candidate to run a much more difficult race, which basically seems to happen with politicians. So, well, Tiff, what are we?

Where are we? Well, I think it's more like a gladiators, because they have rounds, don't they? And the least popular ones go. So it's kind of like a knockout. What I'm enjoying is less the leadership race and more the race to tell everyone they've done drugs. That's been real fun. I've never wanted to do drugs less.

I mean, we can go through them all, but I just, I need to say, it's been said before by me. I need to say again, we can't have a prime minister BJ. That cannot happen. Democracy is always in, is already in a shocking state. So we can't also he's more irritating than the wrong size tampon. That's how I like to describe Boris Johnson. I was thinking exactly the same. It is quite delightful and British.

I think that you guys are still shocked by rich white guys confessing the cocaine. Like, it's just so like, I, I, to have taken cocaine, like, no, really, you worked in the financial district during the 90s. I'm like, maize. Well, there's go, and then there's the idea of gov on cocaine, which is absolutely terrifying. Um, I mean, he's been accused of hypocrisy, having admitted taking cocaine, and yet the government's various... But hypocrisy could play really well with core Tory support.

I mean, it's really appealing to the Tory heartland. I guess it's the right type of hypocrisy, is that you've got it? Just makes them stronger, right? They absorb hypocrisy. Boris Johnson, the current front runner, and former Foreign Secretary, renowned for his many successes around the world, including Abandoning a British citizen and Iranian jail. He was described by one of his rival, Sadge Javid, a yesterday's man, which again is his greatest selling point to the court,

Tory membership. He's pledged to unites the country and lead Britain out of the dissolution and despair of Brexit, which I mean it's impressive that he managed to say that without just crumbling into a soup of irony. But he has as much chance of uniting the country as Colonel Sanders has of bringing that bucket of chicken back to life as a terror dactile. Because one, he wanted the chicken dead in the first place. Two, he has no real incentive to make it alive again. And three, no one can turn a dead chicken into a life terror dactyl.

And as I keep saying, no one can possibly unite the country, not since the Luftwaffe disbanded. But if you're the guy who'd led people into the hole, then when everyone's standing in the hole and a dark, you're probably the guy who can literally go, actually, guys, I know the way out. Because I haven't got a guy who got us here. Just jump on this bus.

Yeah, but he's not really, I've advocated that. He's advocating digging further into the hole. Yeah, but they don't know that. Because they were dumb enough to go into the hole with him in the first place. Like, he's clearly lying about everything. I mean, if not Boris, who? A Jeremy Hunt? I have to sort of control my rage with this stuff,

but Jeremy Hunt didn't interview where he talked about running for a Tory party leader and Prime Minister and then sort of said, also, by the way, like, it's just a personal opinion. I obviously couldn't do anything about it, but I'd lower the abortion limit to 12 weeks. I'm not really, because I would extend it to however old Jeremy Hunt is. Can we do that? Is it possible to do that?

I hate that because he knows it's not a position that he can put forward if he was Prime Minister. But all he's trying to do there is kind of shore up some right wing, like conservative, Christian support, I assume. But why are you offering it up as an opinion? It's got nothing to do with the leadership race. It just frustrates me. I mean, I mean, it's not Mog.

It's normally Mog doing this. I mean, Jeremy Hunt, who is, whose name fits the rhyming scheme? Let's all be honest. Um, and he's now just, there are just people calling him a **** on TV now. Yes. Like was it Victoria Derbyshire or someone? Yeah. So when it has happened periodically through whose career and you do get the feeling

that at times the presenters are using the convenience of it was just a slip of the tongue when it what evidently wasn't. I mean, he has a, you know, viewed by many in the health services, having been absolutely catastrophic as health secretary, which I guess makes him ideally qualified for the task of pile driving Britain into the disused quarry of Brexit. Other candidates, Rory Stewart, he appears to be falling off the radar in today's preliminary vote. I mean, it appears to have some kind of moral compass which has proved to fatal Achilles heel for his campaign. Philopiana Scriven's Glach, she's still in the running. She's the former minister for

plebeian affairs and social immobility. She ran a cake stall at a local church fair in 1994. So actually has more hands-on personal experience of dealing with real wealth and many of her rivals. Is it every, you're talking about a real person? Not always. I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't tell in British politics. Because that definitely sounds like either a politician

or a bond, I mean, it's, it is either a politician or a bond of a lady. I mean, it's, it is, they are two sides of the same coin. And the murderer. Scriven's Gartch is, of course, renowned for her impregnably impersonal persona when dealing with anyone who doesn't own a multi-million pound business or an inherited title. And made a famous blooper when Minister for National Decline, when she mistakenly claimed that Nuremberg was a town in Yorkshire where they held the trials and executions of the Union leaders in the aftermath of the 1980s-minus strike, which she was rewarded with promotion to be Secretary of State for Economic Injustice.

She has pledged to dig up the corpse of Margaret Thatcher and build a pyramid for it in commutable sorry, built by the forced labour of school children. So she's really positioning herself to this kind of center right of the Tory party, I think. I thought Theresa May already had dug up Mago Thatcher's corpse for an alter, but hey, that's a good thought. What about Theresa May, just a surprise second go? Well, I mean, she has clung on remarkably long. I mean, her resignation seems to have taken about 18 months before she's finally de-finished. The negotiations have been going on for three years now. And I once flirted with a guy in the office for three years who turned out to be gay.

And I feel like that was less of a waste of time than this three years. She has clung on. But she's gone now, and I'm happy, because as we've discussed on this very podcast before, she was ruining leopard print for everyone. So finally, it's back. I'm wearing a Leopardprint skirt today. I feel like it's back in. I've reclaimed it from Theresa. It's, it is a difficult, I mean, I've never been happier to have so much cricket to, and other cricket games, I mean,

I've just spent three days of the last week watching Rainfall. There have been two matches in the history of the cricket world cup dating dating back to 1975, that had been totally washed out by rain before this tournament. 11 World Cups, over 400 games, I've had two in a week, both in Bristol. But even that was better than sitting at home watching the news. And I was a poll from UGov that found that 35% of Britain's now actively avoid the news due to frustration over quotes the intractable and polarizing nature of the Brexit debate. So we are now as a nation.

I can't believe it's that low, surely it must be up in. It's been misprint, isn't it? 85%. It says a great number of Britain's claim they're actively avoiding the news, but then they've found that news websites have reported record numbers of visitors wanting to read about major developments. So that discrepancy suggests that while many people publicly insist they're avoiding news, some may be unable to stop themselves secretly gorging on updates about Britain leaving the EU like gorgeing on Brexit like

it's ice cream after a breakup. Right. Just going to binge an entire season of Brexit guys. Brexit and chill. It's really the straight male butt play of politics isn't it? No, I'm not into that. What? Yeah, so it seems that even if people are saying that they've disengaged from it, that they

secretly just slide right back into it, like any bad habit you're trying to give up. I think this is an addiction that could drag on for the next 300 years in Britain. Pacific news. In Hong Kong, there has been protests slash riots depending on what side of the government you're choosing to be on. Yes, which side of the water cannon? Rubber bullets. Rubber bullets, which not as easy to dodge in slow motion as Chinese cinema would suggest. The protests about a new bill, which would allow people to be extra-dited to mainland China, which is provoked concerns that the new laws could lead to Beijing targeting their political opponents in Hong Kong and then human rights abuses in China's not always transparent legal system. However, these fears, I would say, are only based on precedent and

overwhelming probability. There's no use crying over milk that may one day be spilt, even if you are currently drowning in a reservoir of milk. It's the sort of creeping totalitarianism from China, isn't it? People say you don't need to protest it. It's the same as with the women's march. I remember Pears Morgan But people going before like kind of you don't need to protest what you protest in protest once once they've done something wrong And it's too late to protest when your rights have been taken away That's sort of the whole point the women's march. They're marching against Donald Trump and our Roe versus Wade is being rolled back Like that's what these people are doing. They know the potential, you know

Where were you marching when Pandora opened her box back in the mythological point? Is that porn? Sorry. Sorry. Well, it's interesting because the Chinese foreign ministry has described reports that security forces from the mainland could be sent to Hong Kong to quell the riots, slash protests.

Right, that's right. As fake news. from the mainland could be sent to Hong Kong to quell the riots, slash protests, as fake news. So they're using the president of the United States own term towards Western journalists to quiet them on reporting on what's going on there. It's a certain level of insanity in the dictatorship. A poor old Hong Kong, they thought they were getting freedom when they got free of the British tyrannical empire. Just like a game of frisbee between one sort of, yeah, tyrannical leader to another. They just want to make action films and it's like a drug port. That's all they want to do. That's too much to ask.

Also in the Pacific News, again speaking of Donald Trump, a nine-year-old Cook Island girl was detained by the United States and held in camps because of suspicious material that was found on her legal guardians' cell phone. Now, you probably don't say James, how are those two things linked to which I say, I have no idea. And neither does the United States government,

but that didn't stop them detaining her for 17 days. I mean, people have been a big fuss about this, but there's less than half a percent of the girl's life. Who is not that long, is it? Really, to detain a child for no apparent reason? Why did detaining her, like, that's the thing, if he's got objection or stuff, why isn't he getting detained and she gets sent to the Cooker Islands, was it a manifesto that she'd written?

It's like, well, I've just been a photograph of Hillary Clinton. So he was a friend of the family and had taken the girl siblings to America for holidays before. And, yeah, so this, but ended up with a nine-year-old girl whose parents appeared not to know where she was after she'd been detained in America. So, I guess, you know, it's a good thing for show and teller school, isn't it? If you're nine, is it such a horrible experience? I guess, because if you're nine years old, and you're from the cooks, as we call them in the Pacific, and then you're in years old and you're from the cooks, as we call

them in the Pacific, and then you're in America and you go to a camp with stuff you haven't seen before, like armed police. I mean, I guess there's camps on those camps, aren't there? Yeah, there's an American summer camp. Maybe she thinks that's what she was at. Maybe she's nine years old. She comes back and says, I went to an American summer camp. What are the cook islands? Like, this is the most accurate description I can give you of the cook islands. I was flying over from New Zealand last week

and I found myself talking to a cook island coffee maker who's making me a lamb mackyato as we drink over there. And I was telling her a story about how when I was young and we'd go to Sarmore, my dad would make us buy KFC the night beforehand and rep it in tinfoil to smuggle in our luggage to the village in Sarmore. And I thought she'd laugh like you guys are giggling and she straight faced once, oh, the Z-do at the night before, my dad makes me buy it on the day of the flight. And then I've got to like wrap it. And I was like, you do that.

She's like, bro, everyone does that. And then she went, at least you, Sam Orons have a McDonald's in Samor. All of the Cook Islands we've got is just some random guy that sells pizza. So that's the level of capitalism you're in. And then you go to the United States to Disneyland, except when you grew up, you realize it wasn't Disneyland.

It wasn't Interim Camp. Rugby News now, the Christchurch rugby team, James, has decided to retain its name, the Crusaders, rather than going for an alternative name, more appropriate for modern rugby, such as the Christchurch cranial traumas. They've stuck with the... And it's interesting isn't it? The branding of sports franchises, that over recent years become increasingly controversial. They have the redskins in America, the Washington Redskins, also the Stretton Redskins ice hockey team who rebranded as the Stretton Red Hawks

before the American sports franchises felt the name the need to do the same. So talk us through the Crusaders. What does the subtle difference there is that the Redskins comes from like was it in 1940s or 1930s of America? The Crusaders comes from all the late 90s of New Zealand. in 1930s of America, the Crusaders comes from all the late 90s of New Zealand. And the problem is that the Crusaders team, it was found after the terrorist attack where 51 people were killed in Christchurch, who were predominantly of the Islamic faith that having the local sports team called the Crusaders was in bad taste. Probably because Kiwis at that point hadn't really thought about what the Crusades were and what went on there. So two things.

One, it's incredibly kiwi that this is the big political story to come out of the Christchurch shootings. And two, they research. They called up people and they say, what do you think? And they came back and went, no, we're going to keep it as crusaders, but we're going to get rid of the sword and the shield, because that's less offensive. Right. I've seen them on the pitch.

They have them like, it's like inches away from a pre-match jousting. Yes. They've got them all in like, and then they interviewed, I don't know if this is like the manager of the team, but I read a quote, the reality is, Adidas have got to make jerseys. There's merchandising and that sort of stuff, This is like the manager of the team, but I read a quote, the reality is, Andy Dessert got on mate Jersey's, there's merchandising and that sort of stuff,

MP told Radio Sport on Saturday morning, I love the fact that an official statement came from someone called MP and we're gonna get updates from the rest of the Seven Dwarves, imminently, I presume, is that the... Yeah, that's a, yeah, that's a key. It's a, it's called MP, if it was Australian, MPO. I like it.

I like it. So the brand, so they might keep the name, but so changed, because I mean, Crusade can mean a number of different things, can't it? Well, good Crusade. Well, it's become known now a term for a broader political campaign for change. The problem is the symbolism that goes with it is basically

Knights on Horseback galloping off to kill Muslims. So I mean, that is where the issue is. So maybe they could just, you know, keep the name Crusaders, but use environmental Crusaders as their branding. Just have a giant, a person, a giant hippie costume tying themselves to a tree before if you match to get that proud wit up. Or a picture of like Harrison Ford and Sean Connery. Yeah. From the last Crusade. See, now that'd be good. I think Kiwis could come in on that. But the problem is that people went, oh, he can't change the name because it wouldn't make sense.

I'm from Wellington and our sports team is the Hurricanes. And we are a Southern hemisphere team. My knowledge of the Crusade, which happened 800 years ago, give or take. Well, a huge contingent from New Zealand, was Oracle. No, it would have been the Māori contingent, who of course made a name for themselves in World War I and II,

but weren't quite involving colonial matters. Right. Like the late 1100s. Late 1100s, knowing Christian matters, really, they didn't have much skin in the game between the Christian Islamic Wars. And also, we shouldn't remember, not all medieval crusaders were knights on horseback.

There were also ordinary foot soldiers dying of dysentery, but again, that's harder to get a decent sports logo out of a desperate mercenary, shitting themselves to death. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I mean, they've never known to be a trial. But yeah, hell of a halftime show. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. This is, this comes in under, it's true, but we don't, it's kind of taken everyone by surprise. Ukraine politicians have been accused of holding Jules citizenship, which is illegal in the

UK and the country they've been accused of holding citizenship with is Vanuatu, partly because Vanuatu sounds their passports. And partly, I mean, there's no other reason why they would have citizenship with Vanuatu. Like, I can't be for spying because Vanuatuans would be the worst spies to have in the Ukraine. They would somewhat stand out. But it's really kicked off in the Ukraine. I'm not even sure, from my research, that Vanuatu is aware of the issue. Right. But there has been a strange link between the Pacific and Northern Europe in the past when it comes to passports. I believe Russia and Fiji have an actual relationship

where people with passports from one country can go into the other. Really? It seems to benefit Northern Europe, I think, more than the Pacific. I want one. I want another passport with all the Brexit stuff going. A rowing. I thought it was a G and passport. Yeah. Yeah. Why not? I like the look of it. I didn't even

know about it until this story came up. So apparently it's only a 29-hour flight. So I'm quite keen. It's good for scuba diving. And it has the highest density of languages per capita in the world. It does. It's pretty impressive. It's a print-fill Prince Philip and Golden Vanuatu. I'm sure we covered this before on the beautiful. I mean, I believe he is. Oh, that's off-putting. Yeah.

That's straight up off-putting. But then there's also religions and the Pacific of planes. Right. Just planes themselves. So, I mean, it can all be Jesus. Or, or mainly others. Yeah.

Hashtag colonialism. It also says there's no seriously poisonous snakes a snake spider's or insects on the island I'm like the UK which is sort of crawling with for rarges Morgan's I'd be very excited to go there is actually a website that ranks Passports its global passport power rank I and I went on this website and Vanuatu is ranked 70th, the Ukraine is ranked 134. What for most stylish passport?

I believe so. Why don't know what the hell is the Ukrainian passport? It's a toilet paper. It could be. I can tell you that the number one is the United Arab Emirates passport. Really? Yeah, that's at number two is Finland.

Right. Well, she wouldn't necessarily link those two countries together. The UK comes in at 33 equal. Right. And New Zealand's 34. Well, that's interesting. So because of what they've changed our past reason,

they've taken the words European Union off the passport. Now, they're just going to replace it with a little white, white, clean bit of whiteboard. So you can just write whatever you want on it. Like, sorry. Or fuck's sake. Like, .

. Now, James, your family heritage is Samoa, not as you wrongly say. How's it you wrongly say? Oh, we say Samoa. But English is a second language to us. So, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is a second language to us. So yeah. There's been some censorship going on

of the Elson John movie Rocketman. There has, there has, the movie Rocketman has been censored in the one cinema in Samoa. Not some mention the pirated DVD copies being watched in many villages. It's follows in the footsteps of other films that have been banned in Samoa because of homosexuality. May or homosexuality in particular, milk, the Sean Penn biopic on the US politician was banned.

However, controversially at the same time, the British film, Lesbian vampire hunters, was let through. That's feminine. That is feminism gone mad, isn't it? It's feminism gone mad. They were killing vampires. It's feminine. That is feminism gone mad, isn't it? It's feminism gone mad. They were killing vampires. It's important to note that. It's true. They were lesbians, but they were also fully functioning members of society. So this is basically for being un-- being un-Christian, insufficiently Christian. Yes. As a film. But in a particular type of Christianity,

because the Da Vinci code was also banned in Sam Warwick, because it spoke badly about Christians. Okay. So it's not just gay, because Terminator wasn't banned, was it? No. And I see the Terminator is not particularly Christian and the way he goes about his business. Well, I don't see him really living out the lessons of Jesus Christ. He does keep coming back though.

I guess there is that. Is it 3J? I don't see him really living out the lessons of Jesus Christ. He does keep coming back though. I guess there is that. Is it three days later though? Silence of the lambs, I would say animal lecturers are a bad Christian. But then that said, I guess it depends on your view of transubstantiation and the whole cannibal span of all still. Well it's bizarre isn't it? Because in Samoa they sort of recognize the third gender within the culture, right? Yes, the fafine.

Oh, fafafine. Fafafine, okay. Yeah, and that association actually been protesting against a ban on Rocket Man because of course diversity and they think a lot of young people will see out in John being a top or a bottom. I haven't watched a film yet.

And this will open up people pardon the pun, to embracing their own sexual identity because there's a lot of mental health issues due to, of course, repressing. Yeah. Stuffing it down. Most Christian countries. Yeah. It's bizarre at the moment because it does feel like in this kind of time of like, worst, Pride Month, isn't it? That there is like almost like this kind of kickback against the LGBTQI sort of movement generally. There's been talk of straight pride. Someone tweeted the other day like, Gays, here's some news for you guys.

Gays and Britain exist without persecution. They rightly have the same rights as straight. Unless you're holding a parade in Saudi Arabia or the equivalent, then what you celebrate in, you're just celebrating being gay, which is just basic what about it isn't it. It's as persecution still happens daily just because it's not state authorized, doesn't mean that it doesn't exist. So case in point two women on a London bus, just like in the week just gone by.

So like it feels like a time when pride is needed more than ever. And you've got someone coming out saying, you know, groups in America saying they want their straight pride and let the dickheads have their straight pride because everyone knows it will be shit. Who's going to do your costumes? Take any of the, like, kind of game music off the list by, you know, Bowie, Prince, Janelle Monet, George Michael, Janice Joplin, Queen. It's embarrassing. But like, what kind of absolute parade of fleece and crock wearing f**ts that will be? I mean that would be if it was here, you know, maybe they may have a links float or something, I don't know. Like why, why, why?

Well, because they're just trying to get some belated overdue recognition for heterosexuality in the mainstream media and the acceptance of opposite sexual relationships in society religion and law. What's wrong with being persecuted for so long? Yeah, it's never celebrated, is it? It's that they took Brad Pitt down as the face of it in America. Also, they called themselves the super happy fun America group, but got to be honest, it sounds pretty gay. Like, that's names go for you.

But Brad Pitt just went take my face off of this, but it's some kind of like, like, like, all right group in America. And that's kind of why it's sort of worrying because I was sort of joking about it on Twitter again and let them have it and then people were going, no, actually don't. And I think Milo, Ianopolis,

has apparently straight prized a new mascot or has proclaimed himself to be. So straight pride would actually have a gay mascot just keeps getting better. I imagine they'll be handing out bumper stickers that say, honk, if you like, big T's. I don't know any straight women that are going on this March.

Do they all just want to have sex with Brad Pitt? Is that? It just sounds like a group of guys who have not dealt with their deep love of Brad Pitt. Yeah, so far back in the closet they're sucking cock. Just quickly, before we leave this week's bugle, there's some very exciting news that apparently there could be an entire Mirror Universe. Tiff, I believe you've had this explained to you by one of the leading Mirror Universe scientists in the world.

Mirror Universe specialist Scottish Scottish boyfriend, explains a hing. Scientists claim to be on the brink of discovering a mirror universe. As far as I can tell, that's a place the same as this, but your dad's got a wee goate and your moh cause you a c***. Alicia from Cumbanol, then she tells you she's proud of you. Scientists are experimenting by firing neutrons at a wall and if any are detected on the other side, it means the mere neutrons are some pish. The tulip anyway, my pal horny Dave discovered a mirroring reverse in 2004 after a bottle of half a bucky at a bag of Mandy. He told us he was looking into

a window upon the tune. I think it was burga king or something. Then he says, everybody inside looked like they were having a great time than the windy wind all wobbly, so he poached his heat through it. But then on the other side in the mirror universe, everything was red like it was on fire and everyone was running about screaming, so f***ing begged it. Sounds like a pure nightmare by the way. Well I think we're all illuminated by that. Fill out the Murray Universe as we have a pride parade with a gay mascot. Well we have to well to be honest get out of the studio before the next

people come in. So that is the end of this week's bugle. Next week we have a live bugle coming to you from the underbelly in. So that is the end of this week's Bugle. Next week we have a live Bugle coming to you from the underbelly in London. That show is on Saturday afternoon the 22nd of Junot feature me, Nish and Alice Fraser. So do come along. I believe there are still tickets available

on the internet or just by asking around. Just turn up and black your way in or pay. I'm actually preferably the latter. Um, don't forget you can join our voluntary subscription scheme at theBuglePodcast.com, click the donate button. Uh, James Tiff, thanks very much for, uh, for joining us and, uh, we'll see you again soon. Have a good week, everyone.

Bye-bye! Due to studio constraints, we did not have time to record the lies about subscribers bit of the show this week during the regular recording. However, I am now recording it very late at night in a hotel room in Southampton. So produce a rich standing in once again for Chris. If you could put a sweet little late night vibe on this, let's lie through the night. Stephen Azah has calculated that when you are at the seaside, every 124th wave contains a bit of a ripple caused by the Titanic sinking in 1912, although you only notice it if you are naked and pretending to be a ship.

Suzanne Stevenson knows from bitter experience that shooting fish in a barrel is actually harder than it looks, largely because most barrels do not actually contain fish, but you can only discover this after strafing it with bullets and then dealing with a very angry landlord in a pub. Anonymous donor, initials AW, is only a couple more experiments away from developing the world's first fully vegan version of the ancient sport of cockfighting, all he needs is for his new crop of naturally pugilistic marrows to grow to fruition. Alan G. Rosencutter often ponders the etiquette of wearing your own crown when meeting the queen. He acknowledges it might be awkward, but equally it might spark conversation with her majesty where you get yours, how do you keep it so shiny etc.

Meanwhile Gabriel Rosencutter, who one assumes is related to the aforementioned Alan Rosenkutter, does not think that Olympic athletes should receive medals until after they've answered five quiz questions correctly, to prove that they are balanced individuals worthy of the watching public's adulation. Anonymous donor, Jay-J, thinks football fans need to calm down about refereeing decisions and believes this can be facilitated by showing old newsreel footage of the First World War on the big screens in stadiums whenever a controversial penalty decision is made just to help everyone keep things in perspective.

Varron Wallyer was so inspired by a trip to a sushi restaurant that he now advocates a global system of conveyor belts to replace all roads and airplane routes. Trains can stay, they're basically the same, but without the fish. John Bingham is convinced that Maryweather Lewis and William Clark made up pretty much everything about their supposed early 19th century expedition to explore the western parts of what is now considered the USA. They probably didn't get much beyond St Louis thinks John before they got bored and scared and just guess what they'd find with surprisingly accurate results. Libby Whitt found a strange inner piece surprisingly one afternoon thinking about whether you could

teach a dolphin to play chess if you removed all other distractions and kept it well fed with herring. And finally Tom Slatter does not believe that chickens eggs are genuine, they just seem a little too convenient and caviar, well that is obviously a hoax too. Here endeth the lies. If you wish to join the fannings of people who have been lied about on the bugle or just wish to be a contributor in any other way, please go to the buglepodcast.com and click the donate button.

Thank you! please go to thebugelpodcast.com and click the donate button. Thank you!