The Bugle - Whoopie Cushion Warfare

Episode Date: February 8, 2023

Andy, Nish and Hari take aim at the Chinese spy balloon, and returns of Liz Truss and the Dodo.Why not listen to our new show, celebrating 15 years of Top Stories: https://www.thebuglepodcast.com/topstories.Featuring:Andy ZaltzmanHari KondaboluNish KumarProduced by Chris Skinner and Laura Turner. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. The Bugle, Audio newspaper for a visual world. Hello, buglers, and welcome to issue 4252 of the bugle audio newspaper for an unremittingly visual world.

The one remaining pipe organ of truth, in the derelict church of humanity. Not my words. I mean, I put those words in that order, but I did not invent the words. Capital Plasma, that is my word. Splatter Autonomousism, also my word, and really a classic, who knows. I am Andy Zoltzman, Lord of all I survey, and all I survey is me, and when I survey myself,

I generally find that 100% of myself would like a change of leadership. Joining me today, from not one, but two sides of the Atlantic, this one and that one to be precise, are, firstly, from a couple of miles north of the shed, where I currently am sitting, it's Nishkumar. Hello, Nish, how are you? Hello, Andy. Hello, Budglers. I am, as we discussed just before we got on air, recovering from a lurgy, Andy.

But novelty value, it was not COVID-19. Oh, right. That's exciting, man. It feels really old-school, just to be coughing up. It's lumb-full of flam. With no inference that a bat from China is to blow. LAUGHTER It's a great feeling. It's a really great feeling.

So who are you blaming instead? Um, I don't know. I'm gonna say, I guess just it's another classic random animal slash country combination. I'm gonna say a Venon's Whalen monkfish. Right. Okay. Fair enough it's about someone to close fuck it down on pegwater Also joining us from considerably further west his words carry to us on the winds of the Gulf Stream from New York City It's Harry Kondabalu. Oh, it's very nice to see you all Andy again I I appreciate the the respect you have shown me by sticking to my two Indians rule me by sticking to my two Indians rule on the podcast. I don't like being outnumbered and this is exactly, you know, it's also a pleasure, to a broad extent. It's, you know, demographically representative of the human race as far as we can get with three people.

I do feel like, and without wishing to tip too much of the content of the day's show, I don't feel like China would have something to say about it. And women. And numerous, I mean, we could go on. I mean, it's starting to look bad on so many levels that come. Oh, God. This Indian Jewish sausage fest. We are recording on the 6th of February 2023. Yes, it's February. The work shy skiver of a month clocking in short once again this year. According to Wikipedia, nothing happened

on the 6th of February until the year 1579, which tells you everything you need to know about February. It's shortened all the other months, but still can drive to completely waste one of its days for the first 13 trillion odd years of history. In 1918 on the 6th of February, British women over the age of 30 got the right to vote, provided that they met minimum property qualifications in the representation of the people

actually huge step forward in British democracy, followed by further steps forward when they realised that the first step forward hadn't been quite huge enough. So, I mean, how do you think that's going, Nish? Well, 105 years on. Now, do you think, I know you, many times expressed your opinion that it was the greatest mistake in British democratic history that, like, somebody'm really going to stand by that now. Listen, we should get back to property ownership being a contingent right on bike. I do believe I do believe that was in the Tory Party manifesto in 2019. I haven't fully gone through

it in a while, but I do believe there was something in there about reintroducing property constraints. Unfortunately, most of the property in England is owned by currently sanctioned Russian oligarchs. So if that legislation is brought in, it is going to make the 2024 election a very, very controversial one. Also, I was reading that in that same act, first past the post, edged out proportional representation very narrowly in the comments. This is back in 1919 and unleashed so far 105 years of increasingly infantile oppositional politics. So thank you very much, everyone, who was in Parliament 105 years ago.

Well, it's absolutely fitting, Adi, that first pass the post should win a victory that's technically means most of the people will dim on it out. Yep. As I've said before, first pass the post is very good for some things, for example judging who's won a horse race, not so good for parliamentary democracy. As always, a section of the bugle is going straight in the bin. This week, billionaire luxuries, a special pullout supplement this week in association with our proud commercial partners, extravagans, the world leaders in exorbitantials and opulent illogicals. We bring you the must-be-seen-to-have products for the billionaires that we know are listeners all dream of being, including the Bertrand-Ladusel

Rian-Dutu range, unopenedable handbag. Do you enjoy looking minted but are you tired of carrying stuff? The latest accessory from Bertrand-Ladousell offers none of the benefits of a bag but all of the visible expense. More than a normal handbag but with no openings, the Rihandu 2 bag is made of pure fake anaconda skin and vegan friendly faux dolphin gills. Is there anything actually inside? Who gives a f***? It's obviously so expensive that the only people who would own it can afford to hire someone to carry their bits and bobs for them anyway. Also, we look at the affluo away wrist-coop, gold plated, fully functioning, coupe for small pet birds to be worn in place of a watch, ideal for hummingbirds,

spudgery guards, nanoparrots, and the very fashionable new self-traumating bonsai condor. And we review the Vitticoltsicalt micro vineyard 3.0R. That's the red wine version, the personal vineyard, which is the size of just four upright fridge freezers, can fit into most decently sized yachts with minimal structural adjustments. The MV3R can produce a vintage quality wine in just 24 hours, speed growing the grapes from aggressively modified seeds, using the mechanical autos auto squids to trample the grapes ready for whining, then hyper fermenting the liquid in anything from 90 minutes for a new VWine, two four hours for a mellower tipple. Priced at just £299,000, the MV3R starts paying for itself quickly enough as each bottle produces, costs just

an estimated £800 in grapes, electricity and running costs, so it really is accessible to even the lowest grade of billionaire. And of course, the Jacuzafone, a musical bubble pool that translates your bodily aura into relaxing smooth jazz. All those must have billionaire accessories are in our section in the bin. You are a fascinating man. I stayed quiet, I listened to every single word and I kept thinking, wow, where does he find the time to write things like this? Or does it not take long at all? He has two children. Yes. They write most of it for me. Oh, right. I've got your 200 Andy. They're far too sensible to write.

I mean, it's sort of stuff. My elder child did say to me when they were, I think about eight years old, Daddy, I'm getting too old for your joke. LAUGHTER I think it's good that the bugle like the hit HBO company driver series Succession has now employed a wealth consultant. Hahaha.

Well, I think that's all the money flooding in from our special offer on merchandise. Chris, is that still on or is that finished now? Hang on a second, let me go on the Google podcast on the podcast. Jesus, I've got no idea. This is, guys, This is bad even for us All right, yeah, still on there you go bugle merch on sale

So am I my bugle socks have holes in them oh? There are more bugle socks. I would like more bugle socks. Okay, right well go to the shop. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Balloon. I think everyone who has kept even the quarter of an iron the world this millennium so far and another quarter on the entirety of human history before that Will have known that it could only ever have been a matter of time before things came to a potentially Nuclear war-packed head between the USA and China, but I don't think most of us would have expected the beginning of The inevitable species annihilating Conflagration to have come in the form of a balloon floating over Montana that That is not how Armageddon was supposed to happen. Nish, this is, I mean, it's a truly extraordinary story,

this spy balloon floating over Montana causing a major diplomatic incident and a challenge for diplomatic incident and a challenge for For Joe one of the biggest kind of challenges for Joe Biden of his Balloon, I mean this has happened before this is basically what happened with spot Nick and and Russia back in what like the 50s Like that's why I referred this to the weather balloon is Sput Zeydong That seemed better than General Sos but Nick. But you know, I mean, first of all, I was obvious it was a spy balloon because it was wearing sunglasses and a mustache. Though I was questioning if it was a spy balloon

because it was hovering over Montana. So like what kind of intelligence are you looking for? Are you looking for the newest horse gossip? By the way the people in Montana in reaction said it was the most exciting thing that ever happened. Nish, I know that you gather intelligence on your audience members by floating a balloon over the auditorium, all of your gigs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Doesn't have to float very far. Yeah.

But it's quite extraordinary. And the Pentagon has described, and the Pentagon is famously vocal as a building, the head course of the US Department of Defense. One of the most laquacious buildings in the world, the Pentagon described it as an intelligence gathering balloon. What does this say about humanity in 2023 that this device, which is essentially a device from the late 18th century, is being used now? It suggests to me that the Chinese Secret service is employed filious fog to take over

its surveillance operation. The f**k you're using a balloon despy for? Balloons are used for two things. Children's birthday parties and settling wages between Victorian Englishmen. But it has caused absolute chaos. US Secretary of State Anthony Blinken called off a visit to Beijing in light of what I am referring to as balloon gate.

The US Secretary of State claimed that it was a surveillance balloon presence that caused, of course, cancel the thing. And he said that it was an irresponsible act. The Chinese Communist Party is saying that it was not a surveillance balloon and was in fact just designed to monitor weather. Unfortunately, the Chinese Communist Party is not exactly the boy who cried wolf, but it's the boy who was found to be repeatedly spying on the wolf. And filing details about the wolf over a number of years.

It is a very, very deeply strange story. The Global Times, which is a Chinese state-backed tabloid newspaper, wrote in English on Twitter a website that's actually banned in China, said this very much was aimed specifically at the Western audits. Wrote, the balloon itself is a big target. If balloons from other countries could really enter Continental US smoothly or even enter the sky over certain states, it only proves that the US's air defense system is completely a decoration and cannot be trusted. Congratulations to the Vivald Times! You, with the award for making things even f**k worse! The last thing this pound cake already needed was a tabloid sprinkling more godpowder all over it. The US government released a very troubling statement that I was very upset by reading it.

It seemed like it was fore this is war. The president is on the line as 99 red balloons go by. Oh, oh, oh. As 99 red balloons go by. Well, since you bring up one of the great achievements of the 1980s, all right. I remember as a child going to the Farnborough Airshow in the late 1980s and seeing the stealth bomber when it was new and it was a comment 86 87 ran about then this sort of undetectable hyperfuturistic piece of unfathomable

destructoteck plucked from the outer reaches of the sci-fi imaginative realm it could have made enemy detection and deliver payloads that could wipe out millions of years of evolution, but in a really cool manner. And 35 years on, we've got a f***ing balloon with a GoPro strap to it. What has happened to our species? I mean, it's just the start of us just, the inevitable return to just living in caves

and sticking up hinges when we get a bit scared of stuff. I mean, they could have, China could easily have made this work. If they had just put like something on the balloon, like an advertisement saying, eat at Arby's, we have the meats. Like that would have thrown us all off for some period of time. Oh yes, one of those Arby weather balloons.

They could have just flooded it in the Macy's Thanksgiving Diaperol. Oh, that would have been a lot easier. Just, you know, in between Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck, just a Chinese surveillance balloon. I think in plain sight. Yeah, I'm absolutely would have been. Also, can I just, I mean,

I know this is looking to make me sound naive and I'm not, and I've never claimed to be a military tactician. Can't you just shoot the **** out of the sky? As far as I've understand, there is no one in the balloon and it's just floating around with solar panels that provide it with the energy it needs to keep moving. And then various receptors that send signals to wherever it's come from. I don't think you need to be top gun to take this thing out.

Well, the balloon was eventually shot down by an air-to-air missile. The remnants were taken in for questioning. In an air-co from history, there were reports of balloon modellers from around the USA being rounded up and held in internment camps for those reports were just made up by me. But it does, clearly, relations with China I said to be a key squabble ground in American politics over coming years, Republicans and Democrats competing to appear hawkish against the looming balloon threats, which if left unchecked, could see children as young as not able to see unlicensed balloons floating above their neighborhoods sending crucial data back to

Beijing on matters ranging from the stocks of timber available at Mike's Tim timber yard to the traffic situation outside Snutterbridge Elementary School at pickup time and a Wednesday afternoon. No one in America is safe from this airborne snoopery. So, it will Joe Biden be goaded into launching an American counter balloon that could float across the Pacific into Chinese airspace in as little as I don't know, six to eight months if the winds work out. I mean, is that what we're looking at now? I mean Biden probably is calling for two to three balloons Right and his advisers are probably gonna have to talk him down Uh, and then after nap time he would have completely forgotten about it. So let's We're not overly concerned about what might Biden might do. I don't know why the US is angry.

To be perfectly honest, like, are you angry that China didn't have the decency to not be caught? Like, what is it? Like you don't see our spies pulling this type of high profile shit China? Like, we all know this is happening. Balloon, Balloon was a weird way to do it, but yes, like we're know this is happening balloon balloon was a

weird way to do it but yes like we're all pulling all sorts of stuff if we get a sender below to spy on China here's my pitch mr. Bean like mr. Bean mr. Bean is massive in China they'll be excited to see him fly it over us and then the next thing we know, bam! He's fed back all sorts of key information. I'm available the pentagon if you're listening. And we know you are. It's just, you know, we do risk escalation here, though.

And, you know, I mean, there are concerns that China could soon have the capabilities to launch an aerial whoopie cushion. Ha ha ha! Could float across America, making disrespectful flatulence noise during military parades in high school problems. China did insist the balloon was just a misunderstood weather balloon that had floated a stray in

search of some really awesome weather to impress its friends with. Republicans accused Biden of a dereliction of duty in allowing the balloon to roam free across the USA, cavorting brazenly with American clouds and humiliating the world's leading superpower. And I guess it is true that Biden is the first president not to spend every weekend air cycling and a special pedal-powered dirigible around the perimeter of the USA, a spy balloon height arm with a crossbow. So it is his fault. But it does leave Sino-Americanian act relations at an awkward point. China has urged cool headed handling of the dispute suggestion that they have not been keeping too close and I an American politics six or seven years. And a second spy balloon was seen over Latin America

according to geographically vague reports, but no spy balloons, they should have been seen over the United Kingdom. Now, sure, this is a further dent to our national dreams of relevance in the post-Brexit world, but where's our spy balloon? Do you mean, do you mean anything anymore? Hey, come on, China. We'll tell you, we'll tell you stuff. We'll write on big towels and hold it up so that the balloons get a better view of it. We'll write on big towels and hold it up so that the balloons get a better view of it. Unfortunately, the only thing you just keep clean if you spy on Britain is just piles of flaming garbage.

They seem to be setting fire to their rubbish for warmth. I'm not sure the United Kingdom is the threat it once was. Balloon out. I'm not sure the United Kingdom is the threat it once was balloon out I Mean all the US had to do was get the balloon and get our clowns to turn it into a giant middle finger and send it back Listen, I would urge all the people of America in the instance to assume at all points that Chinese surveillance balloon is watching you and have a precautionary middle finger waving every time you lose that house. In other American news, the coldest ever-winchel in the continental USA has been recorded.

In New Hampshire, minus 78 degrees Celsius, that is minus 108 Fahrenheit in old money. I want to say an old money. I mean, that's when temperature could be used as money for food, which is of course the origin of cooking interestingly. If the coldest ever windshield recorded in North America, my question to you would be this, how much of that windshield is physics, you know, the actual physical temperature, and how much is metaphorical windshield, with the icy blast of a potential second presidential term for Donald Trump, and the demolition of the social fabric of America, the already tattie poorly-ed, stupidly designed in the first place, social fabric of America that still bears the pustains and caked in vomit of Trump's first term in office.

And it's rumbling after month. Might this not just have been a regular chilly winter's day, maybe two degrees Celsius, but with the metaphorical wind chill knocking it down 80 degrees to a lethally Antarctic and dark, dark winter of the soul. I'm not a meteorologist, but I mean, am I in the right line, do you think? Hmm, I think you have a misunderstanding of how metaphors were. All right. They're impact is minimal in real weather conditions. Oh, that's the date pointing. Honestly, it has been terrible.

And one of the worst things that's led to a scary increase of comedian saying, when's the global warming getting here? And open mics all over the country. That is such a good observation, Harry. And it's something that's always missing from any dystopian film. Like this, or there's never a bit where there should be where there's a hack of idiot in a stand-up club saying, what's this global war we're getting here?

And then a windshield blaster and freezes the floor. I really do hope that that health freezes over though because then several women from high school will only date. Self-deprocation. You win again. It says that there's been a residence for a manateeber to main of being urged to limit their time outdoors until the end of the once-in-a-generation cold snap. And I've got to say, I really am sick of the number of once-in-a-generation we are

racking up here. At a certain point, we've got to admit that this generation is had a lot of once in a generation, and it's all adding up to this generation big, the last generation. But, but, you're assuming that the generation being referred to as a human generation rather than the generation of, I don't know, a worm or a mefly or perhaps even a virus. There is good news. There is good news. There is good news. Oh, that's what was that?

Well, I mean, parts of Canada reached as low as negative 58 degrees Fahrenheit. I believe you still use Celsius, which is strange. But it is good if you're a Quebec separatist because apparently it's cold enough that Quebec might just snap off a Canada You'll have your independent Quebec Extinct birds being pointlessly brought back to life news now and a biotech company is

Planning to bring the dodo back to life, the absolutely useless, flightless bird that didn't taste very nice but was still hunted to extinction. Back in I think the 17th century could be waddling back into existence for no fucking reason. Now the dodo is most famous for being extinct. If it ceases to be extinct, what is the point of it living? That is the question I would ask to both of you. And also, is this the best use of humanity's boundless scientific ingenuity to bring back one of the world's most useless species? I'm going to start with the second question. No. It is definitely no.

start with the second question. No. It is, it is definitely no. I, what are we doing? It's like nobody has seen science fiction movies all the way to the end. Like what is you only see the premise? I'm going to go, that's a good idea. Let's bring extinct animals back. What's the worst that could happen? Let's open a theme park. Robots that speak to us artificial intelligence advancements. Good thing they absolutely won't rebel against us. It's absurd. We know how this is going to end. But when is this? By focusing on the dodo rather than, for example, the T-Rex or the Sabre Tooth Tiger, is this trying to counteract that by bringing back a species that was so f**king useless that it would have no chance even when it inevitably goes wrong and wants to conquer the

world that it's too useless to do that? Actually, this is a safe species to bring back. Based on the last, I'd say, sort of decade, what are the chances that we bring back the dodo, and it immediately brings with it some ancient bird flu that's even worse than the current bird flu. But it doesn't, it feels like we know how this is gonna go. We're reading this bit of Jurassic Park

when Jeff Goldblum is about to do a speech. That's how it's starting to feel, because they're not planning to stop with the dodo, they're also planning to recreate the Tasmanian wolf and the woolly mammoth. There are quite a few species around the world that are going extinct. Could we not stop them from going extinct? As opposed to just picking random animals. They're a hairy elephant and I'll say it, f***ing ugly bird.

I'll say it, I would not f*** a dodo. I don't care. I don't care if that gets me quote on the whole cancels. I'm laughing too hard, it's giving something away. I mean it obviously was a bit of a slow day at science HQ and so I'm birds on the Internet deciding what we need is one of Eviluson's least successful experiments back. Not the good, not the T-Rex, not the Orok, the Saber Tooth Jermall, the Pangaean Flying

Rhinoceros Fish, the Airbus Mega Horror at Heron or the pointy-beakes snutter about the f***ing dodo. This is a disgrace, but it does tie in with a political story niche that was in the papers. The comeback of Liz Truss who, Douglass who remember the renown year 2022, may remember Liz Truss was Prime Minister year 2022. May remember Liz Truss was Prime Minister for about seven weeks. Is it 49 days in the end? And she has launched what is being described as a comeback. I mean the comeback has come in the form of a 4,000 word article in the Daily Telegraph which I think is fair to say was a fairly friendly newspaper, which is really a 4,000-word journey into the remarkable persistence of human delusion. And so if you had a choice in this of one thing to come back, the dodo or Liz Trust, what do you think humanity needs more right now? I don't know, but I'm...

I... they do not give awards for segways. I was about to say, my god. Yeah, until about three minutes ago, I understood why they didn't give a... Now, I've got no clue. That is... that's... it's a Cadillac award. Award linking resurrecting the dodo. LAUGHTER Right. When you get it right, you really get it right, Sonsman. Right. I give you a lot of grief on this podcast for largely deserved. LAUGHTER

You've got to have tedious wordplay and your scant knowledge of the basic tenets of the religion of Judaism. LAUGHTER However, this, that segway is quite extraordinary. And the answer is the dodo would be more useful. Yeah. Liz Truss has, yeah, as you say, Andy, started a relaunch, like a wet firework, and she's written a 4,000 word misive in the Daily Telegraph, which is a newspaper whose political leanings are, I mean, are basically

I've read Margaret Thatcher's biography and half the load of Crystal Meth, let's make some policy happen. It's, she has blamed the, again, for being those who may not remember. And I'm including British regal is in here because I believe it happened so quickly. A lot of it just didn't register in the memories of a lot of people's being out of Kingdom. Liz Truss was a Prime Minister for about a fart length last year. Before she attempted an economic plan that was so catastrophic, it blasted a huge hole in the British public finances that are still being filled into this day. And she was forced out of office in a cloud of disgrace. But the thing is, disgrace

only fuels conservatives. It's food to them. Discrace and racism are the two things that is keeping the British Conservative Party afloat at this point. And she has now written an article for the Daily Telegraph where she has blamed the left-wing economic establishment for taking her down. She said, the soul searching has not been easy. It's been pretty easy, mate. You f***ed up. That's not a, that's the amount of soul searching you should have had to do. I'm not surprised if the soul searching was successful in the sense that I mean, could she find a soul? Is there one there to be found? It's, I mean, listen, it's, everyone's trying to work out what she's thinking,

which has been true since she launched her political career, certainly in the public imagination with a long speech about pork bar on market, sorry, high conference. But there are still a group of people within the Conservative Party, Conservative MPs and non-MPs, but members of the Conservative Party, Conservative MPs and non-MPs but members of the Conservative Party who still have support for Liz Truss. Why is that? Because I've said it before and I've said again, the Conservative Party is a disease that the United Kingdom needs to cure itself. It is the syphilis on this great nation's penis and ball bag. She's attempting to launch a comeback. Now, either this is to essentially

rehabilitate her reputation so that she can command some public speaking fees, because that's quite a lucrative source of income for politicians who've been forced to leave office. To reason me, aka deportation spice raises quite a lot of revenue from giving her terrible speeches about how she was one of the shittiest prime ministers of all time. At least she's been one of the best prime ministers of the last five years. Yeah.

Yeah. I can leave the best. Yeah. I mean, yeah. This Yeah, I mean, yeah. This is what I mean. Standards are low and yet, Liz trust still can't get a book. Apparently, the rumors are, she can't get a bookie girl the after dinner, speaking second.

So this is maybe some reputational rehabilitation. But I genuinely believe she thinks there is a route back to frontline politics for her. Because as you say, Andy, the delusion at this point is weapons grade. The delusion of her and our other former Prime Minister Boris Johnson, is at this point visible from space. You do not need a Chinese surveillance balloon to spot the level of delusion that exists in the minds of Liz Truss and Boris Johnson. And the worst thing about it is that they are probably both correct because Ritchie Soudak is sat atop a very, very fragile coalition of people who's only unifying principle is

that they didn't want him to be prime minister. And so there is still potentially a route back to power for Liz Truss, a woman who seems to have been breastfed by a car exhaust. Jesus. It's a possible that she's trying to make a comeback because she needs the money. It's a, yeah. The Sunday Telegraph leader, the sort of opinion of the newspaper, this week, the same weekend that the newspaper published this huge article by her, said that the statist Tory establishment

has had its turn, and the party is cratering in the polls. The free marketeers must now speak up. Now the free marketeers spoke up, and they spoke through Liz Truss and by their own metric, aka the free market, they completely f**ked it. They assassinated the pound. Well, the free market, I mean, I think history has proved this is a f**k. I mean, this is, you know, it's a heartless piece of shit and you know, it might it might do some good things, but it is unquestionably at heart and

and That is a problem with the hearts of our our economic system and I'm not sure you can ever truly Truly train it Really, I mean I get to me, the way that we've treated the free markets over these is, it's not when a man has got a new dog and he has fed that dog nothing but sausages and scotch eggs for his entire life. And then he has seen fit to take that dog with him on a new just holiday.

It's obviously going to come back to Viteus at some point. That is insane. What you just said is insane. I'm trying to... It does feel like everyone is angry about everything at the moment in Britain. So what do you think we need to cheer ourselves up? I mean, I don't want to say it, but story about Chinese Bible-loon. What we need, just a Chinese Bible-loon to distract us. It might be a create a carbon-edemy. Coffit makers and sewage attendants are on strike.

So we can't even eat shit and die. LAUGHTER Oh dear, what a boy big cow. He's out bad. He's like some kind of frittin at the moment. And you know, in terms of the workers' right to strike, it is incredibly important. The right to strike is incredibly important, democratic right. So the Conservative Government has seen master satisfaction and a series of worker demands

that often are not even vaguely convinced of it to inflation and it has snapped into action and passed a bill that makes it increasingly difficult for workers to go on strike. There's a minimum service levels bill that passed through another reading of the House of Commons this week that would require certain public service workers a certain level of public service workers to remain in work regardless of strike conditions. Listen, these people are like they are like I'm sorry to say it, I'm sorry to reduce it to this, I mean we're supposed to be like mending fences and like building bridges between the divide, but it's so hard and people don't

talk about this stuff, we talk a lot about the polarization of politics, but what if they're just s**t. Right. I mean, I guess the irony of the minimum service level from the government that has brought about a country that is in which everything has stopped working. It is possible that the end of Britain, the final scene of Britain will just be the nation physically folding up

onto itself, wrapping a ribbon around itself with a little card on just saying irony. And that'll be it. That'll be the end of this mission. How come you two scabs aren't on strike right now? Well, we don't have real jobs. It's very difficult to strike. Nobody knows when you're actually working or being a comedian, because it looks the same.

Yeah, yeah. The glass vision coffin manufacturers that are striking, I mean, it's obviously rough if you need a coffin, but it's a break, the glass go cremation industry has needed for decades. Yeah, yeah. And indirectly, it's real shot in the arm for Hinduism in the region. I

Like how you all have a calendar. I like how the strikes are like organized by like oh, we're not striking this day in that it just feels like It could lead to a mistake Like it's a fucking scam hidden with the brick no Colin it's Thursday And it's Thursday. It's just because. It's just because. It's just because. It's just because. It's just because.

It's just because. It's just because. It's just because. It's just because. It's just because. It's just because. It's just because. It's just because.

It's just because. It's just because. It's just because. It's just because. It's just because. It's just because. It's just because. It's just because.

It's just because. It's just because. It's just because. It's just because. It's just because. It's just because. It's just because. Enzo Fernandez, the young World Cup winning Argentinian midfielder, joined Chelsea, the former football club, for a fee of £107 million, and a reported wage of £300,000 a week over an eight and a half year deal. Now for the same money over those eight and a half years, Chelsea could have paid for 700 teachers, but the problem is, how do you fit 700 teachers into Chelsea's midfield? Because you don't really want 700 teachers sitting in front of the back floor, because they might be going to break it up, opposition attacks just by getting in the way.

But it's going to be half a Chelsea to build their own momentum going forward. And you can't really, you know, do you do do turn your 700 teachers into, like an attacking wingback? I'm not sure that's going to work. So you can understand why they signed Fernandez instead. But I think I don't want to get to in the weeds of the specifics of Chelsea squad composition Andy, but I don't think if you suddenly added 700 teachers, it would make things any less confusing. Given the current composition of the Chelsea squad. Throwing in 700 qualified educators, I don't think makes grand part of the job any less,

any more or less difficult than it currently is. Sports now and yes, it's that time of year where we look ahead to the Super Bowl, which is happening next Sunday Between the Philadelphia Eagles and the Kansas City Chiefs the Eagles of course named because in the early days of the franchise The players were toughened up by being forced to spend preseason training in the mountains living off whatever food They could hunt and scavenge using only a micro-aircraft and a special beak Whilst the Kansas City Chiefs were originally named the Neck Achiefs in the early days of their franchise, as they always used to play with a bit of brightly coloured cloth around the neck. The first form of protective clothing allowed in Pro Football back in the days when the

defensive team was allowed to use battering rams borrowed from the local police for trying to take out the opposition quarterback hence the rams team. It's interesting the origin of these names, the Saints. To play for the Saints when they were first formed, you had to have performed at least two alleged miracles to qualify for the squad. And of course the Cardinals were their feeder team. The 49ers, I can't remember, that was either in tribute to SF Barnes' record hall of 49 test wickets for England into Africa in the 1913-14 test series, in which he refused to play the last test in the dispute over money. Or because you could only play for the team if you'd proved yourself worthy by scoring a

break of 49 at Snooker. The Broncos, they were a team for Bronkite specialists at the now-defuncts and the Hethals General Hospital in Denver. But anyway, who will prevail out of these two superb teams? Denver. But anyway, who will prevail out of these two superb teams? The Eagles or the Chiefs? Harriano, you're a sports fan. Well, first of all, you might have just ruined the Super Bowl with me with good gladrances. Sorry. I would have thought it was all the racism and what happened to come happen. We know that's what pushed me over handy. I'll say two things. Half-time show is Rihanna. Yes.

Yes. Now we're getting into something I'll be interested in. The comeback of Rihanna is really the biggest story. But then if you're interested in this sport, two great teams expect to match up that's so intense that in a decade, none of the players will remember the play football. Well, on that, the last of darkness there. Well, I think it's time to bring this episode of the Pughle to a merciful halt.

Thank you for joining us. How are you going to show it? Immunately? Listen to more about it. Sure. How imminent. But there's a few. March 16th in Eugene, Oregon, at the Holt Center.

April 13th to 15th in Milwaukee at the Laughing Tap and finally the May 3rd through 5th at the Vermont Comedy Club in Burlington. You can find all these on the internet, my website, Google, whatnot. Nick, what have you got? What have you got coming up? If you, for Google as in the UK, hold the front page a show that I do with Josh Witticom as part of my long-standing commitment to only do travel shows with white comedians with the letter J at the start of their name. It's a show where we've gone work at local newspapers and it's the last episode of it as this week, but it's all available on now TV or sky on demand. You can also listen to the current series of the news quiz via BBC Sounds. That concludes this week's Bugle.

We will be back next week with RealLina and NATO Green. We will now play you out with the latest contributors to the Bugle Wall of Fame to join the Bugle Voluntary subscription scheme and to give a one of our recurring contributions to help keep the show free, flourishing and independent, go to the BuglePodcast.com and click the Donate button. Although different to the 18th century explorer of the same name, James Cook was the first person to suggest that packs of cards had different numbers, instead of just consisting of 52 3s, as was originally the case.

Claire Fletcher further enhanced the possibility of card games by advocating splitting those 52 cards into four different teams, hoping this would lead to the kind of profitable tribal fandom we see in other sports. Whilst Derek Willis was the first to suggest naming those teams after a bodily organ, a garden utensil, a piece of golfing equipment and a precious stone. After Derek's idea was picked up by the International Playing Card Association, Delegreum had to step in and stop the IPCA naming the suits, lung, rake, dimply ball and barrel. Once the card suits have been agreed to be heart spades, clubs and diamonds, Phil DT convinced the IPCA to go with simplified representations

rather than, for example, a graphically realistic picture of an actual heart. Kate Katigbach was the visionary who suggested replacing the top three ranked cards, then entitled President, Vice President and Chief of Staff, with the monarchy-based King Queen and Prince. I'm not advocating hereditary privilege, says Kate, but it did add stability. Emily Howles helps see off a lawsuit from a collection of 30 princes from around the world, who were demanding a one-thirteenth share of all proceeds from sales of playing cards or replacing the Prince card as the third picture card with the Jack Russell doggie card.

Brian Wideman then helped hack out a compromise whereby both princes and Jack Russell accepted a picture of a prince called Jack who owns a little doggie. Hence the cards we're all familiar with today. And Megan Kilar or Megan Silla or both even redesigned the playing card into its now familiar rectangular with smoothed corners shape from its less user friendly original, serrated-edged Dodecagon. you