The Bugle - Who needs the Middle East when you have Badger Cam?

Episode Date: October 18, 2023

What do audiences care about in major news weeks? Well it's not the situation in the Middle East, or the USA or Australia - it's badgers and foxes. Also, when is a Kenyan Lawyer not a lawyer? When he wins every case, apparently. Plus, cricket.PLUS: Become the owner of an exclusive episode of The Bugle, on 12 inch vinyl! Become a premium member NOW! https://www.thebuglepodcast.com/donateThis episode was presented and written by:Andy ZaltzmanAnuvab PalSami ShahAnd produced by Chris Skinner and Laura Turner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world! Hello, Bugleers! Welcome to issue 4,277 of The Bugle, a show which has now been toodling morally into your pod brains for exactly 16 years, this week 16 years of pure unadulterated half truths from me and his ultimate, and you're evolving revolving cast of guest cohosts and on this truly historic occasion it gives me great pleasure. To welcome, as my cohost this week, as we begin the 17th year of this unremittingly journalistically-integrated pure-blast newscast. Two people who 16 years ago by the happiest of coincidences were also just like this show more than a decade and a half younger than they are now.

Firstly, in a desperate effort to promote some tour dates next year and shift some tickets to our film, it's Taylor Swift. Sorry, I'm just hearing that Taylor, named after Snooker player Dennis, of course, can't make it stuck in traffic. She's said she'd been working on some sensational Middle East Place puns, but luckily we have the nearest like for like replacement available in global showbiz. So joining us from Kolkata, it's India's Taylor Swift himself, Anuvaapal. Hello, Anuvaap, how are you? I'm very good Andy. I'm about to embark on my e-rast tour.

Numbers are supposed to be spectacular. And, uh, Tila Swift, in her tour course in earthquake, I planned to cause in earthquake as well. But just for very different reasons that I haven't established it. Also joining us from Melbourne, Australia. Welcome back to Sammy. Sure, welcome back to the Beagle, Sammy. Oh, thank you very much. I consider myself more of a Rihanna than a Taylor Swift, but you know, whatever. Well, we are appealing to pretty much 100% of humanity with this point. We are recording on the 17th of October, 2023. On this day, in the year 1091, the first reported tornado in England happened with winds estimated at over 200 miles an hour.

This was based on reports written 30 years later. So based on the immutable law of human exaggeration, that means the winds were actually an estimated 28 miles an hour and cause someone's hat to partially fall off, which was quite a big deal in the late 11th century, to be fair. The 12th century celebrity historian William of Momsbury described it as, quote, a great spectacle, a great spectacle for those watching from afar, but a terrifying experience for those standing near, although it is possible he was talking about a rugby match. As always, a section of this podcast is going straight in the bin. This week, a special

bugle 16th birthday commemorative section at 16 now, the Bugle can start voting in some parts of the world, including crucially Ecuador and the Channel Island of Sark. So that's very exciting. We can now vote in those parts of the world. It's time to rig some elections in Ecuador. That's what I'm thinking. I'm happy to rig Alexa. Look, at Bugleess, if you want an election near you, Riggs, just email us and we will do what we can. The Bugle can now buy cigarettes, although obviously it wouldn't want to if your podcast starts coughing and spluttering.

It's not a great listen. It also means that the Bugle is, depending on where you listen to it, now legally allow to consent to be played at the same time as another podcast, also over the age of 16. I think sadly, the minimum age for marriage in the UK was recently raised from 16 to 18. So the planned wedding between the bugle and the 2001 born TV drama series 24 will not be happening yet. A bit of an age gap, it would have been fascinating to see Jack Bowers comedic take on the week's global news and to see what storylines

they came up with, uh, for the bugle, uh, could the Los Angeles counter terrorists unit stop, uh, the bugles Machiavellian scheme to establish a professional four day cricket championship in California before it was too late. I personally would have watched that repeatedly. Also, the bugle can at the age of 16, and this is not a moment too soon, now go and get a proper job. It can also change its name legally. And from what I've heard, from sources close to the bugle, it is considering a change of name at this point, age 16, amongst the possibilities, the Barack Obama interview show, apparently there are certain legal issues with that. Zaltor, the merciless dispenses wide judgment to his adoring at fearful subjects. I can see that working. Bible studies with mildered and herb it,

fifth mix up. Andy's ultimate fashion style and romance tips cast. Let me live my dream. Tonight, last week, I'm not sure that will work. And two celebrities phone it in and take the cash. I mean, you have to adopt to the changing podcast market or hot rod and dragster ride again. All those are possibilities, but that section is in the bin. Top story this week and the world is f***ed still. I will admit as I entered that last week and also on my radio show, I've I don't think I've ever found it harder to write comedy than in the last couple of weeks. We're now 10 days on from the terrorist atrocities

in Israel, 10 days in which the world's shrinking supplies of optimism have officially reached a critically endangered level. I think there's a secret vile of optimism somewhere in a special laboratory, either in Siberia or Texas or not, just in case optimism needs to be artificially released back into human circulation. So all's not lost, but it's even now hard to be hopeful about the future of optimism as a mental state. And that shows where the world and our species is right now. It remains a horrendous time of terrible suffering loss and tragedy, where the idea of comedy seems at once futile and inappropriate. So I don't know quite how to address this story.

Now it's the second week we've tried to look at it. All I can say, and I'll just get this out of the way. Due to my background, I do have an opinion on it. I'm Jewish, I'm human, I'm related to people, and I'm from planet Earth, I'm a veteran of both the 20th and 21st centuries, and therefore of both the 2nd and 3rd millenniums. As a result of these facts that have shaped my identity,

I've developed over the course of my life a distinct diversion to all of the following in no particular order of dis-breference, terrorism, anti-Semitism, discrimination in general, murder, war, oppression, intolerance, cycles of violence and revenge, people being driven from their homes, human rights atrocities, humanitarian catastrophes, especially the more avoidable ones, and intractable political disputes left in the hands of leaderships

that have no desire to act in the true interest of the people they purport to represent. Oh, and genocide. Oh, and another one, the looming threat of a major global conflict breaking out just not my bags And I also have a version of people celebrating glorifying and justifying any of those things for any reason also not my bag I prefer peace and I prefer sport and I prefer Everything to be honest It's I don't know how you guys have I've sort of found this I mean just, I mean just from a personal or comedic

point of view, I have you sort of tried to deal with it or process it, whether professionally from a comedians point of view or just as a resident of this crazy planet. Well you know, Sammy, and I think the local newspaper in Calcutta where I am has helped me quite a lot. The local newspaper, Calcutta, has got the telegraph and we're on, it's the only English language newspaper and the part of India from is sort of a little bit anti-Primonist emotie. They've never voted for him here. And the headline on the verge of what could be a world war said chief minister of West

Bengal may or may not attend Arman van Buren DJ's gone. The threat of war looms on the world was the second headline. And I think it's really about what you choose to prioritize. And I know this is very important to all of you on the virtual world war, but the reason the Chief Minister of Pais Bengal may not attend the Dutch DJ, Arman fanburians, House Music Concert is because she broke her leg

while trying to fundraise for the state of Bengal in Madrid while jogging in a box. So it all depends on how you try to advertise which news item really. See for me I've found nothing but joy in X or slash Twitter because now I find that I can get whatever facts I choose to like dislike believe in in the moment over there. It is it is a reality that you can decide on based on whatever is on display. Not actual facts, none of those can be found there. But just I have seen and I'm not exaggerating

at any point over here. I have seen posts on Twitter or slash X claiming Hamas is willing to do a peace settlement. I've seen posts saying Israel planned the whole thing. I've seen a bridge collapse in Pueblo, Colorado, the ninth most popular city in Colorado, and someone claiming that that was caused by Islamic terrorism, which means basically ISIS is really setting the sights low in this one. And I've even seen a post claiming that what happened to Russell Brande

was a coordinated attack which happened to Israel so the same people are clearly behind both things. So I figure at this point you know we always thought that humanity would end because of artificial intelligence being you know the Terminator, Unshoulds Nigger or the T1000 in its liquid form. It turns out it's just bot farms from Bangalore with you know blinking lights that just tweet out things like yeah but we should kill them all I say every time you do anything online. It's a remarkable future. If you look at it and it would do a different angle that's all. My favorite thing on Twitter that I saw was there was a photograph that said head of the Mossad

photograph that said head of the Mossad and it was a photograph of Mongolia Wall or Chenghis Khan and if the Mongolia Wall or Chenghis Khan is not the current head of the Mossad, it's not a world I really want to hear. I mean it is truly extraordinary the sort of deluge of misinformation and the and it has to be said that the authorities are coming down like a ton of feathers on our social media companies When the European Commission has made quotes a request for information From Elon Musk's pet toy platform X formally Twitter the X I think is short for extremely good living parable of the dangers of excessive wealth and power But I guess we have to think back to the words of the great English novelista Jane Austen, who famously wrote, tapped by multi-billion dollar social media outlets who actively advocate any form of responsibility for their output, influence and impact. Her publishers sadly weren't having it and they

made our journey a rom-com instead. But as a bit of a compromise, she got to keep the original title pride and prejudice. The publishers wanted to run with Lizzie gets busy, but to be fair to her, she wouldn't compromise. You have to give the European Union some time though. If within enough patience, I'm sure that they can get Elon Musk to also make USBC a standard charging apparatus for Twitter. So I think that's where the priority is right now. I actually came across a term which was new to me. This is something that is being used to describe social media right now and it's called conspiratualism, which is a comp, I'm not even making this up, it's a combination

of conspiratorial political tendencies and anti-scientific mysticism, which is why I would like to add my own version of that to the lexicon, which is bullholism, which is a combination of someone who believes in bullshit and someone who is an asshole. And I feel like that is where my linguistic prowess lies. I mean that could become one of the world's leading movements. I think there's a lot of people that's not enough for that, I think. I think by wipes yoga teachers have been teaching this for the last week. I'm going to ask you to click around. J.J. do you, both of you, question for you.

Do you think if you buy a company and fire all the fact checkers, that it tends to have some impact on facts when a world event took us? Oh, I don't think you can necessarily draw a causal link between getting all the fact checkers and there being no facts left, can you? That sounds like you can speak theory to me. And I do my own research.

I'll have you know. I want to know what J.D. Pinkett Smith says. He's the only person I trust now in the whole world. Before we move on to, well, what else is happening in the world? We're just picking up on what you were saying about the way we look for distractions. And I have buried myself in the comforting embrace

of sport as much as ever this week. Early last week on Tuesday morning on the BBC News website, it's most red story. And remember, this is last Tuesday in what had unquestionably not been a slow newsweek. In fact, one of the fastest news weeks in history. Its most red story was this, man trains home cameras to repel badgers and foxes. And that once again shows, we as a species, we are trained to turn our eyes away from things we don't want to see.

I do want to know more about this story now. I've been avoiding the news, but now I'm curious. I think I'm diving back in because how do you do that? Well, I mean, he's used various cameras at his home and he's used, I guess, sort of AI type of technology to train the cameras to recognize foxes and badges and then activates a some sort of alarm that scares them off. So I mean this is a result. Yeah, this will result in the AI coordinating with the badges and foxes to then take over the man's house and kill everyone he loves. This is how you know how to say it, I don't know why he's doing this but fine.

I don't know why he's doing this, but fine. BELL RINGS Australia news now, and what, Sammy, you've lived in Australia, what now, 20 odd years or so? Um, 12, but if it was like 20, Australia has time, time dilation is different over here, yes. Well, you know, we live in an age of exaggeration. You've lived in Australia for 500 years. Let's go with that. I arrived here with Captain Cook, that's correct. Yes.

This week we had a historic referendum in Australia. We talked with Tom Ballard about it a few weeks ago. And the referendum has now happened. And it's been won by a vast margin by the no campaign. This was the indigenous voice to parliament referendum by 60% to 40% Australia has rejected the proposal to amend its constitution to recognise Indigenous people and establish a federal advisory body known as the Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Voice or the Indigenous Voice Department or the Voice or Voice O or Voice O to make it more appealing to Australians

or Big V. It's been rejected. Now, it's always hard as an outsider, not immersed in a country's politics to understand votes like this. So, can you explain why it was rejected by such a large margin? What that means for Australia as a nation? Well, yeah, because on paper it felt like, or it seemed like this was just a vote for a federal advisory party, right? You vote, yes, if you want it, and no, if you don't want it. But over the days, a lot of new ones came into it. So, you know, for the yes side, it became about respecting the legacy and experience of indigenous

Australians and trying a new approach to address ongoing health educational socioeconomic issues. For the no-sided became about just expressing how racist they are. They argued that it was about the yes campaign hadn't clarified its goals, that it didn't want to enshrine race in the constitution or the ongoing cost of living crisis wasn't being addressed. But really it was just about how racist they are. And many of them take a front to that description and they say that we aren't racist. And the best we're bottled to that is, and the most accurate one is, yes you're f***ing awesome. And so, and the proof of that lies in the fact that the person who was happiest with this outcome was Tony Abbott.

There was an actual headline that said Tony Abbott is happy with the outcome of the referendum and the only thing that makes Tony Abbott happy is racism. It's what he seasons his onions with, in fact. So, yeah, so basically the racist one and then, and look, a lot of people were surprised, all those people were white every non-white person in Australia knew this is what was going to happen so that's basically how it went right because I mean when you say it season is onion he famously Tony Abbott ate unpeeled raw onions live on national television so I mean onions not once but but two onions

at two separatications completely mystifying everyone. The second time as well. And yet he's still allowed to speak in public, which is bizarre. I think once you've eaten, I mean, once you could write off as a mistake or just a bad luck, you accidentally eat an unpeeled raw onion live on television, but twice, I think at that point,

you need to be removed from public life for the good of your nation. There was a moment after he ate the onion where he justified it as saying the farmer who grew the onions was really proud of them so I thought I'd give it a go. And I really felt like that was our chance to test how many things he was willing to try if the farmer was proud of growing them. He really could have pushed the envelope there but the country chickened out as they did every time.

Now there's something I found in this referendum, Sami, and you can correct me, but I think this could be a brilliant thing for all democracies and referendums. So apparently one of the things they did is that there was a third category for people who said they didn't know how to vote. So apparently the appeal was, if you don't know, vote no. Which is brilliant. I mean, it would definitely change the Brexit outcome. Even the world, you have yes, no, don't know,

but don't know really means no. It was easily the most accurate description of all no voters. Is them just saying no rhymes with no and I like the word no yes doesn't rhyme with anything I can think of I guess I'm voting no and that was it yeah absolutely yeah great campaigning. Because it was this was to establish a body that could make representations to Parliament and the executive government on matters relating to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people. So it's quite limited in its in its remit and you would you know as an outsider, as I was looking at this, you know, I could see arguments in favour of you know

bringing an end to centuries of racism, prejudice, exploitation, marginalisation and injustice. And I couldn't quite see why people would be against that, as I say it's hard as an outsider, but I tried to read around it and some of the arguments put forward for being against were that it might risk creating inequalities, so it's best to stick with the inequalities that have served us right now. That's right. So very well over the years that everyone is happy and familiar with, or that it might not work, that it might be ineffective.

So why go through the logistical and constitutional hassle of changing things when there are already numerous highly ineffective systems in place that are functioning ineffectively? So that seemed to me what it boils down to. That analysis was more astute and accurate than anything we've seen on Australian television since the referendum last.

It's mostly just been a lot of people going, I wonder why this happened. Do you know? And everyone going, no. And the rest of us just screaming into the void. Amongst the list of those who were against it, you mentioned Tony Abbott, Scott Morrison, another former Prime Minister, assaulted far right political parties, including the Australian Protectionist Party, Australia first, Paulian Hanson's One Nation Party. I mean, that's not a kind of glorious set of people to be following. I would call it a murderous rule, but that is being unfair to murderers, who at least accomplish something in life. I guess, and it's the first, it was the first national referendum in Australia since 1999, then whether that was on whether to keep the monarchy or not, wasn't it?

That's correct, it was the one to get rid of, at the time, Queen Elizabeth, as the leader of the country, and as I'm sure you have guessed already we lost that one. So Australians have categorically said yes to old German descendant Monas ruling over us no to indigenous people having any self-respecting dignity. We just remind you of me. Look gentlemen, it reminds me of an old quote from Lord Lindyth Goh when there was some talk of setting up an Indian advisory council to allow Indians to have a say in their own governance in the 1930s. And he said, a various to you think, he said, you know, if you give a voice to people whose land it is, where does it all end?

And this is a major concern, it's a major concern. I mean, I think, you know, without wishing to lecture Australia on how it conducts affairs, I think you can learn a lesson from the United Kingdom, because this was an issue about adding something new to the constitution. And the lesson is, never write your constitution down, because that's that was a mistake when you write it down. We've seen this in America, people argue about it. Here in the UK, we've never written it down we've seen this in America people argue about it here in the UK We've never written it down. We just King Wingy we make it up as we go along and because there's nothing there you can even make bits up for yourself

You know I believe it is my constitutional right to watch sport think about sport and watch myself thinking about sport in my special Sport think watching mirror up to 24 25 hours a day 7.1 days a week 399 days a year just good to have a bit of wiggle room and you cannot show me in our constitution where it says that I can't do that I also believe it's my constitutional right to have a sip of my tea whenever I want whilst contemplating which elected politicians I would send on a fact finding trip to Neptune leaving tomorrow. Him definitely her, definitely her, also her, just in case. And of course, absolutely him.

So, yeah, if I can teach you anything, Australia, don't write it down. It'll only cause trouble. Australia is on much for reading things that are written down unless they're on the back of a wrapper of an ice cream lolly or a can of beer. So this might, I think you're right. I think the problem was the format where we were trying to write this new rule is where you made a big

mistake. Also, in terms of the idea of voice to parliament, I'm a white's privately educated middle class man from the southeast England area of Europe. My voice to parliament has, I think, I can reasonably say, been at least fairly well represented through history. Also as a white, privately educated middle-class man from Southeast England, I really enjoy understatements. Indian legal system news now. Well, Anuvab, for many years on the show, you have been the Bugles Indian Legal System correspondent and you have brought joy and insights to that role. It's provided us with a huge entertainment over the years. And this week there's been a huge win in the Indian Legal System for two late Millennium superstars of science, Charles

Darwin, the original Chuck D, the theory of evolution star, torturous bother and hipster, just look at that beard. And his fellow theorizing celeb Bertie Einstein, little Freddy physics himself, I spelled Freddy with a pH by the way, who of course cranked out the theory of relativity, which I think I'm a bit rusty on my sides, but I think the theory of relativity proves that being whacked on the knee with a hammer hurts less, if you've already got one arm stuck in a threshing machine. It's something along those lines. So just bring us up to date with exactly what happened in this historical case. So gentlemen, you know, the Indian legal system, as you know, is an entirely independent

body just loosely based on the British legal system. By loosely, I mean entirely. And most of the law is practiced, essentially in the same buildings as the brush left behind. And our apex court, like yours, is the Supreme Court of India. And the Supreme Court of India, in my mind, made a very rash judgment last week when it dismissed a petition, a public interest litigation from a young man called Raj Kumar.

And he, this gentleman, had challenged Darwin's theory of evolution in Einstein's theory of special relativity. And he said that he was taught these things and whatever he studied was wrong. Now, here's the thing. He filed these petitions under a fundamental right. And he said, and in India, there's an article called Article 32,

which is the fundamental right to belief. And he said that this destroys my fund right to belief, because I believe that these gentlemen are talking nonsense. Now, we're too, there's too, because India doesn't have things to do. Clearly, two justices. It's not a busy enough time in the world.

Two justices heard this. A dual bench of the Supreme Court, Justice, Sanjay Kishan Kall and Justice Shodhan Shudhulia. And it was a fundamental constitutional challenge of Article 32. And he said, I don't want to listen to this nonsense. I want to believe whatever I want to believe. And in a very complicated, litigated sort of argument, the judges said, shut up, go re-educate yourself. Now, you guys may think whatever you think, but gentlemen, I think the Harbin and Einstein

have had a free reign for too long. I'm with Mr. Rajkumar here because enough. And another guy who I think was bullshitting by Thogurus, I've had it with him. I've walked diagonally in many places in India, and it's not quicker than the street lines, because I've been stopped by a cow or a took-to, so he doesn't know what the hell he's talking about. And you know whose time is up also? Isaac Newton, his time is up.

I felt that I won't tell me, that's fair. Yeah. Because I'll tell you why, because I want Mr. Kratchkwar, I'll fund him myself to go back to Supreme Court, because laws of motion nonsense. Law one of motion, an object is addressed and remains addressed, and an object is in motion, remains in motion at constant speed, and a straight line, unless acted upon by an imbalance

force. Wrong. I've been to Glasgow on a Saturday night. And after a gig, I have seen people in moving in ways when Newton would have killed himself. So again, that law doesn't apply. So yes, Supreme Court has junked this guy's public interest litigation, but I would in fact ask BUBLERS to find this gentleman and support him

and go back to court and challenge at least a number of other scientists. Karls law, Boyle's law, time's up. I do like the fact that the Supreme Court didn't tell him he is wrong in questioning them. They just said, what has this got to do with us? Please keep us out of this. This sounds like it's personal. The exact quote was, then you improve your theory,

what is the Supreme Court supposed to do? You say you study something in school, you were a science student, now you say that those theories are wrong, if you believe that theory is wrong, then the Supreme Court is nothing to do. They really, really did not like being dragged into this fight, and they're very worried about being caught in the cross fire? Correct. And it would be lovely if the Supreme Court had passed a judgment saying that Einstein and Newton's theories impede on the fundamental belief system of Indians. Because by that logic, we should all be floating in midair. You know, I think gravity is unnecessary. I do have a bit of sympathy with the plaintiff, Mr. Raj Kumar, because I've looked

at evolution and we've got wasps, they should have died out. How could natural selection exist given that the axolotl still exists, but the Sabre tooth tiger does not. I mean, who can take to win in a fight between those two? And dinosaurs were obviously fake. I do base this on a free plastic dinosaur that came with a packet of breakfast cereal when I was a kid.

But clearly, that's just evidence that it was all a hoax. In terms of relativity, E definitely does not equal MC squared. Energy equals apparently mass times the speed of light squared. Because from a recent afternoon, sitting on the sofa feeling really lethargic, despite having put on weight, E did not seem to equal M anything squared and on the speed of light so frankly I'm right with him and I'm

disappointed by the Indian those who couldn't get again completely I mean when I ask people what time is it I get an answer don't I? Nobody just be one depends how far how far you're standing from me and what do you just do to some moving at this point? Exactly. Raj Kumar really is the hero that not that we asked for, but the one we've got. And I think we need to learn to be grateful. While we're on the subjects of court cases, there was another story from Kenya in which an unqualified lawyer, or fake lawyer, as he's been presented in the media coverage, has

been arrested, despite having appeared in 26 cases before high court judges magistrates and the court of appeal, and one all 26, which suggests that mean for a start this must be made into a film if it's not made into a film Hollywood and humanity will have failed 26 and oh that is that he must know what he's doing and also to me it proves that you know and my wife was used to be a lawyer being a lawyer is one of those things you can't learn to do. You've either got it or you haven't. It's like dancing charisma and being an astronaut. And also I would say, you know, if you're 26 and 0, you've earned the right, surely. I mean, no legal qualification can match it. If you've got an unqualified surgeon who's 26 and

0 or a fully qualified surgeon who's 3 and 15, which one are you going to choose for a life-saving surgery? That's what I would ask. This is brilliant. I mean, this gentleman, Brian Mahwenda, you know, he won 26 cases. And again, what you guys did with sort of English law in the rest of the world, one of the most brilliant things

that you guys did, Andy, by you guys, I mean you specifically. Going back to the 14th century, you guys, I mean you specifically. Going back to the 14th century, you know, all the way to the Magna Carta, when you set up the whole Shabang, you know, and then exported around the world, is you introduce two very important things you need to fight a case, not a law degree, but a weak and a gown. And look at any photo, Mr. Mowender, he's wearing a wick and he's got a gown. Now you're going to court, you know, dress like a rascal. Of course you're not going to wear a court case. But you go and dress like that.

You know, any case, divorce, property, murder, you got a wig and a gown. You can get shit done. I just want to point out that this proves something that I have been arguing with my mother for 24 years now because she was disappointed at me for doing an English literature degree and becoming a comedian when my first cousin became a lawyer and this proves that anyone can be a lawyer because this guy did not go and then try making it as a stand-up comedian a much harder job it turns out you do 26 gigs and get

last each time and then we talk Brian. A former governor of Nairobi, Mike Sonco, justifies the unqualified library saying he's never killed anyone. He's not a terrorist. And to me, that should be the absolute minimum for a lawyer. I'm not sure that's something that you need to, whether you're qualified or not, I mean, that is absolute minimum. And of course, this kind of thing couldn't happen here in the UK. We treat our legal system extremely seriously.

It is absolutely sacrosanct central to our public life. We will have unelected incompetence with absolutely no relevant skills or experience as the f***ing Prime Minister, but not in our legal system. Some things are not up for negotiation. Cricut News Now, and well, the biggest sporting event in the history of the known universe took place last week in terms of, I don't know, hype, in terms of the crowd allegedly in the stadium. India played Pakistan in the cricket well cup, only a group stage match, still possible, they could meet again in a semi-final or final.

It took place in the Narendra Modi Stadium, which I think we've talked about at various times over the last couple of years on the Bugle. It's the huge stadium in our Medabad that was rebuilt and opened a couple of years ago and England played a test match there. It was renamed on the day before the game, I think, if I remember rightly, Anivab, as the Narendra Modi Stadium, and they suddenly announced that its capacity was not the 105,000 that they'd said it would be in advance, but suddenly it would become 130,000 without anyone having noticeably put in 25,000 extra seats overnight. It transformed instantly from sports facility to full scale propaganda tool. And this game between Indira and Pakistan took place in this stadium with what was described as 130,000 people and whether they were actually that many or not. It's kind of impossible to say, I think there was one Pakistan fan spotted in the crowd by the commentators. It's been a bit of an issue at this World Cup that it's

been very hard for not just Pakistani journalists and commentators to get visas, but even people with Pakistani origin, so our colleagues of mine who were trying to get over there to cover it for the BBC did not get a visa. I mean, when does sports fully transition into outright political grandstanding, I mean, I think we might have crossed that barrier. Well, I don't know what you guys are complaining about because I think this is a way to really do world events, you know, because don't give anybody visas, right? Host world events, always host world events. It's good plan by the

prime minister. Don't give anyone visas and when they come shouted them with religious slogan eerie make sure they have bad hotel food have an air of menace about the game. So they have one supporter and we have a hundred and thirty thousand and eventually make sure cricket is a world event where like American sports is called a world event, but only Indians with play Indians watched by Indians. That's a good way to do it. It became, you know, it became quite tasty. The Pakistani batsman, Mama Dreswan after doing a grape knock had to listen to some religious log nearing as he walked back. These really ambassador of India, come out, related the cricket match to what's going on between the Hamas terrorists in Gaza. And look, I think it is time for controversial

world politics to enter sport. In fact, in fact, I would attribute the 69 not outscored by In fact, I would attribute the 69 not outscored by Colin Ackerman of Holland against New Zealand as a direct victory for Anne Frank. Indeed, I've Garnie Stan's victory over England as a continuation of the third Anglo-Answer war. That's what they talk about when they say the great game. It was just that. The cricket match. Exactly. And who is spinner Rashid Khan, if

not just an avatar of the noob of Afghanistan, Sakhi Muhammad Khan the face? And who is Joss Butler, if not general Alexander Eustace, who laid the siege of Kandahar, who are these people? So if cricket politics and controversy cannot mix, how can we watch the game? And I'd say, you know, Indians are true fans of cricket, true fans. So much so that the World Cup opening in versus New Zealand have three people in the audience and two other members of my family in an empty area, whereas the India Pakistan game had 130,000 people shouting religious nonsense. So really, some people have been arguing that Indians are just fans of Indians and not

cricket. But look at the evidence on the ground. There are grounds which are 9 people, 14 people, people are showing up. We're not a very populated country. So we're doing our best. Sammy, I mean, from a sort of Pakistan point point of view, that's now eight world cup defeats in a row to India. It's, I mean, that's that's hard to deal with, isn't it? I think at this point, and I say this as someone who isn't planning on going back to Pakistan anytime soon, I think we should maybe stop playing cricket for a while.

I don't know if it's working out the way we would like it to. I feel like the emotional and psychological and physical damage. It's causing, I know my parents, for example, who at this point are, it used to be every time there's a match between India, Pakistan. There will be heart attacks. Actual people would get heart attacks and end up in hospital because of the stress and tension of the match. Now is just depression.

Now is just a constant state of weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth. So I don't know if it's good for us. One of the complaints that the Pakistan coach, Mickey Arthur made was that because of the overwhelming Indian nature of the stadium, the team, the players didn't even get to hear a single Pakistan, he's song playing, more of the songs he mentioned, and she was dill dill Pakistan, a very popular song. He said, they couldn't hear that, it had an effect on the players. I don't know if there was any song that could have gotten Pakistan across the line at this point. Maybe I of the tiger done in Urdu is what he really need because nothing else has worked.

And again it was a fair playing field. It was a hundred and thousand people shouting abuse. Actually I just want to correct you there. I did some fact checking and it was 129,997 people. There were three Pakistanis. This is true. There were three Pakistanis who were Pakistani Americans, which is how they managed to get the visa.

And I can guarantee you they were fucking quiet. So again, a fair place. A fair place for their mental health. Very good for their mental health. I think that this is why it's such a good sporting country in India. It is one of the defining certainly of cricket, the defining rivalries of certainly modern cricket, but the bizarre thing is they barely ever play because the sort of political situation beyond cricket has now become so, so fraught.

It used to be that they played all the time. They would play in India, they played in Pakistan, they'd play in the UAE, they played in Canada I think at one point. And when the only time they played now is in an international tournament and I've been to games in England and in Australia, I've been to Pakistan and India have played. And the players seem to get on really well. The fans get on pretty well as friendly banter outside the stadiums. They sit next to each other in the grounds

where I've seen them play in Birmingham here. But politics will not let this happen. And it's I don't know, it's a kind of sad reflection on sort of how sport has become co-opted into this how sports has become co-opted into this bizarre sort of political orbit where they can't just let it entertain people. You were saying, Andy, how you found sports was your escape of this week. You could dive into sports and block out the rest of the world of two sports. Think about the Pakistani fans. They can't even do that because their team got thrashed so terribly that now they have no choice but to focus on politics now.

I find it really sad, gentlemen, that now both the teams, Indian Pakistan, really good cricket teams. And they focus on the cricket, which is really disappointing. And now the nations are polarized and political and have views. I much preferred cricket in the mid 90s, where everyone was a little bit corrupt. If you remember, a bunch of Indian fricators, Manoj Prabhakar, a bunch of others,

were up for sale, which was very good. They were Pakistani cricketers like Sally Malik, who came out and said he could fix a match anytime, anyway. And the good thing is, when you saw them play, there was of course the rivalry, but there was also the underlying thing of who's for sale. And that was a lovely thing, and that's not there anymore because everyone's rich, and that's really unfortunate. And of course,

in the middle of that, there was also Imran Khan and Wasim Akram, who everybody wanted to sleep with, so there was a different kind of relationship there. So there were so many more things going on than cricket. So I missed those days where people were thieves but beautiful, you know. That's always corruption, always takes some in nationalism. That's where I much prefer corruption. One other cricket story, and this is probably the greatest good news story of the Millennium so far. Cricket is going to be back in the Olympics in the 2028 Olympics in Los Angeles. Cricket is going to return after a 128 year gap. Great Britain, reigning champions from the 1900 Paris Games, so they beat a French team. Both teams, I think, were made up of English club cricketers

from memory. It's got a weird story worth reading about on the internet if you've got a bit of time to spare, which almost certainly, if you're listening to this podcast, you definitely do. The T-24 mat is what's going to be used in Olympics, which is the shorter format the games last about three or four hours. But I'm hoping this will be just the start start and that's ideally within a couple of Olympics, it will expand. And

all 190 odd members of the IOC will have a five day test match team in it. And the entire Olympic cricket tournament will just roll on and on and on eternally. So there will just be cricket every day for the rest of time and the Olympics will never end. And that will be that will be when humanity is succeeded. I'm so glad this is happening, Jackman, because the moment the Olympics are involved, 14-year-old Russians and Chinese people get involved in very different people. and Chinese people get involved in very many. And I really can't wait to see Russia and China feel 14-year-olds, like their gymnasts in a cricket event. Because the average Indian team is in the mid-30s.

Our captain has a significant belly. He's a great batsman, but he's got quite a belly. And I think it's going to be really hard for us to compete against a 14-year-old Chinese team who have already begun training. They're already in the base at the right, you're fast-pulling, preparing for this World Cup. I'm sure Pakistan will have the same problem, England will have the same problem, Australia, South Africa. So I think the common worlds are, days are limited with cricket. I do think also one of the best spots is that as Anuva was saying, the corruption will come back into cricket in,

in an old school way because the IOC is in a match. If they're not good at anything else, they are good at corruption. I cannot wait for the next Olympics with the cricket to be held in Saudi Arabia, Qatar, and any other country in the Middle East that has got nothing to do with any of the sports played in the Olympics. Exciting times for the planet. Well, it's been a delight talking to you both. This week, I feel I feel cheered and in live and so thank you. Thank you for that. I've spent most of just don't look at anything on top to be done here

Just just close your eyes cover your ears and lie down. That's just a bit bored of Gazing into a complete void of despair shouting why I've just had enough of it in the last last 10 days or so Sammy and I don't know. Thank you very much. Do you have anything to plug? Sammy I have a podcast as well. It is a new satire podcast. I don't know if that's a foreign video with that at all. But it may not be the funniest news satire podcast, but it is a 15-minute one, so it doesn't take too much time to listen to. It's one week. It's called News Weekly. That's W-E-A-K-L-Y with the dumb part I went for there. And you can find that wherever good podcasts are distributed.

And WAP, anything to plug? I only have one thing which is sort of lingering from last year on the 26th of October on the Sky History Channel. I went on a little trip with our bugle friend, Mr. Al Murray. Across India, he did a travel show called Why Does Everyone Hate the British Empire? That's a great title. Topic we have all addressed gentlemen and we found no particular reason why they did it. But that they just do and it's four episodes. I think Al goes to Jamaica, he goes to Australia, he comes to India, and this is on Sky History,

I think at some point, four episodes starts on the 26th, but he did say of the four places he went to that India was the only place where they didn't ask for money. So every other place said reparations, give us cash. In India, they didn't ask for money. And they wanted diamonds, that's why not in cash. Yeah, correct. Correct.

When you're starting a TV show, you want a format that can go on for series after series after series. And working out why people hate the British is that's got legs. That has definitely got legs. There are two more weeks left of the news quiz before the current series wraps up. You can find that on BBC Sounds or elsewhere on the internet after a bit of a delay. Thank you very much for listening. We will be back next week with Realina and Tiff Stevenson until then, Bueglers, goodbye and don't forget, you can join your Buegl voluntary subscription scheme to help keep the show free, flourishing and independent, I'm going to

BueglPockars.com and clicking the donate button and our premium level voluntary subscribers will get an exclusive monthly ask andy show in which I will field all of your questions apart from the ones I don't want to answer. Anyway, to go to that bit of the website. Goodbye. you