The Bugle - Nora Barnacle's Lost Letters

Episode Date: November 6, 2022

Andy is with Alice Fraser and Chris Addison for the last of our birthday shows, with a focus on hot news in Ireland, and of course this includes Irish dancing and bad priests. Also Twitter news, the latest controversies from the art world, and a Hottie From HistoryWhy not listen to our new show, celebrating 15 years of Top Stories: https://www.thebuglepodcast.com/topstoriesFeaturing:Andy ZaltzmanAlice FraserChris AddisonProduced by Chris Skinner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to a real thing that's going to happen. TheBuglePodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world.

Please welcome to the stage and his old Thank you. I mean, someone had gone with a stylish fade out there, but you've just gone... It's gown with it. Just get on with it, thanks. So welcome to the Bugle 15th anniversary live Bugle Live tour show here in Dublin. This is the last show of our 15th anniversary tour celebrating the birth of the world's leading and only audio newspaper for a visual world. And well it's lovely to be here back at the Sugar Club in Dublin, we did a show here, was it four years ago? Four years and one month. And one month, who came to that show?

Yes, quite a lot, we had David O'Dockty and Alice Fraser for that show, and it's lovely for Chris and I to be in this lovely venue here, because we currently live in a failed state run by Tim Pomp, crank, puppet, rogue regime. So it's lovely to come to a country that still has facilities like this, where everything hasn't gone to shit. So there have now been as many episodes of the bugle as the sum of,

and you can shout out if you know each of these, total plays written by Shakespeare. 37's closer, it's actually officially 38. Some say 39, but of course the authorship of some of his works is now disputed, he is generally not credited for Richard III the sequel. Revenge of the zombie horse-eating Yorkshireman. People now think he didn't exclusively

write plague the musical, or Jack and the Beanstalk, or a hundred and one sex tips for monks. So you've got to add plays by Shakespeare to novels by Joyce. How many? Wow. What the f***ing, huh? Not cool. Three, three, four. Ricky, you can ballpark it, it's fine.

I mean, no one reads him, do that. They were kind of long and complicated, aren't they? Symphony's by Beethoven. Nine, if you said ten, you're wrong, he did not write spice world. And it doesn't technically count as a symphony. Hip-hop albums were released by the former world number one rank golfer, Nick Faldow. Just the one. No fans are f***ing diBurdy in tonight, obviously.

Volumes of erotic poetry by War Hero and US President Dwight D. Eisenhower. Two. The rising thrum of unspoken tides. And the rather less subtle Ike's pike. This is going to take a while. other less subtle Ike's pike. I don't know. LAUGHTER Um... This is going to take a while, Chris. We've got a quite a long way to go. He's got a big having.

Actual pigs that have been to space. Zero. Never trust a f***ing mup it. LAUGHTER Number of football world cups. Ireland has qualified for in the last... Let's not talk about that. Let's not talk about that. Number of children fathered by former UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson, X, it is X, X.

So we're on about 140 plus X, we're going to need a number of people in this room who think this bit has gone on too long and we're there. So we've done that, we've done them. As always, those of you who listen to the show, a section of the bugle is going, where? It's going, where Dublin? Right, and for this 15th anniversary tour, everything from the United Kingdom. Yes, since we are in Dublin, we do not have to cover any news from the UK UK because it's been an unending deluge of shit in recent weeks and I am f***ing sick of it.

So amongst the things we won't be covering on this week's bugle is the UK entering a two-year recession. I'm asked treating asylum seekers like shit. Most people in the country who report the home secretary is ticking off as one of her key performance indexes successfully achieved. Basically everything in the UK, grinding to a f***ing halt, our democratic system crumbling to shitty dust,

and Brexit not being so much the elephant in the room as the elephant corpse that has gradually rotted into the carpets and furniture. And yet still haunts the rumours and active but flatulent ghosts. So that's... That is in the bin, an active but flatulent ghost. So that's... That's... That is in the bin, nothing, nothing from the UK this week.

And of course, you've been celebrating 100 years of independence. So I think is coming to the end of the initial trial period. How's it... Any regrets? I don't think so. any regrets. All that could have been yours. Also in the bin this week, a Dublin quiz. And you can all participate in this. It's a multiple choice quiz. You can imagine you've got answer forms and fill out your answers.

Do you think you know a lot about your home city? Yeah. o'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymg i'n ymwch yn fwy'r ymwch yn fwy'r ymwch yn fwy'r ymwch yn fwy'r ymwch yn fwy'r ymwch yn fwy'r ymwch yn fwy'r ymwch yn fwy'r ymwch yn fwy'r ymwch yn fwy'r ymwch yn fwy'r ymwch yn fwy'r ymwch yn fwy'r ymwch yn fwy'r ymwch yn fwy'r ymwch yn fwy'r ymwch yn fwy'r ymwch yn fwy'r ymwch yn fwy'r ymwch yn fwy'r ymwch yn fwy'r ymwch yn fwy'r ymwch yn fwy'r ymwch yn fwy'r ymwch yn fwy'r ymwch yn fwy'r ymwch yn fwy'r ymwch yn fwy'r ymwch yn fwy'r ymwch yn fwy'r ymwch yn fwy'r ymwch yn fwy'r ymwch yn fwy'r ymwch yn fwy'r ymwch yn fwy'r ymwch yn fwy'r ymwch yn fwy'r ymwch yn fwy'r ymwch yn fwy'r ymwch yn fwy'r ymwch yn fwy'r ymwch yn fwy'r ymwch yn fwy'r ymwch yn fwy'r ymwch yn fwy'r ymwch yn fwy'r ymwch yn fwy'r ymwch yn fwy'r ymwch yn fwy'r Right, so question one, why did the Vikings found Dublin? Was it A, seems silly not to? Was it B, because of the lovely weather? Was it C, tack breaks mostly? Was it D, because they absolutely loved destroying places? According to the legendary stereotype, there's nothing here, so they thought if they found it, they'd have someone new to destroy. Or was it E because they needed a venue for Eric Bloodst now stagdoo?

Question 2, which of the following bands comes from Dublin? Is it A, K-pop sensations BTS? Is it B, the Buenos Aires Symphony Orchestra? Is it C, reigning Bundesliga champions Bayern Munich? Is it D, Kendoa, and the BLZ bubbles? The Snooker Diabolism crossover responsible for such hitches as the Devil's Pink Spot? Back to Bulk, brackets Burnin' Hell? And a total damnation safety exchange.

Or was it E, the Dubliners? E, correct, well done. And finally, question three, who or what is a Nora Barnacle? A, a Nora Barnacle is a local Dublin delicacy considered the chewiest and least digestible seafood in the world. It has to be hacked off the rocks at Claudeau in Ireland with a tungsten coated mallet. The nora takes on average 15 minutes to chew and swallow, and up to 12 days, they're passing

the digestive system. The most anyone person in the evening in one sitting is three and a half. B, a norobarnacle is a medical condition in which a fungal infection of the skin leads to a hard, nobile callus that looks like an old woman called Nora. C, the norra barnacle was Ireland's biggest selling car of the 1970s. Favorably compared to the top-selling Soviet model, the Lada Linin, it had a top speed of 38 miles an hour and could manage to ascend most moderate slopes and was voted car I'd least like to crash in for six years in a row.

Or was it, is it Nora Barnacle D, the wife and muse of complicated novel Celeb James Joyce? Joyce and Barnacle famously exchanged some of the fru-tious letters ever sent from one human being to another. But sadly, only Joyce's side of the correspondence has survived. Or so we thought, because as an investigative newspaper, we've uncovered Nora Barnacle's responses to Joyce. Are you all aware of these letters? Yes. We've discovered nor are barnacles responses. The first one was, dear James, thank you for your letter.

It was really weird. I mean, each of their own and all that, but... Any chance you could just send me a normal letter next time? Love, nozzah. And the second letter was James. I thought you'd like to know that the kids took your last letter into school for show and tell. They have now been expelled, regards Nora. That section in the bin! Oh, right.

And now, 20 minutes into the show, it's time to meet our guests. Last time we were here. Now 20 minutes into the show, it's time to meet our guests. Last time we were here. Last time we were here, as I mentioned, we had Alice and David O'Dockerty, Chris, your journey here four years ago. I mean, just talk us through that, because it was very much a metaphor for life, wasn't it? So you, me and Alice, had come from a show in Manchester,

and we got all the way to the gate at Manchester Airport. It's a simple journey. That's the map on the screen. And we were just about to get on the flight when it turned out I had my daughters passport. And so I then decided there's only one thing for it. I've got to make the show, it's very important that I come here. And so I took two trains, let's see if it's worse, he's not going to work now, typically there we go, I took two trains, I got on the Northern line in London, I got on the Central line, I got on the DLR, I then took a flight from London, I then took a cab, I got here 250 pounds later, and I made the show.

And in many ways, it was a salient through less than that? It was a positive metaphor for life, wasn't it, Chris? Because, you know, it shows that if you make a mistake, you don't need to just give up and accept that. You can really try, you can fight through it, and you can end up where you were supposed to be several hundred quid down and with everyone thinking you're an idiot. So, you know, just don't give up.

The lesson for our children, do give up. Well, this time, well, we were supposed to have with us live on stage one human being. But what we do have is something that would have been absolutely unthinkable just 200 years ago. Two people joining us via the internet on a big screen. Chris Anderson! Hello, Andy. Oh, I know, Alice. They're both going to- Alice, for example. I can't separate them.

In Brisbane. Hi. Hello, hello. Can I just say, Chris Skinner, the lesson that you learned is to update your profile picture. Because if you do not update your profile picture, then you show up with a passport, and the people look at the passport and they go, you are not that baby. LAUGHTER Well, welcome, both of you.

I should say you're both quite small on a massive screen, and a logo of my face is much bigger than either of you. So, no way you f***ing stand. My show, all right? No, no. LAUGHTER Alice, you are in Brisbane? No, no, are you f***ing Stan? My show, alright? No, no, no. Alice, you are in Brisbane? I am, Andy, and I sit here during your increasingly long introductions and I think, why did I set my alarm for 5am?

I don't have a light. The sun's risen while you were chatting. That's great. Yeah, so you are in the future. You are in tomorrow. What have you got to look forward to as a planet? I mean, so far from my perspective, there's a quite a nice magpie. Right.

Just one. Shit. Just just one. All that talk of nuclear war is evidently true. Nice magpie and some effective breast feeding. That's what you have to look forward to. And they just want to clarify my reasons for not being with you in Dublin. Yeah. And I obviously, you know, originally I was supposed to be with you, but the thing is, and the Brexit means Brexit. And I don't hold with this lily livid soft Brexit

that Boris Johnson and his crores went, but I am a true hard Brexit here. Not only do I feel that Britain should, as we have, quite rightly, withdraw from the EU, but I believe we should absolutely refuse to recognise its existence at all. So I can't go to Dublin, Andy, because as far as I'm concerned,

there's no such place as Dublin, unless, and these are the only points on which my Brexit is prepared to concede, unless I am able to use it either as a tax haven or somewhere to store asylum seekers. That is it. I'll make some calls. I'll make some calls. You'd never be a tax haven, would you?

I think we're already for Top Story this week. Well, Top Story this week week Ireland rocked to its very core to its leg waggling soul by a dancing scandal. I mean having having here we go I mean come from all the shit that has been unfolding back home in recent months. So you come to Ireland and think, I watched a big story in Ireland. It's a people cheating at fucking dancing for fuck's sake. I mean, Alice has our Irish dancing cheating correspondent. Looking at this from an objective range of 10,000 miles, this has got to be arguably the biggest story in the history of Ireland.

Would you not say? I would say Andy, yes, the world's biggest Irish dancing body, which I imagine looks something like Steven Segal, has sent a lot of letter out to try and stop these explosive allegations of first fixing, which have come out that people have been match fixing these Irish dancing. I mean, these allegations of cheating,

they've prompted Irish dancing teachers all around the world to organize, and they're called for sweeping reforms. I just, I sort of have an issue with the central premise of this story. How can you throw an Irish dancing match, you're barely using your arms? Hey.

I also, for one, I cannot believe that there are true Irish persons betraying the fine legacy of Irish dance, which as far as I know was about tricking the English who might be peeping into the windows into thinking that you weren't dancing, you were all just harmlessly bouncing up and down in place. Instead of doing, you know, sneaky, cultural pride, which we all know involves, expensive arm gestures. But if you're, I just don't understand how you can be pretending to be less good at pretending you're not good at dancing. And if you do that surely you're letting the English win. Chris, I know you used to be a professional Irish dancer back in the day.

Well, interestingly Andy, actually I'll be honest with you. I know I have that reputation. And while I do consider myself a man of the world, as much as I've always rather liked Irish dancing and by always I obviously mean since halfway through Eurovision in 1994, saying that I'm not sure if mine. Irish dancing is perhaps surprisingly not actually one of my specialist subjects. So this afternoon I started to do some research into it and it really is the most fascinating art book. I put together a little primer for fellow news of, did you know facts on Irish dancing?

Did you know, for example, Irish dancing is the only form of dancing, which is safe to do whilst crossing a busy road. Because built into it is the left. The right. The left. The right. The scene if it's safe to do so, continuing to look left and right. Also, did you know, on a steps per minute basis, Irish dancing is the most dangerous form of dancing to do in a minefield.

Did you know Irish dancing was originally invented in 1957 by a man trying to signal to his wife downstairs that he got his arms stuck in his jumper? You know, in Boston, Massachusetts, Irish dancers are considered sacred and may only be slaughtered and eaten by priests and red socks players. And did you also know that if you go on stage to headline a comedy night at Paisley University just outside of Glasgow in 1998 and you make a joke about the facts that the organisers somewhat bizarrely booked a solo Irish dancer is your supporter, you will get by the audience. That's... That was my first paid gig. Paisley.

I can remember doing a gig in Paisley University with you where we had to get a flight home the next day from the airport, Glasgow Airport, which is at Paisley. And the form of ID that you used, do you remember, was a Snookahall membership card in which your photograph was stapled onto a typed piece of paper. And that worked. LAUGHTER Now it's been downhill ever since, really. He really had. I think that might have been, Mae'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw'n gwaith yw', a'r ysgwch, a'r ysgwch, a'r ysgwch, a'r ysgwch, a'r ysgwch, a'r ysgwch, a'r ysgwch, a'r ysgwch, a'r ysgwch, a'r ysgwch, a'r ysgwch, a'r ysgwch, a'r ysgwch, a'r ysgwch, a'r ysgwch, a'r ysgwch, a'r ysgwch, a'r ysgwch, a'r ysgwch, a'r ysgwch, a'r ysgwch, a'r ysgwch, a'r ysgwch, a'r ysgwch, a'r ysgwch, a'r ysgwch, a'r ysgwch, a'r ysgwch, a'r ysgwch, a'r ysgwch, a'r ysgwch, a'r ysgwch, a'r ysgwch, a'r ysgwch, a'r ysgwch, a'r ysgwch, a'r ysgwch, a'r ysgwch, a'r ysgwch, a'r ysgwch, a'r ysgwch, a'r ysgwch, a'r ysgwch, a'r ysgwch, a'r ysgwch, a'r ysgwch, a'r ysgwch, a'r ysgwch, a'r y one year old, how, after reading about this story, can you look that child in the eye and say,

this planet is worth living on? Well, this is the thing Andy, I was hoping to hand it down some pride in her Irish heritage as my mum taught herself Gaelic and all sorts of exciting things. And now what I'm going to do is erase that from history, and tell her she was born in Australia like a koala, and will never go anywhere else. LAUGHTER I mean, there have been previous scandals, of course,

in Irish dancing. It was the great 1932 shoelaces scandal, where Betty Snoot had a shoes tied together i'r scandol, o'r bethi snut a'r shoe'r tied i'r gweithio yn y cymlau cyllunio'r Irish name it. Krysiu'r gwa'r Irish Heros, yng Nghymru'r

i'r Mary. A'r name Isol a'r cachle clachle'n an Alan. And surname, isolakakla-clapanan. Alan. Alan, OK, Mary Alan. I hate this.

I hate this. Then of course there was the margarine on the dance floor in 1973 when the controversial, controversially bony-need cochal-cochity dripped marge down his trousers during his performance, leading to the reigning champion Herbert Jelly Legshofloklin falling on his ass. Is that pronounced like that? Falling on his orshire. Is it? And then spitting on his back on the buttery floor and inventing brake dancing. It is a fact.

In other Irish news, there's been an opera after an Irish priest told. LAUGHTER I mean... This is the best possible outcome to the beginning of that sentence, I just want to respond on the... don't worry, audience. It's quite an OK story. I mean, it's a horrible story, but it's not as horrible as you could be imagined. Yes, uproar after an Irish priest really could could start many history books and news stories.

He told, said that Leo Verradkar and other gay politicians will go to hell. Now this priest... No, not for being politicians. Yeah, no, she didn't talk that. He was being homophobic. For being gay. And, I mean, I'm not a priest. I'm objective on this. I'm a second-generation lapsed Jew. Have you got any other lapsed Jews in tonight?

Testify! Or don't testify as the case, baby. Um... LAUGHTER How laps do you? What a game show that would be. LAUGHTER Also a ward in the... in the postpartum area. Oh, that's cool. LAUGHTER Um... LAUGHTER

Um... I think John's just signed a deal with HBO to do how lapsed to you as a game show. Five-year deal. Yeah. Pop it on the table, let's see if he's going back on. The priest Sean Sheehy was a priest in County Kerry. He was preaching off the bench after the regular priest popped off on holiday or something. So I mean that's a bad substitution isn't it when he condemned homosexuality trans rights and abortion rights and said Veradka and other gay politicians will go to hell for being

gay Veradka himself disagreed with this. But he did generously acknowledge the right of lunatic priests to say the kind of things that lunatic priests like to say which I thought Ys gyd yn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymd I should say, well, I mean, what, I mean, this is quite an extraordinary, extraordinary claim for a priest. I don't think the science entirely backs it up, does it? I mean, I'm cos God himself has been eerily quiet on these things for about 2,000 years now, 2,000 years ago, yadda, yadda, yadda, full of it. Chris is our leading bigotry correspondent on the bugle. What's your view of this, whose side are you on the bugle. What's your view of this, who's side are you on?

Well, I think I'm fundamentally on island side, in there, because I think this is a classic case of, and this happens to every country. It definitely happens to us where you, as a country, spend a lot of time and capital and effort making a new version of yourself and trying to get rid of stereotypes that are out there in the world internationally about your own country. Just have people see you as you really are and then some f***ing idiot comes along like this, she, he, and tears it all apart. This fundamentally the same thing has happened to the UK over the last three years.

You know, we're trying to make ourselves look like we're a sleek, new economy and global Britain, but we've had three years of a guy who is our main representative going, I remember, I remember, I remember, it's hopeless. And this stuff happens all the time. My very favourite instance of this happening

was in Dublin, in fact, in the early northeast. I did a gig in Dublin in the middle of the sort of Celtic tiger time. Right, at that point where Ireland was really, you know, remaking itself and showing, flexing economic muscles, new economic muscles, and showing itself as a young country at the forefront of cutting edge technology, gateway PCs and those cow boxes were everywhere. It was this huge thing, the Celtic Tiger Rare, right? And I came into the gig in Dublin, flew in, and you know when you fly into any country,

but the bit that when you walk from the plane to the arrivals, always there's adverts for the country that you've just landed in, showing you the way that that country wants to present itself to you. And it was just wall-to-wall pictures of young, Irish people with keyboards and laughing with a laptop and looking like they were, you know, crowding around the great new technology at all, they hear modern Ireland. And I got into the arrivals hall and I swear to you three lads, I reckon they would have been about seven, eight, and nine years old. wearing all of them wearing Wellington boots and wax jackets and flat gaffs. Holding up a sign that they had made themselves, they drawn a picture, they drawn a picture of a tractor in Shafi and written on it, welcome home grand happy, world plowing champion.

The claring champion. LAUGHTER Hundreds of millions of euros worth of marketing destroyed in a moment. And this is exactly what's happening to Ireland again now. Somebody said mildly, forgivingly, that this priest had spent time in the American culture wars. It was distorted by spending time in the American culture world. Which I assume they mean sort of the equivalent of NAM. Like he's come back not quite right. You're man, you go over there, you see some things. He saw a grown man refusing to reply to a work email because someone had their pronouns in their bio. He saw a university professor's

driven with indecision about which of eight people calling each other a Nazi was actually a Nazi only to realize the academic peer review was the real Nazi all along. She said that the media and even the Catholic Church were responsible for misleading the Irish people into approving of same-sex marriage and forgiving people for having abortions and so on and so forth. I think he's just, he stopped one step short of the media, the Catholic church, and God himself has tricked people into believing that compassion and kindness to your individual fellows is the goal

of the Catholic church, rather than horrible beatings and fingering in the dark. LAUGHTER To my favourite album is by Hapah. LAUGHTER to my favourite albums by Hapber. God himself was, as just today being reported to be, quotes, actually not that bothered about homosexuality these days. Sausage closely, in mighty claim, that the fact that his son was, in essence, quotes

a bit woke, has made God more open-minded about things people should burn and hell for and a close confidant of God claim. He can't really be arse with punishing people for stuff they do consensually in the privacy of their own homes. It causes a quote logistical f***ing nightmare and absolute f***ing mountains of paperwork and God is reportedly more concerned these days with sorting out VAR in a'r pwpwyr. A'r gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn gyd yn g Are you art fans here? Yes, it's been well, artists become well, a battleground around the world been all kinds of art-based protests. Last week a man wearing a just stop oil t-shirt glued his head

to a mere picture in the hang. I don't know if it's a... I don't know if it's it. I mean what a world we live in. He glued his head to the girl with the pearl airing in a museum. What a sentence. He glued his head to the girl with a pearl earring. Sorry, what are we talking about? And this is fine password. Am I supposed to know how to respond to that? I mean, what does that mean on an artistic level, Chris?

You know, if you glue your head to a 17th century painting, what point are you trying to make? Look obviously it's crucial to protest about what is after all a global emergency, but also it's crucial to protect some of our greatest artistic achievements as a species. Surely there must be some sort of compromise that we can reach that allows for both of those days. What if the protesters just picked slightly more appropriate artworks? If you're going to grow soon for something, grow a Jackson Pollock. At least that's in the spirit of the thing, isn't it? If you're going to glue yourself to something, glue yourself to a multimedia collage, then that makes it a sort of performance art piece.

Don't just ruin the ones that everybody likes. But these people from just stop oil. I'm not completely sure what's going on here. Are they protesting about the fuel or the type of paint? Is this just the radical being of the pro-pastel lobby? Are they? And are there not enough arbitrary divisions in the world as it is without any of this bullshit? Maybe I'm just being a wet lipple. Maybe art is about conflict. You can't say watercolour without saying war, you can't say painting, without saying pain. You can't say how did you make it look so lifelike without saying ow. It's an age old battle andy. It's origins lost in the mist of time, the battle between performance

art and art, which is what is actually taking place here. Let's put the oil aside, let's put the environmental protest aside. This is saying, what is more interesting? The Mona Lisa or me gluing my dick to the Mona Lisa? The question at the heart of all art. Well, at least we might have an explanation for that weird looking arreight. We know how to deal with this, this scourge, we know how to deal with this from the American gun lobby, don't we? The only thing that can stop a bad guy with a can of soup is a good guy with a can of soup. We need to be arming museum attendants with cans of soup, not just cans of soup, Andy, but semi-automatic cans of soup. I'm talking you're

browning 22 cream of tomato repeater. I'm talking your armour-light AR7 Gazpat Show, the infamous hippie-soaker. I'm talking you're getting some model for New England clam chowder. And sure, this is going to be an arms race. We need to be developing bigger and more destructive soup weapons before they do. Possibly even tactical Mae'r gweithio'r gweithio yn amsraith. Mae'r gweithio'r gweithio yn amsraith. Mae'r gweithio yn amsraith. Mae'r gweithio yn amsraith. Mae'r gweithio yn amsraith. Mae'r gweithio yn amsraith. Mae'r gweithio yn amsraith.

Mae'r gweithio yn amsraith. Mae'r gweithio yn amsraith. Mae'r gweithio yn amsraith. Mae'r gweithio yn amsraith. Mae'r gweithio yn amsraith. Mae'r gweithio yn amsraith. Mae'r gweith'n mynd. Mae'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd ind i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd ind i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i'n mynd i' mates called him Show Me Da. Um, who is the grandfather of the singer, Jeanelle, of course. And, um, and Monet's view is either one of the most influential painters of his day, or as a pond-bothering pastel fetishist in Hobbes, a big water lily.

You're called Dublin. You're called. The, uh, painting that was attacked was called Hastax. It was one of Monet's few sorties into portraiture as he hammered out portraits of great British wrestlers of the 1970s to pay off a gambling debt. His daddy and Nagasaki, a viewed as classic words of the impressionist ITV wrestling crossover genre.

One for the teenagers there Andy. I feel like this protest movement and it is getting attention, so it is effective in that way, drawing attention to their cause. But I also think it's a real signal of the sad decline in modern manners. Did their parents not teach them that you're not going to throw soup? You're meant to spoon soup gently over a canvas. Vincent Mangoth, though, he's a fair target. o'r ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn y and also he chopped his own ear off so he couldn't hit people banging on about carbon emissions. So I've got no dispute with that. I mean, you want boomers to listen. This is the point.

They want boomers to listen to these anti-oil protests. I reckon that we can cut out the middleman and just pour soup and food and glue ourselves to celebrities that boomers find appropriate. Just glue yourself to bono, pour some soup over the remaining beetles, like just do it that way. Well, Twitter news now, and yes, Twitter for those who have not heard of it, the 21st century equivalent of standing in the middle of a roundabout with the trousers around your ankles screaming at traffic and rubbing radioactive paint on your crotch has been, has been bought by Elon Musk. Now, Alice, you for many years have have kept Google listeners informed of the all the going, coming and goings in Elon Musk's life and brain.

What the f*** is going on with him now? And I, as you know, amizmerized by Elon Musk, Elon Musk, a baby's idea of a grown-up. You know, all of the money and resources in the world, and he's using it to send cars to space like the Wang fantasy of a nerd that wish they were brave enough to be assholes. And he has now bought Twitter. And he's throwing his weight around. He's brought in other programmers.

He's decided that he wants to revolutionize Twitter by making it more Twitter than it's ever been. The problem here, Andy, is among many other things, is he's suggesting that verified users need to pay to maintain their verified user status that in order to have a premium Twitter experience, you're going to have to pay money. And this is the core issue at the heart of this purchase

of Twitter, is the relentless urge to be a landlord. If you want to make a premium Twitter, what you need to do is ruin the general experience of Twitter to such a degree that people will pay to be out of it. It's the same thing that leads to airport lounges, it's the same thing that leads to the IP clubs. If the airport is fine, you have no need for a lounge. What counts as innovation for a billionaire is making the you have no need for a lounge. What counts as

innovation for a billionaire is making the world like it is for them all the time, but only for people like them. He's bringing in coders from all these other programs to deal with the Twitter code, and the problem is that Twitter is not a tech product. Twitter is a nightclub. Twitter is a people product. There's no innovative code in Twitter. Twitter is selling the addiction of Twitter of people like Stephen King and Elon Musk back to themselves. There's no innovative moderation algorithm, and if they were, Elon would already be deconstructing it in the name of this glowing ideal of absolute unregulated free speech. The equivalent in sophistication to a 19-year-old libertarian.

This free speech idea has been ruthlessly proven to lead nowhere good by places that already exist on the internet, like Fortschap. The moment he bought it, slurs went up on the platform, which you always know is a good sign. You know that's a good sign that you're doing the right thing, the moment you buy a platform, people start using the N-word more. Mae'n gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaith the shred their printouts, then sacked a load of them. He wandered through his office carrying a sink, and he's got rid of half of his senior executives. So basically, what we have with Elon Musk

is someone who had he been born 2,000 years before he was, would have ended his life with his penis in a horse being hacked to death by his bodyguard. Ancient Rome. LAUGHTER Ancient Rome is missing an emperor. That is essentially what has happened. He did say this, free speech is the bedrock of a functioning democracy and looking at the state of free speech around the world.

It might be the bedrock of a functioning democracy, but that bedrock is radioactive and it is poisoning democracy from within. I feel like he was wandering around, well he was wandering around the halls of Twitter with the sink so that he could just look over people's shoulders and say, I have a sinking feeling and then they have to laugh because he's the boss. Well he literally didn't, he post, in? Yes. So you went into Twitter. Yeah.

This, the Twitter is sort of now run by the least funny person on Twitter. And that is a hotly f*****er title. Tonight, there. Oh, yeah. Yeah. No matter what he does, I just, whenever I see him, I don't see the world's richest man. I just, I can't help thinking, do you wash your face in a deep fat fryer? What's going on there?

I mean, okay, let's not make fun of how he looks. He does look like the face of a man in a police sketch of a man, but I think the core issue is that he's selling himself as a representative of the war between engineers and the artistic class, the artistic class being people who have taste and good jokes and the engineering class, other people who actually get things done. The problem being that he does not get things done. What he does is he goes around and he blowvitates with lots of money until other people get things done for him. Apparently he's a great engineer. I await one of his pig, Neuralink pigs, to show me that he is. It's a spectacular fall from Grace, though, isn't it? If you think about Elon Musk, say, three years ago,

when all we really knew was that he likes the idea of making Tesla open source, and he was going to build all these batteries that he would explain how he was doing it, and anyone could do it, and this would solve the energy crisis and so on. That was when he was at his absolute, to go from that level of court, just stop. Somebody should have sent him at that point. Stop, stop nothing you say from this point. Nothing is going to better the things that you've already said. And it has just been a phenomenal ride without breaks downhill ever since that. He lost his traction somewhere between Tesla's going to solve the climate crisis and we can make fart noises instead of horn sounds when you raise the beeping button. There have been some other news social media platforms launched to try and replace Twitter. a'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddwyr i'r ddweithio'r yw'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio very exciting news. Technology has allowed sperm to be frozen for longer than the 50-year

limit, and has raised the possibility that if we twist what this story actually means, we could choose people from history to be parents to our own children. I mean, that's not what this science does, but it might enable it in the distant future. But let's imagine it allows it now. And this takes us back to one of the early strands of the bugle in the early years, which some of you may remember, hotties from history. Good God, yeah.

There we have my ex. Good God, yeah! There we have my ex, uh, Flo and I, oh yeah, um, I've just got to go with the flow. Chris, I don't believe you've ever shared with the bugle listeners your own personal historical question. The qualification was the person had to be dead for at least a hundred years. So I can't, so hang on, so not the queen. I can't go with something else. No. And you can't have that, you're either.

I can't, go on have that, yes. That is, if anything, a relief. If only you'd said that to the Electroch's join the 1987 General Election, Andy. Well, how we go all the way back to 1666 to nominate the Great Fire of London as my hot evening. The Great Fire of London was literally smoking and it could go for days. You have to be careful making a booty call to the great fire because you just didn't know where it was going to lead. The fun would start with a little bit of a spark around a pudding lane area if you get my meaning. Just sort of go from there. And once that baby got in its groove, there were cues round the block of local fellas waiting

for their turn to spill their load of water from buckets all over it. This isn't just any hotteat from history. And if this is the kind of hotteat from history that'll make you rebuild your city. This is the kind of hotteat from history that causes cathedrals to be designed. What other haunted history can say that?

Apart from obviously Jesus, the death of the real Jesus, the brown-eyed, olive-skinned, actual Jesus. I mean, the pretend Jesus with the delicate, glowy skin that they have in Catholic churches. H haunted from history, the great fire of London, bow-chick-a, and I cannot stress this enough, a bow bow.

Oh Lord it, take me home. So well thank you very much for coming thanks to the Sugar Club for having us again. Please show a appreciate Chris Addison, fighting through a global pandemic. See you properly next time. Um, at what is now a relatively civilised time of mourning because of banged off for so long? Alice Fraser! Hey, if you're in Brisbane on the 12th, come see my solo show. Thanks to producer Chris who makes it all happen. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you, Dublin.