The Bugle - Cox and Butts and old Bread Rolls (4212)

Episode Date: November 15, 2021

Nish Kumar and Nato Green join Andy for a special edition of the show, focused on COP, corruption, sharks and, er, butt play.We are funded entirely by you, the listener. Listeners who sign up via OUR NEW WEBSITE thebuglepodcast.com have long enjoyed the opportunity to get: mentions on the show (in the form of lies), merchandise and general sense of wellbeing for supporting this fine work of art. As of this week you can also support the show directly via Apple Podcasts. Our new channel ‘Team Bugle’ also includes The Gargle and Tiny Revolutions, shows which currently carry ads - but they will be completely ad free on this channel. So if you love The Bugle, and it’s siblings, then please support The Bugle via our website or Apple Podcasts where you can subscribe today.Buy a loved one Bugle Merch - COLD AND WET WEAVER T SHIRTS ON SALE NOW). Listen to The Gargle here: https://pod.link/GargleFollow us on YouTube or Insta and see parts of this episode with actual video.The Bugle is hosted this week by:Andy ZaltzmanNish KumarNato GreenAnd produced by Chris Skinner, live from Podicon London 2021 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Please welcome to the say, Andy Zoltzmann! Hello, Bugles! Welcome to the Odin Lester Square. This is the first time that I've appeared in a cinema. Obviously not the first time that John Oliver has appeared in a cinema, but by this stage of his films usually half the crowds walked out. So we're doing well. Welcome to the... Welcome to the... Thank you very much. Welch, ac yn ddwch. Welch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn dwch, ac yn dwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn ddwch, ac yn dw How does that compare with the average bugle live audience in terms of self-awareness? On par, and why are you?

And how does that compare in terms of existential doubt? Above average. Above average. Okay, all good, and where are you? Okay, good, we'll let that one slide. So, I am Andy Zoltzman, this is the Bugle Live Live from the Odin Lester Square, doubling up as issue 4,212 of the bugle audio newspaper for a visual what? Oh, that'll do good.

It is the 13th of November on this day in the year 521 AD, exactly 1500 years ago, a goat died. On this day, on the 13th of November in the year 2002, King Ethored II of England ordered the killing of all dangers in the country. You people, that is an awful thing to cheer. I don't know if you actually believed in killing all dangers, I think it was just trying to quell the anti-dane faction in his party, but that's, that's separate, it's politics has always worked.

Isn't it? Happy birthday to St Augustine of Hippo. Born on this day in 354 AD was the first ever Saturdays, politics has always worked. Isn't it? Happy birthday to St Augustine of Hippo. Born on this day in 354 AD was the first ever children's cartoon character to be canonized. After his miracle in helping toddlers get to sleep. And today is World Kindness Day. So, and you, you, all of you, told Chris. That was a test. That was a test. That was a test to...

Yeah. Yeah, you're great. You're the good one. So, as always, a section of the view will is going, WAAA! Correct. In the bin, this week, a section of the bin, the history of Leicester Square. Have any of you been to Leicester Square. Have any of you been Leicester Square before? Yes, a big fan. Massive fan, you know, it's the Jewel of London.

Leicester Square. Leicester Square is a history of Leicester Square. It was moved from Leicester to London by William the Conqueror in 1071, and in an effort to quell rebellious barons in the Lester area by physically moving their favorite square to London. The square was dismantled, transported to London on horseback, and rebuilt here, exactly where we see it. The Ogin in which we now sit, of course, was originally a fringe theater in which Lester, when it was still in Lester, put on anti-Norman plays.

But they moved it here, and it soon hosted the Gala A-List celebrity opening night world premiere of the award-winning action hero blockbuster war tapestry about Williams' conquest of England. They named, of course, after his famous catchphrase that he used when he hacked someone to pieces on the battlefield. Bye! Yeah! You jump and say what you like. Mae'r gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith It might look like a bit of an old chewing gum. Stuck to a paving slab next to the remnants of a repeatedly trampled bit of vomited cabab.

It's the fading outline of where a fox once took a shit. But it is in fact a very appropriate piece of art and satire. It's time now to meet our two guests. Firstly, here, live, and in no fewer than three dimensions. I'll let you judge exactly how many, but it's at least three having quite literally sprinted here from another gig, albeit in a car. Because he is the King of Showbiz, albeit he was rooting showbiz from a pub in his LinkedIn, I believe. It's Nish Kumar! Nish is modeling the bugle merch today. Look at him, he's been working out.

LAUGHTER Right. You're wearing the new pants, are you? I'm wearing the G-string. All right, OK. But it's an old issue, so I've got Zoltzmann lefty on the right. LAUGHTER Well, you're going to sit down. What?

Yeah, I mean, I've sat down at the desk. I mean, I'll tell you what, you've said that it feels like with a sat behind a desk with microphones, that it looks like we've made a transfer. I say we all look like disgraced senators. LAUGHTER Such a fine line these days. I feel like a member of the Roy family. I'll stand up and join you.

I am wearing a bugle hat, bugle t-shirt and bugle socks, and I feel f***ing empowered. Also, can I be completely honest with you? I did not think it was in the big room. You've known me too long, this. Genuinely, our friend Daniel has asked me four times this week big room. You've known me too long, this? Genuinely, our friend Daniel has asked me four times this week, is it in the bigger and I've gone, there's no f***ing way they put Zarsmen in the big room.

I'm, I'm, this, the big screen and real life adds four pounds. Okay, I'm actually much skinnier, that's an optical illusion. Right. F***ing s***, Jesus Christ. It looks like most sailors had a nervous breakdown. Alright, also joining us on about to come, I assume the live coverage, well there we go, just in case, one of where, the live coverage, well there we go, just in case, the live coverage is going to be replaced by our other guest today, joining us from earlier on today in California,

where it is, I believe, about 11 to 30am, it's NATO Green! Nish, double over at the sight of my big stupid face, is gonna be the best joke of the evening so far. I did. There's no other joke that is gonna be fun here than Nish doubling over. And I think stupid face. You've taken it over like a Dr. Hovillard. Oh. Oh.

Just, Spritz me with water to keep me moist, Nish. Oh. Oh. I am also wearing the, the bugle merch here. You can't see it, but ladies and gentlemen, please contribute to the voluntary subscription scheme and the merch so that Andy can afford to fly me out next time. I'm not gonna be able to do it.

Yeah, come on, you're f***ing cheap, Skates. Yeah. Andy, I have a question. Yep. What is happening? Well, what is happening? Everyone, I got an email from Andy saying, Hey, do you want to do a live Google with me and Nish?

And I was like, yeah, sure, whatever. And so I have no idea where you are or what's happening. All right. So, well, Nish, what has happened is you are quite literally big in London, huge in London hats, and you are a star of simultaneously stage and screen on a massive screen. Here are the Odin cinema in Leicester Square. On this screen, I imagine, I mean, you're basically the new Daniel Craig, I think. Oh, sure.

It must have been on here a few weeks ago. And how do my pores look? Do I look like I need micrathering abrasion? You look absolutely sensational, Nathan. Okay. Thanks for polishing your head. Thank you. Yeah, it took all morning to get my head to its right level of shining-ness. Oh, boy. It took all at all morning to get my head to its right level of shining us Oh boy This is a weirdest bugle we've ever done like this right in January is I mean I'm having a fucking great time I see I see are there and there are it looks like there are sponsors on the screen there. There's a bunch of sponsors. Oh

So I don't know these sponsors one of them is called man scabed and just to give you a sense of sponsors. So I don't know these sponsors. One of them is called Manscaped. And just to give you a sense of how on fire, my comedy career is, I was given an opportunity to be a brand influencer for a men's ball-shaving product. So they looked me up, and they're like, this is the guy. Oh my god, your face is even bigger. NATO, as you started to castigate the sponsors,

they immediately removed the problem. I think also part of the problem here is that a company, I don't know what they do, but a company called ManScape, presumably does not want its product affiliated with me because if this man is not, it's scaped, presumably does not want its product affiliated with me, because there is one thing this man is not, it's scaped. If this is how hairy the visible bits are, imagine what noted forest is going on in the undercarriage. Family show.

Family show. Literally tonight, your daughter's here. She's going learn some new words. I'm so sorry for some of the things that I'm about to say that I'm talking about. Right, I think in his now time for top story this week. And, well, where else to begin? Than with the exciting news from Glasgow, that the world has agreed to potentially slightly decelerate the onset of Armageddon.

Which I think is not as much, as I've been the Riverside High for that. A quick warning. During the course of this section of tonight's beer show, vowels and consonants may, at times, be used entirely separate from each other, resulting in long runs of just vowels and or long runs of just consonants. These may include sounds such as ah!

and ew! As well as kikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikikik came on stage and agreement has been finally reached. They extended the COP26 today, they've just reached an agreement for a pro-environment emoji of a face that is simultaneously genuinely concerned but also really definitely thinking about planning to actually do something about it. I think all the progress that we could have hope, let's just do a quick survey. The audience who likes the environment, who thinks it's had its chance and has blown it. Oh, got a 50-50 for an off.

I think it was 52-48 and we all know how that ends. LAUGHTER Yes, well, it's at Nish. Andrey, you've... you are an environment user. Big environment user. How have you enjoyed? Well, look, I've been trying to find optimism where optimism can be found.

And there was an unexpected agreement reached between the US and China to work together to cut emissions. They said that they're going to commit over the next 10 years that the temperature in case should only be 1.5 degrees centigrade. Now if some of this sounds familiar, it's because it absolutely is, because they basically made the same agreement in 2014 in Paris, an agreement that was then immediately torn up by President Donald Trump. So basically we're back to square one and in 2024 we're

going to be back to square zero when he wins again because that's me honest. He's going to win as a person or the Republican party is going to weekend at Bernie's that mother fucker. So animating his hands. The concerning thing was one of the research directors at Chatham House Bernice Lee said that while cooperation between the US and China was positive, details remain patchy. And listen, if there's one thing you want in science, it's for details to remain patchy. Nothing spreads confidence like a doctor saying, listen, we understand you've been shot in the leg and you're currently bleeding to death.

I just want to reassure you, we have a concrete plan on how we're going to stop you bleeding to death. Well, it's not so much a plan. Details are patchy, but it is. A commitment to how he's dead. Oh, he's dead. He bled out. NATO, I mean, there must have been dancing on the streets of San Francisco

and the news of the US-China agreement came through. Watching the COP26 unfold reminds me of an expression that we have in the United States, I don't know if you've heard it, but all cops are bastards. That's right. Thank you. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER

That is, that is leftism squared, night time. You've a-cab the cops of it. F-cab my- I would remove my hat to you if it wasn't currently branded merchandise. I gotta say, cop 26, so far my least favorite cop. I think the series ran out of gas at cop 18. They ran out of gas and did not switch to renewables. This season of cop feels stale and uninspired. Like, is there a writer's strike on or what? It reminds me of Peter Jackson doing a good job on the Lord

of the Rings and then making a f***ing 38-hour long hobbit trilogy that was so tedious that even the monster chase scenes were boring. Come on, Glasgow. Give us a good monster chase. Cop should have been more like, I may destroy you, one season, blows your mind, then everyone gets their bathed as to go to superhero movies. That's what I want. There was an audible reaction tonight I'm mentioning the Hobbit trilogy. I can only imagine it was as visceral

when it was screened in this cinema. Yeah. The two countries issued a joint declaration in which they are going to revive a working group. A big working group, fancy it. That will meet regularly. This cat is nearly back in the bag.

It will address the climate crisis and advance the multilateral process, focusing on enhancing concrete actions in this decade. I mean, it's almost done, isn't it? The environment is nearly fixed. They're going to... We're talking about a working group here, in this that is going to meet regularly. Yeah, it's not a resting group that's going to meet occasionally.

This is a frequent working group. So we can all just fly everywhere again, because it's all fucking fine. I killed four birds on my way here. That's the type of Nish's new podcast. Um, a bit old-school, but you know you've got to claim it back on you. Now, um... I've got a suggestion.

Yep. Because is the thing, right? A lot of the people here... No good, feckless leftists of the bugle audience. You know the people that need... There you are. That's hero for the feckless leftists of the bugle audience. You know the people that need... There you are. That's hera for the feckless leftist! Woo!

That's my new podcast. LAUGHTER Feckless leftist is the day with the band starring the four people you're looking at right now. LAUGHTER I just think that the problem is, right, there's a lot of old white dudes that are not convinced about no offense to anyone here on stage or on screen. There's a lot of old white dudes,

so how do we get old white people scared about climate change? Call it climate immigration because that is the only thing that scares old white people. Start telling them, oh no, it's not climate change, it's foreign weather. Coming to get your good English weather, there's some of its sharia weather that's coming over. There's going to be, and it's not coming over on boats, it's floating in through the air, flying sharia weather is coming for you. No one cut that out of context and put it on the internet, okay? That was a world-class heckle. Sometimes it's sunny, absolutely super-peckle.

Sometimes it's tight. Now, unfortunately, this is not on you as an audience. You're not comedies. Unfortunately, what you've done is stolen a Jason Manford joke from the mid-2000s. OK? And that's not on you guys, but Manford will be sewing. Talking about old white people, I should say, I was talking to my dad about the climate change summit.

My dad is, as you all know, I think, an old Jew. And he is enjoying this because he gets excited when white people who are not Jews are terrified. No. What a specific interest. There's been interesting reaction from some of the smaller nations that have attended COP, the Finance Minister of Tuvallu, the Pacific Island nation, said, we are literally sinking to which the world responded, yes, and we are metaphorically helping. The Minister of Climate Resilience from Gnada said, what is on the table is the bare minimum?

Well, that's all you can expect, and we've heard a lot about the time for words is over. Now is the time for action. I mean, do you agree with that? And they should not think that words are actually quite environmentally friendly, whereas action often ends in trees falling over. I don't think you can besmirch all action with that. Some action is very good. Diehard.

For example, very good action in Diehard. Alex Sharma, who's run point on the whole thing, said we're now at a moment very optimistic. He has barely strolled point on this Sunday. He said we are now at a moment of truth. Well, so that's it. Truth is allowed one moment. This is very exciting.

You can get back in his box and let the adults take over again. There's problems on. I mean, there's problems with what's been suggested. One, is that fixing the environment is going to take fucking ages. I talk about 2050 here, and three decades is not a recognised unit of time in democratic politics. It might as well just pledge to do something within the next Eon, or by a millennium

next Thursday, or within a squillion weeks. I mean, anything more than 24 hour news? Is there any chance? I mean, I don't think that there's... Yeah, I mean, I think that's always a huge concern. That's always a huge concern. I'm one of the things that they haven't managed to achieve is firm commitment, because some of the nations

in the global south are hoping to get some sort of financial package from the global north, given that the global south is largely not responsible for the effects of climate change. And there have been talks of effectively climate reparations being paid. Good luck, the global South, because bear in mind these countries do not want to pay actual reparations for terrible things that they've done. You can't just go around getting free money. You're not investment banks, okay? Mae'n fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r f ballpark in a few hundred million also. But it had been pointed out by Antonio Gutierrez,

the UN head coach. Sorry, I've been too much to talk about. That's a cricket ending. I know the T20 World Cup is on at the moment, but you can't get your head in the gate. The, um, too soon, eh, too soon. Um, I put on those trillions in, uh, subsidies for fossil fuels. Um, so can you square that's, uh, trillions for fossil fuels and a bit of money for poro cut? I mean, is it that we just can't let the fossils have died in vain? We owe it to everything the fossils have done,

fast. They made our world possible. We cannot just leave their corpses underground. We have a duty as Christian countries to resurrect the fossils. And honestly, are you being sponsored by Shelton Eyre? Because it feels like that is the next logical extension of climate denialism.

No one has gone that way. Oh no, unprofossiles. LAUGHTER So here is the UK has played 290 million to help poorer countries cope with the impact of climate changes. I think it's about eight minutes of the test and trace system. LAUGHTER Or um... Um... Fuck.

It's... It is. it it's four bin bags it's five weeks of the running costs of the Trident Nuclear deterrent so you know so I mean I'd hope for that at some point in the five weeks we'd launch a nuke just to show the developing world that we care. LAUGHTER Um, NATO, obviously one of the big stories to emerge from COP uh, around at your president, um, Joe Biden and um, his arse. Um, Now, um, you are, of course, our American presidential flatulence, uh, correspondent. Um,

LAUGHTER So there it is, there's the tweet from the New York Post, the founder of all truth that Prince Charles's wife, Kimmel O'Pock, well, can't stop talking about Joe Biden's long fart. So I mean, obviously, there's a great history. You've in fact written an influential history of American presidential flatulence, covering the lives of John Quincy Adams,

which he ate a lot of fruit, judging by his nickname. Andrew the Clakson Jackson. And I think we want to know what the B and Lyndon B. Johnson stood for, but how is this rock to America? Because I mean, Biden's obviously under enough pressure as it is without this humiliation. This is our renewable energy program. And, you know, I mean, people say that, you know, Biden is an old guy who doesn't learn,

but you will recall that when Michelle Obama visited England, she touched the clean and people freaked out and said that you can't touch a royal. And so Biden learned the lesson, took it to heart, and he met the Duchess or Countess or the **** she is, who cares? Kill them all. And you know what, that's fine for you to say, Naito, everyone who clamped is getting decamplitated, okay? This was a sting operation on behalf of the royals. And, you know, Biden, Biden listened, learned the lesson, and he cropped us in her instead, which is a traditional greeting

in Scranton, Pennsylvania, where he's from. Mae'r ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodd yn ffodffodd yn ffodd yn ffod his country and our government is not corrupt, you might as well just picture them rolling naked in a jacuzzi full of banknotes. And we have that there is no member of the Conservative Party that I wish to picture naked banknotes or otherwise. And we've seen this work, yeah we are apparently, a Prime Minister Boris Johnson, a'r remotely a corrupt country. A'r cymru, a'r cynnigau a'r cymru a'r cymru, a'r cymru a'r cymru a'r cymru a'r cymru a'r cymru

a'r cymru a'r cymru a'r cymru a'r cymru a'r cymru a'r cymru a'r cymru a'r cymru a'r cymru a'r cymru directly corrupt. We have close quarters, often above board corruption. Our corrupt is kind of low tariff format of corruption that doesn't require being remote. You've got the House of Lords. We have the way honours are handed out, government contracts with COVID, all in plain view of a country that fundamentally doesn't give enough of a shit. We have the first

past, the post system, which essentially buys the conservatives and labor, and almost Sicilian level of corruption in legal, democratic, daylight. So I mean, I guess it comes out of, you know, what second job Jeffrey Cox? Are you familiar with Jeffrey Cox? From, I mean, if you, you know, his second job was as a voiceover artist for a pomposity awareness charity, then you can sort of understand how that would sort of make sense. But, you know, if his second job was being the Cheshire Cat in Alice in Wonderland, a'r ffynos, a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a'r ffynos a' So, you know, say all this is just how things should be. You've got skills, you should use them. And when he's criticised, Jeffrey Cox responded by saying

to his constituents, he might be concerned, that he's not, they're not his priority A, he responded saying, let me just check my parliamentary majority, oh, it's 25,000. I'm afraid you're going to have to fuck right off. LAUGHTER He earned 900,000 pounds in the past year, working for the law firm with us who represent the British Virgin Islands, which is a tax haven, and he represents that government in an inquiry

into governance and possible corruption. That is so f***ing corrupt. That's a level of corruption that my father, in this week week in conversation deemed Indian standard. Oh, there can be no higher compliment. He genuinely meant that as a compliment. He was like, I thought we were the world leaders in corruption, but it turns out we are a distant second to these clowns. How can you be in the government that's investigating tax haven and also work for the law firm representing the tax haven. It's the fucking Spider-Man meme brought into law! I just want the audience to be aware that I went to the withers website and There is a Jeffrey Cox page on the withers website and you can email him directly and retain his services as an attorney

I just I just I just want people to know I'm not making any recommendations You're all adults make your own choices. I just want you to know that that option exists and in his bio on the withers website It does not it it it mentions that he was the attorney general It mentions that he represents the British British Virgin Islands. It doesn't mention that he is irretrievably corrupt. I do want to say I think Withers got a bad deal because They pay him four hundred thousand pounds to work 10 hours a week and Withers call me I Will give you a solid 12 to 15 hours a week for 300,000 pounds a year

Let me ju you down I'm sure I can advise a British Virgin Island how to do corruption as that's what the advice is is how to pull it off. Let's make it happen, baby. NATO, I have to say you are playing with fire here by informing the listeners of this podcast that there is a facility for them to email Jeffrey Cox. I imagine Jeffrey Cox is about to receive approximately 50,000 pictures of a rooftop penis. Oh, that's a nice callback, Nish. You've been Cox blocked.

And if he doesn't, I will be so disappointed. If Jeffrey Cox doesn't receive 50,000 rooftop penises within the next week, I'll be furious with all of you. Look, John Oliver can get medical debt canceled, but can you eaglers email a bunch of dicks to a corrupt MP? Cox sort of defended himself by saying that, you know, if voters were that fussed about it, they would vote him out. oeddwn i'n gweithio, oeddwn i'n gweithio, o, you've got to, you've got to, and not do his job properly. Oh well, I'm putting X in a box in terms of precision and pointful. To me, that's like playing snog, marry, avoid with Nelson Mandela, marry, curian, Confucius.

It seems oversimplified and largely pointless. The thing that I find most... Well, I mean, I find... I find the whole thing in theory, but the thing that I potentially find most in theory is that Cox's defense, the idea that there is accountability in place is pretty similar to Johnson's justification for the idea that Britain is not a corrupt country. Just as a side note, before I go further down that road, in 2016, the Italian author Roberto Saviano,

who wrote a book called Gomora and was forced into hiding by the power of the Mafia and Naples, described Britain in 2016 as the most corrupt country on earth. That is a man who has to live still under police protection because of the power of the Mafia in Italy and he looked at the Mafia and he looked at Britain and he went, I'll chance my arm. At the very least if I stay in Italy, I'm going to have a lovely penne arabiata. I don't want to have my corruption served with a side of whatever the f*** steak and kidney pious.

But it's deeply frustrating that Johnson's evidence that Britain is not a corrupt country is the fact that he was not able to change the laws this week because of pressure applied by the media and by members of the public. That is like me, walking into an all-you-can-eat buffet, sticking my dick in the mayonnaise, and as I'm led away by the police going, the system works. LAUGHTER

I should point out, Marlon Brando was a method actor, niche. Nish is a method comedian. LAUGHTER This is all... LAUGHTER I'm banned from harvester for that joke, okay? Was it worth it, who are? NATO, let's move across the Atlantic,

because obviously in terms of lunatic politicians, America remains very much a market leader. And... Are we going to talk about butts? About butts. Yeah, do we have butt stuff in the queue? Oh yeah, let's do that. Okay, let's do butts first.

Um. The, uh, you are, uh, right. Ready to serve. That's a truly harrowing image. Nate, do I? I Google that. As the... I don't even know what's on the screen.

So... Well, I mean, you would say... I mean, I would even go so far as to say, as the bugles, Asman corresponded. So there was a story that the headline, Horny Britons, this is from the Daily Mail, thank you very much, cost the NHS $3 million over the past decade, sticking stuff up their butts. I think that is an incredible story and I appreciate it so deeply that and if it does not get an anal pun run from Andy this whole enterprise will not have been worth it.

So why why are you clapping that you would have to suffer through it you know that you're here and you can't press fast forward on life. fast forward on life. You are f***ing mass like this. Are people just shouting stuff now? Yeah, awesome. Pelted I tell you yet again. For the benefit of the listeners, it's happened again. Someone has bought a bread roll and thrown it at me on stage at the Bugle live show. Who was it that brought that? What you had to get over to me like it's... I've got the bread roll. It's the yeast of my concern. Don't fucking start that mate.

I'm definitely not eating a bread roll that's, let's be honest, absolutely covered in COVID. Who threw the roll? Was it you? A bread roll that's, let's be honest, absolutely covered in COVID. Who threw the roll? Was it you? So what... This morning you thought... I've got a plan here.

Hang on, he's now running on stage to interview the roll-thrower. At what point... What's your name, first of all? Me too. Me too. I can't believe et two brown man. LAUGHTER Another one, ambitious new podcast. And probably a bit. I expect this from the no offense, f***ing crackers.

LAUGHTER At what point during the day did you come up with the idea for this? For approximately 6.30. I am or PM. I don't sleep much. What was the... I mean, I feel like this is what would have happened if Lincoln had been given the opportunity to talk to John Wilts Booth. What?

LAUGHTER What was that? Now a fan's NATO, I know. It's a sawpind too soon. What was the, what was the thought of thinking behind it? Did you think, at some point, he'll bring it up? Or did you think, if, what would have happened if I hadn't mentioned the bread roll? Would they just have been a point during the Q&A where you'd just gone,

I'm gonna have to fucking chuck it in air. Couldn't just kept it on the table. Sooner or later, it was coming into the... You could have just kept it out the entire time. Because in a way, that's more threatening if I start to arrive at gigs. And people just have bread rolls of the side tables. You know what happens. These guys have got them as well. Wait, how many of you got bread roll?

How many people here currently have bread rolls? Well, I mean, we did offer them a free bread roll with every ticket when we put... Just thought that's what you'd want. I'll be honest with you, it's not your worst PR scheme. Well, thank you. A big round of applause for the breadthrower. Yep. I'll be honest with you, it's not your worst PR scheme. LAUGHTER Well, thank you. But a big round of applause for the breadthrower. Yep.

APPLAUSE We'd, uh... Now, get out. Yes. We'd better, uh, by getting back to the, uh, to the... To the... LAUGHTER Uh, Nish, you're never going to lose the COVID-15 if people keep throwing carbs at you.

LAUGHTER Yes, you're never going to lose the COVID-15 if people keep throwing carbs at you. NATO, so yes, so well, we were on the ball. We were up the bud. Yeah, yeah, just, well, for one of a better phrase just fill us in So there's a study out That people in England are in large numbers sticking toothbrushes aerosol cans toy figurines and eggs in their butts beer bottles other items Yeah, because now we have the freedom to do it because Brussels stopped us doing that. For four decades. Well, we're not supposed to do that before 2016. No!

No reason. Take them back control. The study was published in the Royal College of Surgeons England Anals, the name of the publication. Follow-up study coming out in Buttle Quarterly. It's according to the data, it's mostly men who do it, according to study, they do it for sexual pleasure. You don't say, I thought this was an ad for men's purses. Lads, you don't have to carry your keys

and your buttony motor, try out a mani-pack instead. Butzer for pooping. Butzer for pooping and oh, amtics and fingers and tongues, but that's it. And also strap on some dildos and vibrators. And nothing else, but also try a feather. So I feel like what I want to just bring your attention to, it sounds like a lighthearted butt joke.

But actually, Chris King, we get the chart on the screen. So the thing that I love about the chart is it shows the age spread of people putting stuff in their butts. And first of all, what happened? I want to get carried on night air. But I'm intrigued by 90 plus. Yes, just a big thing.

90 plus is not zero. It's quite expensive. Well, yeah, I mean, you assume that there's a little spike there in the 10 to 14 range that is some innocent, you know, exploration, checking out the plumbing, if you will. But then, you know, puberty hits 15, not so much, 16, 17, 18, just hanging out, chilling, 19, chilling, you turn 20, everything in the butt immediately. Like, so what is going on with British 20-year-olds? What are you doing at 20th birthday parties?

That suddenly there's just a mad stamp stampede of stuff in the butt. It does also allowing people to vote over the age of 18 is something of a risk. I'll say and then a normalized butt plug. Renete as a society, normalized butt plugs, because that's why people are shoving cans of soap up there. The other thing is, as the bugle ass play correspond, it is my pride as someone from San Francisco, as part of our culture, that if you're going to put something in your butt, you want it to be flared and tapered so that it's easy to remove.

And that is exactly the shape of the curve here. It is like science is trying to teach us something. So this whole thing is also, I want you to appreciate this as members of the United Kingdom. This is an argument for national health care that you even have the option of getting this kind of data because you have the NHS to study it. In the United States, we can't get this kind of data. You have to get each individual private for-profit health plan in hospital to tell you separately how many people put stuff in their butts. Now the tax payers alliance is upset and it's a fascinating attempt to like scrape the bottom in the effort to privatize the NHS. We have to privatize so we can ration care because people are wasting money on getting stuff out of

butts. And imagine if they succeeded and the NHS was fully privatized and you had an American-style brutalist healthcare system and then you had to teach history and you're telling kids in school, yeah, we used to have a naturalized healthcare system but then too many men in their 20s stuck action figures in their butts and you asked them about it, Sutton.

So I just want you to take this lesson, I want you to enjoy your butts, do Asplay safely, keep it clean. Don't use hot sauce, I've learned that one the hard way. If you're gonna go into Asplay, Lube and a Flared Base. That's what you need to know. There's some laughing, there's some learning. I assume lube and a flared bass is going to be the title of the episode and was also Abandoned and he was in in college

Nato how does it feel to have painted your cysteine chapel? That sounds like a horrible euphemism. Or be it an opposite one. Moving on now to River Thames News. Wow, that was a forceful enthusiasm from citizens of London. Now, as if we didn't have enough time at the end times, enough signs at the end times are definitely on the way. They are coming with increasingly spangly hats these signs. This week, a plague of sharks in the River Tens,

right here in traditionally shark-free London. Shark, and I only read the headline of this story. Sharks have been swimming a mock. Down there, I mean, this is one of the few cities in the world where you can still innocently surf wherever you want, with little or no chance of being eaten by a shark. But I think this is great news actually.

Like it's a sign of how dark our moment in history is, but it's good news that there is a bright side here, which is that in 1956 the Thames was declared biologically dead and now is brimming with life. So venomous sharks is actually a sign of progress. I call my penis nitigreen because it's very funny and always hangs to the left. Boom! I'm very pleased with myself. And it has a lot of hair on its back, I assume. That's what I say.

I go into my local beauty salon and I say, it's time to wax night time. Anyway, friend of mine was obsessed with sharks. He used to be the boss of a film that ever company used to make horror films. He was the hammerhead. But you had a very strong back in the... This is to the sound of your own voice. You wanted this. You know what this is? This is f***ing Brexit all over again. Yep. It'll go on for nearly as long as well.

LAUGHTER In all data backs, a trommery had, when his father was eaten by a shark and aged my friend terribly overnight his hair turned from grey to white. Oh, shit. hair turned from grey to white. And it was also terrified of all large fish in fact and he said he consulted all living US presidents and none of them would be able to offer him any decent advice. He said not George W, not Donald and not even Barack you'd thought he'd have had something to Something to say but anyway kind of played with his head and he started to get this sort of have these visions and he claimed he could see We could perceive nuclear reactions. He said I can hear diffusion and last week I saw to fish the fish and sort of vision

That one didn't even make any sense. No, it didn't make sense. I was distracted before the gig when I usually write the puns by monitoring your process. It will progress over running sand. So that's your fault. It's my fault the puns don't make sense. It tried to work his way through his fear of fish by just swallowing them down whole and I said, you know, isn't that bad for your digestion?

Shouldn't you read them in a different way? And he said, Tune, no time for that. Okay, you know what I'm back on board. He liked to think, he liked to be prepared and he was always armed and he also was obsessed with old Scottish inventors and he spent a lot of time thinking about with what he would arm with what guns he would arm famous Scottish inventors with in case they came face to face with a terrifying large fish and he said to me, I reckon John Logu-Baird Glock James Wat Smith and Wesson Alexander Graham Bell Luger. I don't think I've ever been this angry with someone while wearing I'n gweithio yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch ynwws o'r gwybod y pwt. Mae'r ffyrr i'n ffyrr i'n ffyrr i'n ffyrr i'n ffyrr i'n ffyrr i'n ffyrr i'n ffyrr i'n ffyrr i'n ffyrr i'n ffyrr i'n ffyrr i'n ffyrr i'n ffyrr i'n ffyrr i'n ffyrr i'n ffyrr i'n ffyrr i'n ffyrr i'n ffyrr i'n ffyrr i'n ffyrr i'n ffyrr i'n ffyrr i'n ffyrr i'n ffyrr i'n ffyrr i'n ffyrr i'n ffyrr i'n ffyrr i'n ffyrr i'n ffyrr i'n ffyrr i'n ffyrr i'n ffyrr i'n ffyrr i'n ffyrr i'n ffyrr i'n ffyrr i'n ffyrr i'n ffyrr i'n ffyrr i'n ffyrr i'n ffyrr i'n ffyrr i'n ffyrr i'n ffyrr i'n ffyrr i'n ffyrr i'n ffyrr i'n ffyrr i'n ffyrr i'n fyrr i'n ffyrr i'n ffyrr i'n ffyrr i'n ffyrr i'n fyrr i'n ffyrr i'n fyrr i'n f and he had to, but he was a bit rushed one day, and he forgot on his skates, he had to send an email to sting Ray Skates, but it's not two in one day.

But he was quite excited, it's friendly. I believe that that, you, I knew you were in trouble the second he said pop star. I was like, is he gonna say f***ing sting? Well, it was obviously one that, and I'm very nearly done. I think Elon Musk, he's very excited about Elon Musk. He thinks he could be the, he could develop a means of reanimating corpses.

He said to me, he could be the man to raise the dead. Anyway, but in different Hollywood, he used to play all the top Hollywood actresses at tennis. He thrashed Greta Garbo. He took Shirley Temple of Iron Strait sets and the absolutely blue Marlin, blue Marlin, blue Marlin, a dick trick off the court. Anyway, you actually trick off the court. But anyway, he actually...

I agree with that one. ...and he actually challenged... He got very angry with me, challenged him to a duel, but he got offended, but he insisted on july only with household DIY implements, and he would issue the challenge in somewhat outdated, chivalrous language. So he said to this guy, pick the assort.

This gig is over. We are over our contractally obliged time. Right. I'm just going to mull it over for a while. Sorry. Right, I'm just gonna mull it over for a while. Sorry Not many people have the guts to end a show on something that is designed to fail Whoa It's not a fish. It's all blooded. Oh my god, that's the problem with it. Yeah.

That can. Right, we've all had a whale of a time, and so it's on. Right. That is it. Thank you very much for coming. It's been a fun gig. I've not done a lot of live shows since the before times, and I still feel quite rusty, but you've been

absolutely delightful. Give it up for the wonderful and massive NATO Green! Cheers everybody! You can see him in all films that are going to be screened here over the next ten years. Thanks to Nish Kumar! It's been a pleasure talking to you all. Thanks to the wonderful producer, Chris. Thanks to the audience for having us. Thanks to Podekon. And I've been Andy.

You goodbye. Woo!