The Commercial Break - Alien Seed & Irish Steed (Best Of | Worst Of)

Episode Date: June 20, 2022

A breakout of the virus has caused panic and sickness at the studio. So Bryan and Hoadley take a forced break! Bryan quickly foes through the archives to pull together an episode with material deemed ...to "awful" to air otherwise. Armed with content from a man who lost his virginity to an Alien and a few teens who get sent to Ireland to learn discipline. It's the best of the worst of The Commercial Break Podcast! LINKS: Send us show ideas, comments, questions or concerns by texting us or leaving a voicemail at: 1.855.TCB.8383 Lululemon.com is for people who like comfort! Watch Us on YouTube Creator: Bryan Green Co-Host: Bryan Green Co-Host: Krissy Hoadley Written By: Bryan Green Exec Producers: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley Content Production & Research: Tina Khano YouTube Producer & Editor: Morgan Please Audio Editing: Christina A. Executive Director: Astrid B. Associate Producer: Gustavo Episodic Contribution: Marianne, Diane, Natalie, Will The Champ, Will D** Huge Thanks To Our Supportive Listeners, Friends, Family & Spouses: Astrid & Jeff!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey y'all, I just wanted to take a moment and say thank you. Chrissy and I are so grateful for all of you who have been listening over the last 200 episodes. It's hard to believe any of you listen to this absurd podcast, and the fact that we've made it to 200 episodes is just a testament to your enjoyment of and your dedication to the commercial break. We've had so many people that have sent us messages, a good will and cheer. A lot of people have congratulated us on 200 episodes, and then there's a number of people who told us to stop doing the podcast altogether.
Starting point is 00:00:29 And Chrissy and I figure we're going to give it another 200 episodes and see how this all pans out. Chrissy and I had a week of celebration planned for you. We're going to do TCB games, we're going to go back and listen to some of the old, really shitty episodes, and poke fun at ourselves as we do of others. There's only one issue. Three of the four human beings in this house currently have coronavirus, making the studio a no-go zone for Chrissy and I to be together.
Starting point is 00:00:52 And rather than bring you lackluster audio through the magic of the inner webs, we've decided to just take a break and let everyone feel better. But fear not, I'm gonna do what I've done a couple times in the past when we run into these situations. Chrissy and I literally have about a hundred hours of material that's never been released for one reason or the other. While most of it is just plain bad and that's why we didn't release it, some of it is good and the baby went out with the bath water. So our archive department, me, has taken time to comb through that material and bring you the best of the worst of the
Starting point is 00:01:22 commercial break. This is brand new material you've never heard before, cut up into digestible pieces and smash together for one or two episodes. Chrissy and I hope to be back together next week creating brand new episodes and celebrating with you the listener. In the meantime, feel free to reach out at tcbpodcast.com or 661-237-8296. I'm stuck in a house with a bunch of sick people and I've run out of old TLC episodes to watch, so I really could use the company 661-Best2Yo.
Starting point is 00:01:52 First up on this Mishmash episode of the Commercial Break our favorite British morning television show at ITV talks to David, who lost his virginity to an alien. I'll be back in a little while to introduce the next segment of this, the best of the worst of the commercial break podcast. Enjoy. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪- if a yes, I think they're at one point are in the future or there has been life, but it could be like a tiny little microorganism. Yeah, we just don't know what it looks like. We don't know what it looks like. It's a Carl Sagan said.
Starting point is 00:02:30 He said, do you think that if this advanced civilization could travel, you know, eons and seconds and have this propulsion system and be out there in the galaxy and find us a needle in a proverbial haystack, do you think they would really show up with a big flying saucer and announce themselves? Maybe if they were wanted to take over the earth
Starting point is 00:02:50 for some reason or another. But the truth is, they more likely could like morph into human being able to just, or they might be amoeba in collecting information from our computer. Who fucking knows the whole thing? We don't know. I definitely believe we're not the only ones after. I agree.
Starting point is 00:03:05 But I'm not so sure about some people who claim to have these kind of experiences with alien like creatures. It just doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. Like, you know, the big bobble head bullshit. And all of the other stuff. E.T. looking thing. Yeah. I mean, E.T. was not a good looking creature. He was, he was a really bad puppet. I mean, he seemed to not age well. And that's why Steven Spielberg begged the studio to allow him to go back and touch that up because and then it got worse. Like when he did the CGI, it was worse. It was a good, oh, it's
Starting point is 00:03:36 a whole area. Yeah, with his bad hand puppet just coming out of the side. I saw a card the other day, the store that said, don't feel too bad about yourself. The mom from ET had an alien living in her bedroom for three days and then now. Story, you can actually see the light bulb in ET's finger if you look close enough. You can see that it's like a child's toy like, ET phone home light bulb, it's so weird. I do believe that there is life out there. It's my personal belief, but I'm not concerning myself too much with it
Starting point is 00:04:13 because we've got enough going on here on Earth, right? So I'm not concerning myself with it. I just haven't been one of those people that believe that the odds are against us being the only life in the entirety of this universe that we cannot even begin to fathom how big it is. So how are we the only ones that happen to have even if they say like it's you know the circumstances are one in a cajillion that life would evolve like earth has there's a cajillion billion other other planets like. Yeah, milky the, yeah, we don't even know. We don't even know.
Starting point is 00:04:45 And it's finally small like my cock. It's so inswy or so. It's so hard to find my wee wee. I wouldn't know. I wouldn't know either. So it's like this whole Demi Lovato thing got me thinking back to a article that I read a couple of years ago about a man who claimed to have had sex with aliens. He lost his virginity at age 12 to an alien.
Starting point is 00:05:09 Okay. He has many, many alien babies and he's had many, many alien lovers. He's a pretty famous guy who runs around telling this story a lot, right? Is there a dating app for that? I wish there was. There should be. Alien Tinder. You have a rumble.
Starting point is 00:05:26 Rumble F.O. Rumble. I, so I found this guy and I have yet to hear him tell his side of the story. Like, he, out of his own mouth. Like, I've read the story. He's just read the story. I just read the story. Would you like to take a listen to it?
Starting point is 00:05:40 Yes, please. Because I think this is just, I mean, it's too good not to, not to. If there's anything that's ever been a TCB material, it's been the guy who had sex with many A. Lee. Okay, youtube.com slash the commercial break in case you'd like to follow along. Here we go. And oh, by the way, this is from our good friends at ITV,
Starting point is 00:05:58 which I just love these people at ITV. Oh, okay, good. Okay, here we go. And. So you'll fast. Oh, you guys are amazing. here we go. And... So you'll first be... Oh, you guys are amazing. You're amazing, you're going to... These guys.
Starting point is 00:06:09 It's our morning show. Oh my God, they're so amazing. And it says on the bottom, I lost my virginity to a busty alien named Crescent. Crescent. Of course she was named Crescent. Or is it a heat? This guy looks like...
Starting point is 00:06:22 This guy looks like the kind of guy that spends way too much time thinking about what... If I had sex with an alien, what, what her name did. Right. He's a New York USA. Yeah. Well, I was living on a farm and I was behind our barn playing at the base of a tree. I was whacking off on the tree when all the sudden an alien came by and said May I help you?
Starting point is 00:06:50 And I heard someone say, David, behind you, and I turned around and there was this little harriga coming out of the woods straight toward. What? How many... What? How many- Hey, David! How are you? It's me!
Starting point is 00:07:09 There we go! They call me a bear! Now, lean over and spread them out! All right. Stop whacking on that tree! Let me help you out! And his eyes were like glowing. And he sc he scared the hell out of me. I didn't know what to think of him. So Scramble.
Starting point is 00:07:32 Are you sure? It was in one of the monster hunters of the cornfields. I thought it was Uncle Steve after one of his mid-binges. But then I quickly realized, that's the guy I see at the gas station. I think he's on Monster Hunter. I found a Uncle Barry. Back and I ran to the barn and I looked back and he had turned and was going back into the woods. Oh he's like, oh going back into the woods. Oh, he's like, oh, I'm not interested. Oh, here I thought you were a blowjob.
Starting point is 00:08:13 How about a hand shandy from the road? I was just about to come and get all big quick. Oh, you're so, You know, rebuffed. You know, I've been there. Yeah. I've been there. A lot. I could write a book about all the times I've been like,
Starting point is 00:08:35 hey, what do you think of it? It's time to go home. Call me a new book. Now later that day, I still remembered it and I went back out to the barn and I was looking at the edge of the trees and suddenly the little hairy guy stepped out from behind a tree. Beekaboo! Kroco!
Starting point is 00:08:56 Hey, hey remember me. Hey you little bear! Remember me, little hairy guy? Want to play with each other's balls? Hey, remember me. Hey, you little bear. Remember me, little hairy guy? Wanna play with each other's balls? Are you as lonely as I am? Let me peek tell that tree. Why don't we say that he goes later on that day?
Starting point is 00:09:21 I remembered it. Right. I was thinking, yeah, I remembered. Yeah, you live on a farm and a guy, the hairy guy pokes out and you're like, I remember, I remember seeing that weird, strange, hairy man running through the woods with glowing eyes. Could you forget?
Starting point is 00:09:37 Yeah, there's a lot to do on the farm. Yeah. You gotta feed the chickens and milk the, whatever, the dogs on my shirt. Now, Trongon ran. Oh, I'm not surprised. I mean, that's the, that's one of the things that obviously
Starting point is 00:09:51 that most people would have done. But this is the, the beginning of many encounters with many different kinds of aliens. She's the, she's the her face. She's like, trying to be serious. She's trying to be serious.
Starting point is 00:10:06 She's like, I've also had sex with the healing. And meanwhile, the host is like, okay, cuddle the barn crap out of. Oh, we get to the sex part. He didn't even let him finish the story. He's trying to tell the story about we had sex with an alien. We want all the details, not just some of them. Yes, that's right.
Starting point is 00:10:24 And one of them, one of the aliens that came to see you, but you became to have a relationship with. This wasn't just a... You lost your virginity. You did? Yes, I did. Yeah. Don't mind if I do.
Starting point is 00:10:37 Wait, I know we skipped a lot here. It started with a Harry man blowing eyes. Let me fill you a little bit. It turned in. Was he like the pimp that was like, here it started with a hairy man blowing eyes. Let me feel you in a little bit. Yeah. Was he like the pimp that was like, hey, I got one for you, Cresson. At 12, he was. Cresson, get back.
Starting point is 00:10:53 Cresson, get back to this far. We don't know because they don't, they don't want to get the actual details. They just want to know about the sex. They're like, get to the gratuitous part. We're trying to make a 15 minute segment interesting here. This guy, what happened is he had an experience when he was 12.
Starting point is 00:11:08 He started seeing aliens behind the barn and all this other shit. And that kind of grew into being visited by female, look at like women aliens with female anatomy. They happen to have big boobs and nice asses according to him, right? It's, I'm sure, but if an alien comes down, they're probably gonna be Kim Kardashian ass.
Starting point is 00:11:28 Yes, exactly. And he loses his virginity. And then he can hear him. He's proud of that. He's like, don't mind him. I did. I said, I did. I don't want to be bragged, oceans.
Starting point is 00:11:38 But I did lose my virginity to an alien with big tits. Yes, sir. That's correct. It's in my book called Big Titted Alien, now available on Amazon. Number one in the alien's sex category. And this is crescent, the alien crescent. Yes, it wasn't. Right. Little and hairy like the guy that you've seen before. This was this was a different form of alien. What did you know? She was gaping in bald, but I guess that's besides the point Is it can I say that on television? Oh?
Starting point is 00:12:11 Who wasn't little in it Kind of wish she was but no sir. She was not I could never get my hands around that little hairy man. I chased it Look like man. That's interesting. He looks like. Well, she has, I think she wears a wig. I'm not really sure, but she has black hair. Large black eyes, a very pale face. The human, the body looks quite human. I think you might be having sex with a human. I think you might be having sex with like the local school teacher or something. I think she wears a wig. Wouldn't you know that if you had sex with somebody? Wouldn't you? Yeah, isn't that like run your hand to their hair or something, especially when you're 17. It's hard to control yourself. You just got, you don't know
Starting point is 00:13:03 what you're doing. You're just kind of grab all over, right? I find this story it's hard to control yourself. You don't know what you're doing. You just kind of grab all over. I find this story a little hard to believe. Rather long fingernails. What, why do you think an alien would wear a wig? I think for aesthetic reasons. You painted hundreds of pictures of your encounters with aliens, some of them terribly graphic, but you paint those.
Starting point is 00:13:24 They've shown you. You say that you've far-fired hundreds of alien babies and they've shown you them. Yes. And so, that's an image of them. That's what you thought they were. That's an image of me getting ready to receive an alien cock.
Starting point is 00:13:40 Oh my God, this picture. This is not looking like a woman. No, that looks like a dog head. Yeah, you got to go to youtube.com slash the commercial break and check it out because they're showing some of his paintings. And what he's in, he's in a room and on the back wall, there's like, I guess little cupboards where they keep the whole thing. He keeps the alien babies.
Starting point is 00:14:02 And then his mouth is open in a 360 circle. almost if is if he's been surprised about something. I fathered those. I was so blind. All of them. All in glass cases on top of each other. Yes, they were stacked on top of each other. And so, so why do you think they chose you as our representative to the universe? A guy who works in the Delhi camp.
Starting point is 00:14:27 This guy's question is hilarious. Sir, of all the human beings on earth, why would you sir? He said that he worked because you were in a Delhi counter. And a gas station. You work at the subway at the Chevron in Decatur in the noise. So why would the aliens pick you? Dumb, ugly and bored. What's in Hapokin in New Jersey?
Starting point is 00:14:55 What is it about you? I don't know. Maybe it was just because I was a little kid playing at the base of a tree. And they sold it. A certain other kids that kid playing at the base of a tree. And they sold it. There's still other kids that are playing at the base of it. No, that's never happened. That's an original thought. I'm going to go play at the base of this tree.
Starting point is 00:15:14 Contact Aliens. Hey, Mom, I'll be right back. I'm going to go turn this tree into a space radar with my dick. Maybe it's because I was having sex with the tree and they were like, well, he's gonna fuck that, I guess he'll fuck this, just throw on a wig, get some big tits out. Yeah. You see that little kid down there, whacking on the tree? Let's go, he looks dumb enough.
Starting point is 00:15:42 But don't worry, your sex with us will be the key to your forte. Okay. You'll help repopulate the universe. You'll be revealed around your little space earth down there. People will love you. They'll see you as a god. Meanwhile, he said, oh, he's like, I'm not getting stuck working on this.
Starting point is 00:16:03 I had, I, I, I father. Don't you know do I get stuck working at us? I had I Father don't you know I am I'm the guy who fathered 120 aliens I Fuck a bunch of alien chicks. This is what I get Subway at the Chevron. I'm dealing with daily meats. That should be an impairment somewhere People should know my name. I should go in a pyramid somewhere. People should know my name, but I should go by one name. D'av. Right. Oh, poor David. I have no idea.
Starting point is 00:16:35 And what do you, do they mind you telling everyone what they look like and that they come and visit you? I mean, why don't they just show themselves to everybody? You know, that's something I would like to know. Is that you? Why don't you ask them, David? If you're having sex with them. Yeah, that's a good time.
Starting point is 00:16:52 I assume you can communicate with them. Right. If you want. Well, bedroom chatter. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, more, more. What's so special about me, baby?
Starting point is 00:17:02 Hey, you know, you want to work into it. Yeah. You don't want to just, you can't go into an alien cold. They're cold, buddy. You got a warm a month a little bit. I'm assuming they're cold. You know, you got to get there. You got a tickle their webbed feet, their creepy little hands,
Starting point is 00:17:18 their creepy, clovey Kardashian hands, whisper sweet nothings into the, the hole and the side of their head. Hey, why me? Because you're stupid enough not to tell anybody in a convincing way. They want to do it on a very gradual level. That's all I can say. Haven't you asked them? I think if they, I'm sorry. Have you asked them? There you go. No, I have it. It's like I was always there for a reason.
Starting point is 00:17:53 A sex slave. I was always there for a reason. One head, one leg up behind my left ear, then my right ear. They were playing with me all kind of way. It twisted me up like a Plexul, poking and prodding. Pegging, I came up with Pegging.
Starting point is 00:18:10 I literally had an alien peg. Now, you're asking a good question that I don't have a real great answer to. I never thought to talk to him. I just set up. Use me. Yeah, meanwhile, this is probably like his aunt Bert or something like late at night walking into the room with a salient mascot. Don't ask questions. Just eat me out to completion.
Starting point is 00:18:39 Oh my God. And he's like, why me don't talk? Shh, you're ruining the mood. I would do whatever they asked me to do. And do you still see Crescent? I saw her about four or five months ago. Oh my God. I got a text message from her a couple days ago. It's a people pop, poop, poop, poop, poop.
Starting point is 00:19:11 I didn't know what to say. Here is a butt dial. I got ghosted by an alien. It was a butt dial. It was a tentacle dial. Look at this. The person has no arms. I mean, is she holding up her arms?
Starting point is 00:19:30 Yeah, she's holding up her tits. I've seen the actual, yeah. Okay. She's muscular. Yeah, this is a human being with a mask on. It really is. I think it's actually a guy with a mask on. I think poor David here is a trauma that's not worked out.
Starting point is 00:19:44 Oh, wow. We just shouldn't have let her out. We have to think about taking a photo of her instead of drawing her, because you paint lots of pictures of them. Why not take a photo and then it's proof? I don't think about that. I think a light bulb literally just went off in my head. Thank you very much, Miss British lady.
Starting point is 00:20:09 I'm gonna bring my blackberry next. Next. I'll go. Oh, that's her text now. Be poop, poop, poop, poop, poop, poop, poop, gotta go. Look at him. He's struggling to answer this question. He's like, yeah, I was overwhelmed with the experience.
Starting point is 00:20:27 All the interviews I've ever done, no one's ever asked me that question. I don't know. I just never have. Would you do that for us next time you see one? She's like, okay. On behalf of all Earthlings. Please snap a pic. On behalf of the CIA. Would you please go ahead and snap that photograph, send it on over to it.
Starting point is 00:20:51 Info at IJV.com. Thanks so much. I don't know. You're asking tough questions this morning. If I can, yes, if I have a camera, and if they tell me about it beforehand, yeah, I would do it. Well, that's not fair. Because you're 74 now, you first had to encounter
Starting point is 00:21:12 at the age of eight. And so they, you know, they know you're especially crescent, you know, you're totally going to know each other. Yeah, I mean, he has 66 years to get this right. Literally. 66 years to get this right. Literally. You've been fucking aliens longer than I've been alive. You didn't think to get a flashball camera, Polaroid.
Starting point is 00:21:34 Or ask any kind of questions. No way, ask any questions whatsoever. No, no, he was really thinking to have sex slaves. If there are aliens and they wanted to sex slave, they got the perfect foil. He just doesn't have. I'm just happy to be getting off if I'm being real honest with you. If there are aliens and they wanted to say slave they got the perfect foil Just doesn't that I'm just happy to be getting off if I'm being real honest with you. I don't care if it is my uncle Dave he's saving up for those that college with all those There were a lot of the in colleges. It's 44 million yorks Got himself in this sort of relationship. You might like a little sort of keepsake,
Starting point is 00:22:08 like a little picture by your back. This is my girl crush. I never thought about that. He's gonna fly like a wall. This is my chick, Cresson. That's a dude with a mask on. No, it's not it's crazy. Goddamn it. I knew I shouldn't have taken a big shirt. It just ruined everything. Those fucking British television talk show hosts with all their questions. They're fancy big-sidded questions. This is a present.
Starting point is 00:22:40 Yeah. Well, I will if they let me know ahead of time what are they going to do? Shout for the photo shoot. Stand by for a message from the storm. Stand by for a message from the storm. We are coming to your neighborhood. We'd like to know if you'd like to get extra insurance on your car warranty. Are you having trouble with the IRS? Zonk and Associates help you. Oh my god.
Starting point is 00:23:24 This is a message from a dead collector. Please press one to be taken off the list. We are here to collect your seamen. We need more zonk children. Yeah, I'm a little confused as to his. Like if you didn't even know they were coming, he's just, you know, working at the subway and then all of a sudden boom bam boom in the back room
Starting point is 00:23:45 That's right the door When Kresset wants it. Yeah, it's a big big did it. Zork walks in and it just starts sucking them off Crescent yeah, can you hold on on your bacon ranch BLC? I'm getting blown by a Zork Oh I got a zork finger in my ass can you what can you repeat your order? Welcome to subway can I help you hold on one second. I got a zork take it on my balls That's the one oh All right, yes Oh Yes I did I saw that his dentures just fell out. Okay, we got to go back to the tape on this one
Starting point is 00:24:35 It did I should move them down Yeah, I should make fun my dentures are gonna fall out soon, too. Okay, let's go back just Okay, here we go back just okay here we go. Are you bed? Oh, right. That's crazy. He's the alien. I think he is. Yeah. He's got indentures. Yeah. Oh, thank you very much for joining us today, David. It's lovely to me. You're it's fascinating. Very much for joining us.'s we're gonna allow you to go back a bit deep back in. He's four guy. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:25:08 We wait for the photo to arrive. If you ever managed to get one. You could tell us. Oh my God, dude. If you ever managed to get one. How do we get this guy on our show? Because I think this would be a ton of fun. If you, if you were so lucky, I mean, I don't know if it's lucky,
Starting point is 00:25:27 but if you were the chosen one, the one who actually had a real encounter that could be proven, like having sex with a zork. Like if you had a sexual encounter with a zork, you go get, you take cotton swabs and you rub your dick and you put it in a little container and you send it off to the CIA, right? You would think.
Starting point is 00:25:44 Something more than what he did. Yeah. I mean, he didn't do anything. He didn't even ask why he and me. He didn't ask where he is from. He didn't ask who is going to happen to all my Zorke kids. Yeah, yeah. Anything.
Starting point is 00:25:56 Yeah. Nothing. Hey, Dad. This is Billy. This is David Zorke, Jr. Me and my friends want to go to the third Tulasiope universe of the Milky Way for Spring Break. Can I borrow 2020? Can I borrow 260 doing dunks? Who's this? You're 175th youngest son young that it's crazy has nothing
Starting point is 00:26:26 nothing about the get the kids the sex where they were for i would have so many questions so many in so many questions you did if you were a man and i would definitely ask for a selfie yeah i'd want to i'd want to set i'd want a picture of every one of my alien children so i can put it on the wall exactly yeah this is number and isn't david number one hundred sixty two is his david jitter number one of the sixty three that I could put it on the wall. Exactly. Yeah, this is David No. 162. Is this David Jr. No. 163? Yeah, that's the least the aliens could do for him.
Starting point is 00:26:50 But here's what I'm wondering also is that I think something about his, I think a lot of stuff about his story doesn't hold much water, probably why he's not more famous than he is. Yeah. But the question remains, how is a man having sex with an alien woman creating alien children? I don't know. Unless part of their DNA is indeed human. And maybe now things can start to make a little bit more sense. Maybe that's why the women have breasts and vaginas is because they are in fact part human. Give birth. Give birth to David Saragit.
Starting point is 00:27:25 Wait, you have one more in there. I just want to get another one. I got another one. Hey podcast fans, it's time for the commercial break inside of the commercial break. And we want you to know this summer, Chrissy and I are bringing in the world's foremost relationship expert to give relationship advice. And we need your questions to ask. So dial us up 661-237-8296.
Starting point is 00:27:49 That's 661, the word best, the number 2YO-Yo. Text us or leave us a voicemail at 661-237-8296. Or you can drop us a line at tcbpodcast.com. Hit the contact us button and email us your questions. We won't use your name, we promise. Speaking of the website, you can get all the audio and all the video right there at tcbpodcast.com or go to youtube.com slash the commercial break for our entire video library. Chrissy and I love doing the show for you. We just ask two simple favors in return.
Starting point is 00:28:22 Number one, if you have an extra minute, go to your favorite podcast player in Levis, a review, and a rating. It really does help grow the show, and more people need to know about this ridiculous podcast. Number 2, if you're ever in the market for our sponsors, products, or services, please use the specialized URLs or codes when given to get a free discount and let those sponsors know. TCBCars. TCBpodcast.com, 661 Bestbest-to-o-n-YouTube.com-slash-the-commercialbreak.
Starting point is 00:28:48 We'll be back to this episode of THE commercial break. After we hear from the sponsors, thanks again. Okay, next up on this extremely sloppy episode of the commercial break, Chrissy and I earlier this year took a look at a new TV series I had found online named World's Worst Teenagers, as inferred by the title, two terrible children are kicked out of their house by the real parents to spend some time with their fake parents over in Ireland. These two teens, a boy and a girl, get television adopted by two extremely strict Irish Catholic parents. And while it's all shits and giggles with a real mom and dad over in Australia, they're finding it hard to adjust without sex drugs and alcohol to life under the New Testament.
Starting point is 00:29:34 So without any more aduse, let's get into it. Here's Chrissy and I having a giggle at yet another lost episode of The Commercial Break. The world's worst kids and the world's strictest parents. episode of the commercial break. The world's worst kids and the worst strictest parents. I'm so excited about this. Yes. Okay. The Irish countryside is so beautiful. It's so beautiful.
Starting point is 00:29:58 So beautiful. You know, I went to Dublin, but I went to Dublin in the midst of the worst snowstorms that they had had in 48 years. Of course. We landed and then as soon as our plane landed, they shot. All white. I'll say the story real quick.
Starting point is 00:30:12 So, Asher and I go on a honey, on a baby moon for the first baby. We go all around Europe and then at the end of the trip we're going to go to Dublin, which I'd never been to Ireland. I'm super excited. And her good friends live in Dublin. So we'll see that.
Starting point is 00:30:25 So we booked this hotel room, single room, king, whatever, nice hotel room in downtown Dublin. We, as we are kind of getting closer to the trip, it looks like this snow storm is going to drop a few inches on Dublin. And the morning that we were to take that flight to Dublin, out of Barcelona to Dublin. It looked like the storm was gonna get a little hairy. So I just on a whim decided to call the hotel and see if I could change it to a junior suite,
Starting point is 00:30:55 to rooms, you know, to bathrooms. You know, one of the rooms had a couch and a TV and a little kitchenette and this whole nine yards and then there was a nice huge bedroom. And Astrid's all upset. She's like, why'd she do that? We don't need to do that. We're not even gonna be in the hotel room.
Starting point is 00:31:09 And I was like, well, just on the off chance we get, you know, we get stuck in there. We land in Dublin and they shut the airport down as soon as we landed. Oh, God. As soon as we landed Dublin, they shut the airport down. They already have four inches. It's no, yeah, that's it.
Starting point is 00:31:23 No, you're gonna fall on the last one. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, and four inches is no, yeah, that's it. No, you're gonna have to go to the last one. That's the last. We waited two and a half hours for a cab. We were in this huge line. Caps were coming by like every 30 minutes a cab would show up. And as soon as we'd like driving out of the airport, the cab slides off the road. See.
Starting point is 00:31:40 And I'm like, don't you guys know how to drive? It's Dublin. Like don't you know how to drive in the snow? And he's like, we don't see snow. And I was like, you don't get snow. you guys know how to drive? It's Dublin. Don't you know how to drive in the snow? And he's like, we don't see snow. And I was like, you don't get snow. And he's like, no, it's Dublin. And I'm like, I think of Dublin. I think of snow, don't you?
Starting point is 00:31:51 No. OK, anyway. So we ended up getting stuck in this hotel room for four days. Oh, wow. They couldn't check the people out who were in the hotel already because there was nowhere to go. The whole town was shut down. So people were sleeping in the hotel already because there was nowhere to go. The whole town was shut down.
Starting point is 00:32:07 So people were like sleeping in the lobby. They were running out of food. It was this whole crazy thing. And then for once in a my marriage, Brian looked like he did a smart thing. I'm just letting you know. Yeah, she did. When we went through Judy free in the airport airport Harry bought some Irish cream so we could get
Starting point is 00:32:27 into the spirit of things. Nothing like an hammer on the famous Irish cream. You get drunk on, I used to drink Bud Light. I like it in the coffee and coffee drinks but not just banging it. I would have Bud Light and Bailey's on ice. That's what I would do. Not together but I would drink them. I didn't put them together but I would have bloodlite and bailies on ice. That's what I would do. I would, and not together, but I would drink them, you know, I didn't put them together,
Starting point is 00:32:48 but I would drink them together. Secret. But let me tell you something. Getting drunk on bailies is a bad idea. Yeah, it's a really bad idea. Yeah, you're looking to shit yourself for the next few days. Are I going for this family to try and change me?
Starting point is 00:33:00 They're going to have to try. I don't know what he said, because they bleeped it out, but I'm sure he's a... Oh, is that really fucking hard or something? Fuck me or something? I said, please, good luck. Good luck. Yup, this pair plan on pushing the boundaries every chance they get. Yep.
Starting point is 00:33:19 Yep, this pair has no idea what's coming to them because we've legalized corporal punishments I'm gonna hide my smokes again cuz I got an out of a smoothing ball I've got tiny payments. Yeah, they're not gonna frisk you No, Emily, they're not gonna frisk you not unless you break the house rules Put him near your balls. They're not going to touch that. That's right, Jim. They won't touch that unless they want to.
Starting point is 00:33:52 I'd hate votes living in the same family. They're both living in the same family. Oh, that family took something on. Yeah, that makes them more interesting. I guarantee she's pregnant by the end of this. Hi, Emily. I'm delighted to meet you. Glad to see you. Glad to meet you. I'm going to kick the hellish shit out of this. Hi, I'm Emily. Delay to meet you. Delay to meet you. I'm going to kick the hellish shit out of you.
Starting point is 00:34:09 Children, this is Evelyn. Hello. This is Harry. And Barry. Yeah. And Rihanna. Rihanna. And Thiervine.
Starting point is 00:34:18 Rihanna. She's there in Ireland. Yeah. So let me get this straight. Two shitty kids from Australia get flown to the same household and ran them in, you know, in nowhere Ireland. Yeah. To live with this strict Irish Catholic family.
Starting point is 00:34:30 That's huge. And there's four other families. And there's four other families. And there's four other families. That's what they're known for. Yeah, there's four other kids. My mom was one of eight. I mean, so there's four other children all around
Starting point is 00:34:41 looks like in the similar age. Yeah, very close. Like teenagers. Oh, this is going to be a ton of fun here. I hope they're all smoking dope by the end of this, like the whole family. Like the dads. The kids changed them.
Starting point is 00:34:52 Yeah, the dads streaking around the backyard. I would have started 20 years ago, had I known. How is, thank you. Come on, it is. We're going to treat you to very, very same as our own children. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:35:08 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:35:16 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:35:24 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm college. Oh, that's right, yes. So the mother, the Irish mother who is taking on these two, you know, derelict children is basically a psychiatrist. A mind Jedi. Mind Jedi for teenagers. For teenagers. Well, I have a feeling she's gonna have a hard time cracking this girl.
Starting point is 00:35:37 Yes. The guy, you notice when she said hide the smokes in your pants, he got nervous. He was like, should I really do that? She's like, of course, I'm not gonna touch your balls. And did no problem with it. We don't drink, we don't smoke. We don't curse or swear, use bad language.
Starting point is 00:35:54 We're fairly strict about that. No going out during the week, socially. I like it the other way. Oh wait, one of the children of the parents, you know, the household there is like, poppin' candy in her house. She's like, this is gonna be interesting. She's like, I'm poppin' candy, because I can't smoke right now.
Starting point is 00:36:14 Oh, this is gonna be funny. Yeah, good morning. So, on those rules, I think, go grand. What's the porn music in the band? Oh my god. And that's when shit got weird. Turns out we may not curse a drink, but we're swingers. Put your keys in the bowl, kids. It's about to get wild.
Starting point is 00:36:39 Right now, outtain ages see those rules as a challenge. In the Harry house, more alcohol needs me. right now, out 10 ages, see those rules as a challenge. She's got a bottle of wine under the bed already. It's already half drank. I think she's in her alcohol. I think she needs rehab. That's a fucking Irish. Well, I guess this might be rehab. I don't see there very much.
Starting point is 00:36:56 My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. But then again, John. I don't think there's an hour. That's right.
Starting point is 00:37:04 And they haven't done any, they haven't really experienced family life yet. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. following the rules, that's why you're here. She's terrible, actually, not incredibly smart. Each of us would be claimed at a higher standard as being complete by 8 p.m. Five-year-old reduction from allowance were not up to the mark per mum and dad. So they would actually take five-year-olds here. Yeah, socks. Five-year-olds.
Starting point is 00:37:42 That sucks. Five-year-olds buys our hand-full of condoms. Ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha. I, so the two teenage girls, the Emily, the girl, the Darrel, and then one of the family teenage girls are sitting there reading the family rule. On the refrigerator, post it.
Starting point is 00:37:56 Fifteen pages long, yeah. Yeah, it's got everything. It's like, you know, do this, do that. And I can already tell she's going to be about influence on this poor girl. Yeah. Because like 10 Australian dollars. I don't know. And I can already tell she's gonna be a bad influence on this poor girl Because like 10 Australian dollars. I don't know, but if my own trust take 10 bucks of me, I'd be like Bish I hope the Australian teenagers know what they're in for. I think they'll get a bit of a shock at the start
Starting point is 00:38:19 But hopefully by the end of the week they'll adapt Hopefully by the end of the week we've'll adapt. Hopefully by the end of the week, we've all broken the coop and go down to the club. We're going to Berlin for a bit of Dixho. We're gonna go look at some Pizzle paintings. Thanks, pretty god. This raid has nearly stopped. Oh, thanks for the god. So this week, the horses will play a big part in Emily and Harry's routine.
Starting point is 00:38:45 Oh animal therapy. I agree with that. Yeah, getting animals out there. Yeah. Okay, now kids stand behind the horse. You're really loud. Two, three. Since Evelyn has been six years of age, she has come out harsh riding with me on a regular
Starting point is 00:39:01 basis. And it always has to have a one-to-one chat with them, you know, and you really get to understand your child and know more about them and understand what issues they're having. Sounds like you're the world's most approachable father. Right. Like that conversation goes down,
Starting point is 00:39:17 like you're really learning about your child. Your child's scared shitless of you. Now, listen, I'm not yet a father of a teenager, so I don't know, this might be exactly how I parent parent my kids but I don't know this sounds a little bit beautiful yeah looks beautiful wow let's go to Ireland yeah we know our friend Rachel went for a month yeah I know she went for a month yeah we have other friends who like they went on like the Guinness sentiment of oh right oh galvan and apparently it was a total shitsho. I mean, Dublin is even a little of a snowstorm. Dublin was packed full of drunk people.
Starting point is 00:39:50 Right. I mean, and God bless. It was such a beautiful town. And I loved it. And everyone was very lovely there. But there was a lot of people. Between Genneth and Irish whiskey. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:39:59 What are you gonna do? So up straight now, we need to put your shoulders back. I thought we were gonna actually ride today but you know we're just going around and cycling some of the little horse. What are you expecting? You're expecting to go galloping down to that field. You're expecting to ride like the old spice guy around the mountains like around the rolling hills of Ireland. You're a shitty little 15 year old from Australia. Rolling hills of Ireland? You're a shitty little 15 year old from Australia.
Starting point is 00:40:24 It's your hands out of your pockets. I already don't like this kid. Yeah, yeah. What am I? Don't talk about. Horseman, you look like an idiot. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:34 Yeah. That horseman, you look like an idiot. I'm so pissed. What did the horse do? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know because they just showed it walking around yeah
Starting point is 00:40:45 I'm like He's a little shit. Yeah, yeah, you already look like a video, but then you got on that horse and all the fun You really look like a dumbass You got them mate. Okay fine I think he is a horse right? Oh well, but he... Oh! Get for you! That's a years of horse riding. I'm basically David Hasselhoff on the back of the horse.
Starting point is 00:41:12 Fuck off! Dancing with the horse. I know. I'm getting closer. Riding through the open field. The golden oaks of Mid-America. Yeah. Like literally dark't keep you.
Starting point is 00:41:26 No, we don't sit in more discerning what's in online. The cursing started to become an issue. And what I really find most worrying about is that it's just so deeply ingrained into her everyday language. Sorry. Go was an accident. I didn't mean to. And I did literally mean that I accidentally said it.
Starting point is 00:41:46 Ah! Ah! Listen, first of all, cursing is the sign of a fucking intelligent person. Maybe not in these two cases, but, you know, in general. Yeah, using the right thing. I need to understand why people get so upset. Now, my son runs around the house and he repeats everything that's said to him. So if I say shit, he says shit, right?
Starting point is 00:42:08 If I say fuck, he'll say fuck. And I have to explain to him that while it's like a dance you do, you know, you're like, don't say that now, right? Let's say that later, don't say that at school, you can say that at the house. It's a house word. Yeah, like it's just a fucking word. Words are not dangerous necessarily. Yeah
Starting point is 00:42:33 What did she say she said she said she's A And one about Aussie teens is heading for a showdown with her new strict parents As ours is really like we're excited. I see this those horses are like, we're excited to see this. Those horses are standing right in the gate, staring at the ass. Woohoo! Hurry, mom! I, as you show, throw them that girl in,
Starting point is 00:42:53 but like, right off. Woohoo! I'm going for the redhead! Woohoo! Move that pier, those two piercings. Yeah, would you do that, so please? Oh, he wants her to take out the piercings. She's got to lift piercings.
Starting point is 00:43:08 It's my piercings. She'll have to take them old before she goes to school. Otherwise, there will be problems. I'm not taking them out. Yeah, but you also said that you'd try it airway for the week. So if I was in that position, I would just take them out. Yes, that's what it is. I mean, a lot easier. Yeah, don't understand how hard
Starting point is 00:43:30 my dad's hand is. Yeah, you don't want to meet the back of a paddle. If I were you, I'd just take a please take something about everybody's life easier. You're like the fourth stranger we've had here. And two haven't returned. Right. My dad said they went to the airport. We don't think so. We need to do.
Starting point is 00:43:53 I don't like her anymore. So, if we believe what you are, how are you going to school? So now they're going to school with these kids. They're actually going to school. I guess so. Yeah. You want to rest your name as well at least. I need to make my bed at home.
Starting point is 00:44:06 I hate making my bed. There's no point. I'm also not going to wear the black shoes. I'm just going to wear the black shoes. If there's one thing that I wish I had done since the beginning of my life, it's make my bed. Oh yeah, it makes everything just better. Yes.
Starting point is 00:44:22 I cannot go past 10 in the morning in this house with an unmade bed. Yeah. It just does it. I wanted to be like a hotel better. Yes. I cannot go past 10 in the morning in this house with an unmade bed. Yeah. It just does it. I want it to be like a hotel room. Yes. I want it to be smooth. Yes.
Starting point is 00:44:31 I'm ready for the evening. Ready for the night. That's right. And if I lay down for an app, I lay down on top of the covers with a blankie. Yes. I don't wear dirty pants or no shoes out in the bed. No.
Starting point is 00:44:41 No shoes out in the house, really. It's probably just the best policy. But I like the room to smell good, which is a challenge because blue shit is everywhere. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, update on blue shit. The other night I was working in the studio,
Starting point is 00:44:57 and I had the baby gate to separate blue and Niko at nighttime because Niko coughs and, you know, the rat chases them around and stuff like that. So I tell blue explicitly, I say, go to your business on your pad or outside. Don't shit. She looks at me and she knows what I'm talking about. And then she goes and yeah, right. No problem at all.
Starting point is 00:45:22 So I think she's laying down right here next to me with in the editing room and then I can start to smell shit. And I'm like, motherfucker, so I walk out the door and there she shit right outside the door. So now, but two minutes earlier, I said, go, it was your little present. Oh my God. So then I'm cleaning up that shit.
Starting point is 00:45:37 And she's down the hallway, shitting again and the other side of the shit. I'm like, you fucking little chasing her around. Like, boom, stop it. Now my daughter is like, this is my daughter goes around and she's like Because all I say to that dog is dear business on your bad I think how we just stop laughing all together Well, that wasn't funny. Let's try something else
Starting point is 00:46:04 all together. Well, that wasn't funny. Let's try something else. Let's go back to the show. Ollie, win some, you lose. I want to talk to you, please. No, no, it doesn't all talk to the principal. The principal in distance. Emily, what do you do? What do you don't like? Okay, please take a moment. No, because I must go to work as well. I'm going to wrap up and read about your lip. What do you do? You do you don't like? Okay, please take them out. No, because I must go to work as well I'm gonna rather than read about your lip
Starting point is 00:46:27 What do you do you don't like? Got to smack your head onto the granite of this countertop because you are I want to talk to the principal I want to talk to the principal she's saying that she's saying that like she's gonna Get away with it like the principal is gonna go. Oh you know what you you're right. You're right. Lip piercings for all. You're going to an Irish Catholic school. They're not gonna let you have a lip piercing. You gotta have two cents in your head. I didn't say anything. I didn't agree to anything. Emily for you, when I get on you need to understand a small and thinkable discipline. Okay. Is it what we say goes. I
Starting point is 00:47:04 need you to slip out to buddy But I'm just thinking of the her mother While she's Like having a ranger I know she's like drinking with the 80 year old 40 year old neighbor and the neighbors like I'm gonna do your daughter And the mom's like I can't control anything And the mom's like, I can't control anything. I'm glad the mom's really popping popcorn much. Let's see how the dad handles this.
Starting point is 00:47:28 Meanwhile, back in Australia, there's a three-way going on with mom and the neighbor. She's decided to change her name and move to Jamaica. He's got British. Yeah. She's legally signed Castanille guardians ship over to the Irish Catholic family. I can't remember the name. Who cares? I mean, if you just knew how hideous it looks.
Starting point is 00:47:54 Okay. I know. She put a piece of tape over her lip ring. She put a piece of tape. So she didn't take it out. She didn't take it out. She put it tape. I guess she's afraid maybe it would close up.
Starting point is 00:48:03 It's not going to close up in a day, is it? No. I guess it's what she just got to tape it. I guess she's afraid maybe it would close up, but she's not going to close up in a day, isn't? No, I guess it's because she just got it. Yeah, I've never had one. Because I don't want to take it out. Not acceptable. You're not leaving here with a body piercing. Clearly, Emily is not used to being told what to do and when to do it. And these are little issues that she needs to get over.
Starting point is 00:48:23 That looks horrendous. It's disgusting. Take out the whole at once. I'm not telling you that. Emily, these are little issues that she needs to get over. That looks horrendous, it's disgusting. Take out the whole at ease. I'm not telling you that. How many days are not your decisions? Yeah, they are my decisions. I have to wear them in my face. None of the people from our house will wear things like that going to school.
Starting point is 00:48:37 It hurts us to have you who represent our family wearing something like that going to school. It's staying in. Take it out, okay? And this is like, you know the cameras weren't here. That dad would be like, because this, I don't, I do not hit my children. I don't spank them, I don't smack them.
Starting point is 00:48:59 But that's not to say I might never, right? I mean, I'm reserving the right to figure that one out later on down the road. Like when this shit happens, I would never, right? I mean, I'm reserving the right to figure that one out later on down the road. Right. Like, when this shit happens, I would just, I mean, this is, yeah. This is what teenage shit headness is all about. It's like, I will not do it. Yes, you will.
Starting point is 00:49:15 I will not do it. Yes. What do you do? It's a standoff. Yeah, it is a standoff. What do you, and how do you discipline in this way? I already start, yeah. And mom, the psychiatrist here.
Starting point is 00:49:23 Yeah, I guess she's just. Yeah, I don't know where she went to school, like Phoenix University or something, because she's not handling it. Yeah, she's not handling it. It hurts me to have you represent, oh, it's like Lee Samily. And Emily's like, I don't know the fuck. I don't know what the fuck you are. I don't care on represent.
Starting point is 00:49:38 My mom needed an extra $1,000, so she signed me up for the show. She's boning Mr. Graves and Jamaica right now. What do I care? Sister's a beautician, okay, and if If it needs to be repears, I'll make you a present hopper, okay? A compromise gets Emily I've the lawn Looks west with just the hole that's okay. No, that's okay. That's okay. Don't give a shit, Emily. You don't understand.
Starting point is 00:50:06 I don't give a shit. He said her sister, meaning the mom's sister, the aunt is a beautician, and she will repure she'll live if it closes up. Yeah. He went from being a disciplinarian to being a negotiator, which apparently is what you're not supposed to do,
Starting point is 00:50:23 or children. You're not supposed to negotiate with them. But she's not happy. So meanwhile, what's it made? I don't have a cliff. Bob Jam. From her. He's smarty.
Starting point is 00:50:43 He is. He is. He is. He Jam. From her. Okay, that's not from her. Yeah. He's murky. He's murky. He's murky. He's like, they're both riding in the back of the car. They got one camera pans to her, and she's like, basically crying because she had to take out her fucking lip piercing. They didn't look good in the first place.
Starting point is 00:50:56 Yeah. And then they pan over to him, and he's like, that's for the horse joke asshole. I'm definitely going to be more of a, now because I'm trying to be really nervous. That's for the horse joke asshole. I'm definitely gonna be more of a now because I'm gonna be really nice. More of a shit, huh? Yeah. That would just be so. I was trying to be really nice.
Starting point is 00:51:14 I was trying to be really nice. It's made me realize what I had to explain to me. No one likes girls. I mean, I'm sorry, but Emily, you're not on your own. You're not, when you do, when you get a job, you're doing your own thing. And you have your own house. Yeah, you can do what you want,
Starting point is 00:51:33 but this is not. Realize how 1992 lip piercing is, especially a lip piercing that's up near your nose. It's like, you didn't even get it done correctly. You're gonna, you're gonna realize, I wish I just had a little bit of common sense. You know, there's a lot of stuff going on in my house when I was a teenager.
Starting point is 00:51:50 A lot of stuff. But I wish for a second that this Brian, my Brian, like, you know, this, the version. The version. And maybe he is. Maybe I am talking to the, you know, in some universe I'm talking to the younger version of myself.
Starting point is 00:52:05 So maybe I could have ended up a lot worse, but I wish that I would have had a little bit of foresight or the ability to have hindsight because I don't think I would have been such a shithead. Because how many times I could have been killed or murdered or just dumb shit that could have gotten me in way more trouble than it did. And Emily has no clue.
Starting point is 00:52:27 Well, yeah, you just don't. But when she's a single mom, and she has her own little shithead daughter, I guarantee her turns to change. I bet. I bet. Hey there, Mr. Herne. This is Emily.
Starting point is 00:52:41 Hi, Emily, how are you? Thanks, Emily. And that means more rules. Hi, Emily. Hi Emily, how are you? Thanks, and that means more rules. Hi Emily, please sign this document here so as I can chain you to the basement floor should you disobey any of my rules. Thanks, have a nice day. It's school. Bye-bye now.
Starting point is 00:52:56 LAUGHTER Full attention and cooperation to each teacher during class. To refrain from anything which interrupts the teacher or disrupts the class in any way, to refrain from leaving to college premises during school hours without the express permission of the college authorities. What's your role about mobile phones? Basically, we left people, have their mobile phones hurry, but you put it into your bag and you turn it off.
Starting point is 00:53:24 What's your role about mobile phones Harry, but you push it into your bag and you turn it off. And we're signing. Yeah, what's your rule about mobile phones? In which school is it okay to just have a mobile phone out? I guess some public schools are just like, you know, they have no control over it. Yeah, but I mean, I think you're not supposed to have it during class. Now, no, that makes a lot of sense. Yeah, it does. And kids are on their cell phones, scrolling through Instagram,
Starting point is 00:53:43 and smack them across the head. I think you're a contract that says they will abide the rules Whether they break that contract Falls again, Lee, man Well, I'll clean up Oh Man he's got to change his shoes. He was wearing like white like sneakers first of all I can smell those sneakers through the fucking Oh my god, it looks like like my dog Martin's from 1992 right? Yeah, they were right. Yeah, the first shirt. Okay, so we're two vice-thirds pushing the calls. And then we're going to... He's listening to headphones in class.
Starting point is 00:54:34 All right, take the windows. Come and join one. Nope. So put it in your pocket, switch it off and put it in your pocket. Oh, Harry. So there's some questions here. Harry, if you put your feet on the floor. Man.
Starting point is 00:54:53 Yeah. Can't do anything. Man. School sucks. I can't whack off in class. I can't murder anybody. This is my man. Can't smoke pot.
Starting point is 00:55:03 This is a school's shitty man. We should take my fun away if I use it again. I really wanted to say why I would get why was at this new school. I do that at every school I've been to. How many schools have you been to? I tried. I've done that at all. 26 schools I've been to.
Starting point is 00:55:22 I'm actually an undercover police officer. 27 schools. 21 schools. 21. 21 dumb street. Just string me tomorrow if he does one thing, how should we just give me a ring and I'd be in here from straight away. Sorry again about that. I'm going to find out. Oh, I was really disappointed that he couldn't keep his word for a few hours. Oh, he got kicked out of class.
Starting point is 00:55:50 Everybody has to be kind of condescending and annoying people around him. He's peers and he's teachers. Harry, could you come here a minute? He doesn't give a shit. Don't you know this? Yeah. Firstly, you had a mobile phone in school in use. You took off your black school shoes
Starting point is 00:56:11 and put on a pair of runners in school, and then you got a load. And thirdly, you were cheeky and insolent to the teachers. Shaky. Which is not. Thirdly. Here's what you said thirdly. Thirdly. Love the Irish accent. Thirdly. The rest you said thirdly.
Starting point is 00:56:25 Thirdly. I love the Irish accent. Thirdly you are cheeky, insolent. You think Harry knows what that means. Load? Did you read the code of behavior? Look up at me now and then. What I can't understand is,
Starting point is 00:56:42 when you would deliberately disrespect me. They're having a major conversation with them. Meanwhile, Harry is tuned to fuck out. Oh yeah, he's like, I don't care. Harry is wondering when the mass casualty event is gonna start. I mean, this kid looks like he's about to explode. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:58 Within hours of the court of behavior, being read in front of you. We want your runners, and I want your phone. Okay, but above all, I want your absolute word and your absolute trust. As a young man face to face with another man. Why do you use that degree? What an educator work. Face to face with another man.
Starting point is 00:57:24 Totally. I want, I want you words face he's gonna get it. He's gonna get it. He's gonna get it. What does he care? He doesn't care. No, he does not. Yeah, I guarantee Harry breaks the rules. Yes. Harry wouldn't be shoveling a lot of hot soup before he sees it. I don't think it's fast. He's gonna be shivering.
Starting point is 00:57:38 He's gonna be shivering. He's gonna be shivering. He's gonna be shivering. He's gonna be shivering. He's gonna be shivering. He's gonna be shivering. He's gonna be shivering. He's gonna be shivering. He's gonna be shivering. He's gonna be shivering. He's gonna be shivering. Harry will be shoveling a lot of horse poo before he sees it. I don't think it's fast. He's gonna be shoveling a horse poo.
Starting point is 00:57:51 That's exactly what Harry needs to be doing. He does need to do that. I'm just gonna grab my hand. I'm gonna grab my hand. I'm gonna grab my hand. Harry dies. BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM!
Starting point is 00:58:07 BAM! I think you can find it over. Walk a bit quicker, okay? Come on, I'll be here after that. You'd think that'd be enough to teach any teenager a lesson. There's no such luck. There's more bad behaviour to come. Disgusting. There's such luck, there's more bad behaviour to come. It's disgusting. Early morning in Ireland, and 16-year-old Emily's already been up before school, to go horse
Starting point is 00:58:36 riding with Evelyn. Wow, that's nice. There you go. It's amazing, I've never met anybody. Who's there to pick it up so quick? Yeah. Not bad for a teenager who dropped out of school and normally sleeps till lunchtime.
Starting point is 00:58:49 Oh, she dropped out of school at 15 years old. Wow, that's young. We have to teach her to tell you, Taga. I can master a horse, but I'm yet to master the tide. I can see with Emily that her priorities are changing, body piercings. I didn't hear about body piercings. These have gone down in Emily's priority list.
Starting point is 00:59:08 And she's really nice. And because, because this poor single mother has lived with Emily all her life. Emily got a taste of the wild life back in home. This is not to say this isn't going to change. It's a second that she gets home. But she got a taste of the wild life. And she found some comfort there because she thinks that those people, first of all, goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes,
Starting point is 00:59:28 she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes,
Starting point is 00:59:36 she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes,
Starting point is 00:59:44 she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, she goes, little bit of support and discipline. They want it. They might. Just like I do with blue. Yeah, that's work. Just like blue. They turn the corner and they're on the straight edge. Yeah. Right. That's what they need. That's what she wants. That's what she's crazy.
Starting point is 00:59:53 Well, she's part of a family too. Yeah. Brothers and sisters, two parents. Correct. She got horses, eyes, eyes, country side. That's beautiful. Yeah, I think they're gonna have to adopt this kid if they give him her any chance.
Starting point is 01:00:01 Yeah. She's gonna go back to it. She doesn't want to go back, I don't think. She's gonna go back to that shitty looking junkyard it's the boy is gonna be harder to break Yeah, well the boys angry and anger is a different thing writing Being involved actively and with the horses has come so much up As for Harry you I've been changing Ha ha! This is cool. It's gonna be a best chance to get your wag. I will.
Starting point is 01:00:28 First time you get a wag? I'm not prepared to trust. I made a move! I can't find barrels. I can't wait to see what's going on there. A thousand mission here to find the missing clues. A, the tain age, a just yet. Maybe you're planning of an absent person.
Starting point is 01:00:46 Smuggling drugs. She's gonna her bag check. Wow. You're okay. You're okay. She has nothing. Check it. Harry.
Starting point is 01:00:57 What's her day showing in here? What? Please. Oh. Oh my shoes. I forgot. I forgot they'm in there. Why, why does he love those shoes so much?
Starting point is 01:01:07 I don't know, they're disgusting. And they're from Kmart. We're gonna have her like, she's like, ah. I know, Emily is now, Emily's like, I don't know how to play this game. It was Harry that was smirking before, and now Emily's like, you're the shit head down. Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 01:01:20 So ridiculous. It was just going to, today, today you're going to school to let you go into school. And not check your bag because I was building up trust in you again. Screw that up here. Yeah. How short is that tie? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:01:35 Yeah. I really learned to tie a tie to the second button. He looks like... Halfway down. It's Ronald Trump. Yeah. The most important thing you're going to do this morning. That's my little Trump. Turns out that promised didn't mean much.
Starting point is 01:01:53 The Harry barely makes it to morning tea. And he's out the school gates already. Oh, he's just leaving school. Oh, why did he miss this morning tea? Morning tea! In this town. Who, what teenager in the right mind? This morning tea! Morning tea! In this town. Who, what teenager in the right mind? This is morning tea! I'll probably do whatever.
Starting point is 01:02:12 I really can. I was on this out of school. That school. It is left. Now he's changing. Now he's changing in a park. Where's he gonna go? He's 15. He doesn't have any park. I know. Oh he't have any money. I don't know. He's foreign country. I know.
Starting point is 01:02:26 Oh, he takes off the shoe. Oh, he had a change of clothes out underneath. He had a whole outfit out underneath. And he leaves the school grounds. He goes to the local park and he sheds his clothes. And now he's ready to go to the German Dildo club. I mean, where are you going, Harry? I mean, the bar.
Starting point is 01:02:41 That does seem like they drink. I don't think I think there's no drinking age actually. Right. Did he suck? Oh my god. That's blue! There's blue! Where's blue sitting in the window watching Harry fuck off.
Starting point is 01:02:57 I hate it. This is like, go Harry! Get him, Harry! Run! They can so angry. Oh, wow. So mad. God, see. She's the mother having to drive her
Starting point is 01:03:17 and look for him. Yeah, well, I mean, it can't be that big of a town. I mean, they're in the middle of nowhere, Ireland. Yeah. And I guess the school alerted. He's gone. I would think you didn't even take his money. I would think you probably have a way to figure out
Starting point is 01:03:29 if your children are still there or not. You take attendance or whatever it is. God, how many times I skipped school? We've seen that Harry left the school building. He's my responsibility. And I don't know. How do I can find him at all? Oh, he's smoking cigarettes.
Starting point is 01:03:45 It's ridiculous. He's like, he's showing like an alleyway. Like one foot up against the wall, smoking a cigarette. By the way, how hard could a kid be to find? He's got a camera crew with him. Right. How hard is a camera crew in a tiny little town in Ireland? How hard could he be to find? I'm looking for a 15-year-old boy, blonde,
Starting point is 01:04:10 air-green, new farms, indeed. She was a bank camera. Oh yeah? And he went up that bridge. He's been spotted. Oh, he's been. The whole town's on to him. He's been a fine lecturer when he comes back. I'll give him a fine lecture when he comes back. Go to Hyves and Teen. Then he has this out of a coffee and crumpets. Ha, ha. Oh. What's the rest I can do?
Starting point is 01:04:33 I don't know. He could be smoking or drinking or doing something totally leading. Yeah, you don't know what he's doing. Oh. Oh, he's putting his clothes back on. Put the pants back on. Yeah. It wasn't me. It wasn't on. Put the pants back on. It wasn't me.
Starting point is 01:04:46 It wasn't me, but it didn't do it. Stop, Harry. Where were you? Where were you? I'm sick, worried. Looking for you driving up and down the streets. Looking for you around here. I don't want to be there.
Starting point is 01:05:00 Oh no, she's it. I'm horrified and disgusted with you. Getting to the Jeep and we go home and I'd have to give you a good talk into. Nothing like threatening a kid with a good talking to. Of course when you're a kid maybe that's a big deal. When you have a good talking to you coming to you? Yeah I don't know. Yeah I don't know because it's been 30 years since anyone's given me a good talk.
Starting point is 01:05:20 Now I get a good talking to you but I'm like why? Anytime she's mad at me, I see it on the, she's like, I think we need a talk. Yeah. What did I do? The Daning Bed again? You know. Okay, there you go.
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