The Commercial Break - Best To You!

Episode Date: May 11, 2021

Bryan and Hoadley share halitosis, they get into Bryan's days as a paranoid (and hangover) restaurant manager and Niko is back smelling more dead than ever. Then they discuss a pandemic greeting for the brave new world, the countries' porn habits are revealed and then...Cheese Cake Factory is the worst!  LINKS: Watch this episode on Youtube Sponsors Hello Fresh Use Code: TCB12 Subscribe to The Commercial Break Podcast Youtube Channel Join The Comedy Podcasts Club on ClubHouse New Episodes on Tuesdays and now Fridays everywhere! Text or leave us a message: +1 [phone] FOLLOW US: Instagram: @thecommercialbreak @bryangcomedy @tcbkrissy ClubHouse: @bryangreen @tcbkrissy ClubHouse: The Commercial Break Club on Clubhouse! (home of live recordings) Twitter: tcbbryan Facebook: The Commercial Break Podcast YouTube: Youtube.com/TheCommercialBreak Email: [e-mail] A Chartable Top 100 Comedy Podcast #1 Trending Comedy Podcast Worldwide! (Chartable) #1 Trending Comedy Podcast U.S.(Chartable) An Apple Top 100 Comedy Podcast  Top 1% Downloaded Podcasts, Worldwide (ListenNotes) A Hot 50 Podcast (Podcast Magazine) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome back to WSHIT and an exciting day here at the station, indeed. Brian Greene, Chrissy, you have been keeping the universe on edge. Where will the commercial break podcast continue to broadcast from. That is the question that will be answered today in Tokyo, Japan. Six cities, seven countries have been dogging it out to get the attention of the most sought-after podcast since where in the world is Richard Simmons. We go live now where the committee is about to announce their decision down to Tokyo. The first of all, I would like to express the gratitude to the six candidate cities, their countries and their people for their great interest. And now it is my duty and honor interest and now it is my duty and, Georgia will be the site what a tremendous

moment going on right now at the meeting there in Tokyo and of course here in Atlanta as well, what a tremendous moment. Now let's go quickly to underground Atlanta. You can see what's going on there. Those people are happy There is no doubt about that. They are just thrilled at this point to see exactly what's going on There are hugs everywhere cheers everywhere. He was a dynamic moment for the city of Atlanta Look at the fireworks. They're at underground for the first time in my life Words allude me. We'll be back right after this.

Come our show break. On this episode of the commercial break. Right, so I got a one-out sleep at 8.15. I got up at 9.45. I had to be at work by 10.30. So I go, we are like running around, setting up the tables, like the pre-open shit, right? Running around, setting up tables, cleaning silverware,

all this other stuff. And I think I was managing the place. I must have been standing. What a great man. Oh, oh, you don't need a please. Thought I was being a good-bot boy by going to sleep at 3.30 in the morning after having drank You know 22-bod lights or whatever it was instead of my usual six in the morning And then trying to struggle to get up at 9.30 10 or 11 o'clock. I knew I had a court appearance

So I went about at 3.30 and the next day I swear I come into the courtroom and my lawyers there His name is Brett and he's like don't you fucking say a word, I go, hey Brett, and he goes, he's like, pulls me over to the side, don't you fucking say a word, don't say a word. I'm like, what? What? He's like, ch-ch-ch-ch. Clubs, am I? Talking to you, cheesecake, bacteria, am I?

They've got a little bit of everything. Like, no, just pick something. Yes. And do them really well. I'm talking to you, cheesecake, bacteria. The fuck, honestly. Because they've got the cheesecake. And they have the cheesecake. And they do fuck, honestly. They've got the cheesecake. They have the cheesecake.

They do that really well. They do that really well. Stick with the cheesecake. Stick with the cheesecake and maybe a burger. And shake and fry. That's the menu is so long. So long. That's a book.

I can never just, I always decide on one thing because I don't... I don't affect the rock. And it's on the first page. You want to know why? Because I don't want to read the rest. Because then I just get hungry for other stuff. And I'm like, I don't know. And you know, it's cheesecake factory.

So it's not like anything's going to be particularly great. I'm just going to pick the thing I think is least shitty, right? The next episode of the commercial break starts now. D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D- Hi! Uh, hello, Miss Crumpet. You're a pepperoni pizza with large slice balls. Oh, Billy! Oh, Mrs. Crumpet! I forgot to take my, put my towel on. I just got out of the shower! Do you want to have double penetration anal? Uh, I gotta get back to work, but sure!

I want to deliver your pie! Oh, I gotta get back to work, but sure. I want to deliver your pie. Oh, Billy! I'll go to the TCB porn studio. Hey, I'm Brian, this is Chrissy Ann. Happy New Year. Happy New Year. Best to you. Hope your year's going well.

Best to you. That's gonna start. I'm gonna start introducing myself. Brian Green, best to you. Best to you. Best to you. They're gonna go what I said best to you They'd all come your way best to you best Brian. Oh My god

We went on a town for a few days and we always leave the dogs at the dog place We go and we leave the dogs we drop them off at a dog hotel. It's called a pet sweet Mm-hmm, and they're like little hotel rooms for dogs. You know, some are basic. Like you can get like the quality in type room where it's just a basically cement box, right? Yeah. It's a bike head, I don't know, maybe five by four.

And then it's got a chain link door on it. But they're well fed, they get food and a little bed and they can have their little stuffies or whatever's going on there. And they feed them treats and medicine, whatever you need them to Yeah, but then you can go all the way up to the townhouses they call them townhouses Or they literally have a fucking TV in there playing animal yeah animal planet

24 hours the animal planet or TLC one of those two channels is always playing because you know the dogs like 90 day fiance It's just as much as I do my six and a hundred pound life like 90 day fiance just as much as I did. My six and a hundred pound life. And then a day I went in there to go get Nico and Blue, the old, you know, old pup mups. And I saw one of the dogs watching TLC. It was like staring at it. But I mean, not for a second, for minutes.

And I was like, really, I thought dogs couldn't see TV because it's something having to do with their eyes. No, they can see it. Okay, maybe it's the old screen that was like bubbled or something. They couldn't make out the picture because of the bubble around it. But that was 1952 and we're in 2021. More flat. That's right.

And man, I will tell you what, my dog still smells very dead. Every day they go, oh my god, holy halfway across the house. I'm like, there the halfway across the house. I'm like, there's that dead dog again. So sweet. Here comes Nico. Oh, wait, Nico's outside. That's right.

Oh, Nico's outside. I have a bed, a big like plush bed that the dog sleep on. And I have heat and air conditioning registers are on the floor, because I live in a one story house. So everything comes up from the crawl space, right? And so someone put the bed on top of one of the heat and cool registers. Oh, there was a secret.

Oh my God. But it's not by the Lord. No, no. Someone clean this dog. So I told the play place people, I'm like, you know, you can get a bath optional, right? On the way out the door. It's a spa.

Yeah, it's like a spa. Of course it costs a next 100, $8,000, but. Yeah. For someone to wash your dog, it's really not that, come on. It's a close spot. Yeah, it's like a spot. Of course it costs a extra $100,000, but for someone to watch your dog, it's really not that, come on. It's not really that hard to watch my dog. Anyway, so I say, get in the old treatment because maybe Nico will smell just a hair bit better. And I don't know how, but I don't know how it's possible. It's like he's like a gremlin.

When he gets wet, he smells worse. He turns into one of those slimy little, like. It's just so bad. This poor dog. You could smell this, right? You could smell it. It's just, I don't know. And you know, Nico. He's so cute that whenever he'd come in, he... Yeah, he stretches his paws up.

He's like, oh, while I'm here, let me just do his stretch. Hi, it's me. And he'll give you that all, you know, who... Jesus. You ever been in a car with somebody who had such bad all, you know, who the, oh yeah. Jesus. You ever been in a car with somebody who had such bad breath, you could smell it in the car? Like, no matter, you know what I'm saying?

I've been around people with bad breath before. I, I was at a restaurant, I was we're gonna have a restaurant one time. And I had been out a long night the night before. I ended up at someone's house and I didn't have a toothbrush or anything with me. And I just didn't want to use this person's toothbrush to brush my teeth.

And I had to go to work at like 10, 30 in the morning and I went to sleep at 8, 15, right? So I got up, I went to sleep at 8, 15. I got up at 9, 45. I had to be at work by 10, 30. So I go and we are like running around setting up the tables, like the pre-open shit, right? Running around setting up tables, cleaning silverware,

all this other stuff. And I think I was managing the place at the time. I must have been standing. What a great man. Oh, oh, you don't need a please. I mean, at least I went to sleep that night. Because there were lots of nights where I just walked into that place and went on zero sleep.

And like my eyes twirling like the Cheshire cat. I'm 20. I need to beg people to do things for me. I don't want to look at this person. They know I'm high. I'm still high. Do I have any? How's my nose look?

Everything okay? Everything okay? Do I go, do I go bats in the cave? Bats in the cave? I think there was a couple occasions where I might have shown up to work and needed a little helper to get me through, right? So I was drinking and high of the same, like I was just like a total disaster. That's what ever gives me through.

But I would only do that if I knew I only had one shift. If I had to work a double, I would never do that because if you had to work a double, there's no opportunity. I only had to work a tour. Yeah, so sometimes I would go to sleep literally at 3.15 and maybe sometimes I wouldn't go to sleep, I'd just keep partying through the day. I mean listen to my 20s were really wild Yeah, I can't explain all the reasons why I did the things I did. Yes, I can't drugs. That's why I did the things I did Their bodies just were able to take it. I could just take a pounding man. Yeah, I just kept on going another line

Another drink another smoke whatever. Yeah Anyway, I go and I must be 15 feet away from this guy. Burke, oh man, I missed this guy. He's passed away, but I must be 15 feet away from him. And he goes, and then he runs up to me and he's like, Hi brother, to go let you know something. Hi bro. Your breath smells like a thousand asses.

And I was like, it does? And he's like, oh bro, you smell bad. It's like a combination of, it's like a combination of diarrhea and vodka. Like I thought vodka didn't smell. He goes, if it did, it's smell like that. And I was like, shit. And what do I do now? And so luckily we had some like emergency, you know,

breath stuff in the back, just in case anybody was having a particularly rough morning. I know, I remember going to work one time and this is when I was selling advertising and advertising sales. It's just, I mean, you can't get away from everybody going and partying and getting out. It's similar to a restaurant for some reason.

So. Very similar. I had had a long night drink and some wine, and I came in and I'm back in the video production room to help it out with the commercial, you know, it's the place like what do you think? And then they're like, whoa. Whoa. You definitely drank wine last night,

but you can smell it. What? Oh. Oh. I drank a bunch of coffee. I thought I was chewing gum, but okay, man. It's embarrassing when it happens, but at that point, you know, you just wanna get through your head over.

Exactly. And TCP podcast. You're doing it hard. Keep on going. She's getting me through this day. TCPPodcast.com, the brand new TCPPodcast.coms, where you go, you can read show notes, find out more about Chrissy and I and watch the entire video library of the commercial break or the audio library.

We started recording, I think episode number 19 or 20. So, you know, we've got about 40 episodes sitting up there. We're on episode, whatever. We're well into the 60s rounding in the 70s. This might be in the 70s. I'm not sure depending on how we release the episode. That's why we won't say the episode name because I don't really know what it is yet. So 470-5848-449 is where you can text us

or leave us a message. And at the commercial break on Instagram, of course, you can find us on Clubhouse at Bryan Green, at TCB Chrissy. Make sure you join the commercial break club inside of Clubhouse to get exclusive access to our commercial lunch break program, which is where we record or record an interview or we play games or we do whatever we go live for about 45 minutes

inside of there. And we're just kind of slowly opening that up. Like I really haven't. We're testing the waters. We're testing the waters. So, you know, at the first couple, we had almost zero people in there today. We had, I think we were recording earlier today. We had like five or six people that were in there.

Slowly, I'll open it up to everybody, but you got to be a part of Clubhouse in order to do that. If you need an invite, please DM us at the commercial break. And like and subscribe. If you love the program, if you want more, like and subscribe, it really does help in the end. It helps our sponsors know that we're doing well,

and it lets us know that you fucking care. So there you go. Let's us know that we aren't just and it lets us know that you fucking care. So there you go. Let's us know that we aren't just pissing in the wind by doing this. Yeah, so I remember one time, I don't even know if I should say this, but I'll say this, I remember one time, I had a court appearance,

alcohol related court appearance, one of my young money, younger years. And I thought I was being little bit of a fall related court appearance one of my young money, younger years. And I thought I was being a good boy by going to sleep at 3.30 in the morning after having drank 22-bud lights or whatever it was. Instead of my usual six in the morning, and then trying to struggle to get up at 9.30, 10, or 11 o'clock, I knew I had a court appearance,

so I went about at 3.30 and the next day I swear, I come into the courtroom and my lawyers there, his name is Brett and he's like, don't you fucking say a word? I go, hey, Brett, and he goes, he's like, pulls me over to the side. He's like, don't you fucking say a word? Don't say a word. And I'm like, what?

What? He's like, ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch. He's smell like a fucking brewery, man. What a dumb move. How dumb can you be? And I was like, what? I smell like a brewery. He's like, you smell really bad, man.

I smell you five feet coming down, and stuff done the hallway. He's sweating. I know, and I was like, sweaty. He's like you smell really bad man. I smell you five feet coming down stuff done the hallway I know and I was like sweat now. I'm sweating Usually and I'm like oh my god, and at the time I'm probably wearing like you know ripped up jeans and a sweater from 1986 that I thought was cool I know and he's like don't say a word until you get to the judge and then you better point your head directly straight Don't don't turn it toward the prosecutor, right? And that was like, oh god. Now it was so nervous. It was such a disaster. Listen, the judge ended up being kind and not, you know, throwing the book at me, but whatever.

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Use the code TCB12 for 12 meals, no cost delivered to your door. Use the service, Astrid and I do. Thanks, hello, fresh. I have been doing some research because you know we're doing the TCB porn studio stuff. I think this, you know, it's funny, it's interesting, it's cute, you know, sometimes it's funny. Well, sometimes it's funny and sometimes it's not. But I really started getting interested in not unnecessarily in porn.

Yeah, kind of. I started getting into Singapore about three days ago. Wow. Think of sex on camera. I didn't know they were putting this stuff on the internet. Oh yeah. That's a whole world out there.

Good say. Good say. You know what I'm saying? I'm saying? Wow. I started getting interesting in the porn habits of us as a culture, the United States, like our porn habits, right? Okay. Because I read that porn hub said that the number one search for 2020 was step mom, step

mom porn. That was the number one search. But then I thought, is there any more detail to research that we could get besides like just one particular thing that was searched? And what I found was back from the election of 2020, that one particular week, I found the top 50, the top one in each state, top 50 terms, search for on porn hub.

Are you ready for this? This is so fucked up, man. Top 50 terms search for on porn hub. Are you ready for this? This is so fucked up, man. I mean, yeah. Am I ready for this? No, you're not ready for this. There's nothing that can make you ready for what I'm about to tell you. Perfect.

Okay, I'm gonna start in maybe no particular order, but I'm gonna let you know, we'll start with ones that just make sense, right? Washington is double penetration. Mm, double penetration. That's the most- Washington state. Washington state, double penetration.

What is that cold weather doing to your head? Double penetration to me just looks painful. I'm sorry. Looks painful for everybody involved. Like not just a woman, but it looks painful for the men involved. And then you gotta touch penises. You gotta be penis brothers, right?

Because when you do double penetration and you go in like this, like your balls are gonna touch, they're gonna clap, like I do before the show. Yeah. Clap. Clap. Clap. Clap.

Clap. Okay. Make it a great day with ball clapping. I think now that the pandemic's around, we we should start and we shouldn't shake hands anymore But I think ball clapping would be okay. What if I just walked up to somebody just swung my nuts right at it Best here's a little scrunder love here's my deal sack Pepep deal sack What if guys just ran up to each other?

Stop, stop the couple inches from each other and then their balls just swung. That's a chess bumping ball bumping. What if we had a little like a little, best of you? Best of you in your scrunder? What if, what if we had like a little cut out in our pants and it just saw our balls could clap together.

Oh wow. I mean the cancer, the decanter, the DD canter. That's right. We could use the same DD canter flap where we're tasting with our testicles or tasty testicles or tasty testicle tasting. We can do a little a little dill sack clap. Yep a little scundall. We'll call it the scundall. Hey brother give me a scundall. You know like say hey brother give high five. Hey brother. Tell me, tell me, tell me, hang in, scrondle me, bro. Best to you.

I said the secret words best to you. That means I want a scundle. I want a high scundle, high scundle. Low scundle, high scundle in the middle, scundle. That's what happens when you do double penetrating. I just wanted you to know. Or just through the one state right now, right? Yeah, wait up 50, 40, I've already got it.

How long is the pro? Okay, 17 minutes in. Oregon, Succubus. Succubus. Oh, not sure what that is. Isn't that like a pretend creature this the lagoon like like from the Seven Leagues under the sea is it seven leagues under the sea? I have no idea what I'm saying. Seven leagues under the sea. It's just like 15 feet

Seven leagues under the sea Similar to seven degrees of separation Yeah, by the way 10,000 leagues under the sea. What is a league? How many, what's a league? Is it a foot? Is it 10 feet? I don't know. A mile.

Geez, 10,000 miles. I don't even think you'd end up in space. There's things down there. There are things down there. They're pretty deep. Maybe the succubus is down there. The succubus. The succubus.

This must be some kind of cartoon porn, right? Like a succubus is, I don't know. or maybe it's a name that they give a particular woman who's very popular in the state of Oregon. The succubus. What an armman. Could be a man. I always, I'm my misogyny shows. And I have to say that I'm sorry. It's just I, I don't mean to. You're sc rondel is showing. My sc rondel is showing.

Iowa is yoga pants. Oh, that's really tame. It's really awesome. It's really tame. The Midwest. Well, bear right back. I'm gonna go walk off to yoga bands. Yeah. Yeah.

Hi, you're going to whack off. You don't even have a TV. We don't even have electricity. Yoga pants. Oh, that's right. I guess I'll go turn butter. I go churn my butter and as the butter rubs up against my scroll, though, my scrunder.

Why are they for Holland now? They're not selling their, uh, mommesh. Yeah, the amish have having certain accent, yeah. They're gonna turn butter with their scrundo. Yoga pants, that's pretty tame. Yoga pants. Yeah. I'm not sure I get that one.

I mean, if you're gonna go for porn, go all the way, right? Indulge or interfiannesty. You don't have to go to PornHub to look at yoga pants. No, just literally go to anything. Turn on keeping up with the Kardashians. Come on. Just go to any side. Go to Kylie Jenner's Facebook page. Montana gets a little crazy with anal cream pie, anal cream pie. Okay. Nothing like semen in the anus. That's what I have to say. Can't get pregnant that way. That's true. That's, I mean, I'm out of 100% sure. They don't take our advice.

I mean, that's Dr. Sid. Dr. Sid. I bet Dr. Sid would say that's not necessarily true. That there could be, you know, spillage. Overages. Yeah, you could, it's like a, well, whatever. Ainal cream pie. That's not, you know.

If I was a woman or a man, that's not what I would wanna deal with. It's semen in the anus. Just not my thing. I don't know, it seems kind of gross. Which one's your favorite so far? I think you know cream pie. Oh, in Arizona, Navajo is the number one thing searched on porn. Looking for Navajo women, I would assume. Wow, good for you. Going back to your roots, Arizona. But there are a lot of Native Americans

that in ancestors that are still living in Arizona. It's one of the few places that we actually allow them to live. Fucked up, man. Fucked up. I watched a movie on that trailer. I can't get over to that movie that I watched. It's exterminated all the roots. Yeah, I know I still need to watch that.

It's five hours long, so take your time. But I was watching I think on the trail of tears. How fucked up, man. Oh, it's so sad. I'm gonna fuck them. New York getting great. This is the, this is the, this is the, such a New York thing to have been searching

during the, this, remember, this is happening during the election. This is what is being searched for on Pornhub. In New York, foot job. A foot job. What do you do? You pour, put butter on your foot and just rub it up and down?

Yeah, rub it on the scramble. Have you ever get... Scramble foot. Scramble foot. Best do yes, scramble foot. And now it's an, now making our bombish language. Best do, yes, Grondelfoot.

Yoga pant. Yoga pant's Grondelfoot. That means put your yoga pants on. Can you give me a Grondelfoot? Yes. Or you just kind of rub it with the butter I've just turned. Let me ask you this. Have you ever given a foot job?

I haven't. Have you ever been into foot play? I've heard about it. Do you like foot play? No, it's not my thing. No. It's a lot of people's thing. It's a lot of people's thing. I know. I did run across some something a little

while back and I was like, huh, there's people are actually paying for pictures of women's people. I was like, you know, might be look good. Yeah. Why not? I could do that. You probably make a couple extra thousand dollars a month just putting your foot really nowhere to stand. And you know, if you put your the weirder, you put your foot in, weirder situations, you put your foot really? The more people are willing to pay. Oh yeah. Like, you know, if you put your, the weirder you put your foot in weird situations you put your foot. Really? The more people are willing to pay. Oh yeah, like, you know, squish a banana with it

or, you know, I don't know, put it in the toilet or whatever it is, like things just get like the weirder you get, the more they're willing to pay. The highly special. So we might need to explore this just for the purposes of the podcast research. I will do this. Okay.

I fear no, I fear no URL. You, you seem up on all of these different research sites. It's all just research. So now. That's what I tell last year. It's all just research. That's just interesting. I'm looking up foot jobs.

It's just research. Here's an interesting one. Missouri accidental cream pie. Oh, this sounds a little too close to rape to me, Missouri. Yeah. Oopsy. Gis in your face. Yeah, oopsie. Just in your face. Yeah, I don't know if that's an accident. I was giving you a scrunder and I just you popped it. Accidental cream pie. How do you accidentally cream pie? I don't know. I don't know.

I mean, I'm definitely telling my relatives not to listen to this episode. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, please. Welcome aboard, sponsors. Aren't you so happy? Hello. Hey, NordVPN. NordVPN is a power. NordVPN is a power. It is a power.

Absolutely. Massachusetts is college. That doesn't surprise me. Okay. Yeah, that doesn't surprise me. People like to look at porn of the, of the, you know, listen, you're never gonna be as pretty as you are when you're 20 to 25, right?

So I can understand why people look for college porn or whatever, co-ed porn. Yeah, what kind of a sex, you know, like a fantasy thing too. Yeah, I agree. Like, other stripper, well, she's just putting herself through college. She's putting herself through college. I mean, that's it.

So let me give her a scrundalfood. Yeah. Tennessee has granny porn in Tennessee. Oh, that's embarrassing. That's fucked up. What are you thinking? I can see Jed, Jed Bob. I imagine Jed Bob living in the backwoods of Tennessee.

Well, got about 15 minutes before my Mountain Dew crystal meth is ready. I've done shaking it up in the bottle got ready You know what I might as well do I'll go mask go whack off to granny porn. Yeah, yeah, the older the better Slap those swinging tits Nothing like our ring glass. At least she's of consenting age. And you know, Hey, let's, if she is of consenting age. Well, I don't know, at some point you start going backwards.

Let's try to. Nordic code has pumpkin pie. Huh? Pumpkin. Pumpkin pie. North Dakota, what are you thinking? What's going on there? I've never seen pumpkin pie porn.

Is this like, I wonder if pumpkin is a name for a particular part of the genitalia? Like, you know, your pumpkin, like butt or, okay. You know, your vagina or, you know, oh, who knows, maybe your pumpkin is your strondle. Yeah. Your double pumpkin.

Double pumpkin penetration. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, New Jersey, again, not surprising, Femme Dom. Feminist dominatrix. Oh, right. Right. New Jersey in for, Glutton's for punishment.

Rhode Island is into pegging. Okay. Do you know what pegging is? Yeah. Yeah. Pegging is when a woman takes a. You know what pegging is? Yeah. Yeah. Pagging is when a woman takes a dildo and has anal sex with a man. It's called pegging. I'm pegging you.

Yeah. What state is that? Oh, that's Rhode Island. Rhode Island. Yeah. Look at your free flag fly. Yeah. Uh-huh.

I don't like, I don't get pegging. I don't get the whole, I don't get the whole, I don't get a lot of stuff. Like, I mean, really honestly, I'm relatively tame. Like, I'm not like some crazy things, you know, it's sex wise. Yeah, you seem pretty vanilla. Yeah, do you think I'm vanilla?

A little bit. Yeah. After all this time. After all this time, after all these things, I'm not saying that I haven't done a few things, but pegging is not one of them. Yeah. Norfoot cream pie or whatever it. Or double scrunch.

A double scrunch a lot more. Yoga pants. Yoga pants I'm good. You need to move to Iowa. Yeah, I need to move to Iowa. That's what this is saying. In Texas, the search is sex max. Sex max.

Sex max. It's like text max mix but with sex yes Pennsylvania is looking for a fat ass oh they're looking for go oh yeah that's a baby got a big old ball ball ball ball ball I can understand that one yeah I. I like them all different sizes. New Mexico is looking for Fortnite porn. I didn't know Fortnite porn existed. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Yeah, absolutely because it seems like people are fucked up. They go into an alternate reality. What is that, what is that,

that's called second life or something? Second life. Yeah. Or you can create like a whole other life. You can create a whole other life. You can forget about your, yeah, you don't even have to just go straight into your pretend girl.

Just rent a storage unit for like, go ahead and prepay for the next couple of years. Get your Nord VPN setup. That's it. for the next couple of years get your Nord VPN setup That's it get into your second life get your Nord VPN So the FBI doesn't come looking for you Merced yourself in another life. That's true And you know, you never hear about second life anymore, but like for a minute Yeah, I think that was like the actual first altcoin was created inside of second life

Like they were exchanging money inside that then you could turn into real dollars outside, right? And people were making things and selling them, like clothing and sunglasses and, you know, computer programs and all that stuff. I wonder if second life is still going on. I think it is. It must be, right? It was extraordinarily popular that it was really going to take off, but me too.

But I think we all decided that, you know, clubhouse is better. If we're not going to pay attention to our real life, so might as well do it in clubhouse. Or it's not so complicated. You know, to make up an avatar and all that. I know. Uh, Connecticut has the term wedgie. Wedgie. Wedgie in yoga pants seem like a thing. Doesn't this seem like a thing like you wouldn't, I don't know. How many people could possibly be searching

for the same term, wedgie. Like is there a club or something? And do you have to do it on porno? I mean, there's like some graphic stuff on porno, but I don't know that you need to go look for a wedgie on there. It's, did Bill big a, make up coronavirus? Maybe wedgie leads to something now.

Yeah. It's more than we know. I think you do some research on this. Okay, I will. It maybe it's like bondage. You know, people like like, you know, getting hurt and all that other stuff. So maybe that's,

Hawaii's into 808. What's 808? Is that Bob? I can't tell. I'm looking for Bob porn. That's eight away, I think. Yeah, it's definitely eight away. Eight away. Yeah. Colorado's into Tushy. When's the last time you heard anybody call it? Tushy. No, not November in Alaska. No, but no, not November. It's so wait. Let me get this straight.

You're trying to make it all of November without nothing. And then you're gonna go on Pornham to do it. What are you looking for? Inspiration? Pornham's becoming like the YouTube. Yeah, it's very, I like that there's like an infographics. Yeah, it's an infographics. The Ouija and a Popeyes chicken.

Popeyes. Oh, there's grandma again. Yeah, there's grandma, grandma, a South Carolina. Like, uh, but I want to get back to Popeye. Like Popeyes, the chicken. What are you fucking, what are you doing with the chicken in Pornham? I don't know.

I don't wanna know. I don't even wanna know. Now that I think about it, I don't know. Just sounds gross. Yeah. Wait, wait, I was looking at the California swag. Swag? Uh, okay, I don't know what that means,

but okay, Oklahoma's in the cheerleader Porn. Uh-oh, uh-oh, Oklahoma. Set it down now. Set it down. Nebraska's in a wife's swapping. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I want to have porn in tickle. Yeah. I like my porn straight on straight ahead. Four or five women, flushering one man. That's how I like my porn.

I got ya. Real life, IRL-type stuff. What it more is like is like one man failing to pleasure a one woman. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Nope, couldn't do it. Fail to get it.

Yeah, I've tried. Man, if I had a child. Oh my God did a child. Time single day in a since the Tusha. I don't know why I broke out in song like that. I'm sorry to the audience. Just like I'm sorry to the many women that I've tried to play, please.

Sorry for all the drama. Yeah, so there you go. There's a kind of- It's interesting. It's kind of like a round robin of things that, you know, things that you- Oh, in Florida was in the- Not what I thought.

Florida was in the Trump. Oh, what? Trump porn? Trump porn. There is Trump porn, by the way. There is, there are people who the Trump. Trump porn. Trump porn. There is Trump porn, by the way. There is, there are people who play Trump. And then it's like, you know, it's a pretend like setup where there's one I saw that was.

I was like, dress up as Trump. Yeah, Trump dress up as Trump. And Trump, a very good look alike for Trump was fucking a very good look alike for Ivanka, which is just twist. Let's go back to like, see the mom and dad. Yeah, you wonder if that's actually happening. Ah.

Seems a little weird, doesn't it? The relationship between those two? But I don't know. What do I know? What do I know? I don't know anything. I'm not saying that that's happening. I'm saying I'm like.

I don't know that there's anything about it that's actually happening physically, but I would feel uncomfortable if my dad said some of the things that he has said about her. I'd be uncomfortable if my dad wanted me to sit on his lap all the time at 32 years old, right? Yeah. And he was putting his hand on my thigh. Like a valka run head for the hills. Tell somebody scream out loud. Call 911. I'm touching Mary Jerry. And then she married Jerry. And then she married Jerry. Kushtner. The. The.

Yeah. It's me, David. Uh. Jared, I want, uh, I don't even know how to do it. I'm trying to voice, but Jared, I want you to, I want you to, uh, you, it's everything's huge. Huge. Huge.

I want you to go take the car. The car is, is real thing for us. Yeah. I want you to negotiate, uh, Middle East piece. Okay. Can I bring my Legos? Yeah, yeah, whatever. Okay.

You want if I take the plane? No, go ahead and go ahead. Take it. Jared, he just looks like such a doofus to me. He looks like such a doofus. And I don't know him, so I don't know if he's a doofus or not. But I do know one thing. He's not a self-made man.

Not like Jared Kushner didn't get everything handed to him. Yes. Right? So, and I don't know, something about that. I guess if you go on strike out on your own, that's one thing. But if you then follow in your dad's footsteps, marry the most famous woman in the world,

who's about to be, you know, and then whatever. Jared fucking Kushner drives me fucking crazy. Did you hear that, that, oh, what's his name? Who's the guy? Ben Affleck. Did you hear that Ben Affleck cannot get on Tinder? Did you hear this?

No, I didn't hear this. He tried to set up a profile, and Tinder keeps on declining him the profile, because they think he's catfishing. Right. And so they won't actually let him up a profile and Tinder keeps on declining him the profile because they think he's catfishing right? Yeah, and so they won't actually let him make a profile and this seems Unfair to me, but I guess I understand why I feel like I've read something about the So there's like a specific celebrity App that you go to there is but, but then they can't meet real people.

That is true. And if I was a celebrity, I wouldn't want to meet other celebrities because trust me, I've met a few celebrities over the last couple of weeks. I'm not all that interested in hanging out with them. And I've met a lot of people who think they're celebrities. And I'm not all that interested in hanging out with them.

Fucked up. I just got to say this. What makes you think you're so fucking important? Right. You know how I'm talking. If you're listening, you know I'm talking to you. What makes you think you're so goddamn important? Who gave you? Who knighted you? Queen or King of whatever the fuck? Well, it's the old saying. Don't you know who I think I am? Yeah, don't you know who I think I am? Is right. Congratulations on your 52 fucking followers on Clubhouse and your, you know, failing career as a whatever.

But that doesn't mean that you get to treat me like shit. That's right. I'm Brian Green. Don't you know who I think I am? I know no one cares about. Are you really important? I'm very important. I'm very important. Look at me.

I'm all over the place. Yes. I'm on clubhouse. I'm on Instagram. Facebook. YouTube. Twitter. Twitter.

Twitter. Twitter. Twitter. I have six followers on Twitter. Are you active on Twitter? You just tell me to be active on Twitter. Oh, I'm active on Twitter, all right. What's active on Twitter? You just tell me. Oh, I'm active on Twitter, all right. I like it.

What's that? You have to tell me so I can like it. I'm active on Twitter, all right. I'm actively trying not to get on that app. Stupid fucking Twitter. That's a lot. I don't understand it. You have to kind of just pick one thing and go with it.

I agree. You got to pick a horse and ride it. Yeah. It's like a restaurant that tries to do, like you get them in you and you're like, oh, they've got Asian, Mexican, clubs and... Talking to you, cheesecake, bacteria. Nathan, they've got a little bit of everything. It's like, no, just pick something and do them really well. I'm talking to you, cheesecake, bacteria.

The fuck. Honestly. They've got the cheesecake. They have a cheesecake. And they do that really well. They do that really Because they've got the cheesecake. And they have the cheesecake. And they do that really well. They do that really well. Stick with the cheesecake. Stick with the cheesecake and maybe a burger. And the menu is so long. So long.

It's a book. I can never just, I always decide on one thing because I don't, I don't expect the wrong thing. And it's on the first page. You want to know why? Because I don't want to read the rest. Because then I just get hungry for other stuff. And I'm like, I don't know.

And you know, it's cheesecake factory. So it's not like anything's gonna be particularly great. I'm just gonna pick the thing I think is least shitty, right? So here's some advice. Cheesecake Factory. Cake that you, you know what, get more cheesecakes and less menu items. And now they, oh, and they always throw in six inserts

in a table 10, and all this other shit. I know. A tecla at the table 10 for our specials for June and July. It's all seasonal seasonal. What? Seasonal beef all beef patty isn't a cow always in season. Are you talking about? And then we've got our keto diet and our no carbs diet and our golden gram diet and our extra sugar diet and our diet tissue diet. It's all in there. We put extra inserts in there.

Great, now more pages. Can I get a Coca-Cola and some free bread, please? Would you like sugar free Coca-Cola, cherry Coca-Cola, that Coca-Cola, Coca-Cola was fried, to go to the Parano Palmer Coca-Cola, no! I want you to order me one thing. I want a cheeseburger.

I want it done well, meeting well. I want some cheese on it and some french fries. That's the other one. That's my son would say. I want some french fries. French fries. Can you do that? Which is like no car french fries, sweet potato french fries,

onion, pretentious fries, would you like plantain french fries? No, I don't want it. Oh potato french fries. Potato french fries. Would you like red potato french fries, orange potato french fries? No, I don't want it. Oh, potato french fries. Potato french fries. Would you like red potato french fries? Orange potato french fries? No, I don't like the dirty potato. Oh yeah, the sweet potato, the dirty one.

Well, I went down the skin. Oh yeah, I love it. And I like the sweet potato ones. Love the sweet potato ones. But my point is, okay, okay, if that's what you had. Burgers and a couple French fry choices, I like where you're going, right? Yeah, it's the cheesecake.

That's right. And when did cheesecake factory become an Italian restaurant serving multiple dishes of Italian food? Like, since when did you, since when did you start doing pasta primavera? Well, pasta diaria, that's what it really is, that's what it looks like.

Yes. Yeah. You could not do crab Oscar at Cheesecake Factory. I'm going to go to Cheesecake Factory. Get me a crab Oscar. The thing about it is that they anchored themselves at the mall. And so by the time you've gone to one of those large malls,

you've got small children, you're walking around, you're exhausted. All you want to do is walk into the Cheesecake Factory. And get me anything. Yeah, literally If you turn to page 53 in your menus Psalm 37 Line four No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, where's the cheeseburgers cheeseburgers are on page 42 sir 42 through 49

Do you want a turkey burger, veggie burger? Oh my God. You want a gluten free, diet free, keto free? I'm like, come on, but like, yeah. This is a problem with Americans today. You give us too many choices. You go over to a restaurant in Europe. They do one thing and they do it really well. And these little beastros and they're so good.

And yeah, you sit down and there's four menu items. Or not even that, if you're at a restaurant, I mean, if you're at the dinner, they're gonna give you the appetizer, and it's usually pasta. And then I'm talking about when we were in Italy, then you got the other, the main course, which usually something else, light, small and light,

and then you have a little dessert, a little wine, and that's all you had to choose from and it's delicious delicious Let me tell you cheesecake you've had factory executives. Here's the deal Because I don't know if you've ever been outside of the United States. You probably never been outside of a mall Here's the deal Mall of America is using it. Okay. Well you walk over in Spain somewhere She's right. You know what you have over in Spain somewhere, she's right. You know what you have?

You have a lunch venue, 20 euros. Boop, you get a glass of wine. That's what it is for today. That's today's lunch. Salad or soup? Like it. A bee steak? You can either get a bee steak or a bee steak

with french fries. And you're gonna get a fucking steak, right? Exactly. Or maybe you get octopus. Who knows? And then you get a choice of desserts. It's lovely, it's wonderful. You don't, you take all the worry in the house, love it.

I'll take the, I'll take that, no, I like that food, then you don't go to that restaurant. You're not trying to be everything to everybody. You go to the next one and they're all packed. All of them are packed. And you know what, they open from noon to two. And if you don't get in before two, you're fucked. Yeah, there's nothing else.

See you at six o'clock. That's nap time. Right? This is always you do in the United States of America. Stop giving everybody so many choices. You don't need a soda in 12 different flavors and 17 different sizes. That's just a way to trick your brain into thinking

you need more. Yeah, it is. Well, if I can get the small one, I should get the big one because then clearly I'm saving money. I'll save it for tomorrow. You never save it for tomorrow. Never eat it. By the way, I've never eaten one thing out of a code box. There. Just doesn't work like that. I hate it. I hate food. I'm like, oh, I'll save it to the last choice. That's right. That's what we have to work

with. And if you don't like it, don't eat it. Can we do this now? What are we waiting for? I know. I know. tutorial, a street restaurant right here in the studio. And that's also the restaurants of the size of the studio. The seven tables, right? They turn them four times and then they're done. That's it. That's it. Yeah. You know what, Chrissy, you're so right. We need to bring this kind of living here to America. Because I am sick of walking into restaurants that look Italian and they're serving Chinese food

and sushi. I worked at a restaurant once. We had burgers and french fries, we had calamari, we had pasta and there was a sushi bar. And everything was fucking expensive. It was like a fine dining restaurant. Not well. And then I worked at a restaurant. We're all we did with steak. That's it.

Steak and a side or two sides. Mm-hmm. And you want to know something? It was easy for people. It is. They didn't seem stressed out when they got to the restaurant. No. They weren't worried about which sushi they were going to have for dessert. Yeah. We were focused more on the conversation and the people you're with and enjoying life. Not stressing about what you're going to order. And then you don't like it and they didn't cook it the right way. It's cooked the way it's cooked and you'll like it. Or you can leave. Go back to America. Exactly. Thank you, Chrissy. Thank you for bringing some reasoning to this conversation. You can now explain to your friends and family, they can listen to the second half of this episode. Yeah, just to say, give me the minute break. You know what? I'll cut it into two.

And I'll be like, start here. Yeah. Yes. Jeff's mom. Oh, just Jeff's mom get upset about what we say. Oh, she, I'm like, don't listen. Oh, don't listen. Isn't that the first thing she's going to do is listen? Please don't listen. It's like telling my son he can't come here when we're working. He throws a shit fit every time. That's the only place he wants to be. It's likeology, is that? It's a magical place. Magic button. Magic light.

It's a 70s porn studio. It's a little too young for all of that? Tcbpodcast.com is where you go to read the show notes, find out more about Chrissy and I, and you can watch our entire video and audio library right from there, all from the comfort of your own home, all from the comfort of our own URL. TcbTV minus. TcbTV minus. TcbTV minus now available on YouTube.

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Oh, good grab. Yes, there was day. There's only one place to Congratulations, Gustavo. Oh, good grades. Yes, there was, there was only one place to go was up. So, where he started, there was only one place to go and that was up. At the commercial break on Instagram, at TCB Chrissy and at Brian Green, for your clubhouse.

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The commercial break new episodes on Tuesdays and now Fridays New YouTube clips drop daily at youtube.com Slash the commercial break visit tcbpodcast.com for access to our entire media library Follow us at the commercial break on Instagram and join the commercial break club on Clubhouse to join in live recordings. Each episode is written and produced by Brian Green, co-hosted by Chrissy Hodley with a digital content provided by Tina Cano. you you