The Bugle - You Musk Be Joking! 🙊

Episode Date: February 2, 2021

Andy is with Alice and Anuvab to explore the truth behind the Jewish Space Laser, what's going on with democracy in India and what short selling has to do with trumpets.Buy a loved one Bugle Merch (or some for yourself, it's allowed).We have a sister show, The Last Post, which you can still hear here. Follow us on YouTube or Insta and see parts of this episode with actual video.The Bugle is hosted this week by:Andy ZaltzmanAlice FraserAnuvab PalAnd produced by Ross Ramsey Golding and Chris Skinner. Listen to Chris' Travel Hacker here: http://pod.link/1480712081  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A Audio newspaper for a visual world! Hello, buglers, and welcome to issue 4,182 of the bugle audio newspaper for a world that isn't really living its best life right now. Don't judge it. We look at other planets, Jupiter, Way bigger, Way more resources, but less fun than Earth, even in our current states of rubbishness. So let's not get too down on ourselves. I'm Andy Zoltzman, live from the shed and joining me from their virtual sheds or indeed homes around the world.

Firstly from Australia, Alice Fraser. Hello Andy, hello buglers, it's good to be back. It's not nice to have you back. Alice, you're, you know, as always, 9, 10 hours further into the month than we are. We've just started February in Britain. It's looking like it could be the best month of the year so far. Yeah, I'm starting to feel like Australia is a little more than 10 hours ahead when it comes to sort of COVID strategy. I've got Maledium. Also joining us from society, let's find the future from India, Anuvaapow.

Hello, Andy. Hello, Alice. Hi, Anuvaapow's India seems quite lively at the moment in India, from a news we will touch on later on in the show. Yes, it's fantastic. Andy, we have basically decided that we have won the war against Corona because the number of cases have dropped by about 30%. It's a little different than how Australia looks at it because Australia have had zero cases and they have gone out to the world and said we have zero cases and therefore we have won the war against Corona.

We still have about 30,000-40,000 Corona cases a day but we've won the war against Corona. We still have about 30,000 Corona cases a day, but we've won the war against Corona. And the correlation of that is the reason we've done that is because we have won a cricket match against Australia. Apparently an important cricket match, I'm not a huge fan, Andy. I know that's... You don't need the word, you don't need the word important in front of that. It's a cricket match. By definition, it's important. We are recording on the 1st of February, it is world read aloud today. So do read something allowed to someone today, whether or not they want you to, to mark this occasion. I've actually written a script for the bugle this week. Normally, I just smear newsprint all over my eyeballs and just riff it. So here I've actually written a script for you. Welcome to the bugle. Remove cloak to reveal

new thoracic tattoos of vaccines in Union Jack's area. I'm not supposed to read out the stage directions of the event. Joining M to doye, this is the problem with reading Aluad. It really pamphies your spelling mistakes, but at least I am sippy-aided tart. Anyway, I think enough I've pushed that joke quite as far as it needs to go. As always, a section of the Bucal is going straight in the bin. This week, a mental agility supplement following a report by any guesses. Yes, scientists then again, that having a nap in the afternoon could help keep you mentally agile. We have a bugle guide to how to be an unstoppable bionic machine of mental agility and productivity without having to give in to the time-stealing

demands of sleep. As we've repeatedly said on the show, we are a bond-jovey worshipping organisation. And we will live whilst we're alive, thanks Peter Coffey and Kip, nap and power snooze when we're considerably lesser live. Now, obviously this report on afternoon naps comes at a very awkward time for Britain in the early days of Brexit. We left the EU not just to get a head start on vaccines,

but to stop Brussels imposing a compulsory, continent-wide caesta. So it's not the awkward. But anyway But here's our bugle guide to other things that can keep you mentally agile. Commit a large crime, and then live in constant fear of being exposed for your wrongdoing or hunted down by a vengeful avenger. That really keeps you on your toes. I've found a little secret. Or alternatively, take up a new lockdown hobby that stimulates the brain.

Perhaps formulate new coherence and credible conspiracy theories to spread online, or create a new religion. That's basically the same thing. Or develop a vaccine for something that seems to keep people busy who are lucky enough to do it for a living. Or you can make a bucket list of all the things that you would have done over the past year, even now had to chuck into a metaphorical bucket and tip out of the window like a medieval shit. Also, to keep your mind mentally agile, some brain-enhancing puzzles, design a 3D snooker table that would work in zero gravity to make long-term intergalactic space travel more bearable, or give first-middle answer names to all your cutlery and kitchen

utensils, then try to remember them under cross-examination from a housemate, family member, or freelance, online inquisitor. Also to keep your mind agile, try to remember what life was like in 2019. Yeah. Please also bear in mind that having a nap in the afternoon is not recommended if you do one of the following jobs. Wimbledon finalist, generally an afternoon activity, hostage negotiator always keeps you up. Children's TV presenter, just don't sleep through your key shift or a bugle co-host today. That only applies to me. I only want to do it any often, if it's a major. And if I'm early evening, any time, early evening, but I'm fascinated by freelance

internet inquisitor. Just wanted to know how to play for that, I linked it. Yeah, there's got to be a gap in the market, isn't it? Alice, middle of the night, where you are, basically? Yes, yes, it's 12, 15 a.m. and I'm feeling sleepy. Top story this week. Well, it's been a week of upheaval dissatisfaction and argument around the world. So there's only one place to start. Jewish Space Laser News now and Marjorie Taylor Greene, a Republican congresswoman, has essentially claimed that Jewish Space Lasers caused wildfires in California. Alice, you are both our Jewish conspiracy correspondent and our space laser correspondent

and by Fortuna's co-incidence. Please fill us in on all the caps in this extraordinary story. Andy, this is an amazing story. It's got to do with the Republican Congresswoman, Marjorie Taylor Greene. Marjorie Taylor Greene, who puts the f***ing into f***ing hell, this woman has been granted power and authority over other people. Yes, not to judge people on how they look, but please pull up a Google image search before the next sentence. Marjorie Taylor Greene looks like a gym teacher high on a shredding supplement that was recalled

six months ago for causing intense psychological effects, but she doesn't know because she's forgotten how to read. Yes. She looks like the worst step-grandmother ever to trick a 90-year-old grandfather into marrying her on a yacht. She looks like the kind of lady who will chase down traumatized schoolchildren who survived school shootings and screaming their faces because she'd rather believe in a world where their evil act

is being paid to pretend all their friends are dead. No way, that's a real one. She looks like the kind of lady who prefers to believe where their evil actors being paid to pretend all their friends are dead. No way, that's a real one. She looks like the kind of lady who prefers to believe in Jewish space lasers because she doesn't know what else to believe when presented with the irrefutable evidence of somebody who's clearly describing lightning when they say that the California wildfires seem to be caused by, quote, blue lines coming from the sky. I mean, she's got quite extraordinary, as you say, Marjorie Taylor Green. She's attracted a much media coverage over recent times for things

like espousing support for QAnon and other crackpot cankerous conspiracy theories, accusing Hillary Clinton of murder. And as you say, pursuing a survivor of the parkland school shooting to badger him about how great guns are, bold, if nothing else, and generally proudly parading her black belt in bigotry, as well as not being able to count, or as it's known in America claiming Trump one last year's election. If it emerged this week, then in 2018 she claimed that these deadly wildfires were caused by a Jewish space laser, and aside from that being, you know, it's slightly not entirely backed up by science, and also one of the more creative ways of not blaming climate change on increased natural disasters.

The reason is that the Jewish space laser was used was to clear room for a train line. Now, I mean, let's try and get some perspective on this. Because, I mean, she didn't use the term Jewish space laser. She merely suggested that a cabal of international bankers who just happened to be Jewish had access to a solar space generator that can redirect the sun's rays from space to earth and obviously with such things accidents to happen, don't know such as fire that might clear the way for a $77 billion high speed rail link in other words,

Jewish space laser. And if I've done, have you ever seen a Jewish space laser firing over India? Every week, you know, I think we have one. But I have a question about Q and on and the fact that they've been the secret cabal. Now Andy Ellis, what I want to know is apparently one of the things, again, English is my second language, but apparently one of the things about a secret cabal is that you have to do things in secret. And apparently they blame George Soros to be the billionaire George Soros, Philanthrop,

to be the head of this group that secretly do things who also happen to be Jewish. Now if they want to secretly set up a blaze, and if an international cabal of Jewish bankers want to finance a rail project, is the best, most secret way, Andy Ellis, to be using space lasers that set up a catastrophic blaze. Would they get a slight bit of attention? Are there easier ways of secrecy, like we've learnt in India, to get your real projects approved, just do it by bribing the state legislation of what everyone overlooks?

I thought the way you built railways in India was just to allow yourself to be colonised by the British. That is correct. You do all the railways and hedges for you. That is correct. But the bribery maintains it over the next 70 years. hedges for you. That is correct. But the bribery maintains it over the next 70s. I mean, look, we all know that Jewish space layers have always had control of space and can affect things on earth. You know, it's not no great surprise to me. As a Jew, me and my people

were great with lasers. We all have them in our eyes. We just choose not to use them that much. Hashtag God's Chosen God's chosen people hashtag GCP Here's a fact 28% of all laser eye surgery is people who want to be Jewish and have misunderstood the operation If you don't believe me about the Jewish eye lasers explain this Right well now that we've dealt with the the issue of the Jewish space lasers Come on my team time to move on to the rest of the Jewish space lasers. Come on my team. Time to move on to the rest of the world's news and it's been a week of really important, quite weighty stories that we really need to address as a matter of fact. Elon Musk is making monkeys play video games.

Okay, just hold the press. Elon Musk is making monkeys play computer games. It's one of those sentences that is simultaneously, you know, totally unsurprising and gloriously idiotic. It's not even as, I, the way I said it makes it sound better than what it is. All right, okay. So this is, you know, Elon Musk, young man who thinks he can change the world with his money. I know he's not young, but he is immature and that's valid.

He, he is a man who invented and then drank from the fountain of youth and all it did was take away his ability to look at a utopian moon shot delicately balanced on the razor's edge of a brutal slide towards dystopia and go, maybe I won't boast about this to everyone. He's just come out and mention how one of his many companies has put wires into a monkey's brain and is training this monkey to play video games with its mind. Look, you can't help admiring Musk for his ambition. He basically single-handedly gave a cash boost to the incredibly expensive enterprise of hardware, prototyping and world-work. It's much easier and cheaper to stick with this rating software. Good on him. Also, if this goes well, there could be some life-saving

implications for technology. Maybe my issue with this is mainly aesthetic. Like, stop bragging about your horrible monkey brain chopping factory. Like, primate testing that's really cruel is not the slam dunk cool story, bro, that you think it is. For every one monkey happily playing pong with its mind, you've euthanized many, many other presumably less happy monkeys who don't get to spend the rest of their short lives petting your resume because they get swept under the money rug with all your other failures. So exactly, you know, just in terms of, you know, me, Alice, I'm a stickler for scientific detail. Exactly. So it was sticking, was it electrodes just like, is he like jabbing things into the skulls of monkeys or

like putting pads on the heads of of of of monk is he is he like what putting a he says specifically he describes it as not having wires poking out but being like a fit Brit that they've inserted into your brain all right okay that's different is it, that's what I need is a literal buzzing noise in the back of my head telling me I'm getting fat. Like this is the worst technology ever. That moving on from the absolutely crucial Elon Musk at Tinkers with monkeys brains to make them play games news. To, well, in many ways, the entire history of humanity

is the result of apes playing games and what greater game is there than protesting and rioting. I mean, this is why I'm not a local radio DJ. I just can't do the looks. That's movement. Anyway, protest news now and well, all over the world, protests have been now and well all over the world protests have been in protested over the past week. It's I mean it's most likely that the protests all over the world are some kind of side-effect of the Jewish space lasers that affect the alignment of cells and people's brains, making them more propensitized to be dissatisfied with the status quo and therefore protest. Or we don't know, we just we don't know, we don't know yet.

But the latest protest, just overnight, was the protest in Myanmar by the military who protested against Hong Tsang Tsushi and members of a government, a protest that took a form of a military coup. They're a very effective form of protest. You compare actually with the American protests. Claiming that Hong Tsangxushi's victory in the 2020 election in November was a fraud, a hoax that there were millions of irregularities despite no evidence being found with that bit derivative Myanmar, but the difference being the incumbent one and this coup was performed by the actual military rather than Trump's America's version of some clod-headed right wing wannabe Rambo who spent the last 15 years shooting tin cans in a forest and calling

themselves feel martial truth. So it worked more efficiently and a classic military coup. It's hard to know what to make of this. It's a hard country to understand, I think, Anuva, but Ah-Sansushi, one of the last few decades, great democratic heroes and disappointments by near of the celebrity stocation. Exactly, I mean, Nobel Peace Prize, if you remember, and I think that it does affect your stature as a leader, the darling of the liberal world.

If you come out and say you don't like a particular religious minority, I think tiny, tiny bit, it does affect your reputation. And then if you're in the middle of a genocide, when you do nothing, that again, I think, as a tiny bit does affect you. So, you know, now that there is a coup, I'd be very interested to know how many countries would jump in to save her. But I mean, of course, Almsavovsvich has shown signs of being a liberal human being, opposing her is of course the generals of Burma. I'm going to mispronounce this, but the junta, the yanta, I think they're

cool. And you know that they're probably not the most liberal of men because I can't name you a single general of Burma. They just perform as a collective. They don't go out there and say, hello, I'm John. This is David. So that is already making me a little suspicious. So I don't know what we're choosing between here. Well, I mean, look, look at An Song Suqi. She's done some of her best work when she wasn't doing anything

when she was under a house arrest. So maybe now that she's back under a house, just think the sky is the limit. Unfortunately, of course, the people mainly doing the massacring of the Rohingya Muslims were the military, so that's less good as an outcome. You know, given this is protest season, Andy Alice, you know, for the last three months, there's been quite a bit of stuff going on here in terms of shutting off the internet. And if you permit me, this is slightly long, but I'll try to do it as quickly as possible to sort of summarize the kind of protests that are going on in India for the last three months.

There's been a lot of it. I don't know if we can compete with Russia and that stuff but I think we're up there, you know. So I have to start with a bit of context. 26 January 1950, after you left Andy, by which I meet the British, was when the Constitution of India was adopted. On this day, every 26th of January, we do very weird things. Some countries may not understand, but North Korea and Stalin would get it. We basically bring out all our weapons and some of our best regiments and they march in front of a foreign-world leader and our Prime Minister. It's a thing like an ice sculpture on a cruise ship. Don't overthink

it. We call it a republic day. Now, in parallel, for a number of months, India's farmers, a lot of them from the Punjab region, where a bulk of our farms are, have been protesting against new farm laws that the government passed. Hundreds of thousands of farmers have been camping out in the cold and rain for two months before a public day, some sleeping on tractors on the outskirts of Delhi demanding these laws go. It has something to do with deregulating farm produce prices, and I googled new Indian

farm laws simplified, and I got a new and I googled new Indian farm laws simplified and I got a new story that said new Indian farm laws like all Indian laws are impossible to simplify. Here is the simplest version and it was 400 pages. By the time we got to Republic Day 11 rounds talks had failed between the government and the farmers. Now, on Republic Day, when our Prime Minister was saluting fighter planes, a group of protesting farmers marched on the Red Fort, which is in the middle of New Delhi, our capital, inspired by the capital insurgency in America and climbed it, and started waving all sorts of flags

on top of it. Interestingly, the Red Fort built by Emperor Shah Jahan in 1639 is neither a parliament nor an official government building. But it is imposing historic and a tourist site often a place for speeches and classical music concerts. It is like if a bunch of farmers marched on London and clung on top of the London eye to protest some sort of tax. As an aside, the foreign guest for our Republic Day was supposed to be Prime Minister Boris

Johnson who said that the last minute he couldn't come because the new COVID variant had made his schedule 70% more unpredictable than earlier. Anyway, the storming led to violence over 50 people died and again, inspired by the world's oldest democracy, the farmers said government infiltrators started the violence, the storming led to violence over 50 people died and again, inspired by the world's oldest democracy, the farmers said government infiltrators started the violence, the government said farmers are terrorists, fake videos circulated on WhatsApp and the BBC in its true understated fashion reported, some young radicals were slightly miffed at which the speed of their talks were proceeding which was four months.

Anarchy led to losing some public support, and the government did what any mature democracy would do, suspended mobile internet services in three areas around the capital, which is continued from Republic Day till as we speak, where farmers are now staging a hunger strike in protested the new laws, which is their latest move. It is always sensible when a government said to a protesting group, speak to us, we will listen, by first making sure they can't speak to each other.

And lastly, just to summarize, as Ali said before, here's a shout out to the hunger strike. First thought of by Gandhi as a means to confuse Churchill, so the latter was never sure whether Gandhi wanted freedom or a different cook. It has outlasted many, many things. It has outlasted the Bandoasis, the Blackberry and even the Boeing 747. Sustainability, the hunger strike is up there with rainwater harvesting. That is the current state of protest in India. Other protests around the world are well there's been writing in the Netherlands of all places

where windmills have proved to be about as effective at seeing off the virus as blustering incompetence has here in Britain. In France, there have been large protests against a new security bill banning the filming of police activities and also against the use of surveillance tools like drones and against a lack of support for the cultural sector during COVID. Protest leaders said they were, quotes, unhappy and disillusioned with the government's measures, or in the original French, new sum, très très patentant avec celui, c'est le mal, et particular, législative, de don't pass, donc le flori des législations gouvernementaires COVID-19 et sécurité effication-nose, qui se passe avec aucune de saucisson There is also been anti-lockdown protests in Ahus in Denmark. It's the Scandinavia-wide panic

about the impact of lockdown on the production schedules of Moody artistically shot crime thriller TV series. And well in Poland thousands have protested against a near total ban on abortion, which has been brought in by the government last year, under the age-old Universal Human Law that a woman's womb is a powerful man she's never met nor was certainly didn't vote for as business. It is maybe starting to look a little bit outdated. That one, Alice, what's been your favorite protest of the last week?

Well, I think I'm enjoying very much the anti-lockdown protests in France. Apparently French newspaper, the figure I found out that 60% of French people would be against another lockdown because the French love freedom, and they hate old people. That's why they still pretend cigarettes

and cake for breakfast are cool, picturesque, romantic lifestyle choices instead of a way of ensuring nobody lives past 60. That's why they still pretend cigarettes and cake for breakfast are cool, picturesque, romantic lifestyle choices instead of a way of ensuring nobody lives past 60. That's why they still pretend cigarettes and cake for breakfast are cool, picturesque, romantic lifestyle choices instead of a way of ensuring nobody lives past 60.

60. In Russia thousands of people have joined protests to demand the release of Alexei Navalny, the opposition leader who was poisoned in a botched assassination attempt, then arrested in prison because of course Putin isn't worried about him, it's just horseplay between buddies. Thousands of people have been arrested in recent weeks and now the government in Russia is taking aim at social media. They've said social media platforms are going to face fines for failing to delete posts that encourage young people to take part in opposition protests. And we've seen this as well. The role of social media in the American storming of the Bastille updating. And can we not just reach a point with social media? Can I not agree only to post stuff

from goodies, not baddies? Would that not sort everything out all over the world? I know Putin might not like it, but surely that's the way to go. I did like that one quote from Putin saying, I don't, because there was some accusation on social media from Alexei Navey saying that Putin had a palace by a lake somewhere and then a billionaire stepped up and said, that's not his palace, that's my palace. It's like the like Trump is our addition of there's a TV show called Through the Keyhole. I don't know we had here where you got to guess who who would live in a house like this was the kind of the slogan of the show.

And we've been seeing this play now, with which billionaire Strock Plutagrap Strock corrupt politician would live in a f***ing ridiculous mansion like this. Exactly, and it turns a lot about friendship. I don't have a single friend who would stand up and say, that palaces mine if I was ever in trouble. Need better friends. Yeah.

Here in London, protesters have been trying to stop the HS2 rail line. Stroke governmental vanity project. Stroke wrong solutions to the wrong problem. Stroke noble scheme to perk up some dull countryside with something fast and shiny. Stroke 10 Olympics worth of chew, chew drains. That, looks like we should have spent it on 10 more Olympics is given that it's become glaringly apparent over the past year that business people don't need to get from London to Birmingham, 20 minutes quicker, if they have access to the internet. Well done for taking just the 20 odd years to work that out. The protestors have done so by

building a secret tunnel to prevent themselves from being evicted from a protest camp outside Houston station fighting tunneling with tunneling. It's got a lot of bospicially satirical statement. The campaign group alleges HS2 is, quote, the most expensive, wasteful and destructive project in UK history, which is a big claim. I'm not sure it's even the most expensive, wasteful and destructive project going on in the UK right now. The protest has claimed that the HS2 line will destroy or irreparably damage 108 ancient woodlands and 693 wildlife sites. And supporters of the scheme have replied, Whoosh! Whoosh! 20 minutes quicker. The ridiculous world of big money news now and, well, sensational news in the stock market values of computer games companies in America, Alice, and in fact, you used to write about economics. I'm hoping between the

two of you, you can explain this to me, because although obviously I am a published economic author from my book from 2008, which no doubt festoons all of your toilets, buglers, I'm, there's still a few gaps in my knowledge of how the international markets work. And this story is completely extraordinary, isn't it? It's basically the sound you can hear whenever this is on the news, that kind of ruffling noise. That's the sound of 17th century Dutch tulips turning in their graves. Look, Andy, I would love to explain this whole scenario to you, but I don't want to get in the way of the hundreds of smart young men who are tumbling over themselves in a desperate attempt to explain this in the way that we'll get the most shares and likes online.

Really, January was just a premium month for young men who love explaining the stock market, and it would feel cruel to take this away from them. The one time we're actually interested. Alice is absolutely right. You know, all I've learned from venture capitalists on podcasts over the last month is that none of them allow the other one to finish a sentence. They may have a billion dollars in Uber, but they don't have to do this. But, but look, just very quickly, this is a very spiritual moment for me, because this is where I get to explain to my two friends if I have permission what short selling is and if you asked Anavabhadej of 20 would the

world short selling and bugle ever come together? I'll tell you no. But I will explain this hopefully in bugle terms. So let us say Andy you are the owner of bugle enterprises, a shop that sells trumpets and bugles in Islington. And Alice, you are the head of AR Frazier and daughters, the world's largest hedge fund, which is very with it. So you come to me, I'm running Paul Capital.

It's a brokerage, I run a brokerage, which means you can trade on my website. And you borrow, this is legal. You borrow one share of Google and you sell it for 10 pounds. So Alice, now you have 10 pounds, right? But you have to either pay me or give me my share back because you have borrowed one share.

Instead, what you start doing, again this is legal, you start spreading rumors about the end of trumpets. You start tweeting about who would want to buy a wind instrument in a pandemic and why Andy runs a terrible trumpet in Bugle Shop that no one should ever visit and the price of the stock falls to two pounds. What you do now is you buy that stock for two pounds and you return me my stock and you have made a profit of eight pounds. Now, this is short selling. The way I always thought about it is where you get where we have stock and you squeeze until the shorter. Yeah, that is a short squeeze. Of a short, yeah,

because I was reading about the short squeeze, which I think this whole thing basically just come up because people are so desperate for anything that sounds like a hug during lockdown. Yes, yes. And they've gone for the short, and the result is a $25 billion bubble, basically the most expensive prank in human history.

That's correct. Now, I thought short squeezes had to do with you doing your kegels. Ha, ha, ha, ha. They do. It just works slightly differently for hedge funds, human history. That's correct. Now short squeezes had to do with you doing your kagels. They do. It just works slightly differently for hedge funds like AR Asia and Dota's. And I'll tell you, I'll tell you very quickly what happened in this instance. What happened this instance is for years and years Alice, you've made your eight pounds, right? And you've made billions of dollars from trumpet companies. Now, suddenly in the middle of this, our friend Ross, who runs mother Theresa investments, a YouTube channel that gives the

common man stock tips, sees what you're doing Alice, right? And suddenly decides to counter your rumors about trumpets on his own YouTube videos, live streams, tweets and bands together, other Samaritans, and instead of the stock going to two pounds, it goes to a thousand pounds. So now Alice, you borrowed the stock from me for ten pounds, but you are now at a loss of nine hundred and ninety eight pounds. And you still have to return me my stock, but you have to now pay nine hundred and ninety eight pounds. I'm so excited to be doing this.

There's not a single joke in here. 998 pounds that you have to return to me. So you suddenly go nuts and you say, Ross, you can't do this. This is illegal. You can't do this. Ross says, I absolutely can. I believe in trumpets.

I believe in Andy. And suddenly, I, Paul Capital, come to you, Ross and say, sorry, you are no longer allowed to trade on my website because I get commissions from Alice and because Alice is a billionaire, she takes care of me, she feeds me, she comes all day, I cannot allow you to trade anymore. And then, Ross said, this is not right. I can't just not be allowed to not buy. And that's what happened with GameStop. Is common people stormed the Bastille. They went to hedge funds like AR for Asian and Dottas and said, you want to drive a stock

down, we'll drive it up. So the hedge fund now has to pay the difference. And the higher the stock goes, the more you you have to pay Alice and that's a short squeeze Let us now not forget what's happened right now And let's not forget what happened Andy Andy the trumpet salesman is suddenly worth two billion dollars Even though he hasn't even opened his shop and he hasn't even sold a single trumpet and even though he hasn't even opened his shop and he hasn't even sold a single trumpet. And in a week, not one thing has happened to the real company, but he's gone from two pounds. I've messed up all my currencies explaining this. I've used three of all different currencies.

I made a memory of you at the point. It goes to two pounds to 998 pounds. So Andy becomes a pauper and a billionaire and he's done nothing. He's just working up, handed our jeeling tea, opened his shop and sold one trumpet. Well, I mean, it all starts to make sense. I mean, I guess the conclusion from all this is humans are a f***ing idiotic species. I think that's really the only positive conclusion.

In other ridiculous money news, good news this week, well at least you know someone says it's not all doom and gloom when it comes to Covid around the world. According to Oxfam, the world's 10 richest men are doing really well. So we can all take some pride in their success. They can buy in wealth has risen by £400 billion, £540 billion US dollars during the pandemic. Anoxvam claims this amount would be enough to prevent the world from falling into poverty because of Covid and pay for vaccines for everyone. Don't do that yet, Oxvam. We've still got to beat Europe in our vaccine race. We've taken an early lead and this is the only thing that can justify Brexit to Britain now

is beating Europe at vaccines. We are absolutely on top right now. Alice, do you think this is something that I mean, I mean, each of us can take a bit of personal pride in helping this beleaguered minority. Yeah, well, I think it's nice when you hear that they could change things if they wanted to. That way out is possible from the current horrifying worldwide crisis. If these men can just open their hearts to the prospect of deflating their wealth balloons at the very apex of this stratospheric masturbation, because it's nice to think about when it's

definitely not going to happen. People wonder why women love romance narratives so much, where a deeply toxic and wealthy man learns through the power of pussy to value the love of a good woman and is redeemed into the model of a family man. We know it's fantasy that he could ever value, you know, family and warmth and love more than he values his business or Lordship or whatever. We can't help hoping that one day we'll meet a man who will think with his dick in the right direction, even in our wildest fantasy, we can't take the dickful thinking out of the picture. But come on, you can only suspend disbelief about the motives of a Greek billionaire lord with a ghost in his castle, a certain amount. Then it's to be some sort to reality.

It's been no one had been exciting week for for the super super wealthy. They've had their annual World Economic Forum meeting which usually takes place in the luxury ski resort of Davos in Switzerland. They've had to do it online. It's been described as disappointingly non-luxurious and close. No one near as much fun as literally rolling around naked in a pit of gold giggling. At Davos, these extraordinary words were spoken and bugles. I'll set you a little multiple choice quiz here. Who said these words at last week's online Davos conference? Let the torch of multilateralism light up humanity's way forward. Inspiring words, but who said them? Was it a snooker commentator, Dennis Taylor? Was it B, Mexican drug lord and cartel chief executive,

Ismail Elmayo Garcia? Was it C, Nobel Peace Prize winner Malala Yusuf Sy? Was it D, a hologram of prominent alleged Christian Messiah Jesus Christ or was it the genocide fan Xi Jinping? Send your answers on whatever you want to yourself. It was in fact, in fact, ben's down Xi Jinping. Well, well done to the Chinese President for keeping a straight face during that one. A quick bit of COVID news, the big COVID story here in Britain, this week has been the, well, the vaccine spat between the EU and the UK, manufacturing issues at AstraZeneca, led to a rather unseemly argument between

the celebrity pharmaceutical firm, best known for smash hit medical treatments such as the Symbicort Turbo Hala, the sodium glucose co-transporter to inhibitor Foxeger and of course the chart topping Oxford AstraZeneca vaccine. They've been having an argument with the continental, you're now trading block and former UK sidekick the European Union who want to steal the needles out of our British arms or get what they thought they'd ordered. It's, I mean, this is sort of vaccine nationalism, which it could cost according to a report in the international Chamber of Commerce, could cost the world $9 trillion. And this is failing to ensure vaccine access for all countries, including developing countries around the world,

to enable the world to recover together. It could cost the global economy $9 trillion. But the question here in Britain is, isn't that a price worth paying for fucking beating Germany? It's something we want to get in. Come on, Team GB. Also, you know, I'm noticing a lot of efficacy data guiding what sort of vaccine you should take.

Someone says Moderna is at 95%. AstraZeneca 66. There's a novel Vax out now, which is one dose, but it's 60%. Now, this is why I think India is a world leader, because we had a vaccine called Bharat Biotek that came out even before the efficacy results were out. So, you know, we went essentially with Orrin Squash instead of the vaccine, but the thing is, anyone can get results and then say it's 66% effective. Why not inject the person a whole billion people and then see what the results come out to be? You know, I just, I'm not sure if this Western approach I'd only agree with. Fair enough, I think. Also in Britain we've finally got around to imposing quarantine regulations.

People coming from 30, particularly co-videos countries, will not have to quarantine for 10 days here in Britain. I've either of you ever forgotten to do something for almost a year after you obviously should have done it. It's, I mean, the quarantine, I mean, Alice, you quarantined in Australia almost a year ago. Or at least. Yeah, I came back in March 2020 and I went to do a 14 day compulsory lockdown. It was before we had hotel quarantine, but we had to get it. I had to pay for an Airbnb for two weeks. And there were put, there was a police car outside of my window the whole time. Actually, they weren't there for me. They were there because there was a murder upstairs who they rested towards the end of my stay, but it did keep me indoors. I was very compliant. So I guess we don't want to rush into things. Like quarantine, because we've got to, because I mean, it went disastrously badly for Australia,

clearly. As discussed, the quarantining arrivals from overseas scheme was trialled over the past year in countries with either an oppressively controlling regime or a functioning brain, but But quite full square enough, in theory, those categories. If successful in Britain, the scheme will be back dated one year to when it was originally supposed to be implemented, before, unfortunately, another post, it notes, not fully, the post,

in other words, obviously don't just let people in from all over the place with absolutely no safeguards apart from a polite request, not just spread too much virus, if it's not too much trouble, fell off the Downing Street fridge and was eaten by a hungry Dominic Rob who must took it for a print. Well that brings us to the end of this week's this week's bugle do bugle as be very careful of any Jewish space lasers in your local area please report them to the bugleers be very careful of any Jewish space lasers in your local area? Please report them to the bugle as soon as possible and I'll just make a few calls because you know we do that

and just make sure that you get away with it. Alice, any shows to alert? Are listeners too? So many shows to alert the listeners too. I'm going to be doing the Melbourne International Comedy Festival unless it gets cancelled which it will and also the last post is beginning a season two, a monthly season two and there's one episode out already so go over there and if you couldn't stomach listening to one a day there will now be one a month. one a day there will now be one a month. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha can tell I'm saying these words as I'm reading them off of paper because I don't know the meaning of how these words. I mean, we have 6 pm. So if people from any country that both of you are in or anyone, anywhere, really, want to send us conundrums because that's what we try and answer. We'll do that.

It's a 6 pm for the February, India time. But the one very important thing I just wanted to tell you Andy analysis is that that's what's making me very excited this week. What's making me very excited this week is that the blue pigment that was discovered 200 years ago is finally available for sale and it's called Yimmin blue and I've just bought some. That's my big announce rise. Thanks to Anivab and Alice, thanks to Ross for stepping into Chris's shoes again this week. And we will now play you out with some lies about our premium level voluntary subscribers

to join them and make a regular or one-off contribution to keep the bugle flourishing and independent go to buglepodcast.com and click the donate button. Tony Frey is not sold on the famous slogan of sportswear mega-corp Nike. Tony argues, but just do it is in my book extremely bad advice whether launching a polar expedition, doing a science experiment, making a big budget film, launching a rocket or whatever other project you're working on. It generally pays to do some advanced planning, logistical feasibility checks and above all, some practice before, as Nike say, doing it. Alessandro Maconville can curse and adds that the slogan is particularly inappropriate for

a sportswear company. Alessandro explains, in sports, if just do it was such good advice, then sports stars wouldn't need coaches, managers, nutritionists, psychologists, data analysts, physiotherapists, high tech training facilities, or performance enhancing drugs, would they? And they certainly wouldn't need special shoes with rocket springs in the souls. They wouldn't need those, would they? Nike Stuart Clemenson has disliked jobs that end with the syllable ear ever since a game of scrabble some years ago, in which he was left with the letters SAE and R at the

end of the game, and slapped him down triumphantly on either end of the word usage to make the word sausageier. Stuart Recalls, I assumed that someone who works with sausages to a professional level would be called a sausageier, like a chariotier works with chariots, an auctionier works at auctions, and a bioengineer works with bioengine. Daniel Field does not like the idea of being blessed with infinite cunning, although he admits he was tempted when offered that gift by a genie after accidentally rubbing a lamp at an antiques fair. You can have too much of a good thing, explicate Daniel. I think after a few highly enjoyable months, the novelty would wear off, and I'd want to be able to just enjoy stuff for what it is, rather than constantly plotting out some scheme to make money from it, or

an intricate plan to spoil someone else's enjoyment. Avie Greenbury agrees with Daniel's theory of the diminishing satisfaction of cunning, having observed foxes whilst they work. They're supposed to be the absolute exemplar of cunning, says Avie, but the ones where I live just lounge around rifling through people's bins. If they were all that, cunning they'd have formulated a scheme to get fresh food delivered to them for free. But instead they clearly enjoyed a simple life and the taste of five-day-old leftover chicken, the weirdos. James Grant was once told at a work briefing to see if he could find a happy medium, a phrase with which he was at the time unfamiliar. He returned off an unusually long lunch break at a nearby fairground with Claire Boyant, the self-proclaimed most jovial psychic in the world,

who absolutely loves her work as a spiritual medium and can natter with people's long dead relatives for hours and hours and never charges over time. James was surprised to be awarded a promotion. It turned out the happy medium he had been asked to find was someone between a devil worshipping necromancer and a telephone receptionist. And finally, someone who goes by the name of Mugly Womple often wonders how different the history of Europe would have been if the ancient Romans had had motorbikes. It could have gone either way I reckon theorises Muggy. It might have enabled them to zip around their empire faster, especially with their high quality roads. But alternatively, they might have thrown all day cruising around Rome, honking their horns at each other and trying to impress women. We just don't know. But motorbikes versus those charrots with knives on the wheels in the

circus maximus, yes please. Here end if this week's lies, goodbye.