The Bugle - Minimum Maximum

Episode Date: March 14, 2021

Andy is with Nato Green and Tiff Stevenson to talk about vaccine rollout, stimulus packages and the UK's latest take on the royal soap opera.We have a NEW SHOW. Subscribe to The Gargle and get topical jokes about everything except politicsBuy a loved one Bugle Merch (or some for yourself, it's allowed).The Last Post, keeps appearing here. Follow us on YouTube or Insta and see parts of this episode with actual video.The Bugle is hosted this week by:Andy ZaltzmanNato GreenTiff StevensonAnd produced by Chris Skinner. Listen to Chris' Travel Hacker here Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world! Hello, Buglers, and welcome to issue 4186 of the Bugle, where bad facts and good lies come to meet, mingle and perhaps more.

For the first time and the last time ever, it's Friday the 12th of March 2021, a day that by the time you listen to this, Buglers, will have joined days such as the 27th of August 1842, the 6th of January 1984, and the 12th of October 786 as days in history, along with whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo or as we now know it's at 15th of July 19, 2012 BC. I'm an exultant and if you could see me now, I would ask you to get out of my shed, please, I'm at work and joining me for this week's Bugle. firstly from San Francisco, USA. It's NATO green. Hello, Andy. Hello, Bugleurs. It's good to see everyone.

How's things in San Francisco, Nito? Well, Andy, you know, it was by birthday last week. And thank you very much. And as you know, when you are a dad in your 40s and it's your birthday You are gifted a fair amount of alcohol So by your children Just whoever so I'm like I didn't you know If you had asked me 10 years ago, I wouldn't have said this is who I was about to become but I've made peace with it

Do I need to keep absent and card tomorrow around the house? Apparently I do. How many different kinds of vermouth do I need? Apparently the correct answer is three. Yeah. So that's what's going on in my life right now. Oh I I've become don't look at the moose horse in the mountains. No, it's that right? No, don't look at Giffa moose in that. We laughed because the rhythm was dead. That's so much fun. It should work. Did we want to say don't look at Giffed horse in the vermouth? Is that where we're going? Okay, that's what we want to say. That's what we want to say. I am accepting alcohol sponsorships from people who are making artisanal small-bad syrups to mix into cocktails from cask strength whiskey distillers, you know, the whole thing. I developed a bit of a taste for the moveu for our trip to Spain only last year.

Spent my lockdown legacy. Also joining us from London. Well, you've already heard of Buccio. Already heard of Buccio. Hello Tiffany Stephenson. Hello, hello, buglers. Look, it happens. It's in the moment. I got very excited because I'm recording this in the corner of my living room. And then the other corner is my 1950 side board full of things like

for Moose and Frangelico, because everyone needs a drink that's kind of dressed like a slut. So I've got the best kind of the best kind of the the the little rope belt or mine is long very low. So yes I've got that in the cupboard I've got Angostura bitters with a label that doesn't fit because it never will. But I believe there's a long history to that. But yes so I was was excited. As soon as you mentioned cocktails, I sort of like lost my mind a little bit. So I'm slightly in the room. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so Mexican liquor that has some herbal spices with tequila's but the bottle is a naked woman with big ass titties And I think if needs that on the side board. Okay. I've got skull vodka. Why not why not let's have the big titted Big titted lady's really

Now it's become an erotic alcoholic drinks podcast Great thing with podcasting, there's a niche for everything. So, and... I suppose you have something else you want to talk about today, Andy. LAUGHTER MUSIC We are recording on the Friday the 12th of March, on Monday, the 15th of March, you'll be the

anniversary of Julius Caesar in 44 BC, copying a bit of an assassination during a Senate meeting amongst the many conspirators who contributed to Julius Caesar's brief career as the circus actor, the human pincushion were brutus and Cassius, wealthy industrialists, of course, who made their money introspectively after shave and watches. Well, thanks to my legacy as a student of Agent Rome back at the day. I've managed to get access to the Roman newspapers from the following day, the tabloid newspaper headlines, the day after the season of assassination. Here,'ve got Julius Seah. Brue must be kidding me. Cass assinated.

Then you've got the more generic ones, Senators find stab solution. Ju C. That's picking up on Julius Seah's abbreviated name, Ju C, very much the J-Low of his day. Ju C. That, Twitt Ty tyrant staggered by daggers, and also promises all the Ju C details, really doubling down on that Ju C name. At Ju C, Senator Sleazy-Weez brings C's to his knees, and this one from Tempura, Pecuniaria, shares rebound after Caesar assassination as markets expect ens suing civil wars will eventually

leave to long period of imperial stability and growth that one printed on pink scrolls of course as always a section of the bugle is going straight that makes my degree worthwhile people that I mean that that's that one piece of comedy makes those all those wasted years and government money like those wasted years in government money for the day before you had some fave yourself. Anyway, focus. As always, the section of the beautiful is going straight in the bin this week. Music section, in particular, focusing on deep fake duets,

deep fake technology, obviously, it's something that humanity has to handle with care. But one of the exciting things is it's enabling modern music stars to perform duets with long dead stars from the past, and we look at some of the recent duets to have been deepfaked from long dead musicians and contemporary collaborators. First one, Henry VIII, English King, who started from his full-time job of being a monarch, as well as a freelance schism designer and monastery dissolver, dabbled in music as a composer and musician and computer technology,

as teamed him up with the K-pop sensations, G-Idle, who as a six piece girl band, are perhaps understandably reported to be quotes nervous about the project. Italian violin virtuoso Nick Paganini, born 1782, he's going to be bowing out some fat shops on the violin with the Bro Country Stars Florida Georgia line. Interesting to see the fruits of that collaboration can technically unfathomable genius level musicianship of Paganini fitting with three chord pianists to women's legs.

We shall see. The Florida Georgia line of course creators of the 2013 song Get Your Shine On, a waspish satara and cricket's hypocritical struggles with the techniques and morality of reverse swing bowling in the 1990s, of course. While their follow-up dirt was a barely concealed exoneration of former England captain Mike Atherton over the so-called dirt in the pocket scanner from the Lord's Test of 1994. And their 2019 flop blessings is a touching tribute to the Zimbabwean International Cricket as blessing Mahueira and blessing Muzir Abhane that sadly failed to hit home with the country music public of America.

And also our final deep fake historical pop collaboration to 19th century Swedish opera star Jenny Lind, also known as the Swedish 19th Gell, teams up with the American duo Niles Barkley made up of Celo Green and Danger Mouse, I'm reliably informed, for a computer-generated collaboration, in which two versions of Green and Mouse perform the backing tracks and vocals for a single Jenny Lind in a record entitled The 19th Gell sings Things with Barkley Square. And there's a little music and mathematics joke with which to bring this section to its much deserved end. Top story this week, massive public spending news. And well later on, let's start in America because it's been a, well, a great week for huge use of public funds, uh, Joe Biden's near two trillion dollar holy moly. We've

got a grandmother load of shit to clear up to her own virus relief bill has been passed, uh, by Congress, which gave it a resounding yes, of course, and definitely know what a ridiculous idea as basically all the Democrats voted for it and all the Republicans voted against it. $1.9 trillion, that, I mean, that seems like a lot NATO, but I mean, is that a lot in the context of the current American debt tab? Well, it's a lot in terms of the current American debt tab, but in terms of the level of f***ery that we have to deal with, the amount of resources it will take to unf*** ourselves after how thoroughly and exhaustively

and methodically we have f***ed ourselves over the last low these many years. It is not excessive. It is an appropriate amount. It's a stimulus bill last night, actually. Joe Biden gave a prime time address that he announced yesterday that they intended to have vaccines available for all adults in the United States

by May 1st and a return to be relative normalcy by the 4th of July, which as you know is the 10-day eve of past-eal-day. So which we celebrate, assiduously, in this country. So I am having a strange feeling, like I'm having trouble processing it, I'm feeling I haven't said this word in a strange feeling, like I'm having trouble processing it. I'm feeling, I haven't said this word in a long time. So I may not be able to remember how to pronounce it. Is it, I'm feeling a heep, heep, heep, how?

Hope, heep, hope, I'm feeling hope. I believe it's pronounced, hope, eh. Hope, eh. Yeah. For the first time, just like the stimulus bill, 1.9 trillion, but if you go through the different components of it, one piece of it is an expansion of the child tax credit that is expected to cut child poverty in half, that's, it's incredible. And then, of course, because I am on the left,

some of my friends on the left are mad that it didn't go far enough, right? Like there are people who, that it is the most ambitious government stimulus ever. It is better, you know, people like Miss Obama, and it's better than what Obama pulled off. And people like, boo, it's Joe Biden, and we don't like him, and we would rather protest losing than win.

That's sort of like the, you know, why hasn't he abolished prisons already, as well as this other thing? It's like not everyone in America is happy about it, because it places the American values of equality, support for the less fortunate and collective strength above the equally American values of inequality, heartless, capitalist, excess, and repatience of individualism. So, it's quite a clash, really, isn't it? Yeah, we're really in the midst of a clash of civilization.

One of the things that the bill didn't have that we wanted was it'd rise in the minimum wage. That there'd been a campaign for many years to raise a minimum wage for $15,000 an hour and didn't pass because eight Democrats voted against it, all eight of whom had previously publicly supported it. And raising the minimum wage is supported by 60% of Americans and about 85% of Democrats. So those eight Democrats didn't want to vote for it at this time because it's too popular. They felt like, look man, I was into the minimum

wage before it was cool. And now everyone is into the minimum wage. And I think it's gotten corny. Look, Democrats, it's the minimum wage. It's not imagined dragons. So the minimum wage is going to go and do a residency in a faithless. And I want nothing to do with it now. So we're looking at American politics and economics, for an outsider is, well, eternally baffling. So, why the Republicans, aside from just naked politics, why they so put, because I was reading that the relief bill should reduce annual projected poverty for 2021,

from 13.7% to 8.7%. It's the idea that once it drops below 10%, where's the incentive for the rich to keep going to work, if they know that they're not really inflicting that much pain on the poor? Is that an issue of motivation? Yeah, I mean, I think, you know, from the perspective of the rich,

their biggest fear is not actually that the poverty rate will fall and it will lead to inflation. Their biggest fear is that the poverty rate will fall and it will make their Uber driver mouthy. What about the Apex creditors? So the bill also provides relief funding to schools and in typical Republican, Twister, Logic, Republican Senator Tommy Tuberville of Alabama wanted to deny school funding to states that allow transgender students to play sports according to their birth sex. So motion to

forevermore refer to anal sex as tuberville from now on so We look we've been dating for a while. I think we're ready to pay visit to tuberville. I Got us an Airbnb in tuberville. Are you into that? so I mean if we if we're gonna do euphemisms. I just I don't like that the Americans call it a stimulus Before going to U-femisms, I don't like that the Americans call it a stimulus pattern. It sounds like a U-femism for vibrator. All I've seen is Americans going, I'm waiting for my stimulus package for months. I'm going to have to make do with my next two questions.

Nancy Pelosi described the stimulus bill as, quote, the most consequential legislation that many of us will ever be a party to. Well, I'm not sure she's right about that. Wait till the rejoin Britain bill comes around and I'll give it three years. It was criticized by Kevin McCarthy, the Republican leader in the House of Representatives, who said it's not a rescue bill, it's a laundry list of left-wing priorities, which was a curious way of putting it, but a laundry list. I guess if you've got a laundry list, it does suggest that over the past four years your clothes have been covered in shit. So maybe that is perhaps the best way to describe it. $1400 per person stimulus payments are included in

this bill. Now in American terms, that amounts to what is it? 60 or 70 branches or 2000 rounds of ammunition or five online exorcisms. I did generally check that you can get them just under $300. 361 bottles of easy cheese sprayable cheese, two inflatable mix maconals, the non-erotic version, or 120 odd tickets to the Bugle live show on Saturday the 27th of March, £7.00, looking for tickets available on the website. 16 cameo videos from Nigel Farage who we will touch on a little bit later but he he's, he's, he's, he's joined, cameo, which was not something I've been aware of, but it's so kind of celebrity. He's basically a hawk individualized videos for a certain 63 pound 75 to get Nigel Farage to send you a, to send you a message about about a hundred,

hundred dollars or so, which seems, seems quite a lot. I'm going to, I think I might book him to record a message, not for me, but for my, my, as yet hypothetical unborn grandchildren just saying sorry. Or for your $1,400 you could get about 20 minutes of the time of baseball and Mike Trout, whose $426 million dollar 12-year contract works out at around $4,000 an hour, assuming a 24, 7, 3, 6, 5 working schedule. And I think we can assume that because Trout is always on call, wherever and whenever a baseball needs to be hit. Moving across the Atlantic to massive amounts of public money being spent in, well, I think a less productive manner the track and trace scheme here

has been under the the microscope here the House of Commons Public Account Committee which keeps an eye on exactly how much money governments chunder into the capacious void of political panicery just said that the government's track and trace scheme for deal with Covid has gobbled up quotes unimaginable amounts of public money 37 billion in total for last year and this year. That's three Olympics is at least that we've fritted away there. And it's been claimed that the scheme has basically been marked by the four eyes in efficiency, incompetence, idiocy, and I know him,

let's give him a multi million pound contract of example I've ever been doing. idiocy and I know him let's give him a multi million pound contract if you are a government waste correspondent. This has been quite an impressive achievement really to spend so much money to so little effect. I just I hadn't been that interested in track and trace like I'd be interested in it if track and trace were a movie about a female athlete named Tracy. That would really, it's not grabbing me otherwise. But basically the independent of produced this list of the biggest wastes of public money and Tracking Trace is in the mix. It's kind of like a league table. I want to make it a bit Alan Moore, so I'm going to call it League of Extraordinary Waste Men, brackets and woman. Because what we have is a list of wonderful cross party cockups.

So we've got track and trace in at 37 billion, the NHS IT system, 24 billion. The public service pension reform, 17 billion, these have been adjusted to today's figures. One of my favourites, the Millennium Dome, at £1.3 billion. So basically, the total cost, if you don't know about our Millennium Dome NATO, let me show you. So this was, it was estimated at around 780 million, so 1.3 billion today, with most of the money coming from the National Lottery, and various private sector bidders for the attraction sort of dropped out, and the government ultimately disposed of the dome for nothing to a consortium of property developers, and there were like, we'll get

some money from the O2 venue, which is now a music venue. And at the time, they said, in value for money terms, this is the best deal we could have got. Said the minister in charge, Lord Falconer. Why is someone called Lord Falconer, clearly a character from Conan the Barbarian? Why is he allowed to decide how this public spending happens? You're a Lord, you couldn't be more out of touch with what people want. And this is why our system is inherently ridiculous. We've wasted money. I imagine him having one foot up on the castle window and an eagle on his arm. If that's what we can get for it, take it, peanuts for the peasants. One point three bill billion. I mean, it's not the most

expensive, also on the list is Concord at 10 billion, which feels, I don't know, I don't know how you guys feel. Concord feels a little bit more at least like it was exciting technology. Yeah, it was loud at the time. I mean, the millennium dome was, I mean, that seemed to sort of capture the moment, really. That was the early years of the Tony Blair government and they spent a ludicrous amount of money on something that was unbelievably pointlessly shit. It was essentially, they built the Millennium Dome and filled it with what was universally viewed as one of the most pointless exhibitions in history. And I didn't go to my wife went to it and it was like there was a giant human body in it

and a load of just a sort of focus group generated crap. And I think I was aware, the faith in the Blair, the Blair revolution started to dwindling. I think, what, what, you can't come up with something less shit than that. And then a millennium night, there was the river of fire was supposed to go down the Thames and it didn't light. So we just ended up with a river of water, which was less

impressive. But the thing with testing track and trace is it managed to hit that sweet spot of both substandard performance and surplus capacity, which is actually quite a high tariff for a mover. I mean, to do one or the other, that's a piece of cake politically, but to do both at once is that takes something. And I don't know if it's going to even damage Boris Johnson politically, because so much of his political strategy has

been based on making himself come across as someone who couldn't give a flying f*** about other ordinary people and the workers of the UK and the less fortunate. So obviously, you know, wasting all this money is probably going to play well with the voting public. Royal news now and well since we're on the subject of wasting public money, it's time to look at the latest situation in the Royal family here in the United Kingdom. And for anyone worried about Britain, in this post-Brexit post-divorce phase, worry no more, because the vital signs of life are still there. The definitive proof that Britain lives on alive and well,

because we are still tearing ourselves apart over the Royal family, as it turns itself apart. Now, there's very few things that genuinely bind this country together, Tiff, but Medieval feudalism remains one of them. And I'm out over the past week, the country's been divided once again into fundamentally people who couldn't give a flying f*** about the internal squabblings of our symbolic non-executive figurehead family and those who do give a flying f*** about it. And I'm not sure there's a bridge between those two halves of the country, is there? I think there is, I think there's a, I like abolish the monarchy, which is me, but also at the same time, I quite like Meghan and Harry. And I view them like, we don't need the royals anymore.

We've got celebrities now. Let's just go like the Americans and just have celebrity families. We don't, I mean, it's been an interesting week because back in 2018, myself and a little known comic called John Oliver, both did bits on TV about why, both did bits about, well, answering the question of are you excited by the Royal Wedding, which I was asked multiple times and by Americans, like kind of, because I think Americans assume that British people

are generally on board with the monarchy. And when I was asked, you know, like, was I excited about the wedding? I said, no, how would you have to feel if you had to pay every time a Kardashian got married? Like that's sort of how I feel about royal weddings. I, I, I'm following this as an outsider to your shenanigans. So, and I'm trying to follow who people are. So, but so, but here's more good looks

like if Stephen Frye was a sausage casing having an unallergic reaction to itself. I didn't watch the Oprah Winfrey interview with Megan and Harry because, well, I'm 46 and you know, I'm not really an adult in any respect to my life, but I have grown out of giving a flying one about stories of Princes and Princes and Castles and Magic Hats and families being appointed by God to do a specific job for an infinite number of generations. So that is my one concession to adulthood. And like I said, I'm just not my view of the Royal family. It's very much like someone's view of Snooker who doesn't like Snooker. I mean, there's similarities to obvious. I don't really care what happens. I don't understand why it's on TV so much.

I'm slightly confused by the strange old fashioned clothing. Most other countries don't really like the idea of it. It would be nice if it was a little more diverse and it's probably a matter of time before China takes the whole thing over. So, yeah, I can see that people do like it, it's not my bag. Nothing against most of the royal family's

individuals as outdated historical relics go, they're fine in the grand scheme of things if you overlook the perpetuation of the socially corrosive view that you can be born special. And I'm prepared to do that just this once. But I think the problem with this is that, and why this has caused such ruckians, is because the royal family is a beacon of Britishness and in this interview it was really an assault on some of the absolute pillars of British traditions such as not talking openly about mental health, not calling out racism and of rich and powerful men's wives being nice and quiet and not saying anything. Now those are three bull walks of our history and society and they

rode roughshod over them. So you can understand what some people have got right across about it. I love that feature of British news coverage that that where the buildings talk, Bucky and Palace is speaking to 10 downing. 10 downing had a stern rebuke to Bucky and Palace. The palace would like a word. Bucky and Palace in 10 downing or spooning. Palace lives matter. Not the people. So the credenza in the picture gallery would like to issue a statement. This is bullshit. Now it's time for our special convoluted good news section. NATO is one of life's great optimists as discussed earlier on. you are a convoluted good news correspondent,

and you've managed to find some climbers of light in the universe for us this week. That's right, Andy. So one of the challenges of following the news is you have to cut through the noise. A lot of good news involves like a convoluted quadruple negative. Like we defeated repeal, not funding funding contingent on funding, not.

And then you have to be like, you have like to have a flow chart to be like, oh, that's actually great. So they hit it. So this week, the House of Representatives passed the Pro Act to make it easier for workers to form unions. It's very exciting.

In the Florida Bay Democratic Ohio Congressman, Tim Ryan said, heaven forbid, we passed something that's going to help the damn workers in the United States of America in what he thought was a retort to the Republicans and the Republicans replied exactly. That's exactly what we think. Heaven forbid we helped the damn workers. We would just we would be happy to damn the workers. That's why is he shouting. We've been saying this all along. Another bit of good news in an attempted defeat challenges dam the workers, that's wisely shouting. We've been saying this all along. Another bit of good news in an attempted defeat challengers from the left, like Ilhan Omar and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez,

the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee, Blacklisted Campaign Consultants, who worked on primaries in order to defa- to pride those campaigns of campaign staff. And in a win for the left, the D-Tribal C-Stop doing that, they reversed the rule because I don't know, you don't know how difficult it is to find someone who can mock up a glossy campaign mailer with a photo of the candidate in an improbably multiracial group of people holding a baby while looking pensively into the distance and also listening intently to constituents next to text about a heartwarming

folksy homily about their personal narrative. So that was great. I was intrigued by this blacklist. So they basically, you know, for vendors who've worked for progressive primary candidates, we'll put on a blacklist that then stopped them working for any other Democrats. Is that essentially correct? Right. So I mean, because it's always surprising, as an outsider, to find all these cheeky little anti-democratic Easter eggs hidden in the American Democratic system, there seems to be an almost infinite number of them. Uh, we're not to totalitarian. We won't throw you in jail or literally censor you. We'll just deprive you of your livelihood until you surrender. and really censor you, we'll just deprive you of your livelihood until you surrender.

And that's freedom. So. Is it the left trying to prevent the left from becoming too left? That's right. That the center left is concerned that the left will do something that is popular and successful and will get in the way of our undefeated run of snatching defeat from the

jaws of victory. And we can't let that happen. I was reading about this public charge policy of the Trump administration and his acting director of citizenship and immigration services, Ken Kuchinelli, in supporting Trump's policy, he did his own little revision of the poem that is on a plaque on the pedestal of the Statue of Liberty written by Emma Lazarus in 1883 called The New Colossus. It was a sonnet and he rewrote the last few lines and I'll just read the last few lines for the original which go like this. Keep ancient lands, your storied pump, Christy with silent lips, give me your tide, your poor, your huddled masses, yearning to breathe

free, the wretched refuse of your teaming shore, send these, the homeless tempest, tossed to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door and these were translated by Trump's Acting Director of U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services Ken Kuchinelli too Scottish mermaid news now and well there's been great concern over the health and well-being of mermaids as a species. They have feared to entangle. Most aquariums no longer have mermaids. They have, well, fish and they often have human staff that seldom both merged at once. And well, in Scotland in particular, well, the mermaid is, in many ways, a national emblem of Scotland due to, well it really encapsulates a lot of what Scotland is about when you look at the difference in

life expectancy between the top half and the bottom half, but that really encapsulates Scottish economics. But if tell us what's been what's been going on in the world of Scottish mermaid dream? Well obviously there's any one person that I can ask to explain this story accurately. So to unpack this story, Scottish boyfriend explains a hang. So there's this new programme on the BBC about a real life Murmai Dream and I've got to call the other day if we can go on and on about it it saying I tell it there was real and basically trying to convince me that the story had helped me and Johnny about him kissing a real life mermaid was actually true. Now, there in mind this was about

seven years ago to tell us that story and Kenny can usually can hear and remember what happened on fucking Corey two day ago. So I said, some mermaid incident must have had a real impact on him, no. So I thought to myself, maybe he's no talking shy after all, right? Then I remembered, took me a minute like, because as I say, it was f***ing eight years ago. But I remember that day when we Kenny thought he'd winched on RuneMade, we've been up at the field, right? A high-end academy, picking magic machines, me, we Kenny, Johnny and Johnny's big bread, Davy. Anyway, there were Hunters and we were just gobbin' them down. I remember we Kenny talking

pressure about a mermaid, but we didn't pay any attention because Johnny was spewing his ring and ended up having to get his stomach pumped. So I didn't care what this BBC hang is about, but I'll tell you one thing, if Murmids are real, I guarantee there's no way any of them would case we cannace stupid face. Well, thank you, I think we've all been educated and illuminated by that. And before we go, one final piece of very important news,

a Chinese zoo has tried to pass off a dog as a wolf. There was some social media footage, is there any other kind these days, from a visitor to the Zhang Wu Shan Zhu in Jiangning Hu Bay Province, who went to see the wolf enclosure, and in the wolf enclosure, there was something that was, I think we can say obviously not a wolf. It was a dog that looked like rot-wiler dog, which doesn't really look like a wolf. But let's give this to some credit. I mean, yes, if you say there's going to be a wolf and then it's not a wolf, your customers are going to be understandably confused. But dogs are descended from wolves. So is this not really an educational, almost an educational satire on evolution, you know, what

is wolf, what is dog? And also it's not that dissimilar to when you go to a petting zoo that promises you a chance to get up and close up close and personal with a tyrannosaurus Rex and all it is, is a chicken. And you know, we've all been there. And that to me is fair enough. And of course, in China, there is a bit of a trend these days for things locked in enclosures to be wrongly labeled, whether it's a dog labeled as a wolf or victims of ethnic cleansing and human rights abuses labeled as reeducation students. It's maybe just a labeling issue, isn't it? Wasn't there a scientific experiment in the Soviet Union where they tried to accelerate the evolution of wolves, but they would kill wolves that acted out

to see how quickly they could turn them into dogs. That sounds like the best reality TV show and the worst reality TV show at the same time. A dog in wolf's clothing speed evolution with David Attenborough and his magic bulk gun. Evolved now. No? How about this gun? Does that make you want to hurry up? And it's magic, vodka. It evolved now. No, how about this gun? Does that make you want to hurry up?

Well, that brings us to the end of this week's Bugle. Thank you very much for listening. Don't forget to listen to the Bugle sister publication, The Gargle, the magazine supplement to the Bugle coming out every week with the wonderful Alice Fraser. Tiff, I think you were on that last week, or this week, yes. I was, yes, myself and Harry, it was very fun. I do do listen to that.

Tiff, any shows to tell people about? Oh, well, I have a show the day after I think the live bugle, which I believe is the 27th March. I'm not sure, remember. It should all go by tickets for that. And then on the 28th of March, you should watch me do my work in progress with the next up comedy at 7pm. So most places in the world, you can watch this.

So if you want to watch it in the afternoon in America, although I did specifically do a show for the Americans that was four o'clock in the morning in the UK. So, but yes, 28th of March, I think if you've got a next up membership, you can watch it for free. Otherwise tickets are nine pounds. They don't any shows or album releases. You know, my albums, my two album comediums are available online. The best way to buy them is band camp. That's where I get the most dough. Follow me at

NATO Green on Twitter, Mr. NATO Green on Instagram. On Sunday I am doing my first live performance in an outdoor show. I, first time I've been on stage live in a year with an actual audience, outdoors, mass-on, safe situation, and the show will be I think streamed via the website of Brokeass Stewart is the name. So it'll be, but I haven't talked to people outside my house any year, so it could be a total cluster of f***ing, so who knows.

And if you're interested in something completely different, I have a new article out on the Arts Journal Hyper allergic hyper allergic calm about Cuban art so I am a renaissance man. I have an article about cricket statistics out in the wisdom cricket monthly magazine. So you know we're all writing stuff. We're all writing stuff. Um. I'm not a Renaissance man. Anyway, at least you're qualified to write about cricket statistics, which cannot be said about my music is about Cuban art.

Don't forget the Bugle Live show on the 27th of March, tickets available via the Bugle website or just the internet in general. We'll be back. Next week with Nish Kumar and Hari Kondabalu. Until then, Bueglers, goodbye.