The Bugle - THE BUGLE REVIEWS 2022, PART 1

Episode Date: December 19, 2022

Andy introduces the first of a two part guide to 2022, and what a year it's been! Coups, war, apocalyptic weather, and Liz Truss! In this episode we start the year in January, in Australia and a small Covid controversy involving a tennis player.Featuring:Andy ZaltzmanAlice FraserJames ColleyNish KumarJosh GondelmanNato GreenAnuvab PalNeil DelamereHari KondaboluProduced by Chris Skinner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. Top story this week. The world is still f***ed. We've been away for three weeks.

That has been the top story. Really like for it. It feels like the last decade. The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world! Hello, Bugleers! Welcome to the Bugle's official review of 2022 Part 1. I am Andy Zoltzman, and over the next 30 minutes or so we are going to explore the first six months of this absolute shit of a year. There's a lot of Russia, there's of course some royal news, but let's start in January of all places with me, Alice Fraser, James Cully and some optimism for what would surely be a better year. But rather than dwell on the untimely pointless agreement from the world's great nations not to nuke each other, we focus on Australia and Novak-Jokovic.

Roar! Australia, COVID, tennis news now, and it's been an extraordinary week here in Australia with the legal case surrounding Novak-Jokovic, the 20-time Grand Slam tournament winning a tennis player, and joyless efficiency monthly magazines, sportsmen of the millennium so far. It's been really quite hard to fathom this,

but I mean, the context of COVID in Australia at the moment, when I arrived, what, two months ago now, and there were very few cases, and now there are in scientific terms f*** loads of cases everywhere. It's been a kind of interesting and curious time to be here, and there's even talk of people having pox parties in Queensland to try and catch the virus. But I mean, as we record, no fact, Jacović has been released back into reality from his incarceration after a judge overturned the government revoking his entry visa. It's such a bizarre story this. Because Jacović

clearly, I mean, it's a great sport, a great tennis player, but at the same time, no one particularly likes it, or not many people, or maybe not, no one particularly likes it, but a lot of people particularly don't like him. And he's not had a vaccine, but he has had COVID recently, and the day after he tested positive for COVID, he was shaking hands with children and receiving an award. It's a really weird story. Can either of you make head-off fucking tale of it? I mean, I can't make head-off tale of it. There's two events within it, within this series of events that delight me. One that there were

violent protests in the streets of Melbourne, either for or against Novak Doggavitch entering. I'm not sure why or not whose side they were coming down. It was just presumably quits doing what quits do, which is f***ing about. But that his father compared him to Spartacus and his family during a press conference when they were asked about him attending these indoor events in the days after he tested positive, tried to divert attention by singing a patriotic song. Just singing a Serbian country folk song, fun times.

Right, that's very sparticus. Just make a loud distraction until the guards move along. I would really like Spartacus. He'd have waged war on the Australian government on the slopes of a volcano, but he's not done that. I mean, there are elements in which Jockovitch and Spartacus are like peas in a pod, both perform well in a arena, both have been paid by Kirk Douglas in film portrayals of their lives, the Jockovitch CGI Kirk Douglas movie, it's due out in five minutes time. They both led revolutions. Spartacus led the third, I believe the third servile war against the Roman Empire

in the 70s BC and Novak Djokovic is trying to lead a revolution against medical science and good sense when it comes to COVID vaccination. Both of them have hair like a Lego man. It's, I mean, that's not proven with Spartacus, but it's definitely true of Jockewitz. So let's assume it's also true of Spartacus. And both have a marble statue in the Louvre of them

with their penis out. So it is uncanny. You can see why Jockewitz's father could mix him up with the famous labour rule either. And standing with him is noble but also ultimately bad for your health. I think that this situation, so what we need to understand firstly is just how rampant Covid is ripping through Australia right now. Like all trends, it takes a couple of extra years to get to Australia, but as soon as it

gets here, we go for it. And right now, three out of every four tets are coming back positive with one of them in conclusive, no, sorry, that's the ashes again. But, we come on James. I'm not spitting it out, nearly an hour, not thinking about the cricket. I do just brought it all back.

Oh, bam. But what we do know is lifetime James, that's nearly an hour, nearly James. That's nearly an hour. He's been in the place of his life's lifetime. Well, we do know about this story, though. An old tennis fans know is tennis has the greatest review system in modern sports. And that is exactly what has happened to Jockovich here.

He's out. No, he's in. Okay, let's take it to Hawkeye. Ooh, and he's in. Only just. And this is a big win against the Australian government and it was the Australian government's mistake for holding the proceedings on a grass court. If they had held it on clay or even perhaps synthetic, he probably wouldn't have triumphed. But you

can be forgiven for thinking that the way into Australia was to break the law. It used to be. That was an old policy. We changed that a short time ago. And this has turned it to a real egg on the Facebook for our government who were hoping to use the law. It used to be. That was an old policy. We changed that a short time ago. And this has turned it to a real egg on the face moment for our government who were hoping to use the story to distract on an egg on the face moment they were having with rapid testing. Only for that story to backfire and draw attention to Australia's cruel immigration laws, which is somewhat of an entire factory farm applied directly to the face. But I feel ultimately this story, like so many, is a terrible misunderstanding. You see, Melbourne is the most locked-down city in the world.

I myself have done multiple locked-downs in Melbourne. This wasn't a punishment for Joker Fitch. We were trying to show him a little bit of the local culture. Welcome to Australia. He is a spoonful of veggie mite, two weeks into isolation, and when you get out, you can pat a koala that's almost as diseased as you. That was issue 4216. Now we move ahead to February and the bugle recorded a week before Vladimir Putin absolutely

wild with cabin fever we assume sent his tanks into Ukraine. Here I am with Neil Delamir and NATO Green discussing the Russian Army obsession with the letter Z. Another possibility is that it marks vehicles where soldiers are having a pre-invasion snooze, so that the other tanks know not to play music too loudly. What is weird about this is that Z is not a character in the Cyrillic alphabet, so they're putting a character from a different alphabet onto stuff, which is, I mean, right up there with Amatate, who's a Chinese symbol for serenity, you know those?

It's not, it's as f**k knuckle, you're an idiot. So one theory is that it's for Zelinsky, isn't it? That he's kind of public enemy number one amongst some of these, the troops who are going to be invading, which one, oh, now have a heck of a comedian to fail, isn't it? That he's kind of public enemy number one amongst some of these, the troops who are going to be invading, which one hell of a heckle for a comedian to fail, isn't it? Well, when the Scots finally invade England, they're going to be driving south with BJ written on the side of the Lularis, which is going to make, so for us, a very interesting adventures on the layboys of the M1 as they drive down. Is it Zed the name of Bobcat Goldthwaite's character in the

police academy movies? So deep cut everybody but police state academy. Yeah. There's a talk that French President manual Macron has been trying to hammer out a deal with Putin to lead to a summit with Joe Biden. It's been reported differently in different British newspapers depending on their attitude towards the content So if you can guess which of the following headlines is the Guardian in which from the telegraph Macron pays way for potential Biden Putin summit or Putin embarrasses Macron again. He win £5,000, you can get that right, I'll have to pay it directly to yourself in cash. So it has been reported that Putin has agreed in principle to summiting the shit out of all this shit with Biden, followed by Moorchen Wagging with the other leaders. Macron has said they will work with all stakeholders

to prepare the content of these discussions. Now that's a strange term. I mean, I'm a stakeholder, and it's because I have a stake in the sense that I'm on balance opposed to World War III. I don't know if I get an invite and a say, say in this. I mean, how do you see the French involved? There seem to be kind of competitive who is having the most progress going on

between various countries. Stakeholders could be a criticism of the current preparedness of the Ukrainian army. What if we're a family of the fifth Asian Corps? All of us were Asian Corps. All of us comes back to that. The Corps let it go. Who had 20 minutes in? Who had 20 minutes? 20 minutes first Asian Corps. Oh, it was a good adjunct car. It was a good adjunct car. It was a good adjunct car. It was a good adjunct car. It was a good adjunct car.

It was a good adjunct car. It was a good adjunct car. It was a good adjunct car. It was a good adjunct car. It was a good adjunct car. It was a good adjunct car. It was a good adjunct car. It was a good adjunct car.

It was a good adjunct car. It was a good adjunct car. It was a good adjunct car. It was a good adjunct car. It was a good adjunct car. It was a good adjunct car. It was a good adjunct car. It was a good adjunct car.

It was a good adjunct car. It was a good adjunct car. It was a good adjunct car. It was a good adjunct car. It was a good adjunct car. It was a good adjunct car. It was a good adjunct car. Is your saying Graham Gucci or someone? Chris, are you raising your hand? Yeah, sorry. I just thought there was breaking news about five minutes ago, which might be relevant to the info that just basically saying Putin has now, or Russia, now recognises the independence of the breakaway areas of Ukraine controlled by Russian separatists and he has apparently told the French and German leaders in one of

their summits. So I think that is irrelevant in or not. Well Chris, the question I have is how come you were the first with this news? How are you getting direct news from Vladimir Putin? We've seen the Russian influence in elections as we were mentioned earlier on and now of peers that they've got a direct line to the producer of the bugle. I mean, I think there's many bugleers who have been part of the show for many years, who would assume nothing less. And I am actually my background is blurred because I am currently in Kiev.

The speeds that there's that Putin has also has a Chris Skinner p-tap. I mean, I sold it to him. We all have one at the always. I got it in a goodie bag. Well, if Putin is recognising the independence of breakaway areas of Ukraine, I'm going to recognise the independence of the rest of Russia as parts of the United Kingdom, as all countries used to be. So, you know, to complete that game, Vladimir, If you want to come on the show and discuss it, just

drop Chris an email or a, or a, is he on your WhatsApp group? Yeah. What's the name? What's the name of the WhatsApp group? Asian bands. In the booting. In terms of America's approach to this NATO, America's defended its decision to not impose sanctions, despite the Ukrainian President Zelensky calling for the sanctions to be applied now. And Secretary of State Antony Blinken on CNN said, the purpose of the sanctions in the first instance is to try to deter Russia from going to war. As soon as you trigger them, that deterrence is gone. So essentially what he's saying is, you have to wait until they go to war.

Otherwise, you won't be able to deter them from going to war. When is this all America has now? I mean, it's... No, I mean, America, I mean, has, this is why it's promising that there's a summit on offing. Is that America's diplomatic secret weapon is Joe Biden getting on the phone with Putin and just saying, come on, man.

Until peace breaks out. That's basically how Joe Biden does stuff. Operation Malarkey. Yeah. Joe Biden will launch into some sort of like rambling incoherent like folksy tale about growing up in Scranton, Pennsylvania. And Putin will agree to peace just to get off the phone. Because essentially what Blinker is saying was that the threat of sanctions is the deterrent, rather than the sanctions themselves, which he clearly knows, he knows what's in the sanctions and that they're f*** all use. So as long as we've only threatened them, Russia might think they're

actually quite serious, but the problem is now he said it out loud. Russia knows that But the problem is now we said it out loud. Russia knows that, you know, the emperor has no underpants on as the old tale goes. John Kirby, the Pentium Press Secretary said on Fox News, if you punish someone for something they haven't done yet, then they might as well just go ahead and do it. As another reason for why America is not. I mean, I've been advocating this in criminal justice for some time, pre-served sentences where you can put yourself in 15 years in jail and then you can come out and essentially treat yourself. It seems to be which came first to chlorinate a chickener at the Faberier egg.

It's like that expert, Andy, I'm sure, as a parent, Neil, do you have kids? No. As a parent, this is like the experience of disciplining young children using counting. Did you do this where you would start, you're going to get a time out if I count to five, and then you never get to five, you just slow down the counting. So, you never actually reach five. That is pretty much the central plank of my parenting strategy. I mean, I was disciplined using that. My father would say, I'm going to count to five and he'd hit me on two and then shout,

never trust anyone. That's how you make a comedian. March now, buglers and nishkumar and Josh Gondromen join me to reflect on the influence of former comedian Vladimir Zelensky's achievements on our own psyches. The story this week, while we reported exclusively last week on the Earth plummeting down the planet rankings in the solar system, this week the human race, I'll still just about clicking on to the coveted cleverest species in the world title has also gone right back to the top of the stupidest species chart as well. We've overtaken Lemmings, that is a

contest, that has run and run and throw a history and will run and run for as long as history continues. So till next week, Andy. We've got another six to seven days on that. The two V's, Vladimir, Ukraine and Vladimir, you... Up against each other, and I will say, as a Jewish comedian in his 40s whose surname begins with Zed, I've been feeling deeply inadequate this week. I think it's been a chasing week for all of us because I saw it spotted in the last, really over the last two to three weeks, there are people on the internet trying to contextualize Flodomizalinsky for people in the United Kingdom and more than one person has used the following phrase. This is a bit like what would happen if Nishka Ma was

elected Prime Minister. And I am here to tell you all it's f***ing not. Because Flodomizalinsky has refused the offer of asylum in America and it said that he's going to stay in the country and fight for his people. And I'll be honest with you, if Putin rolls up on Dover, I'll be out of this f***ing place so quickly. I will leave a pencil outline in the air like a cartoon character. And if anybody across me, I will be doing an Indian accent so offensive people will assume it was coming out of the mouth of Apurna has a paper pen to learn.

Yeah, so he has set the bar high for what comedians can achieve if they put their mind slightly higher than talking shit on a podcast once a week and we see how it's going. Yeah. I mean, it's been one of those weeks, as a parent, where you find, you know, you find your children watching on certified slasher movies on a stolen laptop after lights out and you think, well, at least they're not reading the newspapers. You can find guys, please, we've taken all the filters off, watch pornography. I would prefer that at this point. You know, you'll check your internet browsing history and find that they've been trading illegal guns, steroids, ivory, questionable World War II memorabilia, bush meat and

endangered reptiles and the dark web and you think, well, it could be worse, they could be paying for watching 24 hour news channels. Or you find your youngest child engaged in the amateur taxidermy of a dead fox that they found in next door neighbors, been using your best kitchen knife and your priceless collection of 1930s cricket autographs as the stuffing, whilst posting baseless conspiracy theories about Hillary Clinton running a global baby stealing ring and you think, well, that is better than listening to an hourly news bulletin. It's just tragedy on tragedy played out on our TV screens, million people have been displaced

already from Ukraine, from Ukraine thousands have died. I mean, Europe as a continent is just trembling, shitting itself as it contemplates its past, its present and its future. I've been on tour this week, and I initially, I know you've been touring as well. I think it's been the hardest I've ever found it to do comedy and to sort of think comedically. As I was sat in a hotel room in Ipswich watching footage of a Russian military force shelling a nuclear power plant in Ukraine, I did think this is going to make my custom-repost showwank a little bit sad of unusual. Well you got to turn the news off before you start that. That is an awesome protein. Also get off the stage as well. That's the Mishka Master story. In any ordinary weakness, that would be the most revolting image series of my games. But I guess if we're going to say that this week maybe as good as any.

Yes, listen, it has been another very difficult week. The Russian invasion of Ukraine continues at pace. From a British perspective, it's been a somewhat depressing week. Obviously, the bind that countries like the U.S. find themselves in is that any kind of military intervention by NATO or any of his allies could be the thing that triggers a nuclear war. And I found a very, very concerning quote from Nicolai Patrachev, who's a very close advisor to Putin, and head of Russia Security Council.

In 2009, he warned NATO that Russia might engage in a nuclear strike to repel an aggression. And so one of the principal concerns at the moment is that Russia may use one of its one to two thousand tactical nuclear bombs that it has which is smaller nuclear weapons and make them more mobile. I think that's on his beeping. Yeah, yeah, yeah, our digital nuclear weapons. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes.

Yeah, they come with a happy meal in McDonald's in Boston. But, uh, Padgethev said, uh, you may have a more impressive military than I do, but I care a lot more and we will kill us all if necessary And at this point Russia are a kid who is gonna say if you're gonna beat me at football I'm taking the ball with me. It's mine. I'm taking it with me except in this case the ball is everyone's lives It is literally a nuclear football It is literally a nuclear football. That was Buebler, who was 4223.

Now let's move forward in time to April. Nish was back, so was Alice, and let's assume Russia was still bad and turn our attention instead to Rwanda. Britain is going to catapult asylum seekers to Africa. Essentially, I mean, I think it might not involve an actual catapult, but it definitely involves a metaphorical catapult. A scheme has been announced. Scheme plot, I'm not got the policy.

Yes, he's Scheme, isn't there? Yeah, someone's taking a shit on a piece of paper. What's the word for that? What's the Latin word for that, so it's a policy, I believe. We will be blasting asylum seekers to Rwanda of all places. What the government describes is an attempt to crack down on people traffickers, tough on people trafficking, tough on the victims of people trafficking. Now obviously the whole issue of global migration and asylum is complicated and dealing with the underlying issues is a bit tricky.

I mean, the obvious solution is to end all war inequality, hunger, suffering, prejudice and persecution, plus fixed climate change, our stall despoits and make life in general better everywhere. But that's not really a vote winner. So instead, we have decided to fly our asylum seekers to Africa, to a low grade hotel in one of the world's poorest countries. Now obviously, Britain is one of the world's wealthier nations. It has always been, oh God given right, to use Africa and whatever the other continents are these days.

In whatever way we need to. It was a source of food, a source of labour, a source of museum, trinkets and soft furnishings. It's a source of things to shoot, ideally with four legs or wings, but history shows we've not always been too fast about that. And now we need to use it as a not very convenient, procedurally problematic, ethically humiliating, environmentally, twattish, and economically nonsensical pseudo-solution to a problem that we can't be asked to solve ourselves. At Nish, as our resident pretty Patelka respondent,

resident pretty butel correspondent. How have you enjoyed our home secretary's latest contribution to the slow death of human hope? Chris, get the bleep button ready, my boy. Get the f***ing bleep button ready because this s*** is about to go off. This is actually a plan that the Kosovi party has trialed repeatedly and at a certain point, the sections of the British commentary at and certain journalists and opinion editorial

writers need to give up on the idea of saying, this is fundamentally un-British because ultimately, what could be more British than a plan that is inherently racist and involves the exploitation of a country in Africa. I'm afraid to say this is as British as the Beatles and Flavillous Food. One of the most influential British rap artists has ever been to. Straight out of Richmond. And if I know anything about the list of ships, this podcast, we will be seeing mocked up album covers all through the next week. So any ad out will come to the UK without authorisation by a trade ball play could be considered from relocation to Rwanda. Once there, the veracity of their asylum claims will be settled.

It's a plan that is so barbaric this weekend, the Archbishop of Canterbury's one of the most important clerics in the Church of England has openly criticised it and has used this sentence. Subcontracting out our responsibilities, even to a country that seeks to do well like Rwanda, is the opposite of the nature of God, who himself took responsibility for our failures. Opposite of the nature of God is, first of all, a review of my 2013 ad in Brzezzo.

But it's pretty stark rhetoric to come from a Christian. Especially on Easter weekend. it's pretty stark rhetoric to come from a Christian, especially on Easter weekend. It does also, yeah, Easter weekend, when he basically stood by and watched his son be executed. I mean, that's suggest that the Archbishop was not read all of the Bible, because God himself had some slightly,

well, I think harsh policies that I mean, I'm to be honest, if the Conservative government had the logistical capability to unleash 10 consecutive plagues on people attempting to come to Britain, I think they would do that. The Conservative party at this point serves no other purpose other than to deliver, it is the most effective delivery system in the world for tax cuts and racism. It's no longer a political party. That's what it functions to do. It functions to save millionaires and billionaires money and to execute racism.

And, you know, a few, a few years ago, my friend, the great American comedian Mike Puppiglia asked me, because I alluded to their big differences between British and American racism. What I felt, those differences were, and what I would summarize is, I would say this, the differences between British and American racism are the same as the differences between the British and American versions of the office. American racism has a cast of hundreds of thousands. It seems to be vast and all-incumpling. British racism is much more subtle.

It's in the pocket, it's all in the gestures. They might not say all of the words, but they're heavily hinted at. And crucially, when it comes to racism, as with the office, we invented both of them. So go f*** yourself. Both the steves be they they Carell or Banan. But the scheme is currently projected to cost a hundred and the initial cost is projected to be a hundred and twenty million pounds. That's a figure that could rise into the billions

if it runs and runs and runs. Now obviously that is particularly spicy, given the events in the last couple of weeks and Britain where the government has essentially told the population that there isn't money to help them with their rising costs of living in terms of the cost of food and the cost of their energy. And one of we learned from British history there is always money for racism.

Whatever is going on, if you want someone to help pay your heating bills at this point, just start screaming racial epithets out of the window and you'll receive it in the form of a bursary to protect your free speech. I was in Australia and can I just say, I feel like I'm an I am the expert on the export of expats, aka the OG of treating refugees badly. We have here, just so you know what, it was about to come down to your pipeline. We have what we call trampoline rugby ball policy,

which is anyone who tries to land in Australia who is flung off at great force at a random angle. And we pay millions of dollars to make your life as miserable as possible. Less people think we are a nice place to live, which by the way, we also constantly advertise that we are a nice place to live, which by the way we also constantly advertise that we are. Well I may repeat my own joke. Australian rules immigration, very much like Australian rules football, in that it's needlessly violent and aggressive despite there being a colossal amount

of space and remains battling to most outsiders. I don't mind you repeating that, though. I would rather you didn't have to repeat that joke, not for comedic reasons, but for reasons of basic human morality. Moving on to May now, and you know who used to seem immortal back then, yes, the Queen. Total societal collapse news now and the United

Nations has warned that global collapse is becoming more likely in a new report, a report in which some have claimed was actually watered down before being published, but still warns of total societal collapse. Now, Alice is our entire collapse of human civilisation correspondent, a role that you fulfilled with great dignity over recent years. I mean, it's just really the kind of language that's going to grab people's attention, warning of total societal collapse, rather than, for example, a long-term internet outage, about not more likely to get people Look, I think what you need to do is remember the first rule of writing and show don't tell

So what you need to do is have a total civilizational collapse and then people will Get on board with it as a as a news item that not a single major newspaper picked up on the total civilizational collapse bit of the of the UN report. They instead focused on a bunch of other parts of the report, including, you know, yeah, keep spending money and building up your economies, which is all of the bit that I don't think we really should be doing. I haven't been this disappointed since I found out that the art of war wasn't one of those expensive coffee table picture books. The important notes that at least four of the nine planetary boundaries are outside of the safe operating space for temperature.

Oh, that's still five out of nine that are fine. I mean, that's a majority, so we're still winning, essentially. Yes, yes, we are winning, except except all the people in those dangerous places are heading to the places that aren't quite as dangerous which will make those places more dangerous, serializationally speaking. The report lists a bunch of cities that will be underwater by 2050 and both where my parents live and where I live are the first five on that list. And the only happiness there for me is that I'll hopefully be dead by 20 minutes. But it's a Mumbai and Calcutta right up there, one because it's in the Ganges Delta and the other because the Arabian Sea is going to go bachelors crazy.

It's already has four cyclones in off season. So I have chosen well Andy in where to live because they won't exist as places. Well, I guess if the whole planet's going to have societal collapse, then it doesn't really matter where you've got anywhere to live or not. So, let's go to the positive side. I'm just going to say it varies for person to person

because lately I've been in this country now for a month. And a lot of people have been complaining about like a complete societal collapse and it varies because for one person it was the fact that he couldn't get Brussels sprouts at the local co-op and he said in the local paper society is collapsing and another person I read in the paper missed his flight from Manchester to Austria because there was a six hour wait in Manchester Port apparently there are no people so there are cues outside the airport and he said civilization has ended. So it is very personal and I'm going to lose both the towns I grew up in because they'll

be under the sea. One guy missed a flight and one guy can't get bus response. So I think it varies. I think it's it varies I think it may manifest itself in in many different forms Fortunately here in Britain we don't need to worry about Total the societal collapse either in this country or indeed the rest of the world because This week we have a Jubilee marking 70 years of Quin Elizabeth II

being on the throne, raining gloriously, happily and victoriously, I think, if I recall the National Anthem, which I'm a bit rusty on, the alarming news, the Archbishop of Canterbury has been ruled out of Jubilee due to COVID, I don't know, they're going to get the lead of another major religion to step in, which could allow them things up a bit. I mean, it's just so wonderful at the moment. I'm not sure we've ever needed a Jubilee quite as much as we do now. Not only is they're the total societal collapse of the entire world, but also the absolute devastation of British politics as a functioning entity, as manifested by the current Prime Minister, the various reports into him and the fact that he is still

the current Prime Minister and not the formal Prime Minister. But I mean, it's wonderful that you're both here for this Jubilee. I know you're just like Kay, Mandy. It's very exciting time, the latest tributes include that the DNA of all British citizens is to be rebranded as ENA, standing for Elizabetho's nuclear acid, to pay tribute to the role that the Queen has played in defining exactly how British we all are, and possible the government is going to change the entry requirements for people wishing to move to this country. They must have at least 50% of the same DNA as

the Queen. Of course, natural born Brits have a solid 80 to 85% just by birth, whereas there is non-Britz at large roaming the analysts of the Second World Care and Maximum of 3% of the Queen's DNA. Of course, the injections over a couple of decades can actually turn a non-Brit into a perfectly serviceable Brit if they sing the national anthem in the shower every morning during that time and where Union Jack underpants on birthdays, Christmases and all days of royal significance. So I think that shows what an open-minded nation that we have become. If a mere porn walks from one side of the UK to the other one step at a time

when they which the other side they turn into the Queen. Yes. They become a Queen. Yeah, you often hear talks of people walking from land to Jonah groves from the typical to the tip of Scotland. If you come the other way you that legislation. That was Anivat Palin, Alice Fraser with me for Bugle issue 4231, aka QUnit. Now time for June and I was joined by NATO, Green and Harri Kuntabolo to discuss America and its relationship with guns. It is this actually going to bring about any possible results or will, you know, the end to America slaughtering itself really rid of any, you know, of its kind of USP as a nation, but, you know, it is

more willing than any other country in the world to act against its own self-interest. Oh, yeah. We're number one at that. We're very good at acting against our own self-interest. First of all, the big news this week is that Republicans and Democrats are willing to talk to each other about creating a proposal for gun control. It's not that they've agreed to anything. It's simply that they're talking to each other as they're supposed to do, as legislators, and has been the case for a couple of hundred years. but they just started talking about it and going back and forth and there seems to be a lot of disagreements,

for example, the GOP is still a little wary about passing any kind of federal legislation or anything that would prevent people, potentially with mental health issues from purchasing guns. Now, the left is worried because that seems to be a lot of, the gun violence we see in these mass shootings, like the lot of the mass shootings are, seems to be by people that shouldn't be owning guns. But the right's problem is that is a big part of their base,

right? People who would not be allowed to buy guns if there were mental health checks and that is such a sizable proportion that to actually bend on that particular issue would be the downfall of the republican it's quite competitive title hard but that's one of the most depressing jokes in the inside history of the bugle

i i know i knew nado is here i knew nado was here i had to come up with something the gauntlet's been dropped nado america uh... and spetically whiteness i would say is a murder suicide packed with the planet texas senator john cordon said that we all agree that deranged dangerously mentally ill people shouldn't have firearms they call this a red flag law uh... now the average gun owner owns five guns if you want five automatic rifles that is a red flag to me. I'm just going to start there.

Is that number because when you have more rifles than limbs, that's going to require you to be using your teeth to fire the fifth of those rifles. So is that your, that's the limit for you, Nitor. That's the limit. That if you, if you have, you know, more guns than books in your house, I'm going to go ahead and call that a red flag. This bipartisan push now from the Senate to pass gun control, you know, there was a school shooting in Texas recently. It was incredibly tragic. School shootings are the only form of abortion that Republican support.

What I've been reflecting on is I think about how our commitment to mass murder the United States is that mass murder is actually a form of privilege. And hear me out. Okay. I've spent a fair amount of time in the third world. I've traveled pretty extensively in Latin America. There's a lot of violence. People get killed for a lot, but not for such stupid reasons. Like in Latin America, if you're a sociopath within

a salt rifle, you're given a job. Like you're a colonel in the secret police. You have a purpose. It might be to exterminate some villagers or fight narcos while being a narco. You know what I mean? But you have a mission. You don't go murder children because you're a virgin. That's a waste of bullets. According to a new poll from CBS, 72% of Americans think mass shootings could be stopped if US politicians would only try, but 69% thought it was not likely that they would try. No wonder people are cynical about politics. We don't think politicians will even try to solve problems.

It feels like we're peasants in the 14th century France. Just trying to harvest some carrots and hope the 100 years' war doesn't raise our hamlet on its way through so we can die of bubonic plague and peace. Almost half of Republicans think that mass shootings are the price of living in a free society. And I have a different idea of free I realize. That's what I realize is that like for example just recently in San Francisco we had Cardoval, it's one of my favorite events, it's a parade in street fair of celebrating the diversity and endurance of Latino culture in my neighborhood And as I stood on the street watching vintage low riders bounce down the street

To a Portuguese version of daft punks get lucky while I ate an empanada and come be it answers on stills walk by While lesbian roller skaters gave candy to children. I did not think this is feels free and it really needs a master To just complete the week out. So the Republicans and the Democrats in the Senator negotiating and and they're far apart at a few points, Democrats want to build to do things and Republicans want to act like they're doing things without doing things. And so I've gotten I was leaked the notes that of things that the Republican senators are adding to the gun control bill to reduce the risk of mass shootings without upsetting the gun lobby. One is a new initiative to teach babies how to use a gun at the same time that they learn to latch onto the

nipple because the best defense against a bad man with a gun is a good baby with a gun. Requiring children to wear school uniforms of bullet riddled and bloody clothes. So they look like they've already been shot. Making every third gun out of avocado so that it will go bad suddenly three days after purchase and stick up the house and training veterans with PTSD and arming them to be school security were bringing back waterboarding in school. So during the negotiations Biden gave a speech about his agenda for gun control and a Republican senator involved in the negotiation described Biden's

remarks as quote, unhelpful but irrelevant. Unhelpful but irrelevant sounds like a Yelp review of Christianity There's three heathens on this and we're all enjoying that joke. We're all enjoying that joke We're all going to hell so we can laugh about it there as well Well, hurry, I think you're depressing jokes not even top 10 now If you did enjoy the joke, please email Jews at thebugel.co.uk. That was from Bugle Issue 4232 and you can listen to the whole thing on the internet if you want. We'll be back in just a few days with a surprisingly less bleak part 2 of our review of the year, which includes some barely believable British political news, Elon Musk and perhaps the show is event

of the year, even the millennium, the Bugles 15th anniversary. Until then, goodbye. you