The Commercial Break - Bandit For President

Episode Date: April 24, 2024

Bryan & Krissy run the gamut from poignant children’s media to social media nipples to humble brags on facebook.  Bluey We’ve got the warm and fuzzies Bandit For President! Dirt Nap got great reviews Matt Rife makes dv jokes and that's why people don't like him The instagram nipple rules The talk Having daughters Seeing women as human beings Social media predators People are going crazy in the suburbs Bryan is in a very judgmental mood Facebook: only good for marketplace Yahoos on Facebook Keeping up with the Joneses LINKS: Send us show ideas, comments, questions or concerns by texting us   212.433.3TCB text or leave us a voicemail Watch TCB on YouTube Creator: Bryan Green Co-Host: Bryan Green Co-Host: Krissy Hoadley Producer: Christina A.  Producer: Gustavo B. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This NBA season, make every three-pointer alley-oop and buzzer beater even more exciting with FanDuel. Download the app today to see why we're North America's number one sportsbook. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gamling.com call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca Couple of drinks and you putting your wiggly wiggly in her sugly boogly. Y'all hankin' and spankin' a few months goes by. Now she's callin' and squallin'. Next thing you know, you slayin' and payin'

while she's still slidin' and ridin'. So before you go lickin' and stickin' or diggin' and divin', be sure you wrap your wiggly boogly in a rubbly doubly so one piece of that new new don't come back to bite you in your boo boo, baby. ["The Most Expensive Rest of the Week"] On this episode of the Commercial Break. She's at the most expensive restaurants, the most expensive hotels, flying in the first

of some classes. She's doing all this stuff, but she posts it with all of, making like humble bragging, right? Right. So grateful for all my beautiful friends. While she's drinking champagne and like her private plane, you know, so grateful for all the wonderful people around me. You know, God is good. Look at what he does for your life. You know, I am blessed

with beauty beyond skin deep. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. It's still 30 in the morning! Oh yeah, Katha Kiddens, welcome back to The Commercial Break. I'm Brian Greene. This is the bingo to my bluey, Kristin Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Kris. Best to you, Brian. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Okay, let's talk about it because I have resisted for years talking about this.

Well, I think I've mentioned it once or twice, but not in depth. And now we're just going to lay all the cards out on the table. As a guy who has 40 to 60 children, and all of them small, I have to talk about Bluey. Because I think now it has broken the children lexicon and is now in the general, I don't know, mind think of humanity, especially here in the general, I don't know, mind think of humanity, especially here in the United States. If you are dead, living under a rock, or taking a cold plunge,

then you will not what I'm talking, not what I'm, not know what I'm talking about. But otherwise, you must know that there's a show called Bluey, and it is for children, and it runs on Disney Junior, and sometimes on Disney Channel. Check your local listings. And this show has taken the world by storm, Chrissy. It has taken the world by storm and with good goddamn reason. And now I'm going to

share with you that I do not care if you are an adult or a child or an adult with a child or children, you must watch the show Bluey. Bluey is an amazing cartoon created by an Australian animator. Yeah, it's been around for a while, right? It's been around for about five or six years, I think, but we're only on like season number four or five, something like that. And they're 10 minute episodes and they run back to back usually. So, you know, you get one and then commercial break and then the second one. And my children started watching this, my oldest child started watching this, yeah, five or six years ago when it came on and

I thought, oh, that's cute. It's based on, let me tell you the characters. The characters are Bingo and Bluey, the two girls that live with their parents in Australia, bandit and chilly. They are Australian shepherds is what they are, Australian shepherd dogs. The dogs, okay. And every creature in their world generally is a dog, right, but they talk and all that other stuff. So Bluey is this young girl, I don't know really how old she is,

I think she's like in the show, she grows as the show goes. So I think she's like three, four, five, six, and seven. And her younger sister and the world that they like the world through their eyes and through the eyes of their very interactive parent, parents, Bandit and Chilly. So let me give you an example of an episode of Bluey. It's a rainy day outside. The girls are upset because they can't go to play outside or whatever. So Bandit decides, okay, let's make a fort. We'll make you guys a little fort. I used to love to do that when I was younger.

Me too. What child didn't? Right? And I think this is what Bluey gets so right. It's hyper realistic in the sense that if you can remember being this young, you can remember doing the things that these parents are doing for their children as a child. It's a snapshot of a moment in time. But what Bluey really gets so wonderfully correct is that they do it from the eyes of the children a lot of times, but the parents are pulled in, they're engrossed in it. So instead of having a fort with a couple of blankets on top, you know, with some toys inside, all of a sudden it becomes a mall or a huge house. And then they just kind of go into this world. The imagination.

The imagination. But the lessons that the parents and the children learn along the way are real, they are sometimes sensitive topics around death or friendship or caring for others, whatever it happens to be. They do it in a way that it's hard as a parent not to get engrossed in the lesson because the way that they're telling it, you remember it as a child, and then you see it as an adult, and you're like, holy shit. They can- It makes your heart all warm and fuzzy.

It does. I am going to admit, like a lot of people are on Instagram right now, Bluey has brought me to tears on many occasions, because sometimes the lessons are so heartfelt and story told so beautifully and so touchingly that you can't help but just like break down like a little child. It is reaching your inner child in a way that is entertaining to an adult. And I'm going to share this with you now. I don't know, I think it was months back when we were, you know, when you were taking a break because you had family issues and everybody was going through things. I got a book for my kid based on a Bluey episode.

And the episode was this. Bluey, the girl that the show is based on, goes to a campground, like where they have a trailer, you know, and everything is in Australia. The accents are Australian. So they're out in the outback somewhere and they're in this campsite and Bluey meets another dog, another child essentially. A friend.

Jean-Pierre. A little friend. A little friend. Jean-Pierre is French and he doesn't speak a lick of English and Bluey doesn't speak a lick of French, but somehow through the magic of imagination, play and friendship, the international language of play, they connect and they build a friendship over a couple of days. One of the things that they do when they're playing around the creeks and, you know, exploring through the trees and the outback and all this other stuff, they find a seed for a treat and they plant the seed and they water it.

They're pretending that they're doing something. And it's a very short little montage and you catch this little scene of them planting the tree. And then a couple of days later, inside of the episode, Bluey wakes up to go outside and find Jean-Luc or Jean-Pierre or whatever his name is, and he's gone because he left. His vacation was over. But because he didn't speak the language, he didn't, he couldn't tell Bluey goodbye. Bluey didn't understand that he was saying, I'm leaving goodbye. And so when he woke up, she was very upset. She was upset and mom came and said a few very beautiful words and explained to Bluey that this is how life is. Sometimes we have a short period of time with people. Sometimes we have a longer period. I'm not

going to get choked up just talking about it. Sometimes we have a longer period of time with people, but what really matters is that they'll always be right here in our heart and that moment in time will always stay with us, right? And it'll grow and you'll grow because of your time with this person, or this dog, or whatever. And so, Bluey's sad, cries, you know, walks around the campgrounds, and then they show this beautiful scene at the end where Bluey sits by the tree that they planted. As the tree grows, so does Bluey. And the music behind it, the music is so wonderful. Chrissy, I just wept. I was reading this book to my child and I couldn't get through it. I was crying. And my kid's like, why are you crying,

daddy? And I'm like, because it's so beautiful. And he's like, bluey? And I'm like, no, no, no, no, the whole lesson. And he's like, what's the lesson? And I'm like, you know the lesson, right, dude? And he's like, yeah, don't go to the campground because your people are going to leave you. I'm like, no, not really, but okay. That's true too. Never go camping. Parties in the woods always end up in tears. That's what I said. What the fuck? See, he knew the real lesson. Oh, Chrissy.

I wept like a child. Then I saw the actual episode that it was based on and I cried even more. I actually told my therapist. It's a really sweet, cute show. I know my nephews used to watch it too. And it was very sweet. So why is everybody talking about Bluey now? Yeah, it's all over my news feed.

So why is the Instagram, TikTok, everyone? By the way, I just learned and I want to make sure that I'm saying this correctly, but Bluey is the second most streamed television show in history. In history, with like billions of minutes streamed. So that Disney Plus, they got a real incentive to keep this going. But why everybody is talking about it now over the last couple of weeks is because Bluey came back with a new episode and the season finale was a 28-minute episode,

which first of all is unlike any other Bluey episode because they're all 10 minutes long. Right, it's like the Sopranos. Yeah, it's like the Sopranos. And everyone's getting upset because they think it's ending. Because Bluey, in this episode, there's a wedding or something like that. And then I actually haven't seen the whole episode. I've just watched bits and pieces while I've been, you know, with my kids watching it. But there is a, the final scene or the final

storyline is that Bluey and the family are going to move from this magical house that has been the bait, like the home base for all of this wonderfulness throughout the years. And Bandit's going to sell the house, they're going to move, you know, whatever, and the kids are really getting upset. So in the end, spoiler alert, in the end, spoiler alert on a child's card too. I know, I was gonna watch it. Okay, spoiler alert, they don't end up moving, but a lot of people suspect that this is the creator's way

of soft-finallying the show. And he has explained that he has a daughter and that that daughter has been the basis for all of these episodes largely, his interactions with his daughter. And if you could be one-tenth the parent that Bandit or Chilly were to their kids, you are a fucking superhero because Bandit is like,

it doesn't matter what's going on, Bandit is always up for some playtime. And I just love it. I think what's going on, Bandit is always up for some playtime. And I just love it. I think it's just, you know, I think we all wish we had a dad exactly like Bandit. So, people think that the Creator, and He said out loud, I don't know how much longer I can tell these stories because they come from a place of honesty and transparency into my own parenting and my own childhood. But as my children age out of the Bluey age, what do I do next? Do I grow with them? Does Bluey grow with them? Or, he's afraid essentially, I think, of jumping the shark. He's afraid of just keep on doing it until

it dies, right? Until he pounds it in the ground. I think just like the Sopranos, he wants to go out on top. And you can hardly blame the guy. I mean, this little Australian show that no one even cared the two shits about, all of a sudden became this super rockstar hit and everyone's talking about it. I can understand that there's a lot of pressure and he doesn't wanna repeat himself and he doesn't wanna make the stories like dumber

and dumbed down and so, you know, how many lessons? Yeah, content, exactly. He doesn't want to be like the commercial break and beat it into the ground with four episodes every three minutes. So I, you know, I'm just really taken with this show and I'm seeing all this stuff on Instagram and TikTok about Bluey and it's not the children

that are talking about it, it's the fucking adults. They're having watch parties, they're crying together, they're going to their therapist over it. I mean, it's insane. I don't think I've ever seen a show, especially not a children's show, affect the general population like this. It's really quite amazing. And I encourage you, I guess the point of my whole rant here, it's not rant, it's just sharing how beautiful this show is. I guess my point in discussing this is that it doesn't matter if you have children or not, you should be watching Bluey from the beginning, episode number one, there's like, I don't know, 70s, 80, 90 episodes now, you should, they're 10 minutes long. Can you spare 10 minutes a day? Can you spare 10 minutes a day to become

a better human being by watching a show about Australian German Shepherds in the outback teaching their children a little love? Yeah, it probably would be the serial killer murder show I was watching yesterday. Yes, Chrissy. So I'll turn that on instead. As Neil Brennan said, women make such great television choices as they're going to bed. I mean, I should be one to talk. I'm like searching out BBC comedies. I'm now like back in the eighties watching dumb comedies, but I should probably be watching more Bluey. Yeah, there you go. I encourage you. Do you, you watch it with, with the boys? Yes, I have watched it before. Yeah. Super cute. Yeah. I don't think it's super cute.

I think it's super important, Christy. It's super important is what it is. It's a show whose time has come. We all need a little bandit in our life. That's what I have to say. I think we need to get that bandit. And you know, a bandit for president. Hey, if bandit was for president,

I'm gonna write in bandit for president. That's what I'm gonna do this time. Yeah, that's a good choice. Should I start a campaign? We should start a campaign. Bandit for President. That's what I'm going to do this time. Yeah, that's a good choice. Should I start a campaign? We should start a campaign. Bandit for President. Because if Bandit was our president, I think things would be a lot better. He just seems like a better, I don't know, he seems like he'd be better at making decisions and some of the other choices that we have. I was watching this guy on Instagram and he's like, what did he say? He's like, comes on, you know, he's laying on a couch.

He's like, tears streaming down his face. Fuck you, Bluey. I was like, oh, I gotta watch this. And he explains, he turns the camera around, all these moving boxes. And he explains that his family is going through the exact same thing that Bluey and his family were going through also, which is to sell their home,

a move. And he's like, I felt so awesome about the storyline when the show started because I thought this is a great way to have the children make a soft landing around the fact we have to move from their childhood home. But at the end, the last seven minutes, as they decide they're just not going to move, he's like, do they not understand? Yeah, I know. That's one of the scenes is like, Bluey's trying to pull the foresale sign out. So, I mean, Chrissy, like the guy is like, he's crying, he's explaining that it took two and a half hours to put the children to bed because they couldn't understand why they could just not move either. Like, how could they, why can't they pull the foresale

sign out of the front yard and not move? And the guy's like, does Bannon not understand finances or reality or jobs? I'm like, it's a cartoon, dude. I mean, there's a lesson there too. Not everything is a story. Not everything is a fairy tale. Actually, most things are not a fairy tale. Just when you think everything's okay is when things blow up. That's how it goes. Just ask the guys and girls from the commercial break. We'll let you know. Speaking of storytellers, I wanted to share this with you. I read an excellent article, I think it's still up at vulture.com. Vulture reviewed Kyle Kinnane's latest special, which 800-pound Gorilla Channel on YouTube, called Dirt Nap. They reviewed it, and man, did they give it an excellent review.

One of the things they shared is, long live the long joke. I kind of summarize that by saying, long live the storyteller, because the storyteller, who can really get into it and do it correctly are some of the funniest people out there. Chris Rock was a storyteller, you know, some of these comedians. And if you go watch his special, you'll see that he's really good at weaving a tale. It takes all kind of, you know, twists and turns. He ends up back at a punch line, but he's so good at that. He's so good at just like taking, you know, 20 minutes and weaving something together. And I appreciate it. I really do. I enjoyed getting to know him, at least for an hour.

Did you text him? I did not text him. Yet. No, I did not. But you got a text that you thought was from him, but it was from his agent. I thought I got a email. They have the same name. I was like, huh, look at that. So, KyleCanane.com is where you can get tickets to his shows. I encourage you to go watch

the special Dirt Nap on 800 Pound Gorilla, the YouTube channel. There's a lot of great other comedians that have done 800 Pound Gorilla specials too. I saw that Matt Rife did one. I don't know the first thing about Matt Rife, do you? No, I don't know. Everyone's all, either you love him or hate him apparently. But I neither. Why do people love him or hate him? Well, I think the girls love him or hate him, apparently. But I neither. Why do people love him or hate him? Well I think the girls love him because he's got good looks. I think the guys didn't really get into it until, I mean, I don't know, who knows? There's a lot of stories out there about that, right? I don't know, I don't want to pretend that I know. I don't know. He's a handsome guy and then there's other people that are saying he's not talented, people just like him because he's good looking. But I think he's been doing this for, even though

he's young, I think he's been doing it for most of his like, mature life, you know? And some people didn't like his Netflix special. But you know what? I don't give a shit. Some people don't, you know, watch Bluey. That's what I have to say. Just go back to Bluey. If you don't like Matt Rife, you can lick your fucking paws and watch Bluey. Bluey, Bingo, Bandit, Chili. Remember that. Because when the aliens come down, 50,000 years from now, we have long since perished, and they're digging around the sand trying to find, you know, remnants of what our world was like in 2024, which I'm sure is the last year we're going to be here, in 2024, I hope

what they don't find is, you know, my 600 pound life, even though I like that show too. I hope what they do find is Bluey. That's all I got to say. And they can go, these people were compassionate and kind and they loved each other and they taught their children lessons instead of, you know, another Big Mac, please. Please. Right? Oh. You know, what are you gonna do? Yeah, Bluey, long live Bluey. I hope it doesn't end. I think he's got one more season. Like one more season in him.

And that's selfishly, I say one more season. But I mean, after 70, 80, 90 episodes, what are we on, 550? After 70, 80, 90 episodes, maybe he should hang it up. Maybe we should take a lesson. Maybe that's the lesson for us from Bluey. That might be the lesson. Yes, absolutely. All right, let's do this. Let's take a break and we'll be back with less cartoon talk. How's that?

Okay. All right, we'll be back. I know you're already on your phone, so pull up Instagram and follow us at the commercial break and then follow us on TikTok at TCB podcast. Done? Perfect. Thank you. Since you're at the ready, why not text us hello at 212-433-3TCB or if you've got some

drama in your life, a little fun story or anything really, we're desperate for content. Call and leave us a message at 212-433-3TCV. And don't forget to check out tcvpodcast.com because that's got it all. Speaking of having it all, let's listen to our fabulous sponsors and get back to the commercial break. Hey, Podcast Universe. I'm super excited to be talking about an old friend of mine, Jordan Harbinger, and his podcast, The Jordan Harbinger Show. You know that Chrissy and I don't do a lot of talking about other podcasts, but The Jordan Harbinger Show definitely deserves a mention, and here's why. Imagine the serious version of the commercial break, where you actually learn facts from

actual experts and in-depth interviews. All the crazy, interesting, weird, and philosophical stuff that we find on the commercial break to have fun with. Jordan takes some of those same topics and he applies a degree of serious journalism to it and he is an excellent interviewer, maybe one of the best in the business in my opinion. We know for a fact that a lot of people who listen to the commercial break

also listen to the Jordan Harbinger Show. So if you haven't yet taken a listen go search the Jordan Harbinger Podcasts on Apple or wherever you get your podcasts or head over to his website Jordan Harbinger dot-com. That's H-A-R-B as in boy. I-N as in Nancy G-E-R Jordan has been a longtime supporter of the show and many people have written in and thanked me for turning them on to Jordan Harbinger, including one of our staff members who is like a Jordan Harbinger super fan. And to quote her, Jordan Harbinger is like the commercial break with actual facts and

a lot less laughing. We think you're going to love the Jordan Harbinger show. So go search on Apple wherever you find your podcasts or get started with those starter packs at Jordan Harbinger.com. And we want to thank Jordan for being a supporter of The Commercial Break. Do you remember, I mean, you know, you remember this, the Instagram nipple rule. Yeah, yes, I saw something about this. We've talked about this many, many times, the Instagram nipple rule, which is basically,

many, many times, the Instagram nipple rule, which is basically, women cannot expose their nipples in any kind of way, really. I mean, I think they have some exceptions for art and stuff like that, but for the most part, you can't expose your nipples in any way. They need to be covered in some way, shape, or form, I believe is the rule. So, a lot of people on Instagram, women on Instagram, will cover them with sheer tops or pieces of plastic or stuff that clearly doesn't hide the nipple whatsoever. But I have now been served up something on my personal Instagram account that just blew me away. They have a breastfeeding rule. You can show breastfeeding. So now the hot to trot Instagram trend of the day is hot girls breastfeeding dolls, breastfeeding fake dolls so that they can show their nipples on the camera.

So there are very beautiful women, clearly not real babies, I mean, I don't know if they're mothers or not, but clearly not real children, putting plastic dolls to their bosoms and then, you know, pulling their tops down. Which I thought was just an ingenious way to get around this. I mean, you know, I looked at one of these accounts, she's got like 357,000 followers, and the account does, and it's like pro breastfeeding, at pro breastfeeding. And it's all just Instagram models top with fake dolls to their boobs.

I was so confused how people have time for this. Well, you know, they got 357,000 followers, you're probably making some change on this, but it's just all leading back to an only only fans breastfeeding page where I'm sure the kind of breastfeeding that mothers do not want to watch is going on in there. But I mean, wow, sex drives everything on the internet. Sex drives all evolution in so many different ways, whether that be technology, emotionally, spiritually, physically, sex. I mean, I guess it makes sense when you think about it. Sex is the purpose. Yeah.

It is one of the things that- That's how life happens. You think? Teach me. Would you be embarrassed to give your kids, have you ever had to give any children that have been in your orbit, like the talk? No. No? Lucky you. That's the one thing I'm afraid of. I'm like, I just don't even know where to start. You know what I'm saying? I mean, my children are entirely too young to even start thinking about that. But it's like, you know, I just don't even know where to start. You know what I'm saying? I mean, my children are entirely too young to even start thinking about that.

But it's like, you know, I just don't even know where to start. This is the kind of stuff that keeps me up at night. Yeah, well, they're going to get a lot of it from outside. Yeah, from outside the house. But I think you need to just- From daddy's browsing history. Yeah, exactly. They certainly already know how to work their phone.

Oh, yeah. And your computer. So yeah, they're going to figure out some stuff on their own. I think the best way to do it, which is kind of what my mom did, which was like, if you have any questions, please come to me and I'll tell you the truth. And so yeah. Did you have questions? I did.

Did you ask her? I did. Did she tell you the truth? She did. Wow. Like the unvarnished truth? Yeah, I think so. I mean, you know, back to when I was dating myself, but you know, pre internet, it was magazines. There's a lot of magazines. There'd be a lot of like Cosmo and stuff like that. And so you kind of pick up on stuff there too. But yeah, I mean, I guess now internet, the kids are going to just, you can just Google it. You can just Google it. Yeah, I

think the Cosmo used to have those articles. I think we saw like a browsing history of our child one time that said, what is morning wood? Oh! Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho! Cause they'd heard it from school, from some boys at school or something, you know? So yeah, you can just Google things now, the kids will know.

Oh, good old morning wood. Cause they don't have to have the talk actually. Yeah, maybe I don't. I mean, I can just do what my parents did and put down some extraordinarily clinical book on sex, science book on like some medical journal about sex, because that's what they did. And I remember I was in the, I think I was probably nine, 10 years old. They just like slipped it into your room or?

No, we were sitting at the kitchen table. The kitchen table. I know. It was so weird. Oh God. it was so weird. Oh, God. The whole thing was so weird. I think here's what happened. I'm piecing this together because, honestly, I think I was a little too young to remember every detail of this. I don't think I even had, you know, all my memory facilities available to me. So, I'm guessing this was seven, eight, nine years old. They used to get National Geographic, the magazine.

And then they had these encyclopedias. We had like two different versions of encyclopedias. Yeah, we did too. And I started searching out, like, you know, the National Geographic, they would go out, you know, to Africa or wherever and be with the tribes and the tribes were naked, right? I mean, the women had no tops on and sometimes the men, you know, were not wearing any kind of cloth. A little cloth. Yeah, or nothing. They just had their penises out like that. And I think men, you know, were not wearing any kind of cloth or nothing. Yes. They just had their penises out like that. And I think I started seeking out the pictures

of the women that were topless. And then I think my dad or my mom may have caught me like looking at the word breasts in the encyclopedia where they had real pictures of boobs. And so, I got very excited about that, probably physically and mentally about excited about that. And I believe I started asking some about that, probably physically and mentally excited about that. And I believe I started asking some questions, like, where do babies come from? How do they get made? Yeah. And so, my mom and dad, in their infinite wisdom, decided it was time to sit an eight-year-old

down, which is probably the appropriate time to start having that conversation. But at that time, I just remember it was weird. And Kevin and I were sitting at the kitchen table, and I will never forget, my dad had like a book, and like, my mom opened it up. She's like, remember how you're talking about baby? Oh, and it might have, she might have been pregnant with my, with one of my brothers too. I remember sitting on the baby and a penis in the vagina and there's semen goes up here and the tubular is over here. And I was like, whoa, I know. And, and, and, and also I think, and I don't know this, but I think at that age, you start to kind of like become physically aware of what's going on.

Yeah. Right? You're not masturbating. You can't jizz, but you can like, you know, rub up against a door frame or something. You get aroused. Yeah, you can rub up against a door frame. It feels good. Right.

And so I think that's what happened, but I just never forget, like, this weird conversation that I don't remember all the details of, but there was flipping through books and there were pictures. It was a medical journal. And there were like pictures of, you know, weird looking penises and very hairy vaginas. And I was, I got scared. I was just scared. I was like, ah, ah, ah. I think that's where the, I think that's where all the being scared of pussy came from, quite frankly. And you know, if I only had my dune popcorn doosie that I could have played with back then, but they didn't have popcorn doosies back then, that dune version. But I just, you know, I get nervous about having this conversation.

So that's why I had to follow a couple of these breastfeeding pages so I can save it. You have to. Yeah, I got to teach the kids when they get older. I got to say, hey kids, check out these tits. That is some breastfeeding right there, kids. That is some breastfeeding. That's how mom grew you. Right there, babies.

Hey, daughter, don't do that on Instagram. The daughters, you got to be careful. Yeah, you're in for a treat. No, I'm not. On that. Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm be careful. Yeah, you're in for a treat. No, I'm not. On that. Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm in for payback is what I'm in for. I'm in for karma is what I'm in for. You can't do anything to pass a certain point and it's just like, well, you're going to have to be out there doing that thing. I remember getting so upset the first time I saw one of ours, you know, the stepdaughters with a very risque outfit on Instagram. It was a

bikini, you know, the beach pictures. Yeah, like one of those super thin bikinis. Oh, yeah. Yes. They're all wearing them. And yeah, I'm getting very upset, but then you just have to kind of roll with it. Yeah. I was such a different man before I had daughters. I mean, not that I was like, you know, drooling over every breast I saw. I drooled over most breasts I saw, not all of them. But the, my, I guess my perspective changed, as I guess it would with anybody, but my perspective changed. It used to be that Astor and I would go visit this beach often. There's a beach that we like to go to very often, right? And we go there repeatedly. And then there's a big hotel there, and you can go to the pool if you're in this neighborhood. And so, we used to go to this hotel, and before even I met Astrid,

if we go to this hotel, and you know, there would be the, you know, women running around in various bikinis, and some of them younger, and they're, you know, late teens, 19, 20, 21, 22. And you'd look and you'd go, oh, that's a good looking woman right there. And now I scan for appropriate clothing. I'm like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, where is your parents? Put your ass cheeks back behind cloth, please. And Astrid goes, you're such an old man. You are such an old man. This is what the girls are wearing these days. That's what they're wearing. And I'm like, you tell me that one of my daughters comes and she's wearing that at the pool and

you're going to be okay with it. And she's like, I'm going to have to be okay with it. You have to. Yeah. And she goes, by the way, I grew up in Venezuela. They're wearing this at like age three. She's like, it's just not a big deal. She's like, Brian, you've been to Spain a million times. Like, no one wears anything there. And it's just, you shouldn't be so ashamed. I said, listen, my Catholic guilt is now coming back to haunt me because I don't have any interest in my daughter showing her ass cheeks to anyone, period! End of sentence! And I'm talking about the weather more, and I'm worrying more about what bathing suits

my kids are going to be wearing. That's where I'm at in life. That's all of a sudden where I showed up. I woke up one day's all of a sudden where I showed up. I woke up one day, all of a sudden, I'm concerned. I'm no longer drooling over the hot bikinis. I'm trying to cover them up. I'm like running around with a hotel pool, like, put some clothes on. You're setting a bad example for everybody around here.

What are you doing? Isn't it that kind of establishment? But it is what it is. It is what it is. It is what it is. It's a hard bit of a, you know, jumping off of the ledge, but then once you do it, you're kind of like, okay, that's where we're at. I know if I create a storm that I'm just going to suck them into the storm and it's going to make them be more determined to do whatever the fuck they want to do. And I've had this conversation-

You should be more concerned really about the predators that are online that are, you know, going after- Oh yeah, those kids are not going to have social media accounts ever. That's the thing that we- yeah. Ever. Ever. That's the thing we had to talk to our girls about was like, okay, you're posting these pictures but look at these reactions, look at these, what some of these comments are, and

you have to be careful. Absolutely. Of all of the people and you know, that are out there and especially people you don't know. I am currently building a basement where I can lock my children down there and I'm going to let the, I'm going to let them all out at age 35. And whatever they choose to do at that point is there. Death or 35. If I die, cool. If you turn 35, cool. You guys can be out in the world and then you can have a social media account. But otherwise,

hail to the no. And then to put these pictures up there that, I mean, it's just insane to me. It's really insane to me. Yeah. You've got a little time. I don't have much time, Chrissy. It feels like it's slipping away slowly. It's like bluey. I know. I'm phasing out. I'm phasing out of the, oh, that's sweet, into the, get the, get, avert your eyes. Avert your eyes, young man. What are you doing? It's my daughter.

I know I'm going to be that dad. I know I'm going to be that dad that comes in and has a stir. And not because, you know, I feel like I'm extra overprotective. I want to be extra overprotective of my daughters. I don't want to be a helicopter parent, but I just, like, life moves so fast. It's hard not to be in some sense. It's hard not to be. What can we do? What can we do to save our children from string bikinis? How do we? How do we do this? How do we do this?

I don't think we can. I gotta start putting pictures around the house. We've got to start exposing them to like full one-piece bathing suits with the little like tennis skirts around it, you know. Right, the ones from the 50s? Yeah, like a running jacket. That's a good August Florida sun kind of look for you. I know, I look back sometimes on those pictures you could see of the bathing suits from those eras

and how they were so scandalous for them. And I mean, they're not at all. Scandalous. Not at all. I seealous. Not at all. I see dudes. You can see your knee. I know. Oh my God.

Look out, it's a knee. Put your knee nipples away. I go to Publix and I see people more scantily clad at Publix at eight o'clock at night than you ever would in a picture from the fifties or sixties. It's insane. It's insane. You should have seen, we were taking the kids to swimming the other day, and we come out

of swimming and there is a convertible parked right out front in the handicap space with no handicap sticker. One of these. Oh, yeah, lovely. Tops down. And there's a lady in there and she has these huge sunglasses on. She has got, her hair is multicolored and it's frizzed out, probably three and a half feet over her head.

This lady's probably in her 60s, by the way. Frizzed out. Frizzed out. She, you can see she has these, I don't even know what to call them, like feathers taped to her eyebrows. Do you know what I'm talking about? Like some people, like they do these little wispy things on their eyebrows. They're like little white wisps. And you can see, she takes off her

sunglasses and you can see the, yeah, it's the craziest thing. It's like attached to their eyebrows. And it's just these little wisps. Oh, she had those too. And they were a mile out of her head. And then she had this clown makeup on and she had a big fur coat. It's 82 degrees in Atlanta right now. Fur coat. She had a fur coat on. The most ridiculous multicolored, looked like it was spray-painted fur coat. And she is sitting out there and there's some music playing in her car. And I just was like, what in the good fuck is going on? It's Tuesday afternoon. Where are you going? Where are you coming from is probably the better question.

What is going on with people these days? Your Publix is quite the place because we've talked about some other things. No, this was swimming class. Oh, this was swimming class. But it's right across the street from Publix. I think people are going crazy in the suburbs. I think that's what it is. I think people go crazy in the suburbs, like Kyle said. He said, I had no problem adjusting, but he'll go crazy. He'll be like me someday. Let's just be sitting here talking about the weather

and crazy people you see in publics. But then she stood up and what she had on under was like a, like a bikini. That's the best way to explain it. She had a bikini. Was she taking swimming lessons? I don't know. At the swim center? I'm pretty sure she would drown because if all those eyelashes just pull her straight down into the pool. I mean, she had these huge eyelashes on. Huge. It was crazy. She had a bikini on, huge. It was crazy.

She had a bikini on under a fur coat. I'm very intrigued with this woman. Let me see if I can give you an example of eyebrow. I wonder if that's somebody who's like crazy aunt that came to pick him up from swim class. I think that's what it was. I think you're right about that, right? I think it was like a family member of a family member. Eyebrows, extensions, crazy.

Let me see if I can even start describing, like try and give you a picture of what this looked like. Let's be white. I haven't, I have not seen that. Okay, so this is what her eyebrows look like. Those, like the crazy, that's what the eye, excuse me, eyelashes look like. Oh, well, yeah, I've seen those. Plenty. Those are insane. Why would you do that? The kind that curl up? Yeah. And oh, here's a good example, but they were stuck to her eyebrows. Do you see that? They were like on her eyebrows. But it was like, they were all white. And I thought to myself, what are you doing on

a Tuesday afternoon that you have to be dressed like that, in a bikini with a full fur coat, sandals on, hair all multicolored and frizzed out? And I either wanna arrest the woman or find out where she lives so I can party with her, one of the two. I know, that's very intriguing to me. But if the 60 year olds are dressing like this, what chance do I have with my children? What chance do I have?

None. None. Yeah, just let it go. None! Let it go! Let it go! Let it go! Oh, don't get me started on that one. Don't get me started on that one. I won't. All right, so let's take a quick break and then I want to talk to you about one more thing.

Okay. All right, we'll be back. Well, thank the baby Jesus. Brian took a breath and now I will use this opportunity to let you know that we've got a brand new phone number. That's right. It's 212-433-3TCB. And you can text us anytime you want. Or you can call and leave us a voicemail and we might just use your message on the show. Once Brian gets through all the messages he missed last year, of course. Anyway, you can also find and DM us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok at TCB Podcast. And of course, all of our audio and

video is easily found on tcbpodcast.com. Now I'm going to thank G one more time that we have sponsors. So thank G and here they are. Our fog machine. The fog machine in the background. Do you, have you been on Facebook lately? Lately, as in the past year? Yeah, I was thinking more like the past two weeks. No.

I don't blame you. I was on Facebook the other day, just to- Although I heard all the kids go to it for the marketplace now. That must be the only thing still available on Facebook worth a shit, because I went on that fucking Facebook for the first time in probably two, three, four weeks.

I don't know how long. I don't check it very often, because I just don't give a shit. We have a commercial break Facebook page. I think it's got even less followers than our TikTok. It's got like seven. We haven't made a post there since 2020. Four years we haven't made a post there. And I don't intend to make any additional posts because Facebook is

it's like the old people's social media at this point and I'm just not that old yet, even though I claim to be so old, I'm really not that old. But I will share that when I went on there, they updated it, upgraded it. I'm not sure what they're doing with it, but Chrissy, almost every other post that they served me up was some AI bullshit, AI generated bullshit, some person that I don't follow, some magazine, you know, online magazine or they use Facebook as their online magazine or whatever links to articles, this, all that it is just trash. Everything is AI generated. And so it's my belief and I don't know this to be the case, but it's my belief that Facebook is now using AI really pushing out a lot of content to AI.

I just listened to a thing this morning about it. Oh, really? Yeah, a little Apple News audio. Okay, what did they say? Yeah, they said Zuckerberg is, he was all in on the metaverse for a while. Yeah, that felt like a fart in church. Yeah. And now he's all in on AI. Well, I bet he is all in on AI. And he had just created like a little small team to kind of look at it, you know, and now all of a sudden it's everywhere and so he wants to be in on it too.

So this is his big focus. Well, okay. Thanks, Mark. Let's dig our heels into yet another corner of technology that's going to destroy the world because Facebook is just trash now. It's just trash. And I don't know too many people who still use it and the people who still do use it, God bless you. I'm good for you. But the people that I know that still use it

are the people I least want to hear from. They're the people that only post on Facebook about all the wonderful, awesome they are and how shitty you should feel that they have all these beautiful things and take all these wonderful trips and their families are perfect and all this stuff. Yeah. Right? There's not a lot of authenticity. And then you hear they're getting divorced. Yeah, then you hear they're getting divorced. Yeah, then you hear they're getting divorced. Well, I think they're getting divorced because

only people who are getting divorced post shit like this trying to make it seem like their life is better than it actually is. There's one woman on my Facebook, I've known this girl since I was 13, 14, 15 years old, something like that, 15 years old, I guess, because I had started working in the McDonald's. And so, I met her through a web of friends at McDonald's. And when I knew her, she was a very innocent, she was like, I don't want to use the word prude, because I don't think that's, I don't think that's like the right word I want to use. She wasn't a prude. She was a little more straight-laced. She was very straight-laced, very straight-laced. No smoking cigarettes, no drinking, no alcohol,

no drugs, no nothing like that. But at 15 years old, I guess that's how you're supposed to be. I just happen to be a lot worse. But she was also very sweet, very humble. Like, you would have believed that this person would have grown up just to blossom into a beautiful, self-aware human being. That's the vibe that I got back then. I saw her a decade later. I still got that vibe from her. Recently, probably say about six or seven years ago, I saw her at like a mall and I met her husband, who was a nice guy. And I was like, oh, good for her. She deserves this. She deserves a beautiful family. She's always been a really nice person. Until we connected on Facebook. And when we connected on Facebook, I was appalled at actually what I saw. I was like, this is the same woman

that I've known all these years? This is the same girl? She is a real housewife of Atlanta. And when I say real housewife of Atlanta, I mean a real housewife of Atlanta. She lives in the ritziest neighborhood. She drives the ritziest car. She goes to the ritziest places. She has the most, she has friends with the most amount of cosmetic surgery. She, it's like total new money trash. That's all it is. In every single… New vorish. New vorish. So right, Chrissy. As my former mother-in-law used to say, there is a considerable difference between new money and old money, Brian. And the sooner you learn to tell the difference, the better off you're going to be. I was like, oh, okay. She used to

say, new money shows and old money grows. Yeah, that's what she used to say. Oh, okay. She used to say, new money shows and old money grows. Yeah, that's what she used to say. So, when I look at these posts that she's making, she's at the most expensive restaurants, the most expensive hotels, flying in the firstest of classes. She's doing all this stuff, but she posts it with all of, making, like, humble bragging, right? Right. So grateful for all my beautiful friends, while she's drinking champagne and, like, a private plane, you know?

So grateful for all the wonderful people around me, you know? God is good. Look at what he does for your life, you know? I am blessed with beauty beyond skin deep. Yet, this is your fourth fucking Botox session this week at the most expensive cosmetic surgery place in Atlanta. There are so many of those. So many. I'm thinking to myself, what hole in your fucking soul? Maybe you should have

been taking LSD with me because look how I turned out. I'm a poor podcaster, but at least I don't try and hide it. At least I'm not trying to cover it up, right? I'm pretty transparent. I am a poor podcaster without a dime to my name, and I have a tough life in all ways, just like you. I'm exactly like you, listener. I'm exactly like you. I talk to these people on this phone. Sometimes, you know, sometimes Astrid answers or other people answers, or sometimes I answer. I'll pick it up and I'll read through and I'll go, oh, I'll say something. I am just like every one of those people,

just trying to make a buck, just trying to get through life, just trying to- Doing the best we can. Just doing the best you can, trying to be a good person on occasion when it happens, when I'm feeling in the mood, you know what I'm saying? Like, I'm just doing my best. But these fucking yahoos out there on this fucking Facebook, the people who are

still left, at least in my circle of friends, they just can't wait to tell you how incredibly rich they are with all their fucking bullshit. And it drives me up a wall. I hate Look because I just want to remember just how terrible of a person that is. So when they're in bankruptcy court, I can remind them of all the bullshit that they were posting on Facebook, not but two years ago. Yeah, it's kind of a slippery slope, right? Because, I mean, once you start, you kind of have to keep that up. And if something bad happens, then you've got to, then show that too, or I guess just go dark. No, you go dark. Yeah, you go dark. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I've had friends that have done this.

Yeah. You know, they humble brag their way to, you know, I'm the real estate fortune and fame. And then it's like, they're gone for 10 years. Just got out of Sing Sing, doing well. Grateful. Grateful, Rikers Island, hashtag grateful. I know, and it seems exhausting to me.

I mean, I enjoy seeing kind of people's lives of the kids and the milestones and maybe grandma turning 90, something like that. But yeah, for all of the other stuff, I don't care. I really don't care that you went to that restaurant. Great. Yeah. And for you. The more that this girl posts, the less her husband, who by the way, I'd say,

like I don't want to be this guy, but I'm going to be this guy because it's a commercial break and who gives a fuck? No one's listening anyway. He's like a four and she's probably an eight. Right? Yeah. And so he's like, he's like a little squeaky kind of dorky dude, but he works in science. He's like some kind of scientist or something. You know, that's like, he just looks like a scientist, right? And I'm sure he makes great money doing that. And I think, by the way, I think she does, I think she is a successful

businesswoman herself also, at least that's what she says on her Facebook page, you know, top of class in the MLM I'm currently working in, I guess, I don't know. But the, the more, But the more, it seems like this started right after I saw her at the mall. Like, I was looking at a few of her posts when we first connected on Facebook. And I thought, oh, there's a cute picture of her and her kids. Oh, there they are at the park, always with her husband, always a family picture, you know, oh, Judy's going to this college or whatever the, whatever the deal was. picture, you know, oh, Judy's going to this college or whatever the deal was. The more she humblebrags, the less her husband is in any of those photos. Her husband has not appeared in a photo when I was looking the other day. In probably six months, her husband hasn't appeared in a photograph.

Yeah, because he's like, stop. Yeah, he makes one appearance like two weeks ago. And it's like, she's standing around these women who I don't even know how she got in the picture because their lips are so big. But I swear to God, these Buckhead Bettys sometimes, man. But she squeezes herself in between lips and tits. And it's like, so grateful for the beautiful friends I have. They're so amazing. Their hearts are so big. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Shout out to my hubby for watching the kids. It's like that, right? And I'm like, oh my God, what the fuck is going on in that household? Now I'm actually want to put cameras more in her household than I do in yours because I want to see what kind of misery they're all actually living in. You never know what's going on behind closed doors. Jared Ranere Oh, there's this one post, there's like

two ladies in her kitchen cooking, and she's standing with a glass of champagne, and that's like one of her friends, and then you see one of the kids that's behind them. And it's like, you know, so grateful for these ladies making it all happen at the house, you know, and it's like Maria and Annabelle. And then it was hashtag amazing nanny, hashtag amazing maid. What? And I'm like, what the fuck would you ever post that for? Why in God's great world, in the universe, would you ever say hashtag nanny, hashtag maid? Why did you need to do that to make sure that everybody else

knew that those were not actually your friends? Your friends wouldn't be makeupless cooking behind a, you know, $50,000 sub-zero. Wolf and Viking range. Right. God forbid. What you're putting that for is to let everybody know how much money you have to spend on hired help. Whatever, fine, hire the help. Cool, I don't care.

You don't have to humble brag about it by putting hashtag amazing made. That is the most degrading, superfluous bullshit I've ever seen coming from one of my friends. I swear to God. And I don't even know that I call her a friend anymore. Now I'm like, she's so out of touch. I don't get it. I don't get it. But can I borrow $100,000? Yeah, in some circles that's the thing to do. You have to one up each other and she's probably her Facebook group.

Everybody's doing it. Yeah. Well, yeah, that's the thing is that you got to keep up with the Joneses. Once you get in that rat race, in that circle. My wife and I were just talking about this. That just seems exhausting to me. I know. We are not keep up with the Joneses kind of people because we've taping our Honda together

just to get it over to the school. No, Jeff and I like to have what we like and are happy for other people. But I don't... I'm happy if you have the private jet and the nice cars and your flight of fancy hotels. I have also done those things on occasion. I don't post about it because I just feel

that's really insidious almost. It's like, why am I gonna make other people feel bad? And why do other people need to know that I'm staying at a $500 a night hotel, $600 or whatever it is? I don't need to do that. I'm here to enjoy this moment that I have saved for, you know, thank God on earth, some sponsor decided to pay us, kind of thing. Yeah, I just went to Jamaica and posted nothing. I know. Why would you? For what? Exactly, I know. For what?

You talk about it on the show, it's funny on the show, and then move on. Yeah, exactly. I have my own pictures. We took a ton of pictures. But I don't need to post them on there. No, they're for you. Yes, they are for Jeff and I.

So you can remember the good times. And for our family. That's right, so I can humble brag to my family. That's what's important, is that you're better than your family. It's not... It's not about people on Facebook, it's about your family. It could be true. It could be true. I was sharing that, you know, we have some friends, it's like, you

know, they came into some money and all of a sudden things got different. They were all crunchy and granola until they showed up with some money and now it's like all free people. I feel you though. I'm glad that you're not like that too. Oh, I think we wouldn't be friends if either of us was like that. If you started posting about your five-star vacation in Jamaica, I probably would have jumped off the roof. Well, I'm here cutting lawns for extra money.

No more Juan. What? No more Juan. Speaking of Juan, he hasn't shown up in two weeks. I don't know what happened to him. He scared him off. I probably did. Come back, Juan. Come back. I texted him yesterday. He didn't respond. He's probably listening to the show.

I'll show that motherfucker. Here's your 12 to 3, bitch! Come back, Juan, I didn't mean it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Well, you know. I'm not too hum- I'm not too big to cut my own lawn.

Let's put it that way. I do, however, need a lawnmower, so if someone's got one, I'd buy some. I'm not too big to cut my own lawn. Let's put it that way. I do however need a lawn mower. So if someone's got one, I buy some. Post it on next door. Yeah. Or I'll be out there with nail scissors, nail trimmers like ching ching ching ching ching. All right.

Well, hey, listen, guess what? We want to have you on the show. Starting in June, we're going gonna have callers calling in. We've already set some up. Love this. I'm so excited about this. One story is quite amazing. I don't even know how we're gonna do this,

but I mean, I don't even know why we're bringing this onto the commercial break, but it's, if what they've written is what they're gonna talk about. I think if you, this is the one that you told me about. Yeah, it's quite the amazing story. Yeah, actually, I think that'll be late May. We'll release that episode. So they're gonna come in here.

But if you wanna be on the commercial break, we would love to talk to you. Questions, comments, concerns, ask for our advice. You know, beat us up. Talk about all the wonderful things you have in life, all your cosmetic surgery and your private planes. Love to hear it. 212-433-3TCB, 212-433-83822, 212-433-3822.

Text us or leave us a voicemail, let us know you want to be on the show and someone will get back to you on how to do that. Also we'd love it if you would go to the website, tcbpodcast.com, all the audio, all the video, get your sticker at the contact us button give us your address We'll send you a sticker at the commercial break on Instagram and YouTube comm slash the commercial break All right, Chrissy. That's all I can do I think but I love you I love you best to you best to you and best to you out there in the podcast universe until next time Chrissy

And I always say we do say and we must say fly private if you can good Why are you so radical?