The Bugle - Sausage Pricks (4197)

Episode Date: June 10, 2021

Andy, Alice and Anuvab on the broken web, sausage news and racism in sport. (WARNING) May contain puns. Buy a loved one Bugle Merch - COLD AND WET WEAVER T SHIRTS ON SALE NOW).Subscribe to Tiny Revolutions with Tiff Stevenson, episode one, with Armando Iannucci is out now.The Last Post, keeps appearing here. Follow us on YouTube or Insta and see parts of this episode with actual video.The Bugle is hosted this week by:Andy ZaltzmanAlice FraserAnuvab PalAnd produced by Chris Skinner  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A- Audio newspaper for a visual world! Hello, Bueglis and welcome to issue 4197 of the Buegl. I am Andy Zoltzmann. I'm in the shed. It is the 9th of June and I'm joined from later on today in different places in the world firstly by very nearly the end of the day as we

record in Australia. Alice Fraser. Hello, Andy. How are you, Bueglis? I think you meant to just say hello, Bugles. Yeah, no, you can say how are you. And I can respond on I have power of attorney to respond on their behalf. And they all say they are very well indeed, Alice. Well, I'm glad that you've responded for them because otherwise that thing happens that I find incredibly confronting and confusing, which is where somebody listens to one of any one of my many hundreds of podcasts in the past, and then replies to me on Twitter or email, as though I were having the conversation with them now. It's like the worst form of time travel.

And there are so many bad forms of time travel Yeah, in particular just going forwards at the required rate Until you get old and decrepit that's a very bad form of time travel also joining us From in between Australia and the UK in temporal terms. It's an of our pal. Hello, Andy. Hello Alice Well As you can see I'm in a closet. My grandmother's closet here in Calcutta. That's that. There we have, I mean, the bugle podcast table is expanding. I think in my grandmother's closet

could be a show that would absolutely take over the podcasting universe. I think it's necessary because it seems like this is a broadcast that will absolutely take over the podcasting universe. I think it's necessary because it seems like this is a broadcast that reaches out. I figured it's time to reach in. Further and further. Deeper, but the quick news from here is that the subcontinent has been hit by its first set of monsoon rains. So if you remember the last time we chatted, we couldn't go out of our house because of COVID,

and now COVID is clearing up, but we can't go out because the roads have essentially turned to mud. So as a nation, we've decided to stay indoors into perpetuity, regardless of what happens in the outside world. So I figured my grandmother's closet is a good enough place. I mean, if nothing else, COVID has given us

all the opportunity to feel like an ancient Egyptian Pharaoh just indoors for the rest of eternity, distanced from anyone else by a significant amount of, well, kind of psychological pyramidding. With all of your organs in jazz. That's place forth. We are recording on the 9th of June. The 10th of June is World Ballpoint Pendet. So to mark World Ballpoint Pendet, the script for this episode has been scrolled allegedly in Worldpoint Pendet. Itutton. Very poor handling, so I hope you still enjoyed the episode. As always, a section of the bugle is going straight into being this week, a Euro's 2020 preview.

The Euro 2020 football championship postponed from last year, I forget why. It's starting this weekend and we take you through some of the stars to watch, including time wasting, tactical negativity, players pretending to be injured, players kicking other players, then pretending that hasn't injured them, racist fans, racist fans claiming they're not racist, but then admitting they are racist, flobbing, could the euros record of an 8.4 meter blob by Germany's Hans-Dita Schlauchhäuser in 1968 Beaton and TV Pundits saying he's got to do better there. All things to look out for over the next month of footballing excitement. That section in the bin. Top story this week, the world was given a

chilling peak behind the wireless curtain of future chaos on Tuesday when a global internet outage, and I never thought I'd say this, closed some websites for an hour. It was truly harrowing for the planet's greatest species at the human race with the loss of such sites as the Guardian website, Amazon Reddit and social media sites such as Twerp, Clank, Garbage, that's GARB, IJ, Twadler and Ephemera, where people post three second videos of themselves suffering existential angst. Humanity was brought to its quivering knees and several major religions declared a full Armageddon during the the outage.

The UK government website went down which led to a 58 minute golden age of joy hope and productivity before normality was thankfully restored. Now, Annivab, Alice, clearly this this is probably the most traumatic thing that's ever happened to the world. How did you both cope with with with the? I mean, I found it a real relief, Andy, just the prospect that this was the beginning of the end was quite a relief. Most idiots spent their whole time trying to identify which sites were up and which sites were down. I started two separate doomsday cults

and set them against each other. I don't know what you did with your internet outage. But one of the fascinating things was everyone I don't know what you did with your internet outage. But one of the fascinating things was that everyone had an opinion about what should be done or what was happening, even though nobody had any information about what was happening. It was revealed if nothing else that nobody knows how any of it works, especially the people who think they do and definitely not the people whose job it was to make it work.

My problem is that none of the good stuff that you want the internet to go down with ever goes down, like my online mortgage payment went through. Which is really, really painful. And you know, I've had no internet for a couple of days because of the monsoon situation and we don't have any aeroplanes coming and going to India as you know. Which leads to the question, maybe you guys know this now, the world, you know, with all its essential elements, McDonald's, greed, tick-tock, gold-pressures. Is that still around Alice and Tee? Well, we don't really know. I mean, that's the thing with internet outages is, you know,

it does lead to people questioning whether anything exists if it's not, you know, being, you know, live blogged in some way. So for an hour, no one knew if anyone existed anymore. It was, it was deeply, deeply harrowing. As somebody who has brought up Buddhist Andy, the answer is no. I never did. It's all in illusion, a temporary co-alignment of mind and matter. The Technus website, The Verge, did start publishing news on a shared Google document just to prove that they really existed in the words of the Kings. Until one of their reporters accidentally shared a link on Twitter that allowed their audience to then edit the news on this Google Doc. But it's not, should this not be the future of all news that it's just, you know, it's out there and people can edit it to make the news that they, I mean, it's essentially just streamlining the process we already have,

but taking a bit more personal responsibility rather than letting the editors of our chosen newspapers do it for us. Well, what I feel was really newsworthy about the edits that the general public made to the Verge was that they were deeply unoriginal. It's like when you get a new pen and you want to write to something with your new pen and you're always right, this is a new pen. I think this is really the future we should go to. I the other day I saw a thing on Instagram that said, write a blog without writing a single word. And that was an excellent tool.

Apparently it's got blocks of words. And if you type in a feeling, like misery, it's just like there's a paragraph that's prewritten that just shows up. So you can get this blog without having to write a blog, and I think that's really where journalism needs to go. I think that's how Shakespeare wrote most of his plays, isn't it? So what happens most of it, fastly,

who are a major content... You can actually show their hand in incompetence by not knowing how to are a major content. They showed their hand in incompetence by not knowing how to, how to write speed. Yes, exactly. They are apparently a major content delivery network, whatever that is. They reported a widespread failure.

And without knowing or wanting to know how all this mystical shit actually works, after all, when it comes to such things, as Tennyson wrote, as not to reason why, as but to surf and buy, surely the obvious answer was that it was a distraction to enable the aliens to land whilst everyone else was distracted by not having their usual distractions to distract them. So how long is it going to take for this

to become truly apparent, do we think? I mean, a good thousand years, Andy. Okay, just the standard. Because it doesn't, I mean, aliens usually take a thousand years if the Vikings were anything to go by. Sorry, that's supposed to be here. That's still subdued, it's like. I mean, this internet outage be proof that last year's US election was indeed stolen from the former blogger, Donald Trump. I mean, if large parts of the internet can be down for an hour,

surely they can easily forge miscount or hide by ingesting a few million votes here or there. Surely. Look, I'm not saying that correlation equals causation, but from the desk of Donald Trump was taken down not so very long before this happened. Right. Don't mean those dots are joining themselves, Alice, and they're making the shape of a great big middle finger.

We'll sloppy dots just oozing into each other. Can I just say all these Doomsday scenarios of the Internet have brought back a long-lost English language word, the Cabal, and I'm just glad that the word Cabal has made a comeback because everything apparently to do with the destruction of the Internet has to do with a secret Cabal. There's never like an open friendly Cabal to anyone. It's not like a transparent Cabal. It's always a secret cabal. There's never like an open friendly cabal doing this. It's never a transparent cabal. It's always a secret cabal. So you should have...

All about where you put the L, if it's secret, it's cabal, if it's not secret, it's club. I mean, it didn't affect everywhere in the world. So users and some locations experience no problems. For example, Berlin. Oh, why did we fucking bother? Outright scientists, meanwhile, blamed the woke conspiracy pointing out that in the 1950s, before an increased social awareness of issue surrounding race, gender, and sexuality

and an effort to be a more tolerant species. The internet never failed. So take that the woke. Covid news now and well naming Covid variants after their country of origin, which barks of course pride and racism and equal measure in this country certainly is the great British variant and the highly suspicious Indian variant, battle for global supremacy. Well, that's to be a thing of the past. After World Health Organization decided to name the COVID variants after letters of the Greek alphabet, which is itself ironically named after letters of the Greek alphabet. They did consider naming the variants after Greek gods, but it was decided that the Aphrodite variants sounded to like a very, very, very, very questionable 1970s film. And of course, if they get far enough, having a variant with a syllables, oopsie, in it might be too withering an assessment of global failures.

Adivab, we talked about the India variants before, on the bugle, is this news gone down well? Well, I think the issue here is that they're a little upset with Britain and they because you went with a specific county, Kent. And I think India wants more specificity to its variant. So you know, Alibagh is a wealthy neighborhood, Kent is a wealthy neighborhood. So India says, why can't we have an Alibagh variant? Why can't we have a South Bangalore variant? So in the India very too broad, there are many parts of India that have nothing to do with COVID,

we're getting upset with this. But just to go back to the Greek gods thing, Andy, I think that if they did go back to the Greek gods, there's a few things we could do. Like for example, if you did have the Aphrodite variant, you could focus on the infection if it infected only lovers and beautiful people and it did not infect sailors, very much like Aphrodite. If you have the Zeus variant, he'd be the king of the variants, he would live on Mount Olympus, which we all know is the name of the cafe at the Wuhan Institute of Virology.

And then my favorite would be the Hestia variant. And the Hestia is the nicest of the Olympian gods. It doesn't infect you if you apply it and say, please thank you and me, I have another. So I think there's a lot more you can do with gods than you could do with just the alphabets. Because like Alice said, you know, the alphabet, your stock, alphabets, meals, you know, beta testing, you know, there's only gamma rays, there's always so much you can do. Yes. And also, I mean, is it racist to say that I've always wanted to hear an Indian person say, there's a lot you can do with gods because I feel like that is, that might be your culture's approach to theology is a general rule. Yeah, I mean, the Ganesh variant, you know, that could, in fact,

men and elephants, I mean, there's a lot you can do. Visual variant. Yeah, mostly, most of the time, not available up in the mountains. Yeah, I mean, yeah, if we went to pantheosum, I could come up with quite a few things for you. They also, there was a scheme to name the variants using swear words from the countries of origin. They can't variant was almost a trial scheme, it seems to work. Okay. But to choose an alphabet with only 24 letters in it, isn't this just ridiculously optimistic?

I mean, what? Hindi has considerably more letters. How many in the Hindi alphabet, anyway? What do we have? 36, I think Bengali has 41. But also, I mean, if you throw it open to India at large, you're dealing with 3 and 30 million gods. You're also dealing with 462 languages. Let's just hope the virus doesn't spread.

Andy, Alice, you will appreciate this. In India, there is even a god dedicated to the cricketer, such in Tendulkar. There's a temple in his honor in the state of Bihar. So, you know, there's a chance of, you know, pantheism mixing with cricket, which I think is a world you'd like to see, Andy. Absolutely. Yep. I mean, let's just hope the virus doesn't get that much of a foothold. I mean, the Greek gods reportedly have very disappointed that their efforts to have the virus variance at named after themselves, instead of letters of Greek alphabet, were turned out, they turned out their efforts were alpha nothing

as the letters beat off stiff competition from the gods who gamma-cropper at the final hurdle. Now this Delta series bloated uses hopes of making a comeback, but to be fair to the former King of Olympus, it's a decision he accepts along with his former, accepts along, accepts along with his former colleagues. And he says he will see to it that he doesn't eat away at them. He has put them a team bonding outing in a 16-theta limousine, I ought to check that. And of course there's only 12 of them. But to cap a bad week for Zusi, he failed to land a new job as the deputy deity in charge

of the Catholic Church after being marked down for his low-quality cat impression. His mu wasn't great. He knew that to be fair. It was a tough exercise, he admitted. It was either nerve that got to me or my chronic fear of cats. Oh, Andrew. He was a usur-accepted blame for the longstanding hostility to people who like starting fires.

It goes back to the Prometheus thing, the pyro stigma. As you said, he wouldn't give up though. I'm not throwing in the towel. I know it's been tough for me these last couple of millennia, but I've had some ups along with some towns. So I'm going to fire on. I'm a tough guy. I'd like my old mate Poseidon. Oh my god, what a loser. The end. The end. Sometimes the only thing we have left in this troubled world. Andy, if you were in sixth grade in my school in Calcutta, I would have learnt my Greek elements a lot better. I recognised four out of the other ones you did.

I, another UK news, have been much speculation over whether the loosening of lockdown in England will be delayed from the target date of the 21st of June. And as we're recording, the government has confirmed that the 21st of June has been delayed. Unfortunately, as folks have said, we've had to put the 21st of June back. It will now take place between the 15th and 16th of December, while the 18th of December will now fill the gap between the 20th and 22nd of June in an effort to help the retail sector with an unexpected day of Christmas shopping.

An agreement has also been reached to swap the Portuguese Algarve coastline with Scegnes in Lincolnshire for the summer holiday season, whilst following a re-categorization of the Green Amber and Red List countries, Albania has gone missing entirely whilst Bolivia is now a nightclub. We think an algorithm went rogue, admitted the government spokesperson. LAUGHTER MUSIC India news now, and if anybody said you've got an early onset monsoon, which has come a few days ahead of schedule. So, mixed writing news from Ahmedabad,

Nurendra Modi, of course, under increasing pressure and criticism for his handling of the Covid crisis, as well as issues of human rights and religious freedom. Well, there's only one thing for it in a situation like that. Olympic bid and our meta-bad could be gearing up for an Olympic bid. The city where, as discussed on recent vehicles, a 130,000 capacity cricket stadium was named after a serving Prime Minister, rather than, for example example a cricketer that because well just because is in your excited at the prospect of chucking a ridiculous amount of money down the drain for an elaborate school sports day if I may just lay aside London 2012 for one minute. Well, as you know Prime Minister Modi is a very ambitious person and you know his economics

has been called Modi omics by many because he's transformed so many economic things in the country. So, for a long time he's been really hopeful for the Olympics just so that the world could combine the word Modi and Olympics and come up with something. However, one of the people involved in the bid said, we've got only this one stadium, which is to be a problem,

if you're going to have a range of events. And another person who works in the Gochareb government did say, we're hopeful, but fortunately for us, the next four Olympics are taken. So I think that there is optimism, but the optimism comes to the fact that the people that have been given the responsibility to get us the Olympics would be long dead when we're ready to beat.

So they're hoping this goes away before the responsibility comes on them. But you know, Hamidabad is Prime Minister Modi's city and he's already built himself a cricket stadium there, which is the world's largest. So I wouldn't be surprised if we did our own Olympics with a set of games that were entirely invented by the Prime Minister, you know, the Modil Olympics which features some sort of a cross-section between triathlon and the short-butt and Gujarati poetry reading. And we'll invite some countries, they can come, they can not come, it doesn't matter. But like we said, everyone responsible, organizing and now will be dead.

I'm, rather than they were looking at the 2036 games as a possibility now, Olympics is in years ending in the numbers, three and six. Do I have a bit of a checkered pass when it comes to not being used as vehicles for a political propaganda? I'm sure Mr Modi will be looking to correct that tradition rather than to emphatically confirm it. I mean, do we think, I mean, Alice, Australia's had two two Olympics, 1956 and 2000. I mean, do you think it's time for the IOC to award Olympics as to cities regardless of whether they want them or not? Just, you know, it should be almost like jury service where the city just has to step up to the plate and provide sport for the world.

Well, certainly, I think as with all power, power corrupts and the only way to counteract this sort of terrible corruption in the Olympic connoisseurs is rather than letting countries bribe their way into ownership of Olympics. As you say, just attribute the Olympics to wherever the shot put falls. Just get a big world map and throw a rock at it and then whatever that lands, if it's in the middle of the ocean, people are going to have to learn how to swim on water. I think that's the only way of making the Olympics truly fair. They did try that, getting the world throwing a big rock at it with the first dinosaur Olympics and it went tragically wrong. Well, the problem of the richer countries get to prepare their athletes more and people are working towards this thing for four years or eight years or 12 years and they know what the target is.

I think we should just call snap Olympics in random locations. Absolutely. Well, it should be also that maybe rather than the Olympics being something that is once every four years, it's just an ongoing process where people just post up their athletic achievements. And obviously it would be a bit tricky to check if LCie aged 83 has really run the 108.4 seconds, but I think it would make it more democratic and sort of more, you know, it would present sport in a way that young people are more familiar with, just the unposting shit online.

Yeah, I agree. I still hold with my drop someone out of the sky, point at two people and go, you two run. And we win this is the champion. Yeah, I mean, it brings a certain fluidity to the Olympics, rather than every number of years. And we've done that a little bit. If you remember, we had the Commonwealth Games in India, which were very corrupt, et cetera, was in the news for that. But now it's all done.

And if you go to Delhi, there's a big sign that says, we are welcoming large marriage parties to the Commonwealth swimming pool Again, it's fluid, right? It keeps it going so the pool is still there if you're a large Punjabi family What I get married you've got no lipid size swimming pool there, which was used for Commonwealth games and I have water in it currently Currently not I probably won't if you choose to get married there But again, you know, it didn't end with the Olympics You know, there are there are two families currently marrying post-COVID

UK news now and sausage wars have broken out UK news now and sausage wars have broken out. Sotages from Great Britain can soon be banned from entering Northern Ireland, which is a part of Great Britain, despite what many of our politicians seem to think. There are loggerheads between the UK government and the European Union over a proposed ban on the export of sausages and indeed mints under the terms of the Brexit deal

between Great Britain and some of it too, I can. The UK government is reportedly at loggerheads, but what are the best type of heads with bruffles over a proposed ban on the export of sausages and mints from Great Britain to Northern Ireland. I'll just under the terms of the Brexit deal. Now, there are of course many aspects of British life that are claimed as fundamental parts of our national identity, not to be tinkered with, not to be sullied, not to be stolen at any costs, unless it's convenient or financially advantageous. But one thing stands proudly, inviolable, as an icon of

British freedom of national unity, of eternal God-given identity, and that is the sausage. So when Brexit starts interfering with the identity, and that is the sausage. So when Brexit starts interfering with the sausage, shit is getting real people. I mean, I don't know either of your countries have been involved in a sausage-based war, and it hasn't yet become a military war, but I think we can only assume that it definitely will. But you know, become a military war, but I think we can only assume that it definitely will. But you know, life is teetering on the edge of absolute chaos here with the sausage under threat. Well, I mean, Andy, no one wants to know how politics or sausages are made, but number

10 spokesman was approached about why the Prime Minister signed up to the terms, which are considered so damaging that they can't, you can't transport cool meat anymore. It has to be frozen meat, essentially, is the core of this. But the spokesman said the protocol was a compromise. We didn't expect the EU to take a purest approach when implementing it. We are working very hard to try to resolve these issues consensually. There is so much about that quote that is upsetting, ending the choice of the word consensually and working backwards from there.

Though I have just put a ban on meat imports, it's my new response to dick pics. As somebody who's never felt very strongly about sausage one way or another, it's difficult for this story to really salami on its newsworthiness, that being either the worst or the boar worst. The problem with paying attention to stuff that I don't care about is it really makes me cransky. I'm gonna stop now. Well, carry on if you want. Anavab, where do you do you stand on the sausage issue? Look, I have done Greek element puns and sausage puns.

This will be the best half an hour in my entire life. I love that spokesperson who said, this would be resolved following strict protocol. Andy, I don't know very many British things, but what is sausage protocol? LAUGHTER Now Andy, I don't know very many British things, but what is sausage protocol? I think it's something that generally boys are not taught enough about in school But I was rather fascinating the Brick it with a fork

Let's go back to what this spokesperson for the Prime Minister said the protocol is a. We didn't expect the European Union to take a purest approach when implementing. And that is a real look into the mind of Boris Johnson and his government, which basically says, well, I mean, words are not something that are supposed to be meant. Words don't mean what they mean. I mean, why are they taking these words to mean what they seem to and do in fact mean. Words are simply a tool of misinformation, entertainment or buying time until someone else is around to clean up your fucking mess. So you can understand the confusion.

The only words that mean what they mean are words that we don't know what they mean. Like Brexit means Brexit. I mean Brexit, which you mentioned, is the result. Of course it was a heroic break for freedom from the oppressive chains of freedom and cooperation that was EU membership. And it's had various, predictably un-predicted consequences, unforeseen if you ignore the people who force all them. And many of these relate to the inconvenient fact that Northern Ireland is part of England,

sorry, part of Great Britain, and that many English and British politicians had unfortunately forgotten about this aspect. And so whilst England, Scotland and Wales no longer have to follow EU rules, and can once again call carrots, carrots instead of having to call them oranguan, stick and vegetabile, as Brussels insisted. But Northern Ireland does still have to follow the EU rule because it shares a land border with the Republic of Ireland, which as we record is still an EU member, depending on its inevitable application to rejoin England.

Sorry, the United Kingdom, it's very confusing for people like me. And we're at the end of a six-month grace period where sausages were still legal after which the f***ing rules we agreed to live by come into effect, which we fear no one could have predicted happening. The result is f***ing chaos. Sotages are affected by EU food safety rules, which don't allow chilled meat products to enter its market from non-EU EU members. And there might be a loophole in that sausages don't contain a lot of what is discernibly meat,

particularly not the great British sausage. But fundamentally, it's very hard to see how this can be resolved. George Eustace, the UK Environment Secretary, said that Britain would lobby Joe Biden over the issue of the Joe Biden is here for the G7 summit, which is taking place, where we'll report exclusively on that in next week's bugle. Eustace said, I suspect that any US administration

would be amazed if you were to say, for instance, that a sausage from Texas couldn't be sold in California, and there would be an outright ban. Well, apart from the fact that this comparison is completely invalid on an almost infinite number of levels, it would also depend on whether the government of Texas are f***ing agree to a protocol

that prevented sausages being sold in California. Or not, anyway, it's all just a barrel of happy laughs. I mean, given protocol has been broken Andy, is there any way in which you guys could get a very large canon, move it up to the northernmost part of England and just shoot sausages into Northern Ireland? Well, I mean, it's probably going to be spending more money into defense projects. So yeah, the sausage cannon.

I mean, sometimes it needs an outside eye to see the obvious solution that I've ever and you've definitely provided that. I mean, look again, I have to go back to the Empire. You guys have left behind a bunch of cannons. We didn't always use them for faring sausages. We used them for faring people. Yes, we used to shoot some rebels out of it, but we've kept them and we sometimes use it in circuses, where really small people shoot themselves out of circuses for a fee. And that's what's giving me the sausage idea. So again, all good ideas are British. It's just that maybe you left it behind a lot.

As I always say, you can't fire me out of a cannon. I quit out of a cannon. I've written a top negotiator, David Frost, urged the EU to use common sense. Fuck you Frost, do not betray the winner of the people. This was explicitly a vote against common sense. You can't suddenly start f***ing asking for it to be used now. Well we were promised, promised. It would play no part in things. F***ing disgrace. Further proof that Brexit is working, despite what the Naysayers name, and a return to the glory days of Britain when we had an empire in which the sun never set because we now have a lorry park in Kent,

which is basically an empire made of lorries. Where the sun might as well not bother setting because there is 24 hour day lighting on this massive great lorry park where lorries wait for extra custom checks post-Brexit, which has, according to locals, destroyed the night sky. I mean, this was another side effect of Brexit, not just the end of the sausage,

but the destruction of nighttime. Again, we were not told, we were not told this would be part of Brexit. The government has defended the lighting of the Laurie Park as quotes, a physical metaphor for the nation to cling to in these benighted times of how Brexit is a beacon of light in the eternal nighttime of EU membership. And artificially, some escape from the enveloping blanket of darkness cast by the Freedom's Cooperation Progress Harmony and uniformly shaped bananas that were imposed on us on our unquenchably British souls by our European overlords. So, yeah, there's many ways of looking at this.

Evidory ever lived on a permanently lit lorry park or not? I mean, isn't the night time inherently a little bit suspiciously European anyway? Well it is very much, very much so. I just think that you know the loose decadence of the evening darkness has hidden sins for too long and Andy and the sooner everyone is relentlessly spotlight at all times the better. LAUGHTER That's what the internet does, isn't it? Also, also, you know, I don't know about you guys, but I get great comfort knowing that a large group of European truck drivers

are near me at any given point in time. LAUGHTER It's a good way to get your drugs. Yeah, exactly. MUSIC Prime Minister who did not apologise for insulting Muslims black people good way to get your drugs. Yeah, exactly. that did in that's basically the story. I mean, cricket and politics, it's, you know, we talk about sport and politics not mixing, it's kind of impossible to separate sport from politics, but this week,

they've been particularly unhealthily mixed. England cricket at Olly Robinson, making his first appearance as an England cricketer, his big day was ruined by a mixture of his own idiocy as a teenager when he posted offensive tweets to his handful of followers. And someone then posting those tweets on the day of his first game for England to make sure that millions more people saw them. Robinson, who's now 27, apologized for the tweets he posted around nine years ago, which had been found by Twitter coprocheologist, who was so offended by them that they decided

to keep quiet about them until the day of Robinson's first match for England. He was then suspended following an excellent debut match whilst the Cricketing Authorities investigate the matter. Culture Secretary Oliver Dowden, a politician for whom no issue is too great a challenge for him not to come up with the wrong response. Tweeted Oli Robinson's tweets were offensive and wrong. They are also a decade old and written by a teenager. The teenager is now a man and has rightly apologized. The ECB has gone over the top by suspending him and should think again. Now, it was a suspension not a punishment. They are now investigating the matter. This is essentially standard workplace

procedure. All of it, I'm not that familiar with workplace procedure, having not been in workplaces very much. Boris Johnson supported Downe, and I guess it is good that Robinson has apologized for writing these appalling things as a teenager, because being an England cricketer is a very important public position where standards of behaviour to be expected. This is cricket, we're talking about, crick, crick, crick. This is far more serious to me, for, then, for example, a newspaper columnist, magazine editor and foreign secretary aged in his 30s, 40s or 50s writing racist, sexes and homophobic things,

in just a few large circulation national publications before going on to do a casual work experience job as prime minister. This is a cricketer, we have to set some standards at some point in our society. And Oliver Downen, a very busy man in the culture section, he also took some time out from his hectic schedule of misrepresenting stuff willfully that is none of his business to post a vaccination playlist of songs to get vaccinated to. Now, this is a minister in a government which has done in real terms absolutely call to support music, whether it's rock venues or amateur choirs, and has undermined arts education generally.

And it shows once again that our culture secretary has his finger on the pulse of culture, albeit that pulse is in the neck area, and he is pressing those fingers down alarmingly hard. Also, his playlist could be questioned, missed out some songs that should have been on it. From Conservative Minister, don't fear the Reaper, brackets as long as you get the vaccine roll out right.

Or the classic 60s B-Bot number, my prime minister is a liar in a Charleston by the Ethicets. And I love you brackets, despite the slightly embarrassing death toll by Timmy Tory and the shameless hacks. I might want to put those on. But I mean, cricket has been rocked by this. Now, pretty much all players

are having their social media pasts dug up. It's got to be a bit rough, it's got to be a bit rough, it's a bit rough, it's a bit rough, it's a bit rough, it's a bit rough, it's a bit rough, it's a bit rough, it's a bit rough, it's a bit rough, it's a bit rough, it's a bit rough, it's a bit rough, it's a bit rough, it's a bit rough, it's a bit rough, it's a bit rough, it's a bit rough, it's a bit rough, it's a bit rough, it's a bit rough, it's a bit rough, it's a bit rough, it's don't really care about this particular young man's particular journey. I'm sure he should apologize and if he has apologized well done him but so much of this discourse is like reminds me of when my cousin tried a cup of soup the first time we were on holiday together and there was a packet soup and she tried it and she said, hmm this is disgusting you try it. I feel like the sharing of outraged about tweets that someone might not otherwise see seems to be exactly that impulse of just like,

let's boost this horrific thing as widely as possible. Also, it would be interesting to study how much harder one would have to work being an old racist cricketer versus a press and day cricketer who might have the racist tendencies. Well, there was an England captain in the 20s who was an active member of a fascist organisation whilst he was England captain and in fact was investigated, I believe, on a tour of Australia for attempting to set up a fascist organisation in Australia as well and he was captain of England. Well, you know, he wouldn't bend his arm on the high. And look, there are lots of days between matches where you can set up a fascist organisation. I mean, you don't have to land around by the pool, you can do things. Well, I've cricketed one of the few sports that does give you a lot of time, even while the

game is on to set up. Fascist organisations. We really need a sort of apology ranking scale, in the way that we have bushfire danger warning scales in Australia, where it goes from green to sort of into the reds and purples, as to whether you can light a match within 10 metres of anywhere or not. I feel like there should be an adequacy of apology meter that is running totally and maybe if your apology doesn't really hit a particular standard, you then don't get to judge anyone else ever again.

Is that enough, Chris? I mean, I was slightly was slightly distracted Andy given like in the first five minutes of the program you talked about that German player at Euro 68 yeah which is a bit of a joke really given for a start there was two German is then and secondly neither each Germany or West Germany qualified for Euro 6. Well was that a four team tournament wasn't it? Well, yeah, both teams are knocked out in the qualifying round, which finished in 1967. Oh, sorry. So I'm not sure that I always can trust any of what's happened.

I can only... Usually my bullshit is very factually accurate. Yeah. And... Deep apologies, Buglas, for... And thanks, Chris, he is our fact-checker. Yeah, that's why it takes all of our episodes a year to get a year to get out. We actually record them a year in advance, which is very good at guessing what the news is going to be when Chris got it all fact-check by the time it's published.

That brings us to the end of this week's Buable. Any shows or other available things to plug? Yes indeed Andy I'm doing the Bondi festival with two live shows of Kronos on the 9th and 10th of July. Is that on the beach? You want to come to yeah Bondi beach? Yes. Right in the sea or on the sand. You are a trained lifesaver, aren't you? Yes, I have my bronze self-saving. Right, that could be one hell of a show, couldn't it? Right, everybody in, I'll fish you out if it goes badly. Also we have a weekly spin-off show of the bugle, which is called the Gaggle. It's all of the news, none of the politics.

And there's also a monthly show called The Last Post. So there's also things that you can listen to if you're not in Bondi. And if I have any forthcoming shows or other pop-ups you want to tell us about? We carry on with our Indian podcast our last week, which I do with Bollywood actor, Konradra Kapoor. And for that, I go into an even smaller class it than the one I'm in as the monsoons be set on India. Do tune in to all of those on your internet tuner. You can also catch the series of the news quiz that's just finished on BBC Sounds. We're back with another series in September.

September is also the month where bugle lives will return. The seventh of September will give you further information on tickets as soon as they're available, which I don't think they are yet, but they will be assuming the world hasn't completely stopped again. That's all for this week. Until next time, goodbye. To make a one off or a current contribution, two of the bugle go to the buglepodcast.com and click the donate button And you can also find our exciting range of Bugle merch there Including the Column Wet Weaver T-shirt. How are they selling Chris?

Almost sold out Sensational Since they said it couldn't be done. They said it shouldn't be done. They were right on the second of those, but not the first Goodbye shouldn't be done, they were right on the second of those, but not the first. Goodbye.