The Commercial Break - Daddy Flaviato, Is That You?

Episode Date: March 28, 2024

Kids: thankless little mongrels, until they find their long lost Daddy Flaviato. Hot dogs & burgers A food rabbit hole Bryan desecrated ramen Oprah, weight watchers, and ozempic Sriracha drama Fake spring 2.0 Don’t buy your kids toys! Lamborghini heiresses? Get your bag, sis Daddy Flaviato You can pay us to stop! LINKS: Send us show ideas, comments, questions or concerns by texting us   212.433.3TCB text or leave us a voicemail Watch TCB on YouTube Creator: Bryan Green Co-Host: Bryan Green Co-Host: Krissy Hoadley Producer: Christina A.  Producer: Gustavo B.  To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Gambling problem call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connexontario.ca. I'm gonna swing from the chandelier. From the chandelier. On this episode of the Commercial Break. If you're looking for thanks, don't have a kid because they never say those words. They don't say thank you. Occasionally they say I love you, they're good at hugging, they're fun to play with, but they're not going to say thank you for anything and they're only going to complain

about what they don't have. And then you try and take that, you know, vacuum plug out of their mouth and they throw a holy fucking shit fit. You give them the thousand dollar toy you just bought them and they throw it off to the side and say, look daddy, doggie poo poo, pee pee poo poo. The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now. Oh yeah, cats and kittens,

welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the beautiful co-host of this show, Kristin Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Kristin. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. Do you like a good hot dog?

I love a good hot dog. Oh, yeah. I love a good hot dog, especially those ballpark hot dogs. God damn motherfucking, fucking fuck. Because I know that they're probably the worst kind of hot dogs available to no demand. Yeah. And hot dogs aren't exactly.

Like at the ballpark or the ballpark brand? No, you know, I can never seem to find the exact same tasting hot dog at the ballpark. I've tried them all. I've tried ballpark, I've tried them all. All of them. And've tried them all. I've tried ballpark. I've tried them all. All of them. And even Nathan's Famous. And none of them taste like a ballpark hot dog at the ballpark. It just doesn't taste the same.

It's so good. You have to get one. They're so good. You can't go to a game without getting a hot dog. And now, because fuck Atlanta, Holman and Finch Burger, the H&F Burger. Which is just incredible. Listen, I know I said Culver's is the best burger that I've ever had, or that one in Memphis, and the 100 year old Fry Grease, but throw in there, just for consideration,

H&F Burger at Truist Field. Unbelievable. Juicy, melty, just as... Delicious. ... artery clogging as you can get. And it's lovely. It's delicious. Yeah. And do you know how this burger started? Do you know the little side note? No.

H&F is short for Holman & Finch, which is a restaurant here in Atlanta. Holman & Finch is a very small restaurant on Peachtree Street, one of the 50 Peachtree Streets that we have, but the artery running through downtown Atlanta. They have such a small little bar and then a small little dining area. They were serving like fine dining cuisine, you know, very avant-garde, very cutting edge, on the trend food, which in and of itself got a lot of accolades and attention. Yeah, was very good. Very good. But at night, they would keep the bar open a little bit later.

And when they kept that bar open, they were finding that the patrons really wanted something to eat, but the kitchen was closed. And so patrons were like going elsewhere for food. And so the owner of the business said, you know what, rather than go for food, you know what I'll do? I'll make 20 burgers a night, I think is what it was. Just make 20 of them. That way I'm not, you know, making too many of them. Have a little munchie.

Yeah, if you need a little munchie, here you go. You know, whoever, whatever person is hungry, give them a burger, charge them $15, whatever it is. Those burgers quickly became the thing that everybody wanted. Oh yeah. And for a while he would- And you could only get them at late night. That's it, like after midnight or something like that, or after 10. I don't remember what it was. But you had to be there at the prescribed time because if you didn't get one of the

20 burgers, you were fucked. And these burgers were good enough to wait in the bar for, and I did it on a couple of occasions. Oh yeah, me too. And then they expanded and they have H&F burgers, that just do burgers. And one of the places you can find this is at Truist Park here in Atlanta. They are so fucking delicious, I don't know how they do it. I just don't know how, they make homemade ketchup,

little bit of mayo, the melty, juicy cheese that everybody wants on a smashed bun, it's delicious. It is, it's like just the right amount. And you read so many chefs that have different prescriptions, if you will, of a little bit of brisket, a little bit of chuck, a little bit of the sirloin. There's this whole combination that people, and I've tried it, but God, they hit it.

I don't know what it is. I think I got real close to the Culver's burger, the Butter Burger, and I think I told you the secret is a ton of butter. Yeah, that's what the secret is. A ton of butter. That is just butter and beef and it's delicious. And then you put some American cheese on there, like the nastiest kind of cheese you can buy at the store. Fucking delicious. But H&F burgers and a hot dog. And I just can't seem to find that hot dog anywhere outside of a ballpark. Now, maybe it's that they keep the water the same for the entire season. I'm not sure. But whatever it is, it is amazeballs, those hot dogs.

But to totally gross you out, when you look at the ingredients that are actually inside of a hot dog, it should dissuade anyone from ever eating one again. And I think that I told you, I have read, and they make these posts like, you know, I'm a doctor and these are five things I want everyone to know. Or I'm a fireman and this is five things I want everyone to know.

There's this like, you know, thing going on on Instagram and TikTok. I have seen now multiple doctors, cardiologists, say, I'm a doctor, these are five things I would never eat again. And hot dog is almost exclusively at the top of the list. Because it's just full of fucking shit. That's all it is.

It's like the remnants. It's the remnants of the pig, and you don't even wanna know, the innards, and it's how the sausage is made. You don't wanna know how it's made. Everything else that doesn't go in the sausage goes in the hot dog. So whenever you're looking at a sausage being made, just think of all the other stuff that they didn't put in there, and then that's a hot dog. And they've been around forever. And everybody that I know loves a good hot dog every once in a while.

But I'm getting to the point now where, unless it's at a ballpark, sometimes the hot dogs start to gross me out a little bit. I'm like, well, should I really be eating this? It's like they've mind fucked me now. Unless it's at a ballpark, you know, sometimes the hot dogs start to gross me out a little bit. I'm like, well, should I really be eating this? It's like, they've mind fucked me now. I'm like, should I be eating this? Does it really taste as good as I think it does? Yes, it does. And I want that.

But what I saw the other day on a news article that is like six, 12 months old now, but I saw the picture in Philly, one of those trucks that carries liquids and slushy solids, you know, one of those round trucks, like a gas truck, looks like a gas truck, big aluminum gas truck, right? But it's actually carrying the innards of the hot dog. Really? Yes. They were transported around like that. That's how they do it. It's just one big glob of meat that then they like that. That's how they do it. It's just one big glob of meat that then they into the shell of the hot dog. I don't know. But that thing spilled over and I am telling you what, if you want to be cleared of your hot dog hangover, this is the way to do it. Go look at this picture. It is absolutely horrifying what that stuff looks like when it's not wrapped in a hot dog sheath or whatever they call them.

K-sing. K-sing, when it's sheath. Like it's a sword or a dick. A shawl. Yeah. When it's not in its hot dog condom, you should see what it looks like because it is not good and it does not look great. Look at me using the two fingers like Frankie.

It is not good. It is not great. It is actually the opposite of whatever you think is like digestible, palatable. Well then I'm just not going to look at it. I know, don't look at it because if you like, did you guys cook hot dogs at home? No. No, never.

You never buy hot dogs, never cook them at home. You always go out. Well, I mean, the only time I eat a hot dog is at the ballpark, yes. Is that the ballpark? That's all? Yeah. That's it? Well, good for you. I've learned over the years. Okay. See, you're doing it right. I'm not. We buy hot dogs.

No, we don't have kids though. Yeah. So our small kids. Kids do like the hot dogs. Yeah. The small kids like the hot dogs. Yeah. I mean, think about when you're a kid. Hot dogs and a little mac and cheese. You know, your mom and dad say, ah, it's cheese, pasta and meat. It's got all the food groups in it. My mom used to cook that shit all the time. It was one of the five dishes my mom actually could cook.

I mean, my mom's a lovely lady, but I think she'll even tell you herself. She was no Chef Boyardee in the kitchen. It was like five meals that we got. We got hamburger helper. We got tacos. We got stew. I love a good taco night. I love good taco night.

I love a good taco night. And I don't care what it is. I need to do that tonight maybe. It's not Tuesday, do that tonight maybe. It's not Tuesday, but that's okay. Well, taco, whatever day is it, you know? Okay. Thursday.

Break it, break the tradition. Yeah. You know, I love a good taco night too. And I don't care how hard somebody else tries to convince me, but that Olay taco seasoning is the way to go. It's all there for you. Throw it into ground beef and just go for it. It tastes delicious. You know, Astrid makes her own like au lait stuff, and it's

almost, almost the au lait. It's missing one thing. We can't figure it out, right? But just go buy those 10 cent packages and throw it in there, tacos. So, then my mom made stew, and then she had mac and cheese and hot dogs, which is not necessarily a meal, it's just two really microwavable things placed together. Yes. And so, when I was a kid, it was like one of five things, and I didn't mind the hot dogs and the macaroni and cheese. For some reason, those two disparate pieces of shit foods go together lovely. But now, let me tell you what really got my, let me tell you the most disgusting thing that you're ever going to hear.

Someone actually put in their mouth and it was me, and I made it all the time. Are you ready? Jared Sussman I think so. Jared Sussman This is when I was married, previously married. I would get ramen noodles, two or three, you know, I'd get a bunch of them, get those packets, those beef packets is the one that I like, or the chipotle beef or whatever. I'd go, I'd get them, I'd cook two packets at a time. I'd then put in a ton of Mexican cheese, mix it up, right now it's all like gloppy and weird. Then I put some sour cream in it. Then I would put some hot sauce on top of that. And then I had to have something crunchy to go in there. So I'd either put some Fritos or some tortilla chips, or if I was out

of Fritos and tortilla chips, I'd go ahead and put some crackers in there, like saltine crackers. And I ate that probably every night for 12 years. I don't know how long I ate it for. I ate it forever. The ramen noodles though. Ramen noodles. So, back to the pig innards. I then saw, quickly after that, as I was going down my food rabbit hole, I was like, okay, how are other foods made, and then I landed on an Instagram reel that showed you how ramen noodles were made. And let me tell you what, it came really close to being just as disgusting as the pig innards.

Really? And I'm not even kidding you. Those aren't noodles. I don't know what they are, but they are certainly not noodles. It is not a noodle. It is something else altogether. At least what I saw, it was like a gloppy mixture, like a weird consistency, like a gelatin almost, that then they pushed through a machine, they

put some stuff in, they mixed it up, added some seasoning, and then out came the ramen noodles in the little package they had. I always assumed we were eating noodles. That's why they're so cheap, maybe. That is why they're so cheap. Because you think about it, like, could you really make pasta for 10 cents a package? No. How many, have you eaten a lot of ramen noodles in your life? Yeah. A ton of ramen noodles, ton of ramen noodles.

It is a staple of anyone that is under the age of 25 years old trying to make it in this world. I wasn't eating it the way you were eating it. I was eating it with the little flavor packets. But did you like your soupy? No. No, okay. I know people who like it soupy.

Yeah, I know I like it. And then I've been to these ramen places, you know what I'm saying? And it's fine. It's fine. Ramen places are fine. But like, a lot of things in life, you get used to eating the worst version of that, and then you can't go back and all of a sudden decide that your palate is a discernible palate. It's not.

I like the ramen noodles. I like the gloppy bullshit that comes out of there with sour cream lots of cheese hot sauce and fucking saltines Don't get me started doing in a way like a taco salad, but with ramen noodles That's what I thought my ex-wife didn't think the same, but that's what I thought she thought I was absolutely disgusting But this would be my light night snack for a while. That's why I weighed 70 pounds more than I do right now But this would be my late night snack for a while. That's why I weighed 70 pounds more than I do right now, too. It's because I was eating it. The truth is, we do not know, most of us don't know how the sausage is made, how the food

that we eat is made. That's true. And as I'm getting a little older, I'm getting a little bit more curious. It might be too late for me. Might be too late for me, kids. I just might be dead on the inside and I might not have anything else to give. But for you younger folks, I'm just sharing with you, find out how the sausage is made. That is what you need to do. Because you put all this stuff in your body, it tastes delicious, it's all gravy when it's going down your gullet. But then what is it doing to the inside of you?

Because it turns back into that glop once it gets into your stomach. And then what is that glop doing to you? It's getting stuck on the inside of your inner, you know, that's why a good, you know, a colon blow every once in a while is good. It's a good thing, yeah. We should go do, you and I should go do… A colonic? A colonic, high colonic, together and then we'll record our experiences on a phone.

I'd be up for it. Would you be up for that? Yeah, I've never had one. Let's do that. Let's do it, and then let's broadcast the results here. We could actually be like eyewitness news reporters in each other's high colonics. We can report on what's going on.

No, I don't want you in mine. Well, we'll put a sheet up or something. We'll get you in those stirrups, and we'll put a sheet up or something. We'll get you in those stirrups and we'll put a sheet up like you're having a baby. Great, anything for the show. Anything for the show. We need content. Yeah, we need content.

I just wanna see what comes out. I wanna be like, I mean, not really, I hate poop, I hate it. But I just wanna see what's stuck in my gullet, what's stuck in my guts, you know? Every once in a while, you got to clean that shit out. It seems like it's a good idea. So much better than a fast, which takes work and, you know, you got to do stuff.

And I think those things are terrible for you. Those fasts, I'm convinced they're terrible for you. Your body is not meant to go through 30 days of just lemon juice. You know what I'm saying? No, I agree. It can't be good for you. Cannot be good for you. And we have a friend who does this for 30 days at a time.

At a time. He's so angry too, like by the second week. Well yeah, you're hangry. Yeah, he's fucking mad. He's mad at everybody. I don't like to be around him when he's doing his cleanses. Whenever he says he's doing his cleanses, I'm like, I'll call you in a couple weeks.

Talk to you next month. Exactly. He does it like in February or March or something. you in a couple of weeks. Talk to you next month. Exactly. He does it like in February or March or something. I don't even think I've talked to him this month and I'm not going to, because I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear how angry you are because you didn't eat any food. Speaking of food, did you catch the Oprah special on Ozempic?

No, I saw that that was an option to watch, but I haven't watched it. You should watch it. I checked it. Yeah, I caught like 30, 45 minutes of it. I thought it was a very, I wanna say balanced but it's clear that Oprah is convinced this is right for her.

So I think it's hard to be a hundred percent impartial. So for those of you that don't know, Oprah bought a large share of Weight Watchers, became the brand ambassador and also the chairman of the board, I think, or had a board seat. And she had a ton of shares, like a ton, like millions of shares of Weight Watchers. And as she tells it, was convinced that Weight Watchers was the way to go. She had been on this lifelong journey battling her weight.

It does work for some people. It does work for some people. My mom was in Weight Watchers and for years it worked wonders for her. But the challenge is, and as someone on this special put it, it's like you can count the calories, you can do the exercise. But one piece that's always been missing and that we now are starting to understand a little bit more clearly is that you're fighting against your physiology, which is really difficult to do, because your

body wants you to eat. You have to do it multiple times per day in order just to survive. And so, it's really difficult to tell your physiology no. It's literally trying to overcome your own positive thoughts about, you know, counting the calories and staying in shape and all this, your mind is geared toward making you eat more. Eat fattier, eat richer, eat sugary-er. Right, which has been through evolution because food used to be scarce. Yeah. There's a lot of different reasons and why so many people fail at weight loss is because

you can do it for a period of time, but how can you really swim up that stream every single day and night for the rest of your life? And so, as Oprah puts it, this is a way to fight the physiology. This is a way to correct the physiology, the part that actually makes you want to do it. And so, they talk about the good sides and the bad sides, and she actually divested of every one of her Weight Watchers shares and gave them to a charity. She didn't even cash out. She just gave them to a charity and said, here you go, because if I'm going to do this special one hour long or two hour long, however long it was special about these medications,

we go via Nozempic and these diabetes medications that are now working wonders for people who want to lose weight. If they are doing, if I am doing this special, I do not want one bit, I don't want it to seem at all like there's a conflict of interest. And the only way to do that is to go ahead and put Weight Watchers aside, resign from the board, give the shares away, and then I can be totally impartial or seemingly totally impartial about it. And the Weight Watchers new CEO came on and said, hey, listen, we are now changing the way that we think about weight loss at Weight Watchers.

Yes, you should count the calories. Yes, you should have a community of people who are trying to help you and be positive and stay strong and all that, all those things still in play. But now there's a third prong and that third prong is physiology. We can help fight physiology. They just bought a company that is going to produce this, a certain type of medication. I saw that too. And I saw that there's a whole market now too for people that are on these, the drugs that they're catering to. So like, you know, shakes and things and whatever that

you're supposed to help keep you nutritious. Because a lot of people could just eat pretzels all day. Yeah, I mean. Yeah, you just eat a couple pretzels and then feel full. Yeah. Yeah, and there's a lot of nightmare stories out there about We Go Venozempic and all that. And I've talked about it here on the show maybe once or twice. And I just don't know that there's enough information

to feel safe about taking those medica- I mean, I personally don't feel like I would take those medications, but I do feel for people who do struggle with their weight. And, you know, however you got to do it, you got to do it. That's your own journey. That's your own. Yeah, talk to your doctor about it. Yeah, I personally feel like it's not clear enough that like, no one's been taking this for 30 years and been like, yeah, it's all good. I feel great. You know, when we get to that point, 10 years from now, then if I, you know, if I need to, maybe I'll have that consideration.

But I thought it was very interesting thing for Oprah to do. Yeah, I'm going to watch it. She doesn't do many shows anymore. No. And, or at all. And so when she does a show, I feel like it carries some weight. As a kid of an Oprah mom, I feel like it carries some weight. She does. She does carry weight. Yeah, she does. Oh, it shouldn't carry weight anymore.

Well, no. She got those epic. Yeah. That bonnet only in the morning. All right, we'll stop grossing you out during your breakfast or your lunch or your dinner, and we'll be back. Well, thank the baby Jesus. Brian took a breath, and now I will use this opportunity to let you know that we've got a brand new phone number.

That's right, it's 212-433-3TCB. And you can text us anytime you want. Or you can call and leave us a voicemail and we might just use your message on the show. Once Brian gets through all the messages he missed last year, of course. Anyway, you can also find and DM us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok at tcbpodcast. And of course, all of also find and DM us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok at

TCB Podcast. And of course, all of our audio and video is easily found on tcbpodcast.com. Now I'm going to thank G one more time that we have sponsors. So thank G and here they are. Okay. Let's stay on the food theme. Sriracha. Do you like it? do you not like it?

Love it. Does it taste different to you now than it did before? No, I mean, no. Do you use it like on a regular basis? Yeah, not every day, but. Like once a week, twice a week, something like that? Okay, you put it on your foods, you love sriracha, like the original sriracha, the Hoyaoya sriracha.

Is that how you say it, Hoyaoya? Huey foods, Huey Fong sriracha? Yes.oyaoya sriracha. Is that how you say it? Hu-yu? Huey Foods? Huey Fong sriracha? Okay, this kind in this bottle. Okay. All right. So- Rooaster sauce. Rooster sauce. Yeah, that's right. It's got a rooster on it. I love hot sauce. This is not my favorite hot sauce, so I don't keep it around, but on occasion if it's out there somewhere and I'll throw it on whatever if it's available. But there is such a big kerfuffle going on, on the internet about rooster sauce. And the kerfuffle is this, during the pandemic, if you remember,

Huey Fong had a, like a factory somewhere near San Francisco. And that factory was causing people around them to get sick because all the burning peppers or whatever they were doing, the spices and the sauces and the smoke and the steam that came out of the factory was causing people to get irritated. And so they had a big hubbler. Do you remember this? Okay. So the neighbors got up in arms and they changed the way they did things and, you know, settled things down.

But now they have gotten into a dispute with their chili pepper distributor or provider provider. Yeah like a big dispute a dispute to the point where They don't get the same peppers that they used to from the same farm that they used to and the farm has said hey Listen, we would love to sell these to you if you guys would just pay this bill that you owe us Whatever that bill is right. They've been in business together for a long time. I think since they came to America, if I'm understanding correct, for like 32 years or something.

So they get in this dispute, now it's in court, but the farm says, hey, we want you to do business with us. But Hui Fong says, no, we're not doing business with you based on whatever. I don't want to get into every detail about the case. Then there are people, a lot of food writers, a lot of people on the internet, Reddit, Instagram, all this other stuff, they are saying it just doesn't taste the same. It's not as spicy as it used to be.

It's a more mild, kind of sweeter version of the hot sauce that we love. And we desperately want our old sriracha back. We need it. We want it. Yeah, because the flavor is the thing for me. The flavor, the heat. Yeah, the flavor, but then the heat, like a little tingly. If you never had Sriracha, if you're not a hot sauce fan, Tabasco is heat. That is heat. It's got a little bit of flavor, a lot of heat. Sriracha is a lot of flavor, a little bit of heat, right? It's not the

hottest thing you've ever put in your mouth. It's pretty accessible as far as hot sauces are concerned. That's my impression of it. But if it doesn't taste the same as it always has, then I can see why people are getting upset. Sure. So I thought to myself, why don't I go and get some sriracha and see if it tastes the same as it did? Okay. So I did. I went to a local restaurant where I knew that they were serving sriracha and see if it tastes the same as it did. So I did. I went to a local restaurant

where I knew that they were serving sriracha right down the street and I went and ordered a taco and then I put the sriracha on and then I also just put some sriracha on my finger and tasted it because they had the bottles right there at the table. It doesn't taste the same. In my opinion, it doesn't taste the same. It's a totally different product just Just based on this one ingredient changing, it's a totally different product than it was before. And like, this disappoints me, because while I'm not like the world's biggest rooster sauce fan, I did like the rooster sauce on occasion. And now, I don't know, maybe it's in my brain. Maybe I read about it, and so therefore I'm not like I'm prepared for something to taste different in sweeter. That's a fucked up thing about tastes, you know, tastes and smells. And they change, I think. Don't your tastes change?

My taste buds change all the time. Sometimes I'm into cream and cereal and sometimes I'm into ramen noodles with lots of cheese and sour cream. It just depends. One of those two things. I do think tastes change. Yeah, as you get older. When you had COVID, didn't you say that you couldn't taste anything? I did not experience that, but for maybe a day. Yeah, like a day or two, I experienced that, but I didn't experience it for extended periods of time, but Astrid did, and lots of people that I know did.

Have your taste- Very strange feeling. Have your taste changed since then? They're back. They're back? Yeah, and I don't think they've really changed from what they were before. Very interesting, Chrissy. Do you think if you went to the ballpark and had a hot dog, you would taste the anuses the same way you always would? I think we need to go to a game. Oh, we're gonna go to a game, that's for sure. We're gonna go to a Braves game. Day game,

3 o'clock in the afternoon. Business man special. Business man special. We're gonna sit there and sweat with all the other guys. Seeing a game in the day in Atlanta is like torture. Well, we do need to go soon, because it's gonna get hot. Well, yeah, opening day and the first 10 games after that, perfectly lovely weather. This is, we are experiencing right now,

fake spring number two in Atlanta. We had fake spring number one, we talked about it, then we had a cold snap for like five days, it got cold again, like at night there was a freeze warning, that's crazy. And now we're back into fake spring number two. We're gonna have one more small cold snap, and then we'll be into spring. We'll be into the two weeks a year where the weather is perfectly pleasant, and then it goes to holy fucking hot. It goes to wipe your fucking flop sweat off on everybody else, because that's what's coming. And that's just what you get when you live here in Atlanta.

So if you go to those day games, you got to be really hungry to eat one of those hot dogs. You know what I'm saying? Because it's like, holy shit. You got to put the sunscreen on too. Oh yeah, you do. And you know, I guess it's part of the, you know, allure of going to a businessman special is part of the magic, sweating your balls off.

I mean, get to July and it doesn't matter what time the game is, you're fucking sweating. You're just miserable. I will never forget that one time, when you and I were working for the Braves, I was meeting this lady, like a girl that I wanted to date there, a girl that I was dating,

but we hadn't been dating for long. And I came after work with my shirt on, slacks on, dress shoes on, and I never went on another date with this girl again. And I'll tell you, I know the reason why. Not that I smelled sweaty, but that I was just drenched. Profusely sweating. Yes. I'm nervous about the date. I'm nervous how it's going. It's 107 fucking degrees

outside. You know, the first hour and a half of the game, the sun's just beating right on your fucking forehead. And it didn't matter how much beer I drank, and I drank a lot of beer. It didn't matter how much beer I drank, I could not get cool. It could not cool me down. So, here I am, a drunk, hot, sweaty mess. And then I also got into a, it started to rain later on in the game and I got into a fight with somebody in the stands. I almost got kicked out if it wasn't for that pass I had around me. Yes, somebody put their umbrella up, right? Listen, it's raining, it's like drizzling, right? So, it's raining, but they haven't called the game yet. They haven't actually had an intermission for the game yet. So, everybody has scattered under the large, you know, overhangs, yeah,

that were available at Turner Field. But there's just a few of us that are sitting like, you know, kind of right behind the dugout kind of thing. And there's a few of us. So you could have sat anywhere you wanted to because everybody was leaving or up in the covered area. In this jackhole that's right in front of us, him and the guy that he's with, they put up their umbrellas right in front of us. Yeah, that's rude.

Can't see a fucking thing. The umbrellas are like, you know, scraping against our knees and our bellies because, you know, the seats are tightly packed in. Yes, I know. How could you even do that? So I say, Hey man, do me a favor. Can you move up a couple rows? And he goes, fuck you. And I was like, what did you say? And he goes, fuck you. And I go, it's raining. There are no, there's nobody here. Nobody cares. Can you move up a few rows? And he says, you move back a few rows, asshole. And wow, I was just like taken aback at how abrasive the guy runs right off the bat. And so I took, I grabbed his umbrella and I threw it. And he stood up so quick. And the was right on it, right on it. Because we're the only ones in the fucking stands. So he could see what's going on. And so two security guards come rushing, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, you know?

And this guy's like up in my face, fuck you, fuck you, man, fucking go get that umbrella, put it back in my fucking hand. And I'm like, fuck you, take that umbrella down a few rows, you know, blah, blah, blah. Meanwhile, I'm representing the Braves. I have a pass. And here I am throwing umbrellas around the ballpark. I can't imagine why you didn't go back out with the girl. She didn't, I thought I was being like chivalrous.

I thought I was like, see, I'll defend our honor and our right to see the game unobstructed. But it didn't turn out like that because she never, I don't think we ever texted again to be quite frank with you. Yeah, it was for the best. Yeah, but I'll tell you what, the rain cooled me right off. I was already drenched, but I loved it when it rained. I was like, fuck, yeah.

The rain, the rain, the rain. Hell yeah. And that's just what you get here in Atlanta. You get the hot, you get the rain, then you get the really cold weather that happens for like a month and a half a year. And we're in this beautiful time of year right now. Everything's blooming. The skies are blue.

You want to roll the window down and drive. And if it rains, you want to open the window and let the rain. I mean, secondary only to sleeping with the door open or the windows open at the beach is let it rain, little thunder rumbling in the background, pop open the window, let that rain tipple-taple and just put you right to sleep. Yeah, that little tipple-taple rain.

It's nap weather. It's nap weather. Now I wish I could take a nap, but even just the ability to just to sit there and like, you know, kind of zone out for a minute. Like it was, I don't know, a couple weeks ago, it was raining, it was nice outside, you know, I opened the windows that don't have screens on them. And so my kids like to pop out, you know, and look out, you have to be careful that they don't fall out, you know, the whole night. And it's raining and the kids are just like three of them,

just lined up in this window, standing, just staring out. And I was sitting and the kids are just like three of them just lined up in this window, standing just staring out. And I was sitting on the bed and I was like, fuck yeah, this is the life right here. I wish our life could be like this all the time. I wish all 15 children were staring out this window and we were all just, you know, hanging out listening to the rain. It was a thing that my dad did when I was a kid that I never lost. When a storm would roll through in Chicago, we had the station wagon with the pop down, right? The pop down, like the gate that popped down, it could open or it could pop down. And so, he would pop down that gate, he would put on the radio scanner to see if, you know,

lightning struck and the fire trucks were going, so he'd be listening to the police scanner to see if, you know, there's action in the area or whatever. My dad's a little weird like that. But we would sit in the garage, legs dangling on that thing and just watch the rain for hours. It was one of my favorite things in the world. I just loved it. Jared Oh, it was soothing. Jared It was soothing. It was calm. Now that I have children, I understand that my dad was just desperately trying to get some peace and fucking quiet. I mean, honestly.

So, the nice weather's here. And one of the things that we have done for the last number of years is that when the weather is nice like this, or even when it's summertime, after dinner, we'll open the front door, we'll go out and play under the covered porch that we have, or in the little dirt grass area, the weeds, whatever you call them, right? The weedy area. Whatever that is. And then we have this big, I don't know if it's a rose bush or what it is, but it's that, it has those big pink flowers. Look at it in the corner of my house and when you leave. Yeah, no, it's Camilla. Oh, it's Camilla? Yeah.

Okay, so Camilla flowers. So, we have these big Camilla flowers. So, now we have the baby who's just learned how to walk, right? And she's walking on her own, but she's going very slow, moving her whole body, shifting from one side to the other to walk, you know, stiff legs. Yeah. And so, last night, dinner finishes, I go to take the trash out, kids want to go outside, I play music, they dance under the covered roof, you know, everyone's in their pajamas. And, you know, it's like 5'15 and everyone's in their pajamas, right? And so, the kids are playing and I bring the baby outside, I put her on the walkway and she's just walked, she's having the best time

walking around, you know, giggling, talking to herself the whole nine yards. She loved it. Dancing, you know, she had like the little shuffle, throwing her arms up in the air. And then the, some of the bigger kids are out playing in the weeds, that what I call the weeds, you might refer to as grass, it's weeds. And so, they're playing in the weeds, but one of them kind of drifts off a little bit too far. So, I go out and I'm like, hey, dude, you can't go out here, let's go out here. And there for like, I don't know, two, three minutes, I'm just kind of chatting with the older kids, thinking that the baby can't get far. She barely't even, she barely

knows how to walk. She never put her foot in grass. She's not going to be that brave and just go step in grass. It's a whole different texture, right? Well, I turn around, baby's gone. And I'm like, what? Astrid must have grabbed her. I go, door's still open. Blue's sitting there. Thanks, Blue, for doing nothing. Normally, she's barking. Normally, she's barking. Yeah. And honestly, she's so good with the kids that sometimes she'll like herd them in a certain way, like, especially if she thinks there's danger, she'll herd them. But anyway, not there. So I run around the front of the house and I'm like, oh my God, I run around the front of the

house and she is at the Camilla bush and she has got a mouthful of Camilla flower. It's just in her mouth. Just imagine, like a big old, you know, four inch circumference Camilla flower. She's just got a mouthful of it. She's like, she's trying to pull it off with her teeth. I'm like, what are you doing, kid? First of all, how did you get all the way over here? How did you walk through the dirt and rocks to get all the way over here? First of all, second of all, why do you have a mouthful of Camilla Bush? What are you doing? She would not let it go, Chrissy. I pick her up, she still got it in her mouth. She's like yanking the Camilla Bush. She liked it.

She loved it. She thought it was the best thing in the world. If I had known this, I wouldn't have bothered with all the expensive formula. I would just put some Camilla Bush in water and let her drink it up. It was crazy. Or the millions of toys. Oh my God. Forget about the toys. Don't even bother. Parents, new parents, don't even bother with toys.

Just wait. When you have your kid, there's going to be a lot of people who are going to buy you a lot of stuff. Don't bother with toys. And here's why. I'm going to explain. You need a few things. You need like a shaker, a rattler, a little pad for them to play on, and maybe some dingley

dangley things. Everything else like a shaker, a rattler, a little pad for them to play on, and maybe some dingley dangley things. Everything else, fucking forget about it. Because the second that you give them that toy, they get so excited, and three seconds later they forgot that the toy even exists, and they are literally trying to put plugs in their mouth. That's what happens. Scissors, plugs, paper clips, tacks, broken glass, dog poop, dog pee. It doesn't matter. Anything that is not a toy is the thing you play with,

and everything that is a toy is the thing you cannot play with. It is fucking incredible. I have toys in there. There's a million toys in that toy room. I have toys in there that I bought those kids, and I was so excited because I knew this is the one. This is the toy they're gonna love and they're gonna play with, and they have yet to touch it for more than three seconds yet. And then they come to me and they're like, I'm buying an amp on the amp head. My nephews are the same way. They've just got millions of toys and Fuck, man. Fuck. How do we get these kids to like, you know, have a little gratitude? That's what I want. Have a little gratitude. Daddy spent a lot of money on that. He thought

hard on that present. You don't like it. If you're looking for thanks, don't have a kid because they never say those words. They don't say thank you. Occasionally they say, I love you. They're good at hugging. They're fun to play with, but they're not going to say thank you for anything. And they're only going to complain about what they don't have. And then you try and take that, you know, vacuum plug out of their mouth and they throw a holy fucking shit fit. You give them the thousand dollar toy you just bought them and they throw it off to the side and say, look, daddy, doggy, poo poo, pee pee, poo poo. That's what they want. They want poo. They want poo. And by the way, you're going to get plenty of

that too when you have kids, just letting you know. Listen, I don't blame some of these younger folks out there that are like, no kids for me. Nope, not having them. Yeah. I mean, we'll see as life goes on, we'll see how that goes out. But you know, I don't blame it.

I was also the same way when I was in my 20s and in my 30s and now in my 40s. I'm like, what the fuck did we do? You're in it now. Hey kids, if you're listening to this many years in the future, I really do love you. I'm like, what the fuck did we do? You're in it now. Hey kids, if you're listening to this many years in the future, I really do love you. It's just hard being a parent. Yes it is. All right.

Let's take a break and we'll be right back. What? Oh, hi, it's Christina again. Here to remind you to go to tcbpodcast.com for all things audio, video, and TCB-dio. Give us a follow on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok at tcbpodcast. And guess what? We have a new phone number. I know what you're thinking, but I promise this is the last TCB phone number you will ever have to remember. So call us and leave us a voicemail or text us at 212-433-3TCB. Once more for the people in the back, that's 212-433-3TCB.

Oh and check out our YouTube channel at youtube.com slash the commercial break. That's all for now, let's listen to our sponsors and get back to the show. Okay. This story is going to be a little old by the time it airs, but I just, I thought it was interesting when I saw it and I'm circling back to it now. Lamborghini, the very famous car. Yes. The Lamborghini. Okay.

Read this headline. Yes. The Lamborghini. Okay? Read this headline. Butition claims she's heir to the Lamborghini fortune after collecting irrefutable DNA from her sister's drinking straw. Did you see this? No. Okay. Flavia Borzoni, 35 years old. Oh wait, hold on one second. An Italian woman is claimed to be the Lamborghini heiress after testing her alleged sister's DNA from a drinking straw, a lawsuit revealed. Flavia Borzoni, 35 years old, claims she has irrefutable DNA evidence that she is the secret daughter of Tonio Lamborghini, 76 years old,

after she tested his daughter's, his daughter, Electra's saliva, she claims in the lawsuit. Very interesting names going on here in this. The Naples native, Naples, Italy, said she had hired a private investigator to retrieve a drinking straw used by Electra, who is a socialite and singer. To prove they were siblings, Anne Borzoni was the legitimate heir

to the luxury car family. The DNA sample was tested at the University of Ferrera where experts said the genetic sample proved Borzoni and Electra were in fact related. The court case revealed, the illegitimate heir claims Laberghini and her mother, Rose Abla, Rose Abla Cosolimo, had met at a bus stop in 1980 while the sports car air was driving by and offered her a lift. The two then allegedly struck up a romance, which ended with Borzoni being born in 1998. So now the, the Labrighini, it's a little drama. Now the Labrighini is suing to say that it's not, you can't collect people's DNA like this, the DNA is not immiscible because it was done in secret and behind everybody's back. So, the private investigator

waits around until the real daughter, you know, until the known daughter of Laborghini. The recognized. Yeah, the recognized daughter, that's correct, drops a drinking straw in a garbage can, then he picks it up, he collects it, and he sends it for DNA testing and that's shit scary and then it is proven true that they are related like blood related yeah okay so one question why the fuck can't this happen to me why am I waiting around for some you know 50 million dollar Spotify contract that's never coming. Love Odyssey, by the way. Okay, $50 million Odyssey contract that obviously is never coming because

God bless Odyssey, they're not going to pay us $50 million to do this stupid show. No one is. Why am I waiting around for that when I could just be the illegitimate son of, you know, it doesn't have to be Lamborghini. It can be the, you know, fucking Pinto for all I care. If I'm the heir to the Pinto fortune, I'd be happy with that. Is there a Pinto fortune? Well, there used to be a Pinto fortune until the Pintos started blowing up. Yeah. You would hit them from behind and they would explode. But I, you know, I mean, give a Pontiac fortune or something, something. Wow. What, what a stroke of fucking luck. Yeah. What a stroke of fucking luck.

What a stroke of fucking luck. She must have heard, you know, I guess her mom told her. Of course she did. She said, Hey honey, this dude dicked me over. He fucking ghosted me in the eighties when there weren't even cell phones, but you were born from his sperm and you should go get yours. Get your bag. Go get your bag.

He's never been a part of your life. Go get your bag. Right. yours. Get your bag. Go to get your bag. He's never been a part of your life. Go get your bag. Right? And I don't blame her because fathers should be responsible for their children just as much as mothers are. It's a 50-50 endeavor. That's why I fully support Kentucky allowing child support to be had from the moment of conception. Because, you know, speaking of children, they're not really inexpensive. I don't know if you've noticed children, they're not really inexpensive. I don't know if you've noticed, but they're not really inexpensive. You're adding other human beings to your life that then you have to take care of in the most expensive part of their life, when you have to

feed them and clothe them and send them to school and all this other bullshit. And so, if you weren't a part of that for 37 years, right, and then somebody comes out of the, the actual daughter comes out of the woodwork and says, hey, you've never been here. So all I'm asking for is my fair share. That's how it goes. That's how the cookie crumbles, Mr. Flaviotto Lamborghini or whatever your name is. Hostie- Flaviotto. Brian- But I also, Brian Green, am an heir to the Flaviotto Lamborghini I also, Brian Green, am an heir to the Flaviotto Lamborghini fortune. I've done my own DNA testing and it came back conclusive. You are my daddy.

I think we know that your dad is really your dad. Daddy, Daddy Flaviotto, it's me, Brian. I'm just here to collect my bag. I won't bother you. Couple million dollars, it's all good. You got a lot of money, Brian. I'm just here to collect my bag. I won't bother you. Couple million dollars. It's all good. You got a lot of money, Dad. You didn't have to change no peepee, no poo poo. You didn't have to give me any gifts.

You never saw me graduate kindergarten, high school, or college. All I want is a couple million dollars and I will go away. I'm going to go to, which fortune should we test for? Prince? Prince? Is that good? Danielle Pletka I like that one. I love Prince. Jared Sussman Prince never had any kids. He's got to have one kid out there. I mean, there's got to be one kid. It's Prince. You think that guy kept it in his pants all the time? No, of course he didn't. He had lovers. It was that Apollina or whatever her name is. Danielle Pletka Yeah, Apollonia.

Jared Sussman Apollonia. Yeah, she's got to have a few kids. I think that's my mom. Don't I look a little bit like Apollonia and Prince? Yeah, you do. I do. I mean, there's a strong resemblance. I think there's a strong resemblance to Prince. I like it. This is the way, Chrissy, this is the way home. Now, my dad might claim he's my dad, but I have never been so sure that my dad is actually my dad, nor my mom my mom. And so, I am thinking that I am an heir to some fortune that I just haven't learned yet, and soon my ship is going to come in. I hope so. Okay, if I'm going to make this claim,

you got to make a claim too. Who would you like to be your mommy and daddy? Rich, think rich. Bezos, Bezos has to have some kids, doesn't he? There's a kid or two. There you go. Do they have kids? Did they have kids? I think so. I think they have two kids. I don't know either. Musk has 12 children or something like that. I just saw that McKinsey, you know, his ex-wife gave away like 680 something million to charities. So that's what, maybe you should go down that road. Oh yeah, I'm a charity. Yes, I'm definitely a charity.

Exactly. I think that's maybe the path you should take here. The commercial break is the definition of charity. Please put together the proposal. Put together the, I'm going to put together the proposal. Dear Mrs. Former Bezos. And send this podcast as evidence. Two podcasters are starving to death right here in America. They desperately need your help. Six hundred and eighty million will do.

Just for the price of a cup of coffee a day. Honestly, for the price of a cup of coffee a day, you can keep me off air. I keep on making this pitch to the listeners, but I'm going to repeat it again. We want Patreon not to give you free content, but to stop doing it. I have an RSS feed that will play Conan O'Brien and fly on the wall back to back. No commercial break. And for the low, low price of $3.99 a month, you too can be commercial break free. Listen, Mr. Bezos, this is a charity you want to get in on the ground floor. Save humanity from the commercial break.

This is the kind of thing you need to get behind. I don't know what you're into, Mr. Bezos. Stern, Howard, listen, you, you of all people know what bad content sounds like. So please put me in your will, but your living will, like the will I get when you're alive. Because all I need is just 1% of your annual revenue and all of us could do. Flourish. Starting to make it $100 million a year. 1% of his revenue.

We could flourish. We can absolutely flourish. I'm on board with this idea. Yeah, no, I think that's the pathway we need to apply as a charity. Keep the commercial break off the air. That is the GoFundMe we are starting. Does that go against their terms of service? I don't know.

We have to check that out. I'm always hearing about people doing this and that, you know, getting in trouble about terms of service and all that But I think you and I really have a legitimate case and cause here I think so who the fuck really wants another episode of the commercial break and if and if you're against it just like we are Then all you have to do is sign up to our our patreon or our go fund me if we collect just to our Patreon or our GoFundMe. If we collect just, let's not make it too crazy. If we could collect just $612, we'll take ourselves off the air. We'll call it a wash. Scratch. I'll take all 500.

Danielle Pletka I'll take all 500. Cheers to 500. If you haven't made it by 500, here's a little piece of advice. Forget about it. Just stop. That's why most people stop after, you know, five episodes, because they're like, the fuck am I doing with this? Never going to make any money with this stupid thing. Never, not a dime. I feel... Danielle Pletka We're rich in... Jared Ranere Spirit. Danielle Pletka Spirit and love and laughter. Jared Ranere Well, you know, that does count for something. Danielle Pletka It does.

Jared Ranere Unfortunately, the mortgage company won't take it, but you know, we'll figure it out. Hey, listen, Flavia, you hit the lottery, essentially. And so, when you get that money, if you could do us a favor and filter it down to some of us who are certainly Labergini's son, I'm certainly Labergini's son, she's certainly his daughter, we just haven't done the DNA testing yet. Y'all are in Naples, Italy, and we can't afford to go to Naples, Florida, let alone Naples, Italy. So, if you could do us a favor and just send us some money on the good faith that eventually the DNA will come in and everything will be fine, we'd certainly appreciate it. If you could do us a favor and just send us some money on the good faith that eventually with the DNA will come in

and everything will be fine, we'd certainly appreciate it. Cow killing bastard. All right. I think we hit upon it. I think we got the perfect solution here. And I don't know why somebody wouldn't just give us the money. I mean, I read about these people all the time you know

yeah oh I raised 150 million dollars for my company quote unquote I can't raise a dollar fifty for this fucking commercial break I just need a break I just need to be related to someone that has money you never know yeah you never know you never know I should do that 23 and me yeah. You never know. I should do that 23andMe. You should. Yeah. You did it. I should do it. I wonder what I would find out.

What revelatory information would come my way if I did 23andMe. You just never know. Yeah, but I get nervous about all the police forces and the CIA and everybody being able to access those databases. I don't want to be framed for some, you know, manslaughter case down the line. God. That's, seriously, that's what my brain starts thinking when I think about 23andMe, but you know, listen,

apparently a lot of people love it. So, okay, fine, do your thing, whatever you're gonna do. Not for me, it's okay, it's fine, everything's fine. Everything's fine. Everything's fine, Cheesecake Factory, everything's fine. I saw another picture of Kanye and Bianca going to Cheesecake Factory again. Another one? Twice! In like two weeks.

They like it. That's crazy. And apparently they get a whole section blocked off, of course they do. Unbelievable. I can't even get a table at Cheesecake Factory on a Friday night, let alone a section blocked off. Uh, Kanye. I'm Kanye's son. That's it. That's it. Kanye and Bianca's kid. All right. We want you to be on the show. We want you to come on the show live and talk with us. 212-433-3TCB. That's 1-212-433-3822. Text us, let us know you wanna be a part of the program.

We'll get back to you. Questions, comments, concerns, content ideas, we take it all at that phone number. Also, you can leave us a voicemail if you so choose. TCBpodcast.com, all the audio, all the video, more information about the show, and get your free Piggy Fronting sticker. Hit the contact us button, drop down menu,

I want my free sticker. Physical address, we'll send it off to you at the commercial break on Instagram, TCB podcast on Tik Tok and youtube.com slash the commercial break. All right, Chrissy, I guess that's all I can do for today. Thanks. I love you. I love you. Best to you. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I always say, we do say, and we must say, Goodbye! I gotta get some cocaine! Time to be crazy!