The Bugle - Why The F*** Not

Episode Date: September 5, 2023

We're back, with a visit to the G20 summit, and ponder India's role in the world. Including: Why would India fly a rocket to the sun? Also, the writers strike is happening, and what is a lion doing on the loose in Karachi?PLUS: Become the owner of an exclusive episode of The Bugle, on 12 inch vinyl! Become a premium member NOW! https://www.thebuglepodcast.com/donate This episode was presented and written by:Andy ZaltzmanAlice FraserAnuvab PalAnd produced by Chris Skinner and Laura Turner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Bugglers, we are live from Leicester Square Theatre on the 16th of September with Chris Addison and Alice Fraser. It might be our only London date of the year, so get your tickets. Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world. Hello Bugles and welcome back to the Bugle! I am Andy Zoltzmann. It is 4th September 2023. Our summer hiatus is now itself, ironically, on hiatus until next summer. The Bugle is back to hold up the mirror to the world

Before realizing it's held up the mirror the wrong way around and then banging on about how backs of mirrors are not Or they used to be joining me to look at what September has offered us so far and Any bits of August that they want to talk about fresh from the Edinburgh fringe festival Did I to welcome back to the bugle Alice Fraser and Annover pal hello to both of you Hello, and I don't know if anyone can be considered fresh off the Edinburgh Finns. Edinburgh Finns Festival is guaranteed to make you look a little bit worse, worse for wear, a little bit worn around the edges, a little bit a little bit stale. That's not creativity, it's all about finding the last drops of juice and the stailness of life.

Absolutely wrecking yourself for a month in pursuit of some vague concept of artistic integrity. And you know, oddly Alice Fraser and I ran into each other quite a lot at the end of the fringe. Geographically, our shows were near each other. You were an object warning. I would walk to you, you would be out of your show, and I would be walking to my show, and I would be full of hope for the possibilities of how the show would feel at the end of the show, and then I'd seen you walk down the shores. Halis, I'm an object warning in my own house. Let's look at the Edmonds fridge, I've been used for that purpose. Yeah, I am what happens in the future,

just a destroyed version of you. Yeah. However, I did find some hope Andy, Alice, at the fridge. I took half a day off, I didn't want to be surround by artists and comedians because they're just always so hopeful. So I went, not all of them. Can I, yeah, college brings my own defense there. I'd like to say I'm attempting to bring the average down. This is true. This is true, Andy. There is some

area of pessimism, not enough. I went down near the National Museum of Scotland to a place called Greve Fry's Kirkyard. I couldn't be pronouncing that correctly. Point is it's a massive graveyard and this was very popular in the early 20th century because surgeons, doctors, because Edinburgh was the birthplace of surgery, were running out of dead bodies. So they would come find dead bodies, any dead bodies they could find, dig it up and take it back into surgery.

And I realized for all the artists, all of us thinking where are our five star reviews, where's our moment? It could happen after we're dead. Edinburgh is that kind of city. I think we're expecting too much too soon by trying to seek fame and success within the mortal span of our life.

With that, that's, I mean, people, you know, obsessing at them about, you know, whatever review they're getting that particular day, but it's good to see it in the grand perspective of how we will be judged by the winds of history. Gravestone, five stars, five star life well lived. And it's good that Edinburgh, you that Edinburgh has both literal graveyards like the one you were talking about and of course the metaphorical graveyard of broken dreams as well. So it's got something for everyone. We are recording on the 4th of September 2023 making this, the 357th anniversary of about the middle of the great fire of London, which raged from the 2nd to the 6th of September 1666. It was a good five day fire, good proper test match fire. Modern audiences wouldn't have the patience for that now. They want the whole city done

and doused inside three hours. I'd nearly commented along by some complete muppet with a social media profile. But they did fire properly in those days. And well, as we look back now, the finger of blame has been traditionally jabbed into the eye socket of a careless baker. But new research published in the Daily Telegraph I suggested that the main culprit was, in fact, the woke. So we might have to slightly reassess our view

of what caused the Great Fire of London with modern research techniques. London, of course, was very different back then in 1666. The impact of the disaster was exacerbated by an epilogue leadership and people blamed foreigners and immigrants with absolutely no evidence or grounds. What so ever? Different times. Different world. As always, a section of the bugle is going straight in the bin this week. Well, a couple of sections in the bin. We have an autumn section since we're in September. This is a special for our listeners in non-tropical regions of the Northern Hemisphere. So do tune out if you don't live in one of those regions. In our autumn

section we ask important questions about autumn as a season, including do leaves on deciduous trees stop being green just because they get bored. Is having four seasons now passe? Do modern weather consumers want a maximum of two or even one? And if so, what can we do about it, are them allowing the world to heat up to an extent where it's just a baking hot summer of death that entire year? Which is the more metaphorical season? Now, it's a big rivalry between spring and autumn historically, and we finally have an answer. Scientists have declared autumn winner of the most metaphorical season award by 53 to 48 winter 35 summer 19 for those interested in the result of the third place playoff. And finally we ask, is autumn actually autumn

or is it as some people suggest fall? Well, the answer, I mean this question is divided the English-speaking world since the dawn of time. And well, I mean, this question is divided the English speaking world since the dawn of time. And well, it turns out that it is autumn because fall is a misnomer. Most things statistically don't fall during autumn leaves do, but most other things don't. And many other things actually rise, heating bills, numbers of layers of clothing used. And ironically, the number of people falling over as they slip on partially mulched fallen leaves. So autumn is the winner. How does autumn rank in your your favourite? Obviously, you know, as coming it from an Australian perspective, you'd call it spring, I think, when you Alice. I mean, I would during your autumn, yes.

But of course in Australia, the seasons are a little bit more roller dice, have some fun, see what's on fire. They don't exactly map in the opposite, in theory they should be upside down of what's happening in the UK but actually they tend to be a little bit more jazz seasons, a little bit more exciting. Just to map out for people who are planning on visiting Australia at any time, the traditional seasons go summer, summer, autumn, spiders, sudden floods and everything's on fire. That's, those are our five seasons. So, and Anne Babelty, you know, from your perspective in India, I mean, the seasons are very, very different there. Yes, exactly. And that's why I was going to suggest a new category if you guys would consider it.

A just simple one, totally f***ed and how still there. I don't know if you noted this Indian monsoons, large swaths of the state of Himachal Pradesh, mountainous regions, got swept away like entire massive sides of mountains fell off, taking with it resorts hotels, homes, hospitals. So, if anyone was at the Edinburgh fringe, you know, any of those people would have returned to North India to find their mountain missing. A little bit different than mixing stuck in burning man for three days. So I don't know that's a category that given where the world is going, you know, it would be something that we would be looking at, you know, like entire city wash to a versus still have a home.

Right. Well, we can only write into the relevant seasonal authorities. Also, in the minutes, we get to the wildlife photographer of the year competition is currently on, the Spheras exhibitions around the place and we give you the best of the audio photographs nominated for the audio photography award, the best descriptions of things happening in nature and you can choose the winner from the short list of finalists which include a hummingbird in flight, looking like can choose the winner from the short list of finalists which include a hummingbird in flight, looking like it hates the sound of humming, a four-shortened photograph

of a giraffe in a termite that makes it look like the termite is bigger than the giraffe, a goldfish in a fish tank with an unmistakable, I only remember that I don't want to remember look in its eye. A dolphin that has become entangled in some underwear discarded in the sea, a poignant metaphor for human kinds destruction of the natural world, but also surprisingly sexy. A bear cuddling an unwanted Barbie doll, and some coral shaped like an extended middle finger. Do pick your favorite from those audio photographs and tell it to whoever you're sitting next do at the time. Those sections in the bin. I'm just thinking all the art you describe just reminds me

of, you know, someone visiting a shrink and being shown these photographs. What is this dolphin time. Those sections in the bin. I'm just thinking all the art you described just reminds me of you know someone visiting a shrink and being shown these photographs. What does this dolphin remind you of? Picture a lion with an expression putting the roar into Russia. Top story this week. The G20 are meeting again. It's another G20 summit, the annual Nathashoff Shindig for the powerhouse economies of the world. 19 countries, plus the European Union. I thought we voted them off in 2016. I don't know how they're going to be on the roster so much for democracy. These 20 G-rated organisations collectively account for 75% of the world's carbon emissions. So, strap in the rest of the world, the non-G180 odd, are just going to have to sit back and take what they're given by this latest meeting.

And it's taking place in India, chaired by the, I think we can safely say, opinions splitting Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi. Now, G20 summit began, the first one was in 2008, after the founding of the Bugle notably, so it is at the launch of the Bugle in 2007, did foster a new age of disappointing the unproductive global meetings. The last two, when Italy, two years ago, 2021,

Indonesia last year. Now India, three in Italy, two years ago, 2021, Indonesia, last year. Now, India, three in a row for countries beginning with I, and I think that's appropriate for some, it's where ultimately self-interest generally ends up trumping everything else. It's the first I'm India of hosted it, Anuvab, and Narendra Modi, who has the same attitude to social cohesion and tolerance as a crockery skeptic, Greek person has the plates at weddings, is the man tossed with bringing the world together in his not always universally approved style. How is India as a nation looking forward to this? Well, you know, two things. I asked some people in Edinburgh what they thought of the G20 summit, and the opinions range from don't give

a shit to absolutely don't give a shit. So I guess these things are not important to people in the western world because they have other worries like TikTok and things like that. To countries like us it's a very, very big deal because you know we don't often get to host these sorts of things without massive amounts of cock up. You will remember the Commonwealth games from massive amounts of cock up. You will remember the commonwealth games from a number of years ago. We successfully were able to ruin by not giving toilets to athletes. So we have a Prime Minister now that's very keen on showing

the world that this is going to be a top notch event. And the way he's showing it to the world is very literally by which I mean all across Delhi I flew through Delhi on my way to Mumbai all across Delhi their giant posters they say G20 and next to it a massive photo of him. So you wouldn't actually know there was anybody coming except that our Prime Minister was now called something title G20 which you we as Indians accept because our Prime Minister can do anything. He went to the moon a couple of weeks ago, which I'm talking about.

The Google listeners appreciate it. He is also a cricket stadium. He has many things. He is a human being, but he's also a summit. So some other unknown people are coming. There's a guy called Joe Biden, who's coming. No one's heard of him. He's relevant.

There's the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom and a bunch of other people coming. So it's a big deal for Delhi. And one of the biggest things we do in India when various world leaders come is we take the people of India and we shove them out of the streets. So India looks a bit like Oslo. Delhi looks a bit like Oslo.

It's clean, it's beautiful, it's green. Now, it's easier to do that in countries with small populations, but you've got 1.3 billion people. I guess you can't shove everyone under the carpet. So the daily authorities are having a little difficulty to push this annoying thing of people away from the conference. But you know they're doing a successful job in that various companies are incentivized to get their employees to work from home. Various people are being urged not to eat out. They're being told order

home delivery. So, Prime Minister Modi has found out one great thing about India. That India is brilliant if you don't have to step out into India. It's a fantastic country. If you don't have to run into any other people. And he's doing a very brilliant thing by incentivizing people not to come out of their homes so the world leaders can get to see an empty country. The British, the British, the British are the thing that they all want. Yeah, it's exactly, exactly. Nobody wants to be out. You can get Chinese food at home and watch all these world leaders and I think the British would be happy because they will find the Delhi that they left behind at the 15th of August, 1947.

Quite clean. You know, the population has not gone up, you know, 62 times. The Yamuna River is not overflowing with effluents and refuse. So, you know, everyone would be surprised. In fact, once the residents come out, once the delegates have left, they'll be surprised to find the Delhi that they're proudnest to clean up with. In fact, I've been a big fan of having summits in India for a long time. And I like World Cups and so on and you have visited. You know, they really transformed the country because they lock all the people up and they

clean up the whole country. And I feel like everybody needs a deep clean. Even a city needs a deep clean. I needed a deep clean after Edinburgh. For some it's put forward six agenda priorities for this summit and has placed a focus on dialogue which is great I think focusing on dialogue because it doesn't leave a carbon-hoof-brint dialogue. It just disappears harmlessly into the ether to echo quietly into a disappointed future. But amongst the things they will be dialogue-ing about include accelerated, inclusive, and resilient growth. Now, humanity is currently 0 for 3 on those types of growth. Now, inclusive and sustainable have traditionally fitted in with global economic progress

in the same way that murderous goats laying and kitten blood milkshakes have fitted in with vegan children's parties. Also on the agenda, accelerating progress on SDGs. Not exactly sure what they are. I think suppressing democratic growth, democratic. Not entirely sure what SDGs stand for. I think suppressing democratic growth, democratic. Not entirely sure what SDG stands for. I think suppressing democratic growth,

possibly space discovery by gazillionaires, or sexually dimorphic giraffes, possibly, or maybe it stands for illiteracy programs. I'm not entirely sure, but SDGs will get their moment in the spotlight. A technological transformation, which is fancy polite talk for the inevitable robot takeover and destruction of all humanity. And a digital public infrastructure, which is very important, particularly from

a British point of view, and obviously Britain rep's sense by Rishi Sunak at this summit, the only digital public infrastructure we've got in the UK at the moment is people flipping middle fingers at non-existent trains, so that's something that we're all pleased about here. They will be focusing also on women led development. And I guess that raises the question, is it time for the patriarchy to take a five minute break? Because we've had a very tough few thousand years and maybe fatigue is set in. Alice, I don't know how you see that. I feel like the the women led development part of this is just an acknowledgement that it's all over. I feel like this is just an acknowledgement that the party's over.

Let's get the women to clean it up before we exit this earth. And you know that they're going to do a decent job. The theme, apparently, of the G20 is one earth, one family, one future, which is either a beautiful and hopeful slogan suggesting that we can overcome national cultural and political differences, unifying our shared humanity and start wreck our way to a more enlightened age, or one Earth-1 family, one future is a deeply dystopian and probably realistic view of the likely outcome of human self-destruction, which is that we're going towards, and one Earth in which there

is only one family left, and that is the one likely future. That's of course how it all began, if you've read the part one of the Bible. Another thing to look forward to is, well the African Union could become a full member of the G20 with voting rights, the decision is pending apparently, but as currently, Africa has one member of the G20 with voting rights, the decision is pending. But as currently, Africa has one member of the G20 out of the 20 members of the,

appropriately named G20. That is South Africa. Africa is a continent consists of 18% of the world's population. You don't need to be a rocket mathematician to know that that is a sweet little bit of strategic underrepresentation going on there. Another thing they're going to be doing is looking at a strategy for regulating global cryptocurrencies, which, and I know we've talked about cryptocurrencies a lot on this show, currently the strategy for regulating global cryptocurrencies, is a four-prong strategy, prong-1, fingers crossed, Prong two, sorry you lost me a blockchain,

Prong three, who are these money grabbing chances muscling in on our rival control of the global money grabbing chances sector? And four, it's awfully complicated who can blame it on to make it simpler. So maybe this will be some a step forward in how our relationship with money that's even more made up than the originally made up money

that we've been doing. I mean, it's such a fascinating sector and the cryptocurrency sector because it is really just a lot of people going, what if money? But mine and also, you know, there is a core of really like appealing little nerds who really love the programming, who really love the possibilities, who really love this idea of cryptocurrency, of all of the exciting sort of technological side of it. And then there's a significant proportion who are men who bought cryptocurrency because they heard about it on a podcast.

It might as well have been bone upills. And then some have worked out for some of them. And now they think they're smart. And you know, I'm glad that to regulate it. They have picked a country where you have 600 million digital hackers. That's a good country to pick if you want to regulate something. You know, I think this is a...

One person who might not be there, however, Han Evab is the Chinese President Xi, who apparently is bunging off the playgirl for something. This is being viewed as a snub to Narendra Modi. I mean, how would Modi take that snub? But he just name even more things after himself. Could he rename India as Narendra Modi? Is that the next step?

I think that's what it's called now. You know, I haven't actually checked because I was away on the 15th of August, but I think that is the new name of the country. Going back to Chad, we had on this podcast some years ago, Andy, if you remember, one of the things that happened between the Indian and Chinese troops over a border dispute a couple of years ago was hand-to-hand combat. Again, not a very traditional means of battle in 2021, 22, whenever it happened, hand-to-hand combat tends to reduce the ability

for bilateral trade between the two countries. And ever since then, premier G and Prime Minister Modi, both very powerful, very reasonably arrogant, powerful individuals, don't seem to want to meet each other. I suppose, at least not without makeshift daggers or some sort of security. So that's why he's not coming. I don't think that the little issue of the border thing

is resolved between the two countries. You know how India responded to that hand-to-hand combat? We stopped buying Chinese phones and spare parts. It could explain why half a million homes in Mumbai that we stopped buying Chinese phones and spare parts. It could explain why half a million homes in Mumbai don't have working televisions, including mine. Right. Because we are not allowed to buy Chinese spare parts.

So tons of equipment is just sitting again and still. And that's, I suppose, that's one way to react to a country that's stabbing you in the face literally. So he's not coming, I guess. I think they're missing a trick. Absolutely. They need to walk in the barefoot shoe prints of Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg and just go straight to a one-on-one man-on-man cage fight for ownership of the other ones' country.

Well, I mean, you know, that sounds kind of ridiculous and indeed it is, but it's probably the best possible solution to all future political issues. But Andy, is it more ridiculous than what's happening right now? And one more, and Alice makes a very good point, Andy. I know the cricket world cup is coming on and of course you have fans in India who'd love to see you commentate now what would you rather commentate on some boring England match or a hand-to-hand combat and presidency at the Firo Shacoa Tla stadia with Delhi which will be well I mean that and also given the air quality in Delhi that might be an extremely puffed out wrestle.

One issue that they're having to deal with once again, and you mentioned the Commonwealth Games have this same problem, is monkeys on the streets, in particular specifically Reese's monkeys, which I think are the ones with peanuts on the inside. And the way that they've deal with these Reese's monkeys is to try to scare them off by putting up pictures of bigger monkeys, just cut out pictures of langos, which apparently the Reese's monkeys are not fans of, to scare them off. I mean, this is a wonderful solution, isn't it, to this issue? I don't know if you guys have ever been to an Indian temple,

but usually the head priest of every Indian temple has a large langur monkey on a leash. Just to scare away other monkeys, because those monkeys mess with devotees. And small monkeys in India are a menace. The thing they go for the most is the cell phone and We know that you know you can't have you know The head of South Africa Mr. Cyril Ramaposa missing his iPhone Because you know a random monkey ran away with it at the grand height so In India hierarchy works small monkeys respond to bigger monkeys

Blame the caste system whatever you have to play so the trouble is though to trouble is we couldn't even get the large monkeys we couldn't even get 10,000 large monkeys to scare away small monkeys so what we've got a cutouts of monkeys so what we are really hoping for is that small monkeys are complete idiots that's what we're hoping for I think this is terrible Andy and I think this is terrible, Andy. And I think this is a terrible example of body shaming and the ways in which the body positivity movement

still has a long way to go. If you've got all these small monkeys being shamed out of being in public by the fact that they're a bigger, more buff monkeys on the street or what appear to be bigger or more buff monkeys on the street. I think it's a terrible thing. This is what happening with Instagram. It's giving you very unrealistic body expectations.

You've got to stay inside and do pushups. And then what you're going to end up with is a lot of really insecure, really jacked small monkeys with small monkeys in them coming out into the streets at the moment they get access to human growth hormone. Right. But you know, the people of Delhi are very happy about this because they're the only posters left in Delhi that are not of Narendra Modi.

So every other poster is India goes to the moon, Narendra Modi, G20, Narendra Modi. Oh, monkey, thank God. And this shows you, this is how a vibrant democracy works. You need two things, monkey posters and prime minister posters. That's how you build a country. Personally, I think the more monkeys that can see the G20 summit, the better.

I think we have a duty to help our primary cousins, to show them what we have become as a warning, as a piece of living advice to say, don't make the same mistakes we did, be happy with your evolutionary status and for f**k's sake, don't get any funny ideas, it never ends well. So, personally, I think we should be lining up every other species of ape to look at what we've become and try and avoid that happening again. In other Indian news, Aniv Abhazoo mentioned India has blasted a rocket to the moon and since then, having sent the rocket to the dark side of the moon, is also launched a mission

to the Sun. Just bringing what I mean, what's the purpose of the mission to the sun is it's I mean is it hoping to land people maybe is this how to deal with recess monkeys in Delhi is just a blast them into the sun is this the reason I never read the Icarus myth yeah too many people have these days here this is the problem, and Alice, you know, for a long time, I think, if you are that kid in school that's been bullied and been told by other kids, you're poor, you can't do this, you can't do that. The moment you get a bit of money, you want to do everything, right? Now, that can be lovely, but someone needs to tell that kid

You might catch fire if you go to the sun There's nobody to tell our prime minister that it's a bad idea to go to the sun because you might catch fire And your space cry might turn to ash now what's happened is India's in that phase where its economy is growing at 8% it wants to be a world power and It doesn't quite know how to do it. In fact I'm really hoping that at some point the bugle outlines because the bugle is a world power and I really hope it outlines 8 or 10 points for how a country can be a world power. We're just trying anything. So one cheapest space mission to the moon flown directly by our Prime Minister to the moon. First time landed on the South side of the moon. Why? Why the f*** not? That's what I mean by a super power, right?

Ask the question. A completely pointless lunar mission is absolutely core to global power games and has been since, well, since the Romans tried to build an aqueduct to the moon back in the day. Yeah, and tomorrow, if let's say India launches a mission to have a cricket match on Titan, one of the moons of Uranus, you might ask yourself, why? Why? You can, you know, feed people. What? But then, equally importantly, why the f*** not? you know, feed people what? But then equally importantly, why the f*** not? This is the thing Alice has often said, you know, tech billionaires do crazy shit, you know, and they get together and plan things. And nobody asks them, so why are they asking India?

You know, tomorrow if India wants to have a martial arts contest between wicked keepers and goats, you know, and then televised it to the world. You might ask why you're doing this, but equally valid, why hasn't anyone else taught it to be? These are the questions India's asking. Once you talk about cricket being played on the moon of a distant planet, there is a possibility that on, I think it's the 19th and November, the World Cup final, in the so-called norendromotus

mode is a new in our matter about it's possible that pakistan could win the cricket world cup in the render mode is stadium which might be the most beautiful moment in the entire history of sports but i think it would mean that indie would ban all cricket that is played nearer to india than the planet your own us that that's true or or by the end of the game all all the 22 people will be called Narendra Modi. Playing in the Narendra Modi state. Anything is possible. But I think India is asking,

if you ask why not, a lot of shit opens up. Yes. Yeah, I mean that's again, that's true, true of human progress. Why not is a question that shouldn't be asked and even more should never be answered. Well that brings to the end of our top story for this episode. Now something very exciting is about to happen. We're going to break new ground in showbiz now because we are about to start a new season of the bugle mid show. Now I'm not sure that any show has ever started a new season in the middle of a show in its current season. We're in season four of the Bugle, which began in 2016. Season one lasted four years

when we were with the Times. Season two lasted about another four years. Well, it was me and John in sort of independent years. Season three, when we tried to relaunch for one episode, episode 294, before it came clear that John was a little busy with, I think, was running a hot dog stand in New York, yet other stuff on. Season four then began when we relaunched back in 2016. So we're now going to have season five, which is going to be two seconds long, the attempted shortest ever season in Sherwood's history, in which I will attempt to summarize the state of the world. And then season six will commence meaning this episode will encompass not two, but three seasons of the bugle. So I mean,

time to just look back quickly as we end season four. So many things to look back on, but I'll let you do that in your own time. But we need to have a big end to the, I don't know how, I mean, how do you think we should end season four? I feel like we should have a two second season and then a minute of silence for the last season. That's, I mean, minutes of silence are tricky in podcasting. Okay, well, we'll have a one second silence to end season four. Just a second of condensed regret to everything that has gone wrong since we began in 2016, when if you remember, Barack Obama was still clinging onto power in the White House before I forget what happened after that.

So here is our one second of regret to bring to the end season four of the Bugle. Season five now. Here it is season five, it's two second summary of the state of the world, begins now. Oh, gee. See. Welcome to season 6 of The Bugle. To commemorate our launch of season 6, we are also launching a new way you can support The Bugle and keep it flourishing for at least another six seasons, hopefully more than two seconds each. You can go to the buglepockers.com and click on the donate.

But you will see the usual options with Apple and one of contributions. But we've upgraded the offer to our premium subscribers, signing up to our premium's voluntary subscription. We'll get you two bugle gifts a year. The first being an exclusive limited edition special episode of the bugle on 12 inch vinyl. Now when we launched this show in 2007, I think the rebirth of vinyl was not on

many people's expectations of what would happen, but then many things that have happened since also weren't. All monthly donors will now also get an extra show each month. The initial idea assuming it works is a show called Ask Andy, in which I will respond to your emails and questions. Very important is that if you are already a premium donor or a regular donor who does not want to change how they donate, you don't need to do anything in the next week you should get sent links to all the great stuff that you need to know about it.

So thanks, all of you for your continued generosity and keeping the bugle going, keeping it free, flourishing, and independent through five glorious seasons, and now into the sixth week, and would not exist without your support. Another way of supporting the show is buying tickets for our live show in London, which is on the, when is it?

Come on, it's been so good so far! It's Russia's China and he come on! Well that's why I'm just so much thinking about Russia's China. I can't remember when the beat is the 16th isn't it? Just after the 16th. It is after the 16th. It's after the 16th, the 16th, the 16th, the 17th. 17th would be up at the Leicester Square Theatre featuring me, Alice and Chris Addison.

The tickets available on the internet. I'm also going to chuck in a bonus content which is an Andy's Oldsman pun run on a wax cylinder which will ceremoniously fire into the sun via the vector of an Indian government rocket. There'll be the cheapest one ever. One final news story before we finish, well episode half of season six of the Bugle, an update from the writers' strike in America. I've refused to write anything about this story in solidarity, but Alice, as a scab, you can bring us up tonight with the latest developments. Well, it's just been an absolute exercise in PR,

f*** up on the part of the large studios who have just made themselves look incredibly bad from every front for people whose job is selling image. It's almost like they don't know how to do the work and everyone else is doing the work and they're riding on their back like some horrible little parasite. And left to their own devices, they have no creativity or skill or ability to sell anything. But far bit from me to make such a judgment. Apparently at the moment they're looking for a senior executive to lead crisis communications response efforts, a $333 plus $1,000 job, which is essentially

please help us surgically extract this foot that we have somehow managed to staple into our mouths, then glue gun into our mouths, then weld into our mouths. Through the process of, for example, saying, we'll just wait for the writers to start starving to death and then they'll come negotiate. Um, are you tempted to say it's quite a healthy salary that you tempted by, um, tucking in a cheeky job application there, Alice? I mean, I would rather dive off a cliff into the open mouth of Jason's stave them. I film which I'm currently trying to pitch to Disney heads of Bob Eiger, but apparently

he's not taking my calls. You know, my biggest surprise in all of this is apparently they're fighting for the main fight that actors and writers have is for residuals. So I guess they do shows and these studios want to pay them once and get rid of them. Big learning for me, I've been a screenwriter almost 22 years and I didn't know it was a paid profession. I didn't know that there were all these remuneration things and I've had my plays made into films and I guess none of these producers, I'll get in touch with them and I'll take Umbridge. I just don't understand why they don't hire a f***ing AI to do their PR.

Apparently those are capable of doing all the jobs of a writer. And one other final story from Karachi traffic problems are not uncommon in major Asian cities. I think I don't know what percentage of your life I have you've spent stuck in traffic but I mean think the average for Indian people is around about 74% I think judging from my my my few trips to India, but an unusual traffic into the Inca Rachi caused by a privately owned lion escaping into traffic. I mean I guess the problem with that is that I don't think that's necessarily covered by the things you learn when you're learning to drive is, you know,

what to do in the event of a lion wandering around the streets in front of you. As a pedestrian, it's kind of awkward because you don't want to be disrupted from the path you've chosen to take with the same time you don't want to be eaten by a lion. So what, and also from the lion's point of view, I walked around courage, I nearly fell into a large hole. So that's you know, an issue for the lion itself. So this was difficult for everyone. Well you just can't talk where there is a double lion then. Apparently in Karachi you can. Now Karachi and the Alice notorious traffic problems, but my favorite comment was from this Twitter user,

resident of Karachi, who said that the line roamed around as if certain that the law of the jungle applied to Karachi. I think I'd say to say that this is quite a disgruntled resident of Karachi who's not happy with the traffic. And if anything, another Twitter user wrote, it helped clear up the traffic of Karachi. So now we'll be known. Yeah.

If you want, if you're in any Asian city, if you want to clear up the traffic, you need two things, either a G20 summit or a lion. So I feel like there's a couple of things about this story that really don't add up for me. The Karachi Police made a statement that the adult lion was recaptured two hours after it escaped from this private vehicle in heavy traffic on Tuesday. First of all, we have failed at any point to understand why the lion was in the car. Was it getting its pea plates? Was it catching an uber? Is it in the new fast and the furious movie? Secondly, again, this was presented with like a really triumphal tone that they have recaptured this lion after a mere two hours of chasing the lion through traffic. I don't understand how it took you two hours to catch a lion. You've got a car.

This is the thing. This often happens in South Asian cities. I don't know if you guys have seen loads of these videos that went around about cheaters being caught right outside Mumbai, usually in schools, film studios, every week they're catching a cheater. And it always goes into miraculous rescue of cheater from primary school, miraculous rescue of cheater from TV studio. Not a single one of them get into what the hell is a cheater doing in a TV studio. Or the miraculous rescue of children from Cheetah.

Well, that brings the end of this week's bugle issue 4,272 issue half of season six. We will be back next week. And then don't forget there is a live show on the 16th of September, at the Leicester Square Theatre in London tickets available on the internet. Thanks once again to Alison, Anuab, anything to plug before we go? Yes, please come on my Patreon Patreon.com slash Alice Fraser. We do weekly writers meetings if you want to write with us. There are lots of fun. Also, I do a podcast called The Gargle, which is the Sonic glossy magazine to this podcast audio newspaper for visual world It's a lot of fun also go to unbound.com and type in Alice Fraser if you would like to buy the Dancing Lagarde reader

Which is a book which I've got a finished writing by the end of this month But is in good shape. I've got the word count. It'll it'll it'll happen That's unbound.com and writing Alice Fraser because I guarantee if you write in Dancilla Guard, you will miss Spellat. I miss Spellat the first time I wrote it and I was the one who invented the name. Also, if you happen to be somebody who runs like a romance novel convention or a romance novel podcast, hit me up because I'd love to talk about Danc Lagarde with you. Thank you. I have nothing going on September, but in the month of October, an odd interesting thing is coming up on the TV channel Sky History.

I will be in an episode with comedian and fellow Budhler Al Murray. And the show is titled. It's a history show titled, why does everyone hate the British Empire? And it's an episode that's shot in Calcutta where viewers will have a chance to see me slip and fall into the Ganges River. What a trait. And proceed to be flooded with all the pollutants ever conceived by man. So for that treat I think it shows up sometime in October on Sky History. The news goes is back this week on radio for reporting later

later this week. I'll be on for the next couple of months or so. I'll be still talking about cricket for the next few weeks as well and, I will be announcing some dates for live shows next year. So do, there'll be some beautiful shows and some stand-up shows. But in the meantime, focus on that date on the 16th of September, at Leicester Square Theatre. See you all there. Until next week. Goodbye. you