The Catechism in a Year (with Fr. Mike Schmitz) - Day 225: Total Fidelity in Marriage (2024)

Episode Date: August 12, 2024

“Love seeks to be definitive,” the Catechism tells us in this section on marital fidelity. The faithfulness of husband and wife in the sacrament of Matrimony is a sign of God’s irrevocable covenant with humanity. This fidelity is both beautiful and challenging. Fr. Mike addresses painful separation and divorce situations and how the whole ecclesial community should respond with truthful love. Today’s readings are Catechism paragraphs 1646 through 1651. This episode has been found to be in conformity with the Catechism by the Institute on the Catechism, under the Subcommittee on the Catechism, USCCB. For the complete reading plan, visit ascensionpress.com/ciy Please note: The Catechism of the Catholic Church contains adult themes that may not be suitable for children - parental discretion is advised.

Hi, my name is Father Mike Schmitz and you're listening to the Catechism in a Year podcast, where we encounter God's plan of sheer goodness for us, revealed in scripture and passed down through the tradition of the Catholic faith. The Catechism in a Year is brought to you by Ascension. In 365 days, we'll read through the Catechism of the Catholic Church, discovering our identity in God's family. As we journey together toward our heavenly home, this is day 225. We're reading paragraphs 1646 to 1651.

As always, I'm using the Ascension edition of the Catechism, which includes the Foundations of Faith approach. But you can follow along with any recent version of the Catechism of the Catholic Church. You can also download your own Catechism in your reading plan by visiting ascensionpress.com slash C-I-Y. I don't know if you know about this, but Ascension is the world's leader in Catholic faith formation. That's just one of the taglines that came to me right now.

And also lastly, you can click follow or subscribe in your podcast app for daily updates and daily notifications. If anyone else is out of breath right now, that's two of us because I don't know why. I just got excited about day 225. Not that I say, well, gosh, okay. It's exciting because it's beautiful.

We get to talk in paragraph 1646 through 1651 about the fidelity of conjugal love. Remember, we started talking about what are the effects of the sacrament of matrimony, and then what are the goods and requirements of conjugal love? So yesterday we talked about those four marks of God's love. God's love is always free, it's always total,

it's always faithful, it's always fruitful. This section today, we're talking about the fidelity of conjugal love like that that Sense that when you enter into marriage when one enters into a covenant of any kind Covenant is a call to faithfulness. It is it's called a permanence and in fact 1646 says by its very nature conjugal love requires the inviolable Fidelity of the spouses that faithfulness And so we're gonna talk about this because we're talking about faithfulness,

we have both, right, the two edges of this sword, that the goodness of how good this is, that so many people are called to marriage, are called to that faithfulness, but also at the same time, how challenging faithfulness is, how challenging it is to be faithful on one's own part when their spouse has not been faithful. I mean, all those issues, right,

that we're gonna talk about those a little bit today, but this is, and this is part of our faith. This is part of what Jesus has given to us. And it's, and keeping this in mind sometimes, once again, when we're going through the catechism, it's like, well, this is what the church teaches as opposed to this is what God teaches. They're one and the same. We have to keep that in mind that the teaching of the church is the teaching

of the Lord that we know this, that in mind. That the teaching of the church is the teaching of the Lord. That we know this. That if Jesus established his church, which we know he did, if Jesus gave the Holy Spirit to guide the apostles into all truth, which we know he did, if Jesus continues to be the source of and gives us the Holy Spirit as that guide, which we know he did, then the teaching of the church is the teaching of the teaching of the church is the teaching of the teaching of the Lord. And so knowing that, knowing that this is both an incredible gift, faithfulness, but also incredible challenge, also incredible pain point for so many people's people in their lives and their marriages.

We just ask the Lord to be with us today. So let's pray. Father in heaven, we thank you, give you praise, we give you glory. We honor you this day and we ask that you please console us as we continue to learn more about what it is to have, what are the goods of married love? What are the requirements of married love? But don't just console us Lord, your Holy Spirit consoles

but your Holy Spirit also convicts. And so we ask you to please convict us as well. Convict us in truth, call Call us to be yours not partially but fully because Lord you have covenanted yourself to us fully and even when we are unfaithful you are absolutely faithful So be with us now console us and convict us but above all be with us in Jesus name We pray amen in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen. This is day 225 of reading paragraphs 1646 to 1651.

The Fidelity of Conjugal Love By its very nature, conjugal love requires the inviolable fidelity of the spouses. This is the consequence of the gift of themselves which they make to each other. Love seeks to be definitive. It cannot be an arrangement until further notice. The intimate union of marriage as a mutual giving of two persons and the good of the children demand total fidelity from the spouses and require an unbreakable union between them. The deepest reason is found in the fidelity of God to His covenant, in that of Christ to His Church. Through the sacrament of matrimony, the spouses are enabled to represent this fidelity and witness to it. Through the sacrament, the indissolubility of marriage receives a

new and deeper meaning. It can seem difficult, even impossible, to bind oneself for life to another human being. This makes it all the more important to proclaim the good news that God loves us with a definitive and irrevocable love, that married couples share in this love, that it supports and sustains them, and that by their own faithfulness they can be witnesses to God's faithful love. Spouses who with God's grace give this witness, often in very difficult conditions, deserve the gratitude and support of the ecclesial community. Yet there are some situations in which living together becomes practically impossible for

a variety of reasons. In such cases, the Church permits the physical separation of the couple, and they're living apart. The spouses do not cease to be husband and wife before God, and so are not free to contract a new union. In this difficult situation, the best solution would be, if possible, reconciliation. The Christian community is called to help these persons live out their situation in a Christian manner and infidelity to their marriage bond, which remains indissoluble. Today, there are numerous Catholics

in many countries who have recourse to civil divorce and contract new civil unions. Infidelity to the words of Jesus Christ, who said, "...whoever divorces his wife and marries another, commits adultery against her, and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery." The Church maintains that a new union cannot be recognized as valid if the first marriage was. If the divorce are remarried civilly, they find themselves in a situation that objectively

contravenes God's law. Consequently, they cannot receive Eucharistic communion as long as this situation persists. For the same reason, they cannot exercise certain ecclesial responsibilities. Reconciliation through the sacrament of penance can be granted only to those who have repented for having violated the sign of the covenant and of fidelity to Christ and who are committed to living in complete continence. Toward Christians who live in this situation and who often keep the faith and desire to bring up their children in a Christian manner, priests and the whole community must manifest an attentive solicitude so that they do not consider themselves

Separated from the church in whose life they can and must participate as baptized persons They should be encouraged to listen to the Word of God To attend at the sacrifice of the mass to persevere in prayer to contribute to the works of charity and to community efforts for justice To bring up their children in the Christian faith, to cultivate the spirit and practice of penance and thus implore day by day God's grace. Okay, there we have it. It is day 225, paragraph 1646 to 1651. A challenge, right? It is the challenge of fidelity. And so let's begin at the beginning which is so important in paragraph 16 46 and following We recognize that in marriage fidelity faithfulness is essential

In fact, not even not just even for faithfulness is the promise of faithfulness the expectation of faithfulness And you know again this teaching of the church right which is the teaching of the Lord as we said this teaching of the church is People can be mad at it, obviously. The teaching of Jesus, people can be mad at it. But it goes on, it says here, love seeks to be definitive. That's what love wants, right? It can not, he says, I love this line, he says, it's the third sentence in today's reading.

Love seeks to be definitive. It cannot be an arrangement until further notice. So GK Chesterton, who was a Catholic back in the day, but you know, a hundred plus years ago, give or take, he was an atheist who became a Catholic. And, and he, at one point he said something along these lines. He said, people can get so mad at the church because the church demands that they promise forever when they get married. The hymn he said, that's strange. He said, that's what love wants to do.

Let's go back to this. People get so mad that the church demands that you promise forever when you get married. But he said, that's what love wants to do. Love wants to promise forever. In fact, I always go over this with our couples as we talk about covenant, as we talk about fidelity in marriage.

I say that, if my couples came in to visit me, my couples, not my couples, the couples who aren't going through marriage preparation came in to visit me and I said okay on the first meeting well you guys I'm glad you're here we have these three kinds of vows we have the we have the three-year vows we have the sit seven-year vows and the forever vows so don't make any big decisions right now but you don't take these three different sets of vows the three-year vows the seven-year vows and the forever vows you know talk about

them with each other pray about them and let me know which ones you want if one of the two people were to say you know that's I like those seven-year vows and the forever vows, you know, talk about them with each other, pray about them, and let me know which ones you want. If one of the two people were to say, you know, that's, I like those seven year vows, the other person would be, would be mad, rightfully so. In that sense of like, I always say, it's not like, okay, I want to give you my twenties or I want to give you my thirties. It's I want to give you my life. And if you're not going to be around for life, then I've been, I'm leaving. I'm like, if you're not going to give, if you're not going to promise promise me forever Then don't even promise me today. In fact, that's what John Paul the second had once said He said for those who do not promise to love each other forever They will find it very difficult to truly love one another for even one day I hope that makes sense to all of us if if we do not promise to love forever

We don't even try to love each other forever. It'll be very impossible to truly love the other person for even one day. Why? Because love seeks to be definitive. That sense of you and none other until death. Not you and none other until I get bored. You and none other until, again, as it says, until further notice. But the intimate union of marriage, as it says here in 1646, as the mutual giving of two persons and the good of the children demands total fidelity from the spouses and require an unbreakable union between them. In doing that, they are giving witness

to who God is in this world. I mean, and that can be done in so many ways, right? It can be done in the glorious, beautiful way of just look at that couple there. They love each other so well through thick and through thin, for good and through bad, through sickness and health. And it can be done in a difficult way too of, look at this couple, here this person,

the one spouse is taking the other one back even after the other one walked away. I mean, I can't imagine that pain. I can't imagine the rupture, the break of that trust. But I have seen, I got to tell you, I have seen couples. In fact, I met with a couple relatively recently and that's part of their story. Part of their story was infidelity.

Part of their story is broken promises. Part of their story is broken faithfulness. But to see them the last day I saw them, to see the way they looked at each other. God had restored so much trust in their lives. God had restored so much goodness in their lives. They were living in the embodiment of Jesus Christ and His church. Because listen, this is not necessarily I'm not telling, I don't mean to tell you, listen, but just listen. Here we are as the church and we are so unfaithful. And yet what does Jesus do? He continues to take us back.

In the book of the prophet Hosea, what's the whole story? The whole story is God tells the prophet Hosea, he says, okay, go and marry Gomer, the prostitute, knowing that she's going to be unfaithful to you, but marry her, knowing that she's gonna be unfaithful to you so that you can be a sign of my faithful love in the midst of an unfaithful lover. And so that's, I mean, so many ways.

And again, I talk about it like this, as if I talk about it right now, and it might even sound like, it might sound like I don't understand how painful, how seemingly impossible. In fact, that's what 1648 says. It can seem difficult, even impossible, to bind oneself for life to another human being.

I love how he says, okay, yeah, sure it does. 1648. This makes it all the more important to proclaim the good news that God loves us with a definitive and irrevocable love. That married couples share in this love, that it supports and sustains them, and that by their own faithfulness, they can be witnesses to God's faithful love. And so important. Now, remember, remember, this is marriage is God's gift, and marriage in the Lord is God's gift. But we still live under the regime of sin. And because of this, paragraph 1649 highlights the fact that, yet there are some situations in which living together becomes practically impossible for a number of reasons. There can be violence, and that would be practically impossible to make,

it would, it would not practically impossible to make it would, it would not be good to make someone stay where they were in danger or where the children are in danger. And it's not physical violence. There could be emotional mental mental violence, right? There also can be situations where here is this, this couple has to separate physically because of, you know, financial damaging financially damaging each other. And again, there, man, we, man, we can be so mean to each other. And we can be so mean to the people that we promised to love forever.

So the church understands that there are some situations where living together becomes practically impossible. And in those cases, the church permits physical separation of the couple and they're living apart. And yet at the same time, we recognize that that doesn't mean they're not husband and wife anymore. They are still husband and wife. They are husband and wife until the day that one of them dies. Unless the church gives

that declaration of nullity, recognizing that, yeah, there's this sacrament of matrimony was never the case. There was some kind of impediment when we talked about that already. There was some kind of obstacle that got in the way that prevented marriage from happening in the very first place. People don't talk about this as much. I already mentioned it briefly a few minutes ago, but the church hopes for reconciliation in some of these cases, right? And again, please, you know situations where you would say, oh, no, no, no, please never go back. I know you know situations where you would advise that person who got themselves safe finally.

Like, no, never go back. And I get that, I understand that. There are situations where going back would not be a good idea. But there are some situations where that as an option should be considered. Again, I'm not saying all situations and please I invite you to take everything I'm saying,

not with a grain of salt, but with the benefit of the doubt, right? In that sense that I understand that there are situations where no, going back would not be wise. And there are situations where going back would be the most heroic thing a person could do. I don't know, that might not be your situation. So again, again, benefit of the doubt here.

Nonetheless, the church recognizes that each person is called to continually live out their vocation. And so even if a husband and wife are no longer living in the same place, they're not free to go, they're not free to date. They're not free to pursue another relationship. Again, that's the heaviness, that's the heaviness

of what it is to be married. That there might be some reason why we have to separate or even in paragraph 1650, to get civil divorce. But even in those situations, I'm not free to contract a new civil union. I'm not free to attempt marriage with someone else. Again, why? Not because the church is being an ogre, but because Jesus Christ has

said that that is impossible. Jesus Christ has said so clearly in three of the gospels, Jesus makes this so clear that whoever divorces their wife and marries another commits adultery. And if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery. So we just recognize this, that, and because of that, and so, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, because what that means, right, of course, it means that if someone's divorced and married, they cannot receive Holy Communion. They can't go to confession and receive absolution unless they have decided that they've repented for having violated the sign of the covenant

and they're committed to living in complete continence. Now this is one of the most painful times I've ever, I've been a priest, I have to tell you. And it's not my pain, it is my pain, but it's the pain of couples who finally got to, pluck up the courage to say, okay, I'm gonna go to confession finally after however many years. And they go to confession,

and one of the things they mention is that they've been divorced and they've been remarried outside the church. And one of the things that I have to, I have, have to communicate is the teaching of Jesus is that a person cannot be absolved until they determine that either they're going to separate or they're going to live as brother and sister. And again, that can seem like a excessive demand placed on couples, but I

Don't know. It's just it seems also when you understand the beauty and the dignity the reality of marriage It's not an excessive command. It's it's part of the risk, right? It's it's part of the risk of Marrying and that's that's the thing. I Mean again, it's heavy right marriage the the promise for faithfulness the promise to openness to life. We're talking about tomorrow That is that's it's heavy, but at the same time, realize that if you're married, there was a moment when you said, this person, or even realized, you know,

this person looking at you on your wedding day, they trusted you enough to be willing to risk the rest of their life for the chance to be your spouse. And you looking at them, you trusted them enough that they were willing to risk the rest of their life for the chance to be your spouse. This is, again, there's consequences. There's a burden, there's a heaviness,

but also there's so much beauty to realize that someone was willing to risk forever for you and you were willing to risk forever for them. And that's something so powerful. Now, even if a couple finds themselves in a place of divorce, even if they find themselves in a place of remarriage, they're invited, they're they're commanded. I don't know if that's the right word to say, but they are called to continue to keep the faith.

And they continue to raise their children in the Catholic Church and priests and the whole community. We have to do what we can to help them out. And again, that's so hard. And again, if you are someone who's been divorced or someone who's been divorced and remarried and you've gone to your church and it's like, hey, we can't help you, I'm so sorry.

Because I think in so many ways we're not suited for that. We're not equipped for that. And yet we're called to it too. So what can you do? Well, the church says here clearly, if you've been divorced, only divorced, you can still participate in the sacraments, right? Because you haven't done anything wrong,

at least with regard to being in a state where you would be unable to receive Holy Communion. If you're divorced, you can go to confession and continue to live the life of the sacraments. It's when one gets divorced and remarried that they're unable to participate in the sacraments of Holy Communion or the sacrament of reconciliation. At the same time, everyone, it says here, should be encouraged to listen to the Word of God, to attend the sacrifice of the Mass, still go to Mass, and still offer up the sacrifice, to persevere in prayer encouraged to listen to the word of God, to attend the sacrifice of the mass, still go to mass, and still offer up the sacrifice, to persevere in prayer, to contribute to the works

of charity and community efforts for justice, to bring up your children in the Christian faith, to cultivate a spirit in practice of penance, and thus implore day by day God's grace. Because God has not abandoned you. In fact, if this is part of your story, we recognize that as long as your heart is beating, as long as you're breathing, your story is not over yet.

And there's always a chance to repent until the very end. There's always a chance to say, okay, God, what do you want me to do in this moment? Again, that's always the question. That's always the prayer. God, what do you want me to do in this moment? How are you calling me to take that step forward now? And again, I know this is hard.

This is a heavy, heavy day. It's a beautiful day, but it's a challenging day. Because of that, I know every one of us needs God's grace. Because there's not one of us whose life hasn't been touched by divorce. There's also not one of us whose life hasn't been touched by love. And so we pray.

I am praying for you. Please pray for me. My name is Father Mike. I cannot wait to see you tomorrow. God bless.