The Bugle - Obama Inauguration Special

Episode Date: January 26, 2009

The 61st ever Bugle podcast, from 2009. Written and presented by Andy Zaltzman and John OliverThis is a classic episode from The Bugle, to support us, and to keep the Bugle alive and free of ads, please visit http://thebuglepodcast.com/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Audio newspaper for a visual world. Hello, Bugglers, and welcome to issue 61 of the Buggler for the week beginning Monday, the 26th of January 2009. That means relax. It's over. It's all over. The world is born again. I'm Andy Zoltzman here in London, in New York City, it's John Oliver.

Hello, Beaglez, hello, Andy. I'm recorded on the phone for two reasons. One is that I'm still part frozen from the inauguration. But my cold level at one point was very nearly cryogenic. I'm pretty sure that if I just laid still, they could have fooled me out for the next African American president in 20109. I think that's what's really going on now, one every hundred years. I think I'm a bone to slightly frozen, you could drop me a knee drink on a hot day and I'm pretty confident I'd cool

it down for you. And the other reason is I'm flying to Bermuda in about an hour to do stand up. I'll be flying through the infamous Bermuda in about an hour to do stand up. I'll be flying through the infamous Bermuda triangle. So, don't be too surprised at this and the last you ever hear from me. And if that's the case, you know any final thing you'd like to say? And any final message before I disappear in mysterious circumstances? Have you found my pen that I'll think I left in your flat-loss February? I will give it extra special hard look for that handy.

And I'm both shocked and appalled that that is the thing that you want to put back. That was a good pen. That was a two-pound pen, John. I think it was a pilot P700, how's my favourite time? I'm thinking with me. I'm covering it with my flost body. So, well, New President Obama has promised a new era of peace and cooperation around the world. So, what final time to do this first Obama and Bugle

than now, the week beginning Monday, the 26th of January, because of course, on the 25th of January, 90 years ago, 1919, the League of Nations was founded after the conclusion of the First World War, RAP party, heralding a new era of peace around the world and had it not been for the subsequent war, it could easily have worked. And of course, Monday the 26th marks the 75th anniversary of the signing in 1934, the German

Polish non-aggression pact. Both countries agreed to resolve any future problems from negotiation and to abstain from armed conflict for 10 years. Well, it kind of half worked, the pole stuck to the negotiation side of things, and the Germans abstain from arm conflict for five years. So, you're near and yet so far. Now, John, I'm not saying a bomber is like Hitler far from it. If anything, he's not like Hitler. I'm just saying he seems to always work out as well as people hope. Also, it's Australia today, or as many aborigines now, it's Invasion Day, which I, as a Britain, can only say, whoops, sorry, we slipped.

And also, we're very lucky to be alive still, John, because yesterday, Sunday, the 25th of January, 14 years since Norway very nearly started a nuclear holocaust on the destruction of humanity. When a Norwegian research rocket was mistaken by the Soviet Union for a US nuke, the Soviets activated their nuclear briefcase and were within minutes of launching a counter-strike, luckily it rapidly turned out it wasn't fact a research rocket looking at some stuff in the sky. But bear in mind that the Soviet President at the time was Boris Yeltsin, and so the world was probably basically one bottle of still its noise away from catastrophe

So truly it is a pleasure to be here because John if the world had been destroyed by a Norwegian science project in a subsequent nuclear war Well, I guess the bugle wouldn't exist and nor would its listeners. So it's great to be alive Particularly not a Norwegian with a rocket as always some sections of the Beagle Go straight in the bin. This week an astronomy section 2009 is the International Year of Astronomy. And with you think astronomy is the vital study of the universe that will teach us about the origin of everything or long distance voyeurism for planetary purses with big telescopes. The fact is that as long as there's a sky, people will want to look at it and we better learn to live with that.

So we'll be looking in our astronomy section in the bin. What does the universe mean to us today in this year of all years? It's 399 years since Galileo discovered Jupiter's moons, one of the most influential breakthroughs in human history, which paved the way almost 400 years later for ordinary people like us to know that Jupiter has some moons. Also we'll be looking at recently discovered constellations, including the crapping dog, which looks like a Labrador doing its business in the park, the Chakka calm Chakka can, which looks like the queen of funk soul playing polo with a tin of beans, and the cryptic, which looks like a crossword, the discovery of which has led to religious

groups claiming it has proof as the existence of God, and that God is easily distracted by word puzzles. And also we'll be telling you how to see more stars. Go to an area without street lighting, look at the sky carefully for five minutes, concentrating really hard, then when you least expect it down the bottle of whisking, smash yourself on the head with a frying pan. Instantly four times the number of stars. Because we are the world. We are the children. We are the ones who have makered right today. So let's start giving. But know this America, our economy is badly weakened. America's decline is inevitable. Starting today, we will harness every man, woman and child in sweatshops to make goods and services, to

meet the demands of China. Now, a moment that will define a generation. The time has come to strangle President Bush. God bless the United States of America. Thanks to Seth Boy for that, and bless the United States of America. Thanks to Seth Boy for that and you can see the full video version on the Tindon line webpage. Top story this week and the world has finally changed. Well Andy, in years to come, tens of millions of people will say, I was there. Most of them will be full shit. Not many. It really was an incredible moment. And no one, I ever thought I'd win this because

no, it was all doubtful that I was in American presence in the United States in my lifetime. But I was even more doubtful that if I ever did, I would somehow be allowed to be there as it happened. It did feel a lot being an extra in a big budget, blockbuster looking. It was, of course, as I felt to legitimately screaming out a hail of Caesar and watching a Christian get fed to a lion, it made it two and a half million people gathered together in front of a capital building. The only real comparison in terms of scale is the harsh, the Muslim pilgrimage to Mecca,

and an analogy which was bound to make much of a little bit history has been made of course uh... barricade bomber after becoming the first african american to run for president and the first african americans be elected president now completed the hatch again the first african american to be inaugurated as president no one has ever pulled that threesome off before. What are the performers in the 6th, 1 and a half in Cheffrook and American? And of course he became the 9th tallest US president in US history and to add an insult

to injury in doing so. He knocked George W. Bush out of the top 20 tallest presidents. That must have stung. Alongside the swinging undiluted slamming of his presidency that she had to smirk through during a bomber speech, that must have stunned. And could look down more empirically as well as emotionally. It was an amazing moment for me. I can also say that I was there if by there you mean in my car listening to it on the radio, on the way back from football. Because you know, these things have to take precedence. And fact at football I got the opinions of some of Britain's leading comedians on what they thought of a bomber's inauguration. So it's

literally minutes now until the inauguration of Barraka bomber first Black President of America. Russell Howard how do you think you played today? As a black man very well. So I say historic day. So minutes early inauguration Lee Mack what was your analysis of today's game with reference to the change in American politics? Also that last there was one goal two took phrases and I thought three at last. Three at last. A lot we've done there. A lot we've done. So Daniel Kitson it's minutes until the inauguration of Barack Obama. How do you think you played in today's game?

That's got an authentic hat trick, one we went for and a header. And the next one goes as well. So, one of the most momentous days in Pollock moments in modern political history. Do you think you could have tracked back a bit more and helped out the midfield? I thought I did track back when people who were meant to be holding the backline drifted in the second half, but that's not a loose trackack, the important thing today, first ever header. First ever header,

I don't see why. Well, this is truly a momentous stay on both sides of the Atlantic. For me, John, it was, I was delighted to see a barmataid of what it has, but it was a bit like, when England won the rugby world cup final in 2003. Of course I was,

what's a bit like that? Well, it wasn't a bit like that, John, because of course I was pleased that England won it, but I think I was even more like that john because of course i was pleased to england one it but i think i was even more pleased that australia lost it and it was great to see a barmer being inaugurated but it was even better to see george w bush leave well the goodwill in the crowd was so strong possibly because of that there were no reported arrest

zero norm and absolutely astounding, very modern, British people can't gather in a 15,000-seater football stadium without getting drunk and fight each other. It just felt weird to be amongst in almost dangerous amount of people and feel completely safe. No arrest at all, not even chaining. No, very very especially not chaining. As we stood together afterwards, it can't really sunk in until Bush's abacolped a marine one flew directly over our heads

and away from the White House and it was like you can always feel the collective cyber-leaf make its way down the mall. Because although there's great excitement at the possibilities that the Palmer represents, I think there's just as much a sense of joy that the Bush administration is now gone. The first photos of a van over behind the desk in the Oval Office were remarkable not just because of who he was but because of who he wasn't. I didn't even felt some releasing McCain's it there as long as painting wasn't behind it with a hammer.

It was obviously an amazing moment when Bush left in his helicopter to the cheers of the crowd and in fact I was thinking this with it from the aerial shots done from the way the crowds were gathered around the capital building and then stretched down the national mall as bush the ex-presidents got that feels good looked down from a special chopper the crowd must have looked the way their gather and wise and stretched animal must have looked a bit like a giant hand flipping in one final farewell bird like two and a half million person bird. Yeah, at the time they couldn't have done something like do at football matches or Olympic opening ceremonies when the crowd turns over bits of card

and makes a picture of a flag or Olympic rings or a will to be eating a piano. It's a shame that the crowd at the inauguration can have all turn over little cast to spell out, you George, seriously, I think that's an opportunity missed that America will regret in future years. If there was any doubt in your mind about whether people were being a little bit hard on bushness like I see, he generously silenced any sympathetic supports by using one of these final declarations to announce that from now on on January 18th, it will be called National

Sanctomy of Human Life Day. President, expressors of dot that is, has really got to feel great, And the most important thing is that all human life is a gift from the creator of this unique and worthy of protection. On national sanctity of human life, our country recognises each person, including every person waiting to be born, as a special place in purpose in this world. Oh, why not? Where are the problems in America and the world, why not leave with a passing shot on people who might, for whatever reason, want or need an abortion? Looking back at this administration, the President made a case for being one committed to building

a culture of life. Among the achievements of life he highlighted were vigorously promoting adoption and parental ad notification laws, opposing federal funding for abortions overseas, encouraging teen abstinence and funding pregnancy programs. But of course, it was also very much pro-death in seeing the market for policy. In action during Katrina, he's shameful underfunding of World To Read and he's gone taking commitment to the death panel. There is a thing I don't want to get too angry about. It's over.

It's over. Exactly that kind of shit is over. It's just wonderful, for the first time in eight years, people around the world can wake up, where the first thing they say being, oh shit, George Zellini busses the most powerful man on the planet. I think getting up is going to take a lot less long, this could really boost world productivity. And it was amazing joy and emotion emotion it was quite inspiring to see

on the faces of the people in Washington this Potently symbolic day of transformation and almost the beginning of a new modern age and I say it's hard as a white British person to fully understand and relate to what black Americans must have felt I guess when the close-up and thing is What I would feel like if a second generation lapsed Jewish classic Sgradua ever became England cricket captain. Well, it must have been that strong. Straight vendors were there selling I was there, Lamanaki certificates, which you get hang around your neck. And I saw one person, I too often,

for themselves, and one of four, I quote, my auntie in Indiana. Now, turning a lowly gesture, let's be honest, she can't have that. She can have a different one, say, I wasn't there, but I know someone who was, and they bought me this. That would be fine. Otherwise, that certificate surely doesn't have the necessary authority to justify its $15 price tag. Because it was quite a striking performance from a Barma John.

It rattled along at a steady 125 words per minute. Did the standard tight inauguration 20 minutes set? He went for 19 left space for an encore that slightly embarrassingly didn't come. But also, I thought he did pretty well to top Aretha Franklin's hat, which was this truly spectacular day, although I was a bit disappointed with Aretha that she got the words to God save the Queen wrong.

And he has a British person, that was a real discipline and after all, we've British person that was a real disappointment, I thought we've done for that country. And also I thought the poets who followed Obama really struggled. I mean I guess that is a tough act to follow. You know it's bad booking. You've got to put your open mic poets on at the start of the gig before your inspirational orator stroke, here at a finding socio-political symbol. Now that is basic stuff. I mean I guess you could have put Lord Biron on after Barak Obama, brought him back to life with his plums hanging out, and no one would have taken any notice, apart from Joe Biden's wife, if you know what I mean. And what I mean is

she loves romantic poetry. But this woman stood no chance. I think there's a time in a place for poetry, John, and it's in the 19th century in an opium, then. I was amazed he didn't say something. He said got to go where the line-ups ready to go uh... you'll be going on uh... after the president uh... i think any chance of the just slipping in the four of that will be better we were going to remember is i am a poet not nelson mandela

it was the most meticulously planned a since the last royal funeral you can so you like about them, they still don't have to go out like Vikings. But they were still some lighter comic moments, and it's a prize comic twist. They're telling me that turned off in a wheelchair. Apparently, he heard his back was moving his stuff, and what stuff would that be? Would it be classified documents by the chance? And would he be moving them towards a shredder or an open fire? That man just does not care what people think of him. He come out places of volcanoes

spewing lava from his nipples if he thought he would piss people off more. I don't think there has ever been a human being so bored by consequences Yeah, he's knocking his back packing files up in his office And I don't want to use the words incriminating evidence, John But a friend of mine who looks like dick chanie has told me how big and heavy some files can be when you have to remove them from your office yourself without anyone else looking at them of course you know this could have happened to a nicer guy john but it didn't

it happened to chanie the olicolic relief was that Obama actually had to take the over Office twice after Justice John Roberts bulls it up the first time. And if that's understandable, it's not like it's only 35 words and the entire career is based on upholding the Constitution. Oh, hold on, it's exactly like that. It is exactly like that. What a joke, Bar Robert, Andy.

I've known that a joke so bad since Jesus first earned water into slightly warmer water Still impressive, but not what he said he was gonna do What was a bit disappointed in Obama speech on as a British person that's you know, he slammed Al Qaeda in the middle and that's fair enough But then he slammed Britain at the end Backing on about the old war of independence hope that I think you know after all the support that we At the bugle have given Obama, other than that was really no way to pay back the nation that has spawned on Bugle. Absolutely. Unexplained the stage at that point. Obama then set about the difficult task of dismantling the shit castle,

which Bush has lovingly built at one of the first defecation turrets to topple, was Grand Tannemobai, which Obama announced will be closed no later than one year now. So, America is on a one year waiting list, Andy, to have the operation to remove that shame from its conscience. He also announced that from now on, officials are banned from receiving gifts from lobbyists in what he calls a clean break from business as usual. And this was met by some panic responsive of, uh, starting when, in half an hour, and I've got time to make a quick three hundred phone call

now that he is uh... moved into his plush new Washington parlor this twirling the case to a four-one round is little presidential finger will about have to do to improve on the economic performance of his pre-decessor well i guess the answer is nothing uh... you can literally do nothing and the u.s. economy would get better by at least two percent thankfully doesn't have to start your higher ambitions on this and the US economy would get better by at least 2%. Thankfully, it doesn't have to start your higher ambitions on this and the world is now looking to a bomb of guidance on how best to clean up the economic vomit. It has chundered all over its trousers. And

a shake for himself wrote John in the publicity material to his historical document, Henry V. In times of crisis, the world needs heroes. And a bomb or I guess already is a hero. I virtue of, as you said, both who he isn't, who he isn't. And a significant factor in his favor is that he's supplanted America's least impressive president, economically competing with Bush. Is a kin to try to beat a post-slicing Vincent Van Gogh in a who's got the most ears competition.

Bush has shuffled out the back door of the White House. He's now waiting for the judgment of history, like an Olympic figure skater sitting next to his silently fuming coach looking up at the judges scoreboard with a grimace of concern and hoping that they don't mark him down too much for falling over five times in his routine flipping a v-side at them landing an unnecessary quadruple salco in the front row of the crowd killing a child and finishing his routine by urinating on the advertising hoardings while shouting, I deserve at least a 5.3.

his routine by urinating on the advertising hoardings while shouting, I deserve at least a 5.3. So, Britain news now, and well, it's been an equally momentous week in Britain. We are now officially in recession. John, this is the first time we've fallen into recession, whilst there's been an actulation. I should have said something. It's the first recession Britain has ever gone into whilst there's been an African-American president in the White House. Oh, that's historic. It never rains, but it pours history.

There's been a lot of debates in the cataclysm of the British economy. At what point of the slope are we at? Have we reached the bottom of the slope? And I guess we have reached the bottom of the slope. The only problem is that at the bottom of the slope, there's a cliff. And all we have to do is hope that there's a pile of mattresses or preferably a trampoline at the bottom of that cliff to aim for. What we're doing now basically is we're at the cartoon stage of realising we've

just gone off a cliff and there's nothing beneath us. We're now peddling our legs fearlessly whilst grimacing at the camera before plummeting downwards and landing snout first at the bottom of a canyon with an amusing clang Before the cliff then falls on top of us. We stumble out looking dazed and Anvil falls on our heads and something explodes It's not looking good for the British economy the debate of course is should the government now be honest with the British public on exactly How much liability they've exposed us to with their bank bailouts and the answer is we are now more exposed than a naked Pope up a stick in a shopping mall. It's not good. That is a lot of papal dangling. Not only is that exposed to an image and even you are now exposed in terms of being

sent straight to hell. But currently on the image you have a naked Pope with a stick up in his arms. I want to say up his arms, John, I'm saying he's clinging to a stick. I'm not saying he is sitting fully impaled on a stick. OK, well, tell that to the judge on Judgment Day, Andy. That's telling to me. And these technicalities are important because we know that the devil is a pen push, really likes to get his paperwork right. So the question for the government John is, is honesty the best policy? And the answer is clearly, it's not if it was the best policy, politicians would probably

be inclined to use it a little bit more often. But I think there's an argument that in times of economic crisis like that, honesty is in fact the worst policy. Because this whole crisis has been driven by politicians saying how bad things are. And then the media reporting, A, politicians saying how bad things are, and B, how bad things are.

So if our leaders had a political courage to lie when it's most needed at a time like this and our media have a sense of public responsibility to run a full blackout on all world economic problems I think we'd all feel much more confident about our economic future. To be honest I mean that is the most coherent economic response of the year. There's the time in a place for truth John and clearly that's not on the cusp of a recession. Truth is... Now the comic game show. There's the time in a place for truth, John, and clearly that's not on the cusp of a recession. Truth is... Now, iconic game show.

Yep. As if to illustrate the difference between American and British politics at the moment, the Conservative Party, who are the least unpopular of the two main parties currently, have recalled Kenneth Clark, who was a government minister for 18 years, been 1979 and 1997. He was not the most unpopular Tory minister of the late Tory era, but he was still a Tory minister in one of the most unpopular governments we've ever had. And it appears that whilst comedy equals tragedy plus time, what you can also add to that is that unpopularity plus

time equals experience. And just as the government brought back Peter Mandelson, perhaps one of the most unpopular men in recent British history, the Conservative and now brought back Clark. He had two years of as minister for health, which is slightly not with his subsequent role as Deputy Chairman of British American Tobacco, which I guess shows an interest in the continuing popularity of the NHS, which has more customers,

I guess, the more people are smoking. The British Manor's Result It has been revealed by a research project that British manners resulted in more people dying on the Titanic than was strictly necessary. John, this is the kind of story that makes you pleased to be British and even more pleased to be British whilst not on a boat in 1912. Absolutely. This behavioural economy says that data suggests Britain's in that a boat in 1912. I don't want to be a foster anybody. Or what just enjoy the cruise. What do you mind awfully if I drown before you? Just shove me under and I'll get right on with it.

You have to understand that that is the way that British people would want to go. It's an honorable death. So by kings it was dying violently with a sword in your hand that guaranteed you entrance to Valhalla. The Brits, it's standing patiently in a queue, not causing a cup of fuss. The whole of the Titanic. Problem, if I may call it, that happened because the British

crew didn't want to upset the iceberg by not saying hello to it. As the boat sank Captain Smith apparently shouted, be British boys, be British. That's right. And it is noticeable, 97 years later, how much different a response that would elicit from today's 21st century British holiday makers. Who, if given that instruction, would presumably start downing cheap cocktails, singing racist football songs, urinating into lifeboats and flashing their chunks of scrugglers at passes by. And that's certainly what I do when I go on holiday with my wife and young children.

And also it's the same in World War I. John, we have the same element of politeness between the serving British military and their officers' rights. So you want me to walk slowly towards those machine gun posts. Righto, no problem. Don't worry about coming to collect me. I'm more than happy just as decomposed where I fall. I'd hate to put you out. I'm sure you're awfully busy. And do tell the German gentleman who shoots me to invoice my wife for the cost of his bullet. Tip tip. And in further news that Britain is truly falling apart as a nation. The evening standard newspaper London's biggest selling newspaper, if I may call it that,

has been taken over by the KGB. The Bolsheviks are at the gate, John. A next KGB agent, Alexander Lebedev, has taken over the standards. He bought it for £1. He had £1 a spare, he could have bought two copies of the evening standard instead, he bought the evening standard. It doesn't matter that the standard is known for being a fairly uninteresting middle of the road paper from Front Pacer back. Now it looks set to become an organ of barely disguised communist propaganda, urging Londoners to overthrow the monarchy and kill poets whenever they see them.

I'm like a lot more interesting to read, Andy. What about bringing down the poor, who are they? Wow, they've been standards really got exciting. I don't want to see what I'm told to do tomorrow. Apparently in the past, Lebedev has said that when he was a KGB agent in London, he used to use the evening standards to garner information. Can't it imagine what kind of hotline back

to Moscow that would have been? Red fist, red fist, this is purple dog. The actress playing a lead role in Cats actually owns a cat and likes playing tennis. A repeat likes tennis. That all good enough? OK, hang on, I'll check page 14. One's worth council have repaired a pothole on the A3. Posh all know, what mate?

All right, try this, this is top secret. Arsenal are disappointed with their 1-1 draw last Saturday and hope to make a mention tonight against Sheffield Wednesday. Alright I'll get a new job. Let's vote it under Twigget hamstring or the Alpha 3 games. That's what the Cold War fell down because Russian spies just lost their edge and just started reading tabloid news papers. Yeah, that really is a long fall down from poison darts. Your emails now and well Patrick Shannon have back in touch, Andy. You remember the time before I'm to kill us a few episodes ago. You know, it's been a while since we've been in touch, but he has come back with an explosive email strapping.

He says, dear John and Andy, strapping, he says, dear John and Andy, hey remember me Patrick Shannon, I'm sorry about not being able to kill you too, I was about to, but I had an emergency to do, John you must understand, in the time between these two emails his punctuation has not changed. I'm just riding into test-me-two to go f**king cells and f**king to British Empire. For the record on black, so I'm pretty pissed that your country is issued slavery. What the hell? Stras穌, I did tear it apart, you ugly bastard.

Or I swear to the Lord Almighty, sorry Andy, I'm a Christian, we'll talk about Jesus later. We will nuked the UK. We don't want to do it. It's sincerely, that's a shaman. T.S., when are you going to have the American back? Andy, I think I have a favor of email. I would not always good to encourage death threats, John. Well, they come with such fun boy and stuff. It just really gives a list to your day.

Maybe we can start posting videos on the internet, alkoida staff threatening our destruction. We have had a huge number of emails lamenting the end of Hotties from History. This is a great time for democracy with the inauguration of Obama. Maybe we are going to have to give in to the will of the people. And that will other people is to keep lasting after the long dead. It has been a spectacular response. Genuine worldwide indignation. We didn't also have two extra special emails this week.

You may remember that Andy threw some rhymes down a couple of weeks ago towards the end of the Hotties from history. He put down a fat joint. Oh, sure, thanks. And I think I mentioned, as through Yelps of laughter, that it'll be something that someone might like to remix into a song. Well, someone didn't do that. Two people did that. It'll be something that someone might like to remix into a song. Well, someone didn't do that. Two people in that. And, well, I mean, they're pretty special. I mean, there's some old-school flavour in one of them. One has more of a west coast vibe. Well, let's Floor, it's Floor, it's Floor, it's Floor, it's Floor, it's Floor, it's Floor, it's Floor, it's Floor, it's Floor, it has to be a flea. my Florence and I'm drooling in torrents. Nibbibak, the 1860. This here that nursing fit me. Ten mile wall, cause my head ballooned.

Natty and girl, you put the wind in my sails. Bit back up, girl, up a nose in her purse. She might be living in a coffin, but that's gonna be giving her a boffin. Uh, uh, uh, I want more from the Grammian port. So it back in time to make a man. Nibbibak, the 1860s, to see if that girl can fix me Ten my walls, cause my head's ballooned, lock my candle, put my head in

Cause I scaddle, matching girl, you put the wind in my sail She's tarnished, she's a mystery, she's a heartache from history So I'm gonna go with the flow Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh yeah! So that one was from Nathan of the USA. How?

Pretty funky. I'm grabbing my nuts as we speak. And let's hear the second one. This one has come from Pete, who writes, Howdy, I can't believe I actually spent time doing this. So here it is from Pete from Japan. Well, for me, John, I think you can probably get one from this. They say you never truly get over your first love.

That's fine, isn't it? It's fine. I know. It has to be for me. The ball! The ball! The ball! Don fool! The fool! The fool! Huh!

The lady with a lamp, what a vam! Gives me cramp! When I see nothing, gillin' and naughty! Lookin' flatty! Feel so righty! I just wanna go with a poll! I got such words! Does it's my Florence, and I'm droolin' in the dark!

It's my killer number naps in the bush! She might be livin' in a coffin, but I'd still be giving her a office I want more than that Grammy and war, so it's back in time to make a man Living back to 1860, the sea effect nurse can fix me Ten-mile war wound, cut my ass balloon Cut my candle, pull my handle Call her a scandal, not team girl, you put the window out Max is out, she's talking to the mystery, she's out of history

How I'm gonna go with the flow. Yeah! Yeah! Wow! Do you know what, what mate? This whole year was worth it for that and this. Well, if someone, if Remix that. Time well spent, Pete.

What should I say, Dr. Dre? The Japanese-based Dr. Dre. So, thank you very much for emails. We'll have a longer email section next week when John doesn't have to drive off the Bermuda. Do keep your emails coming into the bugle at timesonline.co.uk And are we going to have the American next week? Yes.

Yes, hopefully all things permitting. The American will be here to answer your questions next week. Sports news now and there's been violence at a tennis match. Hooliganism is back, John. Novak, Joke of Itch fans clashed with Amadellic fans at the Australian Open. I think it's time to segregate tennis fans. You know, if the Joke of Itch isn't a deletches,

can't live in harmony, they should be at opposite ends of the court. I'm just relieved that the docket shelters and the Wasniacchi crew didn't flare up during the women's third round match this morning. When I was over tenished, what could possibly possess these people? Get violent over tennis. Well, perhaps it's because Joker Vitch, the world number three in a big fan of the bugle, or at least he would be if he could be bothered to listen to it

at geocup it should sir be in and deletch although now american was born bosnian so i guess it's starting to fit together a bit with a little bit of historical context i guess it shows how far sir be in boston have come though over the last fifteen years that now that they just throwing chairs at each other at a tennis tournament and not committing human rights atrocities against each other. So it shows how far we've

come. That's all they're just winging themselves off that monitor. Just time for the Google Forkast now and Tom, our producer, is on jury service from next week. So the Forkast is guilty or not guilty. Guilty. Guilty. According to my brothers theory of the legal system no smoke without fire. If it's in court it's guilty. It's another really standoff to most infantile scrutiny as a judicial theory but that doesn't mean he doesn't feel it keenly. The quickie he puts his black cap on the sooner he gets back to the view goal. So good luck to anyone who happens to be in front of Tom next week, Inker. So we'll be back next week, in the meantime, do enjoy the first full-buele week of the Obama

era. I feel like I've had the world's best ever shower. First full bellow week of the Obama era. Oh, it feels good. I feel like I've had the world's best ever shower. Ha ha ha. Bye. Bye, bye. you