The Commercial Break - 96.7 The Girth

Episode Date: May 8, 2024

We may be in the wrong industry, but do you think we could make some cash dunking Bryan in a dunk tank online? Some light insta stalking Bryan’s radio start 96.7 The Legend The Facebook algorithm People you may know… Unboxing the BAG Bryan should do a dunk tank on an ig live Bryan the stage dad Prostate meds unboxing coming up! Bryan, your jealousy is showing… The Girth Master? A real life coke can Let your kids make their own decisions Girth Master 2: Return of The Girth Master LINKS: Send us show ideas, comments, questions or concerns by texting us   212.433.3TCB text or leave us a voicemail Watch TCB on YouTube Creator: Bryan Green Co-Host: Bryan Green Co-Host: Krissy Hoadley Producer: Christina A.  Producer: Gustavo B.  Download & Listen on the Audacy app To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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When my kid comes to me at 18, 19, 20 years old and says, I'm not going to college, but what I would like to do is take the incredible talents and gifts that God has given me and I want to go out there and show the world what I can do. I think it would be hard as a parent not to say, you know what? In this situation, I have to agree with you, son. I have thought since the day that you came out of Mommy's Woohoo that you were a special kind of kid with a big old fucking dick and you should go out there and make a living doing that. The next episode of the Commercial Break starts now.

It's so dirty in the morning! Oh yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the Commercial Break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the beanie baby of this show, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best of you, Kristen. Best of you, Brian. And best of you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us.

Another fantastic episode of the commercial break on deck for you. I'm not sure when that'll happen, but just stay tuned. It's in the queue. It's somewhere coming up in the future. We got a rather naughty little text message from someone on one of our old phone lines. Remember, we've had 12 phone lines.

Yes, we have. Yes. And they said, been listening for a while, just waiting for the funny to catch up. And I was like, oh, fuck you. But I couldn't. Thanks for listening. Yeah, thanks for listening, that's what I said. I said, thanks for listening.

It'll be here soon, don't you worry about it. Don't you worry about it. Leslie Liao, our guest this week, what a brilliant young comic she is. And I was just doing a little Google search because I like to, you know, internet stalk our guests because having them on the show, I like to follow them around.

Just praying that they'll give us that Instagram follow we so desperately need. And Leslie's all over. She's all over. LA Times, Dateline, Hollywood Reporter. She's huge right now. Sydney Telegraph. She's all over. LA Times, Dateline, Hollywood Reporter. She's huge right now. Sydney Telegraph, she's all over the place. Good for her.

Yeah, that story of being a HR manager turned stand-up comic and then doing a special for the company you were working for is actually quite an amazing story. I do have to say. It really is. I would like to make some parody between my getting on air at 94, know, 94, what, what, no, not 94, but 96.7, the legend in the greater Southwest Atlanta area.

Country classics. Country classics. Man, did I love that. I did. What's going on with my microphone? I don't know. I'm so sorry, but it keeps popping in and out. I wonder, it just seems finicky.

Maybe it doesn't even like me anymore. Maybe it's also waiting for the funny to show up. Like, just stop. I felt so good about doing those, that like, as soon as they let me in that studio, and Lance, if you remember Lance, was teaching me how to do the, like, you know, hit the post quote unquote. Run the boards. Run the boards, hit the post, make it sound professional. I mean, he did end up, he really

did not have to give me much tutoring. And even he said so, he's post, make it sound professional. I mean, he really did not have to give me much tutoring. And even he said so. He's like, you're kind of a natural there. And I was like, great, I have a future in talking in and out of classic country songs all over this great country. Or at least just a tiny little part of the Atlanta area. I'll be in Chattanooga, Tennessee doing the morning show in no time. Watch out. And then, okay, so here, so this will lead to a story. Ready? Storytime with Brian. So, for those of you who haven't heard this story, Chrissy and I worked at a radio conglomerate,

like the largest in the country. And that's how we met. We've started working there basically around the same time. And the reason why I got the job at the radio station was not because I was particularly enthralled with radio stations or the business side of radio. It was because I thought they were going to somehow put me on air. But when I showed up to like this blind interview, I had no idea what I was going in for. I thought I was going to go to be on air. And even I made my resume, I beefed it up with some things I thought might be pertinent to on air. You did? I did, yes. Because I had been on another radio station in Atlanta for like three days,

right? Okay. I didn't know that part. So, but when I walked in, what I realized by all of the people sitting around in these cubicles was I was going to be nowhere near the microphones of this radio station or any of the radio stations in the building. This lady wanted me to be on the sales side of things. And we agreed that it just wasn't a good fit. Like, I didn't want to do radio sales.

Three months after I went in for that interview, I'm at a Target here in Atlanta and that same lady who interviewed me, I wish I could remember her damn name, I'd give her a thank you, that same lady who had interviewed me is all of a sudden, she's like running up to me, Brian, Brian Gregory, Brian Greenback, Brian Greenwald, what's your last name? And I'm like, Green. And she's like, I have been looking for your resume everywhere. Why? Because we're starting this new division at the company for streaming radio. It's going to be all our stations are going to be on the interwebs. And we need somebody with your experience because I had had experience in internet marketing and selling advertising online. She said, we need experience.

We need people who can even pretend to understand what's going on here. And I've been looking, I remembered you, but I couldn't find your resume. I couldn't remember your last name. And so I said, oh, okay. So she writes down my phone number. Someone's going to give you a call. So I go in, here it is. But the only thing that I want to do is get on the radio.

I really don't give two shits about working in the business office, even though it was fine. I worked there and we did fine. Looking back now, this makes way more sense. Yeah, I didn't show up there because I wanted to be, you know, radio sales guy, it's extraordinary. There are lots of people that are really good at radio sales. Brian is not one of those people at all. So that was part of the sales staff and she was part of the sales staff. We all worked on the same floor. And so there's like eight radio stations, seven radio stations, whatever it

is in our quote unquote cluster, which the cluster cluster sounds like we're about to have a, you know, a chocolate notch on some Henry's chocolate you bought for your mom. It's got strawberries in it. She doesn't like strawberries. You know what I'm saying? Here, mom, have a radio cluster. I was thinking about a cluster rash. Oh yeah, cluster rash.

That's probably more accurate, actually. It was like a rash. It was irritating and sometimes painful and you couldn't get rid of it. Exactly. You just couldn't get rid of it. Exactly. You just couldn't break away from it. It's like a crazy ex-girlfriend.

You just keep going back to the way. So after a couple of months at the radio, working in the business side of things, of course, we got to know the people that were on air. We were all working together on a daily basis. And so we were on one floor, they were on another floor. And I would make it a point to get my ass up onto that radio floor to meet and greet with whoever, be friendly, say hello, some way, somehow, I'm gonna get behind that microphone. Yeah, I was always up there too going to Rachel's studio.

Oh yeah, Rachel, geez, I was scared of her at first. She was scary. Rachel was scary. Oh, we bonded right away. And I wanted her to do all of my commercials because I loved her voice, which now of course has proven to be very lucrative profession for her. And yeah, I loved it.

So I'd see you up there. Yeah, we'd all be mingling around. I think Taylor Swift came up one time and all of us were sitting there, saliva falling off of our mouths, waiting for this gorgeous 20 year old to show up. Anyway, so I got ahold of the senior vice president of programming for the entire fucking company is working in our building.

And I, every Thursday or Friday, I'd come upstairs with a couple of beers in my hand. I'd be, Hey man, let's shoot this shit. And he was, I was always irritating him for some, you know, he was like, I don't have time for all this, you know? And I'd be talking about what, you know, oh, radio programming. I know a little bit about that. Oh, he was like, I don't have time for all this, you know? And I'd be talking about what, oh, radio programming. I know a little bit about that. Oh, really do you, Brian? I was just trying to stay in the office long enough

to say, what do you think? So finally one day it came out of my mouth. What do you think? You'd have enough beers. Yeah, we're like four beers in. What do you think about me being on the radio? And he laughed loud enough for the entire building to hear it. And he was like, what do you mean, you on the radio?

You're like the streaming dude downstairs. Like, no, no, no, it takes, you got to work your way up into this. You can't just let you on the number nine market in the country, just, Brian's the morning show guy now. You know? And I- Hold hand bone. Yeah, hand bone and hold the other morning, that's what you want?

But I just don't think he trusted that I would actually not fuck the whole thing up. I think that's really what it was. I was young and dumb and we were all running around like idiots down on the sales floor. But persistence paid off in this situation. And he said, okay, we've got this radio station, 96.7. 96.7 is what's called a small stick station. You have big stick stations, you have small stick stations, you have tiny stick stations that literally only reach like,

in a huge city like Atlanta, maybe it only reaches 15, 20,000 people. And that's what this was, a tiny stick station playing classic country, no DJs whatsoever. It was all either piped in or, you know, they were just, there was nobody, it was just, cause no one listened, no one gave a shit. It was bundled in with the bull. Yeah, you didn't sell 96, 7. We kind of threw it in.

No, you just throw it in. Yeah, okay. $5, whatever. Who cares? Gives us shit. And he says, all right, listen, I want you to go in there with Lance. He's going to teach you what to do. I'm going to let you go on from, I forget at first it was like midnight to 3 a.m. He's like, but you don't actually, you're not actually there at midnight to 3 a.m. He's like, but you don't actually, you're not actually there midnight to 3 a.m. You record it whenever you want to and then it plays, right? And he says, talk in and out of the station, talk in and out of the songs, talk in and out of the weather,

talk in and out of promos, that's it. No more than three minutes of talk an hour. You wanna say something interesting? Put it in 15 seconds, that's it. Don't fuck this up. That's all you got, right? So I go in there and I'm talking in and out and I'm hitting the, you know, trying to hit the post

and all this other stuff. I remember when you started doing this, you were so excited. Oh man. And I was excited for you. And around this time was when the Olympics were going on. The Olympics in China. Yes. Yes.

And you invited me to be a part of that show. Oh yeah. I came with it. I came with it. So, yeah, so this starts off And you invited me to be a part of that show. Oh yeah. I came with it. So yeah, so this starts off, I'm playing the good boy. Like I know what I need to do. I'm really excited to be on air.

You got your chance. I actually remember the first time that I ever recorded like that three hours. And I remember sitting outside in my car so as not to bother my wife at the time and the dogs and all this other stuff, and quite frankly, who has a fucking radio in their house? I mean, the only radio I had was in my car. I remember sitting out in that driveway, midnight to 3 a.m., drinking beer. I mean, I didn't have keys in the car, just drinking beer, listening to the radio and listening to myself talk. I thought it was the best thing in the world. But I quickly realized that, you know, that wasn't exactly what I wanted to do. I felt like I would be, you know, hand bone and holy in the morning within a couple of days. So that's what I did. I started to extend the breaks, you know, 30 seconds by 30 seconds. Before you know it, we're doing 28 minutes of talk an hour. But no one notices because no one listens. Not even the senior vice president of programming. No one could give a shit. They don't care. They

didn't care. There was no monetary value to this radio station. They did not care. They did not listen. They did not know. They whatever. It just went on forever. But I got really, I felt like I was really good at talking in and out of those posts, you know? Islands in the stream, Dolly Parton, Kenny Rogers, the 1967 classic, weather's gonna be 77, funny, here's Clay Clemshaw with, you know, whatever, riding on your back. Whatever the country's song is. Riding on your horseback. Riding on your horseback, riding on your back slash horse. Riding on your horseback. Yeah, riding on your horseback. Riding on your back slash horse. All right. You know,

here's David Davidson with white country. It was the best. I loved it. That couple of weeks that I just stayed to hitting the post, I was really enjoying it actually. So now anytime for whatever reason, it doesn't happen a lot, but I go into a grocery store, I go into Walmart or something, and they're playing a classic country song. I mean, there were like 300 songs on rotation. And when you did this for three or four or five weeks,

whatever, however long I was kind of playing it. You heard them over and over. Over and over and over again. You'd be talking in and out of some of the same songs. And so I was at Kroger, I don't know what it was, three weeks ago, four weeks ago, I'm at Kroger and Islands in the Stream is on. Oh, a classic. Classic. That is classic country that I can get into.

There's a lot of stuff that I just didn't care for, but and luckily I didn't have to listen to all of it. But there were some where I was like, oh, it's a good song, you know? And Islands in the Stream was one, you know, I was a great song. When we were with me and we rely on each other. Uh-huh. Ranking love into another. Uh-huh.

Da-da-da. So Islands in the Stream is on. And I'm walking down the serial aisle by myself. Just walking down the serial aisle. And I'm like, 72 and sunny. Look out for traffic on 85. Here's others in the street with Dolly and Kitty. 967, the legend.

Nice. Oh, Nellie. Yeah, 28 minutes of talk and then it all came crashing down. Yeah, they figured it out. Well, they figured it out when we did getting, when we did one particular show where my co-host at the time, Cam, God bless him, Cam, God bless you, Cam Hunter, my co-host who I had brought up or who Lance had told me to bring into the studio and work with, he just, it was the election of Barack Obama, the first election of Barack Obama.

And he said something about the vice president, you know, what's her name? The Alaskan governor. Oh, right, right, right. Yeah. Yeah. John McCain and... What was her name? John McCain?

Sarah Palin. I know, but John McCain and Sarah Palin were together. They were running against Barack Obama. They were? Yeah. Okay. Yes, they were. So Palin, I don't know, she had a daughter or something that got pregnant, got out of wedlock, and my co-host made a joke that I didn't think was particularly offensive, but apparently,

it hit a nerve. 19,000 of the 20,000 people that this stick could reach were totally offended by what was said because we recorded it, it fired off at, oh, and the other thing was, is that it started 12 a.m. to 3 a.m., but Brian slowly moved it up without permission, right? And pretty soon we're on like six to midnight. We're doing six hours, 28, 28 minutes, 28 minutes and hours. We're doing six hours, 28 minutes, 28 minutes an hour. We're doing three hours of talk a night. It was crazy. We were taking phone calls for the other radio station.

I mean, we were just being stupid, I guess, but we ended up going to the bar and the segments are firing off. And I'll never forget how many text messages I got from one particular person, just what the fuck is going on? What are you doing, you're in huge trouble, I just got a phone call. You're in huge trouble.

Yeah, you're in huge trouble. You'll be lucky if you survive this one. I mean, he was so pissed off. And he's like, what did you say? And I'm like, I don't even know what you're talking about. And he's like, I'm listening right now. There's 28 minutes of talk in the hour. What are you doing? Why is this on now and not at midnight?" And I was like, oh, it must have been a mistake. Sorry.

I pressed the wrong button. Yeah. So you don't know how quickly we went back up into that studio and just started putting songs in. I was like, whoopsie daisy. Whoopsie daisy. Oh, the great news is Cam got fired. I managed to stay on with a good talking to. If you do more than three minutes of talking hour, this is coming to an end real quick. One more chance. That's it. I want you to issue an on air apology. An on air apology to who? To the one lady who put it on Facebook that I offended somebody? Come on. It wasn't even me, it was Cam, I blame Cam. I threw him right under the bus.

I was like, Cam, it's Cam! It's all Cam's fault. And you told me to have him in here, by the way. Is that how you met Cam? That's how I met Cam. Okay. That's how I met. I mean, he was kind of milling about upstairs.

I think he was helping with some programming and some promo stuff. But Lance came in one day. I'm three weeks into my broadcasting career and Lanz comes dragging Cam in and he's like, Brian, teach Cam how to do this. And I'm like, what? I've been doing this for two weeks. What do you three weeks? What do you want me to do? And he's like, ah, you two figure it out. And so Cam was, Cam was good, but I think he was having probably a little bit of nervousness around

talking on the microphone himself. So I said, well, let's just banter back and forth together. You'll get the feel for it. And then, you know, let's just do it. We won't air it. Let's just do it. But it ended up being funny. So I aired it and five weeks later we got yanked off the air for...

I know. I'm picturing like a cane pulling you off. I mean, it wasn't that offensive. I don't think the joke, I can remember, but I'm not gonna sell it here. But yeah. That was the thing, we did a whole segment on like what it would be like at the Olympics.

Well, that was the other thing I got in trouble for was pretending that I was at the Olympics. I was pretending I was at the Olympics. I was pretending I was at the Olympics. I had like crowd noise in the background, you know, this is Late Night on the Legend, live from Beijing, China. I'm here with a couple of Americans. It was so weird. I'm sure anybody that was listening was like,

I just want to hear some Johnny Cash. You got any Willie Nelson in there? Who are these two fucking morons? I could guarantee you it was not funny. And then like people would come up to the radio station. This happened a couple of times. People would call into the radio station because the, you know, when you're in a station like this, all the stations can be accessed from one central computer in every studio.

All you have to do is just flip a button. It's like getting on a webpage. And so we could hear, if we tuned into it, we could hear what was going on on the very large country station that was going on. So I forget what happened. Somebody dumped a couple of tickets or something on my desk and was like, you know, Hey, you want to give these away, give them away or whatever. And so we managed to get people to call into the station, even though they really, I think, thought they were calling into the other radio station.

To the big one? Yeah, we would pick up the phone and they would, you know. And so, I'll never forget that one time we were giving away, I think they were brave tickets, we're giving away these brave tickets, to this young couple comes, they come to pick up the tickets, and they're like, oh, can we take a picture with you? And I'm like, sure, yeah. And they're like, are you Cletus T. Judd? Cletus T. Judd. Now you got fired about six months ago. He's not around anymore.

Yeah. Who is the other guy? Brian in the morning, 96, who knows? I don't know. I've chosen to block out some of those. I've chosen to block out some of those. I've chosen to block out all of my Clear Channel memories, actually. And listen, this is many, many years ago.

The company is not the same as it was back then, but there were great things about working at Clear Channel, like meeting Chrissy and a lot of other people that we met that have stayed friends, friendly with us for years. I know, right? Two decades almost. Oh yeah. It's insane. I know.

You know what I got yesterday? You form some good bonds when you're in the trenches like that. You do. Yeah, when you're… And drinking every night. Yes, when you have to drink yourself sober, because that's the only way to deal with your day job. Yeah. Yeah, you know, you're going to… It's four bonds.

It's experienced trauma. Exactly. It's like, we're all sharing in this trauma together. All right, let's take a break and then I want to share with you something that I think is interesting about that time period and how Facebook is handling it. All right, okay, I'll be right back. I mean, we'll be right back, not me. I'll be right back. 96.7 The Legend. You're listening to Late Night on the Legend. We'll be back.

Well thank the baby Jesus. Brian took a breath and now I will use this opportunity to let you know that we've got a brand new phone number. That's right, it's 212-433-3TCB and you can text us anytime you want. Or you can call and leave us a voicemail and we might just use your message on the show. Once Brian gets through all the messages he missed last year, of course. Anyway, you can also find and DM us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok at TCB Podcast. And of course, all of our audio and video is easily found on TCBpodcast.com. Now I'm gonna thank G one

more time that we have sponsors, So thank G and here they are. Need a great reason to get up in the morning? Well, what about two? Right now get a small organic Fairtrade coffee and a tasty bacon and egg or breakfast sandwich for only $5 at A&W's in Ontario. I'm Tanks and Atra. And I'm Investigator Slater. And together we co-host a podcast called Psychopedia, which is a true crime podcast infused with comedy,

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Many years ago, Facebook said that they were going to start handling ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends and ex-partners, the relationship status. They were going to start handling those breakups in a different way. They weren't going to suggest that you be friends with your ex. They weren't going to pop up you be friends with your ex. They weren't going to pop up memories if you didn't want them to. You just have some measure of control over this now, right? But many, many years ago, I will probably never forget, I might forget just right after we get off air, but I'll probably never forget the fact that Facebook was going to

handle relationships differently because a lot of people were concerned that when they broke up with somebody, then all of these pictures and tagging and everybody was tagging everybody else, people were getting mentally fucked with essentially because they were getting on Facebook and seeing that their ex-girlfriend was out with their old boys.

And so Facebook updated their algorithm to make a little change so it wasn't so in your face. Now, my ex-wife and I were Facebook friends, of course, when we were together, but she went on to get remarried and we weren't Facebook friends at some point, right? I think in the fog of war, sometimes you just do things like, you know, disconnect from social media just to help your own sanity. And that's what we did. I think it was a collective decision. I don't think anyone was particularly more angry. We were just equally angry with each other. But I have never again seen,

ever since we stopped being Facebook friends, I've never again seen my ex on Facebook. Never been tagged in a photo that I have seen, even though we share still some friends. Never popped up as I suggested, never, ever. Until last weekend, when people you know, popped up as I suggested, never, ever, until last weekend when people you might know and my ex showed up. And I was like, wow, that's interesting. Is that the line of demarcation? You know, 15 years, 15 years long enough? Is 10 years long enough?

What's long enough in Facebook's algorithm mind about how long it, you should be disconnected from your ex. And so I think they did an incredible job of keeping me, keeping it quiet until now. And now every time I open up Facebook, which is like once a week, you know, twice a week, whatever it is, once or twice a week, it's in my suggested feed, you know, friends, people you might want to be friends with. But I'm like, well, I don't think we're there. I don't think we're there. I mean, I love- Even though you don't even post anything on Facebook anymore.

No, I haven't posted something since 2021, I don't think. I mean, honestly, I just can't get into Facebook anymore. I really can't. And I failed to see what other people see in the platform. Of course, I don't have 65,000 followers like a lot of people do on any platform, all together. All of them added together doesn't equal 5,000. So I don't know what I'm doing.

But I just don't see any point in posting on Facebook anymore. I see it as a place. A lot of people still do it. And a lot of people still look and see what other people are up to. I see a lot of people posting still. Yeah, I think if you got used to it

and it just became a part of your everyday thing, then that's what you're on there. Yeah. Plus there's the whole shopping part that I told you a little while back that the kids are now using. We're gonna do something about this later on- Marketplace.

In the week or next week. Yeah, we're gonna do something about the marketplace. We're gonna review some videos. But there are a lot of people who are making good money on there, selling their wares or selling other people's wares. And one of the things that I've noticed on Facebook, I think I mentioned this maybe a year ago, is the crazy, you know,

they scooping marbles up into a bag and selling them for $5. You know, the people out in, I think I'm going to assume this is somewhere in an Asian country, right? Well, we watched that. Yeah, we watched that. Like the gems or something.

Yeah, they put on this like 13 hour long live where they're just scooping gems out of this weird pool of gems. Right, like a drum. Yeah, that keeps on swishing them around or something. But this is happening a lot. There is one young lady who is making millions of dollars a year opening up super high-end gifts. We're talking like Coach, Burberry, Cartier, Yeezy, like the highest of the high-end brands. I don't know if Yeezy is the highest of the highest, whatever, you get what I'm saying. But she opens them up and she spends less than

three to five seconds on showing them. She's at a table, she's in some huge closet or a shop or something with all these dresses behind her, shoes, purses, watches, right? Some assistant off camera throws a box across the table, she rips it open, shows it for one second, throws it back in the box, pushes it along. Really? And she does this for hours at a time. And she gets paid by these brands to do this because these brands are seeing a huge lift

every time she opens up one of these boxes, one of their boxes. She doesn't even like kind of display it and talk about it or anything? She says three words, right? Rarararar, raa, raa, raa, raa. Wow. But she's not the only one. There's lots of people that do this version of it.

So there's- Once again, we got into the wrong field. I know. What in the fuck is wrong with us? I mean, honestly, Chrissy, we could do this. You could throw me boxes. I could open them. Say one word. Let's do it. I will do it for Walmart sweatpants. I mean, I am not proud. I don't care. I really don't.

I will open up literally the cat that you found on the street the other day. You send it to me, I'll open it up, I'll pick up the cat, I'll throw it to the side. Did you hear? Speaking about the cat real quick, I was reading a story where the cat was missing from this couple's home in like the Midwest somewhere. Turned out the cat was in California and had gotten there because it had snuck into the box that they were returning something. Oh really?

And so they sent it off? They sent it off. Wow, really? So anyways, talking about boxing, unboxing. I got a cat. I just had an idea. Blue! Blue!

I gotta return this to the Amazon fulfillment center in Thailand. Let's see you get across that ocean. So Facebook has become like this kind of weird. And that's where she's displaying these videos is on Facebook? I'm sure that they're on other platforms also, but they are displayed on Facebook because that's where I saw it happening. Then I saw it had millions of views and I was like, you got to be kidding me. What are you viewing? Just some lady ripping open a box and throwing it in the trash like, I don't know. But then I got fascinated by it. There's also the people on Facebook and Instagram and TikTok.

And I think a lot of these people are distributing this across multiple platforms. There's lots of applications that allow you to do that now. But there are people, let's take like a 20-year-old dude laying in a bed, lots of lights and sirens around his head, and you can pay whatever it is, 10 cents, 50 cents, dollar, 10 dollars, to make those lights and sirens go off. So essentially you're controlling what happens inside his bedroom. And the whole point is to keep him awake until he goes fucking bananas, but at least he's got a million dollars in his pocket. You know what I'm saying? And so they also have the, I guess an updated version of the dunk tank. They have people that you can pay $10 and dunk them in cold water. It's insane what people are thinking of and they're making

money doing it. We have 6,000 hours of this show. We make less money in four years than these people make in four hours on Facebook. How do we get into this? We need to put our brains together. I know. I think the Facebook algorithm is coming apart, quite frankly. They're showing me my ex-wife, they've got people in the dunk tank. People are literally driving themselves mad to make a few dollars. But hey, you've got to get that bag. You know what I'm saying? You got to get the bag. That's right. You got to get the bag.

And I can't blame anybody who's found this kind of crack in the collective consciousness. The seam. Yeah. I want to know from anybody who has done this, I wanna know why a young lady opening up a box that takes less than five seconds, how that appeals to you as the purchaser when you can barely even see what she's opening. Boot this brand, throw it off to the side. Coat this brand, throw it off to the side.

How is it just cool to watch them open it, I guess, and take such cavalier attitude toward- I don't know, the whole unboxing thing has been around for a while with the kids doing the unboxing, you know, the toys. Oh, that kid Ryan, who's making a billion dollars. There's a kid on the platforms, YouTube, and now he's on Facebook too. That Ryan kid is making a hundred million dollars a year or something on that too. That Ryan kid is making $100 million a year or something on that channel.

Crazy money. And that's all he does is just sit there and unbox toys that were sent to him by those companies. So I've been telling my kids, hey, put some makeup on, let's go, chop chop. You gotta get on that Facebook. I don't care how old you are. I don't care if it ruins your future.

I want money now. That's what I want. But I'm just interested. I'm interested to know what the appeal is there because part of me thinks that- People are extremely bored. There's not, not that they're bored. There's we're so materialistic. We lean on those materials to give us some kind of value or worth. They don't, but we lean on them too. We're all guilty of this. You know, you feel good in that brand new shirt,

you feel great in those shiny shoes, you love that new car smell and the way that it looks. The reality is none of that's going to fill the hole in your soul, but you can try. I have, you know, you have, we all have. You'll learn as time goes on. That's really not the way to do it. But what is so appealing, why would you buy a $4,000 pair of shoes that some girl just literally flashed for two seconds and then threw away? I think part of it is her cavalier attitude toward it all. I think people are attracted to that. Kind of like, this doesn't matter.

This doesn't matter. Yeah. You would spend an entire year's worth of savings on this, but to me, I'm just throwing it to the side. And the fucking fucked up part about this is, you know she gets all of those products for free. Oh yeah. All of them, every one of them. That young lady has millions of dollars probably in these fine jewelry and watches and clothing. And she makes additional money on top of that by being the brand ambassador. And she does it for just five seconds. And then she probably sells it or has her assistant sell it.

Oh, yes, of course. She's making money coming and going. This young lady is a fucking badass bitch. She knows exactly what to do with all this stuff. I know I'm too old to do anything like this. I know I'm too old to break through in this way. Like no one wants to see what Brian's unboxing, right? Oh, super beta prostate formula. Look, here's a little salt palm meadow.

Centrum silver. Look, here's a little saw palmetto. Centrum silver. Brand flakes. Cream. Cream. Levi's jeans. Oh man, Adidas runners. Socks up to your knees., shorts that don't fit you.

That's right. I got that dad vibe. You never know until you try. You don't know until you try. That's the thing. But the thing is, is that we've tried that social media a million times. It just doesn't work for us. They just don't like us.

This could be your main, your breakthrough moment. This could be my breakthrough moment. Well, listen, this show is going to be my breakthrough moment. If it's going to happen anywhere, it's going to happen on this show because I'm just too tired to do anything else. You know what I'm saying? I don't have time. You should throw up some unboxing there on Instagram and see what happens. Here's the crazy part. I have friends. If I go viral. Yeah, it's not. I'm going to tell you, because I have friends that do this, that have done

this, not do this for a living, but have done this. And there's one guy in particular, and then he's always posting on social media about his show, about his podcast, which is what you should do, right? He's posting about it. But then sometimes he throws in these random posts that you're kind of confused as to what's going on. And one of them was like an unboxing for, I don't know, it was some kind of nostalgic TV item that someone had sent. It's obviously a $15 trinket. You could probably get it anywhere else. Do you know what I'm saying?

It's not particularly desirable or sexy, but he unboxed it as if it was like, you know, the hat from Indiana Jones or something. The hat that got stapled to Harrison Ford's head or something, I don't know. You know, Joe Joe Swizz's bra. I don't know. He unboxed it as if it was gold. And I watched this insufferably long video

as he, you know, every little string that he pulled to take it off was important and he was going to save it. And you know, this is going to be the, and then he pulled it out and it's like some Disney trinket. It's like literally a key chain from Walt Disney World. I'd like to thank Disney for sending this to me. Fuck you, man. I could go buy that at the gas station. I could go buy that at the, you know, I four down on Florida's turnpike. Like I, you don't need to show me that. It was the most ridiculous thing.

And it did not get a lot of tracks and socially. Now listen, if Disney sent something to me, I might also do an unboxing just to be pleasant to Disney. But this was, it wasn't sufferably long. It was like 15 minutes long. And I was like, God, get to the point. Just open it up for fucking Christ's sake. What are we doing?

How much more time do we got to spend on you? Carefully unboxing a literal piece of crap? I mean, a little piece of crap. Yeah, I don't get the unboxing craze. Yeah, I mean, like Nordstrom has a, when you go on their site, they, if you like something like a dress or something, they will have a little video where a person will pop up and kind of tell you about the dress, feel the dress, show the dress, talk a little bit about the dress, I like that. But I don't like just an unboxing.

And then bam, move on, bam. Yeah, bam, bam. I think if I got excited about, like there was something I was excited to see about an unboxing, I get the sexiness of it. I understand why people are attracted to watching these videos, especially if it's something you're interested in. Like, if you're a Disney collector and they send something one of a kind to you.

Well, right, the one of a kind stuff. Yeah, but something that you can clearly get anywhere else is not really all that fun to watch, you know what I'm saying? Like, if you unbox something and Cardi B popped out, then I, then that I could understand. But if you, you know, got a flake of her, you know, her flingy dress, like if someone cut out a little piece of her cloth from one of her dresses and put it there and you're unboxing it as if it was the Holy Grail, it's just not that interesting to me. I don't know. Unboxing to me, not a thing, not a thing for me to watch. But I know that there are plenty of other people that are clearly bored and have too much time on their hands that would love to watch unboxing

and everything. Millions and millions of people. This is coming from the guy who makes no money doing so much content, and this young lady who's unboxing a pair of Coach bags you know, or a coach bag is making millions and millions of dollars every year. I'm just jealous. Maybe we should get some rocks from your yard and unbox them, swirl them up. Oh, that'd be a good idea.

Yeah, try that. Or maybe I could unbox them and then swirl them and put them in bags to sell. Chrissy, this is an idea whose time has come. Maybe I'll just put my children in there and just like scoop one of them up and be like, there you go, off to San Diego. It's going to be lovely there. You're going to love it. You get a child. You get a kid and you get a kid and you get a kid. And the truth is, you have to give, there's some level of admiration about these really enterprising people who

have found this incredible crack in the human brain that decides it needs a bag full of, you know, plastic, artificially manufactured rocks, right? I mean, I don't get it, but maybe the point isn't the bag of rocks. Maybe the point is I got the bag of rocks. The surprise. From something that I watch a lot, right? If they're just getting interested in what they're doing. And I can see, because I did this for hours

over a couple of days. You did. I did, I was glued to the TV. I know, I came into the studio, you're like, you've gotta watch this. You've gotta watch this, it's incredible. I was like, what? So unboxing, no.

Putting cheap gems in a netted bag, yay. That's more interesting. By the way, the people who were doing this video do not speak English in any way, shape, or form. So I was literally trying to figure out what they were saying, awesome. I had my translate out and I'm like, what'd she say? What'd she say?

What was that? Ding, ding, ding, ding, that? I just need closed captions and I would stay there all day. I really would. What can I say? I'm easy to please. All right, let's take a break and then we'll be back. Welcome to the commercial break. Another fine episode. I'm brought to you by no one. The legend. 9 to 6, 7, the legend. What?

Oh, hi, it's Kristina again. Here to remind you to go to tcbpodcast.com for all things audio, video, and TCBdio. Give us a follow on Instagram at The Commercial break and on TikTok at TCBpodcast. And guess what? We have a new phone number. I know what you're thinking, but I promise this is the last TCB phone number you will ever have to remember. So call us and leave us a voicemail or text us at 212-433-3TCB. Once more for the people in the back, that's 212-433-3TCB. Oh, and check out our YouTube channel at youtube.com slash the commercial break. That's all for now.

Let's listen to our sponsors and get back to the show. When you're working out at Planet Fitness, it's a judgment-free zone, so you can really step up your workout. That's why we've got treadmills. And our team members are here to help, so you can be carefree with the free weights. They're also balance balls, bikes, cables, kettlebells, and TRX equipment. But like, no pressure. Get started at Planet Fitness today for $1 down and then only $15 a month. Hurry, this great offer ends April 12. $49 annual fee applies. See Home Club for details.

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The girth master. Oh, how did I miss this? Here we go. The girth master is a young gentleman who apparently has a real Coca-Cola can for an appendage. Like, he is the girth master. That's what they call him. And he's a social media sensation.

He's an OnlyFans sensation. The guy is blowing up big time. He's all over the place. I saw it on TMZ and the New York, I mean, I saw it everywhere, right? All the reputable outlets, New York Post, TMZ, BuzzFeed. I like to peruse the New York Times. Yeah, I do that too, but you know, there's not much I could talk about from that one here.

I'd be way too serious if I just started reviewing the New York Times or the Washington Post. But the girth master, here he is, nice young guy, nice looking young man. And then he's apparently got a Coke can for a penis. I like the pictures you're showing me. It's just him with his son set in the background. Yeah, it's your typical social media post, right?

And then, but there are a couple pics of him. Let me see if I can. Oh no, that's not going to be on this one. But there's a couple of pics of in sweatpants, and you can tell. It's clearly obvious. It's obvious to anyone with eyeballs that this guy is hanging hard. This dude is huge. It's huge.

It's like the size of my fist. It's unbelievable just naturally laying there. So you can only imagine once it gets filled up like a fucking hot air balloon that it's going to be huge. And there are, he does OnlyFans. He's working 60 to 80 hours a week and he's making $80,000 a week. A week. A week!

Yeah, he just has to do this for a couple of months and be set for a while. He's making $3 million a year, $4 million a year, just hanging out. I mean, not just hanging out. I'm sure that's a lot of work involved hanging out. If I had that girth, I'd be hanging out too. I swear to God. The girth master's, that's like his social media handle. Yeah, it's like the OnlyFans social media handle. What's TMZ saying about it? Here, you want me to read it to you?

Just that it's happening? He says, well, the byline here is, Star Girth Master Pornhub searches explode after viral income reveal. Girth Master's audience is growing quickly with searches for the name exploding in the aftermath of a viral video, widening his audience significantly. The popular porn star and OnlyFans creator stuck

on everyone's mind recently, with a rep for Pornhub telling us yesterday he was the most searched name on the platform ever. He previously set highs and searches in March and then earlier this month, but Tuesday's number blew both of those days out of the water. We're also told girth master's consistently growing in popularity, swelling to higher and higher totals. Part of that, part of that may be due to the clip catching eyes all over social media featuring girth master talking with a social media team behind get ahead, get ahead. Oh, these are the people that say, how much money do you make? Like, you know, how much money do you make? How much money's in your bank? And then they say, what do you do?

This is where I found out. These are the people that did the video where I found out about the foot finder, feed finder. Yes. Described as a Tinder-like app for prospective employers and applicants. In the clip, Girth Master explains who he is and says he makes somewhere between 40

and $80,000 per week showing off his impressive package. And it's got many people on the internet and it is including megastar musicians. His penis is apparently the width of a wine bottle. Jesus Christ have mercy on a stick. Wow. Wow. That's unbelievable. Girth Master's most popular day on pH, Pornhub, comes on the heels of Cardi B acknowledging him on X, posting the monstrous Alaskan bull worm from SpongeBob SquarePants. Pretty clear what she's referencing here. In response, Girthmaster fired off a tweet asking Cardi to give him a chance.

Wow. Give him a chance to date? I guess. Give him a chance to have sex. I'm not really sure. I mean, there's lots of, and then that's why I did further research. He does porn videos. He does a lot of porn videos with, he's very tall. He does porn videos with girls that are, ladies that are much smaller than him. Oh, okay. And so I think there's this kind of kink, weird fetish thing going on. But you know, listen, if that's pretty fucking impressive,

I would say the width of a wine bottle is unbelievable. The D decanter takes on a whole new meaning. Oh man, that's the D D D D D D D D D D D D D D D D decanter, the size of a wine bottle. Now, let me ask you, as a parent, right, when you have children, you have certain aspirations. Like, it's just hard not to. You try not to, like, you know, inject your will or your thoughts about who they should be into their lives, but especially when they're young, it's hard not to see all the possibilities and all the tragedies that could go wrong. Like, you sweat about the tragedies and you wonder about the possibilities. And also, you know your kids. You know them inside and out. You know what I'm saying? Uh huh.

They run around naked all day long, all night long. What are his parents thinking when he's real young? Are they thinking, holy shit, something went horribly right or horribly wrong here and this kid's carrying around a Coke can. You know what I'm saying? And then, what's that conversation like? Because if my kid had a wine bottle for a penis, you would probably notice that relatively early on. When my kid comes to me at 18, 19, 20 years old and says, I'm not going to college, but what I would like to do is take the incredible talents and gifts that God has given me and I want to go out there and show the world what I can do.

I think it would be hard as a parent not to say, you know what, under normal circumstances, I would absolutely freaking freak out. But in this situation, I have to agree with you, son. I have thought since the day that you came out of mommy's woohoo, that you were a special kind of kid with a big old fucking dick, and you should go out there and make a living doing that. I'm proud of you, son. I'm proud of you. Yeah, just be safe. Yeah, but does not fall far from the tree trunk.

You know what I'm saying? From the baby arm. That's all I gotta say. I mean, this is one of those things where I think if you're a parent, you have to agree that this is a, you were born with this. Why shouldn't you go out there and, you know,

do everything you can with it? What are your thoughts? What say you, Chrissy Hogan? Give it the blessing. I think you have to give it the blessing. Be safe. Yeah, that's what I would say. Be a good human.

Be, yes. Don't get into- Do this the blessing. Be safe. Yeah, that's what I would say. Be a good human. Be, yes. Don't get into- Do this the right way. Don't get into anything too crazy, right? It's a slippery slope out there. Keep yourself as sober as possible when you're doing all of this. Don't do tawdry stuff.

Don't do stuff where people are getting hurt. Whatever you as a parent decide that you think you should tell your kid. But then you say, but it's hard to argue with you here. It really is hard to argue with you. What are you gonna do? Keep that under wraps for your whole life? And would you watch it? No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no what they end up doing in life. And this sounds so cliché. You say that.

I say that. I know. I say that. I'm nowhere near the point in life where they're actually going to be doing something for a living, and God bless, they get into porn. But I have to believe that whatever they do is the right decision for them, and as long as they are happy, and they are safe, and they are treating themselves and other people with kindness, then I have to say, hey, okay, I guess, whatever. You know, what are you going to do? You're going to lash out? Lauren Ruffin No. Yeah, I don't think you'd just cut things off with them, you know. I know there's a lot of parents that would, but yeah, I think you just have to be supportive.

Jared Slauson That's the only thing you can't, I never forget, I had a friend, a good friend when I was in my early 20s. And he had a sister, and the sister was two years younger than us. And she was a beautiful girl, right? But it's a sister, so it's off limits. It's a sister, it's younger, you know, it's totally off limits. We didn't think much about her. She would show up at parties and stuff like that.

As we were all growing up, she would increasingly be part of the social ladder that we were all around. But you didn't think about her in that way because she was my best friend's sister and I'm not going to fuck with my best friend's sister. But one afternoon, I get a phone call from him and he says, you're going to come to the strip club with me. And I was like, oh, okay, here we go. Yeah. It's the same guy that threw pennies on the stage, that threw change on the stage and got us thrown out. So he says, you're going to come to the strip club with me. My sister, whose name I won't give here, my sister, I just found out is dancing there. And I was like, what? Your sister, your sister is dancing

there? Yes. So I'm game. Let's go. Big drama. Why not? We've already gotten kicked out of this place once. Why not again? Same place, by the way. Same fucking place that we got kicked out of. We're going back to because a sister is dancing there. And I will never forget the confrontation that happened at that dance club. Oh my God. Awkward. And do you know what? It didn't dissuade her not one bit. It actually, I think, drove the point home even further. She was going to stay there and she was going to dance,

she was going to make more money. So I say this because, and this happened with me as a kid too, probably happened with you, the first thing you tell your kids not to do is the first thing they want to do, right? So you got to be careful about what you tell your kids about life. You know, ah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You know, you might think that, you know, showing your body on OnlyFans is a way to make money. God, I'm going to promise you, you cannot do that. You know? I'm going to lock you in the basement. Fuck that. Bah, bah, bah, bah, bullshit. The

first thing they're going to do is go on OnlyFans. Of course. It's the first thing they're going to do. Why? Because that's the natural progression of things. You want to lash out against control and lash out against your parents and everything they told you is bullshit and it's all a lie. That's like human psychology 101. It's been going on forever. It's always going to go on because you just want to be your own independent person. You can't dissuade someone from doing something they really, really want to do. And if you try to dissuade your children from doing

something they really, really want to do, it just makes them dig in even more. They're want to do. And if you try to dissuade your children from doing something they really, really want to do, it just makes them dig in even more. They're going to do it behind your back. They're going to do it in dangerous ways. They're going to figure out a way to say, fuck you every time. With that, with like reverse psychology, would you then want to encourage things that you don't want them to do? Yeah, I'd be like, great. I'm on set. Let's go, girth master two. I want to be on set. What about dad coming in on the action? What about Girthmaster

and Goothmaster Jr.? What do you think? A catchy tune right there, right? Let's go. I'll be in the background. What if I narrate it? You want to be on the commercial break? Let's do it. You'd be my guest on the commercial break. Come on. Fine, dad, I'm going to Columbia to get a law degree There you go Fine, I guess I'll take the straight and narrow. I mean, yeah, maybe maybe that's the way you do it I love this. I've been watching your porn videos every night before I go to bed. You're so good at this. I love it You're so good at this. I love it. You're awesome. I was just showing the neighbors your OnlyFans account. Hey, do me a favor. Come on over for dinner. Bunch of the neighbors and people from the church want to say hello and get

a signed copy of your dick. Oh yeah. You know, I didn't read anything about this guy's parents, but you gotta appreciate the fact that if you are born, there's, what other explanation could there possibly be? That is fate literally landing in your lap. And your fans. Yeah, and your fans. I mean, there's no other explanation. You have a God given gift. Yeah, you kind of just have to do that. I mean, there's no other explanation. You have a God-given gift. If that is yours. Yeah, you kind of just have to do that. Yeah, and get that bag while you can get it.

Listen, that dick ain't gonna look good forever. Go right. Yeah, and it probably can't even get hard forever before you have a fucking stroke because all the blood rushing down to your, so I say, go get it while you getting is good. Go get it. You're hot right now, go get it.

Fame is a fleeting bitch, except for only a few of the most, you know, like gifted of human beings out there or notorious human beings out there. Fame is a fleeting gift. Attention is a fleeting gift. And so what you need to do is take advantage of it while you got it. And as a parent, if my kids are just like regular kids and they decide to go into porn, we might have to have a conversation about that. But if one of them has a wine bottle or a tree trunk in their pants, I would have to say... You might have to have a conversation about it. I might like, you know, pull them aside at 18.

Son, you're 18 now. You got to register to vote. You got to register for the draft. You got to register that dick on OnlyFans. It's time for Papa to make some money. You got to pay me back for all those diaper changings. Come on, get in there. Let's time for Papa to make some money. You gotta pay me back for all those diaper changings. Come on, get in there. Let's go. Get that wine bottle working. Go find you a three foot four woman that you can make some weird porno video. Hey, listen. When you're born with it, you're born with it. She's born with it. She's born with it. He's born with it.

He was born with it. All right. All right, girth master. There you go. I need to whip it up now. Yeah, my parents must be proud of me. I'm gonna add to the searches now. Yeah.

Send me some pics. I haven't seen any actual pics. Like I've just seen pics with pants on. With the Walmart sweatpants? Yeah, they look good on him. Not on me. He's the girth master, I'm the dearth master. I have a dearth of penis material.

That's okay, what are you gonna do? I'm gonna have to apologize to my kid when he turns 18. They're that conversation. I'm sorry, son. It's not what you got. It's how you use it. Just remember that. Just remember that. That's right.

All right. So listen, we would love you to be a part of the commercial break. We want to hear from you and we'd love it if you would come on our show. We've already got a couple of people lined up. I think that's going to start over the next couple of weeks. But you know, the more the merrier. So come on board. 212-4333-TCB.

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TCBpodcast.com is where you go. You find out more information about Chris, he, and I, all the show notes, audio, video. It's all there. One location, tcbpodcast.com. Plus you can get your free TCB bumper sticker, whichever one we have right now. We win this airs. You can get that by hitting the contact us button, drop down menu, I want my sticker, send us your address, we'll send you a sticker, kisses and hugs all the way to you. At the commercial break on Instagram, TCB podcast on TikTok and youtube.com slash the commercial break for clips. And all of the interviews are up there right now,

selected episodes. We'd love if you would go watch that. Kyle Kanane getting a lot of traction right now on YouTube channel. And then, and maybe, and possibly look out for what, Chrissy? Maybe a live show or two before the end of the year. That's right. In selected cities. We're in talks.

We're in negotiations. It could actually happen. Something in the notebook might actually come true. I don't think I put it in the notebook. Well, put it in there now. All right, Chrissy. I guess that's all I can do for today. I think so. But I'll tell you that I love you. And I love you. Best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I always say, we do say, and we must say goodbye. Your team requested a ride, but this time not from you. It's through their Uber Teen account. It's an Uber account that allows your team to request a ride under your supervision

with live trip tracking and highly rated drivers. Add your team to your Uber account today. That's the sound of fried chicken with a spicy history. Thornton Prince was a ladies man. To get revenge, his girlfriend hid spices in his fried chicken. He loved it so much, he opened Prince's Hot Chicken. Hot Chicken in the window. This is one of many sounds in Tennessee with a story to tell.

To hear them in person, plan your trip at tnvacation.com. Tennessee sounds perfect. Hey, back on the ground, boy!