The Commercial Break - Girl Math Boy Math Gyoza Math!
Episode Date: November 1, 2023You've heard of girl math, you've heard of boy math, but have you heard of Gyoza Math? Bryan hadn't either... It’s not actually Halloween it’s November 1st lol Top costumes! Creed 3 came out this... year, Bryan Krissy’s a costume girlie! Clown hobo costumes of yore Should Bryan & Astrid go as Frankie & his girlfriend Do you go to the bathroom in the dark? Falling asleep on the po Yearbook signing Making out on the way home from six flags Bad Kisser Bryan The spooky balloons are back Do you tell someone they aren’t a great lover? Cheap assholes Gyoza math TW: disordered eating Ay, Bryan! LINKS: Send us show ideas, comments, questions or concerns by texting us at: 1.855.TCB.8383 Call 626.ASK.TCB3 and leave us a voicemail Speak to TCB LIVE by calling 775.TCB.LIVE (1.775.822.5483) Tuesday-Thursday 12pm-5pm EST Watch TCB on YouTube Creator: Bryan Green Co-Host: Bryan Green Co-Host: Krissy Hoadley Written By: Bryan Green Exec Producers: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley Content Production & Research: Tina Khano YouTube Producer & Editor: Morgan Please Producer & Audio Editor: Christina A. Executive Director: Astrid B. Associate Producer: Gustavo Episodic Contribution: Marianne, Diane, Natalie, Will The Champ, Will D**
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What you doing? I know what all this ass!
Double-cheeked up on a Thursday afternoon, hell of ass!
On this episode of the commercial break...
Hey, here's an idea. Let's order a whole nother plate of geosa!
We can go outside and tann' handle for the money.
What do you think?
I'll do a little strip around the restaurant to see if we can gather a few extra dollars.
I'll show my tits for another geos. What do you want me to do here, dude?
The next episode of the commercial break starts now
Yeah, Catherine gets welcome back to the commercial break on Ryan Green.
This is the director of Witchy Ways.
Kristen Joy, hold it.
Best of you, Kristen.
Best of you, Brian.
The best of you?
We're gonna do it for you, Salvo.
Happy Halloween!
Happy Halloween!
Happy Halloween.
It's Halloween when this episode will air.
We're recording it in March, but you know, it's...
Ha-ha-ha-ha. Ugh. I'm kidding, I'm kidding, it's Halloween time.
And it's Halloween day, so happy Halloween to you,
happy Halloween to everybody out there.
What are you gonna be?
You're gonna be something?
Got any big plans for the Halloween?
No, I think that, you know, this is the first year
we were using an apartment in the past.
So this year we got the house.
Oh, that's so cool.
And I got all decorated out.
Yeah.
Do you live in a neighborhood? Cause I'm been decorated out. Yeah. Do you live in a neighborhood?
Because I'm in your house yet.
Do you live in a neighborhood?
Yes.
Okay. So do you think there's a big kid?
Oh, that's awesome.
Yeah, we don't get it because we have the busy street out here.
Yeah.
So we don't get it.
We just get teenagers that eventually take all the candy
that I put out there with a little sign that says,
please take one and don't knock on the door
because of the goddamn dog.
That's great.
Because of blue.
That is true. Now I'm excited to hand out candy. Yeah, I like it. That's correct. That's a blue. That is true.
I'm excited.
I hand out candy.
Yeah.
I like it.
I enjoy it.
Yeah.
When I lived back downtown in the house, in both houses that you've now, I'll say seven of
my residences, but the ones that were not apartments, we always got trick or treaters
and I always really enjoyed it.
I like to open up the door and say hi to the kids and, you know, scaring the parents and
all that stuff. Hey, kid, you want a butt life? Hey, come back.
Come back. It's a little strong. Hand it out, little straws, clean straws for the kids around
town. Yeah, no, my sister, I think, you know, adults do get involved in this. You know,
my sister's neighborhood is a big huge neighborhood. Lots of families, lots of kids, and they've got a golf cart,
so they kinda just ride along drinking the paper
so the kids can't teach house.
I did notice we visited one of the neighborhoods around here
because we have the busy street
and it's not great for small children,
and since we have 40 of them,
I don't wanna put any of them in danger,
because I can't see all of them at one time.
So I'm like, let's go over to one of the neighborhoods.
And it's such a nice neighborhood and everyone's so nice and they all do Halloween.
It's like a neighborhood thing.
They all get together and do Halloween right.
And, but there is that one house.
There's always that one house that looks like the house should be good for Halloween
because it's naturally that way.
364 other days of the year.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Okay. I don't think same thing because there's a house down the year. Do you know what I'm saying? Okay.
I don't know the same thing,
because there's a house down the street for me too.
And I'm like, that's their season.
Yeah, it's coming up.
It's like the house from home alone.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, you're like, that's a scary house.
That should be the Halloween.
That should be the guy who does it up right.
Yeah, girl who does it up right.
Well, last year, there's a big sign
in the one fucking house in the neighborhood
because one guy's got to be an asshole, right?
And it says no trick or treating, right?
That's what it says.
It's a big sign, no trick or treating, stay off the lawn.
And there's a fucking guy sitting up there
on like a, I don't know what you got,
like a big old rocking chair,
rocking, drinking a cooler's light,
and smoking cigars, sitting up at the top porch.
And he's, it's like up a hill.
What an asshole.
What an asshole.
So wait, you want to watch everybody walk by your house,
but you want to be an asshole by putting a sign
in front of your yard.
And then the neighbors across the street
used to do this huge Halloween get up.
I mean huge haunted house, the whole nine yards.
People would come from miles around,
park all up and down the street.
And for one day of the year,
I decided not to be a prick and not complain about it.
I'm like, okay, park on there.
I even let some people park on my lawn one year.
And I'm like, yeah, whatever, go ahead.
You know, go do the thing.
Have the kids are having fun.
It's a great place to go.
And we had been there.
Well, one fucking neighbor complained about it.
And every year that one neighbor would literally put a rope around his lawn.
He would stick posts in the ground, put a rope around the lawn.
And it said, stay off the
grass, no trick or treating, or, you know, no Halloween allowed, or whatever.
Well he complained to the city.
He went to a city council meeting to complain about the traffic, the noise, the kids, the
neighbors are demented, the whole nine yards, and guess what?
The city council voted with him, and they busted him on a city ordinance, like, you know, too many kids at one time,
or some shit like that, too many kids at one time.
What the fuck is that?
Like a daycare.
Yeah, like a daycare.
Like a holiday care.
He had to have some license to, you know,
put out Halloween shit.
And I find that to be so fucked up.
You don't want to celebrate Halloween.
I guess it's not everybody's thing.
It's not my thing, really.
I don't like dressing up, it's not my thing.
But for one day a year, it's not about fucking me, right?
It's about the kids mainly until you get those, you know, older assholes who come to the door and they steal all your candy while you're gone.
And I got a ring doorbell and they don't even care. One year, a kid waved to the ring doorbell while he took it and then put all of it in his little.
That's pretty funny, actually. You know that a teenager is going to be an asshole when they have a pillow case as a costume.
Yes, you know that that's when, not as a costume, but as a bag.
Okay.
They don't have a Halloween basket or a bucket or something like that.
They bring a fucking pillow case.
Yeah.
It looks like they're about to beat somebody up in a jail cell.
You know what I'm saying?
Those are always the guys who take my candy. But whatever, okay, I bought the candy.
It's, I don't need it in the house.
So I just kind of let it go.
Because we only have one or two trick or treaters every year.
All sorts of.
And so I'm pretty sure it's the same teenager
who's been robbing me of candy every single year.
Is that catch him on the ring doorbell?
He does a big balls to actually, you know,
wave and stuff like that.
Now I've got to go get candy.
What are the top costumes this year?
Do we know?
Do we know the top costumes are?
No, I haven't.
Let's see here.
You want to learn?
Yeah.
Top Halloween costumes for 2023.
37 of the best pop culture,
Halloween costumes for 2023.
May not get through all of them.
Of course, who's number one?
Take a guess.
Trump? No, pop culture.
What?
I'm sure Trump is up there every year since 2015,
but that's for sure.
Looks like a pumpkin.
Taylor Swift.
Travis and Kelsey, if you're going to be a couple,
Beyonce, number two,
Oppenheimer and Einstein.
What kids are gonna dress up as Oppenheimer and Einstein?
No.
Well, take that back.
What kids are gonna dress up as Taylor Swift
and Travis Kelsey?
That's a little advance for their age, don't you think?
Tanya from White Lotus, oh, I think these are adults.
Let's see, succession.
Yeah, these are kids.
Yeah, these are kind of lame.
Ariel from the Little Mermaid, one of my daughters
is gonna be Ariel.
That's always a favorite.
Oh, Barbie for sure.
Barbie for sure, Loki.
Loki.
If you're into that thing.
Adonis from Creed III, didn't that come out 10 years ago?
Why are we still talking about that movie?
Let's Creed 3.
Creed 3, Creed is like the...
The band?
No, but that would be cool.
Come on, you'll turn me out, you're all.
We just talked about Creed.
We just talked about Creed.
Yes, we had a whole episode about Creed.
We're Brian did his best, Creed impression.
And I actually, they released some like footage
of them practicing or whatever.
It's gonna be terrible.
We should go to the show.
We should go to the show.
That and the Corey Feldman show.
It's on my top list for 2024.
And then let's see, let's read a couple of other ones.
Pink Lady from Greece.
I guess that's always a popular one.
Yeah. And then who else? One more, let's see here.
Yeah, I think.
Evelyn from everything, all at once, everywhere. Okay, that was a good movie.
That was a good movie.
And then Super Mario Brothers, which in other than some of my children are going to be
Super Mario Brothers too. Yeah, listen, I don't get the whole dressing up thing. I never
really have, I didn't even like this child.
I loved it. Ever since I was a kid, so dressing up thing. I never really have, I didn't even like this child.
I loved it ever since I was a kid, so I'm excited.
I get really just.
What did you dress up as a kid?
I know you're a dresser, Upper.
Yeah.
You'd like to put the costumes on.
I do.
And then play drums at the end of the night for the local cover.
I had a big bag of boas for years.
I need to get another boas.
Oh, really?
Yeah. You had a big bag of boas. Boas, need to get another boas. Oh, really? Yeah.
You had a big bag of boas.
Boas, feather boas.
But when you were a kid, what was like your favorite costume?
Well, one that stands out of memory, and I think I've mentioned this before, I was a magician.
Oh.
And I had like a sparkle top hat.
You did?
Yeah, and I wore, you know, like a black outfit.
With this nut, I was like, can't believe that my mom, I wear this.
She's. I'm afraid. that my mom let me wear that. She's
I'm afraid. But I had like a, I know I had like the magic stick.
Yeah. Oh, I have a magic stick too.
The want.
It's not always in one fashion, but yeah, I have a magic stick also.
So that was a good one from when I was younger. But then yeah, just all
throughout high school and colleges about the parties and things.
Yeah.
I was the Jasmine when you're from Aladdin.
All I remember is that, you know, Kevin and I were twins.
And so my mom likened herself Martha Stewart when it came to Halloween time and the costumes
and that she would get the patterns at the local,
at the local cloth store.
I think I'm right talking.
And then she would cut out the patterns
and she would make the costumes ourselves.
Well, one year I was Dracula
and she put like this blood capsule in my mouth
so it would drip down
and it just looks like I spilled the coolate
all over my face.
So I was supposed to be Dracula,
but I looked like Bozo the Clown
because now I just had this big red spot on my face.
And then she painted my, the rest of my face white
with dark circles around my eyes.
It was a terrible costume.
And I got made fun of horribly at school.
You know, when you're seven or eight,
I just remember the kids didn't like that one.
But the next year, my mom and her infinite wisdom
decided to dress me up as a hobo.
That's right, the hobo.
You're the hobo.
The guy who rides the train with the stick on his back.
Yeah, I'm saying. Like, he's got a little stick with a satchel
you know yeah I'm riding the train all day all day I'm riding the train all late I did do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do I could be interpreted a lot of different ways. And probably horribly insensitive,
but as my mom showed us on the last episode,
it was a different time and place back then.
But then no one in school understood what it was
because also when my mom's infinite wisdom,
she decided to dress me up like a hobo,
which is basically holes in my clothing
and this flannel shirt with overalls
and this whole line yards that she like weathered herself.
But the worst part was she dressed me up as a hobo
from the neck down, but from the neck up,
she painted me like a clown.
So I was a clown hobo.
So no one knew what I was.
They were all like, what are you a clown?
Or a hoe?
And I was like, no, my hobo, the hoe, what?
A homeless clown.
Yeah.
Oh, my no.
Excuse me, a de-housed cloud.
That's what I was.
I was a de-housed cloud.
And no one got it, no one understood.
And ever since then, I have disliked dressing up for Halloween.
I think so why?
Yeah, it was like more to find.
I got made fun of 10 years in a row.
And it's just, so I, as an adult,
I just don't enjoy the process of dressing up
and I don't like wearing costumes.
It's not my thing, but I understand
that just because it's not my thing,
doesn't mean that everybody else has the suffer.
I'm not gonna sit on my front porch,
smoking a cigar, drinking a butt-like, telling children,
go away!
No, no, no, I want to play like spooky music,
and I've got this thing that's gonna, you know,
a ghoul, that's just gonna cackle out from the yard.
But, and exactly, I've got the tombstones, little lanterns.
I've got a skeleton.
I've got the hand from the Adam's family.
Oh, it's gonna walk around, yeah.
I wish it was.
Well, somebody last year at one of the houses
had one that was walking across the floor.
I've already decided, I told Jeff ahead of time.
I'm like, right after Halloween, when the sales are,
I'm going all out by buying a bunch of stuff for next year.
And let me tell you something.
Because it was kind of last minute this year.
After Halloween, at one of those hobby places,
I'm not going to mention their name
because I don't care for them.
But at one of those hobby places,
you know what I'm talking about,
is the day to go get Christmas stuff
because the day after Halloween for like 10 days
they have these like really great sales.
Now Christmas, Christmas is something I can get into.
Oh yeah, I can't wait to decorate for Christmas too.
Oh my God, it's gonna be so exciting.
Good for you.
Having a house is so much different
than having an apartment.
It really is.
And living in an apartment, it's so much different.
There's so much more bullshit that you have to worry about.
And I understand that in a lot of places,
like just living in a house isn't a possible thing.
You got to live in an apartment.
But living in a house on days like Halloween,
it's just a whole different experience, right?
I'm so excited.
I can't wait.
But when I lived at the apartment,
I did have some trick or treaters too.
Yeah, we didn't really. ours was more, you know, an adult apartment complex.
Yeah.
Then really bring the kids there.
But I would try and do a little decor.
Thonger olden show up to.
Thonger old, might have been around.
She was probably out at the pool party.
I know.
Of course, when I was single and living in an apartment, when people knocked on my door,
I hid in the corner.
I'll have your rent tomorrow
Or it was the drunk kids looking for Uncle Brian looking for Uncle Brian. Yeah, they were drunk kids
That's what they were I mean compared to my age they were drunk kids
Well, good. I hope you have a really nice Halloween you guys aren't doing anything guys are going to any parties or anything like that
I've been going so hard for the past couple of months. Yeah, that's true.
It's excited to chill out, nest in,
and enjoy our house,
because we've only been there for three, four months.
I just, congratulations.
I think that's just so awesome
that you guys have a house.
And I want to come trick or treating at your house.
Please, look down.
I do want to come trick or treating at your house,
crazy only, it's me.
And Lee Fonda, what do you wear to the front door?
Does it or does it not include pasties because everything includes
Wow sweet a free show
Titor treat you know what you what you know what you even asked should ask us as
You know what you even asked, asked what should dress up as is Frankie B.
And the girl he had on yesterday.
Oh yeah.
Well, like Astrid and I,
maybe I just dress up like Frankie B
and she can just be my young hot wife.
So Astrid can dress up as Astrid
and I'll dress up as Frankie B.
What a fan.
You could probably get like an Elvis wig
or something that you could mold into his hair.
Oh my God, Chrissy wouldn't be hard to find a wig to fit that. I mean, that's already a wig.
I just have to ask him to borrow it.
Oh my god.
Frankie's follicles.
Frankie's follicles.
Okay, let's take a quick break here on the commercial break and we'll be right back.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Brian, we get it.
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Okay, we're back for break.
Chrissy, let me ask you a question.
Do you pee or poop in the dark?
Wait, hold on, hold on.
Before I answer that, I just wanted to go back to Halloween for one minute.
Okay, go.
Because I thought about you.
Oh, you did?
And I almost got it, but I didn't.
But I think I'm going to get it for next year and that is the smoke machine.
Oh my God, do I want a fog machine?
Did you find this fog machine?
Yeah, it's all over. Chrissy, if we could want a fog machine? Did you find this fog machine?
Yeah, it's all over.
I'm not a fog machine in here.
And I could press that every once in a while.
I was like, I wanted to just get it rebrized.
Yes, unlike the balloons that are showing up randomly
on our feed, we can then put smoke in it.
I just want a smoke machine.
And if we ever do a live show, it's
going to include many, many smoke machines.
So if you have allergies or, yeah,
curtains and smoke machines. When the curtains open, yeah, we're here. But just like the podcast, you can't see
us. We like it that way. We like it when we can't see you. That's better that way. We're
funnier when you can't see it. Who has a question? Oh, just somebody else have been out.
We can't see you. Oh, I'm sorry, I can't hear you because the microphone's not plugged in
because we don't want to hear you either.
We're funnier when we're just by ourselves.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
It's the fog machine.
Do you pee or do you not fog machine?
Do you pee or poop in the dark?
Yes.
You do.
Oh, okay, this is a very interesting thing
I'm finding out about you.
Mm-hmm.
And why do you pee or poop in the dark?
We're not normally, like, my normal thing,
but if it's in the middle of the night,
I'll necessarily like-
You fumble around and just sit on the pot
and do your thing and then come back.
Yeah, I have started this habit in the last couple of years,
like, especially late at night,
I feel like turning on the light
resets some clock in my head
and it's me more awake.
So, and obviously, when you just light,
you get to your circadian rhythm
or whatever gets all fucked up. And so, I have started to pee in the dark. Yeah, I mean, it's not
a, what I don't go into the bathroom and turn off the light. It's not like it's not going to have to do,
but if it's already dark, it's already dark. Just sit there and do it. Yeah, I mean, what's the difference?
sit there and do it. Yeah, I mean, what's the difference?
So, and sometimes, sometimes, when I'm really, really extra tired, because here's what happens.
When you're a guy and you go into the dark and you go to pee, you end up with a big mess
you've got to clean up the next morning when you can see everything, right?
You're just pissing all over the fucking place.
And so now I have, you know.
The one time, be it a woman, peeing comes and handy.
Yes.
Because you don't get it in my mind.
You sit, right?
So sometimes at night I sit because I don't want to have to clean up my own piss in the
morning.
Right.
And also I got, you know, male children who also pee sh all over the place.
Now I understand my dad's fucking absolute frustration when we were kids.
Oh my god, I can only imagine horrible way.
Oh my god, I can only imagine horrible way.
It's as if it, and now I, and I realize that I was just like this too. It's as if it's a contest to see how much p you can get outside the toilet
until it absolutely drives your parents crazy.
Because one of my sons, he, it's, he just like flings his dick around,
just like swinging piss all over the place.
He thinks it's fun. He's like, look, dad, and I'm like, look son,
I'm gonna teach you how to use a fucking mop. Stop that.
So now sometime, but I realize also that it's not just a problem that afflicts children. It's a problem that afflicts the development too.
So because it's hard to aim in the dark.
You don't know where you're looking.
You don't know what you're doing.
So on occasion, if it's dark and I decide to choose, I choose to leave the light on,
I'll sit down and I'll pitch also.
So the other night, my son is in, one of my kids is in the bed with me
and we've been asleep for a couple of hours.
I wake up, I gotta pitch,
because my prostate is the size of a softball
and I go in and I sit down.
And when I sit down, I fall asleep.
I fell asleep on the toilet.
On the toilet, yes.
Alla, Elvis?
Yeah, alla.
Didn't happen to Elvis.
Yeah, but he died on the toilet.
Yeah, okay.
I'm still here, I think.
And then all of a sudden I hear daddy.
Huh?
Hey dad.
Hey, what's going on?
And I didn't realize where it was.
Yeah, it was.
I don't know.
I don't know, you've been gone for a really long time.
Are you okay?
Yeah, I think so.
I'm just taking, I'm just going pee.
You're sitting. Are you pooping? No.
No, I'm just peeing.
Why are you sitting?
Because I want to.
But only girls sit. Why are you sitting when you pee, Daddy?
This is weird.
And I'm like, son, it's okay. I just was peeing.
I got, you know, so I start standing up and then my son,
because he's, he doesn't know what's going on. He decides to turn on all the lights. I got you know, so I start standing up and then my son because he's he doesn't know what's going on
He decides to turn on all the lights in both you know, there's four lights in our bathroom
He decides to turn them all on and I'm like no, no, no, no, no turn them off
Why daddy you have to pee don't you have to stand up to pee? I'm like no, I don't I can sit down
No, it's probably not advised at this age
Well if you're sitting down Can I sit down with my feet? No, it's probably not advised at this age. Well, if you're sitting down like, can I sit down? I gotta go pee, pee now too. Oh my God,
please son. So he sits, right? And then he's just sitting there waggling his feet.
You know that whole number that the kids do? They're waggling their feet. You know,
we have a squatty body, but he doesn't push it. So he doesn't stand on it. So he's just
waggling his feet. And I'm like like, hey buddy are are we done now?
Now all the lights in the fucking house are on everybody's awake the dog is right, you know running around the circles looking for a treat
And he's like no
I'm just gonna pee here for a minute and I'm like good buddy. Are you done?
Because I can't hear any more pee coming up. Yeah, I think I'm done, but I might have to poop too
Do you really have to poop?
Daddy, can we watch your phone?
No, we can't watch your phone. You gotta get up off the toilet.
Do I wipe my penis?
Okay, go ahead, wipe your penis.
Daddy, can you hand me a cloth so I can wipe my penis?
No, use the toilet paper.
I don't like the toilet paper.
Just use the toilet paper to wipe your penis if you gotta wipe your penis.
I don't want to wipe my penis anymore, but I think I have to go poopy.
Can I stand here for a minute? Sure,. Can I stand up and poop is that possible?
No you can not unless you're in the woods. But daddy, can we plant hand like we're in the woods
so I can stand up and poop? No you can't. Daddy. Yes son. I'm thirsty. Oh my god.
I think I'm sick. Can I have some medicine?
No, you can't.
My son is now taking to asking for medicine directly.
He's like, daddy, I'm sick.
Oh.
Really, what's going on?
What, how are you feeling?
I don't know, but I'm sick.
Okay, well, you don't need any medicine.
But I do need medicine because I'm sick.
You don't need medicine.
Can I have some Advil?
It tastes really delicious.
No, you can't have Advil.
Where did you learn that name? I read it on the bottle. Okay, son, you're not sick. You
don't need Advil. Can you please do me a favor? Finish your shitting and let's get on with
life. I have to pee again. No, you don't. This went on for like 30 minutes,
courtesy of this whole number. When you get the kids up in the middle of the night, they
never go back to fucking sleep.
That's it.
That's why the old term, the old phraseology,
never wake a sleeping baby,
really should be never wake a sleeping anybody.
Just don't wake anybody that's sleeping.
I hate it.
I hate it.
But I have become a fan of peeing in the dark.
I just, I don't know why.
It's just one of my things.
Another experience. Well, I figure if I'm getting older, you know, I'm afforded a few liberties, like peeing in the dark. I just I don't know why it's just one of my thanks. Another experience. Well, I figure if I'm getting older, you know, I'm afforded a few liberties like
peeing in the dark and working in the dark. Yeah, you can do a lot of things in the dark. Oh,
hey, listen, don't you know it. I was reading this article and I think it was, I can't remember the
name of the actor, but it was an actor, actor in his, his famous actor
and his wife were going through the basement of their house and she found a bunch of old trophies
that he had kept as a child, right? And she was going through and she kind of started this debate
on Instagram in the comments section about whether or not you should keep trophies from your childhood.
And I think this goes along the same route
as the high school class ring.
There is no inherent value in those trophies,
and they're just taking up fucking space.
And like anyone cared that you were,
you know, the player of the game in,
you know, T-ball baseball in 1986.
No one gives a shit.
Right.
So I don't know why we would keep these.
I had some of these momentos and like, you know, things.
I did too.
I just threw them away.
My dad keeps a few of them, but I threw them away.
I threw them away too recently.
I don't find any value in it.
No.
I barely find value in my high school yearbook.
Other than my high school yearbook,
I'm in exactly three pictures in the entire yearbook.
It's 412 pages long, and I'm in exactly three pictures.
But one of the pictures I'm standing
behind somebody. So all you can see is my hair. That's why you can't see it just my head. But they
named me, which I thought was pretty cool for 1992. Someone actually identified the back of my head
in this. But I just don't find any inherent value in these. It's just nostalgia. It's nostalgia.
It's junk. It's crap. You don't need it.
I have my high school yearbooks too. I enjoyed recently looking through them. And while
the sit, you know, when you, it was a big deal to write in each other's yearbooks. Oh, yeah.
You know, see you next summer or see you next year. Have a great summer. See you next summer.
You meant so much to me this year. Thanks for taking my opportunity. Yeah, exactly. That's a type of thing. I would have rather done my first bump with anybody,
but you.
That day we did acid.
It was so much fun.
Thanks for getting me arrested.
I'll never forget.
The old yearbook.
Oh yeah, the old writing in the yearbook might be,
do you still have a yearbook?
Yeah, you do. You should bring it in. Let's read some of those old comments. I would love to hear some of the old writing in the yearbook might be do you still have a yearbook? Yeah you do.
You should bring it in let's read some of this old comments. I would love to hear some of the old comments
about you. Oh god you should see some of them. I don't think I got any of my yearbook is not
signed by anybody and I don't know maybe I got kicked out of school or something and wasn't there
that day. I have a bunch of messages. Oh you do? Guys and girls. Yeah. Yeah. If you were in high school, and I'm sure this happened to a few of us, I know what happened
to me, when you were in high school and you got that your book back, did you ask like people
that you had dated or, you know, like someone that you had previously had an interlude with
to ask them also to sign it? Yeah, of course, and my best friends, and I even had, I noticed, I had sections for people.
Oh, you did?
This is for Catherine.
This is for Ginger, whoever.
Oh, really?
Oh, that's, you'll see when you see it.
I'll bring them in.
Sounds all very organized.
I don't remember, I just remember walking down the hallway
and asking someone to sign it.
Even people I didn't know, you sign my ear bug
just so I looked cool.
I didn't want to be the guy without any signatures,
but I am the guy without any signatures.
That's what's crazy, they get.
But here's what I do remember about,
and that's my junior yearbook,
but in my freshman yearbook,
in between eighth grade and freshman year,
there were a number of us that were going to the same school.
We were transitioning from the grade school
to the high school.
So a number of us were, we went to private school,
private Catholic school.
So we, there are two private Catholic schools here
in Atlanta, big ones.
And so some people were going to one,
some people were going to the other.
A bunch of us that were gonna go to the school,
I went to, we all piled into a car
toward the end of the summer.
And remember that guy that I was telling you about,
the guy who would drive us everywhere,
whose car we egg'd that one time.
Oh, right, yeah, I know. car we egg'd that one time. Oh, right.
Yeah, I know.
So before all of that drama, he was, he drove us to six flags for like a night at six
flags.
So we got there and they had to meet.
Yeah, no, what was the middle of the summer?
Oh, summer.
So I think it was Friday.
I think it was just like one of the last days of summer.
But I never forget it.
So we're there and there's this girl and, you know, this girl has just been a classmate
of mine the entire time. never thought anything of her.
She was just like a friend, like a friendly girl.
We get it.
The guy comes to pick us up from six flags, and he has this Mitchy BC van, this like three
bench passenger van.
That silver?
Yeah, kind of.
Yeah, you know what I'm talking about.
Yeah, those old Mitchy BC vans, they've slid open, there's three benches.
You know, it's basically a bus You know those old Michibishi vans, like slid open, there's three benches, you know,
it's basically a bus, but a much shittier version.
I think the, and there was no hood on the car,
you know what I'm saying?
The engine was underneath you.
Yes.
So basically a blow up waiting to happen.
Yeah, a driving bomb.
Yes, basically.
So he picks us all up.
We'd now been at this six flags all day long,
and this girl was with us and let's call her
Katie, you know, let's say her name is Katie. So Katie and six of us seven of us were all there. This guy comes to pick us up
Katie and I get on the back bench and
All the sudden she like leans over and then we're making out
Everybody is making out. Yeah, Katie got aggressive.
And I think, I think maybe basically she just wanted
to get it out of the way before she went to high school.
You know what I'm saying?
One last chance.
Brian's an idiot.
Let's practice.
Practice.
For the real thing happens.
Brian probably hasn't kissed anybody either.
Let's get to it.
So now we're making out in the back of the car.
Six other people watching us make out in the back,
including an adult, right?
And everyone's like, woo!
All right, you get it.
And so we make out the entire ride home,
which is like 30 minutes,
and I am just so excited about this.
I had never thought about this role in this way.
Yeah, I'm getting out of town.
I'm getting out of town.
I'm about to go to high school,
and now I gotta make out session under my belt
in front of a bunch of people.
I'm like a porn star.
I'm a real live porn star.
So we go to school and this girl,
we kind of never talk in any kind of serious way again.
We're just again classmates and you know,
we say how do we each other in the hallway
or whatever, nothing comes of this at all,
which befuddles me a little bit,
but it's high school and I got lots of other things to pay attention to, right?
Like drugs and other women and older girls and all this.
Right, it's a whole new world.
So the end of the year comes and the yearbook comes out
and I'm walking down the hallway and I see Katie
and I'm like, okay, let me, you know,
have her sign my yearbook.
I think it's the right thing to do.
We had a good make-out session.
Maybe we'll have another make-out session this summer, right? I'm hoping to
rekindle some of that make out energy that we had. And she put in my earbook. This is this is what
she put. She put Hey, Brian, you're the worst kisser I said the entire high school. I love Katie.
And then she was like, JK, right? JK. But you didn't have to actually spell it out on the
yearbook. You could have just not said anything whatsoever about the
kiss. You know what I'm saying? Like, Hey, Brian, great year can't wait to
hang out with you more. No, she put, you're the worst kisser in this
school. And I was like, that's fucked up. That's fucked up.
Yeah. So a couple of months go by,
summer I'm hanging out with one of KB's friends,
and I mentioned this because it was hurtful.
Even though the JK was there, it was hurtful.
It's like one of those, just kidding.
Oh, you're ugly, just kidding.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're so fat.
Just kidding.
You're just big-boned.
You're just big-boned.
I was so hurt by this that I couldn't help it.
My bruise ego couldn't help but mention it to anybody who would mention the word making
out her kissing.
I had to tell them this story like I am now.
I'm still rude.
Stop feeling upset about this Katie.
It was real name is not Katie, but you know I'm talking about.
So I say to one of her friends, I go, you know, it's like I'm gonna have a fucked up thing.
She put in my yearbook and you know, this whole thing about the bad kisser.
And she was, and this is what the girl says to me.
She goes, oh yeah, she's been saying that all year.
And I was like, she's been saying that all year.
And she's like, yeah,
she says it all the girls and out of that.
And I was like, why did she say that?
And she goes, she's really upset,
I think she's really upset that it never happened again.
And I'm like, it never happened again
because the girl never talked to me again.
Like she never said anything about it.
She never called my phone and my home phone
and asked my mom to talk to me.
She never approached me.
She never said anything.
She was waiting for you to make the next move.
Yeah.
And then so.
You didn't pursue.
I didn't go for second base.
No, I didn't.
It was a, I didn't go for second base
because it was a,
You had no follow up. No follow up. But, however, what I mean, I was available. I was around.
She could have said something. You know what I'm saying? She was waiting for you to call her.
Well, then you never did. It was 15. And then you were the guy that kissed and
kissed and ran. I go sit on her, kissed and ran, tunged and ran.
Kiston ran. I go sit on a Kiston ran. Tunged in ran.
Don't French in run.
You're still that age where you're scared of pussy, Brian.
I'm just starting that age where I'm scared of pussy, Paul.
Never happened again. So fast forward,
in some period of time later,
and there's another friend that I'm talking to I'm repeating this story now. I'm telling her years later is this no
We're talking this is like this summer after she had signed a yearbook, right?
And I'm talking to like another
Person that she's friends with and I'm like I can't believe this and then you know this girl said that it was because she was hurt
And she's like no, no, no, I don't think it has anything to do with her I don't think she really thought you were a good kisser and I'm like, I can't believe this. And then, you know, this girl said that it was because she was hurt. And she's like, no, no, no, I don't think it has anything to do with her.
I don't think she really thought you were a good kisser.
And I'm like, you mother fuckers.
There's everybody so heartful around here.
I'm still bruised over this.
I can't believe.
Meanwhile, you keep reminding everybody about the story.
Exactly.
You should have just started making out more so that the other girls could tell the other
girls that you were actually a good kisser.
Well, I did.
That's when I started racking up the body count.
Okay.
I couldn't, I was thinking about this
when I looked at my yearbook the other day
because I saw her picture
and I was like.
So the memory's flooded back.
Yeah, what a bruised little fucknut I was.
Just running around telling everybody
that she had upset me in this manner.
So transparently insecure. I mean, I'm 15, of course, I'm insecure.
But so transparently insecure, I couldn't get over it. I had to learn how to kiss better.
And how does she know I'm the worst kisser in high school? That's what I want to know.
Tady, I want my worst kisser in school. How do you know that?
She was, it was just like one of these random flings
that turned into this, ordeal in my head.
And I kept making it a big ordeal
because I kept telling everybody about it.
It felt like they had had better help.
Dot com back then.
Oh.
Did you ever have anybody tell you,
you were like a bad kisser, bad lover.
No. No. What would ever have anybody tell you you were like a bad kisser bad lover? No, no
What do you fucking do to you?
Thanks for making me feel better. I thought you were gonna be like yeah
You know long the way
Along the way you know you fumble here and there and but, you know, you're oh my gosh.
The balloons.
The balloons.
The balloons are back.
It happened over there and happened on that camera now.
Why didn't the good fuck is going on in this town?
That's my camera.
You just did it over there.
No way.
I just did a noise thing.
Hold on one second.
Surprise.
Okay, surprise.
No, no balloons! Okay, surprise.
No, no balloons. Okay, so to explain to you what's going on,
and if you were listening to the last episode,
you probably heard this also,
because it completely reigned.
We're being haunted.
We're being haunted.
We have new cameras in the studio,
and then we use a program called OBS
to record those cameras, those camera angles.
And for the last two episodes,
Chrissy and I are seeing random,
like as if you were sent a happy birthday text message to somebody and the balloons came
on your screen. Yeah, and sent with balloons. It's happening, but it's happening on our
camera angles, brand new cameras wired to only one computer, no connection whatsoever to the
internet. And you're also getting a thumbs up. Yeah,, we're gonna come up. It's just very random too.
Chrissy, I wonder what's it goes to the machine?
It's a haunting.
Maybe it's Katie sending me,
that's sending me balloons.
Sorry, I offended.
Sorry, I broke your ego for 32 years.
I apologize about that.
But back to the conversation,
is the appropriate thing when someone says,
you know, when someone asks you what kind of lover they are, is it the appropriate thing when someone says,
you know, when someone asks you what kind of lover they are,
is it the appropriate thing?
And I think of course it is to say,
oh no, you're a super great lover.
Like you can offend somebody in that manner, right?
Yeah, no.
So why did Katie?
Ah.
Ah.
Well, I mean, I know.
You're still hurt about this.
Chrissy, I'm way but hurt you're still hurt about this.
Chrissy, I'm way but hurt about it.
But you really want to get into.
It brings up all the old relationships.
I mean, hopefully you're, if you're in a long term,
committed relationship, you will be telling each other
what is good and what is bad and what's, you know.
Yeah, I only had, I've only had besides
that particular experience, which who knows?
And by the way, I was a stupid high school experience.
I'm not heard about it anymore.
I tend to think that, I tend to think that she was, she was being proactive and telling
everybody that because she was hurt that you didn't pursue her.
That's right, she's on the P, she was on the PR front.
She was doing the Donald Trump thing, offense, not defense, you know what I'm saying?
But I've only had one other person
in my, at least in my intimate history,
tell me that I was not so good in bed.
And I, it was the same woman.
I told this story a long time ago.
I was dating, I got involved with a woman
who lived in New York.
She came down to visit me one time,
without much notice. Showed up at my apartment while I was working because I let lived in New York. She came down to visit me one time without much notice,
showed up at my apartment while I was working because I let her in the door. And the second that I
walked in the door, she's like, I want to masturbate with you. And I was like, oh, okay, great.
Get in the bed. We'll do it. And she's like, no, no, I want to watch you masturbate. And you can watch
me masturbate. By the way, not Nari, a hello was said before she said this.
So you can imagine.
Wow.
We haven't seen each other in a long time
because we started dating when she was living in New York.
She comes to my house, she wants to masturbate immediately,
but not masturbate each other.
They want us to masturbate ourselves
and then they come and she can watch and I can watch.
Right?
It was, I was weird.
She had a fantasy.
She had a fantasy.
And she was the same person who told me I wasn't so
Maybe that's why she wanted to watch me master. Let's not actually have sex. Let's not actually have a lot of sex
Let's just push her on self. Let's skip the part where you desperately try to give me an organism without a clue and
Then let's just make sure we could get off on our own
And then we'll you know sure we could get off on our own.
And then we'll go from there.
But I also thought that to be highly rude
because when someone asks you how they are in bed,
you say fantastic, best love or ever hat.
That's the appropriate thing to say.
Yeah.
Maybe not best love or ever hat.
Yeah, you don't have to go that far back.
You're one of the best lovers on a trip.
This is true, yeah.
Or you're in the top 50. I was saying, last night was amazing.
You're in the top 200 at least.
I'm only subplot 50 people,
but you're in the top 200, no doubt.
That would be the appropriate message to send to somebody.
I didn't ask her if I was a good embed.
She told me I wasn't so fantastic in bed.
How did she bring it up?
She was always talking about sex, always.
She was highly sexualized.
And that was fine, right?
Cause I'm highly sexualized too,
but it was so aggressive sometimes,
that maybe I was just plain intimidated
by the aggressiveness of this.
It wasn't something that I was used to, right?
But I rolled with the punches.
I mean, were you talking on the phone,
or was it in person?
Yeah, it was in person.
Oh.
Over dinner.
We were on a walk, actually.
We were on a walk, she gave me a 25 page letter,
she had read the stars or something,
and she, I think you know how I'm talking about it off air.
But she gave me this box, she had bought it,
one of those, you know, Hooby-Juby hippie stores,
you know what I'm talking about, it was like a box made of some it one of those you know, who be Juby hippie stores, you know what I'm talking about
is like a box made of some special wood from.
I had ruined juice on it.
Yeah, it had something, moon juice.
I had moon juice.
Yes, it had moon cycle juice in it.
And then it was a 22 page letter of which I read six pages.
And that's a long letter.
We were walking around and I was just sharing with her
that I, you know, it was gonna be difficult,
I thought, to continue the relationship
when she was living in New York,
which was my way of backing out of the relationship.
I was like soft peddling my way out of the relationship.
Yeah.
And somehow, some way we got to talking about, you know, sex,
and she was like, well, you know,
we can all use a little practice here and there.
Like, we could all use a little direction here and there. Like, we could all use a little direction here and there.
She's like, like, I think you're perfectly fine and bad,
but, you know, it's not like the best sex I've ever had,
and I feel like you could, I could give you a little direction
and make it better.
And I was like, oh my God, really?
Are we really having this conversation right now?
You just wrote me a 22 page letter.
Is that information also in the letter?
Are you also telling me I'm a bad lover in the letter are you also telling me I'm
a bad lover in the letter I'm not saying I'm like some you know don one parahon like
I'm not thinking that I'm the best lover that ever hit the earth as evidence by I think
that's subjective to I honestly do it very subjective as to who is the best lover there's
I mean there's no best lover no there's no best lover because it's who's the best lover. There's, I mean, there's no best lover. No, there's no best lover because it's who's the best lover for you.
It's the best lover for you. And, you know, not all of us, as Chrissy and I have described
on the show before, have the strength, the will, or the experience to throw someone up
against the shower wall and bang them till their head is silly. Like it's just some,
that's why you need the Walker. That's why you need the walker. That's why you need the walker. Come on over here.
Get on the medic.
That's why people in this, it's a living room.
So much sex, they can get them to this position.
That's right.
As long as you don't break something.
I feel like one of those recline chairs that sits all the way up.
Yeah, you've got all the bells and whistles.
That's it.
You put your beds, can go up and down, walkers, you've got stuff to do in the bath, you've
got handles.
You've got handles in the bathroom.
You have one of those fancy walk-in baths and you can just like, you know, put them on
the, put them on that chair that sits in there.
That's right.
I imagine you just put a young lady on the walker and then you sit yourself down and you recliner and you press up
Yeah, and then you press down and then you press up. Oh, and then you press down. Yeah
Seems like there's not a bad idea now that I think about it to get a few, you know, hey listen elderly
AIDS but use them in a new way put a judge Judy on and have yourself a ball
My mom, oh my god, that's three. She told the other day about Irving and his in his
Diverse god, I've got a surprise for you. I'm wearing a diaper. I got a surprise for you Vicky
I don't find the best parents
Nickers I've ever worn.
Unfortunately, they're full.
Can you change it?
No, I was not expecting her to say that.
Oh my God.
I was not expecting her to even talk about her intimate face.
No, your face was going red.
Oh my God.
Chrissy.
It was pretty embarrassing.
I was mortified, totally mortified.
That my mom would bring that up on the commercial break.
All right, we're going to take a short break,
because we'll be right back.
Okay, podcast besties, time for one more quick break,
and then it's back to the drama.
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Alright, Anne, we're back.
I had a situation the other day, and I wrote it down.
This was actually, I had a couple months ago, but I had a situation.
I thought I'd get your advice on it.
Okay.
So I went to a dinner with friends and colleagues.
Let's call it friends and colleagues.
There was four of us at the dinner.
And it wasn't necessarily a business dinner, so it wasn't necessarily something
one of us was going to pay for all together, right? So we sit down, order a couple of appetizers.
One of those appetizers is particularly delicious. And maybe there were four or five pieces of
that appetizer. It was like one of those guilloza. You know what I'm saying?
You know where I'm going with this?
Okay.
So I had two of the five guilloza.
You already know where this is headed.
Everyone already knows where this is headed.
I don't even need to tell the rest of the story.
So this cheap asshole at the end of the meal,
it starts dividing this appetizer.
I didn't think it was going to go that far.
I thought somebody else was going to be mad that you had to, but.
Well, no, I guess he was mad that I had to because he wanted me to pay for both of them.
Yes.
He divided that up individually.
Chrissy.
Oh my God.
I am not even kidding you.
The guy starts carrying things.
You just split it four ways.
That's it, you split it four ways, which is what I told the waiter when he came.
He comes and he says one checker or you guys want separate checks.
And I said, why don't you just put it on one check and we'll divide it four ways, right?
Yeah, four cards.
And then the guy that's sitting next to me is like, yeah, I can do a little calculation
and figure it out.
And I said, yeah, I think they have a, I think it's 2023.
I'm pretty sure they have a program that will divide this
in half for us, you know what I'm saying?
I don't think we have to worry about the tough math.
24 divided by four, we each owe $6.
And so, we're at a place where the appetizer cannot cost
more than $7.
I mean, I don't remember the exact price was,
but it's not expensive.
And so the check comes, and everybody throws their credit card
down and this guy grabs the check,
grabs his calculator off his phone
and starts dividing the amount of food,
the amount of appetizers we have all eight.
And he's like, Brian, I think you had two of those,
Gios, didn't you?
And I'm like,
I might as well have all the Gios, you owe me to pay for all the Gios. I know, I know, I might as well have all the gills.
You owe me to pay for all the gills.
I know.
Give me that.
Yeah.
If you want me to spring, 79 cents for your fucking gills,
I'll be happy to do so.
You goddamn cheap asshole.
I think you had to.
But he said, what did you say?
I go, I don't remember.
I was so like offended.
I got instantaneously defensive.
And I'm usually a pretty cool cucumber, right?
But I was like, I don't remember.
Yeah.
I might have had three, I think is what I said.
Yeah.
And I go, no, no, it's okay.
But I'll pay for the geoza, right?
I got it.
Don't worry about it.
I'll pay for the fucking geoza
Oh my god
That's why I had to they're delicious. I'm a picky eater something came to the table that I liked
I want to have another one is that okay with everybody? Hey, here's an idea. Let's order a whole another plate of geoza
We can go outside and panhandle for the money. What do you think?
I'll do a little strip around the restaurant
to see if we can gather a few extra dollars.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
I'll show my tits for another geos.
What do you want me to do here, dude?
Thank you, I do.
I think you had two.
And then how did he work that out?
Like, hey, you owe this.
You've been this $5.
$8, right?
Let's call it $5 divided by five.
Brian had two, he owed two dollars in the rest of us, oh, one.
He had the extra guosa.
Did you have the extra guosa?
What's that you?
Did you have that?
It's not like he had an extra steak.
I didn't take home a PM double you
Steam dumplings
One one more steam it's not like
Is that like I asked you to divide our Disney World vacation?
you for
Four ways what are you paying an extra at 76 cents for my extra geosa?
Are you really that upset do we really have to do this here? Wow? What are you paying an extra at 76 cents for my extra Gioza?
Are you really that upset? Do we really have to do this here?
Wow.
Chrissy, I was just more than I insensed.
What did everybody else say?
Everybody, of course everybody else
like a pump on the log because now they're agreeing
they're like, well you did have to.
I couldn't use that dollar.
Ha ha ha.
Oh, that's ridiculous. Times are tough. Well, I think you use that dollar. Oh, that's ridiculous.
Dimes are tough.
Well, I think you did have to, and you run.
No one's backing me up here.
Oh my God.
So finally, I was like, yeah, I would have been like, just forget it.
I'll pay for all of them.
That's what I did.
I said forget it.
I'm paying for the meal.
Congratulations.
Yeah.
And he's like, he's like, no, no, no, you don't have to do that.
Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, I do when you just act,
you just try to divide up a geosa plate.
Oh, I don't have to pay for all of it.
You're so fucking cheap that you want me to pay an extra 79 cents
for a goddamn geosa.
And you're not happy to take me paying for your meal.
Is that what I'm getting here?
Is that what I'm picking up?
Because you could have just said at the beginning, guys, I'm a cheap asshole. Can you pay for my meal? And I would have been
happier with that. Yeah, or let's all get our own food. I should have said split it four ways
and put the gyoza on mine. I'll take the gyoza. Imagine telling the waiter that I had two gyoza out
of the five. He also took one of my French fries off my plate.
Can we figure out how that works out?
I asked for extra ketchup.
You put it on his plate.
Can you charge him for that?
The fuck?
Come on, dude.
And he's got to listen to this.
And I know he is.
And dude, that was totally the wrong thing to do.
It was totally of the wrong thing to do.
That was cheap.
It was wrong. It was wrong to call it out like that. You should have just split it
four ways. Like every other fucking human being in the world. And or you yeah you should have
just gotten split, split sees on the four ways. Yes. If everybody got around the same thing,
I don't know if you guys had a meal as well like dinner. Yeah. Everybody had something different.
Everybody had burgers. It was just like a burger kind of place. Okay. Well
Burger and Dio does
Go now
Okay, well also too if you know
You're the kind of person who is watching their money then just say I'll
I'm gonna order and put you know before myself. Yeah, you should you should have ordered me to that at the beginning That's right. I'm on my I like to do my own check Yeah, you say that from the beginning you should. For my own check. You should have ordered me to that at the beginning. That's right. I'm on my, I like to do my own
check. Yeah, you say that from the beginning.
I'm on my own check. I'm on my own check.
And if I want to advertise or I'll pay for my own
app, and if I'm gracious enough to give
Brian an extra Geoza, we could throw it on his check.
The fuck, dude.
But I mean, am I wrong about it? Right in if I'm
wrong about this, but I don't think I'm wrong about
this. It's not about whether or not I actually owe the money.
Okay, I ate the extra geos, I get it.
At the end of the day, it went down my goal, it's not his.
But there is certain kind of like just human decency,
like common sense, social norms.
When you, when someone, and I also get that,
I told the way that it's been. What the way that it was the whole thing of stone grabs.
No, it wasn't and I paid for those.
Oh, we split it.
We did split it.
You're right, we did split it.
That's the point.
We did split it.
We split it for a way.
Even though none of us ordered 300 stone crap at $49 the piece,
it was fine. we never complained about it
because we just looked at each other,
we're like, yeah, let's split it.
Like, what's the big deal?
Okay, Chrissy had a good time, who cares?
She likes stone crab.
Great.
If you ordered $10,000 worth of champagne
and you didn't ask anybody ahead of time
and then wanted me to split it four ways,
I would be like, okay, no, hold on one second.
I don't even drink champagne. So I'm not gonna pay for the $10, I would be like, okay, no, hold on one second. I don't even drink champagne.
So I'm not gonna pay for the $10,000 bottle of champagne,
but that's not what happened.
No.
We're all having a good time.
You found something that you liked and you ordered a bunch of stone crab.
I found Gioza, I liked it.
I shared it with everybody else, got a piece.
If you want me to, or if you want me to pay for it, I'll pay for it.
But don't be an asshole right there at the table and say,
I think you had Hugh Geoza.
Were you really watching me that closely?
You know, one thing that really fucking pisses me off
is when people watch me eat.
Stop watching me eat.
Stop it.
Don't do that.
Sure, Carl.
Somebody else mentioned that to me the other day.
They said, I don't like to be watched when I eat.
Yeah, I hate it.
It drives me crazy.
It's actually a lot of the same thing.
But I don't know who's, well, I don't specifically
sit there and watch somebody else eat.
I'm eating my own food and talking.
There's a-
There's a-
There's a-
There's a family member that I have.
It's all goes back to me being a child
and of course, like everything in life
goes back to me being a child.
And of course, there's four kids in the household.
Two parents, my dad is, you know,
lower, lower middle, middle class kind of guy,
you know, has a job at an office,
but you know, he's not a billionaire,
he's not an executive at the company.
He's just trying to make ends meet
sending his kids to school, all this other stuff.
So of course, you can't have people
just running rib shot on all of the food in the house.
At least that's the way that my dad saw it.
And I understand his perspective now
that I have children that are running
every job of our life.
And boys, and boys that eat a lot.
And teenage boys that just consume
a mass amounts of food because that's over there.
And then the refrigerators, and we have friends over there.
All down on the basement, get stoned.
Well, yeah, there you are.
They're all over the basement, getting stoned.
When did that somebody want the food?
So my dad would,
I'd say monitor the food intake,
but at times he would make mention.
And then my mom would also make mention of the fact,
they would like, you know,
did you have two,
what are those things, ding-dongs?
Did you have two ding-dongs?
Because we noticed the two ding-dongs are wrong.
It's like, I don't know, maybe I had two ding-dongs.
I'm not sure, I was so high, I don't know.
Probably.
Yeah.
No, I did cocaine last night,
probably didn't need me ding-dongs.
It wasn't me, it was Kevin.
But they would just like monitor food intake a little bit
and it caused me to take food and run up to my bedroom, right?
I didn't want to be watched while I was eating
because I knew I would be judged for what I was eating.
Or at least that's the way I interpreted it
as a child, a very insecure, bad-kissing teenage child, right?
Bad lover.
It's a terrible lover.
High on, you know, schmicky schmank, dig-a-dee-dank, right?
Which was really just shitty, dirtly.
But I would take the food up and I would kind
of hide and eat. And so, and that is, and eating disorder. That's what it is, right?
So I was, had to see Nourers. Now into my adulthood, I don't like when people watch me eat.
It really drives me crazy. And I have this family member that God bless her. But every
time that I eat, she has to make mention of my eating and I don't.
Really? Yes.
Yes.
What?
What kind of comments?
Oh, you know, you should sit, right?
Okay.
All right.
Oh, that's not enough food.
Or why do you eat it like that?
Or what are you having?
Right?
Or aren't you going to eat the rest of that?
You need food.
You look so skinny.
You should sit down.
You know, that's so skinny I should sit down.
What am I frail?
I'm going to fall over. Oh, my ovenimer? I mean, you know what I'm saying?
Like, it was just like this constant conversation that's going on around my food.
Well, food is a big cultural thing too, you know. I mean, in my family we had the Italians and so it
was a lot of eat more eat more and more much of
I
Yes, yes, my little squiz
Eating all of your food. Why did you not eat at all my little squiz
Eating why are you eating?
I said down
Have yourself about it again to class
Yeah, I'm tickling some old bread
From the table over next door
I
Totally understand it like it is a whole thing.
And actually how that feels like,
somebody would be watching you.
It feels like somebody's watching you, right?
But for me, it was the opposite
because we're Irish and so we come from the potato family
from scarcity.
Yes.
And I understand also that my parents came from a time
when there was scarcity.
So, you know, or their parents came from a time
when there was scarcity. So kind of know, or their parents came from a time when there was scarcity.
So it kind of gets passed down from generation to generation.
Yeah, they were thinking about their grocery bill.
Absolutely.
And you understand, right?
You get it.
And when you're dropping $500 a week on groceries,
because your kids just can't stop eating it along with their,
you know, totally wasted friends down in the basement,
doing six foot bongrips, coming up for air every five hours
and eating ding dong still there blue in the face.
Like, I get it, I understand,
and as a parent now, I also know that groceries
are a huge bill around the house.
And I don't even have kids that are eating a lot yet.
So, I get it, and not until my adulthood,
did I realize that hiding and eating,
like this urge to get away from people
when I'm eating is a disorder, right?
It's disorder thinking, it's disorder to eating.
And so I admit, I have some version of an eating disorder because it really bothers me,
makes me anxious when people are watching me, and then on top of that, to have people
that are just nitpicking about everything that I'm eating and what I'm doing while I'm eating, it drives me nutty.
And I keep telling Astrid, I'm like,
Astrid, I just can't handle it, I just can't take it.
And she's like, I know.
And Astrid knows much, but one of the things I really
love about our relationship, Astrid and I,
is that we know each other's insecurities
and we refuse to bounce on them on purpose
for, you know, marital points.
Right?
We just don't do that.
Did someone just break in the door?
I think so.
What is going on?
This whole recording session, this whole recording studio has become a haunted mansion.
I swear to God it has.
Doors open, things fall, balloons on it.
The printers go off.
Oh, is the printer going off?
Oh, I had to tell my father about that one.
I, but I am.
My father-in-law is currently doing, you know,
a renovation on that side of the house over there
and what she does every time he comes in.
He does.
And so he's printing out these directions
on how to do something and it's like 30 pages long
and he's like printing it every three minutes
while we're recording.
So yesterday I go in and I go, hey, Dad, listen,
we're recording in there and so if you could just not press print while we're recording. So yesterday I go at it I go hey dad listen we're recording in there and so if you could just not press print while we're recording. Aye, but I didn't.
Aye, aye, aye, aye, aye, aye, aye, a stupido, a stupido, pinchy gringo, pinchy commercial break, ideal, me, oh. His noise profession out. Nah commercial break, ideal, me, oh.
Her content creators.
The content creator, I'm me, Pinga, ideal, me, oh.
Content creator and me, cool.
He stupid, episode number, Pinga, ideal, me, oh, pray. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I'm sorry I messed up your Gucci Gucci Gucci Gucci cool
Real man try to do something for the earth
Trying to leave something of value
What are you doing? I'm doing an episode
I'm going to go get a ladder like a real man. You want to help me?
Oh no, you poor rib is broke.
I do.
My rib is broken.
I can carry anything heavy.
It's too big.
Pinchy, son and law.
True.
I'm so worried.
It's funny because it's true.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm so worried.
I'm so worried. I'm so worried. I'm. True. I'm so worried.
It's funny because it's true.
He doesn't say it, but I know he's thinking it.
Ah!
Alright, too much fun.
Too much fun.
Happy Halloween!
Happy Halloween! Be safe out there, our kids and creatures.
Remember to, I don't know, stranger danger.
Hahaha.
Remember to have your parents check your candy for razor blades.
Oh God, I've known I was reading something that said it was like 1980.
Yeah. When that happened. Yeah.
And it like, you know, set off a huge thing.
Set off a huge thing, but it was like one dude.
Yeah.
Accidentally dropped a razor blade and somebody's basket
It was like working on the house or something. It was like oops, there's a razor blade
No one ever got hurt. No one ever actually ate a razor blade. It's so stupid
It's just like these people that are saying that you know, they're dropping fentanyl in your kids can it's something every year
Yeah, it's something every year. I got news for you people want you to pay for that fentanyl
They're not giving away to children for free
Plus it's not a good look when people start dying from your
candy because it's lace with fentanyl. Did you hear? We'll talk about this next
episode. Did you hear that the major cartel down in Mexico is now killing drug
dealers who are selling fentanyl and they're putting up signs all around Tijuana
on the bridges and stuff that says stop selling fentanyl or will kill you.
Good. Yeah.
Amen.
Hey listen, I'll take the help anywhere I can get it.
I agree.
Yeah.
Alright, tcbpodcast.com.
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Chrissy, I guess that's all I can do for today
I think so but I will say that I do love you.
I will say best to you.
Best to you.
Best to you out there on the podcast universe.
Until next time,
Chrissy and I always say we do say and we must say good bye. We got Cobra!