The Commercial Break - Come On Down To Car Town!

Episode Date: July 31, 2024

Episode #574: Bryan & Krissy dig into Bryan's Information Monster brain to discuss current events and car giveaways (because of course!). Brat Summer Bryan the information monster Katy Perry’s Woman’s World Bryan’s facts are not straight about partners & marriage The Olympics Simone Biles (Gina Gershon isn’t out yet hehe) Rugby/Murder Ball Bryan’s Astrid impersonation returns Jelly Wuz Herre Car giveaways Krissy’s embarrassing moments Get here quick, at John Dick! Bryan’s reality show promo scene Text us or leave us a voicemail: [phone]TCB FOLLOW US: INSTAGRAM:   https://www.instagram.com/thecommercialbreak/ https://www.instagram.com/bryanwgreen/ https://www.instagram.com/tcbkrissy/ YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/thecommercialbreak TIKTOK https://www.tiktok.com/@tcbpodcast Visit our website:  https://tcbpodcast.com/ CREDITS: Executive Producer: Bryan Green Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley Producer:  Astrid B. Green Producer & Audio Editor: Christina Archer Christina’s Podcast: Apple Podcasts & Spotify To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Oh yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is the Bratz of my white boy summer, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Kristen. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. That was a good one. Thank you. Staying on trends, staying on topics. That's right, Bratz.

Trying to get with the kids. I mean, truth is, I do so much internet trolling. I'm with it, I get it, I understand. But what's really funny for me right now is watching every news broadcaster in the world struggle for their little pea brains to understand what brat means. It's like, it's so funny.

If you watch any of the conservative channels, they're like, she's calling her a brat. That can't be a good thing. Conspiracy of foot. If you watch the more liberal channels or the left leaning channels, then they're just struggling to understand what this means. I think it means a messy woman. Okay, just try.

Why don't you just go on the internet and watch some memes and then you'll understand exactly what brat means. Exactly. Kamala is brat. It doesn't say Kamala is a brat. It says Kamala is brat. Charli XCX, of course, having a wonderful summer herself. Brat girl summer.

Brat girl summer with an album that is just killing it and live appearances that are just killing it. It's a great album. I listened to some of it and I really enjoyed. It's a hippity-dippity hip hop, Chrissy. Yes it is. The kids are really boogieing down. To that record. Yes, that'll be.

I think, who was it? Maybe it was Rachel Maddow. She was like, Charlie XCX is having a great summer with her record. And I was like, oh, you sound 80. You sound 80. Even she was struggling. Anyway, she's struggling to figure it out, but Charlie XCX is having quite the summer with that album.

And it is, it's catchy. You got to admit, it's catchy. There's usually that one album each summer. Yep. It blows up. It's Brat Summer. And it's a Brat Summer. It's a Brat Summer. I'm here for it. You know what it's not? It's not a Katy Perry summer is what it's not.

Have you been keeping up with this? No, I've seen a few snippets. I mean, Brian, there's just so much. I know. There's so much in the world. You know how much she's jingling and jingling around in my head? I know, it's like, you know,

I was making homemade dumplings the other night and I don't suggest that. Oh, that sounds utilitarian. Trader Joe's does a fantastic job with them, frozen, and they're so much easier. But I got it in my head, I'm going to make these dumplings. So I was making the homemade dough and then the filling for it, you know, it's Asian, so I was grating the ginger, making everything, scallop,

chopping scallions, doing the whole thing. And by the end of it, I was like, this is way too much. For a tiny bite of food that will be gone in five seconds. It was too much work. Leave that to the professionals. Did you like rewrapping them and stuff? Yes, I was wrapping them.

And that looks complicated. So that's what I was trying to say is that my brain feels like a dumpling that is overfilled. It's squishing out information. I don't know, it's coming at me from all sides. Brat, woman's world, Bianca Soresy. Music. You can't just, pull it out of politics.

I can't understand it all. Yes, exactly, exactly. Well, I do have to say, I mean, you live in a, you have a different perspective of the world Music. Pulling out politics. I can't understand it all. Exactly. Well, I do have to say, you have a different perspective of the world because you very carefully choose what you get yourself involved in and what you watch. And I don't.

I'm just like, I want to digest it all. I'm like, I'm like a monster, an information monster. I'm like, I want to stay relevant. It's not that I want to stay relevant. It's that I like to watch the trend. Like, I like that stuff. It's interesting to me. And I like to go relevant. It's not that I want to stay relevant. It's that I like to watch the trend. Like I like that stuff. It's interesting to me.

And I like to go down those radicals. I try and sign up for some newsletters that can kind of keep me abreast of everything. Yeah, I have not seen. What is the latest Katy Perry? Katy Perry. I mean, everybody knows Katy Perry. And she is representative, squarely representative

of that 2010s pop world, that pop culture. And in a lot of ways, she was funny, ironic, beautiful. She's like this good Christian girl that kind of, you know, went sexy and kissed a girl. And Katy Perry, it was like Katy Perry's summer for like five summers in a row. That one album she put out. Fireworks. Yeah, there was only one song, one or two songs out of that album that she put out, where, you know, that, that, that, that, that, all of them, you can, you remember all of them. There was only one or two of those songs that didn't get into the top 10. Right. It was an amazing album. It crushed it. It put her in like the ethos of some of the best

was an amazing album. It crushed it. You put her in like the ethos of some of the best pop culture icons ever, song of musicians ever. She did the Super Bowl. She did the Super Bowl. Where fireworks shoot out of her tits or something. Probably. Yes, I think that's what it is. They should have. They should have. She was the it girl for a long time. And then for some unbelievably, incredibly dumb reason,

and I have to say, I think this is where it faults, where she, where the falter starts to happen a little bit. She just didn't ever had anybody, you know, I imagine, because we'll never know this. Now, imagine when you get some degree of fame, there's a team of people behind you and a trusted team of people, like people you trust. Trust that advisors, trusted advisors. There's a team of people behind you and a trusted team of people, like people you trust. Trusted advisors. Trusted advisors. That's right, Chrissy. We don't have any trusted advisors. Blue is our only trusted advisor and she just yells at everything we do. My friend Kimmy used to be my trusted advisor, but she moved.

Yeah, she moved. And listen. Well, you still laugh about that trusted advisor. Kimmy's a brat. Neither one of them. Kimmy's a brat. That's what Kimmy's a brat. Kind of messy, party Neither one of them. Kimmy's brat. That's Kimmy's brat. Kind of messy party girl, you know. But a rock star nonetheless. Yes.

So Katie makes this move to American Idol for some reason. I knew she was on that. And I imagine that her team says, one of the biggest television shows in the world, you're gonna get so much exposure, you can branch out into other things, it's just gonna be great for your career. Well, I feel like everybody or a lot of the big

names kind of make, kind of rotate in and out on these types of shows. America's Got Talent, Masked Singer, American Idol, that kind of thing. But I don't think you ever see like, super, super stars. Like, I don't, has Lady Gaga ever been on one of those shows? I don't think you ever see like super, super stars. Like, I don't, has Lady Gaga ever been on one of those shows? I don't think so, but I don't know. John Legend. John Legend was on. Okay, so there's like exceptions to the rule. Sometimes your fame outshines any mistakes that you make. Like you make mistakes, you falter, people are there. Katie goes on American Idol and I think, and she becomes a mother and maybe she's going through a different stage in her life. I don't know. That's a personal choice, whatever, cool.

I totally understand, parenting changes your life. Maybe you're just not that into being out at the clubs and promoting music and all that stuff, or maybe you're just not into music at the time, but who knows? But she does this big comeback album. By all accounts, people are desiring. Like her fans, the pop culture world, the pop music world

is desiring another Like her fans, the pop culture world, the pop music world is desiring another killer Katy Perry album. She's been off the, she's been, you know, over at American Idol for a while doing her thing. Let's make some fantastic fucking music, Katy. Let's do it. And I think everybody can agree, you know, listen, Katy's a likable character from all accounts. I'm rooting for her. Yeah, she seems to her. Me too. Right? I'm rooting for her. And, but this incredibly dumb song that she put out, I don't know what she was thinking. First of all, in case you don't know, she was produced by Dr. Luke. Dr. Luke was accused by Kesha of rape.

Oh, it's that guy? Yes. Was it rape or sexual assault? It was something bad. Yeah. And they settled it out of court and it all got handled and Dr. Luke by, most people stayed away from Dr. Luke. Right. Because they said, I don't want to be attached to that kind of stigma. So, you know, Katie also worked with Dr. Luke.

He was largely responsible for a lot of her hits. And for some reason, inexplicable again, she decided and our management team decided it'd be great if we hook up again with Dr. Luke. It's not that, you know, I want to be careful about how I say this. I get it, like innocent until proven guilty, all that other bullshit. I get it. But I also understand there is perception, there is reality. And then there's just like a healthy dose of pragmatism. Like, this was my good friend Kes, and I'm Katy Perry. And even though I made a huge string of hits with Dr. Luke, maybe I should just stay away from him.

There are plenty of other well-credited, absolutely talented producers out there that can help me make the album that I wanna make. Nicky Jams. Nicky fucking Jams, dude! Well, he would, I can't say anything. Okay, we gotta be careful about what we say. Little inside joke. Yeah, little inside joke.

We'll be careful what we say about Nikki. But love Nikki, Nikki could have been, you know, Nikki could have helped her. I don't know. He's a great producer. So, and it's Nikki Jam, by the way. And yeah, I keep saying Nikki Jams and it's not Nikki Jam.

It's Nikki Jam. It's Jimmy Jams. My brother-in-law, who is much younger than me in Venezuela, who just loves Niki Jams, I kept calling him Niki Jams and he's like, who are you talking about? And I was like, Niki Jams! And he's like, no, it's Niki Jam. And I just naturally want to put an S on the end of jam. I don't know why. Jared Larsen Because he has some jams.

Jared Larsen He's got some jams. Jared Larsen Yeah. Jared Larsen Yes, he does. So... Jared Larsen Now we sound 80. Jared Larsen Yeah, now, well, we might be. We're getting there. Now we sound 80. Yeah, now we might be. We're getting there. We're getting close to that.

We're getting close to getting down to that village, the villages or whatever it is. So Katie, I don't even think her album's out yet, but she put out the first song called Woman's World or Woman World or whatever it's called. It is not a good song. It is actually a pretty bad song and the video to go along with it is equally as bad. It's just dumb. I'm sorry, it's just kind of dumb. And all of, like, the message is supposed to be empowerment, right? Right, women empowerment. Women empowerment, but the words are kind of like, it'd be as if it was 1952 and someone had just

introduced you to the world of women's empowerment, the things you would say, right? It's not a very refined message. And okay, then the video is her in a bikini, like bouncing her boob, like specific boob shots of her boobs bouncing everywhere. It's just weird. Like it's just-

Kind of contradictory of, but then again, I guess- It could be satire. Well, well, or the messages, women empowerment. That means you can do whatever you want to do. Right. So then she has, it gets so much blowback that she has to put out a Instagram reel that basically shows her with the other women that were in the video and it shows her and she's

saying something about how satire can be satire if you satire this and satire like when you have to explain the satire, it has probably fallen on deaf ears. If you have to say something is satire, you may not or may or may not be doing it right. Let me be clear about this. I'm rooting for Katie. I don't, yeah, I don't want to see someone like have to go away, but this is probably one of the worst comeback songs of all time. Comeback songs of all time. Oh, Chrissy, it's not it.

Could you bibbity bop to it? Sure. Is it going to be blasting from every, you know, convertible in Miami on South? No, it's not. It's not one of those songs. And she is just getting destroyed in the press. I mean, destroyed poor girl.

I, that's why I never want to be like, actually famous, like actually like people, because there is nothing like, and I know that I'm contributing to this right now, but I'm just making some commentary. I gotta fill time, guys. I gotta say that like that kind of fame brings like a microscopic laser beam of attention right on you. And anything you do is gonna be panned and praised. It just depends on which stage it is. But there is an American sport, really, I think like a white person sport,

which is tear them down and then hope they come back and then root for them again, right? It's like we all have a comeback story, but we have to manufacture it in order for it to happen. Listen, I get it. It's not a good song. I 100% agree with everybody that's saying, not a good song, not a good look, not a good video.

But I mean, there are like some super mean-spirited, like very pointed articles out there. And I think to myself, geez, I hope she's not reading any of this. Is she married to Orlando Bloom? They're not married, but they're together. Yes, they have the child together. Oh, they're not married? I thought they were married. As far as I know, I don't think they got married.

Huh. What's up, Orlando? Why'd you put a ring on it? What's going on there? It's not Orlando summer? What's up with that? You know, I would have thought that Orlando probably would have tied that down. What's the last movie Orlando Bloom did?

Everybody always gets divorced, so I kind of get it in that world. God damn does everybody else get divorced. You know, I kind of get it in that down. What's the last movie Orlando did? But then everybody always gets divorced, so I kind of get it in that world. God damn does everybody else get divorced. I kind of get it in that world. Everybody gets divorced. In that world. In every world. Everybody gets divorced. It's like a 70% divorce rate.

It seems like there's a higher rate, though, amongst super famous people. Yeah, well, because I can totally see why that happens. Yeah, exactly. Totally. Exactly. There is no human being on earth. Funny, beautiful people everywhere, yes.

You're out making out with some girl on the set, and you're showing your boobs in every video, and you're doing press tours without me, and you're at the club. Of course, yeah, time away, because you're touring here or making a movie there. All of it, all of it. I can understand, and I've heard so many famous actors and actresses

say this, will not date inside the industry, will not do it. And then imagine that. You have to find someone who's got a really special skill set to just be kind of dumb and ignorant. You know who I'm always surprised by? You know who I'm always surprised by that they're still together? Is that Oprah and that Stedman. Yeah, they never got married. They never got married. Same Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell. Oh yeah, that's true. But like that Stedman, he's married to the most famous human being

on earth. Married to the most famous- Not married. Oh, not married. He's with the most famous, he's partnered with the most famous human being on earth and has been forever for a long time. You never see him. He's never out I mean occasionally you'll see could snap a photograph or something like that. Same with Dolly Parton's husband actually they're married But yeah, he never He never surfaces. Yeah, man. I can't imagine but you know if you're looking if someone famous out there like Dua Lipa or somebody Is looking for a non

Industry person to marry, I am with it. I am not Chugi anymore. I'm right here. Chrissy's brat. I'm white boy. Let's go. Let's do it. Let's get it together. Yeah, try it out. Yeah. Oh, man. Astrid's down. No, Astrid's not down. Astrid would be like, the fuck you are going anywhere. I have suffered with you. Through years of your bullshit, of your yammering, of your craziness, I have suffered with you.

You will be seeing this out. You will be seeing this through. And if you don't like that, my dad will come with his large collection of antique guns to show you why you're going to stay. Hi Brian! I'm like a gimp in the basement in Venezuela somewhere. Yes, you would be. Oh man, I'll tell you what.

Yeah, but it is easy to understand why two heavy hitters in the industry getting together is like a recipe for disaster. But it's also easy to understand why they would get together because then the other person understands. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, it's like damned if you do,

damned if you don't kind of thing. And I'm sure there are lots of exceptions to the rules. I'm not thinking of them right now, but they're like that. Jennifer Aniston never been married. She was married to Brad Pitt. Oh yeah. I'm sorry. I apologize.

I forgot about that one, but that was a short one, wasn't it? Uh, it wasn't short. I wouldn't think that it was maybe for like five years or something and then the whole Angelina thing came along and well there you go. Another example of why it's really hard. Now they're in a terrible divorce. Oh my god, those two, what's up with that? They're in a terrible divorce. I read stuff about that all the time. I read this really lengthy article about because they have that winery and so a lot of this is over the like the winery, because they have that winery. And so a lot of this is over the, like the winery of why they haven't finalized things.

You like drinking so much you had to buy your own winery. You know what I'm saying? You like drinking so much you had to buy your own winery. I mean, Brad Pitt has admitted, I have a problem with alcohol. I was, it was terrible. It did have a problem. No, that's what I'm saying. He did have a problem. I had a problem with alcohol. I had to get sober. You know, it was starting to affect my life And if any of the accounts of some of the stuff that went down or even half true It's that's that's the ugly kind of alcohol like ugly kind of alcoholic where you just turn into a mean fucking bastard and like in some sense, you know, um

You can understand how the fame, the money, the prestige, the power can exacerbate your ego and then forget about it. If you're an egotistical person in the first place, I guarantee drinking is not going to make you a better human being. There are two kinds of drunks in this world. There are the happy drunks who are great, wonderful, they're fine, they just get happy, and that can be obnoxious sometimes, but at least they're not hurting anybody. And then there are the mean- Like Karen Lee yesterday?

Oh my God, Karen Lee. Friday, what the fuck was going on with Karen Lee? Oh, she was getting tipsy. I can't believe that video's out there. If I were her, that video would be off the internet the day after it came up. Anyway, and then there's the mean fucking bastard kind of drunk, and we all know those people, but not for long because you never want to be around them.

They're like, nope, fuck that, forget that. I've only met like a couple of like really mean bastard drunks because I do think they probably more quickly realize they have a problem because people are like, no, no, no, no, I'm not gonna be around you. It's almost like a blessing in disguise. As long as you don't hurt, you know, actually hurt anybody. It's the happy drunks that are the ones at the end of the bar at 77 years old, just drinking

themselves silly. But as I have said before in the past, drinking and drugs is something you should experiment with with with when you're young and just go at it when you're old, because who fucking cares at that point? You're on your way. You're on your way when you're old. We're gonna run that shit down at the villages. Run it!

I can't wait to be at the villages actually. I'm looking forward to it. We're gonna have pimped out golf carts. I'm gonna be the guy with like, you know everybody has their Trump flags on there? I'm gonna have like a Kill Possums. 21 EPM flag. Oh my God, 21 EPM flag. Yes, that's what we will be flying. That's 212-433-3822. You can and should also find us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok at TCB Podcast, unless you want

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where two lifelong friends talk about life for a long time. And nothing is off limits. We talk about our sex lives, our mental health journeys, but we try to never take ourselves too seriously. So we invite you to not do the same, or to do the same. We invite you to listen. Follow and listen to Ear Biscuits. Now for free on the Odyssey app

and everywhere you get your podcasts. Right before you came in here, I was getting really excited about the Olympics. So I think the Olympic opening ceremonies will have been Friday of last week. And we're recording this the week before, but it would have been Friday of this week. So last week, I'm really excited

to get the Olympics underway. A little distraction from all the crazy drama that currently fills the news cycle. And also it's just fun. It's fun when there's like good sport on, good fun just on in the background sports on 24 hours a day. It is, it is good fun. And last night, Jeff and I started watching

the Simone Biles documentary on Netflix. It's good. Is it? It's really good. I gotta say, man, she is amazing. She is amazeballs. And my daughter, one of my daughters loves gymnastics and she's good at it. Now, I'm not one of those fathers who's like, Olympian, you know, I'm not, because I don't

have the money to do that. So I'm just like, keep on going to the local community classes, it will be fine. Like, I also understand, I heard this one time from somebody, and it was the most, like, clear-headed thing I'd heard about children's sports. We have seen no evidence that traveling teams, extra money, five, you know, 10-hour sessions a day for children under the age of 15, a day for children under the age of 15, improves their chances of being a professional athlete at all. If they are naturally gifted,

if they know how to swing a bat or a golf club or whatever, it will come out regardless. Like if they get to it, they find it regardless. And it was like this sports expert of some kind. And I thought, wow, that's really good for me because I don't have the money to do any of some kind. And I thought, wow, that's, that's really good for me because I don't have the money to do that shit. Or the time you're right about that. But anyway, she's really good at it.

And so we were watching the Olympic trials a couple of weeks ago and Simone just kills it. I mean, you know, she just does what Simone does. She's flying 12 feet in the air on some of those floor exercise, like the floor exercise routine. She's incredible. 12 feet in the air on some of those floor exercises, like the floor exercise routines. She's incredible. 12 feet in the air, just with her legs.

It's so exciting. It's crazy. You should watch that documentary, because she had a mental kind of, she had to, well, it wasn't necessarily a breakdown, but she was psyching herself out. I mean, she wasn't able to keep at that pace of what she

was doing since she was like 13 or 14 is when she first made her Olympic debut, I think. Yeah, she's this is her fourth Olympics or fifth Olympics. I think she said after 2020 that she thought she was done. That's when it happened. I mean, imagine too, I was like, God, you're like, you know, early 20s. It's COVID, it's the Olympics. Like think about all of the mental things that were going on. So that's crazy, but she's better now and she's like worked it out.

Well, she stated that, I'm sure that like all of us who, anybody who's experienced a mental break, I mean a breakdown, whatever you wanna call it, a mental break where you're just like, holy shit, I'm not where I was yesterday and something is off and I'm feeling bad. And whatever you want to call it, a mental break where you're just like, holy shit, I'm not where I was yesterday and something is off and I'm feeling bad. And if you live long enough, you'll go through it. It doesn't matter what kind of human being you are,

you're gonna go through it. And because those things make you have some perspective and self-awareness. So, you know, that's just it. But to have it in front of millions and millions and millions of people is a different animal altogether. She had that break while in the middle of routines in the Olympics when she was fighting

for gold with her teammates. And this is like the one thing during the COVID when we were all like, you know, okay, I guess we're going to watch, let's cheer for Simone and the team. And by all accounts, the best gymnast that's ever lived, and I'm sure after this Olympics, she will be anointed the queen. But just her physical abilities, her prowess, her mental agility, like all of it comes together in such a beautiful way. And my daughter and I were watching it. And I always like to point out to my daughter, when I see something I think she should pay attention to, to my daughter's, you know, this person, this human is doing things that are borderline superhero,

like physically illegal and mentally illegal superhero level type shit. She's got superpowers. And you can do anything you want. Don't listen to anybody. You can do anything that you want that's within your physical limitate, mental limitate, you know, abilities. And my budget. And my budget, and my time, and whether or not I'm gonna let you out of the house wearing that outfit. Hey.

Yeah. Exactly. Yeah, I'm still a dad. Yeah, I got a dad in me, right? But I like to point that out. And she was just so fascinated by Simone flying so high in the air. So anyway, so I'm watching all of the you know, pre-olympic trials and all that other stuff And today they had on

USA had it on for whatever reason what happened to USA? What kind of what happened to that network? What's going on there? Yeah It's like a weird sports, interesting teledromedies. I don't know, but it's funny that you bring that up because we were just talking with Gina Gershon. And that was last week, right? This week. It got released this week. It was yesterday. At the time we were airing this, it would have been last week. Anyways, she was talking about the Pray for Rock and Roll or Pray for Rock and Roll.

And I was looking it up and it came out on USA. Oh, they had it on USA? No, I mean, it's not still up there. Okay, but that's where it broadcasts. You're correct. What happened to that station? Yeah, what happened to that station? It's one of the ones.

I don't know, it's one of the, USA, TNT, TBS, they all kind of like truth or true TV. They all kind of like got weird. Anyway, watching it on USA, they had rugby on, which is fucking murder ball. That's what they should call that, is murder ball. Half the guys have tissue hanging out of their nose. The other half of the guys have like literal broken arms just dangling in weird places. Kne knees all scraped up, one foot missing, you know, one guy's got like a brain bleed, like pouring out of his head, and they just go.

And they're just running into each other. Yes, rough. And then now they have this weird thing. I don't understand rugby to save my life. I actually looked up rugby for dummies. I read it. I still don't understand rugby. I have no clue. I couldn't tell you one thing about rugby I read it. I still don't understand rugby. Have no clue.

I couldn't tell you one thing about rugby. But it's an interesting sport to watch because there seems to be just chaos going on at all times. They're throwing the ball left. They're throwing it right. They throw it backwards. Isn't it like a big Northeast sport? It's a big like Ireland, Great Britain,

I think Norway, Sweden. I think down in Africa, they play it a lot. I don't know, Chrissy. I have no fucking clue. Here's what I know about it. Here's the limited knowledge. Murder ball. Murder ball.

That's what it should be called because it is... The weird thing they have in rugby, at least on this particular game was, so the guys are running at each other, hugging each other, making that big pack of animals and then they all swing back and forth, swing back and forth, kicking each other in the balls and punching each other, hugging each other, you know, making that big pack of animals and then they all swing back and forth, swing back and forth, you know, kicking each other in the balls and punching each other in the face and taking teeth out, like everyone's got fake teeth. They're doing that. And then the ref stops and they're like, the ref is like talking to the audience, please, you know, please replay the last player, whatever. He's like talking on the loudspeaker, telling him to put the last play on the

jumbo trowel so he can watch it. So he can determine if there was an illegal tackle made. And I'm like an illegal tackle? You can literally gouge people's eyes out in that sport. What are you talking about? Yeah, what's off limits? The announcers are like, so important to keep the safety of the sport. And I'm like, the safety of the sport? These are guys who don't even wear pads. They're the toughest, roughest motherfuckers I have ever seen. Here's my experience with rugby in life.

I used to wait tables when I was really young, like my first waiting tables job in an actual restaurant. I used to wait tables. This was after McDonald's? After McDonald's. Okay, yeah. At a place called Bertucci's Brick Pizzeria Oven. Bertucci's.

Bertucci's, yeah. Bershitsis. Brick Oven Pizzeria. You should have seen the line out the fucking door in this white middle class suburban neighborhood. I mean, people were like, ha! Well, that was back when brick oven was huge. Oh, yeah.

It was like, wow! Yeah, it was like it had just been invented by Italians and shipped over. Right, meanwhile, it's been going on for centuries. Yeah, on the back of the menu, there was like this long story about the brick oven and we used to have to know it by heart and it was like, what the fuck are you talking about?

It was a big deal. This is the same restaurant where the manager took me to a Carlos Santana concert. I remember you talking about that. It was so weird. The managers were mingling with really young kids. Nothing on tour happened to me anyway. It was a great experience, but it was a little bit weird looking back on it. Anyway, so we waited tables. When the restaurant opened, there was like a group of us who opened the restaurant as the first people who worked there.

And one of the guys, his name was Ronan. Ronan. Ronan, yeah. And Ronan was like six foot two, 7,000 pounds of brick oven pizzeria. You know what I'm saying? He was the brick oven. He was huge.

Nicest fucking dude you ever met in your entire life. So sweet and gentle and like take you... He was your age? No, no, no, no, no. He was like in his mid-20s or something like that. But he would come in and he'd grab you and give you a hug and break one of your ribs and you'd be like, -"Ahh!" -"Come here, bud." Drank Guinness like a fish. I mean, the guy was just like...

He was a typical stout Irish boy. And he played rugby. And I didn't even know, I mean, I knew rugby was a sport, but I had never ever had anything to do with it. And he invited me one time to come see the guys play rugby. Come see the guys play rugby, we'll buy you a couple beers afterwards. I'm like 17 years old, right?

And I'm like, oh my God. Beer. Beer. Yes, I'll be there. I didn't even really drink at that age. so I think I probably just pretended like I was drinking it. So we went to this game, and I could not believe this match. I could not believe my eyes.

Like, Chrissy, legs were dangling in weird ways, and arms were getting thrown in the back, and guys were sticking these things up their nose because blood was just gushing out of it. It was bloody it was bloody, mangled fucking mess. They were dirty and nasty. And they were the manyest men I have ever seen in my entire life. And I remember that my balls shriveled around those guys because I was like, here I am.

I got a chain around my wallet. I'm wearing Doc Martens with big hoop jeans. I am literally, yeah. But they were so fucking cool. A lot of them from Europe, European, like Great Britain, Ireland, whatever. And a few Americans mixed in there, black, white, all different colors.

And we went out afterwards and these guys, they got drunk, they were singing songs, we went to an Irish pub, it was like the whole nine yards. And then they started throwing me around like a little rag doll. They're like, oh Brian, I love your bite! And he'd be like, grab me and like toss me to the next guy and he'd be like, ah, Brian's the best! Brian, Brian, Brian! I was getting thrown around the bar like a little football and I was like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. I mean, I was tiny. Like when I was that age, I was like, you know, maybe 120 pounds, sobbing wet. And they were just tossing me around like a little rag doll.

And it hurt. Yes, but I was, I was their little poodle. They brought a poodle named Brian. They're just gonna throw him around. And yeah, I loved every second of it, but it was painful when those guys got ahold of you. They were so rough. I think that's just a world that they lived in

so they didn't understand. And I remembered, not dare say a word, like not dare say a word about how I might be in pain. Yeah, no, you had to man up. Oh, and at the end of the night, like we were all leaving and I was smoking a cigarette and this guy came up behind me, gave me a bear hug. I could hear bones cracking. Yeah, like the wind came out of me. One of my lungs came out of my mouth and then back in, like one of those toys you squeeze.

It was unbelievable. And so, I remember specifically asking one of the guys, what is, like, I don't understand the sport, why are you kicking sometimes, throwing other times, why do you throw forward and backward and sideways, you know, why are you getting in these big huddles and then, you know, smushing each other around. And he, with his, I think was an Irish accent, went on a five minute soliloquy about what a great sport rugby was and how easy it was to understand. I did not pick up a fucking thing. He was saying all of these words,

like these terms that I didn't understand. But I guess it's like if someone came from Russia and had never seen a professional football game and you have them sit down and watch a professional football game, you'd be like, the fuck? It's like me trying to explain baseball to my kids. They don't understand.

They know that people run around the bases and they're swinging the bat, but they have no fucking clue about the infield fly. I don't even know about the infield fly, bro. Chrissy, this is murder ball. I can't believe this is still like a thing. Like people are- It's an Olympic sport.

How are parents letting, this is why there are no high school rugby teams, I think. It's because can you imagine the uproar if kids were just running around and smashing each other left and right? I think there are high school rugby. Again, I think it's like a Northeast thing. Oh, you think so? Yeah.

My next door neighbor, his kid plays a big kid. When I met him, whenever we moved in here, when I met him, he was like a squeaky- Oh, right. He's grown. Lovely, but squeaky little kid, right? And I think he was like 12 at the time, 10, 11, 12, something like that. Now he's 16. Now he's 17. Yeah. And I'm worried he's going to sleep with my wife. You know what I'm saying? He's like a handsome, mansome kind of dude.

Ah, the neighborhood stud. Oh, the neighborhood kid. Yeah. I'm like, oh. I used to invite them over to the pool, but now I'm like, ah, let's keep our shirts on, boys. None of that over here. Hi, Brian. I think we need the neighbor to come over and babysit the kids while you go out. Go have a good time. No, no, no, go, go, go, go.

Have a good time with your brothers. I have a cough, Hugo. We'll handle it from here. Bye-bye. I put some money on your debit card. Go to the strip joint, enjoy yourself. Tasty Tina or whatever it is you say. See you in a couple days. He's a big, handsome kid,

like glowing locks of curled hair. Every time I see him, he plays lacrosse. He's like apparently like a really- That's what ours did too. Our daughters played lacrosse. Oh, they did? In high school. Okay.

So you understand the game? No. Okay. I'm just checking. Either do I. Even after all those years of going. Yeah. So he's like back there-

I'm just there for the support. I don't understand the fucking thing. Go lacrosse ball! He's like back there. I'm just there for the support. I don't understand the fucking thing. Go lacrosse ball. A lacrosse ball is good for like rolling on your back. Oh yeah. Like against a wall if you've got like a tight spot. You know how I know this?

You know how I know this? Because I have a collection of lacrosse balls because the neighbor, even though we live in like, our yards are really big and we have, we share like a yard, like a backyard with a fence in the middle, right? And he has one of those spring things where you throw the ball and it bounces back to you.

It's got springs on it. It's like a piece of, you know, nylon or whatever. So he takes that lacrosse mallet and he's just tossing it back and forth and back and forth. And it rumbles the house. I think I've mentioned this before. You can hear it. Boom, boom, boom, boom.

Oh wow, that's kind of annoying. But you know how many of those balls I found in the pool? Like 80. Really? Yeah, because they just go over his head and they go right into our pool. But he's out there sometimes like swinging that thing and I'm like, Jesus, I hope I've never have to get, you know,

if shit goes down, I hope he's on my team. That's all I gotta say. Yeah. And away from my wife. See you my team. That's all I gotta say. Yeah. And away from my wife. See you over there. That's right. Stay away. Stay away. All right, let's do this. Let's take a break and we'll be back with more shenanigans and fun here on the commercial break. Hi. No, you're not dreaming. And yes, this is a new promo. See? I made you wait and now look how happy you are. I

know, I know you're smiling. Anyway, since we're here, why don't you just hop on over to Instagram and give us a follow at the commercial break. Seriously, please, it's getting hard for me to listen to Brian and Chrissy Begg. So just follow us on Instagram again, that's at the commercial break. You can also follow us on TikTok at TCB Podcast. And of course, you know where to go for all things TCB. That is TCB Podcast dot com baby. And of course, you can always text us or call us and leave us a voicemail at 212-433-3TCB. Yep, that phone number is no longer new, but it is still around. And that's a win. 212-433-3TCB. Love you, bye.

Do you know who is everywhere? Trying to get it out. Oh. Christy's got a cough rag. You know your cough is bad when you have like a cough rag with you? I was laughing about this. It's my cough towel.

You look like Biden. It made me think of the Whacking Tree for some reason. The Whacking Tree. I'm going over to the Whacking Tree to Whack it. Make sure you go over to the Whacking Tree to Whack it. I like cough towels. Cough towels sounded kind of like hum towel, which made me think of the Whacking Tree. Oh, yeah.

Well, there you go. The Whacking Tree. The Whacking Tree down by the creek. I still love the Whacking Tree. Oh my God, the Whacking Tree. Oh yeah well there you go. The Whacking Tree. The Whacking Tree down by the creek. I still love the Whacking Tree. Oh my god the Whacking Tree was that was one of the funniest Mountain Monster episodes ever. We need to reference that like what episode that is because it's really funny. I'll find it I'll tell you next time. I think it's called the Whacking Tree so if you'd like to you can just go search it yourself. It's probably season three. You know, I've seen a lot, like Charlie XCX, okay. But you know who else I've seen a ton of lately,

like out there in the pop culture lexicon? Jelly Roll. Yeah. Jelly Roll is every fucking where. He just played at Jeff's Festival too. I call it Jeff's Festival. That's right. What'd you think of his?

He was amazing. He's got a great voice. Yeah. He really does, he's pretty fucking talented. He was a great performer too. Well, yeah, he's like, you know. He's got a great voice. Yeah. He really does. He's pretty fucking talented. He was a great performer too. Well, yeah. He's like, you know, he's singing for his life out there.

He knows what it's like. He's been on the other side of it. He knows what it's like. Yeah, his story is amazing and he's really, he's very talented. Yeah. He's not one of these pampered rock stars, you know, pop culture type, Joe Jonas bullshit. I'm getting on Joe because my wife loves Joe and I just, I'm like, what a Joe. But Joe's also out there too. He's got a hit also. I saw him with Hannah

Burner the other day, Joe Jonas. Anyway, so Jelly Roll is out there and you know who I saw him with just this morning, like on an Instagram post is Brad Williams. Remember Brad Williams came in here? Yes. Remember Brad? Brad is like every fucking where. Brad's everywhere. He's doing everything. He's at concerts, he's at places, he's at festivals, he's like buddying up to everybody. Brad is quite fucking popular.

Yeah. Yeah. I don't think I realized quite the extent of Brad's fame when we had him on here. Brad Williams is a comic. He's a little person, he's a comic. He is super fucking funny. I mean, when he came on our show, we didn't even take a breath.

And Brad took it away. For 45 fucking minutes, Brad just did a routine. And it was really fucking funny. And he was with Jelly Roll. I mean, the picture is so funny because Jelly Roll is such a huge guy. And then Brad is not. So it is like the difference

in the two of them is unbelievable. And I just think to myself, wow, Brad's, it's a Brad Williams summer and then it's a Jelly Roll summer and it's a Brad summer and it's all the, you know, whatever it is. And so, I was thinking about Jelly Roll. I see this post with Brad Williams. I scroll up two more times and guess what I see? I see our friend at the local radio station still giving away Jelly Rolls Bronco. I thought about that the other day. I was watching TV and they were, it was Jeep. I think it's Jeep. Maybe. I don't know. Anyways, they were giving away somebody's Jeep. Like, and I thought that has to be like a thing.

I think, I guess they're giving, I guess these, um, I think this was like a football player. Yeah. Yeah. I've seen that one too. Yeah. So I think it's there. They're taking these famous people and I guess those people then like customize.

They customize it or the Bronco, they drive it for half a mile and then they call it their way. Yeah. Yeah. This is the thing. With radio stations, television stations, it's a give away the car summer, but not give away a car, give away someone famous's car. Or at least that's what they make it seem like.

That they've customized. That they've customized. Yeah. Well, I mean, in this particular instance, it makes it sound like Jelly Roll is actually driving it around, stopping at Dunkin' Donuts for coffee. I mean, that's, I mean, might have, you're right. I can imagine for legal reasons, maybe they told you, you got to hop in and take a spin around the block and then bring it back and we'll give it away, right? Can you spray some of your cologne in there?

Jelly roll was here. Smoking dude. Yeah. Carved in the... Put a jelly donut in the middle. Carved in the dash. Jelly was here. Jelly was here. But this is like a thing and everybody's doing it. And it's so interesting to me to see how, to see how-

They're still doing giveaways? No, just like uninspired. It's an interesting angle, but like how uninspired everything is, it's all homogenized now we're all doing the same thing. And I, that got me to, to Googling, you know, this car giveaway thing. And what, after a little bit of digging, and like refining my search and refining my search based on the information that I got, what I figured out is that there is a person out there, a guy, a person that works at a promotions, department for one of the radio firms and they also own television stations.

And this person is largely responsible for the trends in radio and television local promotions. And when he does it, they all do it. And he does this for car companies also, like the local car dealerships. They're often saying the same things, doing the same type of commercials, having the same type of giveaways or discounts or whatever. Because once he anoints it, it just gets rolled out across the country because they're all part of some big marketing, you know, exactly that's been around for a while. Yeah. Yeah. We've known that for a while. Like, you know, it's when you have a local car dealership, like, you know, John Dick Ford, like when you have John Dick Ford,

John Dick Ford is not alone in his marketing efforts. He's part of a larger group across the country of other dealerships that also then they team up essentially, they collaborate on promotions and commercials and doing these things. Or they have like the one agency, cause I know I used to work for a window company briefly where I did marketing.

Oh yeah. And they had one agency that did all of this stuff. And then we'd just kind of customize it for each market, for each city. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I remember for a while in the 2000s, I want to say 2005, 2006, 2007, I think I had just gotten divorced.

So I had a lot of free time in the Saturday and Sunday mornings to watch television. On the local stations where you can buy television time, you know, like WCCC Atlanta, Channel 40, you know, Channel 13, UHF, or whatever it was. You'd see those like off-market stations, like off-brand stations, but they were local to you, on-air kind of thing. And they would, it became a thing for a while, where they would have hour long television commercials from live, from local car dealerships,

where people would drive up, like someone would drive the car up and then some guy with a loud mouth would be like, can you believe this? 9999, 4999, look at these rims, you're not gonna believe this has a trunk and an engine. Oh my God, leather seats. Do you want a radio? FM AM. Don't you worry about it. We got to cover this one. 49.99. I'm taking it down to 39.99 for today only. Come on down. We're live at John Dick Ford. Whatever it was. Did we ever review that one that I was in that I did? No, you didn't have it. You said you were going to try and find it. Oh, I got to go back to try and find that. Wait, you were in one of those?

Yes, I was in one of those. Like where people just drove cars up and some- And I said, and my Jeff still laughs about it. My tagline was, we're cutting prices to the bone. We're cutting prices to the bone. We're going to break a leg. We're amputating prices here at John Dick Ford. We're giving this sale of vasectomy.

We're cutting it at the nuts. $39.99 today only. Come down to John Dick Ford. Get yourself some free ice cream. Don't worry. We got porn and pizza for the kids. Free pack of camel lights to any kid under 18 year olds that shows up at John Dick Ford right now.

That's the way it is. This is our best salesman, Jimmy. He's tried to jump off the roof four times this month. You got to get here quick. Yeah, they like feature a car. You'd have different segments. Get here quick, only a John Dick. Come on down.

Oh yeah, it's real. I remember those and for a while it was entertaining to watch. It is. I was like, oh my God. And inevitably have like beautiful women driving the cars and then it got to a point where like the girls were in bikini tops. Right.

Come on guys, really? I'm sure it worked though. I'm sure it worked. Sex sells. Sex does sell in everything. And I can't believe you're in one of these and we need to find this dude. Oh yeah, we've gotta get under. Where is Chrissy's embarrassing moments?

We need to find them. Oh yeah, I'll get it. I'll go looking for it and I'll make a note. If you find your Ford dealership, I will. My sister and I watched it, she was cracking. Of course. She was like a kill me. We're cutting prices to the bone.

It was like this really small market too, like in between Chattanooga and Atlanta called Ringgold. Oh, I know Ringgold, Georgia. Not like the carpet capital of the world or something. Yeah, and I mean, think 20 years ago too. So, I mean, it was so funny that it's like, I mean, I'm in a golf cart and it's sputtering. It's just sputtering along and you show up and go, we're going to price it to the bone. And then just like sputter out of the picture.

It's hilarious. Oh my God. The things you do when you're young and work in TV or radio. I could see why, how I would do that in a heartbeat. The one time I got invited to be on a television show when I was young was that reality show that one of the producers of Real Housewives was putting together for like this girl

that worked at Scam Coal FM with us. And it was supposed to be all about her life. Looking back on it, I can see how that was never gonna fly. But anyway, I was kind of excited because she invited me to be a part of the shoot. She was like, we're gonna do this scene in a restaurant. I'm sitting here with my friends. I'm celebrating my new found freedom

because I just stopped the, that's enough, that's enough, that's enough. You know, you know what I'm talking about. That, that, that I'm talking about. You know, I ain't got no time for that. I got no time for Scruggs. And, and so she invited me to be a part of the scene in the restaurant. And she's like, she's like, and then you can be, you can be in some other scenes too.

I got some ideas. And I was like, okay, all right, great. Fantastic. And then it took so long to set the cameras up that all we did was just sit there and get fucking hammered. So by the time they started rolling the cameras, first of all, it was the middle of the afternoon and the air conditioning didn't work

because of course it didn't because Simon owned the place. The air conditioning didn't work. Second of all, we're on bottle of wine number like seven by the time they actually started rolling the cameras. Sounds a little bit like Hotel Impossible. Oh yes, it was Hotel Impossible. I don't know where that footage is, but it's somewhere. But I think the scene only lasted for about a half a minute because

yeah the person who was directing the scene, not directing, but filming the scene, quickly realized that we had passed our expiration date and this was not the scene that he wanted. I did not get invited back to the reshoot just to let you know. Well, you know, he only lived once. You gotta just take life by the vasectomies. By the vasectomies, by the disembodied balls. That's what dad always told me. Grab them by the disembodied balls. That's what dad always told me. Grab them by the disinfected, disembodied ball. That's what you did for the rugby team. Oh my god.

God bless those rugby guys. If you played rugby, I'd love to hear from you. If you play rugby, if you're... I, I, I... You gotta imagine some of those guys have problems later on in life with their brain, the way that they hit each other. It's so violent and vicious. Anyway recorded it I'll show you it's so interesting so many of them have tissue up their nose it's all right do us a

favor if you'd like to please get a hold of us we'd love to hear from you there you go there's one right there we'd love to hear from you murderball murderball we're watching murder ball here in the studio. 212-433-3822. That's 433-21212-433. 3TCB. Text us questions, comments, concerns, contents, ideas. We're taking them all. Ask Brian's mom. Ask TCB. We'll give you bad advice. It's free. Don't worry about it. Come down quick to John Dick.

Get yourself a new whip. All right. Uh, at the commercial break on Instagram, we would love it if you would go there and give us a follow. We certainly would appreciate it. You can also communicate with us, uh, DM us through Instagram and we will respond. Get your free sticker while they last. Slashing prices today. To the bone. Going prices to the bone. Go to tcbpodcast.com, hit that contact us button. The drop down menu will say, I want my free sticker.

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Give us a subscribe there too. We certainly would appreciate it. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for right now. I think so. But I'll tell you that I love you. And I love you. I'll say best to you. Best to you.

And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I always say, we do say and we must say, goodbye. Goodbye. A cow killing bastard.