The Commercial Break - A Sgrundle Taste Test

Episode Date: May 1, 2024

Sgrundle: noun - a combination of the ball sack and perineum (colloquially known as the “grundle”). You’re welcome. Ciggies and cigars Airport security Getting jailed in Turks and Caicos Riv...erBeat music festival! A sac tap A blind sgrundle sniffing Barbecue contests Sleep-cations Keeping your kids awake Tiktok Social scores Apple gaggles Quantum cock The Quantum Witch returns! Christopher Nolan LINKS: Send us show ideas, comments, questions or concerns by texting us   212.433.3TCB text or leave us a voicemail Watch TCB on YouTube Creator: Bryan Green Co-Host: Bryan Green Co-Host: Krissy Hoadley Producer: Christina A.  Producer: Gustavo B.  To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:01:57 Look, I may not be as smart as my female coworkers, but I have a much louder voice than them and a significantly less amount of shame. So that's very helpful in a meeting when they make a really good point, no one else has heard it yet, and I can just sort of repeat that point but much louder and take full credit. Follow for more tips on how to succeed in corporate America. On this episode of the commercial break. We're going to get me, Jeff, Astrid and Chrissy all bending over and you're going to have a blindfold on and you're going to have to smell our Scrundle Sacks and tell who's using Lume and who's not.
Starting point is 00:02:36 That's that. That is putting the rubber to the road. I'm going to tell Jeff to use it during the festival weekend. Oh yeah. He probably has swamp ass. Taste test it. You'll taste test it, jeez! I didn't mean to say taste.
Starting point is 00:02:49 Wow! Chrissy's on fire! Look at that! The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now. It's so dirty in the morning! Oh yeah, kids and kittens, welcome back to The Commercial Break. I'm Brian Green. This is my co-host, Kristen Joy Hoadley.
Starting point is 00:02:59 Best to you, Chrissy. Best to you, Brian. Best to you, Chris. Best to you, Chris. Best to you, Chris. Best to you, Chris. Best to you, Chris. Best to you, Chris. back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Greene. This is my co-host, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best of you, Kristen. Best of you, Brian.
Starting point is 00:03:09 And best of you out there in the podcast universe. How the hell are you? Thanks for joining us. We appreciate it. Have you ever been stopped at an airport like for extra additional screening or anything like that? I'm trying to think if I have. Maybe just like my bag has because. you had a bomb in it. Right.
Starting point is 00:03:28 That was a flag. They flagged it. They swipe that thing down. Every time we went through security with baby formula, we would have to go through extra security. It was ridiculous. We'd have to get that swipey thing and they have to put it. What are they swiping for anyway? Literally? They put on the gloves and everything. Nitroglycerin or something, I don't know. Biochemicals, some shit like that. Yeah, that's always been like my full size, expensive shampoo that then I now have to throw away. I know, I've thrown so much shit away at the airport,
Starting point is 00:03:56 so much shit away. When I was a smoker, remember they take your lighters and they throw them away? That was the worst of the worst because then when you could smoke in an airport, you would be like, everyone would be using one lighter. There'd be 30 people in a smoking room and one person would have managed to snuck.
Starting point is 00:04:12 I know, they don't have them anymore. Now they're dog pissing rooms. They are, they put AstroTurf out of them. I think in San Francisco it might be like a yoga room. No, god damn. Taking all our fun away, now I'm not promoting smoking. I think it's terrible and you shouldn't do it. And I did it for many years and I wish I... I don't want to take that back. I do miss smoking sometimes.
Starting point is 00:04:32 I really do. Do you miss smoking sometimes? No. You never miss smoking. No. In fact, I was passing somebody on a walk the other day and they were smoking. It was a construction worker and I was like, oh. Oh, that's what gets me.
Starting point is 00:04:43 That's when I miss it the most is when I walk by somebody who's smoking a cigarette. God damn, God damn the year. I think I do smoke a cigarette. Like it's some kind of party or something. I do. I get a, I get a pass and remind myself that why I don't like it. You know where I get a pass? I get a pass at conferences. That's where I get a pass. That's where I smoked my one cigarette a year. But by the time I get halfway through the cigarette, I'm like, fuck this, this is gross. I don't want that anymore. And then goddamn, when someone offers me a cigar, I'm like, whoa, tobacco overload. I like smoking a cigar every once in a while, but I just find that I don't know how to do
Starting point is 00:05:16 it right. No. No. It's just kind of a cool thing. We were at this. I've been to a couple of those cigar bars and yeah, I remember inhaling them and then just, yeah, you're not supposed to inhale.
Starting point is 00:05:29 Didn't you and I go to like a speakeasy once here in Atlanta, like a secret cigar bar where all you would do is drink and then feel more nauseous because of all the cigar smoke in there? Oh, it was the worst. I used to tell people when I was running bars, I'd be like, don't smoke cigars in here. Please don't do it, take it outside. It is a very pronounced smell. Yeah, it was the worst. I used to tell people when I was running bars, I'd be like, don't smoke cigars in here. Please don't do it.
Starting point is 00:05:45 Take it outside. It is a very pronounced smell. Yeah, it is. We went to a cigar bar, two stories about cigars. First, my first honeymoon, we went down to Cabo and we're in Cabo and the day that we get to Cabo, the night that we get to Cabo, there is a category for hurricane
Starting point is 00:06:01 bearing down on Cabo San Lucas. That was an Omen. Yeah. For the first time. We should have canceled the honeymoon to save the money. No, no, no, it was fun. We had a good time. But we show up and we show up at this really shitty,
Starting point is 00:06:15 all-inclusive resort where everybody has gone. There's like nobody in the resort. We're the only ones that show up. And when we get to the room, all we can smell is paint because they are repainting the building, like that wing of the building, and the paint fumes are overwhelming. So I get up in the morning, like 6 a.m., I grab a cup of coffee, I walk down the beach, two resorts down, there's like a whatever, a Hilton Los Cabos or whatever it was. And I'm like, well, we don't have the money. We're broke as a joke, but we're going to stay here because I'm not going to stay in this shitty all-inclusive
Starting point is 00:06:48 resort with paint fumes all day long. So we roll over there and the night, the second night that we're there is when the hurricane hits. And so now we are in a hotel bar where they have hurricane shutters up. You can hear them banging so loudly, it's scary. The wind, I've never heard wind like this. It's just howling, but the bar is lively. There's probably like 10 or 15 of us in there. Yeah, everybody's drinking ready for the disaster to happen. That's it. If we're going to die, let's die here, Cabo San Lucas in this bar. And there is a guy, lady, excuse me, who's rolling cigars with Cuban tobacco. So it's a Cuban cigar, right? Technically, I guess it's a Cuban cigar. And so she's rolling them and they're just giving
Starting point is 00:07:30 them out because, you know, we're all going to die. In the days. Yeah, we're all going to die. Why charge the guy for a cigar? Let's just let him smoke it. And they let us smoke them inside of there. And I'm telling you what, I got so sick. I mean, it might've been the 13 Bud Lights, but I'm pretty sure it was the cigar. I got so sick to my stomach smoking that cigar. And I had an older guy came over to me. He was like a French guy or something, right? And he was talking to us, and he was like, you're such a lovely couple. You're smoking a cigar. And I go, oh yeah, I'm smoking this cigar. He goes, yes, it's terrible. You're not smoking the cigar the right way. And I'm like, what? And he goes,
Starting point is 00:08:08 you're smoking the cigar like a cigarette smoker. And he's like, you can't do that. And I'm like, but as a cigarette smoker, I can't help but do that. I want to inhale every time I smoke. And I got so, I was like hugging the porcelain. Yeah, I think I've gotten sick from that too. Second cigar story is, and I've had lots of scars in my life. This is just the two that are pronounced stories. I go to a podcast conference.
Starting point is 00:08:31 We're trying to woo some big podcaster. It's like 12 of us out at this, the famous restaurant in Houston or something. And there's a guy who lives there in Houston and he's an older gentleman. And he is one of these guys who's like parties hard at his advanced age, like way too hard, the kind of partying you think you should probably put down in your 20s,
Starting point is 00:08:50 but this guy, and he's known for this, he's just known to be this guy, right? The old alcoholic that everyone puts up with because, hey, why not? Well, he can never stop because then he can never go back to it. Yeah, I think his liver is pickled. And so if he stops, he will die for sure. So this place that we go in Houston is a Mexican restaurant, authentic Mexican, very famous. And they also have the world's best cigar selection or whatever. So we all eat, we go outside, we go into the cigar room
Starting point is 00:09:22 so this guy can show us what the best cigars in the world is. And hey, it's on- The big humidor. Yeah, humidor. It's on us, let's get a nice cigar. And he's like, hey, what do you want there, Brian? Chico Mandico or do you want a pango pango? And I'm like, I don't fucking care, whatever, Chico Mandico.
Starting point is 00:09:36 It's a hundred dollar cigar or something like that. And I'm telling you what, Chrissy, I lit it like everybody else lit theirs, and then I slowly just started to... And you go to the slope, the stope, the stope, stope. They roll it. Hey, it looked like a bunch of idiots. They roll it and light it. Look at the bunch of idiots sucking on a dildo.
Starting point is 00:10:02 You know, getting it all sloppy at the end. It's the grossest thing. And just like licking your own saliva, it's all mashed in there. It's all wet and weird. And so I liked it, but then slowly underneath the table, I'm just putting it out. I didn't take three puffs. I was done. I wasn't even drinking. I was just like, I'm going to get sick to my, but I didn't need to smoke the cigar because everybody else around me was smoking the cigar and that was fine. I get on a plane two and a half days later with the same jeans that I had worn out to dinner. And the lady next to me asked if I had smoked
Starting point is 00:10:41 a cigar before I got on the plane. She goes, Oh, you smell so nice. So they said, my husband used to smoke cigars. He's passed now of cigar related cancer. But is, did you smoke a cigar recently? And I was like, nine, two and a half days ago, she's like, I can smell it smells so good. What she really meant was get me out of this chair. My husband was an idiot. Oh, my hair. I remember after being in the cigar bars, it used to really smell like that. You know, it's amazing to me that I smoked a cigarette, smoked cigarettes as children. Listen, I grew up in a much different time. It was kind of that weird, you know, people
Starting point is 00:11:16 have known that tobacco smoking, cigarette smoking specifically, has caused cancer since like the forties or fifties. But it never became a thing until like the late 80s, early 90s when people like California started, you know, banning it in restaurants and stuff. Like California was really at the forefront of making sure that none of us had fun with cigarettes. And they raised the prices to $15 a pack or whatever in the early 90s.
Starting point is 00:11:41 But when I was growing up in the 90s, my mother was a cigarette smoker. Me too. All of my family members at some point or another, and I'm talking extended family, aunts, uncles, even my dad for a short period of time early in his life, was a cigarette smoker. I grew up in Chicago where it was not unusual to go to a dinner party and everybody was smoking cigarettes. Absolutely.
Starting point is 00:12:03 In the house. Ash. In the house. Ashtrays in the house. Yep, I remember that. I'm amazed that my dad put up with that, because he's never smoked. And my mom was just, yeah, we would have him out. I remember going to your parents' house, and your mom was smoking cigarettes in the kitchen. And I was like, whoa, that's kind of old fashioned.
Starting point is 00:12:21 I like it. I like it. Reminds me of my youth. I know. Well, too, they used to make it look It's kind of old fashioned. I like it. I like it. It reminds me of my youth. Nicole S Well, too, they used to make it look so romantic, like in movies and things. Jared Yeah, it is. Nicole S Sex and light up the stage.
Starting point is 00:12:32 Jared It is romantic. Yeah, there's something just sexy about a cigarette. I know, I'm telling the kids what not to do. But when I was a teenager, probably 14, 15, maybe even 13, I started smoking cigarettes, you know, randomly here and there. And I cannot believe it now, looking back on that, that my parents didn't realize that we were smokers, probably because other people in the house were smoking like my mother. But the clothing, reeked of cigarette smoke. I mean,, wreaked of cigarette smoke. And then finally, I think my parents just gave up and they were like, fine, you can smoke cigarettes, but you got to do it out in the garage or out in the front. So we were 15, 16 years old and people loved to come to my house because everybody smoked cigarettes. Every teenager I knew smoked cigarettes at least once in a while.
Starting point is 00:13:20 And they all could do it at my house. Exactly. Out on the front porch. Everybody smoked. I'm surprised my parents didn't get arrested. I mean, honestly, like, they're smoking cigarettes right there on the porch with those teenagers. Imagine doing that today. Imagine doing that today. Imagine me letting my children smoke cigarettes out in the front of the house and just making it a place where people could smoke cigarettes all the time. It's crazy.
Starting point is 00:13:39 It's crazy how things have changed in just such a short 50 years. I've almost been alive. That really has been, though, short 50 years. I've, I've almost been alive. That really has been like 20 years. It changed dramatically. So anyway, back to your lighter, back to the lighters and the airport security. I wanted to share a story that I think is just like out,
Starting point is 00:13:59 crazy. There is a couple, now two couples, who went to the Turks, who went to Turks and Caicos, and both of the men in the couples brought, accidentally brought ammunition, gun bullets, in their bags because they were hunters and they had put it in there for whatever, and then they just forgot that they had some extra ammunition that was rolling around in their suitcase or in a bag in their suitcase. They are now looking at spending 12 years in jail because of the extra ammunition that they brought. Both of these guys are looking at 12 years. They've had their passports taken away. One of them has been on the island for 75 days. And he can't leave
Starting point is 00:14:43 the country. He's bailed out. He spent the first few days at jail. They bailed him out. He's got to wait till his trial. And the punishment for this is 12 years in a jail in Turks and Caicos. Now, I'd rather be in jail in Turks and Caicos than, you know, sing-sing or something like that, for sure, Rikers Island. But still, I mean- I think I read about this. I was like, wow, that's incredible. I mean, it's a good reminder to check. It is a huge reminder. How did they make it in to? Isn't that what the TSA checks for?
Starting point is 00:15:16 Do you know what? Have you ever been through a TSA check line? Listen, this is a thankless job. It is, absolutely. It's a thankless job. But if my shampoo is being thrown away, what about the bullets? I know. And they get like, I read somewhere they had like four to 7,000 guns were taken from people in security last year. Four to 7,000 guns?
Starting point is 00:15:37 What are you doing? Listen, whatever. Talk about the gun debate and responsible versus irresponsible gun ownership and all this other bullshit. We'll leave that for a different show. But when you're getting on an airplane I think we can all universally agree that a flying fuselage a flying piece of tin up in the air that depends on Not having holes in it. Yes is probably the worst place to have a gun that can put holes in it You know what I'm saying accidentally goes off whatever happens It's just probably a bad idea to let guns anywhere near an airplane unless you're an air marshal who's trained
Starting point is 00:16:08 to do it. And so I don't think this is a mistake that I would ever make, but I know plenty of people. I have a friend who brings every kind of narcotic you could think of on airplanes. It doesn't even phase him. It doesn't even phase him. And sometimes I'll call him up for advice. I'm like, you know, hey, where do I stick my pound of cocaine? Jared and Bethany laugh Watch, I'm going to get stopped at fucking TSA next time. They're going to flag me. I'm going to get TSA'd. And I just wrap your head around spending 12 years in jail for having a few extra,
Starting point is 00:16:41 you know, hunting bullets in your case. Can you imagine? Bethany No. Jared And one of these guys has a family? I mean in your case. Can you imagine? No. And one of these guys has a family? I mean, how terrible. We've got to go see dad in Turks and Caicos. That's a good excuse to go on vacation, I guess. Yeah, you might as well just go ahead and buy a place down there then. I mean, you would think that there's like some kind of, like somebody who can do something
Starting point is 00:17:00 like a US consulate or something could go and be like, hey, he's really sorry. He's really sorry. He's really sorry. Isn't it? It was it. And it was just the bullets themselves. That's it. That's it. Just bullets. But the gun laws are so strict there that they don't want people even having bullets. And it's considered a huge offense. I think this is one of the British Turks and Caicos islands too. So you think with our relationship with them, you could just say, hey, accidental. Yeah. Accidental.
Starting point is 00:17:31 Mea culpa, so sorry, didn't mean to. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I feel like this came up at another point too. And it's a big, it makes a big story and then they do get out of it. I think they will. I don't think they can put, I mean, I don't know. Because, you know, what's good for the goose is good for the gander or whatever
Starting point is 00:17:50 the actual saying is, fuck you. Uh, but you would think that there's somebody out there that can offer some help in this way, you know, can Biden pick up the phone, jingle, jangle, Turks and Caicos and say, Hey, Accidento, accidento. Got to go take a nap now. How about Trump sleeping in court? I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:18:09 I know we don't talk about politics, but I think this is the funniest fucking thing that Trump is farting and falling asleep in court. Like my grandpa used to do. He used to fall asleep, watch a judge Wapner and just fart all the time. I'll never forget it. The room smelled terrible. Grandpa was snoring and drooling on himself, but hey, people's court was on,
Starting point is 00:18:31 so I'd stick around and deal with it. Both these guys, man, we're gonna have to wield them both in and out of the whole office. Oh my God, Trump, he's just so funny. He's such a caricature of himself. He's like, there's no one else on earth like him. No one else on earth like him. And for that, I do have to give him a little bit of credit. He's an original. He's an original. We've
Starting point is 00:18:53 never seen anything like Trump. And, you know, some people might pray that we never see anything again like Trump, but that's for a different story. Anyway, okay, let's do this. I want to take a quick break and then I have a really interesting story I thought I'd share with you. Ooh, okay. We'll be back. Well, thank the baby Jesus. Brian took a breath, and now I will use this opportunity to let you know that we've got a brand new phone number. That's right, it's 212-433-3TCD. And you can text us anytime you want. Or you can call and leave us a voicemail
Starting point is 00:19:25 and we might just use your message on the show. Once Brian gets through all the messages he missed last year, of course. Anyway, you can also find and DM us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok at TCB Podcast. And of course, all of our audio and video is easily found on tcbpodcast.com. Now I'm gonna thank G one more time that we have sponsors, so thank G and here they are.
Starting point is 00:19:50 This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. I'm gonna share that I've been going through a difficult time lately with one of my family members. No trauma, no huge drama, just a difficult situation that I'm trying to navigate. It's times like these when I'm grateful I've got a therapist that I can speak with. Therapy for me is the release valve. It's a place I can go and speak to an objective third party about even the
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Starting point is 00:21:12 Get 10% off that first month. And we wanna thank BetterHelp for being a continuing sponsor of the commercial break. Hey, Podcast Universe. I'm super excited to be talking about an old friend of mine, Jordan Harbinger, and his podcast, The Jordan Harbinger Show. You know that Chrissy and I don't do a lot of talking about an old friend of mine, Jordan Harbinger, and his podcast, The Jordan Harbinger Show. You know that Chrissy and I don't do a lot of talking about other podcasts, but The Jordan
Starting point is 00:21:29 Harbinger Show definitely deserves a mention and here's why. Imagine the serious version of the commercial break where you actually learn facts from actual experts and in-depth interviews. All the crazy, interesting, weird, and philosophical stuff that we find on the commercial break to have fun with. Jordan takes some of those same topics and he applies a degree of serious journalism to it and he is an excellent interviewer,
Starting point is 00:21:54 maybe one of the best in the business in my opinion. We know for a fact that a lot of people who listen to the commercial break also listen to the Jordan Harbinger show. So if you haven't yet taken a listen, go search the Jordan Harbinger podcast. So if you haven't yet taken a listen, go search the Jordan Harbinger Podcast on Apple or wherever you get your podcasts or head over to his website, JordanHarbinger.com.
Starting point is 00:22:10 That's H-A-R-B as in boy, I-N as in Nancy, G-E-R. Jordan has been a long time supporter of the show and many people have written in and thanked me for turning them on to Jordan Harbinger, including one of our staff members who is like a Jordan Harbinger super fan. And to quote her, Jordan Harbinger is like the commercial break with actual facts and a lot less laughing.
Starting point is 00:22:32 We think you're going to love the Jordan Harbinger show. So go search on Apple wherever you find your podcasts or get started with those starter packs at JordanHarbinger.com. And we want to thank Jordan for being a supporter of the commercial break. Get ready for puck drop at BetMGM, an official sports betting partner of the National Hockey League. From game winning goals to spectacular saves, BetMGM gives you the chance to take those highlight reel NHL plays to a whole new level.
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Starting point is 00:23:50 Oh, before I talk about this story, I wanted to share that Jeff, this weekend in Memphis, your husband, Jeff, the guy you're married to, am I right about that? That's right. The guy that you're married to. Jeff, jizzy jazz Jeff, music producer, extraordinaire and festival promoter, Jeff Bransford married to this girl right here.
Starting point is 00:24:10 For what reason we don't understand yet, but science will soon catch up quantum computing. Quantum computing will figure it out. Oh my God. I was laughing so hard. Oh my God. That's a pee your pants episode for sure. At least for us, anyway. So, in the quantum witch, we'll be back, I guarantee you that. Oh yeah.
Starting point is 00:24:33 Jeff is throwing a music party called a festival, for those of you that don't know, it's all the rage. It's a three day festival. It's a three day festival called River Beat. That's right, the River Beat music festival in Memphis. Listen to the heartbeat of the river with your favorite musicians. And who's playing? Michael McDonald?
Starting point is 00:24:51 I've seen him live, he's great. He's not there, the Fugees. Oh, the Fugees! Are they all back together? They will be for this concert. All of them? You're kidding me. No, seriously?
Starting point is 00:25:03 Yes. Mike Cliff Jones and everybody? They're all making it down? Making it down. Lauren Hill. We'll see what kind of time delay that is. Lauren Hill. Jelly Roll. Jelly Roll? Jelly Roll? Yeah, Jelly Roll is a big one. He's got Jelly Roll playing? Geez, jeezy, jeezy, Jeff. Whoa, look at him. Hi, Falou. When do we get like a private plane trip over there or something? We're working on it. Come on.
Starting point is 00:25:30 I mean, there's got to be a private plane somewhere that could take us over there, right? There for sure is, but we don't own it. I mean, you know. The owner of the festival. I feel like there should be some synergy beyond a tent at Menfo. Like we should have an ongoing relationship with River Beat, I feel like there should be some synergy beyond a tent at Menfo. Like we should have an ongoing relationship with RiverBeat,
Starting point is 00:25:48 and we should be the official emcees of RiverBeat. And now, Wycliffe Ajaan and Lorena Hill in RiverBeat! Big Boy and Killer Mike are here. Big Boy and Killer Mike! Yes. Whaaa! Black Pumas. Black Pumas. I love Black Pumas.
Starting point is 00:26:06 I know. I know. They're really good. Didn't they play Memphis one year? They did. Okay. Just making sure. Okay.
Starting point is 00:26:14 Wow. There you go. Get your tickets. What's that? Riverbeatmusicfestival.com? Riverbeat.com. Riverbeat.com. What a name.
Starting point is 00:26:22 Riverbeat. Wow. That's really cool. Yeah. Jeff. We'll be here sitting, diddling our thumbs, but you know, congratulations to Jeff. But I did want to mention that if you are in the Memphis area or you want to go see any of the acts mentioned, you can go get your tickets at riverbeat.com. I thought we'd give Jeff a little love, although I'm sure he doesn't need it with those names. Is it sold out? Is it getting close to sold out? No, it's the first year they're doing this,
Starting point is 00:26:45 so you know, first year festivals. Yeah, but with names like that, you would imagine that there's gonna be quite a few people there. Yeah, wow, good for him. I'm so surprised that the Fugees are getting back together and playing a show for your little old Jeff. I know.
Starting point is 00:26:58 Oh man, I'm gonna touch his grundle sack next time I see him. You should. You tell Jeff. That's the greeting. Didn't we do a show about that, about the greeting? We did, we just tap, tap, tap. Just tap your nuts a little bit.
Starting point is 00:27:07 Just walk up to each other and grab. Instead of the tap, tap on the under sack, what I'm gonna do is just do a little love scrub. I'm gonna call it a love scrub. I just take my hand and kind of rub it under his taint. Hey Jeff. Good to see you buddy. Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh. Smell my fingers and say thank you.
Starting point is 00:27:26 Is there something going on? Oh, I thought I heard someone screaming or something. Yeah, you just do a little grundle touch and then you just smell your fingers and you go, yep, clean and fresh. What do you call it, a love sack? So fresh and so clean, clean. It's a sack tap.
Starting point is 00:27:37 Sack tap. Yeah, it's a love sack tap. Psh, psh. Hey Jeff, ding, ding. Tell them to put on that kitchen frock and I'll come from behind and I'll give them a little scrundle scrub. A scrundle scrub. A little pill as an apron. Swish, swish.
Starting point is 00:27:53 How do you get so clean down there, Jeff? Smells great. Sponsored by Dude Wipes. Yeah, sponsored by Loomy. That lady was always... The Loomy. The Loomy. She's not a sponsor of the show, but that lady who made that cream that you put on your butt and it's supposed to keep you at an odor zero for the whole day. It's not a cream, it's like a deodorant stick. And I bought some, thinking it was deodorant. I didn't know that you could apparently use it all over your whole body.
Starting point is 00:28:21 Yes, you can use it on your penis. I haven't tried the rest of the body, but... Well, try it and then we'll do a smell test here and we'll let the audience know. Actually, we're going to do a raffle. Who's going to smell Chrissy and Jeff's Scrundle Sacks? A blind Scrundle sniffing, that's what we're going to get. We're going to get me, Jeff, Astrid and Chrissy all bending over and you're gonna have a blindfold on and you're gonna have to smell our Scrundle sacks and tell who's using Lumi and who's not that's that
Starting point is 00:28:51 You can tell That is putting the rubber to the road as they say. I'm gonna tell Jeff to use it during the festival weekend Oh, yeah, he probably has swamp ass. He'll taste test it. He'll taste test it, jeez! I didn't mean to say taste! Wow! Chrissy's on to say taste. Ha! Wow! Chrissy's on fire! Look at that!
Starting point is 00:29:08 I didn't mean to- Ha ha ha ha ha! Honey, cut that into a clip for us. Christina, I want that all around the world. I did not mean to say taste. Press release. Chrissy taste tests Loomies. With Jizzy Jazz's River Beat Swamp Ass.
Starting point is 00:29:24 Ha ha ha ha ha! He's got River Beat ass. That's love. That is love. That is love. You say, honey, let me check down there real quick. Make sure you're the freshest of freshest. You've got Wyclop jeans coming. It's all for the show. That's right. Excuse me, Wyclop, give me a minute. Yep, you're good to go, buddy. Get back with those Fuji's.
Starting point is 00:29:50 Oh my God, that is awesome. Congratulations to Jeff. Riverbee.com. Go get your tickets if you're in the Memphis area and then Memphis, of course, coming up later on this year. Yeah, in October. And who's playing at that? Well, that hasn't been announced yet. Okay. It's a very top secret. I can tell you a couple things off the air. You tell me a couple things off air and then I'll repeat them. And who's playing at that? Well, that hasn't been announced yet. Okay. It's a very top secret. I can tell you a couple things off the air.
Starting point is 00:30:08 You tell me a couple things off air and then I'll repeat them. The two weeks after Riverbeat is Smoke Slam, which is the big barbecue contest. Oh, I love Smoke Slam. It's the first year they're doing it. Oh, it must be a different Smoke Slam I'm talking about. Memphis is known for their barbecue and they always have a barbecue fest each year. And so Jeff and his team have taken it over and it's going to be fun. I'm so excited that he was like, I've never learned so much about barbecue fest. Oh yeah. In my life. I mean,
Starting point is 00:30:35 all these teams that do all kinds of crazy stuff. There are professional barbecue. And they just go around different, you know, contests. Barbecue festivals. Yeah, yeah, that's it. And that's what they do. And there's so many of them. There's a storyline going on. On one of those stupid TLC shows I watched, Seven Little Johnstons, one of the kids, he's actually an adult now, he has gotten into barbecue. And so they're like entering, and they live here in Georgia. So they're entering like little small barbecue contests, you know, festivals, whatever they are. And there's like some good money to be made, like top
Starting point is 00:31:09 prize $2,500. $2,500 for cooking some barbecue? And probably cost $2,500 to buy all the meat and the equipment, but you know what I'm saying? They have television shows about it. Oh, I know. There's one on Netflix and I love it. And Melissa, that's one of the judges on there, is going to be a judge at the Smoke Slam. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, there you go. You can a little starstruck. Yes. Are you? I'm kind of fangirling. Are you really? Yes. Yeah. You know, you know, we're watching, we're watching, Is It Cake? Oh, yeah. Okay. And Felicia Day is one of the judges on that. And my kids just love the show. It's a great show.
Starting point is 00:31:46 It actually is. I'm not a big, huge fan. I'm not going to say that. Never mind. I love the show. My kids love the show and it's really interesting. 30 minute episodes. It's easy to digest. It's pretty crazy to see how realistic those cakes can look. It's insane. They had a burger episode and I legitimately couldn't tell if some of those were cakes or burgers. I was like, I don't know. But you know, it's all trickery with the camera. You know, you gotta have the right camera angle
Starting point is 00:32:12 and the lighting and all that. But yeah, interesting show. And our friend Felicia Day is on there, so go check it out on Netflix. I think it actually is a very popular show because I think it was in like the top 10 or something. Anyway, story I wanted to talk about. More couples are choosing this, this is the headline, this type of vacation over normal
Starting point is 00:32:36 traveling experiences. And what they are talking about is what is being referred to as, wholly originally, as the sleepcation. So, a lot of couples and a lot of hotels and spas all around the world are now starting to cater to people who want to do nothing on their vacation. They want to rest, they want to sleep, they don't want to get hurried, they don't want to make plans, they don't want to do anything, they want to catch up on sleep. want to make plans, they don't want to do anything, they want to catch up on sleep. What does it say about our society when sleeping is something you have to then go pay to do? Do you know what I'm saying? Like seven to nine hours of sleep, that's what most experts say you should get. How much sleep do you think you get? I know that I get on average seven. You do? Age nine,
Starting point is 00:33:22 because I wear my watch to bed. Lucky you. Lucky you. Man, that sounds nice. You do? Each night. Lucky you. I wear my watch to bed. Lucky you. Track my sleep. Lucky you. Man, that sounds nice. I do not have 30 children. You do not have 30 children. I mean, there isn't a night when we don't get woken up, at least once, probably twice,
Starting point is 00:33:34 more like three or four times, because kids, like, you know, the other night, one of my kids peed the bed. It just happens, you know, it's one of those things. They're little and that happens. Sometimes they can't control their bladder. Sometimes they can't control my jizz. That's just the way it is. I'm literally a testosterone machine, if you know what I mean. That's the way it is. So, I don't get seven to nine hours of uninterrupted sleep. I'm in the bed for seven to nine hours.
Starting point is 00:33:57 I'm just not sleeping for seven to nine hours. But what does it say about our society if you are literally thinking about taking a vacation and what you wanna do on vacation is something you should normally just fucking do. Do you know what I'm saying? It's part of being a human being. It's getting that rest, recovering your brain, recovering your body, but no,
Starting point is 00:34:15 you have to go pay thousands of dollars to do that in peace and fucking quiet. I get it, I'm a parent. For parents, I get this. There are so many memes out there and Instagram reels and TikTok videos about how parents go on vacation with the intention of, you know, going out to dinner and romanticizing and going to the museum or whatever they're going to do. And what they end up doing is sleeping till one o'clock in the afternoon,
Starting point is 00:34:38 ordering room service, screwing, and then going right back to bed. I mean, it's a good day. That would be a good day. A breeze flowing through the Gauzy. Through the Scrundle sack. Yeah. Breezing right under your undercarriage. That's right. That's right. But this feels to me like another, I guess thumbtack on the map of where humanity is going when you have to take a vacation
Starting point is 00:35:08 just to fucking sleep. I think a lot of people, they're so overworked and overstressed and overtired and partying all night long or working all night long or whatever, and they forget that sleep is such an important part of what we do. Beth Dombkowski Necessity. Jared Sussman Now, I say this, and I am a guy for whom much of my young adult life didn't sleep on purpose I didn't sleep. You know what I'm saying?
Starting point is 00:35:31 I would choose not to sleep. I would choose to ingest things that would keep me up for extended periods of time and then bitch and complain about how tired I was. Well, stop doing cocaine until five, six in the morning and then maybe you'll get a good night's sleep. But I am, listen, I watch these kids sleep and fuckity fuck if I ain't jealous. Do you know what I'm saying?
Starting point is 00:35:52 Oh, the kid's sleep is just so peaceful. No bill collectors calling. Yeah, that's true. No UPS packages to drop off, no Amazon to buy, no groceries to worry about, not a fucking thing. And I think to myself, this is the best time of your life. Zero to seven, best time of your life. Enjoy it, enjoy it. And Astrid and all parents will recognize this. Astrid and I are so crazed to keep those children asleep at the times when we need them to sleep, like at night.
Starting point is 00:36:26 Oh, yeah. Right? Between seven, eight o'clock at night and six and eight o'clock in the morning. We are so crazed to do that, that we will literally scream at our children in the car if they start to fall asleep. I don't mean scream like angry. I mean like, hey! Stay awake! Hey, buddy! Don't go to sleep. Look, there's an eagle! It's on fire! Hey, buddy! Don't go to sleep. Don't go to sleep. Look, there's an eagle, it's on fire!
Starting point is 00:36:46 Here, let's listen to Taylor Swift's new album, really loud. Let me open all the windows, it's only 40 degrees outside this morning. Because I know, and every parent knows this, the worst possible thing that can happen is that you go to the grocery store and you have to take your kids with you at three o'clock in the afternoon and you know that if one of them falls asleep, even for one second, you are fucked for the entire night. Yes. It's like they can suck in one second of sleep and be propelled for the next 24 hours. If I slept like that, if I close my eyes,
Starting point is 00:37:29 I need 10 more hours of sleep. Those kids, they close their eyes just once, just once. It's like their brain wholly resets and they are ready to go for the next 24 hours. I just thought with my nephews, I mean, who are six and eight and yeah, same. They got like 10 minutes of sleep from the ballpark to the house and ah. And now you're fucked. And now you're fucked for the rest of the night. Wound up. And
Starting point is 00:37:54 then you got to find something to exhaust the energy. It is a dance that every parent does that I know. It is a dance. I know all the parents out there that are listening to us, which is probably one, it's probably my in-laws, but I know all the parents out there that are listening to us, which is probably one, it's probably my in-laws, but I know all the parents are listening to us out there right now are just screaming at the speaker because they're like, yes, that's exactly what happens. I shake the car. Sometimes I'm driving down the road, I'll shake the car, I'll stop real quick, I'll put the music up loud, I'll turn the windows on, I'll throw air conditioning on. 64, yes. I'll crash into, I'll crash into trees.
Starting point is 00:38:27 God. Stop real quick. Shake the car. I'll pick up random strangers. Yeah, I'll pick up random strangers in the car. I put blue on top of them. I don't, I'll tape their eyes open. I don't care. I'll do whatever to avoid that 10 second nap. I will. I was driving home the other day. One of my kids, one of my sons, he's desperate to go with me and I'm just going to go to the UPS store and I'm going to go to the Publix. Yes, I want to go.
Starting point is 00:39:01 Yeah, I want to go. I want to go. And you know, I like have the starts pulling up my heartstrings and I'm like, oh, he wants to do a wanna go. And you know, I like have the starts pulling up my heartstrings. I know. And I'm like, oh, he wants to do a little daddy air. Exactly. Right, it's 4.15 in the afternoon. I know there's a danger zone, but I figure seven minutes to the Publix, the UPS store is right next door,
Starting point is 00:39:14 we can make it a fun little trip. I'll sing, I'll dance. I get in the car, I start driving. We are six minutes into a seven minute drive, and I look back, and his head is rolling around like this with his eyes rolling in the back of his head. He's right about to fall asleep. And so light is green, nobody behind me, and I just hit the brakes.
Starting point is 00:39:35 And he's like, ah, ah, and he flies forward and then backwards. And I was like, hey buddy, we're almost there. And he's like, ah, ah. He's like a drunken sailor. He's like, ah. It's so true. we're almost there and he's like, ha ha. He's like a drunken sailor. He's like, ah. Ah. Ah. Ah.
Starting point is 00:39:47 Ah. Ah. Ah. It's so true. So then I'm just like shaking the car gently as we're driving into the parking lot. And I'm like, come on, buddy. Come on, you want to go to the EPS store?
Starting point is 00:39:55 Let's go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Ah. Ah. Ah. Daddy time, daddy time. Daddy time. Let's go. Ah.
Starting point is 00:40:03 Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.
Starting point is 00:40:10 Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.
Starting point is 00:40:16 Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.
Starting point is 00:40:23 Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. I did it for a little while, but I, you would come pick me up and then I'd look in the back and there would be the 30 kids. Oh, well, when they're real young, it's okay. Right. Because they need 20 hours of sleep. Like they're like cats, right? They just need 20 hours of sleep. They're just going to sleep when they're really young. But after they pass one or one and a half years old, you got to be extra careful because they need it like, you know, 16 hours of sleep. But you got to break that up in a certain way. And it's always got to, it's like anything,
Starting point is 00:40:54 it's nature abhors non-routine shit. You have to keep it on a routine. So that they know, their little brains know when it's time to go to sleep and when it's time to be awake. If you reset that fucking brain, you are in for hell. Hell! We won't give our kids those drugs. A lot of people give the melatonin to the kids. We have done that before in certain situations. So I'm not saying we've never done it, but we have tried our best to stay away from like, you know, doping our kids off for our own selfish reasons. But you just, you can never let them sleep in that like noon to six o'clock. You cannot let those older children take a nap because it's just all over for you. Then they never go to sleep. And the worst thing in the world as a parent is being frustrated, tired, just ready to like collapse into a couch. You've had so much
Starting point is 00:41:47 stress and nervousness and anxiety all day long taking care of these kids. And listen, I get the good end of the stick because I'm in here a couple hours a day at least. And Astrid works for us too. So, you know, she also has work to do and I'll take the kids sometimes also. But the worst part about it is when you get there and it's like 7, 7 30, 8 o'clock, it's bedtime and you put those older kids to bed and all they do is just giggle and talk. It is the most pure angelic, lovely thing to watch your kids interact with each other in that way.
Starting point is 00:42:18 And all you want to do is take your foot and put it on their eyeballs and make them go to sleep. That's all you want to do. I'm just being honest about it. All you want to do is their eyeballs and make them go to sleep. That's all you wanna do. I'm just being honest about it. All you wanna do is shut the fuck up and go to sleep. That's what I wanna say. There's some Brian Cranston did that. Go the fuck to sleep. Go the fuck to sleep.
Starting point is 00:42:37 So did Samuel L. Jackson, which I think is the funnier version. But Brian Cranston does a good one too. Go the fuck to sleep, which I actually played for my children when they were a little bit younger. I remember that. They didn't. They wouldn't.
Starting point is 00:42:50 Listen, cursing is the sign of intelligence. So, I figure… You've embraced that. Holy. Yes, I've embraced that, Holly, because that's like my third language. English, Spanish, and I have a virtual Webster's Dictionary of cuss words. I make them up sometimes. I know. All right. I make them up sometimes. I know.
Starting point is 00:43:06 All right, let's take a break. I want to talk about TikTok. Oh. Yeah, I know. I know. We're going to have to talk. Why shouldn't we talk about it? You know what I'm saying? Because it's going away. So let's talk about it now. Let's talk about it now. Okay. All right, we'll be back. What? Oh, hi, it's Christina again, here to remind you to go to tcvpodcast.com for all things audio, video, and TC video. Give us a follow on Instagram at the commercial break
Starting point is 00:43:33 and on TikTok at TCB podcast. And guess what? We have a new phone number. I know what you're thinking, but I promise this is the last TCB phone number you will ever have to remember! So call us and leave us a voicemail or text us at 212-433-3TCB. Once more for the people in the back, that's 212-433-3TCB. Oh, and check out our YouTube channel at youtube.com slash The Commercial Break. That's all for now. Let's listen to our sponsors and get back to the show. This ad for Fizz is only 25 seconds long, but we had to pay for 30. Those leftover five seconds shouldn't just disappear, right? It's kind of like what happens to your unused mobile data at the end of each month, except
Starting point is 00:44:20 that Fizz, your unused data from the end of the month rolls over so you can use it the next month. Hey, you paid for it, so you can use it the next month. Hey, you paid for it, so keep it. Try the other side. Get started at fizz.ca. If you need some time to think it over, here's five seconds. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do Okay, TikTok. Last week, the, our people in charge, way up at the top, what are those people called? Congressmen and senators, right? So, all those folks up top. Some of them. Some of themon Idiots. Pete Liesva They passed this foreign aid bill that has, you know, aid for Israel, aid for Ukraine, and then attached to it also, or maybe in a separate
Starting point is 00:45:14 bill, they are forcing the hand of TikTok and this bite dance to sell to another corporation that is not Chinese owned. So everybody is freaking out. TikTok has spent millions and millions and millions of dollars lobbying Congress and also paying creators to make commercials and say things on TikTok like, don't take away my TikTok. It's not exactly what's going to happen. TikTok is a highly valuable social media company with access to hundreds of millions of people in the world. And it is so popular that it won't
Starting point is 00:45:52 go away. I can promise you this. Somebody, some group of billionaires, hopefully not Elon Musk, somebody is going to buy that fucking company because you don't let something that valuable just go in the trash. It's not going to happen. And I don't know how I feel about this necessarily, but I understand the concerns. And I believe that, you know, our leaders up in Washington and locally do need to put the reins somehow, put some constraints on social media. This is different because I think that it is, they are concerned that China has all this information, that they are dropping these social media apps like TikTok into your phones and then those phones collect all the information.
Starting point is 00:46:36 And if you don't think that, just say something, say something with your phone, say something that pick a topic that you have never, ever talked about. Pick a place you would never vacation, talk about it with your loved one or your friend or whatever in the room with your phone. And you will start to get ads for it. You will start to get Instagram or TikTok ads, Facebook ads, you will start to get ads for it.
Starting point is 00:46:59 It might take a day or two, but it will happen. No, it does, it happens. Oh, Astrid and I have tested this 50 times. Jeff and I did it too. Yeah, and it absolutely is true. Because if you read the Terms of Service, you're allowing these people, these companies, to collect all this information up to and including
Starting point is 00:47:16 metadata around conversations. Your microphone can be on and listening when you don't even know it, because you gave permission for the app to do that, because no one ever reads the Terms of Service. No one, including me. I don't read the Terms of Service. And part of that is, I guess, just we're living in a society where that is the cost of admission, but part of that is really super concerning.
Starting point is 00:47:39 And imagine a foreign government then has all that information where they may be calling through it in much more detail. Right? It's, it's, I understand. It's so overwhelming for me at this point where I'm just like, I don't even know how to, I think it's like a fire hydrant. Oh, it is a fire hydrant. I mean, I don't know how you stop all of that.
Starting point is 00:47:59 You have to go through serious measures to erase your data, erase your stuff. I mean, I got an alert the other day like data breach. Oh, it happens to me every three days. I mean, I'm like, great, they have my social security number somewhere. Okay, great. And then there's a United Health Care data breach. Oh, yeah, I got the United Health Care one too. It's like, well, I don't know what to even do. It's like, great, all my health care information is out there. But then if I call to get life insurance, they know everything about me anyway, because there are companies, billion dollar companies that collect this information like LexisNexis and all these people, they collect this information,
Starting point is 00:48:35 your social media posts, your credit card transactions, everybody that you call, every address that you've ever had, what you look like, how old you are, what your preferences are, which kind of porn you like to watch. I mean, you don't think it's happening. It's happening. It's happening. If you have an iPhone or an Android, it's happening. If you use a computer, it's happening. If you use your credit card, it's happening. It's all happening. And how do you stop it? I don't think you can. That's the reality of living in 2024. And China does it to such a degree that they give social scores to people. Did you know this? That's right.
Starting point is 00:49:11 They have cameras everywhere and they watch what you do and highly advanced systems of computers. Then watch what you do, watch your behavior, listen to your conversations. So crazy, so scary. There's a black, you know, black mirror. Oh God, I couldn't, I had to stop watching black mirror.
Starting point is 00:49:29 It was making me so anxious. I know, I know. Well, there was an episode about that, but now it's come true. The social score. Remember the one, remember the one, the black mirror where they were all like recording each other? Like, you know, you were a human and you were recording everything that you ever did. It's like, ah, go back in your recording and see what it was.
Starting point is 00:49:45 I know. I know. Yeah. It's happening. I saw a guy the other day, had his bike, riding the bike down the street with one of those, you know, Facebook or whatever they call them, those, the goggles on? Oh, yeah. The apple, the apple eyes or whatever they call them? Oculus or no?
Starting point is 00:50:01 No, it's the new Apple one where you can like, you know, go like this. So, dude's riding down the street and you can like, you know, go like this. So dude's riding down the street and he's like making hand gestures in the air. And I'm like, what the fuck is going on? What happened? What happened? My mom wouldn't want me wearing sunglasses when I rode down the street on a bicycle because she said I couldn't see.
Starting point is 00:50:22 I mean, now you're wearing like Oculus while you're riding down the street. You're in virtual reality. You're checking email and, you know, with your hand like up in the air. It's amazing technology. No doubt about it. Super cool. But it's not for me. It's not for me. I'm not going to do that. I don't want to look like the fucking moron at the Starbucks going like this and being like, I just did an online order. I'd like to pick it up. Take your fucking glasses off and look at me. You're standing right in front of me.
Starting point is 00:50:52 You can't order that. The kid couldn't have been more than 14, 15 years old either. And I was like, holy shit. Which parent in which universe buys their kid the apple ga- the apple gaggles or whatever they're called and lets him ride down the street on a bicycle with those things attached to his head. That's insane to me. It's insane. Yeah, I don't see how you could be paying attention to everything around you. But those apple glasses are then picking up on everything this child does, where he goes,
Starting point is 00:51:19 how he gets there, what speed he's going. I mean, we all have GPS trackers on our wrists or in our hands. It's insane. So I get the concern that TikTok is giving all this information directly to a foreign government. I'm not 100% certain that it's true, but I imagine there are people in some level of government that know much more than I do, right? True. So how do you feel about it? I mean, I agree. But again, I feel like it's a fire hose and I don't really know how to stop it all from spreading. I mean, I don't know. It's to me, it's like the quantum computer.
Starting point is 00:51:56 Yeah. I know it's big, and it can do a lot of things. Oh yes, it's got many different purposes. You're going to love it, quantum computing. Soon you will be wearing a big quant on your head and I will dictate what you do and where you go. Yes, you want to go to Starbucks? Not yet. Check your social score. You've got a D minus, Chrissy, for lewd and viscivious acts in the bedroom with jizzy jazz Jeff in his scrandle sack. Quantum computing knows we know everything.
Starting point is 00:52:32 Oh, and I feel like by the time now that it's gotten to law... Yes. Yes. You think the law's going to stop us? No. No, quantum computing is... that's what we do. We take the Constitution and we mix it up with a little bit of Donald Trump farts and then poof, quantum computing is making your life better.
Starting point is 00:53:01 We rewrote the Constitution for you. Just look in your apple gaggles. Oh, so pretty that Constitution. Let me give you another example. And who are they going to force them to sell it to? Well, there's going to be a buyer. I mean, they're forcing the sale. They're forcing the sale of the company. And if no one buys it, they will shut it down. They will not allow it in the United States. They will essentially pull, they'll make Apple pull it from the app store. They'll make Google pull it from the Android store or whatever.
Starting point is 00:53:35 But that'll never happen because it's so popular. I mean, here's the thing. What's crazy is, and I know that this is like, there are so many things to be concerned about, but the thing everybody's up in arms about is TikTok, if you take it from our phones, which is great. I read an article the other day, and I think this is an example of what the government, what people in government may be concerned about. Texas town, small Texas town, Russian hackers, known Russian hackers took responsibility for a small Texas town, actually multiple small Texas towns near New Mexico. Their water systems broke down and flooded.
Starting point is 00:54:17 And the reason why they broke down and flooded, they didn't really break down. The reason why they flooded is because Russian hackers got a hold of, got into the system, the water tower system and made it overflow itself. And so it was just pouring water out into the desert for like 45 minutes until they could gain control back of the system. And then these hackers put a video on TikTok of them inside the system, pressing the buttons, making it happen, which is insane. It's a physical attack from a hacker, which is insane. And I think what the people in government may be concerned about is that China or other nefarious actors are going to have such control over the inflow of information and the people who have
Starting point is 00:55:03 these, you know, the apps on their phone and all this, that they may be able to do physical damage in the real world. I believe that. Like start fucking with your phone or telling Brian to take a right when he's supposed to take a left. I blame it on TikTok. That's what I'm going to say to Astrid next time.
Starting point is 00:55:17 Why are we taking the back roads? TikTok, because TikTok, China, that's why. It's all the Chinese government's fault. That's what's why. It's all the Chinese government's fault. That's what's happening. And so I do get like the concern. Yeah, trying to get some kind of handle. Yeah, this could get kinetic, right? Right now, it's just kind of a war of information, but it could get kinetic. And I do understand that. And so, you know, until quantum computing comes along and saves us all. That's it. Well, you think I love TikTok? Cock-cock. That's my new app is called Cock-cock. Quantum Cock. I'm going to put a little Mark Zuckerberg hair and then I'll take
Starting point is 00:55:54 Gizzy Jeff's scundle sack, throw some loomy in there and poof! Loomy. Quantum Cock. Your favorite new app. Don't worry. It's controlled by quantum computing, making everyone's life better and safer. What do you think? I love it. I'm taking control of the camera on your iPhone and I'll be able to see you and jizzy Jeff making sushi in the nude. I can't wait. We're literally going to suck in thousands of hours of Chrissy and Jeff inside their house,
Starting point is 00:56:31 and wha-bam, quantum cock. We know everything we need to know from Chrissy and Jeff. Jeff got the Fugees back together, no, quantum computing did. It's not the real Fugees. It's a quantum hologram. Like Michael Jackson or the Bee Gees. We're going to put them on stage in holographic form. Starting quantum computing. What do the Fugees sing I'm going to be a singer. I'm going to be a singer. I'm going to be a singer.
Starting point is 00:57:07 I'm going to be a singer. I'm going to be a singer. I'm going to be a singer. I'm going to be a singer. I'm going to be a singer. I'm going to be a singer. I'm going to be a singer. I'm going to be a singer.
Starting point is 00:57:15 I'm going to be a singer. I'm going to be a singer. I'm going to be a singer. I'm going to be a singer. I'm going to be a singer. I'm going to be a singer. I'm going to be a singer. I'm going to be a singer.
Starting point is 00:57:23 I'm going to be a singer. I'm going to be a singer. I'm going to be a singer. I'm going to be a singer. I'm going to be a singer. I'm going to be a singer. with Bob Dylan and Bruce Springsteen, two of the whitest guys you know. And I've mixed it up and wha-bam! Lauryn Hill is now singing, killing me softly. You'll never be the same again once you see the Fugees on quantum monographics. Bring your Apple Gaggles and your Cock-Tock. Monographics! Bring your Apple Gaggles and your Cock-Tock. Cock-Tock is the new social media app that controls you from the inside. It works on a molecular level, Chrissy. How does it work? No one knows. They can explain it.
Starting point is 00:57:59 Not explainable. You'd need a quantum computer to explain quantum computing to a quantum computer. It's crazy. It's the third level of inception is what it is. We need quantum computing to figure out all of the movies like Inception. That's true. That's true. That is really true. I need quantum computing to help me explain
Starting point is 00:58:26 Inception or what was the other one he did the one most recently about everything going in reverse is syncope or whatever No syncope is the name of his uh, uh, what is that guy? What is that director's name? I know god Okay, hold on not gonna be an idiot here. Hold on gonna gonna try and get something right syncope syncope is the name of his uh inception uh gonna try and get something right. Syncope. Syncope is the name of his inception. Now your phone knows. Yeah, my phone knows. It knows everything. Christopher Nolan.
Starting point is 00:59:00 All the Christopher Nolan movies. That's right. Tenet. Tenet. That's right. Tenet and Dunkirk. Is it now or was it then? Or how much time do they have left? I don't know. Everything's exploding. It's about World War II, but I don't know. Is it now? Is it then? Which level of the dream are they in? Why are they going backwards? Why is everything so slow now? Why are they going backwards? Why is everything so slow now? Tell us Christopher Nolan. You've had quantum computing for as long as ever.
Starting point is 00:59:33 You are the quantum computer. I think he is. Literally Christopher Nolan hooked up to a machine and explain interstellar to me. Please. Why is he pressing all those books? What's going on? I can't understand Nolan. I don't understand. You know what's more powerful than quantum computing? Christopher Nolan.
Starting point is 00:59:53 That's true. I know. I just went back a little while back. I went to go and watch Inception again because I was like, you know, now that I know I'm going to watch it again. And now that I've studied, now that I've studied to watch Inception. I still couldn't.
Starting point is 01:00:13 You know what? That's a good question for one of our guests actually. Do you understand Inception the movie? Yes. Can you explain it to us, please? Yeah, because I just saw an article that said something about it and they're like, it's really when he goes down the elevator and then this and that. I thought, okay, I'm going to go up back and watch it and look for this stuff.
Starting point is 01:00:35 I mean, I do understand Inception, but it is really complicated. And it's brilliant, but it's complicated. Same with Tenant. Tenant is twice as confusing as that. I haven't seen that one. And it's brilliant, but it's complicated. Same with Tenet. Tenet is twice as confusing as that. And Interstellar- I haven't seen that one. I kind of get Interstellar. It kind of moves in a one direction, but then he's pressing the books and he's out in outer space.
Starting point is 01:00:51 And I don't know, he's talking to everyone. Something about something. I don't know. Dunkirk is my favorite, because I think Dunkirk you can get. It's just a World War II movie. Okay. Have you watched Dunkirk?
Starting point is 01:01:01 Oh, it's so good. You got to watch it. So good. What's your favorite Christopher Nolan movie and how little do you understand it? Let us know. Let us know. We would love to talk to you about it.
Starting point is 01:01:14 You can dial us up. 212-433-3TCB. That's 212-433-822, for those of you that can't spell TCB. You need quantum computers! Riddle me this TCB. What does three TCB really mean? TCB minus.
Starting point is 01:01:41 I know. But we do have some people lined up to come on the show and we'd love for you to be a part of that. If you have a question for Chrissy or I, you want to talk over some silly subject or you just want to shoot the shit, we would be happy to have you on air. So dial us up, 212-433-3TCB. Actually text us or leave us a voicemail and just give us a little synopsis.
Starting point is 01:02:04 Don't give us like an inception synopsis. Yeah. Make it understandable. Uh, but you can text that phone. You can also text that phone number if you have questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas, you don't have to come on the air. You can just text us and we'll be happy to respond. TCBpodcast.com.
Starting point is 01:02:20 That's where you go. You find out more about Chrissy and I, all the audio, all the video right there, one location at TCBpodcast.com. Also, you can get your free TCB sticker. Hit the contact us button. There's a drop down menu says, I want my free stickers. Send us your physical address and away we go. Little announcement about the YouTube page. YouTube page will now be dedicated to interviews, audio versions, and select episodes for now. We've got big plans coming, Chrissy. And so while we've got those big plans coming, we need to pick and choose our battles on
Starting point is 01:02:56 YouTube. Let's put it that way. So youtube.com slash the commercial break. Oh, actually, youtube.com slash the commercial break. The commercial break on Instagram, TCB podcast on TikTok. And yeah, we'd love to hear from you. Thank you for everyone who's writing in, leaving nice reviews. We really appreciate it. Keep it coming. It's one of the few things that keeps gas in our tank because financially, well, we'll save that for another episode. Okay, Chrissy, I guess that's all I can do for today. I think so.
Starting point is 01:03:30 But I'll tell you that I love you. I love you. I'll say best to you. Best to you. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I always say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye! I get ass!

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