The Commercial Break - Build-A-Girlfriend?

Episode Date: December 26, 2023

Bryan & Christina go down the rabbit hole with Senate twinks, sex dolls, and the (Bryan's pronuncation) EUNUCH MAKER! Christina’s staying far away from Bryan’s petri dish Bryan self diagnoses… ...Everything is poison! We’re spending our lives on digital devices We are runners! Christina’s hot takes on billionaires The twink in the senate! A career pivot? Are sex dolls giving weighted blanket? A message from our sex dolls Thanks again, Bryan! Remember to clean me! Take the eyes out The most horrifying story of 2023 EUNUCH MAKER! Men’s pain isn’t real! Birth? It’s whatever The womb of womanhood! LINKS: Send us show ideas, comments, questions or concerns by texting us at: 1.855.TCB.8383 Call 626.ASK.TCB3 and leave us a voicemail Speak to TCB LIVE by calling 775.TCB.LIVE (1.775.822.5483) Tuesday-Thursday 12pm-5pm EST Watch TCB on YouTube Creator: Bryan Green Co-Host: Bryan Green Co-Host: Krissy Hoadley Written By: Bryan Green Exec Producers: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley Content Production & Research: Tina Khano YouTube Producer & Editor: Morgan Please Producer & Audio Editor: Christina A. Executive Director: Astrid B. Associate Producer: Gustavo Episodic Contribution: Marianne, Diane, Natalie, Will The Champ, Will D**  

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 Bill Clinton can jerk one out in a government building, but when the rest of us do it, it's a problem. We should all have the right to bang one out in a government building and you could quote me on that. On this episode of the commercial break, you get a little recorder like the ones they put in like build a bearer You get a little recorder like the ones they put in like build a bearers. And you're like, great job, Christina. I love you so much. And then you put it in and you press this little button and you can spoon it night and you're like, oh, I'm the best. I love this for me.
Starting point is 00:00:37 Your dick is the best Brian. Thanks again for fucking me so hard. You almost knocked my fake pussy out. Goodnight, Cleedy. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. The 30-in-a-Mona! Yeah, Kazakhstan's welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is the chairman of risen and risen.
Starting point is 00:01:03 Christina, best of you, Christina. Best of you, Brian. Best of you out there in the Bad Guaz universe. Christina coming to us virtually, as my house has turned into the Petri dish that I should have expected. Bar. Yeah, bar, indeed.
Starting point is 00:01:16 The Petri dish that comes every winter, as soon as you close the doors and it gets cold outside, this place becomes a toxic wasteland of shit, pee, poop, snot. Christina, you want no part of this? You want no part of this? I'm telling you right now. There's no amount of lice all in the intake here. I'm going to buy stock and lice all is what I'm going to do, because we have been lice all in the shit out of everything. But all the kids are sick, because that is exactly what happens around the holidays of vacation or anytime something important comes up, all of our children just they just get sick.
Starting point is 00:01:48 And I mean, I guess the most parents experience in some way shape or form. But you know, like when I was single, I would get sick. Well, when I was a smoker, I'd get sick off and I get a bad sinus infection every year and then I'd definitely get an upper respiratory infection. Yeah, it was a different time back then.
Starting point is 00:02:03 We all smoked. We all like so much. Okay. Yeah, it was a different time back then. We all smoked. We all like cigarettes. Okay. Have you ever smoked a cigarette? No. No, you've never smoked a cigarette. Never have.
Starting point is 00:02:12 Do you have friends that smoke cigarettes? Yes. Yeah, you do? Okay. All right, so it's still there. It's out there on the ethos. A couple of friends like smoke, but then most of my friends are more like the drinking kind of smoker, which I'm like gross.
Starting point is 00:02:29 Like, I'll tell you this. Okay. Get out of this. One time, morning after a night out, I was with the guy I was seeing at the time and I wasn't feeling so hot in the morning, but I wasn't really sure how bad it was. I was thinking over. And I like, we like turned over, he kissed me, and then I went, and I went, I know I didn't puke, I gasped, and then I sprinted to the bathroom and barfed.
Starting point is 00:02:55 Oh, because of the smell. Because of the taste of the cigarette. Yeah. And yeah, and so that started like the worst, one of the worst hangover days of my life. As an OCD guy, like as a guy who probably is the touch of the obsessive, right? Cleanliness is super important to me.
Starting point is 00:03:14 It's like two showers a day, shave all the time. I mean, I'm just like, I don't like certain smells or dirt or anything really on my body. I think that makes you just a personality snuggler and does not diagnose you with OCD. But yeah, let's not go self-diagnosing ourselves. Let's not be, what did the guy, I read this article yesterday and the guy said,
Starting point is 00:03:35 a nurse, narcissistic spiritual leader. Like, let me not self-diagnose. But I think you're right. I think I'm a bit personality, a lot of personality. Let's just call it like I see it. I'm really personal. Youagnosed. But I think you're right. I think I'm a bit personic, a lot personic, let's just call it like I see it. It's a really personal. You're just a personic, it is nozzler. So when I smoked cigarettes,
Starting point is 00:03:51 I would purposefully smoke cigarettes in a manner that I knew would cut down on the amount of cigarette smell that would be on my clothing. So I'd always smoked down draft, or I'd smoke outside with a, I never wanted that hanging cigarette smoke smell that you often find on like true cigarette smokers.
Starting point is 00:04:12 I never would have these smokers. But the drinking and the cigarettes is the thing that kill me is why I stopped drinking is because I knew that if I continued to drink, I would never stop smoking cigarettes. It would never happen because beer and cigarettes went hand in hand for me. And I couldn't do one without the other. But when I smoked, I was sick.
Starting point is 00:04:33 It was disgusting. It was disgusting. But I guess a little feather in my cap, acid has never smoked a cigarette in her life either. And she hates the smell of cigarette smoke. But she told me, or she tells me, or maybe this is just her make-and-me feel better, she would always say, you don smell of cigarette smoke. But she told me, or she tells me, or maybe this is just her make it me feel better, she would always say, you don't smell like smoke.
Starting point is 00:04:48 Like you don't smell like smoke, you take care to make sure that you have something mint or something. She's like, you never really smelled like a smoker. I think she's just trying to let you feel good. I can't believe she started dating you while you were a smoker. She did, she. That's crazy to me.
Starting point is 00:05:02 Listen, the hot ones with the hot ones, it is what it is. I suppose so. Yeah. And, but when I was a cigarette smoker, I would get at least one terrible sinus infection every single year. And I mean, like terrible like weeks of coughing
Starting point is 00:05:21 and snott, and my dumb ass on some occasions would just continue to smoke cigarettes because that's what happens when you're a cigarette smoker you just continue to fuck i know Christina but you know again we're we didn't know what we know now we had no idea that cigarettes would kill you as an apriotie yes i did help with digestion yes we did this was a nineteen forty no people in the sixties knew this and then these commercials were they doctors would get on the commercial, the television commercial, they were like,
Starting point is 00:05:47 Paul Maul's, they'd be like, Paul Maul's. As a doctor, I know that Paul Maul's helped my patients digest their meals better. Makes them more active and keeps them fresh and focused. Paul Maul's for your health. It's amazing. That's honestly in-sign. I know, but you know, you don't know what you don't know. And I guess I suppose.
Starting point is 00:06:10 I know that FACO companies also spend billions of dollars covering it up. I was going to say they probably did know and they probably were just getting their money. Yeah, of course. And I wonder like all the things that I use in my house, like the spray lace-lice-all, like how they're going to find out one day that that kills you too. And then I'll be like, probably, like how, they're gonna find out one day that that kills you too. And then I'll be like, probably, like everything we own or ingest or use is killing us.
Starting point is 00:06:30 So it's whatever, at this point. It's all over. Our little micro-bio domes here are just getting destroyed by everything that we put into ourselves and the atmosphere and all that. But what are you gonna do? I mean, it's just the way it is. What are you gonna do?
Starting point is 00:06:43 Speaking of our little bio microdomes, I saw the most interesting Instagram posts I've seen in a long time. It was Guy on stage, Ted Talk. And as a younger person, younger than I am, I wanted you to know this information because I think it's gonna be important for you growing up as a young woman in this world.
Starting point is 00:07:01 Okay, uh-huh. I'm ready. Let me mansplain to you. Let me talk down to you. Oh, great. Super. It's both your friend, your boss and. Uh-huh. I'm ready. Let me man explain to you. Let me talk down to you. Oh, great. Super. Let's both your friend, your boss, and your co-host. I'm going to talk down to your man explain now.
Starting point is 00:07:11 Okay. So listen to what he said. Okay. He said that if you are alive in the year 2023 and you are at least 18 years old, let me give you the breakdown of what's going to happen in your life with your time, your time that you have left on this earth if you lived to 90 years old If you lived to 90 years old and you are over the age of 18 living in 2023 You will likely use one third of the months available in your life the remaining months on your life one third of those
Starting point is 00:07:41 We'll go to sleeping Okay, I love that another third will go to the following things. Working, schooling, driving, chores, showering and shitting, okay? Is that all in one? It's all in one. That's one third right there. All those things are one third.
Starting point is 00:08:00 I couldn't believe you, like the average person will spend, I forgot what it was, 30 months in traffic or some shit like that I don't know. Yeah, the traffic ones are crazy. Yeah, it's a lot. It's a lot. Okay 93% of the remaining time of your life you Christina and me and my kids and everybody else here on the stuck in this fiery hellhole Is going to be spent interacting with a digital device with a screen. 93% of your quote unquote free time, where you're otherwise not occupied with something,
Starting point is 00:08:34 I guess more important than screen time or sleeping, is going to be spent on a mother fucking screen. And I know this is true. It rings true in every particle of my body, it rings true because I think I'm well on my way to spending 93% of my free time on a screen, looking at a screen, touching a screen, feeling up a screen, making love to a screen,
Starting point is 00:08:55 something like that. I am definitely on my way to killing most of my remaining free time on a digital device. How do you feel about this? I think that's so true because everything I do is related somehow to like the screen or the internet or whatever because like I mean I'm a really big reader. But even that I read mostly on my Kindle and I get my books digitally through the library most of the time. So like I use the app on my phone to go to the library and I get my little thing and I send it to my Kindle
Starting point is 00:09:30 and then I, oh my gosh, this, I change your life Brian. You can do this really? Yes, seriously? Oh my gosh, it is an app called Libby. Okay. And you just need a library card, it's free. Cause it is the library, you just need a library card
Starting point is 00:09:44 and you go in, you attach it to your library card number. And then you can borrow books, you can do audio books, ebooks, you can do magazines, which is really fun because I never want to buy magazines, but sometimes I like to flip through them. It would be fun if you had an iPad, I think, as well. I got that iPad.
Starting point is 00:10:03 Because it would be big. Whereas looking at a magazine had an iPad, I think as well. Again, that's a pad. Because it would be big. Whereas looking at a magazine on my phone, I'm like zooming in. Yeah, me too. I hate looking at those magazines. Like those, you know, the flippy magazines on the phone drives me crazy. They never work as intended.
Starting point is 00:10:14 But it's really fun and you can just send it straight to your Kindle. And obviously like there are, like you do have to wait sometimes. Yeah. Like I'll place a hold on a book and it's not available for like three weeks or sometimes it's three months or depending on the popularity of the book. So, you know, even when I'm outside on a walk or on a run, I'm listening to an audiobook that I got via
Starting point is 00:10:37 my phone. It's me too. Yeah. Even when I'm doing the most healthy thing that I do, which is run. Right. I like to run. I don't know why I like to run. I know there's going to kill my mates and leave me in the, anyway, when I run the most healthy activity that I'm doing out in nature, feeling good, fresh air in my face, I'm listening to something on some digital device. I've got the earphones in my ear, my watch that I'm constantly looking at. I noticed like when I was running last year, I'm obsessively looking at my watch to see watch that I'm constantly looking at. I noticed like when I was running last year, I'm obsessively looking at my watch to see how fast I'm going, how far I've gone
Starting point is 00:11:09 when I'm gonna, you know what? And you know what? I understand that, I'm good. I started to take the watch off because I'm like, this is ridiculous. I am, I have a phone in my pocket that can do the same thing and I don't need to look at my watch every 15 seconds.
Starting point is 00:11:23 That's not the point. I'm not fucking, you know, Michael Johnson. I'm not gonna win any Olympic medals for my running. Why not just enjoy the run? No matter how long it takes or where we're going or how fast that happened to be doing a mile. What am I thinking? That's, I totally get that because I do like to monitor my heart rate and I like to try, I'm like trying to better my cardio vascular health like specifically. So I am trying to run within a heart, a certain heart rate range.
Starting point is 00:11:50 And it's very hard, because I have to go a lot slower. And then I think I, then I want to go. Yes. And so I spend the whole time being like, oh, am I at 130? Am I at 130 or whatever? Being like, and then I have to walk. And I have to go, and so sometimes I will just literally
Starting point is 00:12:04 not look at it at all. I take the pace alerts off, I take all the alerts off, and I'm like, I'm just running for fun now. Yeah, good for you. But I will say my favorite way to run is with a buddy when I can just chat the whole time. Yeah, see I've run out of breath when I do that. Me and my friend, Rocky.
Starting point is 00:12:18 Well, it's good for you. Yeah, it's good for me. It's good for you to learn to talk and run because it's really good for your health. I was just reading, I don't know how we got on this subject, but no, but who cares, that's the entire, that's a commercial. It's fine.
Starting point is 00:12:32 In a nutshell. I was reading, or acid was reading, and she was telling me that Taylor Swift, the second that she started to think about putting together this, Eros, you were. I saw this too. Got on the treadmill and started singing her songs day after day, night after night. So you just get on the treadmill, she'd run and she'd sing her songs.
Starting point is 00:12:48 Now. Well, that's what Broadway starts to. Oh, they do. I guess it's about a year. Well, listen, the Broadway bitches have a good, they know, they know that you have to be up there singing and running around and remembering your lines and all that other stuff. But I will say this, and I know this is gonna be controversial and some circles, which circles I don't know,
Starting point is 00:13:08 but I'm about to probably start some controversy in somebody's life. I, my daughters, my wife, they're now obsessed with Taylor Swift. They got that movie, the Errors Tour movie came out on Amazon. We rented it, it's like, you know, $180,000 for 24 hours of watching 48 hours, whatever it is.
Starting point is 00:13:28 And so it's been on, or it was on last week for like two straight days, just yeah. The girls were watching it over and over and over again. Even my son was getting into a dance and then doing all this stuff. But I noticed that I think Taylor is lip syncing at certain parts in the concert. Now I'm not knocking her. When you're doing a concert like that,
Starting point is 00:13:48 you gotta get your breath at some point. When all that intense running, but I do notice that the way that she moves her microphone around does not jive with what I'm hearing. And I'm really keen on this. They might be overdubbing it for the movie, maybe. That's what I was thinking. I was thinking for the movie movie they probably took the best take and filled it in. I thought the same thing.
Starting point is 00:14:11 Yeah. I would bet that that's what happened. And I saw Astrid's arm in that movie because we were at the we were there when they were filming it, it's, oh, it is one part. I managed to stop it and find it, and it's Astrid's hand is up in the air. And I mean, no, it's Astrid's hand because of the bracelets that she was wearing. And I was like, wow, that's, that's exciting. You're in the movie. And. That's so funny.
Starting point is 00:14:37 Yeah, we want our residuals, but I don't think they're going to send them to us. I don't think so. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. She might be a billionaire, but you don't become a billionaire by being generous to you. No, you're not going to become a billionaire. You become a billionaire by being generous to you. No, you don't become a billionaire. You become a billionaire by selling multiple versions of the same fucking album in different colors for extended pricing so that you can absolutely take
Starting point is 00:14:52 every last penny out of your fans pocket books. And this, I don't care for it. I don't care for it. I just don't. Like, I think it's a little much. And I know that the whole thing is like, you cannot be a billionaire and be ethical. No.
Starting point is 00:15:07 You just can't. Well, I mean, you can be ethical, but you can't always do ethical things, right? You can't have gotten that money in an ethical way. No, not in a hundred percent. I don't think so. But I'm not here to argue how people make their money, right? Because I don't, I think that's an exercise in futility a little bit. Because, yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:26 That's just capitalism. It's just gonna work that way. And there's a better system, and I'm sure there is, I can't wait for it. But at this moment in time, this is how it works, right? And so Taylor taking advantage of every opportunity to get her bag, cool, whatever. But this little thing really makes me a little bit upset
Starting point is 00:15:45 about Taylor Swift, and I realized that there's a whole machine behind her that the tale is definitely wagging the dog somewhere. I don't know who that is, her PR people, her managers, whatever. But this one little thing really kind of made me upset when I learned it, which is why do you have to put out six different colors of the same album? And then market collectible, only put out a few of them. And have people try and collect it.
Starting point is 00:16:06 Yes, and then try and like, upcharge, you know, the, this particular record is a hundred and 19. Taking the piss. A hundred percent taking the piss. And I just can't, can't really get behind that. You know what I'm saying? I do love me a little bit, I'll tell you our Swiss. Oh, man.
Starting point is 00:16:21 I also just like, it's okay to have critiques of your favorite artists. It's okay to not You know, we don't 100% it's like my mom used to say I love you, but I just don't like what you're doing right now You know what I'm saying so I can understand you know what I you know what I can get behind 100% though Christina Is you saying taking a piss? I like this and I say why I like this Because it's something the British people say a lot. And I love it. I was watching.
Starting point is 00:16:48 If you're seeing the mighty bush. No. Okay, this is probably not something you're going to be into. But the mighty bush is like this probably not. It's like Peewee Herman. Like an adult Peewee Herman, even though Peewe Herman's playhouse was an adult in the first place. It's like an adult version of Peewee's playhouse on BBC.
Starting point is 00:17:05 And it is, to me, it is like the ridiculousness is so funny sometimes, but in the show, they often say this, fair dues instead of like, fair play or a fair enough, fair dues. I was like, that is so brilliant. So now, as a rule on the commercial break,, anytime you wanna say fair enough, it's fair dues, and anytime someone is, you know, being a bitch, you say you see they're taking a piss. If we could just start talking like this. Take on the piss.
Starting point is 00:17:34 If we could just be a little bit more like the Brits, I think we'd be okay. I'll do my best to influence you in the best way, as you know, this is my familial legacy. So. You are a Brit through and through. I'm doing my best to get the language in there. Christina, I think all the all of our listeners in the UK can agree.
Starting point is 00:17:51 You're doing a great job of flag bearing on behalf of our EU listeners of which they are for not in the EU anymore, but I appreciate it. Yeah, I'd still in my heart though. In my heart, there's in my heart. In my heart, I can still go to Spain with no problem for a long time. I know, but in reality, you have to stop by at least two checkpoints just letting you know. Yeah. Okay, hey, let's do this. Let's take a quick break and then we'll come back with more fun. Christina sitting in Chris's chair today as Chris is out again for family reasons.
Starting point is 00:18:24 For good reasons, by the way, for good reasons. We'll be back. Look, I know you guys are getting really sick of me, but that is too bad. It's my job. Now go to tcbpodcast.com for all of our audio and video content and get your little booty over to youtube.com slash the commercial break for fully edited video episodes. Want a chat? Leave us a voice mail at 626-ask-tcb3.
Starting point is 00:18:50 To embarrass for your voice to be on the show, we understand. Texas instead at 855-tcb-8383. Can't even do that. No worries. Just follow us on TikTok at tcbpodcast and on Instagram at the commercial break. And if you can't even be seen doing that, just listen to these sponsors and let's get back to the show. Hey everybody, want to let you know that this episode is sponsored in part by Factor?
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Starting point is 00:21:38 Shop Pelotons New Year offers at 1peloton.ca-deals. That's 1peloton. c a slash deals all access membership separate terms apply i were back on here with christina uh... virtually because i got this it's a court to be honest is quarantine uh... hey i did you hear about this story of the, like this little page that worked for an assistant
Starting point is 00:22:07 that worked for Ben Carden, the senator, and he formed the twink in the Senate? Yes. The twink in the Senate making anal sex movies in the year. In the year. Where they actually question potential Supreme Court justice. I see. I am obsessed with that. I think that was a bold move.
Starting point is 00:22:28 And you know what I say to that? I say go off queen. It Bill Clinton can do it. Why can't we? Hey, hey, hey. I'm not saying Bill Clinton should have done it either. And but here's what I am saying. I don't know if I feel it quite as liberal as you about this,
Starting point is 00:22:41 but here's what I think is hilarious actually. I saw some of the video and I was like, wow, you go. I mean, that was the full Monty. And you did not see the video, but I did see like the, obviously the screenshots of the video. I saw the video where it was like, you know, they blurred out the hot action that was going on, but you can tell. It's definitely full men having sex on a table. I love that for them. I think that is hilarious. It's the mother fucking whatever it is 600 people that are up there supposedly making laws on our behalf and bettering the country can't do a mother fucking thing for six goddamn years. Then why not use the room for hot man sex? That's all I gotta say.
Starting point is 00:23:25 That's a good use. Amen. Where I mean, yeah, they're not doing anything else worthwhile. The only thing that makes this better is if George Santos was the guy bending over the table. That would have only been. That would have tipped me over the edge I think.
Starting point is 00:23:39 Oh my God. Like I think of the United States capital and I'm not precious about it, right? I don't like a reverent, like a church. But I do think that, you know, okay, there's, we should have some kind of, I don't know what you call it, like, deference to what's going on up there.
Starting point is 00:23:57 You know, is there running the country and essentially setting the tone for the entire world? But this guy just broke it all down for us. He was like, nope, not the first one to have anal sex, not gonna be the last one to have anal sex right here in this room. Where are the security guards? Who's hanging out?
Starting point is 00:24:14 Yeah, like how did they get in there? Are there no cameras in there? Like what's going on? This is, I kind of feel like if they could get to that point and not be getting in trouble or getting kicked out. Like, isn't that your fault? You're kind of inviting it. You know what I'm saying?
Starting point is 00:24:28 Well, it just feels like, I don't know. I got you. I thought you said that feels like your fault. Yeah, I'm not sure. I'm not sure if my therapist would say about that one. No, it's definitely not a healthy outlook, but I like to say that when I wanted to fervolate, of course. I love it.
Starting point is 00:24:44 Listen, I kind of agree with you here. I love the outlook, but I like to say that when I want to defer blame, of course. I love it. Listen, I kind of agree with you here. There's no cameras, no security guards outside. No one walks in for however long they've been sitting in there having said no one says a fucking word. The only way that we know about this is because one of the two parties involved decided to leave that fucking video. And you know, this has definitely happened before.
Starting point is 00:25:03 Oh, yeah, God, please. Yeah You guys are fools if you think this ain't happening all over that town. I had a friend On a college was like I know I had one friend. I had you notice I said Oh, sweet dude. You're awesome. I had a friend, to out of college, she goes and she gets a job as a DC tour guide. But now like a tour guide, driving a bus or big crowds or something like that
Starting point is 00:25:35 private tour guide. And so in her job as a private tour guide, she would often interact with dignitaries, right? People who were like important people in other countries would come, then somebody at somebody's office would call her up and say, take them on a tour of DC. The important part of DC. And she knew this place inside and out, backward and forward.
Starting point is 00:25:56 Just like this guy does, inside out, backward, forward. If you pick up one, I'm putting down my DD canters. My DD canters. So, I went up there one time and she literally parked like half a block from the white house like super restricted zone She parked just like that guys parking in your house. She honestly what the hell Gapers are As pro X it's a trolley's cause and trouble. But it's directly outside my window.
Starting point is 00:26:28 I'm so sorry. No, it's okay. Are you recording in your bedroom? Yeah. My sister's, my guest room. That's your guest room. Are those live plants that are up above your head? Wow.
Starting point is 00:26:38 Yeah. That looks really good. Thank you. I'd like having a live plant. I need to move these. Painting's closer together, but. Christina has. Christina's got her bed, and above her bed is a shelf,
Starting point is 00:26:48 and on that shelf, I don't know, three, four plants that look really healthy. There's a lot going on here. Christina, I applaud you. I can't keep, I'm surprised any of my children are alive. Let alone a plant. I mean, I don't have children, so I have more time for my plants.
Starting point is 00:27:03 Fair enough. I have one Christmas cactus that's made it like 15, 20 years. Wow, is it blooming this year? It blooms. You know when it blooms? I'll tell you when it blooms. No, it doesn't bloom in November. It typically, I used to, when I had the plant,
Starting point is 00:27:19 it was given to me as a house gift, right before me and my ex-wife moved it into our house. That, so we're probably talking closer to 20 years now. That plant never bloomed to the first Christmas. It never bloomed to the second Christmas, the third Christmas, the fourth Christmas. After I got a divorce, I started dating a girl, and the girl started coming over to the house more frequently. When she came over, the plant bloomed.
Starting point is 00:27:42 Right? Now, I didn't put two and two together until I moved to the next place. Didn't bloom on Christmas, didn't bloom again for like another year. I started dating a woman, she started coming over and spending time at my house, it bloomed again. I started thinking to myself, okay, this is a little weird. I started dating somebody, they start kind of moving their stuff into my house, and it bloomed.
Starting point is 00:28:03 Did the same thing when Astrid came around, and now it blooms at random times and sometimes it'll bloom twice in a year which I hear is a little strange never does it on Christmas but they she I don't know she buds when she buds I don't know she does her thing that's crazy you know what she is she's a girls girl she is a girls girl she's a girl girl girl that girl energy just sets her off I don't know she said screw you you, Brian. I am here to bloom for the ladies. You know, it's kind of like the myth that women, if they spend enough time with each other, will cycle all of them on cycle at the same time.
Starting point is 00:28:33 Is it, is it not? No, I'm kidding. I know, truth. I was like, no, I'm a beta bitch. My uterus just flies to whoever's closest. I really can't help it. But isn't that weird? Is that the real thing to throw me off? Because if I start, it's just like, whoever's closest. I really can't help it. Is it that weird?
Starting point is 00:28:45 Is that the real thing to throw me off? Because if I start, it's just like, yeah, you start messing up. I'm such a little beta. I don't know. My body just wants to be a follower. I don't know. I got 15 women in the house.
Starting point is 00:28:58 I don't know what's gonna happen when they all get to age of consents. I think it's gonna get a little weirder out here. I mean, I've got two sisters, so I get it. Uh-huh, uh-huh. So this cactus, 15, 20 years on, and she blooms when she blooms. I think that everyone's gonna be on the same cycle
Starting point is 00:29:13 pretty soon, they're all gonna bloom at the same time. So this guy who goes in and has sex, here is like my overarching thought on this. First of all, it's crazy that he got away with us because it tells you exactly what's going on is here is like my overarching thought on this. First of all, it's crazy that he got away with us because it tells you exactly what's going on inside that capital. Nothing, no one gives a fuck, no one gives a shit, no one's watching anything.
Starting point is 00:29:33 Number two is that you know, and you know, and you know that one of those two released that sex tape because they knew this was going to happen. They were going to get noticed. They were going to have a little 15 minutes to shower themselves in fame and hopefully jumpstart their career in some way, shape, or form. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:52 Because when you put a video together like that, like I may or may not have in my past, when you do something like that, when you do something like that, you know to keep that thing as tight as possible. Like it's gotta be in a secure location on a secured server, locked away with multiple fingerprint identifications, I scan.
Starting point is 00:30:09 You cannot let that stuff float out there on the internet because it just never comes back to you. No, never comes back to you. So there's only one or two ways that this happened. And it's likely that one of those gentlemen released that video. Why would they do that? I mean, the 15 minutes of fame I get, but don't you suspect that you might get in trouble if you're in the
Starting point is 00:30:29 end? Yeah, I don't know. I can't really seem to figure out their motivations at this point in time. I don't know if it was like they're approving a point or if it was like to make a little segue into a new career. I think so, yeah. Which is fair. I mean, government, not a great career, but sex work works out. Hey, listen.
Starting point is 00:30:54 I was listening to this comedian, I forget his name, I wish I could give him credit. And he says, I was reading the comments on an Instagram model who also does only fans. And these guys were like fucking whore, fucking whore, put your pussy away, blah, blah, blah, fucking whore. And he had this brilliant, and I wish I could do it justice, but I'm not going to, I'm just going to repeat kind of what he said paraphrasing.
Starting point is 00:31:15 He said, yeah, you get him, Chad, you're going to go to the oil refinery and you're going to work 20, 30, 40, 50 years for the oil refinery and she is gonna work for only fans. Guess what? Both of you are working for billionaires with way too much money that don't give a fuck about your personal feelings. Both of you are gonna make a living doing what you're doing for the man. Both of you are getting fucked, but at least she's doing it to herself. So you know what Chad, go do your thing. And I was like, holy fucking shit dude, you're so right. You are so right, good for him. And so if only fans is the place where these kids go,
Starting point is 00:31:55 great, fantastic. Do you, I have this, but this makes me ask a question. Do you think that it's possible? It's possible. That the reason why sex rates are declining, like we talked about last episode, the reason why sex, meaning sexual activity rates are declining in the young people in this country is because they're afraid that something,
Starting point is 00:32:18 like there's gonna be some kind of digital fingerprint around the sexual activity that they have, like someone's gonna record them, someone's gonna, you know, some weird shit is have, like someone's going to record them. Someone's going to, you know, some weird shit is going to happen. It's going to be out there. That's probably part of it because there is a lot of like, I don't know what exactly to call it, but I guess I would say it's not revenge porn, but like just people being like
Starting point is 00:32:38 inconsiderate and like non consent around that type of thing. So like that is scary. I think that's a very scary thought, but I think also it's probably the availability of like sexual media. Yeah. Like you don't have to seek someone else. No you don't.
Starting point is 00:32:57 So like get your rocks off, you know? And you don't have to, you know, rely on your imagination. But I don't know, I feel like that's part of it, but then there's definitely like an aspect of like digital media just having gone too far, or like us having too much access to be able to hurt other people. I agree with you. I think there's two things. I think number one, there's a fear around it.
Starting point is 00:33:22 Like it's, it can be a scary thing. Like God forbid you get pregnant in America in 2023 and you don't want and you're not prepared for whatever reasons. Health, medical, financial, emotional, right? Whatever the reasons are. But then on top of that, you do have this availability of so much fucking porn. There's so much dick out there on the internet.
Starting point is 00:33:42 You don't really need to go seek it out because the other thing is, is that the world of sexual, you know, pleasure toys, you know, deal-dose and pocket pussy, and all that, they're so advanced. You don't, why would you need to find a human being? You can buy a sex doll for like a thousand dollars and live with her like some people do
Starting point is 00:34:03 as if she's human. The sex dolls are crazy. Oh my God, they're crazy. I tried to get someone to send me one and he, so listen to this. So it's like, it's like, I don't know, episode 5060. And we do this episode about sex dolls. These guys that live with the sex dolls, there's one guy in particular in England who has a collection of 50 of them and every one one of them has a name, and 50, 50. And he, does he use them all? He uses them, I don't know if he uses them all. We watch this whole documentary is like 30 minutes long, but he has a wife also, right?
Starting point is 00:34:38 So he's got a wife, they both live with these sex dolls, they both dress them up, they take turns feeding them. I don't even know what the fuck was going on there. I don't like that. No, it's delusional. No, it's really, really weird. But so anyway, so we do this whole thing, and then as a joke, I'm like,
Starting point is 00:34:52 I've never even seen a sex doll in person. You know, I've seen them being made on videos and stuff like that, but I never even seen a sex doll in person. I don't even know what they would like, feel like or look like they're actual texture. If anybody has one, if anyone knows how to get one, send it to me. So this guy texts me like a week and a half later.
Starting point is 00:35:10 And he's like, listen, I'm just buying my third sex doll, but my first one, I'm ready to give it up. If you want it, I'll send it to you. And I'm like, fuck you will. The fuck you're gonna be sending me. Used sex doll, no thing. Classic dump, fuck it. Sex doll. What are you thinking? Why would I want toxic dumps. Look at sex doll.
Starting point is 00:35:25 What are you thinking? Why would I want that? Who wants a used sex doll? Although I'm sure you can buy them. I understand sex dolls. And I don't think I understand the logistics of them because I've never had one. And I also don't have a penis.
Starting point is 00:35:40 And I'm not, you know, I have a big functioning brain that is away from said penis. Yeah, yeah, fair enough. I'm like, hmm, I don't really know if I understand this. Like, are you faking the doll? Are you, are you, well, are you coming in the doll? Yes.
Starting point is 00:36:06 How do you clean it up? There's a whole cleaning kit that comes with it. Can you take the vagina area and pull it out? I think so, yes. And some of those sextiles, yes. You can take off the vagina and the anus and... Oh, you take it off. Yeah, you'd be like pulling.
Starting point is 00:36:20 I was thinking it would be like pulling a sock inside out, you know? Oh God, just the thought of that. Just give me the willies. Like, but I, Well, it's a doll. It's a, it's a, it's a, it's a blow up doll. It's not a blow up doll.
Starting point is 00:36:31 It's not blow up. No, it is a, it weighs like 150 pounds. Oh my God, I hate this so much. They are like exo, exoskeletons. They, with real, with rubber that feels like real skin painted. You know what it's kind of giving? It's kind of giving weighted blanket,
Starting point is 00:36:52 giving anxiety. Like these are for the lonely boys who have anxiety and they're like, I want a lady to just suffocate me. Just lay on me. Yeah, just put your big tits right in front of my face and just go to sleep with me. So like what's it made of then? Like what does it feel like? I don't know, that's why. I don't know what it feels like, but I've seen videos.
Starting point is 00:37:11 It looks like it's like really soft rubber. The body is, so it ends up in the skin feels. Kind of tacky like skin is. I guess. Yeah, kind of tacky. You know that plastic, like, think of like a ball that you squeeze at work Yeah, one of those stress balls. I imagine the texture is kind of like that
Starting point is 00:37:29 Foamy. Yeah, like a little squishy squeezy, and I don't think I like this. Yeah, no I don't think I would have sex with one I know I wouldn't because I just don't know how you feel. I don't know how you could maintain an erection Listen to each their own, right? I mean if that's what turns you on for me. No, no, no, I wouldn't I don't know how you could maintain an erection. Listen, to each their own, right? I mean, if that's what turns you on. Yeah, but for me. No, no, no, I don't think I could ever. I don't even think I could get in the mood.
Starting point is 00:37:51 I think exactly, I feel like I would be like, I'd be two in my head because there's no one to talk to. Yeah, sex is awkward enough without having it be plastic. You know what I'm saying? Like, I think it's just awkward enough. Yeah, I think it's a texture thing for me. I think it's the fact that it's made of rubber and stuff and squishy, probably.
Starting point is 00:38:07 Agreed. I don't think I'd be able to feel right about it. I think it's the dead inanimate eyes that I think wouldn't get me. I wouldn't want something that we were staring at me like that. Like I'm having sex with someone that can't move their eye.
Starting point is 00:38:24 I'm not sleeping mask on her and pretend it's like a bondage. That's true. I could do that can't move their eyeballs. You could put a little sleeping mask on her and pretend it's like a bondage. Oh, that's true. That's true. I could do that or I could just turn, I could turn her over and then not have to worry about the eyes, but then that's even more strange.
Starting point is 00:38:33 I'm just thinking of you. And at 150 pounds, I'm not strong enough to carry that thing around. It's gonna have to be in all position. You know what I'm saying? Like I'm gonna have to set it up and just knock it out and then be done. But just thinking about this, there is nothing.
Starting point is 00:38:47 And I mean, nothing that turns me on about that. Not a thing. Because I just like a heartbeat. I mean, that's what I have to one thing that I've ever was. In my lovers is a heartbeat. That's all I've requested. Just a heartbeat. Yes, my.
Starting point is 00:39:03 Well, I don't always get smiling. But, you know, that's for accentuating circumstances. These guys are, but I do understand, I do understand that not everybody has swagger. Not everybody's got the Riz. Do you know what I'm saying? Yes. So if not everybody on the head
Starting point is 00:39:21 of jizzin and risen, you are the head of jizzin and risen. And so you do understand that it's not always easy for anybody, male, female or otherwise, to walk into a bar, meet somebody, go through the dance, take them home. That's a whole dance that some people I think just really struggle with, they get blocked, right?
Starting point is 00:39:40 It's like, right, there's blocked. They get blocked. And you do that for years and years and years, you're just lonely, like you just want something to feel like a human being laying next to you. Now, it's not going to talk to you or, you know, tell you how great of a job you did. But I guess that's the point too, is that? Where you get a little recorder, like the ones they put in like build a bearer's. And it's like, great job, Christina. I love you so much. And then you put it in there,
Starting point is 00:40:06 and you press this little button, and then you can spoon it night and be like, ah, I'm the best. I love this for me. Your dick is the best, Brian. Thanks again for fucking me so hard. You almost knocked my fake pussy out. Good night, sweetie.
Starting point is 00:40:23 Love that. Thanks again. This is the fourth time today. Thanks again. Remember to clean me. Remember to clean me. Don't forget to remove my pussy. Remove my pussy, but don't use bleach. Remember what happened to the dishwasher? It's not dishwasher safe. Remember to put my dead cold eyes in the laundry. Thank you. Oh, taking the eyes out. That's cold, Brian.
Starting point is 00:40:58 Well, listen, if I'm going to, this ever happens, if it's like I'm the last man standing on earth, and I have to break into the sex show. I'm the last man, I guess I'm not, this ever happens, if it's like I'm the last man standing on earth and I have to break into the sex show, I'm the last man, I guess I'm not breaking into anything, it's all mine anyway. But if I'm the last man on earth and I have to break into the sex show and get the sex doll because God forbid, no one's here to help me to have love with,
Starting point is 00:41:16 then if that happens, I'm taking the eyes out because I just don't want those dead cold eyes staring me. I don't even want the dog in the room. Fair enough. All right, let's say one more break. We'll get over our sex cell talk. And then we'll be back with an even more interesting story than anal sex in the hearing room of Congress.
Starting point is 00:41:36 We'll be right back. Okay, Brian, shh. Let me give the people what they want. Our social media handles. Follow us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok at TCB Podcast. If like all my hinge dates, you are thirsty for more, give us a call and leave us a message at 626-ask-TCB3. Or send us a text, no sexting please, at 855-TCB-8383. And of course, go to tcbpodcast.com to see everything there is to see.
Starting point is 00:42:12 Now let's hear from our sponsors and then the show is going. Every new year, there's tons of pressure to work out. To already be lifting big and running marathons on January 1st, but often the pressure to be amazing stops people from even starting. When really the only thing that matters is starting. That's why Peloton's offering up to $800 off select Peloton purchases and two months free membership to get you moving. Choose from the Peloton bike, bike plus, tread, row, or guide, and find thousands of
Starting point is 00:42:46 classes that work for you. From beginner to advanced, whatever level you're at, get started, and then build from there. Peloton's instructors keep you motivated and entertained from day one, taking the guesswork out of your workout and keeping it entertaining and fresh every day. Forget all the new year, new you pressure. And remember, doing something is everything. Shopped Peloton's new year offers at one peloton.ca slash deals. That's one peloton.ca slash deals. All access membership separate terms apply. All right, we're back. I'm here with Christina. Okay, are you ready for the most disturbing story of 2023? Hands down without a doubt.
Starting point is 00:43:29 Maybe the most disturbing story since the year 2000. And I don't know what was, Oh, okay. Since 2001, let's put it that way, because we all know the disturbing story of 2001. But this is highly disturbing. Caution. I'm ready.
Starting point is 00:43:42 Trigger warning for anybody out there that might be attached to their genitals or any other part of their body currently. And I just listen to this. Okay. Just listen to this. Here's the byline. Hotel worker cops to quote castrations by clamping
Starting point is 00:43:57 streamed on Gulasch, UNA MAKER website. A worker at a Scottish hotel has admitted to participating in extreme body modification plots in which surgeries, including castorations, were carried out and streamed to paying customers on a website called Unak Maker. And I think I'm saying that correctly. Yeah, it's Unik Maker. Unik Maker. Oh, Unik Maker. I never even thought about that
Starting point is 00:44:26 I was a German website Well, here's a mock up. Oh, no, Makka. Here's how it said EU and you CHMA KER. I guess we can say that maker. Yeah, you make maker. Okay. Oh, no, Makka. Oh, no, Makar. Unak Makar. Unak Makar! And I am so glad that I am on this episode and not editing this episode because I would be screaming right now. Unak Makar.com.
Starting point is 00:44:58 Is that spelled like Unik and I thought it was a German website because you know the Germans are into all this kind of weird can shit. So Unak Makar. Unakmaka. Unakmaka.com. Unakmaka.com. We will mark you. Unakmaka.com. We will mark you. Unakmaka.com.
Starting point is 00:45:12 We slice off your pee pee little boy. Who wants your pee pee? Bye bye. Oh come to Unakmaka. Unakmaka.com. We take out your anus. Oh wow. Taking it. We take out your anus. Oh wow, taking it. We remove your anus.
Starting point is 00:45:29 We remove your anus. We managed to not be serious for two seconds. This is a incredibly terrible story. I'm so sorry, but you said one of Maca. I said one of Maca's. I said one of Maca's. I can't say here and be like, oh my God. Yes, very serious.
Starting point is 00:45:48 The Unic Maker. I should have got that one. Like when it comes to days ago when I found this story. Oh my God. It's fucking classic Brian Green. That is classic commercial break right there. Brian Green is essentially the commercial man. Here we go.
Starting point is 00:46:01 All right, ready? Yes. I'm not going to try and say this guy's last name. I'll say in twenty eight a romanian national living in london is standing trial with eight alleged co-conspirators who prosecutor say engaged in up to twenty nine incidents of extreme body modifications on thirteen victims who had various body parts removed including through castration by clamping
Starting point is 00:46:23 this is according to the bb. The alleged conspiracy is said to involve ghoulish subculture in which healthy body parts, often the genitals are either surgically removed or damaged to the point where medical intervention is required usually involving amputation by a physician. The defendants are all alleged to belong to a bizarre collective in which men voluntarily remove their penis and testicles to become what adherents call new lows or in as in gentle genital nullification.
Starting point is 00:46:54 So new lows is short for genital nullification. Footage of the Grizzly Procedures was allegedly broadcast on a paid subscriber website called Unic Maker or Unic Macker Unic Macker I removed my beeping Streaming now on Unic Macker last call Yes my little blueberries I'm cutting them off
Starting point is 00:47:19 Oh my god, again 599 per month The paid website called UnicMaker operated by a Norway born North London resident, Marius Gustavusen, 45, the alleged conspiracy ringleader who was said to have generated up to $250,000 for group members from the broadcasts over the six year plot. Gustavusen, who is in a wheelchair due to his own amputation told the Irish independent newspaper in February of 2020 That he willingly had his leg penis and part of his nipple removed by the group because he wanted to look Like quote unquote a kendall downstairs
Starting point is 00:47:58 He told the paper that he had performed similar Nollifications on 58 other men and that he stored the excise genitals in a freezer or an alcohol on his property. Okay, then just goes on to talk about the court case. Holy shit. Holy shit is right. Now, I have heard of this. I have heard of people that need to take off their leg.
Starting point is 00:48:18 It's like they can't have it on them. I've watched documentaries on this. They cannot take it. They just, it's like, I don't know. It'd be like if you had a pimple that just would never go away, you had to get rid of it. You had to find a way, you can't stop you. I don't wanna feel it, I don't wanna stare it,
Starting point is 00:48:35 I don't wanna look at it, I just don't want it there. But they're like, but this guy takes it to a whole other level. He is literally creating Unix by body modification, but so extreme. So one of the, so I went and I did some investigation on both the website and this, uh, this ring of people who are doing this. The, the reality for a lot of the people who are getting this done is they are requesting that this be done. They are involved in the consent of this being done. The reason why it's such a big deal is because oftentimes these notifications, I think what you call them, rituals, they go wrong to the point where the ambulance has to be
Starting point is 00:49:16 called and they have to finish it off in a surgical room. So they're costing everybody a bunch of money and time and they're putting lives in serious danger. If you're going gonna take off your wink wink, you better have a doctor in the room. Wink wink. If you're gonna take off your twink wink, you better have that thing sterilized or something. You can't do it in the basement of Unakmaka.
Starting point is 00:49:37 You know what I'm saying? Like, Unakmaka is not the place where you go to have this done. It's a surgery room where you have this done by professional doctors, but of course they will not do this. In the documentary that I watched, this guy was on such, so hell bent to take off his legs. Both of them was so hell bent to do that that he was sticking his legs into ice baths for hours and hours and hours at a time, hoping to cut
Starting point is 00:50:05 off enough circulation or get them frostbitten enough that there would be no choice but to do it. And in another part of the documentary, this guy wanted his leg cut off so badly that he was like putting like weird objects into his leg, hoping that it would cause enough damage to the nerves and to the muscles that they would have no choice but to take it off. This is a terribly disturbing trend that I'm sure has been going on since the birth of time, right? There's probably, this is probably something.
Starting point is 00:50:35 It's obviously something. It's a mental thing. That must be such a painful way to live. I can't imagine being so upset with my dangle dangle that I want to just like cut it off. Now I think it's a different story if you're like, if you're want to transition, that's a different story I think that has to do with the whole, not with the thing with the whole, right? Feeling whole, feeling better.
Starting point is 00:51:01 Totally. Yeah. And you're not like you're transitioning to a kendall, you're transitioning into a woman or back or into a man. Or like wanting so badly to have your leg removed to feel like that is not part of your body must be really disorienting. Must be so strange. There's got to be like a medicine that cures this.
Starting point is 00:51:21 And I imagine. That gives me the hibis-gb's. It's vikin' unrelated because I've taken vikin' and I don't give a shit about anything when I'm on vikin' it. So these people need to have special exceptions and let them just take as much vikin' into as they need to to feel okay with their extremities. I can't imagine getting to a point where I need to take an extremity off.
Starting point is 00:51:38 Remember that movie? What was it, two and a half days, 48 hours, 49 hours, 27 hours. 127 hours. That movie is so disturbing to me. And I watched it. And whoever, who was the guy? Um, creepy guy.
Starting point is 00:51:54 Creepy guy. Yeah. James Franco, who also coincidentally in an episode of 30 Rock was playing himself who had a relationship with a sex doll. Oh, I think I was sort of this episode. Yeah, look at him and Tina Fey's character start like a PR relationship. I would like to say just like a good episode of 30 Rock
Starting point is 00:52:18 that this all comes together and fits nicely because I planned it that way, but that's not at all how it happened. So just so you know, and every commercial listener understands. Yeah, they get it. They get it. This is like,
Starting point is 00:52:32 this is the like the, this is the nightmare of mine that you wake up one day and just have to get rid of a leg. It's, I was thinking about this the other night. Isn't it really scary? Yeah. Why do you think someone feels that way?
Starting point is 00:52:44 I don't know. I can only assume it's some form of mental... Obsessive, compulsive disorder or something? Oh, perhaps. I don't know. I don't think I know enough about mental diagnoses to really have a guess. But again, I mean, it has to be mental. I can't.
Starting point is 00:53:04 I don't know. I'm not a scientist. No, but here's what I was talking a friend about. If you get a leg cut off, what happens if you wake up one day and you're like, oh, I'm cool with my, you know, I'm cool with the leg. Can I put it back on? Like once you do that, it's so extreme. You'll never have a chance to walk on two legs again
Starting point is 00:53:23 if you cut off one of your legs because you decide in some fit of whatever that you need to get your leg cut off. Well, I guess that's one of those things. I mean, it's not really allowed. You can't just decide to remove your own leg. No, and I don't think it should be allowed. If I'm being honest, I think you... I agree. I'm with you, because it's dangerous. It's terribly dangerous. It's against every ethic that a doctor signs up for, an assurgent signs up for you.
Starting point is 00:53:53 You have to do no harm. Yeah, that's explicitly doing harm. Yes, that's explicitly doing harm, even against the patient's better judgment. It, listen, if you go to a psychiatrist for like five years, or whatever, however long it is, right? And the psychiatrist then calls a medical doctor and says, this person will literally not be able
Starting point is 00:54:11 to survive as a human being if they continue to have legs. Then in special circumstances, then I can see where a group of doctors gets together and figures out a plan, not for cutting it off, but for, I don't know, making it feel like it's cut off. I don't know, for a patient something. I don't know, making it feel like it's cut off or... I don't know. For our patient something. I don't know. When I was a kid, there was a guy who did these comedy videos.
Starting point is 00:54:30 He was a golfer. He pretended to be a Scottish golfer. But he would, I don't even have ever seen these videos. He would put two shoes on his knees, like he had had his legs cut off, right? And he would walk around and do these silly things. He was like a comedian. I forgot what the guy's name is.
Starting point is 00:54:45 And I always thought that was funny, but I was thinking to myself that maybe they could go that route. They just taped themselves with some shoes on. Well, I think what would be interesting is like, what if you did cut your leg off or have your leg impusated and then you had phantom leg pain? Oh, you're gonna have phantom leg pain Pain and I just got him to sector me
Starting point is 00:55:11 That's fake that's fake news Brian It's where the God oh my god Brian is so thirsty for attention He needs to tell everyone that his balls hurt so bad. I know you should see me running around this house I got like ball. I've just my kick me in the balls. I'm holding my youngest daughter. Uh, yes, I am with whoever told you you need to wear a cup. You should just be wearing a cup. No, I can't. I can't. It's uncomfortable. Uh, Chrissy. You can wear like a chocity belt. Yeah. I could. I mean, because I'm not getting laid right now. that's for sure. No one's having sexual disgo. Astrid's grateful. She's like, could he have a bisectomy every other week? So I am holding my daughter. I'm just like bouncing her around trying to get her to go to sleep.
Starting point is 00:55:55 And sometimes when she gets angry, she gets into the shoes that throws herself around. She's trying to get out, right? And she's getting irritated because she doesn't want to go to sleep. And so she takes that little leg of hers, which is not a little leg, because my daughter's like a small giant. And she just, wow, right in my chugichangs, and I swear, Christina, I had to like ice and lay down. And then I was thinking to myself, I am such a big fucking baby. I am such a big fucking baby.
Starting point is 00:56:24 Like, this is flu times 10, Brian. Stop acting like a big baby. Get up, get out there, act like an adult. You got kicked in the nuts. Okay, you're vod, you know, whatever it's called, you're vod's difference. It's hurting a little bit. You'll be okay.
Starting point is 00:56:37 There's literally millions of men that get this done every year. Like you're going to be just fine. Everything's going to be okay. It's so funny to me. Sometimes I am such a bitch. I, you're gonna be just fine. I'm gonna be just fine. Everything's gonna be okay. So funny to me. Sometimes I am such a bitch. I just don't believe men's pain.
Starting point is 00:56:53 Which is such a hot take. It is a hot take. It's a hot take to have. Is it smart? Probably not, but whatever. Well, I think that this is probably a very popular opinion amongst women. And amongst women. Yeah, well, I think we this is probably a very popular opinion amongst women. And amongst women.
Starting point is 00:57:05 Well, I think we just know pain. And so sometimes when a man is sick, I'm like, are you though? Yeah. But I treat them the way they've treated women for years. Yeah, there is some scientific evidence that I read, maybe about seven months ago, eight months ago, nine months ago, we talked about a little bit on the show that men we often ignore brute force pain, like arm breaking, and we'll be like, oh, it's okay,
Starting point is 00:57:32 we're gonna go to the doctor and butt says, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, but the smallest amount of pain, like a non-descript pain, like a flu or a cold, or what a vasectomy, whatever it is, yeah, paper cut, that we interpret pain in a differentectomy, whatever it is. Yeah, paper cut, that we interpret pain in a different way that makes us literally children. It makes us children when we get that kind of pain.
Starting point is 00:57:52 And- That's interesting. I don't disagree with that whatsoever, because I'm a fucking child when I get sick, a child. And I don't do- It means the man flew for a reason. It's called the man flew for a reason. And I watch that woman go through like 13 hours
Starting point is 00:58:07 of fucking hell. She always died on the table. And I watched her and she doesn't. Three times to this day. Three times. Well, once for real. Like one, yeah. Okay, I mean, I'm not diminishing any of the experiences.
Starting point is 00:58:20 I wasn't the one on the table, but I was the one watching it. I'm telling you right now, it's intense. Yeah, but I'm sure out of the millions of times she's had babies, they've all been truly horrific. Arrophic experiences, but my wife still to this day is like, it wasn't a big deal. And three other people that were in the room,
Starting point is 00:58:40 her mom, her dad, and myself are all like, oh no, no, no, no, no. It was a big fucking deal. Like it was a huge or her dad and myself are all like, oh no, no, no, no, no, it was a big fucking deal. Like it was a huge ordeal and she's still like, not a big deal and I just, I have to give her such mad respect for those little nerves of hers because they too, just great. I get a cold and I'm in bed for seven days.
Starting point is 00:58:59 I'm like, oh yeah. I don't wanna get out of bed, I don't feel it's so good. I think we just, I think we're just big babies. Christina. I don't want to get out of bed. I don't know if it's so good. I think we're just big babies. Christina? Yeah, I don't know. I just don't, yeah, I have a lot of sympathy. When you get to flu though, what do you do? What's your like, what's your thing?
Starting point is 00:59:14 I take medicine and I go out my day. I did have one day where I didn't have medicine when I had strap and I had like a crazy fever all day and so I was like in and out of, like I was hot and cold and cold, but then after that, I just took the medicine to reduce my fever and I just got on with it because it's kind of what you do. Yeah, that's foreign to me.
Starting point is 00:59:37 I complain a lot. I take as much time as possible before I take any medication because of course, I'm gonna complain about the medication making me feel loopy. And then I just let myself run that super high fever so I can complain some more. You know what I'm saying?
Starting point is 00:59:51 That's like my- That is so annoying. Well whenever people are like complaining about pain or like a fever or something, and this includes me because I will do the same thing. I swear to you. I realize that I have the means to fix this. Yes.
Starting point is 01:00:06 And I'm like, why have I been sitting here literally dying for four hours when I could have just taken IV profan and not been such a little... Who's got bitch? You know? Because I think at some level, we're all like, you know, I'm tough enough to handle this.
Starting point is 01:00:22 I don't need this, right? Yeah. But we're just like, I'm baby, I wanna complain. Yeah, I to handle this. I don't need this, right? Yeah. Or just like, I'm baby, I want to complain. Yeah, I think that's, I don't know. Listen, I'm never gonna refuse an opportunity to cuddle next to the womb of womanhood and, you know, complain a little bit. Because it does.
Starting point is 01:00:39 The womb of womanhood. The womb of womanhood. Ha ha ha. Because it makes us feel, I don't know, comforted and important. And like the center of the universe is with us again because we are sick and we need all the attention now. It's just one of those things. I don't know, Christina, I can't explain it to you, but I understand it.
Starting point is 01:01:00 And I agree with it. I agree with it. I know. I wouldn't hurt me to be alone nicer though. True story. True story. You can't argue with the result. And the result is it doesn't matter if you're a little bit nicer. We're still going to be little bitches when we just true. So why should I be nicer?
Starting point is 01:01:17 Not going to. Sorry. Have your fun. Dr. Phil said this. One of the few things I've ever heard Dr. Phil say that I might agree with. He said, if you really want to put a relationship to the test, it's not about going on a vacation and seeing if you guys can travel together. It's not about seeing whether or not you can meet
Starting point is 01:01:34 the families and get along. It's about spend a week with them while they have the fucking flu. And then you'll find out if you really want to be a part of someone's life long term. Yikes! So that's why I didn't bring you here today, okay? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:01:49 Alright, now you get it. Now you got it. Yeah, I appreciate it and I really do. Alright, well I gotta go check out the Unic Mocker site and see if there's any updated videos. Unic Mocker. I'm just bringing crying throwing up about Unic Mocker. Unic Mocker. It's got a picture that you would definitely think is Unic Mocker. Ha ha. Unic Mocker.
Starting point is 01:02:06 It's got a picture that you would definitely think is Unic Mocker, by the way. Oh, wow. We'll see. I'll see if you can see this. You probably won't get this. This is way too small. But the front cover is like this guy all tied up in rope. Oh, you're not pointing at the camera.
Starting point is 01:02:21 There we go. Man tied up in the arms. Oh yes! Yes! Oh, Nick Maka! We cut off your wing wing! You're twink, twink, twink, wing, because that was you said. Twink, twink, you're twink, twink, twink.
Starting point is 01:02:38 He'll leave the twink wings for the guys on the capital. All right, tcbpodcast.com, that's where you go. You find out more information about the show. You can watch all the video, listen to all the audio, and you can get your free picky fronting sticker. You know how you do that? You go to the website, you hit the contact us, but you leave us your physical address
Starting point is 01:02:55 and we'll send one off in two to seven weeks. Don't worry, it'll be there way before next Christmas. I promise. Okay, people are gonna get mad at me, but I have to admit I made a mistake. When I started announcing the picky-fronting sticker was ready to be sent out, it had not even been sent to the printers yet. I thought it had, but it did.
Starting point is 01:03:14 So if you asked for one like a month and a half ago and you haven't received it yet, it's just because they're going out now. I made a mistake, and I didn't know until a week ago and I waited as long as possible. Ryan, it is the problem. Always. Heart. Heart. Love y'all. Love you mean it.
Starting point is 01:03:32 Love you mean it. 66, as Tcb the number three that's 1626, as Tcb the number three. Comments, questions, concerns, content ideas, toll free from anywhere in the world you can text us or you can call, leave us a voicemail, be aware that your voice might be used if you leave us a voicemail. So please don't leave any identifying information or any information like I just cut off my twink wink if you don't want that set out loud. At the commercial break on Instagram.
Starting point is 01:04:00 TCB Podcast on TicTic and for God's sakes go to the YouTube channel youtube.com slash the commercial break as Dr. Phil would say all right that's definitely all I can do today but Christina love you best to you best to you love me in it and best to you out there in the podcast universe until next time Christine on I always say we do say and we must say goodbye. Every new year, there's tons of pressure to work out, to already be lifting big and running marathons on January 1st. But often, the pressure to be amazing stops people from even starting, when really the only thing that matters is starting. That's why Peloton's offering up to $800 off, select Peloton purchases, and two months free membership to get you moving.
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