The Bugle - Randy Economy

Episode Date: January 26, 2021

Andy is with Nish and Nato to look at a new dawn in US politics, some other bad people and a man called Randy Economy.If you enjoyed Chris' plug for Travel Hacker at the end you can hear it here: http://pod.link/1480712081 Buy a loved one Bugle Merch (or some for yourself, it's allowed).We have a sister show, The Last Post, which you can still hear here. Follow us on YouTube or Insta and see parts of this episode with actual video.The Bugle is hosted this week by:Andy ZaltzmanNish KumarNato GreenAnd produced by Chris Skinner.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Hello Bugleers, and it gives me great pleasure for the first time in four years to welcome you not just to the Bugal, audio newspaper for a visual world, but also to a visual world in which the de facto leader of the free bit of that digital world is not a cast iron sociopath with a fundamentalist commitment to the untrue. It's the beginning of the rest of time people, if we may exaggerate very slightly, I'm Andy Salzman reporting to you live from the shared in South London where I have been stationed at 4am for nine of the last 12 days for the BBC cricket coverage, so please bear in mind that there is a considerably better than zero chance that I will, a, fall asleep, b, start reciting cricket statistics, or c, hallucinate that I'm

being attacked by nocturnal pigeons, or c. Hallucinate that I'm being attacked by nocturnal pigeons, or d. Do all three of those things before waking up shouting, I just had this terrible nightmare that American democracy had committed ritual suicide. And joining me from a country no longer be Presented by all time, all American being in Peach champion Donald J. Trump. It's NATO green. Hello Andy, hello, buglers. It's so great to be with you in this era. You know what you're getting up and reciting cricket stats at four in the morning is the form of torture under the Geneva Convention. You used it to crack prisoners in Guantanamo. Right.

Well, if that's what Guantanamo is like, then book me in. Get me the Dutch National One Day Kit and book me in. I'm also joining us from up the road here in London, it's Nishkumar. Hello, Andy. Hello, NATO. Hello, Budgglers, and I would absolutely love to castigate you for choosing to spend your time in this manner. Unfortunately, last Monday, I stayed up all night watching the final day of the India Australia

test match in Brisbane. And you know, I stayed up the whole night, it was an amazing result, but it really makes you think about how you're spending your time when you're turning into bed at 8 a.m. having spent a night watching cricket. And what's worse about that is Andy, you are getting paid to do that. That is a job.

I stayed up all night watching cricket pro bono. And let me tell you by the end, I did sustain quite a substantial bono because there is almost nothing more sexual than watching Australian loser Cricket. That is how I get my jollies. Is it now with the movie Eyes Wide Show? It's about three. Yeah, in Fifty Shades of Grey, when he says his tastes are somewhat unusual. That's what he's referring to. He's referring to watching Australia lose at cricket. Yeah. In Eyes Why Shut Actually, a little reference to cricket, the part of Tom Cruise's friend

is played by Colin Dredge, the former Somerset medium-paced actor. But that test match in Australia, Nish, the India Australia. I mean, that showed everything that is great about that was like an evolving month long novel. Yeah. It ended up with Australia losing a cricket. So I mean, it was, you know, it was, it was across the Indian. And there is no more that would not be improved by it ending with Australia losing a cricket. War and peace and Australia losing a cricket. Crime and punishment for Australia because they lost at cricket. These are all improvements.

I feel like whenever I'm on I have to ask an incredibly stupid and basic question about cricket. That's fine. So part of your induction. So I only hear you talk about cricket test matches, which to my American ears sounds a lot like when they ask you to pre-bord the plane. So do you ever graduate to the real match or is it all pre-adjusted? No, no, no, in this case NATO the word test is not used at its meaning of a trial run, it's used as in the same context as test your patience. Yeah, what's a trial run, more like a trial in court, and I think in last days and often end up with no decisive result. So it's, you know, it's, well, we've talked about it enough on this show over the years, but it is a five day release from reality and God, we all need that at the moment

This is bugle issue 4181 coincidentally the number of computer simulations of the life of Rudolph Giuliani Needed to come up with a version that has gone shitter than the real one over the past ten years We are recording on the 20th of January 2021, meaning it is exactly 2000 years since Jesus Christ got back from an extended month-long 21st birthday celebration in Magaloofer, Nebetha, according to the recently published Addendum to the Gospel according to S. Alvin. The birthday jaunts include the miracle of the tequila slammer, the parable of the peanuts and the shot glass, and the invention of dance music when Jesus managed to turn two three-minute songs into a five-hour trance house marathon. It's also 150 years since the 25th of January 1871, when Elvis Presley faked his own birth, beginning a long tradition of faking his entry and exit into the living realm.

No one noticed at the time in the King of Rock and Roll quietly waited until 1935 before second more successful effort to fake his own birth. As always, a section of the bugle is going straight in the bin. This week, gardening, we look at the latest trends in wireless plants, 3D shrubs and vegan mud involving no worms, grubs, insects or bacteria. We ask shovel or hand grenade how to choose which garden implements to re-landscape your plot. And our dandelions, Trifids, an investigative feature examining whether if you leave dandelions to grow uncut for more than 20 years, they eventually turn into the fictitious mobile carnivorous plants that call such havoc in John Wyndham's novel The Day of the Trifids. We also review the new album by the Hardy Perennials, a band who use only repeatedly flowering

plants as instruments and write songs about window boxes using the words of novel writing celebrity Thomas Hardy. Also in the bin we have a film promo, a, well there's a forthcoming tech reboot of a 1980s action movie, a hologram bow, and we give you now a free audio hologram of stillvester Stallone. There we are. There he was asleep. Those sections in the bin. Top story this week, Joe Biden launches an ambitious bid for the most ridiculous retirement project ever undertaken by a 78-year-old man. It's, well, exciting times in NATO, Joe Biden, president, number 46, counting the two Grover Cleveland's. Now, I've made a joke on the news quiz last week about how Biden had become

the 45th adult to be president of the United States. And someone on Twitter pointed out that there actually only been 45 different presidents because Grover Cleveland served twice. But actually, as all Americans know, the second of those two Grover Cleveland terms was served by a Grover Cleveland impersonator. So the joke stands. But who is also a baby, who was a data baby. I mean, this is a big thing to take on for a man of Biden. I remember when my grandad retired,

he disappeared into his loft, saying, I may be some time and he emerged six years later, having invented the Macarena, speaking fluency, Miri, and I'm brandishing a giant mechanical terrapin with the words don't ask. How do you think Biden is going to take this on at 78? Well, I mean, the thing Andy about where we are in the American story is that the bar is could not possibly be set lower. So at the moment, for what Biden needs to do. So, you know, it's like, it's been almost a week since the inauguration

without any reporter having to utter the words in a flurry of 5 a.m. tweets, whacking out at enemies. So, you know, we're already up out ahead. And I have to say watching the inauguration last week. And you're about the same age as I am, and I realized that I had watching the inauguration happen, that I had a deep-seated visceral lizard brain PTSD that I did not know that I had, which was of the challenger exploding. So I was on live television, which I was in elementary school at the time, and I watched

the challenger explode on live television, and I spent the entire day watching the inauguration being afraid that some school teacher was about to die in a ball of fire. And then realizing that that was not happening was a huge relief. You know how like sometimes you're in a place and there's an annoying noise and you're like, well, that's an annoying noise.

And then the annoying noise stops and you realize that you've had a headache for four years. And then it stopped. It's so weird to be an American right now. People are walking around just calling each other being like, I'm not terrified for two-side for a few minutes. What does it feel like? Biden went on the news and said, we're in a national emergency. It's time we treated it like one. And when he said national emergency,

he wasn't referring to reporters asking questions or the biggest infectious outbreak was women having ideas. So yes, I hate all politicians. Biden is shit. I already hate him. I'm gonna, you know, the, you know, Biden has done some good stuff this week, but like also why are there still prisons,

you know what I mean? But when I think back on the last four years, like on this day, 2017, I was protesting. On this day, 2018, I was living in Cuba. We didn't talk about that. On this day, 2019, I was protesting. On this day 2018, I was living in Cuba. We didn't talk about that. On this day 2019, I was protesting. On this day 2020, I was protesting. On this day 2021, just went for a walk. It's very weird. Like at the moment, I'm savoring it. Like one of the executive

orders, let me just read you the text, directs the Department of Education and Health and Human Services to provide guidance for safely reopening and operating schools, childcare providers, and institutions of higher education. It's exciting. It's so exciting. It feels like a mansion that at the end of Avengers Endgame, there was a 30-minute scene of Bruce Banner

quietly collating paperwork, and it was the 30 minute scene of Bruce Banner quietly collating paperwork and it was the most exciting part of the movie. I'm dish, I mean, the, the Omen's good as the 46th president, of course, because England's 46th cricket captain, Len Hutton was one of the most successful England captains of all time. So, I mean, it does all suspicious for Biden. And I mean, I've been slightly disappointed so far that he hasn't already started chiseling away at Mount Rushmore, not only with his own face, but also with the faces of the first 44 presidents, excluding the four who are already there and two

Grover Cleveland's just just for the sake of having a giant rustmaw with all of them apart from the recently departed Mr. Trump. Well listen I think Biden's address was ultimately a total f***ing failure because he did not have the guts to do what he should have done which is open the address by saying well that was f***ing weird. I mean, that's a subtext. So f***ing weird. Oh my god, it was weird.

He's such a weird guy, and he was so weird, and the things he said were weird, and the things he did were weird. It was, you know, it was like NATO, I was watching it being like, oh, what is gonna happen? Because no offense to anyone on this call. I have no confidence in white people.

And so, I had no idea what, what of these fucking white al-Qaeda dickheads was gonna try. Luckily, the biggest story appeared to be Bernie Sanders being sat down in a cult, which is a real like, that's a real win for everybody that that was the biggest thing everyone was taking away. The biggest scandal appeared to be a moment when somebody in the background was filming on an iPad, and to those people, I say this, that is Kamala Harris's fault, and it's your fault for electing Kamala Harris, because if you don't want someone filming an event on an iPad

You shouldn't have elected someone with South Asian family. That's what we do That is what we do It was great to see you know so many of the figures from my childhood be they Bill Clinton or JLo who I consider both of me as equally influential on the development of the American project. JLo performed a song, she performed a bit of this land as your land, which is a song written by Woody Guthrie. Woody Guthrie really has not engaged with the current spirit of bipartisanship and cooperation in America, because Woody Guthrie was a folk singer who famously performed with a guitar that had the words, this machine kills fascists written on it. Now come on,

Woody, where's your sense of cooperation? Why did your guitar say this machine seeks bipartisan and cooperation with fascists? Come on. So far, the big headline so far is that Biden has rejoined the Paris Agreement and the World Health Organization as part of a flurry of executive orders, including one, meaning that the sex and the city reboot will have to feature Samantha or introduce a character with, and I believe this is the exact wording, a commensurate horn. So that'll be very exciting. And this is a question novel, isn't it? The convention?

The convention? Yes, yeah. Look, it's becoming increasingly clear that the Biden administration is basically going to try and Elvis Presley slash vanilla rice this shit. Okay. They're basically going to take some stuff a black guy did and just do it again in a way that offends fewer white people because the person doing it is white. I mean I was because I've been living all hours I've got a bit sleepy later during the inauguration so I can't remember is it Lady Gaga who's now Secretary of State or Jennifer Lentley's I couldn't I couldn't follow the the narrative of it. Lady Gaga is I couldn't follow the narrative of it. Lady Gaga is Secretary of Health and Human Services now. All right, okay, good.

Actually, just minutes before we started recording, I don't know if you saw this, that the news came across that Biden had issued another executive order reversing Trump's ban on transgender people serving in the military, which was something that was an Obama-era policy that Trump undid, and now Biden is bringing it back because he believes that transgender people deserve to die too. And I agree with Nish about how weird Trump, I mean, it's hard to fathom how, like he's horrible, but also fucking stupid. Like that, you know, there was a headline, I just, I read it yesterday in the Guardian,

that Trump is plotting his revenge on Republicans who wronged him. And in the course of the story, they disclosed that someone had to tell him, after he, after he had been president of the United States for four years, presiding over some of the most intense partisanship in the history of partisanship, someone still had to tell him in the history of partisanship, someone still had to tell him that running a primary challenge and starting a third party were incompatible activities, that you can't do both at the same time.

He's a f***ing idiot. And for all of the Trump was a fascist talk, what's remarkable is how quickly he can be undone. Like most of his enduring legacy is gonna be right-wing judge judicial appointees, which is bad, and that's why there are now calls for Democrats to pack the courts tighter than a Mexico City bus at rush hour.

But a lot of the bad stuff that he did was just these executive orders that Biden can undo them. Like, and he's just running down the list undoing Trump executive orders. This weekend, my family, we drove somewhere and we got out of the car and my wife had been driving. And I said, I looked at the car and I said, honey, it looks like you drove through poop and now there's poop all over the tires of the car. And she looked at me like I was idiot. And she said, it's

fucking poop. These are tires. Pup rolls on, poop rolls off. And that is basically what's happening with Trump's contribution to American government. I mean, fundamentally, his first few days in office, all Joe Biden has done is just absolutely hammered the control and z-keys on the Oval Office of the Poo-prolls. He's issued executive orders regarding minimum wage assistance for people struggling to pay for food, speeding up America's COVID response, rejoining international organizations, working against gender and sexuality, based discrimination and planning for a recovery from the virus that benefits all of America, rather than just billionaire.

So depending on your political view, these are either acts of good sense and basic humanity or the out and out unfettered communism we were all warned about. I mean, you might as well have dug up Starlin' America, pumped in full of caffeine, wired him up to Google Translate and let him turn Alaska into a poet and artist only prison camp. You fools, you were warned. The Senate is going to press on with the impeachment charges against Trump, and look, I guess in many ways, it's not a surprise that an administration

fronted by a game show host and based exclusively on the ideas of no tax and white people are best, is devolving into absolute chaos. And the thing that America needed to learn from Britain is, if you want to get a government across who's the only policies on no tax and white people are best, you don't get a game show host,

you get a frequent game show guest. That's the mistake you made America. God, you were so close to getting it over the line. Fools. We left it all on the field. That's what Trump said. We left it all on the field like the herd of cows. It's interesting to watch the Republicans try to adapt to this post-Trump era because like, the same people who have been stoking the flames of white nationalism and who literally, just a mere weeks ago,

incited an armed insurrection to overthrow our democracy, are now like, you know, it just feels like they're going, they're going into their, into the deep cuts, they're trying to dust off the oldies, but goodies and do their greatest hits again. And be like, you know, oh, that wasn't us, it's now it's time to unify and move forward. Now after we have, you know, had cancerous diarrhea down your throat

for four years, we would like to reach across the aisle and move forward together. Just finally make that cancerous diarrhea back in the marriages. So it's just like they're just running down the list of like trying things like gay marriage, culture war, the deficit, anyone, anyone to be able to be able to remember my greatest hits. What about, you know, they're worried about cancel culture and it's pretty exciting to watch people worry about cancel culture on the national news. And the most remarkable thing about it is that C-SPAN, if you watch

the Republicans, these people who've committed their lives to the superiority of the White Race, cannot figure out how to put on a mask properly. They all, everyone, they have the mask below the nose. It's the basic, it's the basic below the nose error. Every single one of them, it's hard to take them seriously, because all you can think about is how they have a mask with all the snot on the outside. Okay. Listen, I've said it before, I'll say it again.

If Brad Pitt was to talk to me about white people being genetically superior, that is a conversation I'm willing to have. But unfortunately, it's just a bunch of scurvy faced mother f**kers. Like, no one is gonna look at Ted Cruz and think, well, that is obviously the peak of humanity. It looks like a hamburger, someone's drawn eyes and a face on.

I thought, I guess, you know, there's a danger with, you know, I mean, there's a lot of expectations now on Biden. I don't know, I guess it's gonna of easy to damp on expectations because, you know, whilst America no longer has a president who seems intent on inflicting passive genocide on it. The pandemic is still a long way from, tearfully announcing its retirement, hanging up its proteins bikes and quietly moving onto the lucrative corporate speech circuit, but it's how I conquered the world through exploiting international, discord and frailties,

could become a keynote lecture in big business circles. But anyway, there's a lot of difficulty, and those expectations are gonna be dampened, but I don't think it's possible to dampen the absolutely wild relative lack of despair. I don't think you can possibly dampen that. I really, the big thing that I regret is that when Biden finished his inauguration speech, he didn't go full mission impossible and just tear off his mask and it turned out it was

a bomber again. He finished the inauguration speech by saying, I'm back, it's Brittany bitch. One thing we do need to wrap up from it. Andy, Mrs. is referring to Britney Spears. Okay. I'm going to have to look that up afterwards. Not the region in France. Yeah. Yeah. Um, uh, I mean, Trump spent his last few days very much as you'd, uh, you would have expected, um, just issuing, issuing presidential pardons, basically legalising crime, boosting prospects for a catastrophically deadly famine in Yemen and being institutionally childish towards his, uh, his successor, uh, before flancing off with a good grace of a screaming three-year-old who's just lost past the parcel and his own birthday party for the second year in a row. And these pardons, 143 last minute pardons,

party, party, party all the way. The going rate apparently is around $2 million, according to some reports which mentioned the name of Rudolph Giuliani, the man best known for sweating pure liquid evil down his face a few weeks ago. $2 million bucks, that seems that quite a good deal, isn't it? I mean, as the old song goes, I beg your pardon, and I also promise you 2 million dollars in the White House Rose Garden. Yeah, that's my kind of cultural reference. But the final totaliser on Trump's lies in office, according to the Washington Post, Trump lie a scoreboard, in which they keep keeping track of every full submissile

leading statement he's made in his various formats since he became president. 30,573 lies in total in four years. I mean, that is a number that will surely live for all. It's like Don Bradman's 99.94 batting average. That is never gonna be bugged. I'm some records are meant to be broken. Others are destined to last for all time. Most dinosaurs eaten in a year, that's not gonna be broken.

Most women slept with whilst Pope, that's unlikely to go. I mean, some pretty high bars were set back in the day and modern popes, not really even seek the challenge here, those marks, particularly hard. Most wives execute whilst English Monarch again, it's going to be difficult to beat that, but Trump's like count as president. I mean, I can imagine another president being, you know, not particularly truthful a lot

of the time. I can imagine another president telling even bigger and more lethal lies individually, but I can't imagine anyone having the sheer bullshit stamina, the dedication, the 24, 7, 36, 5 work ethic to come close to 30,573 lies in a single presidential term. That works out at around about one lie every 16 working minutes, assuming an eight hour day, five days a week, 50 weeks a year, which I don't think Trump ever came anywhere near. But one every 16 minutes. That is, that's impressive.

There's quite an extraordinary interview in the New York Times with, with all Dr. Fauci, for the last year and a half has had, I'd say the worst job in the Western world, like has had an absolute shit show of a job. And Fauci... Well, he did make a Fauci in bargain. Yeah. I'm sorry, I'll see myself out. I don't know if you've heard any of the other episodes

of this podcast, NATO, but I believe you can see yourself very much in. He talks a lot about receiving death threats, how his family have been on the end of various threats and he's sort of fractured at times relationship with the former president. The last question in the interview, the interviewer says, do you think Donald Trump costs the country tens or hundreds of thousands of lives? And Fauci says, I can't comment on that. People always ask that and making the direct connection that way, it becomes very damning. I just want to stay away from that. Sorry. And that's a diplomatic answer. But crucially, what he hasn't said there is,

no, he didn't. Because the answer to that question, if you're Donald Trump, should very much be like the answer to the question, did you take a Trump, should very much be like the answer to the question, did you take a shit in my sink when you're around my house last time? And you want that answer to be absolutely not. Why would you even say that? But if somebody responds to that question with, I'd rather not comment. You definitely shout the sink. I would like to ask the Bugles Indulgence because now that Trump is out of office, I have

one last Trump joke from my stand up act that must be retired. This is like a fucking western. I love it. So I would like to deliver this joke for the last time so I can fully expunge and extirpate the demons. And it is as follows. As I mentioned, my family and I, we lived in Cuba for a time during the Trump regime. And at one day I was standing on the beach with my daughter, blonde, innocent white sands, pristine turquoise water, looking out onto the horizon.

And she turned to me, unprompted, apropos of nothing and said, Daddy, you know the Cuban revolution? And I said yes. And she said, let's go back to America and do that to Donald Trump. And I said, good girl, that's right. Yes, now remind me, what kind of family are we? And she said, we're kind daddy. And I said, good girl, that's right. Yes, now remind me, what kind of family are we?

And she said, we're kind daddy. And I said, yes, we are. And what does our family always do? And she said, we attack the enemy's supply line. That's how our family does. We surround Mar-a-Lago, cut off the supply of chicken tenders, and the regime will fall. Sometimes they're jokes, and sometimes they're practical hints for revolution.

I need my audiences to leave the show knowing how to properly lay a siege. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER Well, a non-rebel burial for a Trump joke. It's the closest the bugle will get to a Viking funeral. LAUGHTER Just watching the joke float out. Have you got any particular Trump jokes you're going to miss? No, I mean, I, I, to be quite honest with you, I'm, I, I feel like I'm Viking burial

to all of them already. I feel like I'd emotionally said goodbye to Donald Trump when he lost the election. tried emotionally said goodbye to Donald Trump when he lost the election. And then it's just been, since then, it's just been a fun game of will the United States fall into fascism? A format I am making available to any commissioners that are looking for it. I will work for anyone. I will take down another app, so I'm helping God. Netflix, come on. I can take you down. I know you're a big come on. I can take you down.

I know you're a big fish, but I can take you down. With my game try for that, Will America fall into fascism? I don't think you want to totally take you down. Like, if you're going to bury him, I think you need to leave a tiny bit of him just above the surface. So I watched Home Alone 2. Like smallpox, right? To keep the tiny bit in the chest.

Just to tell you that that's a good comparison. But like, so I watched Home Alone 2 with my 6.5 year old daughter for the first time this weekend. And I wonder, like she already knows who and what Trump is and was. And I wonder that it was coming and he was going to be there on screen. And so little Kevin McAllister walked through the lobby into the Plaza Hotel, he seized Donald Trump, and spontaneously the whole family pantomime style started booing. It was fantastic. And it's like, you know, there's a lot of people saying that he should be gone for it.

He shouldn't be gone. That is our pantow now, is him on screen being jeered at by children. I don't know. I'm quite in favor of him being replaced by Christopher Plummer in that. Because of the Preston. The last time Christopher Plummer had to step in, it was because of Kevin Spacey. And I mean, Donald Trump's sort of Kevin Spacey to America. I think I'll miss my, the Russian doll joke that I had on Trump, which I've probably done on the Beagle before. But he was sending our family, come on, do it one more time.

An inverse Russian doll of f***ing Tari. Every time you think he's reached his limits outpops and even bigger f***ing. And I think he saw that right through to two weeks before he was de-in-orgarated. Let's move on to Californian politics, NATO. You are the Bugles Governor of California, QAnon, Proud Boys and anti-vax campaign correspondent rolled into one. So it's been, uh, it's been a busy week for you. Uh, that's right. So, uh, uh, California Democratic Governor Gavin Newsom is facing a recall challenge. And if you don't know him, uh, enjoy yourself. He used to be mayor of San Francisco. So I've had to put up with his bullshit for 20 years. He's the guy who thinks he's Christian Bail as Batman, but he's actually Val Kilmer as Batman.

Before he was in politics, he owned a wine bar for men who wore sweater vests, and it was called Plunk Jack, which I thought was slang for ejaculating from a flaccid penis. His first wife was Kimberly Gillfoil, who is now dating Donald Trump Jr. and real ones will remember a photo shoot they did in 2004 for the magazine Harper's Bazaar. And if you haven't, Google it please. Because there was a photo shoot that compares them to John and Jackie Kennedy and shows them in formal attire lying down on an expensive rug in a mansion wearing an evening gown whilst I must reiterate lying down It's the very definition of all dressed up and nowhere to go They are lying in the same pose that my children use when they are lying on the floor in pajamas reading comic books

But they look like they were tuckered out from a hard day's work evicting the pours. If you looked up the word decadence in the dictionary, you would see this picture, the picture looks like a glossy brush your brochure advertising guillotine. Now, Newsom was handling the pandemic pretty well and just following the f***ing science is that so much to ask until he stopped. First to slow the spread, he called for an overnight curfew, which was not the problem at all. The evidence is that the big spreaders are unmasked people indoors and traveling, not

telling people they can't go out at night when all the night shit is closed anyway. A nighttime curfew to stop COVID is like telling me I'm not allowed to poop right after I finish pooping. And then on top of that in November he went around scolding people for gathering indoors without masks on and then proceeded to gather indoors without masks on. He attended a dinner party at a restaurant called French laundry, which is neither French nor a laundry, but has, I think, 11 Michelin stars.

It costs $350 American dollars to eat there. I would love to eat there someday. And I would do it if I were the governor. And I could do it without remembering that possibly 200,000 residents of my state were on the cusp of facing eviction. And I had the power to do something and was choosing not to But the poached medallion of yellowtail with whimsical sun chokes the aboo's bush is your bush fully amused

Then your money back how can I think about your stupid rent when there are truffles on everything? And by the way like the approach to the COVID, managing COVID, like they change the rules so quickly and arbitrarily, it feels like they're using a magic eight ball like the numbers go up and we lock down and the numbers go down for 10 seconds and then we open up again, it's like they're trying to manage COVID using the rhythm method. And surprise, surprise, it's not working. Anyway, now Newsom is facing a recall campaign instigated by the Proud Boys and Republicans and QAnon anti-vaxxers, not so much of who's who as a goof stew.

Look, I couldn't be bothered to write a punchline to that. I felt like there was a better punchline there waiting for me, and listeners, if you know what that joke wanted to be, please feel free to email me at subcomandante.neto at thebugelpodcast.com. American.com. American Comedy Fans will recognize that joke writing technique is what we call kindlearing, hindlearing in reference to the comedian and Lee Kindle, where the punchline is that you couldn't be bothered to write a punchline. Anyway, the best part of the Newsom Recall campaign is that the campaign is being

managed by an eye patch wearing veteran political consultant named, I shoot you not, Randy economy. Which is something Trump hopes would take him to success in the further I shit you not, Randy economy. Which is something Trump hopes would do. We're taking to success in the political election. I wrote is it too on the nose for public and concerned about loss of commerce due to COVID restrictions to be named literally horny for the free market? No, it's not. It can't be his real name.

That I repeat, that's the name of a poor, though, by Matt and Friedman. I refuse to believe that is a real man. You can look him up, you can watch his live stream, you can go to his website, his campaign team also includes thirsty profit accumulation, two messingant visible hand and Bill Cosby. I read this article and they were about the recall campaign and the reporters were just going through it, reciting the facts, the who-what-win-where, and then they got to Randy economy, and I do not believe that the entire LA Times writers room did not shit themselves laughing when they got to Randy economy. I'll just have a quick look through the latest Brexit food related headlines. In the aftermath of Brexit, trading meat has become a nightmare claim businesses.

In the aftermath of Brexit, trading fish has become a nightmare claim businesses. In the aftermath of Brexit, trading organic producers become a nightmare claim businesses. In the aftermath of Brexit, trading whiners become a nightmare claim businesses. In the aftermath of Brexit, trading nibbly snacks has become a nightmare claim businesses.

And in the aftermath of Brexit, trading, f snacks has become a nightmare, claim businesses, and in the aftermath of Brexit, trading, f***ing anything has become a nightmare, claim businesses. We should give some balance from more pro-Brexit newspapers as well. Bread legal again after Brexit overturns non-existent EU ban, f*** off and brew your own cider, Prime Minister tells UK wine merchants who needs food when you have freedom, a bum, box, rub, union jack radish surprises salad eating granny potato becomes magic of the meeting queen and Brits invented food claims Stonehenge archaeologists. So you know, I guess it just depends which newspapers you read.

But everyone don't worry because the government has really snapped into action and declared a war on woke. This was a heavily trialed new policy that was in the, some of the conservative papers over the weekend. It's a war on woke. They're going to be renaming streets after Victoria Cross heroes and protecting our culture and their countries. And I'm glad that they've declared a war on woke and not a war on everyone dying.

Because as I've always said, from the beginning, better to be dead than to make even largely superficial concessions to anti-racism. My great grandfather did not personally dab acid on Hitler's dickhole to be told that he couldn't say Paki, okay? Thank God this government has abandoned getting a good Brexit deal of stopping everyone from dying and instead is gonna say things like we've declared a war I've won that is what we voted for What a bunch of fucking c**s and for balance

Not bunch of fucking c**s and for balance, not c**s. Genocide news now and... Wow, you really delivered that with a fun and finally told you the and his lighter news the British government has defended spoken like a Jew. That's my new podcast by the way. The British government has defended its right to trade with genocidal countries this week following a challenge from conservative back ventures, including the much and rightly aligned in Duncan Smith that wanted to make the UK the first country in the world to be able to determine which countries are committing genocide in its own domestic courts. Now, Parliament voted against this proposal, so we can,

fortunately, now still trade with genocidal countries. And this really highlights the fact that basically no country has a regulation like this, that ethics and international trade have often gone together like a horse and a rocket launch in that they are mostly kept as far apart as possible. And if they ever do meet, the former is generally going to do much worse than the latter. Now, obviously, letting the courts decide on international legal matters is the wrong way to go about it. I think we need to, you know, with democracies, and we should put it to the public vote and have a phone vote on whether the people of Britain think that a potential pride trade partner, either is not committing genocide, a simple phone line called O-800-4366-2433 and press one for genocide, two for now,

it's just a bit of ethno, religious horseplay, three, we really can leave that trade deal and four for, oh, seriously, come on, have you seen how much oil they've got? And, you know, just democratize it and get it all above board. And NATO, I know you're a huge fan of trading with as many genocidal countries as humanly possible.

Well, so I was curious about why this issue was coming up in the UK. And I don't know that much about the history of the UK. And I read that in the coverage that the British government is deeply concerned about curtailing genocides. So I typed into Google British genocide. And my friends at Google auto Phil suggested

the following options. British genocide of Irish, British genocide of India, British genocide of Kenya, British genocide of Iran, British genocide of Australia, British genocide of Bengal, British genocide of Boers, British genocide of Tasmania. So if I understand correctly, the British don't like anyone else doing the genocide. I read that the 1943 Bengal fam and killed up to 3 million people because of Churchill. So if the law had been passed, it would have required the UK to stop trading with the UK,

which would have been quite a challenge. And this debate was about the genocide currently underway being committed by China. And I think we can all agree that genocide is very bad and we should deposit it every turn in less doing so would stop us from getting the newest iPhone. Because how can genocide and TikTok exist in the same place in time?

Say what you will about Britain through the ages, Nate, but we sure put the eye into genocide. That's how we do it. Okay? And voting through this bill would have been tremendous hypocrisy on our part. It would have been, it's tremendously hypocritical of us to suddenly take an anti-position on genocide, given some of our work in the field and the past. Well, on that happy note, we should end this week's be also to be overrun and I'm now, as I said, hallucinating cricket scores. So we were going to talk a little bit about the situation in Russia, but frankly, the world is, it's already, we've just finished with genocide, and I'm not sure I can take anything even more depressing. So we'll come back to that. Also, you know, say what you will

about Vladimir Putin, and he will try and murder you. That guy is, the only joke I want to tell about that guy. Hey, have you ever noticed how peaceful he is? What a tall guy. No poisoning for me, please. That's the top selling Russian podcast moment. The, on a subject of podcasts today is the, Marks 130 first anniversary of the return to New York, of the pioneering travel journalist, Nelly Bly, who completed her Round the World trip in then-record 72 days,

and she did so without posting a single selfie on social media, would you believe, young people, watching learn. Now by Happy Co-Intern and her spiritual descendants, producer Chris from the Bugle and Richie Firth, have a new season of the Travel Hacker podcast. Now Chris, tell me how much you were inspired by Nelly Blie's exploits in the 1890. One of the things I like about her is that when it was discovered that she was going to do it

in tribute to Joel's Vern, she was setting a competition against Elizabeth Bisselland and the challenge was who's going to be the fastest woman around the world and not only did Nelly Blie win she said throughout this is bullshit it's not a race I'm not racing you but by the way I won which is fantastic she also did it she left she had no time to plan she left basically the clothes she was in a sturdy overcoat She and she took pants Toiletries and some cash wrapped in a chain around her neck and that was it 72 days around the world, right well, that's a lot of pants. I don't achieve that in this podcast

Because we're not allowed to travel anywhere So it's just me and Richie fantasising about traveling places. But we did do one real season where we actually travelled the world and we failed drastically every episode, so please do listen to him, you fail. Did you know that she's buried in the same cemetery as Elizabeth Bissland's The Woman She Beats. God, that is a lovely story of corpses. And pneumonia, they both died off in the 50s. Right. Can I raise the tone anymore? That is saddened like a sitcom waiting to happen. Back to genocide. Yeah, exactly.

They told anything to pluck. You know, follow me on Nato Green on Green on Twitter Mr. NATO Green on Instagram. I have some albums out that you can get wherever you download a stream albums. But if you do, if you were so inclined, please purchase them on band camp because that's where the artists make the most money. Nish any shows to tell people about? Now I'm just plugging good vibes baby. Alright just plug it. I'm just plugging Brexit. I'm just like Britain's open

I'm plugging pro's Brexit Britain. We're open guys, and we will trade and I cannot stress this enough with In anyone ISIS do you want hats? We are open North Korea are you guys looking for a line of personally branded cod pieces? Britain is open! Well thank you for listening, Budalus, we'll be back next week. You can hear me on the news quiz, on Radio 4 for the next few weeks. I also did Mark Maren's WTF podcast last week, that should be available. Um, um, well it was a pretty extraordinary day Andy. That for me was the equivalent of the scene in heat when Robert De Niro meets Al Pacino,

but for Jewish comedy podcasters. Hahaha. Um, yes, so that's, that's available also on the internet. Uh, and, uh, well that's it, we're done. I'm gonna go get some sleep. Thank you for listening. We'll be back next week. Goodbye.